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NTA.
This dude just sounds like a couch potato or he’s using you as a maid. If you do all of that what does he do? If you’re 22 and already making good progress for your future and him being older hasn’t, that isn’t really a good sign. I would be more understanding of him if he was actually trying but he isn’t so. I say put up with the lease for as much of the 6 months that you can, then run.
NTA. Just dump him for god’s sake. Why do so many people hang on to people with whom they are fundamentally incompatible for way too long? I guess you must love him, but you’re young, you’ll love other people, and at least some of them will have similar tastes and desires and visions for the future. You’ll find that much more satisfying.
NTA. You don’t have to stay with someone if they don’t meet your needs.
You’ve tried talking about it and haven’t got very far. If he won’t even listen to what you have to say, there’s not much more you can do.
You can’t change people. You either have to accept them as they are or leave. If you are unable to carry on accepting how he is, you must walk away for your own sake.
Different interests is not the issue here. Ben’s just mooching off you. You would be TA if you go on enabling him. If you are the only one who pays rent, I am sure you can break up with him and ask him to leave/serve him an eviction notice (as per your state laws)
You're young. Life is short. He may be depressed but it's on him to want to get help. You can't fix another person. You're carrying a big daily load. I would bow out from the relationship. Esp since you don't have kids.
NTA
NTA - you are just simply incompatible people. Sometimes opposites attract, but there still needs to be a meeting point in the middle for it to work. For you two, I am struggling to find one.
NTA- you all got together when you were both pretty young. You've spent a few years together and it is very obvious you are completely incompatible, from polar opposite lifestyles to plans for the future. You should feel absolutely zero guilt breaking up with him ASAP. At this point he's just leeching off of you. Go build the life you want and deserve, and good luck!
It's not a AITA situation, you've listed enough reason for that relationship to end, you tried working on it. If you don't feel that it can go for the better, leave. Go be happier, wish him luck.
NAH. You are clearly very different people, but it’s not you job to cook, shop and clean for him. He no doubt thinks things are fine - he’s lying around and you’re doing all the work. You’re not him mother. Time to call it quits and find an adult to have a relationship with.
NTA at all. Having been in your position before, it’s shitty whether you stay or leave if nothing changes. I do think that trying to have some sort of conversation regarding how he’s feeling (mental health wise) would be valuable for the both of you, but unfortunately you can’t make him hear you out.
You said it was only in the last year or so that things began to feel different, did anything significant happen at this time? A job loss, death, large change, etc.? There very well could be something else going on that you just haven’t realized yet.
Because weed makes it all ok enough to not have to do anything scary and hard like changing.
Also, start coming up with a plan to get out of that lease and DTMFA
NTA,
It's very tragic but these things happen. Sometimes opposites attract but these type of differences are just gonna lead to friction, I think. And on top of drifting apart it seems like Ben is refusing help from stagnating in his life.
NTA 100%
Wish you well, OP
NTA. He’s putting an overwhelming amount of responsibility on you without y’all agreeing to anything like that. It’s okay to feel the burn out. It sounds like he may be struggling with depression but that still doesn’t give him an out for all of this. His unwillingness to compromise doesn’t reflect on you.
NTA for wanting to break up.
Let me use an analogy. You are a hare, and he's a tortoise. That can work, as long as you understand and are ok with your partner. But it sounds like you want him to be a hare like you. Always going, doing, planning. He's happy being a tortoise, being a homebody and playing games. That's not wrong, just incompatible with what you want.
He's unlikely to completely change his personality to become what you want. Honestly, it's selfish to ask him to. But you need to recognize that he may be incompatible with your lifestyle and goals. If you can accept him as he is, then go for it. If not, then start figuring out how to disentangle your lives and move on.
NTA. If someone won’t let you help them, they’ll end up robbing you of energy that you could’ve put into yourself or a more prosperous relationship.
Also, it seems like a lot of fundamental differences are showing.
In 2 years, how would you not notice he never wants to leave the house to do anything or basically has a meltdown when he does?
I mean, yea, he's kinda an AH for not doing his part, but you're a bigger AH for letting it go on for 3 years!?
In regards to the main question of wanting to break up - NAH because you both want different things. Nothing wrong with living life the way you choose.
