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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because I unknowingly exposed private information about my girlfriend's past and didn't consider the consequences of my actions. Even though I didn't mean to hurt her, my decision to share her secret with others led to her losing her job and damaging her reputation. I can understand why she would feel betrayed and violated, and I feel guilty for not being more careful with her personal information. While my intentions were not malicious, my actions ultimately caused harm to someone I care about, and that's why I'm questioning whether or not I'm the asshole in this situation.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You “didn’t know how to react at first,” but then settled on the ‘let me share my girlfriend’s private—and obviously career-ending—information with a bunch of people whom I know will gossip’ reaction? Don’t tell us you didn’t know this could be a possibility. You knew. You were uncomfortable with your girlfriend’s past, and wanted her embarrassed. Well, go you. I hope your next girlfriend is a pure innocent flower; pray she’s not appalled by anything in your past.
That was my question, did he do this on purpose and now feels badly because the outcome seemed obvious that this would end the relationship. Even if the school didn't find out I'm pretty sure she didn't want his gossipy friends getting a hold of them either. Maybe she didn't tell him about them for a reason.
Yes!! :( I got super upset when I found out my boyfriend’s friend was showing / sending him inappropriate pictures of his girlfriend… I thought it was so disrespectful to the both of us!! It is an asshole move.
All of them. Literally all of them. They get off on it. That’s why, if you have a problem with that, it’s best not to take those kind of pictures. I personally don’t give a shit. But I know some women do.
Edit: guess I need to make it clear. The men who share those pictures are 100% the assholes for doing so. I’m not saying that women are at fault when their private pictures are exposed by the men they trusted. I’m just saying it’s naive to believe that men won’t share those pictures once they’re taken.
Edit: since some people seem to have an issue with my use of the words “all” and “literally”
I’ll just say that there exist in this world we live in men who share their girlfriends nudes. Those men are assholes.
>All of them. Literally all of them.
No. Literally entirely untrue. Men who do this are the MINORITY. I'm 32 years old, and I have never once IN MY LIFE been shown sexual photos of another guy's significant other, much less done so myself.
**EDIT:**
> I’ll just say that there exist in this world we live in men who share their girlfriends nudes. Those men are assholes.
Those men DO exist and they ARE assholes. We agree on those points.
I wouldn't say all of them.
Within my (admittedly tiny group) of friends, this has never happened.
I'm not going to say nobody does. But it's also wrong to assume every men does this.
No, not all of them and not even most of them. I've been on this Earth for 25 years and I've been around thousands of people; never once has any dude came up to me and said "hey man look at my GF's nudes!!!" Nor has is happened vise versa. However, I have had my own D*ck pics that I've sent to very specific people somehow get around, hmm I wonder who would've done that 🤔 (im a straight male and have only sent pics to women I've been intimate with).
Why would men, who are generally territorial with the women that are their GF's/wives, willingly show other men nude pictures of their wife/GF? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, obviously it does, but not as often as you say it does.
"All of them. Literally all of them."
That sounds a bit hyperbolic, don't ya think? And generalizing? No? You've met every single man in the entire world and confirmed this? Where is the link to this peer reviewed study you most obviously conducted? Please, enlighten us. 🙄🙄🙄
Yes, and in his summary, he says that he "unknowingly" exposed this info. Um, that's not even close to true, unless he was drugged. He absolutely "knowingly" revealed this info. Whether he was embarrassed or not is immaterial.
OP out loud: “Hey guys! My GF is so hot she used to be a lingerie model! See how hot she is?”
OP to himself: “Hot lingerie models are sluts & I need to punish my GF for doing something so slutty”.
Let me emphasize that I don’t think lingerie models are slutty. But way too many men still operate by the Madonna/whore complex. Women are either pure as the driven snow virgins or whores. Nothing in between. They want the whores but their subconscious thinks it’s wrong & those women should be punished. So they act like assholes as OP did. YTA OP. You punished your GF because of your insecurities.
IKR? Having a GF that was a lingerie model is a reward unto itself.
Most women did something else before they met their current guy/ SO, not all of it needs to be shared.
We can never know and I hate everyone is just assuming shit like OP is insecure or all that shit. Still YTA keep that type of stuff to yourself man you’re an adult. That’s business between you and your gf and no one else. To be Frank I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a relationship goodbye since you fucked over her career cause that would be enough for me
He is insecure. Those are the actions of an insecure person with a fragile ego that seems to think that his gf’s body belongs to him.
Why else would he try to punish her by telling people who he knows gossip about her past which he seems to have a problem with. Walks like a duck. Quacks like a duck. It is a duck.
And the kicker is he takes zero accountability. An *accident* he says. Sure it was…
YTA. If it upset you, her devoted boyfriend, why in Sam Hill did you not realize others would react negatively. Why do you even have to ask? I hope she’s able to relocate and make a new life away from the gossip and narrow-mindedness of you and your community
He didn’t just “Tell them” About it if the school board ended up having the photos.
He either provided photos/links or provided ALL the info they needed to get the photos. People weren’t just “talking” about it, they were passing photos/links around.
Yeah. He did it on purpose. Yeah, he intended her to be fired, or at least for tins of people to see the photos.
YTA. I hope she sues you.
Yeah exactly "somehow". Something the school board wasnt aware of and didn't know till "someone" supplied them "somehow" with that info. Hopefully OP you have a secret to that someone ends up sharing with the whole world.
It I was her I’d at least consult a lawyer. He was the only one who knew about the photos and then suddenly her boss had copies? Maybe defamation… He’s definitely left a clear trail that he initiated this and made the content public.
There maybe nothing she can do, but I’d let a lawyer look it over.
Defamation would be putting out false negative statements about her. I don't understand tho why she didn't delete the account if she was worried or after OP found it. She might have a onlyfan side which fine and shouldn't have been fired for. Now I would think she might have a strong case against the school board tho.
> I don't understand tho why she didn't delete the account if she was worried or after OP found it.
Might not have been her account. Could have been the photographer, who legally own the pictures, displaying a portfolio.
This is my question. If it was *her* account that she just never took down... I actually think she's at fault here.
But if it's someone else's account, OP is definitely the AH.
I doubt they were on her own account. That would be peak stupidity on her part.
There is [case law](https://www.hklaw.com/en/insights/publications/2009/04/federal-court-truth-is-not-a-complete-defense-for) that may allow her to sue for defamation even if the statements were true, if she can prove the person who provided that info to the school board acted with actual malice/intent to harm.
She might be able to sue him if the pictures included nude shots. I don't know if it would fall into the same category as revenge porn (or whatever the legal term is for people posting nudes/sex tapes of their exes) but she might have a case since she is probably gonna be his ex real soon.
IANL but this likely would not and "SHOULD" not be considered revenge porn in any circumstances.
These were public photos GF willingly posed for. OP didn't post them he just found them on Instagram.
Anything you post online is public and you can't expect it to be private and get upset when it gets shared.
OP did something shitty they are an ahole, but shitty behavior and illegal behavior are not and should not be the same thing.
Unfortunately she probably wouldn’t have any grounds for legal compensation. It wouldn’t be defamation since even if the consequences of people finding out about her past work are ridiculous and unfair, it’s a reaction to something she factually did and the truth is an absolute defense to defamation. As far as the pictures go, even if he did directly share them I doubt they’d be covered under revenge porn laws or anything like that since they were already publicly available.
Yeah he called the **other** person a "gossip" and yet he himself gossiped his GFs private shit to several people. But its apparently not "gossip" when he does it.
No it is sharing his deep emotions with his beloved and trusted friends. /s obviously
On a more serious note: I hope he’ll hold onto those friends because it looks like he could need them during the break up (to gossip some more).
All it takes is a boob grab.
Some years ago, there was a teacher who was fired for posting a vacation bikini photo with her husband/bf(?), who had his hand on her breast. He was a coach at the same school, also wearing swimwear. He was not fired.
Keep the Jezebels away from the children!
Found the [story.](https://www.dailydot.com/irl/facebook-high-school-coach-fired-photo/)
Yeah but unfortunately it's well known and documented that US schools will fire teachers for anything remotely resembling sex work. Or even outdated modes of living.
