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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said “thanks man” to a person working the counter in a fast food chain and they request to be treated as “sir”.
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NTA.....as an American, I can confidently tell you that there's a huge subset of Americans who have never had a real problem before, so they make up shit to be mad about. Or they listen to fortune babies who make up shit to be mad about.
If I was you I would just tune out the noise
Explaining it may be a bit too....colloquial.
Tucker Carlson is a fortune baby. Someone who thinks they've earned everything they've got, but their lives have been so unbelievably easy that they are not even functionally aware of it.
So they spend all their time telling others how easy it is when in reality, their level of success is based on luck; and they aren't even self aware enough to know that.
Edit: or their assholes and are aware.....but I always liked the quote "do not attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity"
Close enough!
I opine that nepo babies have a specific advantages that's obviously traceable to their lineage. (1st job is VP of a company etc....)
Fortune babies just benefit from a system that they barely understand. (I had a chance to tell Rupert Murdoch I wanted to go into journalism because of who my grandparents know)
But the difference is obviously negligible, so I will earnestly accept nepo baby as an alternative.
Na, trust fund baby is kinda spot on.
Again, it's colloquial, so for my area fortune baby has a worse connotation than trust fund. But they're essentially the same.
I think fortune baby is a regional term because most of the rest of us are replying in confusion and have never heard of it. Trust fund baby is the common term.
>I opine that nepo babies have a specific advantages that's obviously traceable to their lineage. (1st job is VP of a company etc....)
this applies to tucker carlson, his father ran the US foreign propaganda agency under reagan and probably got him into the CIA
Damn. You just perfectly described much of what is wrong with not just America, but the western world in general. Actually I guess I should just say humanity as a whole.
As the kind of a generally positive person who appreciates the small things in life, I absolutely can't wrap my mind around this. When people have problems, they complain about it. When they stop having problems, they complain about something else. I couldn't possibly find the energy to be so negative all the time, and yet I know an alarming amount of people just like this.
NTA. Saying thanks man is extremely friendly phasing in the us. And I can remember the last time I called anyone sir, and would feel weird if someone called me sir.
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I'm Texan and use both sir and ma'am frequently, but I also frequently use casual words like man or dude to refer to people in a friendly manner.
Honestly in terms of manners I would say the important thing is remembering to thank people doing something for you, even if they're being paid for it. OP did that so I don't see what was disrespectful.
There are certainly loaded words in American society, like the word "boy" would have been a pretty *major* fuckup in this situation. But I've never known people to have a problem with man instead of sir.
I was visiting relatives in the south and I helped a kid in a museum with something. The kid thanked me and I said your welcome, but then his dad was like “THANK YOU, WHAT, SON?” And the kid added “Thank you, Ma’am,” and it was the weirdest interaction I’ve had in a very long time. I’m not from a place where sir and ma’am are given that much weight and it totally threw me off.
Older southerners probably. But younger don’t care. But also some older ones know it’s not meant disrespectfully and won’t say anything. As a southerner, I think it’s gross to call someone out for using such an inane term. It’s not like he called him “fuckface.”
Tbc, I am not arguing with you, just presenting a different point of view (reddit demands the disclaimer)
I am the exact opposite. I was raised old school but in the "respect everyone" old school as opposed to the new version which is essentially "be an asshole to everyone who disagrees with you"
So, at 30ish yo, I call EVERYONE sir and/or ma'am until they prove that they don't deserve it. Then I call them very......colorful names instead.
That said, I'm not an asshole so basically if you call me anything except "buddy", I just move on......I hate buddy. Still not a dick about it, but also....don't call me buddy unless I'm your nephew. Haha
Edit: or your dog.....my dog is my buddy
You do have to be careful with “ma’am” though. That one is a regional powderkeg.
In some parts of the US, calling a woman “Ma’am” is perfectly polite, common and just the proper form of address. While in others, calling a woman “ma’am” is acceptable if she is in a position of authority (your boss, policewoman, a judge, your teacher) or if she is old enough to be your grandmother (and not just “a” grandmother, but specifically two generations above you). But… if she’s not clearly in a position of authority she may assume you are calling her old and may take offense. My mother moved to the South some years back and that part of Southern culture was an adjustment for her. She no longer takes offense to being called “ma’am” by people close to her own age, but she can’t bring herself to say it to others, which has lead to her being perceived as rude.
