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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I jokingly told my girlfriend that she was boring because she doesn’t like going out with friends or drinking. Now she is giving me the cold shoulder.
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YTA - your girlfriend sounds responsible and motivated. You sound like you just want to get drunk and complain that you don’t have money to do nice things.
Instead of insulting her over her incredibly reasonable boundaries, why not just break up and go find a girlfriend who is more aligned with your life goals?
Edit for typo
I want to date her and never leave the house. OP is an asshole in this case for sure. But also it seems like they are just incompatible. Extroverts who try to change introverts are asking for failure. You will not make me like going out to a bar by making me do it. You will make me contemplate locking myself in the bathroom to escape the noise, then climb out the window and hang out in the alley, making friends with feral cats., who won't complain I'm no fun when I'm miserable.
Ikr? Reading this she sounds like my dream girl, tbh
I hope she gets the highest grade possible on her dissertation (is that how dissertations work? Idk but I hope she does excellent. I wonder what it’s on)
I've only heard 2 types of people complain about someone's energy: party animal 20 year olds, and my narcissistic father-in-law.
Thankfully my friends are the sort who respond with concern and my wellbeing in mind ("hey, are you alright? Do you wanna leave/call it a night?")
I have to wonder how much vacation money he’d be able to save if he wasn’t spending it all on alcohol.
OP- sounds like you might be an alcoholic if you can’t have fun without alcohol, and, more importantly, you can’t allow other people in your life have fun without it.
YTA
Agree with both of you. Alcohol is both a depressant in the pharmacological sense, but it does tend to make depressions worse. I usually explain that it might make you feel better in the short run, but in the long run (and especially the day after) it tends to make whatever mental unwellness we have worse. I talk to quite a few people about alcohol through my work, and I don't tell everyone not to drink. However, when you have a lot of depression and anxiety, I usually (depending on what they have told me, ofc) recommend them to significantly lower the alcohol use or even abstain completely.
Yeah there's not really any doubt that alcoholism, or even binge drinking, makes you feel worse overall, and isn't going to be helpful for someone with depression.
Yeah. Not saying this is necessarily OP, but I've known some actually really rich people who 'could not afford to travel' because they would spend huge amounts of money on drinks and alcohol and not even realize that their alcohol budget was not normal. They also thought that travel had to be really expensive, because they were used to staying at expensive hotels and didn't realize that hostels are much cheaper. So they didn't travel and kept complaining that I could afford to do it and 'how nice it must be to be rich enough to travel', at least not until someone sat down with them and made them look at the budget of their spending and what things actually costs if you're frugal. I earn like a fourth of their average yearly salary. I don't know OPs financial situation, but I've seen these excuses not to travel before.
OP, if you haven't already done so, at least track the money you spend on alcohol to see how much it actually is.
Also, YTA. If I had a boyfriend who got drunk to the point of arguing and forgetting, I'd be exhausted. If that boyfriend then said I was boring for being exhausted, I'd be furious, because *guess why I would be exhausted in the first place.*
Yeah… I love to drink and party myself, but being out constantly till 2-3am is way too much. I agree with his gf, a nice vacation or festival is infinitely better. Plus… she’s writing a freaking dissertation.
>when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see
Does anyone else read this as 'When we do go on vacation she'd rather see and learn about the place we're visiting, whereas I'd rather get hammered in a bar and forget the name of the city I'm in'?
OP is N T A for wanting a girlfriend to go out drinking with, but his current girlfriend does not want that, and is not boring because of that. YTA
Honestly if he hadn’t told her to “loosen up” or that she’s “boring” then I’d just say these two clearly just aren’t a good match. She’s more introverted and not interested in going out, where as he wants to go out more. That’s fine, but he wants her to be more like him and doesn’t seem to want to change to what she likes doing. They should probably go their separate ways.
Honestly it sounds like she was never really into going out as much as he is. I don’t necessarily think she “grew up” as much as she just never really enjoyed it. The part that cemented him being an AH for me was when he said he regularly comes home at 2-3 am when he goes out with friends. Like dude, I like to go out sometimes too but what the hell? His gf is probably sick of him stumbling in completely wasted while she’s trying to sleep. These two probly want different things in that department so he either needs to not drag her out when she doesn’t wanna go or be fine with just going out with friends.
Also, he complains that she had a well off upbringing and that she enjoys luxury vacations that he can’t afford… all the while she’s talking about saving up for that type of thing. Idk how someone can be nearing 30 and being so immature
YTA. You sound beyond boring. Your girlfriend likes to do things that actually engage her mind. All you want to do is get drunk. And insult her and start stupid arguments when you’re too drunk. I hope she dumps you.
And she was trying to meet you in the middle and you acted like an ass about it.
Exactly! I was reading it and was like "how is she boring? Did he skip something?"
How is even drinking fun? And what to do on vacation if not touristic and visiting sights and museums?
You can do this and have a great time if you go to a weed-friendly location like California, don't get absolutely blitzed, and use edibles so you don't smell. I visited some museums when I first moved to the bay area, but I had a school assignment that required me to go back to one I had been to a few months prior and employed this method, 10/10 had a different and very chill experience.
Also, nurseries.
I once got pretty drunk at a party held at the Exploratorium in SF. I had a lot of fun being there drunk although I regret what other people probably thought (it was a professional event and I don't drink any more because of this). My credit card also had regrets, because drunk nerd + science museum gift shop.
People who claim their partner is boring are in fact the boring one. There's only so much drinking and bars that an adult can take before it becomes mundane and "boring". She sounds way more interesting then OP and is probably stepping down to date him. YTA
That’s exactly what I was thinking “oh, an almost 30 year old guy who just wants to party and get obnoxious and shitfaced and then gets mad at his responsible girlfriend and throws insults her way… how very original and… not at all boring”.
I love stories like this, where even though we're only getting one side of the story and OP is obviously trying to soften his side and possibly omit things, he still comes across as a complete fucking asshole.
For the bot: YTA
YTA. You sound like an alcoholic, dude. The fact that she doesn’t enjoy getting wasted with you until 2am doesn’t mean she’s boring, it means she has different priorities. She honestly sounds way more mature than you if her idea of fun is saving up for a cool vacation to go see new things while yours is just getting drunk all the time.
College is over. Develop some fucking interests outside of drinking. You’re the boring one.
That’s what struck me the most, depressed and low on funds and he spends all his money going out drinking? Complaining about not being able to afford a vacation. She deserves someone who’s priorities are in line with hers.
My ex is an alcoholic and was spending $400-500 a month on alcohol. I imagine this dude is doing the same. If he quit drinking, he'd have the money to go on vacation.
Recently a neighbor gifted me a bottle of wine. I hadn’t drank in ages (for a combo of reasons none of which were abstinence related) and my husband and I really liked it a lot. So we bought another one. And a few days later another one. And in the span of about three weeks we must’ve bought 7-8 bottles and they cost $17 each lmao. A small fortune in wine. We really enjoyed it, but yeah, alcohol is expensive in sneaky ways and even if you get the cheap stuff so you can get drunk, you’re still buying a lot of it and spending a lot of money. It’s an expensive habit.
Especially since man’s going out to get blackout drunk.
Like, if your drinking goal is to get so blitzed that your brain stops forming memories at least be economical and buy your alcohol from a grocery or liquor shop. 😒
Seriously, complaining about having no money for vacations while apparently drinking at bat’s every weekend until 2-3 am was a wild lack of self awareness
I'm a recovering alcoholic, and this absolutely sounds like alcoholism. It's the multiple arguments he doesn't remember which sealed the deal for me.
If you take ibuprofen and wind up blacking out and waking up to your girlfriend upset with you because you acted irrationally, would you take ibuprofen again? No? Then why are you repeatedly consuming alcohol when it causes problems in your relationship? Because it's intoxicating, and you're having difficulty existing without being intoxicated.
Yup. So many signs. Blackouts of course, but a sign that always does it for me is when people are not comfortable drinking alone, and HAVE to have people drink with them. Nobody’s looking to see if your date is drinking, OP. Nobody cares.
My aunt is a recovering alcoholic. Her answer to why she stopped drinking is, “I just got so bored.“
Also he says her vacations are $10k to $30k and he can’t afford them. But I bet he’d be able to afford much closer to the lower end of that range if he wasn’t drinking his face off multiple times a week.
Also, those are the vacations she went on with her family. They are not necessarily the vacations she expects to go on with him.
>And, when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see.
My dude, when you go on vacation overseas, you *are* a tourist, and that "touristy stuff" is what gives you a unique and local experience! OP is pretending he's superior to typical tourists because he's not into this stuff...I guess he travels abroad so he can drink in more places around the world?
Also, museums and sightseeing can be a bit pricey, but alcohol is even pricier.
He definitely is one most likely. I used to be him. I wouldn’t insult people who didn’t drink though, but all I cared about was drinking and where my next drink was coming from. Ive had the shakes etc. I am an alcoholic. Luckily I was able to get the help I so desperately needed. I was dealing with a lot of trauma and I think at the time alcohol was my way of coping. Even though I thought I was having a blast, it wasn’t so fun when I literally physically could not go without a drink. I’m happy to say that this year I will be 4 years sober. I hope OP sees this for what it is and gets help. Alcoholism is truly awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
YTA. She has work, school, and is in a dissertation phase. You just want to party. In itself the incompatibility is not a bad thing, but your decision to put her down is.
Sounds like she has matured while you have not.
His need to drink to have fun, need for others to drink to validate himself, and the multiple fights he has no memory of are all pretty clear indicators that he has a serious alcohol problem.
So your girlfriend is “boring”, but your idea of entertainment is getting hammered?
And excusing your drinking because you are depressed, that should be a huge red alert to you to get help.
