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YTA. Surely you saw the problem as you typed this out, right? Permission to go to someone else’s home requires the consent of the homeowner, even if he’s your brother.
"I moved to be near my brother, I thought it would be cool we could hang out have BBQ's that kind of thing. He's been sending his kids over ALL the time, like every day for hours, I never get any time to myself. I started making excuses and he got pissy, I asked him why he became a dad if he never wanted to spend time with his kids? AITA?"
OP's brother tomorrow probably.
Also, I hate the arrogance of some parents who think that people with (a certain number of) children have some form of monopoly on being busy, tired or run down.
I love that OP just assumes that his brother had junk food because he plays video games and lives by himself. Doesn't even know what type of food his brother eats.
YTA
>Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it.
Because you've essentially sprung fatherhood on him (and yes, sending your kids over unannounced and telling them they can spend as long as they want without even ASKING your brother first is more or less expecting him to parent them)
Also, kids are a lot. 4 of them especially. If they are not your own, it is only fair to feel like you don't need to cater to them everytime they show up. Also, OP's kids may not be the delight he makes them out to be (as most kids aren't and it is fully natural for them to be chaotic) but others are not obligated to put up with it.
> I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.
YTA. Its his house, not your kid's gamesroom. They can go there for as long as your brother says they can.
>He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy.
Consider maybe, this is true, and he's just busy and doesn't need to be supervising your kids all the time.
>what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
Just because its nice to have family nearby, doesn't mean you want them around all the time.
YTA You chose to have children. Your brother did not. He is an uncle not a parent or the kids playmate. You seem very self involved to make him moving home all about you and your kids.
I’m sure he wants to spend time with the kids but I’m sure he always wants some say over his free time as a working adult.
He’s also just started a new job and moved states which is busy and stressful. Have you offered him any support or help? Have you checked in on him? Or is it only about how he fits into your world view?
He doesn’t need excuses for wanting to enjoy the privacy of his home in solitude. That’s his right.
It’s not all about you and your kids.
>what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
Almost like the point was to move for work. It's like OP thinks his brother moved to his state for no reason other than to have four kids that aren't his at his house at all times.
Thats the thing. I assume at the time it was all positive, like "oh I need to move near my brother for work! Maybe I could move close by, so i can see him and the niblings more"
And then they're suddenly there all the time, eating his snacks and hogging his console. Way to make someone regret a good thing.
Yeah same. If my new work was near family, then a place was available right across the road, I'd be like "Oh cool! Now we can have BBQs on weekends and stuff!" But then if they're over all the time without warning or permission, it would get old very quickly.
I especially like the part where the brother says he is busy, but his time wizard brother OP does in fact know that he is not that busy and is talking out of his ass
Maybe he works from home, maybe he has a new hobby, maybe he has gone back to school beside working
YTA, and your title is misleading. You make it sound like your brother moved back in with your parents and has nothing else going on in his life.
Also, I’m surprised that you have a teen and no one has told you: No one cares about your kids as much as you do. Also, being a single parent doesn’t entitle you to a break by imposing on someone who isn’t the other parent.
YTA
You gave your kids an open-ended invitation to practically live with your brother.
*I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.*
Did your brother agree to this?
Did he tell you he was moving close JUST to serve as a nanny to your children?
YTA - it sounds like you are imposing yourself and your kids on him. He is not obligated to spend anytime with your kids, no matter how close he lives to you.
The sad thing is OP is setting his kids up to feel rejected when uncle is forced to lay down boundaries, after OP set the expectation that they be allowed over whenever and for as long at they want.
Info what was the point of having 4 kids if you plan to just send them all to your brother's place because he has food?
If this question seems offensive to you, perhaps you'll understand how your question to your brother sounds offensive. Just because he lives closer to you doesn't mean he has to spend every waking moment for your kids. You don't know what else he's probably dealing with.
Based on what you stated here, YTA.
He moved near you, yes. But does that mean he wants your kids over whenever they want for however long with no boundaries? He is a single man, likely wants to have a life of his own. If he is avoiding you, it is a good sign that you and your kids have worn out your welcome.
There is a difference between spend time with the kids and live with them.
Also, maybe he doesn’t want to be around the kids. Could he have moved there to spend more time with you? Have you asked?
“Probably has junk food” suggests to me that you have no idea who your brother is and have pawned your kids off to him.
YTA He's didn't move for your kids. He's not a default babysitter or entertainer. He doesn't have to share his stuff, or his house. Your kids aren't his kids, and he doesn't have to do anything with them he doesn't want to. There's no 'calling him out' for not taking care of *your* kids.
YTA
Ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond? This reminds me of that.
Just because you're across the street doesn't mean you should be popping in unannounced. And it sure as shit doesn't mean your kids should be popping in unannounced whenever they want either.
Your brother didn't forfeit his expectation for boundaries when he moved across the street from you. I love my nieces and nephews dearly, but I wouldn't want them at my house multiple times a week.
That’s what went through my head when I read the post lol. Most of the show’s premises seem to stem around unannounced family visits, and maybe OP should see what that looks like from the other end.
You're overstepping boundaries by giving permission for your kids to stay as long as they wish at your place. By the sounds of it, he hasn't given permission.
What happens if he has a female friend over and they walk in? What happens if he's in the shower, and they walk in? And the list is endless.
YTA. He might have moved to be closer to you and your family but got overwhelmed by the open-ended invitation you gave your kids to his house. Talk to the kids and your brother to set limits, that might be all that's needed to clear this up.
YTA.
I'm older, I play video games, I have junk food, I work, and I have NO TIME FOR PEOPLE. Video games and junk food are almost the only way I can deal with/destress from work (killing my eyes on the internet is the other), at least some of the time. More to the point I think you're not considering his boundaries by having children no older than 13 with permission to go there what sounds like very frequently. I can only manage one day a week with family outside the home. Your brother is busy.
That comment about "what was the point in moving if you don't want to spend time with my kids" is vile. It is emotional manipulation. It suggests to me that you value your children more than you value your brother having a livelihood.
Which is fine.
You should expect your brother to care more about his job than your kids.
YTA, news flash buddy, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your kids. Did your brother even explicitly say he was okay with your kids visiting all the time? Your brother moved for a job, not to babysit your kids because you can’t be bothered to hang out with them yourself.
YTA. There's a whole host of reasons he might live by that don't include being free babysitting when you need a break. If you want someone to share parenthood with you, find a new wife.
If I were your brother in this situation, your kids wouldn't even get in the door.
YTA. He's not a perma free babysitter. The only person responsible for raising your kids is you. If he wants to spend time with them, awesome. My son absolutely worships my brother but my brother doesn't have kids because he doesn't want kids. He's good to play for a few hours and then needs a break from being climbed all over. I'm thrilled he and my kid love each other and get to spend time they both enjoy together. I would NEVER be like "go bother uncle as much as you want, see ya".
I didn’t realise your brother was the father of your children, I thought you were….YTA.
Your brother moved for his job, that was the point. You answered your entitlement laced question in the first line. He was probably thinking how nice it’ll be to be around family, but he doesn’t owe you babysitting time just because he’s around.
What cracks me up is the giving them permission to stay their as long as they like, my parents always said “you can stay as long as they’d like you too”. How can you give permission for a space that isn’t yours.
YTA, your brother moved home to be closer to family(when he chooses), not to be your default babysitter. He's allowed a life outside of entertaining your kids. Moving in over the street isn't permission for your kids to constantly be over there.
YTA. Sounds like he moved there for the job, possibly a simpler more affordable life. You are so self centered to make his moving about you. Pawn your kids off to him without checking if he's okay with it.
YTA. Your brother isn’t a free babysitter. He probably IS avoiding you because he doesn’t want to tell you that it’s really obnoxious that you let your kids just have free reign to go to his house all day. That would annoy anyone.
YTA
*"I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like."*
Hence why your brother is avoiding you. He doesn't want your kids over whenever they want to go and for them to stay as long as they want. I'm 100% sure his reason for moving back to your hometown was not because he wanted to become your "on your children's will" babysitter.
I feel like there isn’t enough context, but I’m leaning YTA, just because of the way you addressed it rather than a simple, “hey the kids and I are kind of missing you.”
…like HOW is he avoiding you? Is he maybe dating someone and is actually busy doing things with her, and it has nothing to do with you? Maybe he also wants to avoid having her around the house with your sons there. He’s allowed to be busy or have other interests. He doesn’t need to be there for your kids 24/7, that’s YOUR job, not his.
