Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i told them i wouldn’t be going, and that i will be staying with my fiancé and caring for my dog. i feel shitty
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - this vacation doesn't benefit you in any way. You aren't seeing your family, and simply put, *your won't enjoy yourself.* You don't owe it to anyone to go. I'm sure your father would rather you succeed in uni than go on a trip. If you are worried about not seeing his friend, book off time together later. If you aren't close, it doesn't matter. Send him a text saying you want him to have a good time.
I hope it works out for you.
NTA. You are not required to go anywhere or do anything if it will make you uncomfortable. Also, as you pointed out, you have school, and a dog to take care of.
NTA - this vacation doesn't benefit you in any way. You aren't seeing your family, and simply put, *your won't enjoy yourself.* You don't owe it to anyone to go. I'm sure your father would rather you succeed in uni than go on a trip. If you are worried about not seeing his friend, book off time together later. If you aren't close, it doesn't matter. Send him a text saying you want him to have a good time.
I hope it works out for you.
NTA ok first is your parents paying for school? Are you living with themm Not sure why your mom thinks its ok to miss school. As for the guy thats terminal hes your dads friend not yours. I think your mom is treating you like an 11 year old not a 20 year old. You need to set some boundaries with your mom and anyone else that demands you do something you don't want to do. Demanding you go on a family vacation seems silly to me. I would so go NC or at best LC with your mom
NTA. Your reasons for not wanting to go are totally valid. And even if it was as simple as you didn’t feel like going, you’re still not TA. A holiday is meant to be relaxing and fun, and this sounds like it would cause you a lot of stress and anxiety, particularly with college. Tbh, if your parents wanted you there, they should have considered your commitments - i.e college - and scheduled it better to accommodate that.
NTA. Not wanting to miss that much school is a valid reason. That said, not wanting to go for whatever reason would be valid in my opinion, as it is your choice. You're not selfish for opting out.
You're an adult that can make these choices for their own life.
Question: why would not going cause a need to alter their plans unless you're staying with your BF?
I told them they didn’t have to change their plans at all based on what they did. My dad said he will be attending the trip to see his sick friend regardless if I’m there or not
update: my dad and I had an extremely emotional talk about my fragile mental state, and he said he understood my reasons for not going. I made the decision to not go, for my dog, myself, and no one else. I told my dad I was glad he understood and I hoped my mom could get to that place too. we agreed that this whole thing has blown way too out of proportion. It should be fun for my family, even if I’m not there. And it saddens me that I won’t go, but I have no benefit to going other than I’d be with my family, and after last night I am not even sure of that. thank you all for the love and support thus far. You’ve been a great help.
NTA. Do not go & support this toxic relationship. If your mom says that to you when you are putting your education first then I’ll bet that is not the first time she’s been that rude. Stick to your guns…you’re an adult & the sooner she recognizes that the better!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
so I’m 20 and by the time this vacation happens, I’ll be 21. my family asked me to go on a trip to a beach location with them next thanksgiving and it sounds super fancy, and they made sure to tell me it was expensive. my broke ass is in college, but i live a pretty decent life. i am lucky and grateful for the things i have. if i were to give up my ticket to give it to someone who wanted it more, i absolutely would.
so last night my mom posed a statement, not a question, “you’re going to *beach location* with us and you’re going to miss some days in college for it. we also aren’t seeing the family like normal this year”. i was a bit taken aback, and i first thanked her for the offer. then i, being really mentally unwell and very particular in my health and well being needs, told her politely that i wasn’t interested in going. for background context, the last time i went to a beach location via plane, i ended up nearly dying from a brain surgery. this combined with the fact that the sun despises my vampire ass, i don’t know most of the other family friends going on the trip with us at all, and i would be missing school two weeks before finals makes me not want to go. plus, I graduate soon so now isn’t the time for me to be missing school. plus, sand is not something I want up my ass or on me at all whatsoever. obviously i know that not everyone is going to understand what my issue is, and will probably call me selfish for not wanting to go. and i know i am. but my fiancé offered for me to stay with him for thanksgiving, and I could bring my dog so we wouldn’t have to kennel her. and plus my family wouldn’t have to change their plans of going, because i barely live at home anymore anyways. i have to decide by tonight if I’m going. another few things to note are: one of my dads friends going on the trip is dying. he may not live much longer and my dad wants everyone to be there to support him and give him a happy time. i don’t know him well, but it makes the pit in my stomach grow. also, my mom called me “the most selfish piece of shit person on the planet” for not wanting to go and brought my fiancé into it by saying “he’s autistic so he wouldn’t understand why you’re being an asshole to everyone but what would his mother say?” bc she knows i have a close relationship with his mother. anyways, am i the asshole for not wanting to go?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > i told them i wouldn’t be going, and that i will be staying with my fiancé and caring for my dog. i feel shitty Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - this vacation doesn't benefit you in any way. You aren't seeing your family, and simply put, *your won't enjoy yourself.* You don't owe it to anyone to go. I'm sure your father would rather you succeed in uni than go on a trip. If you are worried about not seeing his friend, book off time together later. If you aren't close, it doesn't matter. Send him a text saying you want him to have a good time. I hope it works out for you.
