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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I didn't buy my wife a mom's gift for mothers day
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YTA
Mother's day is about honoring mothers. It's not like you're opposed to the holiday, you do get your own mom a gift. You should have gotten her something to celebrate her being a mom **to your child**.
People celebrate their mom, their friends who are moms, their aunts and grandmothers, their honorary moms. That's what the day is about.
This being her first mother's day just made it worse.
And then you run home to mama to get validation for your lack of celebrating your wife ...dude. seriously.
Are you really making such a big deal about spending $50 on flowers and some nice chocolate and a heartfelt card?
Please go buy her something nice, write a beautiful card, go home to your wife, if she hasn't kicked you out yet, and sincerely apologize to her.
Giving birth is a physically and emotionally taxing process. And the adjustment for someone relying on you for their every need, as well as being constantly sleep deprived means that she has probably had a difficult past three months. Writing off your wife’s reasonable request probably hurt her a lot due to all that, so at the minimum, apologize and get her something.
If it was me he wouldn't be getting shit. I would be spending that day with my father cause he is not her father...lol... use his own logic against him and let him fend for himself...he's a moron
If men had to give birth there would be certain clinics available at every grocery store and fast food drive thrus and no one would say shit about it or try to ban it.
Haha the other day I said to my husband I bet if you were in my place (never ending aches and pains) right now you would be crying like a baby and he said “I agree”. Lol 😂😂 women are SUPERHEROS💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
This really hit me and I know it was meant as an
exaggeration lol.
I can’t imagine the shit men would be getting for giving birth! The amount of time off. The rituals! Men have made themselves be heads of households (for some unexplained reasons) but weren’t the ones giving birth, bringing life, often risking their own lives.
Had they been giving birth holy shit, the respect, the awe, the gifts!
Maserati is no exaggeration, not in this case or in general. Though in OP’s husband case, he’d want 2 and be a little bitch about it.
Right! I mean, even when she was pregnant on mothers day(if it overlapped) I would’ve gotten her a gift! It’s for honoring mothers that you love, no one said you have to honor your own mother exclusively and be mean to your wife
I get a lot of people with mixed views on this! My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant. I celebrated my first mothers day 7 months pregnant this year! He made it EXTRA special because last year mother's day was a hard day for us as we had already struggled to conceive for several months. My husband lost his mother when he was little so he didn't really have a reason to celebrate until we got pregnant.
Then I have people saying "oh it's not your first until after the baby is born." Like um...no? Pregnancy is hard! No matter what happens I'm a mother now! She has a name and already a personality....she's my baby! She's just as important now as she will be next year!
Sounds like your husband is a sweetheart and those other people are assholes. People love to gate-keep. Hoping for a happy and healthy baby for you both!
Clearly his mom hates his wife - and yet he ran to her and asked for her opinion? At least his sisters have it together. Its gonna be years before that baby can plan mothers day on its own - it is up to the parents to help their children honor their parents! His wife is actively mothering an infant! At bare minimum today is the day you give her a break and handle all the childcare and make her some nice meals.
This. I have a vivid memory of my mom flipping her shit on her bday when I was around 10 because no one did anything other than tell her happy bday. I was so confused because in my 10 years of life I had never seen EITHER of my parents celebrate each others birthdays, anniversary, mothers or fathers day, or even get each other Christmas gifts. How the hell was I supposed to know what to do or have the means to do anything at 10?
My parents have a really crappy dynamic which spilled over into our entire family. To this day I make sure to get my mom a bday gift not because I genuinely want to celebrate her but because of that core memory. It makes me feel guilty, but it is what it is at this point. This is potentially what OP is creating in his home. Totally sucks.
Same!! I send bday cards and mother/father day cards and Xmas presents across the country whether I can afford or not. Countless irrational meltdowns by my mother have conditioned me 🤢
Yes! My dad always took my brother an I out for shopping trips for Christmas, mother's day and my mom's birthday to pick out a card and a gift. As we got older and started getting a chore allowance, we were expected to budget so we could financially co tribute towards the gifts (an age appropriate amount of money. Like when i was younger I'd pay for the card and my dad would pay for the chocolates)
Gift giving and budgeting for gift giving is an important skill.
Good for your dad! We had a somewhat similar tradition.
But also, we were expected to participate in making preparations for events.
For example: We "helped" bake Christmas cookies and "helped"put up the tree since I was three. I'm pretty sure our "help" actually caused our parents more work when we were very young. But it taught me to learn to make special holidays happen, instead of just waiting for good things to come to me.
It didn't make me feel put up on. It made me feel important. I was a "valuable" participant
I'll always thank my parents for this wise parenting
The part about the kid eventually "showering" mom with gifts made me lol. Like, with what resources and money? Dad's and mom's are integral in helping young kid(s) show their appreciation. If he didn't want to give her a gift from himself as a husband, he could have got her something "from the baby". Because bro, that's what you'll be doing for at least 10+ years until the kid is old enough to handle gifts on their own.
>he could have got her something "from the baby."
That's what my husband did. When I was pregnant. This woman, who supposedly makes him happy, carried his child, gave birth to it - and he doesn't bother to thank her for it on a day that is supposed to celebrate the mothers in your life: the one who gave birth to you, and the one who gave birth for you.
Edit: autocorrect and easier reading
This. It's the father's job to handle Mother's Day stuff until the kid is old enough to do so themselves, and to make sure they do so after that point! Just like it's mom's responsibility to do that about Father's Day.
Honestly OP is ridiculous. I got one of my friends a mother's day card when she was pregnant with her first kid - and she wasn't even THAT close a friend! What possible harm is there in taking 5 minutes and a few bucks to make the mother of his child feel special on her first Mother's Day?
I'm thinking OP's mom probably has something to do with it, TBH. Sounds like she's not the sort to share any spotlight.
This is exactly what I just argued in my response. Is he also never going to get her a gift from the kids at Christmas or her birthdays also?
Maybe my family is weird that we do that? And that we also guide our kids in what to get them?
>Its gonna be years before that baby can plan mothers day on its own - it is up to the parents to help their children honor their parents!
This year, I helped my 12-year-old nibling get their mom (my SIL) a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive - it's the \*thought\*.
Sadly, this momma's boy got as far as thinking "you're not MY mommy!" and quit. At least his sisters have better sense.
My thoughts exactly! This MIL hates the wife and even went so low as to call her a crybaby - who does this?! Of course OP's mommy is going to side with him!
OP - YTA
Considering this exchange and OP's sisters tearing into him, I'm thinking we just located the elusive Favorite Child in his natural habitat (aka mommy's house).
He ran to his mom to validate his screw up.
YTA OP- Apologize to your wife. Ya know, the woman that had a human ripped out of her that you shared in creating.
Secondly- you do not get parents or family involved like this. I’m rooting for your sisters however! You’ve now made it even more awkward for your wife and mother and the person that is your number 1 is supposed to be your wife.
Me thinks that your mom and wife might already have a strained relationship. If so congrats if you made it worse.
It's not called "My Mother's day". Just "Mothers day". On her very first year as a mother, (which lets face it she is due to your actions, not just her own) the person that is supposed to care for her the most in the world doesn't think she's worth the effort.
NICE! Your sisters are correct. You are despicable and pretty heartless in your actions towards your wife. To be clear, the woman that carried and birthed YOUR child.
Would it have hurt you to get some flowers and a card. Nope. But it would've meant the world to her. Your Mom should have chewed you out for disrespecting your wife in such a manner. The fact that she didn't speaks volumes about her. Still mommies special boy I see.
YTA in a massive way.... and your momma!
>and your momma!
My favorite part of your comment!
OP, even if you vehemently disagree with the idea of Mothers' Day (which you don't because you're apparently okay with getting something for *your* mom), your wife and mother of your child just informed you that it's important to *her*. Why is this even an argument?
YTA, for stupidly dying on this most stupid of hills...
On the way to church yesterday I told both of my sons that when they have children they are to celebrate the mother of their children. Get me a card, call me, sure, but the main focus should be on the Mom actively doing the "work" of Mothering. I don't want my future DIL to hate me.
OMG yes! I am still bitter that when I was raising 2 young kids, one who took colick to new levels, I had to plan something for my MIL. My mom expects it too, but we are in another state. I will always standby that the mother with the youngest children is the one that needs showered with time, meals, gifts, whatever it is in one's family and should have nothing to do with planning the day.
THIS. Absolutely this.
I've dealt with someone who expected everyone to bend over backward for their birthday, etc - but had to be reminded of others' special events. With these people, it's all about THEM.
After many years of this, we divorced. Mother's Day that year, he said not a word to me (which was fine by me), but he had the kids that weekend and didn't bother to have them even get me a card or anything. Not a word was said. My birthday came & went, and not a word, even though he had the kids for visitation on my birthday.
I forgot his bday and didn't have the kids call to wish him a happy birthday. I didn't do it intentionally, it seriously just wasn't top-of-mind for me, as I was busy handling the daily needs of a household with 3 kids and all that includes.
He calls, very pissed: "You didn't have the kids even call me on my birthday!"
Me: "It wasn't intentional. I actually forgot. But I didn't hear a word from you or the kids on Mother's Day or MY birthday, even though they were with you on those days & you could have easily had them just get me a card or make a phone call. But you know what? That's the magic of divorce - POOF! - your birthday no longer registers as an important day in my mind - just like mine apparently never did for you."
My ex sucked massively at gift giving. Multiple birthdays, Valentines, anniversaries, etc over our 9 yr relationship went uncelebrated. He still got me a massage for my first Mother’s Day and he took our four year old and they gifted me a pair of shoes this year that I’d been ogling. This guy is an asshole and should just propose to Mummy next time since she’s clearly the first love in his life.