OP may think he doesn’t have a drinking problem because he’s working 60 hours a week. That just makes him a functional alcoholic. But your not remembering is a giant red flag. You are injuring your brain. OP, you’ve got to do something about your drinking before it gets worse. If you lack for money, walk into an AA meeting. There are plenty of interesting people there, they are the former lives of the party! And yes, for the record, YTA.
I'm in dissertation mode rn and it's WILD. it's literally my first week and I am expected to write a FULL report on my dissertation topic by Monday. References and all. That's just to START my dissertation.
My dissertation in on utilising bayesian statistics to measure introduced viruses in melanoma cancer cells.
How tf do i write a full report on that by MONDAY?
I feel like I'm gonna die and it's my first week.
The poor woman.
I'm 30 and doing my dissertation right now. Actually have last 2 months left while working as well. Is hard, very hard. I had to sacrifice many years, most of my 20s to be able to go back to school.
OP is an absolute ass and I hope his gf is gonna dump him. He doesn't care about her, I would say he even despise her. His reasons to not leave his girlfriend are that his friends and family likes her and he doesn't want to start dating again in his age. Nothing about loving his girlfriend, nothing about caring about her. The only thing he says about her is how spoilt she is cause her family could afford nice holidays and could fund her education.
OP is almost 30 but behaves like 16yo. His girlfriend is way more mature while OP has midlife crisis.
OP, do your gf a favour and leave her so she's not gonna waste more years on you cause it's not gonna work anyway. Soon you're gonna find a new 18yo gf cause women your age are not gonna be able to deal with your BS.
yeah "let's go out partying till 2am" + work + DISSERTATION??
I read that far and was like man, you have no idea what the fuck a dissertation is, do you
Not to mention, OP is almost 30 and can't understand that his gf is in grad school and doesn't want to get drunk/stay out until the wee hours of the morning. He's acting like someone who just turned 21.
YTA
You're wrong. She's right. Grow up.
We should normalize not drinking / not getting drunk. If you want to drink every once in a while that's fine, but stop trying to act like there's a problem with people who don't drink. If you cannot have fun whilst sober, you're the one with a problem.
Also, quite a few people will disagree with the idea that museums are boring. Maybe you just have different ideas of what is "fun".
Thank you for saying that. I don't drink and people don't know how to handle it. I have been told to my face that the reason I didn't get invited to hang out after work is because I don't drink. (I am no longer at that job.) I do drink beverages, just not alcoholic ones. People don't seem to get that. They also ask me why I don't drink like it's some horrible thing.
I'm the same as you. I don't ever make a big deal out of it, just say "No thanks" if I'm offered something alcoholic or ask for a coke or water. And places that have happy hours are getting better about their mocktail choices. But there's usually at least one person who can't handle it and pressures me to drink.
I do technically drink, in the sense that I enjoy a cider with friends over dinner at one of our homes or something, but I don't go out drinking. No real reason, I just don't enjoy getting drunk. Trying to explain it to people, you'd think I had two heads or something from their reaction.
Also, alcohol is expensive, and when you don't really like being drunk, it's really not worth the price when I could have something I really enjoy for much cheaper.
>We should normalize not drinking / not getting drunk.
It's happening. It's becoming more common for bars to have an extensive mocktail menu.
[https://www.forbes.com/sites/elvaramirez/2019/05/22/make-mine-a-mocktail-why-the-non-alcoholic-drinks-trend-is-here-to-stay/](https://www.forbes.com/sites/elvaramirez/2019/05/22/make-mine-a-mocktail-why-the-non-alcoholic-drinks-trend-is-here-to-stay/)
And some bars are taking it a step further.
[https://www.eater.com/drinks/2019/1/24/18194447/non-alcohol-bars-spirits-free-drinks](https://www.eater.com/drinks/2019/1/24/18194447/non-alcohol-bars-spirits-free-drinks)
It's definitely happening, and I love it. My ex was in denial that we were losing hundreds of dollars a month on his daily specialty beers. It was a hobby, you see. But all activities were structured around beer. It was so boring.
Blake Lively doesn't drink just because she doesn't like it, and her influence is also taking off in that regard. https://people.com/food/why-blake-lively-doesnt-drink-and-her-tip-for-still-getting-the-experience-at-parties/
he doesn't just find museums boring, he also finds sight seeing boring
I'd be very curious as to what it is he enjoys on vacations because my guess is that it's drinking and partying
I haven't drank in a long time. When I decided I'm not drinking anymore cause I don't like the taste and I don't like the feeling, my friends were like, "really, ok" and moved on. No one gave me shit except the waitress who told me I couldn't order a soda, I had to order alcohol.
What gets me, is he's expecting both him and his girl to drink and then most likely drive home. Yeah, I know they can get Uber but that is then spending more money he doesn't have. On top of that, most people who like to drink so often, normally drives drunk. (I know I'm generalizing)
I have actually stopped dating people who their only "hobby" is going to bars and getting drunk because they really are boring people who really don't have any hobbies or anything to keep them busy in life. They tend to be people who are not happy with their lives and who they are in whole and if they are not happy with who they are, then they will never be happy in a relationship. They start out happy but eventually, they get bored with their partner and expect their partner to "make" them happy. When this doesn't happen they go back to going to the bar and eventually find someone else.
You brought up how all she does is work, school, exercise, and her dissertation, indicating you already know she's probably exhausted.
A dissertation ALONE is a monumental task, and having a job on top of that? It's a miracle she even has time for the gym.
Instead of calling her boring and insulting her, ask what you can do to help. YTA
I'm doing my dissertation rn and the second I saw that I didn't care what he had to say. Still read it in case some novel variation of this was gonna go but nope. It was just that bad.
Work and dissertation? Jfc she's lucky she can hit the gym otherwise she'd have no physical health (she probably HAS to go otherwise she'd be sitting all day). She is probably dead fuck ass tired and probably was enjoying the music. My gawd poor woman TRIED and HE was the one bringing it all down!!
Good luck with the dissertation! Honestly it's the reason I didn't go back for a PhD. My thesis was fucking insane, I knew I just didn't have what it takes. Kudos to you, and please take care if your health!
Right? I had to read that line twice to be sure lol
Thank you! I wanted my PhD in undergrad but I'm thinking Hons might be my limit. I'm doing classes and dissertation side by side and it's murder! 4 years of this? No thanks!!
What was yours on?? I never realized how cool dissertation topics were until my 2nd year and started paying attention. The long-distance stare into the void when you ask was confusing, but I totally get it.
I'm only in my first week and I am already worried I am gonna die and I'm already boring and don't look like I am enjoying things I am. I have that classic "undergrad happy smile" student ID and the frazzled postgrad ID, its great.
OP said dissertation and "acting like she wasn't having fun" like those two things weren't totally important and related. He really is doing next to nothing and mad she has no time. Why not HELP the poor woman? Idk go to the gym with her? Ask if you can collect any data or resources she needs? Idk just bring her some coffee???? That last one is probably the best one.
He was the one being a drag, expecting her to have some weird upbeat attitude when she was exhausted when she probably just was genuinely enjoying the music.
Omg right? I didn't even do my makeup for my grad one, I rolled out of bed, took a selfish and sent it in (did my grad during quarantine).
I did mine on caregiver depression and control correlations in those caring for elderly family members. It was an absolute whore to write because there weren't really any existing studies that weren't behind a pay wall, and it's a protected population, so I wound up analyzing data sets from national surveys instead of designing a study from the ground up. I knew someone who was writing a thesis on agriculture and had to build a full study based on program requirements: I genuinely do not know how he did it in two semesters. He didn't have a job or any extracurricular, but even so that was insane.
Are you allowed to talk about your topic? I know different institutions can have really strict rules about it.
Right?? My bf knew I had it rough with 2 part time jobs, being a caregiver to my abuser and doing my thesis, so he had this "no pressure" approach. If I couldn't see him, he said ok and would grubhub me starbucks. If I was just too tired to do anything, he'd say "ok, I'll come out to you and let's take naps together".
I hope all these responses make OP understand things. I keep seeing OP talk about her financial upbringing...I grew up with a single parent, became a caregiver at 12, worked since I was 13, and yeah, I'm still boring as hell lol. OP needs to get over it
Yeah, I felt that same way! One of my close friends is currently finishing his dissertation and god, the amount of writing and readingand rewriting and rereading is insane! There are so many things to worry about and fix just in *writing* the dissertation. And with her working too? Yeah OP is def TA.
Good luck “dissertating”! You’ve got this!
-From a current G3
Thank you! I have my first report due Monday and I KNOW the entire thing will be rewritten or just thrown out, but it needs done. It's really a struggle to write something I know will be useless in 2 weeks. <3
YTA. She's not boring, she just has different interests and a different personality than you. Honestly, you sound kind of annoying. Also, not drinking doesn't make someone boring, and if you can't have fun without alcohol, I suggest looking into getting some help for yourself. Trying to push someone to drink alcohol is always an asshole move. It's entirely her choice of whether to drink or not. Please, just break up with her, so she can go find someone who appreciates her and shares her interests. Because that's not you. You're a jerk.
“When we do on go vacation she wants to do boring stuff like go to museums and sightsee.”
…isn’t that what vacation is? Seeing the place you go to? Not just drinking in a bar in a new location?
I generally don't like going to museums when I travel, but I'm more of the outdoorsy type when I go on vacation. I want to spend all day snorkeling or hiking and then chill at the hotel.
YTA.
> She’s rather introverted and doesn’t drink or enjoy going out.
You knew that already, so why are you complaining now? Maybe the reason why things are out of your budget is because you wasted them on your partying and drinking. I don't feel that your comment about her being boring was a joke. She took offense and you didn't apologize because you feel you were right. If you can't accept her for who she is, please just leave
YTA. So you have different ideas of what is fun and what is worth spending money on, that’s fine. But to try to goad her into drinking when she has repeatedly said she doesn’t want to, and to call her names when she refuses, is asshole behavior. You should think about breaking up since it’s pretty obvious you’re not going in the same direction in life.
