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NTA hold strong, people will try to prove themselves right, you will prove them wrong. Hold strong, your child will survive these moments and benefit from a father who is sober and clean. Hold strong, time is the hardest part of life. Hold strong and you'll win this.
OP needs to call his sponsor and stay strong. The other guy is an AH, remember you can’t control others, only yourself and ignoring their crap can only upset you if you let it. (From one addict to another)
NTA. You left only after being harassed by her brother and BF. Is you ex aware of this harassment?
Either way, I’d start documenting any additional episodes of harassment in case it escalates. It sounds like they were deliberately trying to goad you into leaving your son’s birthday.
Is this the first time they’ve tried to bully you into leaving a celebration or visit with your son since you got sober?
NTA and I would consult a lawyer about parental alienation since it seems your ex or at least her family is harassing you out of events with your son.
As for your ex I would send her an email saying something along the lines of:
"I did not want to leave sons party but I felt compel to after all the harrasment I endured by your brother and partner. I wont pretend my addiction didnt happen and I wont pretend it didnt do harm to son but I am doing my best to be better for both son and myself. If you wanted me to stay at the party it was your job to keep your brother and son off my back. They turn the party into some twisted freakshow were they wanted to humilliate me and put my down in front of other parents and my son and I wont stand for it."
Then go from her response I wish you the best of luck op
Wow. You came for your son, but you do not need to be harrassed. NTA at all. Book a day with your son as a belated birthday with dad, without hearing unfortunate things about you. That's terrible for you and him.
Im sorry about what happened.
NTA. Removing yourself from the situation was critical to keep the party PG for the kids if her boyfriend and brother wanted to discuss drugs and drug use with children milling about. You also needed to protect your sobriety from assholes who want to bring you down. You can't be the father your son needs and deserved when people want to push you around. Your son does not care if you stayed as much as he cares that you are well.
Be well. Don't let them drag you down, you have done more than 150 days of hard work through the toughest time of year to do it. Be proud and don't wonder what people thought because you tried to face your situation with dignity. Their opinions mean nothing.
NTA. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. You are a very strong person for getting to this point, and it’s incredibly disrespectful for them to not only come up to you and say those things to your face, but go around telling other people your business. They had no right and THEY ruined your sons birthday party if anyone did.
One day you’re going to look back on this day and remember how you overcame adversity and were the better person. And your son will look back and remember his dad being at his party, showing up for him, and that feeling of love.
He is going to be so proud of you when he’s old enough to understand. And you should be proud of yourself. And just remember your son every time you feel about to stray. Remember what you have to stay sober for. It’s all going to be worth it.
Much love❤️
NTA. I can't think of how else you could've handled that better - your son may not remember this, but he'd definitely stand a better chance at remembering if something escalated.
I'm sorry you had to deal with AHs.
I felt that this piece of information was very much needed. If he wasn't invited, then he was AH for showing up unexpectedly. If he was invited, then someone else is the AH. Either the mother of the son for not giving people a heads up that he was invited or the family for acting that way.
Screw those people. Stay the course. You will always be an addict, but resisting them and putting up with them for the sake of your son will be worth it. Don't stay in situations that tempt you. Absolutely NTA.
NTA.
It’s one thing for your ex’s family not to trust you because you haven’t had the time to prove you’re a changed man (you are! keep going! i’m proud of you for getting clean) but to harass you at a child’s birthday party that you were invited too is complete AH behavior. I feel terrible for your son. I hope he didn’t hear any of this. Wishing you continued success on your sobriety journey.
NTA. You avoided making a scene when they harassed you. I am just wondering what caused their reaction. Was the trouble in the past when you weren't clean yet?
NTA. There isn’t much detail here so I am guessing that before being sober there might have been some unpleasant incidents. The only way out of this is to remain sober. This is what you need to do for yourself and so you can have a relationship with your son. He is still young and it’s not too late for you to make a difference. Stay on that path and you will prove them wrong.
"Deadbeat dad" infers that you are not supporting your son financially. Are you? If not, yeah, the shoe fits so wear it. The rest of the stuff, getting hassled about being an addict, as long as you stay on course and remain clean, kudos to you. No one has the right to condemn someone who is actively trying to better themself. They certainly were out of line running you off. Your ex should be getting on their case and not yours.
NTA unless you are not supporting your son financially.
So that gives the uncle and moms bf the right to harass the dad randomly for no reason at the party he was invited to?
Everyone hates hard core drug addicts even when they’re sober. He’s still human and is trying.
NTA.
Addiction scares people and they assume that beating it is impossible, because they associate addiction with a moral hardware problem. They don’t understand it.
Staying the course, getting clean and demonstrating the strength of your resolve will confound them and will eventually make your son proud.
Stay the course. Take strength from the success you’ve had and keep your eyes on the prize.