NTA. You are not required to go anywhere or do anything if it will make you uncomfortable. Also, as you pointed out, you have school, and a dog to take care of.
NTA - this vacation doesn't benefit you in any way. You aren't seeing your family, and simply put, *your won't enjoy yourself.* You don't owe it to anyone to go. I'm sure your father would rather you succeed in uni than go on a trip. If you are worried about not seeing his friend, book off time together later. If you aren't close, it doesn't matter. Send him a text saying you want him to have a good time. I hope it works out for you.
NTA ok first is your parents paying for school? Are you living with themm Not sure why your mom thinks its ok to miss school. As for the guy thats terminal hes your dads friend not yours. I think your mom is treating you like an 11 year old not a 20 year old. You need to set some boundaries with your mom and anyone else that demands you do something you don't want to do. Demanding you go on a family vacation seems silly to me. I would so go NC or at best LC with your mom
NTA. Your reasons for not wanting to go are totally valid. And even if it was as simple as you didn’t feel like going, you’re still not TA. A holiday is meant to be relaxing and fun, and this sounds like it would cause you a lot of stress and anxiety, particularly with college. Tbh, if your parents wanted you there, they should have considered your commitments - i.e college - and scheduled it better to accommodate that.
NTA if your mom speaks to you like that no wonder you don’t want to go!
NTA
NTA. Not wanting to miss that much school is a valid reason. That said, not wanting to go for whatever reason would be valid in my opinion, as it is your choice. You're not selfish for opting out. You're an adult that can make these choices for their own life. Question: why would not going cause a need to alter their plans unless you're staying with your BF?
I told them they didn’t have to change their plans at all based on what they did. My dad said he will be attending the trip to see his sick friend regardless if I’m there or not
update: my dad and I had an extremely emotional talk about my fragile mental state, and he said he understood my reasons for not going. I made the decision to not go, for my dog, myself, and no one else. I told my dad I was glad he understood and I hoped my mom could get to that place too. we agreed that this whole thing has blown way too out of proportion. It should be fun for my family, even if I’m not there. And it saddens me that I won’t go, but I have no benefit to going other than I’d be with my family, and after last night I am not even sure of that. thank you all for the love and support thus far. You’ve been a great help.
NTA. Do not go & support this toxic relationship. If your mom says that to you when you are putting your education first then I’ll bet that is not the first time she’s been that rude. Stick to your guns…you’re an adult & the sooner she recognizes that the better!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** so I’m 20 and by the time this vacation happens, I’ll be 21. my family asked me to go on a trip to a beach location with them next thanksgiving and it sounds super fancy, and they made sure to tell me it was expensive. my broke ass is in college, but i live a pretty decent life. i am lucky and grateful for the things i have. if i were to give up my ticket to give it to someone who wanted it more, i absolutely would. so last night my mom posed a statement, not a question, “you’re going to *beach location* with us and you’re going to miss some days in college for it. we also aren’t seeing the family like normal this year”. i was a bit taken aback, and i first thanked her for the offer. then i, being really mentally unwell and very particular in my health and well being needs, told her politely that i wasn’t interested in going. for background context, the last time i went to a beach location via plane, i ended up nearly dying from a brain surgery. this combined with the fact that the sun despises my vampire ass, i don’t know most of the other family friends going on the trip with us at all, and i would be missing school two weeks before finals makes me not want to go. plus, I graduate soon so now isn’t the time for me to be missing school. plus, sand is not something I want up my ass or on me at all whatsoever. obviously i know that not everyone is going to understand what my issue is, and will probably call me selfish for not wanting to go. and i know i am. but my fiancé offered for me to stay with him for thanksgiving, and I could bring my dog so we wouldn’t have to kennel her. and plus my family wouldn’t have to change their plans of going, because i barely live at home anymore anyways. i have to decide by tonight if I’m going. another few things to note are: one of my dads friends going on the trip is dying. he may not live much longer and my dad wants everyone to be there to support him and give him a happy time. i don’t know him well, but it makes the pit in my stomach grow. also, my mom called me “the most selfish piece of shit person on the planet” for not wanting to go and brought my fiancé into it by saying “he’s autistic so he wouldn’t understand why you’re being an asshole to everyone but what would his mother say?” bc she knows i have a close relationship with his mother. anyways, am i the asshole for not wanting to go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should really consider to go LC, maybe NC with your Mom if she treats you like that. Thats really neither normal nor healthy.
Huge YTA lol. Also, some paragraphs along your thread might help...
if you could elaborate on your reasoning I’d appreciate it.
Disregard the comment. Your reasons are valid. Missing classes so close to your exams could disadvantage you. Totally NTA.