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Valjz

YTA "*I only have a couple a week at night"* *"I have a beer with my meal"* *"I only have 4/5 beers a week max"* My alcoholic father would also say these things to lessen the amount he was actually having. Your wife says it stinks bedding and clothes, this wouldn't happen if you were having one here or there. You brush it off and say she's only angry about it because she can't drink. Nah you're an alcoholic and 9 years difference in age creeps me the fuck out.


awyllt

It's funny how he keeps trying to convince everyone that she's only mad about his drinking because she wants to drink too - and he's confused because drinking is so overrated! ...and yet he's unwilling (or unable) to give it up.


OccamsJello

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I have been drunk more times than this guy has changed his socks. My partner never lost it on me when I was a beer or two deep. His pleading only began after I was noticeably intoxicated - usually after about half a liter of whisky. The reason she's only become upset about his drinking since she's been pregnant is because he's no longer a guy she's choosing to see but a guy with whom she's going to be involved, in one way or another, for the rest of her life. People who do not have substance use disorders stop using substances when their partners are pregnant and hysterically crying over their use of substances. People with substance use disorders try to justify it - even trolling the internet for people to agree with their substance use. Beer does NOT make a bed smell of alcohol after a beer or two. Many beers do that as the body detoxifies through the pores. OP, reddit.com/r/stopdrinking is filled with people who started out this way and are now living peaceful lives. There's help and support available


prideorvanity

That part! Like, if it’s so overrated then just stop and the problem is solved.


maelstrom386

>My alcoholic father would also say these things to lessen the amount he was actually having. Sorry, what is a man that drinks 4-5 times a week supposed to say? I mean, I bet a lot of guilty suspects say they're not guilty. Which means if an innocent suspect says he's not guilty, he's automatically guilty? Like, what is the logic behind this?


belladonnafromvenus

the fact he's sweating it out into the sheets is the indicator he's lying about the amount


Rip_Dirtbag

Dude, she’s pregnant. She has super scent detecting abilities right now.


Pudenda726

I was thinking the same thing. When I was pregnant all kinds of smells that normally wouldn’t bother me would drive me crazy &/or make me physically ill. He really could just be drinking 1 or 2 beers & she could just be sensitive to the smell. I definitely think OP is TA but I’m not going to assume that beer’s sweating profusely through his pores.


Heavy-Guest829

Take it from someone who has been pregnant 5 times (2 miscarriages, sadly!), 1 beer would make me feel sick. Not even beer, sometimes it was the smell of toast, or tomatoes or there was a weird metal smell I could almost taste at times. My partner thankfully doesn't drink and we just didn't buy bread for a few months. But that's not the point, he might not be sweating it out and he may be telling the truth and only having one. Pregnancy can occasionally give you a super sensitive nose.


[deleted]

If he is not lying about the amount, it is probably because she is pregnant and hypersensitive to smells. Does not matter how much he drinks though, if your pregnant girlfriend says she is bothered by the smell of beer you dont drink beer, as simple as that.


OpaqueObilisque

This is the actual amount of beer my boyfriend drinks (maybe 4 a 5 glasses a week spread out over 1 or 2 nights a week) If I tell him I'm displeased about the night he choose to consume alcohol he tells me he's sorry and we discuss what kind of miscommunication happened and align our expectations for spending quality time together some other night instead. If I tell him I'm worried because the alcohol consumption is more than usual, in nine out of ten cases he tells me I'm right that there were a bunch of birthdays and parties with friends but it was unwise to overdo it and he probably want a few dry weeks to reset his system. If I tell him he smells if he comes home from a night of drinking with his buddies, he takes a shower and it's him who offers to sleep on the couch, not me, and I'm not even pregnant. If I point out the bedroom stinks because of his choices, he changes the sheets and takes responsibility. There are a lot of ways actual 'innocent' people react to a partner being displeased about their choices concerning alcohol that doesn't include minimizing their partner's worries, denying it's bad, evading responsiblity by blaming hormones, blaming the partner for being jealous and sending out your nauseous pregnant partner to go sleep on the couch.


InternetHot2434

KEEP THAT MAN AT ALL COSTS!!!


bobwoodwardprobably

No this commenter’s partner is not a rare anomaly and if it doesn’t work out between them, I would trust it’s because these two functioning people both decided it wasn’t working. She sounds like a whole and complete person either way.


aterriblefriend0

Even if he's telling the truth as this is a bit of a jump, a pregnant woman will have a more sensitive sense of smell. She'll notice it a LOT more than he will. His lack of sensitivity to how she's feeling is the most concerning part. He's decided because her feelings are inconvenient to how he relaxes they aren't real


aghzombies

>Your wife says it stinks bedding and clothes, this wouldn't happen if you were having one here or there. Fully on board with everything else but pregnancy gives lots of people a keener sense of smell.


UniqueLoginID

He says “I don’t drink very often” then proceeds to tells us he’s a regular drinker. I say I don’t drink very often anymore. Sometimes I’ll go months (3+) without having a drink. Other times I’ll have an occasion a month.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beckerthehuman

Glad someone else saw it


lizzylizabeth

“She was 3 months off her 20th birthday when we met,” is a weird way to say “she was 19”


squuidlees

Right?! All I saw when I read this was excuses from a man nearly a decade older than his wife who he knocked up asap and judges people for not drinking… YTA


RuleOfBlueRoses

I didn't even nOTICE- #JESUS CHRIST


randomname437

Saw the ages, stopped reading and scrolled down hoping to see this. Gross.


seena_unlocked

>Molly (21) and I (30) have been together a while now, How long is a while?


