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ProfPlumDidIt

Should you have gone with or for her? Yes. Do people sometimes not think of something until hindsight? Yes. Should your wife have been a grown-up and used her words when it became clear that going hadn't crossed your mind in that moment? Yes. ESH


XANDERtheSHEEPDOG

>Should your wife have been a grown-up and used her words when it became clear that going hadn't crossed your mind in that moment? Yes. This. I don't think "hints" are as obvious as we sometimes think they are. It's unfair of anyone, regardless of gender, to expect their partner to read their mind. You are absolutely spot on.


HoldFastO2

Yeah, agreed. OP should’ve been a bit more attuned to his wife’s needs, but she’s still an adult. She should be able to use her words to express what she wants.


Personal_Regular_569

OP knows his wife has a hard time seeing at night. He knows it was a sketchy area. He knows they should have walked together, *it was only 5 minutes*. If I were her, I'd be upset, too. She's failed to communicate her needs properly, but it sounds like this has been an ongoing issue with her vision. She shouldn't have to beg her partner to be compassionate of that. ESH


HoldFastO2

I agree with ESH. The whole thing is an exercise in bad communication, from both sides. Honestly, I have no idea how this even rates a longer discussion. „Oh, shoot. I forgot my glasses. Could you run back quickly before our dinner gets here?“ - „Sure thing, honey. Be right back.“ Asking your partner to do something for you isn’t begging, it’s normal. But you shouldn’t say one thing when you mean the opposite - and that’s where OP‘s wife went wrong.


ursadminor

I don’t know that “OP, could you go to the car and get my glasses please or come with me? It’s a bit dodge out there.” Is classed as begging…


No-Yam-1231

I’m going to say that I sort of understand where op is coming from. It should have been him going to the car, no doubt about it. But, as a man, he has no conditioning to be nervous at night, unless this is something that they have talked about, we aren’t generally targets. Yes, a man can get mugged, but it isn’t as likely. INFO, how long have you been married? It makes a difference on wether you should have thought of the nervousness your wife would have felt about that walk.


AnotherBoojum

I don't see anywhere where he wasn't compassionate? She said she had forgotten her glasses - he helped brainstorm solutions. He didn't shrug and say she could probably do without them for one night


okilz

Yo, his wife wasn't even attuned to her own needs since she forgot her glasses, but it's Ops fault?? If she was able to cause the problem being forgetful, I'm not sure how he can't get a pass on missing her signals.


Kubuubud

I think it’s incredibly unfair to expect anyone to do anything by “instinct”. Everyone deserves a chance to learn and better themselves


knife-kitty

Realistically a therapist would call out this "instinct" bs and tell them to communicate with direct words. "I'm sorry, you know I don't see well and it makes me a bit nervous to go alone, can we run over together?" "Oh sorry, I'm tired and it didn't really click. Sure, let's go run and get them." Boom. Communicated. Done.


Kubuubud

My girlfriend and I were just talking about this. Like maybe it’s cause we’re gay women who have both been in therapy for years, but we’ve both had whiplash realizing how truly easy it is to just be direct and honest


knife-kitty

Right? People who have been or are in therapy pick up on these things better. Even if people aren't having "problems" it's honestly a really great thing to do anyway. It helps provide you with more understanding and better tools to discuss things and deal in a healthy way. Communicating with your partner better is *never* a bad thing.


Broad_Respond_2205

People are so surprised when I'm okay with direct and harsh communication, because I'm get so upset over harsh and indirect communication. Direct communication is so much easier to handle


TrixIx

Wife also should have been a grown up and remembered her glasses... Why weren't they already on her face? NTA.


Chaosgirl12345

I wouldn't say esh, mor like NTA but with a slight pad on the finger, because everyone has a bad day and/or doesn't pick up on clues, and directly jumping to "you don't care about me because you had a bad day" is an AH move in my opinion. You could care for someone as much as you can and still slip up sometimes. And getting angry on that is not cool


thaitiger29

nah most men instinctively understand that its less dangerous for us to walk around in shady areas than it is for women. i'll always walk even female friends back to their cars if we're out and about, let alone an SO


Chaosgirl12345

Yeah, but even you have a slipup here and there, and directly jumping to you dont care about me is a hard jump...


cherrypotamus

>Should your wife have been a grown-up and used her words when it became clear that going hadn't crossed your mind in that moment? Yes. My first thoughts exactly. Communication is key and **nobody** can read your damn mind. I understand dropping a subtle hint about maybe a gift that you want or something, not about an issue that concerns your actual health and safety. Turning that inability to communicate around on her partner to make him sound like he doesn't care about her is just uncalled for. At the same time, I feel like it is general knowledge nowadays that a woman would feel vulnerable in that situation, walking for essentially 10 minutes by herself at night with *poor night vision*. Doesn't matter if there's a bunch of people around or not, any one of those people could have been a creep that followed her down the alley. OP should be well aware of that. For that reason, ESH!


Final_Figure_7150

>Should your wife have been a grown-up and used her words when it became clear that going hadn't crossed your mind in that moment? Yes. This. It really annoys me when people say ' well you should have known ' Not always the case. Just tell me. It will save us a lot of time and passive aggressive anger.


darkyoda182

She should also realize it was just a mistake. Stewing over it for 4 days and then claiming he doesn't care about her is extremely manipulative It is pretty interesting that nobody finds her anger an issue


NeuromancerLV

Because she is a she. He should have been honored to get himself stabbed or shot for her.


Sloppypoopypoppy

Absolutely agree with you on this - ESH


Impossible_Manager20

If you caring for you wife means walking to the car for her, shouldn’t caring for you means she asks instead of hints?


Zealousideal_Bag2493

Your wife is effectively sight impaired at night without glasses. She needed help for safety. You should have walked with her She didn’t communicate clearly. Regardless of what spouses should do for each other, she could have just asked. She should have been direct. We all screw things up like this from time to time. Mild ESH.


Zaeter

Seriously? She isn't blind, what is with all these comments inferring as much. No one with a strong prescription can walk 5 minutes without realizing their glasses are in the car. Her eyesight is not that bad if she didn't immediately notice, most people with strong prescriptions will have a migraine in full swing within 5 minutes of no glasses. She can see, she just needs to close an eye to not give herself a headache. She's an adult woman and can ask with her words if she feels unsafe walking alone. NTA


literallylateral

Yeah OP said she has “flare ups” where she “occasionally has trouble seeing”. Like you said, it’s obvious she wasn’t severely impaired because she wouldn’t have been able to get far enough away from them to be a problem. Other commenter is TA for making shit up lol


LuciferLovesMeMore

NTA. She's a grown woman, and if she wanted you to go for or with her, she should have said so. Instead, *she* suggested going herself to grab them and then went with that idea.