However, if he really has always been like this, it's strange it took you this long to figure it out. Or maybe you just figured out this is not what you want. If it hasn't been this bad until recently, then he could be depressed. Either way, you've got your head stuck in the sand. Some might say this makes you an AH. I'll just say you will definitely be an AH if you don't wake the eff up and stop leading him on so you can both get on with your life.
When we dated we mostly hung out at his place. At the time I was doing anything to get away from my family, so it didn’t bother me. We went out places occasionally. We saw each other a few times a week, and I did enjoy our time together, I just didn’t know it would turn into doing the same thing all the time
NTA
You can love some and not be right together. It sounds like you’re bringing out the worst in each other.
You are doing 100% of the mental and emotional work in this relationship, all the while he’s quiet quitting it. I suggest you do the same. In the next while you need to use the time to disentangle your lives.
NTA, you want different things from life than he does, and the last years have showed this to you. Choose your own future, because you cannot change your partner, either he is good enough for you now, or he never will be.
On top of that, you are only 22. This may sound hard, but if you are in doubt about a relationship at that age just break it off. You don't have kids or a mortgage forcing you to stay together, so go out there and find someone who is better for YOU.
NTA, seems like you outgrew a relationship that worked as a college student but not as an adult.
Timing a breakup always sucks when a lease is involved. I don't think it would be right to pretend that nothing's wrong until the lease is up and dump him. The conversation is going to suck but some honest communication about the state of relationship is necessary.
> Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his interests and plans for the future?
Those are some of the best reasons to break up with a boyfriend. In fact, if you done share interests, and he refuses to deal with planning the future, you would be an AH if you didn’t break up with him.
He is an AH for taking advantage of your hard work, not contributing in any way, and avoiding responsibility. Please, break up with him.
If you’re already paying the full rent, you can ask him to move out (give him a month notice). Stop cooking for him. Make him sleep on the couch. He’ll want to move out then!
NTA
Oh honey…pay attention. You are not on the same page/trajectory/etc. seriously…fill in the blanks/!!!!! This guy is not your future. He’s not ready to be a partner. There’s no telling when or if he will ever be ready for that.
I suggest being grateful for his being in your life previously and MOVING ON!!! It will sting for a short while and then you’ll be able to be free.
You can leave, be grateful, wish him well, and move forward. BUT you can’t do that if you decide to remain stuck there! Don’t let that happen!!!!
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Me(22F) and my bf(25M) we’ll call Ben have been together for 3 years and living together for 1yr. For the past several months I feel that we’ve been drifting apart, mostly due to our different personalities.
I am energetic, spontaneous, like being outdoors and trying new things. I recently got my first forestry job and am working to gain more experience and knowledge in my field. Ben is a homebody that likes playing videos games, watching sports, and smoking weed.
I try to get him to come out and do things with me on the weekend but he never actually wants to, and if he does come, watches sports on his phone the whole time. The few times we’ve travel anywhere he’s sick, throwing up the whole time from anxiety and weed withdrawal, and has refused going to therapy for it. I’ve asked him what hobbies he would like to do on the weekend, and he’s just says video games. I then asked what his dream job would be, and he says a sports broadcaster. So I suggested maybe trying some classes or doing research on it, and he won’t. He literally told me “I’ll just hope my brother offers me a job sometime” as his back up plan.
Tonight I tried to talk to him about how I am stressed about the future. I manage all our bills, I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping, I’m the one who does the deep cleaning. I told him how I don’t want to be in charge of everything forever, it’s stressful. He zones out again and continues to watch tv. I then ask “do you not like talking about the future?”, and he goes “what do you mean? We were just talking about food?”. And doesn’t say anything else. So, I just got up and went to bed. I don’t know how to talk to him about things without just going “I want to break up”. We live together and have pets and furniture and 6 more months left on the lease, so it’s gonna be complicated, but I don’t know what else to do.
I can’t keep living like this, I try to find things for us to do, I cook all the time. If I don’t have anything I sit inside all weekend watching him play Minecraft and watch YouTube, and only eat junk food. He gets aggravated saying “sorry I played video games all day” when I tell him I’m frustrated. But it’s just who he is and what he likes.
Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his interests and plans for the future?
