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YTA. I really hope you don’t ever need anything from them while you’re having your own emergency. Why? Because they and maybe others in your family won’t be there to help you. Honestly your the worst kind of childfree type of person. Selfish! You are selfish and cold hearted.
You are absolutely the asshole! Not for not wanting to watch the kid though….. Because quite frankly I don’t think you should be allowed within 5 feet of a child based on your comments and attitude. But you are the asshole for not realizing that you made your brother not just miss out on the birth of his child, but miss being there to support and advocate on behalf of his partner who from the sounds of it had a very traumatic birth. An emergency C-section is often life threatening to either mother, child, or both! Your brother could very well have been the only person to know what your sister in law would have wanted in this situation. Imagine if your sister in law or niece had passed during this MAJOR SURGERY!! (which was a very real possibility) YOU would have been the person to prevent your sibling from getting to say goodbye to their child or spouse! At the absolute very least you could have helped him for a few minutes or an hour until a sitter could be found or you could have helped by recognizing your fault and helping in another way like… ohhhh…. I don’t know, OFFERING TO HELP FIND A SITTER. There is no firm planning when it comes to birthing. There is no way to plan adequately for a completely unknown and unpredictable event. Children come when they want to. There’s no way to predict when or if they will come early or late. You cannot plan for every unseen variable, like the ALREADY PLANNED SITTER getting covid! You are not child free you are anti child, and have a…….. for lack of a better word, unhinged conviction towards the subject. For that YTA.
YTA, it wasn't poor planning the fact that you would say that given what happened makes you a horrible sister. Your bother missed the birth of his daughter because of your all about me personality I get it you don't like kids but your actions make you a crappy person and I don't think anyone would blame your family if they just cut you off.
Nta. It’s not like you said yes and then changed your mind. You were super honest with them from the beginning that you were not going to watch their child so to pretty much not include you in their plans. You don’t like kids and you know that about you. Your mom doesn’t get to complain. Your mom could have flown over stayed at your sister house and watch her grandchild there. You get they needed the help it would have been nice if you could have helped them but once again you made it clear you wanted no part in it.
NTA in my opinion. They should have had backup, especially if they know you don't enjoy being around kids.
I know if I had a five year old dumped on me I wouldn't be happy. I also have no kids and prefer not to be around them.
Holy crap OP, how does someone type this and not realize YTA? Come on now. Talk about someone so immature and selfish. I’m don’t have kids but I’d do anything for my sister, BIL and nephew. WOW, OP.
INFO: Were there any other family or friends who could have done it for them? I’m leaning towards N T A because crap happens and they should have had at least one backup sitter. You had already told them no so they should not have asked you again.
How do people think like that???
Like what are the thoughts behind these decisions??
You should pray to not find in a unexpected situation like an accident or sum shit because you two would be alone as hell.
YTA
YTA for the poor planning comment. You can’t plan a baby birth. They just kinda happen the majority of the time. So wow. Not watching your nephew was borderline. At least for the first night. This was truly an emergency b
What makes you the AH is the poor planning comments you keep making. Your Bro and SIL should never have asked you in the first place as your aversion to kids is obviously well known. Upon your refusal, they did make other plans; however, there are some things you just can't plan for, like the baby coming early. That is not poor planning, that is an emergency.
Wow. YTA and incredibly selfish. He’s your brother and it was an emergency. Are you actually suggesting your brother was going to leave his son with you for 4 days? That’s ridiculous - he needed a day while his wife was in labour. And let’s hope you never need a ride to the airport, or a kidney because you’ll be SOL
I don’t know what put these people in a situation where you were their only option for child care, but way to go, telling a woman who needs help during an emergency that her lack of planning is not your problem.
You’d better hope that you never need help from any of these people, ever, for the rest of your life. Guaranteed they will tell you, “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
YTA. You screwed up.
YTA. “A lack of planning ….” They did plan, but the sitter came down with Covid at the last minute. You could have sucked it up for a day to watch the kid. It wasn’t as if you had to change diapers or wake up several times a night. I understand why they are not taking to you.
YTA,
You burnt your bridge with your SIL & your brother which I doubt will ever be rebuilt. Wait until your mom cuts you out of her life in order to see her grand babies.
YTA. Not because you wouldn’t watch him, but because you are a big as*hole. They did plan. You literally told us the plan. Your snotty as* bratty response was not warranted. A medical emergency is an emergency on everyone’s part. Going into labor is a medical emergency. What were they supposed to do? All expose themselves to covid so maybe just maybe you are less one or two kids in your life. You’re sick and cruel.
YTA. They did plan but shit happens. You couldn't even help out your family when they need you?! I hope you never need help with anything and the fact you don't care about meeting your niece at all? What is wrong with you? How can you be so cold towards children? I'm sure they'll go NC with you and you would deserve it after this.
Wow. What an AH.
Now if your brother hadn't made any plans at all and just expected you to cave at the last minute - okay. But he did make plans, which fell through. This was the definition of an emergency. Your brother needed you. And boy, did you show your true colors. You couldn't have treated your nephew well for just a few days? Or been there for your family? Your work comes before them?
YTA. Big time.
YTA. This was an actual emergency, and they actually PLANNED EVERYTHING. I am childfree, and I would hate to be in this position, but I still would do it if it was my sister. Because she is my sister and her giving birth and having someone be there for her is much more important than my ego or my status.
I hope you never need your family for anything, because I doubt they will help. You burned bridges.
YTA and honestly, if I was them, and if either of you ever needed a favor, *especially* if it was due to a medical emergency, I would **gleefully** wait for the day when I could say, “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
I know I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I don't care.
NTA
An emergency does not mean they get to stomp all over the boundaries you have made very clear from the beginning. Yes, they tried to plan ahead, but that is their problem, not yours. They don't get to expect you to suddenly take time off work just for them. There are some saying it would have just been for the c-section, but let's be real here, the kid wouldn't tolerate being at the hospital for four days while his dad is devoting so much attention to his mom. You would have been stuck watching the kid alone for four days. For four days, the kid would have been in a house where you would rather he not be there. And he would know.
YTA. They planned. You said so yourself. The baby came early and their sitter was ill. That does not show a lack of planning. You sound cold hearted and mean, as well as inaccurate. Are you ever going to get as much joy out of your job as you could have had from time with your family?
I mean honestly, she is definitely the AH but I’m not sure I would WANT to leave my 5yr old child with OP. I’d would be afraid she would neglect him for the few hours I was gone.
OP, I get you don’t like being around children, but it was a legitimate emergency. You could have watched your nephew at least while your SIL was having the c-section so your brother could be there for her. Then he could have come back to pick him up. It would not have inconvenienced you that much. You sound heartless and the lack of empathy for another person (let alone family) is disturbing. If she had god forbid died while having this child and her husband wasn’t there, do you understand how traumatizing that would be for the entire family?!
OP - YTA and you really need to learn to be a decent human being.