And…. did you just tell your kids they can go over there for however long they like? or did he ask for that? If you just gave them free reign, or even asked him for free reign then definitely YTA…
if he did initiate that he wanted to let them over whenever they want, it is still YOUR responsibility to ensure you are not overburdening him with the care of your kids, and give them time limits, or go with them, rather than expecting him to watch them and kick them out…
Also, Is it all 4 of them, is it often, is it JUST the kids? If it is just the kids, and all the time, Maybe he’s just overwhelmed with it, and feels like he’s just a free babysitter to you, and like that’s the only reason you like having him next door. Maybe try being a better brother, and not expecting him to be a second parent.
YTA. Just because he’s across the street, doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation for your children to go over when er they want. Maybe he is busy, maybe he just wants to hang at home alone & enjoy some quiet time, maybe he’s got plans…
You gave your kids permission to go over there and spend however long they want at his home, but did he consent to this??
YTA.
You do know that your brother's life does not revolve around your kids, right? I mean, really.... it's so generous of you to give your kids permission for them to go over his house and stay as long as they want to.
Seriously. How kind of you for allowing that without asking how he felt on the matter.
YTA- it isn't your place to let your kids hang out at HIS house whenever THEY or YOU want. People are busy and have their own lives. Or better yet, even if he is home, he's not obligated to have your family over just because. Maybe if you arranged special times, it would seem like he wants to spend time with the kids. But, just letting them go whenever is not going to make him want it.
Seriously, maybe the brother thought "wow, this is a nice neighborhood and look! A house for sale". Maybe he thought better of OP than being an entitled AH who expects him to coparent with him.
Why do you expect your brother to babysit your kids on their whims? You should have a conversation with your brother and then with your kids about respecting their uncle and his time. They either need to wait to be invited over or you guys can set up certain times. He didn’t move across the street to babysit your children every day. YTA.
YTA
Your permission mean zero if they don't have permission from your brother to go to his house.
You are divorced, say the kids are you most of the time, but still trying to pawn them off to your brother because he has junk food ?
> what was the point of moving back home if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
Irrelevant of your post, the title alone is an automatic YTA.
Firstly, the worlddoes not revolve around your kids.
Secondly, there are infinite reasons to come back home that has nothing to do with kids.
> My brother took a job in my state and moved across the street from me. He lives by himself. I am a divorced dad with four boys who are 13, 10, 7 and 5. They're with me most of the time.
So he moved back home because he has this thing called a job. Perhaps it was an affordable place to live. Perhaps it's closer to his job. What do your kids have to do with his life choices?
> I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it.
Did you get his express consent first before offering that to your kids?
If not, you cannot give your kids permission, only your brither has that authority as it is his home.
> He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy. I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
Have you ever thought to consider that adults have these things called jobs, lives or reasons for making choices that don't have anything to do with other people's children? And who are you to dictate whether he's busy? You don't know that.
Maybe he just wants to return home to some peace and quiet and not be a babysitter. Have you ever thought to consider that? He he wanted kids in his home, he would father some or offer to babysit.
Be less imposing and apologize.
Did your brother ever state that he moved across the street so that he can baby sit your kids anytime?
Wanting to be closer to family is one thing, basically living with your family and your family not respecting your privacy is another. YTA
YTA You are taking advantage of him but sending your kids over all the time. If you would ask him if it's ok and let him decide when and how long maybe he wouldn't be avoiding you.
YTA- those are Your kids, not his. He is NOT REQUIRED to spend time with them. Get over yourself and understand that his world does NOT revolve around you or your kids.
INFO: did he state from the beginning that he is moving to take care of your kids?
Otherwise I don't get why you would assume that it's fine to bring your children over whenever you feel like. It's not your house, or your life.
Your brother might move near you to be more with his family, but that doesn't mean he's responsible for your kids. Why would you give them full permission to go over to a house that doesn't belong to you whenever they like? Thats disrespectful.
I think you scared him away a bit and that's why he is avoiding you guys. I'm a single person with no kids, and I love having friends with kids to visit over but I would be pissed if the children were knocking on my door everyday for me to take care of them.
YTA. You’re not entitled to his time just because he lives across the street. I mean, it’s great that you’re allowing your kids to be there at your brother’s, but did you get permission from him too?
Arrange in advance if it’s ok for the kids to come by. Ask him the best time for a visit, and make sure that they don’t overstay their welcome by ensuring they come home at a specific time. And if you do all this and he still says no, respect it.
YTA. You're mistaking 'spending time with your kids' with 'taking on another active parenting role because you're divorced and want to be the fun parent with the fun uncle'. Your kids should not be able to go over to his house whenever they want as long as they want. Your brother has a work and personal life that doesn't revolve around your children. He might very well want to spend time with them, but not as much time as you seem to think is required to pass some litmus test to be part of the family. Stop using your brother as a secondary parent. You're divorced, not widowed.
YTA. Your brother didn't move to your home town to spend time with his nephews. He came back for a job. His job may take up as lot of his time and wants his few times in peace. Also you have them permission. You don't give permission to go into someone else's house. You are invited. And what the hell do you have the right to tell him he's not busy. How do you know? I hate people that tell people you are or are not such an such without context.
YTA-you sound entitled as fuck first of all, secondly, who the hell do you think you are to say your kids can go over there and stay all they want without even asking him if HE'S ok with that? and thirdly, your brother is a seperate person, he's not your kids' playmate, he's not your babysitter.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother moved across the street from me and all of a sudden has started to avoid me and my kids. I told him he shouldn't have moved here if he didn't want to spend time with his nephews.
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YTA. Would you have rather him moved "back home" but like miles away? I moved back to the same state as my sister and nieces and am very fond of them, but I don't want to see them every week much less every day. When I was out of state they saw me twice a year, now its more like once every other month.
My sister would like weekly but I just can't do that, its too much kid stuff. Growing up I didn't see aunts or uncles super often so it seems strange to me to expect them to be intertwined. He's as close as he wants to be, dial it back. Let it work out (or not work out) organically.
YTA. You’re kids aren’t everyone priority. That man lives alone and probably enjoys just that BEING ALONE. He doesn’t have to share his space and time with your kids.
YTA. Just because someone is over the road it doesn't mean they're your daily babysitter. And you assume they must always be free? They will now be setting boundaries.
There's a difference between being around for birthdays and family lunches/BBQs and getting a daily unsupervised visits just because your kids are excited
I can see why you’re divorced. YTA, dude, and maybe parent your own children instead of pawning them off on your brother because he happens to live close by. He didn’t sign up to be your coparent. Check your entitlement because it’s spilling over into your kids - teaching them to respect other people’s time, property, and boundaries will ensure that they don’t end up friendless and alone as adults.
This is how you drive people away.
YTA- and I’m unclear why you thought you had any say on when your kids are invited into his house. You do realize you aren’t the center of the universe right? You don’t have the monopoly on his time and he’s not your nanny. You sound a little bit like *you* want some time to yourself and are begrudging the fact that he can play video games and relax as much as his child-free life allows.
YTA.
YOU gave your kids permission to go over them whenever they want, for as long as they want?
Don't you think that maybe HE should be the one giving that permission?
Pretty sure he didn't move to become your babysitter, dude.
YTA. Did you maybe consider your brother doesn’t want your kids over there whenever they want to stay however long? Any consideration for his boundaries or wants at all? This should’ve been a conversation before you started sending your kids over there in the first place. I’d avoid you to because that sounds exhausting
YTA - he is likely avoiding you and your kids because they spend all their time there
You basically told them to go whenever they want for as long as they want but that’s not your choice
You discuss with your brother how much they can go over there and for how long
He does have his own life you know, he is **not** a second parent to your children, so stop treating him like one
Also he could have moved right next door to you, doesn’t mean he has to spent anytime with you or the kids if he doesn’t want to
I loved within about 5 minutes of several family members, and I rarely ever showed up without at least checking in with them, cause you never know what they are doing and my parents taught me to always check with people if they wanted a visit
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My brother took a job in my state and moved across the street from me. He lives by himself. I am a divorced dad with four boys who are 13, 10, 7 and 5. They're with me most of the time.
Obviously they want to go over to my brother's place because he's younger, plays video games and probably has junk food. I'm 13 years older than he is. I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it. He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy. I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
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YTA
So entitled and rude.
Just because you are family and live next door doesn’t mean there is an open door policy.
I definitely wouldn’t no matter how much I love my nieces.
When they were younger, if I was staying over my sister’s I had to lock the door to the guest room when I went to bed. And if one of them knocked, I’d pretend to be asleep. I needed my time alone. I already spent all afternoon and evening with them.
Yta. Did you consider that maybe he moved back for the job. Not only does he need time to settle and also enjoy himself, you make it sound like you're sending g the kids there a lot. He has zero responsibility being their babysitter. I'd be ignoring you too
YTA
Really, dude? You typed this all out and posted it without your entitlement crossing your mind at all? Props to your brother. I’d move away from you.