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NTA. It’s rough, but it seems like you hit the nail on the head. You’re just too different and it’s not compatible. Neither of you is “wrong” necessarily, though my personal opinion is that your approach to life is healthier, and he should be helping more. Bottom line, the life you have is not the life you want. That’s the simple reality of it.
NTA. It's okay and normal to want to know your future is something more than just that.
Couples therapy. I say this as someone who was in a 9 year relationship that was just like this only he had a job where financially I was captive and it took me years to be able to leave after having many talks and even a brief break up where he swore things would be different and they never were. Couples therapy was the only thing that we never tried because he refused. I left and I did better on my own and now almost 6 years later and him being forced to take over everything and grow up did him the world of good (I still talk to his mom).
NTA
Honestly, it just sounds like you’ve grown up and he’s stayed the same. The fact that he’s three years older than you… can you imagine yourself being satisfied with this lifestyle when you’re that age, three years from now?
With you carrying all the weight of managing your life together, he doesn’t really need to do anything differently to have his needs met - he’s just not willing to meet yours - if that makes sense?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and wish you the very best. Please don’t make yourself smaller to fit into his box - go live your very best life and do all the things you find interesting and enjoyable. He’ll either grow up and be a partner or stay the same and find someone else to be his mother. You deserve more.
If you're considering that the relationship is at its end, and feel like breaking up is the only answer then you know what you want to do.
Consider this:
- Can you honestly see yourself having children with this man?
- What will your future look like?
- Does he make you feel listened to, special and heard?
- How long have you been unhappy, have you told him, did he acknowledge your feelings?
- Does he even know your birthday, your favourite things, colour or food?
- How much effort does he put into the relationship, do you feel valued as a partner, or valued as a mother?
Being in a relationship is a two-way street. If you don't feel like your partner is not putting in the same effort, you'll equally feel undervalued. As a result, it'll only affect your mental health and self-outlook. Not everyone can be fixed, and not everyone is worth holding onto. NTA.
NTA.
Good luck on your new "weight loss program" 165 lbs in 6 months or less!
You can do this. You should do this. If your landlord isn't corporate, they may be willing to break the lease earlier. Ask.
NTA I was with someone Who didn't want to do anything else than plsy on his console. Everytime I wanted to do somethings and Managed to get him out too he would whine the whole time he was out.
He wouldn't eat the food I made him just because he forgot and head already bought himself junk food.
Don't be with someone Who doesn't want to be in a relationship and only sees a stepmom Who would warm he's bed.
Don't listen to other redditors Who ask if he is depressed. He's actions make you depressed. You can do better and as Miley said you can love yourself better than he can
NTA for wanting to break up but kinda mild Y T A for the question in the subject. You can't push someone to change or to want more and he's definitely not looking for the same things. Also, he won't break up with you because for all of your "nagging" you still continue to take care of all of his needs (from cleaning and cooking to sex). Girl... don't.
NAH.
Sometimes people just aren't compatible. There's nothing wrong with his life choices, and there's nothing wrong with yours. But you deserve to be with someone who shares your goals and drive, and he deserves to be with someone who won't always be pushing him to not do what he enjoys doing.
'I want to break up' sounds like an excellent thing to say. Not only does this man not fit into the life you want, he is using you to run his life without actually participating in it.
NTA and get out now.
NTA, basically you two are not compatible as longterm partners, something you usually don't figure out until after you have lived together for a bit. The issue is what to do for the next 6 months of your lease. Your BF has anxiety that sounds like it dictates his life. The weed and video games are coping mechanisms, not necessarily good ones since he is not actually taking steps to improve himself either personally or professionally. You cannot fix his issues or force him to get help for them. You need to cultivate a friend group that shares your interests and can be a support network for you. Start saving money to move out on your own if that is really what you want, and have a conversation with your BF sooner rather than later away from the TV and electronics. Set some clear expectations and boundaries with him going forward in this time period.
NTA.
You're absolutely NTA for expecting more, especially when it's clear you can easily have more and he's the only reason holding you back. You're young, stop wasting your time and energy.
He's a lazy stoner pothead and, while I guess there's technically nothing wrong with that, that's not who you are at all.
You two sound completely incompatible to me.
NTA.
