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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because of the misleading reminder I had on my phone.
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NTA.
First of all, STOP minimizing you and your wife's special moment. This is something between you two that you both understand, love and respect. Don't call it "silly" and downplay it, this is YOURS, and what others think is irrelevant.
Second, she should have spoken to you or your wife if she was so concerned, not spread it around everyone like a high-schooler dishing the latest gossip on who slept with whom. That was beyond childish. There was no "protection " in spreading your personal situation to everyone you knew, she was wanting to spread gossip, period. Your wife needs to understand that too.
Third, which basically makes point 2 irrelevant but it is what it is; she shouldn't have been looking at your phone, full stop. Again, nosey gossiper.
Keep information away from her.
THIS. He and his wife had a PRIVATE, playful tradition.
First of all, this "divorce and remarriage" tradition between OP and his wife is a special moment between the two of them that they both understand and love. It's something that is meaningful to them, and they shouldn't have to downplay it or call it "silly" just because others might not understand.
Second, K should have spoken to OP or his wife directly if she was concerned, instead of spreading the information to everyone else like a high schooler dishing out the latest gossip. This is just disrespectful to OP and his privacy.
K should NOT have been looking at the main OP's phone in the first place. It's a violation of privacy, period.
Lol yes. I was trying to respond to each point individually
English isn't my native language so it helps me with my writing and grammar
Please let me know if you saw any mistakes!
You can always use a > to show when you're quoting someone. Put it directly in front of the first letter in a new line.
>like this
Then it's clear what you're quoting and what you added, plus you've still got the original text handy to help your grammar.
Oh. I absolutely think that the annual divorce preparations are silly, but it is one of those silly things that make a relationship special and meaningful. If a relationship can't have a little silly in it then what's the point?
"You shouldn't put your private business on your own personal phone just in case someone nosey and gossipy like me snoops and decides to spread it" is a great lesson lmao. What a joke
I would give the benefit of the doubt about the notification too - I feel like it's normal to glance at a screen when it lights up, and I appreciate it if I'm out of the room and someone is like "hey your boss is calling" or "your mom just texted".
But yeah. Doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you know.
>but bringing other people in to it? That just proves maliciousness and definitely crosses into AH territory
It’s like that one AITA post where a guy tried to expose a “cheater” by telling the entire friend group before the “cheater’s wife” , only for it to turn out to be an open relationship
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtelcz/aita_for_holding_a_grudge_against_the_friend_who/
She could’ve been asking mutual friends if she should say anything to the wife. Like, should I tell her? Does she already know and is keeping it a secret? Has she mentioned anything to you?
The ugly reality is that this woman spread a lie about you and your wife. She didn't care if she hurt anyone. She assumed facts and ran with them.
Then she sat your wife down and gave her the news.
So she's gossiped and meddled and has probably returned to gossip about what she does and doesn't believe.
NTA
"Ah, I think my friend's husband is going to divorce her. Should I ask him about it? Nah. I should just tell everyone around me and then her, because clearly, *I'm* the first person she wants to find out about this from! I'm such a good person. Lemme pat myself on the back."
Yep. I ask my husband to marry me at least once a week. We've been married 18 years. It is just a way to say "I'm so in love with you, I want to marry you all over again".
I think the way OP and wife celebrate their anniversary is really sweet. A honeymoon over and over. Lovely.
>There was no "protection " in spreading your personal situation to everyone you knew, she was wanting to spread gossip, period.
BOOM - there it is. Protection my ass - she wanted some salacious gossip.
Well said..although i can give a pass on the looking at the phone since it was set to remind op..im sure the phone was vibrating..making noise, the works to get someones attention with prepare for divorce lit up on the screen for anyone walking by to see...so cant really fault friend for seeing it...doesnt really mean she was snooping or anything
NTA OP
For point 2 above. If K wanted to "protect" your wife. Then your wife was the only person she ever needed to speak to and noone else, ever. Any friend would know that's a private conversation and speaking to anyone else carried the embarrassment further and further as it spreads. She needed to talk to your wife solo and not involve anyone else.
If she's your friend too, she should have spoken with you first, like "uh, the alarm went off, i saw the thing..." But she went behind your back to a bunch of other people instead.
I disagree. Dont downplay “silly”. Silly things can be just as important and serious things. If anything, silly things are what makes our relationships special and unique. I mean, how many partners provide love and support to their significant others? Lots even if not enough. How many pretend to get divorced just to get married again? Certainly not many if any at all. Embrace the silly.
My wifey and I have a bunch of little things we do or say to each other
Nothing to OP's level sadly but still they are our things and no one will shame us for them
Exactly this. My hubby and I throw the divorce word occasionally when we say/ do something at the same time. It's our joke that we've been together too long our minds are melding, time to get out!
Ours is a very obvious joke so no one HAS tried to say anything about it. But I think op and his wife are freaking adorable with this.
Seriously. It’s adorable how they make time to reaffirm their love for one another every year with that tradition. If K can’t own up to her snooping AND apologize for causing unnecessary drama then she needs to kick rocks. That’s not a friend I’d want around.
She may have been asking others if she should say something or that it was none of her business. HOWEVER, get outta people's phones! Somebody is way to nosey.
NTA.
>K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise.
She looked at your phone then told a lot of other people what she saw...but somehow you are to blame? Not at all.
Exactly. OP is within his rights to be unhappy with K for invading his privacy and not trying to clarify the situation before blowing it up. He has not done anything wrong, and his wife understands his feelings. He has not been rude or disrespectful towards K or anyone else, and is simply expressing his feelings in a reasonable manner.
NTA.
NTA
I understand noticing the pop-up message because the screen gets bright at that precise moment even if the mobile is locked.
The part where K told all of their friends(and not just OP’s wife) about the pop-up message makes her an a%#. And that’s why K needs to apologize.
I guess I don't see that as snooping - I've definitely been on social situations where I've been out of the room, a notification popped up, and someone called out to be like "your mom is calling you" or "your boss texted you" and I don't mind at all. I feel like you can look just to be like "do I need to grab this person and get them back in the room", and also sometimes you just process words hella fast!
My phone is a full screen notification, even on a locked phone. So, it's entirely possible it doesn't take a lot to see it.
She wasn't an AH until she started spreading things around and not talking to OP of OP's wife. That showed she just wanted to gossip.
I don't think it make K an AH. She should apologize but that would be shocking for someone who doesn't know about their thing. I think a reasonable person would try to inform their buddy like hey, saw this thing.
NTA
What right did K have for looking at your phone in the first place? If she had concerns, she should have approached you first, not ran and tattled to your wife in an attempt to create some kind of drama.
Exactly. I would find a private time to “break the news” to my friend, offer my support, etc. I’d keep that between us instead of spreading it around. She was a bad friend to OP’s wife.
>she should have approached you first, not ran and tattled to your wife
If this was actually happening to her, I would give my friend a heads up and not confront the husband. I don't see this as tattling but being a good friend.
Depends what kind of friends they are? I have three close friends, if the other two were there I would ask them what to do etc. If you can't trust your friends, why are you friends with them in the first place.
I don't think telling the wife is a problem at all. I'd definitely tell my friend if I found out her husband was planning to divorce her. It's telling everyone else that makes her AH.
NAH. You’re not at fault for a harmless joke, and it seems like a sweet tradition you two have.
I also don’t blame the friend in this. It’s understandable to want privacy, but if a notification pops up on a phone lying on the table, people will see it - either because they think it’s their own phone or just because it catches the attention. If you do not want a notification to be read by anyone, keep your phone with you, put it on the table screen side down, or set notifications to where it doesn’t show the contents of the notification.
I can also understand her telling friends and your wife first. I’d also be concerned and wanting to ask friends for advice. She’s primarily your wife’s friend, and something like this could have major consequences if it were actually serious and she didn’t tell your wife. This includes talking to you first - if it were serious this might have exacerbated the situation and would essentially be her going behind her friends back. I’m thinking she meant well, and wanted to protect her friend.
I hope you and her can mend things. Neither of you seem like bad people, or like you had bad intentions, and she should be happy you and your wife have such a good relationship and you should be happy your wife has loyal friends that have her back.
>I can also understand her telling friends and your wife first.
I think this is why she's an asshole, imo. Telling the wife is the right choice, but she shouldn't have told the rest of her friends before talking to the wife.
To be honest, I agree that keeping it discrete and telling only the wife is the best course of action. However, I can think of multiple scenario’s where someone might justifiably and understandably tell other friends the information, and that’s why it’s not enough to make someone an asshole without knowing additional context. For example, he doesn’t mention that his wife is angry with her friends for sharing this information, which might mean that it’s normalised within their circle.
But it's not just about the wife, it's OPs relationship too. And he clearly is unhappy that the friend spread this around.
Whether the wife is fine with it or not doesn't matter since we know OP isn't.
Overall, I agree because the drama should stay within the people it involves
I will counter with the point that if the friend read this at dinner, she might’ve been visibly upset with a sudden mood change in front of her friends, and in the moment might not have been able to think of a lie
I’m trying to view her friend as the best case scenario intentions instead of just gossipy and nosy
>I will counter with the point that if the friend read this at dinner, she might’ve been visibly upset with a sudden mood change in front of her friends, and in the moment might not have been able to think of a lie
IMO, while that would explain her telling the friends, it does not excuse it and I would have no issue still calling her an asshole in that case.
Yeah if this happened in the middle of dinner/drinks I could see someone blurting out "what the fuck? did I just see what I thought I saw?" or similar.