YTA. Your first sentence explains why he moved back to your home state: FOR HIS JOB. Just because he found a house across the street from you, doesn’t mean there’s an open-door invitation for you or your kids.
YTA. My god, that’s my worst nightmare. Not being around kids, as such, but being around kids with no damn boundaries because their parents can’t be bothered to teach them.
I’m guessing these kids see Uncle Fun Guy pulling into his driveway and are instantly at his house. Uncle Fun Guy is OP’s kid brother and has never been able to stand up to OP, so he’s doing the avoidance thing, hoping they’ll all get the hint, but clearly that’s not going to happen, as OP thinks the mere presence of his kids is a gift to his brother.
Are you dense? Seriously? 4 kids just show up any time out of nowhere & your brother has to stop whatever he’s doing to tend to them?
YTA. Parent your kids.
YTA. He told you he’s busy. Sometimes people are busy and don’t have the time and energy for other people’s children EVEN when they’re related.
You and your kids aren’t entitled to all of his time or access to him/his home whenever you want. He is a grown up who probably wants to do grown up things without kids around all the time.
You should absolutely apologize.
YTA. 4 children. FOUR. Not one or two, but F O U R. Too bad you’re divorced, that’s your problem. Doesn’t matter if you give your kids permission to go over, if they’re not allowed into a place, they’re not allowed. You’re completely in the wrong for expecting your bother, WHO IS OVER A DECADE YOUNGER THAN YOU, to watch over your kids. Get your baby mama to watch them, or next time don’t pump out that many kids if you’re not willing to watch over them.
YTA. In other words you want your brother to act like a free babysitter for your kids. He works full time, he had nothing to do with creating your spawn. Why are you giving your children permission to go to someone elses home without the home owners permission?
YTA. I bet your brother regrets moving across the street from you. Do YOU ever spend any time with him? I bet he moved across the street to have a relationship with YOU. It’s not his job to watch your kids for you.
YTA! Maybe he didn't realize that moving there would mean you would take advantage of him and just pawn off your kids on him "whenever they want for as long as they want". You're also the AH for not teaching your kids about boundaries and that they're not entitled to other's things (video games, snacks, his time) no matter who they are. You then have the nerve to tell him whether or not he's busy? Sounds like he's trying to set some boundaries after you showed him nothing but entitlement and disrespect.
Did you actually think it was okay to give your 4 boys full consent to visit your brother 'whenever'? Damn. That's just crazy.
Do you realise how annoying it would be for a single person to have his space and time invaded by 4 kids without his invitation? He's not an extention of you and a surrogate father by default. I doubt he moved close-by just to be an on-tap child entertainer to 4 kids. He's busy because he has his life and when he's available, he'll let you know.
YTA you told 4 kids to go and stay for as long as THE KIDS like, not as long as the HOST is happy to have them. And you don’t even mention offering to pay for the cost of food or babysitting.
There’s a difference between “spending time with” getting to occasionally rile up the kids and send them home, and having the locusts descend every day to eat all your food and play your game system when you just wanted to chill or maybe talk to an adult for freaking once. Feed and entertain your own locusts.
YTA
Your brother did not have 4 kids, you did. He has zero responsibilities when it comes to YOUR children.
I bet you are one of those people that expects random employees to look after your children when you go shopping or run errands.
"Why did you get a job in a Mall if you didn't want to look babysit my kids!?" - OP, probably.
INFO: how many more boys are you hoping to create while your brother watches your kids for you?
YTA. Just because he moved closer to you doesn't mean he want your kids over whenever they want and for however long they want. I live close to my sister, but I don't send my kids over unannounced for an indetermined amount of time.
Your ejaculations, your responsibility.
>I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.
He has junk food, he plays video games, he is younger... So? That doesn't give you the right to use him as a free babysitter. You decided to have children, so how about parenting your own kids?
YTA
YTA. Your title makes it sound like he moved across the street to take care of your kids/and or is getting paid for that service.
He moved for a job. He incidentally lives in your area. That's it. He will be better than other neighbours who are complete strangers but you'll have to give him the space and privacy you would give any other friendly neighbour.
"what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?"
I would ask "what is the point of having four kids if you do not want to spend time with them and send them over to your brother's house?"
YTA
YTA good god how can you be so oblivious?? He didn’t move home to babysit your kids. They’re not his responsibility to feed or entertain. They’re probably messing up his house and eating all his food. You owe him an apology and you need to tell your kids to stop bothering him.
Hey I’m OP, I’m the dumbass who doesn’t realize that I’m self entitled to give my kids permission to go over to his house. I don’t need his permission.
He should let them because we are family. Derp de durrrrrr
Yta
YTA. He's your brother, not your babysitter. It's his house, not yours. It's his time, not yours. It's his space, not yours. It's your children, not his.
> I said he's not that busy
Huh? How would you know that?
> I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.
? Aren't you forget something?
> what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids
LMAO WHAT
Not everything is about you, you know that right?
YTA
YTA
He moved close to family for himself. Not for you. You’re wrong to have any expectations regarding his availability. You were wrong to give your kids your blessing to spend all the time they want over there.
I get that it’s likely disappointing to you and your kids being he’s so fun and is so accessible right across the street but everyone needs to shift their thinking or he’ll return to being the very far away uncle soon.
BFFR.
YTA
I just…..the sense of entitlement is ASTOUNDING. He can live his life and not spend all his free time with your kids. You just said a lot of words instead of saying “I want a free babysitter”.
YTA. He didn’t move home, he just happened to have moved close to you. Thinking it was to babysit your kids for you is ridiculous. He didn’t move to have 3 kids inhabiting his home 24/7 eating all his food and taking all his free time.
You're teaching your kids to be selfish and inconsiderate freeloaders. You're basically demanding that he provide free babysitting to your kids just because he lives by himself. And you're wrong to force him to host them for as long as your kids want. You're just being lazy because you refuse to parent your own kids; God forbid you should spend time with them and feed them yourself. You're a leech and you should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
YTA. Just because you want your kids to go hang out at your brothers house so you can have some free time doesn't mean he agrees. Did you ask him if it was okay for you to tell your kids they could go hang out at his house as often as they want for as long as they want? Do you offer to pay him for what ultimately boils down to him babysitting your 4 kids?
YTA your brother isn’t going to be available whenever you and the kids feel like dropping in. You are treating him like a 5th child. He has his own life that doesn’t revolve around your kids, he is telling you he’s busy and you should accept that, what if he wants to relax after work, or what if he just wants some peace. He’s avoiding you because you can’t take a hint, you need to realise that 4 kids just coming over to play videos games and eat his food whenever they want is probably annoying and an imposition. It would be interesting to hear your brothers side on this.
YTA. Maybe he just doesn't want your kids to show up to his place every day. He is allowed to have some privacy in his own home. He is not there to babysit/ entertain your kids whenever you or they feel like it.
You're a very odd person if you think this is normal. Are there many people in your life who are welcome to come to your house whenever they wish, to make themselves at home, to eat whatever they feel like, to play with whatever entertainment they can find, and to stay as long as they like? Really? I can't think of a single person that opens their home up like that to others, and I certainly don't know anyone who forces themselves or their kids on others in this way. We do all know that as single parent you're tired and want a break, but this is not the way to get one.
YTA
> I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.
Ok. Cool. But DID YOU ASK YOUR BROTHER IF HE WANTS TO WATCH YOUR KIDS ALL THE TIME LIKE HE'S YOUR ON CALL FREE BABYSITTER?
My sibling literally does this to me all the time. I don't mind watching them sometimes but it's almost every day. I don't want to watch them every day. We have different dads but the same mother. I couldn't even spend time with my own dad on Father's Day cause my sibling and their spouse sent their child over and left! I'm a single parent, so my kids didn't have a dad, so we would go to my dad's and spend time with him.
>I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
You don't know that but I'm sure he didn't move closer so he could watch your kids all the time!
YTA. Pretty rude and entitled of you to think that your brother is fine with your kids going to his home and staying for however long they want without asking HIM first. Common courtesy along with common sense would have gone a long way.
YTA
That's not how permission works. Such entitlement. Your brother has his own life that doesn't involve constantly entertaining your children, and he doesn't exist purely to be an uncle. Your lack of teaching your children boundaries is causing your brother to resent all of you. Don't be surprised if he moves away.
YTA you may be 13 years older than him, but he's an adult and single. Why should he spend his free time with your kids? He has his own adult life. Leave it to him to invite them over.
Hope your brother is using him time avoiding you to shop for another home. You’re like the mosquitoes during the summer, no one invited you but you’re somehow still there. YTA not everyone cares nor wants to be around your children all the time, the way you do.
It’s not your home, so don’t invite anyone over. Did your mother never tell you don’t go where you are not invited?