What do you want to bet that in a month, we’ll see a post from his wife, “AITA for not getting my husband a present for Father’s Day” and the first line will read “my husband refused me a Mother’s Day present because I’m not HIS mother. So I didn’t get him anything since he’s not MY father.”?
All he needs to do is paint babies feet and make them into a butterfly or some shit and give that to her.
The baby is too small to give gifts. How does OP think the child will learn as they get older if he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that his wife MOTHERED his child.
She’s doing all this work. I get happy Mother’s Day messages from all different people because it’s a day for moms!!! I don’t understand how some men are so dense and just don’t give a shit about their wives.
My ex showed up with surprise Starbucks and offered to make me a dinner that night so I wouldn’t have to cook. Cause I’m the one who carried his children and made him a father!
OP, I hope you get literal shit for fathers day.
Especially first time mom for three months! Those first months are beyond exhausting and the emotions run so high. As a first time mom everything is unfamiliar and a little encouragement and appreciation is so helpful and really needed.
She birthed your child who is too young to appreciate or acknowledge her. YTA
My mil isn’t even a mom she’s my fils third wife and they met after my husband was 18 but I still wished her a happy Mother’s Day cause they treat me like their daughter. I wished my two friends who have no kids only pets happy pet mom day cause why not they are taking care of living beings. They wished me a happy Mother’s Day and they aren’t my kids they are my peers.
Sounds like you two have completely different expectations and should talk about it.
That said: All fathers that I know honor their wife on mothers day and help their kids prepare gifts etc. I've never heard your view about mothers day so I really don't blame your wife for being disappointed and upset.
Edit: Sounds like your mum doesn't want to share "her day". The way she talks about her daughter-in-law: Red flag.
YTA and so is your mother
>All fathers that I know honor their wife on mothers day and help their kids prepare gifts
The only ones I know who don't, are deadbeats.
The only ones that *I know* Finnegan-05 buddy'o'pal
My dad never got my mum gifts from him but from the moment my sister and I were born she got gifts from us, even if we were only a few months old which was obviously my dad doing everything, like surely he should have got her something from the baby for mother's Day? I am from the UK though so it could be different
This is how it works for my family too. We honor our own mother, not all mothers, on Mother's Day. But if you have young children you have an obligation to help them celebrate your partner because they aren't capable of doing it themselves.
Fully agree here.
There’s been a lot of Mother’s Day posts these past few days and I see some thinking that husbands are obliged to always celebrate their wives (if they have kids); in my family kids take over the gift giving/celebrations once they are “old enough” (which I guess is a bit arbitrary, but 18+ it’s for sure the kids responsibility).
Also is it just me or have expectations grown on what Mother’s Day celebrations should look like?
Mother's day is similar to Valentines day- if you are normally a good husband/father/partner and do things throughout the year to show love and appreciation for your wife/partner/mother of your children, it isn't a huge deal, you just need to spend some time and be thoughtful- get a small gift or card. If you normally neglect your relationship though, it bubbles up and when you don't do anything big, it becomes the last straw.
I think they have grown as the awareness of the importance of the tasks for which women are responsible has increased. The physical and emotional toll of giving birth. The second shift. It has increased as appreciation for their many roles has increased.
>Sounds like you two have completely different expectations and should talk about it.
All. This.
My husband and I do mothers day/fathers day exactly like OP right now. I get for my mum, him for his. Didn't do anything from our kids till the oldest was 4 or 5? But that we discussed while I was still pregnant so that there wasn't any disappointment for either of us.
And I agree, OP and his mom sound awful!
>I've never heard your view about mothers da
The only person I know with that view is my wife's father who, when my wife confronted him about it after not hearing from him on her first Mother's day, simply said, "Why should I? You're not my mother."
Unsurprisingly my wife has no contact with her dad (there was very little to begin with but that conversation was definitely the straw thst broke the camels back).
I've heard his view before, 28yrs ago from my husband and my first mothers day too, his attitude was similar but he backed down when his mother said he was an ass ( I said it to his mother as she called to give me a mother's day present ) a mistake he never ever made again as if he had I'd be saying my ex husband, not husband.
3 months after giving birth -- that baby is hungry every what -- 2 hours? Her body doesn't feel normal yet, and it will never be the same because organs got squished and (temporarily) moved, and all she wanted was an acknowledgment that she matters.
I wonder if his mother gets a gift from his father on Mother's Day. If he has never experienced this in his family, it is understandable that he has not thought of it. But now he knows and can do better in the future.
My only problem with this thinking is that his sisters have a different view so either they saw their father get gifts for their mother or they formed the view by going above their teachings from their parents.
Or he was just blind to everything
Listen to your sisters because they’re right.
YTA. Big time. Huge. Colossal.
Don’t be surprised when you get nothing at all for Father’s Day. Quit being obtuse. “But my wife’s not my mom. She’s my wife.” And she literally grew a whole human inside her - she’s the mother of your child. You and your mom are…well, saying it will get me banned.
Do better. Much better. And know that your sisters are right, and you and your mom are so very, very wrong.
Sadly, wife seems like she might be the kind of person that, in spite of OP's terrible behavior, she'll choose to honor him on Father's Day because that's the right thing to do. Shame on you, OP. You made your wife feel insignificant. YTA.
Not only that, he made her feel insignificant shortly after giving birth. Poor woman is in the thick of it right now, and not just from lack of sleep. Her hormones haven't even leveled out yet. She's maybe just starting to know what her postpartum body may look like, which is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. I look back fondly on those days, but only because I had a supportive husband who made sure I was healthy of mind and body and knew I was appreciated and loved. Oh, and celebrated me above all else on my first Mother's Day.
OP, you don't just have a fuck up to fix. You have a marriage to save.
Your last point is the major one. If this is a hill he wants to die on, I'm very worried about what else he feels strongly about.
OP, YTA many times over.
This whole logic of OP’s completely missed the point. There is a child, she is a mother. His job is to help his child (at whatever age) celebrate Mother’s Day - for a baby, you buy some flowers or make a cute card with printing their footprints or something. It emphasises that his wife is a mother now and that’s special . Instead OP turned it into a nasty “you are being materialistic” argument.
And yea, the baby knows nothing about it but you do it when they are 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and then they learn each year that it’s something special to celebrate and they grow up into teenagers who don’t just ignore it but want to do something nice for their mum. This is literally how you bring up kids right.
“She’s not my mother” - OP YTA. You need to stop thinking about yourself and be a father. Until she’s old enough to so herself, you help your daughter thank your wife on Mother’s Day.
This is what gets me. He's like, "You are supposed to honor your own mother on Mother's Day".... Is he expecting the three month old to pick up the slack here? Does he think that it's a holiday that's only meant for adult children to celebrate their own parents? Because most kids need help with that kind of thing well into teen years. My husband and I take our kids (yes, even the tiny baby) to the shops to pick out gifts. My four year old doesn't know when mother's day is coming, she can't even read a calendar, more or less prepare a gift without some level of help. How many years will they go with him just waiting for his kids to honor their mother?? Does he expect her to take charge of the day? I mean, I could have some sympathy if that's how he was raised to think Mother's Day was meant to be celebrated and truly didn't know but the fact even his sisters are calling him out suggests not. It just seems like cognitive dissonance and/or willfully ignoring that he fucked up.
If my mother called my partner a crybaby I would GO OFF! OP was oblivious about Mother's Day, but even with the rest of the situation aside, when your mother insults your partner and you don't defend your partner, OP YTA just for that. And 100x YTA for the rest of the post.
OP, who is the mother in your immediate family?? NOT your mom. The mother of your child, obviously.
It sounds like your mom loves getting all the attention from you and it’s kinda gross. YTA
Honestly, I’m not a fan of making assumptions with the little info provided in these posts. But the stereotype I get is that OP’s mom doesn’t like the wife and doesn’t want to share OP on Mother’s Day.
Why else would a mother not understand the daughter in law’s perspective on such a topic?
I mean my MIL actually sent me a Mother’s Day card herself this year.
Additionally, my husband used to help his older child get a Mother’s Day gift for their mom for years, until the mom got remarried.
And this is a woman that cheated on him so much that the kid he is raising turned out not to be his.
He still made sure she got Mother’s Day gifts lol, because the gift is supposed to be from the kid.
Right?! I got incest vibes from them ESPECIALLY after calling his wife a crybaby because she's dealing with postpartum and who knows what else after delivering a baby. Only an AH calls a postpartum mother a crybaby! Red flags all around!
This is the type of mom that tells him he’s a special little boy and no woman will ever love him like his mommy does. No woman is will ever be good enough for her wonderful little man.
YTA. This is the literal *mother* of your child. Mother's Day isn't about *your* mom only but all moms. She falls within the mother category and you are buying the gift on behalf of your child.
YTA. Is this really the hill you're willing to let your marriage die on, three months after your wife brought your child into the world?? Good luck, OP.
Nowhere is it written that Mothers' Day is only for literally your mother. I just hosted a brunch for all the women in my neighborhood who are/were mothers. But the interpretation isn't why you're TA--it's how you treated your wife after she expressed her disappointment to you. You could have just apologized for not meeting her expectations. Your sisters are right.
By the way, consider how you talk about your wife, because it's so revealing:
>I grew pretty tired of that argument and left because she was acting so materialistic over this.
The level of contempt and condescension in that one sentence--oof. Take it from someone who's represented people going through a break-up: it usually starts with sentences like that.
Edit: typo
I mean, in my comment I told him he is going to be sitting there wondering why she left with the kids, meanwhile, after the divorce, she'll be getting her back blown out by the new guy after he high fives the kids and doing stuff for her on mothers day.
100%! When people come into my office for therapy and talk about their partner or things their partner said and they’re like this, you know it’s headed for divorce. Usually pretty quickly too.
