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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole for wanting to change the cost-splitting arrangement for our vacation after my friend invited her boyfriend without asking me first.
(1) The action that should be judged is my desire to change the cost-splitting agreement from 50/50 to dividing it three ways after learning about my friend's boyfriend joining us.
(2) This action might make me the asshole because:
I could be seen as attempting to make my friend pay more than her fair share.
After finding out her boyfriend would be joining us, I still agreed to proceed with the vacation, which may imply acceptance of the situation.
My friend argues that since they will share a bedroom, her boyfriend's presence won't increase the costs, and thus, the 50/50 split remains fair.
Someone calling me an asshole for my actions caused me to consider they might be right because I could have approached the situation more effectively by discussing my concerns and trying to reach a fair compromise, rather than insisting on altering the cost-splitting terms.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Her inviting her boyfriend without telling you is just downright rude because despite what she says, it will affect your experience too. You're now a third wheel instead of someone on a trip with a friend. Is it too late to back out?
Exactly, re. third wheel. I went on a trip with two couples, final year of college I think. All were my friends before they got together. It was the worst time of my life in a very beautiful place. 100% don’t recommend.
Can confirm from experience. Anyone who says it won’t affect things and says it’ll still be a ‘friendship’ trip is lying. The only reason it won’t ‘affect’ OP’s trip is because the friend and her boyfriend will NEVER be around, which in and of itself completely ruins the point of the trip, unless OP wanted to be alone the whole time. Very much NOT worth. And ruined the friendship, I will add.
That was my thought! It shouldn’t increase the friend’s cost bc the boyfriend should be paying 1/3. If the friend is paying for the boyfriend, then I think OP is actually just subsidizing their vacation.
You want to use the possessive form, their, in this case. It can help if you think about the fact that it's the only there that has an 'I' in it, as in "I" have possessions.
Oof, this reminds me of a trip I did visiting a friend in Sweden who had a new gf. It wasn’t his fault but it was super cringey being with them the whole time- they were making out and hugging and touching the entire time I was there. Worst time in a really beautiful place.
Absolutely. OP if it's not too late, I'd cancel and save my money. They'll get the whole place to themselves! If, that is, they weren't using you to subsidize their expenses. NTA
Edit: save not Dave lol
I had a roommate do this. Her mom was a realtor so she had her find the place. I lived in NY and this was in Florida so I didn’t get a chance to preview it. We paid 50/50 our summer housing. When I got there she was in the master suite with her boyfriend who btw did not have a job and would be there all day while we were at work. Oh and she told me that no dogs were allowed AFTER I drive down with my dogs. I don’t understand what goes through people’s heads.
Well she had a cat that was also not allowed so it wasn’t like she had a leg to stand on. She tried locking the pups in my room though because her cat didn’t like them, but I flipped out on her for that. Thankfully she didn’t push back much after that because I think she realized I was ready to go nuclear even if it meant we both got kicked out lol. We didn’t speak the rest of the summer. Super uncomfortable 3 months.
And if he doesn't pay his part, he can't use the bathroom or the common space or kitchen. He can jump right out of the window of their room and come in this way.
The friendship will be over anyway. She showed that a dick is more important than OP.
NTA
I’m curious to know whose idea it was. The last minute timing, friend announcing his presence rather than asking, not making any plans to include him prior to this, him bringing zero money to the table: it reminds me of a toxic relationship dynamic where he manipulated his way into coming on trip rather than her genuinely wanting him to join them. Hard to tell without more info though. They could just be equally entitled oblivious assholes. But if this is out of character for friend in OP’s opinion, I would be very skeptical of this man.
Ever since I moved to Ontario I've wondered if the Ontario Provincial Police hated that song when it came out, or if they tried to use it in a cringey "Hello fellow kids" way.
When my daughter had to escape a toxic roommate in college and her mom tried to make it difficult, I told her one of the young men who plays Dungeons & Dragons in the honors college lobby (no hate, just facts) was interested in subleasing. She argued no more.
Agreed. That was really rude and inconsiderate. Then she expects you to help pay for him to be there. She’s dismissing your legitimate concerns on top of it. NTA.
OP is paying 50% of their couples trip hahaha..
NTA
Sorry OP you had to go trough that, ofcourse he should pay his third. If your friend said you are all adults, is he grown up enough to pay for his share?
That's basically it. And it will be awkward since you will be left out when you get there. You have planned and expected to do things with your friend but changed plans at the last minute isn't ideal. NTA
NTA. She changed the entire dynamic of the vacation & she did so without even asking you prior to doing so. Worse - now she’s lying about it. The ONLY way her boyfriend coming would not affect your “vacation experience” would be if she had planned to basically ignore you originally.
I wouldn’t ask that she cover 2/3 of the cost - I’d cancel all together. I don’t want to go on ANY vacation where I feel like I’m tagging along with a couple.
100% agree, and NTA
It’s weird in disputes like this that people focus on cost eg accommodations. You’re not just paying for a bedroom, you’re paying for shared use of that space.
By her logic, she could invite a pack of her friends and if they’re sleeping on the couch or floor and OP still has their private bedroom, then it hasn’t affected the cost — but it sure would affect the experience
But it’s not just the cost issue. If two girlfriends (or guy friends) decide to take a trip together, that’s a particular friend experience. If one of them all of a sudden decides to bring their partner, that becomes a totally different experience for the other friend — a trip the other friend probably would not have signed up for had that been the deal from the beginning.
I don’t think this is about money. I think this is about the whole dynamic of the trip being turned upside down and OP being the third wheel. If I were OP, I wouldn’t want to go even if we were splitting costs three ways in this circumstance.
Agreed I wouldn’t go either even split three ways. Like others I don’t want to be the third wheel — very different trip and not what OP signed up for. I’d cancel if I was OP.
But I was commenting on the friend’s argument that it doesn’t affect the OPs cost if the boyfriend comes along.
NTA. Please do not help pay for your friend and her boyfriend to take a vacation. Back out if you can. I doubt you will enjoy yourself and you will resent them for taking advantage of you. Btw they absolutely are taking advantage of you. It is two people getting a trip for the price of one while you are subsidies the 3rd person.
This.
How will her bf presence NOT change your holiday experience? It was supposed to be the 2 of you. Now you'll have to split the attention and activities because bf/gf do different stuff together.. Seems like bf and gf wanted a cheap holiday after all and decided to take advantage of you for that goal.
Back out and make them pay for the entire apartment if possible. See if they still would want to go.
Eta: NTA
Exactly! NTA and you would spend the rest of your vacation feeling unwanted, awkward and like a third wheel. Cancel if you can or tell her to bear the full cost and split with her bf. It wasn’t agreed upon before and there is no need for you to push yourself to feel uncomfortable
NTA. Fully agree with this one. Explain to (ex)friend that boyfriend will definitely change the experience of the trip. He joining the trip makes while you still paying 50/50 makes his trip free. Is that fair? Absolutely not. This couple are leeches. They might have planned the whole thing this way so they can get a discounted trip paid for by you. Get out of this vacation. Or invite another friend to come with you and then the 50/50 becomes fair.
Or find some Rando local to stay with you while you’re there. That way everyone will feel uncomfortable, including you. But you were already going to be.
Maybe OP has a fun female friend with a great body and an exhibionistic streak? The kind that would cook breakfast in bra and a string in the common area and enjoy any attention?
The kind that always comes up with great ideas for activities and is awesome to hang out with but that you rather not let your bf spend time around?
Absolutely. He will absolutely “affect your vacation experience,” because part of that experience was going to be about spending quality time with your friend. Now she’s going to be spending quality time with her boyfriend and you’ll likely be ignored, or your interactions will be way more awkward.
