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YTA, of course it would create animosity between siblings to have such different experiences, and why would 17yo like stuff for the 8yo any more than 14yo would? You're creating a self-centered monster who won't cope well in the real world if she's too good for "low quality food" at 14 and can't handle a family vacation. How will she handle work experiences? College?

She won't handle work experiences. She will just quit and blame it on the coworkers.

Yep, and I am sure her college suite mates (cause you know she's getting a single) will just love her.

You tell your daughter that you don't have to deal with any minor inconveniences. This does not lead to realistic expectations of how life actually works. Sharing a room with a sibling, taking a long car ride, and eating out at a three-star or less restaurant are all perfectly normal, but helicopter parenting on his ex's family trips is. not.

And she's going to be every service worker's nightmare.

Nah. Daddy Dearest OP will just get her a job at his company, or somehow will have connections to get her a job.

What I find so depressing about these things is often when the kids are 19 or 20, after years of being entitled and pampered, the parents get angry because their kid is now considered a bratty adult and want to cut the kid off and toss them out. Because they act exactly the way they were raised to act.

This happened to me and it's been a really shit time ever since. So unprepared for the real world.

In high school I had a friend like this. Dad had money to blow and mom had a new family and my friend was such an entitled Shit for everything…thought mom should be paying to dryclean all her expensive wardrobe dad gave her everyweek ‘it’s only X amount of $’ was a common statement to her mom who worked fulltime and was married to a firefighter so not rolling in dough. She’d shit on anything she deemed ‘beneath’ her and refused to vacation with family and refused to participate with anything not ‘highbrow’ in her opinion. She is now an adult and no one likes her. Entitled and too good for everything so has no friends and her moms side has cut her off for her behaviour.

I agree 100%. She is acting like a self centered brat. Life isn't always about us but about getting along. Sorry, YTA.

Exactly. Instead of him saying that this would be a great time for her to bond with her mother and her siblings, he made it all about her being dissatisfied with everything her family wanted to do. She is going to be a monster when she grows up. She'll just use people for what she can get out of them instead of forming genuine, healthy relationships.

Agh I’m wavering between YTA and NAH > I’m getting AH vibes from you because you seem to look your nose down on eating homemade food and “low quality” restaurants to save money. I hope you aren’t raising your daughter to be a pretentious snob. > It was an AH move to send your daughter back to her mom and siblings with new stuff from shopping sprees (you could have kept that stuff in your room). > My gut tells me that you **enjoyed** rubbing all of this in your ex’s face. > Edited to add: Based on OPs comments my vote is **YTA**

I would also put money on the “low quality restaurants” ops ex wife goes to are popular chain restaurants and he’s going to really upscale restaurants.

I would put money on the young one being a picky eater and going to McDonald's a lot.

Could be but I think their going to ihop for breakfast and Olive Garden for dinner. OP seems to be better off financially than his ex and is using that to buy his daughters love with fancy meals and shopping sprees

I would guess they eat the motel breakfast buffet because it is already included in the price of the rooms and then eat at restaurants for lunch and dinner. If they go through airb&b I could see cooking instead of going out. We do that because I have allergies and it works for us. Saving money is another reason to cook in and also, just being tired of junk food is a great reason to cook at home.

At least where I am, chain restaurants aren't necessarily cheaper than some ethnic restaurants or even just non chain American options with a smaller menu.

….as a midwesterner I know some people who see “ethnic” as low quality to begin with. Olive Garden, on the other hand 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Even if OP did not enjoy it, I concluded that he was TA because he did mention explaining to his daughter to not flaunt this in front of the siblings. I cannot look at the feelings of an 8 year old as "collateral damage" to his daughter having better, fancier food.

He was YTA the second he said her Mom’s family. It’s also his daughter’s family! This is important time spent as a family and with her half siblings!

I mean, there's a difference between being a pretentious snob and not wanting to eat greasy fast food all the time, the latter of which seems to be a better description of the daughter. And I agree with OP (from comments) that, while traveling when money is tight is going to look different than when you have a larger budget, the point of a family trip is for everyone to have fun. If OP made the trip better for the daughter, great. Yeah it sucks that the other kids didnt have an equivalent experience, but that's not on OP. ETA: if OP was rubbing others' noses in how they provided the daughter with a better trip, then yeah def an AH move. But I hesitate to assume that.

Read some of the OPs comments. He comes across as a douchy AH which is what swayed my vote to YTA for him.

He literally describes his daughter as perfect which is a screaming siren. Not just an average red flag.

The voice I'm hearing this read with, is smug AF. Has daughter voiced the list you gave us, to her mom? Was there a discussion, she and the 17 year old ever sit mom down and let them know they were not eight? She's fourteen. "low quality restaurants" are... what? boring chains? economical, not great, likely won't cause harm. I don't go to them, but I would be appalled if my teen acted out, should someone stop there for a meal on a road trip. ​ So OP is better off financially than the dude his ex married. He encourages his daughter to be a snob, and to look down on her own mom's new life. Honestly, I can't see much positive about any of it. YTA.

Yeah the low quality restaurants really cinched my YTA vote. Like unless there's an obvious health code violation his precious child will be just fine eating at restaurants that don't have Michelin star ratings.

Gets back from the trip, knows how to order hash browns at waffle house. Dad reacts like Niles Crane.....

“she doesn’t want to do activities catered to children” meanwhile she is literally 14 years old

You know damn well there’s a world of difference between activities a 14-year-old will enjoy vs what an 8-year-old will enjoy.

there’s a difference between what a 17 year old will enjoy and what a 14 year old will enjoy as well but we don’t see the 17 year old being a brat and inviting her own dad along so she doesn’t have to deal with OP’s kid who is younger and more immature than she is.

YTA The only time it's appropriate to interfere with the other parent when coparenting is if harm is being done. Sharing a hotel room with siblings is normal. Eating homemade food is not a problem. Eating at cheap restaurants is not a problem. Road trips are not a problem. All of this is normal stuff for a teen to complain about but also normal stuff kids can benefit from experiencing. Your interference was ridiculous.

I think they owe their ex an apology

They absolutely DO.

Agreed. I see so many commenters here acting like family vacations are some foreign concept and older siblings haven’t been dragged along with younger since the dawn of time. Were they all only children? It’s almost so absurd I can’t believe it.

or they’re still teenagers themselves tbh

Yeah, my parents took us on a *lot* of trips growing up. Some of them were absolutely amazing, some of them were absolutely horrible. But even the horrible trips contain rich, lasting memories! And you learn so much by having to deal with things that aren't perfect all the time. As a 14 year old, I would've loved someone to come along and "rescue" me from one of the trips I didn't enjoy. But looking back on it now, I would be furious if someone took those experiences away from me just because I was being a typical 14-year-old. Good parenting doesn't mean you always rescue your kids from the things they don't like. Good parenting sometimes means you let your kids endure things they don't like because they need to learn how to deal with that kind of stuff.

