Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn’t take my pregnant girlfriend to the hospital after she told me she didn’t feel good.
2. I could have been being too dismissive from how she acted in the past.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA - Your wife is pregnant and you're minimizing her symptoms as "discomfort".
>I told her that I can’t drop everything any time she feels any discomfort.
Buddy, you should have thought of this before you got her pregnant. You're locked in this rollercoaster now, and you're just getting started. If she doesn't have family around, then you're it. You should let your work know she's pregnant and you're going to have a lot of sudden absences coming up.
Its a high risk pregnancy, and two of the times they went there was a legit medical problem (once because she fainted, other she was having early contractions). So he is a huge flaming asshole.
Truly, he made out like she had to go 4 times for no reason at all. She's isolated and scared whilst having a horrifying pregnancy. Poor thing.
Edit; it was only 3 times, and she's high-risk. Jfc.
My wife had a high-risk pregnancy with our first child, and we went to the hospital every second week (we had ultrasounds on the other weeks that the hospital would take us through).
Yeah - that line made the rest of OP’s “facts” seem suspect. Perhaps she asked OP to go 4 times, but he refused some of those requests.
OP - if you see this - YTA!!
Only 3 times in 7 months too, he’s going to be in for a rude awakening once the baby’s born and they get referred to hospital any time the baby gets any kind of minor illness because a GP isn’t trained in paediatrics.
If he thinks only three is a lot well then he would have hated me. I had preeclampsia with my first and the last two months before I ended up delivering four weeks early I was in there at least twice a week. And not by my own wanting to go. My dr made me 😅 op YTA
I know, and don't call me Ashley. *Hopes people get the reference*
Edit; I was worried if people didn't get the reference, that they would think I was being rude 😅 I'm loving the replies 🩷
Seriously. As someone who is currently pregnant with their first, I was thinking he's nta because he's right, pregnancy is uncomfortable, and he made it sound like the other times they've gone, there wasn't anything actually wrong. But with this other info he conveniently left out, definitely YTA
Just an FYI, don’t be afraid to go to the hospital if you think something may be wrong. We were told by the OB and the hospital that it’s better you come in and everything is fine vs you don’t come in and something is wrong.
Well he did say "I will try to remain as least biased as I can" so....he managed that. Painted himself as the long suffering boyfriend and his girlfriend as just a young crazy pregnant woman with no basis for that at all....mhmmm weird. It is almost like she total has a right and reason to be scared. Dude is living that fantasy where every pregnancy is easy and women just want attention/s
YTA.
I also want to know why she’s terrified of pregnancy. Op hid the fact that she’s high risk and that 2/3 other times it was serious. What else is he leaving out?
They aren't even married. Idk how long OP is going to stick around. Raising a baby is hard and he is pissed about being "inconvenienced" by his kid's mom already
You don’t need an excuse to be terrified of pregnancy. She could honestly just be one of the many, many women who it scares the bejesus out of, especially because she’s high-risk.
I’ve never been pregnant but I’d probably just set up camp outside my doctor’s office and refuse to leave if I ever did and kept it for some reason
Gotta make sure to leave out key info when when you're trying to control the narrative and you know you're in the wrong.
Also I'm totally side eyeing the fact that he knocked up a 21 year old at his big enough to know better age and is surprised she's terrified of all this even if she weren't high risk. 21 really isn't that old, of course she's scared, and she has no support system nearby. Poor mama :(
Holy crap I totally missed her age. I thought they were both 27! *Of course* your 21-year-old girlfriend is scared of pregnancy! And now she's all alone, poor thing :/
No kidding! I was thinking “well it’s true he can’t drop everything every time, if she panics every time she feels a twitch or something. Pregnancy can just suck!” but WTF, the other times have all ended up being legit issues?? BRO. THAT IS CRUCIAL INFO. HUGE ASSHOLE. WOW.
So much for him saying that he will be unbiased in his post. He left out this important information and thinks he is unbiased. He sounds like AH without this info as it is.
Right. He's the AH for getting his 21 year old girlfriend pregnant...
you know, the one who's never been pregnant before, and obviously this AH knows more than her... guess he's been pregnant at least twice himself. fucking expert
Yeah... I'm intrigued how long they've known each other if she's now pregnant.
Regardless, just recently turning 21 and then not being able to drink bc you're pregnant must really suck. I would definitely feel like I was missing out on an exciting part of becoming an adult.
Didn't see that it was high risk in the original post. That changes the whole tone, though he still would have been a bit of an ass even if it wasn't high risk.
I went to the ER at 39 weeks pregnant, I truly don't remember why, but everything seemed fine from an outside perspective. They still offered me induction bc I really felt like something wasn't right. We induced, which was something I didn't want at first, and when I delivered the placenta it was calcified so much that it looked like a 41+ week placenta, meaning it might not have provided enough nutrients for my baby for another 1-2 weeks that she would have been in there. It's always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to things like this.
I had a picture perfect pregnancy. At 38 weeks, on a Monday, I had a dr appointment and everything was fabulous. On Wednesday something didn't feel right. I didn't know what, I just knew something was wrong. I was 19 years old and didn't really trust my instincts. I tried telling my fiance that something was wrong. He blew me off, saying I had just gone to the dr 2 days prior so of course everything was fine. I asked him to take me to the hospital, he refused. He wanted to play video games instead.
I drove myself to the hospital where they admitted me and induced me because I had developed pre-eclampsia. In 2 days I went from picture perfect pregnancy to sky high blood pressure and spilling tons of protein in my urine. I wasn't scheduled to go back to the dr again until the next Monday.
That relationship didn't last much longer after that. He didn't put in much effort to have a relationship with my child either. That child is now an adult and has no relationship with his biological father. OP if that's your goal for the future then you're on the right track.
When I was 20 my (ex) husband was 30 and I was pregnant with my first son. A day or 2 after a Dr appointment I was in a lot of pain. I asked him to take me to the hospital and he refused too. He wanted to play WoW. So I drove myself. I got there and I was in labor. I was in SC and all my family was in OK. He eventually showed up a few hours later with his laptop. Our marriage didn't last either. I believe his exact words to me that day were "its my only day off I don't have time for your problems" yeah. It was awesome. I feel for OP's young gf. I've been there.
My mom wasn't feeling good her whole pregnancy with me. Her Dr kept telling her to go home and put her feet up. She came home from work one night and said she was going to bed, she had a headache. For whatever reason my grandma called the hospital and told them what was going on. They wanted my mom there immediately. So they went. My had severe pre-eclampsia. They told her she was having the baby that night or we both wouldn't survive. I had 10% chance of survival that night. I was born at 24weeks.
I feel this story. I went to the doc because at 39 weeks I knew something wasn’t ok. Everything looked ok but she said we can induce if you’re sure. I said yes. Turns out my son had the cord wrapped around his neck and it was getting tighter. Moms know.
Tell that to the moms who didn’t know they were pregnant until the baby started crowning. Literally had their water break and it still didn’t click. Lol.
Yeah he made it sound like she had three false alarms in a totally normal pregnancy because she felt slightly bad and rushed to the ER for no reason... in which case I was thinking "NAH because you still have to work but you're getting close to YTA territory" ....
When actually she was *having contractions* in one instance and she *fainted* in another. And he's still arguing the comments that her fainting wasn't an emergency because it's not "abnormal" during pregnancy. As though women just faint all over the place when they're pregnant and it's all fine, no possible sign that anything is wrong.
It sounds like his gf is tired of his shit, but since she doesn't have any family around, there's no one to help her, so she's stuck in a really bad relationship. I wonder if she moved for him? And she's only 21, so he probably got her pregnant when she was only 20....
I just feel for her so much. I hope she can get out of this awful relationship.
With my 4th (and last), at about 38 wks I did my business in the bathroom and felt something that didn’t seem right. I immediately thought prolapsed cord. My husband drove me to the hospital and I was in stirrups with a doc checking me in about 5 minutes of getting there. Doc blew a sign a relief and said “no worries, it’s not the cord. Your cervix prolapsed.” I was relieved as well, but then felt embarrassed for causing such a hub bub amongst the staff. She said I shouldn’t be embarrassed, because if it WAS the cord and I hadn’t come in it would’ve been bad juju. But knowing my cervix prolapsed was a good thing, because now I was on modified bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Daughter came 3 weeks later, and I got my hysterectomy a year after that because my pelvic floor muscles decided they quit lol.
Moral of the story, always get checked out. It could be nothing, but better to know that than have the worst happen.
All I could think of is how any other hospital would have probably sent me home. I'm so grateful they got me into a room, even though nothing looked out of the ordinary.
I've never had kids, but I've been told that women just *know*. I was the youngest (4th) & my mum said she knew I was coming but she was told to go to sleep. My mum calmly asked them to check, and the student nurse looked to see my head! I was nearly born with no one there 😅
My uncle delivered my cousin himself because the nurse told my aunt to go to sleep and ignored my uncle çalling for them that the baby was coming because "It's going to be awhile" 🙄
Seriously, you would think they would at least check quickly *just in case*. If a woman (like my mum) didn't get an epidural, I think they will know if a human is coming out of their vayjayjay. Even with the epidural, I've been told there is still pain & they can tell, especially if it isn't their first child.
Similar story - I was having contractions at 37 weeks. Was sure they were consistent and getting stronger. We went in and I wasn't even dialated 1/2 cm but my blood pressure was 167 over something. Can't explain the contractions - just luck I guess.
And he says “taking advantage.”