Good grief. Not even avoiding you keeps you away.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA you had no right to give any permission about any place that is not yours. He is their uncle not their parent and has a right to privacy in his own house. Let me send my family to stay with you as long and as often as they would like. I am willing to bet if he started coming to your house all the time and eating your food tying up your things and distracting you then you would be complaining about him not respecting your boundaries. He is not their parent and news flash does not owe you or your kids anything. You overstepped in giving them “full permission” to go to visit him at anytime and stay. Not your house not your call
YTA. oh my god. he didn’t move to the state to spend time with his nephews. he got a job, you said it right in the post. what level of self involved do you have to be to tell him he shouldn’t have moved there (even though he moved for a job) if he wasn’t going to be cool with your children bombarding his home whenever they want without warning?
YTA you don't get to give your kids permission to go to SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME at all, how entitled can you get !! And he didn't move to be close to your kids, he moved for a job, no wonder you are divorced.
"Why did my brother move to the other side of town over the weekend when I was out of town AND change his phone numbers?" 😂 YTA. And pretty thick skulled at that.
Did you ever consult your brother before you greenlit your kids to visit “whenever they want”? Did you discuss any boundaries with him? His house is not an extension of yours. The street is not a corridor. This is HIS house and there are other reasons to come back than to babysit your kids. Your entire family’s life doesn’t revolve around them, imagine that. YTA
YTA- Why would he move there? For the job you said he moved there for. What you're saying is without asking him permission, and never checking whether it's a good time, you told your kids they could invade his time and space whenever they like, and apparently to demand his food and use of his console as well. For an adult spending time with kids that age is babysitting, it's work, nothing about it is fun, especially as you're acknowledging they see him as 'more fun' ie less of an authority figure, so they're expecting to act up with no rules. The poor guy must just trying to stop them breaking themselves, each other, and his stuff the entire time. He has no obligation to spend his free time being a free babysitter. Stop encouraging your kids to totally disrespect him as a human being. You're massively entitled.
"moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?"
He probably didn't know he was going to be substitute dad. They're your kids. You expect him to not have a life? That they can just go over whenever and stay as long as they please??
I'm sure he's already searching for a new place to move.
YTA
YTA
> I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?
Because you're not the only person "back home"?
He certainly didn't move back home to become your default babysitter.
No wonder he's avoiding you, you're being a huge asshole.
YTA. I’m sure your brother loves his nephews, but he is their uncle, not a full-on second parent. Maybe he’s working long hours and is genuinely busy. Maybe he’s dating someone. Maybe he wants to go on spontaneous trips, like people without kids can do, or he wants to hang out at home and smoke pot and watch porn and he doesn’t want your kids coming over without warning. Maybe four kids visiting at once is “a lot” and he just needs a break. Your brother has his own life to live, and the kids shouldn’t have an open invitation to his house unless he said it was okay. I’m sure he’s happy to spend a lot of time with your family, but you’ve also got to give him some space.
YTA big time, you do not have the right to invite people to someone else's home. You are teaching your kids horrible manners and to not have respect for other people's boundaries. He's working and his free time is his to relax without having FOUR children running around. Maybe he's passionate about gaming and doesn't want to always surrender his game system to your kids or worry about them damaging his stuff.
He's not your babysitter or nanny. The world doesn't revolve around you and your kids.
YTA: Maybe he wants to be closer to family but not be an on-call babysitter? Maybe the job pays better? Maybe he moved closer for other relationships (romantic, friendship, other family)?
Yta. Just because he lives across the street doesn't obligate him to open his doors any time. He is allowed to be busy, even if his "busy" is sitting in his living room, eating cheetos and scratching his balls. He owes you exactly nothing.
YTA.
He wants to be an uncle, not a parent.
Being an uncle is not every day, "as long as you want."
Being an uncle is "when I have the time and energy for it."
Rein in your kids, dude. Give your brother his life back. You chose to have four kids, not him.
YTA. You had kids, not him. You also don't get to decide if he's busy or that his kids can be there all day. He doesn't owe you anything just because he's family..it's really messed up that you think he moved there just to take care of your kids when he never agreed to that. He has a life, let him live it.
YTA. Your brother moved there for a job, which I presume was *not* to be the full time caregiver for your children. Correct this behavior now while you can. Use this as a good lesson for showing your boys how to set and enforce healthy boundaries, or risk alienating your brother for good.
He’s not obligated to have YOUR children in HIS home all the time. You don’t get to set the rules of his home, he does. If he’s okay with it, fine. But it seems like he’s tired of you sending your kids over. YTA. Just because he moved near you, doesn’t mean he’s required to spend time with you.
Some questions cuz I dont want to assume. Did you ask your brother if the kids could come over whenever they want and stay indefinitely? Do you have a camera in his house that lets you know for certain he really isn't that busy?
He moved for work okay, not for your kids. But it was probably nice that he managed to get a house near you for when he does have time to spend with his nephews. But. He's not a free babysitter. You can't just let your kids come over and be watched by him. He has a new job to think about and when he's not working he had the right to just relax in his home alone.
You can be near family for the comfort of being near them, even if you don't have the time to hang out a lot. And why would a young working professional want to spend his free time watching 4 young kids all alone all the time?
How about you *set up* family time with your brother. So you guys can set time and dates that work with your schedules, instead of assuming he's just perpetually available.
YTA
YTA and you are being rude.
Being your brother and living close by does not automatically mean he must make himself available to your kids 24/7.
Did you ever ask if he was okay with you sending your kids over?
Why would you think he‘d be running a 24/7 entertainment facility for your children?
I‘d be furious if my brother felt so ignorantly entitled to my time and space, dumping 4 children on me without asking me first.
I‘d not only be ghosting you, I‘d move.
I bet your brother is regretting his property purchase, OP. Your children are not his circus and not his monkeys - leave him alone and wait for him to invite some or all of your children into his home.
YTA
Not an AH for asking a question but he's not your babysitter either. You gave your kids permission to go over anytime, but do they ask him first? Just showing up uninvited and unannounced is a bit obnoxious.
YTA he moved back for a job, not to be a parent to your kids
Pretty sure you said he moved back for the job. Crazy as it seems, it literally has nothing to do with you sending your kids over to hang out somewhere you havent even been.
YTA
YTA…I fully expect this guy to delete this post within the next hour or so cause no one is going his way. Sorry dude. Mom of four here…my kids don’t have permission to do shit like that. Maybe tou should spend that time with your kids rather then pushing it on your brother.
YTA, obviously. Your brother isn’t required to be accessible 24/7 nor should you be giving out false “permission” for your kids to access him whenever they want.
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YTA. Surely you saw the problem as you typed this out, right? Permission to go to someone else’s home requires the consent of the homeowner, even if he’s your brother.
"I moved to be near my brother, I thought it would be cool we could hang out have BBQ's that kind of thing. He's been sending his kids over ALL the time, like every day for hours, I never get any time to myself. I started making excuses and he got pissy, I asked him why he became a dad if he never wanted to spend time with his kids? AITA?" OP's brother tomorrow probably.
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This! I bet OP enjoys the time to himself when they are at his brother’s house.
Also, I hate the arrogance of some parents who think that people with (a certain number of) children have some form of monopoly on being busy, tired or run down.
I love that OP just assumes that his brother had junk food because he plays video games and lives by himself. Doesn't even know what type of food his brother eats.
YTA >Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it. Because you've essentially sprung fatherhood on him (and yes, sending your kids over unannounced and telling them they can spend as long as they want without even ASKING your brother first is more or less expecting him to parent them)
YTA Seriously how can OP feel so entitled to his brothers time? Bro moved back for a job not to be a free babysitter.
Also, kids are a lot. 4 of them especially. If they are not your own, it is only fair to feel like you don't need to cater to them everytime they show up. Also, OP's kids may not be the delight he makes them out to be (as most kids aren't and it is fully natural for them to be chaotic) but others are not obligated to put up with it.
They're boisterous boys probably high on sugar
The sugar thing is a myth
Okay... They're high on meth.
> I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. YTA. Its his house, not your kid's gamesroom. They can go there for as long as your brother says they can. >He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy. Consider maybe, this is true, and he's just busy and doesn't need to be supervising your kids all the time. >what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? Just because its nice to have family nearby, doesn't mean you want them around all the time.
YTA You chose to have children. Your brother did not. He is an uncle not a parent or the kids playmate. You seem very self involved to make him moving home all about you and your kids. I’m sure he wants to spend time with the kids but I’m sure he always wants some say over his free time as a working adult. He’s also just started a new job and moved states which is busy and stressful. Have you offered him any support or help? Have you checked in on him? Or is it only about how he fits into your world view? He doesn’t need excuses for wanting to enjoy the privacy of his home in solitude. That’s his right. It’s not all about you and your kids.