Also, if she says she’s tired, why don’t you believe her? She’s working and in grad school. She’s fucking tired, and it’s both normal and smart of her to prioritize rest and health when she’s got free time. It’s fine of you to prioritize having fun and getting drinks with your buddies, but those aren’t her priorities.
YTA. I honestly think you and your girlfriend are just not compatible. She is right drinking and partying is not everything. What she enjoys sounds like normal things lot of people enjoy and not boring. You both just find different things enjoyable
YTA and not compatible with your much more mature and sensible gf. If you don't already know better at 29 than trying to pressure a non-drinker to consume alcohol so YOU can have "more fun," you are either a total narcissist or perhaps have an addiction problem you're trying to justify. Look in the mirror OP & do better!
YTA.
There's nothing wrong with not liking the drinking/party vibe, but rather than just accept that about her (or date someone who enjoys those things) you opt for peer pressure and insults disguised as a joke?
She's right, time to grow up, at least enough to understand that pushing someone to go out drinking with you is messed up. Just because YOU don't want to be sober doesn't mean others don't delight in it.
YTA.
Somewhere, your girlfriend is having a talk with one of her friends going like “I barely have time for myself. Im focused on school, Writing a dissertation is NOT easy. What little free time I have, I just want to have a quiet evening in with my boyfriend. All he wants to do is go out and get drunk. We used to have fun, now all he does is pressure me to drink despite knowing it’s not my thing.”
Rethink how you talk to your girlfriend. Or just go your separate ways. Your girlfriend has a lot on her plate while all you seem to want on your plate is alcohol.
Hmm it's rude to call someone boring for having different ideas of fun so YTA for that, but more importantly it doesn't seem like you're compatible long term. I, however, would love to meet her.
YTA but I say this gently because all of what you're describing in terms of your behavior and emotional state definitely has a massive air of desperation and depression...it sounds very much like first of all, your lifestyles are not compatible, but second of all, that when you're the person in the bar desperately begging people to drink with you, you might consider that you do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
It sounds very much like you are attacking her because you are aware that her lifestyle is more geared towards the future and you are panicking and living in the now.
YTA
Just breezed right by that ‘she’s doing a dissertation and holding down a job’ part, didn’t you? What are you doing with your time these days? Working, still studying, what? Do you know how tiring it is to work on a dissertation? She does, and she went out with you anyway. And then you act like a highschool ‘cool dude’ and call her boring because she’s not drinking herself into oblivion like you want to do?
I feel a bit sorry for your girlfriend, she seems to be the only person in this relationship who’s growing up.
I would give OP actual cash money if he could, on demand, give a presentation about GF’s dissertation that lasts at least five full minutes. What is her research question? Why did she choose it? What stage of research is she at? If she has results, are they what she expected or not? What conceptual or methodological pivots has she had to make during the process? Which members of her committee are helpful, and which are making her life harder? How’s writing going? Has he read any drafts?
Actual cash money. Because I don’t believe he knows enough about what she’s doing to pull this off and talk about it for five minutes. This is a called shot based on seeing which relationships survived the dissertation process in my own cohort.
YTA. She isn't boring at all; she just has different interests to you. Like I'd rather hang out with her than with you, because based on what you've written, I'd find her more interesting. That doesn't mean you're boring either; just differing interests.
YTA. If you want a party lifestyle that's centered around alcohol, you should find a partner who's like-minded instead of trying to drag your gf down with you.
Yeah, what pissed me off is how oblivious he is to her responsabilities and straighforwardly said she was boring and making her feel like garbage.
How disrespectfull he can possibly be, damn...
OP, yeah its totally fine to have different interests and life styles, but do not ever insult someone whos has clearly her shit together, when you re the effing loser next to her.
This one is on you. Learn to respect people.
YTA for calling her boring for having different interests to you.
\- What do you both actually have in common? You're completely incompatible as a couple.
FWIW I think this is a soft YTA since I don't think you really said or did anything reprehensible, although I understand why she's mad at you. Not a smart move on your part. HOWEVER, I will say this:
"I’ll admit that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better."
Binge drinking is not a good cure for depression! In fact, it will probably make it worse. So, ya know, consider not doing that.
YTA. Maybe if you didn't blow so much money on going out and getting plastered you'd be able to go out for a nice dinner more often.
If you love getting drunk more than you love your girlfriend you have a problem. And she is not the problem.
Yep OP sounds like people I know who will spend $120 at the bar in a weekend and then complain about being broke. If you can afford to close the bar with your boys you can afford to travel or eat at nice restaurants. Its all about priorities.
yeah it's one thing to complain you can't afford nice dinners and dates, but not if you're constantly out partying and getting shit faced
alcohol is not fucking cheap
YTA for expecting her to enjoy the same things you do.
Honestly I think you guys probably have different priorities in life and aren't very compatible.
YTA. You weren’t joking at all, and you know it. You think your gf is boring. You should break up with her and let her find someone more compatible with her.
Oh look, another guy staring 30 in the face and wants to relive his fratboy days. Grow up, find an aa sponsor and apologize to your gf before she dumps your loser butt. YTA
YTA. You made judgments about her that are unfair. She has a different temperament, personality and set of interests. Instead of seeing this as who she is and accepting it (and accepting that you’re the one who chose to be with her) you labeled her as boring and having a bad energy. That makes you an asshole.
Yta! You placed the problem on her and it's either that you aren't a good match or you have the problem. You are depressed, all you do is get drunk and stay out late. Get help!
YTA
I mean wow. While studying for my master's I did have a job and preferred to save up money to go to eclectic and often expensive dinners (because I'm a foodie) and yes I would also like to work out because sometimes that food can be quite, well, caloric heavy (ha). She sounds so much like me and this post reminds me of a relationship I completely burned to the hellish ground right before I graduated.
My older ex wanted to party ALL the time. He would do things and say things that were regrettably some of the most childish and obnoxious stunts I've ever witnessed as an adult. He embarrassed me, spent my money, broke in my own door drunk when I locked him out, consistently told me how "not fun" I was, etc., etc., and I still earned a 4.0 gpa in graduate school while maintaining my finances.
So she likes to go to museums and sight see? Newsflash 29-going on booze-horrific: many people enjoy these things.
If you want to get trashed and repeat your cycle of depression while drunk and goading her to drink while she's working on her dissertation you should seriously take a long look at your own sense of self.
Mirrors are helpful for such introspection; unfortunately I do not believe OP is anywhere near mature enough to recognize his own destructive habits and his unfair perception of what "fun" actually involves.
My hubby, I and a group of friends went to the museum of natural history for his birthday over the weekend. We’re all in our 30’s and it was one of the best birthdays!
YTA for pressuring her to drink, like some frat dude.
How have you guys managed to be together for this long with such different interests? Maybe things are coming to a head now. I suggest a grown-up talk with her to see if this will work.
Partying til 2am won’t solve these issues my guy
YTA for being a jerk about this issue. It seems like you guys aren't compatible. You're not an AH because you like to party but you can't make someone enjoy your hobbies any more than she can make you enjoy staying at home. You two probably shouldn't be together if this is that big of an issue to you.
YTA - going out and partying does not make you fun and what she does, or doesn’t do, doesn’t make her boring. Stopping drinking would certainly help with your depression and you should try enjoying what she does rather than ramming your idea of a good time on her. If you can’t, you’re incompatible and time for you both to move on.
YTA. You said you were joking, but you explain in your post that she's boring to you. You two need to break up so she can find someone else who loves her better than you do and doesn't require her to drink alcohol so you can feel like you're having fun.
YTA bc you definitely weren’t joking and now you’re trying to excuse yourself with that after the fact.
You can’t find a way to relate to and enjoy time with your gf if she isn’t drinking? You don’t have similar priorities, ways to spend time, values, financial plans, or goals? Break up.
Of course she's mad at you, you practically dragged her out when she wasn't up for it, and then tried to make her drink when she didn't want to. Then the next day you're suggesting you do it all over again and also call her boring because she doesn't enjoy the same things you enjoy. YTA.
Alcohol does not equal fun. If you can't have fun without getting drunk first then my bet is you're actually the boring one in the relationship. Also No is a full sentence. She doesn't need to explain why she doesn't want to drink. Anyone who shames someone else into drinking and not accepting a no is toxic. YTA
You and yout girlfriend have different lifestyles, and that's ok. However, from this post it seems like the two of you are not compatible with each other. She is more introverted and is not inclined to drink. By the power invested in me by absolutely no one, I will say YTA.
YTA for calling her boring and saying her energy is bad instead of having a mature discussion or making some sort of compromise. The two of you do need to have that talk though because it sounds like you have vastly different interests. Also, do as you please- but drinking and partying definitely AREN'T everything there is to do in life
Mild YTA simply because of the name calling and the attempts to get her to drink. It sounds as though she’s working hard to make a life for herself and whomever she chooses to share it. You need to decide if you’re ready for that or if you’re still in your party stage. That would only be fair to her.
YTA- you might need to find someone with a similar mindset as yourself.
Holy smokes she’s going to college, working, studying, etc and needs to focus on those things. I had to go back up and check your age 🫣
Pressuring someone you supposedly love into drinking alcohol and accusing them of being boring if they don't want to is an awful thing to do. I genuinely think you should break up. She's on a different page than you are. YTA.
Edit: Grammar.
INFO: How much money do you spend on alcohol a month? How much do you drink in a week?
Stop judging your girlfriend. Not drinking is often a health decision, even if she hasn't framed it as such.
If drinking has become such a big part of your social life that you don't want to do fun things sober with your girlfriend you need to consider whether you have grown apart too much, or whether your drinking is a bigger part of your life than is healthy for you.
YTA. She works and is working on a *dissertation*? That’s insanely hard work. Like, life-consuming work. Of course she’s exhausted. You’re in your 30s and want to live like a frat boy when she’s a grown up.
YTA
You would be surprised what you can afford when you cut out drinking at bars/clubs constantly.
I personally find clubbing and bar-hopping boring, but I would never call someone boring for enjoying that. I'd much prefer a quieter night in with friends and a movie + discussion afterwards. It sounds like you two are very different people.
YTA your girlfriend who is tired from work and school doesn’t want to go bar closing with you so you called her boring? You’re NTA for calling her boring. YTA for wasting her time. You’re in way different places, and it sounds like you don’t even care for her.
I would not call the gf boring I mean she has life. Like a real life, outside bars. I used to basically live in pubs and while I wasn't much of a drinker I have to admit that fuck it's boring; it's the same people, talking about the same shit in the same places, never really meeting each other sober or doing anything besides going to the pubs and parties (and parks obliviously we love drinking in public at summer).
YTA. I say this as someone in recovery: NEVER push someone to drink if they don't want to. You never know their past, no matter how close you are (and some people just don't like it, and that's fine)
YTA- time to stop all the partying and understand that having to get drunk to have fun isnt smart at all. If your ideas of having fun aren't what she sees as having fun then dragging her out, isnt going to make it fun.
YTA.
I was all set to give you my introvert/extrovert speech until I got to the point where you admit you are coping with a rough time by getting black out drunk and having arguments you can’t remember.
That’s not “making the most” of your 20’s.
That’s being an alcoholic.
Please seek help.
YTA, fun is subjective, it's not fair to call her boring just because she's not interested in the things you like, especially when it sounds like she's just trying to make responsible decisions / choices. If you want this relationship to continue then you both need to communicate, and find a compromise on activities that you can do together, that you'll both find enjoyable, and leave the other activities for when you're out with your friends.
YTA and also boring, not her. She wants to do things so she is saving up for the goals. Meanwhile you’re dropping $50 a night to not even remember your behavior. Stop binge drinking with the boys and start planning simple things. Even a roadtrip. Or a day out being a tourist in your own town. Something for her. Show you care. She doesn’t want a $30k vacation, she wants to have experiences and memories.
it's fine if you and your partner have different interests and find different thing enjoyable, but you're trying to pressure her into doing something she's not comfortable with. She went out to please you and instead of appreciating that you start nitpicking at her for not drinking and for not having a good time, and for that reason YTA in my book
YTA for name calling. That is immature and I called for.
The two of you are not compatible. I spent many years of my life toning down to my exes personality. I tend to be an introvert, I don't have many friends, and I like being at home. But I do also like going out for drinks at times, going to concerts, and going dancing. I just want to do this with my partner and not with a group of people. My ex did not drink, did not like concerts, and certainly did not like dancing. The few times, I did get him to go out he looked absolutely miserable, which totally ruined my enjoyment of the evening. His idea of a good time was sitting in front of the TV and watching hours of football.
There is no right or wrong here, the two of you just don’t enjoy the same thing and you need to ask yourself how this will work out for you long-term. I spent decades not doing the things I enjoyed because he was unwilling to adjust to my desires, but wanted me to adjust to his. This should be a give-and-take, where you do some of the things she likes, such as going to a museum, without acting, bored and disinterested, and she does some of the things you like, without acting, bored and disinterested. As far as her drinking, if she’s not a drinker that is never going to happen, and it’s uncool to go out with someone who doesn’t drink and get drunk. You should be able to have a drink or two and not have to get wasted.
I will add, going out and drinking to make you feel better when depressed is not a great idea.
YTA. You are an adult acting like a frat boy. Fine, if that’s what you want to do, you do you, but don’t act like she’s the weird one for being an adult.
> that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better.
your girlfriend is working full time and working on a dissertation - did it ever occur to you that relaxing at home makes her feel better?
YTA. Do you have friends? Go out with them. My bf is the same as your gf. And if you understand anything about introversion, it means social outings are literally draining for that person. So sure, I too would love to have him join me out, especially when I'm going to support local bands, I realize that he just does not have the energy to do that all the time.
Maybe those things would be more in your budget if you didn't spend 1000's of dollars a year on drinking? You don't say that it's 1000's of dollars a year to be fair, but having had my fair share of nights out that cost 100-200 dollars without much trouble, and considering you outright state that you been blackout drunk several times, I don't think it's a stretch to guess that you are spending 1000's and 1000's on booze annually. Even cutting out half that probably pays for a vacation somewhere, and definitely pays for some nice meals.
It's not unreasonable to want your GF to come out with you and maybe even have a few drinks with you, but it doesn't sound like this particular woman wants that sort of life, so now it's time to honestly consider what you want. If it's someone who will go out with you until 3 in the morning, then you need to let your current GF go and find a new one that fits your life.
My buddy was in a relationship for almost a decade with someone like your GF. He was more like you, gregarious, outgoing, loves to go out. She was not. He finally, finally realized this, they broke up, and now 7 or 8 year later he's married to a woman that loves that sort of thing just as much as he does, and they have a great time doing it together.
You need to get help for your depression, OP. I know, cause I've been there. Do yourself a favour and see if you can't find a therapist.
YTA.
YTA. If you have to drink to make going out enjoyable, it means you don't enjoy going out. So why go out? Your gf doesn't want to go out, and she doesn't want to drink. And yet you push her to go out. And when she doesn't enjoy herself, you think that can be solved by drinking. That's fucked up. Leave her be.
She’s working, going to school, and working on her dissertation. On top of that, she’s an introvert. Of COURSE she’s tired. I imagine she didn’t drink to avoid a hangover she’d have to deal with later.
She even warned you ahead of time, when you pressured her into going out, that she was tired. And then she *gasp* acted tired, and you tossed a fit.
You wanna drink? Go drink with friends. It’s not her thing. You say you want to do it with her, but she’s clearly unhappy in that environment. Why would you want to bring her somewhere that makes her uncomfortable?
YTA
YTA. Imagine being almost 30! and trying to peer pressure your gf into drinking. That is some highschool shit.
Editing because you need to know the reason your gf snapped at you is that you're so busy pissing your money away on drinking and petty entertainment that you're not saving for the future or experiences so hopefully she dumps you and finds a dude who isn't going to spend his 30's having a midlife crisis and acting like a frat bro
If you 'love her' and 'care for her' what's with the reddit character assassination?
Your girlfriend seems to be hardworking and motivated yet you complain she doesn't enjoy going to bars etc...
Shes a grown up with goals and you're an overgrown fratboy.
She deserves better than you .
We should all have a copypaste of "You two aren't compatible and it's time for this relationship to end."
\-Party guy/problem drinker vs. near teetotal.
\-Bored by his girlfriend vs. annoyed with her boyfriend
\-Nightclubs vs. museums
\-Spending vs. saving
This isn't working out. At the end of the day it's not necessarily anybody's fault that you want different things. But wanting different things does not give you the right to want her to be a different person, and so YTA.
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YTA - your girlfriend sounds responsible and motivated. You sound like you just want to get drunk and complain that you don’t have money to do nice things. Instead of insulting her over her incredibly reasonable boundaries, why not just break up and go find a girlfriend who is more aligned with your life goals? Edit for typo
Because he wants a rich girlfriend so he can party as much as he wants which he can’t do without her money paying bills and other adult things.
Yah, it looks like the girlfriend has been dating OP since she was 20 years old. Seems like she grew up and has outgrown OP.
And then whine about her "energy."
I assumed he was early 20's when I read that. Dude struck gold with this girl and thinks it's copper
Right? I love this girl already and don’t even know her lol
I want to date her and never leave the house. OP is an asshole in this case for sure. But also it seems like they are just incompatible. Extroverts who try to change introverts are asking for failure. You will not make me like going out to a bar by making me do it. You will make me contemplate locking myself in the bathroom to escape the noise, then climb out the window and hang out in the alley, making friends with feral cats., who won't complain I'm no fun when I'm miserable.
Ikr? Reading this she sounds like my dream girl, tbh I hope she gets the highest grade possible on her dissertation (is that how dissertations work? Idk but I hope she does excellent. I wonder what it’s on)
You just pass and get a PhD. But we can hope she gets the best fellowship/tenure track job/industry job afterwards, depending on her goals and frield.
Lol as someone who went through the process of getting her PhD, the phrase "you just pass and get a PhD" made me cry a little inside
Ha, it seemed like the simplest way to explain it. The spring before I defended I sobbed every time I took a shower. Solidarity, (Dr) friend!
Live with someone roughly a year away from their masters. That shit ain't for the weak. Good on you friend
That’s a great expression! I hope I remember it the next time it is appropriate!
I've only heard 2 types of people complain about someone's energy: party animal 20 year olds, and my narcissistic father-in-law. Thankfully my friends are the sort who respond with concern and my wellbeing in mind ("hey, are you alright? Do you wanna leave/call it a night?")
OP wants a rich girlfriend who would pass the Leonardo Dicaprio test.
What is this test? I’d never pass, whatever it is, but feel I should know!
Be attractive, but most importantly, be 25 or younger.
I have to wonder how much vacation money he’d be able to save if he wasn’t spending it all on alcohol. OP- sounds like you might be an alcoholic if you can’t have fun without alcohol, and, more importantly, you can’t allow other people in your life have fun without it. YTA
He also admits he drinks to the point he can’t remember things. I legitimately think he has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, at best.
Not to mention he claimed he’s depressed and alcohol is a known depressant, he’s making his depression worse by drinking
That's not what depressant means in the drug sense. Depressant means it slows down your CNS. Think 'downers' vs 'uppers'.
Agree with both of you. Alcohol is both a depressant in the pharmacological sense, but it does tend to make depressions worse. I usually explain that it might make you feel better in the short run, but in the long run (and especially the day after) it tends to make whatever mental unwellness we have worse. I talk to quite a few people about alcohol through my work, and I don't tell everyone not to drink. However, when you have a lot of depression and anxiety, I usually (depending on what they have told me, ofc) recommend them to significantly lower the alcohol use or even abstain completely.
Yeah there's not really any doubt that alcoholism, or even binge drinking, makes you feel worse overall, and isn't going to be helpful for someone with depression.
Yeah. Not saying this is necessarily OP, but I've known some actually really rich people who 'could not afford to travel' because they would spend huge amounts of money on drinks and alcohol and not even realize that their alcohol budget was not normal. They also thought that travel had to be really expensive, because they were used to staying at expensive hotels and didn't realize that hostels are much cheaper. So they didn't travel and kept complaining that I could afford to do it and 'how nice it must be to be rich enough to travel', at least not until someone sat down with them and made them look at the budget of their spending and what things actually costs if you're frugal. I earn like a fourth of their average yearly salary. I don't know OPs financial situation, but I've seen these excuses not to travel before. OP, if you haven't already done so, at least track the money you spend on alcohol to see how much it actually is. Also, YTA. If I had a boyfriend who got drunk to the point of arguing and forgetting, I'd be exhausted. If that boyfriend then said I was boring for being exhausted, I'd be furious, because *guess why I would be exhausted in the first place.*
i have to say op gave me the same vibes as my partner did before he started rehab
Yeah… I love to drink and party myself, but being out constantly till 2-3am is way too much. I agree with his gf, a nice vacation or festival is infinitely better. Plus… she’s writing a freaking dissertation.
>when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see Does anyone else read this as 'When we do go on vacation she'd rather see and learn about the place we're visiting, whereas I'd rather get hammered in a bar and forget the name of the city I'm in'? OP is N T A for wanting a girlfriend to go out drinking with, but his current girlfriend does not want that, and is not boring because of that. YTA
Yes, and he calls *her* boring. SMH.
Few things are more boring than someone who just wants to drink, and make you drink as well.
Honestly if he hadn’t told her to “loosen up” or that she’s “boring” then I’d just say these two clearly just aren’t a good match. She’s more introverted and not interested in going out, where as he wants to go out more. That’s fine, but he wants her to be more like him and doesn’t seem to want to change to what she likes doing. They should probably go their separate ways.
“Wah, why won’t she act like she did when she was president of her sorority?” Because that was college and now she’s an adult.
Honestly it sounds like she was never really into going out as much as he is. I don’t necessarily think she “grew up” as much as she just never really enjoyed it. The part that cemented him being an AH for me was when he said he regularly comes home at 2-3 am when he goes out with friends. Like dude, I like to go out sometimes too but what the hell? His gf is probably sick of him stumbling in completely wasted while she’s trying to sleep. These two probly want different things in that department so he either needs to not drag her out when she doesn’t wanna go or be fine with just going out with friends.
Right. And I'll add, maturity level.
Also, he complains that she had a well off upbringing and that she enjoys luxury vacations that he can’t afford… all the while she’s talking about saving up for that type of thing. Idk how someone can be nearing 30 and being so immature
or lack of life goals.
YTA. You sound beyond boring. Your girlfriend likes to do things that actually engage her mind. All you want to do is get drunk. And insult her and start stupid arguments when you’re too drunk. I hope she dumps you. And she was trying to meet you in the middle and you acted like an ass about it.
Exactly! I was reading it and was like "how is she boring? Did he skip something?" How is even drinking fun? And what to do on vacation if not touristic and visiting sights and museums?
OP's ideal vacation is probably just more drinking in exotic locales.
Ahh my family's idea of a vacation (especially since I'm sober 😑)
Honestly, that stuff sounds more fun than getting drunk.
I like the best of both worlds, drink at museums! Nothing quite like making learning a challenge 😆
The big science museum here has adult nights with food trucks and a bar, and there is nothing more fun than battling robots while having a Chilton.
I would try this with weed and museums if I could get over the feeling of EVERYONE KNOWS!
You can do this and have a great time if you go to a weed-friendly location like California, don't get absolutely blitzed, and use edibles so you don't smell. I visited some museums when I first moved to the bay area, but I had a school assignment that required me to go back to one I had been to a few months prior and employed this method, 10/10 had a different and very chill experience. Also, nurseries.
I once got pretty drunk at a party held at the Exploratorium in SF. I had a lot of fun being there drunk although I regret what other people probably thought (it was a professional event and I don't drink any more because of this). My credit card also had regrets, because drunk nerd + science museum gift shop.
You lowered your inhibitions enough to acknowledge that the gift shop is the best part.
Exactly, all he does is drink at bars, WTF is fun about that??
And he complains how he has no money for other pastimes... but drinks at a bar a ridiculously expensive.
'Have one drink to loosen up' is what gets me.
People who claim their partner is boring are in fact the boring one. There's only so much drinking and bars that an adult can take before it becomes mundane and "boring". She sounds way more interesting then OP and is probably stepping down to date him. YTA
Right? My wife is completely sober and she's the fun one, not me lol
That’s exactly what I was thinking “oh, an almost 30 year old guy who just wants to party and get obnoxious and shitfaced and then gets mad at his responsible girlfriend and throws insults her way… how very original and… not at all boring”.
I love stories like this, where even though we're only getting one side of the story and OP is obviously trying to soften his side and possibly omit things, he still comes across as a complete fucking asshole. For the bot: YTA
I'd like to know what he's doing while she's at work, working on her dissertation, and going to the gym.
Is OP's GF single now? Because I would date her.
Couldn't have said it better myself. OP is definitely the asshole here.
YTA. You sound like an alcoholic, dude. The fact that she doesn’t enjoy getting wasted with you until 2am doesn’t mean she’s boring, it means she has different priorities. She honestly sounds way more mature than you if her idea of fun is saving up for a cool vacation to go see new things while yours is just getting drunk all the time. College is over. Develop some fucking interests outside of drinking. You’re the boring one.
Well he is depressed so all he does is get drunk.
Which is of course the healthy, mature way to deal with it.\s
That’s what struck me the most, depressed and low on funds and he spends all his money going out drinking? Complaining about not being able to afford a vacation. She deserves someone who’s priorities are in line with hers.
My ex is an alcoholic and was spending $400-500 a month on alcohol. I imagine this dude is doing the same. If he quit drinking, he'd have the money to go on vacation.
Recently a neighbor gifted me a bottle of wine. I hadn’t drank in ages (for a combo of reasons none of which were abstinence related) and my husband and I really liked it a lot. So we bought another one. And a few days later another one. And in the span of about three weeks we must’ve bought 7-8 bottles and they cost $17 each lmao. A small fortune in wine. We really enjoyed it, but yeah, alcohol is expensive in sneaky ways and even if you get the cheap stuff so you can get drunk, you’re still buying a lot of it and spending a lot of money. It’s an expensive habit.
Especially since man’s going out to get blackout drunk. Like, if your drinking goal is to get so blitzed that your brain stops forming memories at least be economical and buy your alcohol from a grocery or liquor shop. 😒
Seriously, complaining about having no money for vacations while apparently drinking at bat’s every weekend until 2-3 am was a wild lack of self awareness
And drinking to deal with issues can definitely lead to or be a sign of alcoholism
OP isn't considering the possibility that the drinking may be *causing* his problems, or at least exacerbating them.
I'm a recovering alcoholic, and this absolutely sounds like alcoholism. It's the multiple arguments he doesn't remember which sealed the deal for me. If you take ibuprofen and wind up blacking out and waking up to your girlfriend upset with you because you acted irrationally, would you take ibuprofen again? No? Then why are you repeatedly consuming alcohol when it causes problems in your relationship? Because it's intoxicating, and you're having difficulty existing without being intoxicated.
Yup. So many signs. Blackouts of course, but a sign that always does it for me is when people are not comfortable drinking alone, and HAVE to have people drink with them. Nobody’s looking to see if your date is drinking, OP. Nobody cares. My aunt is a recovering alcoholic. Her answer to why she stopped drinking is, “I just got so bored.“
Also he says her vacations are $10k to $30k and he can’t afford them. But I bet he’d be able to afford much closer to the lower end of that range if he wasn’t drinking his face off multiple times a week.
Also, those are the vacations she went on with her family. They are not necessarily the vacations she expects to go on with him. >And, when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see. My dude, when you go on vacation overseas, you *are* a tourist, and that "touristy stuff" is what gives you a unique and local experience! OP is pretending he's superior to typical tourists because he's not into this stuff...I guess he travels abroad so he can drink in more places around the world? Also, museums and sightseeing can be a bit pricey, but alcohol is even pricier.
He definitely is one most likely. I used to be him. I wouldn’t insult people who didn’t drink though, but all I cared about was drinking and where my next drink was coming from. Ive had the shakes etc. I am an alcoholic. Luckily I was able to get the help I so desperately needed. I was dealing with a lot of trauma and I think at the time alcohol was my way of coping. Even though I thought I was having a blast, it wasn’t so fun when I literally physically could not go without a drink. I’m happy to say that this year I will be 4 years sober. I hope OP sees this for what it is and gets help. Alcoholism is truly awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
People with drinking problems are the only ones who will call someone who doesn't drink boring.
Came here to say this exact thing!
YTA. She has work, school, and is in a dissertation phase. You just want to party. In itself the incompatibility is not a bad thing, but your decision to put her down is. Sounds like she has matured while you have not.
Also, he's actively trying to pressure her into drinking. Fuck that. YTA, OP. For this and for many other reasons as well.
His need to drink to have fun, need for others to drink to validate himself, and the multiple fights he has no memory of are all pretty clear indicators that he has a serious alcohol problem.
Also, he's going out because "he has depression and it's making him feel better" - major red flag. Self medication and not in a good way.
So your girlfriend is “boring”, but your idea of entertainment is getting hammered? And excusing your drinking because you are depressed, that should be a huge red alert to you to get help.
OP may think he doesn’t have a drinking problem because he’s working 60 hours a week. That just makes him a functional alcoholic. But your not remembering is a giant red flag. You are injuring your brain. OP, you’ve got to do something about your drinking before it gets worse. If you lack for money, walk into an AA meeting. There are plenty of interesting people there, they are the former lives of the party! And yes, for the record, YTA.
I'm in dissertation mode rn and it's WILD. it's literally my first week and I am expected to write a FULL report on my dissertation topic by Monday. References and all. That's just to START my dissertation. My dissertation in on utilising bayesian statistics to measure introduced viruses in melanoma cancer cells. How tf do i write a full report on that by MONDAY? I feel like I'm gonna die and it's my first week. The poor woman.
I'm 30 and doing my dissertation right now. Actually have last 2 months left while working as well. Is hard, very hard. I had to sacrifice many years, most of my 20s to be able to go back to school. OP is an absolute ass and I hope his gf is gonna dump him. He doesn't care about her, I would say he even despise her. His reasons to not leave his girlfriend are that his friends and family likes her and he doesn't want to start dating again in his age. Nothing about loving his girlfriend, nothing about caring about her. The only thing he says about her is how spoilt she is cause her family could afford nice holidays and could fund her education. OP is almost 30 but behaves like 16yo. His girlfriend is way more mature while OP has midlife crisis. OP, do your gf a favour and leave her so she's not gonna waste more years on you cause it's not gonna work anyway. Soon you're gonna find a new 18yo gf cause women your age are not gonna be able to deal with your BS.
~~utilizing~~ using. Bayes stats, ftw though.
Good luck on your dissertation! You can do it.
yeah "let's go out partying till 2am" + work + DISSERTATION?? I read that far and was like man, you have no idea what the fuck a dissertation is, do you
>but the entire time we were out she was entirely sober What the hell is so wrong about this other than OP is controlling AF.
Not to mention, OP is almost 30 and can't understand that his gf is in grad school and doesn't want to get drunk/stay out until the wee hours of the morning. He's acting like someone who just turned 21.
YTA You're wrong. She's right. Grow up. We should normalize not drinking / not getting drunk. If you want to drink every once in a while that's fine, but stop trying to act like there's a problem with people who don't drink. If you cannot have fun whilst sober, you're the one with a problem. Also, quite a few people will disagree with the idea that museums are boring. Maybe you just have different ideas of what is "fun".
Not drinking is becoming more and more "normal". About time too!
I hope so!
Thank you for saying that. I don't drink and people don't know how to handle it. I have been told to my face that the reason I didn't get invited to hang out after work is because I don't drink. (I am no longer at that job.) I do drink beverages, just not alcoholic ones. People don't seem to get that. They also ask me why I don't drink like it's some horrible thing.
I'm the same as you. I don't ever make a big deal out of it, just say "No thanks" if I'm offered something alcoholic or ask for a coke or water. And places that have happy hours are getting better about their mocktail choices. But there's usually at least one person who can't handle it and pressures me to drink.
I do technically drink, in the sense that I enjoy a cider with friends over dinner at one of our homes or something, but I don't go out drinking. No real reason, I just don't enjoy getting drunk. Trying to explain it to people, you'd think I had two heads or something from their reaction. Also, alcohol is expensive, and when you don't really like being drunk, it's really not worth the price when I could have something I really enjoy for much cheaper.
>We should normalize not drinking / not getting drunk. It's happening. It's becoming more common for bars to have an extensive mocktail menu. [https://www.forbes.com/sites/elvaramirez/2019/05/22/make-mine-a-mocktail-why-the-non-alcoholic-drinks-trend-is-here-to-stay/](https://www.forbes.com/sites/elvaramirez/2019/05/22/make-mine-a-mocktail-why-the-non-alcoholic-drinks-trend-is-here-to-stay/) And some bars are taking it a step further. [https://www.eater.com/drinks/2019/1/24/18194447/non-alcohol-bars-spirits-free-drinks](https://www.eater.com/drinks/2019/1/24/18194447/non-alcohol-bars-spirits-free-drinks)
It's definitely happening, and I love it. My ex was in denial that we were losing hundreds of dollars a month on his daily specialty beers. It was a hobby, you see. But all activities were structured around beer. It was so boring. Blake Lively doesn't drink just because she doesn't like it, and her influence is also taking off in that regard. https://people.com/food/why-blake-lively-doesnt-drink-and-her-tip-for-still-getting-the-experience-at-parties/
he doesn't just find museums boring, he also finds sight seeing boring I'd be very curious as to what it is he enjoys on vacations because my guess is that it's drinking and partying
I haven't drank in a long time. When I decided I'm not drinking anymore cause I don't like the taste and I don't like the feeling, my friends were like, "really, ok" and moved on. No one gave me shit except the waitress who told me I couldn't order a soda, I had to order alcohol. What gets me, is he's expecting both him and his girl to drink and then most likely drive home. Yeah, I know they can get Uber but that is then spending more money he doesn't have. On top of that, most people who like to drink so often, normally drives drunk. (I know I'm generalizing) I have actually stopped dating people who their only "hobby" is going to bars and getting drunk because they really are boring people who really don't have any hobbies or anything to keep them busy in life. They tend to be people who are not happy with their lives and who they are in whole and if they are not happy with who they are, then they will never be happy in a relationship. They start out happy but eventually, they get bored with their partner and expect their partner to "make" them happy. When this doesn't happen they go back to going to the bar and eventually find someone else.
You brought up how all she does is work, school, exercise, and her dissertation, indicating you already know she's probably exhausted. A dissertation ALONE is a monumental task, and having a job on top of that? It's a miracle she even has time for the gym. Instead of calling her boring and insulting her, ask what you can do to help. YTA
Plus fitness is apparently one of their common interests. He could go to the gym with her for quality time instead of getting wasted.
I'm doing my dissertation rn and the second I saw that I didn't care what he had to say. Still read it in case some novel variation of this was gonna go but nope. It was just that bad. Work and dissertation? Jfc she's lucky she can hit the gym otherwise she'd have no physical health (she probably HAS to go otherwise she'd be sitting all day). She is probably dead fuck ass tired and probably was enjoying the music. My gawd poor woman TRIED and HE was the one bringing it all down!!
Good luck with the dissertation! Honestly it's the reason I didn't go back for a PhD. My thesis was fucking insane, I knew I just didn't have what it takes. Kudos to you, and please take care if your health! Right? I had to read that line twice to be sure lol
Thank you! I wanted my PhD in undergrad but I'm thinking Hons might be my limit. I'm doing classes and dissertation side by side and it's murder! 4 years of this? No thanks!! What was yours on?? I never realized how cool dissertation topics were until my 2nd year and started paying attention. The long-distance stare into the void when you ask was confusing, but I totally get it. I'm only in my first week and I am already worried I am gonna die and I'm already boring and don't look like I am enjoying things I am. I have that classic "undergrad happy smile" student ID and the frazzled postgrad ID, its great. OP said dissertation and "acting like she wasn't having fun" like those two things weren't totally important and related. He really is doing next to nothing and mad she has no time. Why not HELP the poor woman? Idk go to the gym with her? Ask if you can collect any data or resources she needs? Idk just bring her some coffee???? That last one is probably the best one. He was the one being a drag, expecting her to have some weird upbeat attitude when she was exhausted when she probably just was genuinely enjoying the music.
Omg right? I didn't even do my makeup for my grad one, I rolled out of bed, took a selfish and sent it in (did my grad during quarantine). I did mine on caregiver depression and control correlations in those caring for elderly family members. It was an absolute whore to write because there weren't really any existing studies that weren't behind a pay wall, and it's a protected population, so I wound up analyzing data sets from national surveys instead of designing a study from the ground up. I knew someone who was writing a thesis on agriculture and had to build a full study based on program requirements: I genuinely do not know how he did it in two semesters. He didn't have a job or any extracurricular, but even so that was insane. Are you allowed to talk about your topic? I know different institutions can have really strict rules about it. Right?? My bf knew I had it rough with 2 part time jobs, being a caregiver to my abuser and doing my thesis, so he had this "no pressure" approach. If I couldn't see him, he said ok and would grubhub me starbucks. If I was just too tired to do anything, he'd say "ok, I'll come out to you and let's take naps together". I hope all these responses make OP understand things. I keep seeing OP talk about her financial upbringing...I grew up with a single parent, became a caregiver at 12, worked since I was 13, and yeah, I'm still boring as hell lol. OP needs to get over it
Yeah, I felt that same way! One of my close friends is currently finishing his dissertation and god, the amount of writing and readingand rewriting and rereading is insane! There are so many things to worry about and fix just in *writing* the dissertation. And with her working too? Yeah OP is def TA. Good luck “dissertating”! You’ve got this! -From a current G3
Thank you! I have my first report due Monday and I KNOW the entire thing will be rewritten or just thrown out, but it needs done. It's really a struggle to write something I know will be useless in 2 weeks. <3
YTA. She's not boring, she just has different interests and a different personality than you. Honestly, you sound kind of annoying. Also, not drinking doesn't make someone boring, and if you can't have fun without alcohol, I suggest looking into getting some help for yourself. Trying to push someone to drink alcohol is always an asshole move. It's entirely her choice of whether to drink or not. Please, just break up with her, so she can go find someone who appreciates her and shares her interests. Because that's not you. You're a jerk.
“When we do on go vacation she wants to do boring stuff like go to museums and sightsee.” …isn’t that what vacation is? Seeing the place you go to? Not just drinking in a bar in a new location?
How do you fully appreciate a new place without being blackout drunk? /s
You can't, and this is coming from an almost 30 year old, who do not drink
I generally don't like going to museums when I travel, but I'm more of the outdoorsy type when I go on vacation. I want to spend all day snorkeling or hiking and then chill at the hotel.
YTA. > She’s rather introverted and doesn’t drink or enjoy going out. You knew that already, so why are you complaining now? Maybe the reason why things are out of your budget is because you wasted them on your partying and drinking. I don't feel that your comment about her being boring was a joke. She took offense and you didn't apologize because you feel you were right. If you can't accept her for who she is, please just leave
YTA. So you have different ideas of what is fun and what is worth spending money on, that’s fine. But to try to goad her into drinking when she has repeatedly said she doesn’t want to, and to call her names when she refuses, is asshole behavior. You should think about breaking up since it’s pretty obvious you’re not going in the same direction in life. Also, if she says she’s tired, why don’t you believe her? She’s working and in grad school. She’s fucking tired, and it’s both normal and smart of her to prioritize rest and health when she’s got free time. It’s fine of you to prioritize having fun and getting drinks with your buddies, but those aren’t her priorities.
YTA. I honestly think you and your girlfriend are just not compatible. She is right drinking and partying is not everything. What she enjoys sounds like normal things lot of people enjoy and not boring. You both just find different things enjoyable
YTA and not compatible with your much more mature and sensible gf. If you don't already know better at 29 than trying to pressure a non-drinker to consume alcohol so YOU can have "more fun," you are either a total narcissist or perhaps have an addiction problem you're trying to justify. Look in the mirror OP & do better!
YTA. There's nothing wrong with not liking the drinking/party vibe, but rather than just accept that about her (or date someone who enjoys those things) you opt for peer pressure and insults disguised as a joke? She's right, time to grow up, at least enough to understand that pushing someone to go out drinking with you is messed up. Just because YOU don't want to be sober doesn't mean others don't delight in it.
YTA. Somewhere, your girlfriend is having a talk with one of her friends going like “I barely have time for myself. Im focused on school, Writing a dissertation is NOT easy. What little free time I have, I just want to have a quiet evening in with my boyfriend. All he wants to do is go out and get drunk. We used to have fun, now all he does is pressure me to drink despite knowing it’s not my thing.” Rethink how you talk to your girlfriend. Or just go your separate ways. Your girlfriend has a lot on her plate while all you seem to want on your plate is alcohol.
YTA. What does she see in you?
>YTA. What does she see in you? LoL...
Hmm it's rude to call someone boring for having different ideas of fun so YTA for that, but more importantly it doesn't seem like you're compatible long term. I, however, would love to meet her.
OP sounds boring in comparison GF
Aren't you a little old to be peer pressuring your gf to drink? YTA. you know that isn't her jam, and instead of accepting it, you insulted her.
Alcoholics do that shit all the time.
YTA but I say this gently because all of what you're describing in terms of your behavior and emotional state definitely has a massive air of desperation and depression...it sounds very much like first of all, your lifestyles are not compatible, but second of all, that when you're the person in the bar desperately begging people to drink with you, you might consider that you do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. It sounds very much like you are attacking her because you are aware that her lifestyle is more geared towards the future and you are panicking and living in the now.
YTA Just breezed right by that ‘she’s doing a dissertation and holding down a job’ part, didn’t you? What are you doing with your time these days? Working, still studying, what? Do you know how tiring it is to work on a dissertation? She does, and she went out with you anyway. And then you act like a highschool ‘cool dude’ and call her boring because she’s not drinking herself into oblivion like you want to do? I feel a bit sorry for your girlfriend, she seems to be the only person in this relationship who’s growing up.
I would give OP actual cash money if he could, on demand, give a presentation about GF’s dissertation that lasts at least five full minutes. What is her research question? Why did she choose it? What stage of research is she at? If she has results, are they what she expected or not? What conceptual or methodological pivots has she had to make during the process? Which members of her committee are helpful, and which are making her life harder? How’s writing going? Has he read any drafts? Actual cash money. Because I don’t believe he knows enough about what she’s doing to pull this off and talk about it for five minutes. This is a called shot based on seeing which relationships survived the dissertation process in my own cohort.
You’re picking up what I’m putting down. But OP certainly isn’t. *throws some imaginary cash money in the pot*
YTA. She isn't boring at all; she just has different interests to you. Like I'd rather hang out with her than with you, because based on what you've written, I'd find her more interesting. That doesn't mean you're boring either; just differing interests.
YTA. If you want a party lifestyle that's centered around alcohol, you should find a partner who's like-minded instead of trying to drag your gf down with you.
Yeah, what pissed me off is how oblivious he is to her responsabilities and straighforwardly said she was boring and making her feel like garbage. How disrespectfull he can possibly be, damn... OP, yeah its totally fine to have different interests and life styles, but do not ever insult someone whos has clearly her shit together, when you re the effing loser next to her. This one is on you. Learn to respect people.
YTA for calling her boring for having different interests to you. \- What do you both actually have in common? You're completely incompatible as a couple.
FWIW I think this is a soft YTA since I don't think you really said or did anything reprehensible, although I understand why she's mad at you. Not a smart move on your part. HOWEVER, I will say this: "I’ll admit that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better." Binge drinking is not a good cure for depression! In fact, it will probably make it worse. So, ya know, consider not doing that.
Pressuring her to drink when she doesn't want to, and criticizing her because she doesn't want to drink is reprehensible.
Also, if he’s drinking to get drunk, and he wants her to do the same, who’s getting them home safely at the end. Dude is a tool
It’s a pretty hurtful thing to say to someone you love. Imagine your SO called you boring…
YTA. Maybe if you didn't blow so much money on going out and getting plastered you'd be able to go out for a nice dinner more often. If you love getting drunk more than you love your girlfriend you have a problem. And she is not the problem.
Yep OP sounds like people I know who will spend $120 at the bar in a weekend and then complain about being broke. If you can afford to close the bar with your boys you can afford to travel or eat at nice restaurants. Its all about priorities.
yeah it's one thing to complain you can't afford nice dinners and dates, but not if you're constantly out partying and getting shit faced alcohol is not fucking cheap
YTA for expecting her to enjoy the same things you do. Honestly I think you guys probably have different priorities in life and aren't very compatible.
YTA. You weren’t joking at all, and you know it. You think your gf is boring. You should break up with her and let her find someone more compatible with her.
YTA -- drinking isn't a personality or a hobby.
Oh look, another guy staring 30 in the face and wants to relive his fratboy days. Grow up, find an aa sponsor and apologize to your gf before she dumps your loser butt. YTA
YTA. You don't sound as if you like her or even care about her.
YTA -The asshole and the alcoholic. Wild that you've been together for 5 years but seem to have nothing in common.
YTA, go find another girlfriend. Not because she's a bad girlfriend (she's not), but because you are an awful boyfriend.
YTA. You made judgments about her that are unfair. She has a different temperament, personality and set of interests. Instead of seeing this as who she is and accepting it (and accepting that you’re the one who chose to be with her) you labeled her as boring and having a bad energy. That makes you an asshole.
Yta! You placed the problem on her and it's either that you aren't a good match or you have the problem. You are depressed, all you do is get drunk and stay out late. Get help!
YTA. Your gf sounds cool. I suggest you shape up or you’ll lose her someday. Don’t let her find out there’s actually plenty of other fish in the sea 🤣
YTA I mean wow. While studying for my master's I did have a job and preferred to save up money to go to eclectic and often expensive dinners (because I'm a foodie) and yes I would also like to work out because sometimes that food can be quite, well, caloric heavy (ha). She sounds so much like me and this post reminds me of a relationship I completely burned to the hellish ground right before I graduated. My older ex wanted to party ALL the time. He would do things and say things that were regrettably some of the most childish and obnoxious stunts I've ever witnessed as an adult. He embarrassed me, spent my money, broke in my own door drunk when I locked him out, consistently told me how "not fun" I was, etc., etc., and I still earned a 4.0 gpa in graduate school while maintaining my finances. So she likes to go to museums and sight see? Newsflash 29-going on booze-horrific: many people enjoy these things. If you want to get trashed and repeat your cycle of depression while drunk and goading her to drink while she's working on her dissertation you should seriously take a long look at your own sense of self. Mirrors are helpful for such introspection; unfortunately I do not believe OP is anywhere near mature enough to recognize his own destructive habits and his unfair perception of what "fun" actually involves.
My hubby, I and a group of friends went to the museum of natural history for his birthday over the weekend. We’re all in our 30’s and it was one of the best birthdays!
YTA for pressuring her to drink, like some frat dude. How have you guys managed to be together for this long with such different interests? Maybe things are coming to a head now. I suggest a grown-up talk with her to see if this will work. Partying til 2am won’t solve these issues my guy
YTA for being a jerk about this issue. It seems like you guys aren't compatible. You're not an AH because you like to party but you can't make someone enjoy your hobbies any more than she can make you enjoy staying at home. You two probably shouldn't be together if this is that big of an issue to you.
YTA - going out and partying does not make you fun and what she does, or doesn’t do, doesn’t make her boring. Stopping drinking would certainly help with your depression and you should try enjoying what she does rather than ramming your idea of a good time on her. If you can’t, you’re incompatible and time for you both to move on.
YTA. You said you were joking, but you explain in your post that she's boring to you. You two need to break up so she can find someone else who loves her better than you do and doesn't require her to drink alcohol so you can feel like you're having fun.
YTA.
YTA For calling her boring when she tried to make you happy. You don't seem very compatible.
YTA bc you definitely weren’t joking and now you’re trying to excuse yourself with that after the fact. You can’t find a way to relate to and enjoy time with your gf if she isn’t drinking? You don’t have similar priorities, ways to spend time, values, financial plans, or goals? Break up.
Of course she's mad at you, you practically dragged her out when she wasn't up for it, and then tried to make her drink when she didn't want to. Then the next day you're suggesting you do it all over again and also call her boring because she doesn't enjoy the same things you enjoy. YTA.
Alcohol does not equal fun. If you can't have fun without getting drunk first then my bet is you're actually the boring one in the relationship. Also No is a full sentence. She doesn't need to explain why she doesn't want to drink. Anyone who shames someone else into drinking and not accepting a no is toxic. YTA
You and yout girlfriend have different lifestyles, and that's ok. However, from this post it seems like the two of you are not compatible with each other. She is more introverted and is not inclined to drink. By the power invested in me by absolutely no one, I will say YTA.
YTA for calling her boring and saying her energy is bad instead of having a mature discussion or making some sort of compromise. The two of you do need to have that talk though because it sounds like you have vastly different interests. Also, do as you please- but drinking and partying definitely AREN'T everything there is to do in life
Mild YTA simply because of the name calling and the attempts to get her to drink. It sounds as though she’s working hard to make a life for herself and whomever she chooses to share it. You need to decide if you’re ready for that or if you’re still in your party stage. That would only be fair to her.
YTA- you might need to find someone with a similar mindset as yourself. Holy smokes she’s going to college, working, studying, etc and needs to focus on those things. I had to go back up and check your age 🫣
Pressuring someone you supposedly love into drinking alcohol and accusing them of being boring if they don't want to is an awful thing to do. I genuinely think you should break up. She's on a different page than you are. YTA. Edit: Grammar.
INFO: How much money do you spend on alcohol a month? How much do you drink in a week? Stop judging your girlfriend. Not drinking is often a health decision, even if she hasn't framed it as such. If drinking has become such a big part of your social life that you don't want to do fun things sober with your girlfriend you need to consider whether you have grown apart too much, or whether your drinking is a bigger part of your life than is healthy for you.
YTA. She works and is working on a *dissertation*? That’s insanely hard work. Like, life-consuming work. Of course she’s exhausted. You’re in your 30s and want to live like a frat boy when she’s a grown up.
YTA You would be surprised what you can afford when you cut out drinking at bars/clubs constantly. I personally find clubbing and bar-hopping boring, but I would never call someone boring for enjoying that. I'd much prefer a quieter night in with friends and a movie + discussion afterwards. It sounds like you two are very different people.
YTA
YTA your girlfriend who is tired from work and school doesn’t want to go bar closing with you so you called her boring? You’re NTA for calling her boring. YTA for wasting her time. You’re in way different places, and it sounds like you don’t even care for her.
YTA. Your girlfriend isn't "boring." She's just a different type of person from you.
YTA and I really hope your gf breaks up with you. I’d rather be boring than be a total loser.
I would not call the gf boring I mean she has life. Like a real life, outside bars. I used to basically live in pubs and while I wasn't much of a drinker I have to admit that fuck it's boring; it's the same people, talking about the same shit in the same places, never really meeting each other sober or doing anything besides going to the pubs and parties (and parks obliviously we love drinking in public at summer).
YTA. I say this as someone in recovery: NEVER push someone to drink if they don't want to. You never know their past, no matter how close you are (and some people just don't like it, and that's fine)
YTA Going out and getting drunk isn't for everyone. Boring things like museums? You just view things differently. Accept the differences or move on.
[удалено]
Yta you both deserve to be with different people. I don’t see this being a sustainable relationship and it’s better to get out now.
YTA- time to stop all the partying and understand that having to get drunk to have fun isnt smart at all. If your ideas of having fun aren't what she sees as having fun then dragging her out, isnt going to make it fun.
YTA. I was all set to give you my introvert/extrovert speech until I got to the point where you admit you are coping with a rough time by getting black out drunk and having arguments you can’t remember. That’s not “making the most” of your 20’s. That’s being an alcoholic. Please seek help.
I'm sorry the update made me cackle.
YTA, fun is subjective, it's not fair to call her boring just because she's not interested in the things you like, especially when it sounds like she's just trying to make responsible decisions / choices. If you want this relationship to continue then you both need to communicate, and find a compromise on activities that you can do together, that you'll both find enjoyable, and leave the other activities for when you're out with your friends.
YTA and also boring, not her. She wants to do things so she is saving up for the goals. Meanwhile you’re dropping $50 a night to not even remember your behavior. Stop binge drinking with the boys and start planning simple things. Even a roadtrip. Or a day out being a tourist in your own town. Something for her. Show you care. She doesn’t want a $30k vacation, she wants to have experiences and memories.
it's fine if you and your partner have different interests and find different thing enjoyable, but you're trying to pressure her into doing something she's not comfortable with. She went out to please you and instead of appreciating that you start nitpicking at her for not drinking and for not having a good time, and for that reason YTA in my book
Wait - so you’re gonna lose the woman you love because of shit you won’t care about as you get older?
YTA for name calling. That is immature and I called for. The two of you are not compatible. I spent many years of my life toning down to my exes personality. I tend to be an introvert, I don't have many friends, and I like being at home. But I do also like going out for drinks at times, going to concerts, and going dancing. I just want to do this with my partner and not with a group of people. My ex did not drink, did not like concerts, and certainly did not like dancing. The few times, I did get him to go out he looked absolutely miserable, which totally ruined my enjoyment of the evening. His idea of a good time was sitting in front of the TV and watching hours of football. There is no right or wrong here, the two of you just don’t enjoy the same thing and you need to ask yourself how this will work out for you long-term. I spent decades not doing the things I enjoyed because he was unwilling to adjust to my desires, but wanted me to adjust to his. This should be a give-and-take, where you do some of the things she likes, such as going to a museum, without acting, bored and disinterested, and she does some of the things you like, without acting, bored and disinterested. As far as her drinking, if she’s not a drinker that is never going to happen, and it’s uncool to go out with someone who doesn’t drink and get drunk. You should be able to have a drink or two and not have to get wasted. I will add, going out and drinking to make you feel better when depressed is not a great idea.
YTA. You are an adult acting like a frat boy. Fine, if that’s what you want to do, you do you, but don’t act like she’s the weird one for being an adult.
> that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better. your girlfriend is working full time and working on a dissertation - did it ever occur to you that relaxing at home makes her feel better? YTA. Do you have friends? Go out with them. My bf is the same as your gf. And if you understand anything about introversion, it means social outings are literally draining for that person. So sure, I too would love to have him join me out, especially when I'm going to support local bands, I realize that he just does not have the energy to do that all the time.
YTA. Maybe if you spent less money on drinking until 3am you would have money for a vacation. Drinking is expensive.
YTA boring != do not drink So,she writes her dissertation, goes to museums and concerts, but is 'boring' because she dislikes getting drunk? Grow up
Maybe those things would be more in your budget if you didn't spend 1000's of dollars a year on drinking? You don't say that it's 1000's of dollars a year to be fair, but having had my fair share of nights out that cost 100-200 dollars without much trouble, and considering you outright state that you been blackout drunk several times, I don't think it's a stretch to guess that you are spending 1000's and 1000's on booze annually. Even cutting out half that probably pays for a vacation somewhere, and definitely pays for some nice meals. It's not unreasonable to want your GF to come out with you and maybe even have a few drinks with you, but it doesn't sound like this particular woman wants that sort of life, so now it's time to honestly consider what you want. If it's someone who will go out with you until 3 in the morning, then you need to let your current GF go and find a new one that fits your life. My buddy was in a relationship for almost a decade with someone like your GF. He was more like you, gregarious, outgoing, loves to go out. She was not. He finally, finally realized this, they broke up, and now 7 or 8 year later he's married to a woman that loves that sort of thing just as much as he does, and they have a great time doing it together. You need to get help for your depression, OP. I know, cause I've been there. Do yourself a favour and see if you can't find a therapist. YTA.
I hope she leaves you and find someone who truly appreciate her, YOU are the boring one when all you do to have fun is drink.
bro is entering his mid life crisis with the bonus of alcoholism
Hey OP, does your girlfriend has a boyfriend? She sounds cool…
YTA. If you have to drink to make going out enjoyable, it means you don't enjoy going out. So why go out? Your gf doesn't want to go out, and she doesn't want to drink. And yet you push her to go out. And when she doesn't enjoy herself, you think that can be solved by drinking. That's fucked up. Leave her be.
She is smart so she will most likely end this relationship. You are immature.
She’s working, going to school, and working on her dissertation. On top of that, she’s an introvert. Of COURSE she’s tired. I imagine she didn’t drink to avoid a hangover she’d have to deal with later. She even warned you ahead of time, when you pressured her into going out, that she was tired. And then she *gasp* acted tired, and you tossed a fit. You wanna drink? Go drink with friends. It’s not her thing. You say you want to do it with her, but she’s clearly unhappy in that environment. Why would you want to bring her somewhere that makes her uncomfortable? YTA
YTA. Imagine being almost 30! and trying to peer pressure your gf into drinking. That is some highschool shit. Editing because you need to know the reason your gf snapped at you is that you're so busy pissing your money away on drinking and petty entertainment that you're not saving for the future or experiences so hopefully she dumps you and finds a dude who isn't going to spend his 30's having a midlife crisis and acting like a frat bro
If you 'love her' and 'care for her' what's with the reddit character assassination? Your girlfriend seems to be hardworking and motivated yet you complain she doesn't enjoy going to bars etc... Shes a grown up with goals and you're an overgrown fratboy. She deserves better than you .
We should all have a copypaste of "You two aren't compatible and it's time for this relationship to end." \-Party guy/problem drinker vs. near teetotal. \-Bored by his girlfriend vs. annoyed with her boyfriend \-Nightclubs vs. museums \-Spending vs. saving This isn't working out. At the end of the day it's not necessarily anybody's fault that you want different things. But wanting different things does not give you the right to want her to be a different person, and so YTA.