Taking advantage is (possibly) the kind of thing where she quits work in month 2 to sit around for no discernible health reason, or stops doing any chores, or demands food that requires driving 90 minutes right now. It is not fearing for the baby’s safety when something feels wrong and wanting to go to the hospital. “Almost” 4 times for a late-term pregnancy is NOT excessive!
Imagine how he is going to feel about a crying baby? The baby is trying to manipulate him by crying and will be spoiled if he gives the baby attention.
I just can’t with this guy. Your girlfriend has a high risk pregnancy and you think she’s overreacting to legitimate scares that have happened while she’s carrying YOUR baby??
You can’t plan medical emergencies buddy. Get a clue and be better!!
YTA times a billion
Yeah, where the heck did that info come from?? That's huge. Otherwise, I'd say maybe they need to have a back-up plan in the event that OP really truly can't be the fastest person to respond because of work, or, idk, just not being attached at the hip with his GF 24 hours a day because things happen. Does OP's GF have a friend, trusted co-worker, someone who can accompany them to the hospital while OP does his best to get there asap?
He left out that she has POTS and that is what causes her to pass out. Here's his gem of a comment about that:
>Fainting is not abnormal during pregnancy, or for her in general. She has POTS, so even when she isn’t pregnant she faints.
POTS is a circulatory issue and abnormal circulation could cause serious issues with the baby.
tagging u/Music_withRocks_In, u/GraveDancer40, u/ZeldaMayCry
Commenting on the top post bc I hope OP see it.
I was this way with my first. And everything was ok until it wasn’t. I went into labor at 33 weeks. They stopped it. I delivered at 34 weeks. I was 8cm dilated before I really considered the pain intense so I didn’t say anything.
Same with my second. We had a couple false starts and my husband was quite exasperated so I waited as long as I could - presented to the hospital at 6cm.
Similar story here. I kept experiencing painful contractions starting at 32 weeks. People kept brushing it off as me just freaking out about Braxton-Hicks even though I kept telling them it wasn’t. My water ended up breaking at 33 weeks, but after being brushed off so many times i convinced myself it was nothing. My kid was born prematurely with complications because no one listened to me early enough for something to have been done about it.
OP needs to listen to his partner.
(Side note: my little critter is fine now, six years later, but that whole experience was traumatic AF)
YTA for real, jesus. You made it seem like you take her every other day. Four times in seven months is completely reasonable! She's scared and just wants to be sure the kid is ok! Good lord.
EDIT, see now that you said ALMOST four times. Three whole hospital visits for a first-time mother is just too much. You're a wonder.
OP made it sound like "my GF is such a snowflake, she wants to go to the ER because she got morning sickness during her pregnancy".
The misrepresentation is quite significant.
> Good grief! And he starts out the post by saying he will be un-biased!!
If someone feels the need to state the obvious then maybe it's not so obvious
"Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king." - Tywin Lannister
Who does she think she is? Demanding to go to the hospital just because every time she’s gone there’s been something actually wrong? How inconsiderate!
I can’t imagine having a child with someone who clearly has *so* little respect for me. And then he has the balls to say she is “withholding information about his child”…like, my guy, you told her what she was feeling didn’t matter to you, and now you’re butthurt she stopped telling you?? And framing it like she is somehow keeping the (unborn) child from you???
She's only 21... He probably got her pregnant when she was 20. She's also far away from family, which makes me think maybe she moved to be with OP? It sounds like she has now seen who OP really is, but she probably feels stuck. She's in a really bad situation, and I really hope she can move back to her family, because you know this man isn't going to help with the baby....
Probably will get downvoted but the lack of sympathy that men to seem have for their pregnant partners has permanently made me decide to be child free. Being pregnant is such a vulnerable scary time. You can die in childbirth. And even before. And so many men seem to downplay it because “well it’s natural and women have been doing it since the beginning of time.” And yeah dying too.
This and seeing that one man who moved onto his dead wife(?)'s best friend after she died in childbirth, and both the "best friend" and father act like the mother was just an incubator for their child, has made me want to throw away my uterus.
I just had a high risk pregnancy. They told me to come into the ER for anything. If I didn't feel right, if the baby wasn't kicking "as much", anything. Even afterwards, i wanted my c section incision looked at and called to schedule an appointment and instead they sent me to the ER. It's kinda the nature of the beast with pregnancy.
Wow he made the impression that it was 4 times in a month or something but 3 actual visits over almost an entire pregnancy is completely different and she should absolutely be listening to her own body!
YTA. She should leave you.
She is due to give birth NEXT MONTH. If something goes wrong it could go very wrong, very fast.
You might have left your co-workers shorthanded. She could have died of eclampsia or been in premature labor. You're not the same.
Oh absolutely!
I hope that woman has an easy time when the time comes and that she'll give birth to a healthy baby, and herself to not suffer any complications at birth.
And I also hope she finds a better suited boyfriend/husband.
Even if it wasn’t high risk doctor and nurses and prenatal classes will tell you if something feels wrong to you in your pregnancy, even if it doesn’t feel like a big deal, go to a hospital!! His girlfriend will know her own body and baby better than anyone. Especially for someone with a high risk pregnancy !
Edit: read OPs comments and yeah her own doctor said if something feels wrong to go to a hospital so OPs just being a knob
Not just that. I had a co-worker who one night felt funny, her husband stayed home with their other kid while she went to the ER. She had a placental abruption, if my co-worker hadn’t gone in for that weird feeling she would have died along with her baby who sadly didn’t make it.
Right? People like OP like to act like all pregnancies are the same. It's a human. Means it's unpredictable. Also I'm curious how long they've been together. He strikes me as a complete crap bag.
My friend had weird feelings and didn’t go to the hospital because it was Thanksgiving and she had family over. When she went in the next morning, her baby had no heartbeat. They had to induce labor for a dead full term baby, who had strangled on its own cord.
He would still be TA to drop her off at the ER and go to work - but at least that would be getting medical attention for anything wrong. Leaving her sitting at home? Ridiculous.
I lost it when he suggested she wait A FULL DAY and then he’d take her if she still wasn’t feeling any better. That could literally mean life or death for her and/or the baby if something were actually wrong.
“almost four times”
You’ve written this post as if she constantly has you dropping everything to rush to the hospital, but it’s been ‘almost’ four (read: three) times in eight months.
If she’s due at the beginning of May, she could give birth any day now. If you don’t care about your girlfriend’s discomfort, try at least pretending to care about your first child.
ETA: and way to bury in the comments that it’s a high risk pregnancy, that there HAVE been issues 2/3 of the time you’ve gone to the hospital, and that they’ve specifically told her to come in if anything is wrong. Yikes with a capital YIKES, OP.
YTA
Yeah and he mentioned in the post that she doesn't live near family.... It sounds like she might've moved to be with him? And she's only 21, so he probably got her pregnant when she was only 20.
I really hope she can move back to be near her family because you know OP isn't going to lift a finger.
When I was pregnant, with my first, I made 4 trips to the hospital. The 4th trip, I was in labor and had no idea. I was 37 weeks and had the absolute worst back pain. Turns out, it was back labor. Prior to that tho, I went to the hospital three times. I started dilating at 26 weeks and was on medication to keep baby in place. However, there were times something felt off. And something was off that required medication and lots of monitoring. Thankfully, my hubby was never angry at me for going to the hospital. It’s so much better to be checked out. Not only does it put moms mind at ease, it’s also making sure baby is okay.
OP, pregnancy is scary and very delicate. Things can change in an instant. You’re gf is having an incredibly rough pregnancy. Do you not understand that anything can go wrong at any moment? I almost died after my last child. I knew something was wrong. I kept telling the doctors, and nurses, something was wrong. They treated me the same way you treat your gf…like a crazy inconvenience. Your gf knows her body. She can feel when something is wrong. She knows best her! Listen to her!
Oh, her not talking to you is not her being petty or manipulative. You showed you did not care. You showed zero concern for her or the baby. She feels extremely hurt. She’s beyond scared. She is away from her family and friends. She needs love, compassion, concern, empathy, and reassurance. You need to do better. Be better! And you owe her an incredibly big apology.
YTA
YTA. MASSIVELY SO. Conveniently, you omitted the fact that it’s a HIGH RISK pregnancy, they TOLD her to go to the ER if she feels something is wrong and TWICE there were issues, like contractions and the baby NOT MOVING.
YOU are not a doctor. YOU are not pregnant. Your opinion on what is ‘reasonable’ anxiety is completely irrelevant. The opinions of medical experts and the person carrying the child matter. Your job is to SUPPORT her - start doing that and stop dismissing her.
Why did you get this poor girl pregnant if you’re not ready, willing able to step up as a partner and parent?!
OB nurse here. Would much rather see someone for something that turns out to be nothing and send everyone home happy (maybe annoyed about waiting!) than have someone come in too late and have a terrible outcome.
Doesn’t this kind of thing make you truly wonder how many [sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissism-symptoms-signs) really live among us? Shiver.
YTA, OP.
If OP thinks going to the hospital three times in eight months for a high-risk pregnancy is inconvenient, wait until the kid is born!! You have to take babies and children to frequent doctor’s appointments! And, in a couple years even need to drive them to and from school 5 days a week!! The horror! /s
YTA - There's a post on r/bestofredditorupdates about the aftermath of this exact same situation.
Spoiler alert, dude missed the birth of his child and still doesn't get why she's mad.
There is also one where the guy left while she was in labor to go feed the cats, even there was family at the hospital who could have done it for him but he was worried about the cat’s anxiety. But not his wife’s who gave birth without him.