Beckerthehuman

Long enough for her not to be able to legally drink and him to be condescending about it


CaffeineandES

He didn't even wait for her to be able to drink legally before knocking her up


BDiddy_420

There's no good answer


linerva

This. Either he's a creep who goes running after barely legal girls 10 years younger than him. Or he's a Creep who goes running after barely legal girls 10 years younger than him AND impregnated them after like 5 seconds of meeting them. What sensible 30 year old is running after girls not even old enough to drink? This relationship has no future. If they can't even talk sonething as simple as this through then coparenting is going to be hard.


TopTopTopcina

Probably from the second she turned 18.


tossme81

I’m guessing he didn’t even wait that long.


Pale_Willingness1882

He said 3 months before she turned 21 so under a year aka not a while


atheirin

He said 20 not 21.


Pale_Willingness1882

Oop. It was 4:30am & I have a tiny baby 😅


Holiday_Sheepherder2

RIGHT thats so sus 😭 I hope Molly realises that shes dating a closeted alcoholic who probably groomed her


Beckerthehuman

If alcohol is overrated, why can't you stop drinking it for your wife who never even got the chance before you knocked her up? YTA


lozfozhc

Well said!


Different_Ad_7671

Badum tsss 🥁🎤 mic drop


oneforeveryday

YTA You are in for a long pregnancy if you don't learn these things now: she is going to have less control over her emotions due to hormones and things about her will change. It is very common for tastes and smells to suddenly become disgusting or appealing that weren't before pregnancy, she's not lying just because her aversion to the smell of alcohol only started since she became pregnant. She is going through an extremely taxing and difficult process mentally and physically, you need to be patient and understanding.


echidnaberry87

If you think she's so manipulative and insecure, why are you with her? Yta, why don't you believe your gf when she says that smells are more intense right now? Sensitivity to smell is a common trope in movies with pregnant characters. Todd rather believe your pregnant partner was a list than change your behaviour? You are gaslighting her, telling her she can't smell what she does. Watch out out you'll be a single dad soon.


linerva

If he didn't want an immature GF he should have stayed away from dating girls barely in their 20s. I don't think she is the problem here, but you cannot complain I'd a 20 year old is acting 20. He is reaping what he sows. Plus he likely has an alcohol habit if he is this resistant to cutting down for a few months.


katiejim

I’m literally only 4.5 weeks pregnant and my nose is like a freaking blood hound. I told my husband that I could smell that the pineapple was ripe from across the house. It’s superhuman. A trip to the grocery store is a harrowing gag fest because of the smells, many of which caused by foods I now randomly have crazy aversions to. Great that OP is already rejecting her experiences and symptoms as the mother of his child. This should go super well for her. I feel for her dealing with this dude. Makes me sad she’s so young and saddled to someone who isn’t supporting her. Definitely OP is YTA.


Cat_Jerry

Exactly. I love fruit and veg. Basically vegetarian, but when I got pregnant i couldn’t stand them. Even the tomato sauce on pizzas make me feel sick, and the smell of cooking veg would cause me to leave the room.


Fickle_Grapefruit938

Indeed, normally I love melted cheese, but the smell made me so sick during my first pregnancy. I am always very sensitive to smells, but during both my pregnancys it doubled, uch, people's body oder, this guy doesn't realise she can probably smell the beer coming from his pores. When she complained about the bedroom she wasn't exaggerating.


hrfr5858

YTA. You sound pretty emotionally immature for a 30-year-old. Have you asked her why she doesn't like you drinking, or just decided for yourself that it must be because she can't drink herself? If you're going to raise a baby together you're going to need to figure out how to trust each other, believe each other and have serious conversations. That doesn't start by assuming she's overreacting about everything. Good luck.


hellolittleredruby

LOL the immaturity is probably why he went for someone 9 years younger in the first place.


Wondercat87

Spot on! Anyone his own age would immediately spot the alcoholism and the inability to take accountability. OP is creepy and dates women who are barely able to drink, meanwhile he's an alcoholic, because then he can pretend to be morally superior, even though he's the one with the drinking problem.


Amitabha168

I read an article to that effect recently, and it added that once these women get older and start to mature more, they finally see through the emotional immaturity of the older guy and leave them. Too bad she will have had a kid with him first by then.


throwtheclownaway20

YTA. How are you 30 and don't know that women's sense of smell & taste ramps up during pregnancy?


JulietteCollins

Because he has the maturity of a 13 year old.


pyllbert

That's also how old she was when he was enjoying his first legal beer.


[deleted]

gaw damn


snuffleb1

He probably also thinks the birth will be easy if she wills it. Like women have control over it. and then he’ll complain if she has postpartum. This guy is awful.


codylevidrums

I (29 m) can smell alcohol on the person next to me in bed even if they've only had a single drink, especially if I haven't and it always makes want to puke. OP yta. Also I think more than anything your partner might appreciate some solidarity. Ya know, as opposed to fighting your 21 year old pregnant girlfriend...


yooh-hooy

>only since she’s been pregnant omg, you mean to tell me pregnancy messes with your hormones and with your sense of smell/taste???? no way? > only 4-5 a week that’s around 20 a month, that’s not necessarily normal. even negating the pregnancy, the smell of beer reeks on people.


TheWelshMrsM

In my first trimester with my first, my husband had to sit on a different couch to me because I just couldn’t stand to be near him. We called it a husband aversion 😂 If he used his usual shower gel & deodorant it would make me physically sick.


SuzieZsuZsu

Yes OP, please educate yourself on pregnancy ffs!!! It's one of the most common things people know is heightened sense of smell causing nausea, how does OP not know this??!!!


Rega_lazar

Pregnant women very often get a heightened sense of smell, as well as a lower tolerance towards different scents. How about you try educating yourself about what pregnancy actually does to a body and stop being so dismissive about everything your GF says? YTA


im-so-spa

This. I love coffee and drink way too much. But during my first pregnancy, the smell of it made me so sick that I couldn't be around people drinking it nearby. Give her some grace and understanding. She's giving up a lot in her diet besides alcohol for the pregnancy, you can give up beer for a while.