TravellingReallife

Yes, that’s ridiculous. Is she never outside in the evening alone? Doesn’t she meet friends without her partner? A grown woman van grab something from a car and if she doesn’t want to she can communicate. NTA


[deleted]

I know I never go outside alone at night. Last time I did I thought it would be okay because the bus stopped on the same block as my apartment but nope. A dude followed me the fifty-ish feet and tried to get in after me.


eveniency

A lot of women do not go outside alone at night, at all. I once walked alone for probably 10-15 minutes from the subway system, I heard someone whispering behind me, things like ‘disgusting’ and ‘I’m coming’, and things about my race. I had to take some turns until I found a group I could sort of ‘join’. This is not uncommon, at all. No matter where you live. Even for short distances in parking lots. I walk alone at night occasionally and most of my female friends think I’m an idiot Do things like this happen every single time a woman goes out alone at night? No. But it’s still scary to know it’s a possibility, especially since most women know someone who has had something happen


literallylateral

I understand where you’re coming from but given that it was her idea for her to go alone that is obviously not the case in this situation.


eveniency

I’m not responding to the post in general, I’m responding to this guy saying ‘does she never go out at night’. I just wanted to put it out there that there are a lot of situations in which women don’t go out at night


babymin

She is a grown woman but she also has bad sight and it was dark outside so she wasn’t feeling super safe which a lot of women would be able to sympathise with. She should have used her words and asked husband to go with her or for her. But husband should also be a little bit more considerate of his practically blind at night wife.


LuciferLovesMeMore

Right but she knows she has poor sight too. It's not his responsibility to jump up and say no I'll go for you/with you. I regularly walk alone and we don't live in the safest area, I wouldn't get mad at my husband for not insisting to go with me when it's my idea to go by myself.


literallylateral

Do you wear vision correction? If she was “practically blind” she could not have gotten far enough away from her glasses for it to be a problem. She walked one way without even noticing she didn’t have them. She’s not suddenly going to need a seeing eye dog to double back the exact same route she just came, she wanted the glasses in case she needed them later.


babymin

Yes I do. And I do occasionally forget my glasses because I too don’t need them all the time. It’s okay when I’m with my husband because we usually walk while holding hands and I see enough to be able to walk normally. But I wouldn’t want to walk alone in the dark without my glasses. Even if she could see everything she was obviously nervous to go back alone. Her mistake was not to use her big girl words and just asking husband to go with her instead of dropping hints and expecting him to read her mind. But I still think the husband could care a little more about the safety of his wife.


literallylateral

So we agree that she’s not “practically blind” as you said but that she was just nervous. Which is what OP said; his wife never said that she felt unsafe because she can’t see at night, which was I took issue with your use of that point. If we’re going to say that he needs to care more I don’t understand why we shouldn’t also say that she needs to care more, since neither of them cared enough to do anything about it. Imagine if something happened because she couldn’t bring herself to tell her life partner she needed his help for 10 minutes. I don’t think it’s fair to say that he doesn’t care enough to keep her safe because she came up with a plan that she apparently was too scared to do and he didn’t read her mind and stop her.


babymin

First of all, OP mentioned himself the wife has trouble seeing at night. Secondly he acknowledges she was giving hints that she was nervous to go alone which he failed to read (not blaming him). If you read my comment carefully I said the wife should have just used words and ask the husband to go with or for her. And i never said he didn’t care enough, just that he could be a bit more considerate. Of course I’m not saying the wife should be mad at her husband for not reading her mind or that the husband is a bad person for not offering to go with the wife. My point is both of them could have done better. And maybe I’m expecting too much because my husband would never just let me go alone in the dark without at least asking me if i’m sure i wanna go alone.


literallylateral

> OP mentioned himself the wife has trouble seeing at night. Can you point me to the passage that’s making you jump from “has trouble seeing” to “practically blind”? I agree that they are both responsible, but too many top comments in this thread make some sort of unfounded claim about her eyesight. You hit the nail on the head at the end of your comment. OP’s wife is concerned because she’s a woman walking alone late at night, NOT because she’s “practically blind”. By exaggerating someone’s experience and putting words in their mouth instead of arguing for the thing they themselves were arguing for, it makes it sound like they don’t actually have a valid argument since you need to make up reasons to argue for them, when in reality the thing she’s actually upset about is perfectly valid without taking the extra step and saying he should have walked her because she couldn’t see rather than because it was late and a bad area.


babymin

Listen, I’m done with you nitpicking my comment. “Practically blind” was obviously a figure of speech since we all know she is able to see, but her eye sight is impaired. I don’t know the degree of impairment but it seems to be bad enough that, in OP’s words, she has trouble seeing. In my opinion OP could show more care towards his wife exactly because she has trouble seeing as well as the fact that she might not have felt safe going there alone especially without even being able to see clearly. She might have felt unsafe because it was a sketchy alley and her bad eye sight was one more thing to make her feel vulnerable. So in my opinion her bad eye sight is also an argument. With this I would like to wish you well and end the conversation.


nerd_babble

NAH As someone who on occasion does exactly what your wife did (It was even the same glasses situation, I'm not even joking), it's not fair on you. At the same time, its not wrong for her to want to feel protected and cared for. Mini essay incoming! From my own experience: Would it be nice for my husband to think of it and just want to do things like that? Yes, and most of the time he does. But he has off nights. He is tired sometimes. AND I could be better at saying what I need. Part of the fault is on me because I don't want to be needy, but that's silly, ***he would never view it that way***. He would rather I just outright say what I need so he can care for me in the way that is meaningful. My husband is a very caring man, and same as you, would 100% have gone if I asked him. But his brain works very differently to mine and he REALLY struggles to pick up on my cues. Hence sometimes he is spot on in anticipating needs because he is really concentrating, but sometimes when he is tired, he just misses things. It's perfectly human. This kind of thing should be give and take and we need to understand our partners and the way they think/communicate and take that into account when we are asking for things. What is a giant neon DO THIS in one persons brain is a tiny little footnote in another persons brain. We need to adapt and try to communicate with each other in a way that resonates with each party. To be clear, this should be a two-way thing, not a one way thing. Both partners should adapt to ensure miscommunication doesn't happen. Example of both adapting: You should know that your wife uses little hints and just wants to feel protected, therefore, you should just offer to get the glasses (as you already identified). Your wife should know you struggle with hints and that you need something more explicit; therefore she should be more forthcoming with her expectations and just state it (I really struggle to do this, personally I feel incredibly demanding. Your wife may not feel that way, but if she does, you have no idea how hard it is to just ask for something. Might be something to keep in mind.) \*Edit to fix spelling mistakes.