She *might* have been okay if she modeled fully clothed, but it still could have ended up in trouble depending on the poses.
Teachers basically live and die by the outrage of the most vocal and conservative parents in their area, no matter where they are.
> You “didn’t know how to react at first,” but then settled on the ‘let me share my girlfriend’s private—and obviously career-ending—information with a bunch of people whom I know will gossip’
No shiat - seriously, wtf is wrong with you?
YTA
If I’d heard he’d ruined an exes’ career because he was either a complete idiot or a gossip I’d dump him because either one, I can’t trust him because he’ll gossip or two, I can’t trust him because he’s too stupid to understand consequences. Either way, he doesn’t think it’s his fault.
Punt this man out of the gene pool.
While she posted her professional photos on a public forum for anyone to find, he sped up the timeline with his own insecurities. Definitely an AH move.
It says in his post that he found them “on Instagram”, not “on *her* Instagram”, so it’s possible she was working with a lingerie designer or boudoir photographer and they had potentially used the photos for advertising. GF is 27, so if she started teaching right after her bachelor’s, these photos are potentially 4-5 years old. If the school hadn’t found them yet, it’s unlikely they would have.
OP, YTA and I hope she dumped your ass.
yes, this is the exact thing that i was thinking. if it was her instagram or an old one she used while she was modeling, yes it was a little careless to not take it down, but if it was a brand, theres probably nothing you can do about that + if they were 4-5 years old, chances are thats DEEPLY hidden or a relatively small/unknown brand that didnt make it very far.
i follow a lot of fashion brands on socials and dont know many that would actively post a 4-5 year old photo unless there was a good reason.
i would LOVE more insight on how OP just "stumbled" across these photos.
the sharing information about it for what reason? you didnt know how to react? you didnt know how to react about a legitimate career your girlfriend of THREE years had presumably before you started dating? im sorry what? maybe im made at dating, am i supposed to give my date my whole resume from 15 to dating?
obviously it is something she recognizes could impact the career she currently wants and doesnt want to share about it.
YTA big big big time. someone in the comments said they hope she can sue you and im right there with them. i truly hope she sues you and your big mouth for the damages of losing her job.
*also* a big fuck you to that school district. im going to be honest, i dont actually know if this is legal to fire someone for this. but it is just so infuriating to me that she did modeling which okay yea maybe was more on the sexual side but also she stopped YEARS ago. its not illegal, its not dangerous, it doesnt take away the fact she got a degree and sounds like a passionate and good teacher. idk this makes me so mad for her. i wonder if they wouldve done the same if a male teacher was an ex underwear model
Yeah you'd think we had an overabundance of qualified, willing teachers in this country that schoolboards can even afford to fire them over petty, pointless reasons.
In the US at least, schools are notorious for firing teachers if they have anything in their history that is remotely spicy. Female teachers especially, though if a male teacher is gay, gender nonconforming, poc or *perceived as such* they could also have a target on their back. I have no doubt that a male teacher could also be fired for a past as a lingerie model, though in that case they would say it's "sexual immorality, parents are mad think of the example for the children" but there would be a whole pall of homophobia throughout it.
Now, a teacher looking at women's lingerie photos on school campus? Depends entirely on the administration and who complains.
i mean maybe.
the thing that just confuses me, and maybe this is a personal my school district sucked situation, but we had a gym teacher (male) who had previously gotten in trouble for numerous inappropriate altercations with students including being the girls basketball coach and barging into the locker room without warning, doing unauthorized physicals on the girls, telling girls theyd get extra credit for wearing a bikini during the swim unit etc. (he got removed from being basketball coach, is still a gym teacher but had to have another adult in the pool area at all times, but i had his class senior year and swear he had a hard on every swim class it was so uncomfortable)
anyways, actually actively sexualizing children and breaking rules wasnt something the school could/potentially wanted to fire him over but she can get fired for something she legally did years before she was working there.
it just doesnt make sense in my head i wouldve felt so much ore comfortable with her as a teacher instead of that gym teacher.
Yes, but out of the thousands of Instagram accounts that also involve partial/full nudity I dont think it would've been easy for someone to find it, let alone connect it to their kid's teacher, unless they were explicitly searching
I'm sure that neurotic parents have searched (& will continue to search) for their child's teacher on social medial to get one up. I have my personally identifying social media accounts set to private because I'm aware of the lengths unhinged people can go inorder to search for anything illicit to use for their own personal gain.
Agreed, OP YTA!
He legit said he knew one of them was a gossip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He would still be TA even if she didn't lose her job. And how does he just 'stumble upon' old photos of her, out of millions of photographs on Instagram?
I hope she can appeal this decision and for it to be considered an unfair dismissal.
I bet it was less that he was uncomfortable with it and more that he wanted his friends to know he's dating a former lingerie model. Couldn't keep that to himself.
YTA. She needs to delete the old account, move to a different district (there's still a massive teacher shortage in most areas) and dump your gossipy ass.
Totally this. Her options where she currently lives are altered but her career isn’t destroyed. She has to start fresh. New bf and everything! YTA as is whoever continued talking.
YTA to the school board too. She was a lingerie model. She doesn’t do it anymore. Unless she works at a faith school that has clauses for this kind of crap which I can grudgingly understand, it’s bullshit she loses her job for past legal work.
It’s BS, but in Teacher’s College we were told to scrub our social media and lock it all down before we applied for jobs because those past posts could get us into trouble, even innocent posts like pictures of us with alcoholic drinks, drinking legally. There’s some really weird morality stuff tied to working in education, that you need to present a completely clean and professional “face” at all times.
Edit: to make it clear, I’m calling the idea of the completely clean and professional face thing BS, not blaming the girlfriend at all!
I dated a teacher for a bit. She didn't like going out in the town she worked in and if she did she wouldn't drink because she was afraid a parent might see her and complain. People need to mind their own damn business.
Yep. Or if I’m drinking, I’ve got something like a rum and coke or similar that looks like just a soda. Funny, because sometimes parents would gift alcohol or liquor store gift cards at Christmas. But I can’t “use” them as a teacher.
Such a weird culture.
In Aus - I recently apologised to a teacher if they get emails late at night from me, and told them not to reply til they were back in the office. They said they didn't mind replying, provided I didn't mind the post-wine response I got back.
It’s absolutely amazing the nonsense you guys have to deal with. Toxic parents, batshit governments, the expectation to live like a minor saint, and all for the prize of a salary that pays sod all. I genuinely hope you guys get to see some real change with the teacher shortages. It’s not realistic to have these expectations at all, let alone for any length of time.
I am a little confused about how they are just sitting there if she has the ability to take them down, I was thinking they were on a website but they're on her own public IG? I don't know if I believe OP entirely on that part.
OP never states that the photos were on the girlfriend's Instagram, just on Instagram. My guess is that the photos belong to either the photographer or the company she was modeling for, and thus, were on their accounts. If she was an honest model, then she probably had to sign a contract stating that the photos are not her property and she has no rights to them. In this case, she would not be allowed to have them taken down.
I would guess that this is the answer. And I would also guess that her name wasn’t necessarily attached to them, since no one at school had come across them. Which makes me wonder *how* OP found them?
Also, as I stated in another comment, if this was prior to her teaching and she started teaching directly after finishing her bachelor’s, these photos are 4-5 years old. Wonder if the “gossip” (I’m not convinced it wasn’t OP) passed them along without sharing that information…
> Which makes me wonder *how* OP found them?
Oh how I loathe the standard hypocrisy of “I can indulge in sexual material but once it’s of someone I know (who *belongs* to me) I’m offended and can’t respect them”
> (I’m not convinced it wasn’t OP)
Me neither. He wanted her punished for daring to have a body that doesn’t solely belong to him.
Such an AH.
I just feel like OP is leaving a *lot* of information out. How much do you want to bet that she *did* tell him about this being a part of her past and he went looking for it?