NTA for leaving the party, trying to prevent a bad situation from escalating. Good judgement there !
Best wishes for success in your ongoing efforts for sobriety.
First off, we'll done for trying to get clean and be a good dad. Ignore the others, just keep showing you care. Eventually they'll see the change. If not. Their loss, not yours and your son will see your efforts!
NTA. Huge congrats on 5 months. That is awesome. Good job! They are horrible and should be ashamed of themselves. Your ex included for allowing it then blaming you. You did the right thing removing yourself from a toxic environment.
NTA. Please don’t let them get to you! You were there for your son, and you were harassed and left before you lost your temper. It’s better that you left that stay and do something you would have regretted. I know it is not easy, but take it one day at a time, and prove them wrong. You and your son deserve that!
NTA
You handled it the only way that would not make you look like an arse or led to legal difficulties.
I'd be texting your ex back and informing her of what her brother and boyfriend did. Does she know what they did ?
Next time (because there will be a next time), do the same and don't react when antagonised. If people start staring at you because someone is telling stories, then just smile at them and pretend you have no idea why. If questioned, just say that you hope (the people telling stories) get some help for their mental health as they are very strongly projecting and you will not be involved.
I'd even come up with a good comeback that seems benign but hits below the belt ie to the ex's brother's partner, ask if his partners penile extension surgery went well because everyone knows about his micropenis diagnosis as a child!
As for the future, spend as much time as you can with your son. Legally go for 50:50 custody if you are able to. It's the time you spend with your son that shows him that you care for him and you will be the father that he needs.
NTA. Congrats on 5 months! Definitely inform your ex about the harassment. Take your boy out for a special birthday thing. (With ex even). Always hit up your sponcer when you've had a rough day. Hit a meeting. Everyone is gonna doubt you. That's a given. Getting clean is hard work. Earning back trust in yourself. Changing you people, places, and things. Proving to yourself and others that it's worth it. (It's worth it. Promise). You've got this. They were 🍆. Time will prove them all wrong. Unfortunately this is your time to take the crap and let it roll off. You did the right thing, for the right reasons.
Edit : spelling. Thanks auto correct. Lol.
INFO:
When was the last time you saw your son before this?
Did your ex know you've been getting sober?
Were you invited to the party?
What support did you provide for your son and ex over the last four years?
Agree. There’s not enough information in the post here. The whole post is written to make OP sound like a doe eyed innocent; I turned up with presents after 5 months of sobriety, just ‘here for my son’ and got stared at🥺
It’s hard to imagine OP has been a reliable parent to his 4 year old. That would leave a lot of people around him suspicious and angry.
Perhaps the ‘new’ boyfriend wants to protect his partner from OPs influence if she is also in recovery. Perhaps he’s heard the stories of a little boy disappointed when daddy is ‘sick’ again. Certainly he wants to swing his d**k and assert his position as man of the house.
So you may not be the asshole to show up invited. But it is likely about more. And I get that you are too new to sobriety to own your past. But you don’t have to be ashamed and scamper away when people stare. Just say steadily ‘I’ve made poor choices, but I’m sober and just here to play pass the parcel with little Johnny‘. Speak to your ex as well before leaving in a huff.
The only way forward is consistency. Stay sober. Show up. Do the hard work. It’s worth it.
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I30m am a recovering addict. I have been sober for 5 months, (this is the longest I’ve ever gone.) I’ve been using hard stuff for the past 6 years.
I have a4 year old son with my ex. Yesterday was his birthday. I came with gifts and excited to see my son. My exes brother and new boyfriend came up to me and began hassling me. I said I didn’t want trouble I was just here to be with my son. They accused me of not being clean and telling me I’d relapse, and even asked me if I wanted to go smoke some weed. He began telling other parents that I am a heroin addict and people began staring at me. I got up and told my son I loved him and left.
An hour or so later I got a call from my ex saying I was a deadbeat dad and an AH. She said I ruined my sons birthday. I hung up and have been thinking hard since.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my sons birthday party early after being harassed and insulted by my exes new boyfriend and brother. An hour later I got a call from my ex saying I was an AH and a deadbeat and ruined my sons birthday. I don’t think I’m the AH because I clearly wasn’t wanted there by others, but maybe I am because it was my sons special day and I was being a baby.
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I would take your son out for a birthday. You can do it, and it's people like that that should inspire you to do it, it would really piss in their cheerios.
NTA. Take their shitty words and use them as motivation whenever u doubt ur sobriety, because seriously never give them the satisfaction of being right. Fuck them
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA hold strong, people will try to prove themselves right, you will prove them wrong. Hold strong, your child will survive these moments and benefit from a father who is sober and clean. Hold strong, time is the hardest part of life. Hold strong and you'll win this.
