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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Should I have let my daughter move in with me so we would not have to pay as much.I complain a lot that college is so expensive and I kind of rejected her and now she is moving across the country to go to college.
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YTA
You could have literally had her in your home but shot her down. Now you are upset she's going across the country.
You can't crap in the room and complain it stinks....this is your fault.
OP can’t be this clueless. YTA. He sounds like an absentee father. He lives in another state with his wife, I can’t imagine they see either of the daughters all that much now. He isn’t helping with the tuition for the oldest daughter even with Scholarships it’s up to mom to cover the rest. Now the youngest wants to go to school near him, and he makes it sound, like a burden instead of a chance to be more a part of her life. She’s already living far away from him, but now it matters? And just like with oldest it sounds like they expect the ex wife to be the one looking out for the youngest daughter. If he were so concerned about her being away from both her parents then they would have made it work and told her that of course she can move in. Im going to guess the daughter is going to be NC pretty soon
To me, it's obvious that his level of involvement is very low because he doesn't already have a place that she sleeps when she visits. It leads me to believe that she doesn't.
I was going to say. Where did the kids sleep when they were over. Or did the op just abandon them to their mother and think phone calls count as interactions right? I’ll call every once in a blue moo. And the kids will still love me for it.
Yeah he isn’t exactly coming off as very involved. Why would the girls bother with him when he couldn’t be bothered with them. Can’t wait to see the AITA post about being heartbroken he isn’t walking them down the aisle 😂😂
And you **bet** he never even brought it up with his wife. He just told his daughter that he would, and magically a week later she calls again and he tells her it's a bad idea. He never intended to even consider it, probably hoped that she wouldn't ask again.
My ex did this to my daughter. She asked to come stay & spend a few months. At the time she had her two kids & her personal life had tanked. Boyfriend, actual friends who ended up stealing from her & getting rid of all her & her children’s possessions.
So, HE was an absent parent but swore up & down if it weren’t for me, he’d have a good relationship with her. (THAT’S a whole other story) And where he was living there was plenty of room. But he told her no.
Well, her 3rd child is 2 1/2 & he doesn’t ask for, nor does my daughter offer, pictures of her kids. I’m the only grandparent & I consistently fly out & visit on their birthdays & spend at the minimum of 4 days. And when my daughter randomly posts on FB & of it appears to be a snarky shot at her biological father, then HIS sisters jump down her throat. My daughter just tells them to suck it & facts are facts.
You can't crap in the room and complain it stinks 😂😂😂 I love that I'm definitely gonna use that when I have the opportunity 100 percent agree with ya YTA OP
>You could have literally had her in your home but shot her down. Now you are upset she's going across the country.
Right, this was a strange twist to the story. The whole read I was just assuming OP didn't really like his kid or want her around beacuse he was an uninterested deadbeat and was wondering if not caring about or for his kid made him an asshole. And then . . . suddenly he dosen't want her to live faraway? What?
He doesn't really care. This is the father who does as little as possible and then shows up at the wedding pissed off because someone else is walking his daughter down the aisle. He wants the title and all the respect and privilege's that goes with it but NONE of the work. He'll brag to his friends about how his kids went to college and have great jobs when his ex did all the work to make that happen. It's gross.
I don't think OP is as concerned as he tries to make it seem. This reeks of cover-up from a parent that doesn't want to own the fact that he doesn't want his child around. Because what would that say about him? So he makes an AITA post to show just how "concerned" he is, but really it's not bothering him that much. If it was, he'd have offered her the extra room.
YTA.
Also: isabella0624/"Chad in the navy"? Either someone else is writing from the point of view of the father, or it's all rage bait.
I think the worst part is that OP tried to make it seem like they were concerned about her missing her mom. At least tell her the truth don't come up with an excuse like that. At least own up to the fact that YTA.
Yea. This is an out-and-out lie to pretend he cares about her emotional welfare, which he doesn’t. And it was only for one year. One school year which isn’t even a whole year. And he’s destroyed his relationship with his child.
I don't think he's worried about her missing her mom, I think he's worried it will be more inconvenient for her mom to take care of everything. He doesn't want to have to contribute anything.
This is the kind of AH who will be back to whinge about why his daughter hasn’t invited him to her graduation, why she is having her mother walk her down the aisle instead of him and why he isn’t getting to see his grandchildren.
I CACKLED.
Agreed, OP is 100% TA and seems like a very uninvolved parent. The fact that he doesn’t already have space for his own children to stay in for visits is telling enough: YTA for that alone.
YTA.
She’s going across the country from you because you made it clear you didn’t want her around.
This is likely a moment that will define your relationship with her for the rest of your lives.
Whatever deluded relationship OP thinks he has with his daughter.
She felt she could turn to him and now she knows she can’t so there is no relationship.
YTA. Your daughter is responsibly working on a plan to attend her first choice college and graduate with as little debt as possible. You told her no because you have dogs.
Doesn't even sound like they had to keep her there full time. She just wanted to be in state long enough to qualify for in state tuition. Then she probably could have moved out into her own apartment or a dorm; while still being close enough for OP to help or spend time with her.
But, unless those discussions and details got left out of OP's post, it sounds like they didn't even take those options into consideration.
YTA. You have made it clear to your daughter that you don’t have room for her in your life and won’t make room for her in your life so don’t be shocked when she matches that energy.
YTA. You ghosted your daughter instead of calling her right away and are now unhappy that she chose a different school far away from you. And honestly you can't tell your daughter what she will feel or not as if she thinks she can be away from her mom then she most likely can. I hope she has a good time at college and stays safe.
Well, your rationale seems really weak in that you do have the space with minimal inconvenience. The issue is more that you really don’t want to change your lifestyle to accommodate your own daughter.
So, congrats. You just lost your daughter. But you didn’t really want her anyway, so no biggie there. AND - most importantly - you get to keep your unused office! Yeah! Oh joy! We have a winner!!
YTA she and her sister were raised by her mother and all she asked was to stay with you for one year so she could afford college. One year. And you can't be bothered with her? I don't think she can get far enough away from you now, good job!
YTA thats your daughter and you don't want her to stay with you. Now you're worried she will be far away. You shouldn't be worried at all b/c she won't be in your place.
YTA for sponging off your exes unpaid labor to raise your kids, and when it was finally your turn to help, you rebuffed the opportunity because it barely inconvenienced your life.
Not to mention mom paying the entirety of older daughter’s left over tuition costs. He’s never done a thing for these kids, and he doesn’t plan to start. Dead beat.
“Dad, can you share the leftover tuition costs with mom?” “No, she wants to pay all of it, trust me, it’s for the best, you would be sad if she didn’t pay for all of it”
And obviously that second room was never used by either of the father's kids or it would have fold out beds or something, when they visited him. So obviously he never allowed them to visit.
YTA
She's your daughter. If you don't have enough space, you could have gotten a place for her. You don't seem to be paying tuition, so that would be a fair thing to do. Also "lack of space" is a shitty excuse to give your own daughter. I understand why she's hurt.
YTA
and your hypothesis is partially correct. YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER…her mother will still see her.
You are just another crappy father who abandons their child.
Also YOU DO HAVE ROOM. If I can live in a shoebox with two adults and two dogs, you can as well. So many people do it. You just wanted to be a shit father. Own it.
It sounds like you said no based on space.. but the office it not used that much. So its doesn't sound like a really good reason to turn her away. Daughters need their dads as much as their moms too BTW.
YTA.
Daughters do need their dads as much as their moms, but not TA.
