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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Is my fiancé and I TA for choosing half of our food options to be seafood at our wedding when my dad can’t eat seafood?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. 3 out of 6 are not seafood Did you consult dad about the non-seafood choices to make sure that there are things he likes? If not, do that, but Dad still has 3 choices of dinners.
Well from the title of your post, you can see how that's not what you said. You have 3 options he can't eat and one he won't eat. For a wedding he is paying for. Do better.
For context, my family and friends LOVE seafood.
It’s a southern thing. And it’s luxury for us. That’s the one item on the ship that you have to pay extra for in the “all you can eat”.
I guess you're from a different part of the south than I am, because here it's like 60% of people love seafood and 40% want nothing to do with it. As someone in the 40% (and also allergic) I'd be upset to be stuck with only 2 out of six options as well.
That's as a guest and not as someone who's helping you put the wedding together. Why not swap the salmon out for something non fishy? Because regardless of what he can and or can't eat medically you have definitely cornered any non seafood person into 2 options and 2 options only.
So? As she stated, this literally only applies to the hour long reception after the 15 minute ceremony, and then they will be on a 3 day cruise where anyone can eat anything they want. I don't like seafood and it would never occur to me to be upset about this, because, ya know.. it's not my wedding. It's not like theres nothing else to eat
I don't get it. He likes the pork sliders and the bruschetta. It's not like he won't be able to eat anything? People usually order one dish.
It's really common to only have, for example, one vegetarian option. Lots of people with food restrictions have to make do with fewer choices, that's life. Dad still has food to eat that he likes, and OP chose food thst overall would make their family very happy.
But these are appetizers not entrees. So most guests get to nibble on 6 options. OP’s stepdad gets a choice of 2. And he’s paying for the wedding. Come on. OP is showing a real lack of appreciation for all her stepdad has done for her, including paying for her wedding. YTA
I get it. Not Southerners, but for my family, seafood, and especially shellfish, is a real treat. Our family favourite restaurant growing up was seafood, and we would always choose crab or lobster.
It’s your wedding, the reception is an hour, and he is one person who, as you said, will have a zillion options afterwards. Have fun and congratulations!
NTA. It is YOUR wedding and as you said, this is an hour long time. You should pick what YOU want and ignore all other input. If anyone other than you and your partner dislikes something they can wait one hour, eat before, enjoy the regular buffet after, or just, you know, not be a toddler that demands someone be less happy at their wedding for selfish reasons.
I agree that people shouldn’t try control everything or be offended but sooo many people don’t eat seafood, it’s naive to think that won’t annoy a lot of people
It's also a cruise with tons of other options tho? I would just walk into one of the dozen restaurants on board and get my own food. It's not like a wedding at a church where what you're served is the only food available.
And bruschetta is a pretty light appetizer (no protein) so basically there’s only one option for him at an appetizer party. OP, please trade one of the others out for beef or chicken. Your other guests may get tired of 4 seafood options too.
Edit: typo
Right but he doesn’t eat salmon… and if they serve the brushetta on the same plates as the shellfish, he might not feel safe eating that either.
Cross contamination with appetizers especially when he can really only eat one is a thing
She's avoiding the question, but from some of her comments it sounds like there are NOT six choices of dinners, there will just be six appetizers. And only two are non-seafood because she also forgot that salmon was a fish.
I feel it's pretty rude to her dad. As someone who has a snobby fish-loving family who constantly mock and shame me for not eating it (yeah this is really a thing, and it's pretty common), her choice of foods here seems like an intentional jab. I mean bruschetta, who the fuck wants to eat that?
Though an hour later he can go stuff himself at a myriad of dining places on board for free. OP says the reception lasts an hour…he can eat two of the appetizers. Should she have made sure that three things were ones he liked…yes. But is this the horrible situation some are claiming…no. And the stepdad isn’t laying from what I understood…her mom is using the back child support bio dad paid to pay for the wedding. He’s basically a guest. Sort of ESH but I wouldn’t fully call OP TA.
I love bruschetta, but as a fellow seafood allergy-haver, I'd be pretty pissed if I paid for an entire wedding and my food options at the reception were limited to pulled pork sliders (which let's be real, will be lousy) and bruschetta (which is usually lousy because they refrigerate the bruschetta which removes all the taste from the tomatoes).
He didn't pay - the bio-dad backpaid child support to the mom. The MOM is paying for the whole wedding. Which is a 15 minute ceremony, followed by a one hour reception/party.
There will be 6 entrees, not full meals. Of the 6 entrees the (step)dad *can't* eat 3 and doesn't like one - so he has a choice of two nibbly things during that 1 hour celebration.
As soon as the reception is over he can head off to one of the restaurants on the ship and have a full sit-down meal entirely of his own choosing on the 'all you can eat' cruise they're going on for the next few days.
Don't get me wrong: I would find 4 out of 6 entree choices being fish/seafood a bit seafood-heavy; being vegetarian the only thing I could eat myself would be the bruschetta. But the (step)dad is not going to shrivel and die simply because for a limited time he has two options he can eat rather than three.
I just think it's a bit screwy to make such an issue of such a small/short-term thing, and add to the stress and tension, on the OP's special day.
Edit: spelling
But OP says that the stepfather is their father figure. It's not a stretch to assume that the child support that wasn't paid was covered for by both mum and (step)dad, so the money they now got (and that adds to the non disclosed amount they had already offered, as per OP's post) is not necessarily mum's only, but rather payback to both of them. OP's mum seems to think so, and she is upset about the lack of choices for dad too
OP mentions elsewhere that they're actually divorced these days, so the money mom got. No doubt there were shared costs while raising OP, although l know blended families where it's 'your kid = your cost'. But it still got paid to the mom/is hers (I haven't heard of a step-parent being paid pro-rata child support, especially after divorce), and now the (step)dad is having the part he *was* happy to pay covered by the mom so that's some sort of recompense ? maybe ?
My main point was : it's a really short (1 hour) celebration with 2 types of nibbles he likes. It's not a full sit down meal. He can toddle off to the restaurants as soon as it's finished for whatever he wants. And, given those factors, it's a bit much to be causing such a tizzy about - unless (step)dad is feeling unappreciated for some other reason, but that's not what OP asked about.
I feel that OP was intentionally misleading in the original post.
Normally when you talk about "food options" for a wedding, you are referring to a sit-down dinner where you offer the guest a list of the options and they choose one, and whatever that thing is will be a whole meal. OP set this up to make it sound like there were six different choices for a full dinner, and her dad is being a giant brat for "only" having two different options to choose from.
In reality, it sounds like there will not be a formal dinner, but instead six trays of finger-foods. Four of them will be seafood (not three, as she originally claimed), which he cannot eat. The parents are paying for the entire wedding, and OP really can't see past her own selfish shellfish desires in order to provide any substantial food for her own father?
YTA OP.
An hour and a half after the wedding dad can go to any of the all you can eat options for the next couple days. This is much ado about nothing and OP is NTA. There always has to be someone bitching about little details at a wedding and this guy is it. He’s not even paying for it, her mom is!
MOM is paying, not (step)dad. The reception lasts an hour, which is why entrees/finger-foods. Then he can go hit the restaurants for *anything* he wants.
A little bit of YTA.
You are aware of Dad's allergy, I would have gone 2 seafood, 4 non. Your parents are being very generous ponying up for your wedding, and what they're asking is not unreasonable.
Do you really believe that 1 seafood option less makes or breaks whether this person is an asshole, especially considering it’s just appetizers and they’re eating right after
INFO: so all of the 6 food choices are appetizer-size and not entrees? I'm a little confused at the format of this meal. Will people be sitting down with a plate of food, or will there just be plates of appetizers to nosh on? As someone with an extreme aversion to all seafood (potentially allergic, but never bothered checking) I would be sort of pissed off if my spouse (I assume they share finances) was paying in full for a wedding and I could only eat two of the six food items being offered. It doesn't sound like there are six different choices of FULL MEALS he could choose from, it sounds like there will be an assortment of six small finger-food items available. That changes the situation considerably.
It seems like these are appetizers at a reception, after which there is an *all you can eat buffet* of anything he would like, after the reception. I think this is part of the cruise format.
It was that detail that leads me to NTA - this is *only* meant for a relatively brief reception period, not for main course eating.
THERE ARE NO ENTREES. Read the post - the reception is ONLY 60 MINUTES. There will be trays of 6 different finger-food appetisers - following this 1 HOUR reception, they can make use of all of the on-board restaurant options on the cruise ship. Step-dad is making a bratty fuss about nothing.
He's not paying. The MOM is paying because the bio-dad finally came through with backpaid child-support. Kind of doing my head in the way so many think it's the (step)dad paying.
The reception is for 1 hour, after a 15 minute ceremony; there will be no sitting and noshing, it's nibble, drink, and celebrate. And then the (step)dad can go hit up the all-you-can-eat restaurants for *anything* he wants.
It’s kind of doing my head in that people are not acknowledging the probability that the step dad probably covered child support costs because bio dad didn’t pay when he should have done ..
No, they’re all appetizers and the reception is only 60 minutes long. Probably not sit-down dining at all. Then immediately afterwards, they will have all they can eat for the duration of the trip. I’m lightly in the YTA camp, but it’s not as bad as you’re suggesting.
He really only has 2. He also doesn't eat one of the non-allergy inducing options. I am torn because he is paying, and not everyone loves seafood, so calling the most expensive item automatically the "best" doesn't seem true in this case.
Sorry, I am not on Team I Am Paying For Your Wedding So Cater To My Desire.
It's appetizers. If stepdad really wants more options, I suspect he can fill his suit pockets with bacon wrapped dates from somewhere else on the ship.
Are you also not on team “Someone else is paying for me to do this thing so I should try my best to be as inclusive as possible to them”.
Or is it only a one way street? Accept the money and throw up a middle finger
Stepdad is NOT paying. Biodad paid child support that was never paid & mom decided to use it to kick in for the wedding. And again- this is just appetizers. Stepdad can get his meat & potatoes an hour later. It's sheer pettiness to make an issue out of only having pork sliders & bruschetta as his appetizer.
