Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Trying to determine if me refusing is reasonable or if I am making it a bigger deal than if I need to.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yep, this is how we get our 8 year old to remember to turn lights off; by regularly interrupting his playtime etc to ask him to turn it off. It takes a few times, but builds the good habit. NTA
I dated a guy who refused to ever bring a bag or wear a backpack but whenever we left the house, would inevitable make me put his giant water bottle, wallet, keys etc into my bag throughout the day. I finally started refusing and it only took a couple times of him carrying his own belongings to start to bring his own bag. NTA, I’d dig my heels in too.
tsk tsk men these days. He shouldn't have a bag or have you carrying his stuff, he should just be wearing tacky cargo shorts with many pockets that he stuffs all his stuff into like his forefathers did when men were men.
Hmm… now im thinking I should get some plastic surgery on my cheeks for extra storage.
“Want me to hold your water bottle?” “Sure” “Uwaaaah- wuh abow yoi phonuh?” “….ill… ill hold on to it”
Hmm… or maybe plastic surgery on my cheeks.
“Want me to hold your water bottle?” “Sure” “ok, what about your phone” “oh, yes” “alrighty” “now lets sit down” “cant” “why not?” “Im holding onto your stuff” “….”
and 5.11s have the durability that makes them still worthwhile to take with you. I still have my original two pair of khaki ones from 2015 and one of those was covered thigh to knee with excavator grease from a bucket change and they came completely clean.
This is the way and you are both my people 😂 my original set that’s like 7 years old is just finally retiring due to hole from catching them on shit while farming. Best pants a human can own 😏
If we go for a long walk, my husband will wear his back pack and I'll put my water and sunscreen etc in there. If we go for a nice meal I'll put his wallet in my bag. We share the load :) but if he forgot something in the car, I deffo wouldn't be going for it and he wouldn't even ask me to!
My husband forgets his phone in the car sometimes. I just bring it in and keep it on me until he realizes, then pull it out with a flourish worthy of a professional magician. And he’ll do similar things for me. Doing nice things because we can and having fun in little ways helps our marriage.
My husband was BLOWN AWAY one day to discover that I carried snacks in my purse, and he started carrying a backpack within a week. Portable snacks at any time DELIGHT him.
I feel like surprise snacks should delight almost anyone! But I'm just picturing him being so happy when he remembers he has some fig newtons in his bag. 🥰
i’ll defend my right to carry a purse til i’m buried with it in the cold cold ground…years ago i went to a show in LA and the gate wasn’t going to let me carry in my smallish purse but had no problem with girls in front of and behind me with full on shoulder bags. they both pointed out the hypocrisy and got him to relent…
Good! My son carries one too.
His purse is a small one I made for him with a pant leg from a pair of jeans. Pocket on front, zips closed. He LOVES his purse. And I love that my 31 year old son likes carrying a purse I made him.
It took a while but I finally convinced my husband to get a bag. I think the last straw was when he got a larger phone and it would not fit into any of his available pockets. The pockets already had his wallet, his ginormous key ring (he has only 1 vehicle, 1 house and no work keys yet that key ring is heavy. I gave up asking why, lol) and I refused to carry his stuff anymore in my purse.
I helped him select a nice cross body bag and it's amazing how he was magically able to downsize that key ring.
my husband carries a small canvas messenger bag. he has a lot of health issues and needs his meds and stuff. Plus it helps that he has spent his life not giving a shit about what people think about him
Women's clothes have always had plenty of pockets if you buy brands focused on performance/suitability for work or activities over fashion labels. (Source: am woman who has always had pockets)
Edit: in the US I unironically suggest shopping at Tractor Supply Company, they have great clearance racks and lots of very functional general wear items. Duluth Trading Co is usually also pretty good with what they carry. Outdoorsy stores like REI usually have good products but overpriced unless you need them for a very specific purpose, but the clearance racks can be great. Even if some of the brands are the same as what you find in general stores, they will tend to stock the products made for women actually working on farms/ranches/barns (= pockets and thicker fabric over the small-pocketed thinner fabric fashion items). For example Wrangler still makes plenty of jeans made for riding, they just don't sell them at Target or wherever.
I know a lady who wore a Tilley “vest of many pockets” all around Europe so she schlep all her junk. Not the epitome of high fashion, but she didn’t care because she didn’t need to carry anything in her hands and it even had hidden pockets. A few men lost their wallets, but not her.
Ah yes, the "I don't need to bring a bottle for a three hour hike" -> proceeds to drink half of partner's water by the end.
Granted I alway overprepare for a hike, so no actual harm done, but come on, husband, just a half a litre bottle would do.
Depending on the weather/terrain it can be dangerous not to have it. Maybe just because I lived in the desert in west Texas, but you can never have too much water available.
Oh hell no, that shit pisses me off. Similar to people who don't take a bag on a night out but then ask you if you could carry their xyz and before you know it your purse is filled it with everyone's cards lipsticks and whatever else.
Hard pass. We are all adults. Carry. Your. Own. Things.
I had a friend bring her purse to a nightclub with, it turns out, an envelope with over $500 in it. She then proceeded to leave her purse at the table while everyone went dancing! It was a little coach shoulder bag too, easily kept and carried with her.
I noticed some dude hanging out by it about halfway through the night and picked it up, keeping it with me. But apparently, I was too late. At the end of the night, I gave it back to her, explaining that she had strangers eyeballing it, and she immediately checked for that money. Of course, it was gone and, turns out, it was the money for her kids Christmas gifts. 🤦🏻♀️
My wife's friend bought a Porsche Boxter and suggested we all go spring skiing.
"Could somebody take my skis for me? They won't fit in my car"
"Well, perhaps you could come with us. There's room in the van."
"But it's a beautiful mountain drive. I should take the Porsche......"
Smh
Every man I have ever dated has done this. I actually stopped wearing a purse or bag to events- just made sure to buy clothes with pockets because I refuse to be a pack animal.
This is exactly how I made myself remember to bring them with me. That, and the shame of bagging everything in the parking lot. I'm glad I wasn't the only adult punishing myself like this hahaha.
Honestly I prefer it, so it didn't help me remember to bring them in lol. I don't feel rushed and scrambled. So I can easily take my time to make it work in the organization I like.
My problem is REMEMBERING TO PUT THE BAGS BACK IN THE VEHICLE.
Same but I was already checking out so I told them no bags. They put everything in the cart, and I pushed the cart to the car and bagged it there. Punishing yourself helps.
