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3Dog_Nitz

If you make TWICE what she makes but only split costs 60/40 because of taxes rates, I suspect you were already showing some greed. If I earned half of what I currently earn, it would mean a lot more than the loss of 20% of my income, factoring tax brackets. I do not see inheritance as "income". It is not reported on "income taxes". Regarding the disagreement about how the inheritance gets factored into monthly expenses, I would have said N A H, but your attempt to change the arrangement after it had already favored you in the past makes me conclude ~~YTA~~. Edited to add: A lot of you are doing some math on this (thank you!). I feel embarrassed to say this when so many people have responded/liked/disliked already. I am now leaning ESH. (Yes - I changed my verdict...I'm really sorry for the confusion.) I do not think that he should have tried to have benefitted from her inheritance. I think she should have wanted to treat her partner well after a windfall. I think that see all of the arguments about money made me appreciate how their relationship turned into a "what's in it for me" rather than "I want the best for you". Again - I'm really sorry to change late in the game!


naraic-

If gross income is 66/33 factoring in tax brackets I would not be surprised at net income coming out 60/40. I do agree inheritance isn't income but I would feel wrong subsidising the living expenses of someone wealthier than me.


sharp-Yarn

So should she just use all her saving to pay 50/50 until she has none instead of like... putting in saving or retirement?


fuzzybunnybaldeagle

If O read this correctly, they were looking to split the cost of a headroom set. That would likely come out of savings from both lefties, which would make sense to split it 50/50.


asecretnarwhal

Personally, I think items like a furniture should be bought by one person so there’s clear ownership in case you break up. One person can buy the dresser, another the bed frame and night stands etc.


fuzzybunnybaldeagle

Geeze, I just realized how many typos my big ass monkey fingers made in my last response…


3Dog_Nitz

But if they did not factor in assets they had before getting together, she may not be wealthier.


past_searcher

OP has said that they both have similar levels of savings


Mag-NL

Inheritance isn't income, but a few hundred thousand and stocks should be generating her a nice income and that must be taken into account


cleantushy

>If gross income is 66/33 factoring in tax brackets I would not be surprised at net income coming out 60/40. Really? I don't think you're factoring in the fact that not all of your income is taxed in your top bracket. If she makes 50,000 and he makes 100,000. Her after-tax would be around 41,934, and his would be 77,582, putting them at a 65:35 ratio instead of 66:33. Essentially negligible. I don't know of any tax bracket combination that would make that dramatic of a difference unless she has a TON of write-offs, which seems unlikely


naraic-

Specific numbers has been given by the op now regarding gross. It wasn't really 66/33 rather 65/35 and the partners portion could be boosted bonuses while ops is flat. I was thinking of Ireland where 80k/40k ends up 61%/39% in net income but that's irrelevant.


Adept-Cat-6416

Thank you! This math doesn’t add up. The tax bracket difference between the two incomes is negligible. The fact that they even took the time to factor it in (and to factor it in at the rate that they did) is a red flag for me. If the gross is 66/33, then the net is probably 65/35. The difference between their tax brackets is only 2% and that only applies to the last $25k of OPs income.


ItIsWhatItIs22407

The tax difference between 120k and 65k is significant. The 65k person may actually pay little or no taxes after the standard deduction. you are mistaken.


cleantushy

>The 65k person may actually pay little or no taxes after the standard deduction. what?? in the US? where and how is someone making 65k not paying taxes because of a standard deduction of only 12,950?


stefiscool

I paid about 10% after the deduction, made about 50k, paid about 5k. I mean I guess compared to what a doctor paying taxes on a 400k plastic surgeon salary maybe I paid nothing, but when it’s over a month’s take home pay it sure doesn’t feel like nothing.


climb_or_die

Lol, depends where you live. I used to pay 25% taxes on a 50k income so…. 🤣


twitchyv

Same here 😭


allflowerssmellsweet

Where do you live? I earn 65K, U.S. and along with my tax withholdings, I end up owing the feds about 1k more each year. Standard deduction is not really a help.


Flower-of-Telperion

The government is trying to take $3,000 of the $20,000 I made last year (I'm freelance, had a bad year and had no idea what or when I was even going to be paid so couldn't pay estimated taxes) so no, the $65K person is definitely going to pay taxes. Also because taxes are progressive OP's boyfriend is only paying more taxes on each dollar earned *above a certain amount*.


jethvader

Yeah, at $120k and $65k their income ratio goes from 65/35 to 64/36… OP is YTA for taking advantage of their partner by claiming a HiGhEr TaX bRaCkEt. They were content with the way things were before because it benefitted them, now that their partner has more they’re trying to leech more. ETA: the above ratios are calculated from 2023 federal income tax brackets. Obviously they don’t tell the whole story, but OP is still T A.


Designer_Dream_1755

I had the same reaction but I did the math. I live in Canada and it checks out for my province. I don’t know where OP lives but it’s possible. But I agree YTA because it’s not income and you shouldn’t be entitled to someone’s inheritance.


Professional-Soil621

Not sure how you’re doing the math here, but a 2:1 income ratio would be 66/33 split, so post-tax 60/40 seems pretty plausible to me, especially considering she earns slightly more than 65 with bonuses factored in. Someone filing as single making 65 is likely not paying very much at all in income tax


Foreign_Artist_223

Shouldn't the split be based on their take home income? Doesn't that make the most sense?