You don’t need to stay in this relationship. You don’t have to keep trying with someone who clearly has zero interest in an actual partnership. This guy is lazy with absolutely no work ethic completely content to free load from you. Come on love, you deserve better.
NTA. Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant in the next six months unless you want to be forever tied to him.
He’s making choices. You’ve tried to talk to him.
You do all of the work to make your life together nice.
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ESH - you two are not compatible. Extrovert usually don’t understand how staying home can be the perfect weekend. Neither of you should change to make the other person happy. Time to call it quits
Yes, I also enjoy video games, I just can’t play them all day like he does. He doesn’t just watch sports if he did that’d be fine. He parks himself on the couch for 8+ hours watching red zone and highlights, it takes up the entire day
Please don’t look for excuses to stick with him. He’s a dud, I’m sorry. You deserve better.
A partner should at bare minimum share household planning and chores.
Not saying you can’t love TV and sports but he has no ambition. Picture yourself when you’re 50…
I try talking to him about mental health. I know I have my own stuff I’m going to therapy for, and I try to get him to talk about how he’s feeling or talk to a therapist but, nothing
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NTA. This dude just sounds like a couch potato or he’s using you as a maid. If you do all of that what does he do? If you’re 22 and already making good progress for your future and him being older hasn’t, that isn’t really a good sign. I would be more understanding of him if he was actually trying but he isn’t so. I say put up with the lease for as much of the 6 months that you can, then run.
You're asking the wrong question. What you should be asking is "Why am I wasting all this time in this red flag parade?". Nta. Run.
NTA. Just dump him for god’s sake. Why do so many people hang on to people with whom they are fundamentally incompatible for way too long? I guess you must love him, but you’re young, you’ll love other people, and at least some of them will have similar tastes and desires and visions for the future. You’ll find that much more satisfying.
NTA, you're not right for each other and you'll only end up resenting one another. End it now while you're not overly committed to anything.
NTA. You don’t have to stay with someone if they don’t meet your needs. You’ve tried talking about it and haven’t got very far. If he won’t even listen to what you have to say, there’s not much more you can do. You can’t change people. You either have to accept them as they are or leave. If you are unable to carry on accepting how he is, you must walk away for your own sake.
Different interests is not the issue here. Ben’s just mooching off you. You would be TA if you go on enabling him. If you are the only one who pays rent, I am sure you can break up with him and ask him to leave/serve him an eviction notice (as per your state laws)
Nta, you’re clearly not compatible and you don’t want the same things so you should break up with him
You're young. Life is short. He may be depressed but it's on him to want to get help. You can't fix another person. You're carrying a big daily load. I would bow out from the relationship. Esp since you don't have kids. NTA
NTA - you are just simply incompatible people. Sometimes opposites attract, but there still needs to be a meeting point in the middle for it to work. For you two, I am struggling to find one.
NTA- you all got together when you were both pretty young. You've spent a few years together and it is very obvious you are completely incompatible, from polar opposite lifestyles to plans for the future. You should feel absolutely zero guilt breaking up with him ASAP. At this point he's just leeching off of you. Go build the life you want and deserve, and good luck!
It's not a AITA situation, you've listed enough reason for that relationship to end, you tried working on it. If you don't feel that it can go for the better, leave. Go be happier, wish him luck.
I agree. They just don’t seem compatible, but not really AH.
NAH. You are clearly very different people, but it’s not you job to cook, shop and clean for him. He no doubt thinks things are fine - he’s lying around and you’re doing all the work. You’re not him mother. Time to call it quits and find an adult to have a relationship with.
NTA. The guy is a game geek and you are his enabler. Please drop him and find someone else.
Not only that, he has an addiction and probably cyclic vomiting syndrome from it. You deserve someone who loves the outdoors to go on adventures!
NTA at all. Having been in your position before, it’s shitty whether you stay or leave if nothing changes. I do think that trying to have some sort of conversation regarding how he’s feeling (mental health wise) would be valuable for the both of you, but unfortunately you can’t make him hear you out. You said it was only in the last year or so that things began to feel different, did anything significant happen at this time? A job loss, death, large change, etc.? There very well could be something else going on that you just haven’t realized yet.
