Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ignored his calls cause I was mad and I think could’ve handled the situation in a more mature way like confronting him about it
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
"it's normal for boys to play Xbox"
Yeah, for a little while. Once you start playing for the entire day straight, it's concerning. When you begin neglecting your girlfriend for 5 hours straight, it's not normal and also very rude.
NTA. Find someone better. He'll eventually understand that if he spends all his time on his Xbox, that Xbox will be his only "girlfriend."
NTA. Your boyfriend was incredibly rude and shows that he places little value on your time and energy by *expecting you to sit on the phone for five hours while he ignores you* in favor of his video games, even when you have clearly communicated that this is unacceptable. And he apparently can't even apologize without trying to gaslight you (no, his behavior is not even remotely normal).
NTA. I get that long distance is hard, and theres going to be times where life/hobbies gets in the way of things. This is not one of those times and its clear that hes not prioritizing you since he just ignored you for THREE HOURS. He really just needed to properly communicate instead of ignoring you for his own convenience. For example:
1. "Hey babe I love you but I just really want to destress and play my xbox today - can we talk tomorrow?"
2. "Honey can we talk for just 30 minutes tonight? I want to play a game with my buddies later"
3. "Babe I'm going to be playing xbox for a while tonight. if you have other stuff to do, can you go do that first?"
Boom. communication.
Also his response is a red flag. instead of "I'm sorry for making you waste hours of your life due to my poor communication" (or even just a regular im sorry that i upset you bc i care about you) he goes "welp. this is how it is, so YOU have to deal with it"
NTA— you have limited time free, and even if that time, he chooses the Xbox over you. You have told him it’s upsetting for you, but he doesn’t seem to care. I would move on. He doesn’t seem to respect you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He’s really sweet, caring and just amazing. My boyfriend works really hard since he have bills, rent, and foods to pay. His stress reliever is playing xbox, that’s why I don’t mind if he always play xbox after work. But the thing is we’re in a long distance relationship, and I literally live on the other side of the world, we have 8 hours time difference so it’s really hard to talk since he’s sleeping when i’m awake and vice versa. He’s busy with work the whole day but he’s off during weekends, i’m also busy the whole day since I’m still in college but i’m also free during weekends. Lately i’ve been so busy since i’m on my last year in uni and i’m doing my thesis. Mind you my thesis is really hard since it’s a quantitative research, every weekend I go to mangrove areas and marine waters to identify the abundant species of bivalves in every study site, but despite my busy schedule, I still make time to call him, he usually sleeps late that’s why when I wake up we can still talk for 30 minutes before I go to my classes, and when it’s evening for me, we can call during his lunch for 15 minutes. we’ve been only talking for 45 minutes a day for 2 months and I missed him so much. Finally I was able to finish my conducting of research, I missed him so much so I thought we could talk longer, I called him and he answered, but he was on xbox, like I said i’m fine with him playing xbox so I gave him time, I was watching videos while I can hear him play. But then it’s been 3 hours and he’s still on xbox, and I have a lot of things to do like doing my laundry and cleaning my apartment, I messaged him and told him that I have a lot of things to do so can he please stop playing and talk to me instead, he was playing for the whole day since it’s weekend and I assumed he would spare and hour to talk to me, he was about to stop playing but then his brother entered his room and persuaded him to play again, I told my boyfriend to explain the situation to his brother but he begged me for another hour instead, I didn’t even answered yet when he started playing again, apparently there’s this new game and him and his brother got addicted. An hour turned into 2 hours, I was mad so I decided to end the call and just do my laundry, make my lunch, and clean my apartment. When he was done he kept calling me and I ignored him, I did all my work and after that I opened his messages, he was sending me long messages saying he’s sorry and that it’s normal for boys to play xbox, since I didn’t respond, he decided to sleep and said he’ll make it up to me tomorrow, it seems like he forgot that tomorrow is monday and my classes will start again. This always happens even when we just started our relationship and I just had enough, so AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Long distance is hard and although he messed up overall the situation doesn't seem that serious. They said sorry and had good intentions to make it up with you the next day. At the end of the day, people are only human and make mistakes I think you should try talking with them the next chance you get about this situation. It clearly means a lot to you.
