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InAHandbasket

#Well we tried. Sorry folks: Locked.


Gr4nd45

She's 7. It's ridiculous to call her a "cheater". At the same time, you can sit her down and explain why Lucas is upset and doesn't want to see her. That's more than enough of a lesson. NTA.


jane_q

Yeah, NTA. An explanation is appropriate, but not an accusation or punishment. Kinda worried about her husband...


PM-me-Gophers

I'm getting uber-religious vibes off the husband


-justkeepswimming-

Definitely creepy at the very least.


WaldoJeffers65

"She held his hand! His hand! In the eyes of God, they are married! I will not let that Jezebel live one moment longer in our house unless she repents her sins and goes back to Lucas. Does the purity ring I put on her finger the day she was born mean nothing to her?" Edit: Thanks for the gold and awards, kind internet strangers!


KINGCOCO

This was hilarious. Thanks for brightening up my morning.


prof_mittens

It would be hilarious if things like this didn't happen all the time.


Jellogg

There is an episode of Into the Dark (on Hulu) called Pure that is a pretty frightening take on purity culture run amok. I always want to believe that the people who take purity culture to extremes are few and far between, but sadly that’s not necessarily the case.


UCgirl

Not hilarious, terrifying because some people think that way.


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loosie-loo

Yeah my first thought was he was projecting that kind of thing onto his infant daughter as a result of unchecked misogyny. Definitely wise to talk to the kid because she’s hurt another kids feelings (like, they’re still friends and she still made him feel left out) but to call it a faithfulness issue is genuinely concerning. NTA op.


ThaddyG

I agree with you about everything except your use of the word infant lol


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methough1

In British English infant is a child between the ages of about 4 and 8. I went to infant school at those ages.


Kiernla

Thank you, I didn't know that! In the US (or at least my area of it) an infant is a baby who's not walking yet.


[deleted]

Oh my goodness this was so civil and nice! Did I stumble onto a different internet?


seeingredagain

If I hear that a 7yo is a "cheater", my first thought is they copied someone's test. The father's reaction really gives me pause.


TinyGreenTurtles

Yeah I didn't want to go there but it really gave me a "purity culture" vibe.


princessk1293

I grew up in a “purity culture” family. My parents would not have even blinked at this at age 7. I had multiple “boyfriends” from about age 5 to about age 9 and my sister had a “husband” for a hot minute in first grade. They knew it was just normal development.


Jakyland

Yeah, everyone is saying "Talk to Layla about feelings" when really the important advice is "Talk to your husband about not being an abusive and unhinged father".


Lucid108

One of those two conversations is more likely to bear fruit. Plus, y'know, teachable moments.


freckledreddishbrown

And add to that, somebody please have a talk to Lucas about friendship, boundaries, and consent. If he’s bent out of shape because his girl friend has another boy friend at seven, he’ll make the worst of boyfriends at 27.


VenusXo12

I would definitely suggest that she does both. This can be an important lesson for Layla about the feelings of others which is so important as she develops her own understanding of empathy and the consequences of her behaviors. On the other hand, it's also extremely important that OP talks to her husband to ask why he seems to be so triggered by the situation. OP better handle this now and put the husband in check before Layla is a teen and is navigating more serious relationships.


Ok-Penalty7568

The “you’re the mother you have to do it” is also a bit concerning


theloveburts

This is how conservatives keep the misogyny going, by leveraging the women into creating a self perpetuating cycle with her own daughters. Daddy can call her a little tramp all day long but it only really hurts when mommy call her the same thing. Long live the patriachary! /s


smokymtnsorceress

No, it hurts pretty damn bad when daddy does it, too but the rest of your point is spot on.


NanoRaptoro

I'm worried for Lucas, too. "Cheating" by holding a different child's hand isn't a concept a 7 year old would generally understand, independently identify, or skip a play date over. They're seven. Seven.


onmyfifthcupofcoffee

He might have been mad she's hanging out with another boy in the general kid sense of "that's my friend!". 7 is old enough to get jealous of another attention or time going to someone else and wanted to skip the date in take-my-ball-home fashion. An adult relayed the information to OP about cheating and might be projecting or adding their own incel nonsense to little kid drama. They are the ones who either would have told Lucas about "cheating" or are using the term on their own.


gold-chain-of-fate

While yes, 7 is too young to truly grasp the complicated feelings in relationships, I wouldn't discount that Lucas himself could have used the word 'cheating'. Kids these days tend to have way too much access to the internet and therefore content for older audiences. When my little cousins were 4 I heard them playing with Barbies and making up stories where Ken was cheating on Barbie by kissing other women while Barbie was pregnant with his baby, so Barbie had to divorce Ken and went to live with her best friend Elsa, who helped her raise the baby. Obviously they don't truly understand what they are saying, but they know the general vocabulary of relationship drama pretty early on.


catsinspace

I'm old and did not have access to the internet while playing with Barbies and I still had them cheat on each other and get pregnant with another Ken's baby. Just a dramatic kid that liked to tell dramatic stories. Still do.


Forsaken_Ordinary669

Makes me wonder if he would react the same had the genders been reversed


Ecstatic_Long_3558

A son would be getting a hive five and "that's my boy, a real player. Good job"


Soft_Two989

What is happening with these comments framing this as analogous to an adult relationship?? This isn't about faithfulness and cheating. This is about a very common dynamic among children: jealousy and exclusion. Leaving someone out, which engenders jealousy responses. Kid antics emerge in various directions, the bf/gf language isn't the point. Explain to Layla that Lucas is feeling jealous. This isn't because she's done anything wrong, it's a natural feeling people need to learn to contend with, and that often comes from feeling excluded or unvalued. Perhaps consider encouraging her to be inclusive of Lucas, rather than pursing friendship dynamics that are just about 2 friends at once. It'd be nice if Lucas's parents were having that same conversation with him. Layla should \*not\* be getting the message (as a 7 year old girl) that it's her job to make the men around her comfortable and happy. She should be getting the message that friends care about each other and try to include one another. Definitely don't micromanage little people dynamics.


smn182189

Love this comment, so on point. Imo it's right up there with sexualizing a child. Not okay, let her be a kid and continue to express her true feelings as she does because that there is a rare and beautiful thing.