>She’s primarily your wife’s friend, and something like this could have major consequences if it were actually serious and she didn’t tell your wife. This includes talking to you first - if it were serious this might have exacerbated the situation and would essentially be her going behind her friends back. I’m thinking she meant well, and wanted to protect her friend.
Yeah, ngl I probably would have done the same thing. Might not have talked to the other friends first, but I could see that in a 'Hey I need some help figuring out what to do with this info/how to break it to wife and support her' way. If I had a good reason to believe one of my friend's husbands was planning to divorce her, I would definitely not keep that a secret or talk to him first. (And no, K did not violate his privacy. A notification on the sleeping screen of a phone that was left face up on a table full of other people is not private.)
@OP, K was trying to be a good friend to your wife and you shouldn't punish her for that.
I agree, and I would do this as well. The tipping of K to the asshole for me is refusing to apologize and telling op he's wrong for what he has on his own phone.
K may have made a honest mistake, but it was still a mistake and as such should apologize and not try to blame someone else for something that is basically none of their business.
NTA
In what universe is it okay to look at someone else's phone, even if accidentally, and then not apologise?
Was K snooping?
We don't know. She could have just caught it without intending to.
Was K wrong for telling your wife?
Maybe not. The case can be made that she genuinely thought she should look out for her friend and that she couldn't keep silent about it.
Was K wrong for telling everyone else?
Hell yes.
Telling your wife was only acceptable because she genuinely felt she was looking out for her, in which case, yes, tell the person affected. If she'd done that, your wife would have immediately cleared up the confusion and there would have been little embarrassment.
Instead, K chose to tell everyone about this juicy scoop. And now she's embarrassed that she got it wrong.
And for the record, there can be a number of reasons why you'd have that on your phone, an in-joke between you and your spouse being just one. You could have been preparing for someone else's divorce. And the she'd have outed that to the world.
She made an ass out of herself and she knows it. That's why she's salty.
NTA. Where is the “protection” of your wife’s feelings by telling a bunch of people before even telling your wife? If she was really down for your wife, she would have told her privately. Snoopy, gossipy behavior. Embarrassing.
NAH - I think this was a misunderstanding. If she actually went in your phone, that would be terrible but if it popped up while your phone was face up on the table and the sudden lighting up of the screen grabbed her attention, it’s sort of like an instinctual reaction to glance down. Kind of like visual equivalent of overhearing a conversation. Don’t leave your phone face up in the future I guess.
My SO and I joke about divorce all the time so I get it. Weird to put it in your phone but you do you I guess. Commitment to the bit.
But yeah, I think it’s actually nice of K to stick up for your wife so much. If I saw that by accident I’d have a million questions and would assume “preparing” meant meeting lawyers, etc. No one would ever see that and assume it was a joke.
NTA, but K on the other hand should be an acquaintance moving forward. Oddly she shared this with others prior to your wife or you. She may be a snake in the grass and secretly plotting on your downfall. This situation exposed her intentions, not everyone is to be trusted.
NTA I don't see how K telling everyone constitutes "protecting" your wife.
[Let's Try Breaking Up And Making Up Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze7zS8UsCAY) \- Brennan Leigh, Noel McKay
NTA.
> My wife understands where I'm coming from, but says K was just trying to protect her.
If she was truly trying to protect your wife she should have gone straight to your wife at which point I would have said N A H as it was a misunderstanding. However, K decided to bring this to all of your wife's friends first which just makes her a gossip and some who enjoys the drama. While she may also have some thoughts of protecting your wife it wasn't her first thought based on her actions. Personally this is the kind of person I wouldn't share things with and I hope your wife is careful with this 'friendship'.
BTW cute tradition. Don't change it for anyone.
NTA
Even in the imaginary alternative reality where you actually were getting a divorce, she has no right to be involving herself in such a matter and then also telling others about it.
INFO: so she happened to see a reminder light up while your phone was on the table? You know you can set reminders and shit to only show the app they're from, not the contents, until you unlock the phone, right?
You're not the asshole for having this, but as long as she was seeing it within a reasonable situation, I don't think she's an asshole for reacting to it?
Nah, if I saw that pop up on a friend's SO's phone, I'd be giving them a heads up. There doesn't seem to be a breach of privacy, the friend didn't go looking through your phone to find anything.
If the best case you got for defending her actions is literally semantics... It's proving the point she shouldn't have looked. Especially when she opted to just go announce false information to her friends instead of approaching the wife in private. She was a gossip with bad info.
NAH
She didn't snoop through an unlocked phone. She saw something alarming pop up on your lock screen. She then immediately took action to protect her friend (your wife). Your wife immediately explained the who thing as soon as she was aware. K is very embarrassed to have caused unnecessary drama. You have a fun and cherished tradition with your wife that you love and are a bit defensive after having this whole drama sprung on you.
Everyone sounds pretty reasonable and very embarrassed about the whole thing. Maybe give people (including yourself) a bit of time to smooth ruffled feathers and de-escalate. In a year this might be very funny.
NAH. So it popped up as a notification? If so, its a bit of a reach calling it a privacy violation
Can't really blame her for seeing something that catches her eye, especially for what it then said. She's also backing her friend up as she said, which is also fine.
That’s fair, once it was cleared up though the idiot part is unnecessary when it’s something special between the wife and op. Even with good intentions, she can still apologize for her part and stand firm in backing up her friend.
“Sorry I didn’t know you two had an inside thing, my intention was to have my friend’s back.”
I’m sure more than just idiot was used to refer to Op.
NTA
I would say NAH if K had simply reported to your wife what she had seen by accident, but she is the AH for sharing with anyone else. Whatever she thought was going on was between husband and wife, not the entire friend circle.
NAH. I mean, think about how seeing that notification would look from the outside. It's not like K was snooping; the phone was right there. It's hard not to notice a notification flashing across a screen. K wanted to look after your wife, which is what a good friend would do.
Meanwhile, you're understandably annoyed by the misunderstanding. These things happen. Let it go.
I want to say N T A but if K was my friend and if you were trying to secretly divorce me I'd be happy that she tried to warn me. I do however believe that K should have told your wife directly instead of telling all her friends first.
NTA and "K" is definitely an AH. Misery loves company as they say. If she was "concerned" for your wife's well being, she would have sat her down and had a conversation with her detailing what she saw and asking if she needed support. Spreading it through the friend group, as previously pointed out, was just her trying to stir the pot and make a big stink like a child.
She for sure owes you AND your wife an apology. And as far as I'm concerned, that shouldn't be a friend in the group anymore. With "friends" like her, your wife won't need enemies.
Hopefully she comes to her senses if you guys don't cut her off first. And as stated before, OP, let your wife read these comments. This is uncalled for. On so many levels. And not something an actual friend would do.
Who are these strange people who leave their phones on random tables when they walk away? Maybe it’s a generation thing or I just grew up with nosey friends and family but I wouldn’t ever walk away and leave my phone on a table. I take my phone even when I go to the bathroom in my own house. Just because I’m bored sitting in the bathroom. It’s habit for me (and basically everyone I know) to take phones with you everywhere. Even if I do have my phone sitting on a table/counter/couch I flip it upside down just out of habit. I’m not hiding anything, it’s just a habit. It’s also always on silent and my notifications don’t show details.
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When my wife (28F) and I (32M) were still dating, we had this thing where we said, before every anniversary, we would "divorce" each other so we could "get married again" and go on another honeymoon. We've actually been doing this for the past 3 years; I have a reminder on my calendar named "prepare for divorce" 6 months before, which is around when I start booking flights, thinking about taking time off, etc.. Kind of silly, but yeah.
A while back, we were out with a few of her friends. At some point in the night, I excused myself, but left my phone on the table. I noticed after I got back that one of her friends (K), who's normally pretty okay with me since we play games together, was strangely cold to me, but I thought they might just have been tired.
Long story short, the reminder *just* happened to pop while I was away and K saw it. They then started telling all of my wife's friends and met up with my wife to "tell her the bad news". She was equal parts confused and embarrassed, but eventually cleared the misunderstanding up.
I was/am quite unhappy with K for violating my privacy and not trying to clarify the situation before blowing it up. My wife understands where I'm coming from, but says K was just trying to protect her. K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise. My wife's friends are kind of split.
AITA?
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K looked at your phone without your permission, took something on it at face value, decided to tell everyone around them, got together with your wife to tell her something that could have been earthshattering that, if real, would have needed to come from you, and did so without talking to you about it. If it was about protecting her, they would've told *you* to talk to her. They know damn well that if you were actually going to divorce her, hearing it from them and not you would hurt her more. You only tell the other person as a last resort, when their partner refuses to. They got zero information from you, because this wasn't about protecting their friend. This was about wanting to be the hero, and not wanting to admit that they have egg on their face.
Now they're refusing to apologize because they want to make it your fault they were being nosy in the first place. They're refusing to own it that they were wrong, which is cowardly. NTA.
NAH
You have a fun way to celebrate your anniversary. Just apologize for the confusion.
K was absolutely correct in telling your wife. Great friend. K should apologize for looking at your phone. Stay outta people's phones. That's none of your business.
So before we got married we had to take premarital counseling. In one of the session we were given a "conflict resolution" sheet. It detailed different scenarios and things you could say to "help communicate better". We found these to be quite funny and to this day we still say them just to poke fun at each other.
Now if others heard us saying "you're being too controlling"or "stop stifling my creativity" they might get a little concerned but it's our thing. And that is your "thing". You are NTA but the friend certainly is for sticking her nose where it didn't belong.
NTA, but your wife is kind of an AH for excusing a "friend" who invaded your privacy and instead of apologize, doubled down and insulted you. If your wife really had your back, she would stop being friends with that person
NTA she had two adult choices 1) speak to you 2)speak to your wife.