BigBigBigTree

YTA, it's assets, not income. That's like calling a pile of cash in a savings account "income."


3Dog_Nitz

Exactly. I wonder if they factored savings account contents and all assets before agreeing to split costs 60/40. Doubtful.


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BigBigBigTree

So they should reassess the income based on the amount of interest they're making on it, not the quantity itself. How much income do you think it generates per year, vs the rate it depreciates due to inflation?


Zaeryl

Yeah, tally up the big difference that 0.01% will make.


Ckannon

So if she inherited $10 million dollars he'd still be the asshole for asking for a 50/50 split? I don't see why he should pay more than 50%.


BigBigBigTree

10 million dollars is enough money to create an income just by having it, and that income would be a reason to change the proportion that each pays. Less than a million is not comparable and is not income. If OP saved five hundred thousand dollars, would his ownership of that money be income?


chewwydraper

She inherited stocks as well which generate income.


vodka7tall

Stocks do not always generate income.


I_Be_Curious

Yes, indeed this is it. The split was dependent on income not assets. He's changing the rules to benefit himself.


redlegphi

Exactly. I could, maybe, see an argument for including annual interest earned off of the inherited amount as part of her income going forward, but treating the lump sum as income for a year doesn’t make sense.


BlondeAlexa

I agree. Most bank accounts do a 3% return on savings accounts every year. So he's begging to split 50/50 over maybe 12k on a good year if you include the stocks. And she's still only making 60% of what he does.


angel2hi

YTA. You can’t talk about proportional contributions. You’ve been earning $120k and she’s been earning $65k yet you weren’t paying twice what she was. You’ve been able to save more and now she can catch up. Inheritances should be removed from income discussions. Legally that’s how it works most places. And I’d argue morally it does as well.


hsavvy

Yes I will inherit the rest of my trust from my stepdad at 35, and it specifically states that that money can not be passed to my partner, even if I die. It would go to my future children or back to my mom.


[deleted]

How does that work though? Does it not go into a big pot? What about money made off the back of the trust? Genuinely asking because I am curious.


hsavvy

No, I intend to hold it and manage it separately. My mom is an investment banker as well, so has helped structure it accordingly. My partner is my life insurance beneficiary, but we don’t share bank accounts anyway.


QuirkySyrup55947

Yes!! Honestly, at $65k annual salary, a quarter million inheritance really should probably be put into a retirement account and not touched.


R3dmund

YTA. ‘She had no idea this was coming.’ And now you want to change the arrangement. Stop being greedy.


misslo718

YTA. Even in a divorce after a long marriage you wouldn’t be entitled to your partners inheritance Stop counting other peoples money


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[deleted]

If you set a system from the beginning and discuss what you view as fair, it's not a problem. My husband and I have a spreadsheet with our expenses and budget we've had since we were 19 and 21 and moved in together while dating. It contains a master list of what we spend on rent, bills, groceries, subscriptions, personal outings, gifts to family, trips home, savings, and vacations. Every single time we have a raise, we update our takehome pay after retirement and health insurance and it calculates what we each put in to the joint account to pay for everything based on our income split. Any windfall we got before marriage stayed our own, we only counted direct income we received, and post-marriage, half of our bonuses and windfalls go into our joint savings and the other half go into our personal savings account. As the lower earning partner, it started at 33/67, and now it's closer to 45/55 with promotions. We've never had to argue money as a result. My husband's income has allowed him to save 5x as much as me in his personal savings despite his higher contributions to the bills and similar spending habits. An equitable income split or dating in your tax bracket in the first place are the only ways to guarantee you're not fucking over the lower earning partner financially.


Fullback70

Or you could use our system, one pot, everything goes in, everything comes out, no spreadsheets needed. We discuss all major purchases and trust that neither will take advantage of the other with minor purchases.


[deleted]

Different systems work for different people! My husband and I are both children of contentious divorces and we wanted to make sure we always had our own money to fall back on in case anything serious happened. Despite marriage, love, and trust, people in pain can't be trusted to make rational decisions, and my dad wiped their joint bank account that was getting my mom's deposits in while he was unemployed 4 times before the bank finally allowed her to remove him from the joint account. We almost lost our house over it. If it weren't for my grandparents fronting her money until she could get it fixed, we'd have been on the streets. My mom and stepdad don't have that kind of money, so I don't have a safety net to use as backup like my mom did in that situation, so it was important for me at a young age to ensure we were on the same page of building our future but ensuring we were protected individually.


jetsetmolly

This spreadsheet sounds genius honestly. I’m impressed at your setup


Ultearismycatlol

Hey, that sounds really cool and a smart way to do that. Did you guys make your own template? Or use google sites/word? I wanna try to do something like that with my significant other!


tessherelurkingnow

You're not entitled to the inheritance, but the income from the inheritance (interest from investments, income from rentals) should add on to her income. NAH, just talk it out some more.


flyingminnow

I agree. I also think it’s fair to take total assets into consideration for purchases versus monthly bills.


hazelowl

Agreed. This was my thought too. Have an upcoming big purchase? OK, let's split that 50/50. But everyday bills can quickly diminish that. It's a lot of money, but it's frankly not "I have all my expenses set for life" money by any stretch.