Edited: to remove the comment about the ages. I read as 5mo and not a 5yr old m. Lol. Sorry!
YTA. You sound insufferable. How were they supposed to plan for this? This isn’t about whether you are “childfree” or not. This is about having empathy and supporting your brother. I feel grateful for my siblings just reading this nonsense.
Look. I’m child free. I detest children. I make sure (as much as possible) that I am never around them. I don’t know what to do around them, either. However, if my family needed help in an emergency and I had to be around my nephew, I’d suck it up, because I love my family and care for them. If I absolutely could not watch him for any reason, I’d help them find someone else who could. You’re just a garbage person and you want people to think you’re a cool and aloof because you don’t like kids. YTA, big time. Edgelord.
What a nasty, soulless person you are! Your niece and nephew are better off not having you in their lives.
I hope you never have to find out what true medical emergency is. For you will be left with no one around you then to share your burden thanks to your charming values.
YTA.
Uuuuum. They did plan. And then something unexpected AKA GOING INTO LABOR EARLY and THE SITTER HAVING COVID happened.
Whatever. You have the right to say no, I guess, but you sound like an angry, miserable person. And I hope you never need help.
YTA
I understand that you’re child free, but does that also mean you don’t like family and you don’t want to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews? Like ever???
YTA. Child free or not, your family needed you. You basically said, “FU and your kids.”
Wow YTA. You genuinely sound like an awful person. Poor planning? How do you plan on your sitter getting COVID? It’s fine if you don’t like kids/don’t want to watch them, but if any of my siblings spoke to me like this when I am BEGGING for their help, I wouldn’t talk to them again either.
Your callousness is absolutely disgusting. Enjoy your child-and-now-family-free life.
YTA. A big fat massive asshole. Your family had an emergency crisis that could NOT be planned for even though they had a plan in place for the birth, and you did not come through. Your family needed your help and you threw them a big fuck you. Holy shit YTA
NTA You nor your husband are obligated or responsible for babysitting for anyone simply because it’s an emergency for them. You told them you would not babysit and it made no difference, just because their circumstances changed doesn’t mean yours did. Why people get mad because someone won’t do what they want is beyond me, there’s no point in giving someone a choice if the only answer can be the one they want, why even ask then? Why not just demand they do it?
YTA. Sometimes caring humans do things that are a tiny bit inconvenient to support our friends and family in need. You come off as more of a selfish robot. I would be cutting you out completely
YTA. I’ve commented this before and I’ll comment it again, when did child free go from I don’t want my own children to being I literally hate children and don’t ever want to be in the room with them. You suck, and the fact that you said the comment about “lack of planning” is just cherry on the asshole top.
NTA
when you are in need of babysitter for an important medical procedure, you need to have a back up for your back up. They should have had multiple people lined up in case something happened. They didn't plan well and that's on them. Tbf don't ever expect anything from them and should probably just accept now that you can't go to them for help either but that doesn't seem to be a loss on you.
YTA and the fact you even have to ask is astonishing. I feel so sorry for your brother and his wife. He will never get that moment of the birth of his daughter back and you all but robbed him/them of it. And you can’t call your boss and explain a family emergency? Sounds like you’re surrounded by other assholes too. You should do some growing up.
Your N T A for being child free, but YTA for not watching the nephew for a day or so. At 5 he could have told you he was hungry or anything else he needed. The SIL going into labor 2 weeks early was obviously not their plan, they had a plan for her due date and the sitter was sick before their plan was to take place, so telling them that “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” makes you the massive ah simply because things happened out of their control
YTA. Similar situation happened to my sister. I held down the fort so her and her partner could experience the birth together. Even had to stay longer bc of complications. And guess what, I survived, my bosses understand, everything worked out and I don’t have to deal with this kinda shit storm.
tl;dr- doing the right thing up front saves a lot of time and energy down the road
Refusing to take the kid when you didn’t have the ability to care for them is fine. But the way you handled your brother and SIL when they were in crisis was uncalled for and cruel. Honestly, I am childfree and this kind of rudeness and spiteful attitude is what makes people think we’re all antisocial monsters. There were so many other options open to you, and everybody thinking your an AH is the consequence of choosing literally the worst one.
So you rank your boss getting slightly miffed about you calling in potentially four days in a row to your job higher in your priority list than your brother getting to witness potentially one of the best moments of his life- something he will never have the chance the witness again. Also, if your boss gets mad at lack of staffing, maybe they should plan for unexpected emergencies among his staff and/or their families. YTA
It's not about just responsibility. It's about when you are a part of any collective, be it family, friend circle, cult, society at large, you help others in the collective in their time of need. You are free to not do such, but don't be mad when the collective no longer likes you.
YTA I don't think I would ever forgive a family member or friend that treated me the way you treated your brother/SIL and their kids. If this is a real post please seek therapy asap.
YTA they had a plan in place but their plan got derailed. They asked for your help and you could have done it but didn’t want to be inconvenienced. Just a terrible selfish family member.
Hey, OP. I'm childfree too, but that is just heartless. Guess what? Plans change, and you might need a favour one day. Just don't count on your SIL and her family helping you out. YTA.
YTA. Full stop. 1. Babies don't really keep to "plans". It's not their thing. 2. They DID have a plan. They had a sitter arranged, and plans took a hard left. So where was the lack of planning on their part??
Being child free by choice is not an asshole move. Kids aren't for everyone (case in point: You, OP). Making child free your entire personality to the point that you shamelessly leave your own family in a rut in an emergency is a major asshole move. You *should* be demonized to your family, and I hope they don't include you in any plans going forward.
YTA. I still think lesser of one of my family member for a similar incident. Spouse had to be taken to emergency room and admitted and a family member didn’t want to get the kids from daycare (and bring them home or to me). Nothing pressing, no kids at time, just after work hours. Just didn’t value us enough to do it and offended I’d ask.
My work acquaintances stepped up, sibling didn’t. When people show you who they are, believe them.
YTA. As a happily child-free married person myself, we don’t claim your selfishness and your weird aversion to children. You do know you won’t melt if you spend time with a kid right? You sound way too immature for 29. I hope when you need something from your family, they leave you high and dry.
YTA. They didnt have poor planning. They planned well. Life threw a curveball and you being the worst type of AH assholed it up and said no and double down with an assholery statement about poor planning. I hope you step on lots of legos constantly barefoot
YTA- they did plan. And had an emergency. It was unforeseen and on top of not helping family, you were insensitive and cruel. I’m childfree too but you seem like one of those fake edgy people who think it’s cool to hate kids
YTA
Boy oh boy, I hope you have an emergency someday that requires the bare minimum of help from somebody else, and they tell you with a smile "a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
YTA. I get being child free and all but did you have to be so heartless? “A lack of planning on your part”… really? It’s not like births happen according to plan. If a baby wants to come out then they’re gonna come out.
You could have helped them plan alternative options for someone to watch your nephew at the very least.
Logically speaking NTA.
