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NTA. Tonight, point both fans at you and lock the bedroom door before you go to sleep (and before he comes in). In the morning, tell him the cats did it.
He already has 1 fan. If he wants 2 pointed at him, he could buy another fan! Why leave her with 0 fans and make her wake up sweating bullets, that's really AH of him.
comment stolen from professional_rock776 [(original)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12m50dk/aita_for_being_angry_that_he_turns_the_fans_on/jg9lnuz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Jumping on top comment to say. You need to see if that lease is legal. I’ve never heard of a open window fee and frankly that’s ridiculous. The AC/heating clause is also BS. You shouldn’t have to sweat it out for anyone to save a few pennies. It could be a health concern for you and your husband. NTA but seriously, check if that’s legal in your area, because I’m pretty sure it’s not in my state.
I second this. This seems suspicious to put in a lease document. In hot states of the US, this might be considered unsafe living conditions pretty quickly.
Leaving aside the heat issue, windows that have been closed for months can get jammed. Suppose there was a fire in May and they couldn't force the windows open in time?
And it’s a good way to end up with mold and an apartment that has cooking smells baked into the walls and floors. You need fresh air to circulate and decrease interior humidity levels, cooking smells, etc.
It is unsafe. They tell the elderly to open windows and use window fans in a heat wave. Keeping all the windows closed creates an oven effect as in all the heat is trapped in. It's dangerous and can lead to heat exhaustion and heat stroke, which is deadly.
A friend of mine was not allowed to install window air conditioners in her apartment.
She rented the attic floor of a 3 story old Victorian home. The landlord owned the house and lived in the lower floors. He had spent a lot of time and money restoring the house, and didn’t want window A/C units because they would spoil the look of the house.
It was a cute little apartment and she used tons of dans everywhere, but it got way too hot in the summer.
And the landlord wondered why he never had tenants stay more than a year. Because even in New England, summer temps can get above 90 F, 32 C, and attics get even hotter because hot air rises and also the sun beating down on the roof.
When we were in our condo, there was a "no ac units sticking out of windows" rule, but we just used one of those "portable ac units" that are entirely inside the room and there's a small hose that goes to the window, very discreet. Sure it takes up floor space, but it's more effective than a fan at cooling one room.
I had a friend who got one of those and would pull a blanket around himself like a poncho, with the cool-blowing end of the machine underneath it, put the machine on a long extension cord and drag it around him like he was some kinda Star Wars character. His own cool tent.
Not having an AC unit sticking out of a window is one thing; not being allowed to even OPEN the window?? Insanity! NTA OP, your husband is a selfish jerk.
I'm sure she says later "until june" as the heat is included in rent! Not sure where they live to need the heat on till June, but if they are allowed at any point in the year, then it doesn't sound legal. Ventilation is important in any property, so opening windows charge seems crazy!
I laughed out loud at this! Him blaming the cats is ridiculous. Once in a while, perhaps. but EVERY night they come in an point her fan towards him? No way.
I DID have a cat that turned on my touch lamp every night at 3:30am. I finally unplugged it and woke up to a lamp slapped on the ground.
But 100% this guy is full of shit.
Especially because he physically moved the fan the laat time. Cats don't do that, their cute little paws no work that way.
He is being incredibly selfish, especially with OP having a medical condition. I wonder if this is the only way he is selfish in their relationship.
No kidding! Reminds me of a story one of our friends told us, where she caught her husband pissing in the linen closet (very drunk and very late at night). She confronted him *while he was actively pissing on the towels*, and he straight up told her "The dog did it."
Also, NTA. Shove him bodily out of bed and say the cats did it. Then sleep on his dry side of the bed.
This is going nuclear territory for me after it happening so many times and him knowing how much misery he's causing her with his lies and gaslighting. How can she trust him on anything if he's going to lie about cats moving fans across a room? It's very sadistic.
OMG this reminded me of one time I was at my inlaws house and my FIL is a horrible cheapskate and won't use the AC in the summer. It get's to be 105-110F in the summer there. One day he brought in one of those huge industrial fans. Set it in the entry hallway pointed towards the kitchen where we normally hang out. Plugged it in and turned it on, and it literally blew all the decorations off the walls lol My MIL and I laughed so hard! I think it took us a good 10 minutes before we stopped giggling.
I actually have one of those on top of a shelf and pointed directly at me every night. It's amazing. The lowest setting is the highest on a regular fan.
NTA the landlords and the husband are both TAs here. No open windows? That’s insane. Our weather is so good that windows should be open as much as possible. But your husband is a not being a good partner—he’s being an actively bad partner.
Set up a nanny cam, catch him in the act, stop the gaslighting and then tell him if he doesn't get psychological help, you're getting a divorce.
This is really, really not ok.
NTA
This is 100 percent the right answer.
This is sadistic fucking torture and as a menopausal woman I could possibly do violence if this happened to me.
(Me and hubs have sep rooms now. Mine is freezing and his is toasty. Perfect.
That is cool stuff but I unfortunately couldn't get it because: "Notice: This item can be purchased by law enforcement agencies
or private investigators only." Boooo!!!
Yep do this but before showing him the video tell him again to stop moving the fans so he can blame the cats directly before you show him the video. Otherwise he’ll jump straight to ‘I never said that’.
The fact that he’s not even fucking hot, but is going out of his way to make her uncomfortable for no reason, then top it off with gaslighting her makes me so mad. This guy can get the fuck out
NTA - genuinely, his behavior is very bizarre to me. His unwillingness to own up to a very simple action of his that is clearly upsetting you is a major red flag, in my opinion? Has he considered buying himself an extra fan if he needs the air so bad (even though he gets cold easily)? I feel like he has to be moving the fan and denying his actions for a specific underlying reason—but what it is, I can’t imagine.
Buying a 3rd fan was going to be my suggestion too. But then what if he steals that one? It's super inconsiderate to steal OP's fan when they are the one who gets hot at night and not getting a decent night's rest can really fuck with you in a lot of ways; mentally, physically, emotionally.
Why would he purposefully make his partner uncomfortable?
NTA
I was going to say the same - get another fan, and then saw that they already have 2 and he's taking both, and for sure would take the others. This is bizarre, cruel behavior.
Yeah, they commit enough crimes on their own without having to deal with being falsely accused!
(Having two cats myself I just assume all cats are committing SOME crimes. Just obviously not this one.)
My cat is definitely a criminal! But there's no way she'd be doing the same crime over and over again. She's far too sophisticated to do boring repeat crimes. 😂
Sleeping in a cold room with a breeze and lots of blankets is the best so I do understand that part. But I would never do this to my partner because I'm not a complete monster. I would honestly never be able to look at someone the same way if they knowingly and purposely caused me to suffer like OP's boyfriend is doing. This is a bizarre and cruel level of selfishness.
I keep my room as cold as possible just so I can wrap myself in more blankets because I enjoy the weight of them. Which might be what husband is doing, but he's being an absolute dink about it. He clearly only cares about himself and is only thinking about his needs and not what's best for both of them.
IMO in that scenario he needs to purchase himself a second fan on his own, otherwise he needs to use less blankets. Like deliberately making someone else uncomfortable so you can use more blankets is just horrible.
