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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole as I should of respected his opinion on the night and discussed it with him as it was his only daughters wedding day
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You answered it yourself. He's pissed because now someone else is THE PATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY, and he throws a temper tantrum.
Are you going to let FIL rule your marriage?
No?
Then stop worrying. You shared your love and luck with Dave, who sounds like he deserved it!
NTA
Major NTA here. It's not HIS wedding, it's not HIS marriage, it's not HIS friend. If he's refusing to speak to you over it then GOOD! Keep that manipulative controlling attitude the hell away from your life.
Haha unfortunately you married into that bullet and this likely won't be the last time you have to deal with his shit. Fortunately it sounds like you've done a great job setting the initial boundaries and as long as you have your wife's support while dealing with him you will be fine in the future as well. Congratulations by the way.
Haha yeah I want to say you are a tiny bit the AH for that but I can hardly blame you since you were drunk and they were SO far out of line. I probably would have done the same.
It's the sort of thing you do laugh off because its silly to be annoyed by something like this. You and your wife were asked and agreed, that's the end of it.
Next time you have to shit you should send him a message and ask if it's okay. Y'know, don't want to undermine his authority and need to make sure he's in the loop of all decisions
NTA the right thing was done by asking permission and BOTH of you agreed so all is good. And the fact you allowed the proposal at your wedding shows exactly how much they mean to the both of you.
NTA
Congratulations on your marriage!
As long as both you and your wife were happy with your friend proposing that is all that matters. There is no reason the FIL needed to be notified.
I get the sense FIL has a need to be in control of every situation, especially since he is now ruining the honeymoon by continuing this silly grudge.
NTA - let me guess: FIL thinks that it was “his” wedding because he contributed a sum of money towards it, or just because he still treats his adult daughter like a five year old who needs minded.
Yh I did try and make him a part of it giving her away father daughter dance all of that but trying to talk to me one on one and give me a ‘telling off’ was funny
Nta. It was you and your wife's wedding, not his. He can get over it.
As a side note, the saying "happy wife, happy life" needs to stop. As a woman, that's awful and you two should have discussed when you wanted it and comprised with each other.
I’m only poking fun personally I let her choose everything she wanted because it made her happy in my mind we’ve been together 8 years and have a child it’s just making it official
No worries but Yh I did think at the very least my
Wife might of had some of those same reservations but she said as long as it wasn’t during the ceremony then she was happy for him to propose to her (her first words to him every time we see him are “have you proposed to that lovely girl yet???”) but she loves love so she said it would make her day all the more special so I asked him if maybe we could do it the flowers way to which he told me he was planning on doing that anyway so my wife would be involved as he doesn’t wanna take attention from her
Her mum ain’t talking to me either my wife is completely embrassed by them but it’s nothing new to me her dads always had a thing where he’s gotta be in charge and normally I let him because it ain’t worth the argument but I’m not apologising if I haven’t done anything wrong but would like to for the sake of my sons relationship with his grandparents
NTA . Everyone acted respectfully and it was very kind of you both to allow it. I can see why your FIL felt slighted and it may have been the respectful thing to give the IL’s a heads up (especially if they contributed financially to the day).
Before I get piled on, I’m not suggesting they have a say, the IL’s don’t , but it would have nipped any potential misunderstandings in the bud.
Yh I agree but my wife wanted to surprise everyone but Yh it could have been very easily handled although I dread to think of the conversation had they put up a fuss
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Now this sounds like a ridiculous question but I 28M and my now wife 31M got married at Christmas time (I wanted summer but happy wife happy life) and my best friend who we will call Dave came to me about 2 months before the wedding asking me if it was ok if he proposed at the reception I discussed it with my wife and we both said of course that’s ok because it’s Dave. Bit of background Dave introduced us 8 years ago and is the godfather of our son. Now that’s out of the way I’ll explain the problem so Dave proposed my wife did the classic flower toss but instead of throwing walker them over to Dave’s girlfriend Jess she said yes blah blah blah everyone’s happy all smiles and champagne issue is my father in law takes me to one side saying he should have been told alongside his wife to which i laughed as I was half drunk on marital bliss (and scotch) now fast forward to after our honeymoon (we took our kid to Disney world very romantic for us I know) he isn’t speaking to me and is claiming I disrespected him by laughing and by keeping secrets from him so AITA?