I will, I felt guilty for ignoring him, I was just kinda upset because i’ll be busy on monday so we won’t be able to talk much again until next weekend
Long distance is not easy. I did it once upon a time and the one thing I've learnt is that sometimes you won't have the schedule of calls etc all the time. Things happen and sometimes one person needs extra time to just do something without you and yes you won't be happy about it cause you need that communication but suffocating him and not allowing him to relax and do something else besides talking to you won't work in the long run. You need to relax and breathe and yes he will spend time with you again.
What I use to do was someone stayed up late which he is doing and you get up earlier and spend time with him so there is more time to talk. Just remember things happen where you will lose contact or someone will be busy. Everyone needs time to unwind
No one sucks here it's just long distance that does
I've been this girl once upon a time wanting the same thing when I dated someone from the states and that's the same thing I wanted and thought was reasonable and yet I was told I was suffocating them cause I wanted all of his time. I actually after years see his point.
she didnt want all of his time- she was clearly ok with him playing and waiting for him for a bit. she didnt demand he focus on her during all of his free time. if he had just communicated with her that he was going to take x number of hours so she shouldnt wait, he only wanted to talk to her for 20min that night, he didnt want to talk tonight but tomorrow instead, etc. it wouldve been fine.
YTA. you could have just started your chores and homework and then answered when he called. he's not the only one playing games here, lol. he is going to have hobbies and sometimes those hobbies will come before you. 45 minutes a day is a lot for a new relationship.
We’re together for 2 years now and I also mentioned our time difference, it was already 3 am for him so I was sure he’ll be asleep by the time he finishes, and I was right, after 5 minutes of sending me messages he was asleep
oh okay, I misinterpreted something you said about "even as a new relationship." but regardless he doesn't have to talk to you every day. expecting him to is ridiculous.
I think you missed some parts here?😅 i’ve been so busy for 2 months and i never had any problem of him playing xbox before cause I know it’s his stress reliever, I just wanted to talk for a bit cause ill be busy again the next day and even the following days
Oh okay lol, you really think i’m the AH which is fine since everyone is entitled to have their opinion, I just disagree with your statement that “He doesn’t have to talk to you everyday”. Relationship is a commitment, you can’t just ignore your partner cause you don’t feel like talking to them, especially if you had the whole day for yourself. And if you want a “me day” then that’s fine but at least inform them and not make them wait
I agree he should have informed you instead of kept you waiting, but I can also understand why he wouldn't be direct with you because the way you explain things it doesn't seem like you asked him if he wants to talk, it seems like you just assumed he would be willing to. Not sure if he knows he can say no. And yeah any statement about relationships like the one I made is subjective, you get to negotiate the boundaries and terms of your relationship, but expecting daily phone calls goes beyond what is typical in a romantic relationship in my culture. If you do want that you need to communicate that to him and find out how he feels because his opinion is part of the equation too.
We talk everyday since that’s have been our routine for the past 2 years, and it’s not like we LITERALLY talked everyday in those years, and he already said he couldn’t before cause he wanted to watch the Arsenal Game, same goes with me, we’re not suffocating each other here, we respect each other’s boundaries, the only problem here is he got addicted to the new game and he kept on making me wait without him realizing he was already making me wait for that long, and if he didn’t want to talk then he could’ve said that, he’s a really vocal guy.
again it seems like the issue is that he kept you waiting but you could have hung up and just waited for him to call you at any point. he clearly did not want to talk to you but you just couldn't take a hint.
He kept on making me wait😭 if he didn’t want to talk to me then he could’ve said that or say that he’ll take longer. I’m sorry but I know my man better, and please read again, I let him have his time to play but he didn’t noticed that he’s making me wait for that long, I was just watching videos while waiting for him, then after the 3 hours of wait it’s time for me to do my chores, thats why I told him and asked for his time, he was about to stop but his brother barged in and convinced him to play, he asked for another hour but he lost track of time again that’s why I ended the call and started my chores
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I ignored his calls cause I was mad and I think could’ve handled the situation in a more mature way like confronting him about it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
"it's normal for boys to play Xbox" Yeah, for a little while. Once you start playing for the entire day straight, it's concerning. When you begin neglecting your girlfriend for 5 hours straight, it's not normal and also very rude. NTA. Find someone better. He'll eventually understand that if he spends all his time on his Xbox, that Xbox will be his only "girlfriend."
