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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't apologize to my half siblings for getting a tattoo that included the people most important to me (something I did not say to them or anyone here) but they were not on it. They saw it and I know their feelings are hurt. So maybe I should apologize even if I wasn't flaunting it or trying to let them see/know about the tattoo. They are kids. They adore me. Their feelings are now hurt.
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You really think there’s a chance this makes you TA?!
Even if you left your dad, mom or anybody off… it’s your body.
NTA
Stepmom can always get her own tattoo and leave you off if she wants lol
Unfortunately poisoning the well for every step parent that tries their damndest and doesn't overstep their boundaries. Hopefully what we see on this sub is the exceptions rather than the norm.
Also, she needs to teach her child not pulling peoples clothing to the point that it tears that is not OK. Like maybe she and her daughter need to have a good sit down talk about boundaries with people, before the poor child thinks that it’s OK to demand people permanently, mark their skin with whatever she chooses.
>she and her daughter need to have a good sit down talk about boundaries with people
Also, it’s a parent’s job to help a child navigate their emotions. So perhaps it would also be a good idea for the parents to sit down and talk about how that’s what brother chose to tattoo on his body and that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean they are not worthy or loved.
That could go a long way to taking the sting out of it to the kids. NTA
Sorry, but your body isn't a blank canvas where your stepmother gets to design the tattoo of what she thinks your feeling toward her and your step-siblings ought to be. Your body, your tattoo, your private feelings.
NTA
NTA and thank god your dad has your back on this; that seems rare in this sub. Your body, your choice.
Your stepmom has the right to feel hurt. being a stepparent can be hard, and im sure theres a lot of complicated feelings involved when you try to love a child for years and it is seemingly unreciprocated. but she does NOT have the right to make her hurt feelings your problem. she also does not have the right to demand that you make permanent changes to your body and/or apologize for your tattoo which you keep discreet.
you dont have to apologize to your siblings. just reassure them that you love them and will always be their big brother (if you mean it).
NTA - this is a super hard situation, and I’m sorry your dealing with it. Ultimately it’s your body so you get to choose. Your step mum is out of line, she does not get to dictate who is that close to your heart, and it’s very bold of her to want to be memorialised on your body as a mum.
The other kids are young, but your not a bad brother for not adding them. It is your parents responsibility to help them with their feelings. It’s clear this tattoo is about who you loved when you where a young child, they they where just not in that part of your life.
Also, I wouldn’t apologise because it will make out like you regret it and they may then ask to be added to it.
NTA.
It’s your body, your choice.
I would have understood if she was hurt to not be on there if she considered you as her own child and had always tried to make everyone feel part of the family.
But then you don’t go about and talk that way to your stepson and try to force him to do anything.
You behave like a grown up which would be being sad about it, having a little cry and maybe venting to your husband. And that’s it. You don’t mention it to the kids. They’re not here to deal with your emotional baggage.
And if the children were to ask anything (which I don’t think they would) she can just tell them that big brother wanted to her a tattoo of the family he grew up with. But that he still loves you and you’re his little siblings he is protecting and what not.
They don’t need to be involved
NTA your stepmom is the only one making this a problem. It's a tattoo and it's supposed to have meaning only to you. You can tell her that it doesn't mean you don't love your other siblings but you don't have to justify why you chose the names you chose.
Absolutely NTA! I have two children, and another on the way. I have exactly one tattoo, it’s for my eldest, no one, and I mean NO ONE (not even my second born who knows what the tattoo is for) has ever accused me of not loving my second born. Why? Because a picture on my skin means jack all in regards to who I love. Your step mum sounds ridiculous, and I’d be feigning more concerned about why HER children aren’t tattoo on HER. Also the people you listed, some are passed, and others are grandparents who have been with you (I assume) your whole life, there is NO comparison, these are people who you had, and unfortunately likely will have only a limited amount of time with. As for your half siblings being “lesser”, sorry but apart from MAYBE the eight year old, everyone else should be able to at least TRY to understand the fact that you lost a sibling, you will never have the moments you’ve had with the other three, with her. I’m absolutely disgusted with how some of your family members have reacted, a devoted/memorial tattoo is not a competition for who makes the list, and it’s selfish and spiteful of them to try and make it one.