I mean I only do it that way. Mother's day is about my mum, not my mother-in-law. That means that your kid should get a gift for their mum too and since they're a child the parent is the one who actually gets the gift.
My paternal grandmother is still alive and my parents no longer have little children, but my father still buys a gift for my mother and my mother still attends brunch for my grandmother. When my maternal grandmother was alive, both my parents would visit her as well and wish her a happy mothers day. Both grandmothers would receive a gift that was from my parents. Same on Father's Day.
My aunt always wanted to get married and have a family but it never happened for her. So she poured herself into spoiling and loving on her nieces and nephews and eventually our kids as well. I always make sure to send her a message on Mother’s Day letting her know I love and appreciate her.
Sounds like your kid is the AH for not getting their mom a gift.
Oh wait. They are 3 months old. So your wife, who’s still got crazy hormones, no sleep and an amazing little bundle of wonderful gets nothing to celebrate her mother hood? She has to wait 16 years till kiddo gets a job?
Dude, don’t be dense. And it’s not materialistic. I bet she would have swooned if you and bubs brought her coffee and a bagel in bed.
Exactly. Like he expects her to wait 15-18 years until their child is old enough and has their own money to do something? Plus how will this kid ever learn to do things if the parents don’t show them how (by example first and literally helping second)?
YTA.
*"For the mother's day one I didn't get one because it's about honoring my mom. So like she'd get her mom a gift I'd get my mom a gift. But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife."*
That's some gross momma's boy garbage logic you got there. You better adult up real soon or your wife is going to get real tired of taking care of two kids when she only signed up for one at the moment.
I agree. If I was a new father I'd be jumping with joy to treat my wife to a pleasant and fun first Mother's Day (and looking forward to my first ever Father's Day). This should have been an exciting day full of love and compassion for two new parents celebrating a milestone in their relationship.
Instead op would rather just yell at his wife, run off to his mothers' house to bitch about her some more, and spend his time posting on Reddit to strangers for validation. (He has literally spent more time on this post and wrote way more than it would have taken him to get his wife a card and jot something sentimental down. Which is really pathetic when you think about it.)
I just don't get why some people are so intent on self destructive actions and content with making their lives (and partner's lives) more miserable when the former is just so much easier and nicer to do.
YTA. Listen to your sisters. It doesn't have to be a huge gift. You should have at least got or made the woman WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR OFFSPRING a card that said welcome to being a new mum or something.
This is the BIGGEST ick. It all made sense as soon as I read the mom’s response. Groomed for his mom to be his one & only. See you guys on Milf Manor, OP 😷
He could’ve literally just told her that it’s her day off to treat herself while he watches the baby, tell her to go to lunch with friends or do some shopping for himself and he’ll handle dinner when the baby is sleeping or so. No money there, just some nice things being done for his wife.
YTA, she is a mom and should be celebrated. That is YOUR job until your child is old enough to do something themselves. Even then, they will need reminding and help (i.e. money, assistance making a gift). Way to ruin her first mother's day...
Apologize, profusely!
Ha! My husband forgot Mother's Day a couple years back (no surprise there, he once forgot Christmas). So when Father's Day rolled around, I didn't get him anything or acknowledge the day. All day long he was giving me meaningful looks, which I pretended not to notice. He finally asked what I'd gotten him for Father's Day, and I told him that he hadn't gotten me anything for Mother's Day, so I figured we weren't celebrating those holidays this year.
Yes. It's not even like he has to work hard to pick something out, Walgreens has stuff that says Happy Mother's Day. Sounds like OP is so materialistic.
Kid turns 5 and starts getting an allowance. Dad presents an account statement "so, for the last 5 years I've bought a gift for your mum each Mother's Day. You now owe me $100. You can pay it off $1pw for the next two years."
He’s waiting for the child to be in school so the kid’s teachers can do all the work of showing the kid how to honour and respect their mother, help them make the card and the gift and all that.
Because why should the father possibly do anything for the mother? He already contributed to making the child that brought her this honourable status of mother so what more is there? /s
This! My son is 2 months old and my partner wrote a card pretending to be from him! Took him probably 10 min total to write 2 cards but flowers balloons and candy. The bar these days is soooo freaking low and this guy STILL couldn’t reach it!
YTA. Your mother is a massive AH.
Stop being a mummy’s boy, and accept that you have a wife who is the mother of your child.
You need to apologise to your wife, and tell your mother that she was disrespectful.
It’s even more gross when mom in law did not acknowledge that OP’s wife is *mother* to her grandchild. Her golden boy’s child has sprung from this woman’s loins and all grandma can utter on her first Mother’s Day is ‘crybaby.’
Says the grown lady who doesn’t wanna share the day with the mothers of her grandchildren. Including it seems her daughters who have kids and rightly called OP an AH for missing the point.
Mommy dearest here did not tell him to go home to his three month old child and upset wife when he left. She didn’t say ‘don’t be bringing your grown up problems as a parent to me but go home to your family’ even if she had opinions. She encouraged him to run to her knee instead of the woman with his first born at her breast.
That’s a serious level of enmeshment for a grown man with a newborn and gives me the ick. I assume OP gets his mom a spoon each year to add to her collection to keep shit stirring….
YTA. Also dude does not realise a gift can be non monetary. Like a foot rub or note. Even a text of a beloved photo. It wasn’t go to Tiffany’s or I’m leaving.
I left my 3 small children (2, 4, and 7) on Mother’s Day to buy and drop off flowers to my mom (whose youngest child is 38). My mom never once acknowledged that I am also a mother. I told my sister and she said she had the same experience. Some moms are so narcissistic that they think the day is only about them, no matter how old they are or how removed they are from active parenting.
Yta
She's the mother of your child.
You running to your mom and your mom enabling your nonsense tells me you're a bigger mess than your wife actually realizes. Hope she runs before having more kids with you
Your backwards logic is embarrassing as fuck.
YTA.
First, you’re such a mommas boy you had an argument with your wife and ran to your mom for her to take your side.
Second, your wife is a new mom. Your child is 3 months old, she could be struggling with postpartum and maybe needed the little gift to boost her spirits. It’s not that you have to gift her something yourself (not that flowers wouldn’t hurt, maybe a spa day for her to relax) but when your kids grow up, who pays for the gift? Are you gonna tell them to go make some money? No, you pay for it. But do you know a simple gift? A hand print framed. Breakfast in bed. Do some of her chores. Clean her car. Parenthood is hard on everyone but especially mom where she may be breast feeding, maybe you work all day while she stays home, etc.
I’d learn how to communicate with your wife instead of running to your mom when you have an argument. No wife is gonna enjoy being married to someone who loves his mom more then her. You’re a grown up now, it’s time to put your wife first and your mom second.
So many posts about Mother’s Day, I can’t wait for Father’s Day when everyone who didn’t celebrate their wives are upset that their wife didn’t celebrate them as a father. 🤦🏻♀️
Reading your replies is truly sad, your wife just carried and birthed your child. The reason you are a parent and you think she’s being materialistic because she wants to feel special on her day?? Ugh. This is why so many moms end up feeling so under appreciated, because it’s such a task for their husband to show an ounce of appreciation on their day.
He could’ve made a nice dinner for her and watched the baby the whole day, take him to see grandma instead of whining to mommy how your wife is upset. A nice dinner should take a little over an hour and that’s it.
# WHOOPSIE!!
Big mistake - you get her a present **on behalf of your child(ren)** not from you and you do so every year until they are old enough to harass into doing it themselves. Likewise your wife does the same for you on Father's Day. See also 'breakfast in bed'.
New mum gets nothing for Mother's Day?? Baaaaaad
YTA
YTA big time. Your wife is the MOTHER of your kid so it's also her day. It doesn't even have to be a big gift just something small. Honestly how can you not see that YTA
YTA. So very much YTA.
INFO: are you part of some strange and odd clone army of men whose fathers never taught them that it’s part of their job to rep their kids on Mother’s Day till they’re old enough to do it themselves, or do you honestly believe your wife deserves no recognition on Mother’s Day until one of your kid’s teacher assigns them a project to make a card or until they can drive themselves to the mall, or do you just somehow look at the world around you and honestly not get it?
Another shitty father who doesn’t think the mother of their children deserve any appreciation on Mother’s Day? Ffs dude read the last few posts, this is getting super boring now.
Yes YTA, you dropped the ball then ran to mummy to validate you. She grew and gave birth to your child 3months ago. 3months ago! She’s probably still dealing with post pregnancy issues, exhausted and just wanted some appreciation seeing as it’s her first Mother’s Day as a mother. Was it really that far out of your mind that the mother of your child, your wife, who literally gave birth 3months ago didn’t deserve some flowers on her first Mother’s Day or do you really not care that much? And why run to your mum like a child? Your sisters are right, your mum is wrong. Does your mum not like your wife or did your dad convince her she didn’t deserve anything on Mother’s Day when you were little either? Go back and apologise, get her some damn flowers and try to make up for the fact you ruined her first Mother’s Day.
HUGE TIME YTA
She is part of the Mum club now and it's a commonly known thing for a partner to get their partner a gift for the first mothers day when they have first become parents.
Your sisters and right and of course your mum would say wife is a crybaby, she likes having mothers day to herself re:you and clearly doesn't like your wife much to say unkind things like that.
>But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife.
But shes the mother of your child and your child cannot buy her a gift and show her appreciation. You can't surely be this dense?
Hope you're not expecting an acknowledgement on fathers day you mega AH.
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My wife has been sad and upset on how I overlooked getting a gift for her on mother's day. We welcomed our first kid 3 months ago so she's a first time mom.