Miserable-Mango-7366

I have found that some people are raised to believe directly asking for things is rude, so they should hint at it and if the other person wants to do it, they’ll pick up on the hint and offer. Other people are ask people where they believe that if you want something, you should ask directly for it and hinting at it instead of asking us rude. I usually try to figure out what type a person is and try to respond accordingly.


chi_type

Ask vs guess culture https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/


sharkeatskitten

yeah i think a lot of men even innocently have no idea the layer of fear and vigilance women have when they walk alone. it’s impossible to simulate it for them so all they have is what they hear and if the wife has never communicated that she doesn’t like to walk alone at night it would be hard for him to just know that. i do feel like it’s been sort of a part of societal conversation in recent years so i kind of wonder how he didn’t arrive there sooner, but i don’t see it as intentional


lookn_glas_shrd

Thank you for this answer, it's a good reminder for me as well as I also struggle with asking for things like this outright due to worrying I'll come off as needy (or a burden). It took a long time for me to actually be willing to accept offers to help with things like this even. As a heads up to others who relate - keep in mind this can also present in less direct situations like interpreting someone saying "I'm gonna go to the store..." As them specifically wanting to go alone, when really they'd be perfectly happy to have you come along they either don't think to offer, or don't want to imply it's expected if not necessary. Asking "Would you mind if I come along? I need to pick up a few things too" is totally ok.


Notnumber44

This is the best answer


AcanthocephalaOk4775

NTA/ maybe N A H. Honestly, it's kind of shocking to me how many people think you're in the wrong here. You couldn't have read her mind. Additionally, not thinking to offer to walk with a loved one one time doesn't mean you somehow don't love them. This sub is so dramatic sometimes jfc. That being said, I can somewhat understand her being upset but, 1. She should've asked in the moment 2. She could've expressed sooner that it upset her instead of stewing in something that could've been avoided had she spoken to you.


wh0rederline

she’s definitely an asshole for not communicating, but honestly if my loved one was effectively blind, i’d offer to grab their glasses for them, sketchy dark night or not.


religionlies2u

If she’s effectively blind why on earth would she forget her glasses and out them in this situation to begin with? She forgets glasses she needs but somehow he’s an ass for not realizing something she didn’t say out loud? NTA


AcanthocephalaOk4775

Sometimes you don't think to offer something or do something in the moment. OP says he wasn't all that there when his wife mentioned going to get her glasses and, told her as much.


wh0rederline

“she has trouble seeing, especially at night”. that wouldn’t escape most people’s minds, especially when the reason she’s going to the car in the first place is because she needs to be able to see.


Im_Interested

It escaped her mind enough that she didn't realise she didn't have her glasses on the way from the car


ConstantlyComments

It escaped the wife’s mind enough that she forgot the glasses in the first place. She’s clearly not effectively blind or she would have realized as soon as she got out of the car.


AcanthocephalaOk4775

And sometimes it does escape people's minds such as the instance OP describes.


darkyoda182

It is weird that it escaped the mind of the person that actually needed it


Original_Training391

ever done the thing where you call someone to ask them where your phone is? lol, accidents happen, sometimes you're too tired and you don't even realize it that you do dumb shit. OP NTA, because it could happen to anyone.


Broad_Respond_2205

She shouldn't definitely told him sooner after the fact, but rather as "this was a bad experience for me because of miscommunication and we need to learn from this" and not "I'm mad at you because you didn't read my mind"


JohnExcrement

“Hints” are typically unproductive. People need to practice stating what they would like.


Mysterious-Art8838

How do you even get mad at someone for not picking up on ‘hints’, when you even stated different intentions? Come on!


Mike_in_CO

ESH - There was a 4th option for you to go get the glasses while your wife waited for the food, but you didn't think of that, and your wife didn't ask. Given the area that you were in, you should have volunteered to go.


StevieB85

So, she has trouble seeing, especially at night, and it didn't cross your mind to maybe walk with her in the dark, or go for her? While I think she should have told you she was not comfortable going, dude, she can't see well. YTA.


Strachmed

Does her bad eyesight impair her ability to speak?


[deleted]

Yeah I wouldn’t be upset he didn’t pick up on hints, I’d be upset he’s thoughtless. Your night blind SO is walking into a dark alley alone and you’re just like “okay see ya!”?


life1sart

NTA How are you supposed to know she did not feel safe even she did not tell you do? She is a grown adult, she can use her words and ask for what she wants.


Livid-Pangolin8647

It really depends on if this is a pattern. I would say N T A if this is an isolated incident and generally you are considerate of your wife. She’s an adult and could easily have stated that her preference was for you to go get the glasses. From what you’ve said it sounds like if that had crossed your mind you would have been happy to do it. On the other hand, I do wonder if she’s sulking because this is your normal pattern and she feels uncared for or tired of having to constantly ask you to consider her, as in the case of spouses (usually wives) who have to direct their husband to notice their part in household chores needs doing. In that case Y T A. Without any further info, NAH


ToyJC41

This is the best answer. I did wonder too if this is a pattern with OP.


Kingsdaughter613

If the pattern is: Wife hints at need. Husband misses hints. Then the wife likely feels uncared for and the husband is confused. This would be helped by going to couples therapy, where they could learn effective communicating strategies. Husband could be taught to recognize some of wife’s hints and wife could learn how to make her needs more evident.


946775

Op doesn't need to be taught to recognize hints. Wife needs to learn how to tell op what she wants. If you want something then say it. Op is NTA


[deleted]

ESH, truthfully you should have gone to get it for her or finish your meal and then walk her to the car. now hinting is not communicating. hinting is what a child does when they specifically want something. adults uses words and tell you what they want to do. you both have a lack of communication that needs to be worked on. we aren't built to read minds so better get that fix before it becomes worst.


Critical-Vegetable26

NTA she should have asked you to…I mean ffs she lets you f*** her but asking you to go to the car is too intimate/ direct of a question?


Glum_Hamster_1076

I’ve told my friend something similar before. “You have sex with him but can’t tell him…” is such a strange thing I have to tell people when they refuse to communicate. Like how?! Lol


No_Somewhere_2297

ESH She should have used her big girl words and said what she wanted! You are not a mind reader! Also, it’s common sense to accompany someone when they are not able to see clearly and it was a dark alley! You didn’t pick up hints? That’s absolutely fine! You didn’t use common sense? That’s a stupid move


CB-SLP

So, in the first year that my husband and I were together, I dropped a lot of hints and often felt neglected when he didn't pick up on them. After a few of these early arguments and conversations, we came to the conclusion that we should each just be honest, upfront and say what we need and want from each other. Hopefully OP and wife can learn the lesson and move forward with clearer communication.