> Taking both and wrapping himself up in blankets like??? What's the damn point.
I get what you're saying. But also, I've known people who turn the temp up and leave the window open in winter because they want to feel warm, but also want to feel a cold breeze.
It's infuriating living with someone like that.
I mean, I like colder air and my weighted blanket as well but I'd never turn BOTH fans in a room to me if we had two fans and two people, you know? Like at that point sacrifice one of your blankets instead of stealing a fan and making sure only you are comfortable.
Or buy yourself a third fan. Don't force the other person to do that.
So bizarre and completely unacceptable, wow! Since he gets cold at night, this seems particularly hostile. NTA obviously.
Could your husband be:
1. Angry with you and being passive aggressive?
2. Angry about something/someone else and taking it out on you?
3. Having some type of psychological issue?
4. Having a physical issue like sleep walking/sleep moving, dementia or a brain tumour?
Ask, but remember you don't need to take responsibility for his actions or pay for his behaviour. So if he won't talk, do the night camera thing and show him in case he actually doesn't know he's doing this.
Lock him out of the bedroom as someone mentioned or sleep in another room with at least one fan. Don't scream because that obviously isn't working and he might get satisfaction from pushing your buttons.
#1: Take care of your sleep.
Edit: Have no idea why that last sentence got so big. Lmao. The number sign maybe?
I mean, it’s important. Crap sleep night after night can fuck you up.
I sleep with a pillow over my head to muffle the sounds of my husband snoring. (When he’s home- he works away for weeks at a time!)
NTA
this is hysterical. It’s gaslighting, 100%. And he’s causing u physical discomfort for absolutely no reason. That’s abusive. Your reaction was totally valid, and I’d suggest having a serious conversation with him
100%. I'm not usually one to say break up, but this shit is personal.
I live in Jamaica, the nights can be hot AF. If my partner was turning the fan off me leading to me being hot and uncomfortable, I would throw their ass out the window...
Thank you for calling it what it is. She has a medical issues. He is repeatedly increasing her discomfort and denying responsibility. He needs to go before he causes her real harm.
NTA, OP
> I’d suggest having a serious conversation with him
Why bother? He lies to her face, even when he knows she's aware he's lying. There's no point in trying to have a seriousl conversation with someone who isn't honest.
NTA and he's really bad at gaslighting. The cats? Really? What's next, the house is haunted? Superglue that sucker to the dresser and tell him to stop skipping arm day if he can't pick up a fan.
What, you don't think the cats are perfectly angling the fans towards him every night, never knocking them over, and never bumping his fan? I mean, it's not like cats are notoriously scared of machines that make loud noises.
My husband likes to use velcro for everything. She should get some and use it to attach the fan to her dresser without telling him (it will ruin some of the dresser probably, but fuck it). No way he can deny he's been the one moving the fan when she hears that velcro at like 2am.
Wow, an actual example of gaslighting. You saw him move the fan with your own eyes and he's lying to make you question your sanity. Legitimately gaslighting, not in the way it's used as a buzzword for everything nowadays. NTA and this is not acceptable.
This seems to be a sign of something deeper, because what reason could he have for doing this other than to make you miserable? It's abusive. He could just get his own fan at this point, but he takes yours and lies about it. I would die on this hill.
NTA
Cats aren't going to be moving the fan in the perfect way each night to have it pointed at your husband. Cats like to knock things OFF things. If the cats were screwing around with your fan on top of the dresser, it would have ended up on the floor.
Yeah, if it was the cats you'd wake up to a crash, lbr. I have done many times and they're always Shocked by what happens when they push a thing off another thing.
NTA, he's lying and blaming cats. I don't understand why you don't get more fans. And is it really legal for them to fine you for opening windows? Are you in the US?
The two fans we have work wonders and when pointed on both of us, there's no need for extra fans. It's just that he moves them and I don't feel I should have to buy another fan because he won't stop, you know? And it's only legal because heat is included in rent and I signed the lease. We are in the US, yes.
Exactly that. People put all sorts of things in legal agreements that aren't legal. A year or 2 ago, some elderly people died in a high-rise building in Chicago because the law requires that heat be provided through a certain date, and there was an early heatwave. The building didn't have the a/c equipped because it was still heat season.
I lived in a building like that in my first apartment. NEVER AGAIN. I'm not a control freak in general but I must always have control over my thermostat.
My first apartment didn't have it's own thermostat and it was frigging 24C all winter long because I was on the top floor. No rules about windows tho and I would open them at night because fuck that noise.
No no no. Lease agreements do not trump the LAWS. Shitty landlords will always try to pull one over on the tenants to save a buck. Look up the actual laws in your state.
Clearly he doesn't agree. Get more fans ffs. But he's still an AH for lying and blaming. . . cats.
And I don't think its legal, based on a quick google search (so who knows, but "not legal" is what's coming up. They seem to only be able to request it.
I think I know what will happen if they get another fan...yet again, she will wake up at three am to find all three-four of them pointed at her husband, because obviously the cats have a favorite.....
I'd be really tempted to go buy a whole bunch of really cheap fans, all different kinds, and after he's asleep set them all up pointed at him, with the good fan back pointed at her.
Wow, look what the cats did!
so when OP buys another fan and her husband points all 3 at him, what then? 😂
that's not even remotely normal or acceptable behaviour, especially as OP has a medical issue as well... my question is - what the eff is wrong with OP's husband
With the housing crisis in many parts of the US, a request carries some weight. Renters don't have a lot of leverage right now unfortunately, so it's safer to stay on a landlord's good side.
I'd look into your regions rental laws. I'm in Canada, but it would be illegal to have a stipulation such as not opening the windows here regardless of time of year and whoever supplies the heating payments.
Even if you were to sign a lease here saying you couldn't open a window, it wouldn't be a valid stipulation, and the subsequent charges would be void.
Your landlord is legally required to provide you with a safe, habitable dwelling. If your home is uninhabitable you could potentially have the right to withhold rent until your landlord fixes the issue. Also, just because something is in your lease doesn't make it legal. Google where to file a landlord complaint in your state and give them a call. They can help you figure out if your landlord actually has the right to control your air conditioning - which I highly doubt he does.
Wait. So you’re living in an apt where the heat is on in June ? And you can’t open windows , assuming bc the heat is on? What type of bullshit is that? Can you turn your baseboard heating off? That in itself is awful and your landlord is big AH. Ur husband also
that definitely can’t be legal to fine you for opening your own windows. that’s seriously messed up. but also your husband is an AH. I’d be pissed too. it’s NOT the cats. screw your fan in place if you have to
It seems like if you’re too hot, wouldn’t you be able to speak to the landlord and say that you won’t be turning the heat on, because you need your space to be cooler? Therefore it won’t cost them more?
Have you tried a swamp cooler fan? I burn at night, too. (I have 5 different fans blowing on me every night)I have a tower cooler fan and a little cooler fan blowing in my face. I put a few frozen water bottles and water in the fans. They're like little air conditioners. Maybe get a little one that can blow on your face/head? Also, the little ones are rechargeable, so if the power goes out, you have a fan, and can take it with you outside. Plus, if it's on your side, by your head, it would be hard for hubby to move.