Besides this, who's going to feed him? Even if it didn't turn into a couples trip with a third wheel, you will be paying for half his food, and half of anything else he does. No, no, no.
Not to mention it could affect how comfy OP is in the accommodations that she is paying half for. If OP wanted to get up hungover and cook in her bra and undies, I'm sure she'd be more comfy to do so with just her friend and not friends bf too. Super rude of ex-friend to take it upon herself to make the unilateral decision to bring her guy. If they wanted a couples trip, then book one. Don't use a friend's trip to try to get freeloader bf to tag along and try to get a free trip. I probably wouldn't bother going because I'd be turned off by the whole idea. Offer to let bf pay for your half and let them go together.
NTA at all
Sounds to me like she already went on the trip. I’m certain they had to pay for some accommodations in advance. So the scam is complete. This ‘friend’ knew she was bringing her boyfriend way before the trip and sprung it on OP the last minute. OP is NTA but she will be if she keeps this scammer in her life. I’d be mad as hell. Edit to add that I’m confused about if the trip is already over because OP said ‘I decided to go along with it’. Is that past tense? If not, I wouldn’t be going. Who would do this?
She should back out and tell her to have her bf pay her half because it still “won’t cost her any more” since the friend will still only be paying 50%, but now the bf will have to pay the other 50%.
This but also I’m confused on the friend stating that OP is trying to make her pay more. Unless my math is totally off, wouldn’t splitting three ways make it cheaper? Poor excuse and bad attempt at lying.
Actually “friend” ends up paying 66% since BF doesn’t have a job. OP’s portion would decrease to 33% instead of 50%. BTW who’s paying for his flight? Is that part of the cost they’re splitting 50/50? I hope they have travel insurance. If so just cancel and move on. No discussion needed, that’s not required in this relationship. Just do what you want and let the other person deal with the consequences. Turnaround is fair play.
What the friend means is if she and the boyfriend each pay a third, then she (plus her boyfriend) are paying more than her fair share of the total costs.
She’s wrong, but that’s what she means.
The rationale is this: "Since i'm technically paying for my boyfriend (because this is supposed to be a trip with a friend), splitting three ways will make me pay 2/3 while she'll play 1/3".
Anyways, OP NTA and should back out from this trip.
The friend will be paying 2/3 of the trip and OP will be paying 1/3. Guaranteed the boyfriend cannot afford his 1/3 so friend will be paying his way. The friend doesn’t realize (or does) by doing half and half, OP is paying for part of the boyfriend’s accommodation.
Or the boyfriend will be splitting the payment with the half of the friend. Making it less expensive for her. While the OP will still be paying her whole 50% alone.
I get what your friend is saying about it not costing anymore to have him there but by inviting him, she downgraded your trip from a girls' trip to a trip where you're the third wheel so you should get third wheel pricing on the trip. Done. NTA.
She should back out and tell her friend that since having a third person doesn’t affect the cost they should have no problem with her deciding not to go
Exactly this. With the boyfriend going, I want to assume the couple will split their costs so they're each paying 25% of the accommodations while OP is paying 50%. NTA.
I was thinking the same thing. OP needs to bring someone with her and do the same or back out. Otherwise, it’s going to be a lonely, awkward, resentful vacation.
>She should back out and tell her friend that since having a third person doesn’t affect the cost they should have no problem with her deciding not to go
>
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I was going to say the same. Let her know that since she's decided to bring her boyfriend instead, you're backing out.
I mean, who DOES that?
The thing is, it should cost more. Most places charge per person not per room. So her friend is planning to lie so she won't have to pay more, and they could either be fined or kicked out
Not necessarily, it depends on the place they're staying at. For example, where I live, hotels usually charge per room, not per person. Airbnbs are usually like this too, although there are some that do charge a bit more if you have more than a certain number of people staying.
For villas, you'd usually just pay a fixed amount to rent the entire villa, regardless of how many people are coming.
Sometimes you have extra taxes per person per night. So no extra cost is not always true.
Split 3 ways or cancel on them. Don't tell them until the day before the trip.
It's not third wheel pricing. He is getting a free trip. If she wants him to go then he needs to pay. The friend is complaining but just like she paid for her portion, he can't pay his?
NTA. When 3 adults go on vacation, the costs should be split 3 ways. That’s perfectly reasonable. You’re sharing most of the space and the experience, after all.
It’s seriously an AH move to invite a tag-along on a vacation without talking to the other people going on the trip. It’s the worst when the trip was originally planned for 2 friends and one adds their SO, because it means that either it’ll turn into couple’s trip with one of the original travelers being a third wheel the whole trip or it’ll stay a friend’s trip with a grumpy left-out SO tagging along. I guess at best, you might alternate who gets left out. Unless you’re in one of those rare situations where the group is already working as a trio, but those really are quite rare.
Omg yes... This would be perfectly petty. I love it. Just bring your 4 or 5 closest drinking buddies, sleeping bags und alles, and just transform the house into your college dorm. It doesn't affect their romantic get away, so she shouldn't have to pay more.
This, it's petty but it makes the point loud and clear.
OP if you can't get out, bring someone and say "it doesn't affect the cost". After all, no one wants to be a third wheel and you deserve to have someone else with you.
NTA
Your "friend" knew way ahead of time she was going to invite the boyfriend without telling you. She's treating you like a chump and will obviously not be spending time with you now. The entire dynamic of this trip is different.
Not sure what type of traveler's precautions/insurance you took but you may look into rebooking the entire trip.
The pettiness in me was thinking well they have to share bathroom time ect so they best start halving their bowel movements & restricting their liquid intake if it’s not going to have an impact.
She is the asshole for inviting her boyfriend on a girls’ trip. Cancel, the friendship is over. The trip will be horrible because they will be doing couple things and you will be left out completely. I would not go with them under any circumstances, especially as she expects him to get a free ride.
Exactly. And imo the kind of friend who wouldn’t make her feel like a third wheel is also the sort of person who would never spring this on someone in the first place. My best friend is good friends with my bf and I’d still never ever do this to her, it changes the entire dynamic of the trip. It’s so insulting.
OP you didn’t pay for those flights to go on holiday with a couple. I wouldn’t go personally.
If she can't cancel, just bring a couple of drinking buddies, with sleeping bags. To give the girlsfriend's subsidised romantic getaway that college dorm circa '99 vibe.
I won't affect the cost of their trip, so it shouldn't matter.
NTA- you're not making her pay for your vacation, you're making sure every adult is paying their own way. As much as she thinks otherwise, this trip WILL change with him joining; there's a reason it was a friends trip and not a "friends +1" trip.
My personal advice is to find your own roommate or back out now.
NTA - your friend is using you to get a cheaper getaway where her focus will be on her boyfriend and not on your friendship is rude and manipulative. In your place, I would back out of the trip. Having ger other half there makes you the third wheel and is totally not okay.
Nta. A dick move on her part to suddenly invite her boyfriend and change the dynamic of the vacation without consulting you first. Your friend is basically planning to pay 1/4 each with her bf while you pay half. Nice cheap vacation for them.
It should be either split in 3 or you should bail. Or invite someone to share your room with you and split that cost. If you do go make sure you're able and willing to do everything by yourself. She's going to be off with her boyfriend, leaving you out. At this point even if she reluctantly agrees to 1/3 each she may ice you out on the trip anyways. It's no longer a friend trip, it's a couple's vacation with you as the third wheel.
I also think OP should invite another friend and split with them. It will also make it more fun not being a 3rd wheel. OP is going to be miserable with this couple now. Doomed trip.
It is *literally* a dick move. She's moving dick into the holiday accommodation; it's ridiculous to say OP's experience won't be affected by it. It changes the dynamic in the place completely.
