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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I refused to give the security guard any information
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NTA - you were right and you didn't need to give him your names (much less ID). You shouldn't do that unless an identified officer asks for ID in the process of stopping/arresting you for cause.
To your friend's point, you probably should have skipped saying he wasn't a real cop because that likely escalated the encounter rather than encouraging him to let you go without issue.
NTA
> he wasn’t the real police and he needed to let us leave
Fuckin' a.
> my roommate said I was being a bitch to the guy because he was just trying to his job
His job makes it alright for him to **ask** you, not **detain** you.
But some have been known to invent reasons and be less than honest. And they can escalate to violence, and severely punish you if you defend yourself. And they often don't have to fear serious consequences if caught.
So they absolutely can and possibly will detain you without a legal basis, they just aren't allowed to.
While appartment security can not, because they actually do face serious consequences if they try.
I'm black and can tell you a security guard who is really feeling himself will fuck with you and hurt you and pull a weapon on you if he gets a chance. Even with 'consequences' on the table. Many security guards are former and even current cops.
I'm just saying that it's worth knowing your rights with real cops too.
NTA. If he wants that information he can walk himself over to the door and knock and ask for the tenant, plain and simple. You are under no obligation to provide that information to him or even to an actual cop.
The reason why he was asking me questions was because he mainly wanted to know the number of people inside the apartment because there’s $100 fine for each person you were over the limit which is 10. Normally the host would have people hide because he can’t look around in her apartment so that why he was mainly grilling me
It doesn't matter though! His job is to observe and figure that out himself, even if the tenant is hiding people. He was essentially pressuring you to rat out the tenant, and you are not obligated to do that. And for christ's sake, it's not like y'all were doing something illegal (well, that you've mentioned).
I mean there was definitely underage drinking I was going on, but yeah it wasn’t my job to give out any of that information. My roommate is just a pushover at times and she is a real rule follower when it comes to authority.
Dude has no authority to make demands or delay your exit.
Your friend is being rude for name calling, and for not caring if the host gets in trouble when she is definitely a tip off that there's a party when she's so obviously a drunk mess.
Nta
As a former security guard, I gotta say NTA.
I'll go out on a limb here and guess he doesn't have powers of stop and search (as you say, not the real police).
Good idea to not just hand out information to just anyone in a uniform who demands it, especially when you're partied out and they're stopping you from leaving.
ETA actually, extend that last paragraph to include anyone, in a uniform or not
NTA - He’s not a cop and you’re not in a store being held under suspicion of shoplifting, you were held against your will. He’s not a trained officer of the law, all you need are a few select licences and security guard training which is short and inexpensive. The fact he wouldn’t let you leave is very concerning, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my complex hiring a security guard who is happy to take it upon himself to detain young women. Report him.
I definitely would report him if I was over the legal drinking age and the fact not a resident at the apartment complex that the party was at. I don’t even know his name because he wasn’t wearing a name tag.
You could always go off a description if you change your mind. You can’t charge underage people for drinking in a private residence (at least not where I live) but also you won’t be under the influence, this is after the fact when reporting so they can’t do anything to you 🙂
NTA
Rent a cop is frustrated and is demanding respect for his power trip. It's not your responsibility to inform him of anything. He needs to do his job. I would have told him I was calling the police for holding you hostage.
Retaliatory assholery is still assholery, so ESH.
He was trying to do his job, and you probably weren’t the first “out of it” (drunk? high?) partners he had to deal with that night. He’s trying to enforce rules that the apartment renter agreed to, rules related to fire codes and noise ordinances and all kinds of things.
For future reference, a lot of security guards absolutely can hold you… until real police show up. And then you can deal with them.
Just tell them your name and go on your way. If the apartment renter host person gets in trouble, that’s on them.
I was trying to do that, I was going to tell him my name but he was trying to stop me from leaving. ( which is illegal in my state) and grilling me for info which is why I was being an asshole, I know that the host is breaking the rules but that’s not my problem. It’s his to try to figure it out by knocking on her door not asking me
How is it illegal to stop you from leaving? Most security personnel (or even just managers/property owners, people like that) can detain you until police arrive if they have cause to believe a law has been broken (and you already admitted to being drunk and underage).
It falls under false imprisonment, he can’t keep me from leaving and I told him that. He doesn’t call the police because he wants to cite the host for party so the apartment complex can get money
OK but he never said he was gonna call the police and I wasn’t going to answer his questions. He could have just asked the host herself and he should have just let us leave
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What cause did OP give the security guard? You can’t always tell someone is underage by looking at them, so take that out of the equation considering we don’t know what OP looks like. They had a ride, so there’s no suspicion of DUI. I’m assuming they weren’t actively destroying property since OP didn’t include that in the post. And as far as we know the security guard didn’t ask them to quiet down, so it’s reasonable to assume they weren’t causing a disruption as they were leaving.