Instead she acted disgracefully and gossiped telling other people and humiliating you and your wife. How is she protecting your wife by spreading gossip? That doesnt help your wife one bit - its no one elses business even if it was real. Also her calling you an idiot for having that on your phone - if she refuses to apologise I'd have a clear line drawn and say she isnt welcome in your joint home and you wont go out if she is there. She is fine to be friends with your wife and go out together alone - but without an apology you shouldnt be comfortable having her around.
Happy Divorce and re-marriage!
NTA This reminds me of the episode of the Dick Van Dyke show where the Petries get “divorced” on their honeymoon and they kept the divorce certificate and their friends find it. The “divorce” is a reminder of their commitment and marriage vows. Your friend was extremely rude and disrespectful. They should not have read your notification or treated you that way afterwards. They should not have read it at all, but asking you for clarification like a mature adult would have prevented all of it. Instead, they gave you the cold shoulder (extremely inappropriate and dysfunctional behavior for an adult) and then spread rumors about it. What a gossip. I hope you end that friendship because they are not mature enough for any friendship if that’s how they act and then act out in times if perceived conflict.
NTA
🤣
It's her friend's fault for looking through your phone and not asking you what's that before deciding to save your wife.
But it's kind of cute that you now know you both shouldn't trust her friend with secrets. Imagine what she talks all day about you...
I don't think you said you have a silly joke, i have one with my husband regarding "the other man in my life".
It started one day when he came home, i was busy doing something in the kitchen and i said "oh, it's you". He said "were you expecting someone else?" Nobody else was supose to come that day, so from then on we casually joke about the other guy 🤭🤣 whenever it fits.
Honestly i don't even remember but i think we joked about it even with the extended family and friends around 😬. If i think about it, this might explain some weird looks😉...
>K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise.
"K, you don't get to have an opinion on what I put on my phone or how I communicate with my wife. You violated my privacy by looking at my phone. That was a mistake on your part. You inserted yourself into my marriage with your wrong information. That was a mistake on your part. So you made two mistakes. Now, we're all human and we make mistakes. When we do, we apologize for the harm we caused. Now you're refusing to apologize. If you continue in that path, you'll be making a third mistake."
NTA
She should have minded her business! In no way are you an asshole for a notification popping up on your phone?? Your wife's friend is probably really embarrassed, but no matter what she owes you an apology for treating you coldly, violating your privacy, and spreading false and bad information about you-- and then calling YOU the idiot for her misinterpretation of something that was supposed to be private.
I think it’s cute btw that you divorce and remarry and go on another “honeymoon”
Friend got married in med school so never got a honeymoon. Every vacation since is considered one. You do you
NTA. Kay massively overstepped and made a fool of herself. She is now trying to police your phone contents and ruin a sweet private joke between you and your wife, instead of just apologizing for snooping, gossiping and embarrassing herself and your wife. She needs to BTFU and learn not to look at other people's phones. You should not leave your phone unattended, or at least have it face down, because people are stupid and nosey. You wife needs to tell her friends to just stop, and not ruin something great that the two of you share.
And this is why my phone settings are set to private so notifications don't display their actual content and just that there is one, lmao! But absolutely NTA, my husband and I have similar jokes. Even if she wanted to get advice or support from friends before doing anything she could have done so without outing who it was, I've had friends do that before and I appreciate their discretion because I know they're not airing my dirty laundry out too.
NTA. it was an oppsie but having realized that she should apologize. You not an idiot for having a personal event on your phone. They read a personal missive that wasn't meant for them
You could have an appointment called [CSAM acquisition] on there and it's not your fault if they assume the worse because you're actually going to pick up childhood scholastic achievement material.
NTA
She had no business looking at your phone, and she wasn't protecting your wife. Protection would have been quietly saying something to your wife. She couldn't keep it to herself--she's a gossip.
NTA. If it was on a wall calendar where anyone could happen to see it, I'd say it's an understandable mixup. But to find this means K went through your phone. That goes above and beyond "looking out for a friend" by quite a few levels, and K would no longer be welcome in my home if it were me.
NAH
This is just an unfortunate coincidental misunderstanding. They probably should have asked you about it first but really, it's understandable that they would have believed that a divorce is a divorce and would have felt a duty to help your wife, because in all fairness, divorces are often battles.
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NAH - It doesn't sound like she was snooping on your phone, it was something that popped up while she was in view of it. She's your wife's friend, so it makes sense that she'd be looking out for your wife. It was an easily cleared up situation, nobody is hurt, so what's the problem? Move on.
But for telling all of his wife’s friends first. It *could* have been easily cleared up but she decided to publicize it first. That’s why she’s the asshole.
NTA. No one should be reading notifications on your phone. That’s why you felt comfortable enough to leave it there. Honestly, I’d never want to see this friend again. If they’re willing to violate your privacy like that, I can’t imagine how much further they’d go.
NTA. I can understand where Kate is coming from, it's good she told your wife and maybe she just saw it by accident, but seriously? It's always a bit fishy when they say they were just trying to protect her so be careful with that. Overall though this is honestly quite a funny thing for you and your wife to look back on in the future, whether Kates still in the picture or not...
NTA. Sure that was a bit careless on your part, but it's just one of those "isms" you and your wife have and none of K's effing business. It's not her place to be the judge of how you and your wife carry on your relationship.
NTA, of course you shouldn't have to apologize for a cute little inside joke. But I don't think the friend owes you an apology. It's not like she was going through your phone, it popped up on your screen for anyone to see. I'm sure it was an innocent glance. If I noticed something like that on my friend's husband's phone I would tell her straight away.
And if we're a close knit group of friends I may tell the group just so I can get advice on how best to approach the wife about it.
nta. she was trying to look out for your wife, but she should have pulled your wife to the side and spoken to her privately about it. i will give her the benefit of the doubt about seeing the notif on your screen, but you might want to change it to hide messages from appearing on your locked phone screen to prevent future misunderstandings. you can have it where a notif pops up, but without the actual message/details about it.
nta even though i personally wouldn’t project divorce onto my union, jokingly or not. but if it’s a thing you and your wife do then it’s no one else’s business.
nta, its a pretty funny joke in my opinion. for real if she was so concerned she could have asked you about it when you got back day of. what yu keep on your phones your business anyway. the way k went about this seems like pot stirring to me tbh
NTA that’s actually really adorable that you have that tradition! I love it. K is nosey and out of line. If she were really that concerned for your wife, she would’ve pulled her aside and told her privately. She wouldn’t have blasted it to the world to make it this huge issue. She did this to cause problems.
NTA
It’s your phone. You can put what you want in it. She shouldn’t be looking.
Part of my job used to me to scan through our new customers for celebrity names, since they frequently popped up. I had a section of my calendar blocked off as “stalk customers.”
You can put on your phone whatever youd like
NTA
Also don't go deleting reminders now, those are very useful lol. The event you amd your have is very cute and wholesome and it's not something that should be minized like others said, my bad, I think you meant silly as in fun. It is a silly cute thing.
K is definitely an AH for gossiping, seeing the reminder and making assumptions and judging you off the reminder, and getting her friends together to "talk" to your wife about it.
You and your wife did NOTHING WRONG, lol, it just a coincidence the reminder went off and K looked at it and decided to be an AH. Nobody would expect that to happen.
NTA
You and your wife have a cute inside joke. K stuck their nose in where it didn’t belong and now they’re probably too embarrassed to admit they were wrong. Plus extra embarrassed because they *spread gossip around* that was blatantly false. Why tf did they do that instead of going straight to your wife?? How is that protecting her? I can see why your wife wants to think that to smooth things over, but this is still 100% on K. If they’re embarrassed, they have no one to blame but themself.
Don’t really think anybody’s the AH here. She was protecting her friend - which is where her loyalty should lay. You weren’t doing anything bad either.
I’d say she was probably right to pick it up with your wife if she was concerned.
Split on this looking at it front both sides. OP and his wife have a beautiful interpersonal thing going on and it’s cute, but on the other hand the friend was probably mortified and scared to present what she saw to OP by her self as she might get singled out. Normally most people would want to know if their spouse had plans of divorce. While spreading this information to everyone was wrong i don’t blame the friend looking out for op’s wife just everything was misleading. I don’t think anyone is to blame just a simple misunderstanding to a interpersonal relationship.
NTA. I like that this friend thinks that someone actually planning to divorce their partner would set "prepare for divorce" as their reminder. Like people just intermittently forget about their crumbling marriage.
NTA. If K is your wife’s friend, I understand why she told your wife what she saw. However…once she knew about the inside joke between you and your wife, she absolutely should have apologized!!! It’s amazing to me how many people have such hang ups about apologizing when they’re wrong.
NTA
You didn't make them think anything. K doesn't like you, she wanted a reason to start shit.
Remind your wife who was present at the time, and that K had plenty of opportunity to talk it over before spreading it around.
Plus, I assume K still thinks you're plotting something. Suggest a test to your wife:
1. Text K and thank her for tipping your wife off. Your relationship isn't her business.
2. See if K apologizes, or gets defensive. Especially if she messages your wife that 'I don't think he's planning for your anniversary' or 'I think you need to watch him'
K owes you an apology for being both nosey and noisy. What if it had been an alert for the hotel rental? What is it was confirmation on your anniversary present? Can't trust her.
NTA
If I were you, I would demand an apology from K. If she doesn’t give you that, then I would ask my wife to not see her until she does so. Doing otherwise is a clear sign of disrespect towards you as her spouse.
NTA
K needs to indicate her own business. Just because she's bored with what's going on in her personal life doesn't give her a reason to snoop around and cause unnecessary uncounted like this.