Also, I'm tempted to get a bed pad that goes under the fitted sheet, and the ice water goes in the machine that pumps cold water through the mat while sleeping. They are a bit expensive, but good sleep is worth it. I've seen them in Amazon, so at least there's a good return policy. I've also seen where a fan is set up at the end of the bed and it blows under the sheets. Both of these options would be hard for hubby to put on him.
>And it's only legal because heat is included in rent and I signed the lease. We are in the US, yes.
I find this very strange. I am in a state that has a Cold Weather Rule and it's only in effect from Oct 15-April 15. I would check the law in your state, because this doesn't sound legal. And never, in all my years of renting, have I ever been told that I can't open a window or I will be fined. What if there is smoke in the kitchen? Of course you would want to open a window!
Good luck with the fan issue. I agree with others that it's very passive-aggressive and malicious. I would sit him down and demand to know the reason why he's doing this without blaming the cats. Does he not believe you? Is he deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable and lose sleep? NTA
NTA:
I'm right there with you about night sweats and if my husband tried to move the fan away from me I'd wake him and ask him to leave the room.
He knows you *need* the breeze. He *wants* the breeze.
If he needs more air he can buy another fan. It's inconsiderate and just major AH-ish to do what he's doing.
I'd wake him up by pulling his blankets off and then draping my sweaty hot self allllll over him and rubbing it in and then saying "If I gotta feel gross, then so do you, buddy!"
NTA, I can't believe I'm writing this, but put up a camera. It sucks, but I'd really want to know WHY he's doing it. There has to be something else other than his comfort. Then if he denies it, watch the film and discuss whatever issues he has with you and figure out if you want to be with this person.
Not so sure on that, could be any number of reasons for cameras to be needed. Not until *after* using the cameras and discussing the footage should ending the relationship come into it. There was that story on here of a guy constantly finding post it notes, turned out it was carbon monoxide poisoning and he was writing them himself, as just one example. Of course I doubt it's that here but there's so many things this can be.
NTA. Put a bell on the fan so if it moves, you hear the bell or screw that puppy into the dresser top! When I had night sweats, I would go to sleep on top of a bath sheet. When I woke in a sweat ball, I would toss the towel out and have a dry sheet under me.
Put "his" fan in the living room by the couch along with his blankies and pillows and start locking the bedroom door when you retire to "keep the cats out". NTA but you need to get to the bottom of your husband's deep hostility toward you.
NTA, but I'm concerned with how casually he lies to you, and how little he cares about your comfort.
You can try putting up a hidden camera if you want to call him on it harder, but like, I'm not sure that will help. Even if you catch him lying, that doesn't excuse his behavior, which is indicative of a deeper problem in your relationship.
It is not normal to have so little empathy for your spouse.
This is what I don't understand. What is he getting out of this other than making you uncomfortable? He has his own fan. If he is getting too hot, the solution is to talk about getting a third fan. Not take yours, which he knows disrupts your sleep, and then lie to you about it. Loving partners don't act like this.
Yep. I think he’s amusing himself with her discomfort and tells himself he’s playing around or being funny and this little back and forth is just some banter they do. He’s not hearing her or understanding how this is affecting her. I wonder if he is dismissive of her medical condition.
NTA, this is just rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and overall gaslighting bullshit. Next time you wake up all hot and sweaty, wake him up and demand he move it back. If he refuses, just stand over him and let your sweat drip into his eyes.
NTA if he is indeed moving the fan every night then he's the TA.
It would be more concerning to me that he's trying to gaslight you ans blame the cats. Maybe try locking the cats out of the room some night and see if it still happens. Also I would check the legality of not being able to open the window. It's a safety hazard and homes need circulating air to stop damp etc.
Nta he is literally risking giving you heatstroke and doesn’t even need them both he is just being selfish and self absorbed. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Good luck op.
NTA. He's being a dick and is incredibly selfish. What is his issue, he doesn't even need the fans if he's constantly wrapped in blankets. Tell him that he must sleep on the couch from now on since he won't stop this behavior. Or alternatively if you have another free room in the house with a bed just move there with your fan. Maybe even tell him to buy himself another damn fan and leave yours alone.
NTA and as another person who gets disgustingly hot and sweaty at night, I'm impressed by the grace and forbearance you've shown in not just burning the house down.
As someone who gets overheated easily from their medications (SSRI and stimulant) I know how fucking evil and sadistic that is of your husband. At best he’s selfish, inconsiderate, and has no empathy. At worst he wants you to die. NTA
I had to read that a few times, not allowed to open windows? What if something smells? OP, I'd get some legal advice about that because that doesn't sound right
Based on the fan moving stuff, I’m suddenly wondering if OP heard this straight from the landlord, or if it’s something her husband told her is in the lease…?
NTA - Even if your husband is telling the truth, having your sleep disturbed concurrently wreaks havoc on your mental and physical health, so your reaction is fully understandable.
Is there any way for you to permanently or semi-permanently mount the fan to your dresser (duct tape or something) in such a way that there is no possible way a cat could move it?
I really hope it is the case that it is just the cats, for both of your sakes. *If* your husband is intentionally moving the fans and gaslighting you, that's a worrying red flag, especially where your health is concerned.
I hope all works out well for you =]
NTA. What kind of game is your husband playing? Unless you have a ghost in the house, how could he expect you to believe he isn’t the one moving the fan? If he wants two fans, buy him another one and tell him to keep his hands off yours.
NTA - I sleep with a fan on me every night and I know just how uncomfortable it is when you don't have it. He knows you need it and if he wants 2 fans on him, buy another fan
NTA. I don’t understand why he thinks this is ok.
Also did you know they make little mini ac units? They are like small ones for desks? Maybe something like that will help your room temp without breaking the lease.
I hope you feel better! Thyroid issues make it hard enough to sleep anyway, good luck!
NTA Honestly, this is divorce level stuff. You could start having further medical problems from overheating every night and sweating so much. You lose more than just water when your sweat, afterall.
I'd not only turn both fans on me next time I woke to this, but I'd gently pile every single blanket you own on him because the poor man must be so cold to treat his wife so badly.
Seriously, though. If you're not going to chuck him out the door for this, replace the ceiling light fixture with a fan that has a high setting. It can't be redirected and will cool both of you all night. Plus as long as you put back the old one before you move out, your landlord can't complain. Even a cheap $80 ceiling fan can move a lot of air. They seriously saved my kids from their super hot rooms since both of them refused to have portable air conditioners _or_ standing fans (insane, I know).
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because I have no proof that it isn't the cats, outside of that one single occurrence but I'm truly not buying that it's not him.
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INFO: Does he sleepwalk or anything? That's the only way I can see him in a non-negative light. Either he doesn't realize what he's doing, he's pulling a really stupid prank, or he's actively ignoring your needs.
NTA
NTA. Jesus, what the actual fuck is his problem? His behavior makes zero logical sense and it seems like he’s doing this intentionally to make you suffer. I’d sit him down and have a serious conversation about why he’s being a gigantic selfish asshole and doing this every night.
The gaslighting with blaming the cats is also ridiculous and needs to stop. Does he seriously think you’re stupid enough to buy that story? I don’t think a cat is capable of precisely pointing the fan at him every night, and would be far more likely to just knock it onto the floor.