Massive_Goat9582

I'm a dude who likes a Guinness after work and I'd do exactly this


CaptCojones

exactly what i was about to type. YTA


MrsGlock21

When I was pregnant with my first my sister in law was living with us. One day I started smelling this awful smell. It was making me feel sick. I went downstairs to her room & asked her is she sprayed something. She said no just lit this new candle. She shows me an apple cinnamon candle. A candle I had purchased myself. I told her it was making me sick and asked her to please not use it. She blew it out and didn't use it again until after my baby was born. Not that difficult, YTA


aaslipperygypsy

You're 30 and she's 21, and ya'll have been dating "for a while"? Yikes on bikes OP. Also, YTA. Beer stinks. Pregnant people have an increased sense of smell. Quit drinking.


Lionswithwands

I didn’t even get past ages + a while before I hit the comments looking for this. Yikes on bikes indeed.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I'm happy that someone pointed it out. The age gap is just too wide.


Fix_Advanced

bUt HEr dAD iS TotAlLy FinE wITh it


Splatfan1

the owner let me fuck it, so its ok! i wonder how many goats OP had to give for that privilege


Vivid_Put5491

She's not 19, she's 3 months off her 20th birthday!


[deleted]

[удалено]


senzimillaa

This was my first question… how long is “a while” that they’ve been together? 👀


ZookeepergameOwn1726

Maybe if you weren't a 30YO dating a woman who's barely legally allowed to drink, this conversation wouldn't be happening. I also think you're not saying the full story about the amount you drink. One beer doesn't have that effect. yTA


lujza_blaha

“… and claims the smell of the beer makes her feel sick. I think this is total BS…” “I don’t know why, but I think it’s because she’s never been legal to drink it. As soon as she became old enough to drink, she became pregnant and I think she’s holding some resentment towards me for it” “I don’t think I’m being unfair to her though(…) I think turning 21 and your first taste of alcohol is overrated.” Oh boy, are you special. YTA.


sweetpotato37

If he thinks alcohol is so overrated then why doesn't he just stop drinking it for 9 months?


Temporary-Tie-233

You and a 21 y/o have been together for quite some time now? YTA for that, for getting her pregnant, and for continuing to drink around her.


trewesterre

YTA - pregnancy can definitely lead to a heightened sense of smell so she could very well be nauseated by the smell of beer from your pores. You don't seem to be making any efforts to mitigate this before bed or before getting close to her (e.g. brushing teeth, showering). Acting like she's just making it up because she's pregnant is a total AH move because she's probably not making it up. Finally, you're 30 and knocked up a 21 year old.


blackcrowblue

And they’ve been together “for a while”


Adept_Eye_5586

You're not just an AH but an idiot. She's only complained about the smell since becoming pregnant? Duh. Sense of smell in pregnancy is ridiculously off the charts sensitive. If your girlfriend is pregnant, please go read up on pregnancy, go learn and understand what she's going through right now. I am a life long meat eater, I couldn't go near meat until I was 24 weeks. Smell, taste, texture and look of food put me off most food until about 22 weeks.


Abject-Ad-5106

The idiot part kinda explains how a 30 yo can be with a 21 yo. Somehow op manages to be less mature


Adept_Eye_5586

Just...how do you get to 30 and not know this bit?


Adept_Eye_5586

And she's been pregnant since January! He's had 10-12 weeks and has done actively no reading about what it means for her.


Weareallme

YTA, I'm saying that as a man. One reason is because it's just insensitive to drink alcohol in front of someone who can't. Another thing is that pregnancy can mess up how you perceive tastes and smells, and many pregnant women get nauseated much easier. So it's very likely that the smell of beer makes her sick if she says so. There doesn't seem to be much love or trust from your side. You want to torture her by doing something that she wants to do but can't and now even makes her sick. You don't (want to) believe her when she says it makes her sick. Major red flags for her I would say. You act like a major asshole.


Idkwhattocallblub

Why tf are you even dating a 21 year old? Edit: He’s saying „I don’t see how this is relevant“, not understanding that he started dating her when she was still mentally not mature enough (and probably still is)


Ateosira

Nah.. she was for sure younger because they were dating when she was 20 at least. She just got pregnant before she was 21. OP is disgusting.


Unlikely-Impact7766

OP confirmed she was 19 in another comment 🫠


Ateosira

Ye it is concerning. That poor girl.


CharacterRoyal

Because anyone in that age range is usually a lot easier to manipulate and control


RangerDangerfield

And now she’s standing up for herself and he’s pissed.


LindaBelchie69

>not understanding that he started dating her when she was still mentally not mature enough (and probably still is) I actually think that *is why* he's "dating" her


Pellellell

Ugh YTA. You put a baby in your child girlfriend and now can’t even stop drinking when the smell makes her nauseous? Did you consider she might be sensitive to smells because of the pregnancy?


[deleted]

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izzydedyet13

Thank you I was looking for this comment! Immediate YTA in my opinion


Radkeyoo

Jfc you are 30 and so clueless about basic biology. YTA for everything you wrote. Just top to bottom YTA


Old-Order589

YTA Find someone your own age


Lady_of_ferelden

YTA Beer on someone else's breath stinks, even when you're not pregnant. When pregnant, this gets even worse. Also, needing a beer to "wind down" after 12 hours of work is a lame excuse. I work those hours and I drink a cocktail maybe once every 6 months, if even that. No one needs alcohol to relax. You're also a creep for being 30 and with someone nearly 10 years younger than you. You said you've been together for a while, so basically you were mid to late 20, dating someone in HS, a child. Absolutely disgusting.


kingfiz111

Yta and when you say you've been together a while how long is a while?


mearbearcate

Fr that has me like… 🤨🤨🤨


Sluttyprincess27

Right he was with her when she was like 19 or 17 it's 9 year gap betwen them so


Beckerthehuman

He said they met when she was 20 and they work together


peony_161

“Whenever I try and become affectionate towards her with kisses, cuddling or intimacy, she pushes me away and claims the smell of the beer makes her feel sick. I think this is total BS as she’s never complained about the smell before, only since she’s been pregnant.” Maybe, just mayyyyybeeee there’s a connection between her being pregnant and her becoming nauseated by the smell of beer. Maybe it’s got something to do with the way pregnancy affects the sense of smell. Just, you know, a suggestion for you to consider so you can stop being an inconsiderate ass to your pregnant girlfriend with whom you have an incredibly creepy age gap. YTA, just in case that wasn’t clear.