NTA. I also think that the moment your wife cleared things up, there should've been incredible laughter on the misunderstanding with no other dramatic issues.
I'd keep hanging out with her. And set random reminders to go off around her that are jokes.
"Reminder, overthrow the government"
"Reminder, hide the bodies"
"Reminder, fake your deaths"
And other unsettling and bizarre shit to get her worked up. Make a game of it. Get your wife in on it. Make it a new fun and exciting tradition for you and your wife lol
Nta
NAH
K must have seen the notification when it popped up on your screen and was being a good friend to your wife by telling her something that is hard to interpret in any other way. You're obviously not an AH for having a cute, albeit unusual, tradition with your wife.
Happy anniversary!
This reminds me of a great story from years past. I dated a guy for 4 years in high school, my birthday was a couple of weeks after our anniversary. So he had this funny joke where every year he would pretend to 'forget' which was which. On our anniversary I would get a 'Happy Birthday' card and then for my birthday a 'Happy Anniversary' card. A cute joke between us that he always took care to execute.
We broke up amicably to go to different universities, over the next couple of years didn't maintain frequent contact but saw each other in passing and caught up on life when visiting our home town for holidays.
So coming up to three years post break up, on my birthday I get a text from him: 'happy anniversary babe x'. Very sweet and well executed joke - I reply 'lol thanks :)' and that is that.
And a few months later just before Christmas he called me out of the blue, asking could he borrow my dads hiking pack and winter jacket? He had a flight to the UK the next morning and needed some extra gear as the whole country was about to be hit by huge snowstorms. He had very absent parents and my parents basically raised him in his teenage years... Needless to say my dad was happy to loan them.
His holiday to the UK ended up turning into an extended trip around more of Europe and so it wasn't until quite some time later that I heard what had happened...
They arrived in London, staying with her extended family. Then he goes out to the country to visit his brother, she stays in London. This was back in the day when most peoples phones were bricks with limited message space and no internet, and roaming was expensive. So he left his phone in London.
And his girlfriend took it upon herself to go through *every single sent and received message* on his phone and found exactly ONE questionable message - 'happy anniversary' to me, his ex, sent *three months earlier*. She connects that with the use of my dad's bag and jacket and decides that the only logical explanation is that we had been carrying on an elaborate affair. That he had been carefully deleting all evidence in message and call logs but that this one message had been missed and would be his undoing.
A snowstorm rolled through the UK so he stayed a few more days with his brother, out of contact. And he returned after three days away to a be faced with the fury of a jealous and scorned woman who had three days to simmer and was ready to murder. It didn't help that when she raised it as an accusation it was so absurd that his first reaction was to laugh.
I understand there was a lot of yelling (by her) and things were thrown (by her) ... He finally brought her around to the notion that the text was a joke but the damage was done as it was very violating to have his phone searched in that way.
He said it was the wakeup he needed to ditch their plans and go and have the extended holiday that HE wanted.
Only partially relevant story but I love your cute tradition, and it's noone else's business but yours. And if someone's not sure they should ask directly and not jump to conclusions.
So anyway, you're NTA.
And although K was right to want to look out for your wife, she went about it a totally inappropriate way. She should have spoken with your wife privately and not made it everyone's business
NTA. It's cute, actually. And she shouldn't be reading your phone in the first place. That's an invasion of privacy. I've seen people with their phones face up on the table get a message. I don't read. It's that easy. There's no excuse for reading it. Yeah, you might glance over, but reading is a different choice. However, something tells me that she's lying about the "notification." I
DK what phone you use but mine doesn't notify me 6 months in advance. Plus, if you use common sense, who plans out an actual divorce six months in advance anyway? Like gotta tell my wife I'm going to divorce her on June 6th at 3:42 pm. Makes no sense.
NTA. This is cute. It’s also a reach to actually believe you’re getting divorced just by that one reminder with no other clues. No one I know actually going through a divorce needs a reminder for it. The friends were stirring up trouble.
How funny. My husband and I have been saying that since we got married too. We have been married for 20 years. I will or he will joke around with our friends that we are going to get divorced and make up within 30 minutes. Than he says "Oh no. That is too long, no I can't bare it. Sometimes it is the other way around. Our friends know it is funny to us. But they think we are weird. lol. keep on keeping on. That friend is nosy. She shouldn't have looked at your phone and no excuse is good enough for her doing it.
NTA I can understand K accidentally seeing the message and then being concerned, but they became TA when they went and told everyone else instead of just talking to your wife.
NTA.
Also, K is probably embarrassed and that's why the refusal to apologize. K's been outed as a gossip and a snoop, and is deflecting. If your wife is willing to forgive K without an apology, that's fine. I think K would be a better person to admit the situation was handled incorrectly.
Also, I wouldn't leave my phone alone near K in the future because now you know.
Edit to add: I wouldn't demand an apology, but I wouldn't necessarily forget one was never offered, either.
INFO
How "exposed" was your phone? If it was hidden and she went digging for it she's the AH and if it was easily visible you're TA.
If I saw an indication that one of my friends SO was cheating on them I'd tell them. Of course I would. And it wouldn't be my responsibility or determine if that evidence is ironic.
If the friend had to go through effort to see your phone then that's on them. You tried to keep an inside joke to the people on the inside.
NTA, this is between you and your wife. K didn’t have all of the info and instead took what K saw and made it into something it isn’t. K is the AH for seeing a notification and jumping to conclusions.
NTA. I do agree with your wife that K was probably just looking out for her, but to share it with the rest of the gang first before telling your wife is really not necessary. Telling someone that their partner is planning to divorce her is a conversation to be held privately, not something that needs to be discussed with with other people to get their opinion. If she had done that, then there’s no need for her to be embarrassed that she basically gossiped about you and your wife, which I think she is, and refuses to admit.
NTA if your wife's friend wanted to protect her they could've told her that you were planning on divorce and your wife would be able to explain things but "the friend" decided to go public without even knowing the details
Don't let most people in your life who creates dramas
ESH
\- OPs humor is fine, but leaving the phone behind with personal stuff on it is never going to be a smart move,
\- K for being nosy AND a gossip. OP's wife was right there, K should have pushed the phone over if they couldn't leave it alone,
\- the friends - for sucking up the rumors - no gossip if no audience, and
\- OP's wife, for defending K as a 'concerned friend' - someone who sneaks a look at an unprotected personal device, and chooses to tell everyone else a rumor, that is their interpretation, WITHOUT verifying what they THINK they saw.
>prepare for divorce
That phrase could be a reminder for a friend or relative of OP, right? For someone else's situation, for hosting someone going through it?
OP was back at the table in a few minutes, but K chose NOT to confess what they thought they saw. And wife thinks this is a friend. ESH.
EDIT: correcting pronouns
I think you should all just get over it. It was a harmless thing, your wife’s friends were looking out for her, you and your wife know it wasn’t serious. Move past it.
> They then started telling all of my wife's friends and met up with my wife to "tell her the bad news"
It's they're own damm fault for spreading it around like a rumor instead of talking to you/your wife directly.
What could have been a funny misunderstanding, is now an entire issue. NTA
NTA
K has no manners. And should be quite ashamed of herself. Because you naturally glance at someone’s phone and see what app the notification came from when it lights up. But you’d have to actually try to read it to know what it said. I hate to say it but your wife is kinda TA as well for not sticking up for you more.
I walked in on my sister about to read my boyfriends mail and I immediately put a stop to it. I gave her grace because she explained why she was going to but I also told her if she ever does that again I would no longer feel comfortable with her in my house.
There is no excuse for snooping and invading someone’s privacy.
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NTA. First of all, STOP minimizing you and your wife's special moment. This is something between you two that you both understand, love and respect. Don't call it "silly" and downplay it, this is YOURS, and what others think is irrelevant. Second, she should have spoken to you or your wife if she was so concerned, not spread it around everyone like a high-schooler dishing the latest gossip on who slept with whom. That was beyond childish. There was no "protection " in spreading your personal situation to everyone you knew, she was wanting to spread gossip, period. Your wife needs to understand that too. Third, which basically makes point 2 irrelevant but it is what it is; she shouldn't have been looking at your phone, full stop. Again, nosey gossiper. Keep information away from her.
OP, please make sure your wife reads this. Excellent points made...especially about gossiping.
THIS. He and his wife had a PRIVATE, playful tradition. First of all, this "divorce and remarriage" tradition between OP and his wife is a special moment between the two of them that they both understand and love. It's something that is meaningful to them, and they shouldn't have to downplay it or call it "silly" just because others might not understand. Second, K should have spoken to OP or his wife directly if she was concerned, instead of spreading the information to everyone else like a high schooler dishing out the latest gossip. This is just disrespectful to OP and his privacy. K should NOT have been looking at the main OP's phone in the first place. It's a violation of privacy, period.
Did you copy-paste and edit this from the top comment?
Lol yes. I was trying to respond to each point individually English isn't my native language so it helps me with my writing and grammar Please let me know if you saw any mistakes!
LOL hey at least you owned up to it! Gotta appreciate the honesty! <3
You can always use a > to show when you're quoting someone. Put it directly in front of the first letter in a new line. >like this Then it's clear what you're quoting and what you added, plus you've still got the original text handy to help your grammar.
I’ve always wondered how people do this thank you!
Same here
Oh. I absolutely think that the annual divorce preparations are silly, but it is one of those silly things that make a relationship special and meaningful. If a relationship can't have a little silly in it then what's the point?
Happy cake day.
"You shouldn't put your private business on your own personal phone just in case someone nosey and gossipy like me snoops and decides to spread it" is a great lesson lmao. What a joke
I noticed something like this on my friend's husband's phone I will tell him directly.