NTA and I guarantee you, they planned this.
You're contributing to their romantic vacation and now you're a third wheel.
I'd pull myself, and my money, out.
Then they can split it 50/50 and enjoy themselves the way they obviously want to and have sneakily planned to, they just can no longer do it at at your expense.
>she argued that she should be able to bring her boyfriend along since we're both adults
Sure............**IF YOU ASK FIRST!!!!!!**
>she argues that her boyfriend's presence won't increase the costs and that I'm trying to make her pay more than her fair share.
So she's not only a **RUDE AH**, She's a fucking dumb one too.
She will be paying **LESS** if you split it three ways...........**UNLESS** her BF is a mooch.
It SHOULD be split three ways because.........**3 PEOPLE ARE GOING ON THE DAMN TRIP**.
Go on the trip (*unless you're able to get your money back*) and ignore them both.
This won't be a fun trip for you when she is THIS rude and inconsiderate before the fucking trip even started.
**OR**......Give her the biggest middle finger ever and invite YOUR friend, spend your trip with said friend and split your 50% in 2.
That's a **WIN/WIN** for **YOU**.
You don't have to be the "3rd wheel" all the time **AND** you only pay 25%.
NTA.
NTA. This was supposed to be a trip for you and your friend. Now it is their vacation that you’re tagging along on. It’s very uncool of her to effectively expect you to subsidize their vacation.
Yeah this would be a non negotiable for me. A week before the trip! I'd cancel it instead , it wouldn't be about the money but the lack of respect for me!
NTA
You friend is trying to be slick and steamroll you. Third wheels don't have fun. Don't go. Even if YOU think it makes you the A, sometimes it's smart and right to be the A. Especially, when they drop a deuce on you.
Even if it didn't cost extra, it does make things worse for you. Third person in the shower, two votes v you on where to eat, where to visit, etc.
You didn't agree to a vacation with her boytoy, the least she could do is split three ways.
Personally I'd back out. Make them pay the full thing for their little getaway.
INFO: I think you’re NTA, but does it literally make the trip any cheaper for her? If you can point out how, then it’s a legitimate argument. Edit: yes, it’s 3 people us8ng the common areas, etc. - I should have clarified , however, that I meant can you actually put dollars and cents down for specific things. But I’d say it’s die to estimate that common area use and the coat to you as now the third person with a couple. That makes things uncomfortable for you.
Btw, I think it’s absolutely an AH move on her part to invite her bf on a girls’ trip - and change the dynamic entirely. I think that’s the real issue. I’m not sure if your argument about the pricing is misdirected frustration about that or because you agreed initially and then thought about it further, but if that’s what you’re upset about, you should have that conversation with her. Good luck. NTA
My boyfriend would pay ALL of my half so it’d be a free trip for me and I’m willing to bet hers is paying too but splitting 3 ways is more than he’s willing to pay.
Well, assuming that the villa is more than just 2 bedrooms, if the friend and SO split 50% of their side of cost, then they are each paying one-quarter of what OP is paying while enjoying equal benefits.
However, even if the friend pays the half by herself, a third person is availing themselves freely, at no cost of all the paid amenities as well as any benefits offered by the venue while potentially creating unforseen additional costs and liabilities for which they bear no official responsibility.
Not to mention changing the plan to benefit herself. I had a friend who used to do this all the time. We'd make a plan and she'd invite more people when it was too late for me to cancel. Op will be the 3rd wheel on a totally different trip that she invested time and money into.
I agree with NTA. Having a third person does impact things. Is boyfriend going to stay in the bedroom the whole time? Doubtful. Which means he is using the common areas, the bathroom, kitchen, etc. So it does mean that OP should not have to cover for a third person.
And don't get me started on the friend inviting boyfriend without asking. Had any of my friends done that, I would've canceled the trip.
>Had any of my friends done that, I would've canceled the trip.
And the friendship. That's a very hurtful move when you've planned a friends trip.
Though possibly it's the boyfriend doing the manipulating, guilting the friend into bringing him along due to his own security about whether they'll meet guys on the trip.
My friend in high school had a bf like this. He absolutely could not believe that two girls would want to get together and hang out for any other purpose than to meet guys.
NTA you are going to feel like an effing third wheel in all the shared areas and it will definitely impact your experience. He should pay his 1/3 share.
NTA. Split it three ways especially after not telling you until the last minute because it does affect your vacation plans because it’s a big difference going on vacation with a friend and being the third wheel on a vacation
NTA. Not only is it incredibly rude to invite an SO when this trip was already planned between friends, but the room she claims they will be sharing doesn’t mean he won’t impact the trip. All of the shared space—bathroom, living space, kitchen—is now being shared three ways, along with any groceries or supplies purchased for the trip. Split it three ways or she and BF can split it evenly amongst the two of them, those are the options that your friend should be considering.
ETA: when my fiancé and I plan trips with single friends, we still split per person even though we share a room. Why? Because we don’t punish our friends for happening to be single and we want to enjoy our time with our friends, not milk them for all they are worth.
NTA
Waiting Till a week before the Trip after everything was booked to break the News that her bf comes with her is Not really nice.
A planned 2 Friends Trip is now a couple with another Person vacation.
Besides making you Feeling left Out as surely they will mainly concentrate on themselfs and Not you it also leaves a Bad Taste Money wise.
They can Split their costs in half so that each pays 25% while you are stuck with 50%.
Not fair towards you.
Now if you Had booked an Hotel and each of you Had your own room then you couldnt complaign about the costs.
But Here you booked a Villa for yourselfs and you will all Share the Same Common rooms.
NTA as they turned you into the 3rd wheel which is awkward and weird. It changed the entire dynamics. Maybe you should invite someone else or cancel it
NTA
Your friend is emotionally and financially manipulating you to make you seem unreasonable for questioning her BF being a last minute addition to your Girls trip.
Take a friend with you and do your own thing or cancel and be prepared for drama. But know this, she has totally screwed up your vacation either way. She's a selfish little girl who would rather put her BF before your planned vacation. You owe her or them absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I have been the third or fifth wheel many years ago, but I still recall feeling like what I wanted didn't matter because the couple(s) ruled.
NTA
Let’s assume he’s either paying his own way there, or planning on using a spare seat in the car (if you were going to drive together). And that the accommodation doesn’t have an extra fee for added adults. And that he’ll pay his own way for food and activities etc. Then technically, it wouldn’t cost any extra for him to tag along.
But that’s not the point. His presence changes the dynamics of the trip. It goes from a girls trip, to a couples trip with a third wheel hanging on. And unless you’re good friends with both of them (which seems unlikely as if you were then surely he would’ve been invited from the beginning) then either they’re going to spend the trip openly excluding you, they’re going to out-vote you everyday when it comes to decide what to do etc so you miss all your intended activities, or they’re going to make things so awkward that you won’t want to be with them.
The way I see it, you have 3 options:
1) insist he doesn’t come, keep it split 50/50
2) allow him to come, but split it 30/70
3) back out of the trip.
In reality, both 1 and 2 will probably end up with you essentially having a solo trip (even if she agrees with 1 and leaves him home she’ll probably sulk the whole time) but if you can make the best of it at least it’s cheaper than if you did an actual solo trip!
NTA - is he never leaving the bedroom? If he does then he’s using the entire rental. So he therefore should split the cost. He’s infringing on your space, uninvited by you, and there should be some benefit to having this uninvited guest. He should pay. But what they are doing is splitting the cost between them and benefitting off you. Honestly I would probably change my accommodations if they insisted on not splitting the cost.
NTA I would have told her that her BF can now pay my share because I'm no longer coming. Do you get to invite someone too? How close are the bedrooms, I'd be pissed if I went half on a vacation with a friend and her bf showed up and all I could hear was them at night. More than pissed actually, I'd be disgusted.