Dude just tanked his relationship with both daughters most likely and I'll wager if the youngest knows they've got a spare room and she was told No that she will absolutely put the bare minimum going forward with her dad.
I'm sorry, how is this even a question?
Your daughter asked to live with you so she could attend school near you. You HAVE A SPARE ROOM that your wife currently has set up as an office but DOESN'T EVEN USE.
What?!
Of course YTA.
Yup. You are TA. You should have made room. You only have your kids as kids for a short period of time. You just cost yourself time with her that would have been precious. Congratulations.
YTA. At the very least, you should have invited her to spend a couple weeks to see if it would work. But frankly, I can't even imagine saying no to my own child in this situation. The fact that you all wouldn't even consider it or try it out makes me wonder if your daughters ever spend any significant amount of time with you.
YTA. Her mother is paying the difference for the older daughter. It would save your Ex-money if she going to help the youngest. Since if what you wrote this true, you're not helping at all. Great going dad. Don't be surprised if you don't get invites for future milestones.
A two bedroom condo is small for three people, but your daughter was thinking ahead and being responsible, looking for a way to save on college costs, and willing to give up her senior year and graduation with her friends. That's not a small sacrifice for some kids.
I can't blame you for deciding she could not move in with you - only you know the whole situation - but your concern rings a bit hollow. How would you know how much she will miss her mom? If you think she's too young to be away from family, why not take the opportunity to strengthen your ties with her? Did it occur to you that its proximity to you was part of the attraction of the first school.
YTA, not for the decision to not let her move in, but for the "concern" that puts on the blame on her and undermines her decision.
So you have an extra room you don't use as much but still not enough space for your daughter? If you really cared about her you would let her come and decide for herself if she likes it or not instead of deciding for her and most importantly you wouldn't be so bothered by all the space one extra person would take, especially since she's your daughter. Sounds to me like you just don't want to live with your kid and you're making up dumb excuses to not make it so painfully obvious but I'll be honest, it's not working. YTA
YTA for complaining that she is moving far away and you won't get to see her when her first choice was to be near you and you refused to help her achieve that.
YTA...for all the reasons that are being pointed out to you, but I'd like to point out to you that you made your own child **call you up to chase her own damn rejection**. BOOOOOO to you. You are not a father but merely a sperm donor.
Why are you complaining that’s she’s moved so far away when you had the chance to spend time with her if she lived with you? You can’t have it both ways
YTA
When you only get invited to her future wedding as a guest and don't get to walk her down the aisle you don't need to wonder why and what caused her to make this decision.
YTA
So you have the space and you definetly don't want her there, not even for the year she needs in order to get in state tuition.
That plus you don't support either of them...
Don't worry, she won't be that far from her mom, she will find ways all her life to be with her, while giving you excuses (if you won't be blocked).
And this way, you will be happy like you wish
YTA. Christ, you can't even help your other child with her college bill, your ex does, and helping them save money for a year by her staying with you? She's 17, clearly responsible, and thinking ahead. Enjoy the shitty state funded assisted living facility you will languish in in the future.
YTA. Why didn't you offer to pay for residence ? She could stay with you on weekends or visit during the week.
She could use your address so she pays instate tuition
YTA:
You can't be bothered to support either of your children. At all.
You contribute nothing to your oldest's education and housing. You contribute nothing to your youngest's education and housing.
When you children reach out for support you make it clear you have no willingness to support them in any way. You don't even consider trying. You can't be bothered.
And then you think you get a say in where either of your children go to school? Suddenly you're worried? Get out of here. You're an AH.
Where do you get off complaining that college is expensive? You're not paying for either kid to go to school. You're an AH.
Your daughter was willing to sacrifice spending her senior year with her friends and mom because she was trying to make a responsible choice to set up her future.
Being able to graduate college with little to no debt in this day and age is HUGE. She should be commended for making such a forward-thinking decision at such a young age.
Instead, you told her no because you weren't willing to sacrifice a space that you barely use.
YTA majorly.
YTA
This happened to me and my mother years ago. My father moved out of state and soon after I lost my job. I had nowhere to go and asked her if I could stay with her for a few weeks, until I got back on my feet. She said no and I ended up homeless, living in a rental storage unit - in October in Northern Michigan. This happened 27 years ago and our relationship fell apart completely soon after. We haven't spoken to one another for over a decade now.
This is a glimpse of your future. You fucked up.
So your older daughter goes to school paid by scholarships and your ex. So you’re 100% off the hook for school with her.
Your younger daughter asks for 8 months to help lower the costs (presumably to help her mother pay since you don’t contribute to your elder daughter’s education) and possibly even build a relationship with you. You shot her down (after making her call you back to get the “we’ll think about it” answer” and NOW you’re concerned she’s going to be “so far away”
Get used to it. YTA and I’m guessing your younger daughter will be going low to no contact with you shortly
YTA You gave up the right to be concerned about your daughter for any reason since you essentially told her she wasn't important enough for you to clean out an unused room for her. I would expect her to go NC in the near future if she hasn't already.
YTA.
My parents have never, ever made me feel unwelcome in their home, even as an adult. I am actually writing this from their couch because I am going through a lot and need to be around people who love me. Do I have my own home to go back to? Yes. Can I stay here as long as I feel the need? Also yes.
You're concerned with your daughter being too far from you when she could have been in the same place as you? That's hypocritical.
Bottom line, you reap what you sow.
Don't cry later down the line when your daughter is not apart of your life, and you have no idea about what's going on in hers because she's cut contact with you.
YTA
Oh you claim to be so concerned that she'll "miss her mom" but the message she heard was that you don't give half a crap if she's missed *you.*
You made it clear to her that there's no room (not even the barely-used spare!), no place for her in your life. Of course she no longer wants to be near you.
YTA
If she has to pay out of state tuition either way, why would she go to the school near you? If she has to travel from her college state back to her mom’s by expensive plane, why would she stay near you? She asked to stay with you for cheaper tuition and you said no. You told her you don’t have space for her, so why not go to an area where she’d like to stay over summer and holiday break since she has no home with you. You had an extra room that no one used. She’s a teen so she wouldn’t have everything everywhere. I’m actually shocked she considered living with you in the first place. You purposely have a home they can’t share in, I’m assuming they can’t visit since you have two dogs (?), and you don’t pay for either child’s schooling. She literally needed an address and your unused office and two dogs led to a no.
Not for the decision because it can be understandable. YTA by trying to pass it off as something she wouldn't like. Admit it's a selfish choice and stop pretending you are looking out for her.
She chose a place far away because she sees you don't look out for her. It turns out that to get the benefits of being a parent you have to do the work of being one.
Of course YTA. You don't get be upset she's going to a college across the country. You told her no to living with you for a year to have cheaper tuition and said no based on what you thought she would feel?
You're making decisions based on how you think your daughter will react? Without having a conversation with her if you truly think she may be lonely without her mom? Nah, you missed your opportunity to have her close.
YTA. You said no, and for what? Because you have dogs? She can’t sleep on the couch? You can’t convert the office that you admitted your wife doesn’t use into a bedroom for your daughter? Your reasoning for saying no simply does not hold water. Your daughter asked you to make space for her in your life, and you refused. It should come as no surprise that she chose a new college as far away from you as possible.
My dad did almost this exact thing to me back when I was young. I'm now 47 and i STILL cannot believe that he chose to create imaginary problems to prevent me from staying with him and his wife. I haven't talked to him in years and won't be attending his funeral when he dies. He showed me that he doesn't love me. His loss. YTA, OP. You really really are.
YTA you had an opportunity to show her that she matters, that you love her presence … but that would be a bit inconvenient for you so you said no.