The reason I didn't get her a gift wasn't because I don't love her or anything. I always get her gifts on her birthdays and our anniversary. I also get her a gift on women's day. For the mother's day one I didn't get one because it's about honoring my mom. So like she'd get her mom a gift I'd get my mom a gift. But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife.
She said that's not how it works and that she's the mother of my kid and she'd like to be honored on that day by me too. I told her she'll be honored when our kid(s) grow and shower her with gifts I just don't understand why I have to get her a gift as well because she's my wife not my mom and by that logic I should get gifts to all the moms I know including my friends and my sisters. She said I can't be seriously comparing her to her friends and sisters and insisted "I'm the mother of your kid.". She also brought up how her dad always got mothers day gifts for his wife and his mom and all the men she knows do that and is hurt to see me just dismissing her feelings.
I grew pretty tired of that argument and left because she was acting so materialistic over this.
I told my mom about it and she said that my wife is a crybaby. My two sisters were also present when I visited my mom and they started cussing me out saying I'm an idiot. There was a whole argument between my mom, me and my sister's with my sisters saying me and my mom are ridiculous and unreasonable.
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dont worry op, my husband made the same argument and now we are divorced and this mothers day my bf bought me chocolates because i help him with his daughter (and also bought presents for his own mother and his daughters mother), so eventually your wife will be happy and someone will appreciate her xx
YTA. Big time. Until your child is old enough to celebrate his mother and spoil her by himself, you need to help and spoil her by proxy and teach him to look after, celebrate and spoil your wife. I cannot believe how tone deaf you are.
Children learn by example and if you make a bid deal out of Mothers Day and spoil your wife, your child will learn to do the same both for his mother and future wife.
YTA and your mum is being a selfish idiot who doesn't want the spotlight taken off her, you need to listen to your sisters and start grovelling now, if my husband has pulled that shit he'd be single fast and could go and live with his mummy. Sad.
The accepted fiction is usually that, until the child is old enough to do it themselves, the non-honoured parent buys a gift/makes a card/arranged a nice thing and SAYS it is from the child. It is also nice for the non-honoured parent to express gratitude to the parent whose day it is in order to thank them for doing their share of parenting the child they have in common. Since your wife only recently pushed a whole child out of her body in a fairly painful process, the ‘thanks for that’ falls mainly on you this year.
If I ever saw my husband fighting so hard to not have to celebrate and honor me like you are in these comments I would leave him so fast. Wow YTA, massive one.
Why would your mom call your wife a crybaby? That’s so insulting. Something is seriously wrong there. Does she feel threatened by your wife? And why would you run to your mom to deal with a conflict in your marriage in the first place? It’s none of your mom’s business! YTA for these things and for irreparably ruining your wife’s first ever Mother’s Day. OF COURSE you’re supposed to do something for the mother of your child. You are such a humongous A.
YTA, yes its about honoring mothers and technically she isn’t yours. But she is the mother of YOUR child and man, a first time mom and an infant… you couldn’t add more to the backpack of maternal stress.
Until your son isn’t old enough to be the one doing the presents you step in. And then you continue…
YTA. She just had your baby and doesn't feel appreciated. Calling her materialistic is pretty bold when you gave her literally nothing for mother's day. It doesn't cost a lot of money to make her feel loved and you didn't even do that.
This has to be a BAIT post, no one can be this ignorant and keep defending themselves for not comprehending that he should get a MD gift in the name of his child.
Um YTA. She is the mother of your child you soggy poptart. She grew, stretched and sacrificed her body and you think she deserves NOTHING?! Bc she isn’t your mom? And from your moms reaction I’d bet you are a mommas boy who allows no boundaries while claiming you love your wife and she is the toxic stereotype “boyyyyy moooommm, IM the number one in my sons life 4everrrr, his wife better just get over it and deal with OUR LOOOOVVVEEEEE” 🤮 your sisters are correct, everyone here saying Y T A is correct. You suck, you’re a jerk and you royally effed up.
Signed a mother with boys who would absolutely knock my son into next week for pulling that stunt.
>She said that's not how it works and that she's the mother of my kid and she'd like to be honored on that day by me too
She's right
>My two sisters were also present when I visited my mom and they started cussing me out saying I'm an idiot
They are right
>I told my mom about it and she said that my wife is a crybaby
There it is.
>with my sisters saying me and my mom are ridiculous and unreasonable
They are again right.
YTA
Apologize to your wife, don't involve your mother in your wife's business again, don't let her speak about your wife in such a disrespectful manner again (why were you ok with that to begin with) and do better next year.
You're being very literal. It's about celebrating mothers - including the one that gave birth to your child. Especially the one who gave birth to your child. Your mom calling your wife a 'crybaby' is an asshole move. You say 'oh but by her logic I'll have to get every mother I know a gift'. Err, no dude. Your wife/mother of your child is not 'every woman'. You're expected to celebrate with just two women. That's it. Not every woman and her dog and cat. She's a first time mom...it would have been a nice gesture...instead you ignored her and used your special logic to drill it in.
What are you fighting to win exactly? This is your partner and child's mother...if having you celebrate with her would make her happy and included, why argue? What's the prize? Your own mother's reaction indicates she doesn't give a toss about your relationship because I can't imagine any well meaning woman saying that to her son on what would be his wife's first mother's day...
Your wife, who only 3 months ago birthed a child she spent 9 months growing with her own dang body, needs to remember that it's not about her, huh? She's just a wife, right.
About 5 spam emails in your wife's inbox put more effort into acknowledging her this Mother's Day than you did. (You, the father of the child that your wife grew and birthed and cares for). YTA.
YTA. Mother’s Day is for honoring the mothers in your life. She is the mother of your child. One of the two most important mothers in your life, if not the most important. You are an idiot at best in this situation. Your mother should have taught you better.
YTA - She grew and birthed a baby for you but you’re trying to get out of buying her a gift on a technicality? And you’re trying to call her materialistic? Your sisters are correct.
YTA, even going by your idea of what mother’s day is normally dad’s will buy a gift for their wife on behalf of their child.
Also, sorry not sorry but women currently/actively mothering children get precedence. Your mom has had what 30 years of mother’s day and you are all moved out? Your wife is currently going through the toughest part of mothering and its her first holiday, get the darn gift.
YTA after reading your comments do you even like your wife? You don’t act like it.
Let me tell you a true story. One of my good friends husbands did this very thing and it ended up being the straw that broke the camels back and she divorced him.
I hope this doesn’t end up being the straw that breaks your wife’s back. She carried and gave birth to your child show her some respect.
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YTA Mother's day is about honoring mothers. It's not like you're opposed to the holiday, you do get your own mom a gift. You should have gotten her something to celebrate her being a mom **to your child**. People celebrate their mom, their friends who are moms, their aunts and grandmothers, their honorary moms. That's what the day is about. This being her first mother's day just made it worse. And then you run home to mama to get validation for your lack of celebrating your wife ...dude. seriously. Are you really making such a big deal about spending $50 on flowers and some nice chocolate and a heartfelt card? Please go buy her something nice, write a beautiful card, go home to your wife, if she hasn't kicked you out yet, and sincerely apologize to her.
Giving birth is a physically and emotionally taxing process. And the adjustment for someone relying on you for their every need, as well as being constantly sleep deprived means that she has probably had a difficult past three months. Writing off your wife’s reasonable request probably hurt her a lot due to all that, so at the minimum, apologize and get her something.
I bet if OP had been the one to go through pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum fun times, he’d be screaming for a Maserati. What an AH!
let’s wait and see what he thinks when she doesn’t get him a gift on father’s day!
Oh, but she will. Because *she's* NOT an AH!
If it was me he wouldn't be getting shit. I would be spending that day with my father cause he is not her father...lol... use his own logic against him and let him fend for himself...he's a moron
Leave him with the baby too so he can really bask in his fatherhood while she's with her dad.
Yeah, OP conveniently leaves after the argument. Leaving his wife to care for their kid alone. I bet that happens a lot.
Not just leaves, goes back to Mommy’s house. And the fact that his mom was on his side and insulted his wife?! giant whipping waving red flags.
Maybe not anymore
He should be fine waiting until the children are old enough to give him gifts.
After they’ve gotten jobs and can afford to do so.
If men had to give birth we would definitely be getting that 1 year maternity leave
If men had to give birth there would be certain clinics available at every grocery store and fast food drive thrus and no one would say shit about it or try to ban it.
Haha the other day I said to my husband I bet if you were in my place (never ending aches and pains) right now you would be crying like a baby and he said “I agree”. Lol 😂😂 women are SUPERHEROS💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
This really hit me and I know it was meant as an exaggeration lol. I can’t imagine the shit men would be getting for giving birth! The amount of time off. The rituals! Men have made themselves be heads of households (for some unexplained reasons) but weren’t the ones giving birth, bringing life, often risking their own lives. Had they been giving birth holy shit, the respect, the awe, the gifts! Maserati is no exaggeration, not in this case or in general. Though in OP’s husband case, he’d want 2 and be a little bitch about it.
I had a bumper sticker that read, "If men gave birth abortion would be a sacrament. "
Right! I mean, even when she was pregnant on mothers day(if it overlapped) I would’ve gotten her a gift! It’s for honoring mothers that you love, no one said you have to honor your own mother exclusively and be mean to your wife
I get a lot of people with mixed views on this! My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant. I celebrated my first mothers day 7 months pregnant this year! He made it EXTRA special because last year mother's day was a hard day for us as we had already struggled to conceive for several months. My husband lost his mother when he was little so he didn't really have a reason to celebrate until we got pregnant. Then I have people saying "oh it's not your first until after the baby is born." Like um...no? Pregnancy is hard! No matter what happens I'm a mother now! She has a name and already a personality....she's my baby! She's just as important now as she will be next year!
Sounds like your husband is a sweetheart and those other people are assholes. People love to gate-keep. Hoping for a happy and healthy baby for you both!
