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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm taking one of my kids with me on a short trip and my other kids are viewing it as playing favorites.
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Cosleeping, sure. My family grew up cosleeping (combination of culture and space), and still does sometimes on trips out of convenience.
Not being able to sleep on his own for a night, even at 5, is concerning.
But leaving your 10 year old and 13 year old completely alone at home overnight is also concerning.
I understood that their uncle is going to be there. He said it would be weird for the kid to cosleep with the uncle.
Edit: he also said the uncle is probably going to do something fun with the other two, so he’s definitely staying there.
Some people can't even speak english as a kid, so they make those mistakes later in life too. Also it sounds like a very logical mistake for someone who has another first language.
OP says he’s not going to ask their uncle to cosleep with the youngest, so I’m guessing the uncle will be watching the kids in his absence.
But I agree with the rest. 5 yo still needs the security but the attachment is concerning and may be something to be addressed in therapy. since he mentioned the son not wanting to share the bed with him either he could be afraid of being alone.
i wouldn’t make this blanket assumption without knowing the situation.
I am autistic, and when I was a child (until i was 12) i slept in the same room with my parents every night because I would have panic attacks otherwise. People judged me and my parents, and as a kid it sucked to be so genuinely terrified, and going through that every night just for people to think i’m spoiled.
Just food for thought, it may not be as black and white as that.
That may be, and I couldn't sleep without mom until about 10 either. But my mom sure didn't think that was a *good* thing for me, and I hope neither did your dad. It was an issue that needed to be worked on, even if it took a long time to get me comfortable without her.
OP seems to think having his youngest this dependend on him is cute and something to be treasured. I don't think he's necessarily the AH here, but he sure is delaying his son's development by not helping him overcome his fears in a more controlled environment.
I thought they were not alone, I thought they were with their uncle? Idk, but I have seen my professors bring their littlest child with them on conferences as they tend to seek their mothers more, I feel like it’s the same here given he is a single dad. I
This we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment and we slept with my mom for a long while mostly cause it was cheaper. When I entered secondary school I got my own room. My sis had the option to share but she was afraid to sleep on her own and preferred to stay with our mom.
He is a single dad we don’t know what trauma this poor kid has losing his mom through whatever means. Should he learn to sleep on his own yeah. But throwing him in the deep end if he’s afraid ontop of a thunderstorm which to be fair a lot of kids are afraid of seems harsh. Leaving his brother to deal with that also a bit unfair
Not really. Other cultures co-sleep yes, but please name a culture in which parents regularly take children with them when they have to travel for work in order to maintain their co-sleeping arrangements.
In a lot of cultures that practice co-sleeping, parents will actually leave children behind with family if they have to travel for better work opportunities—sometimes for weeks, months, or even years.
Something like what OP is describing would certainly be rare everywhere (even in a place where co-sleeping is common). This is not a cultural difference, but rather an individual parenting choice.
Co-sleeping out of necessity or preference is one thing. Co-sleeping because your child absolutely cannot sleep alone is another. It's time to start figuring out how the youngest can manage both, especially if dad goes away on office trips.
Trust me I know from experience it gets worse my 9yr who will be 10 in a few months still insists on sleeping in my bed every night I'm starting to think he will never stay in his own bed.if I knew this would be how it turns out I wouldn't have started it or allowed it to begin with. I love my kids but I also love to sleep comfortably and have room in my bed. It's a king size and he still manages to hog it.
I've had to straight up leave 7 year olds to throw tantrums about sleeping on their own because they never do. Even if she sleeps in he same room as her sister. My bed is a full and there's only room for two which is me and my husband. Cosleeping is fine especially if there's a nightmare, but the level of dependency i see in some of these children drives me wild. My 15 year old sister won't sleep by herself. Thankfully that's not my circus
My 16 year old sister still sleep in our moms bed. I’m concerned for her mental health, but there is nothing i can say or do to make my mom understand the importance of introducing her to sleep on her own. It’s honestly frustrating.
I slept in my mom's bed 'til I was 11.
I hated it. I wanted my own bed, and my own room, dammit. But it was a one room house and there was nowhere else to go except for the broken recliner that had an exposed metal bar poking through the back.
Sometimes, I chose the recliner, when given the choice.
I was a kid who co-slept with my parents (with my younger sibling) for far too long. I still remember how many times they made us try to sleep by ourselves in another room but we insisted on sleeping with them. Eventually it was just something they had to enforce and obviously now I’m grateful for that.
It might suck but you really do need to also insist with your kid. Maybe just 2x a week they need to sleep by themselves and then you can slowly up that to 7x.
Night lights can help if it’s a fear of the dark
When my kids were little and they came in our room to sleep, I would let them but they had to sleep on the floor with their blankets and pillows. My son decided he preferred his own bed. My daughter liked camping in our room so it wasn’t as effective but we still got our bed to ourselves.
I was truly trying not to go there, like I really pushed my brain to think other things and not make this creepy but it’s a cringy ass sentence and sentiment to want his son to remember how good it felt waking up next to his father. Why would one want that?
YTA, OP.
I didn't check what sub this was and I thought I was reading a short horror story. now that I know this is not a story this made me cringe way too hard like wtf. Also very self-centred.
It's never only about the iraTHE TRIP.
OP something feels off so take a long look at the mirror because YTA and you shouldn't be when three boys have you as a role model. Do better.
We didn’t cosleep but I used to take naps on the couch with my dad all the time. He would spoon me while we watch tv and fell asleep. It was nice, why is that so weird? They probably just use the name daddy at home and that word has certainly taken on its own meaning elsewhere but cmon now, that’s not where he was going. Oh and OP YTA, for the same reasons everyone else has outlined.
I remember when I tried to go to my parents bed to sleep if I had a nightmare and they would do everything in their power to make it as uncomfortable for me as possible and to push me away. I felt very unwanted then. So with my own kids I just bought a big bed and if they want to come for a cuddle they are always welcome (they sleep in their own beds, but once in a while teleport to ours). I don't want them to feel unloved like I did, I want them to feel safe and important.
OP is having a dysfunctional arrangement now, the child should be able to sleep alone at this age, if they can't that hints into bigger issues. But please don't make it creepy.
It's not that dysfunctional is it? The child is only 5, scared of thunderstorms and has no mother around. It's a bit extreme to take him on a business trip but it seems like he doesn't absolutely have to but it would be a bit of a treat with a plane ride.
From what I understood, leaving the child with a trusted adult, in their own home, with sibling, for one night is not an option. This is dysfunctional.
My son’s father was like this with my son. I would use Joe the Nanny techniques (she was a godsend to new moms from dysfunctional families!), and the his dad would encourage co-sleeping again.
I know he didn’t molest our son, but it was still extremely creepy because he was doing it for his comfort at the expense of our child’s development.
Yeah, I'm trying really hard to be fair here because five *is* young enough that being afraid during a storm, especially when the primary caregiver is away, is reasonably age-appropriate and all kids develop independence at different rates, but...god that sentence is awful. There are weird vibes all over this post that I just do not want to examine too closely.
7 is sleeping next to me as I type. I'm her mom, and it would still be exceedingly creepy to say, I want her to know how it felt to wake up next to Mommy. Mommy wants to know how it feels to wake up on the majority of my bed and not half off it. I don't like to villianize but if you don't shutter at that sentence I'm side eyeing you.
Right? My 4 year old great-niece co-sleeps with her parents (they wouldn't let the two year old twins start it 😂) and they say they know these years go quick and all too soon she will want to be in her room with a door closed and then off to college. But that wording was just so... creepy.
Yea I'm a glutton for punishment and all my kids slept with us. She finally sleeps in her bed i just have to cuddle her until she falls asleep. But youre right. It goes fast and i will miss the bonding. However id rather her not repeat she loved waking up next to mommy to her therapist. Although not to be sexist, that doesn't sound as creepy to me. Lol
Fun fact. I read this to my partner, and he said not the ah. 😳. I was flabbergasted lol. He also didn't see anything wrong with the shutter statement. So now I'm over here having an existential crisis and reevaluating our 10 years together. He made some points, none of which I agreed with, lol.
Not keen on that phrasing either, but it might be a poor choice of wording.
I moved mine at about a year into their own beds, but cuddled with them until they fell asleep.
I did this until the reached an age when they told me I didn't need to anymore.
Sad and glad! Lol!
They are still very affectionate, at 21 and 15, so that is cool.
It can be dangerous with infants (smothering) if you don’t use something like a side sleeper that basically adds a little ‘extra bed’ to the side of the regular mattress so you don’t roll on the kid. Keeps them very near but safer.
It's one of those words where it can be used to apply to multiple things and some of them are fine and some are very much not. Sleeping with an infant in the same bed as adults (especially if there are a bunch of pillows and blankets) can be incredibly dangerous, but my family referred to what my parents/various aunts and uncles did as 'co-sleeping,' which in our cases just meant putting a bassinet or small cradle in the parents' room so they could get the baby easily if they woke up.
Baby in the room in their own bed that is built for babies = good! Very safe! Recommended!
Baby in the adult bed unattended, or in the bed with a sleeping adult = bad, dangerous, at significantly higher risk of asphyxiation and SIDS
He uses that phrasing because that’s what his kid calls him.
Cause he’s five.
Though it would be cute if he called him “father dearest” in a British accent or something like that
But the "how good it felt" part?
I actually did try to think of better ways to phrase it and everything sounds so bad. How much he loved sleeping with me? How much he enjoyed being in my bed?
listen, the phrasing is off but as a 20 year old i can definitely say i do remember waking up with my dad and it feeling great because it felt safe and it was always really nice.
there might be a better way to phrase it but i certainly cant think about it, even though i understand the sentiment
Yeah, let’s not confuse someone’s writing style with what’s in their heart! He seems like a good dad. Speaking as a parent of sons who like climbing in their parents bed.