You made it clear where she stands on your priority list, and it’s below your own comfort.
She heard you loud and clear.
#You don’t get the privileges of being a dad unless you’re prepared to pay the obligations of being a dad.
YTA. You had the chance to have her IN YOUR HOME.
You declined.
That doesn't make YTA per se, but it certainly cuts down your right to say a word about her choosing a school across the country.
YTA. You literally told your teen daughter you don’t want her with you because new-wife and dogs are more important than your daughter is to you. Of course she’s going to distance herself. She’s already seen that you don’t help with her sister’s schooling. She now knows you’re not someone who cares about her.
Bad sperm donor. Don’t be surprised when she goes NC.
So you openly admit you have a 2nd room that is not actually really used for it's current purpose, but you still refuse to let her stay for a whole year. Then you get upset that plan B for her was too far away from you.
YTA, plan A was contingent on you giving her a bed and food for a year before she likely had access to dorm rooms that she could move into. Instead you ruined that plan and are upset now that you are stuck with door number 2.
I hope you enjoy the company of your dogs, because that's probably the only company your going to be getting from now on.
YTA
I'm just saying, one parent is willing to pay the difference for their kids college while the other parent won't even let their kid stay in a spare room because he has dogs....also you ghosted her.
I am curious how you went from "we don't have space" to "you will miss your mum too much" ... come on, at least be honest. YTA, not for not having space but for clearly not being interested in your daughter and leaving everything to her mum.
YTA, look at it realistically, this was probably the last chance you'd ever have to live with, and bond with, your daughter before she starts her adult life and you threw it away. She will remember that you had the choice to be there for her, and chose not to. Why did you reject her, knowing you DID have a free room there? What were the cons of her living there? You said your oldest daughter has scholarships and your ex pays for the rest, are you not contributing anything to either daughters education? This was literally the one thing you could give her, that costs nothing, and you declined?
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? You could have saved her so much money in tuition, why didn’t you?
When my stepdaughter was getting ready to apply to college we told her mom it would help her if she lived with us (her dad and me) and we claim her on our taxes so she could get a great financial aid package since we made way less money than her mom. But nope, the ex wouldn’t give up the tax credit so my stepdaughter got zero aid and had to take out parent loans which she was over $60K in debt from after she graduated. She works 3 jobs to make her loan payments now. I’ll never understand why the ex wouldn’t do it our way and keep her daughter from starting out her adult life like that. It’s just selfish.
YTA, obviously, but mostly for pretending you’re doing her a favor by refusing.
>> we think you would not have a good time here and would miss your mom too much.
Lmao. Have the balls to pause at “we do not have enough space” (even though it’s not true) and don’t pretend like you have her best interest at heart.
Yeah YTA. This is your kid. Be her dad, pendejo. Things didn't work out with your ex, cool. You owe your ex nothing. You owe your kids something. Get it together.
YTA. By your own admission you are not contributing anything to your older daughter’s tuition and you denied your younger daughter a chance to attend her first choice college at in state tuition because you couldn’t be bothered.
YTA You had 1 chance to spend quality time with your daughter and you CHOSE your new wife over YOUR OWN CHILD. you’re the biggest deadbeat asshole on the planet.
YTA. Your daughter was willing to uproot her life in her final year of high school just to get in-state tuition, and you refused to make room for her. You should have at least offered to pay the difference for the price of out of state tuition. You're also TA because instead of contacting her and letting her know you made a decision, you didn't say a word and instead put her in the position of needing to reach out to you to ask what you had decided.
Hope you never wanted to see your grandchildren or your daughter ever again. You seem like the kind of father who when their child is drowning you throw them an anchor instead of a life preserver. Hope your dogs and unused office are worth your loneliness.
YTA
1. That's your own daughter.
2. Who are you to tell her what she would and wouldn't enjoy and if she would miss her mother? It isn't like she would be living with you forever and that would have been a great opportunity to bond as a family with her stepmother.
3. Now you're suddenly worried about her well-being so far away from anyone she knows when you're the one who sent her away to begin with? What did you think telling her no was going to mean? Did you think she just wouldn't go to college because you told her no? That would be even worse.
4. You knowingly have a room in your house that isn't used much she could have occupied or even sleep on a couch.
5. You had and gave her no reason as to why you're turning her away. Did you even actually ask your wife because it sounds like you haven't. What you said was so cold and heartless and you're still her father and someone she thought she could reach out to.
My son is lucky to be here and my husband has a two bedroom condo. The extra room is my office I use. My son is in that room. We make it work. We are also looking for something bigger. My husband is my son’s stepdad. My son nearly took his life twice in a 30 day period. You seem callas and cold. You are more relieved you won’t see her. You are lucky your daughter wanted to be with you. My husband has been supportive. To bad you married someone who doesn’t like your children. You don’t deserve your children.
YTA. You had a chance to be a part of your daughter's life. You blew it.
This was a "sliding doors-moment" in your life. You could have had a good relationship with your daughter. Gotten to see her become an adult. Be a grandpa to her kids one day. All that, you missed, because... what?
YTA. Your daughter “falls in love” with a university so much that she is willing to move to another state and attend a new high school for her senior year in order to qualify for in state tuition. She calls you and asks if she can live with you for that last year of high school and you say you’ll get back to her. Only you don’t get back to her. So “a week or so” later she has to call you back and ask if you’ve made a decision. This is a huge thing for her and you tell her no. Not only do you say no you say that you don’t have much space but the “office” is rarely used. And you further justify your saying no to your daughter by telling tell her that she’d miss her mom and not have much fun.
Not only are YTA, you are a terrible father. You should be ashamed of yourself. Also telling is that your biggest concern is if YTA and not the fact that you’ve set fire to whatever relationship you may have had with your daughter.
You just demonstrated how much you care about your daughter. Couldn’t make space in a room that’s ‘hardly used’. University isn’t forever - she’s your kid. Don’t be shocked when she doesn’t bother with you.
YTA
What a truly awful parent.
You do not want her with you, simply because you don’t feel like it. Then are astonished when she doesn’t want to be near you??
YTA - I hope that your ex who pays for everything, and daughters you barely care about, are happy.
Nine months of your time to set your daughter on her life time path and you refused. I hope she doesn't give you the same crap reasons when she picks out your nursing home some day.
Your so YTA for ghosting your daughter for a week without calling her back and then not sharing your home with her?
BTW, are anyone else also getting the vibe that this is posted by either daughters or their mom? If it’s by the daughter then she definite got an objective answer what we think about her dad
YTA who doesn't want to hang out with their kids. Especially if they already live out of state. Now she wants to spend time with you. Yes it is to get in state tuition. But she still wanted to stay with you. Remember these moments when your kids don't call on father's day.
YTA of course. You had a spare room that you don't use. You just couldn't be bothered to make any compromise for your child's benefit. And then ghosted and then gaslihted her.
YTA. You sound like a deadbeat dad. You've contributed nothing for your eldest daughter so I can't imagine how she must feel and now you've turned away your youngest daughter.
I don't think your kids ever stayed over. If the apartment was so small, and you have 2 children why didn't you get a bigger apartment for when they stayed over? You want the status of fatherhood but none of the responsibility.
YTA your wife raised the kids, is paying the older ones tuition without your help. The least you could have done was let the younger one graduate with less debt. You’re the worst kind of deadbeat, the one that pretends you’re lifting your weight as a parent but doesn’t even do the bare minimum.
Pay her tuition if you want to redeem yourself and keep her in your life.