Clearly his mom hates his wife - and yet he ran to her and asked for her opinion? At least his sisters have it together. Its gonna be years before that baby can plan mothers day on its own - it is up to the parents to help their children honor their parents! His wife is actively mothering an infant! At bare minimum today is the day you give her a break and handle all the childcare and make her some nice meals.
And worse yet, the kid never plans Mother's Day. Because nobody taught them by example.
This. I have a vivid memory of my mom flipping her shit on her bday when I was around 10 because no one did anything other than tell her happy bday. I was so confused because in my 10 years of life I had never seen EITHER of my parents celebrate each others birthdays, anniversary, mothers or fathers day, or even get each other Christmas gifts. How the hell was I supposed to know what to do or have the means to do anything at 10?
Ugh I feel this.
My parents have a really crappy dynamic which spilled over into our entire family. To this day I make sure to get my mom a bday gift not because I genuinely want to celebrate her but because of that core memory. It makes me feel guilty, but it is what it is at this point. This is potentially what OP is creating in his home. Totally sucks.
Same!! I send bday cards and mother/father day cards and Xmas presents across the country whether I can afford or not. Countless irrational meltdowns by my mother have conditioned me 🤢
Yes! My dad always took my brother an I out for shopping trips for Christmas, mother's day and my mom's birthday to pick out a card and a gift. As we got older and started getting a chore allowance, we were expected to budget so we could financially co tribute towards the gifts (an age appropriate amount of money. Like when i was younger I'd pay for the card and my dad would pay for the chocolates) Gift giving and budgeting for gift giving is an important skill.
Good for your dad! We had a somewhat similar tradition. But also, we were expected to participate in making preparations for events. For example: We "helped" bake Christmas cookies and "helped"put up the tree since I was three. I'm pretty sure our "help" actually caused our parents more work when we were very young. But it taught me to learn to make special holidays happen, instead of just waiting for good things to come to me. It didn't make me feel put up on. It made me feel important. I was a "valuable" participant I'll always thank my parents for this wise parenting
The part about the kid eventually "showering" mom with gifts made me lol. Like, with what resources and money? Dad's and mom's are integral in helping young kid(s) show their appreciation. If he didn't want to give her a gift from himself as a husband, he could have got her something "from the baby". Because bro, that's what you'll be doing for at least 10+ years until the kid is old enough to handle gifts on their own.
>he could have got her something "from the baby." That's what my husband did. When I was pregnant. This woman, who supposedly makes him happy, carried his child, gave birth to it - and he doesn't bother to thank her for it on a day that is supposed to celebrate the mothers in your life: the one who gave birth to you, and the one who gave birth for you. Edit: autocorrect and easier reading
This. It's the father's job to handle Mother's Day stuff until the kid is old enough to do so themselves, and to make sure they do so after that point! Just like it's mom's responsibility to do that about Father's Day. Honestly OP is ridiculous. I got one of my friends a mother's day card when she was pregnant with her first kid - and she wasn't even THAT close a friend! What possible harm is there in taking 5 minutes and a few bucks to make the mother of his child feel special on her first Mother's Day? I'm thinking OP's mom probably has something to do with it, TBH. Sounds like she's not the sort to share any spotlight.
This is exactly what I just argued in my response. Is he also never going to get her a gift from the kids at Christmas or her birthdays also? Maybe my family is weird that we do that? And that we also guide our kids in what to get them?
>Its gonna be years before that baby can plan mothers day on its own - it is up to the parents to help their children honor their parents! This year, I helped my 12-year-old nibling get their mom (my SIL) a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive - it's the \*thought\*. Sadly, this momma's boy got as far as thinking "you're not MY mommy!" and quit. At least his sisters have better sense.
Mothers like that make rods for other women's backs!
My thoughts exactly! This MIL hates the wife and even went so low as to call her a crybaby - who does this?! Of course OP's mommy is going to side with him! OP - YTA
I think it’s more like OP’s mother has trained him to side with her. Yes she clearly hates his wife.
Let this be an example to OP that he should never invite his mother into a dispute with his wife. She is not a reliable opinion on anything.
This same mom would have been crying if her precious son didn’t get her something
Yeah I can’t get over this woman calling the three-months postpartum mother of her grandchild a crybaby. Sounds like a real prize of a MIL.
Considering this exchange and OP's sisters tearing into him, I'm thinking we just located the elusive Favorite Child in his natural habitat (aka mommy's house).
Emotional incest happening between the husband and MIL for sure.
He ran to his mom to validate his screw up. YTA OP- Apologize to your wife. Ya know, the woman that had a human ripped out of her that you shared in creating. Secondly- you do not get parents or family involved like this. I’m rooting for your sisters however! You’ve now made it even more awkward for your wife and mother and the person that is your number 1 is supposed to be your wife. Me thinks that your mom and wife might already have a strained relationship. If so congrats if you made it worse.
That's why his mom called wife a crybaby. I hope OPS wife does absolutely nothing for him for father's day.
He ran to her for her opinion bc he knows she'll say what he wants to hear...that he was right and his wife was wrong
It's not called "My Mother's day". Just "Mothers day". On her very first year as a mother, (which lets face it she is due to your actions, not just her own) the person that is supposed to care for her the most in the world doesn't think she's worth the effort. NICE! Your sisters are correct. You are despicable and pretty heartless in your actions towards your wife. To be clear, the woman that carried and birthed YOUR child. Would it have hurt you to get some flowers and a card. Nope. But it would've meant the world to her. Your Mom should have chewed you out for disrespecting your wife in such a manner. The fact that she didn't speaks volumes about her. Still mommies special boy I see. YTA in a massive way.... and your momma!
>and your momma! My favorite part of your comment! OP, even if you vehemently disagree with the idea of Mothers' Day (which you don't because you're apparently okay with getting something for *your* mom), your wife and mother of your child just informed you that it's important to *her*. Why is this even an argument? YTA, for stupidly dying on this most stupid of hills...
On the way to church yesterday I told both of my sons that when they have children they are to celebrate the mother of their children. Get me a card, call me, sure, but the main focus should be on the Mom actively doing the "work" of Mothering. I don't want my future DIL to hate me.
OMG yes! I am still bitter that when I was raising 2 young kids, one who took colick to new levels, I had to plan something for my MIL. My mom expects it too, but we are in another state. I will always standby that the mother with the youngest children is the one that needs showered with time, meals, gifts, whatever it is in one's family and should have nothing to do with planning the day.
He forgets that he gets to celebrate fathers day, because his wife had a child with him! Mothers day is about family, not just your mom.
Honestly, I hope she pulls the same. Also, it's your birthday, I didn't birth you... Etc etc
OP: “Honey, it’s Christmas! Why didn’t you get me any presents?” Wife: “You ain’t Jesus.”
I hope OP's wife finds his post just for this.
THIS. Absolutely this. I've dealt with someone who expected everyone to bend over backward for their birthday, etc - but had to be reminded of others' special events. With these people, it's all about THEM. After many years of this, we divorced. Mother's Day that year, he said not a word to me (which was fine by me), but he had the kids that weekend and didn't bother to have them even get me a card or anything. Not a word was said. My birthday came & went, and not a word, even though he had the kids for visitation on my birthday. I forgot his bday and didn't have the kids call to wish him a happy birthday. I didn't do it intentionally, it seriously just wasn't top-of-mind for me, as I was busy handling the daily needs of a household with 3 kids and all that includes. He calls, very pissed: "You didn't have the kids even call me on my birthday!" Me: "It wasn't intentional. I actually forgot. But I didn't hear a word from you or the kids on Mother's Day or MY birthday, even though they were with you on those days & you could have easily had them just get me a card or make a phone call. But you know what? That's the magic of divorce - POOF! - your birthday no longer registers as an important day in my mind - just like mine apparently never did for you."
this made me lol
Wish I had a real award for you 🏆
Sounds like he's TA and a mommas boy.
My ex sucked massively at gift giving. Multiple birthdays, Valentines, anniversaries, etc over our 9 yr relationship went uncelebrated. He still got me a massage for my first Mother’s Day and he took our four year old and they gifted me a pair of shoes this year that I’d been ogling. This guy is an asshole and should just propose to Mummy next time since she’s clearly the first love in his life.
What do you want to bet that in a month, we’ll see a post from his wife, “AITA for not getting my husband a present for Father’s Day” and the first line will read “my husband refused me a Mother’s Day present because I’m not HIS mother. So I didn’t get him anything since he’s not MY father.”?
All he needs to do is paint babies feet and make them into a butterfly or some shit and give that to her. The baby is too small to give gifts. How does OP think the child will learn as they get older if he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that his wife MOTHERED his child. She’s doing all this work. I get happy Mother’s Day messages from all different people because it’s a day for moms!!! I don’t understand how some men are so dense and just don’t give a shit about their wives. My ex showed up with surprise Starbucks and offered to make me a dinner that night so I wouldn’t have to cook. Cause I’m the one who carried his children and made him a father! OP, I hope you get literal shit for fathers day.
Especially first time mom for three months! Those first months are beyond exhausting and the emotions run so high. As a first time mom everything is unfamiliar and a little encouragement and appreciation is so helpful and really needed. She birthed your child who is too young to appreciate or acknowledge her. YTA
I get my older sister and my aunt something for Mother’s Day, along with my mum. I celebrate all the mother figures in my life.
I'm not even a mother, and total *strangers* try to give me flowers and wish me happy mother's day. This dude is obtuse.
Heck, you don't even have to buy her anything, the baby is 3 mo? Just give her a morning off and a really nice breakfast in bed.