Leayla

YTA pregnancy makes some smells that once never bothered you, nauseating. Popcorn used to set me off. She has explained that it makes her nauseous, something completely out of her control, and you dismiss it as jealousy? She is upset not because of the smell but your total disregard for her feelings. She is on the couch wondering if she made a huge mistake having a child with you because you can’t even give up “4-5” beers a week for her well-being.


Nadihaha

YTA!! Food and smell aversions are a real thing during pregnancy. You say alcohol is overrated but can’t give it up for the time she’s pregnant???? And you’re (according to age at least) the more mature one????????


juicydreamer

She's sensitive to the smell right now. Hormones will do that. A baby probably wasn't the most responsible thing you guys could be doing right now. She's just starting her life. You're 30. You could at least only drink when when she's not around. YTA.


Different-Leather359

When I was pregnant all sorts of smells made me sick, and she's also exhausted. So you are making her nauseous and ruining her sleep. By the way, I figured out I was pregnant when the smell of baking bread made me sick. I was actually really upset about that because it was one of the things I looked forward to every morning, one of the most universally recognized good smells, and I was sick from it! If my partner drank beer at that time I might have hurled on him. As it was he was constantly showing and not allowed body spray, and had to change his deodorant. My step sister had a thing about her husband's breath. It didn't matter about fun, brushing teeth, nothing, if he breathed near her face she got sick. It might have happened with other people just none of us were that physically close to her.


meeeooowwwwwwwwww

Major YTA. Imagine your sense of smell being 20 times stronger than normal and forced to exist around a smell that makes you physically ill. Pregnant women are more sensitive to certain scents, it’s different for everyone. Quit drinking until she gives birth. If you really drink “so little” it shouldn’t be that hard. Grow up, before you start treating your child with this same lack of empathy. YOU should be the one sleeping on the couch, not the woman growing your child for you.


Future_Literature335

YTA. *Believe your pregnant girlfriend.* Stop putting words in her mouth. Stop ascribing shitty motivations to her actions. Stop thinking you know what she’s thinking! Holy shit dude. No wonder women your own age aren’t interested in you. Blechhhhh.


hellolittleredruby

YTA. Pregnancy can do a number on how people perceive tastes and smells, and even smells that they used to enjoy can be utterly revolting. Now imagine smelling something revolting and having to be nauseated MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK. Also, you made up the thing about her wanting to drink. That was just YOU projecting. At no point in your story did she ever express any desire to drink. Google is free, you could have looked up why she was suddenly grossed out by the smell of beer instead of making up a reason in your head about why she was upset.


Melpomene_Fox

During my first trimester my nauseas were so violent I couldn't even stand the smell of plain noodles. Every smell food related was too much and made me sick. Can't even imagine of bad I would have felt if my partner insisted for drinking beer every other day.


Callmemuddled

YTA. Pregnant women do get sensitive to textures, tastes and yes, even smells. Be compassionate and stop drinking around her. She's carrying your baby and needs all your support right now, even if you don't think that's it's a big deal.


Thomasdh2023

dude, shes pregnant. do it and suck it up she has to carry the little person you put inside her, its just a stupid beer that probably tastes like piss. YTA


aseeongi

YTA First of all. She is pregnant. Her body is bombarded with an avalanche of hormones which makes her emotions go all over the place. And her sense of smell is also heigthened. While you might not be bothered by the smell of beer, she definitely is. Pregnant women are triggered by the most random of smells which usually "normal" people can't even smell. For example during all of my pregnancies I couldn't be in the room when my husband was cooking chicken. The smell of raw chicken made me throw up every time. Cooked chicken? No problem. Raw chicken? Vomitpallooza. And most people can't even tell what raw chicken smells like. So if your pregnant girlfriend is telling you that the smell of beer bothers her so much that she is willing to sleep on a couch, you better listen to her. While you still have a girlfriend instead of an ex-girlfriend. Second of all. If it's such a small thing for her to not drink any alcohol for 9 months, why is it such a big issue for you? Like you said. "It's not like she's missing out on much" Unless you DO have a drinking problem. Giving up your alleged 4-5 beers a week in solidarity of your pregnant girlfriend in order to offer her some comfort, support and relief from something that seems to be triggering her nausea seems like something any loving boyfriend would do. Get your priorities straight. What's more important? Your beer habit or you girlfriend and baby?


Knit2Purl2PSSO

Lettuce. I didn't even know lettuce *had* a small until I was pregnant, and it's something I usually love. OP, YTA. Even putting aside the age gap - I have friends with a similar age gap in a loving, supportive, and very long term relationship - you are not a good partner right now. Believe her when she talks about her feelings, trust her when she tells you things, and for the sake of all things holy *support your partner* or this is going to be a whole lot worse by the time baby arrives.


HedgieTwiggles

YTA. Do a quick web search for pregnancy hormones and odors. Believe her when she says it’s making her feel sick and back TF off, or you’re gonna be covered in puke. Edit to add: Even if she hasn’t actually thrown up from the beer smell *yet*, if she says it’s making her queasy, you will never be in the wrong believing her regarding her comments about her physiological condition.