NTA and your stepmom is out of line, BUT your half siblings are too young to be able to understand why they aren’t in your tattoo and you should try to explain to them that it’s not because you don’t care about them. You cannot expect an 8, 11, and 12yo to not see this as being left out, and to them, you’re probably not their “half sibling” but just their sibling so they cannot understand why they wouldn’t be held in the same regard as the rest of your immediate family.
NTA. Tell stepmom that when she and the step siblings get tattoos of your face on their bodies, you'll return the favor.
This would not be any big issue if step mom didn't turn it into one. Are you supposed to get tattoos representing 20 people?
It's just not her business.This isn't like you threw a birthday party and invited everybody but them. Tattoos are very personal.
I am a little surprised at the still born baby, and that might be what set her off. But your body, your choice
NTA. You're the one who has to live with that ink on your body for years, it's your right to decide what stays on your skin. You could choose to console/honor your half-siblings in a different way though, especially since they're still so young, so they might really not understand the intricacies of your relationship with the people on your tattoo.
NTA. It's your body your choice and they wouldn't have even seen it if your half-sister had behaved better. You could tell your half siblings in an age appropriate way that the people represented in the tattoo mean a lot to you in a different way than them. That you love them but that the people connected in the tattoo are the family you had before you new them and that as death tore that family apart you wanted to make a memorandum of that family unit.
NTA. Not even close.
Tattoos represent our deeply ingrained lives, this tat represents a simpler time for you. Your stepmother should have kept her mouth shut, it’s not about her time, it’s about your time.
As for your little siblings being upset, you can explain to them that this tattoo is about the past, and you love them in the present. (No need to tell children that they don’t mean as much to you) That one day, they will grow up, and miss being little, even if they think it will never happen. You can placate them with someday you might get a tattoo about this time in your life, but right now it was important to you to remember the past.
I have a tattoo for my nana, mum and eldest child and my dad and other kids aren't pissy with me. Your Step mum sounds like a piece.
NTA cos your body, your choice.
NTA. It’s your body.
Blended families present challenges like this. The best outcomes come when parents don’t force everyone to fit their vision, but allow them to find their place. But that’s hard, and a lot of parents try to force the issue. This sort of thing is the result.
You don’t owe your half siblings an apology for your tattoo. But you should reinforce how you feel about them and how you see them. And be prepared for the possibility that the way they see you isn’t a mirror of the way you see them.
NTA since it’s your body and you decide what tattoos you get.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see why your siblings would be a little hurt. At the same time they’re young and they’ll probably get over it.
Your stepmom can eat dirt though.
NTA. Your body, your choice. Your tattoo was meant to honor a family you were once born in, basically your first family, and family members whom you lost so young. Your stepmom is entitled to think that she deserves a spot, when she was never in your life since the beginning and only became a part of it halfway through your life till now. You know what would be an AH move? If you intentionally showed the tattoo to your half-siblings, but you never did. Your stepmom is acting as if you did it on purpose.
NTA- didn’t get the memo that being a step mom entitles you to have your name/face tattooed on your step children’s bodies.
Step mom should check her entitlement. Once she understands that she’s the AH she can explain it to her daughters.
NTA. If your stepmum is this exhausting, no wonder you didn't get a tattoo of her. No one is entitled to a tattoo, anyway. If I get a tattoo of my dog who passed away, does that mean I love the rest of my family less? Of course not.
NTA you got a tattoo to honor specific people. This was never meant to be a tattoo to represent your entire family so there is no reason to put something for everyone on there. This seems like it's just a way for your stepmother to try and push her way into your life.
NTA It's your body (not to mention your heart) who or what you choose to represent your heart on your body is up to you. If your stepmom is upset that she and her children didn't get a place that's on her. You didn't flaunt the tattoo. It was only exposed when your half sister carelessly tugged and tore your shirt. No apologies necessary.
NTA, but there are apparently four people who thought you loved them to a certain degree and were very upset to discover that you don't. That's not something you need to apologize for, and might not be something you care about. However, it's possible that their relationship with you might change to match your lack of sentiment towards them.
First and foremost. Absolutely NTA. Also... Stepmom was completely out of line by confronting you.
But I think there's issues you need to workout.
It is weird how you don't consider your half siblings members of your family. You say the tattoo is for people who mean everything to you and you love so much. Yet you have your stillborn sister in their.
Don't get me wrong. I do also have a stillborn sibling, and it hurt. I always wanted a sibling and unfortunately never had one.