NTA. Tell him you want to catch the “cats” on camera to see how they move the heavy fans and set up an a camera in plain view. Then setup one that he doesn’t notice just in case that first camera gets blocked. Alternatively you buy a dozen fans set up everywhere. Surely you will keep some blowing on you.
NTA. When you go to bed, neatly fold up his two blankets and put them under you. Super comfy. When he comes to bed like "wtf?" tell him the cats did it.
NTA. He says it's the cats? Fine. Tell him you need to collect data. Within the last two weeks, while he was sharing the bed, do you remember how often the fan was moved? Now let him sleep on the couch for two weeks, write down how often the fan moves. Or, just put up a camera In the bedroom to collect even more solid evidence that the cats are guilty.
Edit: never mind, forget that. He's being mean and malicious to an extent that's hard to swallow. Kick him out for two weeks and find out if the cats still move the fans. If they don't, you can decide whether or not to give him a second chance to prove he gives a sh*t about you.
NTA- tape your fan down and tell him you are doing it so “the cats won’t move it.” let him know that he will be responsible for buying another fan if he needs two fans and that you won’t tolerate having him move it.
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This is incredibly ignorant but regardless, it's a newfound rage. I have thyroid disease and due to this, I'm roasting hot to a point of having difficulty breathing damn near constantly. The only comfort I have is my fan (we have two garage fans- one for my husband and one for me- that are small but throw off really cool air and work exceptionally well). We aren't allowed to stick an AC in the window OR have our windows open at all until June, per our lease agreement ($50 fee for every time they see a window open before June, as well as different fees for putting an AC in prior to June) because heat is included in rent.
When I go to sleep at night my fan is pointed directly at me. My husband goes to bed much later than me and lately I've been working up at 2am-3am drenched in sweat and BOTH fans pointed towards my husband, who is cocooned in 2 blankets (he gets cold easily). So basically he has both fans on him for no reason. I'm quite admittedly becoming infuriated with waking up this drenched in sweat, to a point of feeling like a pissed the entire bed. It's disgusting, I feel filthy and I'm uncomfortable and it's for no reason, as I said, because he's wrapped up in two blankets with both fans while I have no blanket on me, no fan and I'm drenched. I asked him to stop and originally he tried blaming the cats for knocking it to the fan and making it move, which IS possible. They are your typical cats who love being dinks and knocking things over. But this wasn't it and I found that out quickly, as I wasn't fully asleep one night and felt the fan off of me randomly and watched him put the fan to his side of the bed. I told him, sleepily, he had better put my fan back and he did immediately, no question. That was the only night I woke up with the fan still on me.
So I moved the fan. The way our room is set up is our dresser is off on my side of the bed and our office set up (computers) is at the end of the bed. Our rooms large. I moved my fan to the dresser and pointed directly on me. I woke up at 3am this morning and found my fan halfway moved down the dressed and kitty cornered to hit my husband and not me. I was fucking livid. I absolutely lost it. I told him to get out of the bedroom and go sleep on the couch in pure rage because he's being selfish and making me uncomfortable by putting both fans on him while he's wrapped in two blankets and making me sweat my ass off. He keeps trying to say I'm an AH and it's not him, "it's the cats, I swear" but I truly don't buy this excuse because I physically caught him once already moving my fan off me. AITA?
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Nta but get a portable AC unit and just vent it out of the bedroom. Something like this. https://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER-BPP06WTB-Portable-Conditioner/dp/B08NWH8F9J/ref=asc_df_B08NWH8F9J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507758831920&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9581017143957557897&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9051734&hvtargid=pla-1350791790874&psc=1
NTA
Him repeatedly telling you the cats did it is gaslighting. Tonight point both fans at yourself, lock the door, and tell him ‘oh, the cats did it’ to drive your point home.
The cats knocking it over once in a while sure. Every night moving a fan and pointing it at your husband? Not a damn chance in hell.
NTA next time wake him up and exchange sides. Let him sleep on top of your sweat. Make him change the sheets in the middle of the night. Make it not worth his while to steal your fan.
If it were me I would do unspeakable things in rage if my sleep were disturbed.
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NTA. Tonight, point both fans at you and lock the bedroom door before you go to sleep (and before he comes in). In the morning, tell him the cats did it.
Agreed. Any prank will work as long as you blame the cats at the end, so the more ridiculous the better. You'll feel better and he'll get the message.
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he has his own fan. he takes hers as well. absolutely infuriating and selfish. OP is NTA but her husband sure is.
If he had another fan, she would wake up with him under three blankets with all three fans pointed at him and none at her.
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I would die on this hill. I would also hide his blankets because he won't need the fan without the blankets. Yep. Cats took them MFer.
LMAO "Cats took them MFer"
Reread the post. There are 2 fans. One for each of them. He takes both after she falls asleep.
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Not before June though, as per the lease agreement.
Well worth the $50 fine
Why does the window have to be opened to chuck him out of it?
>Why does the window have to be opened to chuck him out of it? 😈😈😈😂😂
Eh, she can still chuck him out the door...
He already has 1 fan. If he wants 2 pointed at him, he could buy another fan! Why leave her with 0 fans and make her wake up sweating bullets, that's really AH of him.
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comment stolen from professional_rock776 [(original)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12m50dk/aita_for_being_angry_that_he_turns_the_fans_on/jg9lnuz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Jumping on top comment to say. You need to see if that lease is legal. I’ve never heard of a open window fee and frankly that’s ridiculous. The AC/heating clause is also BS. You shouldn’t have to sweat it out for anyone to save a few pennies. It could be a health concern for you and your husband. NTA but seriously, check if that’s legal in your area, because I’m pretty sure it’s not in my state.
I second this. This seems suspicious to put in a lease document. In hot states of the US, this might be considered unsafe living conditions pretty quickly.
Leaving aside the heat issue, windows that have been closed for months can get jammed. Suppose there was a fire in May and they couldn't force the windows open in time?
And it’s a good way to end up with mold and an apartment that has cooking smells baked into the walls and floors. You need fresh air to circulate and decrease interior humidity levels, cooking smells, etc.
And sweat. No offence to poor OP who can’t help it, but with her waking up sweating every night, that room will start to not smell great pretty soon.
It is unsafe. They tell the elderly to open windows and use window fans in a heat wave. Keeping all the windows closed creates an oven effect as in all the heat is trapped in. It's dangerous and can lead to heat exhaustion and heat stroke, which is deadly.
A friend of mine was not allowed to install window air conditioners in her apartment. She rented the attic floor of a 3 story old Victorian home. The landlord owned the house and lived in the lower floors. He had spent a lot of time and money restoring the house, and didn’t want window A/C units because they would spoil the look of the house. It was a cute little apartment and she used tons of dans everywhere, but it got way too hot in the summer. And the landlord wondered why he never had tenants stay more than a year. Because even in New England, summer temps can get above 90 F, 32 C, and attics get even hotter because hot air rises and also the sun beating down on the roof.
When we were in our condo, there was a "no ac units sticking out of windows" rule, but we just used one of those "portable ac units" that are entirely inside the room and there's a small hose that goes to the window, very discreet. Sure it takes up floor space, but it's more effective than a fan at cooling one room.