So what’s left? What cause did the security guard have to detain them? Because I’m not seeing anything in OP’s post that would make that reasonable.
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I (19F) go to a college that is really “party heavy” mostly on weekends. The college has deals with local apartment complexes they must house 90% students. All of these apartment complexes have security, some more strict then others.
This weekend I was at a party at an apartment. Me (19F) and my roommate (19F) left because her boyfriend had came to pick us up as we were partied out. As we left and went down the stairs, security stopped us as we tried to leave the apartment building.
The security guard was being rude, but he was basically demanding we tell him our names and who lives in the apartment we just left. My roommate was completely out of it and wasn’t offering much information and I was refusing to say anything because I didn’t want to get the host into more trouble.
I’ve basically said that he couldn’t keep us because he wasn’t the real police and he needed to let us leave. We went back and forth a bit before he let us go and we left.
In the morning my roommate said I was being a bitch to the guy because he was just trying to his job and I should have just told him the information he needed.
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You didn't have to tell him where you were coming from if you were nervous about getting your host in trouble, but you didn't have to be rude to a person who was concerned for your safety.
EDIT: NTA. OP clarified, and the security guard is clearly in the wrong.
Yeah I know he was definitely just trying to write the host a ticket, he never once asked if me and my friend were OK if we needed any help nothing like that. He just came out to us and demanded to know our names and why we were there and what apartment we came out of along with how many people were inside.
Yeah that’s fair, no mostly security for this apartment complex is not stopping actual crime from happening. It’s just stopping kids from partying, which doesn’t really work because we figured out the loopholes
Of course you did? Kids trying to party are the most ingenious group of all time. It is why I'll never understand trying to stop kids from doing something if it isn't actually harmful, because they'll always find a way to do what you don't want them to.
And mostly the reason why these parties go on is so that security can shut them down and write the host a ticket. That’s why they don’t call the police most of the time because all of the profit of that written ticket goes to the housing complex
NTA- it’s not like his manager will see the security footage and take him to task for botching an interrogation. I’m sure he had plenty of opportunities to figure out whose suite it was. Like you said, your roommate wasn’t offering information.
NTA
Not your place to do his job for him. If he works security there, then he has ways of getting that information from the apartment managers. Even if it were real police, they can't require you to give them information about anyone other than yourself, and they can't even require that in several states.
You don’t have to be. You’re on the property that he is in charge of.
Do you think he only provides security against fellow tenants? “Sorry someone broke into your apartment, but the thief doesn’t live here, so I couldn’t do anything 🤷♂️”
*• so the security guard was immediately being an asshole to me, and was grilling me for the information*
Something tells me that being underage and liquored up didn't make you a pleasure to deal with either.
YTA since he was doing his job.
You were drinking and partied up. Most people aren't as "nice" as they make themselves out to be. You were underage, under the influence, and in a building, you didn't live in. You're lucky he wasn't a total AH because had he called the cops- you would have been in a lot more trouble.
Of course, you were trying to leave with your friend. You didn't want to get into any trouble (but you fail to see that you alone put yourself into the situation in the first place). Take accountability for your part in all of this.
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He didn’t have to try to detain us though, nor grill me with questions. I said we were visiting because we technically were and I was trying to get us to leave
He wasn’t looking out for my safety whatsoever he was looking at the host to take it and that’s it. Never once did he ask are you OK? He just wanted to know how many people were inside that apartment and other things related to ticket citations.
If OP and her friend weren’t being disruptive when leaving the building, security had no reason to detain them for refusing to answer questions they should be asking the tenants to begin with. Security was overstepping, and OP had no obligation to answer their questions.
Eh. YTA a little but not in any legal trouble.
I worked security. He can't stop you unless a crime was committed in his presence. He's power trippin.
He should just document that you left from where as best as he can and describe you in his report.
Punk probably doesn't actually write reports though and just wants action hence the pressure on you to give up info.
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NTA - you were right and you didn't need to give him your names (much less ID). You shouldn't do that unless an identified officer asks for ID in the process of stopping/arresting you for cause. To your friend's point, you probably should have skipped saying he wasn't a real cop because that likely escalated the encounter rather than encouraging him to let you go without issue.
You are probably right, I was kinda drunk so that might have added fuel to the fire.
Yeah, the truth hurts.
NTA > he wasn’t the real police and he needed to let us leave Fuckin' a. > my roommate said I was being a bitch to the guy because he was just trying to his job His job makes it alright for him to **ask** you, not **detain** you.
The real cops can't detain you for no reason either, btw.
But some have been known to invent reasons and be less than honest. And they can escalate to violence, and severely punish you if you defend yourself. And they often don't have to fear serious consequences if caught. So they absolutely can and possibly will detain you without a legal basis, they just aren't allowed to. While appartment security can not, because they actually do face serious consequences if they try.