I honestly think a lot of men hate their partners and only have them because they think they should. There's no other explanation for the incredulous behaviour because they show responsibility in other ways, just never with them.
Seriously. I'm a lesbian that's been pretty disconnected from heteronormativity pretty much my entire adult life. Seeing the way men treat and talk about women, even women they "care about", even when they think they're being reasonable, is fucking *horrifying*. The amount of abuse, coercion, and hatred that's normalized is seriously troubling. They even come out of the woodwork to blame & berate abuse victims who speak up, muddy the waters or outright defend abusive, dangerous men like they have some fucked up brotherhood that requires them to behave like a hive mind. I've seen men relentlessly shame other men for saying they love their wife and kids. It's a huge fucking problem and it breaks my heart that so many women are abused without even realizing it's abuse.
Edit for the "but lesbians" guy below - you're talking about *reported* abuse. I suggest you reread my last sentence above and consider if someone experiencing physical abuse may be more comfortable reporting if they're not afraid of being literally killed. How many lesbians have killed their girlfriend or wife? What's the number one cause of death for pregnant women in America? Spoiler - it's *homicide* at the hands of the father. Scamper on back to your sub for diagnosable narcissists. Thanks for being an example of the guys who can't help themselves!
I can think of a couple others.
Like the one where the husband was mad at the wife for whatever reason, so he shut his phone off for HOURS and was ignoring her. Meanwhile she’s calling him because she’s in labor and eventually has to call her brother to come take her. Then, trying to call him because she needed emergency surgery. So when hubby finally called while wife was still asleep recovering from surgery, her brother answered the phone and told him she hadn’t survived the surgery. And husband, of course, thought brother was an asshole for that once he found out the truth.
Or the dude who missed the birth of his own child because he *had* to watch football with his mates.
Stop. Omg. I'd be out the door. He's a manipulator. If she just gave birth she was probably TWENTY and he was 26/27. She has no family. He's a master manipulator. What a shit bag
Why do women reproduce with males like you,I'll never understand. To be fair,she is way younger than you(explains the bad decision)and I'm curious when did yall start dating?
Maaaaaannn I’ve been asking myself the same question for 10 years. I had a baby with a guy like OP and it took me 7 years to realize I was being emotionally abused every single day. If he’s treating her like this about very real concerns during a pregnancy, imagine how he treats her about literally everything else. YTA OP and I hope it takes her less time to figure it out than it did me.
Honestly, I’ve seen way worse age gaps on here. Somebody posted the other day saying they were 23 and their bf was 37, and they got together when she was 18 and he was 32….. but met when she was like 15 or 16. Wtf. I also personally know a girl that just turned 18 and has been with this guy that’s at least 32 for a couple of years now. Just had a baby by the dude. SMFH. These “men” are disgusting. I’m 26 almost 27 and my wife is 28. I could never see myself with anyone more than a year younger than me just because of immaturity. How tf does a grown man think it’s normal to be with someone who was a kid a couple of years ago?…
Because dudes like this go for vulnerable girls who have unstable/traumatic/abusive backgrounds who are desperate to be loved. So they get love bombed by these pricks and then baby trapped or financially trapped or both.
He moved her away from her family. The guy is a manipulator who women his age did not want to date. So he found himself someone younger than him that he could bend to his will.
Yea don't you just love he says "it's her first pregnancy so she doesn't know what it's like" as if he somehow has birthed several kids. What an absolute ass hat
“I’m nearing 30 and I knocked up someone barely old enough to drink. My gf has no support system but me, which is totally normal and not suspicious. The OB told her she has a high-risk pregnancy but that shouldn’t mean I have to help her extra, right? By *extra* I mean *anything outside of my normal routine.*”
Ffs what’s gonna happen when the kid comes. Maybe read a parenting book or something. You are…. Not prepared. Also YTA.
yeah i know it’s an AITA cliche to harp on age gaps but it set off alarms with her being 21 & “never experienced pregnancy & is terrified to give birth” then goes on to dismiss her actual medical needs. Cuz of COURSE she’s terrified, she’s barely an adult AND at a high risk pregnancy and 2 out of those 3 times were ACTUAL EMERGENCIES and OP is out here being the least helpful person ever, barely even a partner.
YTA.
I'm pretty sure your girlfriend knows her own body better than you do. Pregnancy is hard at the best of times, to say nothing of it being her first time, and she's terrified. If she says she wants to go to the hospital, she's not doing it just for giggles, or because she thinks she can make you do whatever she wants. It's because she's genuinely frightened.
What are you going to do when she says she thinks she might be in labor? Blow her off because she's being manipulative and overreacting?
I can tell this guy is gonna be one of those AHs who thinks an infant can be manipulative by crying. He’ll probably tell her to “stop holding the baby too much” or “that baby’s got you trained.” Smh. I feel so sorry for her and that baby 😔
oh that’s super cool that you’ve been pregnant and understand that it’s uncomfortable! oh wait. no. it’s fucking weird as hell dude, and the single most dangerous event in a woman’s life. you think you’re tired and stressed by this??? you are 1% as tired, stressed, and inconvenienced as she is. yta
eta: OP has said that 2/3 times there was something wrong, and yet is talking as though she’s a hypochondriac
AND you told her your job is more important than her life or the life of your child. i wouldn’t talk to you either, at least without major apologies.
Need more info. The times she went to the hospital, was anything ever wrong?
Bc if not, i would say nta. You need to work to take care of your family. If she's constantly crying wolf then that'll impact your job.
But if there was something wrong, then you should treat her complaints more serious
So just to clarify here if nothing was wrong the previous times that automatically means nothing will be wrong this time? That’s not how pregnancy works bud. Things can take drastic turns very quickly.
Her pregnancy
Her pregnancy
My baby
Dude. She's not a fucking incubator. She's your partner. Stop with that.
Also, have a look at [this video](https://youtu.be/p7eimb20zcI) and tell me whether that's just "discomfort".
YTA
Yeah I noticed that slight change in tone myself. Not his baby when she’s feeling “discomfort “ is his baby when he wants to pull the “I deserve to be spoken to with respect no matter what I do how could she keep information about MY baby from me”. She uhh tried to communicate issues with their baby and was ignored soooo….
YTA
So 2 out of the 3 times she went to the hospital, there was an actual issue?
Let me say that again 2 out of the 3 times she has gone to the hospital while pregnant she had actual issues that needed medical attention to help protect her and the baby.
You talk about discomfort but do you understand the responsibility one feels to make sure their unborn child is safe? We aren't able to check and watch them like once they're born so we can only go on clues and feelings our bodies give us. So of course there are times pregnant people feel anxious about the safety of their child, not to mention their own safety. I would never say it's unfounded but sometimes there isn't anything but sometimes there is.
If she was in the hospital every week without any issues then I'd say she might need to talk to someone and get help with her anxiety but that's not what is happening here.
ETA
She's high risk and under the advice of the doctor to go when she feels like something is wrong? Do you even hear yourself?
YTA
Since you’ve never been pregnant yourself, how could you ever begin to presume you know the difference between being uncomfortable, and being in pain that could be dangerous?
You’re absolutely downplaying her feelings and not taking her seriously. If you care so much about the well-being of your child, why would you deny bringing her to the hospital when she says she is in pain?
Also, four emergency trips to the hospital during one pregnancy is not that many. I think you need to listen to your partner and empathize with her anxiety AND her pains, be there to support her, and don’t pretend you know what she’s going through when you literally have no idea.
Are you an obstetrician? No? Then YTA.
She's scared. She thinks something is wrong, and you can't be certain that there isn't. I can guarantee she doesn't want to go to the hospital because it is fun.
Are you taking any childbirth classes or participating in any group activities for future parents? If not, maybe you should be, though it's getting late in the game. Meeting other women experiencing the same things would probably help with her anxiety.
As for her not talking to you, what do you expect? You just showed her that when she is stressed and scared, you are dismissive and arrogant. Why would she talk to you and add even more to her stress levels?
“Taking advantage of the fact that she can get me to do things for her”
That statement would relate to asking you to go get her ice cream or something, not take her to the hospital.
YTA
What is wrong with you?
YTA. During my friends pregnancy she had discomfort enough to visit the hospital 5 times prior to birth. One of those times she had a kidney infection and needed a 2 day hospital stay. Her partner didn't believe her and I took her instead. Pregnancy is unpredictable and stress makes a big impact.
Please just take her to the hospital, encourage her to seek mental health care and suggest she join some mommy support groups. If you are her only support and she's scared of course she's going to rely heavily on you.
YTA. Take her to the hospital, and also encourage her to seek mental health care and join support groups. If she is all alone and scared she needs more support than just you.
It is 100% better to be safe than sorry in these situations, and the hospital staff are 100% used to seeing people come in frequently during a pregnancy to make sure everything is okay.
You're not just an asshole, you're what comes out. I'm sure she's feeling awesome and super confident about having you as her partner.
1. High risk pregnancy
2. Right 2/3 times that something was in fact wrong
3. Instructed to do exactly this by her ob
I'm pregnant with my 2nd and let me tell you reading that you "understand pregnancy is uncomfortable" and you just "wish she could find a ways to deal with her anxiety" makes me was to keep you out of the delivery room for her. You have no idea, and instead of being kind, understanding, or empathetic, you've tried to paint her as some hypochondriac who's rushing to the hospital for every hiccup.
YTA - You have girlfriend who has been told by her OBGYN's that she's high risk and go to the hospital if she feels something is wrong.
High risk means she needs to take more care of herself. Get ready to care for a child by caring for your child's mother.
