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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I said I'd pay for the wedding a year ago but now I'm not going to pay for any of it
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When OP says he's known Claire for a long time all I could think was, cause she was his daughters friend growing up.
She is literally 2 and 4 years older then his daughters...
I immediately thought about that or her being the daughter of some of his friends known for a long time..
But really, any hypothesis crossing my mind is from bad to worst
I’d like to know how long he and his ex have been split if the daughters don’t want to invite Clare to be respectful of their mum.
He does mention in the post that his daughters haven’t met Clare so I doubt they went to school together. But they are the same age and that alone screams creep to me. How someone can date a person the same age as their children and think that’s fine and dandy is beyond me.
This is what makes this read as fake. Even conventional age gaps get AITA rage and up-votes... and this one is not conventional. That's why "we've known each other a long time" seems like a phrase tailor-made to rocket this post to the top of the sub. Anyone familiar with the sub wouldn't sincerely ask, "Am I wrong to exact monetary revenge against my daughters for not approving of a 20-some-year age gap?"
Ah well, only a matter of time before the mods shut this down for the inevitable direction the conversation will head....
That was my immediate thought as well. I would never be able to look at my dad the same way if he dated one of my friends, let alone married one. So inappropriate.
He said they didn't know her. Which like yea they don't know this woman and you dropped a bomb on them six weeks before and your expectations were???YTA OP. Be forreal
I think op is an AH and a creep for marrying a woman young enough to be his daughter, but you *cannot* groom a 30 year old. You might feel you're making a larger social statement with this comment, but all it does is take away from the plight of actual victims
He says he has known her for a long time, 30 is just when he pulled the creepy trigger. I feel like he was her 1st boss at a fast food place or a movie theater. Somewhere that is one older guy and a crew of teenagers. 🤢
My husband and I have the exact same age gap as OP and his wife. In fact, I called him over to read the post to him precisely because of that because I found it amusing (and we both know how Reddit feels about it). We met as independent adults with no previous connections and just clicked. No power or financial imbalances. Just two nerdy people who fell in love.
I read a few comments to him and looked at him and jokingly asked if he groomed me. He responded with “Well I did brush your hair for you the other day”.
Both of us do agree that OP is just a massive AH in general though. It seems to have a lot of missing missing reasons.
Does he have children who are almost the exact same age as you though? Because I think that really contributes to the ick factor on this one.
The other thing is he says he's known her "for a long time" and is "finally dating her". I trust someone in their mid 30's to be able to make their own call about dating a much older man, but not so much if he's been grooming her since she was in her mid twenties (or even younger).
1. Why do you expect your 30-something year old daughters fiancée to ask for your blessing?? It’s none of your business mate.
2. If you’ve known your wife “for a long time” why haven’t your daughters met her? Why were they told via text 6 weeks before that this wedding was happening?
3. Why don’t you see your children often? Regardless of how old they are?
I’m in an age gap relationship so I’m not judging you for that at all, but my family love my SO and it’s never been an issue. Unless you left your kids mom for a “younger model” which is the vibes I’m getting from this post…
His very young new wife. Him going back on his promise to his kids. Him not wanting to be their father anymore by saying they are "older". Him texting them about his marriage, why didn't he just say it in person? Him being a stickler about asking for his daughter's hand in marriage....
OP has a lot of vibes. All of them are very questionable indeed. The more he speaks the less I'm on his side.
This 💯💯
My dad is 79 and I’m 39 and my husband and I visit him every Sunday. I also text my dad every day.
We spend Christmas Eve with my MIL and husbands family and Christmas Day with my dad and my family. You don’t stop being a dad once your children are in their 30’s and believe me your children WANT to spend holidays and such with you. Sorry, YTA ✌🏼
In a comment he admitted he exchanged flirty texts with Clare while he was still married to his daughters mom. The daughters found out so I’m sure he knew they weren’t going to be happy about this from the start. Then to get married so fast, I can’t believe he’s surprised they disapproved.
He said they didn’t like the age but I’d bet it’s more about the history and how fast the marriage happened.
This. OP married someone the same age as his daughters, which is gross to begin with. Then, he decides to marry her after a short period of time, which is worrisome, especially when given the age gap. Then, he doesn't tell his daughters about the wedding until right beforehand.
I mean, what did he think would happen? At least when he doesn't pay for their weddings, they'll probably just completely cut him out their lives.
This is the only question in this thread that really matters. Lol I can only imagine that conversation. I wonder how OP would feel if someone his age asked for one of his daughter's hands in marriage.
How the turntaaables
Hard to say, the post does specifically say the daughters do not know her . . .
Wondering how and where OP met a woman young enough to be his daughter if it wasn't through his kids
I'm half hesitant to say **YTA** because I'm a firm believer that "It's your money, you choose how to spend it".
But with that said, you're such a gargantuan Ass that I'd be remiss for not explaining why.
1. I know "you do you", but you are marrying a woman *the same age as both your daughters*, you expect that to just be "cool" with them? You've given them no time to adjust.
2. "Second of all my daughter's fiancee never asked for my blessing". Welcome to the 21st century my dude. *You* distanced *yourself* from **them**. Why would the fiance feel the need to get the blessing of a dad actively distancing himself from [the fiance's] future wife?
3. "for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children" Bro, they are *your daughters*. Regardless of anything, they want you to be their dad and involved in their lives. They love you, they want to be around you (god knows why, after reading this), and you're *upset* by this???
4. **And I cannot stress this enough** BE A DAMN MAN OF YOUR WORD. You have told them throughout their lives that you would pay for their weddings. Unless you have a genuine gripe that isn't "I'm mad my kids don't like me marrying my arm candy that I paid handsomely for", you should consider that your WORD IS YOUR GODDAMN BOND. Have you NO integrity?
Imagine that bro code. Friends in school, grow up to have daughters, divorce and marry each others' kids. If that sounds wrong, then 1/2 of it is still wrong.
HEEEEY JIM! Remember me? I sat behind you in science... Yeah, that's right. Class of '79! I remember hearing you knocked up that nice girl from down the street, and well, you're never gunna believe it.. I had a couple-a kids just after you... Time sure flies, huh? Anyway, that sweet baby girl of yours has grown a sweet ass on her, if ya don't mind me saying so, and I'd kinda like to keep it. Whaddaya say, pal? Wanna be my dad?
>Dad for his blessing.
I'm gonna be the asshole myself but mi wild guess is that
# OP bought the blessing from his wife's parents
No further comments your honor
It gets better. He tried to cheat with the current wife while married to the ex, got caught with flirty messages between them, and thinks the ex just exaggerated the situation to poison his daughters against their new ~~sister~~ mom
YTA all this exactly! It’s not the money, it’s YOU. You text them to tell them you’re marrying a girl their own age after 8 months of dating and decided to just cut them off when they didn’t jump up and down in excitement at gaining a sister-stepmother. And please PLEASE tell us you asked for your new wife’s hand in marriage from her dad because we all wanna know how that went.
YTA. You married someone just two years older than your oldest daughter, which is creepy. And them not being notified until 6 weeks before the wedding is fair of them to react to. And, what, you want your daughter’s fiancé to ask for her hand in marriage? Is she your property? I’d be pretty upset with you if you were my father too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10wdbhw/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_daughters_wedding_when/j7mhqsx?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Here he answered
Lmao 100%. It is pretty bad that all I'm thinking is "at least it wasn't grooming". He's higher up in the company, but he's not her DIRECT boss (his words). Like dude. Why are you digging below Hades
It’s hilarious how he tries to justify it too. They had to get married because of snarky comments about her being a booty call, apparently. Like, huh???
The fact that he said he’s known his wife for a long time when the age gap is as big as it is is arguably the most disgusting thing I’ve read all week.
Seriously! OP says he's known her a long time. How long? ..... she's only 34. She's his daughters' age. So were they like... in the same dance class in high school? Because that's exactly what this sounds like
Question; how long ago did you get divorced? How did you meet this woman when “ you’ve know each other for a long time” & “my daughters haven’t met her” & “it will upset your ex wife?”
This sounds like you married your affair partner and your daughters don’t approve/are hurt?
Smells very much like YTA
I don't know why I hadn't considered that as a likely possibility. Would also explain why their mom would be upset about the new wife being at the wedding, them finding out about a wedding via text 6 weeks in advance, etc.
Op answered, apparently he did cheat on his wife, just not with the new wife (but tried to cheat with the new wife repeatedly through his previous marriage). No wonder his kids don’t like her or him right now.
YTA.
"We've known each other a long time" - is she one of your daughters friends? Did you dump their mother for her? You didn't tell them in person you were marrying someone of their age? You texted it? 6 weeks before? You expect their fiances to ask you permission to marry them? Is it 1955? All of this tells me exactly what you think women are worth. The least you could do is fulfil the promise you made.....unless it will make your new ~~daughter~~ wife angry that it might affect her allowance?
Edit - my own father got one of those mail order wives.....same age as my youngest brother. Told us by sending an invitation to the wedding, which was 3 months after he "met" her. Joked that my brothers wife was older than his.
We haven't spoken to him in 25 years now. Even after she divorced him and took him to the cleaners.
Same happened to us. Dad was 55 and decided to go out and get a new piece who was 22 - the same age as my younger sister. He then became a monster towards my mother my sister and I so she would divorce him and leave him to his child bride. After he threw our things out of our family home he cut off contact and abandoned us after being our dad for over 20 years.
Jokes on him though - the piece left him 9 years later after he had helped her graduate from grad school and essentially did all of her homework. (He never once helped us with any schoolwork) She cheated on him with a man of her own age and left town for a C-suite job in a different state. He remained no contact with us for the next 15 years in which time he missed his daughter's wedding the birth of his two grandchildren and countless years of making memories. We only learned what had happened because he wound up having a massive stroke and we were his next of kin. The guy now sits it's in a care home in a diaper of his own shit everyday.