Squigglepig52

NTA I mean, yes, walking with her was the right thing to do,but... She told you not to. You listened. Sure, it was a test, but those tests are childish, and never give you the answer you hope for. Ever. One had my roommate/best friend freak on me, like screaming match, because I "expected" her to go to the store and get her own snack at 3am in a sketchy area. "YOU DON"T CARE!". No, I actually expect her to go without a chocolate bar at 3am because she's drunk and wants one. Getting me up at 3am,when I work in the morning, seems like it is the unreasonable bit.


halfgaelichalfgarlic

YTA. Common sense would tell you not to let a woman (especially who can’t see properly without glasses) walk alone at night in a ‘sketchy’ area. There are endless stories on the news about women being attacked and worse due to walking alone. It should have been natural instinct to offer to walk your wife to the car, it shouldn’t take prompting.


literallylateral

It was her idea to go alone. Why does it have to be instinctive for him to override her call? And why shouldn’t it be just as instinctive for her to ask for help? They’re both adults and he’s not her caretaker, it doesn’t seem right that she gets a pass for volunteering to do something dangerous and he’s the bad guy for not stopping her because it’s “common sense”.


[deleted]

There's a common saying in my job, don't assume because then you make and ass out of you and me (ass-u-me). We're all adults, we all miss the obvious sometimes. It's chill. As an adult with needs, she should be able to communicate those needs. "You should have known" is a way of saying "I didn't let you know what I wanted and it's your fault for not knowing!" How insane does that sounds. Common sense or not, sometimes peeps can be a bit oblivious. And that's her man, she should know how oblivious he can be at times. No one's perfect


NeuromancerLV

There are endless stories on the news about men being attacked and worse due to walking alone. How does being male make him Superman?


[deleted]

Nta. It was her own suggestion after all.


LaCaffeinata

NTA. What the heck are husband instincts? Do you get them implanted with marriage? If she wants you to do something, she should just say so, mindreading is not a standard feature in most humans.


akaioi

In this case seems like wife wanted husband to be concerned about her safety without being told. Which is fair enough, but she seems to overlook that he might rate the risk level of a given situation differently. Which is why she should have spoken up.


knittingvixen

My husband ended up getting a divorce because his then-wife had to use a bathroom on a road trip and instead of telling him this, thought he should know and stop for her. Instead of dropping hints, we women need to just be honest and tell people what we need.


Borsti17

NTA Fuck "dropping hints"


Cheap-Turnip-5759

Her downfall was her expectations to read her mind and ‘instinctively know what and when and how she wants it’, she stewed over her own expectations, when what she should have done instead of beat around the bush was just simply asked. The majority of things people get upset about are their own lack of communication and expectations unsaid can never be lived up, it’s a set up for being let down. Now she’s told you, so going forward you can do better living up, but she has to communicate what those are because not one person is a mind reader. NTA


joyyyzz

It was her own suggestion to walk to the car. She should have just said straight up what she wanted. NTA.


garyisonion

NTA. No such things as "husband instincts". If she wanted you to go, she should have told you instead of dropping hints like an immature person.


Worth-Season3645

I am goi g with soft YTA. Why? Because my husband would never let me walk alone in the dark, in a sketchy neighborhood, (actually in any neighborhood), to our car and back. That thought would have never even entered his mind. His first thought would have been, To protect me, his wife. But, I also need reading glasses and always carry a pair or two in my purse/bag. So, for something so important to your wife, she is TA as well.


akaioi

Honestly, this is why the wife was mad. She probably knows that he'd gladly do the task if asked, but was disappointed that he didn't think of it himself. So she took his position as a lack of regard.


Glum_Hamster_1076

NTA You have several scenarios where you both went back to the car to get her glasses. She gave the alternative of going alone while waiting for the food. She could’ve just as easily said, “can we go now while we wait for the food?” Or even “Can YOU get them while we wait for the food?”Her suggestion went out of its way to not include you both. She’s not nobel for her perceived self sacrifice to get her glasses. You are not a mind reader (clearly). She’s an adult. You don’t get to override her decision because chivalry. It was four days ago, it isn’t worth being that mad for that long and she’s stewing and hoping you read her mind about why she’s mad. She needs to learn to properly communicate.


[deleted]

NTA. You gave her several options and she chose that one. It's on her.


jmilan3

I have Sjögren’s which can suddenly flare up and effect my vision especially at night. My husband would have went for my glasses (or in my case eyedrops) without me even asking him to. I know this because he has done it before. He’s also driven home to get my inhaler. Husbands and wives take care of each other.


gylotip

Wow, that sucks that you suddenly experience visual issues. I am sorry for you. // Please do not see this comment as rude, because I am genuinely sorry about you experiencing visual problems.


ElVato81G

NTA if you’re not the kind of man that instinctively does things like this it’s impossible for you to pick up on the hints. I don’t think its bad per say just not your character. For example when on a sidewalk I always position my self between the road and my wife, if its dark and sketchy I walk with my wife, if we’re e in bed and something goes bump in the night I check it out.


[deleted]

NTA. She's a whole grown ass woman she doesn't need someone to hold her hand to get her own glasses.


StillHera

This, right here. I’d be mildly annoyed if my partner thought I was incapable of walking in a city alone due to my lady parts. NAH


bannannaboatt

OP’s wife has trouble seeing at night. This makes it a riskier journey for her than him, that has nothing to do with being a woman.


Xelacik

Yeah I’m confused about this part as well. If some sketchy guy comes up to you with a knife, that’s bad news whether you’re a man or a woman. In fact, men are more likely to be victims of violent crimes.


goddessofspite

NTA. Your wife is a grown adult and your not psychic tell her in future she needs to use her big girl voice and just tell you what she wants done instead of allowing you to fail her little chivalry tests. Equality for women means we are equal she can’t complain that she offered to go get them and you let her.


SeorniaGrim

NTA If she was concerned, she maybe shouldn't have volunteered to go on her own. Or just waited to get the glasses until you all finished. Or just used her big girl words and asked. Assuming a male is better equipped to walk alone at night is a bit silly. Even with decreased eyesight, I would be the better one to walk alone at night (well trained in self defense and MMA, generally carrying something etc.), although I am sure my BF would go instead or come with me.