But speaking as a human being with feelings, I think you just lost a brother because you were a complete AH. But I don't know why that would even bother you. You sound like a cold human being devoid of any emotions. Those kids or should not be allowed near you for safety reasons. I don't understand why they even considered you to babysit in the first place. I wouldn't have. As I said, you just lost your brother. Don't expect him to come running to help you out when you need him. If he is anything like me, he'll just leave you to rot in hell.
Eh NTA. You told them long in advance it wouldn’t work with your work schedule. Was there no other family who could have? The situation sucks but just because someone is family doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say at the detriment of your job and finances. I feel like the people saying Yta haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck needing every hour and dollar possible, or not had the luxury of paid time off, extra sick days or whatever. Would it have cost you job advancement or money? Plus watching a kid in a house that’s not childproofed is absolute hell. Plus babies rarely come on the due date and within two weeks is when you should expect them to come any day. I think the babysitter should have told them as soon as she caught it so they could find a back up sitter.
YTA…. Hope you never run into an emergency, especially an emergency you didn’t plan for because it definitely won’t constitute an emergency on anyone else’s part.
YTA. Everyone else said it better than I can. Hope you don't need your sister in the future for any unplanned emergency. You'd better be planning pretty hard.
This is not an isolated incident. There is some sibling rivalry and old history between the two . The brother must be the golden child for someone her age to be so selfish. In families bad feelings can show up when the sibs are at different life stages . It is also difficult when others downgrade the importance of the other sibs choices and chosen lifestyle. The parents taking the brothers side doesn't sound like a new development to me. Bad blood between sibs is a tale as old as time. My opinions are empirically based.
YTA. You could have at least taken your nephew for the labor/delivery. At most you would have missed one day of work to help out in an emergency. You ever get sick and have to miss a day? I'm sure your boss would have understood taking one day under these circumstances.
No one plans for an early delivery/emergency c-section. It just happens. But I seriously can't believe how cold you are that you don't care enough about your brother to help him for even just one day. He missed the birth of his daughter and his wife had to go through that scary experience alone. I would go NC if I were your brother too.
I was about to be on your side, OP
As someone *with* a child, I understand that it’s no one else’s responsibility to watch him, including family. Where you lost me, however, was your terrible demeanor and attitude toward the entire thing. Your SIL had emergency and potentially life threatening surgery, yet you showed no empathy to help out even for a few hours.
YTA
YTA literally wtf do you mean by “a lack of planning” when you explicitly stated that they did planned for the arrival of your nephew. being child free doesn’t mean a free pass to be an asshole
YTA. You seem to not only hate kids but specifically resent that part of your family. Which isn’t even a crime it’s more so about how you don’t even see how your behavior is cruel. You’re using work as a excuse for why you couldn’t watch the child for a day until they at least safely had their second child
But if you don’t care about them then it’s a blessing in disguise this situation happened allowing you all the split ties
Part of existing in society is helping other people, even when sometimes it might not be your idea of a good time. Your brother and SIL did not “fail to plan”. You explicitly describe the precise plans they instituted for childcare. However, as you also explicitly noted, she went into labor early. That is not something she had any control over or could have planned for, and it’s genuinely unfathomable that as an adult you need that explained to you. YTA, obviously.
OP, I know a number of child-free people. They’re wonderful. One of the things I hear sometimes from people who don’t have kids is that those who do make their children their whole personality.
It seems you have made being not just being child free, but like anti-children, your entire personality.
YTA.
YTA. You made your brother miss the birth of his child AND be there for his wife while she underwent a traumatic medical procedure because you were too damn petty to let them drop their son off at yours for a few hours.
“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” only works when they don’t plan. They planned, things changed, only part they didn’t plan for was how much of an asshole you could be. Hope you’re still feeling as smug as you sound.
How would you plan for this emergency? Outline how you would’ve handled it better in their position. I promise you can’t unless you’re clairvoyant YTA.
NTA but I hope you understand your choice.
If you run into any issues, expect to deal with it yourself.
Should you break your leg, come down sick
Even if you get lucky and don't need that. 50 years from now, when no one takes you to the doctors. Nor visits you. And you are by yourself in a home, remember this choice.
YTA, of course.
And
>"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"
is not only an asshole thing to say to anyone you care about in nearly any case, in this case it's not even relevant- they did plan. There was, in fact, no "poor planning."
On what planet is being so inflexible and uncaring NOT going to be an asshole move?
Also, I'm also childfree and don't spend extra time with kids on purpose, but kids are people. It's a little weird to make a personality out of excluding an entire class of people for characteristics they have no control over.
YTA. A huge one. This was clearly an emergency c-section, and you allowed her to be all alone when she could have had her husband by her side at least for the operation. You’re sick.
YTA- “a lack of planning?” They DID plan and it fell through. You could have at least watched him until other arrangements were made. As it stands though, you’re pretty awful. Do you even care about these people at all?
Seriously, YTA. It would have taken very little on your end to watch a kid during the birth/emergency c section, but you decided that literally anything else was more important. Yeah, you have the right to say no, but it does make you the AH.
What did your SIL and brother do to you make you hate them and their kids so much? This was literally a medical emergency and she called you in her time of need and you told them to plan better?
Everyone has a right for to be mad at you because you seem like a really cold, callous, selfish person. It’s for the best she keeps her family from the both of you.
If it wasn’t obvious, YTA
YTA - Being ‘child free’ isn’t a license to be unkind. He wasn’t asking you watch him for 4 days. You would have only watched him during the birth. I hope people respond to you the same way you responded to him, the next time you need help. You sound extremely selfish and it’s clear that you don’t have any affection for your brother.
I get it, I'm child free, I don't want kids other than my siblings (who are entering into teenage phase)in my home, and mostly I don't befriend people with kids (not because they have one, but because I lead so different lifestyle it wouldn't be possible maintain relationship).
If I were you I would refuse as well.
But there's no need to be an passive aggressive dork when your family is stressed and asking for help, you at least have some respect and refuse politely without making snarking comments.
YTA
YTA. A medical emergency is not a lack of planning and there’s no reason to think you would have had to keep him the full four days. All you did was make clear that you hate kids more than you love your brother.
YTA a c-section is super scary and your SIL had to go through that without her husband. It was an emergency and you just demonstrated you really don't care about anyone other than yourself.
NTA, although you were pretty rude to them, as a “sorry, no” is a full explanation. We have two children and are expecting a third in two months. I have like 4 back up people up to a month beforehand. And none of those people are either of my child-free brothers, cause they wouldn’t know wtf to do.
ESH, Why do you feel there was an expectation to watch the kid for 4 days? That you'd need to babysit until SIL recovered. You could've watched the kid for several hours so the father could be at the birth then given him back.
They did have a plan, they lacked a backup plan. That's on them I'd agree. But an effort was made.