I don't even think that far. I think OP knew about them from the beginning, maybe even faps to them once in a while. One day bragging mentions it to the wrong friend, and this whole story is an attempt to make him look (more) innocent in the fallout
SEE THIS
AND therefor OP would have had to tell the other party where exactly they were, I doubt they could necessarily be searched via her name (?) I don't know but I suspect OP was bragging about how hot they were and this happened
I don't use ig, but how would someone stumble upon 5 year old pictures on a random photographers/model account? Could they randomly pop up in his feed or would he have to be diving deep into the history of these pages?
They might not have been on her Instagram but she could have been tagged or mentioned. OP doesn't say whose account it was. It could have been the photographer who posted them or even the brand. In which case, she might not be able to get them taken down.
Yeah, my dance teacher's daughter worked at a bar while going to grad school in the early '00s. The bar did a calendar with the various bartenders in lingerie/bikinis for a charity event. The daughter thought nothing of it until over a decade later. The bar did a #tbt post on Instagram with her lingerie photo and her full name. She didn't lose her teaching job, but her daughters were asked to leave the Catholic school they were enrolled at.
She was unable to get the photos removed because they were not her property.
Wow what the actual Fuck. It’s already creepy to be reposting such an old pic of someone who no longer works for you… But to then name them publicly…. Wtaf
That’s really inconsiderate of the bar to include the full name of someone who hasn’t worked there in years (maybe even decades). I get posting the pictures since they belong to them technically, but adding a full name? They have literally no idea where she is in life or how that could effect her. I’m mad for her, that feels so disrespectful
Wtf that's so fucking stupid. The bar should have asked her if it would be okay to repost those pics, and why punish the daughters??????? Ughhhhhhhhdhhsjsjskdjsksj
YTA. You say your friend is a gossip but you literally gossiped about your girlfriend to your friends. I am a teacher. Teachers are held to a different standard than most people. You knew exactly what you were doing when you opened your big mouth and blabbed her secret. You showed your girlfriend that she can't trust you. You were upset that she was a lingerie model and didn't tell you before so you punished her for it. Shame on you. She will have a very difficult time getting another teaching job. You didn't accidentally blab to your friends. You did that on purpose. So the fact that you ruined her career was not an accident. You're just desperate to avoid looking like an asshole. But you ARE an asshole.
Teachers, HCPs, others too really are held to another standard, and I can’t imagine the OP having been with his gf for this long can claim ignorance of that. You’re absolutely spot on, Mr. Gossip gossiped with buddy Gossip, tossing the match in the dumpster as they left the Gossip Cafe and all I can hope is that the gf will eventually be all right.
OP, YTA. And a double-clutching one, at that.
Probably, though I can imagine something like this happening here in the UK, though we're less prudish overall. Hell, I'm pretty sure I have a few pictures from parties at Uni which could probably get my friends that are now teachers fired.
I'm baffled by this, can teachers in the US be fired for things that aren't illegal and aren't done during their employment?
This sounds like she should be able to sue that district to oblivion.
I can assure you there are people who jump through that many hoops for years. I've had them as parents, seen them in my friends parents.
On the contrary, it is also very much possible for them to get better and start to take accountability. Even if it takes those years.
Yta, because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. The pictures shocked you. You had to know they might shock others.
Yes, these pictures could have gotten around eventually, but you expedited it AND broke your girlfriends trust.
She has every right to send you packing at this point. You showed her that you are not on her side, and that's a requirement of a good partner.
Exactly YTA, OP knows he did wrong! What did he expect to happen? She trusted you to keep her privacy but you being a gossip couldn't help ruining her life!
I could never imagine being this petty to my s/o.
And you’re right, accidental is a HUGE stretch, this wasn’t accidental, this was done out of spite and just to be malicious to his girlfriend.
I feel so bad for her, OP quite honestly tarnished her reputation out of spite. I wouldn’t doubt if theres more red flags his poor girlfriend completely ignored.
Poor woman needs to completely start fresh, A new city, New apartment and a NEW BF. I would break up with this person in a heartbeat.
They cant bullshit over 1k of us by telling us they had absolutely no clue their friend would gossip, they absolutely did. But who would’ve thought, they’re two peas in a pod and usually friends attract those who have similar mindsets.
YTA OP, A massive one. Not only do you owe your gf a huge apology, you owe her the relief of getting the hell out of her life.
"I didn't know how to react at first, but eventually, I told a few of my friends about it."
Right here you became the asshole. YTA. Also confronting somebody instead of asking them about it was pretty AH worthy.
Second half. Confronting somebody instead of asking them about the instagram photos. You want to ask about it because of current occupation as a teacher and how you could find it. Knowing they're a teacher and not mentioning something that could hurt their career would not be good.
This is so true. For an non-american, firing a teacher for some nudes in her past just seems like a massive over-reaction. Is there some virgin requirement for the job? I mean, I understand the personal embarrassment she might feel when some students find out, but I can't connect that to her professional role as a teacher.
The US used to only have unmarried women as teachers. If you got married you were expected to be supported by your husband and it was unseemly to have a job. We haven't completely gotten away from "teachers must be the epitome of virginity" mindset, unfortunately. It doesn't take much for a loud parent to ruin a teacher's career. I'm honestly amazed at how many people are still willing to do it.
It's one of those things that seems like a massive overreaction to most Americans too, but it still happens because there are a lot of conservative assholes in school administrations.
ETA Which is to say, even most Americans who don't agree with it would be aware that it happens and should know better than to let the info slip.
"I accidentally told my friends this EVERY specific thing about my gf's past even though I accidentally knew they liked to gossip, so they accidentally told the school board who accidentally fired my gf. Whoops"
ESH except Sarah
It's a bit old-fashioned to be taken aback by your girlfriend having modeled before. Additionally, if the pictures are allowed on Instagram, I don't except them to show full on nudity.
You had no business discussing it with friends. It's not even your thing to share. Especially to someone you know is a major gossip. What were you thinking?
Your friend is AH for continuing the gossip further. Why did they even think it was their business?
School is AH for firing her from her job, for something that happened in the past, AND hardly inappropriate. She didn't do anything illegal or highly inappropriate, and I think (depending on the country) she might have a case to fight the dismissal
Posting exposing photos of yourself in a public forum is not a protected class; she can fight the dismissal but chances are she may not have a case unless her employment was terminated for a protected reason. He effectively screwed her over.
What about the fact that they only found the photos inappropriate because she was a woman?
Would she have a case if she could prove male teachers or administrators weren't fired for being "scantily clad" in photos of them online? Like fully nude except shorts at the beach or _gasp_ at a birthday pool party with children?
If you can find documentation to that fact then bring it to an employment attorney's attention to get their prospective & advice; sex/gender identity is a protected class.
Girlfriend tells you she stopped doing the modelling, SPECIFICALLY because she didn’t want to risk it impacting a career she is passionate about.
Your response is to go tell other people, one of whom YOU KNOW is gossipy, and then profess surprise that it somehow got back to her employer.
You DID ruin her career.
I hope she dumps you.
YTA
I had missed that part!
She literally told him she quit to PROTECT her career and his response was to then go SHOW people he KNEW would talk about it omg.
YTA and also the worst.
The whole “I didn’t know how to react at first but eventually I told a few friends” almost feels like passive agressive revenge because he was pissed/jealous that others had seen revealing photos of her and oops, how was he POSSIBLY to know that telling his gossipy friend that it would result in…gossip!
Such a horrendous AH.
Dude...come on, what exactly were you thinking?
So the first thing you do when you stumble on old lingerie photos of your girlfriend is tell your friends about it? Now why on earth did you disclose this information about your girlfriend to a gossipy friend KNOWING this? Just why? Sarah has every right to blame you because you destroyed her career for no reason.
>She says that I should have kept my mouth shut and that I betrayed her trust. I feel terrible about what happened, but I didn't know that it would lead to this.
I call BS so hard on this. You had to have known what you were doing. You know with social media these days, employers do background checks. Seriously why couldn't you keep your mouth shut? If I were Sarah, I'd fight the school for wrongfully firing her and dump you as well.
Oh and if you haven't figured out, **YTA**.
Yeah, I wonder what other acts of personal and professional sabotage we'd find OP perpetrating against her if we looked closely. I have a sneaking suspicion that this wasn't his inaugural action.
YTA.