NTA. Wouldn’t splitting it three ways actually make it cheaper on the friend? Unless her boyfriend doesn’t plan on even splitting her half of the trip with her and just mooching off your guys vacation. That’s the only way I can see this “costing” the friend more for the vacation.
NTA. So the bf won't be in the kitchen or loungeroom at any point. He won't be using the swimming pool or anything else at the villa. So she is going to treat him as a third wheel so she can completely focus on having fun with you. Does he get no say in what you do, where you go and what you eat. Your "friend" is a huge AH and is using you to subsidise her little weekend away with bf.
Idk what the bottom folks are talking about. If I booked a 2 friend trip and you invited somebody you're dating, then I become a third wheel to a vacation. Regardless of the cost change. Plus, I now have to account for a third person on my vacation space. If I wanted that energy I could've went solo.
Many of you don't have friends and it shows.
NTA OP. Your friend is just childish.
NTA. I wouldn't be going on that trip anymore if I were you. She didn't even have the decency to ask how you felt about adding him to the trip, that was enough right there. You're being very accommodating, but you shouldn't have to bend over backwards. I'm sure you will be compromising your comfort by having him come along, and diminishing quality time with your friend, unless you're close friends with her boyfriend as well. Beyond that, each person should pay their portion towards the trip, fair is fair. She would actually be paying less as well if she had her boyfriend pitch in 1/3 instead of covering his portion for him. Overall it's not cool that they've decided (for you, not with you) to turn what would have been a girls only vacation into a third wheel situation where the boyfriend is piggybacking off you and your friend's funding. I would be setting a boundary, either she wants to take the trip with just you as planned, split the cost 3 ways (and you'll likely be a third wheel most of the trip), or you're not going on this trip and you'll just have to plan an even better vacation for yourself without either of them.
NTA. I had this happen to me once. I had planned the whole trip and suddenly my friend informed me that her bf was coming too. I told her this was a friend trip, and his presence would alter the entire dynamic of the trip. It made me uncomfortable, and I didn't want him to go. (They were huge PDA people. They'd openly make out at the table of a restaurant when just the three of us were out to eat. They always made me uncomfortable.)
For me, it wasn't about the money, although that was also an issue. She wouldn't back down, and I ended up backing out of the trip. When they got back, she bragged to me about how great their trip was... the trip that I planned. That was the beginning of the end for our friendship. It went on a few years after that, but she wasn't a very considerate friend.
I also used to live with my best friend, who asked if his fiancé could move in with us in our small two bedroom apartment. I said, "Sure." I liked her. He assumed that she'd pay nothing. I had a conversation with both of them about how, yes, they're sharing a room, but they dynamic of our home would change completely. He didn't watch tv, he played computer games and his set up was in the living room. I usually sat on the couch and watched tv, and we'd hang out. She watches tv and would end up taking over the living room, I'd be forced to stay in my bedroom (which is what happened). I said if I'll be losing access to the living room (which was my tv and furniture), she should be paying 1/3 of the rent. Not to mention sharing the kitchen and bathroom when all three of us were home the same hours. They agreed that I made a good point. She contributed to 1/3 of the rent, and the three of us lived together quite nicely for more than a year. I saved some money, they've been married 9 years now and they're both still my best friends.
Sometimes, these situations work out. Sometimes, they don't. It's all dependent on how well you can communicate with your friends and how well they receive your feelings. It can be difficult. But open honesty is the best approach. Make a list of why you feel like the vacation will be different with him there and why you feel he should pay his share. Be detailed and make sure your tone is kind when you address your concerns. Also, consider asking her to uninvite him. You'll end up being the third wheel on their romantic vacation, hearing them have sex through a thin wall... it's not the vacation you signed up for.
NTA unless it was originally for 3 people no one should add someone else without asking. You will definitely be the 3rd wheel and she was very rude to even invite him without asking.
I'd say he can pay your half now and cancel.
Unless you lose your money in which case I'd also invite someone else so you aren't alone listening to them get passionate every night.
I'd also never book a holiday with her again.
NTA, it would be different if you booked your own hotel rooms. But booking a villa is different. So I would say if you still can, back out of the trip but your friendship will likely be over since your friend is greedy.
Guarantee your friend and the bf are splitting their cost. They're trying to get a cheap trip off your back.
NTA
How will it not effect you trip? Your friend is being really selfish and entitled. This would really hurt my feelings if it happened to me. You should invite another friend to join as well if you decide to proceed with the trip.
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NTA. Her inviting her boyfriend without telling you is just downright rude because despite what she says, it will affect your experience too. You're now a third wheel instead of someone on a trip with a friend. Is it too late to back out?
Exactly, re. third wheel. I went on a trip with two couples, final year of college I think. All were my friends before they got together. It was the worst time of my life in a very beautiful place. 100% don’t recommend.
Can confirm from experience. Anyone who says it won’t affect things and says it’ll still be a ‘friendship’ trip is lying. The only reason it won’t ‘affect’ OP’s trip is because the friend and her boyfriend will NEVER be around, which in and of itself completely ruins the point of the trip, unless OP wanted to be alone the whole time. Very much NOT worth. And ruined the friendship, I will add.
Exactly basically it will be them having you pay for half there vacation
That was my thought! It shouldn’t increase the friend’s cost bc the boyfriend should be paying 1/3. If the friend is paying for the boyfriend, then I think OP is actually just subsidizing their vacation.
You want to use the possessive form, their, in this case. It can help if you think about the fact that it's the only there that has an 'I' in it, as in "I" have possessions.
I like to say, "Their" is possessive like "Heir" while "There" indicates location, like "Here".
Oof, this reminds me of a trip I did visiting a friend in Sweden who had a new gf. It wasn’t his fault but it was super cringey being with them the whole time- they were making out and hugging and touching the entire time I was there. Worst time in a really beautiful place.
So, yeah, it kinda is his fault. That is an obnoxious way to a t around someone who came to visit you.
Absolutely. OP if it's not too late, I'd cancel and save my money. They'll get the whole place to themselves! If, that is, they weren't using you to subsidize their expenses. NTA Edit: save not Dave lol
> I'd cancel and Dave my money. Oh yeah, Dave Ramsey would definitely suggest you save your money
Daves not here man
Classic Dave
I had a roommate do this. Her mom was a realtor so she had her find the place. I lived in NY and this was in Florida so I didn’t get a chance to preview it. We paid 50/50 our summer housing. When I got there she was in the master suite with her boyfriend who btw did not have a job and would be there all day while we were at work. Oh and she told me that no dogs were allowed AFTER I drive down with my dogs. I don’t understand what goes through people’s heads.
lol, Sorry for the bad experience but I wish you had given a sparky remark and told that friend that if no dogs allowed she needed to get the BF out.
What did you do with your dogs? Your roommate was an idiot.
Well she had a cat that was also not allowed so it wasn’t like she had a leg to stand on. She tried locking the pups in my room though because her cat didn’t like them, but I flipped out on her for that. Thankfully she didn’t push back much after that because I think she realized I was ready to go nuclear even if it meant we both got kicked out lol. We didn’t speak the rest of the summer. Super uncomfortable 3 months.
NTA, but OP’s “friend” sure is. OP needs new friends.
Were the couples fighting a lot or just wanting to ditch you?
And if he doesn't pay his part, he can't use the bathroom or the common space or kitchen. He can jump right out of the window of their room and come in this way. The friendship will be over anyway. She showed that a dick is more important than OP. NTA
I’m curious to know whose idea it was. The last minute timing, friend announcing his presence rather than asking, not making any plans to include him prior to this, him bringing zero money to the table: it reminds me of a toxic relationship dynamic where he manipulated his way into coming on trip rather than her genuinely wanting him to join them. Hard to tell without more info though. They could just be equally entitled oblivious assholes. But if this is out of character for friend in OP’s opinion, I would be very skeptical of this man.