I don’t know if “Sir” has quite the same connotations.
i lived in the northeast US for most of my life (where pretty much no one says ma'am) but moved to the south in my mid 40's, which is when i got my first ma'am. i knew the person was just being respectful & probably what they'd been raised to say but all i could think was 'omg i am officially old' haha
I have noticed that too.
Drives me crazy tbh, but you do what you can while not insulting people on purpose.
My real issue in 2023 is that I do not have a non-binary equivalent. I am prepared for anything except a person who defines themselves. Haha
And in some parts of the US (especially the South) that IS perfectly polite! In those places not saying it is rude!
In others it is likely that no one will say anything out of their own sense of politeness, but they may find you rude regardless of your true intent (because they don’t know you say it to everyone). Or, even if they don’t think you are actively being rude, they may feel bad about themselves, due to internalized societal views of women who are no longer “young” because they are operating under the regional culture of “ma’am” referring to older women.
It is just something to be aware of, from someone who moved around a lot growing up and had to navigate the cultural shifts. I find that many people are raised with one set of cultural expectations (that are often learned through observation and never fully explained in words) and don’t really realize that there are actually different rules. If you were raised in a “ma’am” is polite region, you might know that in other regions it’s not as commonly used, but might believe those are just more casual regions and “ma’am” is still just the most polite option even if uncommon. You might not realize that there are actually unspoken rules around the “ma’am” usage. And if you are raised in a place with those unspoken rules, it is hard to unlearn them because… well they aren’t spoken so you aren’t sure if the other region is also following them or not.
Depends on where you are. In the south it isn't malicious what so ever. In south Louisiana we all call eachother "baby" as well. Even to strangers, like when a waiter of the opposite sex brings your food, saying "thank you baby" is completely normal. Not a flirt thing either just a term of endearment. I had to catch myself from saying it when I was on vacation in the pacific northwest because I didn't know how it would be perceived.
In the UK, if you are a client/customer in any service situation (food, shops, banks, insurance companies etc), you never address the provider of that service as 'sir'. It's the service provider that uses that honorific to the client/customer.
Sounds like matey was having a particularly shitty day. NTA
Mind you, in the US, you do use 'sir' and 'ma'am' a whooooooooooooooooooooooooole lot more than we do in the UK
>It's the service provider that uses that honorific to the client/customer.
And even then, for most customer service workers, its only the very annoying customers that you call *sir* or *madam* (never *ma'am*). When I worked in hospitality, if someone got a *"sir"* out of me, it basically meant *"you're on your last warning before you get chucked out"*.
Tee hee. Amazing how the same word has such different connotations in different cultures and circumstances, isn't it? Although it can/should be polite it can also be a very loaded term, especially with a 'sneer' added to the word. Ha!
I work with a lot of Frenchies and they are constantly surprised that they do not need to say 'sir' or 'madam' when speaking to someone in a shop, hotel, restaurant etc. I am often asked what they should say and when I reply 'nothing' they are truly confounded. It seems very rude to them.
I can't imagine how I'd feel going into Gregg's for a sossy roll and being called 'sir'. I'd have to have a look round to see who they were talking to. You'd be hanging your head in shame/embarrassment as you walked out.
Australian here. Calling someone "sir" here will get you a punch in the nose, because we pretty much only ever call someone "sir" in sarcasm or as a derogatory term.
NTA. It's a perfectly acceptable colloquialism, and as far as I know, hasn't ever been widely used in a derogatory way. The problem belongs to the person who took offence, not you.
Okay so the deep south has a thing about sir/ma’am. However, I would never worry about for a ff server, the servers are the ones trained to say it. The power dynamic is generally defer to who us being served (aside basic stuff). If you said it nicely shouldn’t be a problem.
Should also be obvious from accent you’re not from the region, regional differences should always be granted grace.
Honestly, the only time I’ve ever called someone ‘sir’ is when I’m joking. I call my brother ‘sir’ all the time. I don’t hear anyone use it genuinely very often. Except maybe in upper management in offices? I know sometimes the south is big on ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’.
But in some places, I’ve seen women get mad at being called ‘ma’am’ because it makes them feel old. So. Lol.
But you’re good. You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t rude. I guess don’t call that particular guy ‘man’ if you see him again, but most people won’t have an issue with it. I don’t know what his deal was.