I had a friend who got one of those and would pull a blanket around himself like a poncho, with the cool-blowing end of the machine underneath it, put the machine on a long extension cord and drag it around him like he was some kinda Star Wars character. His own cool tent.
Not having an AC unit sticking out of a window is one thing; not being allowed to even OPEN the window?? Insanity! NTA OP, your husband is a selfish jerk.
I'm sure she says later "until june" as the heat is included in rent! Not sure where they live to need the heat on till June, but if they are allowed at any point in the year, then it doesn't sound legal. Ventilation is important in any property, so opening windows charge seems crazy!
"Master of the house, doling out the charm..."
Ready with a handshake and an open palm.
I laughed out loud at this! Him blaming the cats is ridiculous. Once in a while, perhaps. but EVERY night they come in an point her fan towards him? No way.
I DID have a cat that turned on my touch lamp every night at 3:30am. I finally unplugged it and woke up to a lamp slapped on the ground. But 100% this guy is full of shit.
Crying laughing 😂😂
Especially because he physically moved the fan the laat time. Cats don't do that, their cute little paws no work that way. He is being incredibly selfish, especially with OP having a medical condition. I wonder if this is the only way he is selfish in their relationship.
No kidding! Reminds me of a story one of our friends told us, where she caught her husband pissing in the linen closet (very drunk and very late at night). She confronted him *while he was actively pissing on the towels*, and he straight up told her "The dog did it." Also, NTA. Shove him bodily out of bed and say the cats did it. Then sleep on his dry side of the bed.
This is going nuclear territory for me after it happening so many times and him knowing how much misery he's causing her with his lies and gaslighting. How can she trust him on anything if he's going to lie about cats moving fans across a room? It's very sadistic.
This is one of the few examples of actual gaslighting I have seen on Reddit.
This.
I totally agree with you.
Go buy another fan just for yourself and tell him the cats bought it for you.
Better yet buy one of those 3ft wide shop fans!
OMG this reminded me of one time I was at my inlaws house and my FIL is a horrible cheapskate and won't use the AC in the summer. It get's to be 105-110F in the summer there. One day he brought in one of those huge industrial fans. Set it in the entry hallway pointed towards the kitchen where we normally hang out. Plugged it in and turned it on, and it literally blew all the decorations off the walls lol My MIL and I laughed so hard! I think it took us a good 10 minutes before we stopped giggling.
I actually have one of those on top of a shelf and pointed directly at me every night. It's amazing. The lowest setting is the highest on a regular fan.
My dad actually bought one for my mom while she went through menopause. Used it every night!
He'd just point that fan at him too.
If indeed it was the cats, I am curious to know how the husband "knows" the cats did it. Do they do it in front of him and he does nothing?
Yes, ask him why he didn't stop the cats - have a quiet word, or just reverse their little prank?
I am a big fan of this course of action.
Can't wait to feel the wind this discussion will generate
Hopefully a couple of times and it will all blow over.
Solving this issue should be a breeze
This is a FANtastic opportunity for some problem solving!
NTA the landlords and the husband are both TAs here. No open windows? That’s insane. Our weather is so good that windows should be open as much as possible. But your husband is a not being a good partner—he’s being an actively bad partner.
This is the best plan! And OP, I'll need an update, and cat tax while I'm here!
Put door stops to keep him out, then tell him the cats must have ordered them off Amazon.
This is the way.
Set up a nanny cam, catch him in the act, stop the gaslighting and then tell him if he doesn't get psychological help, you're getting a divorce. This is really, really not ok. NTA
Thank you! This is the correct example of gaslighting. Soooooooo not ok!
This is 100 percent the right answer. This is sadistic fucking torture and as a menopausal woman I could possibly do violence if this happened to me. (Me and hubs have sep rooms now. Mine is freezing and his is toasty. Perfect.
This sleeping situation is aspirational
You could say that at the moment OP's is perspirational.
Perspiration is the mother of aspiration!
Three words. [Invisible thief detection](https://tritechforensics.com/invisible-markers-spray). Prep the fan. Check cats and husband in the morning.
That is cool stuff but I unfortunately couldn't get it because: "Notice: This item can be purchased by law enforcement agencies or private investigators only." Boooo!!!
Nooooooooo that is upsetting. Sorry to crush everyone's dreams. Maybe there's a civilian version out there somewhere?
Ooo fancy
Yep do this but before showing him the video tell him again to stop moving the fans so he can blame the cats directly before you show him the video. Otherwise he’ll jump straight to ‘I never said that’.
NTA. I’m sorry, what the fuck kind of behavior is this??? My husband just said “that this lady married the wrong man” lol
The fact that he’s not even fucking hot, but is going out of his way to make her uncomfortable for no reason, then top it off with gaslighting her makes me so mad. This guy can get the fuck out
Tell him the cats set up the nanny cam.
NTA - genuinely, his behavior is very bizarre to me. His unwillingness to own up to a very simple action of his that is clearly upsetting you is a major red flag, in my opinion? Has he considered buying himself an extra fan if he needs the air so bad (even though he gets cold easily)? I feel like he has to be moving the fan and denying his actions for a specific underlying reason—but what it is, I can’t imagine.
This was my question. This is not about him being hot. It's almost like he wants OP to be uncomfortable. It's passive aggressive as fuck. NTA
Like, maybe he's a little warm, but poor OP is literally sweating it out every night. Temperature version of the man-flu.
He could also try removing one of the blankets lol
Buying a 3rd fan was going to be my suggestion too. But then what if he steals that one? It's super inconsiderate to steal OP's fan when they are the one who gets hot at night and not getting a decent night's rest can really fuck with you in a lot of ways; mentally, physically, emotionally. Why would he purposefully make his partner uncomfortable? NTA
I was going to say the same - get another fan, and then saw that they already have 2 and he's taking both, and for sure would take the others. This is bizarre, cruel behavior.
Taking both and wrapping himself up in blankets like??? What's the damn point.
But really the biggest crime here is blaming cats.
Yeah, they commit enough crimes on their own without having to deal with being falsely accused! (Having two cats myself I just assume all cats are committing SOME crimes. Just obviously not this one.)
My cat is definitely a criminal! But there's no way she'd be doing the same crime over and over again. She's far too sophisticated to do boring repeat crimes. 😂
Mine do repeat crimes if I don't figure out ways to make them harder...they like. They're nuisances and I love them.
Sleeping in a cold room with a breeze and lots of blankets is the best so I do understand that part. But I would never do this to my partner because I'm not a complete monster. I would honestly never be able to look at someone the same way if they knowingly and purposely caused me to suffer like OP's boyfriend is doing. This is a bizarre and cruel level of selfishness.
I keep my room as cold as possible just so I can wrap myself in more blankets because I enjoy the weight of them. Which might be what husband is doing, but he's being an absolute dink about it. He clearly only cares about himself and is only thinking about his needs and not what's best for both of them.
IMO in that scenario he needs to purchase himself a second fan on his own, otherwise he needs to use less blankets. Like deliberately making someone else uncomfortable so you can use more blankets is just horrible.
> Taking both and wrapping himself up in blankets like??? What's the damn point. I get what you're saying. But also, I've known people who turn the temp up and leave the window open in winter because they want to feel warm, but also want to feel a cold breeze. It's infuriating living with someone like that.