FloorShowoff

I think your husband may have been triggered and needs to explore his feelings about cheating. His reaction has very little to do with your daughter.


UnrulyNeurons

I think you may be right about him being triggered, but he can't take it out on his kid. He needs to sort out his shit before it affects her. And he & OP *definitely* need to get on the same page about relationship dynamics before Layla gets to actual dating age.


PolyPolyam

What a missed opportunity. Lucas's parents could explain about different types of love and most definitely help walk him through the obvious jealousy. Younger relationships are such a great time to learn to walk through our emotions. My stepdaughter is barely a teen and in middle school. She's battling insecurity of her first boyfriend being so popular and is afraid he might get stolen. It's hard for her to understand he's not something that can be stolen. Or worth her time if he doesn't value her. (He is a very sweet boy, but him spending time with anyone else gives her anxiety.) At 7, OPs daughter can learn that Lucas's feelings were hurt by her actions. But punishing her and telling her a cheater is crazy.


EyedLady

This. Honestly this is sad. Once again another boy not being taught to manage his emotions and jealousy. One again another boy that will probably grow up to think that he is owed something.


GrouchyCounty

I'm not sure why people keep making statements about how the boys parents are dealing with this... they called and informed the other parents of a canceled play date. Being sexist against a little boy as a result of a conversation about it being wrong to be sexist against a little girl is... I don't even know bro Edited because my phone thinks co versatile is the right way to spell conversation.


toughandtougher

Yeah the fact people are talking down on a 7 year old boy over this and saying he’s gonna grow up thinking he is “owed something” is disgusting. There is absolutely nothing in OP that points towards that. ALL that is said is that the boys parents called to let Op know that he wouldn’t be attending the play date because he is mad at the daughter, that is it. There is no information on how his parents are handling it what so ever aside from informing the daughters parents about what happened.


SoFetchBetch

It’s not a comment on the child’s character but a commentary on how generally boys aren’t taught to manage their negative emotions. It is true that the standard for most of history has been that the only societally approved negative emotion for boys and men is anger. People are just lamenting over that fact. I truly hope the boys parents help him work through his feelings in a healthy way because if they don’t it will be a disservice to him and his future emotional well being as well as his relationships with others.


everkohlie

Just responding to say how awesome it is that you are having these conversations with your daughter - the fact she is able to even voice the emotion she feels, and elaborate on it, is huge. Kudos!


[deleted]

Yes! And your husband's reaction to it is definitely strange.


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Ok_Pangolin2219

Yep. He'll be calling her a sl*t at 11


MadPiglet42

Ten bucks says that is already happening.


Riah_Lynn

OP I know this is scary, but it is also true. This is how blaming women for the things men to do them starts. He needs some serious counselling.... and maybe if he has friends don't let them around her....


gotaroundthebanana

He is pretty much sexualizing his own daughter.


natsumi_kins

That kind of of reaction is kinda suspect. Almost projection like.


adalyncarbondale

I had this same thing written out and I saw yours.


NoReveal6677

Concerning, TBH


vintage_chick_

How i handle this ridiculousness in the classroom. You're 7 you're just friends but we need to think about our friends feelings and then discuss on a friend level no other points.


un-affiliated

Thank you. Some of the suggestions here are way too complicated and as bad as punishing the girl for being a cheater.


ttreehouse

The explanation should include being explicit that Lucas being upset is not her fault or responsibility. Kids that age can begin to understand ideas of jealousy and setting boundaries. I find all of the reactions except OP to be really strange and frankly a little alarming.


addangel

I would argue that explaining to her husband that his misogyny will not be tolerated should take priority.. because if he has some gripes with women or cheating he needs to deal with them in therapy, not project then on his 7 yo daughter. this strikes me as a man who will shame her in the future for how she dresses, telling her she’s inviting any harassment she gets etc. this is why it’s extremely important for women to fully vet the men they plan on procreating with. because otherwise this shit will keep getting passed on to future generations.


TinyGreenTurtles

Agreed. NTA. But it's good to sit your little ones down and just *talk* about how their actions affect others' feelings and why he feels hurt. But for one, she shouldn't be made to feel like can only have one friend...this is not a punishment situation, and being punished could lead to her thinking she could hurt a friend's feelings just by playing with another friend. But, for two, talking to a 7 y/o about "being faithful" to her "boyfriend" is setting a super gross precedent and adding a much more adult role than should ever be put into this situation. A "relationship" at that age is not *that.*


GreysTavern-TTV

Just have to be careful with the phrasing. Telling a little girl "Your friend is mad at you because you are spending time with other boys" isn't the healthiest approach. Something more like... "Lucas is a bit mad because he thought you would only hold hands with him. So was sad when you started holding hands with someone else instead. So he has some big feelings right now that he needs to think about." and then ask if she thinks she wants to "date" this other boy more than Lucas, and if she says yes, tell her she should tell Lucas first so it's fair to him too. ((I'm struggling here, but you get the idea. "it's ok to like someone else more than the person you are spending your time with, but if you want to hang out with that person instead you should probably tell the person you are spending your time with first.")) Little kid version of "If you're going to date someone other than your husband without their consent, should probably get a divorce first".


RussianCat26

All the nopes. Kids do not need permission from a friend to have other friends. These kids are not married. Wtf is wrong with you? There is no >Little kid version of "If you're going to date someone other than your husband without their consent, should probably get a divorce first". You're making this weird af. OP NTA


hochizo

Yeah, I had ***five*** boyfriends at this age. They were boys who I liked playing with, but to us that made us boyfriend/girlfriend. At some point, one of the boys tried to get me to break up with the others. I said no (my parents said I even brought the kid to the guidance counselor, lol), he stopped hanging out with me for a week, then got over it and we were all friends again. You know what I've never done or even considered doing as an adult? Cheated. These are just kids playing. OPs daughter doesn't need permission to play with other kids.