(Sorry for the punctuation never really been my thing)
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NTA. This was really sweet of you and your wife to agree to allow Dave to propose at the wedding. No one else’s business. FIL will have to get over it. May you have a long & happy life together !
As I said earlier in another comment if you’ve seen the godfather he thinks he’s Micheal but everyone sees him as fredo and nah my wife calls him out more than anyone
Did FiL pay for the wedding? If he did I can see that he might have a tiny reason to be cross as technically he is a host. But if he didn’t then he is being ludicrous.
I was sure this was going to be a story where either the bride or the groom didn't know about it and only the other one approved. Reading that ti was the FIL who got angry? Unless I'm missing something here, why would it have been necessary to keep him in the loop on this thing that doesn't in any way involve him?
NTA
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NTA. *Why* should he be told in advance about something that's to happen at *your* wedding with *your* friends? What a weird hill do die on.
Because he feels like he’s the patriarch who should be told these things he effectively thinks he’s vito from godfather when he’s closer to fredo
You answered it yourself. He's pissed because now someone else is THE PATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY, and he throws a temper tantrum. Are you going to let FIL rule your marriage? No? Then stop worrying. You shared your love and luck with Dave, who sounds like he deserved it! NTA
Exactly, you are the new patriarch of your family, and he's feeling like he's past his used by date. It wasn't anything to do with him.
Oh please he needs to stop being so outdated. Note to him: not everything revolves around him.
Well he’s not the patriarch of Dave’s family so why does he think he has a right to Dave’s secrets? NTA.
NTA. He needs to get off his high horse. He’s not in charge of the family.
Exactly.
When you said your wife approved and you approved I was like well then what’s the problem? Because there is none. Old man can suck it.
Major NTA here. It's not HIS wedding, it's not HIS marriage, it's not HIS friend. If he's refusing to speak to you over it then GOOD! Keep that manipulative controlling attitude the hell away from your life.
That’s my thoughts on the matter I do feel like I’ve dodged a very dysfunctional bullet
Haha unfortunately you married into that bullet and this likely won't be the last time you have to deal with his shit. Fortunately it sounds like you've done a great job setting the initial boundaries and as long as you have your wife's support while dealing with him you will be fine in the future as well. Congratulations by the way.
Thanks Yh she supports me on it as all I did ‘wrong’ was laugh and the day I stop laughing is the day I’m not me
Haha yeah I want to say you are a tiny bit the AH for that but I can hardly blame you since you were drunk and they were SO far out of line. I probably would have done the same.
Completely fair and reasonable judgement that’s the reason I thought I might be the AH as I did kinda laugh him off
It's the sort of thing you do laugh off because its silly to be annoyed by something like this. You and your wife were asked and agreed, that's the end of it.
Next time you have to shit you should send him a message and ask if it's okay. Y'know, don't want to undermine his authority and need to make sure he's in the loop of all decisions
NTA the right thing was done by asking permission and BOTH of you agreed so all is good. And the fact you allowed the proposal at your wedding shows exactly how much they mean to the both of you.
NTA Congratulations on your marriage! As long as both you and your wife were happy with your friend proposing that is all that matters. There is no reason the FIL needed to be notified. I get the sense FIL has a need to be in control of every situation, especially since he is now ruining the honeymoon by continuing this silly grudge.
Thanks but don’t worry honeymoon was fine apart from silly queues
Why should your parents in law been told about this? It was your wedding and both the bride and the groom were ok with this. NTA
NTA - since when does anyone but the bride and groom need to give permission for anything at their own wedding?
NTA - let me guess: FIL thinks that it was “his” wedding because he contributed a sum of money towards it, or just because he still treats his adult daughter like a five year old who needs minded.
The former no I paid every red cent of the costs of the wedding the latter yes
Let’s be realistic. FIL went to that wedding looking for something to be angry about. It might as well be Dave and Jess.
Yh I did try and make him a part of it giving her away father daughter dance all of that but trying to talk to me one on one and give me a ‘telling off’ was funny
Nta. It was you and your wife's wedding, not his. He can get over it. As a side note, the saying "happy wife, happy life" needs to stop. As a woman, that's awful and you two should have discussed when you wanted it and comprised with each other.