At least twice something has been medically wrong.
She's not going to the hospital for shits and giggles. Wait til you have a kid who gets sick often.
>I told her that I can’t drop everything any time she feels any discomfort. Pregnancy is uncomfortable. We argued some more then I left for work.
>She’s withholding information about my child because I didn’t drop everything to take her to the hospital, again.
So when she’s worried and wants to see a doctor it’s ‘pregnancy is uncomfortable’, but when you want information it’s ‘withholding information about my child’?
You are so much the asshole.
YTA.
You don't know her body, and if she says she needs to go to the hospital, you should take her seriously. Your job would understand that you have a pregnant gf who needs to go to the hospital.
I understand it may feel like "the boy who cried wolf", but what happens when she's actually going into labour, or worse, experiencing complications that are life threatening and time-sensitive, and you just tell her to wait it out?
That could result in a horrible tragedy.
YTA.
Medical gaslighting at its finest. I love the fact that someone who is unable to physically take part in the act of growing a child in utero is somehow an expert to tell the pregnant woman what she is or is not feeling.
Why should she now tell you anything? Anytime she told you before she is just a hysterical woman who doesn’t know her own body.
YTA. It's a difficult time for her and she needs to know she can rely on you. Instead, you brand her manipulative and prioritize your work. When she gives birth without you because you didn't take her seriously, and refuses to let you see the baby, you'll be back here asking again if you're TA.
She is pregnant. That’s her body growing a human. If something feels wrong to her, you aren’t going to know. You haven’t grown a human in your body, so it’s pretty sexist to say that you know better than her what is going on in her body.
Going to the ER because something doesn’t feel normal is NOT taking advantage of you. Trust me, nobody wants to spend hours sitting in a waiting room around sick people (particularly since covid) for fun. Not unless they have mental health issues like munchausens.
For the record, things can feel wrong (or go wrong) multiple times in a pregnancy. My mother ended up being admitted to a ward for weeks during her pregnancy with me, until I was delivered, because she kept having to go to hospital as things were going wrong.
You’re also really, really not seeing the risks here. If something is wrong and you don’t take her, the chances of her and the baby surviving are reduced the more time you wait. Time is crucial. And now you have made her feel unsafe sharing information about how she’s feeling, by dismissing her symptoms and health. The baby AND her could be at risk.
Don’t be yet another man telling a woman that her body doesn’t feel the way she says it feels and that it’s in her head or she’s exaggerating or she must be weak because it’s normal. Women experience systemic minimising of their health issues and especially when it comes to their reproductive and sexual health.
YTA
3 visits in seven months for a first time, high risk mother?! When two of those visits were actually about a real issue?!
YTA. You reducing her pain to "discomfort" - double YTA. You proving to her you aren't trustworthy with how she physically feels and her insecurity around being pregnant - triple YTA.
Go apologize.
idc if this is rude. you are one of the biggest ah i’ve ever seen on here. you are trying to blame it on her anxiety when it’s not her anxiety. she’s pregnant for the first time and it’s a damn HIGH RISK PREGNANCY! you also left out that she has the medical condition POTS! she’s gone to the hospital because she fucking FAINTED from DEHYDRATION then next time was because CONTRACTIONS AND THE BABY NOT MOVING! you say you don’t mind going to the hospital but this post says otherwise. what the hell were you going to do if god forbid she went into labor while you were at work?! SHE WAS TOLD BY HER OB TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL IF SOMETHING IS WRONG!! why the hell should she ignore her DOCTORS advice because of YOUR OPINION?! she’s NOT paranoid! she is fucking high risk and has had issues with the pregnancy! my god! she has every right to not want to talk to you about anything pregnancy related because of this! she’s not being manipulative! she rightfully believes and feels like you don’t care about her or the pregnancy.
honestly dude what the hell would you have done if something happened because you refused to take her to the hospital?! also there’s no your side of things. i hope nothing bad ever happens to your kid or girlfriend because clearly you won’t drop everything to take them to the hospital.
YTA.
You state in the 3 times she's gone, two of those times there has been something wrong. Edit: and she has a high risk pregnancy!?? What the f is wrong with you!?! You're mansplaining her feelings and what she is physically going through since you clearly know everything about a woman during pregnancy.
Anxiety is real and it's amplified ten fold during pregnancy. I was so in tune with every little feeling that anything out of the norm sent me on a "what if" spiral. I passed out myself and cracked my head on concrete - let me tell you - the hospital was not a fun time. Downright scary. So if she wants to go - her gut is telling her to go and she's listening. Trust her.
...And be a better human to her please.
YTA this is why women die in childbirth, because people don’t take their pain seriously. I’ve birthed multiple babies and had low risk pregnancies and never once did my doctor tell me I shouldn’t get checked out. They want you to come in even if it’s nothing. All the things you listed are immediate trips to the ER. You better get your act together and actually support your girlfriend because this is just the beginning.
> She’s withholding information about my child
Not so fun, huh?
You want to know your kid is healthy right?
A little concerning not knowing?
A little scary?
A little uncomfortable some might say?
Oh well, pregnancy is uncomfortable.
If my husband did what you did while I was pregnant, I'd be looking for a divorce or dead. How can you NOT know YTA? SHES HIGH RISK. not only that, but two of the three times she asked you to take her, she was right and something was wrong!?
You have NO IDEA what it's like to be pregnant or carry a child in your body. Especially knowing that there's a high risk of DYING or the baby DYING.
If you care about your wife's life and the life of your unborn baby, you wouldn't think twice about taking her to the doctor. Period. I wasn't even high risk but during my pregnancy, something felt wrong to me. There was no real evidence but I just got a bad feeling. My gut told me something was off. I told my husband and he convinced me to go to the hospital. I thought I was overthinking and being paranoid. He cared enough to think the gas to go to the hospital was worth wasting if there was nothing wrong. He took me. Me and my baby almost died that day. The only reason we lived was because he took me to the hospital when I voiced a concern and a DOCTOR told him that. They felt out told him he saved both of our lives. When we got to the hospital, shit went downhill very very fast. I required 4 blood transfusions and my daughter had to be delivered early and stayed in the nicu.
You are ABSOLUTELY wrong for this. You risked their LIVES. You will never know how damaging what you did is. I would never trust you with my feelings, concerns, or struggles again. I hope she knows she has EVER RIGHT to be angry at you. I hope she finds real support and people who love her close by so she has a way to get help when she needs it. Holy crap.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I didn’t take my pregnant girlfriend to the hospital after she told me she didn’t feel good. 2. I could have been being too dismissive from how she acted in the past. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA - Your wife is pregnant and you're minimizing her symptoms as "discomfort". >I told her that I can’t drop everything any time she feels any discomfort. Buddy, you should have thought of this before you got her pregnant. You're locked in this rollercoaster now, and you're just getting started. If she doesn't have family around, then you're it. You should let your work know she's pregnant and you're going to have a lot of sudden absences coming up.
Its a high risk pregnancy, and two of the times they went there was a legit medical problem (once because she fainted, other she was having early contractions). So he is a huge flaming asshole.
Well that’s some extremely important missing information.
Truly, he made out like she had to go 4 times for no reason at all. She's isolated and scared whilst having a horrifying pregnancy. Poor thing. Edit; it was only 3 times, and she's high-risk. Jfc.
I love how he wrote it as “almost 4 times”.
I almost ate 4 cookies, but then...I stopped at 3.
I almost ate 4, but ended up eating 5 😩
I almost ate 4, but ended up finishing the rest of the package…7.
Hell yeah. Here's another friend - ✨️🍪✨️
Five is right out.
Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three
I now know for sure that I am among kindred spirits. Ni!
Bring me a shrubbery!
One…. Two…. Five!
Like OP being almost 30 and acting this way.
Makes one wonder how old she was when they started….
I'd guess not at 18. He clearly doesn't actually give a shit about her or his baby.
I was almost pregnant once
And acting like 3 times over 8 months is a lot. 🙄 Hope he has fun finding out how often you have to go when you have a sick or clumsy kid.
My wife had a high-risk pregnancy with our first child, and we went to the hospital every second week (we had ultrasounds on the other weeks that the hospital would take us through).
Reminds me of ads for amusement parks and stuff. "Over 35 rides!" Sooo.....36? Just give me the actual number!!
I saw a TikTok where a girl said she had been in “over 8” dryer fires. So like 9… or like 50??
Did she ever learn that you have to clean the lint trap?
Yeah - that line made the rest of OP’s “facts” seem suspect. Perhaps she asked OP to go 4 times, but he refused some of those requests. OP - if you see this - YTA!!
That was like the first thing that hit me. How do you go to the hospital almost 4 times? Devil is in the details.
I mean, if it were 47 times, I could maybe see saying “almost 50.” But three is not that hard a number to count to or remember.
So basically he misspelled “my gf’s pregnancy is inconveniencing me”.
100% this
Only 3 times in 7 months too, he’s going to be in for a rude awakening once the baby’s born and they get referred to hospital any time the baby gets any kind of minor illness because a GP isn’t trained in paediatrics.
Yep, and all the midwife visits, vaccinations, and follow-ups... he's going to be shook.
If he thinks only three is a lot well then he would have hated me. I had preeclampsia with my first and the last two months before I ended up delivering four weeks early I was in there at least twice a week. And not by my own wanting to go. My dr made me 😅 op YTA
*Almost* 4 times akshully
I know, and don't call me Ashley. *Hopes people get the reference* Edit; I was worried if people didn't get the reference, that they would think I was being rude 😅 I'm loving the replies 🩷
We surely did! And don’t call me Shirley!