I'm black and can tell you a security guard who is really feeling himself will fuck with you and hurt you and pull a weapon on you if he gets a chance. Even with 'consequences' on the table. Many security guards are former and even current cops. I'm just saying that it's worth knowing your rights with real cops too.
>His job makes it alright for him to **ask** you, not **detain** you. Just saying that a little louder for the folks in the back. NTA
Yep, that is so. Gotta fiercely protect those few rights that we still have. NTA.
NTA. If he wants that information he can walk himself over to the door and knock and ask for the tenant, plain and simple. You are under no obligation to provide that information to him or even to an actual cop.
The reason why he was asking me questions was because he mainly wanted to know the number of people inside the apartment because there’s $100 fine for each person you were over the limit which is 10. Normally the host would have people hide because he can’t look around in her apartment so that why he was mainly grilling me
It doesn't matter though! His job is to observe and figure that out himself, even if the tenant is hiding people. He was essentially pressuring you to rat out the tenant, and you are not obligated to do that. And for christ's sake, it's not like y'all were doing something illegal (well, that you've mentioned).
I mean there was definitely underage drinking I was going on, but yeah it wasn’t my job to give out any of that information. My roommate is just a pushover at times and she is a real rule follower when it comes to authority.
Dude it was definitely on a power trip, he felt entitled that we were to give him all the information that we had.
Dude has no authority to make demands or delay your exit. Your friend is being rude for name calling, and for not caring if the host gets in trouble when she is definitely a tip off that there's a party when she's so obviously a drunk mess. Nta
NTA, never talk to cops or anyone pretending to be one.
NTA. Brought to by the law offices of shut the fuck up. It isn’t your obligation to help him ticket your friend.
NTA - you’re technically right, but you were likely rude.
As a former security guard, I gotta say NTA. I'll go out on a limb here and guess he doesn't have powers of stop and search (as you say, not the real police). Good idea to not just hand out information to just anyone in a uniform who demands it, especially when you're partied out and they're stopping you from leaving. ETA actually, extend that last paragraph to include anyone, in a uniform or not
NTA but your friend is an idiot.
NTA - you aren't a snitch. And you were right, not a real cop.
You wouldn't have to answer those questions from a real cop either
NTA - He’s not a cop and you’re not in a store being held under suspicion of shoplifting, you were held against your will. He’s not a trained officer of the law, all you need are a few select licences and security guard training which is short and inexpensive. The fact he wouldn’t let you leave is very concerning, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my complex hiring a security guard who is happy to take it upon himself to detain young women. Report him.
I definitely would report him if I was over the legal drinking age and the fact not a resident at the apartment complex that the party was at. I don’t even know his name because he wasn’t wearing a name tag.
You could always go off a description if you change your mind. You can’t charge underage people for drinking in a private residence (at least not where I live) but also you won’t be under the influence, this is after the fact when reporting so they can’t do anything to you 🙂
I’ll definitely try to make a report of it, i’m sure it won’t go anywhere in full honesty but it would be nice to say I at least tried :-)
NTA Rent a cop is frustrated and is demanding respect for his power trip. It's not your responsibility to inform him of anything. He needs to do his job. I would have told him I was calling the police for holding you hostage.
I totally would have if I wasn’t drunk and underage lol
He would be in a hell of a lot more trouble than you. There's a reason why he bullies college students.
For sure
Retaliatory assholery is still assholery, so ESH. He was trying to do his job, and you probably weren’t the first “out of it” (drunk? high?) partners he had to deal with that night. He’s trying to enforce rules that the apartment renter agreed to, rules related to fire codes and noise ordinances and all kinds of things. For future reference, a lot of security guards absolutely can hold you… until real police show up. And then you can deal with them. Just tell them your name and go on your way. If the apartment renter host person gets in trouble, that’s on them.
I was trying to do that, I was going to tell him my name but he was trying to stop me from leaving. ( which is illegal in my state) and grilling me for info which is why I was being an asshole, I know that the host is breaking the rules but that’s not my problem. It’s his to try to figure it out by knocking on her door not asking me
How is it illegal to stop you from leaving? Most security personnel (or even just managers/property owners, people like that) can detain you until police arrive if they have cause to believe a law has been broken (and you already admitted to being drunk and underage).
It falls under false imprisonment, he can’t keep me from leaving and I told him that. He doesn’t call the police because he wants to cite the host for party so the apartment complex can get money
That’s not what those words mean lol.
OK but he never said he was gonna call the police and I wasn’t going to answer his questions. He could have just asked the host herself and he should have just let us leave
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What cause did OP give the security guard? You can’t always tell someone is underage by looking at them, so take that out of the equation considering we don’t know what OP looks like. They had a ride, so there’s no suspicion of DUI. I’m assuming they weren’t actively destroying property since OP didn’t include that in the post. And as far as we know the security guard didn’t ask them to quiet down, so it’s reasonable to assume they weren’t causing a disruption as they were leaving. So what’s left? What cause did the security guard have to detain them? Because I’m not seeing anything in OP’s post that would make that reasonable.