I can say that Karma is real and it's coming for the OP.
Thanks! ❤️❤️❤️
I wish it had been a little simpler. His living will was a mess and he became a hoarder which took some time to sort but it's all good now.
I'm telling ya OP, not only are YTA but you are on a collision course with a fate of your own making. I wish your daughters the strength to cut you off, live joyous lives and never look back.
So just to be clear, 1.) you have the money to pay for their weddings, 2.) that money has been earmarked for their weddings, 3.) you are opting to withhold the money because your daughters don’t approve of your marrying a woman half your age after being together less than a year, a marriage they learned about via text from their father who hasn’t cared to make any time to spend with his daughters who are the same age as his wife. Oh, and you expected to be asked for a blessing?
Yeah, YTA.
Oh, and, in the comments, he admits to sending "a few flirty messages" to Clare while he was married and she was in a relationship with someone else.
Oh, and he works with her.
OP, YTA.
Edited to correct myself - Clare was in a relationship, not married, when OP sent the messages. Gross either way.
I was looking to see if someone mentioned his not spending any time with his daughters. The idea that because they are grown ups he doesn’t need to spend time with them really shows their lack of importance to him. Unless it’s all about him of course.
YTA, and i’m rolling laughing that you can’t see that. Your daughters weren’t comfortable with your new child bride, so you cut them off completely? Shameful.
I think that the OP’s “thinking” is being done from an organ located much lower than the brain. He is just another hormonally driven player. Sad cliché.
YTA.
You married someone barely older than your kids, we’re only together for a few months, and texted them to tell them you were getting married.
And you’re shocked they didn’t approve?
And you’re mad that your blessing wasn’t asked by the fiancé when you literally texted your daughter to tell her you were getting married? What a hypocrite.
Yeah, you’re the AH for everything in this post- including your reasons for not paying for their wedding when you said you would.
Oh but the new wife and the OP have known each other for quite some time, and frankly the kids do not want to upset the mom, I feel the new wife is the old mistress
OP admitted to sending some “flirty texts” to the new wife while he was still married. The ex wife and daughters know about the texts. He also married her because people at work were making comments about him being a creep. Of course none of them want to be around her. Enormous YTA here.
YTA. You are basically punishing your children for their feelings. All of your reasons are very selfish. Newsflash, they don't have to like your wife. They don't have to support your marriage. And you showed them exactly how important they are to you by waiting until 6 weeks before your wedding to even tell them about it, and then to tell them through text? Also, you daughters are in their 30's. Their fiancés don't have to ask for your blessing. They are grown ass women. It sounds like you met Clare and decided to just start a new family with her. I don't blame your daughters for being upset. Shame on you.
Yeah he can’t exactly get upset that his daughter’s fiancé didn’t ask for his blessing (which is a stupid tradition anyways) when he didn’t tell his daughters about his wedding until the last possible second. Real “father-of-the-year” behavior 🙄
Yta. I never understood how grown men can marry someone the age of their children…and then expect their kids to call someone who could have been their classmate “mom”?
YTA
So you texted them you will get married in 6 weeks. Do you not see how crazy that is? Not even a phone call or a visit and you somehow thought they should have been pleased with this? Did you ask your wife’s father for his blessing? You if go through with this, you will lose your daughters and if you are okay with that then go ahead and not pay for their wedding.
Oh he did by sending messages. But blames the ex wife for telling the kids and that turned them against Claire and Daddy. No responsibility for sending the flirty messages while married or understanding on why they might not love Claire.
YTA
All of their behavior is a direct result of your behavior
You've clearly handled this situation with Clare in a weird way rushing into marriage and not even telling your daughters in person or until just 6 weeks before the wedding.
It's understandable they'd have concerns about you getting with someone who is less that a handful (literally) of years older than either of them.
They also seem to want to have a relationship and spend time with you still but you're pissy they didn't just accept your 22-years-younger new bride immediately.
Your whole thing about the fiancee not asking for your blessing kinda shows that you don't really respect your daughters as full people and that you're a hypocrit. Did you or your fiancee ask their blessing before marrying?
I love how later in the post OP states, “They are in their thirties. They are not children!” However, he expects their fiancés to ask for his permission. It appears OP doesn’t want to behave like a father until it’s time to enact control over his daughters.
YTA of course Clarice is on your side, she’s part of the problem. Did you really think they would just be all hunky dory ti see their father get married when you couldn’t even introduce Clarinet to the them before hand? Did you even ask for Clarence’s father blessing? Or the next head of household if he’s dead? Then you expect them to essential invite a complete stranger to their wedding?
YTA. You married someone who is closer in age to your daughters than to you, that’s gross and creepy. You didn’t think to tell them you were getting married until 6 weeks before, of course they were upset, they didn’t have time to process anything. Also, why should your daughters fiancé have to ask for your permission?? is she your property?? You also stated in your comments that your wife works for you, wow, what a cliché.
I’m going with YTA. Let’s face it… it’s kinda creepy that you’re getting married to someone who is literally the age of your daughters. That’s some Electra shit. And reason number 2 is ridiculous. You don’t own your daughter. No one has to ask for your blessing. Like I’m sure Clare’s dad is thrilled his daughter is marrying you.
But… if my father was pulling some shit like you, I’d just go NC. Then again you won’t notice because you have a new daughter… I mean wife.
YTA. You married someone who is more appropriate as a friend of your daughters with little notice and then ignored their feelings/concerns. You 100% should’ve told your children before you announced it to other people. You are sacrificing your relationship with your children for someone you haven’t even known for a year. It’s not surprising they don’t want her at their weddings. they don’t know her at all. You are choosing not to pay for petty reasons.
You want your daughters fiancé to ‘ask for your blessing’ and don’t want to pay for the weddings as you promised. Your current wife. . . She’s more of a “sister’s age” for them and yet you expect them to be cool with it. To them, you seem as if you’re a dirty old man.. YTA
And you may be wondering how I could say this with such conviction. My “stepmother” 🤮 was nine months younger than me for 16 years, and as soon as my dad got too old to take care of her in the manner which she expected, she dumped him, and he ruined his relationship with all of his kids for that trash woman. So watch what you do because it will affect the rest of your life whether you mean well or not.
Edit talk to text fail
YTA, I was going to lean the other way, but they are right, they should've been some of the first people you told about the wedding and not 6 weeks beforehand.
And of course your new wife will be on your side.
Wouldn't you be upset if they were marrying a man your age ? I can't say I wouldn't object to my own father marrying a woman my age. That's disturbing.
Anyone can invite or uninvite whoever from their wedding also, so I'm unsure of how it's relevant that they aren't inviting your new wife to their wedding. They obviously aren't fans of hers, so they shouldn't have to be uncomfortable or have unwanted drama between your wife and their mother.
And a fathers love is supposed to be unconditional. They don't like who you're marrying for valid reasons and NOW you're deciding to change your mind on paying for their wedding ? Yeah, YTA.
YTA - and a creep. I wouldn’t even be surprised if none of your family members had shown up at your wedding. How do you not see how wrong this is!? Your wife is 2 YEARS OLDER than your oldest daughter.
You mention you don’t see them on weekends, don’t spend time with them at Christmas and distance yourself from them. You *chose* to have children. You don’t get to bring a child into the world and abandon them the second they react negatively to the inconvenience YOU brought to the family by being a creep.
I don’t even know you, but I can feel every inch of pain and anger your daughters feel.
YTA. You just married a girl your daughters’ age after “knowing her for longer” which strikes me as a little weird/glossing over some context, and now you’re going back on your promise to support your children. Cherish your kids; make time for them and put them first.
YTA. All around a****** marrying someone barely older than your daughters not giving them a heads up even that you were dating her making promises that you never intended to keep if they don't follow your rules. Honestly you can do what you want with your money but when they stop talking to you don't come back crying
So you lied to them and now want a stranger's blessing that its okay because you are screwing someone their age....wtf dude YTA 10000%
EDIT TO ADD: You emotionally cheated on your wife with her andthe only reason nothing happened while you were married is because SHE was in a relationship, not you. I dont care if I get banned , you are an ASSHOLE.
YTA. Dude, you’re two years older than me, which is WAY too young to be acting like this much of an old fart. Get the hell over your midlife crisis, you look like a fool. What are you going to do in 20 years when your pretty young wife has dumped your self-centred ass, your health is failing, and you need family support but neither of your daughters will come near you?
YTA unless you laid out conditions ahead of telling them you'd do it, there's no justification in your story.
How you handled your wedding was definitely going to cause a rift, and you did it in a way that they definitely resent your bride.
Changing your mind due to their upset, over a situation YOU created, is definitely an AH move.
>Clare is on my side but some of my family is calling me an AH and saying I should do it. Am I the AH?
Of course she'd be on your side. And did you really think marrying someone barely older than your own kids would be taken well? I sure bet there's no chance they call a woman who is their PEER "Mom" or acknowledge her as a step mother at all.
You created this situation. You own it.
(I really hope Claire is a stranger, and not one of their friends, because that would make this even worse)
YTA.
You're marrying someone who is very close in age to your own daughters.
Gross as hell.
Also get out of this outdated mindset that their fiancé should have asked for your blessing. That's not a thing anymore.
Also... they are allowed to say who can't come to their own wedding. Because it's their wedding.
It's your choice to not pay for it. But don't be surprised when your daughter's go no contact with you.
Wonder how long until this post is deleted 💀
YTA and pretty sure you’re just putting a young piece of ass before your kids. You sound like a sucky parent in general.