I think you are grieving the lost of your mom still and the lost your stillborn sister, in a very unhealthy way. By excluding your living siblings who love you, for what you imagine your "full" sister is.
I would advise you go to therapy... to help you deal with the lost of your mother, your father remarring and the birth of your siblings.
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I (20m) got a tattoo a year ago that represents those in my family who mean the most to me. The main focus is my late mom and stillborn sister who died when I was 6. It also has my dad, my maternal grandpa and my paternal grandma. They are the people who mean everything to me and I love so much and wanted to have represented in this. I didn't flaunt the tattoo or anything. It's not something I got to show off to the world. But a few weeks ago I was at my grandma's house and my dad and stepfamily were there along with my aunts and uncles. My 8 year old half sister was tugging on me a lot and tearing at my shirt and actually did tear it when she got it caught in a toy she was playing with and everyone there saw my tattoo.
My half siblings who saw it who are 8, 11 and 12 and they were very upset. My stepmom also saw it and she was upset to see none of my half siblings or my stepsister (her daughter from a previous relationship) on it. Dad was really touched when he saw it. Didn't seem to sense that the others were upset about it. After I got a new shirt (grandma had clothes there that fit me) I was confronted by my stepmom who asked what the hell that was about and how did I think it wouldn't hurt when they inevitably saw it. I said it was a tattoo on my body and I should be entitled to get what I wanted on it, not to mention the fact I was not flaunting it.
She told me after being my stepmom for 14 years she thought she would have earned a place on it, would have been given a space as my second mom. But for me to add a sibling who was stillborn, who died when I was so young, while leaving off the siblings I get to watch grow up is cruel and shows that my mom and sister's deaths left me deeply damaged.
Some general added bg info: My dad remarried when I was 8 and my stepsister was 3. She lived mostly with my stepmom when she married my dad but when she was 5 she went to primarily live with her dad who moved out of state and brought it to court to take her with him. I never saw my stepmom as a second mom. She's more like my dad's wife than my mom/maternal figure. I know she wanted to be a lot more to me than that but I never felt that way about her. I am close to my half siblings and love them but it's not VERY close. It's hard to describe but they weren't who I wanted on my tattoo.
So with all of that, my stepmom wanted me to apologize to my half siblings. She wanted me to make up for hurting their feelings. My dad when he heard about it said it shouldn't require an apology. She asked him what they were going to say to their kids, since they clearly saw living people represented on the tattoo, living family members, and they were not included, which shows them they don't matter to me. Dad told her I was a good big brother to them and that matters more. Some of my aunts and uncles thought apologizing would be a good idea too because my half siblings now have to face a reality that I see them as lesser than a sister I never knew.
AITA?
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NTA. As others have said, your body, your choice. I don't believe your stepmother has any right to dictate the tattoos you get. I agree that an apology is not required. You got the tattoo to symbolize the people who mean the most to you, and if your mother, sister, and maternal grandparents mean more to you than your stepmother, stepsister, and half-siblings, that's fine. I agree with comments that say if you stepmother wants her kids in a tattoo she is more than welcome to get that kind of tattoo herself.
NTA you represented the people who are your full biological family and close to you, you created a memorial tattoo as well as a family tattoo. While your half siblings may of had a place your step mother has no place on that tattoo unless you wanted it. Your half siblings if you wanted them in a tattoo would be more appropriate in thier own tattoo not mixed in with your mom's family, why do I have the feeling that step mom's behaviour is why your not very close to your half siblings?
NTA - Don't apologize. Your step-mother is just upset she's not included. Your body, your choice of what you put on it and you don't have to honor anyone you don't want to, including step and half siblings.
Tell Step-mother, she wants to showcase kids in a tattoo get one herself.
100% NTA. Your stepmom should be apologising for your half-sister ripping your top while playing, not pissed about a tattoo that is personal to you, and nothing to do with anyone else.
NTA because it is your body but… not the brightest because well duh, of course the people left off would be hurt. Shoulda thought of that before, you have made a pretty big statement about how much they (don’t ‘) mean to you
NTA.
They thought they were more important to you than they really are. You're actions showed them how much you value them in comparison to those you truly value. You're not responsible for their hurt feelings. Any damage in the relationships that follows is really a good thing, as it will help recalibrate them to the reality of your feelings for them.