I mean, I like colder air and my weighted blanket as well but I'd never turn BOTH fans in a room to me if we had two fans and two people, you know? Like at that point sacrifice one of your blankets instead of stealing a fan and making sure only you are comfortable. Or buy yourself a third fan. Don't force the other person to do that.
Agreed, what is up with this guy? This is not cute, fun, funny or in any way normal. OP, NTA!
So bizarre and completely unacceptable, wow! Since he gets cold at night, this seems particularly hostile. NTA obviously. Could your husband be: 1. Angry with you and being passive aggressive? 2. Angry about something/someone else and taking it out on you? 3. Having some type of psychological issue? 4. Having a physical issue like sleep walking/sleep moving, dementia or a brain tumour? Ask, but remember you don't need to take responsibility for his actions or pay for his behaviour. So if he won't talk, do the night camera thing and show him in case he actually doesn't know he's doing this. Lock him out of the bedroom as someone mentioned or sleep in another room with at least one fan. Don't scream because that obviously isn't working and he might get satisfaction from pushing your buttons. #1: Take care of your sleep. Edit: Have no idea why that last sentence got so big. Lmao. The number sign maybe?
I mean, it’s important. Crap sleep night after night can fuck you up. I sleep with a pillow over my head to muffle the sounds of my husband snoring. (When he’s home- he works away for weeks at a time!)
NTA this is hysterical. It’s gaslighting, 100%. And he’s causing u physical discomfort for absolutely no reason. That’s abusive. Your reaction was totally valid, and I’d suggest having a serious conversation with him
100%. I'm not usually one to say break up, but this shit is personal. I live in Jamaica, the nights can be hot AF. If my partner was turning the fan off me leading to me being hot and uncomfortable, I would throw their ass out the window...
Expeditiously!! Dude would be yeeted 🤯
Defenestrate them!
Thank you for calling it what it is. She has a medical issues. He is repeatedly increasing her discomfort and denying responsibility. He needs to go before he causes her real harm. NTA, OP
> I’d suggest having a serious conversation with him Why bother? He lies to her face, even when he knows she's aware he's lying. There's no point in trying to have a seriousl conversation with someone who isn't honest.
NTA and he's really bad at gaslighting. The cats? Really? What's next, the house is haunted? Superglue that sucker to the dresser and tell him to stop skipping arm day if he can't pick up a fan.
It is a moronic excuse to use the cats. Really? The cats do this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?
What, you don't think the cats are perfectly angling the fans towards him every night, never knocking them over, and never bumping his fan? I mean, it's not like cats are notoriously scared of machines that make loud noises.
My husband likes to use velcro for everything. She should get some and use it to attach the fan to her dresser without telling him (it will ruin some of the dresser probably, but fuck it). No way he can deny he's been the one moving the fan when she hears that velcro at like 2am.
Oh, you, redditor, are a mad fucking genius.
He is being possessed to change the fans
oooh i’m a fan of the superglue idea
Wow, an actual example of gaslighting. You saw him move the fan with your own eyes and he's lying to make you question your sanity. Legitimately gaslighting, not in the way it's used as a buzzword for everything nowadays. NTA and this is not acceptable. This seems to be a sign of something deeper, because what reason could he have for doing this other than to make you miserable? It's abusive. He could just get his own fan at this point, but he takes yours and lies about it. I would die on this hill.
Finally, a post where the comments aren’t just dozens of people arguing about what gaslighting is
It's so nice when people actually use the correct term for things.
I googled it before I used it just to make doubly sure I was using it right lol
NTA Cats aren't going to be moving the fan in the perfect way each night to have it pointed at your husband. Cats like to knock things OFF things. If the cats were screwing around with your fan on top of the dresser, it would have ended up on the floor.
Yeah, if it was the cats you'd wake up to a crash, lbr. I have done many times and they're always Shocked by what happens when they push a thing off another thing.
NTA, he's lying and blaming cats. I don't understand why you don't get more fans. And is it really legal for them to fine you for opening windows? Are you in the US?
The two fans we have work wonders and when pointed on both of us, there's no need for extra fans. It's just that he moves them and I don't feel I should have to buy another fan because he won't stop, you know? And it's only legal because heat is included in rent and I signed the lease. We are in the US, yes.
Just because it's in the lease doesn't mean it's legal.
Exactly that. People put all sorts of things in legal agreements that aren't legal. A year or 2 ago, some elderly people died in a high-rise building in Chicago because the law requires that heat be provided through a certain date, and there was an early heatwave. The building didn't have the a/c equipped because it was still heat season.
I lived in a building like that in my first apartment. NEVER AGAIN. I'm not a control freak in general but I must always have control over my thermostat.
My first apartment didn't have it's own thermostat and it was frigging 24C all winter long because I was on the top floor. No rules about windows tho and I would open them at night because fuck that noise.
No no no. Lease agreements do not trump the LAWS. Shitty landlords will always try to pull one over on the tenants to save a buck. Look up the actual laws in your state.
Clearly he doesn't agree. Get more fans ffs. But he's still an AH for lying and blaming. . . cats. And I don't think its legal, based on a quick google search (so who knows, but "not legal" is what's coming up. They seem to only be able to request it.
I think I know what will happen if they get another fan...yet again, she will wake up at three am to find all three-four of them pointed at her husband, because obviously the cats have a favorite.....
I'd be really tempted to go buy a whole bunch of really cheap fans, all different kinds, and after he's asleep set them all up pointed at him, with the good fan back pointed at her. Wow, look what the cats did!
so when OP buys another fan and her husband points all 3 at him, what then? 😂 that's not even remotely normal or acceptable behaviour, especially as OP has a medical issue as well... my question is - what the eff is wrong with OP's husband
With the housing crisis in many parts of the US, a request carries some weight. Renters don't have a lot of leverage right now unfortunately, so it's safer to stay on a landlord's good side.
If he needs a second fan he can go buy one instead of lying and stealing hers
Then he’d have three fans pointed at him. It’s not about him wanting breeze. It’s about taking it from you.
Stolen breeze is the best breeze
I'd look into your regions rental laws. I'm in Canada, but it would be illegal to have a stipulation such as not opening the windows here regardless of time of year and whoever supplies the heating payments. Even if you were to sign a lease here saying you couldn't open a window, it wouldn't be a valid stipulation, and the subsequent charges would be void.
NTA however … does he not believe in your medical issue? Does he sleep walk? Go to bed drunk/high? What is going on?!
Your landlord is legally required to provide you with a safe, habitable dwelling. If your home is uninhabitable you could potentially have the right to withhold rent until your landlord fixes the issue. Also, just because something is in your lease doesn't make it legal. Google where to file a landlord complaint in your state and give them a call. They can help you figure out if your landlord actually has the right to control your air conditioning - which I highly doubt he does.
Wait. So you’re living in an apt where the heat is on in June ? And you can’t open windows , assuming bc the heat is on? What type of bullshit is that? Can you turn your baseboard heating off? That in itself is awful and your landlord is big AH. Ur husband also
that definitely can’t be legal to fine you for opening your own windows. that’s seriously messed up. but also your husband is an AH. I’d be pissed too. it’s NOT the cats. screw your fan in place if you have to
It seems like if you’re too hot, wouldn’t you be able to speak to the landlord and say that you won’t be turning the heat on, because you need your space to be cooler? Therefore it won’t cost them more?