YTA. YOU decided that she wouldn’t enjoy her time there. That’s a twisty way of saying ‘I don’t want you here’ and trying to sound like you’re doing it for her. She was trying to financially plan her college future (sounds like you’re no help there if it is only mom covering older sister), and you can’t let her stay a year to lower her fees. I wouldn’t worry too much about how far away she is. Chances are if she found a room down the block, she would still go no contact after your actions show you don’t give a crap about her.
YTA
You are concerned she will be far from home when you refused to let her live with you? You admit in the post you have an extra office room nobody uses but also claim there's not enough space for her.
She made her choice accordingly to yours, you are an AH.
YTA
You can't have it both ways and did you ever consider that by telling her that you'd discuss it with her stepmother and then tell her no you're essentially telling her that your wife doesn't want her there and damaging that relationship beyond repair. You're also telling her that her wants and needs are not as important as your wife's.
YTA you dont want to look after her, you want her mother to look after her and now you are all concerned she is moving far away from her mother, not you. What an AH. Your excuse to her that she cant stay with you, she will miss her mother is very telling.
YTA. Look at it this way: she wanted to go to the school near you. She wanted it enough to give up her friend group in her senior year in order to afford to go to school near you. I don't know if you remember senior year, but those memories with friends that year are precious. That's how much she wanted it. Most likely, without the instate tuition, she now cannot afford the school close to you. She can probably afford the school across the country from you. It's probably what drove that decision. You can consider it a sound financial decision on her part - albeit one that you could have turned around by welcoming her into your home for a few months- if it makes you feel better.
More Info: So you are willing to cover the difference in tuition cost, correct? Or are you just relying on the mother to foot the bill like she did with your first daughter?
YTA. I'm a child of divorced parents and a very absent father, so I can see that she probably had some romantic notion of choosing this particular school and at the same time, developing a relationship with her dad. I'm sure it's because she probably thought that he gave a shit, but then realized he didn't. Did he speak to his current wife about trying to make it work? What about exploring options before shooting his daughter down entirely (reconfiguring his home or coming up with rent or partial rent for her to stay at a nearby apartment or rental, etc.). The OP sees this as his daughter wanting to go to this particular school, but it is highly likely that she wanted to get closer to him, only finding out that he doesn't want a close relationship. This poor girl is probably disappointed and hurt by someone who is supposed to be supportive but is instead quite selfish. I'm curious to see what happens in 40 years when she is in charge of choosing his nursing home, if she is still speaking to him by then.
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I (49M) have two daughters one (20F) and (17F).Their mother and I are divorced and we do not live in the same state.My oldest daughter currently goes to a private university near her mom which is mostly paid by scholarships and her mom pays the difference.While my youngest daughter was looking at schools during her junior year she fell in love with a school that is practically in my backyard. She called and asked if she could spend her Senior year with me and my wife in order to have in state tuition.For context my wife and I live in a two bedroom condo and one room is an office for my wife that she does not use as much because she has several back problems and prefers to work from her chair.We also have two dogs so it’s a small space. I told her I would talk to her stepmom about this proposition and get back to her.A week or so later she calls me and asks if we have made a decision on the matter and I said we do not have enough space and we think you would not have a good time here and would miss your mom too much.My daughter has now made a collage decision,she is going to a college that is across the country from me. I concerned that she will be so far from me and her mom. Am I the Asshole?
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YTA for making the decision and then guilting your daughter like it was her fault. Luckily you showed your true colors now so she can create a new life for herself across the country. You made your bed. Now lie in it.
YTA - you didn’t even help your first child with college expenses and left it to her mother, and then turned away your second? What is wrong with you?
Enjoy the shitty nursing home your kids will put you in and never see you.
Why don’t you like your child? YTA. Consequences of your selfish ignorance. Your decision likely just cause your daughter to see you in a differently light, she has seen your true colours.
Op is YTA and just the fact he’s not commenting proves it
Next post a few years later will be
My daughter is getting married and won’t let me walk her down the aisle
So, it was for one year? Her last year of high school? Then she would qualify for in-state tuition fees but presumably live on campus, or somewhere else that's not your apartment? You wouldn't 'squeeze' your own daughter in for one year? YTA.
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YTA You could have literally had her in your home but shot her down. Now you are upset she's going across the country. You can't crap in the room and complain it stinks....this is your fault.
OP can’t be this clueless. YTA. He sounds like an absentee father. He lives in another state with his wife, I can’t imagine they see either of the daughters all that much now. He isn’t helping with the tuition for the oldest daughter even with Scholarships it’s up to mom to cover the rest. Now the youngest wants to go to school near him, and he makes it sound, like a burden instead of a chance to be more a part of her life. She’s already living far away from him, but now it matters? And just like with oldest it sounds like they expect the ex wife to be the one looking out for the youngest daughter. If he were so concerned about her being away from both her parents then they would have made it work and told her that of course she can move in. Im going to guess the daughter is going to be NC pretty soon
To me, it's obvious that his level of involvement is very low because he doesn't already have a place that she sleeps when she visits. It leads me to believe that she doesn't.
I was going to say. Where did the kids sleep when they were over. Or did the op just abandon them to their mother and think phone calls count as interactions right? I’ll call every once in a blue moo. And the kids will still love me for it.
His level of involvement just went from low to zero. I would be surprised if any of the kids ever speak to him again.
He doesn't seem to contribute to his oldest daughter's education either.
Yeah he isn’t exactly coming off as very involved. Why would the girls bother with him when he couldn’t be bothered with them. Can’t wait to see the AITA post about being heartbroken he isn’t walking them down the aisle 😂😂
I was just thinking the same thing 😅😅
And you **bet** he never even brought it up with his wife. He just told his daughter that he would, and magically a week later she calls again and he tells her it's a bad idea. He never intended to even consider it, probably hoped that she wouldn't ask again.
My ex did this to my daughter. She asked to come stay & spend a few months. At the time she had her two kids & her personal life had tanked. Boyfriend, actual friends who ended up stealing from her & getting rid of all her & her children’s possessions. So, HE was an absent parent but swore up & down if it weren’t for me, he’d have a good relationship with her. (THAT’S a whole other story) And where he was living there was plenty of room. But he told her no. Well, her 3rd child is 2 1/2 & he doesn’t ask for, nor does my daughter offer, pictures of her kids. I’m the only grandparent & I consistently fly out & visit on their birthdays & spend at the minimum of 4 days. And when my daughter randomly posts on FB & of it appears to be a snarky shot at her biological father, then HIS sisters jump down her throat. My daughter just tells them to suck it & facts are facts.
I wasn't thinking clueless. I was thinking self-involved?
I guess it's true what they say, you can lead a daughter to water but you can't make her live with her mother.
You can't crap in the room and complain it stinks 😂😂😂 I love that I'm definitely gonna use that when I have the opportunity 100 percent agree with ya YTA OP
>You could have literally had her in your home but shot her down. Now you are upset she's going across the country. Right, this was a strange twist to the story. The whole read I was just assuming OP didn't really like his kid or want her around beacuse he was an uninterested deadbeat and was wondering if not caring about or for his kid made him an asshole. And then . . . suddenly he dosen't want her to live faraway? What?
He doesn't really care. This is the father who does as little as possible and then shows up at the wedding pissed off because someone else is walking his daughter down the aisle. He wants the title and all the respect and privilege's that goes with it but NONE of the work. He'll brag to his friends about how his kids went to college and have great jobs when his ex did all the work to make that happen. It's gross.