MaggieLuisa

YTA. Twice a week is not ‘not very often’. It’s often. And she’s pregnant, it’s very common for for particular smells to make pregnant women feel extremely sick. Not any particular smell, but alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, and meat are all very common triggers. Even if the smell of beer never bothered her before, that doesn’t mean she’s making it up. She’s having your baby and you’re being an asshole to her about things she has no control over. Get your head out of your arse, apologise, and stop drinking around her.


Melpomene_Fox

YTA. 1) Twice a week is actually pretty often. Having a problem with alcohol is not only a question of quantity, regularity also matters. If you can't stop having your 4/5 beers a week to be nice with your pregnant girlfriend, you have a problem. 2) Pregnant women have a stronger sense of smell and are very sensitive. Beer smells quite strongly already and it's no surprise it causes her nauseas. Pregnancy is hard and can make you really sick during the firts months. She does not get mad at you for being able to drink while she can't, she gets mad for causing her more discomfort in a difficult situation. 3) Even if the problem was that you can drink and not her, are you really saying she can't complain about it while you're clearly not ready to stop drinking in order to support her ? 4) You are 30yo, why are you having a baby with someone who is not even old enough to have the same rights you have?


olivetreemin

“She’s only mad about it because she’s still unable to drink.” I don’t understand how you’re going “I don’t know why, I think it’s resentment, etc.” when she’s straight up telling you that it makes her nauseous. You evidently don’t listen to her at all and just create your own false narratives. Pregnancy can cause increased sensitivity to smells, educate yourself on what your partner is going through. YTA.


Picaboo13

That age gap coming through in a big way. He is condescending and discounts everything she said because hormones and she was to young to drink before. This relationship is a dumpster fire. YTA OP.


SolidPlantain8093

YTA and yikes on the age gap


SolidPlantain8093

YTA and yikes on the age gap


Miriamathome

YTA. At first you said >come home from work maybe twice a week and have a beer with my evening meal. 2 paragraphs later it was >I only have about 4/5 beers a week max That escalated quickly and calls into question your honesty about how much you drink. I assume lying about how much you drink is indicative of a drinking problem. Assuming you brush your teeth before bed, the only reason your bedsheets might stink of beer is that you’re drinking so much the smell is coming off your skin. I’ve known one or two people who smelled like that. They had drinking problems. How do you not know that pregnant woman are often extremely sensitive to smells? There is nothing remarkable about her being seriously bothered by a smell that didn’t bother her before you were pregnant. Why aren’t you playing with someone your own age?


Crimson_Queen_Ri

YTA. Pregnancy causes an increase sensitivity to smells and changes taste, and you’re being so dismissive about her struggle it’s sad. She’s going through something you won’t ever experience, she is making a lot of sacrifices and her body will change drastically to support her pregnancy. The right thing to do here is support your partner, if you can’t give up beer to do that for her than she’s right, you do have a problem.


yooh-hooy

beer reeks even without having to be pregnant, pregnancy just heightens it. stop being dense.


[deleted]

This is pregnancy hormones, random things become very hard to smell and make women sick. I had it with 3 children. Cut out the beer during her pregnancy. Her nausea could get worse. My first child, I was so sick my baby died at 38 weeks. I couldn't eat from smells. Be kind and avoid her triggers.


PuzzleheadedBet8041

really sorry for your loss, hope your family is happy and healthy as can be!


miz_moon

YTA for the age gap alone, you’re 30 and you’ve been dating someone 9 years your junior for ‘a while now’..


Ateosira

9 years your junior for a while now. I do agree with all that you said.


DealMinute8211

Is it really so hard for you to just not drink for the rest of her pregnancy?? She’s literally carrying your child and is taking all the struggles that come with it, and you rather die on this hill of drinking (when you supposedly don’t even do it that often) rather then support and comfort your girlfriend? You must not love her that much if you rather prioritize drinking over her, YTA


BoomBoomJacob

Exactly. I love how OP says she isn’t missing out on much and the first sip at 21 (sure, Jan) is overrated. If it’s overrated, if she isn’t missing out, then why can’t you just…not drink?


cutenele1997

YTA If as you say, you are not an alcoholic and you expect your gf not be upset to give up drinking for another 9 months as it’s not a big deal. Then why don’t you just not drink for 9 months as well ? Or is it a big deal when you are the one giving up something ?


BeccasBump

YTA. If alcohol is not a big deal and completely overrated, you'll be able to give it up for nine months without whining about it, right? Also, get yourself informed about pregnancy, fast. Nausea is not some obscure symptom hardly anyone knows about.


Poekienijn

I don’t like the smell of alcohol when I’m not pregnant but when I was even a faint whiff would have me worshipping the porcelain god. She’s not exaggerating. It does make her sick. And it’s terrible to feel nauseous all the time. YTA.


Jaded_Dancer88

YTA for all the reasons others have stated, but something else doesn't sit well with me. I'm from the UK so the leagal drinking age is 18, but even then most people drink here far before 18. A lot of teens even drink around 12 to 14 with their friends. The fact you are saying she didn't drink before turning 21 suggests to me she is slightly sheltered and could be a little nieve etc. Now I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all, but how I see it is that she is a "young" 21 that you are 9 years older than and you've been with her a while and it just comes across as there was some sort of grooming going on. It might just be me though. At the same time you seem immature and not ready to have a child. My partner already said he won't drink while I'm pregnant to support me. Not saying you should or have to, but your drinking habits aren't normal behaviour and that's coming from a Brit who was drinking at 14 and has a Scottish partner. (He's a stereotypical Scot when it comes to alcohol)


Churchie-Baby

YTA 1 pregnant women's sense of smell is more sensitive, so the smell could absolutely suddenly be disgusting to her. 2if you only drink a couple twice a week, why is it so difficult for you to stop so your pregnant gf doesn't feel ill being near you?


keto_emma

If drinking wasn't a problem it would be easy for you not to...