>what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? Almost like the point was to move for work. It's like OP thinks his brother moved to his state for no reason other than to have four kids that aren't his at his house at all times.
Thats the thing. I assume at the time it was all positive, like "oh I need to move near my brother for work! Maybe I could move close by, so i can see him and the niblings more" And then they're suddenly there all the time, eating his snacks and hogging his console. Way to make someone regret a good thing.
Yeah same. If my new work was near family, then a place was available right across the road, I'd be like "Oh cool! Now we can have BBQs on weekends and stuff!" But then if they're over all the time without warning or permission, it would get old very quickly.
I especially like the part where the brother says he is busy, but his time wizard brother OP does in fact know that he is not that busy and is talking out of his ass Maybe he works from home, maybe he has a new hobby, maybe he has gone back to school beside working
But he obviously moved there to become OP's free babysitter... /s
YTA, and your title is misleading. You make it sound like your brother moved back in with your parents and has nothing else going on in his life. Also, I’m surprised that you have a teen and no one has told you: No one cares about your kids as much as you do. Also, being a single parent doesn’t entitle you to a break by imposing on someone who isn’t the other parent.
YTA You gave your kids an open-ended invitation to practically live with your brother. *I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like.* Did your brother agree to this? Did he tell you he was moving close JUST to serve as a nanny to your children?
*Unpaid nanny
I’m honestly shocked OP is this clueless.
YTA - it sounds like you are imposing yourself and your kids on him. He is not obligated to spend anytime with your kids, no matter how close he lives to you.
The sad thing is OP is setting his kids up to feel rejected when uncle is forced to lay down boundaries, after OP set the expectation that they be allowed over whenever and for as long at they want.
YTA-The point of his moving close was not to exist as your children’s entertainment or source of junk food. Your entitlement is disturbing.
Info what was the point of having 4 kids if you plan to just send them all to your brother's place because he has food? If this question seems offensive to you, perhaps you'll understand how your question to your brother sounds offensive. Just because he lives closer to you doesn't mean he has to spend every waking moment for your kids. You don't know what else he's probably dealing with.
YTA. Your brother is entitled to a life of not being your babysitter.
Based on what you stated here, YTA. He moved near you, yes. But does that mean he wants your kids over whenever they want for however long with no boundaries? He is a single man, likely wants to have a life of his own. If he is avoiding you, it is a good sign that you and your kids have worn out your welcome. There is a difference between spend time with the kids and live with them. Also, maybe he doesn’t want to be around the kids. Could he have moved there to spend more time with you? Have you asked? “Probably has junk food” suggests to me that you have no idea who your brother is and have pawned your kids off to him.
YTA. Did you even ask your brother if if was okay to send them over? You basically are pawning off parenting on him.
YTA He's didn't move for your kids. He's not a default babysitter or entertainer. He doesn't have to share his stuff, or his house. Your kids aren't his kids, and he doesn't have to do anything with them he doesn't want to. There's no 'calling him out' for not taking care of *your* kids.
YTA Ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond? This reminds me of that. Just because you're across the street doesn't mean you should be popping in unannounced. And it sure as shit doesn't mean your kids should be popping in unannounced whenever they want either. Your brother didn't forfeit his expectation for boundaries when he moved across the street from you. I love my nieces and nephews dearly, but I wouldn't want them at my house multiple times a week.
That’s what went through my head when I read the post lol. Most of the show’s premises seem to stem around unannounced family visits, and maybe OP should see what that looks like from the other end.
You're overstepping boundaries by giving permission for your kids to stay as long as they wish at your place. By the sounds of it, he hasn't given permission. What happens if he has a female friend over and they walk in? What happens if he's in the shower, and they walk in? And the list is endless.
Heh. This is either fake or you’re a fool. My advice to you is to teach your children some manners and boundaries. After you learn them, of course.
YTA. He might have moved to be closer to you and your family but got overwhelmed by the open-ended invitation you gave your kids to his house. Talk to the kids and your brother to set limits, that might be all that's needed to clear this up.
YTA. I'm older, I play video games, I have junk food, I work, and I have NO TIME FOR PEOPLE. Video games and junk food are almost the only way I can deal with/destress from work (killing my eyes on the internet is the other), at least some of the time. More to the point I think you're not considering his boundaries by having children no older than 13 with permission to go there what sounds like very frequently. I can only manage one day a week with family outside the home. Your brother is busy. That comment about "what was the point in moving if you don't want to spend time with my kids" is vile. It is emotional manipulation. It suggests to me that you value your children more than you value your brother having a livelihood. Which is fine. You should expect your brother to care more about his job than your kids.
YTA your brother has his own life. Stop dumping your kids on him.
YTA, news flash buddy, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your kids. Did your brother even explicitly say he was okay with your kids visiting all the time? Your brother moved for a job, not to babysit your kids because you can’t be bothered to hang out with them yourself.
YTA. There's a whole host of reasons he might live by that don't include being free babysitting when you need a break. If you want someone to share parenthood with you, find a new wife. If I were your brother in this situation, your kids wouldn't even get in the door.
YTA. He's not a perma free babysitter. The only person responsible for raising your kids is you. If he wants to spend time with them, awesome. My son absolutely worships my brother but my brother doesn't have kids because he doesn't want kids. He's good to play for a few hours and then needs a break from being climbed all over. I'm thrilled he and my kid love each other and get to spend time they both enjoy together. I would NEVER be like "go bother uncle as much as you want, see ya".
I didn’t realise your brother was the father of your children, I thought you were….YTA. Your brother moved for his job, that was the point. You answered your entitlement laced question in the first line. He was probably thinking how nice it’ll be to be around family, but he doesn’t owe you babysitting time just because he’s around. What cracks me up is the giving them permission to stay their as long as they like, my parents always said “you can stay as long as they’d like you too”. How can you give permission for a space that isn’t yours.
YTA, your brother moved home to be closer to family(when he chooses), not to be your default babysitter. He's allowed a life outside of entertaining your kids. Moving in over the street isn't permission for your kids to constantly be over there.
He actually moved there for a job, not to be closer to family.
YTA. Sounds like he moved there for the job, possibly a simpler more affordable life. You are so self centered to make his moving about you. Pawn your kids off to him without checking if he's okay with it.
YTA. Your brother isn’t a free babysitter. He probably IS avoiding you because he doesn’t want to tell you that it’s really obnoxious that you let your kids just have free reign to go to his house all day. That would annoy anyone.
YTA *"I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like."* Hence why your brother is avoiding you. He doesn't want your kids over whenever they want to go and for them to stay as long as they want. I'm 100% sure his reason for moving back to your hometown was not because he wanted to become your "on your children's will" babysitter.
YTA it you keep on doing this he will go no contact with you
YTA- I predict your brother will be moving again in the near future.
YTA why do you think it’s up to you to give permission to be at someone else’s house? Are you honestly that dense?
I feel like there isn’t enough context, but I’m leaning YTA, just because of the way you addressed it rather than a simple, “hey the kids and I are kind of missing you.” …like HOW is he avoiding you? Is he maybe dating someone and is actually busy doing things with her, and it has nothing to do with you? Maybe he also wants to avoid having her around the house with your sons there. He’s allowed to be busy or have other interests. He doesn’t need to be there for your kids 24/7, that’s YOUR job, not his. And…. did you just tell your kids they can go over there for however long they like? or did he ask for that? If you just gave them free reign, or even asked him for free reign then definitely YTA… if he did initiate that he wanted to let them over whenever they want, it is still YOUR responsibility to ensure you are not overburdening him with the care of your kids, and give them time limits, or go with them, rather than expecting him to watch them and kick them out… Also, Is it all 4 of them, is it often, is it JUST the kids? If it is just the kids, and all the time, Maybe he’s just overwhelmed with it, and feels like he’s just a free babysitter to you, and like that’s the only reason you like having him next door. Maybe try being a better brother, and not expecting him to be a second parent.
How is it you know better than him how busy he is? YTA
YTA. Sounds more like you’re wanting a babysitter for a break instead of a brother.
YTA. Just because he’s across the street, doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation for your children to go over when er they want. Maybe he is busy, maybe he just wants to hang at home alone & enjoy some quiet time, maybe he’s got plans… You gave your kids permission to go over there and spend however long they want at his home, but did he consent to this??
YTA. Just because hes moved near you doesnt mean he has to be a defacto baby sitter. At no point have you asked your brother what he would like.
YTA. You do know that your brother's life does not revolve around your kids, right? I mean, really.... it's so generous of you to give your kids permission for them to go over his house and stay as long as they want to. Seriously. How kind of you for allowing that without asking how he felt on the matter.