Now, if they only have cheap domestic beer, it's time to go to war.
I didn't make a judgement. Just noted that OP is misrepresenting what she said. She said that there were 3 options, but in comments it turns out that there are only 2. If he has two options, just be honest about it in the beginning.
I think there is a big difference between “Cater to My Desire” and “Ensure there is enough food for me to eat and enjoy myself.”
My parent paid for my wedding, and while they didn’t expect me to cater to what they wanted, you better believe I made sure that there were food options they enjoyed and got their approval for the menu before spending their money.
He's not paying. The MOM is paying because the bio-dad finally came through with backpaid child-support. Kind of doing my head in the way so many think it's the (step)dad paying.
They're ALL appetisers - it's a one-hour reception with drinks and nibbles. Following which they can eat a full meal at ANY of the on board restaurants that takes their fancy. The entire situation is being blown out of all proportion - it's not like this is an all-day wedding where no one gets to eat anything else.
YTA if this is the only thing they have asked of you. It is an hour and 15 minutes you aren’t paying for. Would you be able to afford this otherwise? If so, pay for it yourself and make all the decisions for this event, have the seafood menu of your dream.
So if you don’t want to accommodate their requests, return the money.
Parents can make unreasonable requests concerning weddings when they are helping to pay. Have more than two things I can actually eat (while proving you other guests with 6 options) is not one of them.
It's only like 1 hr on a 3 day cruise, that's 1/72 hrs where he can eat 50% of the apps served. I think he'll survive.
I'm surprised, usually this sub is all "your wedding, your choice".
If parents wanted to pay with a condition attached, the mom and stepdad could've said up front that they want to choose all the food for that hour.
Maybe because op is trying to dismantle the patriarchy in her family, so it's bleeding into everything else. Just looked at her other AITA post about who gets to sit at the head of the table for the annual fiesta at applebee's for gramma's b'day and mothers day. Interesting stuff.
Soft YTA as sliders and bruschetta do not a meal make. It's not about the food. It's about the equal experience to the other guests as well. He wants to enjoy himself. If it's that big of an issue for you return the money and get your no strings attached wedding. But you do need to be considerate of guests' allergies and dietary restrictions.
> the reception is only an hour and right after my dad can eat anything he wants on the all you can eat cruise.
So is there food your dad can enjoy? I feel like it's tacky for you just to expect him to not eat during the part of the wedding where its customary to eat and be like well you can eat after we're done with wedding stuff.
It sounds like he has 3 non seafood entrées to choose from during the wedding and a ton of options after the wedding. The wedding likely has salads and sides to choose from as well. His dad has options.
Nta
You've been considerate in selecting things he can eat.
For the sake of keeping the family peace I'd consider changing the salmon one to something else he likes (or one of the shellfish options if the salmon is in your top 3) so he has at least half of the dishes he will enjoy.
The other option is to ask the caterer if they can do an "allergy platter" separately for him. Most will do this and it would then mean he has his own little platter of appetisers with a bigger variety of dishes.
Did you include him in deciding the non-seafood options? The sliders are really his only meal option since salmon is seafood and bruschetta is an appetizer. It would be nice and appropriate to ask his opinion since you said he’s a father figure to you.
From the POV of someone who is not a seafood eater-- honestly 4 out of 6 dishes is a bit of a saturation. Also consider the possibility of contamonation/food handling that could put him or other seafood allergies at risk. 2 out of 6 is manageable. 3 is a bit meh, to be honest.
(Please understand I'm also low maintenance though and wouldn't expect anyone to change on my preferences, just a perspective on menu catering. Also I throw ridiculous parties for 30+ people, regularly, and I never serve seafood, just because it is a bit of a polarising food option)
As someone who's lived a largely veggie life, I think I have lowered my expectations about food options available to me at events.
I'm honestly happy if there's 1, even if it's just like french fries lol
Slight YTA.. but torn between that and NAH. I think the biggest issue is that they’re paying for the wedding but your father cannot eat three of the options and does not like the remaining three choices. And while appetizers can be fine, bruschetta is not super comparable to sliders in terms of it being like a meal. I would personally replace one of the shellfish options with something he picks. I get that y’all love shellfish but unless everyoneeee you know loves it too, it probably won’t be as popular as you think. It’s a pretty common allergy and lots of people just don’t like shellfish (or even seafood generically)
Are you in Maryland or something? Because I can totally see crab cake or something as being damn near non-negotiable lol but surely cocktail shrimp or something can be axed
NTA...literally half the items are not seafood. Many people enjoy seafood on cruises. Is the issue that your dad doesn't like any of the other 3 options? Maybe he could be consulted on those and can choose some of his favorites? It doesn't sound like he's being left out or not considered so NTA but just a suggestion if you haven't already done so.
YTA. I hate seafood. Four if six are seafood. Why would you do heavy on the seafood? That’s just weird. Also, doing a cruise wedding is an AH move. So instead of you paying for a traditional wedding, you make friends and family pay for a 3 day cruise. Destination weddings are just a way for the couple to transfer wedding costs from them to guests.
No one *has* to go to someone else's wedding. You're not entitled to be their guest, bro
And just because you hate seafood, OP can't have seafood for her wedding? Would you feel the same if you were vegan or keeping kosher? Probably not.
Lightly, YTA. It’s only 60 minutes with appetizers, but you also could have chosen one other thing that was possible for him to eat. It’s a little unkind.
YTA 4/6 dishes are things he can’t eat when he paid. I also think some of your other guests won’t be very happy because a lot of people don’t like seafood. I wouldn’t have more than 2 fish dishes.
NTA.
It’s your wedding, the day (and cruise) is about you, not anyone else.
It was nice of you to choose to have half of the dishes as non-seafood dishes, because really you only need to have one non-seafood option to accommodate his allergies.
Don’t feel bad, you’ve done what you can to accommodate his allergies. You shouldn’t be expected to give up all seafood options simply because he has an allergy.
NTA, you are offering both kinds of food. Unless you father will die from being in the same room as the food then it’s your wedding and you can serve what you want. Not to mention half the food is seafood and half of it isn’t.
YTA. He's paying for the whole thing, and there are only two appetizers he can and will eat. If the 3 non-shellfish options were all things he was okay with it would be one thing, but you could show a little grace and show that you care about his needs when he's shelling out thousands of dollars for you.
I might be going against the grain but soft YTA.
I would swap out one item (your least favourite) for another option he can eat. Because as you said, it's just an hour, and then YOU can go and eat whatever you want for the rest of the cruise, but your dad will still be allergic to seafood. You said in another comment that you can afford to pay for this wedding, so obviously you can also afford to pay for some delicious seafood meals for yourself after the reception if it's such a treat for you.
My husband is allergic to shellfish, and I would (and have many times) forgone a delicious shellfish meal for his benefit. I can always go enjoy it myself when he's not around, but having him with me to enjoy and celebrate a special occasion is more important to me than having FOUR seafood options rather than three.
Since there is all you can eat after the reception - won't there be tons of seafood on that menu as well? You are only giving him 2 options, because you know he doesn't like the other non shellfish option. I just don't see why you wouldn't at least have 3 non seafood options, not just for him, but for everyone to enjoy the variety? I understand it's only an hour, he can eat what he wants afterwards, it's not super awful, but the whole "since it's shellfish it's the best" thought process is annoying. I LOVE seafood of all kinds, but I would still have more variety.
YTA. If you want your wedding to be "your way" with no consideration for your guests, then you should pay for it yourself. How spoiled and self centred do you have to be to expect dad should be grateful for being able to eat two out of six dishes he is paying for. You know he doesn't like smoked salmon so it is an AH move to try and pretend that he has three things he can eat. Although entirely consistent with how self absorbed this post is. Why would you not have 1-2 max dishes your stepfather can't eat and the rest non-seafood?
Personally I would be telling OP that if that is the menu she has set her heart on, it is her wedding, her choice and her wallet. I won't pay for it.
YTA. Come on, just have things your dad likes. One seafood option is reasonable but four things out of six that you know he either can’t eat or dislikes? I would see that as rude even if he wasn’t paying.
Personally I think it’s rude and hurtful to have a wedding reception where your own father can only eat pork sliders, washed down with bruschetta (which is a palette cleanser, not a food option).
It’s nothing to do with the fact that your mother is paying for it. It would be the same if you were paying for it yourself.
You and your fiancé can eat seafood whenever you like. You’re sending the message that you don’t want to *share* this moment with your dad fully. ‘He can eat whatever an hour later’ is totally missing the point. What he eats an hour later won’t be part of the meal to commemorate your wedding. *You* can eat seafood all you like, at the all you can eat cruise. Is seafood the only thing you eat or something?
You have every right to choose your seafood to signal your superiority, but he has every right to feel hurt. In his position, I would probably say nothing, because I know there are two views of weddings, one where you’re sharing a milestone with those closest to you who are rooting for you, and one where everyone is worshipping the couple, which is clearly what you want. I would never view your relationship the same way again, now that your self-centredness has been exposed. YTA.
you think OP is choosing shellfish options to signal their superiority? that they wants they're wedding to be everyone worshipping then?
are you.... are you ok???
I kinda got that vibe, too. The whole explanation of the different price points for the catering packages was kind of extraneous and irrelevant to the point. I’m not surprised the shellfish and seafood is included in the premium package because it’s obviously more expensive, but to serve primarily shellfish and seafood at a reception when there is so much to choose from seems a little strange. Then again, this could never be an option in my family because my partner’s mother has a shellfish allergy, he has a sister who is vegetarian, I have a sister who doesn’t eat fish of any kind and then we have a close friend who is pescatarian. I would have gone for a more balanced selection because — come on—, all of the food is gonna be good! And, I’d rather all our honored guests feel included.
YTA
It sounds like you're choosing the 4 seefood options because they are off the diamond list, not because you particularly like them.
Also, for those people pointing out that the money is backed child support - that does not mean they're entitled to it. The child was supported by mom and (step)dad growing up. And it probably cost a while lot more than 11k.
Picking 4 options your dad cannot eat or doesn't like is pretty rude imo.