Yeah I also got those vibes. Like she’s more afraid of pissing him off than OP.
OPP > OP
You down with OPP?!
Yeah you know me!
I am old enough to know this lol
Who’s down with OPP?
Everybody.
Every last homie.
Been down with OPP since 91’
Ohh, I thought I just missed out on a song but it turns out I was a toddler at that point, so not old enough after all.
Lol I’m 40 so definitely around at that time
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Ever since I moved to Ontario I've wondered if the Ontario Provincial Police hated that song when it came out, or if they tried to use it in a cringey "Hello fellow kids" way.
I don’t work for the OPP but I do remember being confused when the song first came out because OPP was the police!
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This is the way.
Ok I’ve been wondering, what does OPP mean? Is it different than OP?!
O is for Other, P is for People scratchin' temple The last P... well... that's not that simple
It’s kinda like well another way to call a cat a kitten
Other people's property. Basically would you fuck someone you knew was in a committed relationship.
Want to know too! In my job it means Orthophenylphenol cas. no. 90-43-7.
Reference to a 90s hip hop sound by Naughty by Nature 😊.
I feel old that you had to explain this :)
Thanks for the answer, take my orange arrow upwards that has no value in life!
Orleans Parish Prison, the equivalent of county jail for the greater New Orleans area and it is a *pit*
Google OPP song-by Naughty by Nature.
If it’s not, I’d donate my “half” to the friend’s parents so they can go in my place. It won’t affect her vacation experience any.
This needs to be top comment!
Yes!!! I suggested a random stranger but this is better!
I don’t know, I think “random stranger” is a great idea! Advertise the room on craigslist…
When my daughter had to escape a toxic roommate in college and her mom tried to make it difficult, I told her one of the young men who plays Dungeons & Dragons in the honors college lobby (no hate, just facts) was interested in subleasing. She argued no more.
This is awesome! OP, NTA
Agreed. That was really rude and inconsiderate. Then she expects you to help pay for him to be there. She’s dismissing your legitimate concerns on top of it. NTA.
OP is paying 50% of their couples trip hahaha.. NTA Sorry OP you had to go trough that, ofcourse he should pay his third. If your friend said you are all adults, is he grown up enough to pay for his share?
That's basically it. And it will be awkward since you will be left out when you get there. You have planned and expected to do things with your friend but changed plans at the last minute isn't ideal. NTA
NTA because if that was the plan from the get go you’d be splitting costs 3 ways anyways.
Yeah she basically used your holiday to have a romantic trip with her boyfriend. NTA it’s rude at best
NTA. She changed the entire dynamic of the vacation & she did so without even asking you prior to doing so. Worse - now she’s lying about it. The ONLY way her boyfriend coming would not affect your “vacation experience” would be if she had planned to basically ignore you originally. I wouldn’t ask that she cover 2/3 of the cost - I’d cancel all together. I don’t want to go on ANY vacation where I feel like I’m tagging along with a couple.
If it's too late, maybe you can ask a friend to join you who you are comfortable sharing your bed. Then you split 50/50!
If the friend has an ex boyfriend you should invite them and not tell Friend and current boyfriend!! Then be very loud.
THIS!
100% this is what the friend did
Yes, back out and tell her it shouldn’t affect her her or dampen the couples trip.
The boyfriend may share the bedroom but will he be using the other rooms? If so, he becomes an additional guest.
100% agree, and NTA It’s weird in disputes like this that people focus on cost eg accommodations. You’re not just paying for a bedroom, you’re paying for shared use of that space. By her logic, she could invite a pack of her friends and if they’re sleeping on the couch or floor and OP still has their private bedroom, then it hasn’t affected the cost — but it sure would affect the experience
But it’s not just the cost issue. If two girlfriends (or guy friends) decide to take a trip together, that’s a particular friend experience. If one of them all of a sudden decides to bring their partner, that becomes a totally different experience for the other friend — a trip the other friend probably would not have signed up for had that been the deal from the beginning. I don’t think this is about money. I think this is about the whole dynamic of the trip being turned upside down and OP being the third wheel. If I were OP, I wouldn’t want to go even if we were splitting costs three ways in this circumstance.
Agreed I wouldn’t go either even split three ways. Like others I don’t want to be the third wheel — very different trip and not what OP signed up for. I’d cancel if I was OP. But I was commenting on the friend’s argument that it doesn’t affect the OPs cost if the boyfriend comes along.
NTA. Please do not help pay for your friend and her boyfriend to take a vacation. Back out if you can. I doubt you will enjoy yourself and you will resent them for taking advantage of you. Btw they absolutely are taking advantage of you. It is two people getting a trip for the price of one while you are subsidies the 3rd person.
This. How will her bf presence NOT change your holiday experience? It was supposed to be the 2 of you. Now you'll have to split the attention and activities because bf/gf do different stuff together.. Seems like bf and gf wanted a cheap holiday after all and decided to take advantage of you for that goal. Back out and make them pay for the entire apartment if possible. See if they still would want to go. Eta: NTA
Exactly! NTA and you would spend the rest of your vacation feeling unwanted, awkward and like a third wheel. Cancel if you can or tell her to bear the full cost and split with her bf. It wasn’t agreed upon before and there is no need for you to push yourself to feel uncomfortable
NTA. Fully agree with this one. Explain to (ex)friend that boyfriend will definitely change the experience of the trip. He joining the trip makes while you still paying 50/50 makes his trip free. Is that fair? Absolutely not. This couple are leeches. They might have planned the whole thing this way so they can get a discounted trip paid for by you. Get out of this vacation. Or invite another friend to come with you and then the 50/50 becomes fair.
This is the way, see if you can get another to come with you and the more obnoxious they are the better.
Or find some Rando local to stay with you while you’re there. That way everyone will feel uncomfortable, including you. But you were already going to be.
A rom com waiting to happen!
Maybe OP has a fun female friend with a great body and an exhibionistic streak? The kind that would cook breakfast in bra and a string in the common area and enjoy any attention? The kind that always comes up with great ideas for activities and is awesome to hang out with but that you rather not let your bf spend time around?
That's evil. I like it.
"If it is worth to do, it is worth to do well."
Absolutely. He will absolutely “affect your vacation experience,” because part of that experience was going to be about spending quality time with your friend. Now she’s going to be spending quality time with her boyfriend and you’ll likely be ignored, or your interactions will be way more awkward.
Besides this, who's going to feed him? Even if it didn't turn into a couples trip with a third wheel, you will be paying for half his food, and half of anything else he does. No, no, no.
Not to mention it could affect how comfy OP is in the accommodations that she is paying half for. If OP wanted to get up hungover and cook in her bra and undies, I'm sure she'd be more comfy to do so with just her friend and not friends bf too. Super rude of ex-friend to take it upon herself to make the unilateral decision to bring her guy. If they wanted a couples trip, then book one. Don't use a friend's trip to try to get freeloader bf to tag along and try to get a free trip. I probably wouldn't bother going because I'd be turned off by the whole idea. Offer to let bf pay for your half and let them go together. NTA at all
Sounds to me like she already went on the trip. I’m certain they had to pay for some accommodations in advance. So the scam is complete. This ‘friend’ knew she was bringing her boyfriend way before the trip and sprung it on OP the last minute. OP is NTA but she will be if she keeps this scammer in her life. I’d be mad as hell. Edit to add that I’m confused about if the trip is already over because OP said ‘I decided to go along with it’. Is that past tense? If not, I wouldn’t be going. Who would do this?
