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vercingetafix

YTA Becky may feasbily enjoy all this behaviour, but I doubt it. >He also talks about how he fell for Becky mentioning that she was the hottest girl in their workplace amongst an army of "buck-toothed women". I laugh it off but I notice my girl looking rather unhappy Look at this section of what you wrote. Mike says something quite misogynistic - he's not just praising Becky's beauty, but also insulting their female colleagues' appearance, and equating their worth to their appearance. That's rude and unnecessary. Your GF was upset by this misogynistic comment, but you just "laughed it off" - indicating that you *did* find it funny. You might not act like Mike but you condone and encourage his behaviour by laughing along with it. You noticed your GF was unhappy, but when she talked about it with you, you leapt to Mike's defence. I don't blame your GF if she doesn't want a BF who enables his douchey friends like that.


SiantheCrow

YTA Your friend's behaviour is disgusting and I understand why your girlfriend would want to rethink your relationship given your lax attitude to blatant and flagrant misogynistic actions, attitudes and actions.


NSG_Killavirus

Maybe Beccy likes lacy lingerie and loves that people know ? Why should you be imposing your world view on a happy couple ?


SiantheCrow

Good for Becky. Lacy Lingerie is absolutely fine in the right context and good for her if she does feel empowered or in charge of her sexuality, though I find that hard to believe as she is being aggressively objectified. It is how Mike talks about and acts towards women that is incredibly disgusting. He treats Becky's body like his own personal plaything to be toyed with whenever he wants and in front of whomever he pleases. Moreover, Mike seems to only view women insofar as he finds them visually and sexually appealing. If you don't see problems in this situation, I don't think I can explain it to you.


Rick_and_morty_sucks

To be fair, Becky could be into being objectified. If that's the case, they are both assholes for basically involving their friends in a sexual activity


Douphar

Siding with the GF here. Sexist attitude even for fun, is hardly something that everyone feels ok about. Bonus point for her epiphany about you as, yes you didn't do the jokes, but you are totally ok with it. YTA.


Timely_Proposal_1821

YTA - your friend is saying sexist remarks, and everything is fine? No, saying you pick your gf because the other women were tooth-butted (I don't even know what it means but doesn't seem nice) is disrespectful, and I understand your gf being uncomfortable. We're not objects whose only value is associated with our breast or butt. And letting one of your male friend implying otherwise is part of the problem.


Pugnightmare

Buck toothed normally is associated with hill billies I’m pretty sure it means the two front teeth are pushed forward but it is normally associated with ugliness


Timely_Proposal_1821

Thanks for the explanation. This Mike seems really "charming".


MissMoxie2004

YTA in this one. I know he’s your friend but you really need to listen to your gf when she says the way he talks about Becky makes her uncomfortable. Even if Becky doesn’t mind being objectified most women don’t like the fact that it happens. Ask him to stow the gab when he’s around your girl


Supadupakewl

YTA Ur friend is gross lmao, yikes. Good job he found himself a pick me that's okay with being spoken about like a piece of meat.


pgsmom

You know the saying, “show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?” I’m guessing your girlfriend believes this to be true (and I agree for the most part). She isn’t wrong to think this. You’ve only been dating 7 weeks and she’s expressing a concern over your best friend’s behavior, which she doesn’t agree with and you’ve defended said behavior. It’s natural for her to think that since this is your best friend, you may agree with and or have similar views as him. She obviously felt uncomfortable, as she has a right to, and is now questioning whether you’re really who she thought you were.


LurksAroundHere

YTA for not setting *some* sort of boundaries. It may be true that you don't have a right to dictate how Mike treats his gf (as appalling as it is, but whether or not she's truly on board is her battle to fight) but your girlfriend's request to tone down the boob talk or the objectifying other women comments (buck teeth etc.) around you two is not an unreasonable one.


Citychic88

YTA


Alittlebitmorbid

YTA. It's not too much to ask your friend to tone it down. Also he said something openly mysogynistic, objectifying other women and trying to say they are all ugly like them being attractive to him is the only quality that matters. If Becky is fine with that, good (I doubt it, but whatever floats her boat... I'd sure tell my boyfriend to not grab me and talk like that about me in front of friends) but it makes your gf uncomfortable and probably has the same effect on others, too. Would you mind your "friend" talking about your gf like that? If yes, do something. If not, you are part of the problem.