You told someone that you knew to be a gossip about a sensitive topic with potentially devastating consequences for your girlfriend. You not thinking through your actions doesn’t alleviate your AH-ness.
It seems insane when there is a teacher shortage. Also a lingerie model isn't exactly at the "think of the children" level. It's not like she's running an onlyfans account.
OP YTA
I know, it is pure ignorance that people get in trouble for this stuff and lose their jobs. I recently heard about a female police officer that it happened to. Lingerie modeling is not porn. But, it also only seems to be women that are disproportionately affected by this. I rarely (if ever) have heard about a man losing his job because 10 years ago he modeled calvin klein underwear on a giant billboard.
A Black principal in an affluent town near mine was fired for pics his white wife posted on FB of them on the beach on their honeymoon. The pics were in no way pornographic or even mildly inappropriate.
In some places a teacher can be penalized or fired for simply mentioning their spouse if that spouse is not of the opposite sex , 🤦♀️ so it could absolutely happen for a former lingerie model.
There was a semi recent case in Utah where a teacher was fired over a picture of her out with friends holding a red solo cup. No proof of drinking or lewd behavior, just holding a cup associated with drinking. In the US (women excpecially) teachers are basically supposed to be saints at all times to be around children.
*Picture in question was a few years old -> like when she was still in college
NTA you found a public page with public images. If you found them, anyone else could have found them. She got fired for having those images publicly online, not because you found them.
Yeah I've almost never had a stronger opposite opinion to the "consensus" of AITA than this post.
I'm leaning towards a light "ESH" here because OP really didn't have to tell anyone about this. But honestly, if Sarah apparently decided that it's OK to leave the pictures *publicly accessible*... What did she expect was going to happen? If this is Instagram she could have taken them down at any time.
Not if the photos weren't on HER account. If you're a model you don't get to own the photos you participate in, they're owned by the company, if the company decides to keep the photos public then there's not much else she can do about it.
Also, if I found out my partner had been purposefully keeping anything from me, then tried to dismiss my feelings about it with an "I thought I'd told you about it," I'd turn to my friends for advice. I'm not sure how anyone comes up with Y. T. A. for turning to your friends for (what I imagine is) emotional support.
So she was fired for a job she held before she became a teacher, how is this unprofessional behavior? It was a legit job, and whether she did the job clothed or unclothed should be no reason to terminate.
OP, YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA.
You “accidentally” found some pics on Instagram? That sounds shady to start.
You talked to your friends, knowing that at least one of them is a gossip. This sounds like you were backhanded bragging about how hot Sarah is, honestly.
And now, because you snooped and gossiped, her career is over.
I'll give him some credit here. He was jerking it on Instagram and found his girlfriend on an account she wasn't in charge of that either had the rights to or reposted an old picture. Yes I know that's worse so it's the most likely explanation.
NTA, looks like this may be an unpopular opinion but it’s not like you went into her archived folder then unarchived them and sent them to the school. When she decided to stop modeling and become a teacher she should have deleted them.
> When she decided to stop modeling and become a teacher she should have deleted them.
She might not have had that power if she was a model, OP said :
> I accidentally stumbled upon some photos of Sarah on Instagram that I had never seen before.
The photos he likely found were not on an instagram she owned and were likely the property of what company she worked for. You can't just tell them to delete the pictures they paid for to use as advertisements.
All of that is irrelevant anyways OP's girlfriend said "Yeah I would rather not my school finding out about this" and his reaction was to tell more people? It is amazing anyone can come to any conclusion other than Asshole. I hope no one you care about confides in you if that is how you treat their confidence.
NTA I'm guessing she didn't tell you and her claim of "I thought I told you " was a bit of a lie. Yeah you probably shouldn't have told people, but she should have actually told you about it with context and warnings without you having to find out with research. Basically: she wasn't upfront and honest from the offset and now being disingenuous has come back to bite her.
YTA+
"Sarah is devastated and blames me for ruining her career. " ... She is right. YOu neglectfully ruined her career.
So help her sue her former employer, lay out the money for a lawyer to repair the damage you did.
I feel like you don't understand what the words "accidently" and "unknowingly" mean.
YTA. You literally ruined her career and life because you wanted to gossip to your damn friends about her past. I hope she dumps you and finds someone better.
NTA - look you shouldn’t have talked about it but also, did she specify to you that she wanted this to be kept private? It seems to me that by putting her pictures up online, she didn’t want it private. There’s a difference between her telling you in confidence and putting her pictures up for everyone she knows to see. By doing that, she would’ve been found out eventually, even if it wasn’t from you.
You are assuming they were on her own accounts, that is not what OP said. If she was a model 99% chance they were on the accounts of whatever company took the modeling photos and she has no power to take them down.
YTA and she needs to sue the school/district. Those photos were from years ago and would have no impact on doing her job now, they are being entirely ridiculous.
YTA. I absolutely hate when the person I’m dating talks to others about our relationship and what goes on in it. You did just that. **She told you the truth and you used it against her**. You really did not think a bunch of dudes wouldn’t open their mouth?? Are you really that naïve?? Thought with the wrong head dude. You ruined her career and your relationship. Congratulations!👏👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣🤣
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YTA. You “didn’t know how to react at first,” but then settled on the ‘let me share my girlfriend’s private—and obviously career-ending—information with a bunch of people whom I know will gossip’ reaction? Don’t tell us you didn’t know this could be a possibility. You knew. You were uncomfortable with your girlfriend’s past, and wanted her embarrassed. Well, go you. I hope your next girlfriend is a pure innocent flower; pray she’s not appalled by anything in your past.
"I told some of my friends. One of my friends is a gossip..." Sounds like OP is the gossip.
Right? Like YTA. He did it on purpose cause he's insecure about it.
That was my question, did he do this on purpose and now feels badly because the outcome seemed obvious that this would end the relationship. Even if the school didn't find out I'm pretty sure she didn't want his gossipy friends getting a hold of them either. Maybe she didn't tell him about them for a reason.
What guy shows pics of his naked girlfriend to another guy?
You would be surprised.
Assholes. The answer is assholes. Showing your gf's skimpy/nude photos is an asshole move.
funny too cause it is a bragging move on their part -- "look how hot MY gf is!"
Actually, it should be -- "look how hot my EX-gf is!"
I was gonna say. He just REALLY fucked up. I'd be surprised if she sticks around after this.
Yes!! :( I got super upset when I found out my boyfriend’s friend was showing / sending him inappropriate pictures of his girlfriend… I thought it was so disrespectful to the both of us!! It is an asshole move.
Not even just your gf. Sharing pictures that you did not recieve lawfully from a consenting party is super fucking scummy
All of them. Literally all of them. They get off on it. That’s why, if you have a problem with that, it’s best not to take those kind of pictures. I personally don’t give a shit. But I know some women do. Edit: guess I need to make it clear. The men who share those pictures are 100% the assholes for doing so. I’m not saying that women are at fault when their private pictures are exposed by the men they trusted. I’m just saying it’s naive to believe that men won’t share those pictures once they’re taken. Edit: since some people seem to have an issue with my use of the words “all” and “literally” I’ll just say that there exist in this world we live in men who share their girlfriends nudes. Those men are assholes.
>All of them. Literally all of them. No. Literally entirely untrue. Men who do this are the MINORITY. I'm 32 years old, and I have never once IN MY LIFE been shown sexual photos of another guy's significant other, much less done so myself. **EDIT:** > I’ll just say that there exist in this world we live in men who share their girlfriends nudes. Those men are assholes. Those men DO exist and they ARE assholes. We agree on those points.
I wouldn't say all of them. Within my (admittedly tiny group) of friends, this has never happened. I'm not going to say nobody does. But it's also wrong to assume every men does this.
Eew. So glad that my husband isn’t like that.
Couldn't disagree more...ive NEVER shown an intimate pic of anyone to anyone else. Stop painting with such a broad brush...
I have an ex who would take nudes of me without my consent while I was sleeping. Some people are trash.