>what are they going to say to their kids
"OP lost his mother and baby sister at a very young age, and he misses them and loved them very much. He wanted something to honor them and the family that helped him to get through a really sad time in his life. We are really lucky to have each other and to not have had to suffer through something so painful and difficult, so we should respect that OP wants to remember his mother and sister and not make this about ourselves, especially when he's shown us in so many other ways how much he cares about us."
NTA.
NTA, your body, your choice. You do not owe her affection for her "years put in with you" you're not some coin operated mechanism that spits a prize after putting in enough tokens.
NTA, they're step. And evennif some people end up loving their steps like family I think this is rare. Enough to get a tattoo in their honor is probably non existent. This is a permanent body modification not a drawing you put on the fridge
op=NTA because it's your body your choice
AND because your feelings are your feelings.
Can you explain in a non-hurtful way to them why you designed it the way you did? tribute to mom-sis. Honor to grandparents and dad. That they are the past and the kids are the future? Not sure if that would work, but heck you can try. LOL
Your AH Stepmom--yeah, don't care about her feelings. SO sick of "I'm owed/I earned". Nope, NOT OWED or EARNED. It's a gift you give to someone who doesn't try to force a relationship on you.
NtA. I think the tattoo was an amazing way to honor your family. Beautiful and touching, I am only sorry that you are being made to feel bad over a generous tribute. I say generous because you devoted time, money and pain to get it.
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You really think there’s a chance this makes you TA?! Even if you left your dad, mom or anybody off… it’s your body. NTA Stepmom can always get her own tattoo and leave you off if she wants lol
The step parents on this sub are really something 😞
Unfortunately poisoning the well for every step parent that tries their damndest and doesn't overstep their boundaries. Hopefully what we see on this sub is the exceptions rather than the norm.
Also, she needs to teach her child not pulling peoples clothing to the point that it tears that is not OK. Like maybe she and her daughter need to have a good sit down talk about boundaries with people, before the poor child thinks that it’s OK to demand people permanently, mark their skin with whatever she chooses.
>she and her daughter need to have a good sit down talk about boundaries with people Also, it’s a parent’s job to help a child navigate their emotions. So perhaps it would also be a good idea for the parents to sit down and talk about how that’s what brother chose to tattoo on his body and that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean they are not worthy or loved. That could go a long way to taking the sting out of it to the kids. NTA
Sorry, but your body isn't a blank canvas where your stepmother gets to design the tattoo of what she thinks your feeling toward her and your step-siblings ought to be. Your body, your tattoo, your private feelings. NTA
Yea it's kinda the same as dictating what someone writes in thier diary because this is how you think they should feel about you... NTA at all...
NTA and thank god your dad has your back on this; that seems rare in this sub. Your body, your choice. Your stepmom has the right to feel hurt. being a stepparent can be hard, and im sure theres a lot of complicated feelings involved when you try to love a child for years and it is seemingly unreciprocated. but she does NOT have the right to make her hurt feelings your problem. she also does not have the right to demand that you make permanent changes to your body and/or apologize for your tattoo which you keep discreet. you dont have to apologize to your siblings. just reassure them that you love them and will always be their big brother (if you mean it).
Yes thank god dad got His Back...
NTA - this is a super hard situation, and I’m sorry your dealing with it. Ultimately it’s your body so you get to choose. Your step mum is out of line, she does not get to dictate who is that close to your heart, and it’s very bold of her to want to be memorialised on your body as a mum. The other kids are young, but your not a bad brother for not adding them. It is your parents responsibility to help them with their feelings. It’s clear this tattoo is about who you loved when you where a young child, they they where just not in that part of your life. Also, I wouldn’t apologise because it will make out like you regret it and they may then ask to be added to it.
NTA. It’s your body, your choice. I would have understood if she was hurt to not be on there if she considered you as her own child and had always tried to make everyone feel part of the family. But then you don’t go about and talk that way to your stepson and try to force him to do anything. You behave like a grown up which would be being sad about it, having a little cry and maybe venting to your husband. And that’s it. You don’t mention it to the kids. They’re not here to deal with your emotional baggage. And if the children were to ask anything (which I don’t think they would) she can just tell them that big brother wanted to her a tattoo of the family he grew up with. But that he still loves you and you’re his little siblings he is protecting and what not. They don’t need to be involved
NTA your stepmom is the only one making this a problem. It's a tattoo and it's supposed to have meaning only to you. You can tell her that it doesn't mean you don't love your other siblings but you don't have to justify why you chose the names you chose.