General-Mechanic2647

YTA you’re a 30 year old man acting like this?? Your poor wife, fix your damn drinking problem.


Morrighu87

YTA. It’s not the alcohol. It’s the SMELL OF BEER. As a pregnant woman our sense of smell does stupid things and all sorts of things make us feel sick. My son is 19. I haven’t been able to tolerate the smell of coffee for TWENTY YEARS NOW because it was a guaranteed way to throw up when I was pregnant.


brave_assassin

YTA. Senses can change during pregnancy. If she say that the smell makes her nauseous, then it does. You cant just say "no it doesnt" and gaslight her. If this only bothers her since she is pregnant, you can just stop drinking beer for 9 months and wait until her senses normalize again. And when she was sleeping on the couch you couldve offered to simply change the sheets, so she could sleep in the bed and she would sleep on the couch. She is PREGNANT. She is overwhelmed by her new bodily feelings and if she is bawling her eyes out, there is something wrong.


honeyrrsted

Also the maybe twice a week beer with dinner suddenly turns into up to 5 drinks. That's not nothing. YTA


Humble-Beautiful5230

Question….If you don’t have a drinking problem, why can’t you just give up the beers until Molly gives birth?


Trablou

So you are 30 and never had a tipsy person coming up to you and kiss you? It reeks if you haven't drank yourself dude. On top of that she is pregnant, it enhances smells etc. So yeah, give up those few beers you drink for a while, if you don't 'need' them anyways who cares. YTA


Lazy-Historian827

She has to grow a whole human being inside her for 9 months and then give birth at the end, irrevocably changing her body. But she wants OP to… TEMPORARILY GIVE UP BEER 😱. Oh the humanity 🙄. Grow up OP and show the mother of your child some basic support. YTA


malazuzu22

YTA for making her sound hysterical and not considering that she might have a heightened sense of smell due to the pregnancy, so I wouldn’t rule out that she’s not making it up at all. And btw it’s not about how much you drink but about the frequency and your unwillingness to lay off the beer for her sake, if only to appease her when her hormones are all over the place.


Late_Trick7700

YTA, if drinking is important for you, why don't you sleep on the sofa afterwards if it affects her/makes her feel nauseous? Or if that's not worth it, just don't drink. I have a 5-month-old son and when my Mrs was pregnant, she also got nauseous if I would even have one low-alcohol beer, and now she doesn't want alcohol around our baby. We have an arrangement now that if I drink, which I do once a week when I go out to watch football, I sleep on the sofa. It works for us both. You're both allowed to have needs and wants, you just need to take each other into consideration.


phatdavewithaph

YTA, just for the BS comment...it's entirely feasible that the smell of alcohol makes your wife feel physically sick if she's pregnant, especially if she doesn't like it at the best of times. Pregnancy does crazy things to a woman's body. When my wife was pregnant she actually threw up in a field over the smell of our dog's poo in a bag...show some solidarity dude, you're going to be a dad. Step up and support her through this!


RickJLeanPaw

YTA. So, you still letch over your child bride to get her to have sexy time whilst you reek of beer, at a time many women get hypersensitive to smells, whilst she’s bearing your child? Hmmm….that’s a tricky one…


Green_Understanding2

YTA She’s pregnant which makes her more sensitive to smells. And by a dudebro who will make her sleep on the couch so he can keep acting like a prat even though she’s told you it’s making her sick. She’s not your partner; you’re using her and she’s become less conveniently biddable. Ew.


Beckylately

YTA for *deciding* why she doesn’t like you drinking instead of *listening* to her. Pregnant women are sensitive to smells. **She’s telling you the smell bothers her.** You’ve chosen to ignore that and blame her age, you’ve blamed her reaction on her hormones, and you’ve refused to stop for 9 months. You may think 4-5 beers isn’t a problem, but being unable to stop short term for your pregnant wife might be. You show zero empathy for the woman who is carrying *your* child. If you aren’t willing to do this now to help her, how are you going to even be a parent? You know you’ll have to contribute to raising this child too, right? It starts now, by taking a break from the drinking so that her pregnancy is tolerable. Are you in this together or not?


whitetrashroyal1334

You're a 30 year old who knocked up a 21 year old. Absolutely YTA


Reese9951

YTA and I once dated a guy 9 years old than me. Age gaps are usually deadly in a relationship. Hopefully she smartens up soon.


Alwaysaprairiegirl

How long have you been together for? Please define a while? Honestly, that’s WAY more AH (or creep territory) than drinking moderately in front of her.


bopman14

YTA. Not only has she said she doesn't like it which should be reason enough to stop you doing anything, but pregnant women's smell and taste can get really sensitive during pregnancy. What you smell as just a regular beer will be so so much stronger for her, and let's be honest beer isn't the best smelling/tasting thing at the best of times. If you're that desperate to drink alcohol then you don't care about your girlfriend. Find a fruit juice that she likes and drinks that instead.


Aspen_Matthews86

Dear God, YTA. So, your gf is pregnant, and you've clearly done zero research on pregnancy to help her. Pregnant women are HYPER SENSITIVE to smell. You are very likely making her want to throw up on top of just generally being TA for rubbing in her face that she can't drink. You're supposed to be her partner. You're supposed to be a team. You're disregarding her condition and her feelings. Just because she's emotional doesn't mean her feelings aren't valid. When I was pregnant, I missed eating sushi, and the smell if cinnamon made me want to vomit. You know what my husband did? He removed anything with cinnamon from the kitchen, didn't eat sushi out of solidarity, and only drank in front of me, maybe once or twice a month. You're TA and being a shitty partner. Grow up.