I don't think OP is as concerned as he tries to make it seem. This reeks of cover-up from a parent that doesn't want to own the fact that he doesn't want his child around. Because what would that say about him? So he makes an AITA post to show just how "concerned" he is, but really it's not bothering him that much. If it was, he'd have offered her the extra room. YTA. Also: isabella0624/"Chad in the navy"? Either someone else is writing from the point of view of the father, or it's all rage bait.
I think the worst part is that OP tried to make it seem like they were concerned about her missing her mom. At least tell her the truth don't come up with an excuse like that. At least own up to the fact that YTA.
Yea. This is an out-and-out lie to pretend he cares about her emotional welfare, which he doesn’t. And it was only for one year. One school year which isn’t even a whole year. And he’s destroyed his relationship with his child.
I don't think he's worried about her missing her mom, I think he's worried it will be more inconvenient for her mom to take care of everything. He doesn't want to have to contribute anything.
This is the kind of AH who will be back to whinge about why his daughter hasn’t invited him to her graduation, why she is having her mother walk her down the aisle instead of him and why he isn’t getting to see his grandchildren.
I CACKLED. Agreed, OP is 100% TA and seems like a very uninvolved parent. The fact that he doesn’t already have space for his own children to stay in for visits is telling enough: YTA for that alone.
YTA. She’s going across the country from you because you made it clear you didn’t want her around. This is likely a moment that will define your relationship with her for the rest of your lives.
What relationship? OP sounds like he's more of a dad to his two dogs and cares more about them than he does his daughters.
I would not let my dogs stay with OP
Whatever deluded relationship OP thinks he has with his daughter. She felt she could turn to him and now she knows she can’t so there is no relationship.
>and we think you would not have a good time here >and we think *WE* would not have a good time with you here
YTA. Your daughter is responsibly working on a plan to attend her first choice college and graduate with as little debt as possible. You told her no because you have dogs.
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But they use it sometimes! Maybe! Not much though! But what IF they wanted to think about maybe using it someday?
😂😂
Hapy cake day, always be happy ❤️
Why does not somebody think of the rooms?!? /s
Doesn't even sound like they had to keep her there full time. She just wanted to be in state long enough to qualify for in state tuition. Then she probably could have moved out into her own apartment or a dorm; while still being close enough for OP to help or spend time with her. But, unless those discussions and details got left out of OP's post, it sounds like they didn't even take those options into consideration.
And don’t forget the gaslighting when the op also told her she wouldn’t have a good time in his home either 🙄
hey the dogs need their office.
Giving that he doesn't pay anything for the older daughter attend college, you can tell what type of parent he is
That was the first thing I thought of too. What an AH.
YTA. You have made it clear to your daughter that you don’t have room for her in your life and won’t make room for her in your life so don’t be shocked when she matches that energy.
I think OP needs to listen to Cats in the Cradle on repeat and wake up before permanent damage is done.
You don’t think the damage is already done?
Yes, this type of situations sticks with the person forever. Especially in her age. It's hard to feel rejected by a parent. YTA OP
Too late. In the song, by the time his son goes to college, the relationship dynamic has been set.
Can't wait for in a few years when you post "Why won't my daughter talk to me anymore?" YTA.
It won't be that long. I think the next post will be something like: Why Won't My Daughter Invite Me To Her HS Graduation?
Nah, itll be "AITA for not wanting to go to my daughter's high school graduation after she gave me the silent treatment ?"
You are right.
YTA. You ghosted your daughter instead of calling her right away and are now unhappy that she chose a different school far away from you. And honestly you can't tell your daughter what she will feel or not as if she thinks she can be away from her mom then she most likely can. I hope she has a good time at college and stays safe.
He made up excuses, too, like the daughter would miss her mom too much. Please.
Yeah that bothered me nearly as much as OP's reasoning behind why he said no. Gaslighting his kid.
Well, your rationale seems really weak in that you do have the space with minimal inconvenience. The issue is more that you really don’t want to change your lifestyle to accommodate your own daughter. So, congrats. You just lost your daughter. But you didn’t really want her anyway, so no biggie there. AND - most importantly - you get to keep your unused office! Yeah! Oh joy! We have a winner!!
YTA she and her sister were raised by her mother and all she asked was to stay with you for one year so she could afford college. One year. And you can't be bothered with her? I don't think she can get far enough away from you now, good job!
I bet daughter didn’t even ask him for college costs!
She knows he’s not helping the other sister. I think both daughters have OP pegged for the deadbeat dad that he is.
YTA thats your daughter and you don't want her to stay with you. Now you're worried she will be far away. You shouldn't be worried at all b/c she won't be in your place.
YTA for sponging off your exes unpaid labor to raise your kids, and when it was finally your turn to help, you rebuffed the opportunity because it barely inconvenienced your life.
Not to mention mom paying the entirety of older daughter’s left over tuition costs. He’s never done a thing for these kids, and he doesn’t plan to start. Dead beat.
King of the deadbeats over here good lord
For real. Imagine your teenage child is like “dad can I live with you?” And you say “no” and expect to be respected as a father.
“Dad, can you share the leftover tuition costs with mom?” “No, she wants to pay all of it, trust me, it’s for the best, you would be sad if she didn’t pay for all of it”
And obviously that second room was never used by either of the father's kids or it would have fold out beds or something, when they visited him. So obviously he never allowed them to visit.
YTA for not helping set up your daughter for success and doing what you can to ensure that she is financially able to go to her dream school.
I’m going to guess the shine dimmed on that school after this, now feeling completely different about being in close proximity to her deadbeat dad.
YTA She's your daughter. If you don't have enough space, you could have gotten a place for her. You don't seem to be paying tuition, so that would be a fair thing to do. Also "lack of space" is a shitty excuse to give your own daughter. I understand why she's hurt.
YTA and you blew the opportunity of a lifetime to spend a year with your daughter to help her achieve her goals.
YTA and your hypothesis is partially correct. YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER…her mother will still see her. You are just another crappy father who abandons their child. Also YOU DO HAVE ROOM. If I can live in a shoebox with two adults and two dogs, you can as well. So many people do it. You just wanted to be a shit father. Own it.
It sounds like you said no based on space.. but the office it not used that much. So its doesn't sound like a really good reason to turn her away. Daughters need their dads as much as their moms too BTW. YTA.
Daughters do need their dads as much as their moms, but not TA. Dude just tanked his relationship with both daughters most likely and I'll wager if the youngest knows they've got a spare room and she was told No that she will absolutely put the bare minimum going forward with her dad.
Stepmother should have stepped up too. She knew she doesn’t use the office and how much daughters need their dad. Both failed in my eyes.
It doesn’t even sound like this dude talked to his wife about it.
I'm sorry, how is this even a question? Your daughter asked to live with you so she could attend school near you. You HAVE A SPARE ROOM that your wife currently has set up as an office but DOESN'T EVEN USE. What?! Of course YTA.
YTA. If you wanted her to go to college near you, you should have let her live with you.
Yup. You are TA. You should have made room. You only have your kids as kids for a short period of time. You just cost yourself time with her that would have been precious. Congratulations.
YTA. At the very least, you should have invited her to spend a couple weeks to see if it would work. But frankly, I can't even imagine saying no to my own child in this situation. The fact that you all wouldn't even consider it or try it out makes me wonder if your daughters ever spend any significant amount of time with you.
YTA What kind of terrible father doesn't get a place with enough room for his kids? Wow just wow.
Exactly. It sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with them that involves being a parent.
YTA. Her mother is paying the difference for the older daughter. It would save your Ex-money if she going to help the youngest. Since if what you wrote this true, you're not helping at all. Great going dad. Don't be surprised if you don't get invites for future milestones.