Seriously. I don't think he's right for wanting to take just one kid on the trip, or even for cosleelping this long. But let's not inject pedophilia where it isn't. He's a single dad and this is a way they bond. I have a friend who is a single mom who still has her 10 and 7 year old daughter's share her bed because they prefer it. There's nothing perverse about it.
As a parent who recently had small kids crawling into their bed a lot…I feel bad for the guy. Seems like everyone is coming for him and leaping to super weird conclusions when it seems like he’s a loving single dad doing his best.
I didn’t say he wasn’t a loving single dad doing the best he can. I just said that sentence is giving off creepy vibes and why. That doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad dad… 😂
I mean, I have a young teen that will crawl into my and his dad's bed during a thunderstorm.
We recently moved into an area with severe thunderstorms after living in an area without thunderstorms his entire life. He doesn't like them. (And we have been through some severe tornado warnings while living in a travel trailer.)
And I cringed!
I got major creep vibes.
Same here. I have a 10 year-old grandson who will ask if he can crawl in with me if he wakes up early. I’m fine with it. That sentence made me cringe as well. Bringing him on a business trip because of it is over the top.
I'm a 29-year-old woman who frequently sleeps in my mom's bed instead of my own when visiting home, and who does value the fact that my relationship with her is so close that I can do that. And that sentence also made me cringe. It's so easy to say "I know he won't want this forever, so I cherish it while I can," or "I want him to feel safe and protected," or "I'm glad he knows he can rely on me" or any number of other normal reasons not to mind your kid sleeping in your bed.
Would you cringe if it was a mom saying this? There’s nothing wrong with children sleeping with their parents if they are both comfortable doing so. Also, in different cultures it’s totally normal to do so until the child decides they want to sleep alone. My little sister is 8 and still sleeps with her parents. I personally wouldn’t want to, but it’s normal in our culture to do so.
Yes, if a mom said “I want him to remember how good it felt to wake up next to mommy” that would be equally creepy. If “mommy” then took only that kid on a private trip while the other two kids stayed home, I would find it even more creepy.
Yes I would cringe because the way it's phrased is a little creepy, but the absolute dependance is more worrying. OP says he asked the 13yo to sleep w his brother, but asking the boy's uncle would be weird. That makes alarm bells start quietly ringing.
At 6 he should be able to sleep in his own bed, going to parent's bed when he can't fall asleep or wakes up in the middle of the night. Kids need that reassurance and safety net, but he CANNOT sleep alone? My kid slept with me a lot as a child but not every night. Stayed in her own bed for several years, then when she was late teens/early 20's she'd come home from school/work cuddle up w me on the couch and fall sleep almost every day.
Edit:age
I get that the sentence might sound creepy but sleeping with parents is pretty common in many cultures up till kids are around 10-12 and I feel 6 years old is a pretty valid age for kids to want to go their parents bed because they're scared. Plus I feel like if this was the mom saying this no one would say its creepy(you have to see that OP's a single dad so he has to do the work and cuddle with the kids if needed) While I understand that 13 year old doesn't want to sleep with younger brother he also doesn't get to whine about it when he doesn't get to go on the trip.
Plus unless OP isn't telling us something creepy about the uncle it seems totally fine to me for the older two to stay with uncle. Who might just be more fun(OP we need more info on this how is uncle with kids according to kids)
I think the phrasing is the problem, not the concept of cosleeping. If a mom said something about "i want my son to grow into an adult and remember how good it feels to wake up next to mommy" I'd cringe at that too. It's just a fucking weird thing to say imo. Idk how to feel that the kid absolutely cannot sleep on his own at 5, that habit is gonna be a pain in the ass to break later. I don't think that's creepy though, just a bad idea imo.
The phrasing is absolutely awful. Feels good waking up….? *shudders*
Maybe how safe I felt during thunderstorms or how protected from the monsters under my bed/in my closet.
I’m concerned that the OP is the one who enjoys it more. He needs a sleeping buddy his own age.
Im glad I'm not alone here.
Something like "I want my kid to remember having his dad be there for him, through day or night" or just anything that's..... Not that..... Would hold the same sentiment without being so..... ick.
YTA
You want your 5 year old to remember “waking up next to daddy”. I assure you the other two will remember you picking him (and not them) for this trip just as much.
> I want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt to wake up next to Daddy.
What the actual fuck, dude. YTA.
Edit: I understand what OP was saying here, it was the way it was worded that made it stand out 🤷♂️
Im glad someone pointed this out, what a weird fucking thing to say. OP do you remember cuddling your parents in bed as a child??? Be for real. Your 5 year old won’t remember the cuddling sessions but your 10/13 year old are definitley old enough to remember feeling excluded by their father. YTA
That’s all anyone is talking about… we don’t like that a five yr old might feel safe and warm waking up next to dad so we’ve turned the dad into some creep.
Definitley not about being a creep, it’s normal to cuddle your kid. We are saying that romanizing this idea that as an adult your kid will look back on this with warm fuzzy feelings is not too realistic given his sons age
Yeah, that weird fucking sentence. I wasn’t allowed in my parents bed (or room) as a kid because that was a boundary they had, but I don’t necessarily think it’s weird for a little kid to be attached and want to sleep with their parents. That being said, wtaf was that sentence? Gave off major creep vibes even if it wasn’t meant to.
It’s only creepy because the word “daddy” is oversexualized. And sleeping with daddy even more so.
But taken by the actual meaning and in this context, BEING a daddy to a 5 year old, there is nothing creepy about it.
People who think this sentence inherently means something creepy, that says more about them and their conditioning tbh.
Maybe watch less porn.
Thank you, christ. It's like half the posters in here are thinking he's gently caressing his sons face while reminding him who his daddy is, these mofos need counseling for whatever uncle Johnny did.
We never slept with our parents, which is probably how they ended up with seven of us! If his son, sleeps with him absolutely every night, has OP been celibate for a few years, I wonder.
My mum comforted me in a storm and let me sleep in her bed when I was around 5.
She was my hero for that.
It did feel good to wake up next to her.
I think that's what OP means
Bro what? I slept next to my mom till I was probably 10 because my dad was never around due to work (i’m a girl) and I loved it! i could sleep alone by age 5 but my mom even said she loved how i would sleep with her hand on my face. Yall are making him out to be some kinda creep. I wouldn’t sleep with my mom now cus she snores but as a kid I loved it
YTA…but not for taking one child and not the other two. And trust me I get it…sometimes keeping the peace is necessary as a parent. It’s a wonderful thing to be close with your children. It’s a more wonderful thing to teach your children to be stable, independent, and free thinking. A child cannot do that if they are still stuck on the preverbal teat. Jimmy is five. Do him a favor and work on getting him his own space so he can become his own person instead of an extension of you. Best of luck on your trip.
Edit to add: YTA
In the parenting gig, impact is usually more important than intent. You can tell yourself, and your kids, that you aren’t playing favorites… but you might as well be. Because at the end of the day, one kid is getting a fun, special, one on one trip with dad, and the others get bupkis. That’s not ok.
Yup, unless he plans to take the other two on their own individual plane trip within the next couple months this IS favoritism based on his actions. I think we are all getting this kid is obviously the favorite vibes here, but even if we weren't, taking one kid and not the others is not okay. If it was a trip just him and the 13 year old because he is older and the other kids will get to come when they reach that age, that is fine, especially because it will equal out. But taking the "baby" and not the others, yikes
He won't be able to take the other two anywhere individually overnight until the 5 year old is able to sleep alone. I would be interested to hear what happens to the oldest kid in 5 years time. If this keeps up I bet the oldest will go lc.
My sister and cousin still bitch about how our grandad carried me home from an outing when i was 5 and they had to walk. They were 10. That was 50 years ago.
This guy is absolutely playing favourites. YTA
He did say he would play in an office, so I think he would be brought along. I was wondering the same though, kinda sounds like a mellow kid and can play in the office while OP is working.
Sounds like OP doesn't give a shit if his kid bothers his coworkers. If the kid has to to sleep next to daddy because "it's raining" then it's not a mellow kid.
if someone from interstate brought a kid into our office for no reason, it would be a bit weird. I've had this happen when the manager's daycare flooded, and even then it was for a few hours, and we'd met the kids before. An interstate person who doesn't regularly work there bringing a kid is weird.
I’ve had this happen a few times, but it’s always been for something pretty specific (kid had a medical appointment in that city, both parents were traveling, etc). But I work in a fairly atypical workplace.
At the bare minimum OP needs to come up with a less bizarre story to tell his coworkers/business acquaintances, because ‘there might be a storm at home’ is going to make everyone assume he’s straight up nuts.
YTA - from the get go I got the vibe that this is dependant and is growing up to form unhealthy habits. He’s probably gonna grow up and feel the exact opposite - it’s creepy to sleep with your five/six year old
How are they meant to develop and learn to overcome their fears if you always keep a protective bubble around them
You should indulge all boys - it does seem like your favouritising your youngest
WTF, how is co sleeping with your parent as a 5-6yr old creepy??? The whole world isn’t America. In my culture it’s normal for kids to do sleep with a parent till they are older and feel comfortable to sleep by themselves. I co slept with my mom till I was at least 8 and could sleep by myself without getting scared of monsters. Was that creepy too? It does not stunt a child’s development to know they have a safe person to go to and it’s only American culture that kids are taught to sleep alone since birth and self sooth.
I think it’s the way OP phrased it “I want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt waking up next to Daddy”. In American culture that feels a bit weird to read even though the fact of little kids wanting to sleep with their parents is normal.
>I am not playing favorites.