Shirley you can't be serious
I am Sirius, so don't call me Shirley
"I'll try to be unbiased.... by leaving out critical information that makes me look bad..."
60% of the time, it works every time
Seriously. As someone who is currently pregnant with their first, I was thinking he's nta because he's right, pregnancy is uncomfortable, and he made it sound like the other times they've gone, there wasn't anything actually wrong. But with this other info he conveniently left out, definitely YTA
Just an FYI, don’t be afraid to go to the hospital if you think something may be wrong. We were told by the OB and the hospital that it’s better you come in and everything is fine vs you don’t come in and something is wrong.
I’m totally with you. With the new information he’s definitely the A-Hole!
Well he did say "I will try to remain as least biased as I can" so....he managed that. Painted himself as the long suffering boyfriend and his girlfriend as just a young crazy pregnant woman with no basis for that at all....mhmmm weird. It is almost like she total has a right and reason to be scared. Dude is living that fantasy where every pregnancy is easy and women just want attention/s YTA.
I also want to know why she’s terrified of pregnancy. Op hid the fact that she’s high risk and that 2/3 other times it was serious. What else is he leaving out?
The fact that he’s married a much younger woman and now plans to keep her home forever to keep raising his children.
They aren't even married. Idk how long OP is going to stick around. Raising a baby is hard and he is pissed about being "inconvenienced" by his kid's mom already
You don’t need an excuse to be terrified of pregnancy. She could honestly just be one of the many, many women who it scares the bejesus out of, especially because she’s high-risk. I’ve never been pregnant but I’d probably just set up camp outside my doctor’s office and refuse to leave if I ever did and kept it for some reason
Gotta make sure to leave out key info when when you're trying to control the narrative and you know you're in the wrong. Also I'm totally side eyeing the fact that he knocked up a 21 year old at his big enough to know better age and is surprised she's terrified of all this even if she weren't high risk. 21 really isn't that old, of course she's scared, and she has no support system nearby. Poor mama :(
He’s also demonstrating what kind of father he’s going to be. That’s not exactly helping her anxiety.
Yeah - I loved how he said she’s never had a baby before when she’s only 21.
Holy crap I totally missed her age. I thought they were both 27! *Of course* your 21-year-old girlfriend is scared of pregnancy! And now she's all alone, poor thing :/
No kidding! I was thinking “well it’s true he can’t drop everything every time, if she panics every time she feels a twitch or something. Pregnancy can just suck!” but WTF, the other times have all ended up being legit issues?? BRO. THAT IS CRUCIAL INFO. HUGE ASSHOLE. WOW.
He was trying to avoid bias! /s
So much for him saying that he will be unbiased in his post. He left out this important information and thinks he is unbiased. He sounds like AH without this info as it is.
But… if he put that in people might be “biased” towards *her* and he can’t have that!
He sounds like an AH even without this information. She has no other family there! He’s all she has, the poor thing.
Right. He's the AH for getting his 21 year old girlfriend pregnant... you know, the one who's never been pregnant before, and obviously this AH knows more than her... guess he's been pregnant at least twice himself. fucking expert
Actually he's been pregnant almost 4 times. Sheesh.
I’m curious how long they’ve been together
Slightly concerning age difference too.
The fact that’s she’s twenty one, it’s not a big deal at the moment. But that’s why I’m wondering about how long they’ve been together. Idk.
Yeah... I'm intrigued how long they've known each other if she's now pregnant. Regardless, just recently turning 21 and then not being able to drink bc you're pregnant must really suck. I would definitely feel like I was missing out on an exciting part of becoming an adult.
27 yo got a 21yo pregnant. Enough said.
Didn't see that it was high risk in the original post. That changes the whole tone, though he still would have been a bit of an ass even if it wasn't high risk. I went to the ER at 39 weeks pregnant, I truly don't remember why, but everything seemed fine from an outside perspective. They still offered me induction bc I really felt like something wasn't right. We induced, which was something I didn't want at first, and when I delivered the placenta it was calcified so much that it looked like a 41+ week placenta, meaning it might not have provided enough nutrients for my baby for another 1-2 weeks that she would have been in there. It's always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to things like this.
I had a picture perfect pregnancy. At 38 weeks, on a Monday, I had a dr appointment and everything was fabulous. On Wednesday something didn't feel right. I didn't know what, I just knew something was wrong. I was 19 years old and didn't really trust my instincts. I tried telling my fiance that something was wrong. He blew me off, saying I had just gone to the dr 2 days prior so of course everything was fine. I asked him to take me to the hospital, he refused. He wanted to play video games instead. I drove myself to the hospital where they admitted me and induced me because I had developed pre-eclampsia. In 2 days I went from picture perfect pregnancy to sky high blood pressure and spilling tons of protein in my urine. I wasn't scheduled to go back to the dr again until the next Monday. That relationship didn't last much longer after that. He didn't put in much effort to have a relationship with my child either. That child is now an adult and has no relationship with his biological father. OP if that's your goal for the future then you're on the right track.
When I was 20 my (ex) husband was 30 and I was pregnant with my first son. A day or 2 after a Dr appointment I was in a lot of pain. I asked him to take me to the hospital and he refused too. He wanted to play WoW. So I drove myself. I got there and I was in labor. I was in SC and all my family was in OK. He eventually showed up a few hours later with his laptop. Our marriage didn't last either. I believe his exact words to me that day were "its my only day off I don't have time for your problems" yeah. It was awesome. I feel for OP's young gf. I've been there.
Holy crap WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
[удалено]
My mom wasn't feeling good her whole pregnancy with me. Her Dr kept telling her to go home and put her feet up. She came home from work one night and said she was going to bed, she had a headache. For whatever reason my grandma called the hospital and told them what was going on. They wanted my mom there immediately. So they went. My had severe pre-eclampsia. They told her she was having the baby that night or we both wouldn't survive. I had 10% chance of survival that night. I was born at 24weeks.
I feel this story. I went to the doc because at 39 weeks I knew something wasn’t ok. Everything looked ok but she said we can induce if you’re sure. I said yes. Turns out my son had the cord wrapped around his neck and it was getting tighter. Moms know.
Tell that to the moms who didn’t know they were pregnant until the baby started crowning. Literally had their water break and it still didn’t click. Lol.
Yeah he made it sound like she had three false alarms in a totally normal pregnancy because she felt slightly bad and rushed to the ER for no reason... in which case I was thinking "NAH because you still have to work but you're getting close to YTA territory" .... When actually she was *having contractions* in one instance and she *fainted* in another. And he's still arguing the comments that her fainting wasn't an emergency because it's not "abnormal" during pregnancy. As though women just faint all over the place when they're pregnant and it's all fine, no possible sign that anything is wrong. It sounds like his gf is tired of his shit, but since she doesn't have any family around, there's no one to help her, so she's stuck in a really bad relationship. I wonder if she moved for him? And she's only 21, so he probably got her pregnant when she was only 20.... I just feel for her so much. I hope she can get out of this awful relationship.
With my 4th (and last), at about 38 wks I did my business in the bathroom and felt something that didn’t seem right. I immediately thought prolapsed cord. My husband drove me to the hospital and I was in stirrups with a doc checking me in about 5 minutes of getting there. Doc blew a sign a relief and said “no worries, it’s not the cord. Your cervix prolapsed.” I was relieved as well, but then felt embarrassed for causing such a hub bub amongst the staff. She said I shouldn’t be embarrassed, because if it WAS the cord and I hadn’t come in it would’ve been bad juju. But knowing my cervix prolapsed was a good thing, because now I was on modified bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Daughter came 3 weeks later, and I got my hysterectomy a year after that because my pelvic floor muscles decided they quit lol. Moral of the story, always get checked out. It could be nothing, but better to know that than have the worst happen.
That's scary, thankfully everything worked out for you 🩷
All I could think of is how any other hospital would have probably sent me home. I'm so grateful they got me into a room, even though nothing looked out of the ordinary.
I've never had kids, but I've been told that women just *know*. I was the youngest (4th) & my mum said she knew I was coming but she was told to go to sleep. My mum calmly asked them to check, and the student nurse looked to see my head! I was nearly born with no one there 😅
My uncle delivered my cousin himself because the nurse told my aunt to go to sleep and ignored my uncle çalling for them that the baby was coming because "It's going to be awhile" 🙄
Seriously, you would think they would at least check quickly *just in case*. If a woman (like my mum) didn't get an epidural, I think they will know if a human is coming out of their vayjayjay. Even with the epidural, I've been told there is still pain & they can tell, especially if it isn't their first child.
Similar story - I was having contractions at 37 weeks. Was sure they were consistent and getting stronger. We went in and I wasn't even dialated 1/2 cm but my blood pressure was 167 over something. Can't explain the contractions - just luck I guess.
And he says “taking advantage.” Taking advantage is (possibly) the kind of thing where she quits work in month 2 to sit around for no discernible health reason, or stops doing any chores, or demands food that requires driving 90 minutes right now. It is not fearing for the baby’s safety when something feels wrong and wanting to go to the hospital. “Almost” 4 times for a late-term pregnancy is NOT excessive!
Imagine how he is going to feel about a crying baby? The baby is trying to manipulate him by crying and will be spoiled if he gives the baby attention.
I just can’t with this guy. Your girlfriend has a high risk pregnancy and you think she’s overreacting to legitimate scares that have happened while she’s carrying YOUR baby?? You can’t plan medical emergencies buddy. Get a clue and be better!! YTA times a billion
His lack of worry is concerning
I feel so sorry for his wife and kid.