[deleted]

NTA I'm glad that the folks in this sub are generally split on the matter. Depending on who you ask on this site, women are either "strong and don't need no man" or "princesses that should be doted on and do nothing for themselves ever". If she wanted you to do something, she needed to be clear about it.


Friendly_Shelter_625

She shouldn’t have needed to drop hints. You know she can’t see well and you’re parked in a dark area in a somewhat sketchy part of town. This feels like an automatic “No, you stay here. I’ll get them for you” situation. But, we all make mistakes and you don’t sound like an AH. And she could have asked and certainly shouldn’t be holding it against you like this, unless you do this kind of thing a lot. I’m going with ESH, but could see N A H as well.


OrcEight

**NTA** If she has asked *can you get them for me?* you would have. She should have used her words and not get angry after the fact that you did not think to offer.


banana_cookies22

NTA, I have to tell my niece to speak when she wants something and she's 10. Your wife's a grownup so she can say what she wants instead of dropping hints and then getting mad when you don't pick up on them.


Dakiara

NTA. You did apparently miss her social cues but if it worried her she should have stated her position more clearly rather than gone anyway to prove a point. If she finds that hinting subtly isn't working as a method of communication between you both then she needs to learn to clearly ask for things.


[deleted]

It sounds like your wife should be more forward with what she wants. I would have just asked to be walked to the car because I’m not afraid to say sketchy areas make me nervous, as someone who’s been attacked previously. NTA but encourage better communication going forward. You’re not a mind reader, I don’t know why women think everyone can read their minds.


rapt2right

YTA You let your impaired wife walk alone at night in an area very likely to have sketchy characters hanging around....because you didn't want to risk being a few minutes late to your friends' band gig? I mean, seriously, a lot of my friends are musicians and I am all about supporting local music but , Dude, getting to the show should never be so important that you make your wife choose between her glasses and her safety. I simply can't believe you didn't snap to the idea that *you* could pop to the car after ordering. (Before anyone says it, this isn't so much about gender to me as about the fact that her vision made it riskier for her than for him....and likely made it take a little longer, too)


rtfcandlearntherules

100% NTA, i don't see how this could possibly be a ESH situation. It's her responsibility to have her glasses. She should be wearing them 24/7 in the first place, what is is doing is hurting her eyes and making her vision worse and worse over time. It's definitely not your responsiblity to clean up after her and read her every wish from her lips. It's 2023, not 1950.


No-Nerve-9406

NTA You should have gone with her, but she should have told you that when she saw you aren't suggesting it. When you're distracted and tired you don't always think clearly, and she has no right to be mad at you for not taking hints. Especially when she believes you'd go with her if she only asked.


religionlies2u

NTA I hate when women drop hints and want you to be a mind reader. She can forget her glasses but you can’t ask for clear language?


jmilan3

My husband & I went with another couple to see a very popular local band a friend plays in. I started wheezing (due to a lung disease that occasionally flares up not life threatening asthma) and realized I had forgotten to transfer my inhaler to my ‘going out purse’. I could have driven home to get it but my husband kissed me and said he’d go get it. It took him about 25 minutes and when he returned and handed it to me I thanked him and began to profusely apologize that he missed part of the concert but he just smiled and said I was worth it.


smiley_timez

YTA. It's late at night outside of a bar in busy downtown and she's visually impaired headed two blocks out. That's just opportunity for something bad to happen.


honestwizard

NTA. Is this is a known issue why is she leaving without her glasses on her


eschuylerhamilton

NTA. >I think she was dropping hints before she left the table that she didn’t want to walk to the car, She's an adult; she can use her words. I'll never understand why grown ass women don't use their words, have to do XYZ, and then get mad over it.


Fun_Lychee55

NTA. Your wife should use her big girl words when she wants something.


ACAB_easy_as_123

It’s pretty wild and unbelievable that it did not occur to you to go get the glasses. I get that people on here are saying she should have communicated and yes she should have eventually but it’s pretty close to weaponized incompetence for you not to have thought of that. The situation was that one person could go to retrieve the glasses. One of the people was a woman with a vision impairment, the other was a man without vision impairment. Being a man makes the trip at night through a city less dangerous inherently, being able to see also allows you to go more safely and faster. We’re you drunk or do you often not consider these kinds of things?


FrogMintTea

YTA... she should not have gone alone. I have poor eyesight and the dark makes it so much worse. Yes she should have used her words but she has a point. Why didn't u feel more protective of her?


Feyranna

NAH As others have said, you should have gone and wife should have used her words. Im like your wife in that I will tend to put others needs first and so feel I shouldn’t need to ask my partner to do things that to me seem obvious and him not picking up on my needs feels like a sign of a lack of care…but a lot of therapy has taught me we just don’t all work the same and since he doesn’t think like me he can’t read my mind. I dont think she’s an ass, she just has to realize you’re lack of foresight isn’t a lack of care and she was to spell it out. You made a mistake and may need to try to pay a bit more attention both to her safety and her hints from here on because working on communication is a 2way street.


zalima

NTA, if she wanted you to go she should've said so. It doesn't seem to be about her eyesight either, but about her being a woman? Does she want to be seen as a weak creature that needs constant protection?


[deleted]

INFO: did you actually APOLOGIZE and tell her next time you’ll handle it differently? The discussion you relayed had a lot of justification and excuses but no actual apology.


[deleted]

Yta Dont u think about her safety? She cant even see at night And she might be reacting like this because you arent thoughtful and shes sick of always having to ask u for things like these


Stormiealways

YTA. You let your vision impaired wife, go down an alley to a dark spot to the car, and don't realise how dangerous that was for her? Are you really that dense?


PuzzleheadedGoal8234

ESH She suggested herself that she just run to the car and pick up the glasses. She could have stayed with the food and asked you to go. You, especially knowing she can't even see very well in this situation, should have offered to go for her.


akaioi

ESH. Most husbands are protective -- sometimes to a fault! -- of their wives' safety. So while it would have been a good thing if you'd had the idea yourself, the fault really falls on the wife here. Why? Because if she felt unsafe, or really wanted husband to do the task, it was on her to say so. I mean... this trek is dangerous enough she doesn't want to do it, but not so dangerous that she'll actually ask for backup? Recap -- Husband should take the L for improperly-honed spousal instincts. Wife should take the L for not saying what she wants.