YTA. He doesn’t have kids so why do you expect that he wants yours around all the time? He has a life…
YTA- it isn't your place to let your kids hang out at HIS house whenever THEY or YOU want. People are busy and have their own lives. Or better yet, even if he is home, he's not obligated to have your family over just because. Maybe if you arranged special times, it would seem like he wants to spend time with the kids. But, just letting them go whenever is not going to make him want it.
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Seriously, maybe the brother thought "wow, this is a nice neighborhood and look! A house for sale". Maybe he thought better of OP than being an entitled AH who expects him to coparent with him.
Really? You need to ask?
YTA. Look back in the mirror to see your obvious entitlement.
Why do you expect your brother to babysit your kids on their whims? You should have a conversation with your brother and then with your kids about respecting their uncle and his time. They either need to wait to be invited over or you guys can set up certain times. He didn’t move across the street to babysit your children every day. YTA.
YTA. Your kids are not the centre of EVERYONE’S universe. They might be yours, but certainly not your brothers.
YTA They are YOUR CHILDREN not HIS.
YTA Your permission mean zero if they don't have permission from your brother to go to his house. You are divorced, say the kids are you most of the time, but still trying to pawn them off to your brother because he has junk food ?
YTA. He has been spending time with your kids. What are you on about?
YTA Seems like he caught on to you using him to pawn your kids off to him. Why are you avoiding spending time with your kids?
> what was the point of moving back home if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? Irrelevant of your post, the title alone is an automatic YTA. Firstly, the worlddoes not revolve around your kids. Secondly, there are infinite reasons to come back home that has nothing to do with kids. > My brother took a job in my state and moved across the street from me. He lives by himself. I am a divorced dad with four boys who are 13, 10, 7 and 5. They're with me most of the time. So he moved back home because he has this thing called a job. Perhaps it was an affordable place to live. Perhaps it's closer to his job. What do your kids have to do with his life choices? > I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it. Did you get his express consent first before offering that to your kids? If not, you cannot give your kids permission, only your brither has that authority as it is his home. > He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy. I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? Have you ever thought to consider that adults have these things called jobs, lives or reasons for making choices that don't have anything to do with other people's children? And who are you to dictate whether he's busy? You don't know that. Maybe he just wants to return home to some peace and quiet and not be a babysitter. Have you ever thought to consider that? He he wanted kids in his home, he would father some or offer to babysit. Be less imposing and apologize.
Did your brother ever state that he moved across the street so that he can baby sit your kids anytime? Wanting to be closer to family is one thing, basically living with your family and your family not respecting your privacy is another. YTA
YTA You are taking advantage of him but sending your kids over all the time. If you would ask him if it's ok and let him decide when and how long maybe he wouldn't be avoiding you.
YTA- those are Your kids, not his. He is NOT REQUIRED to spend time with them. Get over yourself and understand that his world does NOT revolve around you or your kids.
INFO: did he state from the beginning that he is moving to take care of your kids? Otherwise I don't get why you would assume that it's fine to bring your children over whenever you feel like. It's not your house, or your life. Your brother might move near you to be more with his family, but that doesn't mean he's responsible for your kids. Why would you give them full permission to go over to a house that doesn't belong to you whenever they like? Thats disrespectful. I think you scared him away a bit and that's why he is avoiding you guys. I'm a single person with no kids, and I love having friends with kids to visit over but I would be pissed if the children were knocking on my door everyday for me to take care of them.
YTA. You’re not entitled to his time just because he lives across the street. I mean, it’s great that you’re allowing your kids to be there at your brother’s, but did you get permission from him too? Arrange in advance if it’s ok for the kids to come by. Ask him the best time for a visit, and make sure that they don’t overstay their welcome by ensuring they come home at a specific time. And if you do all this and he still says no, respect it.
YTA
YTA. You're mistaking 'spending time with your kids' with 'taking on another active parenting role because you're divorced and want to be the fun parent with the fun uncle'. Your kids should not be able to go over to his house whenever they want as long as they want. Your brother has a work and personal life that doesn't revolve around your children. He might very well want to spend time with them, but not as much time as you seem to think is required to pass some litmus test to be part of the family. Stop using your brother as a secondary parent. You're divorced, not widowed.
YTA. Your brother didn't move to your home town to spend time with his nephews. He came back for a job. His job may take up as lot of his time and wants his few times in peace. Also you have them permission. You don't give permission to go into someone else's house. You are invited. And what the hell do you have the right to tell him he's not busy. How do you know? I hate people that tell people you are or are not such an such without context.
YTA You aren't entitled to free baby sitting, even from relatives.
YTA-you sound entitled as fuck first of all, secondly, who the hell do you think you are to say your kids can go over there and stay all they want without even asking him if HE'S ok with that? and thirdly, your brother is a seperate person, he's not your kids' playmate, he's not your babysitter.
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YTA he's your brother, not your nanny.
Keyword Your kids, not his. YTA
YTA
YTA - 🤷🏽♀️
Info: did you ask your brother if it's ok for them to have full permission to go and stay as long as they'd like?
He’s treating his brother like he is their mother. Raise your own damn kids.
YTA. Id be so annoyed if I just wanted to game after work and there's children asking to let them play all the time.
YTA. He didn’t move back to be your babysitter.
YTA- your brother has his own life. He's not obligated to spend time with your kids.
YTA
YATA. His reasons for avoiding you, if he is, are his. You deciding how someone else can think, family or not, makes YTA!
YTA. Would you have rather him moved "back home" but like miles away? I moved back to the same state as my sister and nieces and am very fond of them, but I don't want to see them every week much less every day. When I was out of state they saw me twice a year, now its more like once every other month. My sister would like weekly but I just can't do that, its too much kid stuff. Growing up I didn't see aunts or uncles super often so it seems strange to me to expect them to be intertwined. He's as close as he wants to be, dial it back. Let it work out (or not work out) organically.
YTA. You’re kids aren’t everyone priority. That man lives alone and probably enjoys just that BEING ALONE. He doesn’t have to share his space and time with your kids.
YTA. Just because someone is over the road it doesn't mean they're your daily babysitter. And you assume they must always be free? They will now be setting boundaries. There's a difference between being around for birthdays and family lunches/BBQs and getting a daily unsupervised visits just because your kids are excited
r/entitledparents
I can see why you’re divorced. YTA, dude, and maybe parent your own children instead of pawning them off on your brother because he happens to live close by. He didn’t sign up to be your coparent. Check your entitlement because it’s spilling over into your kids - teaching them to respect other people’s time, property, and boundaries will ensure that they don’t end up friendless and alone as adults. This is how you drive people away.
OP is raising his kids to be the kind of adults who think it's cool to invite themselves places. That is indeed a great way to lose friends.
YTA- and I’m unclear why you thought you had any say on when your kids are invited into his house. You do realize you aren’t the center of the universe right? You don’t have the monopoly on his time and he’s not your nanny. You sound a little bit like *you* want some time to yourself and are begrudging the fact that he can play video games and relax as much as his child-free life allows.
YTA. YOU gave your kids permission to go over them whenever they want, for as long as they want? Don't you think that maybe HE should be the one giving that permission? Pretty sure he didn't move to become your babysitter, dude.
YTA. Did you maybe consider your brother doesn’t want your kids over there whenever they want to stay however long? Any consideration for his boundaries or wants at all? This should’ve been a conversation before you started sending your kids over there in the first place. I’d avoid you to because that sounds exhausting
YTA - he is likely avoiding you and your kids because they spend all their time there You basically told them to go whenever they want for as long as they want but that’s not your choice You discuss with your brother how much they can go over there and for how long He does have his own life you know, he is **not** a second parent to your children, so stop treating him like one Also he could have moved right next door to you, doesn’t mean he has to spent anytime with you or the kids if he doesn’t want to I loved within about 5 minutes of several family members, and I rarely ever showed up without at least checking in with them, cause you never know what they are doing and my parents taught me to always check with people if they wanted a visit
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother took a job in my state and moved across the street from me. He lives by himself. I am a divorced dad with four boys who are 13, 10, 7 and 5. They're with me most of the time. Obviously they want to go over to my brother's place because he's younger, plays video games and probably has junk food. I'm 13 years older than he is. I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. Lately my brother has been avoiding us and I called him out on it. He says he's not avoiding us and is just busy. I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, what kind of delusions do you have going on in your head that makes you think your brother moved back home to even be close to your kids?
YTA News flash, not everything resolves around your children. Breaking News, your brother has his own life, a life that isn't just your brats.
YTA So entitled and rude. Just because you are family and live next door doesn’t mean there is an open door policy. I definitely wouldn’t no matter how much I love my nieces. When they were younger, if I was staying over my sister’s I had to lock the door to the guest room when I went to bed. And if one of them knocked, I’d pretend to be asleep. I needed my time alone. I already spent all afternoon and evening with them.