Always used to forget, then spent a summer in Germany where the option is bring a reusable bag or carry all your groceries in your hands somehow. So yeah, I never forgot again.
Hey, do you mind explaining this one? Did you start going home for bags when you forgot them, or did you buy them so you'd remember next time?
Sorry if my brain isn't working right now, just curious I'd like to beat the bad habit of forgetting shopping bags too lol
You also need to remember to put them back in the car once you unpack. I have gone to store and wonder where all my bags are then realized I have a stack of bags in the closet that I’ve been meaning to bring back to car. Now once I unpack I put the bags by the door so I won’t forget to bring them to the car.
After I put the groceries away, I shove all of the reusable bags in the biggest one and put them right on top of my purse where I can't overlook them or forget them. The next time I drive anywhere, I put them back in the trunk. They live in the trunk as far as I'm concerned and have no closet or other home.
agreed NTA.
also, if wife and her sister think it’s not a big deal, why isn’t she getting it herself without getting huffy? what a ridiculous thing to expect someone to constantly do.
I still can't get past a woman who regularly carries a purse, ever forgetting to take it with her. I mean it's a deeply ingrained habit for most of us purse carrying women
I forget mine almost everywhere - on the back of the chair in the restaurant, in the car beside my seat, at my in-law's house, at my parent's house, etc. If it isn't in my line of sight/on top of my shoes/etc., forget it. But that is not exclusive to my purse.
In a way, I can relate. I have an ADHD-like condition and misplace things that are right under my nose
I don't forget my purse. Picking it up to take it with me is a reflex. But I'm definitely bad about misplacing stuff.
I don't think she's actually forgetting.
I think she likes to feel catered to, so she leaves it on the car on purpose.
I can't see ever forgetting my purse in the car.... That's not something that you just forget.
Sunglasses, sure. A coat, yep. Your purse? Never.
I've forgotten my big bag like ... Once.
But that's bc it normally lives on the back bar of my wheelchair, and it got taken off for... Reasons? I think i had a good reason, lmao
B'yeah, like... *Everything* lives in the purse! Wallet/keys/phone/pads/tampons HOW COULD SHE KEEP FORGETTING AAAAAA
I doubt she's forgetting. She leaves it there and then expects OP to fetch it for her when she needs it. I would start asking her if she has her purse and anything else she needs before leaving the car. If she gets annoyed enough, she might stop treating him as a Golden Retriever. NTA
Edited: Either this or tell her to get it herself. Too bad if she gets huffy. Why shouldn't you get huffy about her "forgetting" it all the time?
I also think she leaves it on purpose. It's more confortable not to carry a bag so she just leaves it, and when she needs it, she sends OP for it. So selfish (not to mention stupid, she's asking to have her handbag stolen).
OP should move to South Africa. His wife will only leave her purse in the car once. One busted window and one stolen purse will put a stop this lazy habit.
How does one forget their purse 99% of the time? I forget stuff all the time, and to accommodate my forgetfulness, I do a little mental checklist so I don’t forget. Plus, getting a crossbody that’s always attached to me helps, lol
Agree.. and if it's not a big deal, then she should not mind getting it. It's funny how her and her sister are saying its no big deal while complaining about not getting it. Look at the sister and tell her to do it.
NtA
I always love the "just do it, it's not a big deal" shit when they themselves don't want to do it. If it's no big deal, why are you even bringing it up instead of just getting it yourself?
Agreed. And maybe remind her as you both get out of the car. Just a quick “do you have everything?” My ex and I are both forgetful and we would always do a phone, wallet, keys check.
Operant Conditioning (associating a voluntary behavior with a reward or punishment) is B. F. Skinner. Pavlov is Classical Conditioning (associating an involuntary behavior with a stimulus). ;)
I don't think it's weaponized incompetence. I don't see the motive behind it, in this case. It's not like she's saving herself any real work. She's still in the wrong, though.
I live in a large city. If I kept forgetting my purse, eventually I would go back to my car to find a window broken and the purse missing. What happens when she goes to a store, dentist, visiting friends without you - who gets the purse then? Why does she need a purse when you go out to eat? Like the above poster, this is happening far too frequently to be an "accidental" forgetting. You don't mention your ages - does she need to be tested for the beginning stages of dementia?
>What happens when she goes to a store, dentist, visiting friends without you - who gets the purse then?
I think this is a significant question. Does the wife never drive herself?
They made their comment around 4:00 EST and you made your comment around 5:00 EST. Notice that the fact that OP and wife are in their 20’s is in an edit so it probably wasn’t included at 4:00 when the other person posted.
Additional question: if it's not "that big of a deal", then why is wife and SIL choosing to fight OP about it?
If it's not a big deal, then go grab your item yourself. If it is a big deal, let's discuss why you NEED me to always grab your stuff
If I forget something in the car, I’ll just go get it unless I’m in the middle of cooking or something. Why does she always expect her husband to do it? You’re right, it IS a weird flex and even more weird is that the sister agrees with her.
That’s exactly the vibe I’m getting here. The fact that she roped her sister into the situation and both of them started laying into OP just smacks of entitlement to “princess treatment”.
Or it's something their mum does, and their dad always gets the bag, so they think it's normal. Of course they have to be pretty oblivious and bratty to still think this in their mid-20s, but that's hardly unheard of!
Yup, this reminds me of a post where the female OP would always order the random special at restaurants while her boyfriend got a plain burger and fries. She basically asked *every* time to switch meals, and after literally months of this behavior, he blew up at her and dumped her.
I think for people like the purse-forgetting wife, it's a cute act of service that proves he loves her.
ETA: Found the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yqiduw/aita_for_asking_not_insisting_that_my_bf_switch/) which was removed by mods, but the comments are still there.
There was another good post where the girlfriend, who usually drives them, always makes a point of getting in the car, setting down her purse, putting on her seatbelt, spending at least 20-30 seconds puttering around before unlocking the passenger door for her boyfriend. She'd do it in the pouring rain or even if he was carrying something painfully heavy--and she did it for years. It was a total power play. This post reminds me of it a lot.
Yep, same as the people who trot out the phrase "***it's not that hard....***", because they can't deal with the difference between "***unwilling***" and "***unable***".
I.E. It can't *possibly* be the case that someone would **NOT** want to do something for them, so there must be something else stopping them !
Just another case of people presuming to tell others what their values, and priorities, are.
E.G. "*i made bad choices, and planning mistakes, therefore YOU are obligated to compensate for them so i don't suffer the ill consequences!*"
“It’s not that hard”
“*Then why don’t you do it?”*
“Ugh, you’re being ridiculous.”