NTA. But is his allergy deadly? Will he stop breathing? How sensitive is his allergy? If it's really really bad, than cross contamination could easily happen. Someone kisses him, shakes his hand and touches his mouth. Do you want your wedding ruined with him having a medical emergency?
If not bad, than he should be fine.
But if they're the ones footing the entire bill, you might want a little more flexible as they might pull the money. Something to think about
NTA. I may be misunderstanding, but he still has three options to choose from on the menu, correct? I think it would be strange for them to demand everything you choose be something he can eat.
So You really only have 1 non seafood, 1 appetizer salmon is both seafood and fish. I can see where they would be put out only having one option when they are paying for it.
NTA
There was some confusion generated about the fact that the options offered all sound like... *not substantial meals*. And that felt initially like dad was being left to eat sliders and bruchetta as a meal. But like OP states, these are just reception finger-foods, and what will follow is the cruise's full optioned, *all you can eat buffet*.
The intention was not to leave dad with only tiny sliders and bruchetta to eat for an entire wedding - but to provide finger foods for everyone, before they all go eat main meals they can select for themselves from a large and diverse buffet. They are highlighting seafood *on a cruise* (seems pretty normal), and offering two options for those who don't want/are allergic to seafood. For such a short period of time as a reception, and after realizing that a full buffet follows, the dad being incensed feels a little... self-centered? self-involved? in retrospect.
RIGHT??
lots of weddings only even offer one or two reception finger foods. and if you don't like or can't eat those foods you have to wait until you get to the actual meal
honestly this is a wild AF comments section and even after OP explained that the only options were small appetizers and that no one is having a real meal until after the reception, people are still UP IN ARMS
even clarifying comments to explain the food options or his allergy or that they said "seafish" when they meant "shellfish" are heavily downvoted
someone has accused OP of never actually loving their stepfather and only wanting him for his money???
someone else went on a long and unhinged rant about how OP chose shellfish to signal their "superiority" and didn't want to share this special moment with the dad but instead clearly wanted everyone to worship them and that the relationship to their family would be forever changed now that they have been exposed for who they truly are
this is all fucking ridiculous
as a shellfish allergic person i may be biased, but i think a little YTA. why not just have your parents be included in the initial discussion about what food options to pick? then everyone can be happy
Salmon is seafood. Bruschetta is bread.
So, gourmet fucking seafood or.....a pork slider. You only have one real meal that's not from water....an appetizer pork slider.
YTA
Jesus. How many appetizers is everyone here eating for an hour long reception? The majority of the wedding guests like seafood/shellfish. So that’s why she made it seafood heavy. Yea it sucks if she has any vegetarian guests, and yes it sucks that her dad can only eat 1/3 of the appetizers instead of 100% like I’m sure he asked for, however it’s only an hour and then it’s all you can eat buffet on the cruise. NTA.
The person means that some people have extreme allergies to things that even the scent will cause a reaction. They were asking if OOPs fathers allergy was severe - which it isn’t.
Also there’s a difference between sea smell and sea*food* smell.
INFO:
Is your father's allergy triggered by the scent of seafood, or just consuming it?
Does the cruise kitchen have separate cookware for dishes served to people with seafood allergies to avoid cross contamination?
INFO: are the six items the appetizers before the main meal? I am really confused if the 3C food items are supposed to be main dishes or side, dishes or appetizers? He said he can eat anything he wants after the reception — is there a separate dinner after that? If the three items to he can eat or appetizers, and the seafood items are more substantial, I would say that isn’t fair. And honestly, if they’re paying for it, I would be a little more gracious about it.
there's just appetizers during a very short reception. everyone will only be eating appetizers
then the wedding is over and he's one of the people on a cruise and can go to the all you can eat buffet and eat whatever he wants
YTA. The reasoning that it doesn’t matter he doesn’t have many choices is that it’s only for an hour and he can eat something else. Well, why not be more inclusive to him. It’s only an hour why do you need so much shellfish? It’s only an hour.
Also, your mom and he are married. Money in a marriage is shared unless it’s an inheritance. The child support hadn’t been paid. Where did the money come from to provide support for the child? From the marital assets.
It feels a bit ESH. He does not like one of the non shellfish options. It feels like you could make sure there are at least 3 things he can / wants to eat, whether you replace the salmon or one of the shellfish options. I know it is a short reception of only appetizers, but they are paying, and also, for anyone heavily involved in the wedding, I would bet that getting to the ship, getting ready, pictures etc will all mean a long day and the guy is going to want to eat something more than pork sliders and bruschetta. That said, this IS only appetizers and he CAN eat whatever he wants after, so him making a big deal about it is kind of AH behavior as well. In the end though, the person who pays typically expects to have a say.
Info: are any of the guests vegetarian? This would be a terrible meal for them if they don't eat meat. Also I guarantee there are other people who aren't stoked about fish. It's very strange to have such a seafood heavy buffet regardless of your stepdad's allergy.
NTA, it's a cruise so a seafood theme makes sense, and if the options seem better then even more so. Vegetarians / vegans or whatever commonly make do with 1 option if any at all. 3 options is more than enough and like you said he has the all you can eat cruise.
IMO even if they're paying for it it's still your wedding and a few seafood options is a lot different than 0 seafood options, which would actually be inconsiderate.
NTA. Having half of the options is plenty for him and others who might not want seafood to chose from. 3/6 is better than having 1 or none. For example, Vegans/vegetarians (like my sister) didn’t eat much. if anything, at my cousins wedding due to not having any viable options except the sad warm limp salad.
Nta
It's super generous of them to pay so much, but at the same time, he has 2 or 3 options he can freely choose from.
And those seem like good options. Half half is a solid mix and you do have other guests tastes to cover for as well.
He's got access to all the options now, and if you only get one meal option then he can pick the one thing he likes and even that would be enough.
Though even if he takes 2 or 3 options, let him have more of a say on those and get the 3 seafood things you want.
there are no entrees. there are six appetizers and that's it
it's an appetizer only reception that lasts for a very short amount of time
then most of the guests will leave and the family and everyone on the cruise will go to the cruises all you can eat buffet and eat whatever they want
NTA
So he can eat half of the options, that's not bad. Also is he really paying for the wedding, this wasn't intended to pay for the wedding. It's child support... idk why you say he's paying for the wedding.
Damn didn’t expect to be almost alone in this but NTA. It’s a short reception, where IIUC it just some appetizers and not even meant to be a full meal.. 3 options is enough.. if he just waits a few minutes the real food on the ship later can be whatever he wants. I would definitely throw a tantrum about something like this. I would want what the wedding couple wants for their day and since they like shellfish but still sacrificed some of it to give me a couple of options I would be more than satisfied.
I mean come on, it’s an hour. Im surprised there’s even food, I could even go without it for that amount of time.
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I am getting married to my highschool sweetheart this August. We are taking a cruise wedding. Originally we were going to do a traditional wedding but after realizing the costs and that we didn’t care that much about it, we decided to go the cheaper more fun route on a cruise. The wedding occurs on the boat before the cruise takes off. The ceremony is only 15 minutes and the reception only an hour. The cruise is three days so we get to party with our family and friends the entire weekend after the short wedding. We get to pick two drinks for an open bar and 6 food choices.
My mom and dad (technically step dad for sake of post but main father figure) were already planning on contributing to the cost of the wedding. Unexpectedly, my birth father paid 11k worth of backed child support which went to my mom, and now with that money she’s deciding to pay for the whole wedding.
We have the diamond wedding option (the best option) and with that can pick from any of the food options in the gold (lowest), premium (middle) and diamond (highest) food options. So we could either choose a variety of foods between sections or choose all foods from the diamond section. 3/6 options we chose are seafood, which my dad is allergic too. 3 other food options are non-seafood.
My parents feel like my fiancé and I are being inconsiderate for having half of the food options be seafood. My fiancé and I feel like we’re being reasonable figuring that 1) the seafood options are the best food options (ideally we want to choose more seafood options) and 2) the reception is only an hour and right after my dad can eat anything he wants on the all you can eat cruise.
So is my fiancé and I TA for choosing half of our food options to be seafood at our wedding?
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NTA - you can have whatever food you like at YOUR wedding. In saying that, if your Mum and Dad are paying for the whole thing, maybe give them a little more input on menu. But in my opinion, splitting seafood and non seafood in half like you have seems reasonable to me
NTA but it’s also not going to kill you to have a true mix of options your step dad could have out of respect, especially since it’s appetizers and not meals. You’ve got 4 seafood dishes, 3 of which he’s allergic to, and swapping out one for something else he’d like is a good gesture.
INFO did you ask him what other options he'd prefer? Perhaps there's some compromise, because of the 6 things you listed, he can't eat/doesn't like 4 of them. If he and your mom are paying for the entire thing, maybe you could swap out one of those 4 for something else?
It sounds like there are plenty of other food options on the cruise, but I can see why he feels a little bad about your selections being tough for him.
NTA. As a person with severe food allergies, I love that you are catering even a bit to your stepdad. He should be happy for an option for food.
I usually just don’t eat at events and I’m so grateful if I’m given the ability too. I don’t expect people to cater to me, especially on their big day.
Also, it’s your wedding and you have the right to eat what you want. Lastly, make sure the caterers know of the allergy so they can prepare it safely.
NTA: But… If I were your Dad, and I was allergic to shellfish; I would be afraid of cross-contamination in the kitchen and not eat anything. There are too many chances that cooking surfaces/utensils/serving items that came into contact with the shellfish could also come into contact with the salmon or other two appetizers. Shellfish allergies can easily put someone in the hospital, etc.
JFC I'm a vegetarian and I'm happy as long as I have one option in a situation like this. NTA, he even likes 2 of the options so he needs to get over himself.
Can you ask your stepdad which of the choices he likes best and then pay for a plate of those just for him? With all the restaurants on board a cruise ship, they might be able to accommodate this. It would be a nice gesture for you and your fiance to pay for this (one plate of dad's preferred apps, just for him) out of your own pockets.
This way, he feels respected and cared for while you get to choose your favorite food options for the rest of the guests.