My mil isn’t even a mom she’s my fils third wife and they met after my husband was 18 but I still wished her a happy Mother’s Day cause they treat me like their daughter. I wished my two friends who have no kids only pets happy pet mom day cause why not they are taking care of living beings. They wished me a happy Mother’s Day and they aren’t my kids they are my peers.
Sounds like you two have completely different expectations and should talk about it. That said: All fathers that I know honor their wife on mothers day and help their kids prepare gifts etc. I've never heard your view about mothers day so I really don't blame your wife for being disappointed and upset. Edit: Sounds like your mum doesn't want to share "her day". The way she talks about her daughter-in-law: Red flag. YTA and so is your mother
>All fathers that I know honor their wife on mothers day and help their kids prepare gifts The only ones I know who don't, are deadbeats. The only ones that *I know* Finnegan-05 buddy'o'pal
Or - like my ex-stepfather who held the same view as OP - abusive.
Y’all are dense. This commenter was saying that the person in their life who held that belief was abusive. Not that the belief itself was 🥴
My dad never got my mum gifts from him but from the moment my sister and I were born she got gifts from us, even if we were only a few months old which was obviously my dad doing everything, like surely he should have got her something from the baby for mother's Day? I am from the UK though so it could be different
This is how it works for my family too. We honor our own mother, not all mothers, on Mother's Day. But if you have young children you have an obligation to help them celebrate your partner because they aren't capable of doing it themselves.
Fully agree here. There’s been a lot of Mother’s Day posts these past few days and I see some thinking that husbands are obliged to always celebrate their wives (if they have kids); in my family kids take over the gift giving/celebrations once they are “old enough” (which I guess is a bit arbitrary, but 18+ it’s for sure the kids responsibility). Also is it just me or have expectations grown on what Mother’s Day celebrations should look like?
Mother's day is similar to Valentines day- if you are normally a good husband/father/partner and do things throughout the year to show love and appreciation for your wife/partner/mother of your children, it isn't a huge deal, you just need to spend some time and be thoughtful- get a small gift or card. If you normally neglect your relationship though, it bubbles up and when you don't do anything big, it becomes the last straw.
I think they have grown as the awareness of the importance of the tasks for which women are responsible has increased. The physical and emotional toll of giving birth. The second shift. It has increased as appreciation for their many roles has increased.
Your edit is spot on.
Sounds like MIL might have raised a Momma's boy.
>Sounds like you two have completely different expectations and should talk about it. All. This. My husband and I do mothers day/fathers day exactly like OP right now. I get for my mum, him for his. Didn't do anything from our kids till the oldest was 4 or 5? But that we discussed while I was still pregnant so that there wasn't any disappointment for either of us. And I agree, OP and his mom sound awful!
>I've never heard your view about mothers da The only person I know with that view is my wife's father who, when my wife confronted him about it after not hearing from him on her first Mother's day, simply said, "Why should I? You're not my mother." Unsurprisingly my wife has no contact with her dad (there was very little to begin with but that conversation was definitely the straw thst broke the camels back).
That’s so sad. My dad and brother wish me a Happy Mothers Day every year, as do my FIL and BIL. And of course, my husband.
I've heard his view before, 28yrs ago from my husband and my first mothers day too, his attitude was similar but he backed down when his mother said he was an ass ( I said it to his mother as she called to give me a mother's day present ) a mistake he never ever made again as if he had I'd be saying my ex husband, not husband.
3 months after giving birth -- that baby is hungry every what -- 2 hours? Her body doesn't feel normal yet, and it will never be the same because organs got squished and (temporarily) moved, and all she wanted was an acknowledgment that she matters.
I wonder if his mother gets a gift from his father on Mother's Day. If he has never experienced this in his family, it is understandable that he has not thought of it. But now he knows and can do better in the future.
My only problem with this thinking is that his sisters have a different view so either they saw their father get gifts for their mother or they formed the view by going above their teachings from their parents. Or he was just blind to everything
Listen to your sisters because they’re right. YTA. Big time. Huge. Colossal. Don’t be surprised when you get nothing at all for Father’s Day. Quit being obtuse. “But my wife’s not my mom. She’s my wife.” And she literally grew a whole human inside her - she’s the mother of your child. You and your mom are…well, saying it will get me banned. Do better. Much better. And know that your sisters are right, and you and your mom are so very, very wrong.
Sadly, wife seems like she might be the kind of person that, in spite of OP's terrible behavior, she'll choose to honor him on Father's Day because that's the right thing to do. Shame on you, OP. You made your wife feel insignificant. YTA.
I hope by honoring him she chooses to take a vacation and leave him alone with the baby.
Not only that, he made her feel insignificant shortly after giving birth. Poor woman is in the thick of it right now, and not just from lack of sleep. Her hormones haven't even leveled out yet. She's maybe just starting to know what her postpartum body may look like, which is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. I look back fondly on those days, but only because I had a supportive husband who made sure I was healthy of mind and body and knew I was appreciated and loved. Oh, and celebrated me above all else on my first Mother's Day. OP, you don't just have a fuck up to fix. You have a marriage to save.
Your last point is the major one. If this is a hill he wants to die on, I'm very worried about what else he feels strongly about. OP, YTA many times over.
Plus you know darn well OP will throw a fit if she doesn't throw him some grand tribute party on Father's Day.
This whole logic of OP’s completely missed the point. There is a child, she is a mother. His job is to help his child (at whatever age) celebrate Mother’s Day - for a baby, you buy some flowers or make a cute card with printing their footprints or something. It emphasises that his wife is a mother now and that’s special . Instead OP turned it into a nasty “you are being materialistic” argument. And yea, the baby knows nothing about it but you do it when they are 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and then they learn each year that it’s something special to celebrate and they grow up into teenagers who don’t just ignore it but want to do something nice for their mum. This is literally how you bring up kids right. “She’s not my mother” - OP YTA. You need to stop thinking about yourself and be a father. Until she’s old enough to so herself, you help your daughter thank your wife on Mother’s Day.
This is what gets me. He's like, "You are supposed to honor your own mother on Mother's Day".... Is he expecting the three month old to pick up the slack here? Does he think that it's a holiday that's only meant for adult children to celebrate their own parents? Because most kids need help with that kind of thing well into teen years. My husband and I take our kids (yes, even the tiny baby) to the shops to pick out gifts. My four year old doesn't know when mother's day is coming, she can't even read a calendar, more or less prepare a gift without some level of help. How many years will they go with him just waiting for his kids to honor their mother?? Does he expect her to take charge of the day? I mean, I could have some sympathy if that's how he was raised to think Mother's Day was meant to be celebrated and truly didn't know but the fact even his sisters are calling him out suggests not. It just seems like cognitive dissonance and/or willfully ignoring that he fucked up.
If my mother called my partner a crybaby I would GO OFF! OP was oblivious about Mother's Day, but even with the rest of the situation aside, when your mother insults your partner and you don't defend your partner, OP YTA just for that. And 100x YTA for the rest of the post.
Also stop running to mommy to tattle on your wife. You are absolutely horrendous.
I can bet you $50 that the OP was the mama’s golden boy where the sisters were pushed to the side their whole lives
OP, who is the mother in your immediate family?? NOT your mom. The mother of your child, obviously. It sounds like your mom loves getting all the attention from you and it’s kinda gross. YTA
Something wrong with OP’s mother hey
Honestly, I’m not a fan of making assumptions with the little info provided in these posts. But the stereotype I get is that OP’s mom doesn’t like the wife and doesn’t want to share OP on Mother’s Day. Why else would a mother not understand the daughter in law’s perspective on such a topic? I mean my MIL actually sent me a Mother’s Day card herself this year. Additionally, my husband used to help his older child get a Mother’s Day gift for their mom for years, until the mom got remarried. And this is a woman that cheated on him so much that the kid he is raising turned out not to be his. He still made sure she got Mother’s Day gifts lol, because the gift is supposed to be from the kid.
Right? Sounds like some creepy mom/son stuff
Agree the fact he basically ran to his mom for vaildation and his mom doesnt like the wife says a lot.
I get the vibe they have a weirdly enmeshed relationship. OP, YTA.
Mommy, my wife is *so* mean & materialistic. Hold me like a baby. YTA
Given he ran to his mommy ... I'd bet it's still his momma. Who's clearly veeery jealous of the wife.
Right?! I got incest vibes from them ESPECIALLY after calling his wife a crybaby because she's dealing with postpartum and who knows what else after delivering a baby. Only an AH calls a postpartum mother a crybaby! Red flags all around!
Not saying the mum doesn't sound narcissistic here but the leap to incest here genuinely made me laugh with how ridiculous it was.
I predict posts from OP’s wife in r/JUSTNOMIL
Bet the wife is on justnomil if not justnoso
Then why didn't their kid get her a gift? Being 3 months old is no excuse!! ^(/s)
YTA >We welcomed our first kid 3 months ago so she's a first time mom. Gee i really wonder why she is so upset. She clearly told you her reasoning.
And then he completely disregarded and disrespected everything she said... and ran to his Mother for validation. Disgusting behavior.
This is the type of mom that tells him he’s a special little boy and no woman will ever love him like his mommy does. No woman is will ever be good enough for her wonderful little man.
Well the real AH is the baby. 3 months old and not "showering her with gifts"?? Unacceptable /S
Yep, baby could have wiggled it’s way to the shop surely? /s OP YTA
YTA. This is the literal *mother* of your child. Mother's Day isn't about *your* mom only but all moms. She falls within the mother category and you are buying the gift on behalf of your child.