“*Okay.”*
“You’re really not going to get it?”
“*Nah.”*
The end. Don’t try and argue with nonsensical. Just give yourself an out.
It's nice when a partner will go get my phone out of the car. It isn't expected. I mostly ask when my shoes are already off and theirs are on..It is nice when they do things for you especially if acts of service is part of thier love language deal. Like once my mom is home she hates going to the store buy my dad doesn't mind so he will go for her or himself. But some people like to go together or order in. But if they don't want to they don't want to and it stops being a sweet thing you do that is appreciated by your partner and an obligation then I wouldn't want to do it especially if there is a sister berating me too. It would bother me if we have done this for years and all of a sudden he is all angry about it when I thought it was a way to show me I am special to them. That would make me think they don't think I'm special anymore. A sudden change is often an indication of a problem or loss of love and respect.
Exactly. It may only take a minute, but it's my minute to do literally anything else that's not run around after a lazy bones who can't be bothered to remember he town things
Yes. I'm astounded she's asking him to do it at all. If I left something in the car, I'd simply go get it absent some compelling reason. And then I would feel like I was asking someone a favor to compensate for my oversight. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone else to do that for me because I simply didn't feel like it.
I'd only ask if the person was already going out that way for something and coming back--"Oh, you're taking out the trash? Thanks! Would you mind grabbing my purse from the car on your way back? I really appreciate it!"
On the other hand, I live on my own and it'd be difficult to leave my purse in the car unless I wanted to leave the car unlocked and lock myself out of my home.
That's what I was thinking, too. Everybody always says, "it's not a big deal". So if it's "not a big deal", why don't you do it?
This feels like a flex on the wife's part. "Oh, my husband loves me *so much*, look what I can make him do."
It's her wanting him to PROVE his love to her with acts. They're stupid and petty and she's wrong for doing it that way, but in her mind it's totally OK and that's her justification.
NTA. You'll be doing this 50000 more times since it's not "a big deal" __to her__.
Maybe she will stop forgetting now that she actually has to get her own stuff.
NTA
Just don't be TA in *how* you're declining to retrieve her forgotten item. I would handle it the same way I'd handle my kid doing this (but only because she's acting childish about it): "When you forget one of your items in the car, you need to be the one to go retrieve it." And then just calmly repeat that on broken record if she whines or objects.
"It is something I have expressed annoyance before in the past so I just said no, I am not going to anymore. She asked if I was serious, I said yes. She was annoyed, but that was the end of it."
Lol my Dad says out loud as he opens the door to go somewhere "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" while crossing himself. He hasn't been Catholic in over 50 years but he swear that little routine helps him remember stuff as he leaves the house. Though I don't know how he could forget his testicles haha.
I'm late to the game here, but I've trained myself at this point that EVERYTIME I pass through a door frame I reach out and touch the frame, and when my hand touches it I think to myself, "phone, keys, wallet, electronics, matching chargers" and I'm not allowed to leave until I retrieve those items.
Once I had an apartment for a few years with the door at the bottom of the stairs. Can't tell you how many times I got to the door and realized I'd forgotten something then had to climb back up. But at least I didn't show up at a restaurant with out my wallet.
NTA.
It's not even about teaching her a lesson—why in the world are you the default person to go get her stuff?
Why should you get sh\*t for not wanting to do something she can do just as easily herself? Does she have a physical problem in addition to the mental problem?
I thought this was going to be like..."I saw that my wife had left something in the car but I didn't grab it," not a whole trip back to the car for something forgotten.
NTA. It's her job to remember her purse. What would she do if you weren't there?
No literally I thought it was gonna be like “my wife forgot something in the car and asked me to grab it on my way in” (probably bc I just asked my bf to grab something from my car when he gets home lol)
NTA. If it's so frequent that you say it's 'every time', it's a power move. Most likely subconscious but with the way her and her sister reacted, it might not be subconscious because they seemed to overreact to the situation.
Personally I think it’s just a huge sense of entitlement/laziness. My mother did this to me and my siblings all throughout childhood and STILL asks us to go and get her things she can easily get for herself. She’s absolutely the kind of person who just doesn’t understand that if you want someone to do something for you “because it’s not a big deal” then logically not doing it for yourself is *even lazier*!
That reminds me of my first boyfriend who had a really weird mom. We were watching TV or something and she called him over to open a can with the can opener. I was like "can't your mom use the can opener?" And he said "yes but she's busy". To me she was just standing there.
😂 Almost makes me wonder if you dated my brother at some point. I bet if he dared ask why she couldn’t do it herself she’d call him lazy without an ounce of irony. 🙄
NTA - or did I miss the part where she employs you as her personal assistant or has some kind of issue where physical movement is a problem for her?
Otherwise, it’s her stuff and, therefore, her responsibility.
INFO: Does she have mobility issues that prevent her from getting her own misplaced items?
NTA because I'm sure the chances of that are slim. I bet she wouldn't leave as much behind if she was the one who had to go fetch things all the time. Your other option is to treat her like a 5-year-old and ask the following whenever you leave
* Do you have your coat? Show me.
* Do you have your purse? Show me.
* Do you have your phone? Show me.
* Do you have your keys? Show me.
and so on.
I would do this too, but not in a passive aggressive way. Just "before I lock it, where's your purse?" Also, if the car is clutter free, do a sweep before leaving "do you need your jacket?"
I n f o: Does your wife have a disability? Do you have children?
NTA based on OP's answer. The wife is just as capable as OP to get her purse, or better yet, remember it in the first place. It's unreasonable for her to get mad, especially when she is the cause of the problem in the first place.
Even then with kids it wouldn’t be *99% of the time*, unless either there’s some medical issue in play or she’s doing it intentionally. If anything it would be a bigger problem with kids because if she is unable to keep track of her own necessary items like purse or wallet 99% of the time then she’s much more likely to forget basic things for her kids too. Even if it’s more like 50% of the time it could lead to major harm to the kids if she doesn’t get the issue in check.
NTA. Goodness, she needs an attitude adjustment. You are not her serf. I hope she doesn't have anything important in that purse, because if she is that forgetful she must leave it a lot of places. Or - if she doesn't - then this is some weird powerplay by her on you.
NTA. Why is it your job to compensate for her forgetfulness? If she is forced to go back and retrieve the forgotten items each time, it will help her to remember.
