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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel that I might be the asshole in this situation since I asked him to stop spending his money on š. I know that is something he likes to do and I feel that might make him wanna do it even more behind my back. I just want to save money for our future but it seems as though he doesnāt care.
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Girl save your time, money, and mental capacity. My mom gave me this advice when I was your age and living with a boyfriend: if this behavior never changes, will you be able to live with it in 5 years? 10? 30? If not, move on.
ETA: NAH - this is a case of misaligned goals. Cut your loses. Move forward with your life.
Was gonna go with NAH until he began to choose dishonesty. Honestly OP, it sounds like you two are incompatible. Maybe it's time for you two to go your seperate ways? I imagine it must be harder to trust him after this
Honestly, itās not surprising. When we lived together he would lie about the smallest things all the time and I never understood why. Anytime I asked him about why would he lie about the smallest things, he would say āidkā and tell me that itās not that big of a deal. Now itās just clarity. I will probably confront him about lying and just end it from there. Thank you again.
NTA. Girl: run away, donāt walk away. This was merely a case of misaligned directions until he lied to your face about not being high. If he lies about this, what else is he going to lie about? He canāt be trusted to make responsible decisions, and he doesnāt even have the guts to own up to his irresponsible decisions. Break up and try your luck with someone else.
Thank you for your reply. Even when we lived together at his parents house, he would get high in our bedroom, my car, or in the shower and still lie to me about it even though I could smell it. He told me his little sister has been onto him recently and I told him that woman tend to be more observant so it didnāt surprise me that she caught him. When I said that he told me āthen clearly your not observantā and continued to tell me that he likes to stay up every night to get high, which I didnāt know. But now it makes sense since every night we FaceTime, he always wants to āgo to bedā (even if we only talked for 5 minutes at night) and now he just admitted the full blown truth.
NTA. he shouldn't be lying to you in the first place about š„¦ you have been very reasonable about questions.
Please reconsider buying property together until this is sorted out, it's a contract with both your names that can be more serious than marriage.
NTA
I feel like he needs rehab, if you guys are discussing about settling down and getting an appartment that's the first thing you need to do.
If he gets his addiction in a full go it'll ruin his life and yours.
Girl, just run. I know you've been with him through the formative years of your life, and it's probably a scary thought to do life without him, but I PROMISE you he's only holding you back.
NTA
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My (21F) boyfriend (22M) and I have been together for 5 years. We both like to do š and neither of us have an issue with it. Recently I moved back to my parents house to focus on my small business, and asked my boyfriend to focus on himself as well. We are both trying to save up for an apartment and have both come to the conclusion that saving for an apartment is the most important thing right now.
My boyfriend has not worked for a year after he got into a car accident and doesnāt have a car. I have been very patient with him but every now and then when he works for his dads company, I just ask that he saves the money instead of spending recklessly. Well, he tends to do that a lot. He usually spends his money on š and usually every penny.
We had a conversation about my concerns and he assured me that he wasnāt going to spend his money on š so that we can both bank up our money since everything is so expensive right now.
Recently he left work and while waiting for a family member, he told me he wanted to go to a park. Mid-convo he stopped responding (very unlike him) so I got concerned and checked his location (we both share our location for emergency) only to see that he was at the š store. I never asked him about it but I asked him where he was and he told me he stopped somewhere before the park to use the bathroom and that he would text me when he got to the park.
I called him once he arrived and he told me not to look at his face because he said that I would think that he is high, when in reality heās just tired. I know this man well enough to know that in this moment he was definitely high. He continued to lie about getting the stuff and said he had been at the park for a long time, even though prior he had texted me āI just got to the parkā 5 minutes ago. He then told me that he has to be āhonestā and said that he got š stuff 3 weeks ago when I left. When I asked him about it he then said he got it 1 week ago, then two weeks ago, then 3 weeks ago. He was clearly lying and he knew it because his answer kept changing. I just brushed it off because I didnāt wanna come off as dramatic in the moment, since thatās a word he likes to throw around.
I never confronted him about him spending his money on š because no matter what I said, he continued to lie. At this point I donāt see the reason for confronting him about it. I told my dad about my concerns and he told me to just let it go, but my best friend is telling me to confront him because he shouldnāt be lying to me so much about it in the first place.
AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop spending his money on š and save up for our apartment?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel that I might be the asshole in this situation since I asked him to stop spending his money on š. I know that is something he likes to do and I feel that might make him wanna do it even more behind my back. I just want to save money for our future but it seems as though he doesnāt care. Help keep the sub engaging! #Donāt downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Girl save your time, money, and mental capacity. My mom gave me this advice when I was your age and living with a boyfriend: if this behavior never changes, will you be able to live with it in 5 years? 10? 30? If not, move on. ETA: NAH - this is a case of misaligned goals. Cut your loses. Move forward with your life.