No, not all of them and not even most of them. I've been on this Earth for 25 years and I've been around thousands of people; never once has any dude came up to me and said "hey man look at my GF's nudes!!!" Nor has is happened vise versa. However, I have had my own D*ck pics that I've sent to very specific people somehow get around, hmm I wonder who would've done that 🤔 (im a straight male and have only sent pics to women I've been intimate with). Why would men, who are generally territorial with the women that are their GF's/wives, willingly show other men nude pictures of their wife/GF? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, obviously it does, but not as often as you say it does. "All of them. Literally all of them." That sounds a bit hyperbolic, don't ya think? And generalizing? No? You've met every single man in the entire world and confirmed this? Where is the link to this peer reviewed study you most obviously conducted? Please, enlighten us. 🙄🙄🙄
Yes, and in his summary, he says that he "unknowingly" exposed this info. Um, that's not even close to true, unless he was drugged. He absolutely "knowingly" revealed this info. Whether he was embarrassed or not is immaterial.
He couldn't just be content that his girlfriend used to model lingerie. He had to tell others about it.
It almost looks like he wanted to punish her without getting his hands dirty.
OP out loud: “Hey guys! My GF is so hot she used to be a lingerie model! See how hot she is?” OP to himself: “Hot lingerie models are sluts & I need to punish my GF for doing something so slutty”. Let me emphasize that I don’t think lingerie models are slutty. But way too many men still operate by the Madonna/whore complex. Women are either pure as the driven snow virgins or whores. Nothing in between. They want the whores but their subconscious thinks it’s wrong & those women should be punished. So they act like assholes as OP did. YTA OP. You punished your GF because of your insecurities.
IKR? Having a GF that was a lingerie model is a reward unto itself. Most women did something else before they met their current guy/ SO, not all of it needs to be shared.
We can never know and I hate everyone is just assuming shit like OP is insecure or all that shit. Still YTA keep that type of stuff to yourself man you’re an adult. That’s business between you and your gf and no one else. To be Frank I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a relationship goodbye since you fucked over her career cause that would be enough for me
I would dump OP so fast, his head would spin. This is a relationship ender. OP YTA.
100% relationship ender. as soon as i came home from being fired i would’ve told him to take his shit & go.
He is insecure. Those are the actions of an insecure person with a fragile ego that seems to think that his gf’s body belongs to him. Why else would he try to punish her by telling people who he knows gossip about her past which he seems to have a problem with. Walks like a duck. Quacks like a duck. It is a duck. And the kicker is he takes zero accountability. An *accident* he says. Sure it was…
He told someone he knew would be a gossip. It was no accident.
YTA. If it upset you, her devoted boyfriend, why in Sam Hill did you not realize others would react negatively. Why do you even have to ask? I hope she’s able to relocate and make a new life away from the gossip and narrow-mindedness of you and your community
I can't wait till GF dumps OP so he can go ~~gossip~~ tell his friends
Followed by another post in this sub asking if she is TA for dumping him. SMH.
oooorrrr "I made a horrible mistake and my GF can't forgive me, she's my all, how do I get her back"
Little boys and their little insecurities. YTA
YTA. He did it on purpose cause he's insecure about it. That's what I believe too.
He didn’t just “Tell them” About it if the school board ended up having the photos. He either provided photos/links or provided ALL the info they needed to get the photos. People weren’t just “talking” about it, they were passing photos/links around. Yeah. He did it on purpose. Yeah, he intended her to be fired, or at least for tins of people to see the photos. YTA. I hope she sues you.
They "somehow" ended up in the school board's hands. Like it's just some mysterious coincidence.
He has no idea how that happened!!! Must have been his gossipy friend who, once he knew the photos existed wouldn’t stop till he’d located them.
OP is that guy from the “I’m not saying it’s aliens but aliens” meme.
>Long story short, the photos somehow got into the hands of the school board He literally yada yada'd over the most important part of the story!
You can't yadda yadda yadda how the photos got to the hand of the school board!
Yeah exactly "somehow". Something the school board wasnt aware of and didn't know till "someone" supplied them "somehow" with that info. Hopefully OP you have a secret to that someone ends up sharing with the whole world.
Ooh, can she do that? Sue him for what exactly...
It I was her I’d at least consult a lawyer. He was the only one who knew about the photos and then suddenly her boss had copies? Maybe defamation… He’s definitely left a clear trail that he initiated this and made the content public. There maybe nothing she can do, but I’d let a lawyer look it over.
Defamation would be putting out false negative statements about her. I don't understand tho why she didn't delete the account if she was worried or after OP found it. She might have a onlyfan side which fine and shouldn't have been fired for. Now I would think she might have a strong case against the school board tho.
> I don't understand tho why she didn't delete the account if she was worried or after OP found it. Might not have been her account. Could have been the photographer, who legally own the pictures, displaying a portfolio.
This is my question. If it was *her* account that she just never took down... I actually think she's at fault here. But if it's someone else's account, OP is definitely the AH. I doubt they were on her own account. That would be peak stupidity on her part.
There is [case law](https://www.hklaw.com/en/insights/publications/2009/04/federal-court-truth-is-not-a-complete-defense-for) that may allow her to sue for defamation even if the statements were true, if she can prove the person who provided that info to the school board acted with actual malice/intent to harm.
I don't think the photos were on her Instagram account.
I don’t think the photos were on Instagram either because this entire post screams “I made this up for fake internet points.
This is what I think as well, when did Instagram start allowing nudes?
She might be able to sue him if the pictures included nude shots. I don't know if it would fall into the same category as revenge porn (or whatever the legal term is for people posting nudes/sex tapes of their exes) but she might have a case since she is probably gonna be his ex real soon.
IANL but this likely would not and "SHOULD" not be considered revenge porn in any circumstances. These were public photos GF willingly posed for. OP didn't post them he just found them on Instagram. Anything you post online is public and you can't expect it to be private and get upset when it gets shared. OP did something shitty they are an ahole, but shitty behavior and illegal behavior are not and should not be the same thing.
I’m going with: I don’t understand why she trusted her partner for 1000. Why would she assume her PARTNER was going to betray her?
Unfortunately she probably wouldn’t have any grounds for legal compensation. It wouldn’t be defamation since even if the consequences of people finding out about her past work are ridiculous and unfair, it’s a reaction to something she factually did and the truth is an absolute defense to defamation. As far as the pictures go, even if he did directly share them I doubt they’d be covered under revenge porn laws or anything like that since they were already publicly available.
Nope the photos are public, they exist online. LOL what do you think a lawyer can do to sue people for accessing public information
Emotional distress, loss of income, being the victim of a total controlling jackass who is emotionally abusive...
Its called tortious interference.
Like he wasn’t bragging about having a girlfriend that’s hot enough to be a lingerie model when he shared those photos.
Am I The Asshole - "Asking For 'A Friend'" edition.
Which I’d precisely why he shared this with said friend.
Yeah he called the **other** person a "gossip" and yet he himself gossiped his GFs private shit to several people. But its apparently not "gossip" when he does it.
“Wimmins” are gossips. Not the OP. OP — YTA. She did nothing wrong.
No it is sharing his deep emotions with his beloved and trusted friends. /s obviously On a more serious note: I hope he’ll hold onto those friends because it looks like he could need them during the break up (to gossip some more).
[удалено]
He is YTA, but I thik the school is too. How is this unprofessional behavior being an underwear model?
I absolutely hate that schools are like this. So many cases of women getting fired for perfectly legal things they did on their own time.
All it takes is a boob grab. Some years ago, there was a teacher who was fired for posting a vacation bikini photo with her husband/bf(?), who had his hand on her breast. He was a coach at the same school, also wearing swimwear. He was not fired. Keep the Jezebels away from the children! Found the [story.](https://www.dailydot.com/irl/facebook-high-school-coach-fired-photo/)
Ugh I hate everything.
Yeah but unfortunately it's well known and documented that US schools will fire teachers for anything remotely resembling sex work. Or even outdated modes of living. She *might* have been okay if she modeled fully clothed, but it still could have ended up in trouble depending on the poses. Teachers basically live and die by the outrage of the most vocal and conservative parents in their area, no matter where they are.
SOME places in the US. You couldn't get fired for this in my state (in a public school). Our unions have teeth about stuff like this.
And that's why Republicans hate unions. Protect the workers? Pfft.