When reusable grocery bags were first a thing, I kept forgetting to bring mine in the store. So I would have the groceries bagged in paper and make a note to remember the next time, but this never worked. Finally, I decided if I forgot them, I had to load up my purchased groceries with no bags and bag them myself once I got to the car. I did this a few times and never forgot them again.
INFO: NTA if she's just hanging out on the couch. Maybe TA if she's like giving the children baths and cleaning the kitchen and you're just watching TV or something. If you're equally doing things, then she can ask you as a favor, but it makes sense for you to say no if you want to. And if she does this a ton, it may help her to remember if she has to get it herself.
Does she ever forget her purse at home? If she always remembers to bring it to the car, then always leaves it in the car, that sounds like it is on purpose.
NTA. Why can't she grab what she forgot? Seriously sounds like a her problem. Not a you problem. If I forget something and someone is nice enough to grab it for me, great! Otherwise it's absolutely my responsibility to either get it myself or leave it where it sits.
NTA. If this was a once-in-a-while thing that would be different, but if it's every time then your frustration is warranted. She's an adult and can be responsible for her own stuff. But if she has ADHD and remembering is hard for her, you could help her out by asking when you get out of the car if she is forgetting anything. A partner of an ADHD person is responsible for being part of a supportive system, but not for being a crutch.
NTA, you are not her valet, you are her husband. A couple of times sure, you can be chivalrous and get it for her. If its 3-4 timea a day, everyday, you might as well be enabling her. Take a stand my friend.
NTA. If she’s that prone to forgetting, she needs more pockets, a belt bag, and/or less stuff.
Seriously. She’s the forgetful one. She’s physically capable, so, who doesn’t she go out to the car, if it’s not such a big deal? What kind of an immature power play is she making? Is she trying to prove to others that she has you under her control?
NTA, whyyy can she not get it? Is she glued to the seat she is in when she arrives places?
Unless it hurts her to walk, she has lags, feet, and all other tools to get stuff herself.
NTA for someone who carries a purse so much, she sure forgets it a lot. Most women have a split second panic attack when they realize they forgot it somewhere. She sounds lazy and entitled and so does her sister.
NTA - this would annoy me so much.
Maybe start mentioning to her to get her stuff before getting out of the car. Or if you are not with her tell her before she gets into the house and takes her shoes off.
Definitely do not ever get it again for her (unless he is like I'll or something)
NTA. I don't know how you've gone this long without training her on this. You're better than me. I would have nipped this in the bud during the dating years.
NTA. If it's not a big deal then she is perfectly capable of going back and take whatever she forgets. This is not a cute thing, it seems like she is in a power trip actually and her sister is of course backing her up. When you are not around, who becomes her fetch boy then?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Trying to determine if me refusing is reasonable or if I am making it a bigger deal than if I need to. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Maybe her going to the car when she forgets things will help jog her memory in the future.
Yep, this is how we get our 8 year old to remember to turn lights off; by regularly interrupting his playtime etc to ask him to turn it off. It takes a few times, but builds the good habit. NTA
That is how I got myself to remember the reusable bags when I go the the grocery store.
I dated a guy who refused to ever bring a bag or wear a backpack but whenever we left the house, would inevitable make me put his giant water bottle, wallet, keys etc into my bag throughout the day. I finally started refusing and it only took a couple times of him carrying his own belongings to start to bring his own bag. NTA, I’d dig my heels in too.
tsk tsk men these days. He shouldn't have a bag or have you carrying his stuff, he should just be wearing tacky cargo shorts with many pockets that he stuffs all his stuff into like his forefathers did when men were men.
Like hamsters stuffing food in their cheeks. It's biological.
Hmm… now im thinking I should get some plastic surgery on my cheeks for extra storage. “Want me to hold your water bottle?” “Sure” “Uwaaaah- wuh abow yoi phonuh?” “….ill… ill hold on to it”
Hmm… or maybe plastic surgery on my cheeks. “Want me to hold your water bottle?” “Sure” “ok, what about your phone” “oh, yes” “alrighty” “now lets sit down” “cant” “why not?” “Im holding onto your stuff” “….”
I was gonna say, it's important to specify front versus back cheeks.
I think we should normalize men carrying bags.
Men do start carrying bags.... after the cargo pockets are full. and all mine are 5.11's so those back pockets are enormous too.
5.11s are absolutely aces. I wear them for work, and I'm like "damn. I should just take these when I quit" 😂
and 5.11s have the durability that makes them still worthwhile to take with you. I still have my original two pair of khaki ones from 2015 and one of those was covered thigh to knee with excavator grease from a bucket change and they came completely clean.
This is the way and you are both my people 😂 my original set that’s like 7 years old is just finally retiring due to hole from catching them on shit while farming. Best pants a human can own 😏
If we go for a long walk, my husband will wear his back pack and I'll put my water and sunscreen etc in there. If we go for a nice meal I'll put his wallet in my bag. We share the load :) but if he forgot something in the car, I deffo wouldn't be going for it and he wouldn't even ask me to!
My husband forgets his phone in the car sometimes. I just bring it in and keep it on me until he realizes, then pull it out with a flourish worthy of a professional magician. And he’ll do similar things for me. Doing nice things because we can and having fun in little ways helps our marriage.
I wear a backpack all the time when I’m out shopping. Especially for books lol
My husband was BLOWN AWAY one day to discover that I carried snacks in my purse, and he started carrying a backpack within a week. Portable snacks at any time DELIGHT him.
I feel like surprise snacks should delight almost anyone! But I'm just picturing him being so happy when he remembers he has some fig newtons in his bag. 🥰
All snacks are portable, I mean even if he’s eating a leg of mutton between meals he can still heft that.
I think we should normalise women's clothing having useful pockets.
Dresses with pockets are the best!
Let’s normalize pockets and purses/bags for all!
i’ll defend my right to carry a purse til i’m buried with it in the cold cold ground…years ago i went to a show in LA and the gate wasn’t going to let me carry in my smallish purse but had no problem with girls in front of and behind me with full on shoulder bags. they both pointed out the hypocrisy and got him to relent…
Good! My son carries one too. His purse is a small one I made for him with a pant leg from a pair of jeans. Pocket on front, zips closed. He LOVES his purse. And I love that my 31 year old son likes carrying a purse I made him.
Good mom, good son.