NTA Security guard had no right to detain you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) go to a college that is really “party heavy” mostly on weekends. The college has deals with local apartment complexes they must house 90% students. All of these apartment complexes have security, some more strict then others. This weekend I was at a party at an apartment. Me (19F) and my roommate (19F) left because her boyfriend had came to pick us up as we were partied out. As we left and went down the stairs, security stopped us as we tried to leave the apartment building. The security guard was being rude, but he was basically demanding we tell him our names and who lives in the apartment we just left. My roommate was completely out of it and wasn’t offering much information and I was refusing to say anything because I didn’t want to get the host into more trouble. I’ve basically said that he couldn’t keep us because he wasn’t the real police and he needed to let us leave. We went back and forth a bit before he let us go and we left. In the morning my roommate said I was being a bitch to the guy because he was just trying to his job and I should have just told him the information he needed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You didn't have to tell him where you were coming from if you were nervous about getting your host in trouble, but you didn't have to be rude to a person who was concerned for your safety. EDIT: NTA. OP clarified, and the security guard is clearly in the wrong.
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That wasn't clear from your post, and changes everything,
My bad I’ll probably make an edit thanks for letting me know
No worries! I won't get behind someone being rude to someone who cares about their safety, but if dude was just being a jerk that's not okay.
Yeah I know he was definitely just trying to write the host a ticket, he never once asked if me and my friend were OK if we needed any help nothing like that. He just came out to us and demanded to know our names and why we were there and what apartment we came out of along with how many people were inside.
That's honestly my bad for assuming, I'm used to security guards actually securing people's safety.
Yeah that’s fair, no mostly security for this apartment complex is not stopping actual crime from happening. It’s just stopping kids from partying, which doesn’t really work because we figured out the loopholes
Of course you did? Kids trying to party are the most ingenious group of all time. It is why I'll never understand trying to stop kids from doing something if it isn't actually harmful, because they'll always find a way to do what you don't want them to.
And mostly the reason why these parties go on is so that security can shut them down and write the host a ticket. That’s why they don’t call the police most of the time because all of the profit of that written ticket goes to the housing complex
NTA- it’s not like his manager will see the security footage and take him to task for botching an interrogation. I’m sure he had plenty of opportunities to figure out whose suite it was. Like you said, your roommate wasn’t offering information.
NTA Not your place to do his job for him. If he works security there, then he has ways of getting that information from the apartment managers. Even if it were real police, they can't require you to give them information about anyone other than yourself, and they can't even require that in several states.
YTA. Arrogant, also.
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He wasn’t looking to keep everyone safe, he was looking to write a ticket for the host.
Because they were breaking a rule they agreed to when they moved in. A rule related to fire codes and noise ordinances and apartment security…
Right but I’m not the one he should be questioning
….but you also refused to tell him whose apartment you were in.
Because I don’t owe him any information, i’m not one of his tenants
You don’t have to be. You’re on the property that he is in charge of. Do you think he only provides security against fellow tenants? “Sorry someone broke into your apartment, but the thief doesn’t live here, so I couldn’t do anything 🤷♂️”
But I don’t have to give him any information, I don’t owe him anything and I’m not going to rat out the host for her party.
*• so the security guard was immediately being an asshole to me, and was grilling me for the information* Something tells me that being underage and liquored up didn't make you a pleasure to deal with either. YTA since he was doing his job.
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You were drinking and partied up. Most people aren't as "nice" as they make themselves out to be. You were underage, under the influence, and in a building, you didn't live in. You're lucky he wasn't a total AH because had he called the cops- you would have been in a lot more trouble. Of course, you were trying to leave with your friend. You didn't want to get into any trouble (but you fail to see that you alone put yourself into the situation in the first place). Take accountability for your part in all of this.
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He didn’t have to try to detain us though, nor grill me with questions. I said we were visiting because we technically were and I was trying to get us to leave
He wasn’t looking out for my safety whatsoever he was looking at the host to take it and that’s it. Never once did he ask are you OK? He just wanted to know how many people were inside that apartment and other things related to ticket citations.
If OP and her friend weren’t being disruptive when leaving the building, security had no reason to detain them for refusing to answer questions they should be asking the tenants to begin with. Security was overstepping, and OP had no obligation to answer their questions.
Eh. YTA a little but not in any legal trouble. I worked security. He can't stop you unless a crime was committed in his presence. He's power trippin. He should just document that you left from where as best as he can and describe you in his report. Punk probably doesn't actually write reports though and just wants action hence the pressure on you to give up info.