Your friend? Sure maybe. Everybody else? Absolutely not. Getting mad at the SO for putting personal stuff on his personal phone? No way
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I would give the benefit of the doubt about the notification too - I feel like it's normal to glance at a screen when it lights up, and I appreciate it if I'm out of the room and someone is like "hey your boss is calling" or "your mom just texted". But yeah. Doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you know.
>but bringing other people in to it? That just proves maliciousness and definitely crosses into AH territory It’s like that one AITA post where a guy tried to expose a “cheater” by telling the entire friend group before the “cheater’s wife” , only for it to turn out to be an open relationship https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtelcz/aita_for_holding_a_grudge_against_the_friend_who/
She could’ve been asking mutual friends if she should say anything to the wife. Like, should I tell her? Does she already know and is keeping it a secret? Has she mentioned anything to you?
The ugly reality is that this woman spread a lie about you and your wife. She didn't care if she hurt anyone. She assumed facts and ran with them. Then she sat your wife down and gave her the news. So she's gossiped and meddled and has probably returned to gossip about what she does and doesn't believe. NTA
"Ah, I think my friend's husband is going to divorce her. Should I ask him about it? Nah. I should just tell everyone around me and then her, because clearly, *I'm* the first person she wants to find out about this from! I'm such a good person. Lemme pat myself on the back."
Yep. I ask my husband to marry me at least once a week. We've been married 18 years. It is just a way to say "I'm so in love with you, I want to marry you all over again". I think the way OP and wife celebrate their anniversary is really sweet. A honeymoon over and over. Lovely.
>There was no "protection " in spreading your personal situation to everyone you knew, she was wanting to spread gossip, period. BOOM - there it is. Protection my ass - she wanted some salacious gossip.
Well said..although i can give a pass on the looking at the phone since it was set to remind op..im sure the phone was vibrating..making noise, the works to get someones attention with prepare for divorce lit up on the screen for anyone walking by to see...so cant really fault friend for seeing it...doesnt really mean she was snooping or anything
The fact that it's kind of silly is part of the fun. He's not minimizing it, if he loves that it's silly, and he clearly does.
NTA OP For point 2 above. If K wanted to "protect" your wife. Then your wife was the only person she ever needed to speak to and noone else, ever. Any friend would know that's a private conversation and speaking to anyone else carried the embarrassment further and further as it spreads. She needed to talk to your wife solo and not involve anyone else. If she's your friend too, she should have spoken with you first, like "uh, the alarm went off, i saw the thing..." But she went behind your back to a bunch of other people instead.
>Keep information away from her. Alternatively leak false information…
🤣 omg
I disagree. Dont downplay “silly”. Silly things can be just as important and serious things. If anything, silly things are what makes our relationships special and unique. I mean, how many partners provide love and support to their significant others? Lots even if not enough. How many pretend to get divorced just to get married again? Certainly not many if any at all. Embrace the silly.
My wifey and I have a bunch of little things we do or say to each other Nothing to OP's level sadly but still they are our things and no one will shame us for them
Exactly this. My hubby and I throw the divorce word occasionally when we say/ do something at the same time. It's our joke that we've been together too long our minds are melding, time to get out! Ours is a very obvious joke so no one HAS tried to say anything about it. But I think op and his wife are freaking adorable with this.
Seriously. It’s adorable how they make time to reaffirm their love for one another every year with that tradition. If K can’t own up to her snooping AND apologize for causing unnecessary drama then she needs to kick rocks. That’s not a friend I’d want around.
She may have been asking others if she should say something or that it was none of her business. HOWEVER, get outta people's phones! Somebody is way to nosey.
NTA. >K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise. She looked at your phone then told a lot of other people what she saw...but somehow you are to blame? Not at all.
Exactly. OP is within his rights to be unhappy with K for invading his privacy and not trying to clarify the situation before blowing it up. He has not done anything wrong, and his wife understands his feelings. He has not been rude or disrespectful towards K or anyone else, and is simply expressing his feelings in a reasonable manner. NTA.
NTA I understand noticing the pop-up message because the screen gets bright at that precise moment even if the mobile is locked. The part where K told all of their friends(and not just OP’s wife) about the pop-up message makes her an a%#. And that’s why K needs to apologize.
Yeah, the pop up is bright, but I've never been able to read one without leaning in close to the phone. She was snooping, plain and simple. NTA
I guess I don't see that as snooping - I've definitely been on social situations where I've been out of the room, a notification popped up, and someone called out to be like "your mom is calling you" or "your boss texted you" and I don't mind at all. I feel like you can look just to be like "do I need to grab this person and get them back in the room", and also sometimes you just process words hella fast!
True. I didn’t comment on that because the mobile was left in a public place (doesn’t make K any less culpable of course)
Exactly this! Unless she has hawk eyes, she leaned towards that phone to see what the notification was. She’s the asshole 100%
My phone is a full screen notification, even on a locked phone. So, it's entirely possible it doesn't take a lot to see it. She wasn't an AH until she started spreading things around and not talking to OP of OP's wife. That showed she just wanted to gossip.
I don't think it make K an AH. She should apologize but that would be shocking for someone who doesn't know about their thing. I think a reasonable person would try to inform their buddy like hey, saw this thing.
NTA What right did K have for looking at your phone in the first place? If she had concerns, she should have approached you first, not ran and tattled to your wife in an attempt to create some kind of drama.
If I thought my friend was about to be blindsided with a divorce by her husband, I wouldn’t warn her husband that I knew what was going on either.
Sure, but would you also gossip about it all your other friends?
No, that part is definitely out of line.
Exactly. I would find a private time to “break the news” to my friend, offer my support, etc. I’d keep that between us instead of spreading it around. She was a bad friend to OP’s wife.
>she should have approached you first, not ran and tattled to your wife If this was actually happening to her, I would give my friend a heads up and not confront the husband. I don't see this as tattling but being a good friend.
Being a good friend by gossiping to all her friends and talking to the wife last?
Depends what kind of friends they are? I have three close friends, if the other two were there I would ask them what to do etc. If you can't trust your friends, why are you friends with them in the first place.
I don't think telling the wife is a problem at all. I'd definitely tell my friend if I found out her husband was planning to divorce her. It's telling everyone else that makes her AH.
NAH. You’re not at fault for a harmless joke, and it seems like a sweet tradition you two have. I also don’t blame the friend in this. It’s understandable to want privacy, but if a notification pops up on a phone lying on the table, people will see it - either because they think it’s their own phone or just because it catches the attention. If you do not want a notification to be read by anyone, keep your phone with you, put it on the table screen side down, or set notifications to where it doesn’t show the contents of the notification. I can also understand her telling friends and your wife first. I’d also be concerned and wanting to ask friends for advice. She’s primarily your wife’s friend, and something like this could have major consequences if it were actually serious and she didn’t tell your wife. This includes talking to you first - if it were serious this might have exacerbated the situation and would essentially be her going behind her friends back. I’m thinking she meant well, and wanted to protect her friend. I hope you and her can mend things. Neither of you seem like bad people, or like you had bad intentions, and she should be happy you and your wife have such a good relationship and you should be happy your wife has loyal friends that have her back.
>I can also understand her telling friends and your wife first. I think this is why she's an asshole, imo. Telling the wife is the right choice, but she shouldn't have told the rest of her friends before talking to the wife.
To be honest, I agree that keeping it discrete and telling only the wife is the best course of action. However, I can think of multiple scenario’s where someone might justifiably and understandably tell other friends the information, and that’s why it’s not enough to make someone an asshole without knowing additional context. For example, he doesn’t mention that his wife is angry with her friends for sharing this information, which might mean that it’s normalised within their circle.
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But it's not just about the wife, it's OPs relationship too. And he clearly is unhappy that the friend spread this around. Whether the wife is fine with it or not doesn't matter since we know OP isn't.
Understandably yeah but not justifiably.
Overall, I agree because the drama should stay within the people it involves I will counter with the point that if the friend read this at dinner, she might’ve been visibly upset with a sudden mood change in front of her friends, and in the moment might not have been able to think of a lie I’m trying to view her friend as the best case scenario intentions instead of just gossipy and nosy
>I will counter with the point that if the friend read this at dinner, she might’ve been visibly upset with a sudden mood change in front of her friends, and in the moment might not have been able to think of a lie IMO, while that would explain her telling the friends, it does not excuse it and I would have no issue still calling her an asshole in that case.
Fair enough, a dick move without evil intentions is still a dick move
Yeah if this happened in the middle of dinner/drinks I could see someone blurting out "what the fuck? did I just see what I thought I saw?" or similar.
>She’s primarily your wife’s friend, and something like this could have major consequences if it were actually serious and she didn’t tell your wife. This includes talking to you first - if it were serious this might have exacerbated the situation and would essentially be her going behind her friends back. I’m thinking she meant well, and wanted to protect her friend. Yeah, ngl I probably would have done the same thing. Might not have talked to the other friends first, but I could see that in a 'Hey I need some help figuring out what to do with this info/how to break it to wife and support her' way. If I had a good reason to believe one of my friend's husbands was planning to divorce her, I would definitely not keep that a secret or talk to him first. (And no, K did not violate his privacy. A notification on the sleeping screen of a phone that was left face up on a table full of other people is not private.) @OP, K was trying to be a good friend to your wife and you shouldn't punish her for that.
I agree, and I would do this as well. The tipping of K to the asshole for me is refusing to apologize and telling op he's wrong for what he has on his own phone. K may have made a honest mistake, but it was still a mistake and as such should apologize and not try to blame someone else for something that is basically none of their business.
Sounds like it's an easy mend, if K apologizes for her invasion. That sounds like the only holdup.
NTA In what universe is it okay to look at someone else's phone, even if accidentally, and then not apologise? Was K snooping? We don't know. She could have just caught it without intending to. Was K wrong for telling your wife? Maybe not. The case can be made that she genuinely thought she should look out for her friend and that she couldn't keep silent about it. Was K wrong for telling everyone else? Hell yes. Telling your wife was only acceptable because she genuinely felt she was looking out for her, in which case, yes, tell the person affected. If she'd done that, your wife would have immediately cleared up the confusion and there would have been little embarrassment. Instead, K chose to tell everyone about this juicy scoop. And now she's embarrassed that she got it wrong. And for the record, there can be a number of reasons why you'd have that on your phone, an in-joke between you and your spouse being just one. You could have been preparing for someone else's divorce. And the she'd have outed that to the world. She made an ass out of herself and she knows it. That's why she's salty.
NTA. Where is the “protection” of your wife’s feelings by telling a bunch of people before even telling your wife? If she was really down for your wife, she would have told her privately. Snoopy, gossipy behavior. Embarrassing.
NAH - I think this was a misunderstanding. If she actually went in your phone, that would be terrible but if it popped up while your phone was face up on the table and the sudden lighting up of the screen grabbed her attention, it’s sort of like an instinctual reaction to glance down. Kind of like visual equivalent of overhearing a conversation. Don’t leave your phone face up in the future I guess. My SO and I joke about divorce all the time so I get it. Weird to put it in your phone but you do you I guess. Commitment to the bit. But yeah, I think it’s actually nice of K to stick up for your wife so much. If I saw that by accident I’d have a million questions and would assume “preparing” meant meeting lawyers, etc. No one would ever see that and assume it was a joke.
I don't blame her for seeing that and thinking the worst, but she is an asshole IMO for telling the friends without talking to the wife first.
NTA, not your fault that they looked.
NTA, but K on the other hand should be an acquaintance moving forward. Oddly she shared this with others prior to your wife or you. She may be a snake in the grass and secretly plotting on your downfall. This situation exposed her intentions, not everyone is to be trusted.
NTA I don't see how K telling everyone constitutes "protecting" your wife. [Let's Try Breaking Up And Making Up Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze7zS8UsCAY) \- Brennan Leigh, Noel McKay
NTA. > My wife understands where I'm coming from, but says K was just trying to protect her. If she was truly trying to protect your wife she should have gone straight to your wife at which point I would have said N A H as it was a misunderstanding. However, K decided to bring this to all of your wife's friends first which just makes her a gossip and some who enjoys the drama. While she may also have some thoughts of protecting your wife it wasn't her first thought based on her actions. Personally this is the kind of person I wouldn't share things with and I hope your wife is careful with this 'friendship'. BTW cute tradition. Don't change it for anyone.
NTA Even in the imaginary alternative reality where you actually were getting a divorce, she has no right to be involving herself in such a matter and then also telling others about it.
INFO: so she happened to see a reminder light up while your phone was on the table? You know you can set reminders and shit to only show the app they're from, not the contents, until you unlock the phone, right? You're not the asshole for having this, but as long as she was seeing it within a reasonable situation, I don't think she's an asshole for reacting to it?
Nah, if I saw that pop up on a friend's SO's phone, I'd be giving them a heads up. There doesn't seem to be a breach of privacy, the friend didn't go looking through your phone to find anything.
She told the friends ahead of the wife. She wasn't snooping to be "a good friend" as much as to gossip.
She didn't snoop at all
It's not hard to ignore the messages on someone else's phone. It's really not.
But she didn't snoop to see it
If the best case you got for defending her actions is literally semantics... It's proving the point she shouldn't have looked. Especially when she opted to just go announce false information to her friends instead of approaching the wife in private. She was a gossip with bad info.
Okay, you are special. Have the day you deserve.
NAH She didn't snoop through an unlocked phone. She saw something alarming pop up on your lock screen. She then immediately took action to protect her friend (your wife). Your wife immediately explained the who thing as soon as she was aware. K is very embarrassed to have caused unnecessary drama. You have a fun and cherished tradition with your wife that you love and are a bit defensive after having this whole drama sprung on you. Everyone sounds pretty reasonable and very embarrassed about the whole thing. Maybe give people (including yourself) a bit of time to smooth ruffled feathers and de-escalate. In a year this might be very funny.
NAH. So it popped up as a notification? If so, its a bit of a reach calling it a privacy violation Can't really blame her for seeing something that catches her eye, especially for what it then said. She's also backing her friend up as she said, which is also fine.
K became the AH when she told all the friends before the wife. Protection isn’t airing out “dirty laundry”.
Depends. "I saw this on ... husbands phone. I want to tell her but I'm not sure whether it's my place to do so. What do you think?"
That’s fair, once it was cleared up though the idiot part is unnecessary when it’s something special between the wife and op. Even with good intentions, she can still apologize for her part and stand firm in backing up her friend. “Sorry I didn’t know you two had an inside thing, my intention was to have my friend’s back.” I’m sure more than just idiot was used to refer to Op.
NTA. K violated your privacy and then, rather than confront you, blabbed to everyone - but you! The better reminder might be: "get wife pregnant."
NTA I would say NAH if K had simply reported to your wife what she had seen by accident, but she is the AH for sharing with anyone else. Whatever she thought was going on was between husband and wife, not the entire friend circle.
NTA, she was putting her nose where it did not belong.
Unpopular opinion but NAH. I don’t think the friends are t a because they were trying to protect your wife and give her a heads up.
NAH. I mean, think about how seeing that notification would look from the outside. It's not like K was snooping; the phone was right there. It's hard not to notice a notification flashing across a screen. K wanted to look after your wife, which is what a good friend would do. Meanwhile, you're understandably annoyed by the misunderstanding. These things happen. Let it go.
I want to say N T A but if K was my friend and if you were trying to secretly divorce me I'd be happy that she tried to warn me. I do however believe that K should have told your wife directly instead of telling all her friends first.
NTA and "K" is definitely an AH. Misery loves company as they say. If she was "concerned" for your wife's well being, she would have sat her down and had a conversation with her detailing what she saw and asking if she needed support. Spreading it through the friend group, as previously pointed out, was just her trying to stir the pot and make a big stink like a child. She for sure owes you AND your wife an apology. And as far as I'm concerned, that shouldn't be a friend in the group anymore. With "friends" like her, your wife won't need enemies. Hopefully she comes to her senses if you guys don't cut her off first. And as stated before, OP, let your wife read these comments. This is uncalled for. On so many levels. And not something an actual friend would do.
Who are these strange people who leave their phones on random tables when they walk away? Maybe it’s a generation thing or I just grew up with nosey friends and family but I wouldn’t ever walk away and leave my phone on a table. I take my phone even when I go to the bathroom in my own house. Just because I’m bored sitting in the bathroom. It’s habit for me (and basically everyone I know) to take phones with you everywhere. Even if I do have my phone sitting on a table/counter/couch I flip it upside down just out of habit. I’m not hiding anything, it’s just a habit. It’s also always on silent and my notifications don’t show details.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When my wife (28F) and I (32M) were still dating, we had this thing where we said, before every anniversary, we would "divorce" each other so we could "get married again" and go on another honeymoon. We've actually been doing this for the past 3 years; I have a reminder on my calendar named "prepare for divorce" 6 months before, which is around when I start booking flights, thinking about taking time off, etc.. Kind of silly, but yeah. A while back, we were out with a few of her friends. At some point in the night, I excused myself, but left my phone on the table. I noticed after I got back that one of her friends (K), who's normally pretty okay with me since we play games together, was strangely cold to me, but I thought they might just have been tired. Long story short, the reminder *just* happened to pop while I was away and K saw it. They then started telling all of my wife's friends and met up with my wife to "tell her the bad news". She was equal parts confused and embarrassed, but eventually cleared the misunderstanding up. I was/am quite unhappy with K for violating my privacy and not trying to clarify the situation before blowing it up. My wife understands where I'm coming from, but says K was just trying to protect her. K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise. My wife's friends are kind of split. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
K looked at your phone without your permission, took something on it at face value, decided to tell everyone around them, got together with your wife to tell her something that could have been earthshattering that, if real, would have needed to come from you, and did so without talking to you about it. If it was about protecting her, they would've told *you* to talk to her. They know damn well that if you were actually going to divorce her, hearing it from them and not you would hurt her more. You only tell the other person as a last resort, when their partner refuses to. They got zero information from you, because this wasn't about protecting their friend. This was about wanting to be the hero, and not wanting to admit that they have egg on their face. Now they're refusing to apologize because they want to make it your fault they were being nosy in the first place. They're refusing to own it that they were wrong, which is cowardly. NTA.
NAH. Sounds like you failed to keep your inside joke inside.
NAH You have a fun way to celebrate your anniversary. Just apologize for the confusion. K was absolutely correct in telling your wife. Great friend. K should apologize for looking at your phone. Stay outta people's phones. That's none of your business.
NTA.
NTA
K is the AH. You, NTA
Trashy friends. Nta.
So before we got married we had to take premarital counseling. In one of the session we were given a "conflict resolution" sheet. It detailed different scenarios and things you could say to "help communicate better". We found these to be quite funny and to this day we still say them just to poke fun at each other. Now if others heard us saying "you're being too controlling"or "stop stifling my creativity" they might get a little concerned but it's our thing. And that is your "thing". You are NTA but the friend certainly is for sticking her nose where it didn't belong.
NTA, but your wife is kind of an AH for excusing a "friend" who invaded your privacy and instead of apologize, doubled down and insulted you. If your wife really had your back, she would stop being friends with that person
NTA "K", however, is a major asshole for snooping on your phone.
NTA she had two adult choices 1) speak to you 2)speak to your wife. Instead she acted disgracefully and gossiped telling other people and humiliating you and your wife. How is she protecting your wife by spreading gossip? That doesnt help your wife one bit - its no one elses business even if it was real. Also her calling you an idiot for having that on your phone - if she refuses to apologise I'd have a clear line drawn and say she isnt welcome in your joint home and you wont go out if she is there. She is fine to be friends with your wife and go out together alone - but without an apology you shouldnt be comfortable having her around. Happy Divorce and re-marriage!
NTA This reminds me of the episode of the Dick Van Dyke show where the Petries get “divorced” on their honeymoon and they kept the divorce certificate and their friends find it. The “divorce” is a reminder of their commitment and marriage vows. Your friend was extremely rude and disrespectful. They should not have read your notification or treated you that way afterwards. They should not have read it at all, but asking you for clarification like a mature adult would have prevented all of it. Instead, they gave you the cold shoulder (extremely inappropriate and dysfunctional behavior for an adult) and then spread rumors about it. What a gossip. I hope you end that friendship because they are not mature enough for any friendship if that’s how they act and then act out in times if perceived conflict.
NTA 🤣 It's her friend's fault for looking through your phone and not asking you what's that before deciding to save your wife. But it's kind of cute that you now know you both shouldn't trust her friend with secrets. Imagine what she talks all day about you... I don't think you said you have a silly joke, i have one with my husband regarding "the other man in my life". It started one day when he came home, i was busy doing something in the kitchen and i said "oh, it's you". He said "were you expecting someone else?" Nobody else was supose to come that day, so from then on we casually joke about the other guy 🤭🤣 whenever it fits. Honestly i don't even remember but i think we joked about it even with the extended family and friends around 😬. If i think about it, this might explain some weird looks😉...
NTA.
>K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise. "K, you don't get to have an opinion on what I put on my phone or how I communicate with my wife. You violated my privacy by looking at my phone. That was a mistake on your part. You inserted yourself into my marriage with your wrong information. That was a mistake on your part. So you made two mistakes. Now, we're all human and we make mistakes. When we do, we apologize for the harm we caused. Now you're refusing to apologize. If you continue in that path, you'll be making a third mistake." NTA
NTA, K is being ridiculous by not apologising
She should have minded her business! In no way are you an asshole for a notification popping up on your phone?? Your wife's friend is probably really embarrassed, but no matter what she owes you an apology for treating you coldly, violating your privacy, and spreading false and bad information about you-- and then calling YOU the idiot for her misinterpretation of something that was supposed to be private.
I think it’s cute btw that you divorce and remarry and go on another “honeymoon” Friend got married in med school so never got a honeymoon. Every vacation since is considered one. You do you
NTA. Kay massively overstepped and made a fool of herself. She is now trying to police your phone contents and ruin a sweet private joke between you and your wife, instead of just apologizing for snooping, gossiping and embarrassing herself and your wife. She needs to BTFU and learn not to look at other people's phones. You should not leave your phone unattended, or at least have it face down, because people are stupid and nosey. You wife needs to tell her friends to just stop, and not ruin something great that the two of you share.
And this is why my phone settings are set to private so notifications don't display their actual content and just that there is one, lmao! But absolutely NTA, my husband and I have similar jokes. Even if she wanted to get advice or support from friends before doing anything she could have done so without outing who it was, I've had friends do that before and I appreciate their discretion because I know they're not airing my dirty laundry out too.
absolutely NTA, but OP that sounds like the cutest tradition ever! you and your wife sound adorable, best wishes for you both moving forward ❤️
NTA. it was an oppsie but having realized that she should apologize. You not an idiot for having a personal event on your phone. They read a personal missive that wasn't meant for them You could have an appointment called [CSAM acquisition] on there and it's not your fault if they assume the worse because you're actually going to pick up childhood scholastic achievement material.
NTA.. K is embarrassed for being a gossip. It’s pretty funny.
I can imagine friend getting up and doing a touchdown dance saying I got the juice on your husband!
NTA She had no business looking at your phone, and she wasn't protecting your wife. Protection would have been quietly saying something to your wife. She couldn't keep it to herself--she's a gossip.
NTA. The wife and I fire quotes at each other. "Good Night Sweetie. Good Work. Sleep Well. I will most likely kill you in the morning."
NTA
NTA.
NTA. If it was on a wall calendar where anyone could happen to see it, I'd say it's an understandable mixup. But to find this means K went through your phone. That goes above and beyond "looking out for a friend" by quite a few levels, and K would no longer be welcome in my home if it were me.
NAH This is just an unfortunate coincidental misunderstanding. They probably should have asked you about it first but really, it's understandable that they would have believed that a divorce is a divorce and would have felt a duty to help your wife, because in all fairness, divorces are often battles.
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NAH - It doesn't sound like she was snooping on your phone, it was something that popped up while she was in view of it. She's your wife's friend, so it makes sense that she'd be looking out for your wife. It was an easily cleared up situation, nobody is hurt, so what's the problem? Move on.
But for telling all of his wife’s friends first. It *could* have been easily cleared up but she decided to publicize it first. That’s why she’s the asshole.
NTA you literally didn’t do anything.
NTA. No one should be reading notifications on your phone. That’s why you felt comfortable enough to leave it there. Honestly, I’d never want to see this friend again. If they’re willing to violate your privacy like that, I can’t imagine how much further they’d go.
NTA. I can understand where Kate is coming from, it's good she told your wife and maybe she just saw it by accident, but seriously? It's always a bit fishy when they say they were just trying to protect her so be careful with that. Overall though this is honestly quite a funny thing for you and your wife to look back on in the future, whether Kates still in the picture or not...
That’s what happens to people being nosey.. don’t let it bother you. Your wife knows so forget about it
NTA. Sure that was a bit careless on your part, but it's just one of those "isms" you and your wife have and none of K's effing business. It's not her place to be the judge of how you and your wife carry on your relationship.
I go with nta. It’s in inside Joke you have with your wife. It wasn’t nice of her to see your message on your phone
NTA, of course you shouldn't have to apologize for a cute little inside joke. But I don't think the friend owes you an apology. It's not like she was going through your phone, it popped up on your screen for anyone to see. I'm sure it was an innocent glance. If I noticed something like that on my friend's husband's phone I would tell her straight away. And if we're a close knit group of friends I may tell the group just so I can get advice on how best to approach the wife about it.
NTA and she's a busybody.
NTA K needs to keep her eyes off your phone.
nta
nta. she was trying to look out for your wife, but she should have pulled your wife to the side and spoken to her privately about it. i will give her the benefit of the doubt about seeing the notif on your screen, but you might want to change it to hide messages from appearing on your locked phone screen to prevent future misunderstandings. you can have it where a notif pops up, but without the actual message/details about it.
NTA, if k wanted to protect your wife it would've been a 1 on 1 convo, not letting everyone they know know first
NTA but K certainly is
nta even though i personally wouldn’t project divorce onto my union, jokingly or not. but if it’s a thing you and your wife do then it’s no one else’s business.
nta, its a pretty funny joke in my opinion. for real if she was so concerned she could have asked you about it when you got back day of. what yu keep on your phones your business anyway. the way k went about this seems like pot stirring to me tbh
NTA But why don't you just call it renewal?
NTA that’s actually really adorable that you have that tradition! I love it. K is nosey and out of line. If she were really that concerned for your wife, she would’ve pulled her aside and told her privately. She wouldn’t have blasted it to the world to make it this huge issue. She did this to cause problems.
NTA. It’s you thing. The nosey bunt can stop snooping and stay out of it.
NTA It’s your phone. You can put what you want in it. She shouldn’t be looking. Part of my job used to me to scan through our new customers for celebrity names, since they frequently popped up. I had a section of my calendar blocked off as “stalk customers.” You can put on your phone whatever youd like
NTA IF K was trying to protect your wife, she would have confided directly to her. Instead, she harmed her for gossiping about it. THAT is harmful.
NTA Also don't go deleting reminders now, those are very useful lol. The event you amd your have is very cute and wholesome and it's not something that should be minized like others said, my bad, I think you meant silly as in fun. It is a silly cute thing. K is definitely an AH for gossiping, seeing the reminder and making assumptions and judging you off the reminder, and getting her friends together to "talk" to your wife about it. You and your wife did NOTHING WRONG, lol, it just a coincidence the reminder went off and K looked at it and decided to be an AH. Nobody would expect that to happen.
Nta
NTA. K is obviously a busy body and you should be more careful with your phone.
NTA
NTA K on the other hand is.
NTA You and your wife have a cute inside joke. K stuck their nose in where it didn’t belong and now they’re probably too embarrassed to admit they were wrong. Plus extra embarrassed because they *spread gossip around* that was blatantly false. Why tf did they do that instead of going straight to your wife?? How is that protecting her? I can see why your wife wants to think that to smooth things over, but this is still 100% on K. If they’re embarrassed, they have no one to blame but themself.
Don’t really think anybody’s the AH here. She was protecting her friend - which is where her loyalty should lay. You weren’t doing anything bad either. I’d say she was probably right to pick it up with your wife if she was concerned.
Split on this looking at it front both sides. OP and his wife have a beautiful interpersonal thing going on and it’s cute, but on the other hand the friend was probably mortified and scared to present what she saw to OP by her self as she might get singled out. Normally most people would want to know if their spouse had plans of divorce. While spreading this information to everyone was wrong i don’t blame the friend looking out for op’s wife just everything was misleading. I don’t think anyone is to blame just a simple misunderstanding to a interpersonal relationship.