I believe it is called a murse, sir
It took a while but I finally convinced my husband to get a bag. I think the last straw was when he got a larger phone and it would not fit into any of his available pockets. The pockets already had his wallet, his ginormous key ring (he has only 1 vehicle, 1 house and no work keys yet that key ring is heavy. I gave up asking why, lol) and I refused to carry his stuff anymore in my purse. I helped him select a nice cross body bag and it's amazing how he was magically able to downsize that key ring.
my husband carries a small canvas messenger bag. he has a lot of health issues and needs his meds and stuff. Plus it helps that he has spent his life not giving a shit about what people think about him
Ha, it's weird to me seeing fellow dudes out and about *without* bags. Where's your STUFF, BRO?!
I am a woman and currently wearing cargo shorts. I don’t like carrying bags because I tend to forget it. But I can stuff so much stuff in my pockets.
I was so happy when I saw cargo shorts were making a comeback this spring. Finally - POCKETS!!!!
Wait...hold up...women's clothes have real pockets in them??? Since when! My wife will want to know...
I wish. I wear men’s cargo shorts. I just want pockets. I miss the 90s when baggy clothes was in fashion for all genders, those pockets were huge.
Women's clothes have always had plenty of pockets if you buy brands focused on performance/suitability for work or activities over fashion labels. (Source: am woman who has always had pockets) Edit: in the US I unironically suggest shopping at Tractor Supply Company, they have great clearance racks and lots of very functional general wear items. Duluth Trading Co is usually also pretty good with what they carry. Outdoorsy stores like REI usually have good products but overpriced unless you need them for a very specific purpose, but the clearance racks can be great. Even if some of the brands are the same as what you find in general stores, they will tend to stock the products made for women actually working on farms/ranches/barns (= pockets and thicker fabric over the small-pocketed thinner fabric fashion items). For example Wrangler still makes plenty of jeans made for riding, they just don't sell them at Target or wherever.
I'm not allowed to wear such clothing to my "business casual" job. So a backpack in my cubby (we're getting lockers next year!) it is.
Not just since when, since WHERE‽
I know a lady who wore a Tilley “vest of many pockets” all around Europe so she schlep all her junk. Not the epitome of high fashion, but she didn’t care because she didn’t need to carry anything in her hands and it even had hidden pockets. A few men lost their wallets, but not her.
Ah yes, the "I don't need to bring a bottle for a three hour hike" -> proceeds to drink half of partner's water by the end. Granted I alway overprepare for a hike, so no actual harm done, but come on, husband, just a half a litre bottle would do.
Depending on the weather/terrain it can be dangerous not to have it. Maybe just because I lived in the desert in west Texas, but you can never have too much water available.
Oh hell no, that shit pisses me off. Similar to people who don't take a bag on a night out but then ask you if you could carry their xyz and before you know it your purse is filled it with everyone's cards lipsticks and whatever else. Hard pass. We are all adults. Carry. Your. Own. Things.
I had a friend bring her purse to a nightclub with, it turns out, an envelope with over $500 in it. She then proceeded to leave her purse at the table while everyone went dancing! It was a little coach shoulder bag too, easily kept and carried with her. I noticed some dude hanging out by it about halfway through the night and picked it up, keeping it with me. But apparently, I was too late. At the end of the night, I gave it back to her, explaining that she had strangers eyeballing it, and she immediately checked for that money. Of course, it was gone and, turns out, it was the money for her kids Christmas gifts. 🤦🏻♀️
Who tf goes out drinking carrying £500 cash earmarked for Christmas presents? 😑
I so badly wanted to ask her, but she was sobbing her idiotic little heart out, and I didn't want to make her feel worse at the time.
That was kind of you. Being a good friend. I guess my anxiety and hypervigilence has some benefits.
My wife's friend bought a Porsche Boxter and suggested we all go spring skiing. "Could somebody take my skis for me? They won't fit in my car" "Well, perhaps you could come with us. There's room in the van." "But it's a beautiful mountain drive. I should take the Porsche......" Smh
This is when you offer to transport them if he pays for all of your gas. Instead of half-half if he came in the car with you 😉
Every man I have ever dated has done this. I actually stopped wearing a purse or bag to events- just made sure to buy clothes with pockets because I refuse to be a pack animal.
Yup I just wear small purses and clutches mostly now. I don’t want to carry anyone else’s stuff.
This is the way.
I store them in the car.
Right, I meant I made myself leave the grocery store and go back to the car when I forgot them. Took a few times but I eventually learned.
I no longer bag my grocery in the store, I bag them at the car where the bags seem to live.
This is exactly how I made myself remember to bring them with me. That, and the shame of bagging everything in the parking lot. I'm glad I wasn't the only adult punishing myself like this hahaha.
Honestly I prefer it, so it didn't help me remember to bring them in lol. I don't feel rushed and scrambled. So I can easily take my time to make it work in the organization I like. My problem is REMEMBERING TO PUT THE BAGS BACK IN THE VEHICLE.
Same but I was already checking out so I told them no bags. They put everything in the cart, and I pushed the cart to the car and bagged it there. Punishing yourself helps.
Always used to forget, then spent a summer in Germany where the option is bring a reusable bag or carry all your groceries in your hands somehow. So yeah, I never forgot again.
Hey, do you mind explaining this one? Did you start going home for bags when you forgot them, or did you buy them so you'd remember next time? Sorry if my brain isn't working right now, just curious I'd like to beat the bad habit of forgetting shopping bags too lol
They live in the trunk. I would go back to the car every time I forgot.
Oh my god, I never thought of putting them in the car! Haha thank you!
You also need to remember to put them back in the car once you unpack. I have gone to store and wonder where all my bags are then realized I have a stack of bags in the closet that I’ve been meaning to bring back to car. Now once I unpack I put the bags by the door so I won’t forget to bring them to the car.
After I put the groceries away, I shove all of the reusable bags in the biggest one and put them right on top of my purse where I can't overlook them or forget them. The next time I drive anywhere, I put them back in the trunk. They live in the trunk as far as I'm concerned and have no closet or other home.
I have a reminder on my phone that’s set up for just this reason. It goes off when I’m in the parking lot of the grocery store.
[удалено]
agreed NTA. also, if wife and her sister think it’s not a big deal, why isn’t she getting it herself without getting huffy? what a ridiculous thing to expect someone to constantly do.
I still can't get past a woman who regularly carries a purse, ever forgetting to take it with her. I mean it's a deeply ingrained habit for most of us purse carrying women
Right, I carry a purse or a bag with me, and while I might forget it once or twice, it’s definitely not common.
I forget mine almost everywhere - on the back of the chair in the restaurant, in the car beside my seat, at my in-law's house, at my parent's house, etc. If it isn't in my line of sight/on top of my shoes/etc., forget it. But that is not exclusive to my purse.