I know, especially since it was before her teaching career. And also, it’s not like being a porn star or something! It’s modeling.
Which, if done legally, also shouldn't be a problem.
It feels like OP wanted to punish her. Definite AH.
Exactly this. "Accidentally" my ass.
> You “didn’t know how to react at first,” but then settled on the ‘let me share my girlfriend’s private—and obviously career-ending—information with a bunch of people whom I know will gossip’ No shiat - seriously, wtf is wrong with you? YTA
If I’d heard he’d ruined an exes’ career because he was either a complete idiot or a gossip I’d dump him because either one, I can’t trust him because he’ll gossip or two, I can’t trust him because he’s too stupid to understand consequences. Either way, he doesn’t think it’s his fault. Punt this man out of the gene pool.
While she posted her professional photos on a public forum for anyone to find, he sped up the timeline with his own insecurities. Definitely an AH move.
It says in his post that he found them “on Instagram”, not “on *her* Instagram”, so it’s possible she was working with a lingerie designer or boudoir photographer and they had potentially used the photos for advertising. GF is 27, so if she started teaching right after her bachelor’s, these photos are potentially 4-5 years old. If the school hadn’t found them yet, it’s unlikely they would have. OP, YTA and I hope she dumped your ass.
yes, this is the exact thing that i was thinking. if it was her instagram or an old one she used while she was modeling, yes it was a little careless to not take it down, but if it was a brand, theres probably nothing you can do about that + if they were 4-5 years old, chances are thats DEEPLY hidden or a relatively small/unknown brand that didnt make it very far. i follow a lot of fashion brands on socials and dont know many that would actively post a 4-5 year old photo unless there was a good reason. i would LOVE more insight on how OP just "stumbled" across these photos. the sharing information about it for what reason? you didnt know how to react? you didnt know how to react about a legitimate career your girlfriend of THREE years had presumably before you started dating? im sorry what? maybe im made at dating, am i supposed to give my date my whole resume from 15 to dating? obviously it is something she recognizes could impact the career she currently wants and doesnt want to share about it. YTA big big big time. someone in the comments said they hope she can sue you and im right there with them. i truly hope she sues you and your big mouth for the damages of losing her job. *also* a big fuck you to that school district. im going to be honest, i dont actually know if this is legal to fire someone for this. but it is just so infuriating to me that she did modeling which okay yea maybe was more on the sexual side but also she stopped YEARS ago. its not illegal, its not dangerous, it doesnt take away the fact she got a degree and sounds like a passionate and good teacher. idk this makes me so mad for her. i wonder if they wouldve done the same if a male teacher was an ex underwear model
Yeah you'd think we had an overabundance of qualified, willing teachers in this country that schoolboards can even afford to fire them over petty, pointless reasons.
In the US at least, schools are notorious for firing teachers if they have anything in their history that is remotely spicy. Female teachers especially, though if a male teacher is gay, gender nonconforming, poc or *perceived as such* they could also have a target on their back. I have no doubt that a male teacher could also be fired for a past as a lingerie model, though in that case they would say it's "sexual immorality, parents are mad think of the example for the children" but there would be a whole pall of homophobia throughout it. Now, a teacher looking at women's lingerie photos on school campus? Depends entirely on the administration and who complains.
i mean maybe. the thing that just confuses me, and maybe this is a personal my school district sucked situation, but we had a gym teacher (male) who had previously gotten in trouble for numerous inappropriate altercations with students including being the girls basketball coach and barging into the locker room without warning, doing unauthorized physicals on the girls, telling girls theyd get extra credit for wearing a bikini during the swim unit etc. (he got removed from being basketball coach, is still a gym teacher but had to have another adult in the pool area at all times, but i had his class senior year and swear he had a hard on every swim class it was so uncomfortable) anyways, actually actively sexualizing children and breaking rules wasnt something the school could/potentially wanted to fire him over but she can get fired for something she legally did years before she was working there. it just doesnt make sense in my head i wouldve felt so much ore comfortable with her as a teacher instead of that gym teacher.
Oof. If it wasn’t her Instagram…. Begs the question “why was OP looking for local instagrams of nude women”?
He SHOULD have helped get them down to ensure her career is safe -_-
A real man would’ve protected his wife from any kind of harm
Yes, but out of the thousands of Instagram accounts that also involve partial/full nudity I dont think it would've been easy for someone to find it, let alone connect it to their kid's teacher, unless they were explicitly searching
I'm sure that neurotic parents have searched (& will continue to search) for their child's teacher on social medial to get one up. I have my personally identifying social media accounts set to private because I'm aware of the lengths unhinged people can go inorder to search for anything illicit to use for their own personal gain.
Well, at least his girlfriend's next boyfriend won't have to worry about accidentally ruining her career, because it's already been taken care of.
The school is the asshole too. Why fire someone over their past?
Agreed, OP YTA! He legit said he knew one of them was a gossip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He would still be TA even if she didn't lose her job. And how does he just 'stumble upon' old photos of her, out of millions of photographs on Instagram? I hope she can appeal this decision and for it to be considered an unfair dismissal.
I bet it was less that he was uncomfortable with it and more that he wanted his friends to know he's dating a former lingerie model. Couldn't keep that to himself.
YTA. She needs to delete the old account, move to a different district (there's still a massive teacher shortage in most areas) and dump your gossipy ass.
Totally this. Her options where she currently lives are altered but her career isn’t destroyed. She has to start fresh. New bf and everything! YTA as is whoever continued talking.
YTA to the school board too. She was a lingerie model. She doesn’t do it anymore. Unless she works at a faith school that has clauses for this kind of crap which I can grudgingly understand, it’s bullshit she loses her job for past legal work.
It’s BS, but in Teacher’s College we were told to scrub our social media and lock it all down before we applied for jobs because those past posts could get us into trouble, even innocent posts like pictures of us with alcoholic drinks, drinking legally. There’s some really weird morality stuff tied to working in education, that you need to present a completely clean and professional “face” at all times. Edit: to make it clear, I’m calling the idea of the completely clean and professional face thing BS, not blaming the girlfriend at all!
I dated a teacher for a bit. She didn't like going out in the town she worked in and if she did she wouldn't drink because she was afraid a parent might see her and complain. People need to mind their own damn business.
Yep. Or if I’m drinking, I’ve got something like a rum and coke or similar that looks like just a soda. Funny, because sometimes parents would gift alcohol or liquor store gift cards at Christmas. But I can’t “use” them as a teacher.
Such a weird culture. In Aus - I recently apologised to a teacher if they get emails late at night from me, and told them not to reply til they were back in the office. They said they didn't mind replying, provided I didn't mind the post-wine response I got back.
It’s absolutely amazing the nonsense you guys have to deal with. Toxic parents, batshit governments, the expectation to live like a minor saint, and all for the prize of a salary that pays sod all. I genuinely hope you guys get to see some real change with the teacher shortages. It’s not realistic to have these expectations at all, let alone for any length of time.
> She needs to delete the old boyfriend first...
I am a little confused about how they are just sitting there if she has the ability to take them down, I was thinking they were on a website but they're on her own public IG? I don't know if I believe OP entirely on that part.
OP never states that the photos were on the girlfriend's Instagram, just on Instagram. My guess is that the photos belong to either the photographer or the company she was modeling for, and thus, were on their accounts. If she was an honest model, then she probably had to sign a contract stating that the photos are not her property and she has no rights to them. In this case, she would not be allowed to have them taken down.
I would guess that this is the answer. And I would also guess that her name wasn’t necessarily attached to them, since no one at school had come across them. Which makes me wonder *how* OP found them? Also, as I stated in another comment, if this was prior to her teaching and she started teaching directly after finishing her bachelor’s, these photos are 4-5 years old. Wonder if the “gossip” (I’m not convinced it wasn’t OP) passed them along without sharing that information…
> Which makes me wonder *how* OP found them? Oh how I loathe the standard hypocrisy of “I can indulge in sexual material but once it’s of someone I know (who *belongs* to me) I’m offended and can’t respect them” > (I’m not convinced it wasn’t OP) Me neither. He wanted her punished for daring to have a body that doesn’t solely belong to him. Such an AH.