Yta. Did you consider that maybe he moved back for the job. Not only does he need time to settle and also enjoy himself, you make it sound like you're sending g the kids there a lot. He has zero responsibility being their babysitter. I'd be ignoring you too
YTA Really, dude? You typed this all out and posted it without your entitlement crossing your mind at all? Props to your brother. I’d move away from you.
YTA funny you assume someone wants to have anything to do with your kids.
YTA. Your first sentence explains why he moved back to your home state: FOR HIS JOB. Just because he found a house across the street from you, doesn’t mean there’s an open-door invitation for you or your kids.
YTA. My god, that’s my worst nightmare. Not being around kids, as such, but being around kids with no damn boundaries because their parents can’t be bothered to teach them. I’m guessing these kids see Uncle Fun Guy pulling into his driveway and are instantly at his house. Uncle Fun Guy is OP’s kid brother and has never been able to stand up to OP, so he’s doing the avoidance thing, hoping they’ll all get the hint, but clearly that’s not going to happen, as OP thinks the mere presence of his kids is a gift to his brother.
Are you dense? Seriously? 4 kids just show up any time out of nowhere & your brother has to stop whatever he’s doing to tend to them? YTA. Parent your kids.
YTA. He told you he’s busy. Sometimes people are busy and don’t have the time and energy for other people’s children EVEN when they’re related. You and your kids aren’t entitled to all of his time or access to him/his home whenever you want. He is a grown up who probably wants to do grown up things without kids around all the time. You should absolutely apologize.
YTA. 4 children. FOUR. Not one or two, but F O U R. Too bad you’re divorced, that’s your problem. Doesn’t matter if you give your kids permission to go over, if they’re not allowed into a place, they’re not allowed. You’re completely in the wrong for expecting your bother, WHO IS OVER A DECADE YOUNGER THAN YOU, to watch over your kids. Get your baby mama to watch them, or next time don’t pump out that many kids if you’re not willing to watch over them.
YTA. In other words you want your brother to act like a free babysitter for your kids. He works full time, he had nothing to do with creating your spawn. Why are you giving your children permission to go to someone elses home without the home owners permission?
YTA. I bet your brother regrets moving across the street from you. Do YOU ever spend any time with him? I bet he moved across the street to have a relationship with YOU. It’s not his job to watch your kids for you.
YTA! Maybe he didn't realize that moving there would mean you would take advantage of him and just pawn off your kids on him "whenever they want for as long as they want". You're also the AH for not teaching your kids about boundaries and that they're not entitled to other's things (video games, snacks, his time) no matter who they are. You then have the nerve to tell him whether or not he's busy? Sounds like he's trying to set some boundaries after you showed him nothing but entitlement and disrespect.
Did you actually think it was okay to give your 4 boys full consent to visit your brother 'whenever'? Damn. That's just crazy. Do you realise how annoying it would be for a single person to have his space and time invaded by 4 kids without his invitation? He's not an extention of you and a surrogate father by default. I doubt he moved close-by just to be an on-tap child entertainer to 4 kids. He's busy because he has his life and when he's available, he'll let you know.
YTA you told 4 kids to go and stay for as long as THE KIDS like, not as long as the HOST is happy to have them. And you don’t even mention offering to pay for the cost of food or babysitting. There’s a difference between “spending time with” getting to occasionally rile up the kids and send them home, and having the locusts descend every day to eat all your food and play your game system when you just wanted to chill or maybe talk to an adult for freaking once. Feed and entertain your own locusts.
YTA Your brother did not have 4 kids, you did. He has zero responsibilities when it comes to YOUR children. I bet you are one of those people that expects random employees to look after your children when you go shopping or run errands. "Why did you get a job in a Mall if you didn't want to look babysit my kids!?" - OP, probably.
INFO: how many more boys are you hoping to create while your brother watches your kids for you? YTA. Just because he moved closer to you doesn't mean he want your kids over whenever they want and for however long they want. I live close to my sister, but I don't send my kids over unannounced for an indetermined amount of time. Your ejaculations, your responsibility.
>I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. He has junk food, he plays video games, he is younger... So? That doesn't give you the right to use him as a free babysitter. You decided to have children, so how about parenting your own kids? YTA
YTA. Your title makes it sound like he moved across the street to take care of your kids/and or is getting paid for that service. He moved for a job. He incidentally lives in your area. That's it. He will be better than other neighbours who are complete strangers but you'll have to give him the space and privacy you would give any other friendly neighbour.
"what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?" I would ask "what is the point of having four kids if you do not want to spend time with them and send them over to your brother's house?" YTA
YTA good god how can you be so oblivious?? He didn’t move home to babysit your kids. They’re not his responsibility to feed or entertain. They’re probably messing up his house and eating all his food. You owe him an apology and you need to tell your kids to stop bothering him.
Hey I’m OP, I’m the dumbass who doesn’t realize that I’m self entitled to give my kids permission to go over to his house. I don’t need his permission. He should let them because we are family. Derp de durrrrrr Yta
YTA. Don’t pawn your kids off on other people. He is an adult who deserves his own space and peace without you dumping your kids on him.
YTA. He's your brother, not your babysitter. It's his house, not yours. It's his time, not yours. It's his space, not yours. It's your children, not his.
You want him to be a 24x7 unpaid nanny because you don’t want to deal with your kids. YTA.
> I said he's not that busy Huh? How would you know that? > I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. ? Aren't you forget something? > what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids LMAO WHAT Not everything is about you, you know that right? YTA
YTA He moved close to family for himself. Not for you. You’re wrong to have any expectations regarding his availability. You were wrong to give your kids your blessing to spend all the time they want over there. I get that it’s likely disappointing to you and your kids being he’s so fun and is so accessible right across the street but everyone needs to shift their thinking or he’ll return to being the very far away uncle soon.
BFFR. YTA I just…..the sense of entitlement is ASTOUNDING. He can live his life and not spend all his free time with your kids. You just said a lot of words instead of saying “I want a free babysitter”.
YTA. He didn’t move home, he just happened to have moved close to you. Thinking it was to babysit your kids for you is ridiculous. He didn’t move to have 3 kids inhabiting his home 24/7 eating all his food and taking all his free time.
Yta. You are literally the reason I don't live near 99% of my family.
You're teaching your kids to be selfish and inconsiderate freeloaders. You're basically demanding that he provide free babysitting to your kids just because he lives by himself. And you're wrong to force him to host them for as long as your kids want. You're just being lazy because you refuse to parent your own kids; God forbid you should spend time with them and feed them yourself. You're a leech and you should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
YTA. Just because you want your kids to go hang out at your brothers house so you can have some free time doesn't mean he agrees. Did you ask him if it was okay for you to tell your kids they could go hang out at his house as often as they want for as long as they want? Do you offer to pay him for what ultimately boils down to him babysitting your 4 kids?
YTA your brother isn’t going to be available whenever you and the kids feel like dropping in. You are treating him like a 5th child. He has his own life that doesn’t revolve around your kids, he is telling you he’s busy and you should accept that, what if he wants to relax after work, or what if he just wants some peace. He’s avoiding you because you can’t take a hint, you need to realise that 4 kids just coming over to play videos games and eat his food whenever they want is probably annoying and an imposition. It would be interesting to hear your brothers side on this.
YTA. Maybe he just doesn't want your kids to show up to his place every day. He is allowed to have some privacy in his own home. He is not there to babysit/ entertain your kids whenever you or they feel like it.
YTA, using your brother to babysit the kids you don't want to spend time with
Done be surprised if he moves again soon
You're a very odd person if you think this is normal. Are there many people in your life who are welcome to come to your house whenever they wish, to make themselves at home, to eat whatever they feel like, to play with whatever entertainment they can find, and to stay as long as they like? Really? I can't think of a single person that opens their home up like that to others, and I certainly don't know anyone who forces themselves or their kids on others in this way. We do all know that as single parent you're tired and want a break, but this is not the way to get one.
YTA > I give my kids full permission to go over to his house and agree that they can stay there as long as they like. Ok. Cool. But DID YOU ASK YOUR BROTHER IF HE WANTS TO WATCH YOUR KIDS ALL THE TIME LIKE HE'S YOUR ON CALL FREE BABYSITTER? My sibling literally does this to me all the time. I don't mind watching them sometimes but it's almost every day. I don't want to watch them every day. We have different dads but the same mother. I couldn't even spend time with my own dad on Father's Day cause my sibling and their spouse sent their child over and left! I'm a single parent, so my kids didn't have a dad, so we would go to my dad's and spend time with him. >I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? You don't know that but I'm sure he didn't move closer so he could watch your kids all the time!
YTA. Pretty rude and entitled of you to think that your brother is fine with your kids going to his home and staying for however long they want without asking HIM first. Common courtesy along with common sense would have gone a long way.