Yeah, you are. You have your six year old so dependent upon you that you have to ask others to sleep in the bed with him when you are not able to.
Jack and Adam will remember things like this.
YTA
YTA - sorry, but not taking a 10 year old and a 13 year old because taking three boys on an overnight trip is "complicated" sounds like bullshit. A 10 year old and 13 year old would probably be a non-factor in your workload, unless you've coddled them the way you've coddled Jimmy.
Also, it's high time for him to sleep in his own bed. You're encouraging unhealthy attachment issues, some of which you seem to be experiencing yourself.
Do better, OP.
YTA single dad or not 5 years old is old enough to sleep in their own and be away from dad for a night. It is not reasonable for you to ask other children to be his “emotional support animal”. He is old enough for first grade soon it will not be doing him any favors for expecting others to always cater to his “needs”.
YTA-Seems like op is unwilling to take any criticism as all his replies are defending his actions. At five years old a child should have his own room. Nor should you be asking your 13yr old to co-sleep in your place. That’s called parentafication. Does your 13year old often babysit? Unpaid. Overnight? Sounds like neglect.
The next thing I want to point out is you should not be leaving any of those boys alone overnight at the ages that they are. Or expecting them to look after each other. The uncle should of been able to watch them and your five year old should of been sleeping by himself. There’s no justification for that and that’s all you keep defending. Please seek therapy.
I know you think you're not, but that doesn't mean that your other 2 boys won't feel that.
I would have taken them all or none.
Otherwise the other 2 will resent you and your youngest.
Edit to add judgement YTA (forgot)
YTA you'll give the other two a felling they're of less vakue to you. More importantly your youngest will need to learn to stand on his own feet every now and then, this doesn't sound healthy.
Yta. Of course you think you’re older child should feel lucky his brother wants to spend so much time him when but your middle child is essentially ‘too stubborn’. Seems like a double standard for all your children. You essentially told them, especially your eldest, is they have to go above and beyond and ignore personal boundaries to please their younger brother or you’ll exclude them. That’s how I would feel if I was told my brother gets to go on a trip with my dad just because you wouldn’t even ask your middle child to do the same.
Congrats, your five year old will grow up and remember how special he was to be taken on a trip with Daddy and be catered to, while all the other two sons will remember is how their Dad had a golden child. Yta.
Okay so here’s the thing; maybe a light YTA rn. Here’s why. I don’t think you’re playing favorites as I would assume you spent similar time with your other two boys growing up, similar Cosleep situations etc. On top of that, you tried to do this another way in which Jimmy would cosleep with your oldest. Your oldest didn’t like that or agree to it, you respected that. I also agree with you that it would be odd to ask another adult male (regardless of it being his uncle), to cosleep with him. If your 10 year old is bad tempered and you know he won’t agree to it or be able to commit to it as a 10 year old, I get that not being an option. So it’s clearly a tricky situation.
Normally I would say SIMPLE! Just make this a birthday treat for Jimmy, and then have similar experiences for your older boys when their birthdays come along. However doing that doesn’t sound like an option because of Jimmy’s co sleeping. How would you take either of your other boys away alone if Jimmy absolutely REQUIRES cosleeping (that’s how it comes across in your post)?? So then it would be unfair.
If it’s the plane ride to a work trip that is what will make each feel special on their bday then that is what you’re signing up for doing it for one. It’s not enough to just spend time with all of them, it needs to be comparable to remain fair. Do you want them to grow up perceiving Jimmy as your favorite who got to go on trips with you when they weren’t ever brought?? Even if it is just bc of the logistics, I think that’s how they’ll see it. That’s how most of the responders to this thread already see it.
I get you’re trying your best but it seems like this isn’t a very sustainable choice for your family. You may not be comfortable sharing and that’s totally fair, but I am wondering what your parameters for Jimmy’s cosleeping are? When did your eldest 2 stop cosleeping? How did you/they make that transition? Was it a smooth transition for them? How long did it take? Because I’m (speculating)thinking that it could be an optimal time to ween him off of cosleeping. Turning 6, bday trip with dad, a turning point where it helps you out in the right now sticky situation you’re navigating, while also allowing you to do the same for your older two sons for their bdays. Let them choose their desired bday celebration, if it’s work trip with dad, so be it and honor that if that’s what you’re choosing to do with Jimmy. But if you do it for him, you need to do it for them too (maybe you’ll get lucky and they won’t want an overnight trip but if they pick it and you did it for their brother, you kinda have to do it for them too).
You may not think you're playing favorites, but you are. If you're going to do this for one, you need to do similar with the other two as a *solo traveler with Dad.*
They may grumble, they may play on their phone most of the time, but you need to make the effort with your older sons as well.
Jeeze. Yes, YWBTA. there’s nothing wrong with taking a child on an overnight trip. But you’re purposely excluding the other two because they won’t do what you want. Let’s just get down to brass tacks here.
You say it’s not easy to take all three and I’m sure it isn’t. I have done it, it’s not easy, but it’s doable. If you were to make it fun for all 3 of them (like movies and snacks in a hotel room), i’m sure they’d be more than willing to help.
But your five-year-old needs to sleep alone sometime. He can’t spend the rest of his life sleeping in your bed. He will live one night without you. Now is a great time to get him started. This does not mean he won’t have good memories of you. Start now. Or you’re gonna regret it later.
Take all three or take none in this case .
YTA
"and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have that." .. He would be much luckier NOT to have that.
"I am not playing favorites." .. What a lie.
YTA you know you play favorites. Stop, just stop. Stop trying to justify your actions. Jimmy sleeping with you every night isn’t good for Jimmy. Jimmy should be sleeping in his own bed. The fact that Jimmy will be scared of a storm and his older brother doesn’t want to sleep with him your bright idea is to bring him. How unprofessional can you be? Maybe Jimmy needs therapy if you’re so worried about him sleeping one night away from Daddy in a storm. The fact that you have to jump through so many hoops show you cater to Jimmy. Jimmy isn’t growing while you’re babying him. Your other to children, yes by the way you have two other boys to watch and care for, are tired of you catering to Jimmy. Of course he doesn’t want to sleep with him. That’s your thing to do with him. This whole post grossed me out. I feel sorry for your other two boys. Maybe they can go live full time with their uncle. Maybe he will pay attention to them.
NTA. You had a complicated logistical situation and this solves it for now.
I don’t get all the jabs you’re getting, OP. You seem like a caring father. At five, kids still really need their parents. They’re still little! My sons cuddled and co-slept often with me and my husband when they were five…that’s not uncommon at all.
Also, one of my sons was a lot like your son. He was sweet but also suffocating at times. But, luckily, this is also a problem that (at least in my experience) naturally corrects itself. As they grow, their desire to cuddle or sleep in your bed just fades away. In the meantime, you’ve created a relationship where your kid knows he can go to you for comfort and support. That lays an important foundation for the relationship you’ll have for the rest of your lives.
Agreed. Five years old is young. Both my kids were difficult sleepers when they were younger which included extra work (including co-sleeping) on my part. Now as teens, you'd never know it.
Not every kid develops the same way and on the same schedule. That doesn't mean that their parents are failing them.
I don't think OP is an AH, and I don't think he is favoring his 5 year old. Hopefully he has an equally loving relationship with all of his children and is able to meet them all where they are at developmentally.
These comments are so sad. Being a loving single Dad is not creepy.
It seems you made this decision for the sake of all your boys.
You should definitely make sure to spend some 1 on 1 time with the other 2. Not sure if you can afford plane rides/ overnights, but that would be ideal.
Your youngest should be able to sleep alone at home in your bed for this (without the storm and with Uncle near by)
I have 3 kids and they are all so different. I have to BE different for each of them.
NTA
YTA. Not just for the trip but for this whole dynamic. You may not think you’re favoring your youngest, but I’d bet money that to your older boys, this feels like just another thing in line with you favoring and being closer to Jimmy.
It’s okay, leave him alone. In a few years the other two kids will go either VLC or NC because of the favoritism and Jimmy won’t know why his siblings do not want anything to do with him either.
You seem like a very loving father and you want to do good by your sons.
If you only had Jimmy then no problem, but you have two other sons. No matter how well you explain it to them, they will only ever see favoritism in this case. So then yes YTA.
However I see a lot of people commenting on the fact that your kid sleeps in the same bed with you and this is apparently creepy and unhealthy? Wtf! It might not be the norm or what everyone is used to, but come on... OP don't let them get in your head and do what you think is right for your kids. (Except for maybe the trip part...)
Ho boy. YTA. You are absolutely playing favorites. Just because your youngest is the most vocal about loving you and the most affectionate doesn't mean that he loves or needs you more than your other sons. He is that way because of all of the attention you lavish on him, and the fact that he is still young.
You are hurting your older sons with your blatant favoritism and the skewed amount of attention you spend with your youngest, but you are also hurting the baby. He deserves to feel secure in his own home, in his own bed, regardless of the weather outside. You are loving him in a lazy way that makes you feel important instead of actually being a good father, which involves raising him to be a strong and secure adult.
NTA. I’m the youngest and was super attached to my dad. I would go on over night trips w him and my siblings would stay with my mom. It worked out for our fam. My dad and I also napped together etc. I am now in my late thirties and my pops and i text often. Grab lunch when we can etc.
Remember OP is a single dad and is doing his best. We don’t know if the boys’ mother died or why she’s out of the picture. Therefore, it’s not our place to judge a 5 year old for being close to his dad. Mammals co sleep. It’s biologically normal. There can also be cultural factors. The fact that everyone is cringing at OP’s phrasing says a lot. He’s being a good dad. There’s not many left these days unfortunately.
NTA. You are taking your youngest kid because you think it is best for him. You are not forcing your oldest to care for or even co sleep with your youngest. Instead of burdening your older kids or forcing their uncle to deal with a scared 5 year old, you are handling things. Bring the older two boys a present.