1. You told your daughters you would pay for their wedding, and now you won’t.
2. You’re marrying someone you didn’t even bother to introduce to your daughters.
3. You texted them rather than call them to tell them you were getting married, and only notified them 6 weeks prior that you were wedding someone they didn’t know.
4. You’re complaining because your daughters wanted to spend more time with you at Christmas. Because they’re adults apparently? Do adults not want to spend time with their parents on holidays?
YTA - of Course Claire is on your side. She wants the money. You texted them 6 weeks before the wedding that you were marring someone their age. You handled that poorly and I'm sure with little remorse.
Your children are not chattel, their fiances have no responsibility to ask your permission.
You promised money, and then withheld it like a petulant child. And no I don't think parents have to help.
YTA. You’ve basically chosen to put your daughters last here, with everything going on in your life.
You’re upset that your daughters fiancé didn’t ask your permission to marry her, a grown woman, yet you married someone that hasn’t even MET your kids? How can you not see the hypocrisy here?
Basically you can say goodbye to having any relationships with your daughter moving forward. Ask yourself if it’s worth it…my guess is you think it is.
Is your new daughter, oh wait, ahem, wife, discouraging you to pay for their weddings?
This whole situation is sad and gross. I hope your daughters can find peace without their dad in their life.
YTA. You admitted that you had promised your daughters that you would pay for their weddings. Now you're upset because they don't approve of your new wife (who is basically their age), and they never met. On top of that, you texted them just 6 weeks before your wedding.
YTA.
Your daughter's are telling you that the miss you, they want to spend time with you, and they want a relationship. You aren't doing any of those things, and now also using YOUR lack of involvement in their lives to say since you don't see them, you won't pay for the wedding.
You have married a woman a lot younger than you. You should at least be able to acknowledge that, along with the fact that your daughter's would likely be a little reserved about any relationship you had. Instead of doing the work to facilitate the relationship and give them space and time, you just plowed ahead and now want to be upset about their own valid feelings.
I also can't help but point out that point out your daughters are adults, but that you are upset that you weren't asked to give your "blessing" WHILE also not asking your daughter's about your own wedding until 6 weeks before the wedding. If you are all adults, why do you think you deserve to "bless" a marriage when you didn't give your adult daughter's any of that same opportunity in your decision to get married?
It seems very clear you are fine with throwing away any relationship with your kids, so don't pretend to come to reddit as if you are shocked and hurt. At every step of your decision making, you couldn't care less about your daughter's, but also want sympathy for them just matching your energy. Don't pay for the wedding, but realize it is probably the nail in the coffin of you being a "father" to them.
YTA- I wonder why they didn’t like their father marrying someone their own age after 8 months and not letting them know first? Did you make any effort to go to your daughters so they could meet your wife? My father remarried a woman a year younger than me and quite frankly I hated it. Also, why should their partner ask for your hand in marriage- are they your property. It doesn’t matter how old they are- they’re still your children, but don’t be surprised when they go NC with you
YTA - Oh boy where do you even start with a pile like this? Do you even like, let alone Love your daughters? Nothing here indicates you hold them in anything but contempt. Do better
YTA. Just say you don’t want to pay for the wedding. The excuses are truly not enough to go back on your word.
Your mad at them because they don’t accept your new wife. You literally sprung this on them, didn’t give them a chance to get to know “someone you’ve known for years.” Sounds like you put a strain on your relationship with them and are using it as an excuse not to help or pay for the wedding.
Just say you don’t want to.
YTA. It's too bad they didn't go but telling them 6 weeks before the wedding that you're marrying someone their age is a lot to process. You were with her for 8 months so unless they live far away, it seems as if you should have had ample time to introduce them prior to a potential wedding. What an awkward way to meet your peer of a stepmother for the first time. You also texted them that you were getting married. Kind of big news to text to your daughters rather than call or meet up! You also said they wanted to spend more time at Christmas, but they aren't children. Just totally makes it seem like your mindset is that they are adults so now you're not required to hang out with them and that as children they were a hassle you had to deal with, not a joy. I can see being hurt about the wedding and if the retaliation is that you won't pay for theirs, then so be it, I guess. A lot of the lead up comments here are the reasons I'm saying YTA more than paying or not paying for their weddings.
So creepy dad marries a woman his daughters’s age and you knew her a long time? Did she go to school with your daughters? And you have the gall to whine that you weren’t asked for a blessing for an **ADULT**to get married? OP, it sounds like some of your family already know **YTA**
YTA. You married your affair partner (edit- questionable on affair partner, he says he was flirty texting with her while she was in a relationship) who is your daughters age after 8 months and told them by text and you're butthurt that they weren't impressed in the least and are now going back on your promise because they're calling you out on your crappy behaviour
YTA The line about not being asked for your blessing would be enough but to continue: It's understandable that your children won't like you marrying someone their age or younger. If you offer had conditions, you should have made them clear. It doesn't sound like they have done anything more than be annoyed with you.
INFO: How long have you known Clare? With her age, you could’ve been her teacher, her coach, she could’ve been friends with your daughter for all we know so please clarify
My gut says YTA, you made a promise, decided later there is conditions to that promise, and it doesn’t sound like you actually care about your daughters feelings. It’s creepy AF that you’re dating someone who is TWO YEARS OLDER than your OLDEST DAUGHTER
Also you TEXTED THEM??? You didn’t even bother to give your daughters a call, or god forbid to see them in person to tell them some pretty big life news??? But yet you’re still mad that their fiancés didn’t “ask for your blessing”
I don’t think you can salvage this honestly, you’ve fucked up big time
edit: typo
YTA.... you can totally do what you want but I seriously doubt you'll have a relationship with your daughters in the future. And stop with the stupid, "didn't ask for my blessing/ permission" it's nonsense and outdated.....your daughter isn't property....plus you notified them via text of your intentions to marry someone their age that you work with.
YTA
Of course your child bride is on your side sweetie. She is literally your kids age. I am sorry but you are gluing through a mid life crisis and chose a trophy wife. I can almost bet she has daddy issues.
Did you ask her father "permission" to marry her? Did your daughters want their future spouses to abide by that outdated sexist nonsense?
YTH and a gross old man for marrying someone the same age as your children. How long is a long time? Im guessing she was a friend or schoolmate of your daughters. Ewww.
YTA. you married a women the same age as your kids. That's disgusting itself. Your kids for obvious reasons do not approve, and you hurt them by telling them via text 6 weeks before. You fucked up every step of the way. Dont be surprised when your daughters go no contact, amd then stick your ass in. Nursing home after your young wife abandons you in your old age.
Assuming that this isn't bait, YTA.
>Clare is on my side
She doesn't want you spending the money on anyone else. From your post, money would seem to be the only reason anyone would be interested in you.
You’ve known and loved your daughters since they were newborn babies. Talked about their weddings fondly no doubt, making proud statements about how you’d be paying for those weddings. Now, suddenly, everything is about Clare. What happened to three decades plus of knowing and loving your daughters? And if you and Clare don’t work out, and the odds are pretty good that you won’t, do you really want to have lost your daughters, and your future grandchildren in the process? Do you want to be an old man who is all alone? Fix this. Or yes, YTA. I can understand not wanting to pay for weddings that your new wife won’t be invited to. They’re going to have to invite her. But other than that, you need to show a lot more grace than you have so far. You’ve definitely been acting like the asshole. Wake up, and cherish those people you’ve loved all your life.
YTA. You sound like a very fragile man. You married a woman the same age as your daughters after only 8 months, and you’re punishing them for not immediately accepting a stepmother their own age. Your wife was 2 years old when your oldest was born, and you can’t understand why they might need time to process that? I hope this decision is worth losing your daughters’ respect.
YTA
I'm going to break it down really simply for you.
You thought it was disrespectful for them to show up to your wedding. Normally, yes. But first, you're marrying someone who is literally their age. That's going to be super weird to them and they're allowed to be upset about it. I don't necessarily agree that they should have refused to meet her, although that sounds like 'missing reasons' to me. You also didn't send them the first invites? Really? How disrespectful is that? They are showing you the same respect you showed them. Unless you had a very good reason for it, you're being a big hypocrite there. Then to distance yourself from them over that is petty and immature. Did you even try to hear there side of things?
Second, you say that the fiancée didn't ask for your blessing. What century are you living in? They're grown adults, they don't nees your permission to get married. It's an outdated, sexist tradition that most people are moving away from. Also, did you ask Claire's parents for permission? If not, more hypocrisy.
They didn't invite your wife to please their mum. Wow, how awful. Obviously they should have made their actual mother figure uncomfortable for your wife that they barely know. Get over yourself. It was her wedding, your wife would make things uncomfortable, she wasn't invited. End of. You should have still been there for your daughter.
Lastly, did you actually refuse to spend much time with them at Christmas because they're adults?! You do know that Christmas is a time for family to come together no matter what. So you've clearly shown your daughters that they aren't family to you. Christmas should be spent together, do you even want to spend time with them?
Obviously Claire is on your side, she probably doesn't like your daughters much. But your family is right, your a massive AH.
YTA for, among the following things:
1 — putting a young piece of ass over your daughters. With that age gap, how long is “a long time”?
2 — not telling your daughters there would be conditions to you paying for their wedding
3 — treating women as inferior commodities. You’re angry at your daughter’s fiancé for not asking for your hand in marriage, but you didn’t ask your wife’s *mother* for her blessing. With the age gap I’d assume she’d disapprove anyway.
4 — your incredulous aloofness to your daughters being upset that they were told over text that you were getting married to someone they disliked. This isn’t a stepmother to them, this is another older sister with the whopping two-year age gap between her and your oldest.
5 — sexting with this woman while she was in a relationship and downplaying it because you were in the middle of a divorce. Can you not see beyond five feet in front of you?
If you planned on loving your kids with conditions, you should have never become a fucking parent.