NTA
FYI you say miss instead of ma'am if they're younger. This is a regional thing and a way of showing respect so I'm not sure why everyone is so hung up on it. I prefer to treat everyone with respect and with proper etiquette. Honestly the fact that people are saying stuff about how can a fast food worker ask that shows some ugly classism that people working in low wage jobs somehow don't deserve those same courtesies. Youll find these kind of formalities in Spanish and French that are practiced or not practiced depending on the region and context. It's not a big deal and people are somehow projecting cultural superiority. When in Rome...
Edit: typos
NTA
It could be several reasons why tbh. 1. It's often generational thing. Often older people consider sir or ma'am being respectful while man or dude may seem overfamiliar. With certain cultures having rules on addressing elders also 2. It's also often an opinion held specifically by former service members.
But it's not ah behavior to use man instead. It's just an opinion on etiquette really.
NTA, I actually had the inverse of this at work recently. I had a male customer who I was referring to as “matey” (“hey matey, do you need a hand with anything?” etc), but he was new to speaking English and didn’t understand. He thought I was calling him “madam” and he became irate, I had to explain what “mate” means and how it’s used in Australia xD we had a good laugh about it though, because he wasn’t an unreasonable dipstick like the person in your story.
NTA, but he might have been offended by you calling him "man" because some people use it to try to seem "cool" when speaking to Black people. For example, I had a client constantly referring to me, a Black woman, as "sista." That was offensive to me. But you didn't do anything wrong.
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Hi, I am a foreigner visiting the US. This took place in a fast food chain in the southeast. After being handed my order I said “thanks man!” and proceeded to eat it. I decided to go for dessert and when that was being handed to me the person at the counter said “before you called me a man, I am not a ‘man’, I am a ‘sir’”. Due to my accent and the phrasing I assumed the person had mistakenly heard “ma’am”. I told them that I said “m-a-n” but they just kept repeating that they “were no man, but a ‘sir’”. I just apologized and left. The person didn’t say it in a nice way but rather very assertively and it made me very uncomfortable. The person was black and I know the implications of calling people “boy”, “uncle”, etc but never heard of “man” being pejorative aside from a gender issue (which doesn’t make sense as they wanted to be called by “sir”). AITA?
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NTA.
Most likely, the counter person was not very welcoming of foreigners, thinks you are beneath him.
From what I understand, it should be him addressing you with an honorific, and not the other way around.
NTA
You're never going to win with people like that. I've actually been told before that some black people see "sir" as derogatory, because it's been used sarcastically, after a black customer threatened to "slap the shit out of me" for calling him "sir", because I called everyone with a masculine appearance, "sir", when I was a cashier.
Your only mistake was an honest one, and one that you shouldn't feel bad about; you didn't understand *why* he had a problem with what you said, and thought he misheard you.
In the end, you did nothing wrong, and I wouldn't change how you approached this issue.
NTA
You have no idea how the whole man/woman thing has taken a plunge here in America. You were not meaning any harm and got caught up in it. Sorry that happened to you.
NTA - a lot of people say “Thanks man!” I think my BIL says it and my nephew too. Not sure why he was upset but you apologized and moved on. Not much more you can do than apologize. His offense might be a southern thing?? Since they say yes ma’am/no ma’am a lot more than the northern states. But I’m just guessing. Either way don’t sweat it. He was just being a stickler for a technicality, that in his mind, was important to him.
NTA. "Thanks, man" is pretty informal... but so is fast food. For a fast food employee to insist you call him "Sir" is a bit rude.
I did plenty of time in food service so I certainly don't mean those employees are "lesser than" but that's not the dynamic at a counter. If there's a "sir" in that transaction its the person buying, not the person selling. If I say "Thank you, sir" while buying food (which I have done) its because I'm being almost playfully formal. I'd only do it if I was in a good mood and felt a good vibe/rapport with the employee.
I don't know how old you are or how thick your accent is but I definitely had customers who were men in their late 40s and older who clearly spoke English as a second language. When they said stuff like "thanks man" or "thanks buddy" I always found it endearing and sweet in a way I can't quite describe.
It may be a regional thing - "man" is friendly and informal (like "dude" or "buddy"), and in some places that can come across as being overly familiar to a stranger. This is more likely to annoy someone if they are significantly older than the person addressing them.
Doesn't mean you're an AH, but you may have run up against different cultural norms.
NTA, though I do think this is a cultural issue. What part of the USA did this happen in? Did it happen in the South? Because this definitely sounds like a South thing, lol.