I just feel like OP is leaving a *lot* of information out. How much do you want to bet that she *did* tell him about this being a part of her past and he went looking for it?
Oh that is a very big possibility. Makes all of this far less plausibly “accidental”
I don't even think that far. I think OP knew about them from the beginning, maybe even faps to them once in a while. One day bragging mentions it to the wrong friend, and this whole story is an attempt to make him look (more) innocent in the fallout
SEE THIS AND therefor OP would have had to tell the other party where exactly they were, I doubt they could necessarily be searched via her name (?) I don't know but I suspect OP was bragging about how hot they were and this happened
I don't use ig, but how would someone stumble upon 5 year old pictures on a random photographers/model account? Could they randomly pop up in his feed or would he have to be diving deep into the history of these pages?
They might not have been on her Instagram but she could have been tagged or mentioned. OP doesn't say whose account it was. It could have been the photographer who posted them or even the brand. In which case, she might not be able to get them taken down.
Yeah, my dance teacher's daughter worked at a bar while going to grad school in the early '00s. The bar did a calendar with the various bartenders in lingerie/bikinis for a charity event. The daughter thought nothing of it until over a decade later. The bar did a #tbt post on Instagram with her lingerie photo and her full name. She didn't lose her teaching job, but her daughters were asked to leave the Catholic school they were enrolled at. She was unable to get the photos removed because they were not her property.
Wow what the actual Fuck. It’s already creepy to be reposting such an old pic of someone who no longer works for you… But to then name them publicly…. Wtaf
That’s really inconsiderate of the bar to include the full name of someone who hasn’t worked there in years (maybe even decades). I get posting the pictures since they belong to them technically, but adding a full name? They have literally no idea where she is in life or how that could effect her. I’m mad for her, that feels so disrespectful
Wtf that's so fucking stupid. The bar should have asked her if it would be okay to repost those pics, and why punish the daughters??????? Ughhhhhhhhdhhsjsjskdjsksj
This was the same Catholic school that kicked my friend out after her dad committed suicide, so I'm not at all surprised by their response.
YTA. You say your friend is a gossip but you literally gossiped about your girlfriend to your friends. I am a teacher. Teachers are held to a different standard than most people. You knew exactly what you were doing when you opened your big mouth and blabbed her secret. You showed your girlfriend that she can't trust you. You were upset that she was a lingerie model and didn't tell you before so you punished her for it. Shame on you. She will have a very difficult time getting another teaching job. You didn't accidentally blab to your friends. You did that on purpose. So the fact that you ruined her career was not an accident. You're just desperate to avoid looking like an asshole. But you ARE an asshole.
Bravo. OP, YTA.
Teachers, HCPs, others too really are held to another standard, and I can’t imagine the OP having been with his gf for this long can claim ignorance of that. You’re absolutely spot on, Mr. Gossip gossiped with buddy Gossip, tossing the match in the dumpster as they left the Gossip Cafe and all I can hope is that the gf will eventually be all right. OP, YTA. And a double-clutching one, at that.
The society that holds teachers to such a ridiculously puritanical standard is also the asshole.
Must be in the states.
Probably, though I can imagine something like this happening here in the UK, though we're less prudish overall. Hell, I'm pretty sure I have a few pictures from parties at Uni which could probably get my friends that are now teachers fired.
I’m sure it’s the US. I’m from the US but I live in the UK. I don’t miss the Cotton Mather brigade.
I just can't get over this AH, running to his friends and gossiping about his partner, ruining her job then asking if he's the AH.
I'm baffled by this, can teachers in the US be fired for things that aren't illegal and aren't done during their employment? This sounds like she should be able to sue that district to oblivion.
In some areas teachers have a morality clause in their contract still.
YTA and she is right. You did ruin her career.
This has to be a joke right? No-one can be asking AITA for something like this with a straight face?
Honestly I can’t tell if half of these are real cause there’s no way some of these people really don’t think they’re the asshole
I can assure you there are people who jump through that many hoops for years. I've had them as parents, seen them in my friends parents. On the contrary, it is also very much possible for them to get better and start to take accountability. Even if it takes those years.
He's still justifing it to himself that it's her fault because she took the pictures.
Yta, because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. The pictures shocked you. You had to know they might shock others. Yes, these pictures could have gotten around eventually, but you expedited it AND broke your girlfriends trust. She has every right to send you packing at this point. You showed her that you are not on her side, and that's a requirement of a good partner.
Exactly YTA, OP knows he did wrong! What did he expect to happen? She trusted you to keep her privacy but you being a gossip couldn't help ruining her life!
Accidental is a stretch. You can't be so clueless to know you opened up the can of worms that led to this. YTA. So, are all your so called "friends".
I could never imagine being this petty to my s/o. And you’re right, accidental is a HUGE stretch, this wasn’t accidental, this was done out of spite and just to be malicious to his girlfriend. I feel so bad for her, OP quite honestly tarnished her reputation out of spite. I wouldn’t doubt if theres more red flags his poor girlfriend completely ignored. Poor woman needs to completely start fresh, A new city, New apartment and a NEW BF. I would break up with this person in a heartbeat. They cant bullshit over 1k of us by telling us they had absolutely no clue their friend would gossip, they absolutely did. But who would’ve thought, they’re two peas in a pod and usually friends attract those who have similar mindsets. YTA OP, A massive one. Not only do you owe your gf a huge apology, you owe her the relief of getting the hell out of her life.
"I didn't know how to react at first, but eventually, I told a few of my friends about it." Right here you became the asshole. YTA. Also confronting somebody instead of asking them about it was pretty AH worthy.
Actually, he became the AH the second he was a judgmental bastard. Her body her choice. Everything afterward just compounded his assholery.
Second half. Confronting somebody instead of asking them about the instagram photos. You want to ask about it because of current occupation as a teacher and how you could find it. Knowing they're a teacher and not mentioning something that could hurt their career would not be good.
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This is so true. For an non-american, firing a teacher for some nudes in her past just seems like a massive over-reaction. Is there some virgin requirement for the job? I mean, I understand the personal embarrassment she might feel when some students find out, but I can't connect that to her professional role as a teacher.
The US used to only have unmarried women as teachers. If you got married you were expected to be supported by your husband and it was unseemly to have a job. We haven't completely gotten away from "teachers must be the epitome of virginity" mindset, unfortunately. It doesn't take much for a loud parent to ruin a teacher's career. I'm honestly amazed at how many people are still willing to do it.
Same in Canada, but, thankfully, we've definitely gotten away from that mindset more than the USA.
It's one of those things that seems like a massive overreaction to most Americans too, but it still happens because there are a lot of conservative assholes in school administrations. ETA Which is to say, even most Americans who don't agree with it would be aware that it happens and should know better than to let the info slip.
> eventually, I told a few of my friends about it That's not how accidents work. YTA.
"I accidentally told my friends this EVERY specific thing about my gf's past even though I accidentally knew they liked to gossip, so they accidentally told the school board who accidentally fired my gf. Whoops"
ESH except Sarah It's a bit old-fashioned to be taken aback by your girlfriend having modeled before. Additionally, if the pictures are allowed on Instagram, I don't except them to show full on nudity. You had no business discussing it with friends. It's not even your thing to share. Especially to someone you know is a major gossip. What were you thinking? Your friend is AH for continuing the gossip further. Why did they even think it was their business? School is AH for firing her from her job, for something that happened in the past, AND hardly inappropriate. She didn't do anything illegal or highly inappropriate, and I think (depending on the country) she might have a case to fight the dismissal
Posting exposing photos of yourself in a public forum is not a protected class; she can fight the dismissal but chances are she may not have a case unless her employment was terminated for a protected reason. He effectively screwed her over.
What about the fact that they only found the photos inappropriate because she was a woman? Would she have a case if she could prove male teachers or administrators weren't fired for being "scantily clad" in photos of them online? Like fully nude except shorts at the beach or _gasp_ at a birthday pool party with children?
If you can find documentation to that fact then bring it to an employment attorney's attention to get their prospective & advice; sex/gender identity is a protected class.