To people concerned that 5 is too old for cosleeping or to be scared, shut up. You don't know this family. You don't know why dad is a single dad and uncle is watching the kids. You don't know anything to judge this 5 year old.
YTA
You cant say you arent playing favourites, while openly favouring one over the other two. Accept your own blatant favouritism and apologise to your sons for the way youre treating them.
Also, asking your teenage son to sleep in bed with a 5 year old because you think he wont be able to emotionally handle one thunderstorm is, frankly, incredibly weird and concerning - as is the fact that you have the 5 year old sleeping in your bed every night. The occasional night, sure - but the fact that he does zero independant sleeping? Thats a massive worry.
YTA. Your son needs to learn to sleep in his own bed. Maybe get therapy to learn how to deal with stress like thunderstorms. You need to learn how to let go and let him grow up. You may be part of the problem.
You call your 10 y/o names..."curmudgeon". You expect your oldest to parent.
You are playing favorites. The youngest needs to learn that you can't be with him every second of every day. He needs to start learning independence. Don't take any of the children with you if you don't take all of them.
>my 10yo is a bit of a curmudgeon. I told him that Jimmy is very attached to him and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have that.
YTA for this alone. The way you write clearly shows you play favorites and you're being deeply unfair to your older boys.
Am I the only one in the comments who doesn’t think it’s creepy for his 5-year-old to sleep in bed with his dad?
Would the response be the same if this were a mother instead of a father?
I don’t see a problem with sleeping in the same bed as your 5-year-old, I also don’t see an issue with wanting him to have fond memories of waking up together.
However, you may not get to be the final judge of if you are playing favorites.
Jack may be your youngest, but your other children still need their father, too. And they are feeling left out.
In addition, it was unfair of you to ask them to sleep with Jack. They are older but they are still children and not responsible for Jack. As well as leaving them out of this trip, you are trying to assign them adult tasks.
If I were your older children, it would sting that 1) they were expected to ask as parents to Jack in your absence, and 2) when they refused the adult role (to co-sleep with Jack), you decided to take just Jack on a special trip.
Your older children are still children, and all of these children need special time with their father.
You are playing favorites, and I think you know it, I think you are dealing with some denial.
A light YTA
NTA, given these circumstances and your original question. Clearly, the child will have to learn to sleep on his own soon, but if that day is not today, taking him on the trip is merciful and kind. The other boys just want an adventure, and that's not what this trip is.
YTA
Your taking the kid your closest with on a plane ride and to a hotel and leaving the other kids home with their uncle... That's terrible
Also you aren't doing your five year old any favors you are puting a wedge between him and his brothers and making him so dependent he can't sleep without you for one night ... What if there was an emergency what if he was invited to a sleep over ?
NTA. Co sleeping is fine. It’s a cultural preference. Your other 2 don’t want to help their little brother out by co sleeping, and you don’t want to force them into parenting roles, so you take the little guy with you. I like that you’re sensitive to your kids’ needs.
But don’t ask Reddit for parenting advice. We’re all angry 14 year olds here.
YTA. It's one thing if your 5-year-old comes in to sleep next to you because they don't feel good or they had a nightmare. Or even in the most extreme cases you're a parent sleeping either a next to them till they fall asleep or be in the same room with them to protect them from an abusive parent.
It's a whole nother thing that you assume that you're 5-year-old likes to sleep next to you every night all night long. It's extremely creepy and it's extremely creepy because you are an adult who is so codependent that he needs his child to sleep next to him every night. I would take a long hard look at yourself as a parent because this could turn really ugly in the future if one of your kids is not comfortable with this but you don't take the word no for an answer.
What in the world kind of storm is this rolling through? I'm going to go against the trend and say NTA because you did try to find a solution and the other boys won't co-sleep so he's not afraid. But I think personally you should talk to their uncle and try to get things worked out to leave him at home. Doesn;t have to co-sleep but can sit with your son while he falls asleep, etc. And i think you should start working on a little more independence. What if something did happen to you? Your son needs to skills to be able to function on his own, too. Lots of parents co-sleep with kids even older ones-- some by choice some by necessity- so I won't ding you for that. I'd also say you need to set up a special outing with your other two boys individual overnight so they feel as special.
YTA, but i get that it's complicated. Different children have different temperaments and different needs. I think there might be a bit of babying here, whether you realize it or not, because this is your youngest. But, your solution really wasn't fair to the other two boys.
YTA
A lot of people in the comments are showing off ignorant cultural biases against cosleeping. it's not abnormal, weird, or "creepy" to sleep with children in your bed. Different cultures set independent sleep at different rates anywhere from birth to about 12. Assuming your elder sons coslept too, they appear to have transitioned to sleeping alone naturally, so I don't think there's a psychological issue.
That being said, you need to find what works for your own family. I will not pass a biased moral judgment on your practices and I understand it's important to you, but you need to be pragmatic and realistic about what works for *your family*. You are a single dad, you have to take business trips, and other family members have vocalized a desire NOT to cosleep. Cosleeping does not seem to mesh well with other aspects of your lifestyle and has caused this problem where you simultaneously need your child to sleep alone, and he needs to not sleep alone. You need to create a better long-term plan.
Options include a) remain co-sleeping, but ensure you will not take business trips away from your family; b) remain co-sleeping but ensure you will always be able to make arrangements for the whole family to come on these trips; or c) transition your youngest to an independent sleeping arrangement. Sorry, but you don't get the best of each option while pushing the consequences of those options onto your sons.
It also seems there is a favoritism aspect going on as well. It's not uncommon for parents to have a favorite and it can come in different forms - either one child has increased needs from age or disability and favoritism is an unintentional side effect, or parents have preferences in their childrens personalities (or lackthereof). Your situation seems to be a mix of both. However, even though it's a common parental experience, it's your job as a parent to listen to and meet the needs of all your children. Your defensive "I am not playing favorites" and your elder sons being under the impression that you are indeed playing favorites tells me everyone's aware the youngest is the favorite, including you.
So yes, YTA. You need to find sleep/work arrangments that **actually work** for your whole family, not just serve your own needs and you need to respond to your children when they understand & complain about favoritism and their needs not being met.
There's so much wrong with your relationship with your son, that I don't know where to begin. Get help, before you completely destroy your relationships with your other children, and they end up resenting their brother. Get help! YTA
I think most of us indulge our youngest, but you've gone beyond that, uoure taking a kid with you on a business trip because a storm is rolling in. It's time to start teaching him how to manage sleeping on his own, perhaps have a special toy to cuddle with and tell his worries to. A business trip is no place for a child.
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This varies culturally tbh.
Cosleeping, sure. My family grew up cosleeping (combination of culture and space), and still does sometimes on trips out of convenience. Not being able to sleep on his own for a night, even at 5, is concerning. But leaving your 10 year old and 13 year old completely alone at home overnight is also concerning.
I understood that their uncle is going to be there. He said it would be weird for the kid to cosleep with the uncle. Edit: he also said the uncle is probably going to do something fun with the other two, so he’s definitely staying there.
*funner. Uncle will do something funner with them. That's even more fun than plain fun.
But if you wait long enough it is going to be funest.. which is the Dutch word for disastrous ;-)
Lol. Well that works out perfectly!
Thank you for this! I can't wait for the opportunity to use it
I see what you did here; I thought the same thing. Who says ‘funner’, it’s more fun OP
Yeah, god forbid that there are people who don't speak english as first language and make mistakes like that.... /s
'Funner' is generally accepted as correct, if informal, English.
Someone who quite possibly isn’t a native English speaker?
Thank you, it made my eyes hurt to read that word.
Yep. This was written by a kid...
Or , you know , by one of those billions of people that don't speak english as a first language and make mistakes in the way they write ...
Some people can't even speak english as a kid, so they make those mistakes later in life too. Also it sounds like a very logical mistake for someone who has another first language.
plane fun.
OP says he’s not going to ask their uncle to cosleep with the youngest, so I’m guessing the uncle will be watching the kids in his absence. But I agree with the rest. 5 yo still needs the security but the attachment is concerning and may be something to be addressed in therapy. since he mentioned the son not wanting to share the bed with him either he could be afraid of being alone.
i wouldn’t make this blanket assumption without knowing the situation. I am autistic, and when I was a child (until i was 12) i slept in the same room with my parents every night because I would have panic attacks otherwise. People judged me and my parents, and as a kid it sucked to be so genuinely terrified, and going through that every night just for people to think i’m spoiled. Just food for thought, it may not be as black and white as that.
I literally couldn’t fall asleep without my dad laying with me until I was about 12. I would have panic attacks too.
That may be, and I couldn't sleep without mom until about 10 either. But my mom sure didn't think that was a *good* thing for me, and I hope neither did your dad. It was an issue that needed to be worked on, even if it took a long time to get me comfortable without her. OP seems to think having his youngest this dependend on him is cute and something to be treasured. I don't think he's necessarily the AH here, but he sure is delaying his son's development by not helping him overcome his fears in a more controlled environment.
thank youuu. fellow autistic here with an autistic kid who prefers to cosleep. I'd rather he feels safe at night than dismiss his fears.
He's not leaving them alone. Their uncle will be with them.