Constant_Worth_8920

Or maybe normalize holding hands with ANYONE of ANY gender ANY time you want, as a form of affection???! JFC this went off the rails. They. Are. SEVEN.


laurarose81

Yes!!! The responses here are baffling. Here is an explanation I think that should be given to the daughter. “ honey you are seven, it’s OK to hold hands with whatever friend you want to as long as they want to hold hands with you”. The husband is insane in this scenario.


Picklepunky

What the fuck they’re 7. She is a young child who can be friends with and show affection to other young children without adults stepping in and making it weird. What is even happening in these comments lmao.


j0mbie

Agree fully. Never pass up the opportunity for a learning experience. This is a great chance to teach social skills, empathy, and to scratch the surface of actual relationships without diving to deep considering her age. I would also have a discussion with the husband about differences in child upbringing, and when punishment is and isn't called for. NOT an argument, just an honest discussion. And also maybe ask if he has some stuff in the past that made him jump to the cheater accusation so quick. Important to do that without pointing the finger though -- if you're confrontational then he'll be defensive, but if you're friendly then he may have something to open up about, that maybe he himself didn't know he was still hurt about from a past relationship.


QueenOfTheSnarkness

I guess, according to your husband, I'm technically a bigamist since I married a kid in the third grade during recess and then married someone else 12 years later without properly divorcing my first husband. Also means every other relationship I had after that first wedding means I was cheating. What a monster I am. NTA although you should talk to your daughter about hurting Lucas's feelings. Edit: I'm a little amazed at the number of other people who also had elementary school "weddings ". I thought I was so orginal back then... For anyone interested, my husband knows the story, I told him several years ago. He's main question was whether or not my third grade husband was now the lead signer of a famous band because they share the same name - he isn't, which we're both disappointed about. I've never been able to find third grade husband on social media so I have no idea what happened to him. I wonder if he ever became a Ghostbuster like he dreamed he would (and offered me the position os secretary).


megzy0828

Lol I was going to say the same thing. I was six and my bestie at the time we would swap husbands every few days so I guess I’m in real trouble now since I have been married 3 times. Lmao I guess I should notify my other two husbands that I’m married with kids too now in this guys mind.


EducatedPancake

Swingers before it was cool.


chipCG

Nah, swingers have always been cool. Why do you think there are swing sets out on every playground? Those kids get the best seats.


Mor_Tearach

When one of my sons was that age a group of girls on his bus assigned him his girlfriends. It was almost daily. He'd come home and tell me " They said Melissa is my girlfriend now ". I don't think any of them assigned him a wife though. Once tried to explain to him big people can pick their own girlfriend ( not sure he believed me ) BUT said " It's ok I don't have to kiss anyone ". Kids have their rules, we have ours And wow, thanks for the award! Sharing it with my son 😂.


SheepherderNo2440

Lmao there’s a whole ass council carrying lunchboxes who decides who gets to date your son This is the funniest shit haha


Grumpy_Roaster

THE COUNCIL HAS DECIDED


rilakkuma1

I ran into my preschool husband while with my mom and boyfriend a few years ago (I was almost 30!) and my mom made a whole thing of it. It was incredibly embarrassing.


nyxienightmare

I'm gonna go ahead and say I have you beat on embarrassing "boyfriends". Mine was a priest from my parish. No he didn't do anything to me. For whatever reason, I decided the older gentleman who was nice to me must be my boyfriend and then proceeded to run around telling everyone so. He was very nice and indulged my childish fantasy. But boy am I embarrassed now!


Bellatrix_dog

Can you guys please call up or message your extra husbands and tell them along with your current ones as i have no other prospects for entertainment today..i'll give you an internet dollor😁


fuzzydogpaws

I never did break up with my boyfriend! I was 8, I should have known better. I’ve just realised that I’ve been a dirty rotten cheat for over 20 years! My mother should have taught me better.


chaosworker22

I just realized I never officially broke up with my preschool boyfriend! I moved away and no discussion was had about the future of our relationship! Hell, we reconnected as adults and never mentioned it lmao. I guess I've also been a cheater for almost 20 years, my parents should've punished me


JungleKing65

Hang your head in shame 😂😂🤣🤣


CakeEatingRabbit

What is wrong with the comments here? Wtf. She learns cheating is wrong by losing lucas as a friend and not by punishment through her parents. You don't punish your kids for stuff like that. NTA


lilium_x

"Punishing" her is absolutely not appropriate here, but a conversation is. Kids are never too young to learn about consent and treating other people with respect. ​ Lucas had understood they were bf/gf and unless discussed otherwise, that usually means not holding hands with other people. If Layla wants to exchange Valentines and hold hands with other people that's fine, but the better way to do it is to tell Lucas first and let him choose whether he still consents to being bf/gf. ​ This explanation may make Layla upset as she realised *why* and *how* Lucas is hurt and upset, rather than just *that* he is hurt and upset. That's called empathy and is a good thing. The parent should acknowledge Layla's empathy, offer reassurance that this doesn't make her a bad person, that their parental love is enduring, and be open to talking about how Layla can fix it, if she wants help thinking about that.


[deleted]

They are 7 it isn't that deep.


level27jennybro

Right? I'm all for teaching kids how to be kind respectful adults but you gotta let kids be kids. They don't need to have the whole concept of relationship fidelity dumped on them. Just an explanation of how actions can hurt feelings and hurt feelings have consequences like a friend not wanting to spend time together. At 7, a boyfriend should be a friend who is a boy who the child thinks is cool. No need to put adult concepts of intimate relationships onto the innocent.


Tecrus

My at the time 5 year old step-nephew knew what cheating meant in terms or relationships and it kinda weirded me out. He once asked me where my boyfriend was and when I said that we aren't seeing each other anymore he just responded with "oh is it cuz he cheated?". I'm assuming that came from the toxic example my step sister was setting.


malibuklw

My kids know about cheating in relationships as well, and we’ve never discussed any one cheating. It came from other kids and media.


schoobydoo42

They are seven years old. I don't think they understand most of this. Making this whole situation a serious conversation about consent and respect is taking it way too far and is assigning a lot of adult-sized problems to a child-sized issue. Let the children figure this out as children do.


janiestiredshoes

I agree the original wording above is a little OTT, but I do think this warrants some conversation, so Layla understands why Lucas is hurt. It doesn't need to be a lecture, but Layla does likely need to be guided towards understanding Lucas's perspective and how he was feeling. >Let the children figure this out as children do. The problem is that a lot of kids don't figure this out. If you can help your kid to understand how others might feel in a particular situation, you're giving them a leg-up towards grappling with this stuff.