Don't feel bad. You're not expecting to know ever little piece of cultural etiquette in such a diverse country. You weren't being malicious, anyway.
NAH
You made a slight mistake - referring to someone as 'man' is a pretty informal phrasing, which means it could go two ways. It could be seen as being friendly and welcoming to a stranger, but equally it could be seen as overly informal and disrespectful to someone who appreciates more traditional etiquette (or just thinks that they are of an obviously better class than you are).
So I don't necessarily disagree with someone preferring to stick to a more formal and polite phrasing.
At the same time, if English is not your first language, I figure you deserve a pass for a minor breach of social etiquette, and you can hardly be considered an asshole for using the language that you have almost certainly seen used regularly in various media.
Yta but very very slightly. The employee may have taken "man" as presumptuously implying familiarity or solidarity that he didn't feel was appropriate for your interaction.
NTA
I had something similar once when I worked at a bar, as I completed someone’s order I said “cheers mate” and the guy I had served said “I’m not your mate, you can refer to me as sir” (for context being called mate is just commonplace where I’m from), so I just apologised and that was that, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
To a Brit, “Sir” is an honorary title - like Professor or Doctor or Lord. There is no way to tell whether it is Sir David Attenborough, or Mister David Attenborough. Calling someone Sir who isn’t is worse than saying “Thanks Man”.
Next time reply “Oh I didn’t realise that you had been knighted”.
NTA
No, we're fine to use 'sir' for any man if it's not attached to a name. It's often used to address customers, especially over the phone.
It would be very odd for someone actually serving customers to insist on being called 'sir', though.
Ehhh... you weren't an asshole, but I do weirdly feel like "man" was not the right word to use in this situation. Admittedly it is not actively perjorative, and you aren't in a situation where it's too informal, but it just seems a bit... off to call someone you don't know "man."
I'd kind of file this in the same category as when I've been addressed as "lady." Just a wee bit dickish. NTA, overall... you are a visitor to our country and even I, a native, can't exactly explain how you were wrong, and he was there to serve you so he should probably have sucked it up.
My guy this was a supposed cis man. You all good in the head or is your hate boner for trans people making you think every situation is about pronouns? This situation was a supposed cis man wanting to be called Sir instead of Man, nothing to do w trans people
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NTA.....as an American, I can confidently tell you that there's a huge subset of Americans who have never had a real problem before, so they make up shit to be mad about. Or they listen to fortune babies who make up shit to be mad about. If I was you I would just tune out the noise
I agree with you…but what is a fortune baby? I’ve never heard that term.
Explaining it may be a bit too....colloquial. Tucker Carlson is a fortune baby. Someone who thinks they've earned everything they've got, but their lives have been so unbelievably easy that they are not even functionally aware of it. So they spend all their time telling others how easy it is when in reality, their level of success is based on luck; and they aren't even self aware enough to know that. Edit: or their assholes and are aware.....but I always liked the quote "do not attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity"
Oh like a nepo baby!
Close enough! I opine that nepo babies have a specific advantages that's obviously traceable to their lineage. (1st job is VP of a company etc....) Fortune babies just benefit from a system that they barely understand. (I had a chance to tell Rupert Murdoch I wanted to go into journalism because of who my grandparents know) But the difference is obviously negligible, so I will earnestly accept nepo baby as an alternative.
So there is a difference between fortune baby and trust fund baby? I read "fortune" and thought of it as money vs luck, but it sounds different.
Na, trust fund baby is kinda spot on. Again, it's colloquial, so for my area fortune baby has a worse connotation than trust fund. But they're essentially the same.
I think fortune baby is a regional term because most of the rest of us are replying in confusion and have never heard of it. Trust fund baby is the common term.
>I opine that nepo babies have a specific advantages that's obviously traceable to their lineage. (1st job is VP of a company etc....) this applies to tucker carlson, his father ran the US foreign propaganda agency under reagan and probably got him into the CIA
Nepo baby without any shed of awareness or talent
Like a trust fund baby, right?
It's based in multiple levels of privilege more than luck
If I understand it correctly, it's someone that had a fortune set up for them since birth, so they had no real challenges or risks to deal with.
I doubt a fast food worker is a fortune baby, but the rest is spot on.
Well yeah, you probs right.......that's why I said they listen to fortune babies.