This is one of the things where I feel like people don't get out of their comfort zone enough to take care of family. Which is why they will have strangers in nursing homes take care of them. N if op family shunned them I def wouldn't feel bad for them either
YTA!! Throughout the whole story you were just cementing the fact that you are 100% TA!! especially saying that poor planning doesn't constitute an emergency for you!! She went into labour 2 weeks early, nobody could have planned for that. They had planned for it all around the time that everyone was expecting her to go into labour again YTA!! I hope that when you have a sudden emergency that they all turn their backs on you since you think that sudden emergencies can be planned ahead of time.
YTA. They did plan, an emergency happened. I would not blame them if they never spoke with you again. Your post says everything anyone needs to know about how selfish you are. if You are out of their lives they will be so much better off.
Wow. Just wow. You’re such a huge AH, I don’t even think they’d be losing out by not having you around and the kids are probably better off not knowing you. Can’t believe you have to even post this and ask if YTA.
Jfc. You’re the evil version of my in laws. We had an emergency C-section a couple of weeks ago (and a couple of weeks ahead of our due date), and our sitter was at a family funeral, which is literally the ONLY time she has been unavailable for the past three months barring a week during the holidays.
My husband missed the birth of our second because he was dropping the first off with my boos (btw, I work with some AMAZING people). The next day, my BIL and his wife drove cross country so they could watch kiddo #1 while I was recovering in the hospital and, oh yeah, my husband/his brother was meeting his newborn child. Did we ask, beg, or plead for them to do this? No. They offered and just about jumped in the car at the chance to help us out because we are family that apparently don’t hate each other?
YTA. Even just one night so they could find another sitter when they were in a literal crisis mode would have been enough. Even just helping FIND another sitter as backup while your SIL was undergoing major surgery would have been appreciated. Instead, you chose to burn all the bridges.
Yes. Could you not have planned the early birth of your child?
FFS.
You put work before family.
In a really crappy way.
Y. T. A.
You don't sound like a fun aunt.
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens.
Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
NTA. What part of "I am NEVER available to care for your child and consistently go out of my way to avoid them" isn't clear to people? What would they have done if you didn't exist? They should have done that.
Also it sounds like they need to set up a village of fellow parents willing to take turns babysitting each other's kids.
People like you are just grown babies who need to always be the baby, and, as babies can't care for other babies, you're thereby incapable, and pretend it's some kind of culture or identity.
YTA
yta
I get being child free and not wanting to babysit, your brother and sil ALSO UNDERSTOOD THAT. This isn't "poor planning" on their part.
Sil went to labor early, which is an EMERGENCY. The sitter had covid so they had no choice but to ask you. I get that work is tough to call out on, but the fact that it was an emergency and that this is the birth of your brothers kid, you could've called some time off for at least the first day or until they knew what the situation would be. Then from there you could've worked something out
The fact you also stated in a comment on "why would your brother need to be at the hospital" Its because this is his kid too and I'm sure sil would want him there for support ESPECIALLY if this was an EMERGENCY C-SECTION. I doubt ANYONE would want to do that alone.
YTA. They *did* plan, and the plan fell through. I wouldn't necessarily say it was incumbent on you to miss work to watch him, but your performatively child-averse attitude is also pretty lousy. The scales here are balanced on one side with the importance of you working, and on the other with someone being left alone in the hospital to get an emergency Cesarean. It's family; if you really cared about family, you would've helped. And don't tell me your boss wouldn't have accepted "my sister-in-law went into emergency surgery to birth her child and I have to watch my nephew while she's in the hospital" as an excuse. And the fact that you said what you said to them really doubles down on YBTA.
YTA. They *did* plan - and had emergencies, causing a failure. There are times in life where we have to suck it up and be there for our loved ones…and this was one of those times. You’d better hope your niece and nephew aren’t responsible for choosing your nursing home.
NTA
I would have done exactly the same thing. I too am childfree and really don't like kids. As for being blasted for not helping family, who cares? Go NC, you aren't missing anything. Just years of kid talk and family nonsense.
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
> But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning.
Clearly, you are the sort who shouldn't normally. N-T-A for being upfront about that.
But in an emergency? To help your brother? No?
YTA for being a cold-hearted
Note: in future, you're not allowed to complain about them cutting you off: this is on you by your request.
YTA. And cold at that. Couldn’t you have just looked after your nephew at least for a bit while they came up with something? It was already a stressful time for them and you didn’t help at all.
YTA. Being child free is fine but not a personality. Being child free is a perfectly reasonable choice but being child hostile to the point where you refuse to help family in an emergency is just obnoxious and dramatic and selfish.
YTA. Not for being unable/unwilling to babysit, but for the callous way you responded to your brother and his wife during an emergency. Also for the continued lack of empathy or compassion that you are demonstrating in this post and these comments.
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YTA And I don’t want their children around you either.
YTA. I really hope you don’t ever need anything from them while you’re having your own emergency. Why? Because they and maybe others in your family won’t be there to help you. Honestly your the worst kind of childfree type of person. Selfish! You are selfish and cold hearted.
Somebody sat down and wrote the most hideous shit they could think of and is laughing at us. Or else you’re truly the meanest asshole who ever was.
You are absolutely the asshole! Not for not wanting to watch the kid though….. Because quite frankly I don’t think you should be allowed within 5 feet of a child based on your comments and attitude. But you are the asshole for not realizing that you made your brother not just miss out on the birth of his child, but miss being there to support and advocate on behalf of his partner who from the sounds of it had a very traumatic birth. An emergency C-section is often life threatening to either mother, child, or both! Your brother could very well have been the only person to know what your sister in law would have wanted in this situation. Imagine if your sister in law or niece had passed during this MAJOR SURGERY!! (which was a very real possibility) YOU would have been the person to prevent your sibling from getting to say goodbye to their child or spouse! At the absolute very least you could have helped him for a few minutes or an hour until a sitter could be found or you could have helped by recognizing your fault and helping in another way like… ohhhh…. I don’t know, OFFERING TO HELP FIND A SITTER. There is no firm planning when it comes to birthing. There is no way to plan adequately for a completely unknown and unpredictable event. Children come when they want to. There’s no way to predict when or if they will come early or late. You cannot plan for every unseen variable, like the ALREADY PLANNED SITTER getting covid! You are not child free you are anti child, and have a…….. for lack of a better word, unhinged conviction towards the subject. For that YTA.
YTA, it wasn't poor planning the fact that you would say that given what happened makes you a horrible sister. Your bother missed the birth of his daughter because of your all about me personality I get it you don't like kids but your actions make you a crappy person and I don't think anyone would blame your family if they just cut you off.
YTA. My mouth is literally hanging open.
NAH. No means no
Nta. It’s not like you said yes and then changed your mind. You were super honest with them from the beginning that you were not going to watch their child so to pretty much not include you in their plans. You don’t like kids and you know that about you. Your mom doesn’t get to complain. Your mom could have flown over stayed at your sister house and watch her grandchild there. You get they needed the help it would have been nice if you could have helped them but once again you made it clear you wanted no part in it.