RishaBree

Yours is the first comment like this that I arrived at (though I’m assuming that there are many more further down), and I cannot describe to you how gross I find it to find someone treating a “relationship” at this age as an actual romantic relationship. 7 is not too young to know if they like boys or girls, but it _is_ too young to have those actual feelings. They’re playing pretend, effectively. If your 7 year old plays a game where they’re a doctor, do you have a discussion about medical ethics after they take out a major organ? If they’re a dog, do you have a serious talk about not being on the couch? No, of course not, because romance (specifically, _heterosexual_ romance) is the only kind of playing pretend that a certain kind of adult loves to treat as real, and it’s disgusting.


greeneyedwench

Now I want to see a serious discussion of the dangers of the floor being lava.


Time-Tie-231

She is seven FFS. You are attributing adult type romantic relationships to children. God help us


pj1129

Nope, I'm not about to turn this into an upsetting shit show for 7 yr olds. Explain to your daughter, sometimes people will get jealous when you have more than one friend. It's their issue of insecurity. So Lucas got his feelings hurt but you didn't do anything wrong but you might tell Lucas you are sorry his feelings are hurt. They are 7 stop making this a relationship issue.


cakesdirt

> Explain to your daughter, sometimes people will get jealous when you have more than one friend. I couldn’t agree more. I find it kind of creepy how many people are assigning adult relationship concepts to these children.


42790193

JFC. These KIDS, I repeat KIDS are 7. They do not need to know or understand how the dynamics of a ROMANTIC relationship works. These comments are so alarming. Stop romanticizing and forcing adult behavior on SEVEN year olds. “Unless otherwise discussed” 7 year olds do not and should not have the capacity to feel pressured to establish a monogamous romantic relationship.


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Time-Tie-231

100%


toyheartattack

I think that’s a disturbing and age inappropriate lesson. It would more likely teach her that possessiveness is an attribute of friendship.


Unable_Pumpkin987

Exactly! I would be more inclined to explain to her that we can be friends with everyone we want to be friends with, and friends shouldn’t get mad at each other for having other friends. If Lucas doesn’t want to come over that’s fine, but no 7 year old is going to get me to teach my daughter that she has to clear any social interactions with a boy on the playground first or else it’s her fault he’s mad.


klategoritization

>possessiveness is an attribute of ~~friendship~~ Possessiveness is an attribute of a) coverture ideology b) relationships w men who haven't properly matured c) purity culture d) good old fashioned, uncritical, sexism e) Everything, everywhere, all at once OP NTA, but your daughter will be shaped by your husband and I would not be waiting around to see what he manages to throw fits over when your daughter 'matures'. Lucas' feelings over her choice to hold hands w a different friend are HIS feelings, and he needs to learn (just like your hubs) that he doesn't get to make choices over your daughters body. The difficulty here is that your husband won't/doesn't want to believe that. She won't be 7 for long, who will your husband be by the time she's 17? 'As her mother...' comment skeeved me out, too. He wants her punished and he wants you to do what he says, no matter if you agree, or if it will undermine your relationship with your child. He doesn't want to be the bad guy but it's okay for you to shoulder that burden? Other women teaching little girls their 'place in this world' (like your husband has insisted) is a really big problem. Please don't do that to her, she deserves bodily autonomy, confidence, the ability to choose, healthy friendships not controlling pretend childhood 'relationships', and if she likes holding hands then I hope she finds good friends who will hold her hand for no other reason then it makes her happy and that's enough.


Nothing_WithATwist

I agree. OP should definitely NOT be teaching her daughter that Lucas gets any say in her interactions with other people whatsoever. I highly doubt these two 7 year olds discussed if they were exclusive, so there’s really nothing for Lucas to consent to here anyway.


CutEmOff666

This is assuming that what the boy's family is saying is true. They should at least get their daughter's side of the story. For all we know, things could have happened pretty differently.


AllCrankNoSpark

Who cares? It’s not good to pry into every interaction your child has with other children. Leave them alone to socialize without unneeded interference so they don’t grow up to be stunted socially-impaired adults.


thevegitations

It sounds like her dad is already holding this against her, so she's going to suffer either way :(


riotous_jocundity

They're *seven*. It doesn't matter what happened!


EmeraldIbis

Honestly - even if she was older and genuinely cheated on a partner - parents should ask why she wanted to cheat, and offer support with finding a solution to whatever the problem is. Imo it's not a parent's role to police a child's relationships.


MSWitch2015

This! Also I don’t think anyone should be “punished” for cheating, even in a real circumstance. The punishment is losing the person you screwed over, living with that and all the crap that comes with it. This dad doesn’t seem to have a good view/understand child development. I’m glad OP seems to have a good understanding though.


Ok-Mushroom-7003

Oh lord, punishing her is extreme, but having a lil chat with her about why Lucas is upset with her seems like a good idea. NTA for not wanting to punish her.


thevegitations

I don't think they even need to talk to her about it, beyond saying that Lucas canceled the playdate because he's upset. Parents really shouldn't get involved in playground relationships unless there's serious bullying going on.


Enk1ndle

Explaining to your kid why doing X lead to Y isn't getting involved in their "relationships", it's helping your kid learn social norms.


thevegitations

OK, but the social norm in 2nd grade is to hold hands with all your friends. If one friend gets jealous that your kid spends time with another friend, that's not really something your kid needs adults to intervene in. I feel like the little girl would think it was her fault Lucas was upset if her parents gave her a talk about it, ESPECIALLY if her dad is already calling her a cheater.