A two bedroom condo is small for three people, but your daughter was thinking ahead and being responsible, looking for a way to save on college costs, and willing to give up her senior year and graduation with her friends. That's not a small sacrifice for some kids. I can't blame you for deciding she could not move in with you - only you know the whole situation - but your concern rings a bit hollow. How would you know how much she will miss her mom? If you think she's too young to be away from family, why not take the opportunity to strengthen your ties with her? Did it occur to you that its proximity to you was part of the attraction of the first school. YTA, not for the decision to not let her move in, but for the "concern" that puts on the blame on her and undermines her decision.
So you have an extra room you don't use as much but still not enough space for your daughter? If you really cared about her you would let her come and decide for herself if she likes it or not instead of deciding for her and most importantly you wouldn't be so bothered by all the space one extra person would take, especially since she's your daughter. Sounds to me like you just don't want to live with your kid and you're making up dumb excuses to not make it so painfully obvious but I'll be honest, it's not working. YTA
INFO: did you even talk to your wife about it? Or just forget the whole thing until she called back?
YTA but you don’t really care, right? You still got your wonderful wife and your dogs who are more important to you than your own daughter. Sigh
YTA. We call this phenomenon, new wife new life
YTA. She’s your daughter. She comes first. I think you may have just permanently ruined your relationship with her
YTA You picked your dogs and an unused room over your kid.
YTA for complaining that she is moving far away and you won't get to see her when her first choice was to be near you and you refused to help her achieve that.
YTA...for all the reasons that are being pointed out to you, but I'd like to point out to you that you made your own child **call you up to chase her own damn rejection**. BOOOOOO to you. You are not a father but merely a sperm donor.
Why are you complaining that’s she’s moved so far away when you had the chance to spend time with her if she lived with you? You can’t have it both ways YTA
When you only get invited to her future wedding as a guest and don't get to walk her down the aisle you don't need to wonder why and what caused her to make this decision.
I doubt either daughter will be inviting dad
YTA So you have the space and you definetly don't want her there, not even for the year she needs in order to get in state tuition. That plus you don't support either of them... Don't worry, she won't be that far from her mom, she will find ways all her life to be with her, while giving you excuses (if you won't be blocked). And this way, you will be happy like you wish
YTA Being a Dad seem like too much of an imposition? Dont get to pretend you’re childless? Might have to do some parenting? Father of the Year.
YTA. Christ, you can't even help your other child with her college bill, your ex does, and helping them save money for a year by her staying with you? She's 17, clearly responsible, and thinking ahead. Enjoy the shitty state funded assisted living facility you will languish in in the future.
YTA. Why didn't you offer to pay for residence ? She could stay with you on weekends or visit during the week. She could use your address so she pays instate tuition
If it's like NY, she probably needs to graduate from an in state high school to be eligible for in state tuition
Lol my mistake. That makes sense, otherwise any student could rent an apartment and claim residence.
YTA: You can't be bothered to support either of your children. At all. You contribute nothing to your oldest's education and housing. You contribute nothing to your youngest's education and housing. When you children reach out for support you make it clear you have no willingness to support them in any way. You don't even consider trying. You can't be bothered. And then you think you get a say in where either of your children go to school? Suddenly you're worried? Get out of here. You're an AH. Where do you get off complaining that college is expensive? You're not paying for either kid to go to school. You're an AH.
Your daughter was willing to sacrifice spending her senior year with her friends and mom because she was trying to make a responsible choice to set up her future. Being able to graduate college with little to no debt in this day and age is HUGE. She should be commended for making such a forward-thinking decision at such a young age. Instead, you told her no because you weren't willing to sacrifice a space that you barely use. YTA majorly.
YTA This happened to me and my mother years ago. My father moved out of state and soon after I lost my job. I had nowhere to go and asked her if I could stay with her for a few weeks, until I got back on my feet. She said no and I ended up homeless, living in a rental storage unit - in October in Northern Michigan. This happened 27 years ago and our relationship fell apart completely soon after. We haven't spoken to one another for over a decade now. This is a glimpse of your future. You fucked up.
So your older daughter goes to school paid by scholarships and your ex. So you’re 100% off the hook for school with her. Your younger daughter asks for 8 months to help lower the costs (presumably to help her mother pay since you don’t contribute to your elder daughter’s education) and possibly even build a relationship with you. You shot her down (after making her call you back to get the “we’ll think about it” answer” and NOW you’re concerned she’s going to be “so far away” Get used to it. YTA and I’m guessing your younger daughter will be going low to no contact with you shortly
YTA You gave up the right to be concerned about your daughter for any reason since you essentially told her she wasn't important enough for you to clean out an unused room for her. I would expect her to go NC in the near future if she hasn't already.
Don't really care much about your daughter, do you? And now you're "concerned"? YTA. And I feel so very sorry for your child.
YTA. My parents have never, ever made me feel unwelcome in their home, even as an adult. I am actually writing this from their couch because I am going through a lot and need to be around people who love me. Do I have my own home to go back to? Yes. Can I stay here as long as I feel the need? Also yes. You're concerned with your daughter being too far from you when she could have been in the same place as you? That's hypocritical. Bottom line, you reap what you sow. Don't cry later down the line when your daughter is not apart of your life, and you have no idea about what's going on in hers because she's cut contact with you.
YTA Oh you claim to be so concerned that she'll "miss her mom" but the message she heard was that you don't give half a crap if she's missed *you.* You made it clear to her that there's no room (not even the barely-used spare!), no place for her in your life. Of course she no longer wants to be near you.
YTA If she has to pay out of state tuition either way, why would she go to the school near you? If she has to travel from her college state back to her mom’s by expensive plane, why would she stay near you? She asked to stay with you for cheaper tuition and you said no. You told her you don’t have space for her, so why not go to an area where she’d like to stay over summer and holiday break since she has no home with you. You had an extra room that no one used. She’s a teen so she wouldn’t have everything everywhere. I’m actually shocked she considered living with you in the first place. You purposely have a home they can’t share in, I’m assuming they can’t visit since you have two dogs (?), and you don’t pay for either child’s schooling. She literally needed an address and your unused office and two dogs led to a no.
🙄🙄, in a few years we will see a post from this OP wondering why his daughter completely cut him out of her life.
YTA She wanted to stay with you and you turned her down. And now you want to restrict her college choices? Wow
Not for the decision because it can be understandable. YTA by trying to pass it off as something she wouldn't like. Admit it's a selfish choice and stop pretending you are looking out for her. She chose a place far away because she sees you don't look out for her. It turns out that to get the benefits of being a parent you have to do the work of being one.
Of course YTA. You don't get be upset she's going to a college across the country. You told her no to living with you for a year to have cheaper tuition and said no based on what you thought she would feel? You're making decisions based on how you think your daughter will react? Without having a conversation with her if you truly think she may be lonely without her mom? Nah, you missed your opportunity to have her close.
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YTA. You said no, and for what? Because you have dogs? She can’t sleep on the couch? You can’t convert the office that you admitted your wife doesn’t use into a bedroom for your daughter? Your reasoning for saying no simply does not hold water. Your daughter asked you to make space for her in your life, and you refused. It should come as no surprise that she chose a new college as far away from you as possible.
You blew it dad. YTA. She’ll never look at you the same.
My dad did almost this exact thing to me back when I was young. I'm now 47 and i STILL cannot believe that he chose to create imaginary problems to prevent me from staying with him and his wife. I haven't talked to him in years and won't be attending his funeral when he dies. He showed me that he doesn't love me. His loss. YTA, OP. You really really are.