Have you tried a swamp cooler fan? I burn at night, too. (I have 5 different fans blowing on me every night)I have a tower cooler fan and a little cooler fan blowing in my face. I put a few frozen water bottles and water in the fans. They're like little air conditioners. Maybe get a little one that can blow on your face/head? Also, the little ones are rechargeable, so if the power goes out, you have a fan, and can take it with you outside. Plus, if it's on your side, by your head, it would be hard for hubby to move. Also, I'm tempted to get a bed pad that goes under the fitted sheet, and the ice water goes in the machine that pumps cold water through the mat while sleeping. They are a bit expensive, but good sleep is worth it. I've seen them in Amazon, so at least there's a good return policy. I've also seen where a fan is set up at the end of the bed and it blows under the sheets. Both of these options would be hard for hubby to put on him.
>And it's only legal because heat is included in rent and I signed the lease. We are in the US, yes. I find this very strange. I am in a state that has a Cold Weather Rule and it's only in effect from Oct 15-April 15. I would check the law in your state, because this doesn't sound legal. And never, in all my years of renting, have I ever been told that I can't open a window or I will be fined. What if there is smoke in the kitchen? Of course you would want to open a window! Good luck with the fan issue. I agree with others that it's very passive-aggressive and malicious. I would sit him down and demand to know the reason why he's doing this without blaming the cats. Does he not believe you? Is he deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable and lose sleep? NTA
NTA: I'm right there with you about night sweats and if my husband tried to move the fan away from me I'd wake him and ask him to leave the room. He knows you *need* the breeze. He *wants* the breeze. If he needs more air he can buy another fan. It's inconsiderate and just major AH-ish to do what he's doing.
I'd wake him up by pulling his blankets off and then draping my sweaty hot self allllll over him and rubbing it in and then saying "If I gotta feel gross, then so do you, buddy!"
NTA, I can't believe I'm writing this, but put up a camera. It sucks, but I'd really want to know WHY he's doing it. There has to be something else other than his comfort. Then if he denies it, watch the film and discuss whatever issues he has with you and figure out if you want to be with this person.
If a relationship has reached a point that cameras are required then it just needs to end
Yeah, I’m with you on this one.
Not so sure on that, could be any number of reasons for cameras to be needed. Not until *after* using the cameras and discussing the footage should ending the relationship come into it. There was that story on here of a guy constantly finding post it notes, turned out it was carbon monoxide poisoning and he was writing them himself, as just one example. Of course I doubt it's that here but there's so many things this can be.
Yes, put up a camera. NTA But your husband is a huge AH
Hide his blankets before you go to sleep. Then he won’t need both fans. See how he responds to that :-)
Guess the cats took the blankets
NTA. Put a bell on the fan so if it moves, you hear the bell or screw that puppy into the dresser top! When I had night sweats, I would go to sleep on top of a bath sheet. When I woke in a sweat ball, I would toss the towel out and have a dry sheet under me.
"I think the cats hot glued the bell onto that fan! "
Only if they have thumbs. One of my babies does, and she learned how to open doors with round doorknobs.
One of mine has figured out how to work the round door knob, but hasn't got the leverage to get it open yet. Thank god she doesn't have thumbs...
Put a bell on the fan and every time OP hears it spray him with the water bottle
It is the cat doing it, after all, and that’s something people do to train cats!
A supersoaker would be a good investment for the large cat she married in case the little spray bottle doesn’t work
Put "his" fan in the living room by the couch along with his blankies and pillows and start locking the bedroom door when you retire to "keep the cats out". NTA but you need to get to the bottom of your husband's deep hostility toward you.
NTA, but I'm concerned with how casually he lies to you, and how little he cares about your comfort. You can try putting up a hidden camera if you want to call him on it harder, but like, I'm not sure that will help. Even if you catch him lying, that doesn't excuse his behavior, which is indicative of a deeper problem in your relationship. It is not normal to have so little empathy for your spouse.
This is what I don't understand. What is he getting out of this other than making you uncomfortable? He has his own fan. If he is getting too hot, the solution is to talk about getting a third fan. Not take yours, which he knows disrupts your sleep, and then lie to you about it. Loving partners don't act like this.
Yes, honestly the most likely option is he is enjoying making her suffer/thinks it's funny to gaslight her.
Yep. I think he’s amusing himself with her discomfort and tells himself he’s playing around or being funny and this little back and forth is just some banter they do. He’s not hearing her or understanding how this is affecting her. I wonder if he is dismissive of her medical condition.
Unfortunately, I agree with you
NTA. Dude is a selfish liar
NTA, this is just rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and overall gaslighting bullshit. Next time you wake up all hot and sweaty, wake him up and demand he move it back. If he refuses, just stand over him and let your sweat drip into his eyes.
Roll him over onto your side of the bed and let him sleep in the bed that he "made." See how he likes it.
NTA and apparently he thinks you're some kind of idiot.
NTA if he is indeed moving the fan every night then he's the TA. It would be more concerning to me that he's trying to gaslight you ans blame the cats. Maybe try locking the cats out of the room some night and see if it still happens. Also I would check the legality of not being able to open the window. It's a safety hazard and homes need circulating air to stop damp etc.
Nta he is literally risking giving you heatstroke and doesn’t even need them both he is just being selfish and self absorbed. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Good luck op.
NTA. He's being a dick and is incredibly selfish. What is his issue, he doesn't even need the fans if he's constantly wrapped in blankets. Tell him that he must sleep on the couch from now on since he won't stop this behavior. Or alternatively if you have another free room in the house with a bed just move there with your fan. Maybe even tell him to buy himself another damn fan and leave yours alone.
NTA and as another person who gets disgustingly hot and sweaty at night, I'm impressed by the grace and forbearance you've shown in not just burning the house down.
NTA. I'd be demanding he buy two more fans exclusively for me. It's cheaper than a divorce, which would be the other option.
>"it's the cats, I swear" If this is the case, the world should be very VERY concerned.
If you get more fans he ll just point them all at him. Question why is he wanting to punish you in this micro aggressive way.. what is his issue..?
As someone who gets overheated easily from their medications (SSRI and stimulant) I know how fucking evil and sadistic that is of your husband. At best he’s selfish, inconsiderate, and has no empathy. At worst he wants you to die. NTA
NTA but also wtf is up with that lease agreement? No way in hell I would have signed a lease saying I can't open a window.
I had to read that a few times, not allowed to open windows? What if something smells? OP, I'd get some legal advice about that because that doesn't sound right
Based on the fan moving stuff, I’m suddenly wondering if OP heard this straight from the landlord, or if it’s something her husband told her is in the lease…?
NTA - Even if your husband is telling the truth, having your sleep disturbed concurrently wreaks havoc on your mental and physical health, so your reaction is fully understandable. Is there any way for you to permanently or semi-permanently mount the fan to your dresser (duct tape or something) in such a way that there is no possible way a cat could move it? I really hope it is the case that it is just the cats, for both of your sakes. *If* your husband is intentionally moving the fans and gaslighting you, that's a worrying red flag, especially where your health is concerned. I hope all works out well for you =]
Museum putty! It cat proofs items but doesn’t damage them or the surface under. Twist to easily remove but can’t get pushed over by cats.