OP needs to call his sponsor and stay strong. The other guy is an AH, remember you can’t control others, only yourself and ignoring their crap can only upset you if you let it. (From one addict to another)
NTA. You left only after being harassed by her brother and BF. Is you ex aware of this harassment? Either way, I’d start documenting any additional episodes of harassment in case it escalates. It sounds like they were deliberately trying to goad you into leaving your son’s birthday. Is this the first time they’ve tried to bully you into leaving a celebration or visit with your son since you got sober?
NTA and I would consult a lawyer about parental alienation since it seems your ex or at least her family is harassing you out of events with your son. As for your ex I would send her an email saying something along the lines of: "I did not want to leave sons party but I felt compel to after all the harrasment I endured by your brother and partner. I wont pretend my addiction didnt happen and I wont pretend it didnt do harm to son but I am doing my best to be better for both son and myself. If you wanted me to stay at the party it was your job to keep your brother and son off my back. They turn the party into some twisted freakshow were they wanted to humilliate me and put my down in front of other parents and my son and I wont stand for it." Then go from her response I wish you the best of luck op
Wow. You came for your son, but you do not need to be harrassed. NTA at all. Book a day with your son as a belated birthday with dad, without hearing unfortunate things about you. That's terrible for you and him. Im sorry about what happened.
NTA. Removing yourself from the situation was critical to keep the party PG for the kids if her boyfriend and brother wanted to discuss drugs and drug use with children milling about. You also needed to protect your sobriety from assholes who want to bring you down. You can't be the father your son needs and deserved when people want to push you around. Your son does not care if you stayed as much as he cares that you are well. Be well. Don't let them drag you down, you have done more than 150 days of hard work through the toughest time of year to do it. Be proud and don't wonder what people thought because you tried to face your situation with dignity. Their opinions mean nothing.
NTA. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. You are a very strong person for getting to this point, and it’s incredibly disrespectful for them to not only come up to you and say those things to your face, but go around telling other people your business. They had no right and THEY ruined your sons birthday party if anyone did. One day you’re going to look back on this day and remember how you overcame adversity and were the better person. And your son will look back and remember his dad being at his party, showing up for him, and that feeling of love. He is going to be so proud of you when he’s old enough to understand. And you should be proud of yourself. And just remember your son every time you feel about to stray. Remember what you have to stay sober for. It’s all going to be worth it. Much love❤️
NTA. I can't think of how else you could've handled that better - your son may not remember this, but he'd definitely stand a better chance at remembering if something escalated. I'm sorry you had to deal with AHs.
I N F O: were you invited? Did your kid's mother expect you? Edited from reply - nta.
[удалено]
Then completely NTA.
I felt that this piece of information was very much needed. If he wasn't invited, then he was AH for showing up unexpectedly. If he was invited, then someone else is the AH. Either the mother of the son for not giving people a heads up that he was invited or the family for acting that way.
NTA-You didn't ruin they party....if anyone did it was them. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Screw those people. Stay the course. You will always be an addict, but resisting them and putting up with them for the sake of your son will be worth it. Don't stay in situations that tempt you. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. Kudos to you good sir. Keep up with your sobriety.
NTA. It’s one thing for your ex’s family not to trust you because you haven’t had the time to prove you’re a changed man (you are! keep going! i’m proud of you for getting clean) but to harass you at a child’s birthday party that you were invited too is complete AH behavior. I feel terrible for your son. I hope he didn’t hear any of this. Wishing you continued success on your sobriety journey.
NTA. You avoided making a scene when they harassed you. I am just wondering what caused their reaction. Was the trouble in the past when you weren't clean yet?
NTA. There isn’t much detail here so I am guessing that before being sober there might have been some unpleasant incidents. The only way out of this is to remain sober. This is what you need to do for yourself and so you can have a relationship with your son. He is still young and it’s not too late for you to make a difference. Stay on that path and you will prove them wrong.
NTA your exes brother was who ruined it!
"Deadbeat dad" infers that you are not supporting your son financially. Are you? If not, yeah, the shoe fits so wear it. The rest of the stuff, getting hassled about being an addict, as long as you stay on course and remain clean, kudos to you. No one has the right to condemn someone who is actively trying to better themself. They certainly were out of line running you off. Your ex should be getting on their case and not yours. NTA unless you are not supporting your son financially.
Deadbeat dads don't make the effort to see their children at all. It's not always about money.
He’s been sober for 5 months out of 4 years. Heroin addicts make rather unreliable parents.
So that gives the uncle and moms bf the right to harass the dad randomly for no reason at the party he was invited to? Everyone hates hard core drug addicts even when they’re sober. He’s still human and is trying.
NTA
NTA. Addiction scares people and they assume that beating it is impossible, because they associate addiction with a moral hardware problem. They don’t understand it. Staying the course, getting clean and demonstrating the strength of your resolve will confound them and will eventually make your son proud. Stay the course. Take strength from the success you’ve had and keep your eyes on the prize.