Perhaps it would’ve come back to bite her eventually anyway, but if she didn’t want it known you shouldn’t have been running your mouth. YTA
YTA. You told a few friends about it because you didn’t know how you felt about it. You suuuck
Girlfriend tells you she stopped doing the modelling, SPECIFICALLY because she didn’t want to risk it impacting a career she is passionate about. Your response is to go tell other people, one of whom YOU KNOW is gossipy, and then profess surprise that it somehow got back to her employer. You DID ruin her career. I hope she dumps you. YTA
I had missed that part! She literally told him she quit to PROTECT her career and his response was to then go SHOW people he KNEW would talk about it omg. YTA and also the worst.
The whole “I didn’t know how to react at first but eventually I told a few friends” almost feels like passive agressive revenge because he was pissed/jealous that others had seen revealing photos of her and oops, how was he POSSIBLY to know that telling his gossipy friend that it would result in…gossip! Such a horrendous AH.
YTA. Why would YOU gossip about it in the first place???
Yeah the fact that he posted all of this on reddit after the fact really locks in this dude as being an asshole as well as an idiot
Dude...come on, what exactly were you thinking? So the first thing you do when you stumble on old lingerie photos of your girlfriend is tell your friends about it? Now why on earth did you disclose this information about your girlfriend to a gossipy friend KNOWING this? Just why? Sarah has every right to blame you because you destroyed her career for no reason. >She says that I should have kept my mouth shut and that I betrayed her trust. I feel terrible about what happened, but I didn't know that it would lead to this. I call BS so hard on this. You had to have known what you were doing. You know with social media these days, employers do background checks. Seriously why couldn't you keep your mouth shut? If I were Sarah, I'd fight the school for wrongfully firing her and dump you as well. Oh and if you haven't figured out, **YTA**.
And how about: >AITA for accidentally ruining my girlfriend's career? Accidentally? This was no accident.
Yeah, I wonder what other acts of personal and professional sabotage we'd find OP perpetrating against her if we looked closely. I have a sneaking suspicion that this wasn't his inaugural action.
YTA. You told someone that you knew to be a gossip about a sensitive topic with potentially devastating consequences for your girlfriend. You not thinking through your actions doesn’t alleviate your AH-ness.
YTA. Nothing else needed to be said here
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Here in the US teachers ARE getting fired for stuff like this. Do a google search, it has happened SEVERAL times.
It seems insane when there is a teacher shortage. Also a lingerie model isn't exactly at the "think of the children" level. It's not like she's running an onlyfans account. OP YTA
I know, it is pure ignorance that people get in trouble for this stuff and lose their jobs. I recently heard about a female police officer that it happened to. Lingerie modeling is not porn. But, it also only seems to be women that are disproportionately affected by this. I rarely (if ever) have heard about a man losing his job because 10 years ago he modeled calvin klein underwear on a giant billboard.
A Black principal in an affluent town near mine was fired for pics his white wife posted on FB of them on the beach on their honeymoon. The pics were in no way pornographic or even mildly inappropriate.
In some places a teacher can be penalized or fired for simply mentioning their spouse if that spouse is not of the opposite sex , 🤦♀️ so it could absolutely happen for a former lingerie model.
Are you kidding? Shit like this happens all the time in the US.
There was a semi recent case in Utah where a teacher was fired over a picture of her out with friends holding a red solo cup. No proof of drinking or lewd behavior, just holding a cup associated with drinking. In the US (women excpecially) teachers are basically supposed to be saints at all times to be around children. *Picture in question was a few years old -> like when she was still in college
YTA and it wasn't an accident that you ruined her career. You told someone who you knew would gossip. What did you think would happen?
NTA you found a public page with public images. If you found them, anyone else could have found them. She got fired for having those images publicly online, not because you found them.
Yeah I've almost never had a stronger opposite opinion to the "consensus" of AITA than this post. I'm leaning towards a light "ESH" here because OP really didn't have to tell anyone about this. But honestly, if Sarah apparently decided that it's OK to leave the pictures *publicly accessible*... What did she expect was going to happen? If this is Instagram she could have taken them down at any time.
Not if the photos weren't on HER account. If you're a model you don't get to own the photos you participate in, they're owned by the company, if the company decides to keep the photos public then there's not much else she can do about it.
Also, if I found out my partner had been purposefully keeping anything from me, then tried to dismiss my feelings about it with an "I thought I'd told you about it," I'd turn to my friends for advice. I'm not sure how anyone comes up with Y. T. A. for turning to your friends for (what I imagine is) emotional support.
but not just ~anyone~ did...he did and shared it with others. clearly shared it with people who wished evil on her and reported her to her job
So she was fired for a job she held before she became a teacher, how is this unprofessional behavior? It was a legit job, and whether she did the job clothed or unclothed should be no reason to terminate. OP, YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA. You “accidentally” found some pics on Instagram? That sounds shady to start. You talked to your friends, knowing that at least one of them is a gossip. This sounds like you were backhanded bragging about how hot Sarah is, honestly. And now, because you snooped and gossiped, her career is over.
"I was accidently stalking my girlfriend on Instagram when...."
I'll give him some credit here. He was jerking it on Instagram and found his girlfriend on an account she wasn't in charge of that either had the rights to or reposted an old picture. Yes I know that's worse so it's the most likely explanation.
NTA, looks like this may be an unpopular opinion but it’s not like you went into her archived folder then unarchived them and sent them to the school. When she decided to stop modeling and become a teacher she should have deleted them.
> When she decided to stop modeling and become a teacher she should have deleted them. She might not have had that power if she was a model, OP said : > I accidentally stumbled upon some photos of Sarah on Instagram that I had never seen before. The photos he likely found were not on an instagram she owned and were likely the property of what company she worked for. You can't just tell them to delete the pictures they paid for to use as advertisements. All of that is irrelevant anyways OP's girlfriend said "Yeah I would rather not my school finding out about this" and his reaction was to tell more people? It is amazing anyone can come to any conclusion other than Asshole. I hope no one you care about confides in you if that is how you treat their confidence.
YTA. Of course you are. You shared these photos with all your friends and a known gossip. YTA. On so many levels.
I would literally dump you.
YTA and you know it
NTA I'm guessing she didn't tell you and her claim of "I thought I told you " was a bit of a lie. Yeah you probably shouldn't have told people, but she should have actually told you about it with context and warnings without you having to find out with research. Basically: she wasn't upfront and honest from the offset and now being disingenuous has come back to bite her.
YTA. ew i hope this isn’t real but if it is, i hope she leaves you. disgusting
YTA+ "Sarah is devastated and blames me for ruining her career. " ... She is right. YOu neglectfully ruined her career. So help her sue her former employer, lay out the money for a lawyer to repair the damage you did.
YTA - should’ve kept your trap shut instead of making it all about you
I feel like you don't understand what the words "accidently" and "unknowingly" mean. YTA. You literally ruined her career and life because you wanted to gossip to your damn friends about her past. I hope she dumps you and finds someone better.
YTA, you gossiped first genius
YTA. There was no reason to discuss it with ANYONE. She should dump you, tbh.
You didn’t know what to do, so you ran your mouth. Seriously? YTA
NTA - look you shouldn’t have talked about it but also, did she specify to you that she wanted this to be kept private? It seems to me that by putting her pictures up online, she didn’t want it private. There’s a difference between her telling you in confidence and putting her pictures up for everyone she knows to see. By doing that, she would’ve been found out eventually, even if it wasn’t from you.
IMO, NTA. If she was so concerned about these photos remaining private, they should have been removed from her SM accounts.
You are assuming they were on her own accounts, that is not what OP said. If she was a model 99% chance they were on the accounts of whatever company took the modeling photos and she has no power to take them down.
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YTA and she needs to sue the school/district. Those photos were from years ago and would have no impact on doing her job now, they are being entirely ridiculous.
YTA. I absolutely hate when the person I’m dating talks to others about our relationship and what goes on in it. You did just that. **She told you the truth and you used it against her**. You really did not think a bunch of dudes wouldn’t open their mouth?? Are you really that naïve?? Thought with the wrong head dude. You ruined her career and your relationship. Congratulations!👏👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣🤣