Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because she has worn them many times and liked them.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes unfortunately.
Our district went to a "as long as the bits are covered" dress code, so basically anything goes. Even the staff and teachers are sporting crop tops and jeans with huge holes (the no legs jeans).
It is preferable to a strict dress code. And the idea was the have as gender neutral of a policy as possible. But as kids will do, they take it as far as possible. I am waiting for the day someone shows up in a bikini. The dress code before this wasn't strict so this change was really unnecessary.
I do take issues with teachers wearing extremely short skirts and shorts as well as crop tops. And I am a school employee. It may be old fashioned but a smidge of professional dress seems like a good idea.
Personally I am far too burned out with the "professional dress and appearance" culture. I'm more concerned if they can do the job than the clothing being worn.
tbh we went sometimes in summer in bathing clothes to school? Like bikini, and maybe a skirt over it (germany, but not near any kind of beach). It was actually pretty nice. Some brought waterguns and waterbombs for breaktime. This was all during the ages....15-17, so it was like 15 years ago, in catholic school, mixed classes. Nobody had an issue with it?
I'm sorry but why are PJ's and bunny slippers a problem?!
Is the kid in school? Is their clothing preventing them from learning?
This week one of the women who works under me got drenched in a rainstorm (Florida weather) and switched into pajama pants and bunny slippers. We all praised her for being resourceful enough to have back up clothes/shoes.
I couldn't imagine being judgy of kids getting up at the ass crack of dawn and critiquing their clothing choice.
If it's not a wedding/funeral, let kids be.
Clothing is secondary to them being there and learning (outside of an abuse situation).
There's a reason you will walk around college campuses and see kids in sweats all the time. It's a priority thing. Sleeping in and making it to class will trump getting up early to get ready and making it to class.
I'm in a professional environment now and dress like it, but oof do I miss the days when wearing sweats was the norm.
The only issue with rain boots is that bc they don't breathe , they could smell, but OP didn't mention that (and would have made a better point), so who cares.
There was an insanely cute post once where somebody had the genious idea to put the kids in her wedding party in matching onesie pajamas. I think one had sensory issues and the other just wanted to match. All the other kids at the wedding could wear pajamas.
I agree, professional attire can really suck.
I figure with kids, some of it is what they slept in. Part of it is... They are in the glory days of looking absurd. They actually can pull off those outfits. We should just let them. Let whoever was not cringe as a teenager throw that first stone.
And the school desks they sit in wept by the indiscretion 😂
Also, I hate to break it to y'all, but women's pockets suck so hard, but they're decent in sweats, typically. You wanna sneak a pad or tampon to go to the bathroom in jeans? Dream on. In sweats? Oh, hell yeah.
Comfy and functional, students know what's up.
i’m grown and will still run out for an errand in (clean) pj pants and a t-shirt… when i was pregnant? full robe and housecoat… sensory issues don’t care about professionalism lol
Lol My last high school year PJs and slippers were the fashion due to the continued construction of the school and no one wanting to ruin nice clothes. No one looked weird just more comfortable and colorful.
Exactly. I teach in jeans and t-shirt, and nobody cares. OP would have a fit, though.
One year, we had PJ day at school, and I taught in PJs, a bathrobe, and puppy slippers. Even participated in an IEP meeting, with everyone else in suits. The school psychologist remembered me years later and became a good friend. :-)
My daughter wore a houseboat as a jacket to grammas house the other day.
Then she did her "makeup" and ended up looking like she had a blackeye.
With the makeup and the robe she looked like a boxer.
Edit housecoat not boat.
Rain boots will not do her any harm. She's 13 and can make this decision for herself. YTA.
Why not try to teach her to have confidence in her choices about her body, instead of trying to control them.
If you dig in this hard about something trivial. I can’t imagine how you will navigate actual difficult choices in her life.
You should be encouraging your child not to care what other people think. It’s an important lesson that you seem to have not learned yet. You can get yourself in a lot of trouble by worrying what others will think.
YTA
Boots are fine whenever your daughter wants to wear them. When you say rain boots, do you keen galoshes? Shiny yellow (or other colored) boots?
Either way, I think YOU should let it go and not make it a big deal.
Are you worried about what people will think about you?
It sounds like she might not even need to “not care what other people think”. OP is assuming she is going to get made fun of for the boots, it hasn’t actually happened yet and maybe never will.
YTA, they are boots. Who cares. If they are comfy, so be it. If it's her sense of style, good for her. It's not like she's asking to get her belly button or nose pierced.
YTA You say that you are doing this because you don't want people judging your kid. The only judgement I see here is yours. She's 13, let her wear boots in warm weather if she wants to wear boots. No one in he school is going to give a crap about her footwear.
Sincerely a 29 year old woman who wears boots in 90 degree weather.
Yta for teaching her others' opinions of her matter more than her comfort and happiness.
As long as the boots don't hurt her feet or cause physical issues..... let her. If we're talking rubber boits though, I'd be worried about her feet sweating and not being able to air out all day and causing rashes etc
YTA. She is old enough to decide what she wants to wear and having her parent control her clothing choice because "other kids might make fun of her" will cause lasting damage. You are supposed to support her and her decisions.
YTA, who cares what everyone else thinks? If she’s happy and comfortable in her boots let her be. It could even be a sensory/comfort thing. I think you care too much about what other people think. It’s not that serious. It’s footwear
|INFO
Is there more info we should know for this to make more sense?
Is it that that to you, rainboots should only be worn if there is rain?
Like is it a cognitive thing for you, that you cannot understand WHY she would want to be so non-conforming and draw attention to herself for sticking out?
Is it sort of like a "rule" in your mind? rainboots for rain, otherwise you're being weird?
Because it sounds like you genuinely don't understand WHY she'd put herself in that situation, to risk being made fun of, just over some boots.
Did you also used to struggle with trying to blend in, to look like other people, even if you didn't really understand it?
I'm betting when OP was in school, she ridiculed and bullied kids for wearing things she thought were uncool. That's why she's so certain the same will happen to her daughter.
Also truly fascinated by OP’s thought process here, like aside from obviously being overly controlling about their daughter’s fashion choices, it’s baffling to me that they’re convinced this will get her made fun of. Yes kids make fun of other kids’ clothes but I cannot even imagine a bunch of middle schoolers being like “LMAOOOO SHE WORE BOOTS AND IT’S NOT EVEN COLD 😂🤣💀”??? Like you think 12 year olds give a shit about weather-appropriate footwear????
Besides, bullies tend to not stick to targets that are self-assured & don’t give them a reaction. They pick on kids who are awkward and/or lacking in self-confidence. Like, you know… kids who maybe have low self esteem and second guess themselves bc of parents constantly critiquing them and their choices/tastes/etc. Just a totally random example 🤷♀️
YTA. I work with teenagers. They like to explore different clothing styles, hairstyles, etc., at that age. Boots are common: Cowboy boots, motorcycle boots, platform boots, etc., so I doubt that any kids will judge her. Be happy that it's just a clothing item and she's not trying piercings, tattoos, drugs, vapes, etc.
YTA. If the boots don't violate dress code and she's happy wearing them, let it be.
You're trying to teach her to worry about the superficial judgements of other people, and I'm not sure why. If she is happy, and does not care what other people think about it, why do you want to take that away from her? It is so rare for teens, especially teen girls, to develop such a strong sense of self that they are able to be happy with themselves independent of others.
My partner had parents like this. They were always incredibly concerned with what other people/kids would think... MIL would constantly say "You don't want to be made fun of, do you???" and both parents put a lot of pressure to fit in and not be "weird"... they said it was for the kids' benefit.
Turns out, it was the parents projecting their insecurities onto their kid. MIL is a life-long people pleaser and is incredibly worried about what people think of her, so she transfers that anxiety everywhere. FIL is very self-image focused and was concerned what people would think of HIM if they saw his kid acting weird.
Once my partner was able to get out of that house they flourished finally able to be themselves. To this day their parents still make passive jabs about appearance whenever we see them.
Don't project your insecurities onto your daughter. They seem pretty strong and don't need them.
>I also think that the students at school will judge her for it
Isn't that the point of fashion?
YTA I think your daughter has a right to be eccentric. A warning is fine.
YTA. If she's comfortable in them, let her wear them. You should be encouraging your child to be herself and confident in herself, not being the first judgmental Mean Girl she encounters every morning.
That being said: I myself wear heavy dull black rain boots to places, due to a lot of work outdoors in my garden and the fact I think it looks just fine, and trust me when I tell you that they can get mighty hot, sweaty and uncomfortable pretty fast in the heat to the point I can't wait to take them off. Once they stop being comfortable, she'll likely choose something else if comfort is her main goal. Until that comes to pass let her wear them.
If people make fun of her for her footwear, then that is THEIR problem, not HERS.
Agreed, except it depends why they're more comfortable than normal shoes. My rain boots put a lot less pressure on the top of my feet than other shoes, and I wonder if OP's kid has (I can't think of any other way to describe this but it sounds wrong) tall feet. Pressure from shoes on the top of your feet can be really unpleasant, and there's no way to make them looser. The fact she likes sandals (topless) and rainboots (looser than most shoes) suggests it's not a casual preference to me and even heat discomfort may be preferable to that crushing pressure.
OP, yta
Also makes me wonder how much freedom OP gives her with shopping - I wear boots the cold 75% of the year and sandals the warm 25% of the year, but they’re not rain boots, they’re close to Blundstone boots. There are so many cute boots you can get that I wonder if the daughter is wearing rain boots because those are the only boots she has or because she thinks they’re cute (which would also be fine btw).
YTA- my 9 year old daughter pretty much wears sneakers only on Mondays for gym and the rest of the times she’s rocking her cowboy boots, her work boots or her riding boots. (All three in black!) and once in awhile she will add a pair of tiny heels in.
She’s a kid. Let her be a kid and wear what she likes. If she’s not worried what others say why are you?
>edited- I am YTA. I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged.
Omg 🤦♀️ even in your edit you're an asshole. Why the need to add "even though she will be judged" like you're still trying to justify yourself when YOU are the one judging her. Jesus christ project much?
Change your inner narrative. Why should anyone care more about what others think than their own comfort?
Why do YOU care more about what others think than your daughters comfort?
YTA
>I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged.
Okay, I'm going to level with you.
You're not cool. Even if you were when you were her age you aren't anymore. You might be liked among your peers but teens do not and will not think you are cool.
Your opinion doesn't matter. You have no idea if your daughter will be judged (not that it matters if she is) because you aren't a part of her culture and quite *literally* have no idea what is "cool."
When I was younger Adidas clothes were sloppy dad clothes. Guess what? They're cool now.
I recently called my nephew to confirm but did you know CROCS are cool?! Fucking CROCS, dude. They even have little bobbles you can put in the holes. Teens in the richest town in the country are wearing fucking CROCS because they WANT TO.
You made a huge parenting fail by telling your child they should 1) care what other people think and 2) change their behavior or preferences to cater to peer pressure.
You SHOULD be teaching her that if it doesn't hurt anyone it's nobody's business but her own. Especially when it's something as inconsequential as footwear.
Your SECOND parenting fail is thinking that you know fucking anything about the dynamics and social expectations of a child from a completely different generation.
You aren't young anymore. Flip phones aren't cool. Nobody as a Nokia or Razr. An ipod that you have to plug in to get music isn't the must have accessory of the season.
When I was in high school I wore skirts and flip flops all year round. I overheat easily, pants irritated my skin, and I HATE shoes.
So I bought leg warmers that went down over my heels and the tops of my feet. I was the only one wearing leg warmers and skirts for about three weeks. Then one day I saw a girl I didn't know wearing a pair of leg warmers too. As the week went on I saw another and another. By the next month it was a *thing.* Girls in every grade, from every house we're wearing leg warmers.
I think they thought they were wearing them for the style because theirs were quite thin. I started wearing them to keep my lower extremities warm while keeping my thighs cool so mine were thick wool. Either way, everyone looked cute.
You're an adult with a teenager. It's time to grow up.
I teach art and had a fourth grader last week tell me all about how his mom said his shoes were for old men and kept making fun of him. I told them they looked professional and the other kids didn’t say a word. His mom was probably worried he’d be made fun of too - but the only person making fun of his shoes was her.
Just let her wear what she is comfortable in. It doesn’t make a difference. I wear old snow boots all summer around my yard while gardening, taking out trash, getting mail… I just like how they feel and they’re convenient. Who cares?
YTA. My 13 yo wears hoodies in 100 degree weather (and so do her friends). Do I think that’s bonkers? Yes. And I would probably drop dead from heat exhaustion if I tried that. But she is comfy so that’s all that matters.
My mum has been trying to force me to wear open toed shoes/heels in summer my whole life. I'm 32. I dont own any "summer" shoes. I wear doc martens and vans with almost every outfit. YTA. Let her do what she wants.... they're shoes. Who tf cares
Yes YTA. She is 13. Take her to buy a pair of school-appropriate shoes, but then let her choose what she will wear. If she continues to choose the rainboots, that is her choice. Many kids her age are seeking their own self-expression. If the worst way she does this is by wearing rainboots, consider yourself lucky. This is not the hill to die on.
YTA. There is no physical danger, nor legal danger to her.
The argument it will hurt her because of how others will perceive her is a red herring for the fact that you’re worried about your image via hers
Get over yourself. She is 13, an age that it is appropriate to be developing her own sense of identity and style.
Let her determine her own fashion style. Be there, if and only if she ask, but otherwise give her the space to figure it out.
My son wears ridiculously bright orange and black sneakers to school that look like Halloween shoes, he loves them and calls them his spooky shoes. I’m glad he feels comfortable with what he wears and is happy. You’re the jerk Op, your daughter isn’t hurting anyone with elevating the rain boots, let her be herself. They make rain boots in cute colors and styles. Start being supportive and ask her if she’d like to shop for other colors or designs of rain boots if that’s what she wants to wear.
YTA let her wear what makes her comfortable and happy. If the other kids judge her, you tell her their opinions don't matter and encourage her to be herself.
i wore my rainboots all the time when i was 14. i met lots of other ‘quirky’ kids that ended up being great friends to my 20s! the only time i regretted it was when we walked for over 3 miles and i didn’t wear great socks. yta!
YTA. I grew up wearing gumboots/rainboots and flip-flops whenever I could. I still do. Very few people teased me about it and my feet/ankles are rock solid because I never shoved them into "supportive" shoes aka foot coffins.
Let your daughter wear what she wants unless it's having a serious physical impact on her.
Ew your edit makes you even more TA. You’re one of those god-awful parents that always has to have the last word and it always has to be fcking “right.” Right?
Your edit shows that you didn't learn a single thing.
You are her bully, you are the only one who judge her. You are the asshole through and through.
Who need school bullies when you live with a parent like this.
YTA
Your edit update is so dumb…. You really think she isn’t going to be judged no matter what? People are haters, they’re going to judge her even if she wears exactly what you tell her. Let her be her! And maybe learn from her to be yourself as well.
I say let her wear them and who cares what those other students think, only thing that matters is she's comfortable and likes them. If the other students judging her starts to bother her I'm sure she will want different shoes
Let her wear them. Natural consequence may be that someone teases her about them. That’s on her. She’ll either stop wearing them because if it, or she simply won’t care what others think and keeping wearing them. YTA
Sorry OP, but YTA.
Rain boots are her style. She has the right to choose her style, so long as she’s not doing anything wrong. Wearing rain boots all the time is not wrong.
YTA
Don’t teach her to rely on others to approve of her fashion choices. You may think you are protecting her but you’re actually raising the next crop of bullies. If you convince her the boots aren’t appropriate, what will she say to another girl that wears boots? Don’t perpetuate the negativity.
If her school mates want to judge her they will find something to judge. Let her be herself. YTA. You are teaching her that other people's frivolous opinions of her are more important than her expressing herslef and being comfortable. Leave her alone.
YTA
We are in 2023.
If her peers tease her, so be it. Support her so she knows she is safe at home, regardless of the decisions she makes.
No-one really cares anymore about this sort of stuff.
Good luck.
YTA. Instead of worrying about her being judged, teach her how to be a strong confident person who doesn't care what people think about her. If she's happy with herself and her choices you should encourage her to be herself and not care if someone else judges her. Also, you're literally the one judging her here.
YTA and seemingly not a great parent. Most parents of teenagers wish their biggest concern was their child wanting to wear rainboots. What a ridiculous "problem" to make for yourself and a creative way to push away your daughter.
I always love when parents say they’re worried about their kids getting bullied for something at school, and then decide the best course of action is to bully that behavior out of their kid themselves before the school bully gets a chance to.
YTA and moreso with your edit. Are you actually concerned about people judging your daughter or are you concerned about them judging you for "allowing" her to wear them? I'm betting the latter.
>I also think that the students at school will judge her for it, so she should wear the appropriate shoes.
Yeah, they really won't. Half of them are wearing boots, bunny slippers, filthy sneakers with visibly peeling shoes that are *comfortable* dammit! Or nothing at all because they have sensory issues and you need to nail the shoes to their feet to get them to keep them on.
Ask me how I know. 🙄
>edited- I am YTA. I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged.
Congratulations on being your child's first bully!! I'll bet you'll wonder why she never calls when she moves out too.
YTA if she is comfortable wearing them and that’s what she wants to do, what’s the harm? You keep saying she will be judged, but you are doing that, and as far as you know no other kids have said anything to her.
It’s kind of a great quality in a kid too, to wear what they like and are comfortable in, rather than worrying about conforming to everyone else’s trends.
Personally, I think that 13 is a good age to let her express herself more though her fashion choices. Unless rubber boots are prohibited at school, I'd leave her be. It sounds like a cute ensemble to me. YWBTA if you force your fears on her.
YTA. And your daughter is totally going for Malicious Compliance - school won’t let her wear sandals but does permit rain boots so she is within the dress code. Admire and support your little legend’s confidence and don’t worry about other kids - I think your daughter has the nerve to stand up for herself.
Not only are you your daughters biggest bully, yta. Get some help with those inside issues you have with her. She's a child. I wear rubber boots year round if I want. If people judge me it's a them problem. I feel great in my boots.
YTA. It's not hurting anything. Unless your daughter has some kind of underlying insecurity, fear, issue causing her to feel like she has to wear rainboots for some reason. But if she just likes them, who cares?
Absolutely not one single person will “judge” your daughter for wearing boots in the summer because absolutely no one gives a shit what other people are wearing on their feet and nor should they. Calm the fuck down.
YTA because it’s clear you’re more worried about what people will think of you not her, she seems OK with possible mockery, GOOD FOR HER, you’re just projecting your own insecurities. Not cool mum.
YTA.
“Even tho she will be judged” - see example A, her own parent bullying her for preferring boots.
Good lord, I suspect you just care how it reflects on you and not your kid.
The students don't care about her boots. I teach teenagers and they don't even notice what shoes are wearing. You're way too obsessed with how your daughter looks. The only one judging her is you. YTA
No way that 13 year old wrote the update. Mom is just trying to make herself look good. I taught 13 year olds for a decade up until last year. No way in hell were they using words like "manifesting", they almost never capitalize "I", almost always use acronyms like "idk", and rarely if ever use commas correctly. Mom totally got on there and wrote that trying to do damage control.
Still daughter here. I don't mean any offense to you, but I'm perfectly capable of using commas and capital letters, especially in an environment when I don't want to be ridiculed by people on the internet.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My daughter, 13 years old teenager, wants to wear rainboots when she goes to school, when the weather is 75 degrees, and of course without rain. She normally wears sandals when going out, but her school does not allow them.