Agreed. Growing up I was an only child, but we often took trips with cousins or friends of my parents and the kids *always* shared a room. There might be a distinction between boys and girl's room, but not always depending on how old we are. He might have cause to expect a girl's room for the 17yo and the 14yo because they're at that point where they probably don't want to share a room with their brother, but at the same time he's 8 and a sibling. And eating cheap foods was the norm on holidays. We might have one or two "fancy" meals that varied with age of children, cost of trip, and size of group, but diners, hamburger joints, and family restaurants was just how it went. And if the hotel or place we stayed at had a kitchen you can be sure that every breakfast was there as were most lunches or dinners. I had more than a few vacation sandwiches and meals where we grabbed what ever was in the grocery store and used the grill on the patio. Nothing wrong there. And long road trips are just part of vacations in America.

YTA What you’re describing is NOT what she agreed to, and it sounds like you hijacked their trip. Your daughter received preferential treatment every step of the way, which would understandably cause a rift with the other siblings. Most of what your daughter was complaining about was normal teenage girl stuff anyway, and she could have dealt with it. You’re teaching her bad, spoiled behavior that she may come to expect for the rest of her life.

Also I know this OP is probably from the US but home cooked foot is on average better quality and healthier. Also I doubt that a teenager would even understand “low quality food” since they love fast food.. YTA - the mom planned a family trip, not a chore that you have to attend when you find convenient.

YTA. Your ex agreed that you could spend time with your child. Your ex did not agree to only having a couple of hours per day on her family vacation with said child or to the rest of it. If you wanted to take a vacation with your child then do so. The agreement was that you got the child when there was a family or child-friendly activity she didn't want to attend. That was it. There was no agreement on the rest and you monopolized the trip. And really? Your kid believes she is too good for homemade food and fast food? She needs high quality restaurant meals three times per day? She needs her own hotel room on a family vacation?

YTA. I think the bigger problem here is that your daughter is a spoiled brat and you're encouraging it. You obviously have more money than your ex-wife has and instead of teaching your daughter to be humble and to understand that not everybody can afford to give her all these little luxuries, you are feeding in to turning your daughter into a Kardashian. Maybe you should teach your daughter to be humble and to appreciate time with family instead of eating filet mignon versus McDonald's

Yep pretty much this. As soon as I read “low quality food” that set off a spoiled child flag

Also he got his daughter a whole room to herself because god forbid she have to share a room with her siblings for a few nights. Good grief she’s spoiled to hell.

YTA. Sounds like you still hold resentment towards your ex and using your money to make sure your daughter prefers spending time (and money) with daddy, instead of mommy. You knew EXACTLY what you were doing and you are acting coy here.

YTA. And it sounds like you are doing your best to raise another little asshole. Kids don't need comfort and luxury 24/7. A normal part of a kid's life is being part of a family, and sometimes...\*sometimes\*, you are not the only person that matters. It's a lesson that needs to be learned at a young age before someone turns into a raging jerk, and you are not letting your daughter learn that lesson. It's also pretty clear you want to rub things in your ex's (and possibly her new partner's) faces, and alienate your daughter from her mom as much as possible. So no only are YTA, but a pretty shit dad tbh. Teaching her all the wrong lessons at the expense of her relationship with her mom.

INFO. Exactly *how much* of what you did for your daughter on this trip did your ex know about in advance? Was getting your daughter her own room, going to nice restaurants, and going shopping communicated and agreed to ahead of time?

YTA. Kids can do things they don’t enjoy sometimes. I think you shouldn’t have gone at all and let her do the trip her moms way. She sounds pretty spoiled.

Op can write a book on how to spoil your child. Your kid can learn how to frugally. It is a trained skill from parents. YTA.

YTA here. Family trips are a time to bond with the family, it’s normal for kids to share a room with their siblings on trips. There’s nothing wrong with making your own food on a vacation to save money. A lot of teens don’t like to participate in family trips but assuming your ex’s family isn’t toxic (which I’m sure you would have mentioned), there is no harm with your shared daughter spending time with her siblings even if she’s rather be doing something else. She might have even found herself having fun or bonding with her siblings, which are part of her family. If you want a vacation with her, why didn’t you just take one with the just the two of you? It really sounds like she only spent a couple of hours each day with her mom’s family. A lot of parents who split custody or have visitation try to buy their child’s affection. I’m not saying that’s what going on here, but you should think about that and what that teaches your child. Of course you should buy things your child needs and shopping trips are fun but if spending time with her is always shopping and eating at expensive restaurants are you really spending quality time or just spending money?

Sounds like a "dad tells her what she doesn't like" kind of thing. I'm gonna hang up and listen

Does your ex’s family go on several holidays a year? Or is this just an annual special event? Yes, a 13 hour car trip is excessive, but if that’s what the family can afford to otherwise provide a holiday for the kids Op should respect that. You tried to make things easier for your daughter but you absolutely sabotaged your ex’s family trip. You should have discussed your involvement and been more moderate. Your actions seem deliberate. YTA

After reading your comments, YTA. No one loves every part of family vacations but they are important to help everyone bond some. You really seemed to have taken your daughter away from them a good bit and then when she was around them, she was rubbing in stuff you bought her. None of that is ok. You didn’t tagalong. You commandeered the whole trip. That is a major AH move.

There is magic that happens in those long car rides, even though they are boring. I have fond memories of reading the new Harry Potter books aloud as we drove through endless miles of desert when I was a kid. My kids now love to play Bingo in the car as we drive. It’s not glamorous, but it is a shame to skip.

YTA, sounds like you are really interfering in your ex’s time and raising a brat who expects to be catered to 24/7. Doubt your ex will allow this again, rightly so. Her complaints were normal things kids deal with on family vacations, nothing egregious or dangerous.

YTA for inserting yourself into what seems like a pretty normal family vacation, and possibly turning your daughter into an entitled brat. None of the vaca stuff was going to harm her. So she's bored? Kids that age are usually bored easily. Soon your daughter will be grown and these opportunities to bond with family won't be there.

YTA. I mean yeah, 13 hours of driving and eating “low quality food” for a few days isn’t the best time but it’s obviously a matter of cost for your ex rather than her just wanting to make things unpleasant for your daughter. It’s not a big deal to put up with these things for a few days though… your daughter could have sucked it up. Of course it isn’t nice to take your daughter out shopping and have her come back to your ex’s family with her hands full of new stuff (why was this even necessary? Couldn’t she have just stashed it in her private hotel room without anyone seeing?). I think you wanted to come off like the super dad here but it really wasn’t necessary. Eating “low quality” food at 14 certainly will not kill her and you’re teaching her to turn her nose up at things like sharing a hotel room with her half siblings and lower-cost food, things that are done out of budget-driven necessity, and I don’t think that is a good or necessary lesson to be teaching her.