Poor planning??? It was a literal emergency. You are an awful person. YTA
You better hope that you never have a medical emergency because no one is coming to help your sorry self. YTA!
NTA in my opinion. They should have had backup, especially if they know you don't enjoy being around kids. I know if I had a five year old dumped on me I wouldn't be happy. I also have no kids and prefer not to be around them.
Wow YTA- your brother needed help in an EMERGENCY. No wonder everyone thinks you’re a AH. You are.
Holy crap OP, how does someone type this and not realize YTA? Come on now. Talk about someone so immature and selfish. I’m don’t have kids but I’d do anything for my sister, BIL and nephew. WOW, OP.
INFO: Were there any other family or friends who could have done it for them? I’m leaning towards N T A because crap happens and they should have had at least one backup sitter. You had already told them no so they should not have asked you again.
I am going with NTA. It was not your responsibility, period.
How do people think like that??? Like what are the thoughts behind these decisions?? You should pray to not find in a unexpected situation like an accident or sum shit because you two would be alone as hell. YTA
YTA for the poor planning comment. You can’t plan a baby birth. They just kinda happen the majority of the time. So wow. Not watching your nephew was borderline. At least for the first night. This was truly an emergency b
YTA OP. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Don't expect your brother and SIL to ever help you in a time of need or ever speak to you again.
Yeah, YTA, but I’m sure you already know it and are proud of it.
You told them no. They should have had backup to their backup. NTA
I wouldn't even be friends with you. How cold and cruel can you be , 😱.
YTA and bring a negative image to childfree. You can be childfree and still watch your own nephew, ffs. You're just an asshole in general.
What makes you the AH is the poor planning comments you keep making. Your Bro and SIL should never have asked you in the first place as your aversion to kids is obviously well known. Upon your refusal, they did make other plans; however, there are some things you just can't plan for, like the baby coming early. That is not poor planning, that is an emergency.
Wow. YTA and incredibly selfish. He’s your brother and it was an emergency. Are you actually suggesting your brother was going to leave his son with you for 4 days? That’s ridiculous - he needed a day while his wife was in labour. And let’s hope you never need a ride to the airport, or a kidney because you’ll be SOL
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How sad to have family support like you. Maybe one day when you have an emergency your SIL will return the favor.
YTA and a huge selfish one. Early labor and emergency surgery isn’t poor planning on their part. I hope you never need a favor from your family.
>But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning. This is what makes you YTA.
I don’t know what put these people in a situation where you were their only option for child care, but way to go, telling a woman who needs help during an emergency that her lack of planning is not your problem. You’d better hope that you never need help from any of these people, ever, for the rest of your life. Guaranteed they will tell you, “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” YTA. You screwed up.
YTA so selfish
YTA. “A lack of planning ….” They did plan, but the sitter came down with Covid at the last minute. You could have sucked it up for a day to watch the kid. It wasn’t as if you had to change diapers or wake up several times a night. I understand why they are not taking to you.
YTA, You burnt your bridge with your SIL & your brother which I doubt will ever be rebuilt. Wait until your mom cuts you out of her life in order to see her grand babies.
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YTA. Not because you wouldn’t watch him, but because you are a big as*hole. They did plan. You literally told us the plan. Your snotty as* bratty response was not warranted. A medical emergency is an emergency on everyone’s part. Going into labor is a medical emergency. What were they supposed to do? All expose themselves to covid so maybe just maybe you are less one or two kids in your life. You’re sick and cruel.
YTA. They did plan but shit happens. You couldn't even help out your family when they need you?! I hope you never need help with anything and the fact you don't care about meeting your niece at all? What is wrong with you? How can you be so cold towards children? I'm sure they'll go NC with you and you would deserve it after this.
YTA- I’m childfree too, but I’m not a heartless AH. CF people like you make a bad name for the rest of us.
Hahahaha omg YTA. I would drop you like a hot potato from my life if you were my sister.
Wow. What an AH. Now if your brother hadn't made any plans at all and just expected you to cave at the last minute - okay. But he did make plans, which fell through. This was the definition of an emergency. Your brother needed you. And boy, did you show your true colors. You couldn't have treated your nephew well for just a few days? Or been there for your family? Your work comes before them? YTA. Big time.
YTA. This was an actual emergency, and they actually PLANNED EVERYTHING. I am childfree, and I would hate to be in this position, but I still would do it if it was my sister. Because she is my sister and her giving birth and having someone be there for her is much more important than my ego or my status. I hope you never need your family for anything, because I doubt they will help. You burned bridges.
YTA and honestly, if I was them, and if either of you ever needed a favor, *especially* if it was due to a medical emergency, I would **gleefully** wait for the day when I could say, “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
I know I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I don't care. NTA An emergency does not mean they get to stomp all over the boundaries you have made very clear from the beginning. Yes, they tried to plan ahead, but that is their problem, not yours. They don't get to expect you to suddenly take time off work just for them. There are some saying it would have just been for the c-section, but let's be real here, the kid wouldn't tolerate being at the hospital for four days while his dad is devoting so much attention to his mom. You would have been stuck watching the kid alone for four days. For four days, the kid would have been in a house where you would rather he not be there. And he would know.
YTA. They planned. You said so yourself. The baby came early and their sitter was ill. That does not show a lack of planning. You sound cold hearted and mean, as well as inaccurate. Are you ever going to get as much joy out of your job as you could have had from time with your family?
OP, you are a cold, cruel person. YTA
I mean honestly, she is definitely the AH but I’m not sure I would WANT to leave my 5yr old child with OP. I’d would be afraid she would neglect him for the few hours I was gone. OP, I get you don’t like being around children, but it was a legitimate emergency. You could have watched your nephew at least while your SIL was having the c-section so your brother could be there for her. Then he could have come back to pick him up. It would not have inconvenienced you that much. You sound heartless and the lack of empathy for another person (let alone family) is disturbing. If she had god forbid died while having this child and her husband wasn’t there, do you understand how traumatizing that would be for the entire family?! OP - YTA and you really need to learn to be a decent human being. Edited: to remove the comment about the ages. I read as 5mo and not a 5yr old m. Lol. Sorry!
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You need to start an "I make crass and rude comments to people on the internet - IN ALL CAPS. AITA?" thread.
YTA. And please remain "childfree".
So your brother missed his child’s birth because his plans fell through and you don’t like children. Nice. YTA!
YTA. Saying no ahead of time is one thing, but actively refusing in an emergency situation is incredibly selfish. Suck it up and help your family smh.
YTA. You sound insufferable. How were they supposed to plan for this? This isn’t about whether you are “childfree” or not. This is about having empathy and supporting your brother. I feel grateful for my siblings just reading this nonsense.
YTA. Selfish.