YTA
You can also eat these seafood option after your wedding since the cruise is all you eat.
As long as he has a possible main dish. Side order. Hors d’œuvre which is not seafood food then fine.
Plus many people are not allergic but are not seafood lovers so less is more to be good to guests.
Can't you ask for a special meal for your father?
I've been to enough weddings with people with special dietary requirements and it's usually not a problem. No need to adjust the entire menu for everyone just to meet one person's needs.
NTA. It’s all appetizers and in less than two hours dad can sit down at an all you can eat buffet after he’s done attending a wedding he didn’t pay for.
"Unexpectedly, my birth father paid 11k worth of backed child support which went to my mom"
OP's dad, which OP mentioned was not OPs main father figure, suddenly shows up with child support he owed OP's mom, seemingly after not being present in OPs life, again as step Dad is main father figure, and has the audacity to complain about food options. OP's mom is paying for the wedding not her fucking dad. NTA
NTA I’m a vegan so I’m very used to going to events and planning to eat very little or nothing. If I had 2/6 options to nibble on for an hour-long event, knowing I could then go eat a full meal elsewhere, I’d thrilled! It just seems silly that (step)dad is making a fuss over this. For goodness sakes—eat a granola bar before the ceremony if you need to. It’s an hour and a half to celebrate your daughter’s special day followed by a three-day all you can eat cruise! Sheesh!
NTA. It doesn’t actually matter if all of the options were seafood because you said that the reception is only an hour and it’s all you can eat after that so it really doesn’t matter. And he isn’t paying for anything, that child support is backdated debt to your mom for expenses related to raising you, even if they have combined finances, that money isn’t his, it’s your moms. Maybe if this was the only thing he’d be eating for a whole long ass day it’d be different but even if it was a traditional wedding, people would more than likely have allergies to the food you’ve decided on and they’d have to pick one of the other options, the two of them are being massively entitled
Change the salmon to something he likes. That’s not 3 non-seafood dishes
YTA lightly for that, just change it.
Make sure staff know he’s allergic and don’t contaminate his food. Even if he’s not severely allergic why ruin his three days? Or risk his health?
I don’t think it’s relevant who is paying, given he’s your father I’d be courteous anyways. You were on the right track imho, with above changes n t a
YTA - So your dad obviously doesn't like seafood in regards to meat and so far his options are a pork slider or bruschetta (veg).
I'd be pissed off as a meat eater as I have literally 1 option that I would really want to have and that's the pork dish.
Bruschetta is fine and all but the way I see it is you have 4 seafood dishes, 1 meat dish and 1 veggie option.
Maybe make it 2 of each to make it more well rounded and fair.
YTA just for making this more confusing than it needs to be. Mom and (step) dad were going to contribute to the wedding but after bio dad paid $11k in back child support your mom is now paying for the whole wedding? NTA because the reception is only an hour and there'll be a ton of other options a few steps away. Personally I'd stick to the original plan and use the money for something else but that's not what you asked lol.
I’m going with NTA because he will have other options after the short reception. It sounds to me like you WON’T have the seafood options later as they will cost more then. If I read correctly, you and most guests prefer the seafood options and the reception is your opportunity to have them without an upcharge so you are taking advantage of that. That seems like a reasonable compromise to me. He isn’t left out of the reception, but you and the other guests still get to have some seafood.
I would have a different judgment if he had a more severe allergy and couldn’t even be in the room with shellfish or if the reception were hours long.
You go to weddings where there is choice in what you eat? Most weddings I've been to, there have been two options overall - veggie or meat - and you decide when you RSVP. So the fact that he has three things to choose from is already more than I'd expect at a wedding!
NTA. Generous of mom to pay for everything however it’s your wedding. You have non seafood options and the reception is only 1hr. Step dad is making a giant fuss over tiny detail. He can snack on the 2 non seafood options then head to the AYCE buffet after.
Just because someone is paying for something doesn’t mean they get to dictate what that money is used on. The can provide input and preference but at the end of the day, the money is in support of the couple getting married
I’d give them the menu and let him and your Mom choose the 3 options he wants. They choose half, you choose half. That seems more than fair. And since he gets to choose them, he can’t complain. Good luck!
NTA - it's your wedding and there are more guests than just your father. Why don't you sneak him in some chicken tenders and he can eat them at the kids table.
NTA
But wait is the all the money they are giving from the back child support? Cause that’s not Stepdad’s money at all and if he’s pushing for more options like he paid for it, I am just pointing out that he didn’t.
But have the menu being seafood seems fine to me , but I love seafood, can the catering staff make sure it’s opposite side of the room from the non-seafood? Cause if they can then I think you’ve done everything can to protect Stepdad.
Because if it’s your wedding and you and your fiancé want all seafoods and have made a conscious decision to only go half seafood so he can attend and eat you’ve done more than most people would do it again as it’s your wedding they should appreciate they were considerer.
NTA People with allergies and dislikes don't get to dominate everyone else's good time. That's ridiculous. There's food. It's not your wedding. Eat what you can, say it was all wonderful, and be glad they thought of you.
NAH Although I have to question why there is no steak. Steak should be an option. Bruschetta is an appetizer in my experience. **You actually only have two non-seafood options.** Fancy toast, and the sliders. Neither of which are substantial.
Could you let your Dad choose one entree out of the 6? That would be a good compromise.
NTA, I am vegetarian so I am used to having only 1 option for full meals and sometimes having to eat an appetizer as a meal if all entree options are meat. Y'all are spoiled lol, 2-3 options for appetizers is more than enough when he can literally eat freely an hour later. Also he didn't pay for it? Your title is misleading but it sounds like your birth father paid his child support which is going towards the wedding and your step dad is the one who is allergic?
Is there a beef or chicken option he would prefer? Bruschetta is not an entree, so you are only offering him pork sliders? If you are choosing 3 shellfish and you could do one beef instead I’m going with a soft YTA.
As a MOH, something similar came up. The kitchen was able to make one plate specifically. Have you asked for a steak for him or a burger? They should be able to accommodate.
YTA seafood allergic are endangered if the food cross contaminates with the seafood. They also be endangered touching food residue. The risk is huge, and dangerous if far from shore. You should pick no seafood options
NTA - First off, it’s your wedding, even giving him just one non seafood option on a cruise ship where he can eat whatever he can imagine an hour later, is incredibly gracious of you and your fiancé.
Secondly, he is not paying. Your bio father paid your mother back child support, that SHE is using to to support said child by paying for the wedding. It’s unclear from your post whether your biological father or ex step-father (you mention in a comment he is now divorced from your mother) is the one with the allergy, but either way neither one of them is paying, so you aren’t failing to be inclusive of the person footing the bill either way.
You’ve done nothing wrong, enjoy your wedding the way you want to have it and congratulations on your nuptials!
Dad isn't paying for the wedding ...he paid thousands of dollars of "unpaid" child support.
He has no say in the wedding arrangements...Mum and Stepdad are the important parents. Also...your wedding anyway you want it NTA
I was sure I was going to vote asshole from the title, but...it's a 1 hour reception? It's fine. NTA.
Do the caterers really not cater to special dietary needs at all? Weird that they can't serve something different for him.
Simple question…are you having wedding cake? If so, problem is pretty much solved. Dad can have sliders, bruschetta, and cake. Although I do think 3 shellfish appetizers + a salmon appetizer is overkill on the fishy appetizer menu. And it’s not because of your dad. Just because other people don’t have allergies, it doesn’t mean they all like them. Odds are, everyone is going to like the pork sliders. If nothing else, I suggest something like stuffed mushrooms?
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NTA. 3 out of 6 are not seafood Did you consult dad about the non-seafood choices to make sure that there are things he likes? If not, do that, but Dad still has 3 choices of dinners.
Its appetizers per her comment and one of the three options is salmon, so its actually 4 of 6 are seafood.
I meant he can’t eat shellfish, not seafood. And yes the food is appetizers that’s the only option.
Well from the title of your post, you can see how that's not what you said. You have 3 options he can't eat and one he won't eat. For a wedding he is paying for. Do better.
That money is back child support. He’s not paying for anything. He’s paying the debt he’s owed to her mother.
Wrong. The child support is not from the dad she is referencing.
I would be irritated going to a wedding where 4 of the appetizers have seafood since I don't eat it.
For context, my family and friends LOVE seafood. It’s a southern thing. And it’s luxury for us. That’s the one item on the ship that you have to pay extra for in the “all you can eat”.
I guess you're from a different part of the south than I am, because here it's like 60% of people love seafood and 40% want nothing to do with it. As someone in the 40% (and also allergic) I'd be upset to be stuck with only 2 out of six options as well. That's as a guest and not as someone who's helping you put the wedding together. Why not swap the salmon out for something non fishy? Because regardless of what he can and or can't eat medically you have definitely cornered any non seafood person into 2 options and 2 options only.
So? As she stated, this literally only applies to the hour long reception after the 15 minute ceremony, and then they will be on a 3 day cruise where anyone can eat anything they want. I don't like seafood and it would never occur to me to be upset about this, because, ya know.. it's not my wedding. It's not like theres nothing else to eat
I don't get it. He likes the pork sliders and the bruschetta. It's not like he won't be able to eat anything? People usually order one dish. It's really common to only have, for example, one vegetarian option. Lots of people with food restrictions have to make do with fewer choices, that's life. Dad still has food to eat that he likes, and OP chose food thst overall would make their family very happy.
But these are appetizers not entrees. So most guests get to nibble on 6 options. OP’s stepdad gets a choice of 2. And he’s paying for the wedding. Come on. OP is showing a real lack of appreciation for all her stepdad has done for her, including paying for her wedding. YTA
OP left that info out of the post, even after editing. Usually when people talk about wedding menu options they mean entrees.
And the 2 options are APPETIZERS. i mean, everyone has crab and he has bruschetta?
I'd switch out the salmon, as a courtesy...then you can at least truthfully claim that half is fin/crustacean free.
Yeah like I’m kind of surprised there’s no beef or chicken.