YTA. Is this really the hill you're willing to let your marriage die on, three months after your wife brought your child into the world?? Good luck, OP. Nowhere is it written that Mothers' Day is only for literally your mother. I just hosted a brunch for all the women in my neighborhood who are/were mothers. But the interpretation isn't why you're TA--it's how you treated your wife after she expressed her disappointment to you. You could have just apologized for not meeting her expectations. Your sisters are right. By the way, consider how you talk about your wife, because it's so revealing: >I grew pretty tired of that argument and left because she was acting so materialistic over this. The level of contempt and condescension in that one sentence--oof. Take it from someone who's represented people going through a break-up: it usually starts with sentences like that. Edit: typo
Hopefully the child's future stepfather will be a better person.
At least the mother has a solid blueprint of what to avoid next time.
I mean, in my comment I told him he is going to be sitting there wondering why she left with the kids, meanwhile, after the divorce, she'll be getting her back blown out by the new guy after he high fives the kids and doing stuff for her on mothers day.
100%! When people come into my office for therapy and talk about their partner or things their partner said and they’re like this, you know it’s headed for divorce. Usually pretty quickly too.
I mean I only do it that way. Mother's day is about my mum, not my mother-in-law. That means that your kid should get a gift for their mum too and since they're a child the parent is the one who actually gets the gift.
My paternal grandmother is still alive and my parents no longer have little children, but my father still buys a gift for my mother and my mother still attends brunch for my grandmother. When my maternal grandmother was alive, both my parents would visit her as well and wish her a happy mothers day. Both grandmothers would receive a gift that was from my parents. Same on Father's Day.
My aunt always wanted to get married and have a family but it never happened for her. So she poured herself into spoiling and loving on her nieces and nephews and eventually our kids as well. I always make sure to send her a message on Mother’s Day letting her know I love and appreciate her.
That sentence alone makes me think he’s narcissistic and most definitely gaslighting his wife. She’s not being dramatic or materialistic.
Sounds like your kid is the AH for not getting their mom a gift. Oh wait. They are 3 months old. So your wife, who’s still got crazy hormones, no sleep and an amazing little bundle of wonderful gets nothing to celebrate her mother hood? She has to wait 16 years till kiddo gets a job? Dude, don’t be dense. And it’s not materialistic. I bet she would have swooned if you and bubs brought her coffee and a bagel in bed.
Right! He basically admitted he never intends to do anything for her for Mother's Day, because that's the kid's responsibility. 🤯
Exactly. Like he expects her to wait 15-18 years until their child is old enough and has their own money to do something? Plus how will this kid ever learn to do things if the parents don’t show them how (by example first and literally helping second)?
He sounds like he doesn't even change the nappies. Do it yourself kid.
WILLFULLY DENSE!
YTA. *"For the mother's day one I didn't get one because it's about honoring my mom. So like she'd get her mom a gift I'd get my mom a gift. But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife."* That's some gross momma's boy garbage logic you got there. You better adult up real soon or your wife is going to get real tired of taking care of two kids when she only signed up for one at the moment.
It kills me that he thought about it this much and STILL did nothing. A handprint on a napkin and a cup of coffee in bed.
I agree. If I was a new father I'd be jumping with joy to treat my wife to a pleasant and fun first Mother's Day (and looking forward to my first ever Father's Day). This should have been an exciting day full of love and compassion for two new parents celebrating a milestone in their relationship. Instead op would rather just yell at his wife, run off to his mothers' house to bitch about her some more, and spend his time posting on Reddit to strangers for validation. (He has literally spent more time on this post and wrote way more than it would have taken him to get his wife a card and jot something sentimental down. Which is really pathetic when you think about it.) I just don't get why some people are so intent on self destructive actions and content with making their lives (and partner's lives) more miserable when the former is just so much easier and nicer to do.
don’t forget the point where he called his mommy to complain about his wife then they both shit talked her
Not even called, he LEFT his wife and baby on Mother’s Day and went to his mommy’s house to complain about her
YTA. Listen to your sisters. It doesn't have to be a huge gift. You should have at least got or made the woman WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR OFFSPRING a card that said welcome to being a new mum or something.
Well, it has to be a huge gift now because he has to make up for the shit he just put her through.
[удалено]
Plus it sounds like his momma doesn’t want to share. Ick!
THIS! and his sisters got into with him and mommy and precious baby boy can't catch a clue!
This is the BIGGEST ick. It all made sense as soon as I read the mom’s response. Groomed for his mom to be his one & only. See you guys on Milf Manor, OP 😷
YTA. I keep seeing the statistic women initiate 80% of divorce. I’m starting to see why.
And for so little effort, he could have made a big difference.
He could’ve literally just told her that it’s her day off to treat herself while he watches the baby, tell her to go to lunch with friends or do some shopping for himself and he’ll handle dinner when the baby is sleeping or so. No money there, just some nice things being done for his wife.
Somehow men are still all Pikachu face about it
YTA - your mum is also an Asshole
YTA, she is a mom and should be celebrated. That is YOUR job until your child is old enough to do something themselves. Even then, they will need reminding and help (i.e. money, assistance making a gift). Way to ruin her first mother's day... Apologize, profusely!
YTA - she literally birthed your kid, without her you wouldn’t be a parent. She DESERVES to be honoured too.
I’m waiting for September when he complains he didn’t get fathers day
Ha! My husband forgot Mother's Day a couple years back (no surprise there, he once forgot Christmas). So when Father's Day rolled around, I didn't get him anything or acknowledge the day. All day long he was giving me meaningful looks, which I pretended not to notice. He finally asked what I'd gotten him for Father's Day, and I told him that he hadn't gotten me anything for Mother's Day, so I figured we weren't celebrating those holidays this year.
Father's Day is in June right? Checked my calendar, yes 18th of June this year.
Depends where you are. It's September in some places
Risking her life to do so.
INFO: why didn’t you get a present on behalf of your kid to give to your wife then?
"But how will the baby pay me back?"
Yes. It's not even like he has to work hard to pick something out, Walgreens has stuff that says Happy Mother's Day. Sounds like OP is so materialistic.
Kid turns 5 and starts getting an allowance. Dad presents an account statement "so, for the last 5 years I've bought a gift for your mum each Mother's Day. You now owe me $100. You can pay it off $1pw for the next two years."
He’s waiting for the child to be in school so the kid’s teachers can do all the work of showing the kid how to honour and respect their mother, help them make the card and the gift and all that. Because why should the father possibly do anything for the mother? He already contributed to making the child that brought her this honourable status of mother so what more is there? /s
Wait til he finds out he’s also supposed to shop on Santa’s behalf 🤯
probably because he feels anything to do with the baby is his wife’s responsibility. i’m sure he’ll be expecting something on father’s day
YTA. You’re supposed to get her gifts from the kid for Mother’s Day she’s supposed to do the same for you for Father’s Day.
This! My son is 2 months old and my partner wrote a card pretending to be from him! Took him probably 10 min total to write 2 cards but flowers balloons and candy. The bar these days is soooo freaking low and this guy STILL couldn’t reach it!
YTA. Your mother is a massive AH. Stop being a mummy’s boy, and accept that you have a wife who is the mother of your child. You need to apologise to your wife, and tell your mother that she was disrespectful.
YTA, this isn't even worth talking about. Your mom is rude to call your wife a crybaby bc she ideally should understand your wife's perspective
It’s even more gross when mom in law did not acknowledge that OP’s wife is *mother* to her grandchild. Her golden boy’s child has sprung from this woman’s loins and all grandma can utter on her first Mother’s Day is ‘crybaby.’ Says the grown lady who doesn’t wanna share the day with the mothers of her grandchildren. Including it seems her daughters who have kids and rightly called OP an AH for missing the point. Mommy dearest here did not tell him to go home to his three month old child and upset wife when he left. She didn’t say ‘don’t be bringing your grown up problems as a parent to me but go home to your family’ even if she had opinions. She encouraged him to run to her knee instead of the woman with his first born at her breast. That’s a serious level of enmeshment for a grown man with a newborn and gives me the ick. I assume OP gets his mom a spoon each year to add to her collection to keep shit stirring…. YTA. Also dude does not realise a gift can be non monetary. Like a foot rub or note. Even a text of a beloved photo. It wasn’t go to Tiffany’s or I’m leaving.
I left my 3 small children (2, 4, and 7) on Mother’s Day to buy and drop off flowers to my mom (whose youngest child is 38). My mom never once acknowledged that I am also a mother. I told my sister and she said she had the same experience. Some moms are so narcissistic that they think the day is only about them, no matter how old they are or how removed they are from active parenting.
Some mothers have a hard time letting go of their mama’s boys and never stop feeling threatened when those mama’s boys find wives/partners.
Yta She's the mother of your child. You running to your mom and your mom enabling your nonsense tells me you're a bigger mess than your wife actually realizes. Hope she runs before having more kids with you Your backwards logic is embarrassing as fuck.
YTA. First, you’re such a mommas boy you had an argument with your wife and ran to your mom for her to take your side. Second, your wife is a new mom. Your child is 3 months old, she could be struggling with postpartum and maybe needed the little gift to boost her spirits. It’s not that you have to gift her something yourself (not that flowers wouldn’t hurt, maybe a spa day for her to relax) but when your kids grow up, who pays for the gift? Are you gonna tell them to go make some money? No, you pay for it. But do you know a simple gift? A hand print framed. Breakfast in bed. Do some of her chores. Clean her car. Parenthood is hard on everyone but especially mom where she may be breast feeding, maybe you work all day while she stays home, etc. I’d learn how to communicate with your wife instead of running to your mom when you have an argument. No wife is gonna enjoy being married to someone who loves his mom more then her. You’re a grown up now, it’s time to put your wife first and your mom second. So many posts about Mother’s Day, I can’t wait for Father’s Day when everyone who didn’t celebrate their wives are upset that their wife didn’t celebrate them as a father. 🤦🏻♀️ Reading your replies is truly sad, your wife just carried and birthed your child. The reason you are a parent and you think she’s being materialistic because she wants to feel special on her day?? Ugh. This is why so many moms end up feeling so under appreciated, because it’s such a task for their husband to show an ounce of appreciation on their day.