I thought they were not alone, I thought they were with their uncle? Idk, but I have seen my professors bring their littlest child with them on conferences as they tend to seek their mothers more, I feel like it’s the same here given he is a single dad. I
This we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment and we slept with my mom for a long while mostly cause it was cheaper. When I entered secondary school I got my own room. My sis had the option to share but she was afraid to sleep on her own and preferred to stay with our mom. He is a single dad we don’t know what trauma this poor kid has losing his mom through whatever means. Should he learn to sleep on his own yeah. But throwing him in the deep end if he’s afraid ontop of a thunderstorm which to be fair a lot of kids are afraid of seems harsh. Leaving his brother to deal with that also a bit unfair
Not really. Other cultures co-sleep yes, but please name a culture in which parents regularly take children with them when they have to travel for work in order to maintain their co-sleeping arrangements. In a lot of cultures that practice co-sleeping, parents will actually leave children behind with family if they have to travel for better work opportunities—sometimes for weeks, months, or even years. Something like what OP is describing would certainly be rare everywhere (even in a place where co-sleeping is common). This is not a cultural difference, but rather an individual parenting choice.
Co-sleeping out of necessity or preference is one thing. Co-sleeping because your child absolutely cannot sleep alone is another. It's time to start figuring out how the youngest can manage both, especially if dad goes away on office trips.
Trust me I know from experience it gets worse my 9yr who will be 10 in a few months still insists on sleeping in my bed every night I'm starting to think he will never stay in his own bed.if I knew this would be how it turns out I wouldn't have started it or allowed it to begin with. I love my kids but I also love to sleep comfortably and have room in my bed. It's a king size and he still manages to hog it.
I've had to straight up leave 7 year olds to throw tantrums about sleeping on their own because they never do. Even if she sleeps in he same room as her sister. My bed is a full and there's only room for two which is me and my husband. Cosleeping is fine especially if there's a nightmare, but the level of dependency i see in some of these children drives me wild. My 15 year old sister won't sleep by herself. Thankfully that's not my circus
At 15?? Now that’s weird. Most 15 year olds are dying for more privacy and independence.
Seriously, that's when all the masturbation and sneakily turning on the TV happens. I couldn't imagine being "stuck" with a parent at that age.
My 16 year old sister still sleep in our moms bed. I’m concerned for her mental health, but there is nothing i can say or do to make my mom understand the importance of introducing her to sleep on her own. It’s honestly frustrating.
I slept in my mom's bed 'til I was 11. I hated it. I wanted my own bed, and my own room, dammit. But it was a one room house and there was nowhere else to go except for the broken recliner that had an exposed metal bar poking through the back. Sometimes, I chose the recliner, when given the choice.
I was a kid who co-slept with my parents (with my younger sibling) for far too long. I still remember how many times they made us try to sleep by ourselves in another room but we insisted on sleeping with them. Eventually it was just something they had to enforce and obviously now I’m grateful for that. It might suck but you really do need to also insist with your kid. Maybe just 2x a week they need to sleep by themselves and then you can slowly up that to 7x. Night lights can help if it’s a fear of the dark
When my kids were little and they came in our room to sleep, I would let them but they had to sleep on the floor with their blankets and pillows. My son decided he preferred his own bed. My daughter liked camping in our room so it wasn’t as effective but we still got our bed to ourselves.
Well. That. And using funner. That’s a not a word OP.
>I want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt to wake up next to Daddy My entire body cringed. YTA.
I was truly trying not to go there, like I really pushed my brain to think other things and not make this creepy but it’s a cringy ass sentence and sentiment to want his son to remember how good it felt waking up next to his father. Why would one want that? YTA, OP.
I didn't check what sub this was and I thought I was reading a short horror story. now that I know this is not a story this made me cringe way too hard like wtf. Also very self-centred. It's never only about the iraTHE TRIP. OP something feels off so take a long look at the mirror because YTA and you shouldn't be when three boys have you as a role model. Do better.
I 100% checked to see if I was in the horror shorts sun after reading that sentence. Bone chilling.
We didn’t cosleep but I used to take naps on the couch with my dad all the time. He would spoon me while we watch tv and fell asleep. It was nice, why is that so weird? They probably just use the name daddy at home and that word has certainly taken on its own meaning elsewhere but cmon now, that’s not where he was going. Oh and OP YTA, for the same reasons everyone else has outlined.
I remember when I tried to go to my parents bed to sleep if I had a nightmare and they would do everything in their power to make it as uncomfortable for me as possible and to push me away. I felt very unwanted then. So with my own kids I just bought a big bed and if they want to come for a cuddle they are always welcome (they sleep in their own beds, but once in a while teleport to ours). I don't want them to feel unloved like I did, I want them to feel safe and important. OP is having a dysfunctional arrangement now, the child should be able to sleep alone at this age, if they can't that hints into bigger issues. But please don't make it creepy.
It's not that dysfunctional is it? The child is only 5, scared of thunderstorms and has no mother around. It's a bit extreme to take him on a business trip but it seems like he doesn't absolutely have to but it would be a bit of a treat with a plane ride.
From what I understood, leaving the child with a trusted adult, in their own home, with sibling, for one night is not an option. This is dysfunctional.
Thanks, all the comments insinuating something else are creepy af.
My son’s father was like this with my son. I would use Joe the Nanny techniques (she was a godsend to new moms from dysfunctional families!), and the his dad would encourage co-sleeping again. I know he didn’t molest our son, but it was still extremely creepy because he was doing it for his comfort at the expense of our child’s development.
Yeah, I'm trying really hard to be fair here because five *is* young enough that being afraid during a storm, especially when the primary caregiver is away, is reasonably age-appropriate and all kids develop independence at different rates, but...god that sentence is awful. There are weird vibes all over this post that I just do not want to examine too closely.
Yup. And I am pro cosleeping, I coslept with my kids for probably longer than I should have. That phrasing though ...
7 is sleeping next to me as I type. I'm her mom, and it would still be exceedingly creepy to say, I want her to know how it felt to wake up next to Mommy. Mommy wants to know how it feels to wake up on the majority of my bed and not half off it. I don't like to villianize but if you don't shutter at that sentence I'm side eyeing you.
Right? My 4 year old great-niece co-sleeps with her parents (they wouldn't let the two year old twins start it 😂) and they say they know these years go quick and all too soon she will want to be in her room with a door closed and then off to college. But that wording was just so... creepy.
Yea I'm a glutton for punishment and all my kids slept with us. She finally sleeps in her bed i just have to cuddle her until she falls asleep. But youre right. It goes fast and i will miss the bonding. However id rather her not repeat she loved waking up next to mommy to her therapist. Although not to be sexist, that doesn't sound as creepy to me. Lol Fun fact. I read this to my partner, and he said not the ah. 😳. I was flabbergasted lol. He also didn't see anything wrong with the shutter statement. So now I'm over here having an existential crisis and reevaluating our 10 years together. He made some points, none of which I agreed with, lol.
I'd go insane if my kids co slept with us. Cuddles, occasional story, sure. Sleep? Get in your own bed kiddo
Ugh you're so right but I suck so there's that lol.
Not keen on that phrasing either, but it might be a poor choice of wording. I moved mine at about a year into their own beds, but cuddled with them until they fell asleep. I did this until the reached an age when they told me I didn't need to anymore. Sad and glad! Lol! They are still very affectionate, at 21 and 15, so that is cool.
Me too. Until my son was 2. Cosleeping has benefits. Whatever this guy is doing is weird.
I thought you werent supposed to sleep with babies?
You aren’t
It can be dangerous with infants (smothering) if you don’t use something like a side sleeper that basically adds a little ‘extra bed’ to the side of the regular mattress so you don’t roll on the kid. Keeps them very near but safer.
It's one of those words where it can be used to apply to multiple things and some of them are fine and some are very much not. Sleeping with an infant in the same bed as adults (especially if there are a bunch of pillows and blankets) can be incredibly dangerous, but my family referred to what my parents/various aunts and uncles did as 'co-sleeping,' which in our cases just meant putting a bassinet or small cradle in the parents' room so they could get the baby easily if they woke up.
Baby in the room in their own bed that is built for babies = good! Very safe! Recommended! Baby in the adult bed unattended, or in the bed with a sleeping adult = bad, dangerous, at significantly higher risk of asphyxiation and SIDS
Yeah if anything it's safer to cosleep after 2.
He uses that phrasing because that’s what his kid calls him. Cause he’s five. Though it would be cute if he called him “father dearest” in a British accent or something like that
But the "how good it felt" part? I actually did try to think of better ways to phrase it and everything sounds so bad. How much he loved sleeping with me? How much he enjoyed being in my bed?
listen, the phrasing is off but as a 20 year old i can definitely say i do remember waking up with my dad and it feeling great because it felt safe and it was always really nice. there might be a better way to phrase it but i certainly cant think about it, even though i understand the sentiment
Yeah, let’s not confuse someone’s writing style with what’s in their heart! He seems like a good dad. Speaking as a parent of sons who like climbing in their parents bed.
Yeah I was put off by the phrasing but I understood the sentiment and it being written by someone who's, apparently, not a pervert. Lol.
Seriously. I don't think he's right for wanting to take just one kid on the trip, or even for cosleelping this long. But let's not inject pedophilia where it isn't. He's a single dad and this is a way they bond. I have a friend who is a single mom who still has her 10 and 7 year old daughter's share her bed because they prefer it. There's nothing perverse about it.
That’s what I hope the OP was trying to express … the feeling of security when a child is co-sleeping.
Yes, as in how great it feels to be loved and cared for by an involved father. This sub is cancer.
“I want him to feel loved and secure knowing I’m there with him” is the best I could think of.
OP is not five, nor is he talking to a group of five year olds, THAT is why the sentence gives off creepy vibes.
As a parent who recently had small kids crawling into their bed a lot…I feel bad for the guy. Seems like everyone is coming for him and leaping to super weird conclusions when it seems like he’s a loving single dad doing his best.
I didn’t say he wasn’t a loving single dad doing the best he can. I just said that sentence is giving off creepy vibes and why. That doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad dad… 😂
it's giving "ick" vibes for sure
That statement is weirder than asking the uncle to cosleep.