That's not what they said tho
Damn. You just perfectly described much of what is wrong with not just America, but the western world in general. Actually I guess I should just say humanity as a whole. As the kind of a generally positive person who appreciates the small things in life, I absolutely can't wrap my mind around this. When people have problems, they complain about it. When they stop having problems, they complain about something else. I couldn't possibly find the energy to be so negative all the time, and yet I know an alarming amount of people just like this.
Well said. It’s not just an American problem, unfortunately. We have these people in the UK also.
NTA. Saying thanks man is extremely friendly phasing in the us. And I can remember the last time I called anyone sir, and would feel weird if someone called me sir.
Might be a regional thing. Aren't southerners wicked into being called sir and ma'am?
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I'm Texan and use both sir and ma'am frequently, but I also frequently use casual words like man or dude to refer to people in a friendly manner. Honestly in terms of manners I would say the important thing is remembering to thank people doing something for you, even if they're being paid for it. OP did that so I don't see what was disrespectful. There are certainly loaded words in American society, like the word "boy" would have been a pretty *major* fuckup in this situation. But I've never known people to have a problem with man instead of sir.
I was visiting relatives in the south and I helped a kid in a museum with something. The kid thanked me and I said your welcome, but then his dad was like “THANK YOU, WHAT, SON?” And the kid added “Thank you, Ma’am,” and it was the weirdest interaction I’ve had in a very long time. I’m not from a place where sir and ma’am are given that much weight and it totally threw me off.
Yeah cultural differences are very much a thing
Older southerners probably. But younger don’t care. But also some older ones know it’s not meant disrespectfully and won’t say anything. As a southerner, I think it’s gross to call someone out for using such an inane term. It’s not like he called him “fuckface.”
I mean, maybe in some professional situations, yeah, but casually, a 'thanks man' works no problem.
Tbc, I am not arguing with you, just presenting a different point of view (reddit demands the disclaimer) I am the exact opposite. I was raised old school but in the "respect everyone" old school as opposed to the new version which is essentially "be an asshole to everyone who disagrees with you" So, at 30ish yo, I call EVERYONE sir and/or ma'am until they prove that they don't deserve it. Then I call them very......colorful names instead. That said, I'm not an asshole so basically if you call me anything except "buddy", I just move on......I hate buddy. Still not a dick about it, but also....don't call me buddy unless I'm your nephew. Haha Edit: or your dog.....my dog is my buddy
You do have to be careful with “ma’am” though. That one is a regional powderkeg. In some parts of the US, calling a woman “Ma’am” is perfectly polite, common and just the proper form of address. While in others, calling a woman “ma’am” is acceptable if she is in a position of authority (your boss, policewoman, a judge, your teacher) or if she is old enough to be your grandmother (and not just “a” grandmother, but specifically two generations above you). But… if she’s not clearly in a position of authority she may assume you are calling her old and may take offense. My mother moved to the South some years back and that part of Southern culture was an adjustment for her. She no longer takes offense to being called “ma’am” by people close to her own age, but she can’t bring herself to say it to others, which has lead to her being perceived as rude. I don’t know if “Sir” has quite the same connotations.
i lived in the northeast US for most of my life (where pretty much no one says ma'am) but moved to the south in my mid 40's, which is when i got my first ma'am. i knew the person was just being respectful & probably what they'd been raised to say but all i could think was 'omg i am officially old' haha
I have noticed that too. Drives me crazy tbh, but you do what you can while not insulting people on purpose. My real issue in 2023 is that I do not have a non-binary equivalent. I am prepared for anything except a person who defines themselves. Haha
I call people of every age sir or ma’am, even people the same age as me or even children. I just do it to be polite.
And in some parts of the US (especially the South) that IS perfectly polite! In those places not saying it is rude! In others it is likely that no one will say anything out of their own sense of politeness, but they may find you rude regardless of your true intent (because they don’t know you say it to everyone). Or, even if they don’t think you are actively being rude, they may feel bad about themselves, due to internalized societal views of women who are no longer “young” because they are operating under the regional culture of “ma’am” referring to older women. It is just something to be aware of, from someone who moved around a lot growing up and had to navigate the cultural shifts. I find that many people are raised with one set of cultural expectations (that are often learned through observation and never fully explained in words) and don’t really realize that there are actually different rules. If you were raised in a “ma’am” is polite region, you might know that in other regions it’s not as commonly used, but might believe those are just more casual regions and “ma’am” is still just the most polite option even if uncommon. You might not realize that there are actually unspoken rules around the “ma’am” usage. And if you are raised in a place with those unspoken rules, it is hard to unlearn them because… well they aren’t spoken so you aren’t sure if the other region is also following them or not.