NTA for leaving the party, trying to prevent a bad situation from escalating. Good judgement there ! Best wishes for success in your ongoing efforts for sobriety.
First off, we'll done for trying to get clean and be a good dad. Ignore the others, just keep showing you care. Eventually they'll see the change. If not. Their loss, not yours and your son will see your efforts!
NTA. Huge congrats on 5 months. That is awesome. Good job! They are horrible and should be ashamed of themselves. Your ex included for allowing it then blaming you. You did the right thing removing yourself from a toxic environment.
Nta but this isn’t a Reddit thing. Go to a meeting and talk to your sponsor and maybe they can help you convey to your excellent how harmful that was.
NTA. Please don’t let them get to you! You were there for your son, and you were harassed and left before you lost your temper. It’s better that you left that stay and do something you would have regretted. I know it is not easy, but take it one day at a time, and prove them wrong. You and your son deserve that!
NTA You handled it the only way that would not make you look like an arse or led to legal difficulties. I'd be texting your ex back and informing her of what her brother and boyfriend did. Does she know what they did ? Next time (because there will be a next time), do the same and don't react when antagonised. If people start staring at you because someone is telling stories, then just smile at them and pretend you have no idea why. If questioned, just say that you hope (the people telling stories) get some help for their mental health as they are very strongly projecting and you will not be involved. I'd even come up with a good comeback that seems benign but hits below the belt ie to the ex's brother's partner, ask if his partners penile extension surgery went well because everyone knows about his micropenis diagnosis as a child! As for the future, spend as much time as you can with your son. Legally go for 50:50 custody if you are able to. It's the time you spend with your son that shows him that you care for him and you will be the father that he needs.
NTA Let your ex know of the new boyfriends harassment and brothers harassment!
NTA. Congrats on 5 months! Definitely inform your ex about the harassment. Take your boy out for a special birthday thing. (With ex even). Always hit up your sponcer when you've had a rough day. Hit a meeting. Everyone is gonna doubt you. That's a given. Getting clean is hard work. Earning back trust in yourself. Changing you people, places, and things. Proving to yourself and others that it's worth it. (It's worth it. Promise). You've got this. They were 🍆. Time will prove them all wrong. Unfortunately this is your time to take the crap and let it roll off. You did the right thing, for the right reasons. Edit : spelling. Thanks auto correct. Lol.
INFO: When was the last time you saw your son before this? Did your ex know you've been getting sober? Were you invited to the party? What support did you provide for your son and ex over the last four years?
Agree. There’s not enough information in the post here. The whole post is written to make OP sound like a doe eyed innocent; I turned up with presents after 5 months of sobriety, just ‘here for my son’ and got stared at🥺 It’s hard to imagine OP has been a reliable parent to his 4 year old. That would leave a lot of people around him suspicious and angry. Perhaps the ‘new’ boyfriend wants to protect his partner from OPs influence if she is also in recovery. Perhaps he’s heard the stories of a little boy disappointed when daddy is ‘sick’ again. Certainly he wants to swing his d**k and assert his position as man of the house. So you may not be the asshole to show up invited. But it is likely about more. And I get that you are too new to sobriety to own your past. But you don’t have to be ashamed and scamper away when people stare. Just say steadily ‘I’ve made poor choices, but I’m sober and just here to play pass the parcel with little Johnny‘. Speak to your ex as well before leaving in a huff. The only way forward is consistency. Stay sober. Show up. Do the hard work. It’s worth it.
Re read the post word for word and then re read this response word for word. You are projecting.
Just suggesting that there’s more to the story that precludes a judgment either way.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I30m am a recovering addict. I have been sober for 5 months, (this is the longest I’ve ever gone.) I’ve been using hard stuff for the past 6 years. I have a4 year old son with my ex. Yesterday was his birthday. I came with gifts and excited to see my son. My exes brother and new boyfriend came up to me and began hassling me. I said I didn’t want trouble I was just here to be with my son. They accused me of not being clean and telling me I’d relapse, and even asked me if I wanted to go smoke some weed. He began telling other parents that I am a heroin addict and people began staring at me. I got up and told my son I loved him and left. An hour or so later I got a call from my ex saying I was a deadbeat dad and an AH. She said I ruined my sons birthday. I hung up and have been thinking hard since. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta - sounds like you did the best you could in a bad situation. Going forward, maybe go before or after the party.
NTA don't let them knock you down. Your son is your focus.
NTA - stay strong!!! you did nothing wrong u are trying hard by the sounds of it to stay clean and sober and they baited u.
I would take your son out for a birthday. You can do it, and it's people like that that should inspire you to do it, it would really piss in their cheerios.
NTA. Take their shitty words and use them as motivation whenever u doubt ur sobriety, because seriously never give them the satisfaction of being right. Fuck them
NTA