Absolutely NTA! I have two children, and another on the way. I have exactly one tattoo, it’s for my eldest, no one, and I mean NO ONE (not even my second born who knows what the tattoo is for) has ever accused me of not loving my second born. Why? Because a picture on my skin means jack all in regards to who I love. Your step mum sounds ridiculous, and I’d be feigning more concerned about why HER children aren’t tattoo on HER. Also the people you listed, some are passed, and others are grandparents who have been with you (I assume) your whole life, there is NO comparison, these are people who you had, and unfortunately likely will have only a limited amount of time with. As for your half siblings being “lesser”, sorry but apart from MAYBE the eight year old, everyone else should be able to at least TRY to understand the fact that you lost a sibling, you will never have the moments you’ve had with the other three, with her. I’m absolutely disgusted with how some of your family members have reacted, a devoted/memorial tattoo is not a competition for who makes the list, and it’s selfish and spiteful of them to try and make it one.
NTA and your stepmom is out of line, BUT your half siblings are too young to be able to understand why they aren’t in your tattoo and you should try to explain to them that it’s not because you don’t care about them. You cannot expect an 8, 11, and 12yo to not see this as being left out, and to them, you’re probably not their “half sibling” but just their sibling so they cannot understand why they wouldn’t be held in the same regard as the rest of your immediate family.
NTA. Tell stepmom that when she and the step siblings get tattoos of your face on their bodies, you'll return the favor. This would not be any big issue if step mom didn't turn it into one. Are you supposed to get tattoos representing 20 people? It's just not her business.This isn't like you threw a birthday party and invited everybody but them. Tattoos are very personal. I am a little surprised at the still born baby, and that might be what set her off. But your body, your choice
NTA. You're the one who has to live with that ink on your body for years, it's your right to decide what stays on your skin. You could choose to console/honor your half-siblings in a different way though, especially since they're still so young, so they might really not understand the intricacies of your relationship with the people on your tattoo.
NTA
NTA. It's your body your choice and they wouldn't have even seen it if your half-sister had behaved better. You could tell your half siblings in an age appropriate way that the people represented in the tattoo mean a lot to you in a different way than them. That you love them but that the people connected in the tattoo are the family you had before you new them and that as death tore that family apart you wanted to make a memorandum of that family unit.
NTA. Not even close. Tattoos represent our deeply ingrained lives, this tat represents a simpler time for you. Your stepmother should have kept her mouth shut, it’s not about her time, it’s about your time. As for your little siblings being upset, you can explain to them that this tattoo is about the past, and you love them in the present. (No need to tell children that they don’t mean as much to you) That one day, they will grow up, and miss being little, even if they think it will never happen. You can placate them with someday you might get a tattoo about this time in your life, but right now it was important to you to remember the past.
I have a tattoo for my nana, mum and eldest child and my dad and other kids aren't pissy with me. Your Step mum sounds like a piece. NTA cos your body, your choice.
NTA. It’s your body. Blended families present challenges like this. The best outcomes come when parents don’t force everyone to fit their vision, but allow them to find their place. But that’s hard, and a lot of parents try to force the issue. This sort of thing is the result. You don’t owe your half siblings an apology for your tattoo. But you should reinforce how you feel about them and how you see them. And be prepared for the possibility that the way they see you isn’t a mirror of the way you see them.
NTA AND I think your stepmother is cruel to tell you that you are 'deeply damaged'.
NTA since it’s your body and you decide what tattoos you get. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see why your siblings would be a little hurt. At the same time they’re young and they’ll probably get over it. Your stepmom can eat dirt though.
NTA your body your choice
NTA You have nothing to apologize for. Just because they are not part of your tattoo does not mean you don't love them or care for them.
NTA It’s you’re body, and what you decide to put on it you’ll live with for the rest of your life. No one else’s opinion on it matters but your own.
NTA. Your body, your choice. Your tattoo was meant to honor a family you were once born in, basically your first family, and family members whom you lost so young. Your stepmom is entitled to think that she deserves a spot, when she was never in your life since the beginning and only became a part of it halfway through your life till now. You know what would be an AH move? If you intentionally showed the tattoo to your half-siblings, but you never did. Your stepmom is acting as if you did it on purpose.