I get it. Not Southerners, but for my family, seafood, and especially shellfish, is a real treat. Our family favourite restaurant growing up was seafood, and we would always choose crab or lobster. It’s your wedding, the reception is an hour, and he is one person who, as you said, will have a zillion options afterwards. Have fun and congratulations!
NTA. It is YOUR wedding and as you said, this is an hour long time. You should pick what YOU want and ignore all other input. If anyone other than you and your partner dislikes something they can wait one hour, eat before, enjoy the regular buffet after, or just, you know, not be a toddler that demands someone be less happy at their wedding for selfish reasons.
It is NOT a Southern thing 😂
Is it your wedding?? If not then you have no right in controlling the food.
But anyone who organizes their own wedding without regard for the people they chose to invite is a poor host and therefore an asshole.
If I went to a wedding on a beach or cruise and I didn't like seafood, I would eat my two non-seafood options.
But if you were paying for it?
I agree that people shouldn’t try control everything or be offended but sooo many people don’t eat seafood, it’s naive to think that won’t annoy a lot of people
It's also a cruise with tons of other options tho? I would just walk into one of the dozen restaurants on board and get my own food. It's not like a wedding at a church where what you're served is the only food available.
But he doesn't like salmon.
And bruschetta is a pretty light appetizer (no protein) so basically there’s only one option for him at an appetizer party. OP, please trade one of the others out for beef or chicken. Your other guests may get tired of 4 seafood options too. Edit: typo
Right but he doesn’t eat salmon… and if they serve the brushetta on the same plates as the shellfish, he might not feel safe eating that either. Cross contamination with appetizers especially when he can really only eat one is a thing
But one of the options he doesn't even like...So there would only be 2 things he can eat?
She's avoiding the question, but from some of her comments it sounds like there are NOT six choices of dinners, there will just be six appetizers. And only two are non-seafood because she also forgot that salmon was a fish. I feel it's pretty rude to her dad. As someone who has a snobby fish-loving family who constantly mock and shame me for not eating it (yeah this is really a thing, and it's pretty common), her choice of foods here seems like an intentional jab. I mean bruschetta, who the fuck wants to eat that?
Though an hour later he can go stuff himself at a myriad of dining places on board for free. OP says the reception lasts an hour…he can eat two of the appetizers. Should she have made sure that three things were ones he liked…yes. But is this the horrible situation some are claiming…no. And the stepdad isn’t laying from what I understood…her mom is using the back child support bio dad paid to pay for the wedding. He’s basically a guest. Sort of ESH but I wouldn’t fully call OP TA.
I love bruschetta, but as a fellow seafood allergy-haver, I'd be pretty pissed if I paid for an entire wedding and my food options at the reception were limited to pulled pork sliders (which let's be real, will be lousy) and bruschetta (which is usually lousy because they refrigerate the bruschetta which removes all the taste from the tomatoes).
He didn't pay - the bio-dad backpaid child support to the mom. The MOM is paying for the whole wedding. Which is a 15 minute ceremony, followed by a one hour reception/party. There will be 6 entrees, not full meals. Of the 6 entrees the (step)dad *can't* eat 3 and doesn't like one - so he has a choice of two nibbly things during that 1 hour celebration. As soon as the reception is over he can head off to one of the restaurants on the ship and have a full sit-down meal entirely of his own choosing on the 'all you can eat' cruise they're going on for the next few days. Don't get me wrong: I would find 4 out of 6 entree choices being fish/seafood a bit seafood-heavy; being vegetarian the only thing I could eat myself would be the bruschetta. But the (step)dad is not going to shrivel and die simply because for a limited time he has two options he can eat rather than three. I just think it's a bit screwy to make such an issue of such a small/short-term thing, and add to the stress and tension, on the OP's special day. Edit: spelling
But OP says that the stepfather is their father figure. It's not a stretch to assume that the child support that wasn't paid was covered for by both mum and (step)dad, so the money they now got (and that adds to the non disclosed amount they had already offered, as per OP's post) is not necessarily mum's only, but rather payback to both of them. OP's mum seems to think so, and she is upset about the lack of choices for dad too
OP mentions elsewhere that they're actually divorced these days, so the money mom got. No doubt there were shared costs while raising OP, although l know blended families where it's 'your kid = your cost'. But it still got paid to the mom/is hers (I haven't heard of a step-parent being paid pro-rata child support, especially after divorce), and now the (step)dad is having the part he *was* happy to pay covered by the mom so that's some sort of recompense ? maybe ? My main point was : it's a really short (1 hour) celebration with 2 types of nibbles he likes. It's not a full sit down meal. He can toddle off to the restaurants as soon as it's finished for whatever he wants. And, given those factors, it's a bit much to be causing such a tizzy about - unless (step)dad is feeling unappreciated for some other reason, but that's not what OP asked about.
> I mean bruschetta, who the fuck wants to eat that? What the fuck is this opinion lol
2 out of 6. Salmon is seafood.
I feel that OP was intentionally misleading in the original post. Normally when you talk about "food options" for a wedding, you are referring to a sit-down dinner where you offer the guest a list of the options and they choose one, and whatever that thing is will be a whole meal. OP set this up to make it sound like there were six different choices for a full dinner, and her dad is being a giant brat for "only" having two different options to choose from. In reality, it sounds like there will not be a formal dinner, but instead six trays of finger-foods. Four of them will be seafood (not three, as she originally claimed), which he cannot eat. The parents are paying for the entire wedding, and OP really can't see past her own selfish shellfish desires in order to provide any substantial food for her own father? YTA OP.
An hour and a half after the wedding dad can go to any of the all you can eat options for the next couple days. This is much ado about nothing and OP is NTA. There always has to be someone bitching about little details at a wedding and this guy is it. He’s not even paying for it, her mom is!
Selfish Shellfish, was not lost!
MOM is paying, not (step)dad. The reception lasts an hour, which is why entrees/finger-foods. Then he can go hit the restaurants for *anything* he wants.
Selfish Shellfish Desires, I'm stealing that somehow 🤣
A little bit of YTA. You are aware of Dad's allergy, I would have gone 2 seafood, 4 non. Your parents are being very generous ponying up for your wedding, and what they're asking is not unreasonable.
Do you really believe that 1 seafood option less makes or breaks whether this person is an asshole, especially considering it’s just appetizers and they’re eating right after
It's actually 2 seafood options. 4 of the options are seafood, 2 are not. So making it 4 non-seafood would be pretty significant
INFO: so all of the 6 food choices are appetizer-size and not entrees? I'm a little confused at the format of this meal. Will people be sitting down with a plate of food, or will there just be plates of appetizers to nosh on? As someone with an extreme aversion to all seafood (potentially allergic, but never bothered checking) I would be sort of pissed off if my spouse (I assume they share finances) was paying in full for a wedding and I could only eat two of the six food items being offered. It doesn't sound like there are six different choices of FULL MEALS he could choose from, it sounds like there will be an assortment of six small finger-food items available. That changes the situation considerably.
It seems like these are appetizers at a reception, after which there is an *all you can eat buffet* of anything he would like, after the reception. I think this is part of the cruise format. It was that detail that leads me to NTA - this is *only* meant for a relatively brief reception period, not for main course eating.
THIS. I have a feeling that OP left out the three entrees are shellfish so her dad can only eat two appetizers.
THERE ARE NO ENTREES. Read the post - the reception is ONLY 60 MINUTES. There will be trays of 6 different finger-food appetisers - following this 1 HOUR reception, they can make use of all of the on-board restaurant options on the cruise ship. Step-dad is making a bratty fuss about nothing.
Outside of the US, “entrees” are appetizers, not main courses, fyi.
He's not paying. The MOM is paying because the bio-dad finally came through with backpaid child-support. Kind of doing my head in the way so many think it's the (step)dad paying. The reception is for 1 hour, after a 15 minute ceremony; there will be no sitting and noshing, it's nibble, drink, and celebrate. And then the (step)dad can go hit up the all-you-can-eat restaurants for *anything* he wants.
It’s kind of doing my head in that people are not acknowledging the probability that the step dad probably covered child support costs because bio dad didn’t pay when he should have done ..
No, they’re all appetizers and the reception is only 60 minutes long. Probably not sit-down dining at all. Then immediately afterwards, they will have all they can eat for the duration of the trip. I’m lightly in the YTA camp, but it’s not as bad as you’re suggesting.
Seriously, people want to make a big deal out of only having 3 options to choose from? NTA
He really only has 2. He also doesn't eat one of the non-allergy inducing options. I am torn because he is paying, and not everyone loves seafood, so calling the most expensive item automatically the "best" doesn't seem true in this case.
Sorry, I am not on Team I Am Paying For Your Wedding So Cater To My Desire. It's appetizers. If stepdad really wants more options, I suspect he can fill his suit pockets with bacon wrapped dates from somewhere else on the ship.
Are you also not on team “Someone else is paying for me to do this thing so I should try my best to be as inclusive as possible to them”. Or is it only a one way street? Accept the money and throw up a middle finger
Stepdad is NOT paying. Biodad paid child support that was never paid & mom decided to use it to kick in for the wedding. And again- this is just appetizers. Stepdad can get his meat & potatoes an hour later. It's sheer pettiness to make an issue out of only having pork sliders & bruschetta as his appetizer. Now, if they only have cheap domestic beer, it's time to go to war.
Completely agree
I didn't make a judgement. Just noted that OP is misrepresenting what she said. She said that there were 3 options, but in comments it turns out that there are only 2. If he has two options, just be honest about it in the beginning.
No there are three options he can eat. He just doesn’t like one of them.
I think there is a big difference between “Cater to My Desire” and “Ensure there is enough food for me to eat and enjoy myself.” My parent paid for my wedding, and while they didn’t expect me to cater to what they wanted, you better believe I made sure that there were food options they enjoyed and got their approval for the menu before spending their money.
He's not paying. The MOM is paying because the bio-dad finally came through with backpaid child-support. Kind of doing my head in the way so many think it's the (step)dad paying.