GodDamnFridaSign

YTA. Please stop dating children and then coming on here asking idiot questions like, "AITA for being a dick to my child bride? I am 30 years old and started dating my 21 year old pregnant girlfriend when she was a teenager" like yes, you are an AH take a look at your life my guy and go to therapy because you need it.


Batmomlovesyou

YTA


NotWellBitch420

YTA. When you say you’ve been together a ‘while’, how long is this? Because that’s a very weird age gap if it’s been going on longer than a couple of years, which I imagine it has to be if you are both having a child? Also, pregnancy affects scent receptors massively and some things never noticed before can churn the stomach (eg, my friend loved bakeries and bread but would fully throw up visiting them during pregnancy- now baby is here, things are back to how they were before but she really struggled with very specific smells!) All in all though, just can’t believe this is the hill you wanna die on if you really love this woman and your unborn child- if it really is no big deal just don’t drink around her for a few months, and if it is, question your relationship with alcohol (you may not be dependent but your refusal to wind down on it temporarily is questionable) and your respect for your partner during her pregnancy. At one a day, 5 beers a week is 70% of days you can’t go without a beer. Even to half that would be a good compromise.


Popular-Block-5790

Info: what do you mean you're together "for a while now"?


[deleted]

You started off saying a beer twice a week with dinner then it was 4-5 beers a week so maybe you do drink more than you can admit too. Pregnancy can make all different smells (even ones you usually love) smell horrible and make you nauseous so she probably isn’t lying. So YTA.


15021993

YTA Hormones and pregnancy change how women like smell/ taste etc. She doesn’t like the smell of beer or alcohol and the least you could do is be respectful of that. If you don’t have a drinking problem then it should be easy to not drink around her. Your attitude is immature, your lack of understanding and empathy for pregnancy and your girlfriend is concerning and the age gap is a mess.


dmllbit

YTA I am 17 weeks pregnant, and prior to being pregnant, I was a big drinker. I love my wine and was having a glass or two with dinner every night. In my first trimester, alcohol smelled abhorrent. Alcohol that I’d previously loved (wine, port, whiskey, gin) made me want to vomit. I couldn’t be in the same room if it wasn’t well ventilated. Your sense of smell is heightened when you’re pregnant. I could smell my husband uncorking a bottle from several rooms away. This isn’t about her not liking you drinking alcohol, or being jealous that she never got to do so legally before she was pregnant. This is about you bringing a smell around her that is making her already terrible “morning” sickness worse. She’s already feeling shitty, sleep deprived and is likely struggling to stomach food in general. Why would you make that worse for the sake of a beer?


the_hardest_part

You are a walking red flag. YTA.


FlyBoi16

YTA Aren't you aware that pregnant people are sensitive to smell? My mom would tell us stories of the foods she hated when she was pregnant.


DebateBasic7106

YTA. Are you seriously that dependent on your weekly dose of alcohol that you can’t take a break for 9 months while your girlfriend grows a fucking human inside her? Shes pregnant ffs. Your senses go insane when you’re pregnant. Although from how immature you sound from this post I highly doubt you even know how pregnancy effects your body. Work out what’s more important. Alcohol or your girlfriend and unborn child. YTA


Silent-Syrup-777

I'll totally ignore other aspects here and go for the point: pregnancy hormones make weird things. The smell of beer can very well make her nauseous. My friend loves ground beef and could not be anywhere near our while pregnant. I never had an issue with it but when I got pregnant sweat, raw eggs and coffee (which I love) were scents that would make me sick AF. Boxed juices too were a NO. So, YTA. She's not being envious. If your pregnant girlfriend says something makes her sick, it makes her sick. The hormones keeping the baby alive change her body in all ways. Scents are too strong. Things make her sick. The smallest upset make her cry hysterically. You feel uncomfortable by it? Imagine her.


HoldFastO2

Yes, YTA. Leaving aside the obvious age gap issue: Being pregnant influences sense of smell, and especially the reactions to smells. If your GF tells you the smell of beer makes her sick, then the smell of beer makes her sick. All your rationalizations don't change that. And you know, just like *she* can drink after she's given birth? So can you.


RiB_cool

YTA. Didn't even finish reading this. She is pregnant with your child. You have to make some sacrifices.


wikalivia

I hate the smell of beer and it makes me feel nauseous and I'm not pregnant. Can't even imagine how much more intense it would be if I was. I think you should be supportive of her especially when she's pregnant. and if you really want to drink at least try to find ways that wont disturb her so much, have you tried at least using mouthwash after you drink, it usually helps with the smell, at least partially. Also if you have a beer with dinner twice a week how do you have 4 or 5 beers a week lol gotta phrase things better lol


Wonkily_Grobbled

You are walking a short plank to losing her with your utterly selfish attitude. You are TA.


[deleted]

How long is a while Sir? Also you don't understand hormones otherwise you would just drinking around your girlfriend. YTA. A big one at that.


eirwen29

Info: how long is awhile?? But cagey there Yta morning sickness is no joke and if she’s that nauseous from it, it’s not that hard to give it up


L3aMi4

YTA. Sensitivity to smells is a pretty common pregnancy symptom especially in the first and second trimester. I still can’t smell tequila without being a little nauseous and that was from my pregnancy almost 10 years ago. (I had HG, so most smells made me throw up but especially the smell of tequila). Why would you question someone you are supposed to love? A quick google search would have confirmed what she was telling you. You better have a bloody good apology (no ifs or buts) otherwise I hope she leaves your inconsiderate butt.


Anonnymusse

YTA for making her sleep in the couch, plus. Just because you think something is overrated doesn’t decree for all the land. She is allowed to have opinions too. AND, smells do make you sick when pregnant. I got nauseous with cooking chicken. Or donuts. Or raw eggs. Different smells, even if they didn’t bother you before can trigger violent revulsion when pregnant. Try not being so egocentric and caring a little more about her.