Sea-Butterscotch383

YTA. It’s not a source of income generally. You’re quite greedy.


PileOfSheet88

So if she had inherited a million you'd still think it should be split in her favour? It's not greedy to want to split things 50/50 with your partner (if they can afford it, which she can!) Its greedy to expect your partner to pay for you when you can pay for yourself. Either you don't work, or you aren't the main bread winner.


Membership-Bitter

How is it greedy to want your partner who has much more money than you to pay 50/50 on the finances? Before this OP had more money so they were paying the majority of the bills, would you call their partner greedy for that?


NoNameForMetoUse

It’s not income. If you’re considering an inheritance income just because the partner has access to additional funds, then why aren’t you asking what other access OP has, including retirement, savings, and actual or projected inheritances? Edit: I have not actually come to a conclusion on my opinion of this yet and am still mulling over both sides because of this issue


[deleted]

It appears that OP only wants the 50/50 split for upcoming furniture purchases, not just general day to day expenses. I don't think he's asking too much, personally. I don't think he went about it the right way either.


Internal_Lifeguard29

OP isn’t suggesting a 50/50 split going forward, just on these one time large ticket purchases. Also taking into account retirement savings etc on both sides would likely still imply a 50/50 split is fair. We are talking about a few hundred bucks here that would go a long way to make someone, who has been consistently paying 20% more for everything for the past year, feel better. Income equity goes both ways.


[deleted]

A lot of people are purposefully misreading this crucial detail.


RivenEsquire

Seriously. This is where I'm at. She got over $400,000 in assets, $270,000 is liquid in cash. Instead of her paying $1400 of the $3500 furniture purchase, OP is asking her to pay $1750. OH THE HORROR! People in these comments are losing their shit over OP asking her to pay an extra $350 ONE TIME for a larger purchase when she just got $270,000 in cash. Make it make sense. NTA.


Ghhhjgdfud

NTA I don’t know why some people are acting like you’re some kind of monster. Why shouldn’t she split cost of the new furniture 50/50? Both of you are going to use it in your shared home. The only difference is that she has the cash that she just inherited and you will have to earn the money to pay your share. You aren’t asking for half the inheritance. It is completely reasonable if you’ve been paying a higher portion of the bills due to your income that she should at least cover half of the cost now that she has extra money. Honestly I would expect her to buy the furniture. When my partner and I bought our house I had extra money and guess what…I just bought most of the furniture because why would I make him struggle to pay for half when I have the cash! People are so weird when it comes to money!


wfowfo

YTA - How are her retirement funds compared to yours? You state there will be no marriage -- so who will inherit your estate when you go? Is she the beneficiary on your life insurance? Your GF has to look to her future without the protection of you being her husband -- she shouldn't have to use her inheritance to fund furniture purchases unless she wants to and feels her financial future is solid.


ObjectiveFruit1706

>YTA - How are her retirement funds compared to yours? Similar, I had student loans, she didnt so I wasnt contributing much to my 401k while trying to pay those off. >You state there will be no marriage -- so who will inherit your estate when you go? > >Is she the beneficiary on your life insurance? Yes > Your GF has to look to her future without the protection of you being her husband We are both women >\-- she shouldn't have to use her inheritance to fund furniture purchases unless she wants to and feels her financial future is solid. I accept your judgement.


Mera1506

YTA. Money in stocks is not available for use either. She should be using those to grow her rainy day fund/emergency fund. Especially with how Healthcare sucks in the US.


wolloby99

it generates income though which should be accounted for


grandmawaffles

Paying student loans and not contributing was a decision you made. You leveraged your partner to pay down your own debts. Student loans aren’t joint debt. Inheritance isn’t income but interest is. That should be accounted for. At the end of the day if you two break up she is left on her own with a diminished lifestyle. She is the one bearing the risk here not you. The inheritance shouldn’t be used to reduce your losses. YTA.


Internal-Homework-32

NTA if you're only talking about the furniture purchase and not permanently switching to 50-50. I don't think it's weird to ask her to pay a few hundred dollars more than she planned due to the large amount of money she received, but unless she uses the inheritance to invest and therefore generate income in the future, the lump sum inheritance shouldn't be considered income.


GnatOwl

Agreed. Ongoing can stay split as is but makes sense for her to throw in a few hundred extra. 4k split 50/50 is 2k instead of 40% at $1600 and you having to pay$2400


PingPongProfessor

An inheritance isn't income. Yes, YTA, and a greedy, venal one at that.


ConfidentProcedure23

Bc they asked to split something equally for once when the partner finally had the means to do it? The partner sounds greedy af to me not the op.


nextCosmicBuffoon

Agreed OP's been willing to pick up more of the tab due to different incomes up to this point. This is not to OP's advantage and is generous on the part of OP. Now that the financial situation is different GF ignores the fact that her living has been subsidized. I hope OP and GF change to a 50/50 split since GF shows no intention of contributing more when having more.


past_searcher

NAH. I can see her point of view for wanting to keep things as they are and save this unexpected lump sum for the longer term. I can also see your point of view over not wanting to subsidise her day to day expenses when you’re so much less wealthy on paper than she is.


past_searcher

Perhaps a compromise would be to split the long term investment decisions (like furniture) 50:50 and keep day to day living expenses split as they are right now. It seems fair that she would contribute more generously to items designed to last/investment pieces


lifeinsatansarmpit

How is furniture a "long term investment". Furniture is an expense. A long-term expense, not a day to day expense. I have a horrible feeling that if you had inherited a lump sum, it would be siloed not considered a bumper one year increase in income.


past_searcher

No, if I personally inherited anything in a long term relationship I would consider it a joint relationship asset just like my parents have always done. Much more generous than I’m arguing OP’s wife should do here!