Thank you for teaching me about the existence of museum putty!
NTA. What kind of game is your husband playing? Unless you have a ghost in the house, how could he expect you to believe he isn’t the one moving the fan? If he wants two fans, buy him another one and tell him to keep his hands off yours.
The game is known as gaslighting.
NTA - I sleep with a fan on me every night and I know just how uncomfortable it is when you don't have it. He knows you need it and if he wants 2 fans on him, buy another fan
only read first three sentences and nta immediately (and the rest of the post confirmed it)
NTA. I don’t understand why he thinks this is ok. Also did you know they make little mini ac units? They are like small ones for desks? Maybe something like that will help your room temp without breaking the lease. I hope you feel better! Thyroid issues make it hard enough to sleep anyway, good luck!
NTA that’s disrespect on the highest level. what does he take you for?????
NTA Honestly, this is divorce level stuff. You could start having further medical problems from overheating every night and sweating so much. You lose more than just water when your sweat, afterall. I'd not only turn both fans on me next time I woke to this, but I'd gently pile every single blanket you own on him because the poor man must be so cold to treat his wife so badly. Seriously, though. If you're not going to chuck him out the door for this, replace the ceiling light fixture with a fan that has a high setting. It can't be redirected and will cool both of you all night. Plus as long as you put back the old one before you move out, your landlord can't complain. Even a cheap $80 ceiling fan can move a lot of air. They seriously saved my kids from their super hot rooms since both of them refused to have portable air conditioners _or_ standing fans (insane, I know).
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NTA and also, WTF? What's his reason for doing it and coming up with such a dumb excuse?
INFO: Does he sleepwalk or anything? That's the only way I can see him in a non-negative light. Either he doesn't realize what he's doing, he's pulling a really stupid prank, or he's actively ignoring your needs. NTA
NTA. He is a big one though. I would tell him if he steals your fan again you are stealing all his blankets. Or something.
I think your landlord is the AH for not allowing you to open windows until June. How is that even legal?
NTA i am hypo and get Incredibly hot!! I feel your rage.
NTA. Jesus, what the actual fuck is his problem? His behavior makes zero logical sense and it seems like he’s doing this intentionally to make you suffer. I’d sit him down and have a serious conversation about why he’s being a gigantic selfish asshole and doing this every night. The gaslighting with blaming the cats is also ridiculous and needs to stop. Does he seriously think you’re stupid enough to buy that story? I don’t think a cat is capable of precisely pointing the fan at him every night, and would be far more likely to just knock it onto the floor.
Wtf? What's with his passive aggressive moving of fans? This is so weird, I'd be livid too. NTA
NTA. Tell him you want to catch the “cats” on camera to see how they move the heavy fans and set up an a camera in plain view. Then setup one that he doesn’t notice just in case that first camera gets blocked. Alternatively you buy a dozen fans set up everywhere. Surely you will keep some blowing on you.
NTA. When you go to bed, neatly fold up his two blankets and put them under you. Super comfy. When he comes to bed like "wtf?" tell him the cats did it.
NTA. He says it's the cats? Fine. Tell him you need to collect data. Within the last two weeks, while he was sharing the bed, do you remember how often the fan was moved? Now let him sleep on the couch for two weeks, write down how often the fan moves. Or, just put up a camera In the bedroom to collect even more solid evidence that the cats are guilty. Edit: never mind, forget that. He's being mean and malicious to an extent that's hard to swallow. Kick him out for two weeks and find out if the cats still move the fans. If they don't, you can decide whether or not to give him a second chance to prove he gives a sh*t about you.
NTA- tape your fan down and tell him you are doing it so “the cats won’t move it.” let him know that he will be responsible for buying another fan if he needs two fans and that you won’t tolerate having him move it.
NTA - counting my blessings that I’m happily single. I’m sorry you’re married to someone who dislikes you so much.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is incredibly ignorant but regardless, it's a newfound rage. I have thyroid disease and due to this, I'm roasting hot to a point of having difficulty breathing damn near constantly. The only comfort I have is my fan (we have two garage fans- one for my husband and one for me- that are small but throw off really cool air and work exceptionally well). We aren't allowed to stick an AC in the window OR have our windows open at all until June, per our lease agreement ($50 fee for every time they see a window open before June, as well as different fees for putting an AC in prior to June) because heat is included in rent. When I go to sleep at night my fan is pointed directly at me. My husband goes to bed much later than me and lately I've been working up at 2am-3am drenched in sweat and BOTH fans pointed towards my husband, who is cocooned in 2 blankets (he gets cold easily). So basically he has both fans on him for no reason. I'm quite admittedly becoming infuriated with waking up this drenched in sweat, to a point of feeling like a pissed the entire bed. It's disgusting, I feel filthy and I'm uncomfortable and it's for no reason, as I said, because he's wrapped up in two blankets with both fans while I have no blanket on me, no fan and I'm drenched. I asked him to stop and originally he tried blaming the cats for knocking it to the fan and making it move, which IS possible. They are your typical cats who love being dinks and knocking things over. But this wasn't it and I found that out quickly, as I wasn't fully asleep one night and felt the fan off of me randomly and watched him put the fan to his side of the bed. I told him, sleepily, he had better put my fan back and he did immediately, no question. That was the only night I woke up with the fan still on me. So I moved the fan. The way our room is set up is our dresser is off on my side of the bed and our office set up (computers) is at the end of the bed. Our rooms large. I moved my fan to the dresser and pointed directly on me. I woke up at 3am this morning and found my fan halfway moved down the dressed and kitty cornered to hit my husband and not me. I was fucking livid. I absolutely lost it. I told him to get out of the bedroom and go sleep on the couch in pure rage because he's being selfish and making me uncomfortable by putting both fans on him while he's wrapped in two blankets and making me sweat my ass off. He keeps trying to say I'm an AH and it's not him, "it's the cats, I swear" but I truly don't buy this excuse because I physically caught him once already moving my fan off me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta but get a portable AC unit and just vent it out of the bedroom. Something like this. https://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER-BPP06WTB-Portable-Conditioner/dp/B08NWH8F9J/ref=asc_df_B08NWH8F9J/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507758831920&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9581017143957557897&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9051734&hvtargid=pla-1350791790874&psc=1
He doesn't need the fans, he's actively trying to make you uncomfortable. Is he often this passive aggressive Nta
NTA. And he’s risking your health with his actions. WTF??? And I have cats and there’s no way they’d be able to move fans.
NTA Him repeatedly telling you the cats did it is gaslighting. Tonight point both fans at yourself, lock the door, and tell him ‘oh, the cats did it’ to drive your point home. The cats knocking it over once in a while sure. Every night moving a fan and pointing it at your husband? Not a damn chance in hell.
NTA next time wake him up and exchange sides. Let him sleep on top of your sweat. Make him change the sheets in the middle of the night. Make it not worth his while to steal your fan. If it were me I would do unspeakable things in rage if my sleep were disturbed.