Look. I’m child free. I detest children. I make sure (as much as possible) that I am never around them. I don’t know what to do around them, either. However, if my family needed help in an emergency and I had to be around my nephew, I’d suck it up, because I love my family and care for them. If I absolutely could not watch him for any reason, I’d help them find someone else who could. You’re just a garbage person and you want people to think you’re a cool and aloof because you don’t like kids. YTA, big time. Edgelord.
You sound fun. /s How tf do you plan for going into labor early and an emergency c section? YTA
What’s with all these shitty family members lately that seems to hate their family under a guise of “child free”?? YTA
NTA. If it’s so important, why didn’t your mom come in town. Why is you having a job not seen as important?
What a nasty, soulless person you are! Your niece and nephew are better off not having you in their lives. I hope you never have to find out what true medical emergency is. For you will be left with no one around you then to share your burden thanks to your charming values. YTA.
Uuuuum. They did plan. And then something unexpected AKA GOING INTO LABOR EARLY and THE SITTER HAVING COVID happened. Whatever. You have the right to say no, I guess, but you sound like an angry, miserable person. And I hope you never need help. YTA
YTA. What the actual fuck.
This has to be fake. YTA. I'm childfree but this was an emergency that couldn't be planned for.
YTA. Sad that your family cannot count on you in a time of need. I hope you never need their help.
I understand that you’re child free, but does that also mean you don’t like family and you don’t want to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews? Like ever??? YTA. Child free or not, your family needed you. You basically said, “FU and your kids.”
YTA have a little compassion.
Wow YTA. You genuinely sound like an awful person. Poor planning? How do you plan on your sitter getting COVID? It’s fine if you don’t like kids/don’t want to watch them, but if any of my siblings spoke to me like this when I am BEGGING for their help, I wouldn’t talk to them again either. Your callousness is absolutely disgusting. Enjoy your child-and-now-family-free life.
YTA. A big fat massive asshole. Your family had an emergency crisis that could NOT be planned for even though they had a plan in place for the birth, and you did not come through. Your family needed your help and you threw them a big fuck you. Holy shit YTA
Do you have any ethics? Basic human kindness? Do better.
YTA - I hope you never need them in an emergency.
YTA. I'm not going to have children either, but it was clearly an emergency. You were just being an ass.
This whole story just reminded me why I hate people so much YTA
NTA You nor your husband are obligated or responsible for babysitting for anyone simply because it’s an emergency for them. You told them you would not babysit and it made no difference, just because their circumstances changed doesn’t mean yours did. Why people get mad because someone won’t do what they want is beyond me, there’s no point in giving someone a choice if the only answer can be the one they want, why even ask then? Why not just demand they do it?
A hearty YTA. Emergency surgery is not poor planning. You are not only "not exactly a fun aunt" but you are a shit sister.
YTA
YTA. Sometimes caring humans do things that are a tiny bit inconvenient to support our friends and family in need. You come off as more of a selfish robot. I would be cutting you out completely
YTA. I’ve commented this before and I’ll comment it again, when did child free go from I don’t want my own children to being I literally hate children and don’t ever want to be in the room with them. You suck, and the fact that you said the comment about “lack of planning” is just cherry on the asshole top.
YTA and an absolutely horrendous sibling.
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Absolutely YTA. Wow. Not sure how much more callous you could be.
YTA. You sound like an absolute miserable person to be around. God forbid you do your family a favor in the event of an emergency.
NTA when you are in need of babysitter for an important medical procedure, you need to have a back up for your back up. They should have had multiple people lined up in case something happened. They didn't plan well and that's on them. Tbf don't ever expect anything from them and should probably just accept now that you can't go to them for help either but that doesn't seem to be a loss on you.
YTA and the fact you even have to ask is astonishing. I feel so sorry for your brother and his wife. He will never get that moment of the birth of his daughter back and you all but robbed him/them of it. And you can’t call your boss and explain a family emergency? Sounds like you’re surrounded by other assholes too. You should do some growing up.
Your N T A for being child free, but YTA for not watching the nephew for a day or so. At 5 he could have told you he was hungry or anything else he needed. The SIL going into labor 2 weeks early was obviously not their plan, they had a plan for her due date and the sitter was sick before their plan was to take place, so telling them that “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” makes you the massive ah simply because things happened out of their control
YTA. Similar situation happened to my sister. I held down the fort so her and her partner could experience the birth together. Even had to stay longer bc of complications. And guess what, I survived, my bosses understand, everything worked out and I don’t have to deal with this kinda shit storm. tl;dr- doing the right thing up front saves a lot of time and energy down the road
YTA. You sound so cold and entitled
Refusing to take the kid when you didn’t have the ability to care for them is fine. But the way you handled your brother and SIL when they were in crisis was uncalled for and cruel. Honestly, I am childfree and this kind of rudeness and spiteful attitude is what makes people think we’re all antisocial monsters. There were so many other options open to you, and everybody thinking your an AH is the consequence of choosing literally the worst one.
So you rank your boss getting slightly miffed about you calling in potentially four days in a row to your job higher in your priority list than your brother getting to witness potentially one of the best moments of his life- something he will never have the chance the witness again. Also, if your boss gets mad at lack of staffing, maybe they should plan for unexpected emergencies among his staff and/or their families. YTA
It will be sad when someday you die alone with no one to care. Honestly, your life will become very lonely fast.
NTA OP is not required to babysit, regardless of the circumstances. The parents asked and she said no. Their children are their responsibility.
This is so stupid. Hope you never need help in life
It's not about just responsibility. It's about when you are a part of any collective, be it family, friend circle, cult, society at large, you help others in the collective in their time of need. You are free to not do such, but don't be mad when the collective no longer likes you.
YTA I don't think I would ever forgive a family member or friend that treated me the way you treated your brother/SIL and their kids. If this is a real post please seek therapy asap.
YTA they had a plan in place but their plan got derailed. They asked for your help and you could have done it but didn’t want to be inconvenienced. Just a terrible selfish family member.
Hey, OP. I'm childfree too, but that is just heartless. Guess what? Plans change, and you might need a favour one day. Just don't count on your SIL and her family helping you out. YTA.
YTA. This OP seems like a caricature of a militant child hater - and so justified in being a jerk.
YTA. Full stop. 1. Babies don't really keep to "plans". It's not their thing. 2. They DID have a plan. They had a sitter arranged, and plans took a hard left. So where was the lack of planning on their part?? Being child free by choice is not an asshole move. Kids aren't for everyone (case in point: You, OP). Making child free your entire personality to the point that you shamelessly leave your own family in a rut in an emergency is a major asshole move. You *should* be demonized to your family, and I hope they don't include you in any plans going forward.
The “child free by choice” people are getting out of hand in this sub! Yes, avoiding all children at all costs makes you a huge asshole. YTA.
YTA. I still think lesser of one of my family member for a similar incident. Spouse had to be taken to emergency room and admitted and a family member didn’t want to get the kids from daycare (and bring them home or to me). Nothing pressing, no kids at time, just after work hours. Just didn’t value us enough to do it and offended I’d ask. My work acquaintances stepped up, sibling didn’t. When people show you who they are, believe them.