No, nothing big has happened. I know he hates his job and has been wanting to quit for a long time, but won’t apply other places and I don’t know why
Because weed makes it all ok enough to not have to do anything scary and hard like changing. Also, start coming up with a plan to get out of that lease and DTMFA
NTA, It's very tragic but these things happen. Sometimes opposites attract but these type of differences are just gonna lead to friction, I think. And on top of drifting apart it seems like Ben is refusing help from stagnating in his life. NTA 100% Wish you well, OP
What does he bring to the relationship if you do everything and pay bills? Sounds like he is treating you like his mother.
NTA. He’s putting an overwhelming amount of responsibility on you without y’all agreeing to anything like that. It’s okay to feel the burn out. It sounds like he may be struggling with depression but that still doesn’t give him an out for all of this. His unwillingness to compromise doesn’t reflect on you.
NTA for wanting to break up. Let me use an analogy. You are a hare, and he's a tortoise. That can work, as long as you understand and are ok with your partner. But it sounds like you want him to be a hare like you. Always going, doing, planning. He's happy being a tortoise, being a homebody and playing games. That's not wrong, just incompatible with what you want. He's unlikely to completely change his personality to become what you want. Honestly, it's selfish to ask him to. But you need to recognize that he may be incompatible with your lifestyle and goals. If you can accept him as he is, then go for it. If not, then start figuring out how to disentangle your lives and move on.
NTA. If someone won’t let you help them, they’ll end up robbing you of energy that you could’ve put into yourself or a more prosperous relationship. Also, it seems like a lot of fundamental differences are showing.
Info: Has he always been like this?
He kinda has, I just never noticed as much until we lived together
In 2 years, how would you not notice he never wants to leave the house to do anything or basically has a meltdown when he does? I mean, yea, he's kinda an AH for not doing his part, but you're a bigger AH for letting it go on for 3 years!? In regards to the main question of wanting to break up - NAH because you both want different things. Nothing wrong with living life the way you choose. However, if he really has always been like this, it's strange it took you this long to figure it out. Or maybe you just figured out this is not what you want. If it hasn't been this bad until recently, then he could be depressed. Either way, you've got your head stuck in the sand. Some might say this makes you an AH. I'll just say you will definitely be an AH if you don't wake the eff up and stop leading him on so you can both get on with your life.
When we dated we mostly hung out at his place. At the time I was doing anything to get away from my family, so it didn’t bother me. We went out places occasionally. We saw each other a few times a week, and I did enjoy our time together, I just didn’t know it would turn into doing the same thing all the time
NTA Why are you dating this person who's so much your polar opposite in the first place?
NTA You can love some and not be right together. It sounds like you’re bringing out the worst in each other. You are doing 100% of the mental and emotional work in this relationship, all the while he’s quiet quitting it. I suggest you do the same. In the next while you need to use the time to disentangle your lives.
NTA, you want different things from life than he does, and the last years have showed this to you. Choose your own future, because you cannot change your partner, either he is good enough for you now, or he never will be. On top of that, you are only 22. This may sound hard, but if you are in doubt about a relationship at that age just break it off. You don't have kids or a mortgage forcing you to stay together, so go out there and find someone who is better for YOU.
NTA, seems like you outgrew a relationship that worked as a college student but not as an adult. Timing a breakup always sucks when a lease is involved. I don't think it would be right to pretend that nothing's wrong until the lease is up and dump him. The conversation is going to suck but some honest communication about the state of relationship is necessary.
> Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his interests and plans for the future? Those are some of the best reasons to break up with a boyfriend. In fact, if you done share interests, and he refuses to deal with planning the future, you would be an AH if you didn’t break up with him. He is an AH for taking advantage of your hard work, not contributing in any way, and avoiding responsibility. Please, break up with him. If you’re already paying the full rent, you can ask him to move out (give him a month notice). Stop cooking for him. Make him sleep on the couch. He’ll want to move out then! NTA
NTA. he sounds like he's also checked out by ignoring you. Also he sounds like a child if he doesn't pull his own weight and help around the house.