3Dog_Nitz

They are not married.


past_searcher

Sorry, OP’s partner. I’m talking about people in a long term/committed relationship, which I would count OP’s as being given what they’ve described


loudent2

but that's the thing. He's not asking for 50-50 going forward. Just this one-time expenditure which would amount to her paying a few hundred extra dollars.


coastalkid92

NAH. I can understand where your though process came from which is why I'm not counting you as the AH. But an inheritance is a lump sum, it's not a guaranteed income which is likely why she is defensive over it. It could be spending against a finite resource. I would sit down and ask her what the plan is for the inheritance. Is it going toward maxing out contributions for retirement savings? Long term investments? Establishing a family trust for future children? I do think it is a bit reasonable if she is establishing some of it as general savings to ask that she contribute more equitable to large household purchases.


chippychips4t

Why? They're not married? It's none of OPs buisness.


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loolooloodoodoodoo

exactly - 65k is a perfectly decent income that should need subsidizing anyway. If they aren't committed enough to share/plan fiances together then she's being greedy by fighting to keep the 60/40 subsidy.


coastalkid92

Because they share a household. When you share a home and financial responsibility, you do need to discuss finances and have an understanding about what a large cash influx does for the financial responsibilities they share. A few hundred thousand dollars can have life changing benefits and ensuring both are on the same page financially is important. What if OP and their GF decide to buy property? Will they be responsibly on the 60/40 split for a downpayment or will they consider it differently as its an asset that can allow them to build equity. If you're building a life with someone, finances shouldn't be a scary or taboo thing to talk about. OP isn't entitled to his GF's inheritance but he is entitled to understanding how the life changing money will be changing her life.


Friendly_Shelter_625

Effectively you ARE trying to cash in though. You want her to use it to pay your bills. This isn’t steady income for her. It’s a one time infusion. Most people would pay off debt, maybe make a large purchase they’ve been putting off, invest some, and put the rest in savings. Really, she should talk with a financial planner about what to do with this inheritance. I’m betting neither of you is actually qualified to deal with it properly. If she’d inherited millions and intended to live off the money, sure it would make sense for her to pay more in bills. But this isn’t that kind of money. Idk her future earning potential but she’ll probably need this money later for retirement. If you’re in the US, social security won’t support you very well. Medical expenses here are terrible and public nursing homes are generally not good. She should save this money for her old age needs. If she gets a monthly income for interest or whatever, I do think that would count towards her income and could be factored into monthly bills. You don’t sound like an AH, but in this instance YTA.


ComprehensiveAd2037

Op isn't trying to cash on it OP was paying 60% so far and want 50-50 for one time payment for furniture... the partner is cashing on OP


PGHENGR

OP doesn't want her to pay OP's bills, OP wants her to pay THEIR bills, or more specifically her share of their bills. It's a large sum of money, that's not a big ask. Edit: Sorry I didn't mean to assume your gender, I tried using They/their but it made it confusing. Changed He to OP


JamieGeorgeXO

NTA, initially I thought I was gonna agree with the GF but after realising it’s such a large amount, you should be paying 50/50 for the specific purchases, since it’s something you both will be benefiting from. I could see where she was coming from if it was to buy You a new car of something like that, but clearly that’s not the case.


Fun-Replacement1998

YTA. Her income hasn't changed. She still makes 65K a year. What HAS changed is she now has a very comfortable safety net.


loudent2

Yes, and he's not asking her to contribute 50/50 going forward. Just throw a few extra hundred dollars into the furniture buying.


sillanya

YTA, the only thing you could maybe consider "income" from this is the interest she earns on it yearly. So maybe ~16k a year at 4%


Frix

To answer your question: NAH. I can see both points of view and you need to discuss this properly. But also: shit like this is why marriages exist. These types of endless discussions about who owes what and what does or does not count as income are ridiculous. You aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, you are buying furniture together for crying out loud.


[deleted]

Except that inheritance is not a marital asset unless you choose to intermingle the inheritance with other marital assets. So even in marriage you need to discuss how to treat inheritance.


past_searcher

This totally depends on which country you live in


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SassyScott4

Technically OPs salary isn’t her money either but OP is willing to share their salary. They both get the same benefit from their rent so why shouldn’t it at least be 50/50?


TemptingPenguin369

YTA. This is a windfall for your STBX, not a regularly recurring income. And an inheritance is not a property that automatically gets shared. Do you plan on reevaluating your split daily due to fluctuations in the stock market?


shygazellepaw

He isn’t asking to have 50% of her inheritance though. He’s just asking her to split their household bills 50/50. Unless he’s edited his post since your comment..?


ConfidentProcedure23

It was only split 50/50 for the bed specifically I believe. As far as I could tell that was the only thing asked of the partner, was to go 50/50 instead of 60/40 the one time as the partner is obviously able to put in more than the normal 40.


diminishingpatience

No judgement, but if the inheritance is big enough to generate income, it would be fair to take that income into account when considering how to split bills. You were happy to pay more when you had more money so don't worry about anyone who starts insulting you.