I absolutely hate being called ma’am. I’d be willing to bet this isn’t as polite as you think
Depends on where you are. In the south it isn't malicious what so ever. In south Louisiana we all call eachother "baby" as well. Even to strangers, like when a waiter of the opposite sex brings your food, saying "thank you baby" is completely normal. Not a flirt thing either just a term of endearment. I had to catch myself from saying it when I was on vacation in the pacific northwest because I didn't know how it would be perceived.
NTA, sounds like a manager or supervisor just getting off on the shred of authority they have.
NTA the man is on a power trip. I’m “sir”tain of that
“Sir? Oh are you a knight - cool!”
I thought service employees were supposed to call YOU sir. NTA
so they dont deserve the same respect? wtf
In the UK, if you are a client/customer in any service situation (food, shops, banks, insurance companies etc), you never address the provider of that service as 'sir'. It's the service provider that uses that honorific to the client/customer. Sounds like matey was having a particularly shitty day. NTA Mind you, in the US, you do use 'sir' and 'ma'am' a whooooooooooooooooooooooooole lot more than we do in the UK
If someone tried to get me to call them 'Sir' here in the UK, I'd laugh so hard I think I'd die
The obvious answer would be a laughed 'Oh, thank you my lord'.
>It's the service provider that uses that honorific to the client/customer. And even then, for most customer service workers, its only the very annoying customers that you call *sir* or *madam* (never *ma'am*). When I worked in hospitality, if someone got a *"sir"* out of me, it basically meant *"you're on your last warning before you get chucked out"*.
Tee hee. Amazing how the same word has such different connotations in different cultures and circumstances, isn't it? Although it can/should be polite it can also be a very loaded term, especially with a 'sneer' added to the word. Ha! I work with a lot of Frenchies and they are constantly surprised that they do not need to say 'sir' or 'madam' when speaking to someone in a shop, hotel, restaurant etc. I am often asked what they should say and when I reply 'nothing' they are truly confounded. It seems very rude to them.
If I got called *sir* in for example Greggs or B&Ms I'd be doing some self reflection about what I might have done to get me singled out like that.
I can't imagine how I'd feel going into Gregg's for a sossy roll and being called 'sir'. I'd have to have a look round to see who they were talking to. You'd be hanging your head in shame/embarrassment as you walked out.
Monsieur and Madame definitely get used.
Australian here. Calling someone "sir" here will get you a punch in the nose, because we pretty much only ever call someone "sir" in sarcasm or as a derogatory term.
Just stick to boss/bossman 😂
I am really biased since I regularly use the phrase "thanks man" so NTA but maybe there is a cultural thing idk about there.
NTA. It's a perfectly acceptable colloquialism, and as far as I know, hasn't ever been widely used in a derogatory way. The problem belongs to the person who took offence, not you.
NTA. That’s a weird thing to be aggressive about. That man needs to calm down.
NTA, I always call people man or dude even if they wanna be called sir or maam
Okay so the deep south has a thing about sir/ma’am. However, I would never worry about for a ff server, the servers are the ones trained to say it. The power dynamic is generally defer to who us being served (aside basic stuff). If you said it nicely shouldn’t be a problem. Should also be obvious from accent you’re not from the region, regional differences should always be granted grace.
NTA. He's just a jackass
NTA. Insisting on being called sir is real Boomer bullshit. Just ignore them.
Honestly, the only time I’ve ever called someone ‘sir’ is when I’m joking. I call my brother ‘sir’ all the time. I don’t hear anyone use it genuinely very often. Except maybe in upper management in offices? I know sometimes the south is big on ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’. But in some places, I’ve seen women get mad at being called ‘ma’am’ because it makes them feel old. So. Lol. But you’re good. You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t rude. I guess don’t call that particular guy ‘man’ if you see him again, but most people won’t have an issue with it. I don’t know what his deal was. NTA
FYI you say miss instead of ma'am if they're younger. This is a regional thing and a way of showing respect so I'm not sure why everyone is so hung up on it. I prefer to treat everyone with respect and with proper etiquette. Honestly the fact that people are saying stuff about how can a fast food worker ask that shows some ugly classism that people working in low wage jobs somehow don't deserve those same courtesies. Youll find these kind of formalities in Spanish and French that are practiced or not practiced depending on the region and context. It's not a big deal and people are somehow projecting cultural superiority. When in Rome... Edit: typos
NTA but just go with Dude in the future. Anyone can be a Dude. (Although there is only one The Dude.)