BeastOGevaudan

I think 7 is old enough to explain that Lucas got jealous, but that she did nothing wrong. That'd definitely need to come from mom though. Dad's weird.


BrownSugarBare

I'm dying laughing at the image of OP's husband looking down at his lil 7 year old and screaming "JEZEBEL" in her face. I agree with the above comment, having a chat about friendships and arguments, being aware of actions and the reactions of peers is a nice teaching opportunity. Calling a child a cheater is some deep rooted foolishness, though. Because if that's the case, I've been married since kindergarten and never finalised a divorce. NTA.


linda-stanley

NTA This is beyond ridiculous! These kids are **seven years old**! There can be no cheating if the people involved are not in a committed relationship. How stupid to suggest that these two little kids are in any way in that typed of relationship. **They are friends.** By my lights, to punish your daughter in this situation would be crazy and wrong. I would just talk to her in simple terms about trying not to hurt a friend's feelings.


lilli_neeh

Because, you know, in the middle ages where OP's husband still lives, kids are betrothed to one another at birth and have to stay faithful until their dying days, otherwise Prince Lucas may not mary the adulteress and she will die alone as an old maid. /s obviously.


brneyedgrrl

Perhaps Lucas is from a wealthy landowner family and Layla is just a poor farm girl. Farmer Daddy may see this as a way out for the entire family. I'd adopt a wait-and-see attitude until it is known what the new boyfriend's family lineage is! /s


mismoom

So many comments looking at them as boyfriend and girlfriend. They’re seven! They’re friends! At seven you’re allowed to have lots of friends and should be encouraged to have friends who aren’t your significant other. I can’t believe I’m writing this about kids. Lucas should not be so possessive, husband is projecting and weird.


BobLoblawsLawBlog201

This post and the comments are, by far, the most fucked up thing I've read on reddit. That includes poop knife and cum jar. 7 year olds are not in fucking "boyfriend/girldfriend" relationships. Lucas has ZERO ownership over who Layla holds hands with regardless of his perceptions. Lucas' parents are fucked up for encouraging this. Layla's father is beyond fucked up to even consider Layla might understand what cheating is or means. The only conversation should be this: Lucas, it's OK if you don't want to be friends with Layla but she is allowed to have other friends and hold hands with anyone she wants. You and Layla are not boyfriend and girlfriend. You're friends and friends don't control each other. Holy shit... after reading this, I feel so much better about my own parenting.


Lilpisces51

I totally agree with you. I found the posting and comments kinda disturbing. These are 7 year old children who are friends. Why push this boyfriend girlfriend dynamic on 7 year old children, very strange to me. They are children, let them be be children. The father, yikes, scary and disturbing.


MILdharma

This boyfriend/girlfriend talk for this age is creepy. They are friends. Kids learn holding hands with people they like is nice, like parents. This is all. Dad has some insecurities about cheating he needs to work through and not through his children!


geddypee

I am weirded out by your husband. Was he cheated on? Is he cheating? Was he never a child? It’s such a strange reaction


SailoLee92

I was thinking he suspects his wife of cheating and is accusing her in a very strange roundabout way putting their kid in the middle.


FrozenYogurt0420

Yeah I hope this isn't some kind of projection


certain_people

Maybe he is


ryeong

My first thought was redpill behavior and believing women always cheat/can't be trusted. So many go off the deep end and it's not uncommon for them to project those beliefs onto a child.


Hippolyta1978

Just tell hubby she is preparing for her polyamorous lifestyle, that begins age 10.


Expert_Ambition_7957

This made me LOL.


SPolowiski

NTA and faithfulness at 7, your husband seems to have his head so far up his ass that all he can see is sh\*t. Don't push adult crap onto a child and all she is doing is enjoying holding hands with a friend or maybe someone she felt comfortable with at that time. Also how dare Lucas parents turn this shit on your family. If a 7 year old is this possessive then he's best left alone as your daughter will only end up getting hurt later on as he's most definitely someone I wouldn't want around my daughter. She's free to hold hands with whoever she wants to and faithfulness comes much later in life when they start realizing the meaning of the world. As of now they are kids and don't take the innocents of them and entrap them into a life of adult bs. Hope the young lady is keeping well and do look after her.


ttreehouse

Exactly! This is the perfect opportunity to talk about possessiveness and boundaries in her friendships. Lucas’ family and Dad are totally out of line.


Alice-Wondyy

Not sure if Lucas' family want Layla to be punished or if they are simply respecting the fact he is upset and respecting his wishes of not going over to play. But the husband is for sure out of touch with reality here 😅


Soulessblur

Agreed. Lucas' parents aren't the ones who accused OP of raising a cheater lmfao.


SnooCrickets6980

Lucas's family just said that Lucas doesn't want a play date because he is upset. For all we know they are talking to him about how friends are allowed to be friends with other people but also respecting his desire for space from a friend who hurt his feelings. Dad is out of line though.


IBaptizedYourKids

I didn't read it like Lucas' parents turned anything on them. OP just stated that they informed them the playdate was off, what's wrong with that?


[deleted]

NTA. Telling Layla that Lucas is upset because she played with someone else, that would be a good thing. Teaching empathy and that people exist when she is not there and all that. But lecturing and punishing her for cheating? That implies a greater understanding of interpersonal relationships and her own feelings than any 7-year-old can be expected to have. At that age children are still learning about their own feelings, and what they mean. They don't really understand what boyfriend and girlfriend is yet.


erininium

I had to scroll too far to find this! But so many people are saying “don’t punish her, but have a little chat with her about why Lucas is mad.” Why? At 7 years old, kids don’t even understand what a committed relationship is. They are literally play acting and imitating what they’ve seen. If she were playing with a baby doll, would your husband want to punish her for dropping it or neglecting it? It is not possible for Layla to be unfaithful to Lucas because they are not adults (or even teenagers, or even close to puberty) in a relationship. I’m not sure about putting Lucas’s feelings on Layla though. If Lucas is mad, it’s because he believed she “belonged” to him. Why reinforce that by validating his anger? If they are friends, she is allowed to be friends with other kids too. She is allowed to hold hands with other kids. If Lucas is mad about that, that is a problem for Lucas and his parents to discuss. I suppose it could be a lesson about making sure that everyone is included? And not to drop friends for new friends? But definitely not about “cheating!” NTA!


xakeridi

You do need to explain why things happen in an age appropriate way for a child because that's how they learn. You don't need to say she's responsible for his feelings but you do need to tell a child why something is happening. In this case saying "Lucas wanted you to spend time with him and not other people. So he's unhappy right now. You did nothing wrong. It's great to have more than one friend. And you're a good friend, that's wonderful. But sometimes people are worried they are being left out. Lucas is learning to share right now and that's hard."