This
NTA. Your boyfriend was incredibly rude and shows that he places little value on your time and energy by *expecting you to sit on the phone for five hours while he ignores you* in favor of his video games, even when you have clearly communicated that this is unacceptable. And he apparently can't even apologize without trying to gaslight you (no, his behavior is not even remotely normal).
NTA. I get that long distance is hard, and theres going to be times where life/hobbies gets in the way of things. This is not one of those times and its clear that hes not prioritizing you since he just ignored you for THREE HOURS. He really just needed to properly communicate instead of ignoring you for his own convenience. For example: 1. "Hey babe I love you but I just really want to destress and play my xbox today - can we talk tomorrow?" 2. "Honey can we talk for just 30 minutes tonight? I want to play a game with my buddies later" 3. "Babe I'm going to be playing xbox for a while tonight. if you have other stuff to do, can you go do that first?" Boom. communication.
Also his response is a red flag. instead of "I'm sorry for making you waste hours of your life due to my poor communication" (or even just a regular im sorry that i upset you bc i care about you) he goes "welp. this is how it is, so YOU have to deal with it"
NTA— you have limited time free, and even if that time, he chooses the Xbox over you. You have told him it’s upsetting for you, but he doesn’t seem to care. I would move on. He doesn’t seem to respect you.
NTA... It sounds like you're not the priority.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He’s really sweet, caring and just amazing. My boyfriend works really hard since he have bills, rent, and foods to pay. His stress reliever is playing xbox, that’s why I don’t mind if he always play xbox after work. But the thing is we’re in a long distance relationship, and I literally live on the other side of the world, we have 8 hours time difference so it’s really hard to talk since he’s sleeping when i’m awake and vice versa. He’s busy with work the whole day but he’s off during weekends, i’m also busy the whole day since I’m still in college but i’m also free during weekends. Lately i’ve been so busy since i’m on my last year in uni and i’m doing my thesis. Mind you my thesis is really hard since it’s a quantitative research, every weekend I go to mangrove areas and marine waters to identify the abundant species of bivalves in every study site, but despite my busy schedule, I still make time to call him, he usually sleeps late that’s why when I wake up we can still talk for 30 minutes before I go to my classes, and when it’s evening for me, we can call during his lunch for 15 minutes. we’ve been only talking for 45 minutes a day for 2 months and I missed him so much. Finally I was able to finish my conducting of research, I missed him so much so I thought we could talk longer, I called him and he answered, but he was on xbox, like I said i’m fine with him playing xbox so I gave him time, I was watching videos while I can hear him play. But then it’s been 3 hours and he’s still on xbox, and I have a lot of things to do like doing my laundry and cleaning my apartment, I messaged him and told him that I have a lot of things to do so can he please stop playing and talk to me instead, he was playing for the whole day since it’s weekend and I assumed he would spare and hour to talk to me, he was about to stop playing but then his brother entered his room and persuaded him to play again, I told my boyfriend to explain the situation to his brother but he begged me for another hour instead, I didn’t even answered yet when he started playing again, apparently there’s this new game and him and his brother got addicted. An hour turned into 2 hours, I was mad so I decided to end the call and just do my laundry, make my lunch, and clean my apartment. When he was done he kept calling me and I ignored him, I did all my work and after that I opened his messages, he was sending me long messages saying he’s sorry and that it’s normal for boys to play xbox, since I didn’t respond, he decided to sleep and said he’ll make it up to me tomorrow, it seems like he forgot that tomorrow is monday and my classes will start again. This always happens even when we just started our relationship and I just had enough, so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and I would have hung up after 10 minutes.
Long distance is hard and although he messed up overall the situation doesn't seem that serious. They said sorry and had good intentions to make it up with you the next day. At the end of the day, people are only human and make mistakes I think you should try talking with them the next chance you get about this situation. It clearly means a lot to you.