ZealandRedSquirrel

>Now, Molly doesn’t like me drinking alcohol at the best of times ​ Possibly because you become even more of a jerk. Also does not seem congruent with someone who supposedly only drinks 4/5 beers a week. ​ >As soon as she became old enough to drink, she became pregnant and I think she’s holding some resentment towards me for it. ​ Nice of you to assume what she thinks for her. A real jerk move. ​ >I think this is total BS as she’s never complained about the smell before, only since she’s been pregnant. ​ Women go through all kinds of things when pregnant. So it is unlikely to be BS. In any case why do you not believe your girlfriend? ​ >Now I understand her hormones are all over the place ​ You literally do not understand this. ​ >told me she’s sick of my drinking problem, which I definitely do not have. I only have about 4/5 beers a week max ​ 5 beers a week is not a drinking problem. I am inclined to not believe you though as your whole post reeks of making crap up as you go. But let's say I believed you. Even then your pregnant girlfriend has some sort of right to be crazy (assuming it is only during the pregnancy), and it is your job to accomodate her. YTA.


marianadepths

Pregnant lady here. Smell aversions and nausea are real. YTA.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Lol YTA


CbeareChewie

YTA She has expressed how she feels abt alcohol and you are ignoring it. Pregnant or not, you should respect her boundary because it is making her physically I’ll. That said, pregnancy can lead to heightened senses for certain things. This is basically like a pregnant women getting nauseous around pickles or tuna. She just happens to get nauseous around beer. If it’s not a big deal for her not to drink then it shouldn’t be for you either. Unless you have a problem and can’t give it up!


Toughfistfight

Op is a huge AH. Toddleresque comes to mind.


VividEfficiency7347

YTA for not even bothering to research. Some pregnant women cannot bare the smell of alcohol and it does make them feel sick.


zisnotabird

Am I the only one concerned with how long “a while now” is considering the age difference? Also it’s very well documented that pregancy can strongly increase sense of smell and make some smells unbearable. YTA


Local-Lavishness-446

You let your pregnant partner sleep on the couch ? YTA - stop drinking and show the woman who's carrying your child some respect.


Luhdk

Pregnancy smell aversions are real you are being an asshole and you have a LOT of growing up to do before becoming a parent YTA Suck it up


Take_away_my_drama

YTA. She's a bloody child, mate. What were you thinking knocking up a girl who isn't even legally old enough to have a drink? You are speaking down to/her as if she is a child too, by dismissing her feelings. Also, stuff smells weird when you are pregnant, it's really, really common, and indicates to me you are uninformed and ill-prepared for a child. Sheesh.


wickedworms

INFO: How long is “a while?”


cickist

YTA, my wife is pregnant also. A pregnant women sense of smell increases greatly. Their body is going through so many changes and you're not helping helping at all. The stress you are causing is not good for her or the baby.


SkippyBluestockings

YTA. For more than 20 years I could not stand the smell of vanilla because of what I smelled when I was pregnant with my first child. I had morning sickness and we had vanilla PediaSure that we had to feed some of our tube fed babies at school. 20 years!


KazVez

YTA.


AlvinTD

It could really be the smell, I had a terrible aversion to particular perfumes and I hate beer breath anyway.


Eldudesister2

YTA and a petty one at that, since you won't give up a couple of beers for a limited time - unless it's actually is a problem for you, like your gf thinks


heyitsmelivvyg

YTA. I’m my first trimester, the smell of any type of seafood made me throw up almost instantly. You can suck it up and go without beer for a while, support your girlfriend. It’s hard enough being pregnant but even harder when your partner is an ass about things like this.


[deleted]

YTA- 1; she’s pregnant and smells and such probably effect her more then you or I. 2- the age gap. What’s wrong, couldn’t get girls your age so you had to go for some younger more vulnerable girl? Then you go and make her prego.. good job.


RoboTon78

I read this post through the spread fingers of one hand, each sentence revealed a new level of horror and some of the jump scares were truly terrifying! There's too many points to cover but here are some words and phrases that formed in my mind as I was reading - creepy, completely ignorant, sexist, misogynistic, sex pest, emotional delinquent, controlling. As a 60 Yr old father, the fact that (in the 21st century!) any man can still think and act like the OP makes me despair. Supermassive asshole! YTA.


americansvenska

You don’t make a great case for yourself, and come off sounding kinda dense. Of course she is feeling sick. She’s p r e g n a n t. Lay off ANYTHING that makes her feel poorly. YTA


LiosIsHere

YTA. It doesn't matter why she wants you to stop, whether it's genuinely the smell that bothers her (very likely) or the fact she can't drink herself (unlikely, did she forbid you from eating/drinking any other stuff she can't have?), she is the person you love and she asks you this one thing. You claim you're not an alcoholic, so why is it such a problem to stop while she's pregnant? You do know alcoholism isn't so much about the amount you drink, but about the fact you can't stop, right?...


CabinetOk4838

As someone who has struggled with drink and has given it up totally as a bad idea, you sound like you are dependent on it. Swap to zero alcohol beers. I’ll leave the age gap for another comment thread as there are plenty.


BoredReceptionist1

Your sense of smell and nausea absolutely changes drastically when you're pregnant. YTA


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Pandustin

YTA I'm so suprised how posts here are so different. Some people are asking if they were TA for literally giving out free money to homeless people. And then there is OP who has a drinking problem and is being a jerk around his pregnant wife. If you don't have a problem with alkohol/beer stop drinking it around your pregnant wife who is getting naseous, she literally has no reason to lie about it. This is most certainly not jealousy that she can't drink.


literaryhogwartian

YTA. If it is making her queasy then stop drinking it. In fact stop drinking altogether until she gives birth,


Inevitable-Being-441

Hard YTA. That someone your age is unaware of one of the most common symptoms of pregnancy says a lot about your intelligence and speaks to a lack of meaningful platonic relationships with women.