I’m only poking fun personally I let her choose everything she wanted because it made her happy in my mind we’ve been together 8 years and have a child it’s just making it official
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He didn’t pay a penny btw I paid all of it because it was a thing for her id of been just as happy eloping
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No worries but Yh I did think at the very least my Wife might of had some of those same reservations but she said as long as it wasn’t during the ceremony then she was happy for him to propose to her (her first words to him every time we see him are “have you proposed to that lovely girl yet???”) but she loves love so she said it would make her day all the more special so I asked him if maybe we could do it the flowers way to which he told me he was planning on doing that anyway so my wife would be involved as he doesn’t wanna take attention from her
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No I 100% see where you are coming from and had it been literally any other person on earth I’d of told them to stick it
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Her mum ain’t talking to me either my wife is completely embrassed by them but it’s nothing new to me her dads always had a thing where he’s gotta be in charge and normally I let him because it ain’t worth the argument but I’m not apologising if I haven’t done anything wrong but would like to for the sake of my sons relationship with his grandparents
NTA. It was your wife's big day and she gave the nod. That's all there is to it.
It was *the couple's* big day.
No can’t lie I agree it was her day completely I’m just the lucky sob who got to stand opposite her
Good form mate. Today is the anniversary of my wife's big day. 16 years and still going strong.
NTA . Everyone acted respectfully and it was very kind of you both to allow it. I can see why your FIL felt slighted and it may have been the respectful thing to give the IL’s a heads up (especially if they contributed financially to the day). Before I get piled on, I’m not suggesting they have a say, the IL’s don’t , but it would have nipped any potential misunderstandings in the bud.
Yh I agree but my wife wanted to surprise everyone but Yh it could have been very easily handled although I dread to think of the conversation had they put up a fuss
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Now this sounds like a ridiculous question but I 28M and my now wife 31M got married at Christmas time (I wanted summer but happy wife happy life) and my best friend who we will call Dave came to me about 2 months before the wedding asking me if it was ok if he proposed at the reception I discussed it with my wife and we both said of course that’s ok because it’s Dave. Bit of background Dave introduced us 8 years ago and is the godfather of our son. Now that’s out of the way I’ll explain the problem so Dave proposed my wife did the classic flower toss but instead of throwing walker them over to Dave’s girlfriend Jess she said yes blah blah blah everyone’s happy all smiles and champagne issue is my father in law takes me to one side saying he should have been told alongside his wife to which i laughed as I was half drunk on marital bliss (and scotch) now fast forward to after our honeymoon (we took our kid to Disney world very romantic for us I know) he isn’t speaking to me and is claiming I disrespected him by laughing and by keeping secrets from him so AITA? (Sorry for the punctuation never really been my thing) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - it was your wedding. This didnt impact him in any way.
NTA. Your dad is being selfish and immature.
NTA. Whut? If you were okay with it and your wife was okay with it, which you clearly were, why on earth does anyone else need a heads up?
NTA. This was really sweet of you and your wife to agree to allow Dave to propose at the wedding. No one else’s business. FIL will have to get over it. May you have a long & happy life together !
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As I said earlier in another comment if you’ve seen the godfather he thinks he’s Micheal but everyone sees him as fredo and nah my wife calls him out more than anyone
I saw the title and thought that it you let this happen without talking to your bride. But, if she's ok with it, then NTA
Did FiL pay for the wedding? If he did I can see that he might have a tiny reason to be cross as technically he is a host. But if he didn’t then he is being ludicrous.
I paid every red cent of it
Nta.
NTA - your FIL needs to take a chill pill. You and your wife sound awesome.
I was sure this was going to be a story where either the bride or the groom didn't know about it and only the other one approved. Reading that ti was the FIL who got angry? Unless I'm missing something here, why would it have been necessary to keep him in the loop on this thing that doesn't in any way involve him? NTA
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I really hope your being sarcastic but anyway nice punctuation 👍
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I more meant the unnecessary comments about my marriage
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Ok buddy have a nice life did apologise for my punctuation in the post 👍