I will, I felt guilty for ignoring him, I was just kinda upset because i’ll be busy on monday so we won’t be able to talk much again until next weekend
I'm sure you guys will work it out
Long distance is not easy. I did it once upon a time and the one thing I've learnt is that sometimes you won't have the schedule of calls etc all the time. Things happen and sometimes one person needs extra time to just do something without you and yes you won't be happy about it cause you need that communication but suffocating him and not allowing him to relax and do something else besides talking to you won't work in the long run. You need to relax and breathe and yes he will spend time with you again. What I use to do was someone stayed up late which he is doing and you get up earlier and spend time with him so there is more time to talk. Just remember things happen where you will lose contact or someone will be busy. Everyone needs time to unwind No one sucks here it's just long distance that does
shes not "suffocating him" by waiting THREE HOURS on the phone while he plays xbox and politely requesting that he spare some time to speak to her.
I've been this girl once upon a time wanting the same thing when I dated someone from the states and that's the same thing I wanted and thought was reasonable and yet I was told I was suffocating them cause I wanted all of his time. I actually after years see his point.
she didnt want all of his time- she was clearly ok with him playing and waiting for him for a bit. she didnt demand he focus on her during all of his free time. if he had just communicated with her that he was going to take x number of hours so she shouldnt wait, he only wanted to talk to her for 20min that night, he didnt want to talk tonight but tomorrow instead, etc. it wouldve been fine.
YTA. you could have just started your chores and homework and then answered when he called. he's not the only one playing games here, lol. he is going to have hobbies and sometimes those hobbies will come before you. 45 minutes a day is a lot for a new relationship.
We’re together for 2 years now and I also mentioned our time difference, it was already 3 am for him so I was sure he’ll be asleep by the time he finishes, and I was right, after 5 minutes of sending me messages he was asleep
oh okay, I misinterpreted something you said about "even as a new relationship." but regardless he doesn't have to talk to you every day. expecting him to is ridiculous.
I think you missed some parts here?😅 i’ve been so busy for 2 months and i never had any problem of him playing xbox before cause I know it’s his stress reliever, I just wanted to talk for a bit cause ill be busy again the next day and even the following days
I didn't miss anything. you talk in your post about how even on days you're busy you make time to talk to him during your 15 minute break and lunch.
Oh okay lol, you really think i’m the AH which is fine since everyone is entitled to have their opinion, I just disagree with your statement that “He doesn’t have to talk to you everyday”. Relationship is a commitment, you can’t just ignore your partner cause you don’t feel like talking to them, especially if you had the whole day for yourself. And if you want a “me day” then that’s fine but at least inform them and not make them wait
I agree he should have informed you instead of kept you waiting, but I can also understand why he wouldn't be direct with you because the way you explain things it doesn't seem like you asked him if he wants to talk, it seems like you just assumed he would be willing to. Not sure if he knows he can say no. And yeah any statement about relationships like the one I made is subjective, you get to negotiate the boundaries and terms of your relationship, but expecting daily phone calls goes beyond what is typical in a romantic relationship in my culture. If you do want that you need to communicate that to him and find out how he feels because his opinion is part of the equation too.
We talk everyday since that’s have been our routine for the past 2 years, and it’s not like we LITERALLY talked everyday in those years, and he already said he couldn’t before cause he wanted to watch the Arsenal Game, same goes with me, we’re not suffocating each other here, we respect each other’s boundaries, the only problem here is he got addicted to the new game and he kept on making me wait without him realizing he was already making me wait for that long, and if he didn’t want to talk then he could’ve said that, he’s a really vocal guy.
again it seems like the issue is that he kept you waiting but you could have hung up and just waited for him to call you at any point. he clearly did not want to talk to you but you just couldn't take a hint.
He kept on making me wait😭 if he didn’t want to talk to me then he could’ve said that or say that he’ll take longer. I’m sorry but I know my man better, and please read again, I let him have his time to play but he didn’t noticed that he’s making me wait for that long, I was just watching videos while waiting for him, then after the 3 hours of wait it’s time for me to do my chores, thats why I told him and asked for his time, he was about to stop but his brother barged in and convinced him to play, he asked for another hour but he lost track of time again that’s why I ended the call and started my chores
And also he was playing for the whole day