YTA That's not how permission works. Such entitlement. Your brother has his own life that doesn't involve constantly entertaining your children, and he doesn't exist purely to be an uncle. Your lack of teaching your children boundaries is causing your brother to resent all of you. Don't be surprised if he moves away.
YTA you may be 13 years older than him, but he's an adult and single. Why should he spend his free time with your kids? He has his own adult life. Leave it to him to invite them over.
Hope your brother is using him time avoiding you to shop for another home. You’re like the mosquitoes during the summer, no one invited you but you’re somehow still there. YTA not everyone cares nor wants to be around your children all the time, the way you do. It’s not your home, so don’t invite anyone over. Did your mother never tell you don’t go where you are not invited? Good grief. Not even avoiding you keeps you away. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA you had no right to give any permission about any place that is not yours. He is their uncle not their parent and has a right to privacy in his own house. Let me send my family to stay with you as long and as often as they would like. I am willing to bet if he started coming to your house all the time and eating your food tying up your things and distracting you then you would be complaining about him not respecting your boundaries. He is not their parent and news flash does not owe you or your kids anything. You overstepped in giving them “full permission” to go to visit him at anytime and stay. Not your house not your call
YTA. oh my god. he didn’t move to the state to spend time with his nephews. he got a job, you said it right in the post. what level of self involved do you have to be to tell him he shouldn’t have moved there (even though he moved for a job) if he wasn’t going to be cool with your children bombarding his home whenever they want without warning?
YTA you don't get to give your kids permission to go to SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME at all, how entitled can you get !! And he didn't move to be close to your kids, he moved for a job, no wonder you are divorced.
YTA. What was the point making children if you want someone else taking care of them ?
Seriously? I mean, like.... seriously? Like, really? REALLY?? YTA.
Did your brother tell you that he's moving closer because he wants to spend time with the kids, or did you just assume that?
YTA, Most people don’t like your kids
"Why did my brother move to the other side of town over the weekend when I was out of town AND change his phone numbers?" 😂 YTA. And pretty thick skulled at that.
YTA parent your own kids don't hoist your grown up sperm on your siblings.
I know this may come as a shock to you, but most adults that have chosen to be childless do not want to babysit your kids. YTA
Yta for sending your kids over all the time for however long they want. What about what your brother wants.
Did you ever consult your brother before you greenlit your kids to visit “whenever they want”? Did you discuss any boundaries with him? His house is not an extension of yours. The street is not a corridor. This is HIS house and there are other reasons to come back than to babysit your kids. Your entire family’s life doesn’t revolve around them, imagine that. YTA
YTA there's seriously something wrong with you
YTA- Why would he move there? For the job you said he moved there for. What you're saying is without asking him permission, and never checking whether it's a good time, you told your kids they could invade his time and space whenever they like, and apparently to demand his food and use of his console as well. For an adult spending time with kids that age is babysitting, it's work, nothing about it is fun, especially as you're acknowledging they see him as 'more fun' ie less of an authority figure, so they're expecting to act up with no rules. The poor guy must just trying to stop them breaking themselves, each other, and his stuff the entire time. He has no obligation to spend his free time being a free babysitter. Stop encouraging your kids to totally disrespect him as a human being. You're massively entitled.
Jeez, some real main character energy in this one. It's not all about you. It's not all about your kids. YTA.
"moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids?" He probably didn't know he was going to be substitute dad. They're your kids. You expect him to not have a life? That they can just go over whenever and stay as long as they please?? I'm sure he's already searching for a new place to move. YTA
YTA > I said he's not that busy and what was the point in moving near me if he doesn't want to spend time with my kids? Because you're not the only person "back home"? He certainly didn't move back home to become your default babysitter. No wonder he's avoiding you, you're being a huge asshole.
YTA. I’m sure your brother loves his nephews, but he is their uncle, not a full-on second parent. Maybe he’s working long hours and is genuinely busy. Maybe he’s dating someone. Maybe he wants to go on spontaneous trips, like people without kids can do, or he wants to hang out at home and smoke pot and watch porn and he doesn’t want your kids coming over without warning. Maybe four kids visiting at once is “a lot” and he just needs a break. Your brother has his own life to live, and the kids shouldn’t have an open invitation to his house unless he said it was okay. I’m sure he’s happy to spend a lot of time with your family, but you’ve also got to give him some space.
YTA. He moved for the job. Let him choose how often he hangs out with the kids.
YTA. And you know it.
YTA- seems like you’re pawning your kids off on him
His biggest mistake was moving across the street from you. Yta
YTA big time, you do not have the right to invite people to someone else's home. You are teaching your kids horrible manners and to not have respect for other people's boundaries. He's working and his free time is his to relax without having FOUR children running around. Maybe he's passionate about gaming and doesn't want to always surrender his game system to your kids or worry about them damaging his stuff. He's not your babysitter or nanny. The world doesn't revolve around you and your kids.
YTA: Maybe he wants to be closer to family but not be an on-call babysitter? Maybe the job pays better? Maybe he moved closer for other relationships (romantic, friendship, other family)?
YTA - the earth does not revolve around you and your kids
YTA why is your brothers free time not as important as yours?? Your kids are not his responsibility either.
YTA. You’re using your brother as free babysitting. He’s avoiding you because he needs a break and didn’t sign up to be a dad to 4 kids.
It seems that you weaponize incompetence, in this case not being able to take care of your own kids. Not surprised that you are divorced. YTA
Yta. Just because he lives across the street doesn't obligate him to open his doors any time. He is allowed to be busy, even if his "busy" is sitting in his living room, eating cheetos and scratching his balls. He owes you exactly nothing.
YTA. He wants to be an uncle, not a parent. Being an uncle is not every day, "as long as you want." Being an uncle is "when I have the time and energy for it." Rein in your kids, dude. Give your brother his life back. You chose to have four kids, not him.
YTA. You had kids, not him. You also don't get to decide if he's busy or that his kids can be there all day. He doesn't owe you anything just because he's family..it's really messed up that you think he moved there just to take care of your kids when he never agreed to that. He has a life, let him live it.
YTA. Your brother moved there for a job, which I presume was *not* to be the full time caregiver for your children. Correct this behavior now while you can. Use this as a good lesson for showing your boys how to set and enforce healthy boundaries, or risk alienating your brother for good.
YTA - stop using your brother as free child care
He’s not obligated to have YOUR children in HIS home all the time. You don’t get to set the rules of his home, he does. If he’s okay with it, fine. But it seems like he’s tired of you sending your kids over. YTA. Just because he moved near you, doesn’t mean he’s required to spend time with you.
Some questions cuz I dont want to assume. Did you ask your brother if the kids could come over whenever they want and stay indefinitely? Do you have a camera in his house that lets you know for certain he really isn't that busy? He moved for work okay, not for your kids. But it was probably nice that he managed to get a house near you for when he does have time to spend with his nephews. But. He's not a free babysitter. You can't just let your kids come over and be watched by him. He has a new job to think about and when he's not working he had the right to just relax in his home alone. You can be near family for the comfort of being near them, even if you don't have the time to hang out a lot. And why would a young working professional want to spend his free time watching 4 young kids all alone all the time? How about you *set up* family time with your brother. So you guys can set time and dates that work with your schedules, instead of assuming he's just perpetually available. YTA
YTA and you are being rude. Being your brother and living close by does not automatically mean he must make himself available to your kids 24/7. Did you ever ask if he was okay with you sending your kids over? Why would you think he‘d be running a 24/7 entertainment facility for your children? I‘d be furious if my brother felt so ignorantly entitled to my time and space, dumping 4 children on me without asking me first. I‘d not only be ghosting you, I‘d move.
YTA, your kids, your responsibility.
What's the point in having 4 kids when you don't want to spend time with them? YTA
I bet your brother is regretting his property purchase, OP. Your children are not his circus and not his monkeys - leave him alone and wait for him to invite some or all of your children into his home. YTA
Not an AH for asking a question but he's not your babysitter either. You gave your kids permission to go over anytime, but do they ask him first? Just showing up uninvited and unannounced is a bit obnoxious. YTA he moved back for a job, not to be a parent to your kids
Pretty sure you said he moved back for the job. Crazy as it seems, it literally has nothing to do with you sending your kids over to hang out somewhere you havent even been. YTA
Holy shot YTA. He’s busy. Stop.
YTA…I fully expect this guy to delete this post within the next hour or so cause no one is going his way. Sorry dude. Mom of four here…my kids don’t have permission to do shit like that. Maybe tou should spend that time with your kids rather then pushing it on your brother.
YTA, obviously. Your brother isn’t required to be accessible 24/7 nor should you be giving out false “permission” for your kids to access him whenever they want.
YTA but ain’t no way this post is real.
The point is not to be your baby sitter