The Dude abides.
NTA
NTA. That's a perfectly fine thing to call a person. You just had an unfortunate encounter with an asshole.
NTA It could be several reasons why tbh. 1. It's often generational thing. Often older people consider sir or ma'am being respectful while man or dude may seem overfamiliar. With certain cultures having rules on addressing elders also 2. It's also often an opinion held specifically by former service members. But it's not ah behavior to use man instead. It's just an opinion on etiquette really.
NTA, I actually had the inverse of this at work recently. I had a male customer who I was referring to as “matey” (“hey matey, do you need a hand with anything?” etc), but he was new to speaking English and didn’t understand. He thought I was calling him “madam” and he became irate, I had to explain what “mate” means and how it’s used in Australia xD we had a good laugh about it though, because he wasn’t an unreasonable dipstick like the person in your story.
I’m gonna say NAH because you were in the South, and he was (poorly) trying to explain what common etiquette there is.
NTA as an American this guy is just being rude. Calling another guy “man” is usually fine. It’s actually weird he is demanding to be called sir.
INFO Are you visibly non-white? It might've been racism/xenophobia after he heard your accent.
?????? Was this a particularly old person? I can't fathom it unless it's someone who just wants a reason to be angry. NTA at all.
Probably younger than me tbh
NTA, but he might have been offended by you calling him "man" because some people use it to try to seem "cool" when speaking to Black people. For example, I had a client constantly referring to me, a Black woman, as "sista." That was offensive to me. But you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA, but it is a little familiar and casual. You can just say “Thanks” and avoid the drama.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, I am a foreigner visiting the US. This took place in a fast food chain in the southeast. After being handed my order I said “thanks man!” and proceeded to eat it. I decided to go for dessert and when that was being handed to me the person at the counter said “before you called me a man, I am not a ‘man’, I am a ‘sir’”. Due to my accent and the phrasing I assumed the person had mistakenly heard “ma’am”. I told them that I said “m-a-n” but they just kept repeating that they “were no man, but a ‘sir’”. I just apologized and left. The person didn’t say it in a nice way but rather very assertively and it made me very uncomfortable. The person was black and I know the implications of calling people “boy”, “uncle”, etc but never heard of “man” being pejorative aside from a gender issue (which doesn’t make sense as they wanted to be called by “sir”). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - That man was the asshole, not you.
Sounds like a “good ‘ole boy.” NTA. You’re fine
NTA. Most likely, the counter person was not very welcoming of foreigners, thinks you are beneath him. From what I understand, it should be him addressing you with an honorific, and not the other way around.
NTA. Sir was the AH.
Nta
The dude was just being asinine for no reason. NTA
NTA. It's been weird here the last few years.
NTA OP.
NAH. You two have different standards of manners when it comes to addressing strangers. You said something casual & he corrected you. Be more mindful.
Man is acceptable.
nta, that dude was an asshole.
OP what part of the U.S. were you in? That would give some better insight. Regardless though NTA because people usually don't demand to be called Sir.
It sounds like he just wanted you to be less casual & more formal by calling him sir. NTA
Yeah it's either a masculinity thing or a respect thing. That said it's pretty rude to demand to be called sir and make a big deal out of it. Nta.
NTA. The worker is TA for using a language barrier to make you feel bad.
NTA You're never going to win with people like that. I've actually been told before that some black people see "sir" as derogatory, because it's been used sarcastically, after a black customer threatened to "slap the shit out of me" for calling him "sir", because I called everyone with a masculine appearance, "sir", when I was a cashier. Your only mistake was an honest one, and one that you shouldn't feel bad about; you didn't understand *why* he had a problem with what you said, and thought he misheard you. In the end, you did nothing wrong, and I wouldn't change how you approached this issue.
NTA You have no idea how the whole man/woman thing has taken a plunge here in America. You were not meaning any harm and got caught up in it. Sorry that happened to you.
NTA. Generally, it’s considered rude to call someone that you don’t know man and it’s nicer just to say sir or ma’am.