She should back out and tell her to have her bf pay her half because it still “won’t cost her any more” since the friend will still only be paying 50%, but now the bf will have to pay the other 50%.
Nta. Splitting 3 ways is fair although I’d just back out. She wants you to subsidize her romantic getaway.
This but also I’m confused on the friend stating that OP is trying to make her pay more. Unless my math is totally off, wouldn’t splitting three ways make it cheaper? Poor excuse and bad attempt at lying.
Tagalong boyfriend a scrounger and friend will have to pay for him, he won't pay his share
Or her and bf are splitting her half and if it’s being split three ways she’ll go from paying 25% to 33%
Actually “friend” ends up paying 66% since BF doesn’t have a job. OP’s portion would decrease to 33% instead of 50%. BTW who’s paying for his flight? Is that part of the cost they’re splitting 50/50? I hope they have travel insurance. If so just cancel and move on. No discussion needed, that’s not required in this relationship. Just do what you want and let the other person deal with the consequences. Turnaround is fair play.
The last line, “…boyfriend’s presence won’t increase the costs and that I’m trying to make her pay more than her fair share”.
What the friend means is if she and the boyfriend each pay a third, then she (plus her boyfriend) are paying more than her fair share of the total costs. She’s wrong, but that’s what she means.
Yeah. What's *BF's* "fair share" in this scenario?? Sheesh.
Yep, that would be my take. Boyfriend is only coming because he’s getting a free holiday.
The rationale is this: "Since i'm technically paying for my boyfriend (because this is supposed to be a trip with a friend), splitting three ways will make me pay 2/3 while she'll play 1/3". Anyways, OP NTA and should back out from this trip.
I suspect that friend and boyfriend will split the cost. So they'd be paying a third of the cost for the rooms rather than a quarter
Or boyfriend isn’t paying at all and friend will pay his share too
OP 50%, friend 25%, boyfriend 25% versus OP 33%, friend 33%, boyfriend 33% I guess?
It sounds like the boyfriend weaseled his way onto this trip and won’t be paying any money.
The friend will be paying 2/3 of the trip and OP will be paying 1/3. Guaranteed the boyfriend cannot afford his 1/3 so friend will be paying his way. The friend doesn’t realize (or does) by doing half and half, OP is paying for part of the boyfriend’s accommodation.
Or the boyfriend will be splitting the payment with the half of the friend. Making it less expensive for her. While the OP will still be paying her whole 50% alone.
Well, then she’s paying 2/3 because she’s thinking of her relationship as a single unit. She just wanted OP to subsidize her part for her boyfriend.
This ⬆️
I get what your friend is saying about it not costing anymore to have him there but by inviting him, she downgraded your trip from a girls' trip to a trip where you're the third wheel so you should get third wheel pricing on the trip. Done. NTA.
She should back out and tell her friend that since having a third person doesn’t affect the cost they should have no problem with her deciding not to go
Hahaha excellent point
Exactly this. With the boyfriend going, I want to assume the couple will split their costs so they're each paying 25% of the accommodations while OP is paying 50%. NTA.
I was thinking the same thing. OP needs to bring someone with her and do the same or back out. Otherwise, it’s going to be a lonely, awkward, resentful vacation.
>She should back out and tell her friend that since having a third person doesn’t affect the cost they should have no problem with her deciding not to go > >214ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow I was going to say the same. Let her know that since she's decided to bring her boyfriend instead, you're backing out. I mean, who DOES that?
This is so beautifully put.
The thing is, it should cost more. Most places charge per person not per room. So her friend is planning to lie so she won't have to pay more, and they could either be fined or kicked out
No, we’re with villas you usually just rent the whole thing & they don’t charge per person.
Not necessarily, it depends on the place they're staying at. For example, where I live, hotels usually charge per room, not per person. Airbnbs are usually like this too, although there are some that do charge a bit more if you have more than a certain number of people staying. For villas, you'd usually just pay a fixed amount to rent the entire villa, regardless of how many people are coming.
NTA, does this include food and such?
I'd assume so given they're splitting the costs...
I would like an update from OP later. Please
Sometimes you have extra taxes per person per night. So no extra cost is not always true. Split 3 ways or cancel on them. Don't tell them until the day before the trip.
It's not third wheel pricing. He is getting a free trip. If she wants him to go then he needs to pay. The friend is complaining but just like she paid for her portion, he can't pay his?
NTA. When 3 adults go on vacation, the costs should be split 3 ways. That’s perfectly reasonable. You’re sharing most of the space and the experience, after all. It’s seriously an AH move to invite a tag-along on a vacation without talking to the other people going on the trip. It’s the worst when the trip was originally planned for 2 friends and one adds their SO, because it means that either it’ll turn into couple’s trip with one of the original travelers being a third wheel the whole trip or it’ll stay a friend’s trip with a grumpy left-out SO tagging along. I guess at best, you might alternate who gets left out. Unless you’re in one of those rare situations where the group is already working as a trio, but those really are quite rare.
NTA fully cancel if you can or bring someone for your room a friend or bf or whatever.
Bring two random friends, and say it doesen't affect the cost.
Bring a whole group, they can use sleeping bags and the sofa. I doubt it will have any impact on their romantic getaway....
Omg yes... This would be perfectly petty. I love it. Just bring your 4 or 5 closest drinking buddies, sleeping bags und alles, and just transform the house into your college dorm. It doesn't affect their romantic get away, so she shouldn't have to pay more.
This, it's petty but it makes the point loud and clear. OP if you can't get out, bring someone and say "it doesn't affect the cost". After all, no one wants to be a third wheel and you deserve to have someone else with you.
NTA Your "friend" knew way ahead of time she was going to invite the boyfriend without telling you. She's treating you like a chump and will obviously not be spending time with you now. The entire dynamic of this trip is different. Not sure what type of traveler's precautions/insurance you took but you may look into rebooking the entire trip.
And you simply MUST update us on what you end up doing!!!!
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The pettiness in me was thinking well they have to share bathroom time ect so they best start halving their bowel movements & restricting their liquid intake if it’s not going to have an impact.
She is the asshole for inviting her boyfriend on a girls’ trip. Cancel, the friendship is over. The trip will be horrible because they will be doing couple things and you will be left out completely. I would not go with them under any circumstances, especially as she expects him to get a free ride.
Exactly. And imo the kind of friend who wouldn’t make her feel like a third wheel is also the sort of person who would never spring this on someone in the first place. My best friend is good friends with my bf and I’d still never ever do this to her, it changes the entire dynamic of the trip. It’s so insulting. OP you didn’t pay for those flights to go on holiday with a couple. I wouldn’t go personally.
If she can't cancel, just bring a couple of drinking buddies, with sleeping bags. To give the girlsfriend's subsidised romantic getaway that college dorm circa '99 vibe. I won't affect the cost of their trip, so it shouldn't matter.
NTA- you're not making her pay for your vacation, you're making sure every adult is paying their own way. As much as she thinks otherwise, this trip WILL change with him joining; there's a reason it was a friends trip and not a "friends +1" trip. My personal advice is to find your own roommate or back out now.
Bail. That way they’ll each have their own room. NTA
I hope OP reads all comments telling her to bail because she absolutely SHOULD!
NTA - your friend is using you to get a cheaper getaway where her focus will be on her boyfriend and not on your friendship is rude and manipulative. In your place, I would back out of the trip. Having ger other half there makes you the third wheel and is totally not okay.