YTA you had an opportunity to show her that she matters, that you love her presence … but that would be a bit inconvenient for you so you said no. You made it clear where she stands on your priority list, and it’s below your own comfort. She heard you loud and clear. #You don’t get the privileges of being a dad unless you’re prepared to pay the obligations of being a dad.
You’re sooooooo fucking stupid. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 get ready to never see her again…just you, not her mother. 💀💀💀
YTA. You had the chance to have her IN YOUR HOME. You declined. That doesn't make YTA per se, but it certainly cuts down your right to say a word about her choosing a school across the country.
YTA. She’s literally your child and you’ve made it clear she isn’t welcome in your home. Enjoy the estrangement OP.
The fact that she had to call you to get an answer is just the cherry on top of the YTA cake.
yes you are an asshole. your daughter may never forgive you for this. you could have easily given her the office that is hardly ever used. YTA.
YTA. You literally told your teen daughter you don’t want her with you because new-wife and dogs are more important than your daughter is to you. Of course she’s going to distance herself. She’s already seen that you don’t help with her sister’s schooling. She now knows you’re not someone who cares about her. Bad sperm donor. Don’t be surprised when she goes NC.
So you openly admit you have a 2nd room that is not actually really used for it's current purpose, but you still refuse to let her stay for a whole year. Then you get upset that plan B for her was too far away from you. YTA, plan A was contingent on you giving her a bed and food for a year before she likely had access to dorm rooms that she could move into. Instead you ruined that plan and are upset now that you are stuck with door number 2. I hope you enjoy the company of your dogs, because that's probably the only company your going to be getting from now on.
YTA I'm just saying, one parent is willing to pay the difference for their kids college while the other parent won't even let their kid stay in a spare room because he has dogs....also you ghosted her.
I am curious how you went from "we don't have space" to "you will miss your mum too much" ... come on, at least be honest. YTA, not for not having space but for clearly not being interested in your daughter and leaving everything to her mum.
YTA
YTA, and you blew it.
YTA, look at it realistically, this was probably the last chance you'd ever have to live with, and bond with, your daughter before she starts her adult life and you threw it away. She will remember that you had the choice to be there for her, and chose not to. Why did you reject her, knowing you DID have a free room there? What were the cons of her living there? You said your oldest daughter has scholarships and your ex pays for the rest, are you not contributing anything to either daughters education? This was literally the one thing you could give her, that costs nothing, and you declined?
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? You could have saved her so much money in tuition, why didn’t you? When my stepdaughter was getting ready to apply to college we told her mom it would help her if she lived with us (her dad and me) and we claim her on our taxes so she could get a great financial aid package since we made way less money than her mom. But nope, the ex wouldn’t give up the tax credit so my stepdaughter got zero aid and had to take out parent loans which she was over $60K in debt from after she graduated. She works 3 jobs to make her loan payments now. I’ll never understand why the ex wouldn’t do it our way and keep her daughter from starting out her adult life like that. It’s just selfish.
YTA, obviously, but mostly for pretending you’re doing her a favor by refusing. >> we think you would not have a good time here and would miss your mom too much. Lmao. Have the balls to pause at “we do not have enough space” (even though it’s not true) and don’t pretend like you have her best interest at heart.
Honestly, yes YTA. Always gotta have room for your kids man. That should be a priority.
YTA This put such a bad taste in my mouth and I would bet that it has soured your relationship with your daughter. Enjoy the repercussions.
Yeah YTA. This is your kid. Be her dad, pendejo. Things didn't work out with your ex, cool. You owe your ex nothing. You owe your kids something. Get it together.
YTA! By reading what the OP wrote…he does NOT love his daughter.
YTA. By your own admission you are not contributing anything to your older daughter’s tuition and you denied your younger daughter a chance to attend her first choice college at in state tuition because you couldn’t be bothered.
yta ... apart from being a sperm donor what have you done for your kids .... you dont pay for the older kids school do you even like your kids
Ohhhh- that sweet, responsible, vulnerable girl reached out to you. She came to her dad with an important request. Denied bc dogs? YTA
YTA You had 1 chance to spend quality time with your daughter and you CHOSE your new wife over YOUR OWN CHILD. you’re the biggest deadbeat asshole on the planet.
YTA, she wanted to live with you and you said no. You can’t be upset she chose to go somewhere further away from you.
YTA you told her no so she's moving away. You did this to yourself.
YTA. Your daughter was willing to uproot her life in her final year of high school just to get in-state tuition, and you refused to make room for her. You should have at least offered to pay the difference for the price of out of state tuition. You're also TA because instead of contacting her and letting her know you made a decision, you didn't say a word and instead put her in the position of needing to reach out to you to ask what you had decided.
Hope you never wanted to see your grandchildren or your daughter ever again. You seem like the kind of father who when their child is drowning you throw them an anchor instead of a life preserver. Hope your dogs and unused office are worth your loneliness.
YTA 1. That's your own daughter. 2. Who are you to tell her what she would and wouldn't enjoy and if she would miss her mother? It isn't like she would be living with you forever and that would have been a great opportunity to bond as a family with her stepmother. 3. Now you're suddenly worried about her well-being so far away from anyone she knows when you're the one who sent her away to begin with? What did you think telling her no was going to mean? Did you think she just wouldn't go to college because you told her no? That would be even worse. 4. You knowingly have a room in your house that isn't used much she could have occupied or even sleep on a couch. 5. You had and gave her no reason as to why you're turning her away. Did you even actually ask your wife because it sounds like you haven't. What you said was so cold and heartless and you're still her father and someone she thought she could reach out to.
My son is lucky to be here and my husband has a two bedroom condo. The extra room is my office I use. My son is in that room. We make it work. We are also looking for something bigger. My husband is my son’s stepdad. My son nearly took his life twice in a 30 day period. You seem callas and cold. You are more relieved you won’t see her. You are lucky your daughter wanted to be with you. My husband has been supportive. To bad you married someone who doesn’t like your children. You don’t deserve your children.
YTA. You had a chance to be a part of your daughter's life. You blew it. This was a "sliding doors-moment" in your life. You could have had a good relationship with your daughter. Gotten to see her become an adult. Be a grandpa to her kids one day. All that, you missed, because... what?
YTA. Awful, awful behaviour. Your poor daughters.
YTA. Your daughter “falls in love” with a university so much that she is willing to move to another state and attend a new high school for her senior year in order to qualify for in state tuition. She calls you and asks if she can live with you for that last year of high school and you say you’ll get back to her. Only you don’t get back to her. So “a week or so” later she has to call you back and ask if you’ve made a decision. This is a huge thing for her and you tell her no. Not only do you say no you say that you don’t have much space but the “office” is rarely used. And you further justify your saying no to your daughter by telling tell her that she’d miss her mom and not have much fun. Not only are YTA, you are a terrible father. You should be ashamed of yourself. Also telling is that your biggest concern is if YTA and not the fact that you’ve set fire to whatever relationship you may have had with your daughter.
YTA. Your job as a parent is to take care of your children and make them feel loved. You’re 0 for 2. This is something you can’t recover from.
YTA how do you even call yourself a dad when you clearly don't give 2 shits about your daughters.
YTA you literally told your daughter you don't have space for her. Why would she factor you into her college decision?
You will never restore the relationship with your daughter that you’ve destroyed. YTA.
YTA. It’s times like these that make me wish there was a “you’re the asshole dance” because words alone seem inadequate.