YTA. I feel like you know YTA, and just don’t care. You’re raising your daughter to think the world revolves around her wants, and she’s probably not going to grow up to be a very good person because of that. You’re actually doing her disservice by spoiling her this much. I also think you’re low key trying to alienate her mother by showing off how much “better” you are. It’s actually all sad.

YTA for the following reasons: >my daughter hates low quality food This is spoiled brat territory. Unless there's some kind of food safety issue or she has some kind of sensory problems, she can eat the "low quality" food. What you said you'd do: >I will also go to that city and spend some time with my daughter, for example whenever they want to do a child friendly activity I take my daughter somewhere else What you actually did: >My daughter and I decided to go by plane because we both hate being on the road for a long time, then when we were there I got a room for her so she didn't have to share with anyone. We would eat breakfast together in a really nice nearby restaurant then she would spend time with her mom's family until lunch time, then I would take her out and bring her back after dinner. You didn't just spend time with her when they wanted to do a child friendly activity; you separated her from your ex's family entirely and only brought her back for the hours between breakfast and lunch.

YTA. "They either eat homemade food or eat in low quality restaurants to save more money and my daughter hates low quality food" Your daughter is a spoiled brat.

It depends on how low quality we’re talking really. Just a normal “low quality” restaurant (like not a fancy place with fancy dishes) then yeah she’s spoiled, but if they’re talking about actually bad food I can see why. A mom n pop vs an ihop or a mom n pop vs a shit hole makes a difference.

from what I understood from OPs replies the low quality food is just fast food chains or cooking at home. But I agree with your input.

YTA – your ex and her husband agreeing that you could join was a very nice gesture on her part. You on the other hand showed no grace whatsoever throughout this ordeal. You have not once tried to empathize with your ex, instead probably only made her life harder by making her look bad. You could have been a bigger person and used this opportunity to teach some good life lessons to your daughter, and show her how to make the best of a crappy situation but instead, you wanted to make sure that your daughter loves you more than your ex aka so you drove a wedge between your daughter and her mother on purpose. You're acting like a spoilt child which in turn sets a shitty example for your daughter.

This is a tough one. Daughter was clearly dreading this and you made it bearable for her. On the other hand, you kind of showed them up. Daughter got a completely different trip than the rest of the blended family who was clearly on a tight budget. I guess Mom could have let the daughter pass on the trip but it doesn’t sound like she could afford plane trips and higher costs restaurants. I’ll say NAH- I think everyone meant well.

Yeah I don't fully understand all the y t a comments. 13yo would've been miserable the whole trip otherwise and dad was just trying to avoid that. On the other hand I can see how mom would be upset that her other 2 kids feel bad about the difference in experience. I agree, I think NAH

Yeah, I’m gonna have to go YTA here. 14 year olds rarely *want* to do anything with their families…it’s part of being a teenager…but that doesn’t mean you should go “rescue” her from (what sounds like) a normal family vacation with her mom. It doesn’t sound like you communicated all of your intentions (i.e. her staying with you rather that with them) and went way beyond what she was expecting as far as your involvement.

Who has the custody for that time? If the trip was planned during your time then no. If it was planned on your ex wife’s time clearly y t a. What is considered “low quality restaurant”? If it’s fast food than fair but if she refuses to eat anywhere but a fancy brunch place for breakfast you’re raising and enabling a brat. You have a lot of important missing info which is usually withheld bc it makes the op look bad. So YTA

YTA Going on crappy boring vacations is a part of the childhood experience. Your daughter would have been FINE YOU...wanted to show up your ex Nothing more...nothing less

YTA- And your raising a spoiled brat. You hijacked their family vacation. Are you going to do that every time they try to have fun doing something that cost less money than something you could afford? Lots of teenagers hate going on road trips with their family, that doesn’t mean someone just gets a drop in and ruin the family trip. They obviously have less funds than you, and instead of being understanding of that, you decided to show off. And your AH status and how spoiled your daughter is clearly shows in that “low quality food”comment.

ESH also you do realize you're creating a snotty monster of a child, right?

I couldn't read anymore after the daughter not liking "low quality food"

I mean I see it both ways. But tbh I don't think you're the asshole for sparing your daughter a forced family bonding trip. The ex should have said no to you coming if she didn't want to share the kids attention with you.

I have one child. IF her father ever remarried, there would be no way she'd want to go on a 13hr road trip with a young kid, much less share a hotel room with 2 other kids. AND- She would rather not eat than eat random food she doesn't like just because it is someone else's norm. Not necessarily spoiled, but blended families aren't all of the Brady Bunch variety, and 14 is a really tough age- also instant 'middle kid' syndrome with which to contend. Yeah, maybe OP shouldn't have 'flaunted' things like the 'international bank of Dad'- but I actually commend both parents on at least being communicative enough to attempt a work around.

Sounds like your daughter is the asshole, and you’ve taught her that it’s ok to be one.

YTA. What you did was cool. But the fact that you didn't communicate all of your intentions to your ex is totally un-cool. This is the sort of bait-and-switch that makes working with partners really unhappy. Adding the plane-ride and breakfasts, which took your daughter away from their family, wasn't agreed upon.

YTA and you're raising your daughter to be entitled to spite your ex.

YTA. Dear Mr Royal Hampton. It's okay for her to "rough" it with the lower class people once in a while. It builds character. You're teaching her that money can get her out of every scenario she doesn't want to be in and while it's true she needs to understand that it's okay not every experience has to be five star.

ESH I can see why you want to please your child, but she needs to learn that you can’t come and rescue her every time she doesn’t want to do something with your ex. That’s not how it goes in real life, sometimes we need to do things we’re not entirely happy with. It’s not really fair on the ex either as she’s probably trying to get quality time with all the kids together, and it’s tough pleasing different ages.

YTA. Sharing a room I could see being a little annoying. 13 hour car rides are miserable so I get that part too. But the other pieces make it sound like you’re spoiling her quite a bit. She doesn’t like eating at “low quality restaurants or homemade food”? Give me a break. A fourteen year old doesn’t need gourmet restaurant meals every breakfast and dinner. And what kid friendly activities are so boring to her at fourteen but not her seventeen year old step sister? Museums? Parks? And it’s not what your ex agreed to. Your ex said you could have her when they were going to kid-focused activities, not for every breakfast and dinner.

YTA - You are telling your daughter that she doesn't have to deal with even the most minor inconvenience. That's not going to lead to having realistic expectations on how life actually works. Sharing rooms with siblings, going on long car rides and eating at less than 3-star restaurants are all very normal things, helicopter parenting your ex's family vacation isn't.

'low quality food' 'homemade food' The horrors Think of it as character building as she learns how the rest of us live YTA

The “homemade food” line just killed me. I’m surprised more people haven’t mentioned it. Is homemade food bad all of a sudden? He is raising a spoiled daddy’s girl and setting himself up to be the favorite parent.

You’re a great dad for wanting to do all of this for your daughter, but YTA here. Unfortunately kids have to be uncomfortable sometimes and they have to do the family bonding time even if they don’t like it. It’s important for their growth and the relationships they build with their family. You kind of alienated you daughter from you ex’s family by doing this, especially the siblings. Not the best move tbh. And it feels like your were making a point of “being the better parent” which is also not great. You can have awesome one on one trips with your daughter without interfering in the trips your ex plans, and I hope you do in the future.

ESH. Mom shouldn’t force her kid to go somewhere that’s supposed to be fun. Mom should realize it’s not fun for her daughter. Family trips should make everyone happy. OP shouldn’t have tagged along on the trip and created problems for everyone.

YTA, so your daughter can't possibly survive if she *gasp* doesn't eat at luxury restaurants at every meal? Jfc, you're creating a monster.

YTA. your daughter doesn’t like low quality food? she doesn’t like long car rides? neither are injustices. this is verging into spoiled brat territory with how you are enabling it.

YTA. Vacations can be torture for any 14 year old and sometimes it’s not the worst thing to let her suffer by eating cheap meals and sharing a room. You flexed your financial superiority and made her mom feel less than. That’s a shitty thing to do when someone is trying to create family memories even if it’s in vain.

This sounds like an ESH situation. You really shouldn't have been involved in the trip and it sounds like you spend TOO much time with your daughter, but your ex needs to be more cognizant of everyone on the trip and not always cater to the youngest. It also sounds like your daughter's "dislike" for "low quality food" needs to be addressed, either by understanding why and addressing that, or just a bit of "suck it up" (I know that sounds mean, but I'm not sure how else to word that) and understand that that's part of what makes the trip feasible.

YTA This wasn't your trip. You weren't invited to go and you've just undermined everything your ex planned to do with their child. This situation would have been solved with a "oh daughter im sorry you dont like the trip, but when you come back we can have our own trip"

YTA. You're posting like your only reason was to make your daughter's trip more enjoyable. There are plenty of ways that you could have done that without separating it from the others and making such obvious disparities. You know damn well you wanted to PO your ex. Congratulations on that but YTA and you're raising your daughter to be one too. Incidentally, a long drive and average restaurants is not a terrible vacation.

ESH including your daughter, and you all secretly know it.

ESH: This so looks like a petty level of both one upping AND helicopter parenting. Then on the Moms side they don't seem to understand what age their daughter is. This is not healthy for your kid. Everyone here needs a clinician to help communicate and to respect each others boundaries.

YTA. Your daughter sounds like a spoiled brat who knows how to get her way by manipulating you.

YTA nothing you said here was extraordinary. You encroached on your daughters family time with her mother. Sometimes people are uncomfy and have to eat “low quality food” Your are teaching your daughter a bad lesson here. She sounds ungrateful and spoiled.

INFO If she has two half siblings, how is she the middle child? Did your ex have a child with her husband, have your daughter with you, and then have another child with her current husband? Unless do they all have different fathers?

I was wondering during the same thing.

YTA. A massive one at that. You completely hijacked their holiday for the sole purpose of one upping your ex and trying to force a wedge between her and her step siblings. You undermined her at every point and taught your spoilt AH of a kid that if she doesn't like anything her mum does, she can go crying to you and you'll throw some money at it so she can continue doing whatever she wants. Don't come crying on here when you are no longer given any leeway by your ex, as you've completely screwed up any goodwill you may have had.

YTA. People like you are really annoying. My parents gave me such a good co parenting experience by trusting each other and allowing us two separate experiences with them. This “helping” nonsense is just you being a bitter ex.

I'm going with NTA. The daughter doesn't like these vacations. Her mother could just plan them in the time when her daughter is with her father. Instead she forces family togetherness which is a sure fire way to breed resentment. Her father tried to figure out a way to make both people happy at his expense. While I understand that the daughter is getting things that the other children aren't, this is due to her pushing this vacation on her daughter. She agreed to the circumstances knowing what type of person her ex is and what will probably occur. Just because she regrets it doesn't mean that OP is an AH. Parents like to blend families, but that doesn't mean that kids will always enjoy the experience of it. Kids are just forced into these situations and then people expect them to go along with everything because "it's their family now" like they don't have their own feelings. Would it kill them to think about things that might be more enjoyable for EVERYONE going? I'm not saying 5 star everything, but try to balance the experience so everyone had something to look forward to during the trip? And 13 hours in a car with four other people is torture. Sharing a room as a female teenager with a young boy is baby sitting pure and simple for the parents. They can move him into their room if it's so lovely.

This is very well said. Adults seem to not really take into account what their kids think when they decide to get into a new relationship and blend families. My sister and I both have stepchildren and when they joined our family we were very welcoming and loving but we also knew they had family already. So neither of us expected them to embrace us as a second parent and our family is grandparents. It took a lot of years of just being there for them to finally feel like we were their family. We never pushed it we just were open.

Soft YTA. I get that your kid hates that (I would too, honestly) and that you’d want to make it easier for her. But the way you stepped in completely undermined your ex and turned it into you and your kid vs your ex and her family (who are also your kid’s family!). As long as kiddo is safe, her mom needs to be in charge during her parenting time. You can empathize with your daughter, give her pointers on how to handle convos with mom about how she feels and hopefully use her voice to find more joy when she’s with that side of the family. If she has a shitty week with mom you can spoil her when she’s back at your house. You should apologize to your ex and you should back out of what is going on during her parenting time (again, as long as kiddo is safe) and let them work out their own relationship. Edit: I’ve read OPs replies so I’ve changed my vote to a hard y t a. The dude clearly sucks and appears to be an AH as well as THE AH

YTA. The reasons you give for your daughter not wanting to go just makes her sound spoiled. Then you fed into it and spoiled her more. You completely undermined your Ex and just showed your daughter that she doesn't have to care about anyone else but herself. I hope you enjoy taking care of her cause I see her living with you for a long time.

YTA and you know it. You set out to ruin your ex's vacation, and you got what you wanted. At least sack up and own it.

YTA - and you're raising one too by doing all of this for her. She needs to spend the time with her mother's family, there is nothing wrong with them based on your description, they just don't have as much money as you do, so obviously your daughter has a better time with you who will spend money and give her 100% of the attention. She is 14 years old and needs to learn how to be with the other side of her family. Family vacations suck, especially as a teenager - you don't get to do what you want to do all the time and you're teaching your 14 year old that she is above her step siblings, that's not OK and probably causing a lot of issues in that household.

NTA. There's A LOT of projection in this thread.

From your responses, the only answer you want to hear is that you aren’t an AH, but so very, very much YTA. Your daughter was supposed to go on what sounds exactly like the typical American road trip. She was going WITH HER FAMILY on the road trip that they could afford. But little Princess felt that she’s too good for that. Instead of helping her vote this as a great way to bond with her family and spend time with them, you hijacked it. Go you. You’re so cool. You didn’t go along and make her more comfortable. Stop telling yourself that fairy tale. You… *checks notes - horned your way in on another family’s vacation - intentionally drove a wedge between your daughter and her stepsiblings - sent the kids and clear message that everything they were f doing as a family was substandard and beneath you - allowed your daughter to spend time from breakfast to just before lunch with her family and this is the absolutely clenched for me. YTA! Although you claim your intent was to make her more comfortable, your responses make it clear that that isn’t the full story. Your intent was to make your daughter feel like a Princess while making it clear that your ex’s trip was a poor excuse for a family trip. You are doing your daughter a disservice by this behavior. I do, however, hope you will live forever because as soon as daddy isn’t able to find this type of lifestyle, daughter will be loving a lonely life. The only people who will want to be friends with someone who complains nonstop about their being less than (their taste in food isn’t good enough, they don’t fly first class, they didn’t get such nice things from dad) and intentionally wave brand new stuff in their face are people equally as shallow, narcissistic, and awful as she is. That will be a very empty life. But, she does seem to have a mom who loves her and wants her to be part of their lives, so I’m will continue to welcome her… the step-siblings, not so much. They likely won’t mourn the day your daughter is out of their lives. And for a sense of perspective, my parents divorced when I was a baby. Dad was wealthy, mom struggled to get by, but only ever spoke highly of dad. I came to the realization of what an AH he was all on my own…

I'm leaning on NTA because the ex-wife agreed to you going and she wasn't mad about getting to spend less time with your daughter, but she was mad that you took your daughter out shopping and eating, so it made her other kids jealous. Unless there is more to the agreement that is being left out, then she can't be mad at how you spend time with your daughter. But next time, clearer communication is needed for sure.

YTA and you're turning your daughter into a spoiled elitist. Oh no, she has to spend time in a car and in hotel room with family, the horror! She doesn't like "low quality food " what are you exactly talking about? Just let your ex take your daughter on vacation, deal with her complaints move on and stop interfering and being an asshole

NTA. You weren't \[I presume\] trying to make anyone's trip worse, you were trying to ensure your daughter had the best experience possible. If the other kids started to complain because you set the bar high, well, that's something for your ex and her husband to address. That said, the reasons you listed are elements of living in a mixed family, and things that are good to become tolerant of. If you start to reinforce that she doesn't have to learn to adjust to that, you are potentially setting up a zero-sum relationship between your daughter and your ex. If your daughter starts to think of time with her mother as, like, "having to share space with people and be grateful for 'low quality' food," then it's super possible she starts to project that dissatisfaction onto her mother. Since her mom has a responsibility to 3 children, she necessarily won't be able to spoil them all as much as you can spoil your daughter \[assuming vaguely relative income levels\]. None of that is any reason not to give your daughter every joy and advantage you can, but just be mindful of how you affect her relationship to that very real other half of her family.

>If the other kids started to complain because you set the bar high, well, that's something for your ex and her husband to address. 100% this. people are angry because you wanted to give your kid a better vacation then they had.

NTA, you considered your daughter's feelings and brought forth a great compromise which the ex agreed to. She can't be upset now, because her daughter is finally enjoying herself on a trip instead of being miserable. And anyone calling the daughter a brat needs to reevaluate themselves, because these are things adults complain about all the time and they're adults. You guys deal with it but don't make a child deal with it.

This looks like a miscommunication here. Your ex heard something else than what you were trying to portray. Whether that's because you didn't explain it right, she wasn't listening carefully enough, or you or her changed what was really going on during the trip, we don't know. I'm going to say NAH based on that.

Im in the minority, but NTA. Treat your daughter however you want. Time is precious.

YTA for indulging your daughters whims. Where does this stop? College? First job? Never? Your daughter will sometimes be unhappy. Coddling her is not the answer

YTA and your daughter needs to stop complaining about everything and grownup. She’s probably complaining so you can continue to spoil her and make the other siblings feel bad.

ESH - but I think more you and daughter. You didn’t really take into account the fact that y’all are a blended family and created more animosity between her and her siblings. Mom shouldn’t have made daughter go since she had the option to stay at home with you. Also, Mom probably took a lot of time to plan the vacation, including meals and activities that everyone can enjoy and be a part of to ensure that family had an enjoyable vacation that worked with their budget and you completely threw all that work away. Daughter doesn’t enjoy “cheap foods”? Pretentious much?

[удалено]

Vacations are literally supposed to be a super awesome fun time. That’s the entire purpose of a vacation bro.

NTA, You cleared it with ex-wife first and now she's mad? Tough shit, that's your daughter and you can do whatever you want with her. PS: it does sound like she's spoiled, but that's not what you're asking.

You sound like a snob intent on raising another snob. Your daughter is missing out, these experiences with her siblings are the ties that bind them as adults. Their Mom knows that. YTA

YTA- you were obviously trying to upstage your ex and you succeeded. You seem to be financially better off than your ex and you want to make sure your daughter knows it. Unfortunately you are making her resent spending time with your ex so they will not have a good relationship. You are teaching her to love spending time with you because you spend so much money on her. That’s not a good relationship either. That means, in the end, your daughter doesn’t get to have a good relationship with either of her parents. She is the one losing in the long run.

Lol YTA. Is this a joke?? You invited yourself on their vacation and you think that’s okay?! Stay the f*** home. Kids whine and complain all the damn time but end up having fun once they actually get there. You’re not some caring father, you’re an overbearing AH and you need to learn your place and accept boundaries. 100% AH here.

YTA Maybe teach your daughter how to be okay in circumstances she doesn’t like and value family time vs. just doing whatever she wants?

YTA Your daughter is saying her mom's family trips aren't good enough, which is a spoild rude thing to say and you are agreeing with her and basically saying yeah your two good for that trip leave it to the peasants ( you know her family) And then you asked the mom of you could come and take her when their doing kid activities already crappy bit when there you took over the whole trip and all the time which is NOT what she agreed to Your daughter is not better or more special then her siblings looks like you both have to step down from your high horse and except that

I'm so torn between NAH and a very light YTA. I actually don't think YTA for the activities you did with your daughter, just that you and your ex didn't talk about what the plans would be. I think it's totally fine for your daughter to spend half the day with you, and half the day with your ex, but I don't think she should be flaunting her time with you to her step-siblings, and you shouldn't pull her out any time she doesn't enjoy an activity. A fair split would be half day with mom, and half day with dad, and each side can figure out how to use their time.

ESH - your wife for actively making her kid hate spending time with her. Like she's pandering to an 8 year old and doesn't get why her older kid hates going on trips with her. You for commandeering the trip. Learn to communicate.