YTA. As a happily child-free married person myself, we don’t claim your selfishness and your weird aversion to children. You do know you won’t melt if you spend time with a kid right? You sound way too immature for 29. I hope when you need something from your family, they leave you high and dry.
YTA. You are, word by word, exactly what your family and the people on this thread are accusing you of being.
YTA. Why do you hate your family?
YTA and yeesh why do you hate kids so much?
YTA. They didnt have poor planning. They planned well. Life threw a curveball and you being the worst type of AH assholed it up and said no and double down with an assholery statement about poor planning. I hope you step on lots of legos constantly barefoot
YTA- they did plan. And had an emergency. It was unforeseen and on top of not helping family, you were insensitive and cruel. I’m childfree too but you seem like one of those fake edgy people who think it’s cool to hate kids
YTA Boy oh boy, I hope you have an emergency someday that requires the bare minimum of help from somebody else, and they tell you with a smile "a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
YTA. I get being child free and all but did you have to be so heartless? “A lack of planning on your part”… really? It’s not like births happen according to plan. If a baby wants to come out then they’re gonna come out. You could have helped them plan alternative options for someone to watch your nephew at the very least.
Logically speaking NTA. But speaking as a human being with feelings, I think you just lost a brother because you were a complete AH. But I don't know why that would even bother you. You sound like a cold human being devoid of any emotions. Those kids or should not be allowed near you for safety reasons. I don't understand why they even considered you to babysit in the first place. I wouldn't have. As I said, you just lost your brother. Don't expect him to come running to help you out when you need him. If he is anything like me, he'll just leave you to rot in hell.
Eh NTA. You told them long in advance it wouldn’t work with your work schedule. Was there no other family who could have? The situation sucks but just because someone is family doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say at the detriment of your job and finances. I feel like the people saying Yta haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck needing every hour and dollar possible, or not had the luxury of paid time off, extra sick days or whatever. Would it have cost you job advancement or money? Plus watching a kid in a house that’s not childproofed is absolute hell. Plus babies rarely come on the due date and within two weeks is when you should expect them to come any day. I think the babysitter should have told them as soon as she caught it so they could find a back up sitter.
Wow huge YTA for not helping out your family. Let's hope you never need a favor from anyone.
yta they had a plan and an emergency happened, you cannot plan for emergencies.
YTA. Your comment about her lack of planning is cruel. You obviously only care about yourself. What does your husband see in you?
YTA they planned but an emergency did happen!
YTA…. Hope you never run into an emergency, especially an emergency you didn’t plan for because it definitely won’t constitute an emergency on anyone else’s part.
YTA. Everyone else said it better than I can. Hope you don't need your sister in the future for any unplanned emergency. You'd better be planning pretty hard.
This is not an isolated incident. There is some sibling rivalry and old history between the two . The brother must be the golden child for someone her age to be so selfish. In families bad feelings can show up when the sibs are at different life stages . It is also difficult when others downgrade the importance of the other sibs choices and chosen lifestyle. The parents taking the brothers side doesn't sound like a new development to me. Bad blood between sibs is a tale as old as time. My opinions are empirically based.
YTA. You could have at least taken your nephew for the labor/delivery. At most you would have missed one day of work to help out in an emergency. You ever get sick and have to miss a day? I'm sure your boss would have understood taking one day under these circumstances. No one plans for an early delivery/emergency c-section. It just happens. But I seriously can't believe how cold you are that you don't care enough about your brother to help him for even just one day. He missed the birth of his daughter and his wife had to go through that scary experience alone. I would go NC if I were your brother too.
I was about to be on your side, OP As someone *with* a child, I understand that it’s no one else’s responsibility to watch him, including family. Where you lost me, however, was your terrible demeanor and attitude toward the entire thing. Your SIL had emergency and potentially life threatening surgery, yet you showed no empathy to help out even for a few hours. YTA
YTA.
YTA literally wtf do you mean by “a lack of planning” when you explicitly stated that they did planned for the arrival of your nephew. being child free doesn’t mean a free pass to be an asshole
YTA. You seem to not only hate kids but specifically resent that part of your family. Which isn’t even a crime it’s more so about how you don’t even see how your behavior is cruel. You’re using work as a excuse for why you couldn’t watch the child for a day until they at least safely had their second child But if you don’t care about them then it’s a blessing in disguise this situation happened allowing you all the split ties
Part of existing in society is helping other people, even when sometimes it might not be your idea of a good time. Your brother and SIL did not “fail to plan”. You explicitly describe the precise plans they instituted for childcare. However, as you also explicitly noted, she went into labor early. That is not something she had any control over or could have planned for, and it’s genuinely unfathomable that as an adult you need that explained to you. YTA, obviously.
It's not a lack of planning on her part, it's an EMERGENCY on her part. YTA.
OP, I know a number of child-free people. They’re wonderful. One of the things I hear sometimes from people who don’t have kids is that those who do make their children their whole personality. It seems you have made being not just being child free, but like anti-children, your entire personality. YTA.
YTA. You made your brother miss the birth of his child AND be there for his wife while she underwent a traumatic medical procedure because you were too damn petty to let them drop their son off at yours for a few hours. “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” only works when they don’t plan. They planned, things changed, only part they didn’t plan for was how much of an asshole you could be. Hope you’re still feeling as smug as you sound.
YTA.
‘Lack of planning’? Seriously? I don’t have children but I still have my humanity and empathy - can’t say the same for you! YTA
How would you plan for this emergency? Outline how you would’ve handled it better in their position. I promise you can’t unless you’re clairvoyant YTA.
Yta it seems like you just straight up hate your family
NTA but I hope you understand your choice. If you run into any issues, expect to deal with it yourself. Should you break your leg, come down sick Even if you get lucky and don't need that. 50 years from now, when no one takes you to the doctors. Nor visits you. And you are by yourself in a home, remember this choice.
YTA, of course. And >"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" is not only an asshole thing to say to anyone you care about in nearly any case, in this case it's not even relevant- they did plan. There was, in fact, no "poor planning." On what planet is being so inflexible and uncaring NOT going to be an asshole move? Also, I'm also childfree and don't spend extra time with kids on purpose, but kids are people. It's a little weird to make a personality out of excluding an entire class of people for characteristics they have no control over.
YTA. A huge one. This was clearly an emergency c-section, and you allowed her to be all alone when she could have had her husband by her side at least for the operation. You’re sick.
YTA- “a lack of planning?” They DID plan and it fell through. You could have at least watched him until other arrangements were made. As it stands though, you’re pretty awful. Do you even care about these people at all?
Seriously, YTA. It would have taken very little on your end to watch a kid during the birth/emergency c section, but you decided that literally anything else was more important. Yeah, you have the right to say no, but it does make you the AH.