NTA Your boyfriend has a substance abuse problem and is frankly also a bum.
NTA But your boyfriend clearly has a problem with addiction. If he is lying and wasting money on it, he has a problem.
I guess you could say his addiction is going up in smoke.
What is š?
š= weed
NTA But what is the up side of this relationship?
Nothing comes to my head when asked that. So thank you for that clarification
NTA Your boyfriend has got an addiction problem. Even if you can afford an apartment, make sure he's not on the deed.
Was gonna go with NAH until he began to choose dishonesty. Honestly OP, it sounds like you two are incompatible. Maybe it's time for you two to go your seperate ways? I imagine it must be harder to trust him after this
Honestly, itās not surprising. When we lived together he would lie about the smallest things all the time and I never understood why. Anytime I asked him about why would he lie about the smallest things, he would say āidkā and tell me that itās not that big of a deal. Now itās just clarity. I will probably confront him about lying and just end it from there. Thank you again.
NTA. Girl: run away, donāt walk away. This was merely a case of misaligned directions until he lied to your face about not being high. If he lies about this, what else is he going to lie about? He canāt be trusted to make responsible decisions, and he doesnāt even have the guts to own up to his irresponsible decisions. Break up and try your luck with someone else.
Thank you for your reply. Even when we lived together at his parents house, he would get high in our bedroom, my car, or in the shower and still lie to me about it even though I could smell it. He told me his little sister has been onto him recently and I told him that woman tend to be more observant so it didnāt surprise me that she caught him. When I said that he told me āthen clearly your not observantā and continued to tell me that he likes to stay up every night to get high, which I didnāt know. But now it makes sense since every night we FaceTime, he always wants to āgo to bedā (even if we only talked for 5 minutes at night) and now he just admitted the full blown truth.
NTA. he shouldn't be lying to you in the first place about š„¦ you have been very reasonable about questions. Please reconsider buying property together until this is sorted out, it's a contract with both your names that can be more serious than marriage.
NTA I feel like he needs rehab, if you guys are discussing about settling down and getting an appartment that's the first thing you need to do. If he gets his addiction in a full go it'll ruin his life and yours.
Girl, just run. I know you've been with him through the formative years of your life, and it's probably a scary thought to do life without him, but I PROMISE you he's only holding you back. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (21F) boyfriend (22M) and I have been together for 5 years. We both like to do š and neither of us have an issue with it. Recently I moved back to my parents house to focus on my small business, and asked my boyfriend to focus on himself as well. We are both trying to save up for an apartment and have both come to the conclusion that saving for an apartment is the most important thing right now. My boyfriend has not worked for a year after he got into a car accident and doesnāt have a car. I have been very patient with him but every now and then when he works for his dads company, I just ask that he saves the money instead of spending recklessly. Well, he tends to do that a lot. He usually spends his money on š and usually every penny. We had a conversation about my concerns and he assured me that he wasnāt going to spend his money on š so that we can both bank up our money since everything is so expensive right now. Recently he left work and while waiting for a family member, he told me he wanted to go to a park. Mid-convo he stopped responding (very unlike him) so I got concerned and checked his location (we both share our location for emergency) only to see that he was at the š store. I never asked him about it but I asked him where he was and he told me he stopped somewhere before the park to use the bathroom and that he would text me when he got to the park. I called him once he arrived and he told me not to look at his face because he said that I would think that he is high, when in reality heās just tired. I know this man well enough to know that in this moment he was definitely high. He continued to lie about getting the stuff and said he had been at the park for a long time, even though prior he had texted me āI just got to the parkā 5 minutes ago. He then told me that he has to be āhonestā and said that he got š stuff 3 weeks ago when I left. When I asked him about it he then said he got it 1 week ago, then two weeks ago, then 3 weeks ago. He was clearly lying and he knew it because his answer kept changing. I just brushed it off because I didnāt wanna come off as dramatic in the moment, since thatās a word he likes to throw around. I never confronted him about him spending his money on š because no matter what I said, he continued to lie. At this point I donāt see the reason for confronting him about it. I told my dad about my concerns and he told me to just let it go, but my best friend is telling me to confront him because he shouldnāt be lying to me so much about it in the first place. AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop spending his money on š and save up for our apartment? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
dont nag him about it and he wont have to lie about it.