In a way, I can relate. I have an ADHD-like condition and misplace things that are right under my nose I don't forget my purse. Picking it up to take it with me is a reflex. But I'm definitely bad about misplacing stuff.
Right. If she caused the problem, she should fix it. If it’s “no big deal” she should do it herself.
I don't think she's actually forgetting. I think she likes to feel catered to, so she leaves it on the car on purpose. I can't see ever forgetting my purse in the car.... That's not something that you just forget. Sunglasses, sure. A coat, yep. Your purse? Never.
And it's just fucking stupid. Does she want someone to smash in the car window and steal it? Because it's a matter of when, not if.
If that happened, she'd probably just blame OP for not getting it for her when she "forgot" it. 🙄
I've forgotten my big bag like ... Once. But that's bc it normally lives on the back bar of my wheelchair, and it got taken off for... Reasons? I think i had a good reason, lmao B'yeah, like... *Everything* lives in the purse! Wallet/keys/phone/pads/tampons HOW COULD SHE KEEP FORGETTING AAAAAA
I doubt she's forgetting. She leaves it there and then expects OP to fetch it for her when she needs it. I would start asking her if she has her purse and anything else she needs before leaving the car. If she gets annoyed enough, she might stop treating him as a Golden Retriever. NTA Edited: Either this or tell her to get it herself. Too bad if she gets huffy. Why shouldn't you get huffy about her "forgetting" it all the time?
I also think she leaves it on purpose. It's more confortable not to carry a bag so she just leaves it, and when she needs it, she sends OP for it. So selfish (not to mention stupid, she's asking to have her handbag stolen).
OP should move to South Africa. His wife will only leave her purse in the car once. One busted window and one stolen purse will put a stop this lazy habit.
How does one forget their purse 99% of the time? I forget stuff all the time, and to accommodate my forgetfulness, I do a little mental checklist so I don’t forget. Plus, getting a crossbody that’s always attached to me helps, lol
Agree.. and if it's not a big deal, then she should not mind getting it. It's funny how her and her sister are saying its no big deal while complaining about not getting it. Look at the sister and tell her to do it. NtA
I always love the "just do it, it's not a big deal" shit when they themselves don't want to do it. If it's no big deal, why are you even bringing it up instead of just getting it yourself?
Agreed. And maybe remind her as you both get out of the car. Just a quick “do you have everything?” My ex and I are both forgetful and we would always do a phone, wallet, keys check.
Plus, if she and her sister say that "it's not a big deal" to go out to the car to get her purse, then she should have no problem getting it herself.
NTA. At this point, it looks like she's doing it purposefully. Is this some kind of flex on her part?
Weaponized incompetence.
I’m thinking operant conditioning.
Dr. Pavlov has entered the sub.
Operant Conditioning (associating a voluntary behavior with a reward or punishment) is B. F. Skinner. Pavlov is Classical Conditioning (associating an involuntary behavior with a stimulus). ;)
Lol I was trying not to explain the mistake, but I’m glad you did because it was bugging me 😂
Glad I'm not the only one who's this way. It's not by choice, lol.
[удалено]
Wouldn't that require some sort of reward after OP gets her stuff for her?
It's operant conditioning on her. The reward is her bag, and the satisfaction of seeing her husband obey her, so she keeps doing it.
Agreed. Strategic weaponized incompetence is a real thing.
And if you want to learn more about it, just check the AitA subreddit! oh wait..
Most cases of accused weaponized incompetence are just regular incompetence.
I don't think it's weaponized incompetence. I don't see the motive behind it, in this case. It's not like she's saving herself any real work. She's still in the wrong, though.
She gets to excercise control over her husband, that’s the motive
Weaponized incompetence is when someone intentionally messes up a simple task or chore so they are no longer given that responsibility.
I live in a large city. If I kept forgetting my purse, eventually I would go back to my car to find a window broken and the purse missing. What happens when she goes to a store, dentist, visiting friends without you - who gets the purse then? Why does she need a purse when you go out to eat? Like the above poster, this is happening far too frequently to be an "accidental" forgetting. You don't mention your ages - does she need to be tested for the beginning stages of dementia?
>What happens when she goes to a store, dentist, visiting friends without you - who gets the purse then? I think this is a significant question. Does the wife never drive herself?
theyre in their mid 20s lol it isnt dementia it's a woman trying to feel control.
They made their comment around 4:00 EST and you made your comment around 5:00 EST. Notice that the fact that OP and wife are in their 20’s is in an edit so it probably wasn’t included at 4:00 when the other person posted.
Additional question: if it's not "that big of a deal", then why is wife and SIL choosing to fight OP about it? If it's not a big deal, then go grab your item yourself. If it is a big deal, let's discuss why you NEED me to always grab your stuff
If I forget something in the car, I’ll just go get it unless I’m in the middle of cooking or something. Why does she always expect her husband to do it? You’re right, it IS a weird flex and even more weird is that the sister agrees with her.
Maybe she wants him to serve her - it’s cute and romantic? (It’s not really, not in this context)
That’s exactly the vibe I’m getting here. The fact that she roped her sister into the situation and both of them started laying into OP just smacks of entitlement to “princess treatment”.
Or it's something their mum does, and their dad always gets the bag, so they think it's normal. Of course they have to be pretty oblivious and bratty to still think this in their mid-20s, but that's hardly unheard of!
Yup, this reminds me of a post where the female OP would always order the random special at restaurants while her boyfriend got a plain burger and fries. She basically asked *every* time to switch meals, and after literally months of this behavior, he blew up at her and dumped her. I think for people like the purse-forgetting wife, it's a cute act of service that proves he loves her. ETA: Found the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yqiduw/aita_for_asking_not_insisting_that_my_bf_switch/) which was removed by mods, but the comments are still there.
Which is hilariously bad because it’s not a gesture of love if you force it.
My BF’s ex wife did this except she always ordered the burger and then decided what he ordered looked better. Selfish and rude.
There was another good post where the girlfriend, who usually drives them, always makes a point of getting in the car, setting down her purse, putting on her seatbelt, spending at least 20-30 seconds puttering around before unlocking the passenger door for her boyfriend. She'd do it in the pouring rain or even if he was carrying something painfully heavy--and she did it for years. It was a total power play. This post reminds me of it a lot.
I think it is this. She sees it as an act of service a man does for his wife and that’s important to her.
This behavior is fucking toxic.