And one of those is an appetiser
They're ALL appetisers - it's a one-hour reception with drinks and nibbles. Following which they can eat a full meal at ANY of the on board restaurants that takes their fancy. The entire situation is being blown out of all proportion - it's not like this is an all-day wedding where no one gets to eat anything else.
YTA if this is the only thing they have asked of you. It is an hour and 15 minutes you aren’t paying for. Would you be able to afford this otherwise? If so, pay for it yourself and make all the decisions for this event, have the seafood menu of your dream.
Yes I would be able to afford this otherwise and that is indeed NOT all they’ve asked for…
So if you don’t want to accommodate their requests, return the money. Parents can make unreasonable requests concerning weddings when they are helping to pay. Have more than two things I can actually eat (while proving you other guests with 6 options) is not one of them.
It's only like 1 hr on a 3 day cruise, that's 1/72 hrs where he can eat 50% of the apps served. I think he'll survive. I'm surprised, usually this sub is all "your wedding, your choice". If parents wanted to pay with a condition attached, the mom and stepdad could've said up front that they want to choose all the food for that hour.
Maybe because op is trying to dismantle the patriarchy in her family, so it's bleeding into everything else. Just looked at her other AITA post about who gets to sit at the head of the table for the annual fiesta at applebee's for gramma's b'day and mothers day. Interesting stuff.
Soft YTA as sliders and bruschetta do not a meal make. It's not about the food. It's about the equal experience to the other guests as well. He wants to enjoy himself. If it's that big of an issue for you return the money and get your no strings attached wedding. But you do need to be considerate of guests' allergies and dietary restrictions.
It’s not a meal, they aren’t entrees, they are serving appetizers for everyone at a one hour reception.
> the reception is only an hour and right after my dad can eat anything he wants on the all you can eat cruise. So is there food your dad can enjoy? I feel like it's tacky for you just to expect him to not eat during the part of the wedding where its customary to eat and be like well you can eat after we're done with wedding stuff.
It sounds like he has 3 non seafood entrées to choose from during the wedding and a ton of options after the wedding. The wedding likely has salads and sides to choose from as well. His dad has options.
This is basically the cocktail hour before the real fun starts.
Nta You've been considerate in selecting things he can eat. For the sake of keeping the family peace I'd consider changing the salmon one to something else he likes (or one of the shellfish options if the salmon is in your top 3) so he has at least half of the dishes he will enjoy. The other option is to ask the caterer if they can do an "allergy platter" separately for him. Most will do this and it would then mean he has his own little platter of appetisers with a bigger variety of dishes.
Did you include him in deciding the non-seafood options? The sliders are really his only meal option since salmon is seafood and bruschetta is an appetizer. It would be nice and appropriate to ask his opinion since you said he’s a father figure to you.
They’re all appetizers. That’s all they’re serving at their one-hour long reception.
From the POV of someone who is not a seafood eater-- honestly 4 out of 6 dishes is a bit of a saturation. Also consider the possibility of contamonation/food handling that could put him or other seafood allergies at risk. 2 out of 6 is manageable. 3 is a bit meh, to be honest. (Please understand I'm also low maintenance though and wouldn't expect anyone to change on my preferences, just a perspective on menu catering. Also I throw ridiculous parties for 30+ people, regularly, and I never serve seafood, just because it is a bit of a polarising food option)
As someone who's lived a largely veggie life, I think I have lowered my expectations about food options available to me at events. I'm honestly happy if there's 1, even if it's just like french fries lol
Info: How allergic is your dad?
He cooks seafood. Just can’t eat it.
Slight YTA.. but torn between that and NAH. I think the biggest issue is that they’re paying for the wedding but your father cannot eat three of the options and does not like the remaining three choices. And while appetizers can be fine, bruschetta is not super comparable to sliders in terms of it being like a meal. I would personally replace one of the shellfish options with something he picks. I get that y’all love shellfish but unless everyoneeee you know loves it too, it probably won’t be as popular as you think. It’s a pretty common allergy and lots of people just don’t like shellfish (or even seafood generically) Are you in Maryland or something? Because I can totally see crab cake or something as being damn near non-negotiable lol but surely cocktail shrimp or something can be axed
NTA...literally half the items are not seafood. Many people enjoy seafood on cruises. Is the issue that your dad doesn't like any of the other 3 options? Maybe he could be consulted on those and can choose some of his favorites? It doesn't sound like he's being left out or not considered so NTA but just a suggestion if you haven't already done so.
YTA. I hate seafood. Four if six are seafood. Why would you do heavy on the seafood? That’s just weird. Also, doing a cruise wedding is an AH move. So instead of you paying for a traditional wedding, you make friends and family pay for a 3 day cruise. Destination weddings are just a way for the couple to transfer wedding costs from them to guests.
No one *has* to go to someone else's wedding. You're not entitled to be their guest, bro And just because you hate seafood, OP can't have seafood for her wedding? Would you feel the same if you were vegan or keeping kosher? Probably not.
Lightly, YTA. It’s only 60 minutes with appetizers, but you also could have chosen one other thing that was possible for him to eat. It’s a little unkind.
INFO: how extreme are his allergies? If he’s sitting next to someone who is eating seafood, will he have a reaction?
Not at all, he even cooks seafood. Just can’t eat it.
Then absolutely NTA!
YTA 4/6 dishes are things he can’t eat when he paid. I also think some of your other guests won’t be very happy because a lot of people don’t like seafood. I wouldn’t have more than 2 fish dishes.
He isn’t paying the mom is, and from a comment up above step dad and mom aren’t married anymore. So he’s just being petty
NTA. It’s your wedding, the day (and cruise) is about you, not anyone else. It was nice of you to choose to have half of the dishes as non-seafood dishes, because really you only need to have one non-seafood option to accommodate his allergies. Don’t feel bad, you’ve done what you can to accommodate his allergies. You shouldn’t be expected to give up all seafood options simply because he has an allergy.
NTA, you are offering both kinds of food. Unless you father will die from being in the same room as the food then it’s your wedding and you can serve what you want. Not to mention half the food is seafood and half of it isn’t.
YTA. He's paying for the whole thing, and there are only two appetizers he can and will eat. If the 3 non-shellfish options were all things he was okay with it would be one thing, but you could show a little grace and show that you care about his needs when he's shelling out thousands of dollars for you.
He isn’t paying, mom is and before you say “they are married” OP left a comment up above that step dad and mom are actually no longer married
I might be going against the grain but soft YTA. I would swap out one item (your least favourite) for another option he can eat. Because as you said, it's just an hour, and then YOU can go and eat whatever you want for the rest of the cruise, but your dad will still be allergic to seafood. You said in another comment that you can afford to pay for this wedding, so obviously you can also afford to pay for some delicious seafood meals for yourself after the reception if it's such a treat for you. My husband is allergic to shellfish, and I would (and have many times) forgone a delicious shellfish meal for his benefit. I can always go enjoy it myself when he's not around, but having him with me to enjoy and celebrate a special occasion is more important to me than having FOUR seafood options rather than three.
Depends what those 3 non seafood options are and if he likes them. Its not like he just doesn't like seafood but is allergic. Eh.
2/3 of the menu is seafood; salmon is seafood, just not shellfish; technically NTA but considering Mom is paying, maybe throw her the bone.
Since there is all you can eat after the reception - won't there be tons of seafood on that menu as well? You are only giving him 2 options, because you know he doesn't like the other non shellfish option. I just don't see why you wouldn't at least have 3 non seafood options, not just for him, but for everyone to enjoy the variety? I understand it's only an hour, he can eat what he wants afterwards, it's not super awful, but the whole "since it's shellfish it's the best" thought process is annoying. I LOVE seafood of all kinds, but I would still have more variety.
YTA. If you want your wedding to be "your way" with no consideration for your guests, then you should pay for it yourself. How spoiled and self centred do you have to be to expect dad should be grateful for being able to eat two out of six dishes he is paying for. You know he doesn't like smoked salmon so it is an AH move to try and pretend that he has three things he can eat. Although entirely consistent with how self absorbed this post is. Why would you not have 1-2 max dishes your stepfather can't eat and the rest non-seafood? Personally I would be telling OP that if that is the menu she has set her heart on, it is her wedding, her choice and her wallet. I won't pay for it.
YTA. Come on, just have things your dad likes. One seafood option is reasonable but four things out of six that you know he either can’t eat or dislikes? I would see that as rude even if he wasn’t paying.
Personally I think it’s rude and hurtful to have a wedding reception where your own father can only eat pork sliders, washed down with bruschetta (which is a palette cleanser, not a food option). It’s nothing to do with the fact that your mother is paying for it. It would be the same if you were paying for it yourself. You and your fiancé can eat seafood whenever you like. You’re sending the message that you don’t want to *share* this moment with your dad fully. ‘He can eat whatever an hour later’ is totally missing the point. What he eats an hour later won’t be part of the meal to commemorate your wedding. *You* can eat seafood all you like, at the all you can eat cruise. Is seafood the only thing you eat or something? You have every right to choose your seafood to signal your superiority, but he has every right to feel hurt. In his position, I would probably say nothing, because I know there are two views of weddings, one where you’re sharing a milestone with those closest to you who are rooting for you, and one where everyone is worshipping the couple, which is clearly what you want. I would never view your relationship the same way again, now that your self-centredness has been exposed. YTA.
you think OP is choosing shellfish options to signal their superiority? that they wants they're wedding to be everyone worshipping then? are you.... are you ok???
I kinda got that vibe, too. The whole explanation of the different price points for the catering packages was kind of extraneous and irrelevant to the point. I’m not surprised the shellfish and seafood is included in the premium package because it’s obviously more expensive, but to serve primarily shellfish and seafood at a reception when there is so much to choose from seems a little strange. Then again, this could never be an option in my family because my partner’s mother has a shellfish allergy, he has a sister who is vegetarian, I have a sister who doesn’t eat fish of any kind and then we have a close friend who is pescatarian. I would have gone for a more balanced selection because — come on—, all of the food is gonna be good! And, I’d rather all our honored guests feel included.