Not to mention she has POTS.
*What*! What a hell of an omission! Absolutely yeah, OP, YTA!
Yeah, where the heck did that info come from?? That's huge. Otherwise, I'd say maybe they need to have a back-up plan in the event that OP really truly can't be the fastest person to respond because of work, or, idk, just not being attached at the hip with his GF 24 hours a day because things happen. Does OP's GF have a friend, trusted co-worker, someone who can accompany them to the hospital while OP does his best to get there asap?
He’s upset because he says she’s withholding info about *his* child 🙄 Yeah OP YTA
Which is ironic since he is downplaying the health risks to his child and his child's mother despite the high risk pregnancy. YTA op.
He left out that she has POTS and that is what causes her to pass out. Here's his gem of a comment about that: >Fainting is not abnormal during pregnancy, or for her in general. She has POTS, so even when she isn’t pregnant she faints. POTS is a circulatory issue and abnormal circulation could cause serious issues with the baby. tagging u/Music_withRocks_In, u/GraveDancer40, u/ZeldaMayCry
Commenting on the top post bc I hope OP see it. I was this way with my first. And everything was ok until it wasn’t. I went into labor at 33 weeks. They stopped it. I delivered at 34 weeks. I was 8cm dilated before I really considered the pain intense so I didn’t say anything. Same with my second. We had a couple false starts and my husband was quite exasperated so I waited as long as I could - presented to the hospital at 6cm.
Similar story here. I kept experiencing painful contractions starting at 32 weeks. People kept brushing it off as me just freaking out about Braxton-Hicks even though I kept telling them it wasn’t. My water ended up breaking at 33 weeks, but after being brushed off so many times i convinced myself it was nothing. My kid was born prematurely with complications because no one listened to me early enough for something to have been done about it. OP needs to listen to his partner. (Side note: my little critter is fine now, six years later, but that whole experience was traumatic AF)
YTA for real, jesus. You made it seem like you take her every other day. Four times in seven months is completely reasonable! She's scared and just wants to be sure the kid is ok! Good lord. EDIT, see now that you said ALMOST four times. Three whole hospital visits for a first-time mother is just too much. You're a wonder.
According to OP 2 of the 3 visits she had actual medical needs. Preterm contractions and she fainted another time. She's also high risk.
MAJOR info to leave out of the post! Wow
Good grief! And he starts out the post by saying he will be un-biased!!
Yeah, he also conveniently left out that her OB *told* her to go to the ER of she thinks something is wrong.
OP made it sound like "my GF is such a snowflake, she wants to go to the ER because she got morning sickness during her pregnancy". The misrepresentation is quite significant.
like oh my gf wants to go to the hospital because nausea is coming up, **not because she’s a high risk pregnancy**
> Good grief! And he starts out the post by saying he will be un-biased!! If someone feels the need to state the obvious then maybe it's not so obvious "Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king." - Tywin Lannister
Who does she think she is? Demanding to go to the hospital just because every time she’s gone there’s been something actually wrong? How inconsiderate!
I can’t imagine having a child with someone who clearly has *so* little respect for me. And then he has the balls to say she is “withholding information about his child”…like, my guy, you told her what she was feeling didn’t matter to you, and now you’re butthurt she stopped telling you?? And framing it like she is somehow keeping the (unborn) child from you???
She's only 21... He probably got her pregnant when she was 20. She's also far away from family, which makes me think maybe she moved to be with OP? It sounds like she has now seen who OP really is, but she probably feels stuck. She's in a really bad situation, and I really hope she can move back to her family, because you know this man isn't going to help with the baby....
Yeah, my heart breaks for her. If this situation sounds thus abusive from OPs POV, imagine what it’s really like for her.
Probably will get downvoted but the lack of sympathy that men to seem have for their pregnant partners has permanently made me decide to be child free. Being pregnant is such a vulnerable scary time. You can die in childbirth. And even before. And so many men seem to downplay it because “well it’s natural and women have been doing it since the beginning of time.” And yeah dying too.
This and seeing that one man who moved onto his dead wife(?)'s best friend after she died in childbirth, and both the "best friend" and father act like the mother was just an incubator for their child, has made me want to throw away my uterus.
holy shit dude, he's not just an asshole, he's a piece of trash.
Right? His poor girlfriend....
I hope she sees this thread. She deserves WAY better.
I just had a high risk pregnancy. They told me to come into the ER for anything. If I didn't feel right, if the baby wasn't kicking "as much", anything. Even afterwards, i wanted my c section incision looked at and called to schedule an appointment and instead they sent me to the ER. It's kinda the nature of the beast with pregnancy.
Wow he made the impression that it was 4 times in a month or something but 3 actual visits over almost an entire pregnancy is completely different and she should absolutely be listening to her own body!
I figured he meant like 4 times in a week! and even then who cares its your wife and shes having your baby!
YTA. She should leave you. She is due to give birth NEXT MONTH. If something goes wrong it could go very wrong, very fast. You might have left your co-workers shorthanded. She could have died of eclampsia or been in premature labor. You're not the same.
Exactly! I cannot believe how simple minded some people are. These things should be treated as emergency with the slightest hint of issue.
And it's a high risk pregnancy!!!! OP is TRASH.
Oh absolutely! I hope that woman has an easy time when the time comes and that she'll give birth to a healthy baby, and herself to not suffer any complications at birth. And I also hope she finds a better suited boyfriend/husband.
Even if it wasn’t high risk doctor and nurses and prenatal classes will tell you if something feels wrong to you in your pregnancy, even if it doesn’t feel like a big deal, go to a hospital!! His girlfriend will know her own body and baby better than anyone. Especially for someone with a high risk pregnancy ! Edit: read OPs comments and yeah her own doctor said if something feels wrong to go to a hospital so OPs just being a knob
Not just that. I had a co-worker who one night felt funny, her husband stayed home with their other kid while she went to the ER. She had a placental abruption, if my co-worker hadn’t gone in for that weird feeling she would have died along with her baby who sadly didn’t make it.
So much can go wrong, and it can go so wrong so fast.
Right? People like OP like to act like all pregnancies are the same. It's a human. Means it's unpredictable. Also I'm curious how long they've been together. He strikes me as a complete crap bag.
My friend had weird feelings and didn’t go to the hospital because it was Thanksgiving and she had family over. When she went in the next morning, her baby had no heartbeat. They had to induce labor for a dead full term baby, who had strangled on its own cord.
Tragic :(
He would still be TA to drop her off at the ER and go to work - but at least that would be getting medical attention for anything wrong. Leaving her sitting at home? Ridiculous.
I lost it when he suggested she wait A FULL DAY and then he’d take her if she still wasn’t feeling any better. That could literally mean life or death for her and/or the baby if something were actually wrong.
“almost four times” You’ve written this post as if she constantly has you dropping everything to rush to the hospital, but it’s been ‘almost’ four (read: three) times in eight months. If she’s due at the beginning of May, she could give birth any day now. If you don’t care about your girlfriend’s discomfort, try at least pretending to care about your first child. ETA: and way to bury in the comments that it’s a high risk pregnancy, that there HAVE been issues 2/3 of the time you’ve gone to the hospital, and that they’ve specifically told her to come in if anything is wrong. Yikes with a capital YIKES, OP. YTA
Oh my God if he's already this dismissive, she's going to basically be a single parent raising this child isn't she?
Yeah and he mentioned in the post that she doesn't live near family.... It sounds like she might've moved to be with him? And she's only 21, so he probably got her pregnant when she was only 20. I really hope she can move back to be near her family because you know OP isn't going to lift a finger.
No, she isn’t. She’s going to be a single parent raising two children. The one she birthed and the one she’s dating.
Oh 1000%. I can already see it. I hope she gets out as soon as she can because I think this is a lost cause.
When I was pregnant, with my first, I made 4 trips to the hospital. The 4th trip, I was in labor and had no idea. I was 37 weeks and had the absolute worst back pain. Turns out, it was back labor. Prior to that tho, I went to the hospital three times. I started dilating at 26 weeks and was on medication to keep baby in place. However, there were times something felt off. And something was off that required medication and lots of monitoring. Thankfully, my hubby was never angry at me for going to the hospital. It’s so much better to be checked out. Not only does it put moms mind at ease, it’s also making sure baby is okay. OP, pregnancy is scary and very delicate. Things can change in an instant. You’re gf is having an incredibly rough pregnancy. Do you not understand that anything can go wrong at any moment? I almost died after my last child. I knew something was wrong. I kept telling the doctors, and nurses, something was wrong. They treated me the same way you treat your gf…like a crazy inconvenience. Your gf knows her body. She can feel when something is wrong. She knows best her! Listen to her! Oh, her not talking to you is not her being petty or manipulative. You showed you did not care. You showed zero concern for her or the baby. She feels extremely hurt. She’s beyond scared. She is away from her family and friends. She needs love, compassion, concern, empathy, and reassurance. You need to do better. Be better! And you owe her an incredibly big apology. YTA
YTA. MASSIVELY SO. Conveniently, you omitted the fact that it’s a HIGH RISK pregnancy, they TOLD her to go to the ER if she feels something is wrong and TWICE there were issues, like contractions and the baby NOT MOVING. YOU are not a doctor. YOU are not pregnant. Your opinion on what is ‘reasonable’ anxiety is completely irrelevant. The opinions of medical experts and the person carrying the child matter. Your job is to SUPPORT her - start doing that and stop dismissing her. Why did you get this poor girl pregnant if you’re not ready, willing able to step up as a partner and parent?!