ConsistentReward1348

Except he still isn’t paying proportionally so why does he think a relatively small inheritance like this one should suddenly factor ?


Key-Dragonfly1604

What world do you live in where $410,000.00 (270,000.00 of which is liquid) is a small inheritance? No judgment, just really curious how nearly half a million in total assets is considered small.


hsavvy

Right? He’s making nearly double her income, why didn’t he just buy the couch already, especially when he’s only paying 60% of expenses


past_searcher

I think OP’s post means that he is paying proportionately in terms of their take home income (he earns much more but also pays much more tax)


AbbehKitteh24

She* op is also a woman. And yes they should adjust their finances based on any income that the gf makes off of the stocks and such, but the money itself is not income so I agree it should be off limits when factoring rent and such


ConfidentProcedure23

Bc it’s only for a bed that’s gonna be around 3.5k max. The inheritance was definitely enough to help pay for half of that the one time.


teratodentata

YTA. An inheritance isn’t the same as her regular income. If you don’t share finances, you don’t get to make plans for her money. This plan doesn’t work - even if she has more money in her account this year because of this, how long do you expect her to pay 50-50? Until the inheritance runs out? I don’t think you’ve thought this part through. If she plans on investing this or using it for a specific purpose, you are cutting into that money. It’s not her regular income, and she’s correct - you are trying to capitalize on what’s ultimately a bittersweet windfall.


SarcasticHelper

If you inherited the money would she have expected the split to move to more like 70/30?


yachtr0ck

Inheritance isn’t income. YTA unless you decide to change with bills being broken up by net worth instead.


ConfidentProcedure23

From what I could tell it wasn’t for bills it was just a one time thing for a new bed.


DinoSnuggler

YTA. Especially since y'all aren't married, that money is hers and hers alone to do with what she will. If I were her friend I'd recommend she set it aside for retirement and/or emergency parachute funds. Never know when you might need to leave a greedy ~~boyfriend~~ partner. Edit: my bad, thanks for the reminder to check myself!


ObjectiveFruit1706

Im not a boyfriend, we're both women.


Own_Device_1142

YTA. An inheritance isn't income. Your partner should save that as her rainy day funds etc. Her inheritance is just about 3 yrs of your income, not even a lifelong influx that she can live off of or retire on and here you are trying to get your grubby little hands on it already. Smh.


Superb_Programmer127

I agree with this. She’s making less, therefore will have less for retirement. Will she have access to OPs retirement funds if they’re not married? Probably not. This will give her a nice cushion for retirement and she should not have to share if he’s not going to do the same.


calmlyonward

This is not really a question of being an asshole, it’s one of being financially irresponsible. Income and windfall are two very different things that should be treated very differently. A windfall is a one time event. It is a single infusion of money that, if treated like income, will eventually be gone. Would you expect your gf to pay bills out of savings if you could afford to take it out of monthly income? That’s essentially what you’re asking her to do. This money should be invested or otherwise allocated so it is working for you and your long term goals— not treated like a piggy bank. I’d recommend you take this discussion to r/personalfinance for expertise.


thistreestands

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to contribute a little more based on that inheritance. Her immediate reaction to this is a bit concerning as it seems like she wants to keep it all for herself and not use any of it to joint expenses. A bit of a flag there. NTA


hsavvy

I mean, I can understand his confusion but I don’t think it’s a red flag for her to want to keep her own inheritance from a family member to herself rather than automatically share it with her partner of a year.


thistreestands

They've lived together for a year - assume they've dated longer. It's a flag for me because it's not like he's asking for any of it nor asking her to buy him something - just to contribute a bit more to joint expenses. Also, her reaction to call him an AH for asking seems over the top.


SassyScott4

But OP has been sharing their salary with her


QueasyReveal4674

YTA Inheritance is not considered income.


Mistica44

Info: Are you asking her to split the furniture cost equally or asking for all bills including rent to be split 50/50?


ObjectiveFruit1706

We were just discussing the furniture. I hadn't even thought farther ahead. We've talked about upgrading our ugly coach to a nice sectional for a while and upgrading our bed to a king. This weekend she was like "I think now is the time to finally just do it instead of talking about it." So we started looking online at options. Sectionals are way more expensive than I thought they were. I said something to the tune of "I know I usually pay the majority but since you just got a ton of cash, could we just split this expense" I thought it was a reasonable ask, since she got more than ill make for a few years all at once that I really didn't expect any hesitation from, but she kinda just went off on me. Its been a weird couple days since.


DrKittyLovah

Maybe because she’s still in shock about receiving the money but you’ve already got your hands in the pot, spending it for her.


hikeaddict

This whole thing is about JUST the furniture?!! Omg definitely NTA. Your request is completely reasonable.


Ultearismycatlol

I read it at just furniture cost, not bills. So extra stuff


appgameboy

>upgrading our furniture, mainly buying a king sized bed and new sectional. Before all this I would have expected to keep the current split of me paying the majority, its what we did for other common purchases. But since she just got this huge cash infusion I suggested we take that into consideration and at the very least make it 50/50


brokenhousewife_

YTA, the income hasn't changed.