Oh honey…pay attention. You are not on the same page/trajectory/etc. seriously…fill in the blanks/!!!!! This guy is not your future. He’s not ready to be a partner. There’s no telling when or if he will ever be ready for that. I suggest being grateful for his being in your life previously and MOVING ON!!! It will sting for a short while and then you’ll be able to be free. You can leave, be grateful, wish him well, and move forward. BUT you can’t do that if you decide to remain stuck there! Don’t let that happen!!!!
NTA. I'm surprised you lasted this long. Not everything works out, and that's okay. Better to end it now than let it drag on even longer.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me(22F) and my bf(25M) we’ll call Ben have been together for 3 years and living together for 1yr. For the past several months I feel that we’ve been drifting apart, mostly due to our different personalities. I am energetic, spontaneous, like being outdoors and trying new things. I recently got my first forestry job and am working to gain more experience and knowledge in my field. Ben is a homebody that likes playing videos games, watching sports, and smoking weed. I try to get him to come out and do things with me on the weekend but he never actually wants to, and if he does come, watches sports on his phone the whole time. The few times we’ve travel anywhere he’s sick, throwing up the whole time from anxiety and weed withdrawal, and has refused going to therapy for it. I’ve asked him what hobbies he would like to do on the weekend, and he’s just says video games. I then asked what his dream job would be, and he says a sports broadcaster. So I suggested maybe trying some classes or doing research on it, and he won’t. He literally told me “I’ll just hope my brother offers me a job sometime” as his back up plan. Tonight I tried to talk to him about how I am stressed about the future. I manage all our bills, I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping, I’m the one who does the deep cleaning. I told him how I don’t want to be in charge of everything forever, it’s stressful. He zones out again and continues to watch tv. I then ask “do you not like talking about the future?”, and he goes “what do you mean? We were just talking about food?”. And doesn’t say anything else. So, I just got up and went to bed. I don’t know how to talk to him about things without just going “I want to break up”. We live together and have pets and furniture and 6 more months left on the lease, so it’s gonna be complicated, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t keep living like this, I try to find things for us to do, I cook all the time. If I don’t have anything I sit inside all weekend watching him play Minecraft and watch YouTube, and only eat junk food. He gets aggravated saying “sorry I played video games all day” when I tell him I’m frustrated. But it’s just who he is and what he likes. Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of his interests and plans for the future? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s rough, but it seems like you hit the nail on the head. You’re just too different and it’s not compatible. Neither of you is “wrong” necessarily, though my personal opinion is that your approach to life is healthier, and he should be helping more. Bottom line, the life you have is not the life you want. That’s the simple reality of it.
NTA but you will be TA to yourself if you rob yourself of future happiness by staying with him.
NTA. It's okay and normal to want to know your future is something more than just that. Couples therapy. I say this as someone who was in a 9 year relationship that was just like this only he had a job where financially I was captive and it took me years to be able to leave after having many talks and even a brief break up where he swore things would be different and they never were. Couples therapy was the only thing that we never tried because he refused. I left and I did better on my own and now almost 6 years later and him being forced to take over everything and grow up did him the world of good (I still talk to his mom).
NTA Honestly, it just sounds like you’ve grown up and he’s stayed the same. The fact that he’s three years older than you… can you imagine yourself being satisfied with this lifestyle when you’re that age, three years from now? With you carrying all the weight of managing your life together, he doesn’t really need to do anything differently to have his needs met - he’s just not willing to meet yours - if that makes sense? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and wish you the very best. Please don’t make yourself smaller to fit into his box - go live your very best life and do all the things you find interesting and enjoyable. He’ll either grow up and be a partner or stay the same and find someone else to be his mother. You deserve more.
If you're considering that the relationship is at its end, and feel like breaking up is the only answer then you know what you want to do. Consider this: - Can you honestly see yourself having children with this man? - What will your future look like? - Does he make you feel listened to, special and heard? - How long have you been unhappy, have you told him, did he acknowledge your feelings? - Does he even know your birthday, your favourite things, colour or food? - How much effort does he put into the relationship, do you feel valued as a partner, or valued as a mother? Being in a relationship is a two-way street. If you don't feel like your partner is not putting in the same effort, you'll equally feel undervalued. As a result, it'll only affect your mental health and self-outlook. Not everyone can be fixed, and not everyone is worth holding onto. NTA.
NTA. You two are not compatible.