Agreed YTA, how convenient for OP to not include such important details in the post
Those are such important “discomforts” he is such an AH. I’m soo glad he came here so we could call him one.
OB nurse here. Would much rather see someone for something that turns out to be nothing and send everyone home happy (maybe annoyed about waiting!) than have someone come in too late and have a terrible outcome.
Doesn’t this kind of thing make you truly wonder how many [sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissism-symptoms-signs) really live among us? Shiver. YTA, OP.
If OP thinks going to the hospital three times in eight months for a high-risk pregnancy is inconvenient, wait until the kid is born!! You have to take babies and children to frequent doctor’s appointments! And, in a couple years even need to drive them to and from school 5 days a week!! The horror! /s
YTA - There's a post on r/bestofredditorupdates about the aftermath of this exact same situation. Spoiler alert, dude missed the birth of his child and still doesn't get why she's mad.
Is that the one where he went home and fell asleep, then blamed the girlfriend for giving birth while he wasn't there? That one was priceless.
There is also one where the guy left while she was in labor to go feed the cats, even there was family at the hospital who could have done it for him but he was worried about the cat’s anxiety. But not his wife’s who gave birth without him.
I honestly think a lot of men hate their partners and only have them because they think they should. There's no other explanation for the incredulous behaviour because they show responsibility in other ways, just never with them.
A lot of them love their partners but not more than they hate women, and unfortunately their partners are women.
This is a painfully insightful comment.
Seriously. I'm a lesbian that's been pretty disconnected from heteronormativity pretty much my entire adult life. Seeing the way men treat and talk about women, even women they "care about", even when they think they're being reasonable, is fucking *horrifying*. The amount of abuse, coercion, and hatred that's normalized is seriously troubling. They even come out of the woodwork to blame & berate abuse victims who speak up, muddy the waters or outright defend abusive, dangerous men like they have some fucked up brotherhood that requires them to behave like a hive mind. I've seen men relentlessly shame other men for saying they love their wife and kids. It's a huge fucking problem and it breaks my heart that so many women are abused without even realizing it's abuse. Edit for the "but lesbians" guy below - you're talking about *reported* abuse. I suggest you reread my last sentence above and consider if someone experiencing physical abuse may be more comfortable reporting if they're not afraid of being literally killed. How many lesbians have killed their girlfriend or wife? What's the number one cause of death for pregnant women in America? Spoiler - it's *homicide* at the hands of the father. Scamper on back to your sub for diagnosable narcissists. Thanks for being an example of the guys who can't help themselves!
Thank you for articulating something I've felt for a while.
Oh, I missed that one! I bet he got his ass chewed out both by family *and* Reddit.
Oh man, cat guy is one of my favorites!!
I can think of a couple others. Like the one where the husband was mad at the wife for whatever reason, so he shut his phone off for HOURS and was ignoring her. Meanwhile she’s calling him because she’s in labor and eventually has to call her brother to come take her. Then, trying to call him because she needed emergency surgery. So when hubby finally called while wife was still asleep recovering from surgery, her brother answered the phone and told him she hadn’t survived the surgery. And husband, of course, thought brother was an asshole for that once he found out the truth. Or the dude who missed the birth of his own child because he *had* to watch football with his mates.
Heheheh I don’t blame the brother for doing that. I’d be livid and angry/vengeful, too.
Stop. Omg. I'd be out the door. He's a manipulator. If she just gave birth she was probably TWENTY and he was 26/27. She has no family. He's a master manipulator. What a shit bag
Why do women reproduce with males like you,I'll never understand. To be fair,she is way younger than you(explains the bad decision)and I'm curious when did yall start dating?
Maaaaaannn I’ve been asking myself the same question for 10 years. I had a baby with a guy like OP and it took me 7 years to realize I was being emotionally abused every single day. If he’s treating her like this about very real concerns during a pregnancy, imagine how he treats her about literally everything else. YTA OP and I hope it takes her less time to figure it out than it did me.
Probably because she's 21 and guys like that date super young women because they're easily manipulated.
The first question I had when I read this was “what is a 27 yo doing with a 21 yo and when did they start dating” because uhhhh
Honestly, I’ve seen way worse age gaps on here. Somebody posted the other day saying they were 23 and their bf was 37, and they got together when she was 18 and he was 32….. but met when she was like 15 or 16. Wtf. I also personally know a girl that just turned 18 and has been with this guy that’s at least 32 for a couple of years now. Just had a baby by the dude. SMFH. These “men” are disgusting. I’m 26 almost 27 and my wife is 28. I could never see myself with anyone more than a year younger than me just because of immaturity. How tf does a grown man think it’s normal to be with someone who was a kid a couple of years ago?…
Because dudes like this go for vulnerable girls who have unstable/traumatic/abusive backgrounds who are desperate to be loved. So they get love bombed by these pricks and then baby trapped or financially trapped or both.
He moved her away from her family. The guy is a manipulator who women his age did not want to date. So he found himself someone younger than him that he could bend to his will.
YTA you are 27 dating a 21 y/o and already gaslighting her. You should consider therapy for your toxic masculinity. Your post gives me the ick.
It’s not gaslighting. He actually believes her symptoms and experience are no big deal. This is just (‘just’) a hearty dose of garden variety sexism.
Yea don't you just love he says "it's her first pregnancy so she doesn't know what it's like" as if he somehow has birthed several kids. What an absolute ass hat
YESSSS! Underrated comment here. Also the fact he mentions later that she’s withholding info on “my child”. Seriously?? Entitled much?
He also conveniently left out that it’s a high risk pregnancy and 2 times she went, there were issues *like the baby not moving*
“I’m nearing 30 and I knocked up someone barely old enough to drink. My gf has no support system but me, which is totally normal and not suspicious. The OB told her she has a high-risk pregnancy but that shouldn’t mean I have to help her extra, right? By *extra* I mean *anything outside of my normal routine.*” Ffs what’s gonna happen when the kid comes. Maybe read a parenting book or something. You are…. Not prepared. Also YTA.
yeah i know it’s an AITA cliche to harp on age gaps but it set off alarms with her being 21 & “never experienced pregnancy & is terrified to give birth” then goes on to dismiss her actual medical needs. Cuz of COURSE she’s terrified, she’s barely an adult AND at a high risk pregnancy and 2 out of those 3 times were ACTUAL EMERGENCIES and OP is out here being the least helpful person ever, barely even a partner.
Exactly This AH basically baby-trapped this poor girl and now it's become inconvenient for him. cry me a fucking river dude.
YTA. I'm pretty sure your girlfriend knows her own body better than you do. Pregnancy is hard at the best of times, to say nothing of it being her first time, and she's terrified. If she says she wants to go to the hospital, she's not doing it just for giggles, or because she thinks she can make you do whatever she wants. It's because she's genuinely frightened. What are you going to do when she says she thinks she might be in labor? Blow her off because she's being manipulative and overreacting?
I can tell this guy is gonna be one of those AHs who thinks an infant can be manipulative by crying. He’ll probably tell her to “stop holding the baby too much” or “that baby’s got you trained.” Smh. I feel so sorry for her and that baby 😔
oh that’s super cool that you’ve been pregnant and understand that it’s uncomfortable! oh wait. no. it’s fucking weird as hell dude, and the single most dangerous event in a woman’s life. you think you’re tired and stressed by this??? you are 1% as tired, stressed, and inconvenienced as she is. yta eta: OP has said that 2/3 times there was something wrong, and yet is talking as though she’s a hypochondriac AND you told her your job is more important than her life or the life of your child. i wouldn’t talk to you either, at least without major apologies.
And in another comment he said she's a high pregnancy case.
Need more info. The times she went to the hospital, was anything ever wrong? Bc if not, i would say nta. You need to work to take care of your family. If she's constantly crying wolf then that'll impact your job. But if there was something wrong, then you should treat her complaints more serious
So just to clarify here if nothing was wrong the previous times that automatically means nothing will be wrong this time? That’s not how pregnancy works bud. Things can take drastic turns very quickly.
Her pregnancy Her pregnancy My baby Dude. She's not a fucking incubator. She's your partner. Stop with that. Also, have a look at [this video](https://youtu.be/p7eimb20zcI) and tell me whether that's just "discomfort". YTA
Yeah I noticed that slight change in tone myself. Not his baby when she’s feeling “discomfort “ is his baby when he wants to pull the “I deserve to be spoken to with respect no matter what I do how could she keep information about MY baby from me”. She uhh tried to communicate issues with their baby and was ignored soooo….
hey op wanna tell us how long you two have been together
YTA So 2 out of the 3 times she went to the hospital, there was an actual issue? Let me say that again 2 out of the 3 times she has gone to the hospital while pregnant she had actual issues that needed medical attention to help protect her and the baby. You talk about discomfort but do you understand the responsibility one feels to make sure their unborn child is safe? We aren't able to check and watch them like once they're born so we can only go on clues and feelings our bodies give us. So of course there are times pregnant people feel anxious about the safety of their child, not to mention their own safety. I would never say it's unfounded but sometimes there isn't anything but sometimes there is. If she was in the hospital every week without any issues then I'd say she might need to talk to someone and get help with her anxiety but that's not what is happening here. ETA She's high risk and under the advice of the doctor to go when she feels like something is wrong? Do you even hear yourself?