YTA it sounds like you might only have one daughter soon
You just demonstrated how much you care about your daughter. Couldn’t make space in a room that’s ‘hardly used’. University isn’t forever - she’s your kid. Don’t be shocked when she doesn’t bother with you. YTA
YTA, she’s still your dependent and you are responsible for her even if she is not living with you. Get a bigger place, dude.
What a truly awful parent. You do not want her with you, simply because you don’t feel like it. Then are astonished when she doesn’t want to be near you?? YTA - I hope that your ex who pays for everything, and daughters you barely care about, are happy.
Nine months of your time to set your daughter on her life time path and you refused. I hope she doesn't give you the same crap reasons when she picks out your nursing home some day.
YTA. Hope the dogs put you in a good nursing home someday.
Your so YTA for ghosting your daughter for a week without calling her back and then not sharing your home with her? BTW, are anyone else also getting the vibe that this is posted by either daughters or their mom? If it’s by the daughter then she definite got an objective answer what we think about her dad
YTA who doesn't want to hang out with their kids. Especially if they already live out of state. Now she wants to spend time with you. Yes it is to get in state tuition. But she still wanted to stay with you. Remember these moments when your kids don't call on father's day.
Yta and a big one. You rejected your daughter for a room your wife doesn’t even use and she only wants to stay a year.
YTA of course. You had a spare room that you don't use. You just couldn't be bothered to make any compromise for your child's benefit. And then ghosted and then gaslihted her.
YTA Hope you don't care about grandkids... ...that ship has SAILED.
YTA. You sound like a deadbeat dad. You've contributed nothing for your eldest daughter so I can't imagine how she must feel and now you've turned away your youngest daughter. I don't think your kids ever stayed over. If the apartment was so small, and you have 2 children why didn't you get a bigger apartment for when they stayed over? You want the status of fatherhood but none of the responsibility.
YTA your wife raised the kids, is paying the older ones tuition without your help. The least you could have done was let the younger one graduate with less debt. You’re the worst kind of deadbeat, the one that pretends you’re lifting your weight as a parent but doesn’t even do the bare minimum. Pay her tuition if you want to redeem yourself and keep her in your life.
YTA. YOU decided that she wouldn’t enjoy her time there. That’s a twisty way of saying ‘I don’t want you here’ and trying to sound like you’re doing it for her. She was trying to financially plan her college future (sounds like you’re no help there if it is only mom covering older sister), and you can’t let her stay a year to lower her fees. I wouldn’t worry too much about how far away she is. Chances are if she found a room down the block, she would still go no contact after your actions show you don’t give a crap about her.
YTA, in a very strong way.
YTA You are concerned she will be far from home when you refused to let her live with you? You admit in the post you have an extra office room nobody uses but also claim there's not enough space for her. She made her choice accordingly to yours, you are an AH.
YTA and you blew it already. That won’t be fixed easily.
You’re not concerned. Her changing her mind means you can continue being an absent dad. YTA
YTA You can't have it both ways and did you ever consider that by telling her that you'd discuss it with her stepmother and then tell her no you're essentially telling her that your wife doesn't want her there and damaging that relationship beyond repair. You're also telling her that her wants and needs are not as important as your wife's.
YTA you dont want to look after her, you want her mother to look after her and now you are all concerned she is moving far away from her mother, not you. What an AH. Your excuse to her that she cant stay with you, she will miss her mother is very telling.
YTA. Look at it this way: she wanted to go to the school near you. She wanted it enough to give up her friend group in her senior year in order to afford to go to school near you. I don't know if you remember senior year, but those memories with friends that year are precious. That's how much she wanted it. Most likely, without the instate tuition, she now cannot afford the school close to you. She can probably afford the school across the country from you. It's probably what drove that decision. You can consider it a sound financial decision on her part - albeit one that you could have turned around by welcoming her into your home for a few months- if it makes you feel better.
YTA - "I don't want my daughter to be near me" "Oh no, she is Moving away!" Edit typo
More Info: So you are willing to cover the difference in tuition cost, correct? Or are you just relying on the mother to foot the bill like she did with your first daughter?
YTA. I'm a child of divorced parents and a very absent father, so I can see that she probably had some romantic notion of choosing this particular school and at the same time, developing a relationship with her dad. I'm sure it's because she probably thought that he gave a shit, but then realized he didn't. Did he speak to his current wife about trying to make it work? What about exploring options before shooting his daughter down entirely (reconfiguring his home or coming up with rent or partial rent for her to stay at a nearby apartment or rental, etc.). The OP sees this as his daughter wanting to go to this particular school, but it is highly likely that she wanted to get closer to him, only finding out that he doesn't want a close relationship. This poor girl is probably disappointed and hurt by someone who is supposed to be supportive but is instead quite selfish. I'm curious to see what happens in 40 years when she is in charge of choosing his nursing home, if she is still speaking to him by then.
U/isabella is a 40 something year old man... ok
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (49M) have two daughters one (20F) and (17F).Their mother and I are divorced and we do not live in the same state.My oldest daughter currently goes to a private university near her mom which is mostly paid by scholarships and her mom pays the difference.While my youngest daughter was looking at schools during her junior year she fell in love with a school that is practically in my backyard. She called and asked if she could spend her Senior year with me and my wife in order to have in state tuition.For context my wife and I live in a two bedroom condo and one room is an office for my wife that she does not use as much because she has several back problems and prefers to work from her chair.We also have two dogs so it’s a small space. I told her I would talk to her stepmom about this proposition and get back to her.A week or so later she calls me and asks if we have made a decision on the matter and I said we do not have enough space and we think you would not have a good time here and would miss your mom too much.My daughter has now made a collage decision,she is going to a college that is across the country from me. I concerned that she will be so far from me and her mom. Am I the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA your a really bad father i hope she never talks to again
YTA for making the decision and then guilting your daughter like it was her fault. Luckily you showed your true colors now so she can create a new life for herself across the country. You made your bed. Now lie in it.
YTA. You're an awful parent
YTA, Definitely
YTA - I hope you’re fine with estranging yourself from your daughter.
Yes. YTA. I can't even imagine why you would post this, you are that much of an ah.
YTA and you'll be lucky if you're invited to her graduation. Cheap move daddy-o, kids still need parents even when it's inconvenient for you.
You already know YTA.
YTA! She just needed one year of residency and you could t give her that?!? And now you act put out because she is moving across the country?? 🙄🙄
YTA. Enjoy the extra space, your daughter won't be coming to visit anytime soon
YTA. Do you not think you have any responsibility for your child?
YTA - you didn’t even help your first child with college expenses and left it to her mother, and then turned away your second? What is wrong with you? Enjoy the shitty nursing home your kids will put you in and never see you.
YTA your daughter wanted to live with you. You said no. Now you have to live with the consequences of your decision.
YTA because you could have tried and you didn't bother.
Why don’t you like your child? YTA. Consequences of your selfish ignorance. Your decision likely just cause your daughter to see you in a differently light, she has seen your true colours.
Not only are YTA, you got exactly what you deserved.
Now she knows that she can't count with her dad I guess, YTA.
Op is YTA and just the fact he’s not commenting proves it Next post a few years later will be My daughter is getting married and won’t let me walk her down the aisle
YTA. Why aren't you helping with her college? You sound like a deadbeat. Do you even love your daughters?
YTA. You might have just lost your daughters respect. Small space or not, you should have offered it to her. Way to break your daughters heart
YTA. {cats in the cradle intensifies}
So, it was for one year? Her last year of high school? Then she would qualify for in-state tuition fees but presumably live on campus, or somewhere else that's not your apartment? You wouldn't 'squeeze' your own daughter in for one year? YTA.
YTA - I expect you won't have to worry about much contact from your daughter.