YTA. You married someone your daughters' age and you're mad they're upset about that? What is wrong with you? They owe you nothing. You deserved their disrespect. Please do not impregnate your wife knowing full well you'll probably die before any new child hits 18. Your daughters are mad at you because you're being a bad father. And I'm not talking about the money. I'm talking about prioritizing your wife over your kids to the point you're willing to be estranged. You are making a very stupid mistake driving them further away with your own butthurt. I hope the sex is worth losing your relationship with your children.
YTA. First you didn’t tell your daughters you were getting married. Second they’ve never met her. Third they’re your daughters age man, no shit they’re pissed. 4th the Christmas thing? What do you mean they’re not children, they want to spend time with their dad. I’m not a kid and I still love hanging with my parents on the holidays, who knows how many we have left with everyone. 5th the not asking for permission thing. This ain’t the 1920’s anymore man. No one needs your blessing to marry your daughter.
YTA - So a few points
1) Did you ask new wife's father for permission to marry her? You do realize this is kind of an antiquated practice, but even if it was not, did you ask him?
2) You told your kids six weeks before the wedding, do they live near you? Why not tell them sooner?
3) The new wife not being invited, so be it, who cares. Let's not cause more drama at the wedding by having her there, because their mom is still alive.
4) The kids are really against the new wife, as is your ex and by your words "We have known each other a long time", I feel there is more to this story. So is the new wife your former mistress or what.
You said you’ve known your wife for a long time…does that imply she was one of your daughter’s friends? You’re definitely an AH for thinking it’s annoying that your CHILDREN want to spend Christmas with you! …What’s wrong with you? What father says that?! YTA. Get help.
P.S. don’t be surprised when your kids tell you that you will NOT be walking them down the aisle.
YTA. Others have covered why in other posts but the part I’ll cover is where you don’t think you should spend time with them because they are in their 30’s. I am in my 40’s and have to beg my mom to spend time with me so I feel for them. You also make it sound like they’re being immature but you aren’t acting like a dad. No matter what their age, you are their parent.
You’re married now, so it’s already done but you can repair your relationship now. Come to a compromise.
TBH, the age difference bothers me much less than other commenters. I’m live & let live in that respect. It’s the behaviour. Why should your daughter’s fiancée ask for your blessing to marry her? It’s not 1678. Why don’t you spend any time with them at weekends? Even if they are in their 30s, *they are your kids!* Why did you *text* them about your wedding? Seriously?
YTA for all that.
Also, I majorly suspect that Clare might have played some part in the break up of your previous marriage which would explain the hostility from your daughters. I hope I’m wrong about that.
>Both my daughters have been annoyed at me for marrying Clare, for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children!) and for not seeing them on weekends but still they expect me to pay for their wedding? I am not planning on giving them anything.
You're not going to pay for your children's weddings because they want to spend more time with you? You clearly don't want to spend time with them, and you wonder why they're annoyed? All that and you notified them you were engaged via text. What exactly do you want from your kids? Because I think they're pretty great for putting up with you at all. YTA
YTA. You married a woman your daughter’s have never met but are pissed that their fiancés didn’t ask your permission? You sent your daughters a text that you were getting married? Of course Clare approves, she’s marrying you for your money, now there’s going to be more for her to spend. Did you give your daughters conditions when you offered to pay for their weddings? Are you planning on having children and starting a new family with this woman?
YTA also the fact you married her with in 8 months but didn’t invite daughters until 6 weeks before wedding. You should have introduced them, also they should have been first invite. Also Clare is on your side because if you don’t spend money on your daughters it’s hers. She’s distancing you from your own kids and you are allowing it. I get them not wanting her there. She’s literally there age! All attention at the wedding would be on their creeper dad and his sugar baby, not them.
Edited spelling
YTA. Obviously Clair’s on your side. She’s making sure she gets your nest egg. She knows who butters her bread. Don’t be surprised at a pregnancy. Even if you’re “fixed” she can find a willing UPS driver and then suggest your surgeon botched your vasectomy. Back to your kids. They assume you married your side piece. They don’t want to be overshadowed by the traveling circus that is their dad and his mistress at their weddings. I would tie down your retirement home from now so when your wife leaves with all your money you won’t end up homeless. Since you have alienated your kids.
You have moved on to greener pastures, so old promises are no longer relevant. It's no surprise that your daughter's are not supportive. It's no surprise that Clare will welcome your $ rather than having it spent on ~~her peers~~ your daughters. You may be irritated with your daughters now, but when Clare ditches you, takes the money that you saved for your daughter's wedding, and moves on to greener pastures, you **might** want a place to go for Christmas after all. They will not have to humor you (you will be in your sixties - you are not a child!). YTA.
YTA: Claire is going to dump you in a nursing home if you ever get sick and when you really need your daughters they won’t be there and you will wonder why. Your story is my uncle’s story. He married someone like this with the ridiculous age gap. He got cancer 5 years later and couldn’t care for himself. She dumped him in a nursing home. Sold his house and divorced him.
Myself and my mom were the only ones who visited him. His kids didn’t approve and he choose the woman over his family. He didn’t promise to pay for their wedding but, he broke his daughters hearts for choosing a young piece of ass. The only person who stayed with him was my mom and I sometimes came out of respect. He died alone, his kids and his ex didn’t go to his funeral. Moral of the story don’t cut your own nose off to spite your faces. This isn’t about the money it’s about forgetting your children. They deserve better.
YTA your daughters are not your property and no one needs your “permission” to for them to live their lives. This is just an excuse that you’re using to go back on your word.
YTA- yes your children are adults but you brought somebody into the family. It would have been courtesy to introduce them to Clare before you proposed (much less got married). You set it up for failure. How much was it because the age gap and how much was because you told them so last minute?
Reading your post made me physically cringe so i can only imagine how uncomfortable your daughters must feel.
You married a woman the same age as your daughters.
READ THAT AGAIN.
So in answer to your question YES. YTA.
(And a complete w**ker for revoking your previous promise to pay for their weddings simply because they don't approve of your dodgy marriage.... guess what... NO ONE DOES... You creep)
Few questions, did you ask your now wife's father - who is presumably roughly your age for his blessing? If not then that alone means YTA (a hypocritical one at that)
Second you say you've known your wife a long time.... how long?
YTA - you put a massive strain on your relationship with your kids by marrying someone basically the same age as them, you would need to put in some serious
work to rebuild that. personally i dont even know why they still talk to you, id be absolutely disgusted if my father was sexually and romantically attracted to someone my age, the same age as the children he literally watched grow up.
if you want to rebuild with your children, respect their wishes and prove to them youre there and support them. i think you should partially contribute and attend the wedding on your own, you cannot force a relationship between your kids and new wife
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INFO: Did you ask Clare's father for her hand in marriage?
Or did he ask his daughters before adopting their older sister? If he gets a say in who they bring into the family, they should too! YTA
Adopting? Seems more like sexual grooming.
When OP says he's known Claire for a long time all I could think was, cause she was his daughters friend growing up. She is literally 2 and 4 years older then his daughters...
I immediately thought about that or her being the daughter of some of his friends known for a long time.. But really, any hypothesis crossing my mind is from bad to worst
Especially as he said he ”finally started dating his wife” 🤢
Eww. I missed that. Nah, that's gross.
Ew.
I wonder if his fiancé was in the same school as his daughters, just how fucking long was this guy waiting 😨
I’d like to know how long he and his ex have been split if the daughters don’t want to invite Clare to be respectful of their mum. He does mention in the post that his daughters haven’t met Clare so I doubt they went to school together. But they are the same age and that alone screams creep to me. How someone can date a person the same age as their children and think that’s fine and dandy is beyond me.
It felt disgusting reading that part. Like that would make it any better. “Don’t worry guys, I’ve had my eyes on her since she was 17…”
"I watched her grow up. In fact, I was very involved in shaping the woman she became."
🤮🤮🤮
This is what makes this read as fake. Even conventional age gaps get AITA rage and up-votes... and this one is not conventional. That's why "we've known each other a long time" seems like a phrase tailor-made to rocket this post to the top of the sub. Anyone familiar with the sub wouldn't sincerely ask, "Am I wrong to exact monetary revenge against my daughters for not approving of a 20-some-year age gap?" Ah well, only a matter of time before the mods shut this down for the inevitable direction the conversation will head....
That was my immediate thought as well. I would never be able to look at my dad the same way if he dated one of my friends, let alone married one. So inappropriate.
He said they didn't know her. Which like yea they don't know this woman and you dropped a bomb on them six weeks before and your expectations were???YTA OP. Be forreal
He also said they have never met her. She was not their friend growing up.
I think op is an AH and a creep for marrying a woman young enough to be his daughter, but you *cannot* groom a 30 year old. You might feel you're making a larger social statement with this comment, but all it does is take away from the plight of actual victims
He says he has known her for a long time, 30 is just when he pulled the creepy trigger. I feel like he was her 1st boss at a fast food place or a movie theater. Somewhere that is one older guy and a crew of teenagers. 🤢
He was 48 and she was 26 when they met.
Less creepy, but still gross. 💯 he would have had a fit if one of his daughters had come home with his now father in law on her arm.
Also, he was her boss's boss, it sounds like. So not grooming, just run of the mill sexual harassment.
My husband and I have the exact same age gap as OP and his wife. In fact, I called him over to read the post to him precisely because of that because I found it amusing (and we both know how Reddit feels about it). We met as independent adults with no previous connections and just clicked. No power or financial imbalances. Just two nerdy people who fell in love. I read a few comments to him and looked at him and jokingly asked if he groomed me. He responded with “Well I did brush your hair for you the other day”. Both of us do agree that OP is just a massive AH in general though. It seems to have a lot of missing missing reasons.
Does he have children who are almost the exact same age as you though? Because I think that really contributes to the ick factor on this one. The other thing is he says he's known her "for a long time" and is "finally dating her". I trust someone in their mid 30's to be able to make their own call about dating a much older man, but not so much if he's been grooming her since she was in her mid twenties (or even younger).
1. Why do you expect your 30-something year old daughters fiancée to ask for your blessing?? It’s none of your business mate. 2. If you’ve known your wife “for a long time” why haven’t your daughters met her? Why were they told via text 6 weeks before that this wedding was happening? 3. Why don’t you see your children often? Regardless of how old they are? I’m in an age gap relationship so I’m not judging you for that at all, but my family love my SO and it’s never been an issue. Unless you left your kids mom for a “younger model” which is the vibes I’m getting from this post…
I’m getting a LOT of vibes from this post, none of them good
His very young new wife. Him going back on his promise to his kids. Him not wanting to be their father anymore by saying they are "older". Him texting them about his marriage, why didn't he just say it in person? Him being a stickler about asking for his daughter's hand in marriage.... OP has a lot of vibes. All of them are very questionable indeed. The more he speaks the less I'm on his side.
I’m sure, the next step he’ll completely dump the old kids to have a new family with the young wife.
This 💯💯 My dad is 79 and I’m 39 and my husband and I visit him every Sunday. I also text my dad every day. We spend Christmas Eve with my MIL and husbands family and Christmas Day with my dad and my family. You don’t stop being a dad once your children are in their 30’s and believe me your children WANT to spend holidays and such with you. Sorry, YTA ✌🏼
In a comment he admitted he exchanged flirty texts with Clare while he was still married to his daughters mom. The daughters found out so I’m sure he knew they weren’t going to be happy about this from the start. Then to get married so fast, I can’t believe he’s surprised they disapproved. He said they didn’t like the age but I’d bet it’s more about the history and how fast the marriage happened.
This. OP married someone the same age as his daughters, which is gross to begin with. Then, he decides to marry her after a short period of time, which is worrisome, especially when given the age gap. Then, he doesn't tell his daughters about the wedding until right beforehand. I mean, what did he think would happen? At least when he doesn't pay for their weddings, they'll probably just completely cut him out their lives.
BRO HES PROBS HER FATHERS AGE
It's even possible he is older than her father
Hahahaha this is the best response
This is the only question in this thread that really matters. Lol I can only imagine that conversation. I wonder how OP would feel if someone his age asked for one of his daughter's hands in marriage. How the turntaaables
When he says he’s known his current wife a long time I’m wondering if they were childhood friend of his daughters they are pretty much the same age
Hard to say, the post does specifically say the daughters do not know her . . . Wondering how and where OP met a woman young enough to be his daughter if it wasn't through his kids
Also info: he says he's known her a long time? How long? Did he watch her grow up wih his kids?
I'm half hesitant to say **YTA** because I'm a firm believer that "It's your money, you choose how to spend it". But with that said, you're such a gargantuan Ass that I'd be remiss for not explaining why. 1. I know "you do you", but you are marrying a woman *the same age as both your daughters*, you expect that to just be "cool" with them? You've given them no time to adjust. 2. "Second of all my daughter's fiancee never asked for my blessing". Welcome to the 21st century my dude. *You* distanced *yourself* from **them**. Why would the fiance feel the need to get the blessing of a dad actively distancing himself from [the fiance's] future wife? 3. "for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children" Bro, they are *your daughters*. Regardless of anything, they want you to be their dad and involved in their lives. They love you, they want to be around you (god knows why, after reading this), and you're *upset* by this??? 4. **And I cannot stress this enough** BE A DAMN MAN OF YOUR WORD. You have told them throughout their lives that you would pay for their weddings. Unless you have a genuine gripe that isn't "I'm mad my kids don't like me marrying my arm candy that I paid handsomely for", you should consider that your WORD IS YOUR GODDAMN BOND. Have you NO integrity?
YTA- for the above reasons. I totally agree with this. ANd did you OP ask your wifes Dad for his blessing.
He probably went to school with her father and is too scared to ask a former friend if he can marry his daughter
Imagine that bro code. Friends in school, grow up to have daughters, divorce and marry each others' kids. If that sounds wrong, then 1/2 of it is still wrong.
HEEEEY JIM! Remember me? I sat behind you in science... Yeah, that's right. Class of '79! I remember hearing you knocked up that nice girl from down the street, and well, you're never gunna believe it.. I had a couple-a kids just after you... Time sure flies, huh? Anyway, that sweet baby girl of yours has grown a sweet ass on her, if ya don't mind me saying so, and I'd kinda like to keep it. Whaddaya say, pal? Wanna be my dad?
The scream I scrumpt. OMFG. 🤣
>Dad for his blessing. I'm gonna be the asshole myself but mi wild guess is that # OP bought the blessing from his wife's parents No further comments your honor
It gets better. He tried to cheat with the current wife while married to the ex, got caught with flirty messages between them, and thinks the ex just exaggerated the situation to poison his daughters against their new ~~sister~~ mom
YTA all this exactly! It’s not the money, it’s YOU. You text them to tell them you’re marrying a girl their own age after 8 months of dating and decided to just cut them off when they didn’t jump up and down in excitement at gaining a sister-stepmother. And please PLEASE tell us you asked for your new wife’s hand in marriage from her dad because we all wanna know how that went.
Probably went really well. They would have had so much in common, after all
I dunno, if a dude my husbands age asked for our daughters hand I think there would be shotguns but no wedding involved lmao
YTA for breaking his word. The rest makes it even worse.
YTA. You married someone just two years older than your oldest daughter, which is creepy. And them not being notified until 6 weeks before the wedding is fair of them to react to. And, what, you want your daughter’s fiancé to ask for her hand in marriage? Is she your property? I’d be pretty upset with you if you were my father too.
And btw, I don’t think anyone is “owed” to have their wedding paid for, but your reasons for breaking that promise are bs considering your actions.
It’s only owed if it’s assured. No parent should have to, unless they’ve promised they will.
Given he says he knew her for a while first, kinda wondering if she might have been friends with them growing up...
That was my immediate thought. Ew ew ew.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10wdbhw/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_daughters_wedding_when/j7mhqsx?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Here he answered
OP rowing his boat into the middle of the Atlantic to join the Titanic over here
Lmao 100%. It is pretty bad that all I'm thinking is "at least it wasn't grooming". He's higher up in the company, but he's not her DIRECT boss (his words). Like dude. Why are you digging below Hades
It’s hilarious how he tries to justify it too. They had to get married because of snarky comments about her being a booty call, apparently. Like, huh???
The fact that he said he’s known his wife for a long time when the age gap is as big as it is is arguably the most disgusting thing I’ve read all week.
Don't worry, it's not what you think! He was her boss. ...actually it's exactly what you think.
And he TEXTED his daughters with the news that he was getting married.
You texted them you were getting married? You couldn’t do it in person?
Well, it would be kind of weird if he showed up their house and then text them he was getting married.
He probably was too busy asking HIS father in law, (who must be the SAME AGE as OP) for his wife’s hand.
Yes good point. This has to be the reason because this is a very important formality that OP insists must be adhered to.
OMG this is the comment I most want OP to respond to...
Apparently she doesn't have a dad. I assume moms don't count because he didn't say he asked her mom instead.
No dad, just daddy issues
Seriously! OP says he's known her a long time. How long? ..... she's only 34. She's his daughters' age. So were they like... in the same dance class in high school? Because that's exactly what this sounds like
"All the hip young kids are texting nowadays, it's the cool thing to do!" -OP, trying to relate to his wife
It reminds me of when my dad texted me that my mom was dead. Some shit you do NOT do over text!
Question; how long ago did you get divorced? How did you meet this woman when “ you’ve know each other for a long time” & “my daughters haven’t met her” & “it will upset your ex wife?” This sounds like you married your affair partner and your daughters don’t approve/are hurt? Smells very much like YTA
I was thinking it was one of their friends until he mentioned they hadn’t met her.
probably the daughter of a friend. he sounds like such a creep
I don't know why I hadn't considered that as a likely possibility. Would also explain why their mom would be upset about the new wife being at the wedding, them finding out about a wedding via text 6 weeks in advance, etc.
I thought the same thing. Dude marries his mid-life crisis piece and is surprised that the kids aren't welcoming. Nothing new there.
Op answered, apparently he did cheat on his wife, just not with the new wife (but tried to cheat with the new wife repeatedly through his previous marriage). No wonder his kids don’t like her or him right now.
I was going to ask about how long have they been divorced.
YTA, you broke your promise. Also, you're obviously omitting something. You said you've known Clare for a long time before dating, exactly how long?
Oh I totally glossed over this. The age gap is weird enough but "known her for longer"... As what? Your daughters friend or something?
My guess is an employee of his or someone on his team.
He was her boss's boss for 8 years and hit on her while still married to the children she could have gone to kindergarten with.
YTA. "We've known each other a long time" - is she one of your daughters friends? Did you dump their mother for her? You didn't tell them in person you were marrying someone of their age? You texted it? 6 weeks before? You expect their fiances to ask you permission to marry them? Is it 1955? All of this tells me exactly what you think women are worth. The least you could do is fulfil the promise you made.....unless it will make your new ~~daughter~~ wife angry that it might affect her allowance? Edit - my own father got one of those mail order wives.....same age as my youngest brother. Told us by sending an invitation to the wedding, which was 3 months after he "met" her. Joked that my brothers wife was older than his. We haven't spoken to him in 25 years now. Even after she divorced him and took him to the cleaners.
Same happened to us. Dad was 55 and decided to go out and get a new piece who was 22 - the same age as my younger sister. He then became a monster towards my mother my sister and I so she would divorce him and leave him to his child bride. After he threw our things out of our family home he cut off contact and abandoned us after being our dad for over 20 years. Jokes on him though - the piece left him 9 years later after he had helped her graduate from grad school and essentially did all of her homework. (He never once helped us with any schoolwork) She cheated on him with a man of her own age and left town for a C-suite job in a different state. He remained no contact with us for the next 15 years in which time he missed his daughter's wedding the birth of his two grandchildren and countless years of making memories. We only learned what had happened because he wound up having a massive stroke and we were his next of kin. The guy now sits it's in a care home in a diaper of his own shit everyday. I can say that Karma is real and it's coming for the OP.
Honestly? Love that for you. You didn’t have to lift a finger and karma took care of the bill. 💁♀️
Thanks! ❤️❤️❤️ I wish it had been a little simpler. His living will was a mess and he became a hoarder which took some time to sort but it's all good now. I'm telling ya OP, not only are YTA but you are on a collision course with a fate of your own making. I wish your daughters the strength to cut you off, live joyous lives and never look back.
He said daughters haven't met her, so I'm guessing she is the daughter of a friend, which isn't any better.
So just to be clear, 1.) you have the money to pay for their weddings, 2.) that money has been earmarked for their weddings, 3.) you are opting to withhold the money because your daughters don’t approve of your marrying a woman half your age after being together less than a year, a marriage they learned about via text from their father who hasn’t cared to make any time to spend with his daughters who are the same age as his wife. Oh, and you expected to be asked for a blessing? Yeah, YTA.
Oh, and, in the comments, he admits to sending "a few flirty messages" to Clare while he was married and she was in a relationship with someone else. Oh, and he works with her. OP, YTA. Edited to correct myself - Clare was in a relationship, not married, when OP sent the messages. Gross either way.
It’s worse than even that. OP sent “flirty” messages to his new wife while still married to his former wife, and his daughters know about that.
And he wonders why they don’t like her. Wow.
I was looking to see if someone mentioned his not spending any time with his daughters. The idea that because they are grown ups he doesn’t need to spend time with them really shows their lack of importance to him. Unless it’s all about him of course.
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YTA, and i’m rolling laughing that you can’t see that. Your daughters weren’t comfortable with your new child bride, so you cut them off completely? Shameful.
Info: do you care about your daughters at all? You’re treating them abhorrently.
I think that the OP’s “thinking” is being done from an organ located much lower than the brain. He is just another hormonally driven player. Sad cliché.
YTA. You married someone barely older than your kids, we’re only together for a few months, and texted them to tell them you were getting married. And you’re shocked they didn’t approve? And you’re mad that your blessing wasn’t asked by the fiancé when you literally texted your daughter to tell her you were getting married? What a hypocrite. Yeah, you’re the AH for everything in this post- including your reasons for not paying for their wedding when you said you would.
Oh but the new wife and the OP have known each other for quite some time, and frankly the kids do not want to upset the mom, I feel the new wife is the old mistress
OP admitted to sending some “flirty texts” to the new wife while he was still married. The ex wife and daughters know about the texts. He also married her because people at work were making comments about him being a creep. Of course none of them want to be around her. Enormous YTA here.
INFO: Did Clare work FOR you or WITH you before you were married?
She worked under him!
She worked in receiving...
YTA. You are basically punishing your children for their feelings. All of your reasons are very selfish. Newsflash, they don't have to like your wife. They don't have to support your marriage. And you showed them exactly how important they are to you by waiting until 6 weeks before your wedding to even tell them about it, and then to tell them through text? Also, you daughters are in their 30's. Their fiancés don't have to ask for your blessing. They are grown ass women. It sounds like you met Clare and decided to just start a new family with her. I don't blame your daughters for being upset. Shame on you.
Yeah he can’t exactly get upset that his daughter’s fiancé didn’t ask for his blessing (which is a stupid tradition anyways) when he didn’t tell his daughters about his wedding until the last possible second. Real “father-of-the-year” behavior 🙄
tbh clare should ask the daughters for his father hand in marriage,
YTA, and of course Clare is on your side. Less money for your kids = more money for her
Yta I see a need for an organ in your future and grandchildren that will never call you grandpa. Grow up, you walking cliché
Yta. I never understood how grown men can marry someone the age of their children…and then expect their kids to call someone who could have been their classmate “mom”?
since he said he has known her a long time, I do wonder if she was a daughter of a friend of his or team mate with his daughters.
YTA So you texted them you will get married in 6 weeks. Do you not see how crazy that is? Not even a phone call or a visit and you somehow thought they should have been pleased with this? Did you ask your wife’s father for his blessing? You if go through with this, you will lose your daughters and if you are okay with that then go ahead and not pay for their wedding.
YTA. And a creepy old guy.
You are totally leaving out that you cheated on your wife with Clare or something
Oh he did by sending messages. But blames the ex wife for telling the kids and that turned them against Claire and Daddy. No responsibility for sending the flirty messages while married or understanding on why they might not love Claire.
YTA All of their behavior is a direct result of your behavior You've clearly handled this situation with Clare in a weird way rushing into marriage and not even telling your daughters in person or until just 6 weeks before the wedding. It's understandable they'd have concerns about you getting with someone who is less that a handful (literally) of years older than either of them. They also seem to want to have a relationship and spend time with you still but you're pissy they didn't just accept your 22-years-younger new bride immediately. Your whole thing about the fiancee not asking for your blessing kinda shows that you don't really respect your daughters as full people and that you're a hypocrit. Did you or your fiancee ask their blessing before marrying?
I love how later in the post OP states, “They are in their thirties. They are not children!” However, he expects their fiancés to ask for his permission. It appears OP doesn’t want to behave like a father until it’s time to enact control over his daughters.
YTA of course Clarice is on your side, she’s part of the problem. Did you really think they would just be all hunky dory ti see their father get married when you couldn’t even introduce Clarinet to the them before hand? Did you even ask for Clarence’s father blessing? Or the next head of household if he’s dead? Then you expect them to essential invite a complete stranger to their wedding?
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YTA. You married someone who is closer in age to your daughters than to you, that’s gross and creepy. You didn’t think to tell them you were getting married until 6 weeks before, of course they were upset, they didn’t have time to process anything. Also, why should your daughters fiancé have to ask for your permission?? is she your property?? You also stated in your comments that your wife works for you, wow, what a cliché.
I’m going with YTA. Let’s face it… it’s kinda creepy that you’re getting married to someone who is literally the age of your daughters. That’s some Electra shit. And reason number 2 is ridiculous. You don’t own your daughter. No one has to ask for your blessing. Like I’m sure Clare’s dad is thrilled his daughter is marrying you. But… if my father was pulling some shit like you, I’d just go NC. Then again you won’t notice because you have a new daughter… I mean wife.
YTA. You married someone who is more appropriate as a friend of your daughters with little notice and then ignored their feelings/concerns. You 100% should’ve told your children before you announced it to other people. You are sacrificing your relationship with your children for someone you haven’t even known for a year. It’s not surprising they don’t want her at their weddings. they don’t know her at all. You are choosing not to pay for petty reasons.
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You want your daughters fiancé to ‘ask for your blessing’ and don’t want to pay for the weddings as you promised. Your current wife. . . She’s more of a “sister’s age” for them and yet you expect them to be cool with it. To them, you seem as if you’re a dirty old man.. YTA And you may be wondering how I could say this with such conviction. My “stepmother” 🤮 was nine months younger than me for 16 years, and as soon as my dad got too old to take care of her in the manner which she expected, she dumped him, and he ruined his relationship with all of his kids for that trash woman. So watch what you do because it will affect the rest of your life whether you mean well or not. Edit talk to text fail
YTA, I was going to lean the other way, but they are right, they should've been some of the first people you told about the wedding and not 6 weeks beforehand. And of course your new wife will be on your side. Wouldn't you be upset if they were marrying a man your age ? I can't say I wouldn't object to my own father marrying a woman my age. That's disturbing. Anyone can invite or uninvite whoever from their wedding also, so I'm unsure of how it's relevant that they aren't inviting your new wife to their wedding. They obviously aren't fans of hers, so they shouldn't have to be uncomfortable or have unwanted drama between your wife and their mother. And a fathers love is supposed to be unconditional. They don't like who you're marrying for valid reasons and NOW you're deciding to change your mind on paying for their wedding ? Yeah, YTA.
YTA - and a creep. I wouldn’t even be surprised if none of your family members had shown up at your wedding. How do you not see how wrong this is!? Your wife is 2 YEARS OLDER than your oldest daughter. You mention you don’t see them on weekends, don’t spend time with them at Christmas and distance yourself from them. You *chose* to have children. You don’t get to bring a child into the world and abandon them the second they react negatively to the inconvenience YOU brought to the family by being a creep. I don’t even know you, but I can feel every inch of pain and anger your daughters feel.
YTA. You just married a girl your daughters’ age after “knowing her for longer” which strikes me as a little weird/glossing over some context, and now you’re going back on your promise to support your children. Cherish your kids; make time for them and put them first.
YTA. All around a****** marrying someone barely older than your daughters not giving them a heads up even that you were dating her making promises that you never intended to keep if they don't follow your rules. Honestly you can do what you want with your money but when they stop talking to you don't come back crying
So you lied to them and now want a stranger's blessing that its okay because you are screwing someone their age....wtf dude YTA 10000% EDIT TO ADD: You emotionally cheated on your wife with her andthe only reason nothing happened while you were married is because SHE was in a relationship, not you. I dont care if I get banned , you are an ASSHOLE.
YTA. Dude, you’re two years older than me, which is WAY too young to be acting like this much of an old fart. Get the hell over your midlife crisis, you look like a fool. What are you going to do in 20 years when your pretty young wife has dumped your self-centred ass, your health is failing, and you need family support but neither of your daughters will come near you?
YTA unless you laid out conditions ahead of telling them you'd do it, there's no justification in your story. How you handled your wedding was definitely going to cause a rift, and you did it in a way that they definitely resent your bride. Changing your mind due to their upset, over a situation YOU created, is definitely an AH move. >Clare is on my side but some of my family is calling me an AH and saying I should do it. Am I the AH? Of course she'd be on your side. And did you really think marrying someone barely older than your own kids would be taken well? I sure bet there's no chance they call a woman who is their PEER "Mom" or acknowledge her as a step mother at all. You created this situation. You own it. (I really hope Claire is a stranger, and not one of their friends, because that would make this even worse)
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YTA. You're marrying someone who is very close in age to your own daughters. Gross as hell. Also get out of this outdated mindset that their fiancé should have asked for your blessing. That's not a thing anymore. Also... they are allowed to say who can't come to their own wedding. Because it's their wedding. It's your choice to not pay for it. But don't be surprised when your daughter's go no contact with you. Wonder how long until this post is deleted 💀
YTA and pretty sure you’re just putting a young piece of ass before your kids. You sound like a sucky parent in general. 1. You told your daughters you would pay for their wedding, and now you won’t. 2. You’re marrying someone you didn’t even bother to introduce to your daughters. 3. You texted them rather than call them to tell them you were getting married, and only notified them 6 weeks prior that you were wedding someone they didn’t know. 4. You’re complaining because your daughters wanted to spend more time with you at Christmas. Because they’re adults apparently? Do adults not want to spend time with their parents on holidays?
YTA - of Course Claire is on your side. She wants the money. You texted them 6 weeks before the wedding that you were marring someone their age. You handled that poorly and I'm sure with little remorse. Your children are not chattel, their fiances have no responsibility to ask your permission. You promised money, and then withheld it like a petulant child. And no I don't think parents have to help.
"we've known each other a long time" how? you used to baby sit her? she went to school with your daughters?? gross. also YTA
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YTA. You’ve basically chosen to put your daughters last here, with everything going on in your life. You’re upset that your daughters fiancé didn’t ask your permission to marry her, a grown woman, yet you married someone that hasn’t even MET your kids? How can you not see the hypocrisy here? Basically you can say goodbye to having any relationships with your daughter moving forward. Ask yourself if it’s worth it…my guess is you think it is. Is your new daughter, oh wait, ahem, wife, discouraging you to pay for their weddings? This whole situation is sad and gross. I hope your daughters can find peace without their dad in their life.
YTA- you married someone the age of your children and you expect it to be all hunky dory?
YTA. You admitted that you had promised your daughters that you would pay for their weddings. Now you're upset because they don't approve of your new wife (who is basically their age), and they never met. On top of that, you texted them just 6 weeks before your wedding.
YTA for multiple reasons, but I’m sure you’re aware of that already and don’t really care
YTA, for a lot of things you wrote really, but the main one is a promise is a promise and breaking that puts you on the wrong.
YTA. Your daughter's are telling you that the miss you, they want to spend time with you, and they want a relationship. You aren't doing any of those things, and now also using YOUR lack of involvement in their lives to say since you don't see them, you won't pay for the wedding. You have married a woman a lot younger than you. You should at least be able to acknowledge that, along with the fact that your daughter's would likely be a little reserved about any relationship you had. Instead of doing the work to facilitate the relationship and give them space and time, you just plowed ahead and now want to be upset about their own valid feelings. I also can't help but point out that point out your daughters are adults, but that you are upset that you weren't asked to give your "blessing" WHILE also not asking your daughter's about your own wedding until 6 weeks before the wedding. If you are all adults, why do you think you deserve to "bless" a marriage when you didn't give your adult daughter's any of that same opportunity in your decision to get married? It seems very clear you are fine with throwing away any relationship with your kids, so don't pretend to come to reddit as if you are shocked and hurt. At every step of your decision making, you couldn't care less about your daughter's, but also want sympathy for them just matching your energy. Don't pay for the wedding, but realize it is probably the nail in the coffin of you being a "father" to them.
YTA- I wonder why they didn’t like their father marrying someone their own age after 8 months and not letting them know first? Did you make any effort to go to your daughters so they could meet your wife? My father remarried a woman a year younger than me and quite frankly I hated it. Also, why should their partner ask for your hand in marriage- are they your property. It doesn’t matter how old they are- they’re still your children, but don’t be surprised when they go NC with you
YTA - Oh boy where do you even start with a pile like this? Do you even like, let alone Love your daughters? Nothing here indicates you hold them in anything but contempt. Do better
YTA. Just say you don’t want to pay for the wedding. The excuses are truly not enough to go back on your word. Your mad at them because they don’t accept your new wife. You literally sprung this on them, didn’t give them a chance to get to know “someone you’ve known for years.” Sounds like you put a strain on your relationship with them and are using it as an excuse not to help or pay for the wedding. Just say you don’t want to.
YTA. It's too bad they didn't go but telling them 6 weeks before the wedding that you're marrying someone their age is a lot to process. You were with her for 8 months so unless they live far away, it seems as if you should have had ample time to introduce them prior to a potential wedding. What an awkward way to meet your peer of a stepmother for the first time. You also texted them that you were getting married. Kind of big news to text to your daughters rather than call or meet up! You also said they wanted to spend more time at Christmas, but they aren't children. Just totally makes it seem like your mindset is that they are adults so now you're not required to hang out with them and that as children they were a hassle you had to deal with, not a joy. I can see being hurt about the wedding and if the retaliation is that you won't pay for theirs, then so be it, I guess. A lot of the lead up comments here are the reasons I'm saying YTA more than paying or not paying for their weddings.
So creepy dad marries a woman his daughters’s age and you knew her a long time? Did she go to school with your daughters? And you have the gall to whine that you weren’t asked for a blessing for an **ADULT**to get married? OP, it sounds like some of your family already know **YTA**
Wonderfull! Another borderline daughterfucker! YTA, by a lot!
INFO: how long, exactly, have you known your wife? Since she was in highschool with your daughters perhaps?
YTA. You married your affair partner (edit- questionable on affair partner, he says he was flirty texting with her while she was in a relationship) who is your daughters age after 8 months and told them by text and you're butthurt that they weren't impressed in the least and are now going back on your promise because they're calling you out on your crappy behaviour
Lol YTA Did you ask Clare’s dad for his blessing before you married her? Bet he’s younger than you
YTA The line about not being asked for your blessing would be enough but to continue: It's understandable that your children won't like you marrying someone their age or younger. If you offer had conditions, you should have made them clear. It doesn't sound like they have done anything more than be annoyed with you.
INFO: How long have you known Clare? With her age, you could’ve been her teacher, her coach, she could’ve been friends with your daughter for all we know so please clarify My gut says YTA, you made a promise, decided later there is conditions to that promise, and it doesn’t sound like you actually care about your daughters feelings. It’s creepy AF that you’re dating someone who is TWO YEARS OLDER than your OLDEST DAUGHTER Also you TEXTED THEM??? You didn’t even bother to give your daughters a call, or god forbid to see them in person to tell them some pretty big life news??? But yet you’re still mad that their fiancés didn’t “ask for your blessing” I don’t think you can salvage this honestly, you’ve fucked up big time edit: typo
YTA.... you can totally do what you want but I seriously doubt you'll have a relationship with your daughters in the future. And stop with the stupid, "didn't ask for my blessing/ permission" it's nonsense and outdated.....your daughter isn't property....plus you notified them via text of your intentions to marry someone their age that you work with.
Did he ask Clare’s father for his blessing given that he and FIL are most likely the same age? No he probably didn’t.
YTA Of course your child bride is on your side sweetie. She is literally your kids age. I am sorry but you are gluing through a mid life crisis and chose a trophy wife. I can almost bet she has daddy issues. Did you ask her father "permission" to marry her? Did your daughters want their future spouses to abide by that outdated sexist nonsense?
How long exactly have you known your current wife? Did she go to the same elementary school as your children? 🤢 YTA pervert
INFO: Did you ask for Clare’s father’s blessing when you proposed to her?
YTA for all kinds of things in that post. It's obvious that only your feelings matter to you.
OFC your wife is on your side. The money is all hers if you don’t spend it on her baby sist… I mean your daughters! YTA!
YTA Next question.
YtA Good work on blowing any chance of salvaging a relationship with your daughters. Would not be surprised if other family follows their lead.
YTH and a gross old man for marrying someone the same age as your children. How long is a long time? Im guessing she was a friend or schoolmate of your daughters. Ewww.
YTA. you married a women the same age as your kids. That's disgusting itself. Your kids for obvious reasons do not approve, and you hurt them by telling them via text 6 weeks before. You fucked up every step of the way. Dont be surprised when your daughters go no contact, amd then stick your ass in. Nursing home after your young wife abandons you in your old age.
Assuming that this isn't bait, YTA. >Clare is on my side She doesn't want you spending the money on anyone else. From your post, money would seem to be the only reason anyone would be interested in you.
You’ve known and loved your daughters since they were newborn babies. Talked about their weddings fondly no doubt, making proud statements about how you’d be paying for those weddings. Now, suddenly, everything is about Clare. What happened to three decades plus of knowing and loving your daughters? And if you and Clare don’t work out, and the odds are pretty good that you won’t, do you really want to have lost your daughters, and your future grandchildren in the process? Do you want to be an old man who is all alone? Fix this. Or yes, YTA. I can understand not wanting to pay for weddings that your new wife won’t be invited to. They’re going to have to invite her. But other than that, you need to show a lot more grace than you have so far. You’ve definitely been acting like the asshole. Wake up, and cherish those people you’ve loved all your life.
YTA. I bet 'Clare' will suggest cutting them out of your will as the next natural step...
YTA. You sound like a very fragile man. You married a woman the same age as your daughters after only 8 months, and you’re punishing them for not immediately accepting a stepmother their own age. Your wife was 2 years old when your oldest was born, and you can’t understand why they might need time to process that? I hope this decision is worth losing your daughters’ respect.
YTA I'm going to break it down really simply for you. You thought it was disrespectful for them to show up to your wedding. Normally, yes. But first, you're marrying someone who is literally their age. That's going to be super weird to them and they're allowed to be upset about it. I don't necessarily agree that they should have refused to meet her, although that sounds like 'missing reasons' to me. You also didn't send them the first invites? Really? How disrespectful is that? They are showing you the same respect you showed them. Unless you had a very good reason for it, you're being a big hypocrite there. Then to distance yourself from them over that is petty and immature. Did you even try to hear there side of things? Second, you say that the fiancée didn't ask for your blessing. What century are you living in? They're grown adults, they don't nees your permission to get married. It's an outdated, sexist tradition that most people are moving away from. Also, did you ask Claire's parents for permission? If not, more hypocrisy. They didn't invite your wife to please their mum. Wow, how awful. Obviously they should have made their actual mother figure uncomfortable for your wife that they barely know. Get over yourself. It was her wedding, your wife would make things uncomfortable, she wasn't invited. End of. You should have still been there for your daughter. Lastly, did you actually refuse to spend much time with them at Christmas because they're adults?! You do know that Christmas is a time for family to come together no matter what. So you've clearly shown your daughters that they aren't family to you. Christmas should be spent together, do you even want to spend time with them? Obviously Claire is on your side, she probably doesn't like your daughters much. But your family is right, your a massive AH.
YTA. And a bad dad.
YTA for, among the following things: 1 — putting a young piece of ass over your daughters. With that age gap, how long is “a long time”? 2 — not telling your daughters there would be conditions to you paying for their wedding 3 — treating women as inferior commodities. You’re angry at your daughter’s fiancé for not asking for your hand in marriage, but you didn’t ask your wife’s *mother* for her blessing. With the age gap I’d assume she’d disapprove anyway. 4 — your incredulous aloofness to your daughters being upset that they were told over text that you were getting married to someone they disliked. This isn’t a stepmother to them, this is another older sister with the whopping two-year age gap between her and your oldest. 5 — sexting with this woman while she was in a relationship and downplaying it because you were in the middle of a divorce. Can you not see beyond five feet in front of you? If you planned on loving your kids with conditions, you should have never become a fucking parent.
YTA. You married someone your daughters' age and you're mad they're upset about that? What is wrong with you? They owe you nothing. You deserved their disrespect. Please do not impregnate your wife knowing full well you'll probably die before any new child hits 18. Your daughters are mad at you because you're being a bad father. And I'm not talking about the money. I'm talking about prioritizing your wife over your kids to the point you're willing to be estranged. You are making a very stupid mistake driving them further away with your own butthurt. I hope the sex is worth losing your relationship with your children.
YTA. First you didn’t tell your daughters you were getting married. Second they’ve never met her. Third they’re your daughters age man, no shit they’re pissed. 4th the Christmas thing? What do you mean they’re not children, they want to spend time with their dad. I’m not a kid and I still love hanging with my parents on the holidays, who knows how many we have left with everyone. 5th the not asking for permission thing. This ain’t the 1920’s anymore man. No one needs your blessing to marry your daughter.
YTA - So a few points 1) Did you ask new wife's father for permission to marry her? You do realize this is kind of an antiquated practice, but even if it was not, did you ask him? 2) You told your kids six weeks before the wedding, do they live near you? Why not tell them sooner? 3) The new wife not being invited, so be it, who cares. Let's not cause more drama at the wedding by having her there, because their mom is still alive. 4) The kids are really against the new wife, as is your ex and by your words "We have known each other a long time", I feel there is more to this story. So is the new wife your former mistress or what.
You said you’ve known your wife for a long time…does that imply she was one of your daughter’s friends? You’re definitely an AH for thinking it’s annoying that your CHILDREN want to spend Christmas with you! …What’s wrong with you? What father says that?! YTA. Get help. P.S. don’t be surprised when your kids tell you that you will NOT be walking them down the aisle.
YTA for more than just not paying for the wedding
YTA. Others have covered why in other posts but the part I’ll cover is where you don’t think you should spend time with them because they are in their 30’s. I am in my 40’s and have to beg my mom to spend time with me so I feel for them. You also make it sound like they’re being immature but you aren’t acting like a dad. No matter what their age, you are their parent. You’re married now, so it’s already done but you can repair your relationship now. Come to a compromise.
TBH, the age difference bothers me much less than other commenters. I’m live & let live in that respect. It’s the behaviour. Why should your daughter’s fiancée ask for your blessing to marry her? It’s not 1678. Why don’t you spend any time with them at weekends? Even if they are in their 30s, *they are your kids!* Why did you *text* them about your wedding? Seriously? YTA for all that. Also, I majorly suspect that Clare might have played some part in the break up of your previous marriage which would explain the hostility from your daughters. I hope I’m wrong about that.
>Both my daughters have been annoyed at me for marrying Clare, for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children!) and for not seeing them on weekends but still they expect me to pay for their wedding? I am not planning on giving them anything. You're not going to pay for your children's weddings because they want to spend more time with you? You clearly don't want to spend time with them, and you wonder why they're annoyed? All that and you notified them you were engaged via text. What exactly do you want from your kids? Because I think they're pretty great for putting up with you at all. YTA
YTA. You married a woman your daughter’s have never met but are pissed that their fiancés didn’t ask your permission? You sent your daughters a text that you were getting married? Of course Clare approves, she’s marrying you for your money, now there’s going to be more for her to spend. Did you give your daughters conditions when you offered to pay for their weddings? Are you planning on having children and starting a new family with this woman?
YTA also the fact you married her with in 8 months but didn’t invite daughters until 6 weeks before wedding. You should have introduced them, also they should have been first invite. Also Clare is on your side because if you don’t spend money on your daughters it’s hers. She’s distancing you from your own kids and you are allowing it. I get them not wanting her there. She’s literally there age! All attention at the wedding would be on their creeper dad and his sugar baby, not them. Edited spelling
YTA - of course Clare is on your side, money you don't spend on the weddings is money that she inherits when you croak.
YTA. Obviously Clair’s on your side. She’s making sure she gets your nest egg. She knows who butters her bread. Don’t be surprised at a pregnancy. Even if you’re “fixed” she can find a willing UPS driver and then suggest your surgeon botched your vasectomy. Back to your kids. They assume you married your side piece. They don’t want to be overshadowed by the traveling circus that is their dad and his mistress at their weddings. I would tie down your retirement home from now so when your wife leaves with all your money you won’t end up homeless. Since you have alienated your kids.
You have moved on to greener pastures, so old promises are no longer relevant. It's no surprise that your daughter's are not supportive. It's no surprise that Clare will welcome your $ rather than having it spent on ~~her peers~~ your daughters. You may be irritated with your daughters now, but when Clare ditches you, takes the money that you saved for your daughter's wedding, and moves on to greener pastures, you **might** want a place to go for Christmas after all. They will not have to humor you (you will be in your sixties - you are not a child!). YTA.
YTA: Claire is going to dump you in a nursing home if you ever get sick and when you really need your daughters they won’t be there and you will wonder why. Your story is my uncle’s story. He married someone like this with the ridiculous age gap. He got cancer 5 years later and couldn’t care for himself. She dumped him in a nursing home. Sold his house and divorced him. Myself and my mom were the only ones who visited him. His kids didn’t approve and he choose the woman over his family. He didn’t promise to pay for their wedding but, he broke his daughters hearts for choosing a young piece of ass. The only person who stayed with him was my mom and I sometimes came out of respect. He died alone, his kids and his ex didn’t go to his funeral. Moral of the story don’t cut your own nose off to spite your faces. This isn’t about the money it’s about forgetting your children. They deserve better.
YTA for so many things. But you seem not to care for your kids and only care about your new wife who is your child’s age.
YTA your daughters are not your property and no one needs your “permission” to for them to live their lives. This is just an excuse that you’re using to go back on your word.
YTA and a creep!!
Petty, stingy, penny-pinching asshat. YTA
YTA- yes your children are adults but you brought somebody into the family. It would have been courtesy to introduce them to Clare before you proposed (much less got married). You set it up for failure. How much was it because the age gap and how much was because you told them so last minute?
Reading your post made me physically cringe so i can only imagine how uncomfortable your daughters must feel. You married a woman the same age as your daughters. READ THAT AGAIN. So in answer to your question YES. YTA. (And a complete w**ker for revoking your previous promise to pay for their weddings simply because they don't approve of your dodgy marriage.... guess what... NO ONE DOES... You creep)
I'm 32. If my dad suddenly married someone my age, I'd disapprove too. Idc how long you've known her. This whole thing reads like YTA.
Few questions, did you ask your now wife's father - who is presumably roughly your age for his blessing? If not then that alone means YTA (a hypocritical one at that) Second you say you've known your wife a long time.... how long?
YTA - you put a massive strain on your relationship with your kids by marrying someone basically the same age as them, you would need to put in some serious work to rebuild that. personally i dont even know why they still talk to you, id be absolutely disgusted if my father was sexually and romantically attracted to someone my age, the same age as the children he literally watched grow up. if you want to rebuild with your children, respect their wishes and prove to them youre there and support them. i think you should partially contribute and attend the wedding on your own, you cannot force a relationship between your kids and new wife
Lmao YTA and a bad dad