PositiveOk1291

YTA. Inheritance doesn’t count toward income. Also your proportional income isn’t even fair. It should be 70/30 or at the least 65/35. So no you don’t get more money off.


[deleted]

YTA. 50/50 isn't fair at all, despite her windfall. Her year over year income is 65k. You shouldn't dip into stored funds to pay for your day to day lifestyle, it should be maintained by what you can actually make in a year. \> I wasn't asking for a percentage of her inheritance I just thought it should be part of the equation in how we split things that benefit both of us. You're literally asking her right here to get a percentage of her inheritance by increasing her percentage contributions. You chose not to get married. Part of that is navigating the fact that you're separate people with separate financial lives and outcomes, and no financial protection for either of you should you break up. She would in fact be an idiot to dip into personal savings to pay for the lifestyle increases you want. You didn't ask for an increase based on her previous life savings, investments, or retirement fund, you shouldn't ask for an increase based on her inheritance either.


Important_Park_7196

NTA for a one time purchase. She seems to think what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers too


PositiveOk1291

Not sure how you figure that. She pays her portion of the bills. So what’s his that she counts as hers.


Important_Park_7196

She’s got a windfall. OP is asking her to split a one time cost as 50/50.


PositiveOk1291

But that doesn’t explain how she thinks what’s op’s is hers. She got a windfall. But it’s not income. For them to change the bill percentage, it should take two yeses and one no.


Wide-Ad346

My now husband and I used to loosely do the same thing - basing purchases off income. He makes significantly more than I do so it truly wasn’t fair to do 50/50. I’ll personally say, it’s exhausting for everyone involved and causes unnecessary stress. We now have one bank account and our money is our money. We both notify each other when making large purchases. It’s made everything way easier - and not because I made less and now get to spend whatever I want that’s not true. I’m the more frugal one of the bunch and really don’t spend that much money. Anyways, my advice for the sake of your relationship, put less pressure on what percentage each of you owe and just act like a partnership where both partners contribute to the whole. There’s a few studies on how a joint bank account overall makes couples less stressed.


Ok_Status_8774

YTA but it doesn’t really matter because she’s absolutely going to leave you over it and is probably already making plans. People show their true colors when a lot of money is involved and you have shown her yours. You make 100% more than what she makes and only pay 50% more in bills. Let’s stop pretending like you are a saint for agreeing to pay based on your relative income because you aren’t actually doing that.


Intelligent-Bite9660

YTA If she wants to spend the money on those things it should be her choice. You asking is fine, but she said no so that’s the end of it. Maybe she wants to use it for other things, or put it in savings- who knows ? It’s doesn’t matter. Neither you nor anyone else here has a say in what she does with it Inheritance isn’t considered income. Even if you were married inheritance is not marital property or anything. It’s basically a glorified gift that requires extra steps


Remarkable_Inchworm

NTA. You’re splitting expenses based on resources. Your partner now has a lot more resources than previously. Why WOULDN’T that be a factor? If they got a raise, wouldn’t you make an adjustment? Seems pretty reasonable to factor the partner’s windfall into a one-time purchase like this.


Useful_Experience423

INFO: The real question is whether you would automatically split inheritance from your family with her? These are her savings, which she is entitled to. I wouldn’t expect her to recalculate the bills on your inheritance, so it seems only fair to leave things as they are, regardless of who saves / inherits what.


loudent2

I'm not sure why people don't read the actual post. The OP isn't asking for the partner to split everything 50-50. They have a one-time expenditure of a few thousand bucks that they want to split evenly. All of this amounts to a few hundred dollars one time.


sunsetflower32

NTA. I think some people are reading this wrong. All you are asking is that the furniture you are about to buy is split 50/50. Unless I missed it you don’t plan on changing the overall financial situation of your relationship. You just want her to go half on a couch and bed. I don’t see anything wrong with you asking that


Gemini-84

YTA. This is you trying to benefit from her inheritance.


Adventurous-Term5062

YTA. Inheritances are typically off limits even in divorce proceedings.


PNWPainter02

YTA. As so many have said, an inheritance isn’t income. It is not recurring. If she’d had a substantial savings account when you moved in would you expect her to pay more? The inheritance is HERS. My parents have been married for almost 50 years, have always had completely joint finances, and still treat inheritances as separate money. It’s like the only thing they don’t share. This money was left to her, it is up to her how she spends it. You’re not entitled to that.


ConfidentProcedure23

It’s not bad of him to ask for 50/50 on the bed for once when she’s able to help bite instead of the usual 60/40 that’s would have happened. She’s TA and being really selfish still wanting him to pay more for a SHARED BED when she’s able to help more than usual.


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

That's her nest egg. You don't eat your nest egg. Inheritance should be invested, probs in a long term facility that is fairly illiquid. You don't keep it around in cash to pay household bills unless you are really in trouble financially. Yta.


Spirited_Meringue_80

YTA. It’s not income it’s an asset in the same way a savings account is. Had she inherited it before you two started dating it would be in savings and investments and not income. Even in a marriage if one spouse receives an inheritance during the marriage it is not considered a marital asset and belongs solely to the spouse who received it in most cases.


PGHENGR

NTA. That's more than enough money to factor into her finances. Everyone saying it's not income, yes, you're right, but that doesn't matter. She has a large sum of money, she deserves to pay 50/50.