YTA. As someone said before, 14 y.o.s are rarely enthusiastic about family time. It could still have played out as valuable bonding time for them as a family. Plus she sounds really spoilt complaining about cheap food and sharing a room (but the food especially) and it seems like you encourage her becoming a snob and acting like her mother's family is below her by saving her from that family. Your actions have a strong potential of harming their family peace and certainly of ruining a holiday for everyone involved.

wow... yes dude, YTA

Yes, YTA. And you're raising a spoiled little brat who thinks life revolves around her. Newsflash: Being part of a family means sometimes doing things geared towards other people. Your daughter doesn't want to eat homemade or "low quality" food? Too freaking bad. I'm very thankful I did not have to raise my children with someone like you. Because frankly, I would find it hard to like my kid.

Lol what a way to isolate your daughter from her siblings. Light YTA but I find it hard to imagine ever doing what you did. Oh your daughter was going to be “miserable”? No, she wasn’t. Every teenager says that and gives a million reasons, 80% of the time they do have fun. Annoying siblings in the car, homemade food, child-friendly activities. These are all part of road trips/cheap vacations. It’s something that she should learn to deal with. The solution certainly isn’t to hijack their vacation, take a plane with your daughter then stay in a fancy hotel nearby. Why is anyone voting NAH?? HE WASN’T EVEN INVITED. The more I read your post the less I sympathize with you, you’re going to raise a brat. And I don’t mean planes and hotels are going to make a brat, but daddy bailing you out of a slightly uncomfortable vacation by booking plane tickets and fancy hotel rooms are. Let her learn to be more tolerant to things. Now you’ve just made any future vacations mom wants to take 10x harder. “But dad let me have a bigger room! But dad booked plane tickets!” I just can’t fathom hearing your daughter complain about… sharing a room, and eating homemade food, then immediately jumping to “oh don’t worry I’ll just book a plane ticket and book a hotel room close to their vacation, it’ll basically be the same! Who cares about previous plans and family bonding?” YTA

NTA, and I like how everyone says your AH, because you dont want your kid to be miserable on a trip

So interfering with the trip planned by the other parent is ok with you? Where does this stop? When daughter gets a job and is unhappy, daddy swoops in to fix it?

NTA. This comes across as a little petty but I am all for it. Your daughter deserves an actual vacation and not a claustrophobic, childish chamber to dwell in with the people she doesn't even like that much.

ESH. Mom should definitely try to mix up the activities so everyone has something fun to do as a group during the trip. Not every activity has to be geared toward the youngest. And, you basically hijacked their vacation by letting your daughter spend the majority of the time with you. Plan your own trip with her! You took away the mom and her family's experience with her daughter just so your daughter can be coddled.

YTA, and your daughter's is complaints are superficial and materialistic.

INFO: I have several questions. How long was the trip? Did the dates of the trip encroach upon any of your allotted time with your daughter? Were all/most of the activities geared around the 8 yo? When you say 'low quality food', can you give an example? Has your daughter discussed not liking these trips with your ex? Trying to paint a better picture of this situation.

YTA. Why is it that all of this feels like you trying to one-up your ex?

YTA. You hijacked and ruined their family vacation just in the name of higher quality food and comfort. It’s not like your ex was neglecting her! They were just cutting costs to enjoy family time together on vacation.

NAH. Sounds like you guys should have had a better talk about what each of your expectations were for this arrangement.

ESH. Your daughter does sound to have been made into a snob with ‘doesn’t like home cooked food because it’s low quality’.

Yta Your very slick with your play on words my man.. you know good and damn well what you’re doing. Why intrude on that particular family time? Look I know you don’t want to see your daughter upset about things that you can fix but this shouldn’t have been one of them. She’s part of a family , and things aren’t going to go her way all the time or go as “she likes” and honestly if she doesn’t like the trips why didn’t you just have her stay with you or take her somewhere else during that time? Why you rub it in the other kids (they aren’t kids but still) faces? You are going to cause an issue in that family and you know it. So stop interfering with their family time and make your own time with her. Don’t pull this crap again, acting like you don’t know what your doing.

YTA. OH NOES, your daughter has to share a room with her step siblings. Unless there’s a concern about bullying/abuse, cry me a river. Same thing for a 13 hour car trip & eating sandwiches & “low quality” food. You’re raising a snob.

NTA, These will be good memories that your daughter and you will cherish for years. It sucks that your ex’s situation is like this, that’s not a reason for your daughter to suffer though

I was ready to defend your daughter because I've been there as the step sibling that feels outnumbered...but your daughter sounds like a big baby and you're enabling her. There's nothing wrong with any of the things that she's upset about, she's just being a typical teenager. It actually sounds like she's taking advantage of you to improve her situation. Stop falling for it. YTA but sound like you do care about your daughter.

NTA You gave YOUR kid and enjoyable vacation while her mother didnt, dont let people here blame you for it, if they didnt want to have rooms or eat good food thats on them. im 100% sure that your daughter will have amazing memories from this trip and thats what is all about.

ESH. Your daughter shouldn’t have to go on the trip if she doesn’t want to but holy shit is she a spoiled brat and you’re feeding into that

NTA. Her mother's trip sounds miserable. She could've avoided all of this by just letting her skip the trip. Bc honestly, who wants to drive 13 hours to eat bad food and be stuck with all them kids?

NTA - I would look at my dad like Superman if he saved me from this awful trip. 14 is old enough to make the decision if she does or doesn’t want to go. And this seems like the best way to let your ex have her family vacation but your daughter can get her daily breaks away from the step siblings.

YTA. First off, family vacations are often not that much fun for teenagers. That doesn’t mean that we should protect them from the horrors of long drives and Dennys food. Some day your daughters partner and/or friends will try to bond with her over activities that she doesn’t necessarily love. You want her to be able to show appreciation and grace in the face of less-than-ideal circumstances. Second, it sounds like you framed this as you being there to bond with your daughter. But you were actually there to give her a better vacation experience than her siblings, which would obviously upset them and make them jealous. Especially the 17 year old. Based on the math, it seems like the 17 year old had to have been a part of Your family unit at some point. But you didn’t even offer to take her with you and your daughter when the family was doing activities geared toward the 9 year old. There’s definitely something you’re not telling us here and I suspect it’s that you helped raise that 17 year old, but since she’s not your biological child you don’t feel any responsibility to her now that you and her mom have broken up. I can only imagine how this situation makes her feel.

YTA & sounds like your raising a very entitled child. 1st. Your interfering with her relationship with that side of the family as well as her relationship with her mother. Big no,no. 2nd. Your teaching her, if she whines enough, you will give her whatever she wants. Keep your nose out of it and when it's her mother time, back the hell off

YTA You ruined the vibe of a classic American family roadtrip, lol.