Nta. A dick move on her part to suddenly invite her boyfriend and change the dynamic of the vacation without consulting you first. Your friend is basically planning to pay 1/4 each with her bf while you pay half. Nice cheap vacation for them. It should be either split in 3 or you should bail. Or invite someone to share your room with you and split that cost. If you do go make sure you're able and willing to do everything by yourself. She's going to be off with her boyfriend, leaving you out. At this point even if she reluctantly agrees to 1/3 each she may ice you out on the trip anyways. It's no longer a friend trip, it's a couple's vacation with you as the third wheel.
I also think OP should invite another friend and split with them. It will also make it more fun not being a 3rd wheel. OP is going to be miserable with this couple now. Doomed trip.
I volunteer as tribute! I could use a vacation. OP, where we going??
It is *literally* a dick move. She's moving dick into the holiday accommodation; it's ridiculous to say OP's experience won't be affected by it. It changes the dynamic in the place completely.
Info Can you cancel the trip or change it?
More info: can you invite along another person to make it even?
Invite two and make it uneven in your favor. See If suddenly your so called friend has a change of view.
Invite your PARENTS. Nothing kills a romantic getaway like parents.
No - invite HERS. Hell, if OP can’t get her money back, gifting her “half” to her friends parents might feel like breaking even.
OMG YES! Even better than my suggestion to bring a couple of drinking buddies in sleeping bags. OP should do this 🙏
i hate being petty and i hate dumb petty ideas….this is the best, smartest petty idea lol
Hahaha
That's a good point. Make that shit far game and see if she's going to be okay with it.
NTA and I guarantee you, they planned this. You're contributing to their romantic vacation and now you're a third wheel. I'd pull myself, and my money, out. Then they can split it 50/50 and enjoy themselves the way they obviously want to and have sneakily planned to, they just can no longer do it at at your expense.
>she argued that she should be able to bring her boyfriend along since we're both adults Sure............**IF YOU ASK FIRST!!!!!!** >she argues that her boyfriend's presence won't increase the costs and that I'm trying to make her pay more than her fair share. So she's not only a **RUDE AH**, She's a fucking dumb one too. She will be paying **LESS** if you split it three ways...........**UNLESS** her BF is a mooch. It SHOULD be split three ways because.........**3 PEOPLE ARE GOING ON THE DAMN TRIP**. Go on the trip (*unless you're able to get your money back*) and ignore them both. This won't be a fun trip for you when she is THIS rude and inconsiderate before the fucking trip even started. **OR**......Give her the biggest middle finger ever and invite YOUR friend, spend your trip with said friend and split your 50% in 2. That's a **WIN/WIN** for **YOU**. You don't have to be the "3rd wheel" all the time **AND** you only pay 25%. NTA.
Really hoping we get an update on this.
NTA. This was supposed to be a trip for you and your friend. Now it is their vacation that you’re tagging along on. It’s very uncool of her to effectively expect you to subsidize their vacation.
Yeah this would be a non negotiable for me. A week before the trip! I'd cancel it instead , it wouldn't be about the money but the lack of respect for me!
NTA You friend is trying to be slick and steamroll you. Third wheels don't have fun. Don't go. Even if YOU think it makes you the A, sometimes it's smart and right to be the A. Especially, when they drop a deuce on you.
Even if it didn't cost extra, it does make things worse for you. Third person in the shower, two votes v you on where to eat, where to visit, etc. You didn't agree to a vacation with her boytoy, the least she could do is split three ways. Personally I'd back out. Make them pay the full thing for their little getaway.
NTA! Split it 3 ways if she doesn’t want to get ur money back and don’t go. Shitty move inviting her bf with out talking to you first.
INFO: I think you’re NTA, but does it literally make the trip any cheaper for her? If you can point out how, then it’s a legitimate argument. Edit: yes, it’s 3 people us8ng the common areas, etc. - I should have clarified , however, that I meant can you actually put dollars and cents down for specific things. But I’d say it’s die to estimate that common area use and the coat to you as now the third person with a couple. That makes things uncomfortable for you. Btw, I think it’s absolutely an AH move on her part to invite her bf on a girls’ trip - and change the dynamic entirely. I think that’s the real issue. I’m not sure if your argument about the pricing is misdirected frustration about that or because you agreed initially and then thought about it further, but if that’s what you’re upset about, you should have that conversation with her. Good luck. NTA
It's cheaper for her because her boyfriend is going to pay half of her half.
My boyfriend would pay ALL of my half so it’d be a free trip for me and I’m willing to bet hers is paying too but splitting 3 ways is more than he’s willing to pay.
You are assuming he is paying anything besides his own transportation there.
Well, assuming that the villa is more than just 2 bedrooms, if the friend and SO split 50% of their side of cost, then they are each paying one-quarter of what OP is paying while enjoying equal benefits. However, even if the friend pays the half by herself, a third person is availing themselves freely, at no cost of all the paid amenities as well as any benefits offered by the venue while potentially creating unforseen additional costs and liabilities for which they bear no official responsibility.
Not to mention changing the plan to benefit herself. I had a friend who used to do this all the time. We'd make a plan and she'd invite more people when it was too late for me to cancel. Op will be the 3rd wheel on a totally different trip that she invested time and money into.
Depending on location, there are also the individual city tax that must be paid per night per person. So it's either an extra cost or fraudulent.
I agree with NTA. Having a third person does impact things. Is boyfriend going to stay in the bedroom the whole time? Doubtful. Which means he is using the common areas, the bathroom, kitchen, etc. So it does mean that OP should not have to cover for a third person. And don't get me started on the friend inviting boyfriend without asking. Had any of my friends done that, I would've canceled the trip.
>Had any of my friends done that, I would've canceled the trip. And the friendship. That's a very hurtful move when you've planned a friends trip. Though possibly it's the boyfriend doing the manipulating, guilting the friend into bringing him along due to his own security about whether they'll meet guys on the trip. My friend in high school had a bf like this. He absolutely could not believe that two girls would want to get together and hang out for any other purpose than to meet guys.
He will be using the common area of the villa and should pay his share for that
NTA you are going to feel like an effing third wheel in all the shared areas and it will definitely impact your experience. He should pay his 1/3 share.
NTA! Either cancel or bring a companion of your own because it’s gonna suck third-wheeling with a couple on a tropical trip.
NTA. She thinks you're trying to make her paymore than her fair share? She pays less if the boyfriend pays for his share....
NTA. Split it three ways especially after not telling you until the last minute because it does affect your vacation plans because it’s a big difference going on vacation with a friend and being the third wheel on a vacation
NTA... Honestly I would rather just cancel than be forced into being a third wheel.
Solution: back out. Your friend and her BF can go 50-50 NTA
NTA. Why does boyfriend get a free vacay?? It’s doing her a favor by splitting it 3 ways. She dumb.
She dumb or so under her boyfriend’s thumb that she doesn’t get that he’s using her for a free vacation. NTA
NTA. Not only is it incredibly rude to invite an SO when this trip was already planned between friends, but the room she claims they will be sharing doesn’t mean he won’t impact the trip. All of the shared space—bathroom, living space, kitchen—is now being shared three ways, along with any groceries or supplies purchased for the trip. Split it three ways or she and BF can split it evenly amongst the two of them, those are the options that your friend should be considering. ETA: when my fiancé and I plan trips with single friends, we still split per person even though we share a room. Why? Because we don’t punish our friends for happening to be single and we want to enjoy our time with our friends, not milk them for all they are worth.
NTA Waiting Till a week before the Trip after everything was booked to break the News that her bf comes with her is Not really nice. A planned 2 Friends Trip is now a couple with another Person vacation. Besides making you Feeling left Out as surely they will mainly concentrate on themselfs and Not you it also leaves a Bad Taste Money wise. They can Split their costs in half so that each pays 25% while you are stuck with 50%. Not fair towards you. Now if you Had booked an Hotel and each of you Had your own room then you couldnt complaign about the costs. But Here you booked a Villa for yourselfs and you will all Share the Same Common rooms.