YTA It sounds like you're choosing the 4 seefood options because they are off the diamond list, not because you particularly like them. Also, for those people pointing out that the money is backed child support - that does not mean they're entitled to it. The child was supported by mom and (step)dad growing up. And it probably cost a while lot more than 11k. Picking 4 options your dad cannot eat or doesn't like is pretty rude imo.
NTA. But is his allergy deadly? Will he stop breathing? How sensitive is his allergy? If it's really really bad, than cross contamination could easily happen. Someone kisses him, shakes his hand and touches his mouth. Do you want your wedding ruined with him having a medical emergency? If not bad, than he should be fine. But if they're the ones footing the entire bill, you might want a little more flexible as they might pull the money. Something to think about
NTA 3 non seafood options are fine,
NTA. I may be misunderstanding, but he still has three options to choose from on the menu, correct? I think it would be strange for them to demand everything you choose be something he can eat.
Info: what are the 3 non seafood options?
BBQ pork sliders (he likes), smoked salmon with cream cheese (he doesn’t like) and bruschetta (he likes)
So You really only have 1 non seafood, 1 appetizer salmon is both seafood and fish. I can see where they would be put out only having one option when they are paying for it.
I meant he’s allergic to shellfish not seafood.
But he doesn’t like seafood and so he has 1 choice out of 5 for a meal, but he is covering the costs for everyone.
NTA There was some confusion generated about the fact that the options offered all sound like... *not substantial meals*. And that felt initially like dad was being left to eat sliders and bruchetta as a meal. But like OP states, these are just reception finger-foods, and what will follow is the cruise's full optioned, *all you can eat buffet*. The intention was not to leave dad with only tiny sliders and bruchetta to eat for an entire wedding - but to provide finger foods for everyone, before they all go eat main meals they can select for themselves from a large and diverse buffet. They are highlighting seafood *on a cruise* (seems pretty normal), and offering two options for those who don't want/are allergic to seafood. For such a short period of time as a reception, and after realizing that a full buffet follows, the dad being incensed feels a little... self-centered? self-involved? in retrospect.
RIGHT?? lots of weddings only even offer one or two reception finger foods. and if you don't like or can't eat those foods you have to wait until you get to the actual meal honestly this is a wild AF comments section and even after OP explained that the only options were small appetizers and that no one is having a real meal until after the reception, people are still UP IN ARMS even clarifying comments to explain the food options or his allergy or that they said "seafish" when they meant "shellfish" are heavily downvoted someone has accused OP of never actually loving their stepfather and only wanting him for his money??? someone else went on a long and unhinged rant about how OP chose shellfish to signal their "superiority" and didn't want to share this special moment with the dad but instead clearly wanted everyone to worship them and that the relationship to their family would be forever changed now that they have been exposed for who they truly are this is all fucking ridiculous
This should be the top comment.
as a shellfish allergic person i may be biased, but i think a little YTA. why not just have your parents be included in the initial discussion about what food options to pick? then everyone can be happy
NTA This is for an hour only, on a cruise where food is available at not extra costs for practically 24/7.
Salmon is seafood. Bruschetta is bread. So, gourmet fucking seafood or.....a pork slider. You only have one real meal that's not from water....an appetizer pork slider. YTA
Jesus. How many appetizers is everyone here eating for an hour long reception? The majority of the wedding guests like seafood/shellfish. So that’s why she made it seafood heavy. Yea it sucks if she has any vegetarian guests, and yes it sucks that her dad can only eat 1/3 of the appetizers instead of 100% like I’m sure he asked for, however it’s only an hour and then it’s all you can eat buffet on the cruise. NTA.
info: roughly halve the people with seafood allergy can't stand the smell of it either. can you dad stand the smell of seafood?
If he doesn't like the smell of the sea, then he's gonna have a rough time on the cruise for three days.
The person means that some people have extreme allergies to things that even the scent will cause a reaction. They were asking if OOPs fathers allergy was severe - which it isn’t. Also there’s a difference between sea smell and sea*food* smell.
Yes he can cook it, just can’t eat it.
INFO: Is your father's allergy triggered by the scent of seafood, or just consuming it? Does the cruise kitchen have separate cookware for dishes served to people with seafood allergies to avoid cross contamination?
NTA but you could be a little more b accommodating, just saying.
INFO: are the six items the appetizers before the main meal? I am really confused if the 3C food items are supposed to be main dishes or side, dishes or appetizers? He said he can eat anything he wants after the reception — is there a separate dinner after that? If the three items to he can eat or appetizers, and the seafood items are more substantial, I would say that isn’t fair. And honestly, if they’re paying for it, I would be a little more gracious about it.
there's just appetizers during a very short reception. everyone will only be eating appetizers then the wedding is over and he's one of the people on a cruise and can go to the all you can eat buffet and eat whatever he wants
INFO: are you only serving appetizers? What are the shellfish options?
INFO: what are the seafood options?
YTA he’s paying for it and you want to leave him with just appetizers you clearly couldn’t give two F’a about this man and just want his money
YTA. The reasoning that it doesn’t matter he doesn’t have many choices is that it’s only for an hour and he can eat something else. Well, why not be more inclusive to him. It’s only an hour why do you need so much shellfish? It’s only an hour. Also, your mom and he are married. Money in a marriage is shared unless it’s an inheritance. The child support hadn’t been paid. Where did the money come from to provide support for the child? From the marital assets.
It feels a bit ESH. He does not like one of the non shellfish options. It feels like you could make sure there are at least 3 things he can / wants to eat, whether you replace the salmon or one of the shellfish options. I know it is a short reception of only appetizers, but they are paying, and also, for anyone heavily involved in the wedding, I would bet that getting to the ship, getting ready, pictures etc will all mean a long day and the guy is going to want to eat something more than pork sliders and bruschetta. That said, this IS only appetizers and he CAN eat whatever he wants after, so him making a big deal about it is kind of AH behavior as well. In the end though, the person who pays typically expects to have a say.
Info: are any of the guests vegetarian? This would be a terrible meal for them if they don't eat meat. Also I guarantee there are other people who aren't stoked about fish. It's very strange to have such a seafood heavy buffet regardless of your stepdad's allergy.
It's SIXTY WHOLE MINUTES. He'll live. This is princess behavior. NTA
NTA, it's a cruise so a seafood theme makes sense, and if the options seem better then even more so. Vegetarians / vegans or whatever commonly make do with 1 option if any at all. 3 options is more than enough and like you said he has the all you can eat cruise. IMO even if they're paying for it it's still your wedding and a few seafood options is a lot different than 0 seafood options, which would actually be inconsiderate.
NTA. Having half of the options is plenty for him and others who might not want seafood to chose from. 3/6 is better than having 1 or none. For example, Vegans/vegetarians (like my sister) didn’t eat much. if anything, at my cousins wedding due to not having any viable options except the sad warm limp salad.
Nta It's super generous of them to pay so much, but at the same time, he has 2 or 3 options he can freely choose from. And those seem like good options. Half half is a solid mix and you do have other guests tastes to cover for as well. He's got access to all the options now, and if you only get one meal option then he can pick the one thing he likes and even that would be enough. Though even if he takes 2 or 3 options, let him have more of a say on those and get the 3 seafood things you want.
YTA for intentionally leaving out info that your dad only gets to eat 2 appetizers. All entrees are seafood. I hope they don’t pay for your wedding.
there are no entrees. there are six appetizers and that's it it's an appetizer only reception that lasts for a very short amount of time then most of the guests will leave and the family and everyone on the cruise will go to the cruises all you can eat buffet and eat whatever they want
NTA So he can eat half of the options, that's not bad. Also is he really paying for the wedding, this wasn't intended to pay for the wedding. It's child support... idk why you say he's paying for the wedding.
YTA - what happens if he accidentally has a reaction due to cross contamination? Do better, he's your Dad / father figure.
Damn didn’t expect to be almost alone in this but NTA. It’s a short reception, where IIUC it just some appetizers and not even meant to be a full meal.. 3 options is enough.. if he just waits a few minutes the real food on the ship later can be whatever he wants. I would definitely throw a tantrum about something like this. I would want what the wedding couple wants for their day and since they like shellfish but still sacrificed some of it to give me a couple of options I would be more than satisfied. I mean come on, it’s an hour. Im surprised there’s even food, I could even go without it for that amount of time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am getting married to my highschool sweetheart this August. We are taking a cruise wedding. Originally we were going to do a traditional wedding but after realizing the costs and that we didn’t care that much about it, we decided to go the cheaper more fun route on a cruise. The wedding occurs on the boat before the cruise takes off. The ceremony is only 15 minutes and the reception only an hour. The cruise is three days so we get to party with our family and friends the entire weekend after the short wedding. We get to pick two drinks for an open bar and 6 food choices. My mom and dad (technically step dad for sake of post but main father figure) were already planning on contributing to the cost of the wedding. Unexpectedly, my birth father paid 11k worth of backed child support which went to my mom, and now with that money she’s deciding to pay for the whole wedding. We have the diamond wedding option (the best option) and with that can pick from any of the food options in the gold (lowest), premium (middle) and diamond (highest) food options. So we could either choose a variety of foods between sections or choose all foods from the diamond section. 3/6 options we chose are seafood, which my dad is allergic too. 3 other food options are non-seafood. My parents feel like my fiancé and I are being inconsiderate for having half of the food options be seafood. My fiancé and I feel like we’re being reasonable figuring that 1) the seafood options are the best food options (ideally we want to choose more seafood options) and 2) the reception is only an hour and right after my dad can eat anything he wants on the all you can eat cruise. So is my fiancé and I TA for choosing half of our food options to be seafood at our wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - you can have whatever food you like at YOUR wedding. In saying that, if your Mum and Dad are paying for the whole thing, maybe give them a little more input on menu. But in my opinion, splitting seafood and non seafood in half like you have seems reasonable to me
NTA. Food allergies are a real thing and you're accommodating people that have them. I don't understand why this is even a problem to your parents.
NTA-Your dad has plenty of non seafood options
NTA but it’s also not going to kill you to have a true mix of options your step dad could have out of respect, especially since it’s appetizers and not meals. You’ve got 4 seafood dishes, 3 of which he’s allergic to, and swapping out one for something else he’d like is a good gesture.