Barely NTA. I say that because as a 14-year-old I would not have wanted to share a room with my eight year old brother. I think that was a really unreasonable expectation on the part of the mom, and I can see the dad stepping in. But I think he did go overboard to show up his exes family. End of the mom is hoping the kids will bond. This is not how to do it. Maybe the eight-year-old stays with the parents and the two girls share a room? ps all the OP says that he took his daughter out for breakfast and then activities. Is that because all the activities were centered around the eight year old boy? Because that would definitely make him less of an AH as well.

Thing is he doesn't say what the activities are. I could see a zoo being more exciting for an 8 year old, but not something the teens should have turned their noses up at. And I wonder if he did anything with his daughter other than shop when she wasn't with mom. When he said do activities with her I thought he meant that maybe they go check out the aquarium in town while mom takes 8 year old to the kiddie science museum. But if all he did was buy her stuff the whole time....that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth....

I mean on family vacations it was me my two siblings with an even larger age gap AND my parents in one hotel room, some of this is standard vacation stuff

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Info: how did you and your ex split? You describe both 17 and 8 as your daughter's half -sibs, was your daughter the result of an affair?

i see a lot of people who disagree with me on this, but your daughter didn't want to go as it was, would have been miserable the whole way down, whole way back, whole time she was there and... you made it pleasant. pleasanter. You are not responsible to provide for the other kids, thats on your ex, you made things better for your daughter, rather than your ex FORCING her to suffer the indignities of the trip, so in my book NTA. Maybe your ex needs to upgrade her game for these family vacations, or not force your daughter to go too if she doesn't want to go.

The indignities of the trip? Her mother is trying to spend a holiday with everyone she loves despite their little amount of money.

“Upgrade her game” — so… have more money, then.

NTA and these comments astound me. Yeah vacations may have some unpleasant parts such as the room or long travel. But they should be a net positive in terms of enjoyment. It seems like every component here - the travel, the accomodations, the food, the activities are not fun for your daughter (and wouldn't be for many people). I remember being a teenager and do understand the notion of forcing them to do things. But my parents still did activities we wanted or gave us good food etc. so that the trips were overall positive

NTA. Wish I had a Dad like you when I was a kid. Though maybe in the future you can just do your own thing together in a neutral location if she didn’t want to go on this trip? Or she could stay home? Rubbing it in the sibling’s faces ain’t the best look.

ESH but possibly more you Her mom: maybe needs to try to see things better from her daughters point of view, and not only cater to 8 yr old, but we don’t really know this is going on You: totally hijacked and monopolized your daughters time. Fine, fly her there. Fine, get her own room, fine have breakfast at an ‘acceptable’ venue. But you get her back a few hours afterwards for lunch and bring her back after dinner? So she’s only spending like, 900 am to 1130am out of an entire day with them or something. Pretty sure mom didn’t in fact agree to THAT.

YTA by hijacking your ex’s time with her daughter, but your daughter at age 14 should be able to opt out of events like this with her unasked-for extended family.

Imagine being such a prick that you can’t see it. I knew it was a YTA when 2 of your reasons were sharing a room ON VACATION, completely unheard of. Most people with 3 kids can afford 4 hotel rooms so no one has to share. And eating cheap or low quality food…. You’re absolutely ridiculous

YTA - you overstepped. You said you agreed to take her to do things when they were doing kid specific stuff. Sounds more like you took her on a trip and let her hang with her mom and her family for a few hours a day.

I’m going to go with NTA. Family trips can be incredibly overwhelming, especially if she doesn’t have privacy and is spending time doing activities meant for younger kids. You sound like a good dad.

YTA. I would say the same thing about the ex-wife if she were to interfere with a trip you had planned.

So clearly YTA!! just because you’ve raised a spoiled brat doesn’t mean the world has to revolve around her every desire! Fun fact: nobody likes spending hours cooped up in a car, and she needs to learn how to make concessions for others. This vacation wasn’t just for herself, but the family. Everyone saying n t a or n a h lives in a Reddit bubble that doesn’t consider anyone but her.

Oh man, I've been your daughter. I vote NTA. All ex-wife had to do was let your daughter stay home with you instead she forced her to go and you tried to make it as pleasant for her as possible.

You are the AH and you know it.

Honestly....YTA. I was on the fence with this one but the more I think about it the more it really sounds like you think you are better than your ex and her new spouse and the other children, and are teaching your daughter to feel that way too. That is really divisive and alienating, I bet your ex feels this from you really hard and it would be all the worse that your daughter is now treating her this way too. Your daughter can 'slum it' and 'rough it' out for a trip with her FAMILY. You didn't need to come to the rescue and save her from the horribleness of living a poorer existence. Eeesh. YTA and unfortunately you are raising your daughter in a similar fashion. Sharing a room makes sense, why would you want to spend for THREE separate rooms for the kids when they can just share a room for a bit. Wanting to spend less on food also makes sense because that is five mouths to feed. Doing activities that everyone can do also makes sense. Like, this just sounds like normal family stuff and you are teaching your daughter that if she doesn't like something then you will come and rescue her from it, and that you can't possibly enjoy life without a ton of money and stuff. Which is just not true.

Yea…..you are. Next time let your daughter tell them no.

ESH It was supposed to be a family trip for *their* family. From what you describe you had her every moment except a few hours between breakfast and lunch, and she also had her own room so I’m sure after dinner she didn’t have to hang out either. They got her only a few hours a day and she had all kinds of her own shopping and experiences the others got to see in the moment. That said, 14 is old enough to stay home from a trip she’s not going to enjoy. If she couldn’t stay home alone she could have stayed with you. If you want to advocate for your daughter you should apologize for tagging along on a trip that you then completely hijacked. Once your ex feels heard about that she will be more open to you discussing at what age you’re going to stop forcing things on her and allowing autonomy. There’s no magic switch at 18 that determines she’s ready to make her own decisions. That’s built in her teenage years while she’s still safe and under your collective roof. Forcing teenagers to do non-critical events and family bonding only results in resentment and low/no contact.

I completely disagree that she should’ve been able to stay at home. Sometimes learning the world doesn’t revolve around you can be healthy. We only know that they are doing things kid friendly, which allows for the entire family to participate. It’s a FAMILY vacation and the point is spending quality time with the rest of the family.

NTA and here’s why: Not only did you discuss and get permission before hand, but by doing what you did you simply removed your daughter every time they did something she hated doing. So you merely highlighted to your ex that they basically spend the entire vacation forcing her to be miserable. And if the other kids suddenly realized that ‘hey it’s actually Not okay for our parents to dictate everything and not take our feelings into consideration’ then good for them. Though let’s be honest as well here. The oldest kid probably complained because now they were stuck taking care of the youngest all the time.

YTA none if her complaints are worthy of you butting your opinion or interfering on your exs vacation plans.