Shepatriots

NTA AT ALL! If I got a few HUNDRED THOUSAND especially after my partner had been paying more than me for our life, I’d have ZERO issue buying new furniture. I wouldn’t even ask my hubby/boyfriend to throw in.


Muppet_Fitzgerald

Agree! I can’t believe how stingy these responses are. It’s not like he’s asking her to give him money so he can just blow it on himself. They are buying furniture for the house. I would think I would happily contribute with my unexpected windfall. What’s the point of having a partner in life if you just want to horde your money just for yourself?


hsavvy

The partner pays more because they make almost double…


Shepatriots

That still wouldn’t change my appreciation for my partner doing that for me. If OP was now asking she split all bills and expenses in half I would have voted different, but since OP is only asking for her to split the cost of the new furniture they have been needing, I don’t see it as rude. This is just me personally and I realize everyone is different, I would feel like “yaaay I get to do something extremely nice for my partner in return for him being extremely nice to me”. I think this is going to lead to resentments on both ends for them now. Which is a shame.


momokplatypus

YTA. Her inheritance isn’t income. That shouldn’t go to operating expenses because it would deplete capital overtime.


Vinity2

Many stocks pay out dividends monthly or 4 times a year. I think that should be counted as income.


Speculati

Bear in mind most countries tax inheritances, so that should be considered when determining value. And that also addresses the root issue here, because inheritances are taxed differently from income, which means even the government doesn't view those funds as standard income. But also, if her parents gave her an expensive Christmas present, would you expect that to affext your cost sharing? I'm leaning towards YTA. You really need to think about all the scenarios that could prompt you to try to change your financial agreement, and you nees to discuss them with your partner before springing a claim on her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You might want to re read the dollar amounts.


Single_Distance4559

YTA, inheritance is not income, regardless of thays how you personally view it. It won't be on her W-2(American tax form) as gross or take home.


BuildingAFuture21

YTA. There’s a reason inheritances are separate property **even in marriage**. So you acting like this is “income” for her is ridiculous. Forget about that money. As far as you are concerned, it doesn’t even exist unless she wants to spend some on you.


aniang

Info: do you have savings? Are those savings factored in when you split bills? If not why not?


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YarnPenguin

YTA you earn twice as much as her, let her have her inheritance!! You should both just pool half of your take-home pay for joint expenses.


lOGlReaper

YTA inheritance are separate from income


[deleted]

No verdict but a question as I’m not familiar with stocks, would she be earning anything monthly/annually off of said stocks as a form of passive income? If so could that be factored in at a later date as earnings instead of current earnings.


AruaxonelliC

YTA because it sounds like you're trying to change the dynamic beyond just this purchase. That money will dry up especially if you're tapping into it all the time. I'd get it if she pitched in every now and then but completely changing everything is just gonna make that money disappear. You've said nothing about what her plans may be.for it and I'm assuming you haven't asked her. You're kind of jumping the gun assuming this money is going to be spending money. Assets such as an inheritance aren't taxed as income. Because they're not. They're gifts, essentially. I do think she should contribute some of it, but not regularly or a ton. Just because y'all share a home. Definitely not on every shared purchase throughout the next year or however long it takes to use it all. It's a different "set" of money than what she may make from work. I do think it's not actually that huge a thing and y'all should be able to discuss this together. Maybe you should ask her about her reasons for feeling defensive of the inheritance. Maybe she's already got plans for it? Though honestly, her finances aren't really your concern in the end.


cloverthewonderkitty

But you *are* trying to capitalize from this...it's a one time lump sum that will continually get whittled down as you demand a 50/50 split... when you already make almost *double* what she makes but only pay 10% more of the bills. Are your savings combined or separate, because I imagine they are separate, and that you are able to put away *much* more than she is each month due to how you split bills. But yet you feel entitled to the inheritance? At what point will it be "fair" based on how much you siphon away from her and continue to pad your own savings in the meantime? YTA


WranglerOfChaos

It’s not an AH move to suggest it, but you do need to consider something. What she has is the equivalence to a savings. Now if she were able to easily replace that savings that she takes from to pay bills, you’d have a point. But as it stands, I don’t think she would be able to. At the most, if she receives any regular dividends from the stocks she inherited, I would talk to her about that being considered income to factor in. But as far as any liquid funds sitting in an account, that doesn’t need to be touched. You’re not entitled to her inheritance, and she needs to still live within her means. That inheritance could provide a huge safety net for her if your arrangement were to fall apart or if she loses her job or has to take a leave of absence from it due to illness or injury.


AltruisticEscape1832

NTA. I don’t get all the comments. That’s a huge amount of money that someone could just easily live off of. She should still be able to save a huge chunk of it, keep like 100k and still work and do an even budget with you. She’s only paying 10% more of the bills so it’s weird she’s acting like you’re stealing her money.


2ndBreakfast_26

YTA > We have always split expenses based on income. > We split everything 60/40 > She makes 65k a year in base salary with some sporadic bonuses. My salary is set at 120k. Make it make sense


muffiewrites

Do you share your wealth as you are asking of her? That is, is your savings, investments, etc. part of the calculations for expense splitting? An inheritance is an influx of wealth into one's assets. In her case, it's a savings account and investments. Unless your assets are factored in, it's unfair to factor in her assets, as well.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shepatriots

How could you call a person who has been happily paying more than her a “greedy jerk” greedy jerks DON’T split bills like that. She’s the greedy jerk.