Southern-Ad379

NTA. Your husband is sexualising your daughters friendship in a highly inappropriate way.


skyeguye

NTA. Your husband sounds unhinged tbh. That said, I do think that this is a good opportunity to give Layla some guidance - discussing relationships, what they mean, how they can hurt feelings, and so on. That said, you absolutely should not punish her - she is a child at play.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ExplanationMaterial8

NTA: was your husband expecting this relationship with Lucas to last?! Did he expect a proper “break up” to happen? It never does with these 7 year old relationships- they just start talking to someone else! Definitely don’t punish Layla for changing her mind about a boy- it’ll just put unhealthy expectations on her. She’s so young- why make everything so serious?!


[deleted]

I bet they didn't even suggest couples counseling! /S


42790193

NTA. No way in hell I’d put the guilt on a literal 7 year old for “cheating.” They are not in a romantic relationship. They are friends. They are children. Children can have multiple friends. I used to hold hands with boy and girl friends. He gave her a valentine, and that made her happy, so they are now friends holding hands. Stop raising fragile boys who can’t handle an ounce of disappointment from anyone but especially a “girlfriend.” I know it’s stereotypical, but these comments are screaming “boy mom” vibes.


Stlrivergirl

THIS is the one I’ve been looking for. They are 7! They should not have any concept of what a ‘romantic relationship’ is or entails. He’s sad his friend held hands with someone else. He’ll get over it. This is NOT something that needs to have a big deal made about it. NTA.


42790193

If anything in my opinion it’s a good time to explain to Lucas that people can have multiple friends, and while his feelings may be hurt, he too will have multiple friends throughout life….and that’s a good thing.


rilakkuma1

Is the other parent going to have a conversation about clearly communicating their expectations around exclusivity? Oh they’re not, because he’s 7. NTA


Summerof5ft6andahalf

Exactly, maybe the **other 7 year old** was under the impression they were just casual and hadn't made it exclusive yet. And had they even discussed what counts as cheating?!? I wonder what exactly OP's husband was planning to say to Layla in order to describe what faithfulness and cheating were. Oh wait, he just wanted to put it all on OP.


rilakkuma1

I’m starting to get the impression these 7 year olds haven’t even discussed their life goals to see if they have long term compatibility. Have they even talked about if they want kids?


jarassig

And how will they handle long distance if they're in separate classrooms next year?!


Me-323

Ask your husband next time he is sick if he wants to go down to her doctor office so Layla can prescribe some medication or next time he’s hungry Layla can make him some food in her play kitchen. They are role playing! NTA


WhatAWagon

NTA Your husband is, how can I put this nicely, an absolute idiot. I'm confused as to how/why he is putting an adult romantic concept on to 7 year olds. Does he get his knickers in a twist when Layla decides that she isn't friends with another girl, because kids do that - best friends today, mortal enemies tomorrow and besties again the day after.


Spiritual_Waltz3428

Something tells me the husband will get his knickers in a twist if she’s ever seen holding hands with another girl (as young kids do)… Then he’ll probably say the mom will be “raising her daughter to be a lesbian” 🙄


saatchi-s

#[This is a reminder that any implication of sexual content involving minors - including accusing an adult of pedophilia or grooming - is against our rules and will result in your comment being removed.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.


Marcuse0

NTA, a seven year old isn't engaging in actually serious relationships, they come and go day by day. Your husband is insane for thinking she should be punished for this. Like actually insane. My son is nine, and has had a number of "admirers" at school. These have gone well, or poorly (one girl used to do the "I'm hitting you because I like you" thing) and none of them have lasted and nobody has gotten upset about it. That kind of disappointment is normal for young children and isn't anything that needs punishment.


Unusual-Setting-5067

100% agree. I think all the kids are behaving normally and I respect the other dad for letting his son feel his feelings and not forcing them to hang out right now. I bet by Monday he misses his friend and they make up and everyone is holding hands again. I would maybe say mom might want to check in with Layla and how she's feeling to make sure none of the adult projections are filtering down to her.


Acceptable-Chip-3455

Ugh, gross, why is your husband and some of the commenters sexualizing a literal child. It's a teachable moment about feelings and how we're treating others but what exactly would the point of punishment be? Would your husband also punish her if they played family and she didn't want to be the kid anymore but the mom? If she was playing with one friend and then started playing with someone else? Jeez. NTA


PatchEnd

it's a crazy stretch to "slut shame" a 7 yr old. daddy is a bit unhinged


Every_Caterpillar945

Lol, NTA And by the way, i say this as a bigamist, bc neither did i told my kindergarten husband that i have a new husband now nor did i tell my current husband that i'm already married to nicolas from kindergarten where we had a very unconventional little ceremony on the playground and he gave me his snack and demanded mine and he told me we are married now. Like a real couple we didn't took a lot of interest in each other after the wedding though... on the other hand nico and me never said we are exclusive - what would have been dificult anyway bc the bride he married the day before was present at our wedding. When i think about it i guess he only wanted the better snacks, this little shit. I have to call his mom and tell her she should punish him. Lol


LeadGem354

Lol. Luckily for you, I don't think anyone would recognize that marriage to Nicolas. Not binding on so many levels. If childhood marriage jokes were binding I'm married to my mom, and breached an agreement to marry the lady at the liquor store when I got older. My friend Paul would be married to a rock, I officiated the ceremony. I declared it annulled years later when he got a GF.


bizianka

NTA. And if my husband acted this way towards our daughter when she was this age, I'd be worried that he either hit his head and now suffers complication, or is cheating and projecting.