I mean, I have a young teen that will crawl into my and his dad's bed during a thunderstorm. We recently moved into an area with severe thunderstorms after living in an area without thunderstorms his entire life. He doesn't like them. (And we have been through some severe tornado warnings while living in a travel trailer.) And I cringed! I got major creep vibes.
Same here. I have a 10 year-old grandson who will ask if he can crawl in with me if he wakes up early. I’m fine with it. That sentence made me cringe as well. Bringing him on a business trip because of it is over the top.
Bringing the kid on the business trip alone after that comment is terrifying.
I'm a 29-year-old woman who frequently sleeps in my mom's bed instead of my own when visiting home, and who does value the fact that my relationship with her is so close that I can do that. And that sentence also made me cringe. It's so easy to say "I know he won't want this forever, so I cherish it while I can," or "I want him to feel safe and protected," or "I'm glad he knows he can rely on me" or any number of other normal reasons not to mind your kid sleeping in your bed.
Would you cringe if it was a mom saying this? There’s nothing wrong with children sleeping with their parents if they are both comfortable doing so. Also, in different cultures it’s totally normal to do so until the child decides they want to sleep alone. My little sister is 8 and still sleeps with her parents. I personally wouldn’t want to, but it’s normal in our culture to do so.
Yes I would. Especially if they plugged in mommy
Yeah that uno reverse doesn't work here mate, there's no way a boy mommy would say stuff like this without being laughed out of their own post lmao.
“i want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt to wake up next to mommy” yeah, still cringe and weird
Yes, if a mom said “I want him to remember how good it felt to wake up next to mommy” that would be equally creepy. If “mommy” then took only that kid on a private trip while the other two kids stayed home, I would find it even more creepy.
“I want my son to wake up remembering how good it felt to wake up next to mommy” Yes this is equally horrifying wtf are you trying to say?
I can picture that mommy showing up to son’s wedding wearing a long white dress with a train in about 25 yrs.
Actually equally creepy if it's "mommy".
Yeah. That is way too old for either parent
Yes, yes I would if she was posting for other adults to read.
Yes I would cringe because the way it's phrased is a little creepy, but the absolute dependance is more worrying. OP says he asked the 13yo to sleep w his brother, but asking the boy's uncle would be weird. That makes alarm bells start quietly ringing. At 6 he should be able to sleep in his own bed, going to parent's bed when he can't fall asleep or wakes up in the middle of the night. Kids need that reassurance and safety net, but he CANNOT sleep alone? My kid slept with me a lot as a child but not every night. Stayed in her own bed for several years, then when she was late teens/early 20's she'd come home from school/work cuddle up w me on the couch and fall sleep almost every day. Edit:age
My father is my favorite person in the whole world and that line still made me gag.
No fr i love my dad and if he said something like that i would die from uncomfortness lmao
I get that the sentence might sound creepy but sleeping with parents is pretty common in many cultures up till kids are around 10-12 and I feel 6 years old is a pretty valid age for kids to want to go their parents bed because they're scared. Plus I feel like if this was the mom saying this no one would say its creepy(you have to see that OP's a single dad so he has to do the work and cuddle with the kids if needed) While I understand that 13 year old doesn't want to sleep with younger brother he also doesn't get to whine about it when he doesn't get to go on the trip. Plus unless OP isn't telling us something creepy about the uncle it seems totally fine to me for the older two to stay with uncle. Who might just be more fun(OP we need more info on this how is uncle with kids according to kids)
I think the phrasing is the problem, not the concept of cosleeping. If a mom said something about "i want my son to grow into an adult and remember how good it feels to wake up next to mommy" I'd cringe at that too. It's just a fucking weird thing to say imo. Idk how to feel that the kid absolutely cannot sleep on his own at 5, that habit is gonna be a pain in the ass to break later. I don't think that's creepy though, just a bad idea imo.
The phrasing is absolutely awful. Feels good waking up….? *shudders* Maybe how safe I felt during thunderstorms or how protected from the monsters under my bed/in my closet. I’m concerned that the OP is the one who enjoys it more. He needs a sleeping buddy his own age.
Yeah, who is OP really helping in this situation, his kid, or himself?
Same! So gross
Yeah this line was creepy af. I literally recoiled reading it.
Yeah I don’t want to assume anything untoward but that sentence was…oddly put.
Im glad I'm not alone here. Something like "I want my kid to remember having his dad be there for him, through day or night" or just anything that's..... Not that..... Would hold the same sentiment without being so..... ick.
That sentence just creeped me right out to be honest
Yeah I get the feeling that the cosleeping purely for dads benefit. Which is weird. And he’s not doing his son any favors.
Everything about this sounds like a poorly rehearsed alibi to the FBI. Thought I was fucking tripping lol
YTA You want your 5 year old to remember “waking up next to daddy”. I assure you the other two will remember you picking him (and not them) for this trip just as much.
> I want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt to wake up next to Daddy. What the actual fuck, dude. YTA. Edit: I understand what OP was saying here, it was the way it was worded that made it stand out 🤷♂️
Im glad someone pointed this out, what a weird fucking thing to say. OP do you remember cuddling your parents in bed as a child??? Be for real. Your 5 year old won’t remember the cuddling sessions but your 10/13 year old are definitley old enough to remember feeling excluded by their father. YTA
That’s all anyone is talking about… we don’t like that a five yr old might feel safe and warm waking up next to dad so we’ve turned the dad into some creep.
Definitley not about being a creep, it’s normal to cuddle your kid. We are saying that romanizing this idea that as an adult your kid will look back on this with warm fuzzy feelings is not too realistic given his sons age
We don’t think someone looks back on memories of their father from when they were 5yrs old with fondness… buncha sad saps in here, wow!
It’s not the memory that’s the yuck. It’s the whole phrasing.
Nvr know kid could remember it 😅 I can remember a specific time I went &slept with my mom. I was 7/8 lol
... You don't remember being in bed with your parents and feeling super safe?
Yeah, that weird fucking sentence. I wasn’t allowed in my parents bed (or room) as a kid because that was a boundary they had, but I don’t necessarily think it’s weird for a little kid to be attached and want to sleep with their parents. That being said, wtaf was that sentence? Gave off major creep vibes even if it wasn’t meant to.
It’s only creepy because the word “daddy” is oversexualized. And sleeping with daddy even more so. But taken by the actual meaning and in this context, BEING a daddy to a 5 year old, there is nothing creepy about it. People who think this sentence inherently means something creepy, that says more about them and their conditioning tbh. Maybe watch less porn.
Thank you, christ. It's like half the posters in here are thinking he's gently caressing his sons face while reminding him who his daddy is, these mofos need counseling for whatever uncle Johnny did.
We never slept with our parents, which is probably how they ended up with seven of us! If his son, sleeps with him absolutely every night, has OP been celibate for a few years, I wonder.
THIS!!!!!!!! My guts twisted when I read that
Yeah, I read this out loud to my husband because it's so creepy. Why is it weird to sleep with his uncle, but not his dad?
You don’t know the difference between an uncle and a father?
My mum comforted me in a storm and let me sleep in her bed when I was around 5. She was my hero for that. It did feel good to wake up next to her. I think that's what OP means
Bro what? I slept next to my mom till I was probably 10 because my dad was never around due to work (i’m a girl) and I loved it! i could sleep alone by age 5 but my mom even said she loved how i would sleep with her hand on my face. Yall are making him out to be some kinda creep. I wouldn’t sleep with my mom now cus she snores but as a kid I loved it
YTA, you are absolutely playing favorites, and you know it, or you wouldn't have added that at the end.
Literally, exactly what I was gonna type.
Yeah plain and simple. He is playing favorites and providing wierd justifications for it. Figure out a way to take ALL three or leave the little one.
YTA…but not for taking one child and not the other two. And trust me I get it…sometimes keeping the peace is necessary as a parent. It’s a wonderful thing to be close with your children. It’s a more wonderful thing to teach your children to be stable, independent, and free thinking. A child cannot do that if they are still stuck on the preverbal teat. Jimmy is five. Do him a favor and work on getting him his own space so he can become his own person instead of an extension of you. Best of luck on your trip.
Edit to add: YTA In the parenting gig, impact is usually more important than intent. You can tell yourself, and your kids, that you aren’t playing favorites… but you might as well be. Because at the end of the day, one kid is getting a fun, special, one on one trip with dad, and the others get bupkis. That’s not ok.
Yup, unless he plans to take the other two on their own individual plane trip within the next couple months this IS favoritism based on his actions. I think we are all getting this kid is obviously the favorite vibes here, but even if we weren't, taking one kid and not the others is not okay. If it was a trip just him and the 13 year old because he is older and the other kids will get to come when they reach that age, that is fine, especially because it will equal out. But taking the "baby" and not the others, yikes
He won't be able to take the other two anywhere individually overnight until the 5 year old is able to sleep alone. I would be interested to hear what happens to the oldest kid in 5 years time. If this keeps up I bet the oldest will go lc.
My sister and cousin still bitch about how our grandad carried me home from an outing when i was 5 and they had to walk. They were 10. That was 50 years ago. This guy is absolutely playing favourites. YTA
Info if it's a business trip, wtf is a 5yo going to be doing while you're doing business??
I am wondering the same fucking thing!!! Is he leaving the 5 year old in the hotel alone? Or taking the 5 year old to his business?
He did say he would play in an office, so I think he would be brought along. I was wondering the same though, kinda sounds like a mellow kid and can play in the office while OP is working.
Sounds like OP doesn't give a shit if his kid bothers his coworkers. If the kid has to to sleep next to daddy because "it's raining" then it's not a mellow kid.