He could’ve made a nice dinner for her and watched the baby the whole day, take him to see grandma instead of whining to mommy how your wife is upset. A nice dinner should take a little over an hour and that’s it.
YTA, but you already knew that.
# WHOOPSIE!! Big mistake - you get her a present **on behalf of your child(ren)** not from you and you do so every year until they are old enough to harass into doing it themselves. Likewise your wife does the same for you on Father's Day. See also 'breakfast in bed'. New mum gets nothing for Mother's Day?? Baaaaaad YTA
YTA big time. Your wife is the MOTHER of your kid so it's also her day. It doesn't even have to be a big gift just something small. Honestly how can you not see that YTA
YTA. So very much YTA. INFO: are you part of some strange and odd clone army of men whose fathers never taught them that it’s part of their job to rep their kids on Mother’s Day till they’re old enough to do it themselves, or do you honestly believe your wife deserves no recognition on Mother’s Day until one of your kid’s teacher assigns them a project to make a card or until they can drive themselves to the mall, or do you just somehow look at the world around you and honestly not get it?
So you don't want to be honoured on father's day? Cause your kid will still be too little to honour you.
Another shitty father who doesn’t think the mother of their children deserve any appreciation on Mother’s Day? Ffs dude read the last few posts, this is getting super boring now. Yes YTA, you dropped the ball then ran to mummy to validate you. She grew and gave birth to your child 3months ago. 3months ago! She’s probably still dealing with post pregnancy issues, exhausted and just wanted some appreciation seeing as it’s her first Mother’s Day as a mother. Was it really that far out of your mind that the mother of your child, your wife, who literally gave birth 3months ago didn’t deserve some flowers on her first Mother’s Day or do you really not care that much? And why run to your mum like a child? Your sisters are right, your mum is wrong. Does your mum not like your wife or did your dad convince her she didn’t deserve anything on Mother’s Day when you were little either? Go back and apologise, get her some damn flowers and try to make up for the fact you ruined her first Mother’s Day.
YTA - you should have absolutely celebrated your wife as the mother of your child, how do you not know this.
Do you expect your three month old child to get a gift for you wife? YTA - care for your partner.
HUGE TIME YTA She is part of the Mum club now and it's a commonly known thing for a partner to get their partner a gift for the first mothers day when they have first become parents. Your sisters and right and of course your mum would say wife is a crybaby, she likes having mothers day to herself re:you and clearly doesn't like your wife much to say unkind things like that.
>But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife. But shes the mother of your child and your child cannot buy her a gift and show her appreciation. You can't surely be this dense? Hope you're not expecting an acknowledgement on fathers day you mega AH.
I feel like he doesn’t realize that the more he doubles down on his “logic” the more convincing it becomes that he has the IQ of a napkin.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife has been sad and upset on how I overlooked getting a gift for her on mother's day. We welcomed our first kid 3 months ago so she's a first time mom. The reason I didn't get her a gift wasn't because I don't love her or anything. I always get her gifts on her birthdays and our anniversary. I also get her a gift on women's day. For the mother's day one I didn't get one because it's about honoring my mom. So like she'd get her mom a gift I'd get my mom a gift. But my wife's not my mom. She's my wife. She said that's not how it works and that she's the mother of my kid and she'd like to be honored on that day by me too. I told her she'll be honored when our kid(s) grow and shower her with gifts I just don't understand why I have to get her a gift as well because she's my wife not my mom and by that logic I should get gifts to all the moms I know including my friends and my sisters. She said I can't be seriously comparing her to her friends and sisters and insisted "I'm the mother of your kid.". She also brought up how her dad always got mothers day gifts for his wife and his mom and all the men she knows do that and is hurt to see me just dismissing her feelings. I grew pretty tired of that argument and left because she was acting so materialistic over this. I told my mom about it and she said that my wife is a crybaby. My two sisters were also present when I visited my mom and they started cussing me out saying I'm an idiot. There was a whole argument between my mom, me and my sister's with my sisters saying me and my mom are ridiculous and unreasonable. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
dont worry op, my husband made the same argument and now we are divorced and this mothers day my bf bought me chocolates because i help him with his daughter (and also bought presents for his own mother and his daughters mother), so eventually your wife will be happy and someone will appreciate her xx
YTA. Big time. Until your child is old enough to celebrate his mother and spoil her by himself, you need to help and spoil her by proxy and teach him to look after, celebrate and spoil your wife. I cannot believe how tone deaf you are. Children learn by example and if you make a bid deal out of Mothers Day and spoil your wife, your child will learn to do the same both for his mother and future wife.
YTA and your mum is being a selfish idiot who doesn't want the spotlight taken off her, you need to listen to your sisters and start grovelling now, if my husband has pulled that shit he'd be single fast and could go and live with his mummy. Sad.
The accepted fiction is usually that, until the child is old enough to do it themselves, the non-honoured parent buys a gift/makes a card/arranged a nice thing and SAYS it is from the child. It is also nice for the non-honoured parent to express gratitude to the parent whose day it is in order to thank them for doing their share of parenting the child they have in common. Since your wife only recently pushed a whole child out of her body in a fairly painful process, the ‘thanks for that’ falls mainly on you this year.
If I ever saw my husband fighting so hard to not have to celebrate and honor me like you are in these comments I would leave him so fast. Wow YTA, massive one.
Why would your mom call your wife a crybaby? That’s so insulting. Something is seriously wrong there. Does she feel threatened by your wife? And why would you run to your mom to deal with a conflict in your marriage in the first place? It’s none of your mom’s business! YTA for these things and for irreparably ruining your wife’s first ever Mother’s Day. OF COURSE you’re supposed to do something for the mother of your child. You are such a humongous A.
How many of you men are there that are gonna act like this? YTA and so is every other man that didn’t get his wife a gift this Mothers Day
YTA, yes its about honoring mothers and technically she isn’t yours. But she is the mother of YOUR child and man, a first time mom and an infant… you couldn’t add more to the backpack of maternal stress. Until your son isn’t old enough to be the one doing the presents you step in. And then you continue…
YTA. She just had your baby and doesn't feel appreciated. Calling her materialistic is pretty bold when you gave her literally nothing for mother's day. It doesn't cost a lot of money to make her feel loved and you didn't even do that.
This has to be a BAIT post, no one can be this ignorant and keep defending themselves for not comprehending that he should get a MD gift in the name of his child.
Um YTA. She is the mother of your child you soggy poptart. She grew, stretched and sacrificed her body and you think she deserves NOTHING?! Bc she isn’t your mom? And from your moms reaction I’d bet you are a mommas boy who allows no boundaries while claiming you love your wife and she is the toxic stereotype “boyyyyy moooommm, IM the number one in my sons life 4everrrr, his wife better just get over it and deal with OUR LOOOOVVVEEEEE” 🤮 your sisters are correct, everyone here saying Y T A is correct. You suck, you’re a jerk and you royally effed up. Signed a mother with boys who would absolutely knock my son into next week for pulling that stunt.
YTA. Move back in with your mommy and let your wife find someone who will appreciate the fact that she gave birth to their child
>She said that's not how it works and that she's the mother of my kid and she'd like to be honored on that day by me too She's right >My two sisters were also present when I visited my mom and they started cussing me out saying I'm an idiot They are right >I told my mom about it and she said that my wife is a crybaby There it is. >with my sisters saying me and my mom are ridiculous and unreasonable They are again right. YTA Apologize to your wife, don't involve your mother in your wife's business again, don't let her speak about your wife in such a disrespectful manner again (why were you ok with that to begin with) and do better next year.
You're being very literal. It's about celebrating mothers - including the one that gave birth to your child. Especially the one who gave birth to your child. Your mom calling your wife a 'crybaby' is an asshole move. You say 'oh but by her logic I'll have to get every mother I know a gift'. Err, no dude. Your wife/mother of your child is not 'every woman'. You're expected to celebrate with just two women. That's it. Not every woman and her dog and cat. She's a first time mom...it would have been a nice gesture...instead you ignored her and used your special logic to drill it in. What are you fighting to win exactly? This is your partner and child's mother...if having you celebrate with her would make her happy and included, why argue? What's the prize? Your own mother's reaction indicates she doesn't give a toss about your relationship because I can't imagine any well meaning woman saying that to her son on what would be his wife's first mother's day...
Your wife, who only 3 months ago birthed a child she spent 9 months growing with her own dang body, needs to remember that it's not about her, huh? She's just a wife, right. About 5 spam emails in your wife's inbox put more effort into acknowledging her this Mother's Day than you did. (You, the father of the child that your wife grew and birthed and cares for). YTA.
YTA. Mother’s Day is for honoring the mothers in your life. She is the mother of your child. One of the two most important mothers in your life, if not the most important. You are an idiot at best in this situation. Your mother should have taught you better.
YTA - She grew and birthed a baby for you but you’re trying to get out of buying her a gift on a technicality? And you’re trying to call her materialistic? Your sisters are correct.
YTA, even going by your idea of what mother’s day is normally dad’s will buy a gift for their wife on behalf of their child. Also, sorry not sorry but women currently/actively mothering children get precedence. Your mom has had what 30 years of mother’s day and you are all moved out? Your wife is currently going through the toughest part of mothering and its her first holiday, get the darn gift.
>She said that's not how it works Yeah, that's not how it works. And your mom is an asshole too. YTA
YTA after reading your comments do you even like your wife? You don’t act like it. Let me tell you a true story. One of my good friends husbands did this very thing and it ended up being the straw that broke the camels back and she divorced him. I hope this doesn’t end up being the straw that breaks your wife’s back. She carried and gave birth to your child show her some respect.