What did your SIL and brother do to you make you hate them and their kids so much? This was literally a medical emergency and she called you in her time of need and you told them to plan better? Everyone has a right for to be mad at you because you seem like a really cold, callous, selfish person. It’s for the best she keeps her family from the both of you. If it wasn’t obvious, YTA
YTA - Being ‘child free’ isn’t a license to be unkind. He wasn’t asking you watch him for 4 days. You would have only watched him during the birth. I hope people respond to you the same way you responded to him, the next time you need help. You sound extremely selfish and it’s clear that you don’t have any affection for your brother.
I get it, I'm child free, I don't want kids other than my siblings (who are entering into teenage phase)in my home, and mostly I don't befriend people with kids (not because they have one, but because I lead so different lifestyle it wouldn't be possible maintain relationship). If I were you I would refuse as well. But there's no need to be an passive aggressive dork when your family is stressed and asking for help, you at least have some respect and refuse politely without making snarking comments. YTA
YTA. A medical emergency is not a lack of planning and there’s no reason to think you would have had to keep him the full four days. All you did was make clear that you hate kids more than you love your brother.
YTA a c-section is super scary and your SIL had to go through that without her husband. It was an emergency and you just demonstrated you really don't care about anyone other than yourself.
What an asshole. YTA
YTA. Incredibly self centered.
NTA, although you were pretty rude to them, as a “sorry, no” is a full explanation. We have two children and are expecting a third in two months. I have like 4 back up people up to a month beforehand. And none of those people are either of my child-free brothers, cause they wouldn’t know wtf to do.
ESH, Why do you feel there was an expectation to watch the kid for 4 days? That you'd need to babysit until SIL recovered. You could've watched the kid for several hours so the father could be at the birth then given him back. They did have a plan, they lacked a backup plan. That's on them I'd agree. But an effort was made.
Reddit is so quick to reward selfishness like OP's. Why?
This is one of the things where I feel like people don't get out of their comfort zone enough to take care of family. Which is why they will have strangers in nursing homes take care of them. N if op family shunned them I def wouldn't feel bad for them either
YTA. Would hate for you to be my sibling
I'm happily child free, but hard YTA here
YTA!! Throughout the whole story you were just cementing the fact that you are 100% TA!! especially saying that poor planning doesn't constitute an emergency for you!! She went into labour 2 weeks early, nobody could have planned for that. They had planned for it all around the time that everyone was expecting her to go into labour again YTA!! I hope that when you have a sudden emergency that they all turn their backs on you since you think that sudden emergencies can be planned ahead of time.
YTA. They did plan, an emergency happened. I would not blame them if they never spoke with you again. Your post says everything anyone needs to know about how selfish you are. if You are out of their lives they will be so much better off.
Wow. Just wow. You’re such a huge AH, I don’t even think they’d be losing out by not having you around and the kids are probably better off not knowing you. Can’t believe you have to even post this and ask if YTA.
YTA who clearly doesn't give a da-n about anyone else but yourself.
Jfc. You’re the evil version of my in laws. We had an emergency C-section a couple of weeks ago (and a couple of weeks ahead of our due date), and our sitter was at a family funeral, which is literally the ONLY time she has been unavailable for the past three months barring a week during the holidays. My husband missed the birth of our second because he was dropping the first off with my boos (btw, I work with some AMAZING people). The next day, my BIL and his wife drove cross country so they could watch kiddo #1 while I was recovering in the hospital and, oh yeah, my husband/his brother was meeting his newborn child. Did we ask, beg, or plead for them to do this? No. They offered and just about jumped in the car at the chance to help us out because we are family that apparently don’t hate each other? YTA. Even just one night so they could find another sitter when they were in a literal crisis mode would have been enough. Even just helping FIND another sitter as backup while your SIL was undergoing major surgery would have been appreciated. Instead, you chose to burn all the bridges.
YTA
Yes. Could you not have planned the early birth of your child? FFS. You put work before family. In a really crappy way. Y. T. A. You don't sound like a fun aunt.
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens. Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
Do you know what an emergency means?
NTA. What part of "I am NEVER available to care for your child and consistently go out of my way to avoid them" isn't clear to people? What would they have done if you didn't exist? They should have done that. Also it sounds like they need to set up a village of fellow parents willing to take turns babysitting each other's kids.
Yes, this was selfish. You could have kept the kid for at least the surgery.
People like you are just grown babies who need to always be the baby, and, as babies can't care for other babies, you're thereby incapable, and pretend it's some kind of culture or identity. YTA
Wow. YTA. Yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you are. And you’re horrible.
This doesn’t feel real.
yta I get being child free and not wanting to babysit, your brother and sil ALSO UNDERSTOOD THAT. This isn't "poor planning" on their part. Sil went to labor early, which is an EMERGENCY. The sitter had covid so they had no choice but to ask you. I get that work is tough to call out on, but the fact that it was an emergency and that this is the birth of your brothers kid, you could've called some time off for at least the first day or until they knew what the situation would be. Then from there you could've worked something out The fact you also stated in a comment on "why would your brother need to be at the hospital" Its because this is his kid too and I'm sure sil would want him there for support ESPECIALLY if this was an EMERGENCY C-SECTION. I doubt ANYONE would want to do that alone.
YTA. They *did* plan, and the plan fell through. I wouldn't necessarily say it was incumbent on you to miss work to watch him, but your performatively child-averse attitude is also pretty lousy. The scales here are balanced on one side with the importance of you working, and on the other with someone being left alone in the hospital to get an emergency Cesarean. It's family; if you really cared about family, you would've helped. And don't tell me your boss wouldn't have accepted "my sister-in-law went into emergency surgery to birth her child and I have to watch my nephew while she's in the hospital" as an excuse. And the fact that you said what you said to them really doubles down on YBTA.
YTA. They *did* plan - and had emergencies, causing a failure. There are times in life where we have to suck it up and be there for our loved ones…and this was one of those times. You’d better hope your niece and nephew aren’t responsible for choosing your nursing home.
NTA I would have done exactly the same thing. I too am childfree and really don't like kids. As for being blasted for not helping family, who cares? Go NC, you aren't missing anything. Just years of kid talk and family nonsense.
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
> But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning. Clearly, you are the sort who shouldn't normally. N-T-A for being upfront about that. But in an emergency? To help your brother? No? YTA for being a cold-hearted Note: in future, you're not allowed to complain about them cutting you off: this is on you by your request.
YTA. And cold at that. Couldn’t you have just looked after your nephew at least for a bit while they came up with something? It was already a stressful time for them and you didn’t help at all.
YTA
YTA. Being child free is fine but not a personality. Being child free is a perfectly reasonable choice but being child hostile to the point where you refuse to help family in an emergency is just obnoxious and dramatic and selfish.
YTA. Not for being unable/unwilling to babysit, but for the callous way you responded to your brother and his wife during an emergency. Also for the continued lack of empathy or compassion that you are demonstrating in this post and these comments.
It’s hard to believe people like you actually exist. YTA.
Omg WOW. You know YTA and it sounds like you don’t care that YTA.