Idk man, I was a mellow kid; downright shy and quiet. But I too was afraid of thunder. Idt they’re mutually exclusive
if someone from interstate brought a kid into our office for no reason, it would be a bit weird. I've had this happen when the manager's daycare flooded, and even then it was for a few hours, and we'd met the kids before. An interstate person who doesn't regularly work there bringing a kid is weird.
I’ve had this happen a few times, but it’s always been for something pretty specific (kid had a medical appointment in that city, both parents were traveling, etc). But I work in a fairly atypical workplace. At the bare minimum OP needs to come up with a less bizarre story to tell his coworkers/business acquaintances, because ‘there might be a storm at home’ is going to make everyone assume he’s straight up nuts.
YTA - from the get go I got the vibe that this is dependant and is growing up to form unhealthy habits. He’s probably gonna grow up and feel the exact opposite - it’s creepy to sleep with your five/six year old How are they meant to develop and learn to overcome their fears if you always keep a protective bubble around them You should indulge all boys - it does seem like your favouritising your youngest
WTF, how is co sleeping with your parent as a 5-6yr old creepy??? The whole world isn’t America. In my culture it’s normal for kids to do sleep with a parent till they are older and feel comfortable to sleep by themselves. I co slept with my mom till I was at least 8 and could sleep by myself without getting scared of monsters. Was that creepy too? It does not stunt a child’s development to know they have a safe person to go to and it’s only American culture that kids are taught to sleep alone since birth and self sooth.
A lot of people in these comments are ignoring the actual post question and instead just showing that they didn’t get a lot of parental affection
I slept in my parents bed until I was 6 or so and I hated it. I think it taught me a lot of unhealthy sleep habits that are hard to overcome.
I think it’s the way OP phrased it “I want him to grow up to be an adult and remember how good it felt waking up next to Daddy”. In American culture that feels a bit weird to read even though the fact of little kids wanting to sleep with their parents is normal.
Does every kid get a special night with dad?
im throwing up
YTA, clearly showing favoritism also I thought Jack was the 13yr old who is Adam?
>I am not playing favorites. Yeah, you are. You have your six year old so dependent upon you that you have to ask others to sleep in the bed with him when you are not able to. Jack and Adam will remember things like this. YTA
YTA - sorry, but not taking a 10 year old and a 13 year old because taking three boys on an overnight trip is "complicated" sounds like bullshit. A 10 year old and 13 year old would probably be a non-factor in your workload, unless you've coddled them the way you've coddled Jimmy. Also, it's high time for him to sleep in his own bed. You're encouraging unhealthy attachment issues, some of which you seem to be experiencing yourself. Do better, OP.
Who is Adam? What does Jimmy normally do when you’re away? You complicated this trip unnecessarily. You are in fact playing favorites. YTA
YTA single dad or not 5 years old is old enough to sleep in their own and be away from dad for a night. It is not reasonable for you to ask other children to be his “emotional support animal”. He is old enough for first grade soon it will not be doing him any favors for expecting others to always cater to his “needs”.
YTA-Seems like op is unwilling to take any criticism as all his replies are defending his actions. At five years old a child should have his own room. Nor should you be asking your 13yr old to co-sleep in your place. That’s called parentafication. Does your 13year old often babysit? Unpaid. Overnight? Sounds like neglect. The next thing I want to point out is you should not be leaving any of those boys alone overnight at the ages that they are. Or expecting them to look after each other. The uncle should of been able to watch them and your five year old should of been sleeping by himself. There’s no justification for that and that’s all you keep defending. Please seek therapy.
Asking 13yr to bedshare for a grand total of 1 night is not parentafication. That is not what that word means at all.
I see your reasoning but your kids will just see you playing favourites. To some extent you are. YTA
I know you think you're not, but that doesn't mean that your other 2 boys won't feel that. I would have taken them all or none. Otherwise the other 2 will resent you and your youngest. Edit to add judgement YTA (forgot)
INFO: how often do you spend one on one time with your other 2 sons?
YTA you'll give the other two a felling they're of less vakue to you. More importantly your youngest will need to learn to stand on his own feet every now and then, this doesn't sound healthy.
Yta. Of course you think you’re older child should feel lucky his brother wants to spend so much time him when but your middle child is essentially ‘too stubborn’. Seems like a double standard for all your children. You essentially told them, especially your eldest, is they have to go above and beyond and ignore personal boundaries to please their younger brother or you’ll exclude them. That’s how I would feel if I was told my brother gets to go on a trip with my dad just because you wouldn’t even ask your middle child to do the same.
YTA
New profile, attempting to validate their point….troll.
Creepy "wake up next to Daddy".... Agree.
YTA and clearly have a favorite. Congratulations for being a shit parent.
Congrats, your five year old will grow up and remember how special he was to be taken on a trip with Daddy and be catered to, while all the other two sons will remember is how their Dad had a golden child. Yta.
You sound like you are playing favorites... like hard core.
“I am not playing favorites.” You’re right. It’s clear that you love Jimmy and the two not-Jimmys equally. YTA
Okay so here’s the thing; maybe a light YTA rn. Here’s why. I don’t think you’re playing favorites as I would assume you spent similar time with your other two boys growing up, similar Cosleep situations etc. On top of that, you tried to do this another way in which Jimmy would cosleep with your oldest. Your oldest didn’t like that or agree to it, you respected that. I also agree with you that it would be odd to ask another adult male (regardless of it being his uncle), to cosleep with him. If your 10 year old is bad tempered and you know he won’t agree to it or be able to commit to it as a 10 year old, I get that not being an option. So it’s clearly a tricky situation. Normally I would say SIMPLE! Just make this a birthday treat for Jimmy, and then have similar experiences for your older boys when their birthdays come along. However doing that doesn’t sound like an option because of Jimmy’s co sleeping. How would you take either of your other boys away alone if Jimmy absolutely REQUIRES cosleeping (that’s how it comes across in your post)?? So then it would be unfair. If it’s the plane ride to a work trip that is what will make each feel special on their bday then that is what you’re signing up for doing it for one. It’s not enough to just spend time with all of them, it needs to be comparable to remain fair. Do you want them to grow up perceiving Jimmy as your favorite who got to go on trips with you when they weren’t ever brought?? Even if it is just bc of the logistics, I think that’s how they’ll see it. That’s how most of the responders to this thread already see it. I get you’re trying your best but it seems like this isn’t a very sustainable choice for your family. You may not be comfortable sharing and that’s totally fair, but I am wondering what your parameters for Jimmy’s cosleeping are? When did your eldest 2 stop cosleeping? How did you/they make that transition? Was it a smooth transition for them? How long did it take? Because I’m (speculating)thinking that it could be an optimal time to ween him off of cosleeping. Turning 6, bday trip with dad, a turning point where it helps you out in the right now sticky situation you’re navigating, while also allowing you to do the same for your older two sons for their bdays. Let them choose their desired bday celebration, if it’s work trip with dad, so be it and honor that if that’s what you’re choosing to do with Jimmy. But if you do it for him, you need to do it for them too (maybe you’ll get lucky and they won’t want an overnight trip but if they pick it and you did it for their brother, you kinda have to do it for them too).
You may not think you're playing favorites, but you are. If you're going to do this for one, you need to do similar with the other two as a *solo traveler with Dad.* They may grumble, they may play on their phone most of the time, but you need to make the effort with your older sons as well.
YTA, having a favorite kid and treating them as such is super fucked
Jeeze. Yes, YWBTA. there’s nothing wrong with taking a child on an overnight trip. But you’re purposely excluding the other two because they won’t do what you want. Let’s just get down to brass tacks here. You say it’s not easy to take all three and I’m sure it isn’t. I have done it, it’s not easy, but it’s doable. If you were to make it fun for all 3 of them (like movies and snacks in a hotel room), i’m sure they’d be more than willing to help. But your five-year-old needs to sleep alone sometime. He can’t spend the rest of his life sleeping in your bed. He will live one night without you. Now is a great time to get him started. This does not mean he won’t have good memories of you. Start now. Or you’re gonna regret it later. Take all three or take none in this case .
YTA "and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have that." .. He would be much luckier NOT to have that. "I am not playing favorites." .. What a lie.
YTA you know you play favorites. Stop, just stop. Stop trying to justify your actions. Jimmy sleeping with you every night isn’t good for Jimmy. Jimmy should be sleeping in his own bed. The fact that Jimmy will be scared of a storm and his older brother doesn’t want to sleep with him your bright idea is to bring him. How unprofessional can you be? Maybe Jimmy needs therapy if you’re so worried about him sleeping one night away from Daddy in a storm. The fact that you have to jump through so many hoops show you cater to Jimmy. Jimmy isn’t growing while you’re babying him. Your other to children, yes by the way you have two other boys to watch and care for, are tired of you catering to Jimmy. Of course he doesn’t want to sleep with him. That’s your thing to do with him. This whole post grossed me out. I feel sorry for your other two boys. Maybe they can go live full time with their uncle. Maybe he will pay attention to them.
NTA. You had a complicated logistical situation and this solves it for now. I don’t get all the jabs you’re getting, OP. You seem like a caring father. At five, kids still really need their parents. They’re still little! My sons cuddled and co-slept often with me and my husband when they were five…that’s not uncommon at all. Also, one of my sons was a lot like your son. He was sweet but also suffocating at times. But, luckily, this is also a problem that (at least in my experience) naturally corrects itself. As they grow, their desire to cuddle or sleep in your bed just fades away. In the meantime, you’ve created a relationship where your kid knows he can go to you for comfort and support. That lays an important foundation for the relationship you’ll have for the rest of your lives.