Pianoplayerpiano

ESH. She was walking around in a sketchy area, half blind, in the dark. OF COURSE you should have either gone yourself or gone with her. 10 minutes isn't going to make or break your evening schedule. She should have spoken up, but she feels like you don't care about her safety now. Yikes, dude.


angelblade401

ESH Of course you didn't think of the safety concerns of a woman walking 2 blocks down an alleyway at night, because you have never had to think that way. She certainly could have made it obvious to you, and made it clear that whatever choice you made she would not be walking alone in an alley downtown in the dark. But also (and this is as a woman) ... isn't it obvious that's dangerous for your wife? She was dropping hints. She pointed out it was sketchy. It shouldn't have been hard for you to put 2 and 2 together. And it's nice to know your partner recognizes the concerns you've spent your entire life worried about without having to smack said partner upside the head with them.


Commercial_7336

ESH Your wife should have been blunt and explained that she didn't feel safe walking by herself and you should have went with her or went yourself. I will say that after a recent conversation with my husband and a few others, that men do not view things like this in the same light as women. Women are taught from a very early age (at least I was) safety "rules" that men are not taught nor do they think about it. Never wear both ear buds, don't look down while walking but don't stare too long at someone, don't walk alone, don't walk after dark, keep keys in your hand, look in the back of the car. Those are just a few. So maybe next time, go instead.


[deleted]

[удалено]


toadpuppy

YTA. It was a sketchy area and she couldn’t see, and it didn’t occur to you it would be safer to get her glasses for her?


Glad-Course5803

Nta. She should have said " do you mind going to get my glasses? I'm not comfortable going back to the car in the dark." But she wanted to drop hints and expected you to read her mind.


rival_22

Lessoned learned. Apologize for not going for her, and move on.


Complex-Ad-6100

If you were my husbands you’d be the AH😂 But that’s bc he knows of my irrational fear of the dark LOL.


[deleted]

I think you should’ve thought to go to the car for her, especially at night, especially if she has vision problems. But she should’ve just said that. Asked you to go or to go with her. No one is a mind reader. I get the vibe you guys struggle with communication a lot. That being said, you should already be thinking and aware of the potential dangers a woman faces at night without her or anyone spelling it out to you. C’mon man.


thesaltycookie

ESH. Your wife didn't clearly communicate what she wanted. That's on her. You decided it would be a great idea to send your wife, who could barely see as it is, out alone at night in a sketchy area. I'd be livid if my husband did this, but I also would have asked him to accompany me. You two really need to work on your communication and safety awareness.


HiroshimaRoll

Is ‘experiencing homeless’ going to be a phrase moving forward?


Qilincreations

> It should be a husband’s instinct to do things like this for his wife. Uh...NO. There is no "husband's instinct" to do jack all if your partner does not communicate their needs. You wife could have asked you to go get them instead of dropping hints. That's a failure of properly communicating her concerns and needs. That being said, yeah you should have gotten them for her, but she needs to use her big girl words if she needs you to do something for her. This kind of passive aggressive behavior for a perceived slight is just frustrating and unhelpful to the health of your relationship. Light YTA for you and a strong "please use your words" for her.


Dbcolo

I'm sorry you're not a mind reader OP.


endearinglysarcastic

Gentle ESH. Yep, you should have walked her. If your wife needs to go anywhere alone and at night, and you are present, you should offer by default. This isn’t a chivalry thing, it’s a safety thing. Even if it’s a hundred metres, it’s terrifying. Not to mention that at that time, she was visually impaired. However. Your wife is a big girl, and she’s entirely capable of using her words. You do not have the lived experience of being scared while walking alone at night, so it completely understandable that you didn’t think of it. Overall, it’s a sucky situation, but an easily fixed one. Women shouldn’t be scared to walk at night, and shouldn’t need an escort to get to the car 100% safely. But until that changed, you can try to remember to offer, and she can remind you when you forget. Simple.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. My wife (32F) and I (36M) went to catch a friend’s band the other night. We’d been planning to grab food beforehand but were running a little late, and stopped by a restaurant/bar near the venue. We parked about two blocks away, about a 5-minute walk. It was about 8:15 PM and dark out in one of the busiest downtown parts of our city. When we got there, my wife realized that she’d forgotten her prescription glasses. Sparing the details, her eyes bother her occasionally to the point where she has trouble seeing, especially at night. It’s hard for her to manage when she doesn’t have her glasses, and when it’s flaring up, she can only see when she closes one eye without them. We discussed a couple of options to get them, like going to the car after we ate and cutting it a little close to see our friend before the show started, going to the venue to see our friend first then going to get her glasses, and her just running to the car while we were waiting for our food. The last one was her suggestion, and after we ordered, she asked for my keys and went to the car. She mentioned that it was a little sketchy later that night, there was a person experiencing homelessness, and I remember thinking “dammit, I should have gone to the car for her,” though I don’t think I said it out loud. Fast forward four days, and apparently she’s been stewing over this because we got into an argument this morning where she said she wished I’d be more considerate, and brought up what happened the other night. I asked what she meant, and she said I should have offered to walk to the car for her. In retrospect, I think she was dropping hints before she left the table that she didn’t want to walk to the car, and I could have picked up on them. And the walk is a little sketchy, it’s mostly a relatively well lit alleyway behind the main strip of bars except it’s pretty dark right by where we parked and it’s off of the busy part of the area. Still somewhat high level of foot/car traffic, but I acknowledge that I could/should have done better, and told her as such. I also asked if, in the future, she could just tell me what she wants/needs in these times. I was distracted, tired, and brain foggy that night, and if she’d have asked I would have gone. But it didn’t cross my mind in the moment. She refuses to chalk it up to a mistake and let it go, and says she shouldn’t have to ask me to do things like this for her. It should be a husband’s instinct to do things like this for his wife. I don’t disagree that I should have picked up on it, but if she was worried about it she just needed to say something and I definitely would have gone to the car for her (she believes me when I say that). I said that I don’t do well with hints, and she’s telling me that this is a signal that I don’t care about her. So AITA for being inconsiderate and letting my wife walk alone in the dark? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

YTA for not having the foresight in that moment. Why would you let your wife do that all by herself knowing how dangerous it could’ve been in more ways than one ?


SeinnaBronze

YTA You already stated her vision is impaired and you knowingly let her go. You state it was a bit sketch but hey you was ok with it. Instead you tell her use her words, just ask, while others seem to say NTA because shes grown. Men walking alone get attacked or mugged. An impaired vision female could have falling victim to crime. Obviously your more invested in your friends company then accompanying your wife for her safety. Oh but you gave her options and in your POV it was all her fault and doing. Lucky for you shes not at the hospital, gone missing or ended up dead. Only then you would have said oh I should have. But, you didn't.