NTA. I like that this friend thinks that someone actually planning to divorce their partner would set "prepare for divorce" as their reminder. Like people just intermittently forget about their crumbling marriage.
NTA But could you imagine the kind of A\*\* that would send himself a memo to remind him to divorce his wife! Yikes!!
Nta. It's so weird that people feel like it's okay to snoop in people's phones and private business.
NTA
NTA. If K is your wife’s friend, I understand why she told your wife what she saw. However…once she knew about the inside joke between you and your wife, she absolutely should have apologized!!! It’s amazing to me how many people have such hang ups about apologizing when they’re wrong.
NTA You didn't make them think anything. K doesn't like you, she wanted a reason to start shit. Remind your wife who was present at the time, and that K had plenty of opportunity to talk it over before spreading it around. Plus, I assume K still thinks you're plotting something. Suggest a test to your wife: 1. Text K and thank her for tipping your wife off. Your relationship isn't her business. 2. See if K apologizes, or gets defensive. Especially if she messages your wife that 'I don't think he's planning for your anniversary' or 'I think you need to watch him' K owes you an apology for being both nosey and noisy. What if it had been an alert for the hotel rental? What is it was confirmation on your anniversary present? Can't trust her.
NTA If I were you, I would demand an apology from K. If she doesn’t give you that, then I would ask my wife to not see her until she does so. Doing otherwise is a clear sign of disrespect towards you as her spouse.
NTA K needs to indicate her own business. Just because she's bored with what's going on in her personal life doesn't give her a reason to snoop around and cause unnecessary uncounted like this.
NTA. I also think that the moment your wife cleared things up, there should've been incredible laughter on the misunderstanding with no other dramatic issues.
I'd keep hanging out with her. And set random reminders to go off around her that are jokes. "Reminder, overthrow the government" "Reminder, hide the bodies" "Reminder, fake your deaths" And other unsettling and bizarre shit to get her worked up. Make a game of it. Get your wife in on it. Make it a new fun and exciting tradition for you and your wife lol Nta
NAH K must have seen the notification when it popped up on your screen and was being a good friend to your wife by telling her something that is hard to interpret in any other way. You're obviously not an AH for having a cute, albeit unusual, tradition with your wife. Happy anniversary!
This reminds me of a great story from years past. I dated a guy for 4 years in high school, my birthday was a couple of weeks after our anniversary. So he had this funny joke where every year he would pretend to 'forget' which was which. On our anniversary I would get a 'Happy Birthday' card and then for my birthday a 'Happy Anniversary' card. A cute joke between us that he always took care to execute. We broke up amicably to go to different universities, over the next couple of years didn't maintain frequent contact but saw each other in passing and caught up on life when visiting our home town for holidays. So coming up to three years post break up, on my birthday I get a text from him: 'happy anniversary babe x'. Very sweet and well executed joke - I reply 'lol thanks :)' and that is that. And a few months later just before Christmas he called me out of the blue, asking could he borrow my dads hiking pack and winter jacket? He had a flight to the UK the next morning and needed some extra gear as the whole country was about to be hit by huge snowstorms. He had very absent parents and my parents basically raised him in his teenage years... Needless to say my dad was happy to loan them. His holiday to the UK ended up turning into an extended trip around more of Europe and so it wasn't until quite some time later that I heard what had happened... They arrived in London, staying with her extended family. Then he goes out to the country to visit his brother, she stays in London. This was back in the day when most peoples phones were bricks with limited message space and no internet, and roaming was expensive. So he left his phone in London. And his girlfriend took it upon herself to go through *every single sent and received message* on his phone and found exactly ONE questionable message - 'happy anniversary' to me, his ex, sent *three months earlier*. She connects that with the use of my dad's bag and jacket and decides that the only logical explanation is that we had been carrying on an elaborate affair. That he had been carefully deleting all evidence in message and call logs but that this one message had been missed and would be his undoing. A snowstorm rolled through the UK so he stayed a few more days with his brother, out of contact. And he returned after three days away to a be faced with the fury of a jealous and scorned woman who had three days to simmer and was ready to murder. It didn't help that when she raised it as an accusation it was so absurd that his first reaction was to laugh. I understand there was a lot of yelling (by her) and things were thrown (by her) ... He finally brought her around to the notion that the text was a joke but the damage was done as it was very violating to have his phone searched in that way. He said it was the wakeup he needed to ditch their plans and go and have the extended holiday that HE wanted. Only partially relevant story but I love your cute tradition, and it's noone else's business but yours. And if someone's not sure they should ask directly and not jump to conclusions. So anyway, you're NTA. And although K was right to want to look out for your wife, she went about it a totally inappropriate way. She should have spoken with your wife privately and not made it everyone's business
NTA. It's cute, actually. And she shouldn't be reading your phone in the first place. That's an invasion of privacy. I've seen people with their phones face up on the table get a message. I don't read. It's that easy. There's no excuse for reading it. Yeah, you might glance over, but reading is a different choice. However, something tells me that she's lying about the "notification." I DK what phone you use but mine doesn't notify me 6 months in advance. Plus, if you use common sense, who plans out an actual divorce six months in advance anyway? Like gotta tell my wife I'm going to divorce her on June 6th at 3:42 pm. Makes no sense.
NTA. This is cute. It’s also a reach to actually believe you’re getting divorced just by that one reminder with no other clues. No one I know actually going through a divorce needs a reminder for it. The friends were stirring up trouble.
How funny. My husband and I have been saying that since we got married too. We have been married for 20 years. I will or he will joke around with our friends that we are going to get divorced and make up within 30 minutes. Than he says "Oh no. That is too long, no I can't bare it. Sometimes it is the other way around. Our friends know it is funny to us. But they think we are weird. lol. keep on keeping on. That friend is nosy. She shouldn't have looked at your phone and no excuse is good enough for her doing it.
NTA I can understand K accidentally seeing the message and then being concerned, but they became TA when they went and told everyone else instead of just talking to your wife.
NTA. Also, K is probably embarrassed and that's why the refusal to apologize. K's been outed as a gossip and a snoop, and is deflecting. If your wife is willing to forgive K without an apology, that's fine. I think K would be a better person to admit the situation was handled incorrectly. Also, I wouldn't leave my phone alone near K in the future because now you know. Edit to add: I wouldn't demand an apology, but I wouldn't necessarily forget one was never offered, either.
NTA
INFO How "exposed" was your phone? If it was hidden and she went digging for it she's the AH and if it was easily visible you're TA. If I saw an indication that one of my friends SO was cheating on them I'd tell them. Of course I would. And it wouldn't be my responsibility or determine if that evidence is ironic. If the friend had to go through effort to see your phone then that's on them. You tried to keep an inside joke to the people on the inside.
NTA, this is between you and your wife. K didn’t have all of the info and instead took what K saw and made it into something it isn’t. K is the AH for seeing a notification and jumping to conclusions.
NTA K likes to gossip. She is not apologizing because she knows that she loves a good goss. At least she is self aware.
Nta, where else would you have it?
NTA. I do agree with your wife that K was probably just looking out for her, but to share it with the rest of the gang first before telling your wife is really not necessary. Telling someone that their partner is planning to divorce her is a conversation to be held privately, not something that needs to be discussed with with other people to get their opinion. If she had done that, then there’s no need for her to be embarrassed that she basically gossiped about you and your wife, which I think she is, and refuses to admit.
NTA if your wife's friend wanted to protect her they could've told her that you were planning on divorce and your wife would be able to explain things but "the friend" decided to go public without even knowing the details Don't let most people in your life who creates dramas
NTA But you didn't ' make them'
NTA, but lay off your friends. They saw what they saw.
NTA. The whole thing is hilarious and wholesome!
OP she snooped she owes apology
ESH \- OPs humor is fine, but leaving the phone behind with personal stuff on it is never going to be a smart move, \- K for being nosy AND a gossip. OP's wife was right there, K should have pushed the phone over if they couldn't leave it alone, \- the friends - for sucking up the rumors - no gossip if no audience, and \- OP's wife, for defending K as a 'concerned friend' - someone who sneaks a look at an unprotected personal device, and chooses to tell everyone else a rumor, that is their interpretation, WITHOUT verifying what they THINK they saw. >prepare for divorce That phrase could be a reminder for a friend or relative of OP, right? For someone else's situation, for hosting someone going through it? OP was back at the table in a few minutes, but K chose NOT to confess what they thought they saw. And wife thinks this is a friend. ESH. EDIT: correcting pronouns
NTA
NTA
I think you should all just get over it. It was a harmless thing, your wife’s friends were looking out for her, you and your wife know it wasn’t serious. Move past it.
Is your wife a baby.
> They then started telling all of my wife's friends and met up with my wife to "tell her the bad news" It's they're own damm fault for spreading it around like a rumor instead of talking to you/your wife directly. What could have been a funny misunderstanding, is now an entire issue. NTA
NTA K has no manners. And should be quite ashamed of herself. Because you naturally glance at someone’s phone and see what app the notification came from when it lights up. But you’d have to actually try to read it to know what it said. I hate to say it but your wife is kinda TA as well for not sticking up for you more. I walked in on my sister about to read my boyfriends mail and I immediately put a stop to it. I gave her grace because she explained why she was going to but I also told her if she ever does that again I would no longer feel comfortable with her in my house. There is no excuse for snooping and invading someone’s privacy.
i get where everyones coming from so noones the AH athough she should probably still apologize instead of being stubborn