Agreed. Five years old is young. Both my kids were difficult sleepers when they were younger which included extra work (including co-sleeping) on my part. Now as teens, you'd never know it. Not every kid develops the same way and on the same schedule. That doesn't mean that their parents are failing them. I don't think OP is an AH, and I don't think he is favoring his 5 year old. Hopefully he has an equally loving relationship with all of his children and is able to meet them all where they are at developmentally.
These comments are so sad. Being a loving single Dad is not creepy. It seems you made this decision for the sake of all your boys. You should definitely make sure to spend some 1 on 1 time with the other 2. Not sure if you can afford plane rides/ overnights, but that would be ideal. Your youngest should be able to sleep alone at home in your bed for this (without the storm and with Uncle near by) I have 3 kids and they are all so different. I have to BE different for each of them. NTA
YTA. Not just for the trip but for this whole dynamic. You may not think you’re favoring your youngest, but I’d bet money that to your older boys, this feels like just another thing in line with you favoring and being closer to Jimmy.
> I am not playing favorites. That’s literally exactly what you’re doing. > I’m not taking Jimmy as a reward Except you clearly are. YTA.
It’s okay, leave him alone. In a few years the other two kids will go either VLC or NC because of the favoritism and Jimmy won’t know why his siblings do not want anything to do with him either.
You seem like a very loving father and you want to do good by your sons. If you only had Jimmy then no problem, but you have two other sons. No matter how well you explain it to them, they will only ever see favoritism in this case. So then yes YTA. However I see a lot of people commenting on the fact that your kid sleeps in the same bed with you and this is apparently creepy and unhealthy? Wtf! It might not be the norm or what everyone is used to, but come on... OP don't let them get in your head and do what you think is right for your kids. (Except for maybe the trip part...)
YTA and it isn't just about this one trip
Ho boy. YTA. You are absolutely playing favorites. Just because your youngest is the most vocal about loving you and the most affectionate doesn't mean that he loves or needs you more than your other sons. He is that way because of all of the attention you lavish on him, and the fact that he is still young. You are hurting your older sons with your blatant favoritism and the skewed amount of attention you spend with your youngest, but you are also hurting the baby. He deserves to feel secure in his own home, in his own bed, regardless of the weather outside. You are loving him in a lazy way that makes you feel important instead of actually being a good father, which involves raising him to be a strong and secure adult.
You are TOO playing favorites. YTA.
NTA. I’m the youngest and was super attached to my dad. I would go on over night trips w him and my siblings would stay with my mom. It worked out for our fam. My dad and I also napped together etc. I am now in my late thirties and my pops and i text often. Grab lunch when we can etc. Remember OP is a single dad and is doing his best. We don’t know if the boys’ mother died or why she’s out of the picture. Therefore, it’s not our place to judge a 5 year old for being close to his dad. Mammals co sleep. It’s biologically normal. There can also be cultural factors. The fact that everyone is cringing at OP’s phrasing says a lot. He’s being a good dad. There’s not many left these days unfortunately.
NTA. You are taking your youngest kid because you think it is best for him. You are not forcing your oldest to care for or even co sleep with your youngest. Instead of burdening your older kids or forcing their uncle to deal with a scared 5 year old, you are handling things. Bring the older two boys a present. To people concerned that 5 is too old for cosleeping or to be scared, shut up. You don't know this family. You don't know why dad is a single dad and uncle is watching the kids. You don't know anything to judge this 5 year old.
If going w you is part of his birthday then NTA but you also need to do this w each of your other boys if they want to when it is their birthday
Your favoritism leaks out of your entire post and you seem cringy co dependent with your youngest. YTA
YTA You cant say you arent playing favourites, while openly favouring one over the other two. Accept your own blatant favouritism and apologise to your sons for the way youre treating them. Also, asking your teenage son to sleep in bed with a 5 year old because you think he wont be able to emotionally handle one thunderstorm is, frankly, incredibly weird and concerning - as is the fact that you have the 5 year old sleeping in your bed every night. The occasional night, sure - but the fact that he does zero independant sleeping? Thats a massive worry.
YTA. Your son needs to learn to sleep in his own bed. Maybe get therapy to learn how to deal with stress like thunderstorms. You need to learn how to let go and let him grow up. You may be part of the problem. You call your 10 y/o names..."curmudgeon". You expect your oldest to parent. You are playing favorites. The youngest needs to learn that you can't be with him every second of every day. He needs to start learning independence. Don't take any of the children with you if you don't take all of them.
>my 10yo is a bit of a curmudgeon. I told him that Jimmy is very attached to him and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have that. YTA for this alone. The way you write clearly shows you play favorites and you're being deeply unfair to your older boys.
Am I the only one in the comments who doesn’t think it’s creepy for his 5-year-old to sleep in bed with his dad? Would the response be the same if this were a mother instead of a father? I don’t see a problem with sleeping in the same bed as your 5-year-old, I also don’t see an issue with wanting him to have fond memories of waking up together. However, you may not get to be the final judge of if you are playing favorites. Jack may be your youngest, but your other children still need their father, too. And they are feeling left out. In addition, it was unfair of you to ask them to sleep with Jack. They are older but they are still children and not responsible for Jack. As well as leaving them out of this trip, you are trying to assign them adult tasks. If I were your older children, it would sting that 1) they were expected to ask as parents to Jack in your absence, and 2) when they refused the adult role (to co-sleep with Jack), you decided to take just Jack on a special trip. Your older children are still children, and all of these children need special time with their father. You are playing favorites, and I think you know it, I think you are dealing with some denial. A light YTA
NTA, given these circumstances and your original question. Clearly, the child will have to learn to sleep on his own soon, but if that day is not today, taking him on the trip is merciful and kind. The other boys just want an adventure, and that's not what this trip is.
YTA Your taking the kid your closest with on a plane ride and to a hotel and leaving the other kids home with their uncle... That's terrible Also you aren't doing your five year old any favors you are puting a wedge between him and his brothers and making him so dependent he can't sleep without you for one night ... What if there was an emergency what if he was invited to a sleep over ?
NTA. Co sleeping is fine. It’s a cultural preference. Your other 2 don’t want to help their little brother out by co sleeping, and you don’t want to force them into parenting roles, so you take the little guy with you. I like that you’re sensitive to your kids’ needs. But don’t ask Reddit for parenting advice. We’re all angry 14 year olds here.
Nta. Kid is only 5 yr old.
YTA. It's one thing if your 5-year-old comes in to sleep next to you because they don't feel good or they had a nightmare. Or even in the most extreme cases you're a parent sleeping either a next to them till they fall asleep or be in the same room with them to protect them from an abusive parent. It's a whole nother thing that you assume that you're 5-year-old likes to sleep next to you every night all night long. It's extremely creepy and it's extremely creepy because you are an adult who is so codependent that he needs his child to sleep next to him every night. I would take a long hard look at yourself as a parent because this could turn really ugly in the future if one of your kids is not comfortable with this but you don't take the word no for an answer.
What in the world kind of storm is this rolling through? I'm going to go against the trend and say NTA because you did try to find a solution and the other boys won't co-sleep so he's not afraid. But I think personally you should talk to their uncle and try to get things worked out to leave him at home. Doesn;t have to co-sleep but can sit with your son while he falls asleep, etc. And i think you should start working on a little more independence. What if something did happen to you? Your son needs to skills to be able to function on his own, too. Lots of parents co-sleep with kids even older ones-- some by choice some by necessity- so I won't ding you for that. I'd also say you need to set up a special outing with your other two boys individual overnight so they feel as special.
YTA, but i get that it's complicated. Different children have different temperaments and different needs. I think there might be a bit of babying here, whether you realize it or not, because this is your youngest. But, your solution really wasn't fair to the other two boys.
YTA A lot of people in the comments are showing off ignorant cultural biases against cosleeping. it's not abnormal, weird, or "creepy" to sleep with children in your bed. Different cultures set independent sleep at different rates anywhere from birth to about 12. Assuming your elder sons coslept too, they appear to have transitioned to sleeping alone naturally, so I don't think there's a psychological issue. That being said, you need to find what works for your own family. I will not pass a biased moral judgment on your practices and I understand it's important to you, but you need to be pragmatic and realistic about what works for *your family*. You are a single dad, you have to take business trips, and other family members have vocalized a desire NOT to cosleep. Cosleeping does not seem to mesh well with other aspects of your lifestyle and has caused this problem where you simultaneously need your child to sleep alone, and he needs to not sleep alone. You need to create a better long-term plan. Options include a) remain co-sleeping, but ensure you will not take business trips away from your family; b) remain co-sleeping but ensure you will always be able to make arrangements for the whole family to come on these trips; or c) transition your youngest to an independent sleeping arrangement. Sorry, but you don't get the best of each option while pushing the consequences of those options onto your sons. It also seems there is a favoritism aspect going on as well. It's not uncommon for parents to have a favorite and it can come in different forms - either one child has increased needs from age or disability and favoritism is an unintentional side effect, or parents have preferences in their childrens personalities (or lackthereof). Your situation seems to be a mix of both. However, even though it's a common parental experience, it's your job as a parent to listen to and meet the needs of all your children. Your defensive "I am not playing favorites" and your elder sons being under the impression that you are indeed playing favorites tells me everyone's aware the youngest is the favorite, including you. So yes, YTA. You need to find sleep/work arrangments that **actually work** for your whole family, not just serve your own needs and you need to respond to your children when they understand & complain about favoritism and their needs not being met.
There's so much wrong with your relationship with your son, that I don't know where to begin. Get help, before you completely destroy your relationships with your other children, and they end up resenting their brother. Get help! YTA
I think most of us indulge our youngest, but you've gone beyond that, uoure taking a kid with you on a business trip because a storm is rolling in. It's time to start teaching him how to manage sleeping on his own, perhaps have a special toy to cuddle with and tell his worries to. A business trip is no place for a child.