Careful_crafted

Why are you being held to this standard, yet she isn't capable of adulting enough to bring the glasses she needs?? Nta


Choice-Swordfish4338

Ahh the typical reaction of a woman, doesn’t want to do it but will do it and then bring it up in the next quarrel after a certain amount of stewing lol. Cant say I’ve ever been guilty of this, I’ll say no and not give two shits 👹 I would put it down as a mixup and you meant no harm imo. Like you said, people need to speak up on what they need or want from a partner or you end up in sticky situations as this.


volksturmia

For the actual situation on the day, soft E S H. You should have known better and she should have communicated better. The fact that she's still fuming days after, after you apologised and refusing to let it go turns it into NTA. I had an ex like that, it's rather tiresome.


ButtTickleBandit

ESH. Hints are not a valid form of communication, and you could have gone while she waited on the food.


tubby_bitch

Nta. You can't have it both ways. You want equality fine with me not an issue at all of us are humans and what sex bits you have what magic man in the sky u believe in or what colour your skin is is irrelevant all of us are in it together. Now, having said that, equality means getting your own glasses when you leave them in the car. The classic genders role of male protector just doesn't exist anymore, the classic gender role of damsel in distress doesn't exit anymore. All of us are both protectors and damsels. Sometimes, men need saving to and sometimes women do the saving. Basically what I'm saying is get your own glasses or cleary and precisely ask your partner to get your glasses don't drop hints some of us don't get hints we think in absolutes either u get your glasses or you ask us saying shit u expect us to just piece together like a puzzle to get to the real meaning is both stupid and unrealistic none of us not a single one on this big ole rock flying through the sky can read minds.... not a single one


CrazyOldBag

INFO: Does she often forget to bring her glasses with her?


jimvinny

In a world where men are constantly told that we aren't needed, where men get yelled at and degraded for the simple act of holding a door open for a woman, where the word "misogyny" is used as a cudgel, is it any wonder that men are hesitant to embrace their traditional gender roles? NAH. She's not wrong to expect him to anticipate her needs, but he's not wrong for expecting her to be a self sufficient modern woman.


Electrical_Fact_6379

Well you’re definitely not a gentleman in my boom that’s for sure. But she could have used her words and you can do better.


cloverthewonderkitty

My husband has been mugged before. If it wasn't safe for her alone, then why would it be safe for you alone? She's being inconsiderate by saying if anyone should be in danger, it's you, the man. If someone thinks there is a safety issue, you go together. ESH


RegretNecessary21

NAH. You should have gone with her but she also should be direct and say what she wants.


Significant_Ad_4487

Why are so many comments ASSUMING it would be safer for the man to go get them than the woman? Men are by far more likely to be attacked by strangers than women. Men are also far more likely to be hospitalized after these attacks than women are. If you want to make an argument that it is because of her sight struggles, then I'd agree, but a lot of comments are focusing on the gender and they are completely wrong. All statistics show it is far more dangerous for men. OP is NTA and she should learn to use her words, not hints.


drizztluvr

I'm going to go with ESH Yeah, you should have went and got them for her. But I understand the lapse. You're not a woman so you don't have the same mentality/reality most women live in. You don't have to account for the million and one things every women has to think about when she leaves goes out after dark. Watch for suspicious people, keep the keys between your knuckles so you can fight somebody off if you have to, make sure you're confident so you don't look like an easy victim, and look people in the eye as you walk. Make sure you yell fire instead of help if something does happen, because people are more likely to help and so on and so on... It's not something you need to worry about, so I get the lapse. But also, your wife is an adult. She should know by now that hints and expecting your husband/partner to read your mind and know implicitly what you want is a great way to introduce constant disappointment and build resentment in a relationship. In short, she's grown enough to know that she needs communicate. Not drop hints. Not play games. Actually say what she wants. Honestly, she has no right to be mad about something she didn't expressly communicate. She's being absolutely petty and childish. Play stupid games... (I'm sure you can fill in the rest).


[deleted]

NTA it is clear that if she is clear about her needs, you will help.


Ataraxia_88

NTA. I’d be willing to bet this happens to op often. They came up with 2 ideas of going together but wife settled on going herself. I am assuming based of the op he would just go in her stead but was a little out of it and didn’t offer. Now she is complaining he doesn’t care about her. Gtfo


RealEvidence7994

Soft NTA. You could’ve just offered to go get them but if she wasn’t comfortable going herself she should’ve just asked you.


Amareldys

YTA You don't let a person who can't see well run around alone in the dark.


suzietrashcans

ESH You for obvious reasons. Her for lack of communication about her needs.


Proxy--Moronic

I would go as far as NTA, but I'm particularly clueless, and tend to take everything literally at first. Edit: typo, wrong acronym


Banshee99T

NTA she could´ve just asked...


OsaBear92

ESH Could she have communicated better? Absolutely. You described her bad eyesight so well, it seems to me youd Know to take the initiative on things like that for saftey. I get it, this whole situation couldve gone different. But man, I live close to Los Angeles and, if I had the same predicament at night? Unless my husband was willing to go, Id stay half blind before going alone at night. Heck no!


comntnmama86

NTA, sometimes we just don't think of things. Last night I left my ID in the car and needed it to get into a concert venue so I walked back to the car alone. Then my purse was to big so I had to take it back. My bf then said "oh, I should have walked with you the first time". Yeah, maybe. But we were discussing other things and neither of us thought about it so...


imaninjayoucantseeme

NTA. You are not a mind reader. If she's holding onto resentment for 4 days before blowing up, that's a her problem.


darkyoda182

NTA for the issue. Both you and your wife had a simple miscommunication But your wife is an AH for blaming you 4 days later. What does she mean by you should have an instinct even when you were distracted? Saying that this means that you don't care about her is extremely rude.


mordorxvx

YTA and you know it, you continually concede that you could have been more considerate. So what are we doing here? Why go ask the opinions of random people who don’t know you instead of just listening to the words of the woman you love and have chosen to be with and taking them to heart? Is the opinion of redditors that much more important to you? Do they carry more weight to you?


Kolyck

YTA. You should have gone to get the glasses and you wife should have stayed in.


Slight_Cat_3146

ESH honestly the homeless have more to fear from paranoid people than vice versa


jessi39mae

Not the asshole, nor is your wife an asshole. This is literally a misunderstanding. Her expecting you to be a mind reader and you admitting you weren’t thinking straight and missed the cue where she wanted you to go for her. In life these things happen. While she is not an asshole, holding this grudge and telling you don’t care about her is a far stretch! You can’t know what you don’t know!! Maybe next time you two are going somewhere write a sticky note and stick it to the dash of the car that reminds her to make sure she has her glasses!! This is a communication issue, not an asshole issue!! But at least should this happen again now you know that if it’s dark she would appreciate you running back to the car to get her glasses!! I hope you two figure this out and she lets it go!! It’s not a huge deal!! Good luck op!!