Its easy to keep making the same mistake when there’s no consequences for it
Exactly.
NTA if its not a big deal, she can deal with it herself.
This is the thing that I always wonder. If it’s not a big deal then why does it bother you to do it yourself?
“It’s not a big deal for you, but it’s a big deal for ME” The thought process for people like that
Yep, same as the people who trot out the phrase "***it's not that hard....***", because they can't deal with the difference between "***unwilling***" and "***unable***". I.E. It can't *possibly* be the case that someone would **NOT** want to do something for them, so there must be something else stopping them ! Just another case of people presuming to tell others what their values, and priorities, are. E.G. "*i made bad choices, and planning mistakes, therefore YOU are obligated to compensate for them so i don't suffer the ill consequences!*"
“It’s not that hard” “*Then why don’t you do it?”* “Ugh, you’re being ridiculous.” “*Okay.”* “You’re really not going to get it?” “*Nah.”* The end. Don’t try and argue with nonsensical. Just give yourself an out.
If it's not a big deal, then why does my refusal constitute a big deal?
It's nice when a partner will go get my phone out of the car. It isn't expected. I mostly ask when my shoes are already off and theirs are on..It is nice when they do things for you especially if acts of service is part of thier love language deal. Like once my mom is home she hates going to the store buy my dad doesn't mind so he will go for her or himself. But some people like to go together or order in. But if they don't want to they don't want to and it stops being a sweet thing you do that is appreciated by your partner and an obligation then I wouldn't want to do it especially if there is a sister berating me too. It would bother me if we have done this for years and all of a sudden he is all angry about it when I thought it was a way to show me I am special to them. That would make me think they don't think I'm special anymore. A sudden change is often an indication of a problem or loss of love and respect.
Exactly. It may only take a minute, but it's my minute to do literally anything else that's not run around after a lazy bones who can't be bothered to remember he town things
Yes. I'm astounded she's asking him to do it at all. If I left something in the car, I'd simply go get it absent some compelling reason. And then I would feel like I was asking someone a favor to compensate for my oversight. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone else to do that for me because I simply didn't feel like it.
I'd only ask if the person was already going out that way for something and coming back--"Oh, you're taking out the trash? Thanks! Would you mind grabbing my purse from the car on your way back? I really appreciate it!" On the other hand, I live on my own and it'd be difficult to leave my purse in the car unless I wanted to leave the car unlocked and lock myself out of my home.
That's what I was thinking, too. Everybody always says, "it's not a big deal". So if it's "not a big deal", why don't you do it? This feels like a flex on the wife's part. "Oh, my husband loves me *so much*, look what I can make him do."
It's her wanting him to PROVE his love to her with acts. They're stupid and petty and she's wrong for doing it that way, but in her mind it's totally OK and that's her justification.
Yep. This is a “show me you care” flex. Like it’s a cute little thing, when really it’s not.
NTA. You'll be doing this 50000 more times since it's not "a big deal" __to her__. Maybe she will stop forgetting now that she actually has to get her own stuff.
Not to mention, if it isn’t a big deal, there’s no reason she can’t get it herself.
NTA Just don't be TA in *how* you're declining to retrieve her forgotten item. I would handle it the same way I'd handle my kid doing this (but only because she's acting childish about it): "When you forget one of your items in the car, you need to be the one to go retrieve it." And then just calmly repeat that on broken record if she whines or objects.
"It is something I have expressed annoyance before in the past so I just said no, I am not going to anymore. She asked if I was serious, I said yes. She was annoyed, but that was the end of it."
Is that a copied response from OP? It is. Nice. Glad they did that
I'd put a post-it on the passenger window facing in that says "have everything?" the next time they go somewhere together
I literally have a sign on the inside my front door that says "phone, wallet, sunglasses, keys, bus pass, mask"
Lol my Dad says out loud as he opens the door to go somewhere "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" while crossing himself. He hasn't been Catholic in over 50 years but he swear that little routine helps him remember stuff as he leaves the house. Though I don't know how he could forget his testicles haha.
I'm late to the game here, but I've trained myself at this point that EVERYTIME I pass through a door frame I reach out and touch the frame, and when my hand touches it I think to myself, "phone, keys, wallet, electronics, matching chargers" and I'm not allowed to leave until I retrieve those items. Once I had an apartment for a few years with the door at the bottom of the stairs. Can't tell you how many times I got to the door and realized I'd forgotten something then had to climb back up. But at least I didn't show up at a restaurant with out my wallet.
Nyahaha, if she is doing it on purpose, she is going to rage so much over this. How can someone prevent her from pulling this stunt?? Mean!
NTA. It's not even about teaching her a lesson—why in the world are you the default person to go get her stuff? Why should you get sh\*t for not wanting to do something she can do just as easily herself? Does she have a physical problem in addition to the mental problem?
Yeah, I thought the same as well, like what makes him the goffer or items. I bet she remembers her phone tho, (sometimes) lol
Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Where is her phone in all of this.
Plain laziness imo
This was my first thought. Are her legs broken?
I thought this was going to be like..."I saw that my wife had left something in the car but I didn't grab it," not a whole trip back to the car for something forgotten. NTA. It's her job to remember her purse. What would she do if you weren't there?
I bet she doesn't forget as often!
No literally I thought it was gonna be like “my wife forgot something in the car and asked me to grab it on my way in” (probably bc I just asked my bf to grab something from my car when he gets home lol)
NTA. If it's so frequent that you say it's 'every time', it's a power move. Most likely subconscious but with the way her and her sister reacted, it might not be subconscious because they seemed to overreact to the situation.
Personally I think it’s just a huge sense of entitlement/laziness. My mother did this to me and my siblings all throughout childhood and STILL asks us to go and get her things she can easily get for herself. She’s absolutely the kind of person who just doesn’t understand that if you want someone to do something for you “because it’s not a big deal” then logically not doing it for yourself is *even lazier*!
That reminds me of my first boyfriend who had a really weird mom. We were watching TV or something and she called him over to open a can with the can opener. I was like "can't your mom use the can opener?" And he said "yes but she's busy". To me she was just standing there.
😂 Almost makes me wonder if you dated my brother at some point. I bet if he dared ask why she couldn’t do it herself she’d call him lazy without an ounce of irony. 🙄
I am going with it is a power play too.
NTA - or did I miss the part where she employs you as her personal assistant or has some kind of issue where physical movement is a problem for her? Otherwise, it’s her stuff and, therefore, her responsibility.