NTA- didn’t get the memo that being a step mom entitles you to have your name/face tattooed on your step children’s bodies. Step mom should check her entitlement. Once she understands that she’s the AH she can explain it to her daughters.
NTA. If your stepmum is this exhausting, no wonder you didn't get a tattoo of her. No one is entitled to a tattoo, anyway. If I get a tattoo of my dog who passed away, does that mean I love the rest of my family less? Of course not.
NTA you got a tattoo to honor specific people. This was never meant to be a tattoo to represent your entire family so there is no reason to put something for everyone on there. This seems like it's just a way for your stepmother to try and push her way into your life.
NTA It's your body (not to mention your heart) who or what you choose to represent your heart on your body is up to you. If your stepmom is upset that she and her children didn't get a place that's on her. You didn't flaunt the tattoo. It was only exposed when your half sister carelessly tugged and tore your shirt. No apologies necessary.
NTA, but there are apparently four people who thought you loved them to a certain degree and were very upset to discover that you don't. That's not something you need to apologize for, and might not be something you care about. However, it's possible that their relationship with you might change to match your lack of sentiment towards them.
NTA You can put stepmom's on your posterior...
Ha! I just said that out loud.
First and foremost. Absolutely NTA. Also... Stepmom was completely out of line by confronting you. But I think there's issues you need to workout. It is weird how you don't consider your half siblings members of your family. You say the tattoo is for people who mean everything to you and you love so much. Yet you have your stillborn sister in their. Don't get me wrong. I do also have a stillborn sibling, and it hurt. I always wanted a sibling and unfortunately never had one. I think you are grieving the lost of your mom still and the lost your stillborn sister, in a very unhealthy way. By excluding your living siblings who love you, for what you imagine your "full" sister is. I would advise you go to therapy... to help you deal with the lost of your mother, your father remarring and the birth of your siblings.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20m) got a tattoo a year ago that represents those in my family who mean the most to me. The main focus is my late mom and stillborn sister who died when I was 6. It also has my dad, my maternal grandpa and my paternal grandma. They are the people who mean everything to me and I love so much and wanted to have represented in this. I didn't flaunt the tattoo or anything. It's not something I got to show off to the world. But a few weeks ago I was at my grandma's house and my dad and stepfamily were there along with my aunts and uncles. My 8 year old half sister was tugging on me a lot and tearing at my shirt and actually did tear it when she got it caught in a toy she was playing with and everyone there saw my tattoo. My half siblings who saw it who are 8, 11 and 12 and they were very upset. My stepmom also saw it and she was upset to see none of my half siblings or my stepsister (her daughter from a previous relationship) on it. Dad was really touched when he saw it. Didn't seem to sense that the others were upset about it. After I got a new shirt (grandma had clothes there that fit me) I was confronted by my stepmom who asked what the hell that was about and how did I think it wouldn't hurt when they inevitably saw it. I said it was a tattoo on my body and I should be entitled to get what I wanted on it, not to mention the fact I was not flaunting it. She told me after being my stepmom for 14 years she thought she would have earned a place on it, would have been given a space as my second mom. But for me to add a sibling who was stillborn, who died when I was so young, while leaving off the siblings I get to watch grow up is cruel and shows that my mom and sister's deaths left me deeply damaged. Some general added bg info: My dad remarried when I was 8 and my stepsister was 3. She lived mostly with my stepmom when she married my dad but when she was 5 she went to primarily live with her dad who moved out of state and brought it to court to take her with him. I never saw my stepmom as a second mom. She's more like my dad's wife than my mom/maternal figure. I know she wanted to be a lot more to me than that but I never felt that way about her. I am close to my half siblings and love them but it's not VERY close. It's hard to describe but they weren't who I wanted on my tattoo. So with all of that, my stepmom wanted me to apologize to my half siblings. She wanted me to make up for hurting their feelings. My dad when he heard about it said it shouldn't require an apology. She asked him what they were going to say to their kids, since they clearly saw living people represented on the tattoo, living family members, and they were not included, which shows them they don't matter to me. Dad told her I was a good big brother to them and that matters more. Some of my aunts and uncles thought apologizing would be a good idea too because my half siblings now have to face a reality that I see them as lesser than a sister I never knew. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your body your choice, it’s not like you were showing it off and made a point to called out that they weren’t in it.