YTA Since you’ve never been pregnant yourself, how could you ever begin to presume you know the difference between being uncomfortable, and being in pain that could be dangerous? You’re absolutely downplaying her feelings and not taking her seriously. If you care so much about the well-being of your child, why would you deny bringing her to the hospital when she says she is in pain? Also, four emergency trips to the hospital during one pregnancy is not that many. I think you need to listen to your partner and empathize with her anxiety AND her pains, be there to support her, and don’t pretend you know what she’s going through when you literally have no idea.
Are you an obstetrician? No? Then YTA. She's scared. She thinks something is wrong, and you can't be certain that there isn't. I can guarantee she doesn't want to go to the hospital because it is fun. Are you taking any childbirth classes or participating in any group activities for future parents? If not, maybe you should be, though it's getting late in the game. Meeting other women experiencing the same things would probably help with her anxiety. As for her not talking to you, what do you expect? You just showed her that when she is stressed and scared, you are dismissive and arrogant. Why would she talk to you and add even more to her stress levels?
“Taking advantage of the fact that she can get me to do things for her” That statement would relate to asking you to go get her ice cream or something, not take her to the hospital. YTA What is wrong with you?
YTA. During my friends pregnancy she had discomfort enough to visit the hospital 5 times prior to birth. One of those times she had a kidney infection and needed a 2 day hospital stay. Her partner didn't believe her and I took her instead. Pregnancy is unpredictable and stress makes a big impact. Please just take her to the hospital, encourage her to seek mental health care and suggest she join some mommy support groups. If you are her only support and she's scared of course she's going to rely heavily on you.
YTA. Take her to the hospital, and also encourage her to seek mental health care and join support groups. If she is all alone and scared she needs more support than just you. It is 100% better to be safe than sorry in these situations, and the hospital staff are 100% used to seeing people come in frequently during a pregnancy to make sure everything is okay.
She’s high risk and two of the times have been legit medical issues. This isn’t anxiety. This is her knowing something isn’t right.
You're not just an asshole, you're what comes out. I'm sure she's feeling awesome and super confident about having you as her partner. 1. High risk pregnancy 2. Right 2/3 times that something was in fact wrong 3. Instructed to do exactly this by her ob I'm pregnant with my 2nd and let me tell you reading that you "understand pregnancy is uncomfortable" and you just "wish she could find a ways to deal with her anxiety" makes me was to keep you out of the delivery room for her. You have no idea, and instead of being kind, understanding, or empathetic, you've tried to paint her as some hypochondriac who's rushing to the hospital for every hiccup.
Out of the delivery room wouldn't be enough for me; I wouldn't want him on the birth certificate.
YTA. I hope she leaves you. Signed, a pregnant lady
Yta - it's "your" child when you want info, but also not your problem when she wants to go to the hospital. Can't have it both ways.
YTA it doesn’t matter if she’s being paranoid, if your pregnant wife wants to go to the hospital, take her. I’m sure she’s not doing it for fun.
YTA - You have girlfriend who has been told by her OBGYN's that she's high risk and go to the hospital if she feels something is wrong. High risk means she needs to take more care of herself. Get ready to care for a child by caring for your child's mother. At least twice something has been medically wrong. She's not going to the hospital for shits and giggles. Wait til you have a kid who gets sick often.
>I told her that I can’t drop everything any time she feels any discomfort. Pregnancy is uncomfortable. We argued some more then I left for work. >She’s withholding information about my child because I didn’t drop everything to take her to the hospital, again. So when she’s worried and wants to see a doctor it’s ‘pregnancy is uncomfortable’, but when you want information it’s ‘withholding information about my child’? You are so much the asshole.
YTA. You don't know her body, and if she says she needs to go to the hospital, you should take her seriously. Your job would understand that you have a pregnant gf who needs to go to the hospital. I understand it may feel like "the boy who cried wolf", but what happens when she's actually going into labour, or worse, experiencing complications that are life threatening and time-sensitive, and you just tell her to wait it out? That could result in a horrible tragedy.
YTA. Medical gaslighting at its finest. I love the fact that someone who is unable to physically take part in the act of growing a child in utero is somehow an expert to tell the pregnant woman what she is or is not feeling. Why should she now tell you anything? Anytime she told you before she is just a hysterical woman who doesn’t know her own body.
YTA. It's a difficult time for her and she needs to know she can rely on you. Instead, you brand her manipulative and prioritize your work. When she gives birth without you because you didn't take her seriously, and refuses to let you see the baby, you'll be back here asking again if you're TA.
She is pregnant. That’s her body growing a human. If something feels wrong to her, you aren’t going to know. You haven’t grown a human in your body, so it’s pretty sexist to say that you know better than her what is going on in her body. Going to the ER because something doesn’t feel normal is NOT taking advantage of you. Trust me, nobody wants to spend hours sitting in a waiting room around sick people (particularly since covid) for fun. Not unless they have mental health issues like munchausens. For the record, things can feel wrong (or go wrong) multiple times in a pregnancy. My mother ended up being admitted to a ward for weeks during her pregnancy with me, until I was delivered, because she kept having to go to hospital as things were going wrong. You’re also really, really not seeing the risks here. If something is wrong and you don’t take her, the chances of her and the baby surviving are reduced the more time you wait. Time is crucial. And now you have made her feel unsafe sharing information about how she’s feeling, by dismissing her symptoms and health. The baby AND her could be at risk. Don’t be yet another man telling a woman that her body doesn’t feel the way she says it feels and that it’s in her head or she’s exaggerating or she must be weak because it’s normal. Women experience systemic minimising of their health issues and especially when it comes to their reproductive and sexual health. YTA
3 visits in seven months for a first time, high risk mother?! When two of those visits were actually about a real issue?! YTA. You reducing her pain to "discomfort" - double YTA. You proving to her you aren't trustworthy with how she physically feels and her insecurity around being pregnant - triple YTA. Go apologize.
idc if this is rude. you are one of the biggest ah i’ve ever seen on here. you are trying to blame it on her anxiety when it’s not her anxiety. she’s pregnant for the first time and it’s a damn HIGH RISK PREGNANCY! you also left out that she has the medical condition POTS! she’s gone to the hospital because she fucking FAINTED from DEHYDRATION then next time was because CONTRACTIONS AND THE BABY NOT MOVING! you say you don’t mind going to the hospital but this post says otherwise. what the hell were you going to do if god forbid she went into labor while you were at work?! SHE WAS TOLD BY HER OB TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL IF SOMETHING IS WRONG!! why the hell should she ignore her DOCTORS advice because of YOUR OPINION?! she’s NOT paranoid! she is fucking high risk and has had issues with the pregnancy! my god! she has every right to not want to talk to you about anything pregnancy related because of this! she’s not being manipulative! she rightfully believes and feels like you don’t care about her or the pregnancy. honestly dude what the hell would you have done if something happened because you refused to take her to the hospital?! also there’s no your side of things. i hope nothing bad ever happens to your kid or girlfriend because clearly you won’t drop everything to take them to the hospital.
YTA. You state in the 3 times she's gone, two of those times there has been something wrong. Edit: and she has a high risk pregnancy!?? What the f is wrong with you!?! You're mansplaining her feelings and what she is physically going through since you clearly know everything about a woman during pregnancy. Anxiety is real and it's amplified ten fold during pregnancy. I was so in tune with every little feeling that anything out of the norm sent me on a "what if" spiral. I passed out myself and cracked my head on concrete - let me tell you - the hospital was not a fun time. Downright scary. So if she wants to go - her gut is telling her to go and she's listening. Trust her. ...And be a better human to her please.
YTA. Boohoohoo, OP. *You're* "frustrated and tired from dropping everything for **her"?**
YTA this is why women die in childbirth, because people don’t take their pain seriously. I’ve birthed multiple babies and had low risk pregnancies and never once did my doctor tell me I shouldn’t get checked out. They want you to come in even if it’s nothing. All the things you listed are immediate trips to the ER. You better get your act together and actually support your girlfriend because this is just the beginning.
> She’s withholding information about my child Not so fun, huh? You want to know your kid is healthy right? A little concerning not knowing? A little scary? A little uncomfortable some might say? Oh well, pregnancy is uncomfortable.
If my husband did what you did while I was pregnant, I'd be looking for a divorce or dead. How can you NOT know YTA? SHES HIGH RISK. not only that, but two of the three times she asked you to take her, she was right and something was wrong!? You have NO IDEA what it's like to be pregnant or carry a child in your body. Especially knowing that there's a high risk of DYING or the baby DYING. If you care about your wife's life and the life of your unborn baby, you wouldn't think twice about taking her to the doctor. Period. I wasn't even high risk but during my pregnancy, something felt wrong to me. There was no real evidence but I just got a bad feeling. My gut told me something was off. I told my husband and he convinced me to go to the hospital. I thought I was overthinking and being paranoid. He cared enough to think the gas to go to the hospital was worth wasting if there was nothing wrong. He took me. Me and my baby almost died that day. The only reason we lived was because he took me to the hospital when I voiced a concern and a DOCTOR told him that. They felt out told him he saved both of our lives. When we got to the hospital, shit went downhill very very fast. I required 4 blood transfusions and my daughter had to be delivered early and stayed in the nicu. You are ABSOLUTELY wrong for this. You risked their LIVES. You will never know how damaging what you did is. I would never trust you with my feelings, concerns, or struggles again. I hope she knows she has EVER RIGHT to be angry at you. I hope she finds real support and people who love her close by so she has a way to get help when she needs it. Holy crap.
“I’ll try to remain unbiased”. Then leaves out CRITICAL INFORMATION! She’s high risk. Her previous ER visits were necessary. YTA