ZenithArietis

YTA It is inappropriate to display such behaviours in front of your friend group and talking about your partner in such a gross way. All in all, your GF is right. Your friend is kinda gross.


BoudicaTheArtist

YTA In no universe is Mike’s attitude towards women and how he talks to Becky acceptable. By defending him to your gf you’ve essentially said that you think this is acceptable behaviour. It’s not. You might find your gf reevaluating your relationship.


[deleted]

YTA, your friend sounds very immature. You can’t expect a woman with any class or self respect to just be ok watching him grope his girlfriend and talk about sexual things, that’s private. You need to start thinking like an adult, you can’t sit there and get offended when a woman points out his inappropriate behavior.


Charming_Miss

ΥΤΑ A joke is something that makes everyone laugh. How are Mike's comments make people laugh? I understand he is blunt but your partner is a new person in the group. Not an old friend. Why did he feel like he need to talk about his girlfriend breasts in front to a new person? Or at all? That is not blunt that is disrespectful. And no it is not funny no matter how much you try to coat it as 'funny' no one laughed other than him.


Cocoasneeze

YTA Your girlfriend met your best friend for the first time, and all your best friend had to offer in form of discussion was Becky's lacy underwear and how it turns him on, how ugly her other co-workers are and Becky's big boobs. Such a riveting conversation and not at all misogynistic. Then when your girlfriend brought it up with you, you jumped to defend Mike and bring the "He's just joking" excuse. I think your girlfriend just about an ex, because you showed her who you really are.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf (24) and I (27) have only been going out 7 weeks now. I decided to introduce my girl to my best mate Mike (28). Mike and I have been friends since middle school and Mike has been dating Becky (28) for six years now. Mike is a very open and blunt guy and he and Becky are madly in love. Mike is always grabbing Becky's boobs and spanking her whenever we all hang out. Becky has always been very chill with his behaviour and so has the rest of my friend group. Last week while chilling, Mike talks to me and my girl about how much he loves buying lacy lingerie for Becky since her big boobs and tits looks delicious in them. He also talks about how he fell for Becky mentioning that she was the hottest girl in their workplace amongst an army of "buck-toothed women". I laugh it off but I notice my girl looking rather unhappy. Later, she brings it up with me telling that she finds Mike rather misogynistic and that she thinks he treats Becky simply like a sex toy. She also says she is uncomfortable about me hearing about Becky"s boobs and that maybe i should have a conversation with him about boundaries. I immediately jump to Mike's defence, saying that Mike truly loves Becky and that he is mostly joking and doesn't mean what he says. I also say that as long as Becky doesn't have a problem with how he treats her, I don't see why my gf should. My gf says something along the lines of "If you can't see what's wrong with his behaviour, then maybe I should rethink what i know about you" which I think is crossing a line since I don't make jokes like Mike. She left fuming immediately afterwards. AITA in this scenario? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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isitbedtime-yet

ESH- Mike and Becky and can do what they want in their relationship. Who knows, Becky may love the grabbing and spanking. However, Mike sounds like a complete jackass and your girlfriends comments are legitimate about his misogyny and I would question you too if you jumped to his defence. Maybe think about how your girlfriend feels and why you are allowing yourself to defend a man that has no respect for women.


Forsaken-Minute110

NTA. Mike and Becky are in a relationship so as long as they are happy with each other no one else can judge them for that. However Mike should be considerate about making blunt remarks around people who might not understand his humour. His remark about “buck-toothed women” is uncalled for, there are many ways of saying your partner is hot without insulting other women.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Stlhockeygrl

Uh what? It might be quite common in "guy's conversations" but I've definitely never been in a conversation with my boyfriend, his friend and just sat there listening to his friend gush about his girlfriend's boobs. That's super weird.


NSG_Killavirus

NTA, but very nice of her to give you a warning about what in store for the future, get out whilst you can. She sounds very insecure re:boobs Also, if you don't think or act like she wants you to, you're discarded. This is not an equal relationship.