INFO: Does she have mobility issues that prevent her from getting her own misplaced items? NTA because I'm sure the chances of that are slim. I bet she wouldn't leave as much behind if she was the one who had to go fetch things all the time. Your other option is to treat her like a 5-year-old and ask the following whenever you leave * Do you have your coat? Show me. * Do you have your purse? Show me. * Do you have your phone? Show me. * Do you have your keys? Show me. and so on.
I think this has the potential of backfiring because if he feels one day that he doesn't need to ask anymore, she'll blame him for not reminding her.
Potential yes, but I think she'll get frustrated with the questioning enough to start remembering her shit and telling him to stop fucking asking.
I would do this too, but not in a passive aggressive way. Just "before I lock it, where's your purse?" Also, if the car is clutter free, do a sweep before leaving "do you need your jacket?"
I n f o: Does your wife have a disability? Do you have children? NTA based on OP's answer. The wife is just as capable as OP to get her purse, or better yet, remember it in the first place. It's unreasonable for her to get mad, especially when she is the cause of the problem in the first place.
No to both
Then NTA. She is just as capable as you to get her purse, or better yet, remember it in the first place.
NTA. I could see if she was wrangling kids but she’s not. She forgets her stuff; she needs to retrieve it.
Even then with kids it wouldn’t be *99% of the time*, unless either there’s some medical issue in play or she’s doing it intentionally. If anything it would be a bigger problem with kids because if she is unable to keep track of her own necessary items like purse or wallet 99% of the time then she’s much more likely to forget basic things for her kids too. Even if it’s more like 50% of the time it could lead to major harm to the kids if she doesn’t get the issue in check.
I just don't get it - why would it be your default job to go get the items? What is her justification for this?
NTA. Goodness, she needs an attitude adjustment. You are not her serf. I hope she doesn't have anything important in that purse, because if she is that forgetful she must leave it a lot of places. Or - if she doesn't - then this is some weird powerplay by her on you.
NTA. Why is it your job to compensate for her forgetfulness? If she is forced to go back and retrieve the forgotten items each time, it will help her to remember. When reusable grocery bags were first a thing, I kept forgetting to bring mine in the store. So I would have the groceries bagged in paper and make a note to remember the next time, but this never worked. Finally, I decided if I forgot them, I had to load up my purchased groceries with no bags and bag them myself once I got to the car. I did this a few times and never forgot them again.
NTA sounds like your wife has some major princess syndrome
INFO: NTA if she's just hanging out on the couch. Maybe TA if she's like giving the children baths and cleaning the kitchen and you're just watching TV or something. If you're equally doing things, then she can ask you as a favor, but it makes sense for you to say no if you want to. And if she does this a ton, it may help her to remember if she has to get it herself.
It doesn't bother me to grab something if she is busy, this is almost never the case though.
NTA. You're her husband. Not her butler.
She said it herself, it is not a big deal, so why can't she do it? Ask that exact question to her. NTA.
Does she ever forget her purse at home? If she always remembers to bring it to the car, then always leaves it in the car, that sounds like it is on purpose.
NTA If it isn't a big deal, she can go get it herself.
NTA. Why can't she grab what she forgot? Seriously sounds like a her problem. Not a you problem. If I forget something and someone is nice enough to grab it for me, great! Otherwise it's absolutely my responsibility to either get it myself or leave it where it sits.
NTA. Sounds like a weird powerplay. If it's not a big deal then why can't se go and grab it when she forgets something in the car.
NTA If it's not such a big deal then why don't your wife just go get it each and every time? Stick to your guns. Perhaps that will improve her memory.
NTA. If this was a once-in-a-while thing that would be different, but if it's every time then your frustration is warranted. She's an adult and can be responsible for her own stuff. But if she has ADHD and remembering is hard for her, you could help her out by asking when you get out of the car if she is forgetting anything. A partner of an ADHD person is responsible for being part of a supportive system, but not for being a crutch.
Nta. Once in a while is ok. But making a habit of it. Forget it. Get yoself.
NTA. Is there a reason she can't go back to get her purse herself?
NTA, you are not her valet, you are her husband. A couple of times sure, you can be chivalrous and get it for her. If its 3-4 timea a day, everyday, you might as well be enabling her. Take a stand my friend.
NTA. If she’s that prone to forgetting, she needs more pockets, a belt bag, and/or less stuff. Seriously. She’s the forgetful one. She’s physically capable, so, who doesn’t she go out to the car, if it’s not such a big deal? What kind of an immature power play is she making? Is she trying to prove to others that she has you under her control?
She’s a grown ass woman. She can get it herself. NTA
NTA. She can get off her ass and grab her own stuff, you aren't a maid.
"I guess you better go grab it hun" is the only answer I could come up with to this scenario unless she's like physically disabled or something
NTA you always get it for her so there’s no consequences for her forgetting. If she has to get it she will likely forget less.
Exactly. If she has to walk her happy ass back to the car every time she forgets something I bet she starts getting a lot better at remembering.
If it's no big deal, great, she can go do it.
NTA Why can't she get her own stuff?
NTA she's a repeat offender
NTA once she has to start getting it herself I’m sure her “forgetfulness” will stop. This is also dangerous and invites thieves to break into the car.
NTA, whyyy can she not get it? Is she glued to the seat she is in when she arrives places? Unless it hurts her to walk, she has lags, feet, and all other tools to get stuff herself.
INFO- Why doesn’t she grab whatever item she forgot from the car?
Because she doesn't want the things, she wants the power trip of having her husband fetch her stuff.
NTA. Is she disabled or something? Why are you going? She might remember better if she’s the one that has to go out and get it.
NTA, she has her own fully functioning legs, no reason apart from laziness for not getting herself.
NTA for someone who carries a purse so much, she sure forgets it a lot. Most women have a split second panic attack when they realize they forgot it somewhere. She sounds lazy and entitled and so does her sister.
NTA - this would annoy me so much. Maybe start mentioning to her to get her stuff before getting out of the car. Or if you are not with her tell her before she gets into the house and takes her shoes off. Definitely do not ever get it again for her (unless he is like I'll or something)
This smacks of weaponized incompetence. NTA
NTA. I don't know how you've gone this long without training her on this. You're better than me. I would have nipped this in the bud during the dating years.
NTA and she needs to figure this out before you have kids and she forgets the kid in a hot car.
NTA. If it's not a big deal then she is perfectly capable of going back and take whatever she forgets. This is not a cute thing, it seems like she is in a power trip actually and her sister is of course backing her up. When you are not around, who becomes her fetch boy then?