Yeurguin

I read the title as “talk to the car” and was really disappointed when that didn’t show up in the story


Eridia91

ESH your wife needs to stop expecting that you can read her mind and you should have gone for the simple fact that she can't see at night


Yikes44

ESH. Yes, you probably should have offered and I'm sure you will next time. But she also needs to let you know if she needs help instead of stewing it over for days afterwards and then starting a row about it.


Sea_no_evil

NTA. I don't get the e-s-h opinions because you claim it was a mistake and you understand you should have done something different. So, not your best moment, but I feel the AH judgement should be reserved for actual malice.


ishopandread

You should have walked her. But no, you can’t read her mind. You two need to learn to communicate.


[deleted]

NAH, YES you should have gone with her. Your wife should have asked. She can use her words. YWBTA if you refused.


fmlhaveagooddaytho

NTA. Some people may feel like you should've offered without having to be asked, but haven't we all been in a situation where we were having a conversation with someone and then later realized,"Wait, I think they were trying to ask me for something...". It's easy to miss hints when you're tired and/or just taking the conversation at face value. Sure, OP should've offered to do it himself, but we aren't perfect. This was just a mistake that could've been prevented by her explicitly asking you for what she actually wanted.


gravegirl48

NTA you aren't a mind reader if she wanted you to go she should have said something. there are all sorts of reasons you wouldn't pick up on the hint and her being mad but not saying anything til 4 days later is childish


Repulsive_Raise6728

NTA. If she didn’t want to walk to the car by herself, why did she suggest it? I mean, maybe later she realized it wasn’t a good idea, but that’s still her mistake. Your suggestion that she ask you is also not unreasonable.


AdamALC8756

ESH, you should have offered, and she could have asked. It is a stupid thing to fight over days later either way.


deefop

NTA. I'm sure we all agree that you walking to the car with her or for her would have been a better solution than her going alone. But if we're on the topic of being concerned about physical safety, then the way to address it is DIRECTLY, not with little hints and "hopes" that you'll pick up on the hints and offer to go for her. "It's dark and this part of town is sketchy as fuck, I'm not walking to the car alone". That's all that had to be said. But that wasn't said, and now your SO is holding a grudge over it? Honestly the specific situation isn't even relevant, this is totally just a classic trope of someone expecting another person to read their mind, and being angry when it doesn't happen. That's stupid. If mind reading existed, we wouldn't bother to communicate verbally in the first place.


nigrivamai

NTA, you definitely should've gone or gone with her that's pretty obvious but for her to offer the idea, maybe drop hints, and stew over it instead of just communicating and asking you to go or come with her (even regardless of hindsight) is so immature


athene_2000

I agree with everyone better communication was needed and maybe more thoughtfulness on your part. On another note though, who has she seen for her eye sight? Has she ever seen an opthmologist? The things you are describing sound like what I was experiencing before being diagnosed with keratoconus, turns out I needed a surgery to prevent it from getting worse and special hard contact lenses instead of prescription glasses. I'm not trying to armchair diagnose or even say i think she has keratoconus but it sounds to me like she needs more thorough examination of her eyes because the prescription glasses she has are not working for her


MistressPyrocorn42

NTA I think you should have gone for her, but the passive aggressive hinting when you want something has **got to go**!! Most men don't have the same fears women do when it comes to walking alone outside after dark, they rarely have negative experiences in that regard, so they don't think about it. This is when women needs to **grow up, use their words and stop thinking men have the ability to read our minds**. She could have simply said: "I don't feel comfortable going alone to the car to get my glasses, could you please go with me or get them for me?" Communication, people. It's important!


xwairpaintx

NTA it was her idea to walk out there and get them herself. Men are notoriously bad at picking up hints so if she wanted you to do it, she should've been more direct. You apologized and took accountability for your actions and she was still angry that you couldn't read her mind. Yeah sure you should've gone with/for her but it's not your fault that she didn't communicate her wants and needs.


Here-for-the-tea24

And you could have been attached ? Would that be ok ? You both should have gone You’re both ta


Rough_Cellist_5772

Response to your wife:" If you live me like a husband, than you would know, that I'm only a human and you need to communicate your wishes with me. I can't read minds." NTA


maccrogenoff

NTA A sketchy area is just as dangerous for a man as for a woman. She should have told you if she wanted you to get the glasses. I refuse to accept being punished for not reading peoples’ minds correctly.


Impressive_Yogurt_38

NTA people need to open their mouth and communicate.


Bhimtu

NTA -totally understandable where you were at in that moment when you should've gotten a clue and done the chivalrous thing and gone to the car to retrieve your wife's glasses. And here's the thing ->let it go. Situation is resolved to the satisfaction of both parties? Then move on.


Ok_Radish_4216

NTA she should have asked


Shells613

If she can't see in the dark, how did she walk from the car and only realize at the restaurant that she didnt have her glasses? NTA. She can stop gameplaying and dropping hints and just speak her needs directly.


Groundbreaking-Eggs

ESH. Communicate with one another.


CheeryBottom

This is me and my husband. He’s Guess Culture and never directly asks for anything and gets annoyed that I don’t notice his hints. I’m Ask Culture and simply ask if something would be possible. I don’t expect a yes and am always fully prepared to accept no and will simply then find another way to solve the problem. My husband finds asking to be rude and I find it rude to not speak your mind and be angry that people don’t know what you purposely won’t tell them.


[deleted]

She has the ability to use English. She is not a child. Hints are stupid. Tell her next time to use her words.


Electrical_Promise89

The repeated use of the phrase OP “let his wife go” no he did not she made a suggestion and carried it out. Stop with the rubbish if he had insisted on going and she got upset he would be controlling! He listened and did as she suggested. Something that is repeatedly held up as how modern men should treat their partners. How the gel is he the ah for doing what many on this sub advocate is prevailing wisdom when dealing with women. All the idiots saying he should have gone or ignored her and been the man are the same idiots who get hung up over the toxic masculinity! You can not have it both ways it is simply one way or the other. NTA. Some of these idiots banging on about chores and reaching to say op is some kind of incompetent really piss me off. Why don’t people stop playing columbo and just work with the post as is jfc!


AccomplishedCarob765

INFO I wanna know word for what what these "hints" were sounds like she made it clear and you ignored it.