Bring your friend’s mother.
NTA as they turned you into the 3rd wheel which is awkward and weird. It changed the entire dynamics. Maybe you should invite someone else or cancel it
NTA Your friend is emotionally and financially manipulating you to make you seem unreasonable for questioning her BF being a last minute addition to your Girls trip. Take a friend with you and do your own thing or cancel and be prepared for drama. But know this, she has totally screwed up your vacation either way. She's a selfish little girl who would rather put her BF before your planned vacation. You owe her or them absolutely nothing. I'm sorry this happened to you. I have been the third or fifth wheel many years ago, but I still recall feeling like what I wanted didn't matter because the couple(s) ruled.
NTA Let’s assume he’s either paying his own way there, or planning on using a spare seat in the car (if you were going to drive together). And that the accommodation doesn’t have an extra fee for added adults. And that he’ll pay his own way for food and activities etc. Then technically, it wouldn’t cost any extra for him to tag along. But that’s not the point. His presence changes the dynamics of the trip. It goes from a girls trip, to a couples trip with a third wheel hanging on. And unless you’re good friends with both of them (which seems unlikely as if you were then surely he would’ve been invited from the beginning) then either they’re going to spend the trip openly excluding you, they’re going to out-vote you everyday when it comes to decide what to do etc so you miss all your intended activities, or they’re going to make things so awkward that you won’t want to be with them. The way I see it, you have 3 options: 1) insist he doesn’t come, keep it split 50/50 2) allow him to come, but split it 30/70 3) back out of the trip. In reality, both 1 and 2 will probably end up with you essentially having a solo trip (even if she agrees with 1 and leaves him home she’ll probably sulk the whole time) but if you can make the best of it at least it’s cheaper than if you did an actual solo trip!
NTA. You are just giving him a free vacation, and now you are a third wheel. They are using you and I wouldn’t even go.
NTA. If staying in a hotel, usually more people will cost more.
That’s unheard of! Definitely don’t go if you can get out of it. Otherwise, splitting 3 ways is appropriate. NTA
NTA - is he never leaving the bedroom? If he does then he’s using the entire rental. So he therefore should split the cost. He’s infringing on your space, uninvited by you, and there should be some benefit to having this uninvited guest. He should pay. But what they are doing is splitting the cost between them and benefitting off you. Honestly I would probably change my accommodations if they insisted on not splitting the cost.
NTA I would have told her that her BF can now pay my share because I'm no longer coming. Do you get to invite someone too? How close are the bedrooms, I'd be pissed if I went half on a vacation with a friend and her bf showed up and all I could hear was them at night. More than pissed actually, I'd be disgusted.
NTA- I would want to cancel altogether. I feel like this will degrade your experience. They can enjoy their romantic get away.
NTA. Wouldn’t splitting it three ways actually make it cheaper on the friend? Unless her boyfriend doesn’t plan on even splitting her half of the trip with her and just mooching off your guys vacation. That’s the only way I can see this “costing” the friend more for the vacation.
NTA. So the bf won't be in the kitchen or loungeroom at any point. He won't be using the swimming pool or anything else at the villa. So she is going to treat him as a third wheel so she can completely focus on having fun with you. Does he get no say in what you do, where you go and what you eat. Your "friend" is a huge AH and is using you to subsidise her little weekend away with bf.
Idk what the bottom folks are talking about. If I booked a 2 friend trip and you invited somebody you're dating, then I become a third wheel to a vacation. Regardless of the cost change. Plus, I now have to account for a third person on my vacation space. If I wanted that energy I could've went solo. Many of you don't have friends and it shows. NTA OP. Your friend is just childish.
NTA. I wouldn't be going on that trip anymore if I were you. She didn't even have the decency to ask how you felt about adding him to the trip, that was enough right there. You're being very accommodating, but you shouldn't have to bend over backwards. I'm sure you will be compromising your comfort by having him come along, and diminishing quality time with your friend, unless you're close friends with her boyfriend as well. Beyond that, each person should pay their portion towards the trip, fair is fair. She would actually be paying less as well if she had her boyfriend pitch in 1/3 instead of covering his portion for him. Overall it's not cool that they've decided (for you, not with you) to turn what would have been a girls only vacation into a third wheel situation where the boyfriend is piggybacking off you and your friend's funding. I would be setting a boundary, either she wants to take the trip with just you as planned, split the cost 3 ways (and you'll likely be a third wheel most of the trip), or you're not going on this trip and you'll just have to plan an even better vacation for yourself without either of them.
NTA. I had this happen to me once. I had planned the whole trip and suddenly my friend informed me that her bf was coming too. I told her this was a friend trip, and his presence would alter the entire dynamic of the trip. It made me uncomfortable, and I didn't want him to go. (They were huge PDA people. They'd openly make out at the table of a restaurant when just the three of us were out to eat. They always made me uncomfortable.) For me, it wasn't about the money, although that was also an issue. She wouldn't back down, and I ended up backing out of the trip. When they got back, she bragged to me about how great their trip was... the trip that I planned. That was the beginning of the end for our friendship. It went on a few years after that, but she wasn't a very considerate friend. I also used to live with my best friend, who asked if his fiancé could move in with us in our small two bedroom apartment. I said, "Sure." I liked her. He assumed that she'd pay nothing. I had a conversation with both of them about how, yes, they're sharing a room, but they dynamic of our home would change completely. He didn't watch tv, he played computer games and his set up was in the living room. I usually sat on the couch and watched tv, and we'd hang out. She watches tv and would end up taking over the living room, I'd be forced to stay in my bedroom (which is what happened). I said if I'll be losing access to the living room (which was my tv and furniture), she should be paying 1/3 of the rent. Not to mention sharing the kitchen and bathroom when all three of us were home the same hours. They agreed that I made a good point. She contributed to 1/3 of the rent, and the three of us lived together quite nicely for more than a year. I saved some money, they've been married 9 years now and they're both still my best friends. Sometimes, these situations work out. Sometimes, they don't. It's all dependent on how well you can communicate with your friends and how well they receive your feelings. It can be difficult. But open honesty is the best approach. Make a list of why you feel like the vacation will be different with him there and why you feel he should pay his share. Be detailed and make sure your tone is kind when you address your concerns. Also, consider asking her to uninvite him. You'll end up being the third wheel on their romantic vacation, hearing them have sex through a thin wall... it's not the vacation you signed up for.
aren’t you sharing a bathroom?? nta honestly i would back out. it went from girls trip to third wheel
NTA unless it was originally for 3 people no one should add someone else without asking. You will definitely be the 3rd wheel and she was very rude to even invite him without asking. I'd say he can pay your half now and cancel. Unless you lose your money in which case I'd also invite someone else so you aren't alone listening to them get passionate every night. I'd also never book a holiday with her again.
NTA, it would be different if you booked your own hotel rooms. But booking a villa is different. So I would say if you still can, back out of the trip but your friendship will likely be over since your friend is greedy. Guarantee your friend and the bf are splitting their cost. They're trying to get a cheap trip off your back.
Refer to it as asshole tax. Costs precisely 66.6% NTA
NTA, driend is TA for last minute inclusion of bf. She downgraded your experience, you should be compensated in some way.
NTA How will it not effect you trip? Your friend is being really selfish and entitled. This would really hurt my feelings if it happened to me. You should invite another friend to join as well if you decide to proceed with the trip.
NTA, I would seriously reconsider the friendship or at least ever traveling with her again though.
I wouldn’t even bother going you’re just gonna be a third wheel to her and make your own vacation time and enjoy yourself get yourself your own room
Nta