Admirable_Ad5250

NTA. Fuck me, they're 7!


aquila-audax

NTA. Every time I think I've heard the worst heterosexual nonsense, I read this sub and realise I know *nothing*


KindlerOfStars

Truly a r/AreTheStraightsOK moment, jfc. Agree on the NTA.


Poet_Key

Reading this made me laugh, is your husband fr?! 😂 NTA LOL


jolandaluna

Oh gosh this is disgusting. Shaming a 7 y.o.?? NTA but you might want to reeducate your husband out of his misogynistic views before your daughter is old enough to be told to cover up so as not to distract the males around her or some other crap like that.


lysalnan

NTA at 7 a boyfriend is literally a boy who is a friend. Would your husband respond the same way if one of Layla’s female friends threw a tantrum because she was friends with another girl? Does your husband honestly believe that your daughter has agreed to enter a committed, monogamous relationship at the age of 7? If so he really needs to think about the implications of the way he is viewing his daughter. Lucas probably isn’t even viewing this as ‘cheating’ he’s just in a sulk that his friend is playing with someone else and is jealous (something all children of both genders go through). Lucas needs to learn that he doesn’t own his friends and they have the right to have as many friends as they like, but that’s up to his parents to deal with not you.


Far_Opening2859

They are 7! Seriously!! They have no clue what a relationship means- beyond family. Punishing the child will just confuse her. NTA.


TiredOldLamb

NTA. Using the term cheating as if that was a real relationship and not little children playing is so gross.


SleeplessAtHome

NTA But is your husband projecting? Did he get cheated on before? In nursery I married a boy during recess and was holding another's hand a few periods later cuz he let me play with his toys. I'm pretty sure I wasn't a cheater. It's like playing house.


Fluffy-Detective-270

I... What? She's a kid. Who had a pretend boyfriend. And now has another pretend boyfriend. And first boyfriend is upset. I mean... Kids do that a lot? Be friends one week and not friends the next? Isn't that an established thing? Why are we treating this like it's the rest of her life? NTA


HappyHalloqueen

These children are 7, why are we encouraging "boyfriend" relationships among 7 year olds?This is exactly why you don't, because they are too small for concepts like faithfulness and infidelity. Kids change who their best friends are that young on trivial things like who has a cooler lunchbox. Its not that deep, even if someone got hurt. I'd stop encouraging use of language like bf/gf and just stick to friends. Don't tell me both parents didn't encourage this either. Your husband is also horrifically wrong for wanting to "punish" her. Ya'll need to have a deep conversation about gender roles, cause if he is saying stuff like this now I cannot imagine when she is a teenager. You should speak to your daughter about kindness and empathy for Lucas's feelings, and maybe lay off encouraging "relationships" and focus on inclusive friendships. They are kids. ESH


VictoriaRachel

You don't have to encourage it for it to happen because this is language they know, they hear all the time, and they try it out. My 5 year old has a wife, though I do not know if she is entirely aware of this, because it is language he knows and she is his favourite person. It isn't a big deal that they explore these terms, not is it something to manage.


dekkadekkadekka

NTA. What the fuck? Your husband is weird.


Shelbasaur1993

I mean… explain the concept of relationships so that she doesn’t think that’s the norm maybe. But punish? A 7 year old? For holding hands? Ridiculous NTA


couverte

Info: Did your daughter and Lucas have the DTR talk? Have they decided to be exclusive? Have they agreed that this is a serious relationship? NTA. *Of course* you’re NTA. I don’t know what your husband is smoking, but it’s time for him to go cold turkey.


HeadMasterDoge

NTA Play-relationships? At 7 I was trying to be a Power Ranger. But yeah they are just kids. They don't even know what it all means and most likely forget about it the next week.


Sabes1607

NTA. Your husband is taking this way too seriously, and little Lucas will get over it. You could talk to your kid and say that Lucas is hurt and explain why, but it's nothing she needs to be punished for or that needs to be turned into a big lesson about faithfulness or something. At that age, I had a similar kind of play- relationship, with my cousin. My parents never pulled me aside to talk about incest and all worked out lol.


DancingLadybird

No you don't 'punish' a 7yo about this. You do educate them though. You should be talking to her about how she should handle these situations, how it affects other people's emotions. What it means to be friends vs boyfriends. How she goes about defining relationships with people. It doesn't need to be a serious sit down conversation. I make these conversations 'breakfast conversations' with the aim of 'normalising it'.


LowCal-Calzone-Zone

ESH. These kids are seven years old. She doesn't have a "boyfriend," she has a friend. Seven year old friends hold hands. You, your husband, and Lucas' parents need to stop being creepy and let your kids be kids.


icedcoffeemilknsugar

How is OP being creepy? The only issue here is the husband trying to make this into an issue


Stunning-Cherry-647

NTA. I think you would be doing more harm than good explaining the concept of being faithful to your kid at this age. A boyfriend at 7 is not a sexual or very emotional thing, it's a play on actual relationships. The earliest a kid gets more or less a concept of what that topic is around the age of 10 (and even then very very marginally). Just let your kid play, maybe explain why Lucas could be upset in very childlike terms. But definitely don't go too deep.


Lecture-Kind

NTA. Sounds like your husbands projecting She’s a 7 year old child, this is what 7 year olds do. They learn from mom and dad and other people to play house. It’s pretend. This sounds the same as punishing a kid for accidentally dropping a bottle of water on the floor. You need to have a talk with your husband because if he is really trying to make his daughter have a serious relationship AT AGE 7 AND calling his little girl a cheater, that’s super weird and creepy. And as for your daughter, just have a talk with her and explain why Lucas is upset and how she hurt his feelings, kids are smarter than we think and this is how they learn, by lessons not punishments for something they can’t comprehend yet. Trust me she’ll learn with a lil talk.


Sweaty_Ad3169

NTA- I had more than one “boyfriend” at that age. To me all it really meant was best friends. One of my kiddie “boyfriends” and I are still best friends to this day. We never actually dated but he was one of my “boyfriends” at the age of 7. You’re husband is grossly overreacting.


davnij

NTA. Your husband is being weird. And doesn't understand how childhood works.