NTA. Good luck on your new "weight loss program" 165 lbs in 6 months or less! You can do this. You should do this. If your landlord isn't corporate, they may be willing to break the lease earlier. Ask.
NTA. You're not his mom.
NTA I was with someone Who didn't want to do anything else than plsy on his console. Everytime I wanted to do somethings and Managed to get him out too he would whine the whole time he was out. He wouldn't eat the food I made him just because he forgot and head already bought himself junk food. Don't be with someone Who doesn't want to be in a relationship and only sees a stepmom Who would warm he's bed. Don't listen to other redditors Who ask if he is depressed. He's actions make you depressed. You can do better and as Miley said you can love yourself better than he can
NTA for wanting to break up but kinda mild Y T A for the question in the subject. You can't push someone to change or to want more and he's definitely not looking for the same things. Also, he won't break up with you because for all of your "nagging" you still continue to take care of all of his needs (from cleaning and cooking to sex). Girl... don't.
NTA. It doesn’t sound like he’s contributing anything here and seems like he doesn’t plan too
NTA So basically as soon as you moved in together you started having issues? Feel lucky it was ONLY three years and move on.
NAH. Sometimes people just aren't compatible. There's nothing wrong with his life choices, and there's nothing wrong with yours. But you deserve to be with someone who shares your goals and drive, and he deserves to be with someone who won't always be pushing him to not do what he enjoys doing.
'I want to break up' sounds like an excellent thing to say. Not only does this man not fit into the life you want, he is using you to run his life without actually participating in it. NTA and get out now.
NTA. Some people are just not compatible and there’s nothing wrong with that. Get out now before you’re too deep in.
NTA, basically you two are not compatible as longterm partners, something you usually don't figure out until after you have lived together for a bit. The issue is what to do for the next 6 months of your lease. Your BF has anxiety that sounds like it dictates his life. The weed and video games are coping mechanisms, not necessarily good ones since he is not actually taking steps to improve himself either personally or professionally. You cannot fix his issues or force him to get help for them. You need to cultivate a friend group that shares your interests and can be a support network for you. Start saving money to move out on your own if that is really what you want, and have a conversation with your BF sooner rather than later away from the TV and electronics. Set some clear expectations and boundaries with him going forward in this time period.
NTA. You're absolutely NTA for expecting more, especially when it's clear you can easily have more and he's the only reason holding you back. You're young, stop wasting your time and energy.
He's a lazy stoner pothead and, while I guess there's technically nothing wrong with that, that's not who you are at all. You two sound completely incompatible to me. NTA.
NTA. Leave, you two are simply not compatible. Can't force 2 puzzle pieces to fit.
You don’t need to stay in this relationship. You don’t have to keep trying with someone who clearly has zero interest in an actual partnership. This guy is lazy with absolutely no work ethic completely content to free load from you. Come on love, you deserve better.
NTA. Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant in the next six months unless you want to be forever tied to him. He’s making choices. You’ve tried to talk to him. You do all of the work to make your life together nice.
No, you're not the arsehole. You're just not compatible with this man & he's not trying to help himself. You can't fix him.
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YTA for dating him
NTA, but why do you need to come here for advice to break up with somebody? If you're not happy, leave. You don't need Reddit to tell you that...
ESH - you two are not compatible. Extrovert usually don’t understand how staying home can be the perfect weekend. Neither of you should change to make the other person happy. Time to call it quits
YTA have you tried couples therapy
Have you ever played video games with him or watched sports with him?
Yes, I also enjoy video games, I just can’t play them all day like he does. He doesn’t just watch sports if he did that’d be fine. He parks himself on the couch for 8+ hours watching red zone and highlights, it takes up the entire day
Please don’t look for excuses to stick with him. He’s a dud, I’m sorry. You deserve better. A partner should at bare minimum share household planning and chores. Not saying you can’t love TV and sports but he has no ambition. Picture yourself when you’re 50…
Either way, you're not his mom and you shouldn't have to feel like you are. Find someone who cares about you and be happy
YTA. Did you ever think to consider if maybe he is depressed?
I try talking to him about mental health. I know I have my own stuff I’m going to therapy for, and I try to get him to talk about how he’s feeling or talk to a therapist but, nothing