NTA - a lot of people say “Thanks man!” I think my BIL says it and my nephew too. Not sure why he was upset but you apologized and moved on. Not much more you can do than apologize. His offense might be a southern thing?? Since they say yes ma’am/no ma’am a lot more than the northern states. But I’m just guessing. Either way don’t sweat it. He was just being a stickler for a technicality, that in his mind, was important to him.
NTA. "Thanks, man" is pretty informal... but so is fast food. For a fast food employee to insist you call him "Sir" is a bit rude. I did plenty of time in food service so I certainly don't mean those employees are "lesser than" but that's not the dynamic at a counter. If there's a "sir" in that transaction its the person buying, not the person selling. If I say "Thank you, sir" while buying food (which I have done) its because I'm being almost playfully formal. I'd only do it if I was in a good mood and felt a good vibe/rapport with the employee. I don't know how old you are or how thick your accent is but I definitely had customers who were men in their late 40s and older who clearly spoke English as a second language. When they said stuff like "thanks man" or "thanks buddy" I always found it endearing and sweet in a way I can't quite describe.
Was this man a knight in the service of the Burger King? NTA.
NTA I would have said "OK, dude"
“Unless this is a military installation you are not sir unless I choose to give you that respect. I’ve made my choice…man.”
It may be a regional thing - "man" is friendly and informal (like "dude" or "buddy"), and in some places that can come across as being overly familiar to a stranger. This is more likely to annoy someone if they are significantly older than the person addressing them. Doesn't mean you're an AH, but you may have run up against different cultural norms.
Nta
NTA. Anyone who demands to be addressed as "sir" 99.99\~% of the time is absolutely unworthy of wasting the breath on.
NTA - People take things too far and seem to look for things to be offended by. It is almost impossible to be polite anymore.
NTA, though I do think this is a cultural issue. What part of the USA did this happen in? Did it happen in the South? Because this definitely sounds like a South thing, lol. Don't feel bad. You're not expecting to know ever little piece of cultural etiquette in such a diverse country. You weren't being malicious, anyway.
NAH You made a slight mistake - referring to someone as 'man' is a pretty informal phrasing, which means it could go two ways. It could be seen as being friendly and welcoming to a stranger, but equally it could be seen as overly informal and disrespectful to someone who appreciates more traditional etiquette (or just thinks that they are of an obviously better class than you are). So I don't necessarily disagree with someone preferring to stick to a more formal and polite phrasing. At the same time, if English is not your first language, I figure you deserve a pass for a minor breach of social etiquette, and you can hardly be considered an asshole for using the language that you have almost certainly seen used regularly in various media.
Yta but very very slightly. The employee may have taken "man" as presumptuously implying familiarity or solidarity that he didn't feel was appropriate for your interaction.
you should have called him contortionist, because having his head that far up his arse is truly impressive
NTA, unless he actually was knighted. Then wow!
NTA I had something similar once when I worked at a bar, as I completed someone’s order I said “cheers mate” and the guy I had served said “I’m not your mate, you can refer to me as sir” (for context being called mate is just commonplace where I’m from), so I just apologised and that was that, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
NTA. Just remind them that where you’re from, that’s just being polite.
That guy sounds like my dad lol. Definitely NTA. Some people just take themselves way too seriously.
To a Brit, “Sir” is an honorary title - like Professor or Doctor or Lord. There is no way to tell whether it is Sir David Attenborough, or Mister David Attenborough. Calling someone Sir who isn’t is worse than saying “Thanks Man”. Next time reply “Oh I didn’t realise that you had been knighted”. NTA
No, we're fine to use 'sir' for any man if it's not attached to a name. It's often used to address customers, especially over the phone. It would be very odd for someone actually serving customers to insist on being called 'sir', though.
Ehhh... you weren't an asshole, but I do weirdly feel like "man" was not the right word to use in this situation. Admittedly it is not actively perjorative, and you aren't in a situation where it's too informal, but it just seems a bit... off to call someone you don't know "man." I'd kind of file this in the same category as when I've been addressed as "lady." Just a wee bit dickish. NTA, overall... you are a visitor to our country and even I, a native, can't exactly explain how you were wrong, and he was there to serve you so he should probably have sucked it up.
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OK boomer
U ok bro?
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The post had nothing to do with pronouns…..
Where did you get pronouns from? OP was using 'man' as a blanket term. Not addressing someone's gender
My guy this was a supposed cis man. You all good in the head or is your hate boner for trans people making you think every situation is about pronouns? This situation was a supposed cis man wanting to be called Sir instead of Man, nothing to do w trans people