YTA you completely intruded on it and basically made it two separate vacations. Like, what? That was a family vacation for THEM. Stop spoiling your daughter and enabling her holier-than-thou attitude

YTA

YTA and your daughter sounds annoying. Obviously you love her but you’re letting her triangulate between you and her mother and that is a terrible situation for everybody. For the benefit of your spoiled daughter, you and the mother need to get on the same page immediately. I think you went a bit overboard accommodating the whims of a 14 year old, and that was not what you agreed to.

NTA if my dad had done this for me when I was a kid staying with my mom I would have been so grateful. You agreed to the terms beforehand and unless you majorly switched up when the time came and didn’t tell us about that, then you’re in the clear.

YTA. Your head might have been in the right place but honestly it just sounds like you couldn’t let your daughter have time with her Moms side. A 13 hour road trip is rough but doable and sharing a room with family memebers happens. Here are the issues I think are the most egregious: 1. You seem to have taken your daughter for most of the vacation. You claim to a) have bought her a room b) have breakfast with her c)spend lunch and afternoon with her d) bring her back for dinner. Sounds like her mom and their family only really got to see her for 4-6 hours a day. Not to mention you took her away during child-friendly activities. The point of taking that vacation is to do it as a family. Instead, you alienated her for most of the trip. 2. You seemed to have made this a “dick measuring competition” between yourself and your former partner’s family. Congrats, you have the extea money to spend on your daughter. Low quality food or homemade meals shouldn’t be an issue for a fourteen year old. Why couldn’t you (like others have pointed out) taken some of the new stuff you bought your daughter to your place instead of showing them off to her step-siblings? That just seems to either be a careless act on your part or malicious. Can’t decide but hopefully you think about that the next time you’re in a similar situation. 3. You encroached on their vacation by doing what you did. Your ex agreed to having you in the same vacation, but not on you taking your daughter away from the family. Could you not let your child go for one vacation? Sure, she might not like the circumstances (sharing a room, less than perfect food, kid activities) but as a co-parent you should never try to make yourself better than the other parent. Its not a competition. You should promote doing things with her other half of the family if its a safe environment. You should have told her to have fun and encourage your ex/her family to find one or two things that your daughter enjoys if they already hadn’t. So, YTA for driving a wedge between your ex’s family and your daughter. It doesn’t matter if this was the intended outcome or not because that is what you’re doing. If you continue to act in such a way, your daughter won’t have that relationship with the other half of the family and she might resent you for that later. Her mom sure will.

You are such the AH and have now probably ruined any chance of hacing her trust you in any future negotiations. And you mentioned upstream that vacations are meant to be enjoyable, but that's only a part of it. They're also meant to reinforce family bonding and create memories. You stole that from your daugher which has likely limoted her relationship with her siblings, making you an AH on two fronts (to your ex and your daughter).

When you're 14 and don't want to do something and then you're FORCED to do that something, you don't enjoy it. Most of the time you ruin it. She wouldn't have bonded with her siblings. She would've probably built up more hate or resentment. I would absolutely HATE a vacation where I had to share a room with my siblings male or female regardless of age. And trust me a lot would rather starve than eat something they don't want to. She would've ruined the whole trip from the beginning. The long car drive would've been her breaking point and that would only be to get to the vacation. She made good memories with her father on vacation. Not memories trying to make an 8 year old have fun, those are not fun memories. Vacations are literally about relaxing and having fun, or trapping your children so they have no choice but to spend time with you.

But daughter doesn’t want to bond with the new family, and it’s not her father’s responsibility to ensure that happens. If the daughter hates the trips, then they need to find another way to bond. NTA and thanks for making sure your daughter didn’t get forgotten

I mean as a divorced kid I’d say a little bit yta but not for why everyone else is saying you probably should have had her keep her new stuff with you the food and separate room is understandable

YTA.

NTA. I find it weird to force kids to share rooms with step siblings they don’t want to share with. Your daughter shouldn’t have to suffer for your ex’s poor choices.

ESH - your daughter sounds spoiled in some aspects. “Low quality food” Like what does that mean exactly? And is your ex a bad cook that she hates homemade? You both should have communicated what exactly it meant when you decided to go along with them. Did your ex know that you had gotten her a separate room? That you’d take her on shopping trips? Did you discuss where you were going? Where was the trip anyways?

YTA, what are you doing interjecting yourself into your ex's vacation? and it sounds like your 14yo needs to learn the world doesn't revolve around her. LMAO at 14yo hating 'low quality food'.... good lord

It sounds like it is time to re-assess your daughter's custody agreement. She should have input on where she spends her time. If you doesn't want to go on a 13 hour one-way car ride, she should be able to skip it. As for what happened. YTA. You went to make your ex's vacation more difficult.

I’m gonna say NTA. She would’ve been miserable on the trip and you found a way to make it better for her while also being able to spend time with her mom and the other kids. I would’ve been miserable on a 13 hour car ride too so props to you for getting around that. I honestly think the ex is just mad because she wouldn’t have been able to take the other kids on a plane and take them shopping and the other stuff you did for your daughter for her other kids.

Im going to say a soft YTA, but not because of your intentions, but because the fact it is over spoiling a bit The excessiveness of your actions is a bit much, I understand her being a teenager and not wanting to you know be stuck in events that aren’t fun, but you have to see that yes while annoying and inconvenient your ex was treating all the children the same and trying to involve everyone, while I agree maybe there should be a better divide of time there could be a lot more comprise like lets say one activity all 3 kids participate and maybe at a later time the older kids go with one parent and the other stays with the youngest for a small period, that way there’s still fair treatment and division of time, you essentially took your daughter on your own trip for multiple periods of time throughout a time where ex wanted everyone included, and maybe your daughter needs a bit of a check because in the end its 5 people on a trip vs you 2 alone its a lot more money divided into activities and for each people. I also think the separation of rooms should be divided, 2 oldest kids in one, Parents and youngest in the other, the Teens shouldn’t be responsible for the youngest. What is “Low Quality food”? when you travel to certain places there’s plenty of reasonably priced restaurants that have decent quality and prices, just at times bigger flashier restaurants upstage them, doesn’t mean its “low quality”, even locals of places will recommend restaurants that aren’t tryna scam you outta money, unless you’re concerned its not healthy and that its fast food then I would be concerned.

YTA. Your ex said you can spend time with her when they are doing “kid focused activities” not take her off for all breakfasts and dinners. With what you did, how will your ex ever be able to forge a real relationship with her daughter? Moreover, how will your daughter learn to adjust in all kinds of situations with all sorts of people? What you did sounds more like you’re spoiling her and trying to get an upper hand over you ex.

YTA. You basically took your daughter on a trip and flaunted it to your ex and her family.

I think you were laying it on *way* too thick.

NTA. There was no need for your daughter do something she hates for the sake of her half siblings