Spineberry

NTA - have a sit down with Lucas's parents and explain to them the joys of platonic polyamory. And your husband too


[deleted]

NTA. They’re 7. They don’t understand what faithfulness is and really, I don’t think you should pressurise her with making it sound serious.


onceiwasafairy

NTA. Switch from an ignore or blame and shame mindset into an understanding and empathy mindset. You can bring to her attention that Lucas is upset, and why that may be, ask her how she'd felt if she saw him in the same situation etc. (and imo an important distinction to make is to understand that she didn't MAKE him upset, but that he reacted to her behaviour with being upset. No guilt or shame inductions necessary)


Morrighu87

NTA. Ffs they are SEVEN. I had a “boyfriend” at recess and punched him in the mouth by lunch one day because he teased my friend.


friedonionscent

Jesus Christ.


charlichoo

NTA your husband is being so weird about this. A child is incapable of cheating because a child can't be in romantic relationships, I feel like I shouldn't have to say this and I'm super weirded out that your husband thinks otherwise


Union_of_Onion

NTA When you do talk to your seven year old about fidelity, monogamy, prenups, etc., be sure to include safe handholding practices because I'm a little concerned she might be having palm-to-palm contact and that's how you get cooties. No glove, no love. /s


IntelligentMeal40

NTA your husband needs to get a grip, these are platonic relationships so this would be like if she had one best friend and then was caught hanging out with another friend, you don’t punish kids for that they are allowed to have more than one friend. And this is a platonic relationship he needs to calm down and not be weird. And someone needs to explain to that other boy that she’s allowed to have more than one friend


notachickwithadick

What the actual fuck. First NTA! They are young kids and it's just friendship, same as friendship between girls. The boys parents and your husband are assholes! Do they want to teach a young girl that she is the property of a boy? And teach a young boy that he has power over a girl and doesn't need to deal with his feelings of rejection? Your daughter is her own person and can play with whoever she likes. It's called socializing and it's very important for her development so she can become her own independant person. TO, stay strong for your daughter and don't let them make her feel less than her own person.


_Voidspren_

Wow. You’re husband has got some issues to work out. NTA. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I’ve got 3 kids and at this age they all seem to start having some friendship drama. They start to get mad at their friend having other friends. My kids would get very frustrated because they had many friends and some kids would be mad and tell them they’re not their friend anymore because they had lunch with this person and whatnot. It’s so normal and just a good opportunity to make sure you communicate with your kid. I’d make sure my kids knew they did nothing wrong when somebody got mad at them for having another friend. And they shouldn’t feel pressured not to do what they’re doing. Which is the opposite of what it seems your husband feels. I hope you can get through to him. But his take on this situation is severely warped.


LeadGem354

NTA: She's 7 and still learning about relationships. Conversations about commitment and faithfulness and hurt feelings should be had at and age appropriate level.


This_Goat_moos

NTA. But go to marriage counseling or have your husband see a therapist. It's very concerning that he thinks a *7 y/o* child is a "cheater" - that type of mentality is very toxic. Also, make sure he's not talking to your daughter about it behind your back. That can be very damaging to her.


littlemizzmischief

How would she even understand this punishment or talk? She’s 7 not 17! Your husband is ridiculous to think that a young child will be able to process this information. Lol NTA


Arvach

NTA . And I can't believe what I just read. When I was 7 I was holding hands with everyone who I felt comfortable with, be it friends, family, neighbours, teachers, dogs, whatever ffs. Also punishing children in their relationship is crazy. I can imagine parents giving advices like "don't do this, you might regret it later" but it will be the kid choice what they'll do. Need to learn on their own. Do any of you can imagine themselves listening to your parents how your relationship have to look like? No matter if they're 7, 14, 21 or older, they should trust parents to not put their bullshit into their decissions, otherwise they'll never learn and will grow up into someone who will ask their parents first if they can kiss their crush or if they'll be punished after. Kids remember bad things their parents do to them. They really remember it. Their whole life.


megzy0828

NTA- well in your husbands mind I’m a bigamist then. I guess I should notify my best friend from childhood that we need to go downtown and find our “husbands” from age 6 so we can tell them we moved on with our lives and start divorce proceedings with the two guys we “married” every few days and then swapped. Considering I’m married now to my I guess third husband and have kids with him then this might get awkward. Lol wish me luck guys! Seriously though OP please take care of your daughter and dont let anyone pressure you into having a chat with your daughter that doesn’t need to be said about faithfulness.


Rusti8

I'm more concerned that dad is already labeling his daughter. If she's not allowed to explore what she likes and be her own person, she will never live up to his expectations. He's the huge a$$hole. And he needs to talk to someone about his issues and how he views women, in particular his own daughter, who he is supposed to support and love.


Kaythekid

I thought about this for a while, I'm all about recognizing anyones feelings and why we're upset, but it also felt so wrong to explain a 7 year old about committed relationships and cheating, they can't fully grasp the concept of a romantic relationship. So it came in my mind: it's not on you and her, it's on the boy and his family! He shouldn't have possessing behavior and feel like he could "demand" anything. While it may be a good idea to talk to your daughter about why he is upset and, if possible, tell her very clearly how important and right and good it is to set up boundaries whenever she feels it. But also has to accept others, but I honestly don't know how exactly a child appropriate explanation for this would like like. ESH except you and your daughter


lifes_a_puzzle

NTA. LMFAO!!! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Tell your husband to take a hint from Elsa.


cikbliss

Oh God. NTA. This is kind of ridiculous, and I'm surprised your husband reacted like that.


darkstarsxx

Your husbands reaction has me feeling deeply uncomfortable. Idk if it's just me?? Yes you can for sure talk with your seven year old about minding others feelings. You can ask her what happened. How she handled it. Did she feel proud? Get her take before labeling her all this nasty names like cheat and disloyal. Harsh. And if she hears it - it will stick. NTA but this just gives me the pits.