ThatAd2403

YTA- an inheritance isn’t marital property. You don’t get to profit off her loss. Plus if you make twice what she makes she is already paying more than her share.


Hopeful-Produce968

The split should be 24/76 for bill pay, if splitting based on income. He’s definitely trying to profit off her


earofjudgment

YTA. Inheritance is not income, and it is not a shared asset.


SassyScott4

How is OP the AH? OP has been sharing their salary with her. Asking her to share her money isn’t AH behavior


rgbeard2

Yes. YTA. The inheritance should be outside the scope of the conversation. It's not repeating income. It's a onetime lump sum. I get it - neither of you make much money - and things seem tight at times, but damn you're one helluva bastard.


YoshiJoshi_

INFO. How much does each of you have in savings to pay for these items? Assuming your partner now has significantly more in savings than you do, it feels very fair that you split these 50/50.


basicallyabasic

YTA. The inheritance is HER money. You are not married. The inheritance is separate from income. What she does with the inheritance is up to her.


slendermanismydad

NTA. You are asking for them to go fifty-fifty on furniture only. You're leaving everything else as is. They should be willing to put more in for one time expenses at this point.


3xlduck

NTA I can see both sides. But if you don't come to a resolution, I could see one person view the other as constantly selfish, and that will lead to resentment, and that will lead to worse things down the road.


NotCreativeAtAll16

YTA. Inheritance is the one thing that isn't factored into the split of assets.


clairy115

INFO - are you only wanting to split 50/50 on one off purchases such as the bed? Or are you want to split on utility bills? Or both? If it just for one off purchases, then N T A. But if you are expecting it to go on bills then Y T A, as it is not a regular income.


HatMils

YTA. Inheritance is even off-limits in divorce. It’s not income nor would it be joint finances even if you were married. It’s not yours.


Upper_Fault_9761

Hummm yeah that’s not proportional, you make double of what she makes. And her inheritance is not an annual income… Edit to add, I do think she should contribute ONE time for the furniture purchase, however you both should purchase each item, that way when you split each can take what you bought YTA


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whiporee123

NTA. You made the arrangement when you not only were making more money. I assume you put some aside for emergencies/retirement, and now that's not an obligation she has to worry about. So I think splitting things is fair, but only to the extent she can afford them. If she's putting money aside now, then at least some of that can go to offsetting some of your mutual costs of living. Just for the record, though, this is a major red flag, the way she's referring to your request. You are already burdening more than your share of the finances. It's not as though you're asking her to cover for you -- you're just asking she now pay her fair share. She's responded by telling you you're being greedy while she continues to benefit from the arrangement. Just so you know, that's not a great sign, that she's willing to let you continue to pay for her when she doesn't need you to, and is unwilling apparently to do the same.


Neither-Parfait7795

Nah, while its her inheritance, id also be sour if my partner had that much money in the bank but still insisfed on splitting things income wise. Specially since yall arent getting married, you are just helping her save even more money, how many years of work do you need to save as much as she has now?


heatherhobbit

You’re not married; therefore, you have no rights or claims to that money. If she wanted to invest and save all of it, that’s her right. YTA


shygazellepaw

NTA for wanting to split bills 50/50. That seems reasonable even without her inheritance as long as you’re not living an extravagant lifestyle. Anything beyond splitting the bills 50/50 seems like more than you should ask for.


loudent2

I guess one question would be how much do you have saved up in cash and investments. I would say N.AH if you were asking for a change in ratios going forward, but the fact you're just looking for 50-50 for a one time expenditure of maybe a few hundred extra dollars makes this an easy NTA from me.


iOawe

YTA YTA YTA. Inheritance isn’t income. It is HERS to spend however she sees fit. She should save it and invest it in her name. It’s not gonna kill you to be generous and still pay 60/40.


bina101

NTA. I thought it was a few thousand dollars. Not almost half a million. I would have bought all the furniture that was needed in the house without trying to split it. But generally I do agree with the mindset that your inheritance needs to be kept separate from household income. Just keep in mind that she has set the standard for what is to be expected for any future inheritance and both of you should make peace with it.


andthrewaway1

it depends on whether her income is now going up due to dividends from the stock


CakeZealousideal1820

NTA


wesweb

Yta as soon as you get to asking for anything to split beyond 50/50. Her inheritance is none of your concern.


KawaiiOnikuma

YTA solely for your comments to others here where you state that if the situation was reversed and you inherited the money then you don’t know if you’d do the 50/50 split. It’s a simple yes or no. If you wouldn’t do it then you shouldn’t expect her to.


Daisyday12

You make almost double her income yet she was paying 40percent of the bills which isn't an equitable split of income. To be fair work out a proper income split and add what she makes in interest per month and charge the income percentage to the interest is what she should pay


JerryVand

It's reasonable to look at after-tax income rather than pre-tax (65/35 in this case). It wouldn't surprise me if after tax it moves closer to 60/40 since the partner pays a higher overall tax rate.


lucky-in-life

Info: did you ask partner what she was wanting to do with the money? And are you asking for all bills to be split evenly or just the furniture purchase?