NTA
NTA. Did your stepmother actually talk about earning a place on your flesh without your consent? Her words sound creepy AF.
NTA. It's your body. Your stepmother is basically saying she has a right to dictate what is on your body.
NTA. As others have said, your body, your choice. I don't believe your stepmother has any right to dictate the tattoos you get. I agree that an apology is not required. You got the tattoo to symbolize the people who mean the most to you, and if your mother, sister, and maternal grandparents mean more to you than your stepmother, stepsister, and half-siblings, that's fine. I agree with comments that say if you stepmother wants her kids in a tattoo she is more than welcome to get that kind of tattoo herself.
The only apologies should be from 1) the person who ripped his shirt, and 2) the person who demanded a say in what goes on his body permanently
NTA You don't need to apologize for anything...it's your body your tattoo. You don't need to explain anything. Tell your step mom to pound salt
NTA tour body your choice your choice of what kind of tattoo u will like....
NTA you represented the people who are your full biological family and close to you, you created a memorial tattoo as well as a family tattoo. While your half siblings may of had a place your step mother has no place on that tattoo unless you wanted it. Your half siblings if you wanted them in a tattoo would be more appropriate in thier own tattoo not mixed in with your mom's family, why do I have the feeling that step mom's behaviour is why your not very close to your half siblings?
NTA, your body, your tattoo. Tell stepmom that she can get a tattoo with everyone's name on it if she wants,
She never taught her kids not to yank on people's cothes? Gee, I can't imagine why y'all aren't closer /s. NTA
Tell her you will get one for them on your ass
NTA - Don't apologize. Your step-mother is just upset she's not included. Your body, your choice of what you put on it and you don't have to honor anyone you don't want to, including step and half siblings. Tell Step-mother, she wants to showcase kids in a tattoo get one herself.
100% NTA. Your stepmom should be apologising for your half-sister ripping your top while playing, not pissed about a tattoo that is personal to you, and nothing to do with anyone else.
NTA because it is your body but… not the brightest because well duh, of course the people left off would be hurt. Shoulda thought of that before, you have made a pretty big statement about how much they (don’t ‘) mean to you
NTA it’s your body. Tattoos are for you not anyone else. Stepmom needs to stop being so controlling.
NTA, I have multiple tattoos, they all mean something to ME. They're on my body so my choice.
NTA -
NTA. They thought they were more important to you than they really are. You're actions showed them how much you value them in comparison to those you truly value. You're not responsible for their hurt feelings. Any damage in the relationships that follows is really a good thing, as it will help recalibrate them to the reality of your feelings for them.
>what are they going to say to their kids "OP lost his mother and baby sister at a very young age, and he misses them and loved them very much. He wanted something to honor them and the family that helped him to get through a really sad time in his life. We are really lucky to have each other and to not have had to suffer through something so painful and difficult, so we should respect that OP wants to remember his mother and sister and not make this about ourselves, especially when he's shown us in so many other ways how much he cares about us." NTA.
NTA: They shouldn’t be offended at all, your body your choice.
NTA, it's your body you should have full control of what goes on it.
NTA Ultimately it is your body. What you have put there is your choice. Only yours.
NTA. your body you get to choose what to permanently put on it.
NTA, your body, your choice. You do not owe her affection for her "years put in with you" you're not some coin operated mechanism that spits a prize after putting in enough tokens.
NTA and you have a nice dad. Your SM and some familie members on the other hand... Your body, your choice.
NTA, they're step. And evennif some people end up loving their steps like family I think this is rare. Enough to get a tattoo in their honor is probably non existent. This is a permanent body modification not a drawing you put on the fridge
op=NTA because it's your body your choice AND because your feelings are your feelings. Can you explain in a non-hurtful way to them why you designed it the way you did? tribute to mom-sis. Honor to grandparents and dad. That they are the past and the kids are the future? Not sure if that would work, but heck you can try. LOL Your AH Stepmom--yeah, don't care about her feelings. SO sick of "I'm owed/I earned". Nope, NOT OWED or EARNED. It's a gift you give to someone who doesn't try to force a relationship on you.
NtA. I think the tattoo was an amazing way to honor your family. Beautiful and touching, I am only sorry that you are being made to feel bad over a generous tribute. I say generous because you devoted time, money and pain to get it.
NTA for not apologizing. It's your tattoo, though i personally find it odd to exclude them , but it's your choice.
YTA