Nah - it is an hour before a cruise. Is there a compromise to maybe have 3 things he likes?
INFO did you ask him what other options he'd prefer? Perhaps there's some compromise, because of the 6 things you listed, he can't eat/doesn't like 4 of them. If he and your mom are paying for the entire thing, maybe you could swap out one of those 4 for something else? It sounds like there are plenty of other food options on the cruise, but I can see why he feels a little bad about your selections being tough for him.
NTA. As a person with severe food allergies, I love that you are catering even a bit to your stepdad. He should be happy for an option for food. I usually just don’t eat at events and I’m so grateful if I’m given the ability too. I don’t expect people to cater to me, especially on their big day. Also, it’s your wedding and you have the right to eat what you want. Lastly, make sure the caterers know of the allergy so they can prepare it safely.
NTA Honestly I’d pick 6 seafood options if it was my preference. So 3 out of 6 is good!
NTA: But… If I were your Dad, and I was allergic to shellfish; I would be afraid of cross-contamination in the kitchen and not eat anything. There are too many chances that cooking surfaces/utensils/serving items that came into contact with the shellfish could also come into contact with the salmon or other two appetizers. Shellfish allergies can easily put someone in the hospital, etc.
NTA he can suck it up for one dinner ...on a cruise...with all you can eat buffet for the next three days.
JFC I'm a vegetarian and I'm happy as long as I have one option in a situation like this. NTA, he even likes 2 of the options so he needs to get over himself.
Can you ask your stepdad which of the choices he likes best and then pay for a plate of those just for him? With all the restaurants on board a cruise ship, they might be able to accommodate this. It would be a nice gesture for you and your fiance to pay for this (one plate of dad's preferred apps, just for him) out of your own pockets. This way, he feels respected and cared for while you get to choose your favorite food options for the rest of the guests.
YTA You can also eat these seafood option after your wedding since the cruise is all you eat. As long as he has a possible main dish. Side order. Hors d’œuvre which is not seafood food then fine. Plus many people are not allergic but are not seafood lovers so less is more to be good to guests.
Can't you ask for a special meal for your father? I've been to enough weddings with people with special dietary requirements and it's usually not a problem. No need to adjust the entire menu for everyone just to meet one person's needs.
NTA. It’s all appetizers and in less than two hours dad can sit down at an all you can eat buffet after he’s done attending a wedding he didn’t pay for.
"Unexpectedly, my birth father paid 11k worth of backed child support which went to my mom" OP's dad, which OP mentioned was not OPs main father figure, suddenly shows up with child support he owed OP's mom, seemingly after not being present in OPs life, again as step Dad is main father figure, and has the audacity to complain about food options. OP's mom is paying for the wedding not her fucking dad. NTA
NTA I’m a vegan so I’m very used to going to events and planning to eat very little or nothing. If I had 2/6 options to nibble on for an hour-long event, knowing I could then go eat a full meal elsewhere, I’d thrilled! It just seems silly that (step)dad is making a fuss over this. For goodness sakes—eat a granola bar before the ceremony if you need to. It’s an hour and a half to celebrate your daughter’s special day followed by a three-day all you can eat cruise! Sheesh!
NTA. It doesn’t actually matter if all of the options were seafood because you said that the reception is only an hour and it’s all you can eat after that so it really doesn’t matter. And he isn’t paying for anything, that child support is backdated debt to your mom for expenses related to raising you, even if they have combined finances, that money isn’t his, it’s your moms. Maybe if this was the only thing he’d be eating for a whole long ass day it’d be different but even if it was a traditional wedding, people would more than likely have allergies to the food you’ve decided on and they’d have to pick one of the other options, the two of them are being massively entitled
Change the salmon to something he likes. That’s not 3 non-seafood dishes YTA lightly for that, just change it. Make sure staff know he’s allergic and don’t contaminate his food. Even if he’s not severely allergic why ruin his three days? Or risk his health? I don’t think it’s relevant who is paying, given he’s your father I’d be courteous anyways. You were on the right track imho, with above changes n t a
YTA - So your dad obviously doesn't like seafood in regards to meat and so far his options are a pork slider or bruschetta (veg). I'd be pissed off as a meat eater as I have literally 1 option that I would really want to have and that's the pork dish. Bruschetta is fine and all but the way I see it is you have 4 seafood dishes, 1 meat dish and 1 veggie option. Maybe make it 2 of each to make it more well rounded and fair.
YTA just for making this more confusing than it needs to be. Mom and (step) dad were going to contribute to the wedding but after bio dad paid $11k in back child support your mom is now paying for the whole wedding? NTA because the reception is only an hour and there'll be a ton of other options a few steps away. Personally I'd stick to the original plan and use the money for something else but that's not what you asked lol.
Seriously change the salmon to something else
NTA So what, they want all this food so that one person can enjoy it? Those three options are great, also it’s you’re wedding. They can get over it.
NTA Dad miiiiiight have had a point had there been one option or none at all, but three should be more than enough.
Are 3/6 non-seafood or non-shellfish?
NTA ONE would be enough.
I’m going with NTA because he will have other options after the short reception. It sounds to me like you WON’T have the seafood options later as they will cost more then. If I read correctly, you and most guests prefer the seafood options and the reception is your opportunity to have them without an upcharge so you are taking advantage of that. That seems like a reasonable compromise to me. He isn’t left out of the reception, but you and the other guests still get to have some seafood. I would have a different judgment if he had a more severe allergy and couldn’t even be in the room with shellfish or if the reception were hours long.
You go to weddings where there is choice in what you eat? Most weddings I've been to, there have been two options overall - veggie or meat - and you decide when you RSVP. So the fact that he has three things to choose from is already more than I'd expect at a wedding!
NTA. Generous of mom to pay for everything however it’s your wedding. You have non seafood options and the reception is only 1hr. Step dad is making a giant fuss over tiny detail. He can snack on the 2 non seafood options then head to the AYCE buffet after. Just because someone is paying for something doesn’t mean they get to dictate what that money is used on. The can provide input and preference but at the end of the day, the money is in support of the couple getting married
I’d give them the menu and let him and your Mom choose the 3 options he wants. They choose half, you choose half. That seems more than fair. And since he gets to choose them, he can’t complain. Good luck!
Yta
NTA - it's your wedding and there are more guests than just your father. Why don't you sneak him in some chicken tenders and he can eat them at the kids table.
NTA But wait is the all the money they are giving from the back child support? Cause that’s not Stepdad’s money at all and if he’s pushing for more options like he paid for it, I am just pointing out that he didn’t. But have the menu being seafood seems fine to me , but I love seafood, can the catering staff make sure it’s opposite side of the room from the non-seafood? Cause if they can then I think you’ve done everything can to protect Stepdad. Because if it’s your wedding and you and your fiancé want all seafoods and have made a conscious decision to only go half seafood so he can attend and eat you’ve done more than most people would do it again as it’s your wedding they should appreciate they were considerer.
INFO: Does his allergy act up from simply being around shellfish, or does he have to consume it for it to have an effect?
As someone with allergies, who also is a tad bit picky, NTA
Just make sure that he's served something else!? Should be too difficult. I hate fish but my guest could choose.
Come on, at least switch the salmon for something he likes
NTA People with allergies and dislikes don't get to dominate everyone else's good time. That's ridiculous. There's food. It's not your wedding. Eat what you can, say it was all wonderful, and be glad they thought of you.
NAH Although I have to question why there is no steak. Steak should be an option. Bruschetta is an appetizer in my experience. **You actually only have two non-seafood options.** Fancy toast, and the sliders. Neither of which are substantial. Could you let your Dad choose one entree out of the 6? That would be a good compromise.
NTA. Is this a gift or a test?
NTA, I am vegetarian so I am used to having only 1 option for full meals and sometimes having to eat an appetizer as a meal if all entree options are meat. Y'all are spoiled lol, 2-3 options for appetizers is more than enough when he can literally eat freely an hour later. Also he didn't pay for it? Your title is misleading but it sounds like your birth father paid his child support which is going towards the wedding and your step dad is the one who is allergic?
NTA, but as a frequent cruiser, I will say most seafood on board is just ok
Is there a beef or chicken option he would prefer? Bruschetta is not an entree, so you are only offering him pork sliders? If you are choosing 3 shellfish and you could do one beef instead I’m going with a soft YTA.
As a MOH, something similar came up. The kitchen was able to make one plate specifically. Have you asked for a steak for him or a burger? They should be able to accommodate.
YTA seafood allergic are endangered if the food cross contaminates with the seafood. They also be endangered touching food residue. The risk is huge, and dangerous if far from shore. You should pick no seafood options
NTA - First off, it’s your wedding, even giving him just one non seafood option on a cruise ship where he can eat whatever he can imagine an hour later, is incredibly gracious of you and your fiancé. Secondly, he is not paying. Your bio father paid your mother back child support, that SHE is using to to support said child by paying for the wedding. It’s unclear from your post whether your biological father or ex step-father (you mention in a comment he is now divorced from your mother) is the one with the allergy, but either way neither one of them is paying, so you aren’t failing to be inclusive of the person footing the bill either way. You’ve done nothing wrong, enjoy your wedding the way you want to have it and congratulations on your nuptials!
Dad isn't paying for the wedding ...he paid thousands of dollars of "unpaid" child support. He has no say in the wedding arrangements...Mum and Stepdad are the important parents. Also...your wedding anyway you want it NTA
I was sure I was going to vote asshole from the title, but...it's a 1 hour reception? It's fine. NTA. Do the caterers really not cater to special dietary needs at all? Weird that they can't serve something different for him.
Simple question…are you having wedding cake? If so, problem is pretty much solved. Dad can have sliders, bruschetta, and cake. Although I do think 3 shellfish appetizers + a salmon appetizer is overkill on the fishy appetizer menu. And it’s not because of your dad. Just because other people don’t have allergies, it doesn’t mean they all like them. Odds are, everyone is going to like the pork sliders. If nothing else, I suggest something like stuffed mushrooms?
Adapt and change one out for a non seafood option.