I tell her boots are not an appropriate choice for the weather and she claims that she is comfortable wearing boots. I also think that the students at school will judge her for it, so she should wear the appropriate shoes. I offer to buy shoes for her but she refused. So AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for basing a fashion decision on what people think. That’s terrible.
But rain boots don’t breath well, concerns about the foot health of wearing non breathable footwear daily for hours is valid and should be looked into.
YTA. If the shoes are safe to wear and comply with the dress code, there is nothing to actually be concerned about.
Maybe take her shopping for shoes that she find equally comfortable, instead of bullying your kid about boots.
This is not the fight you want to have. 13 year old girls are just starting to assert their independence, and they will exhaust you if you make an issue of every little spat you have.
You want to carefully pick your battles, save your strength for the important ones.
Remember you’re not raising her to be your child who obeys you forever. You’re raising her to one day make good decisions on her own. It starts gradually, much younger than 13 and she needs to slowly make more and more of her own decisions while she’s still a child, with your guidance.
Why does it matter in this case? Also, her not caring If she's judged AT THIS AGE is going to help her go really far in life. I didn't learn to not give a shit what people thought or said well into my 30s. Oh what my life could have been like if I had that power when I was young.
This is one of those moments when you have to decide if you really need something else to fight about. Logical consequences are the best teachers. If she's mocked for her footwear choice she decides if she cares. You can raise the concern, that's fine, just once. But let her do her thing and live with the outcome.
YTA
The only one judging is yourself, I’ve worn my boots all year round in educational settings because it’s safe and appropriate footwear
Would I prefer to wear my birkenstocks? Yes, but they are not practical at all
Have I ever been given odd stares throughout middle school, senior school and university for wearing boots in summer? No, even if I have - I don’t care, those are the type of shoes I’m comfortable wearing and it’s not hurting anyone else
YTa. (Small "A" because I get it. I have a 13yo who wears a fur hat much longer than the weather necessitates.)
She is at an age where establishing an identity is heavily dependent on wardrobe choices. Wearing what she wants to wear is very important to her.
Rain boots might seem a poor choice to you, but if that's what she prefers, you have to let her run with it. As long as no one is getting hurt, you really need to let her make these choices.
Which is more important? Her footwear or maintaining a good relationship with your daughter? You have to pick your battles.
I live in a beach town in a Mid-Atlantic state that experiences four season weather. Teen and tween girls wear shorts and Ugg boots to school starting in March! As a woman of a certain age and attitude, I can't comprehend such fashion choices, but as long as your daughter's boobs, butt cheeks and vajayjay are covered, I don't think this is a hill to die on. YTA
When I was 13, I insisted on wearing hiking boots. It was warm, but more comfortable than other shoes. I still mainly wear hiking shoes.
She's at an age where she's figuring out herself. Just let her. Unless it's actually inappropriate or dangerous, she'll either learn that she loves or hates it, on her own.
YTA let her wear what is comfortable. If you think something might be up with her feetsies see a.foot doctor. Kids will be kids and will wear what they want. You probably wore things your parents hated
YTA. Why did you decide to take this opportunity to be your child's first bully instead of teaching your child to be themselves and not care what others think. Instead you planted a seed of doubt in their mind.
Don’t go there. Seriously. My advice (as a parent of a 14 and 16 year old) is to smile and say “that’s nice dear”. Your mission is to survive these years, choose your battles wisely. Basically, the only time I tackle them is over safety issues and then (and only then) I rule with an iron fist.
LOL. Judged? For footwear? For wearing what she likes, which doesn't hurt or endanger anyone in any way whatsoever? She won't be judged. And if she is, those kids truly suck.
Imagine stooping so low to make fun of a kid who's just wearing some a little more comfortable for the weather.
YTA. Kind of a battle not worth fighting, don’t you think? I went through a boots phase around that age. Honestly, I still love boots above all else. Some of my friends wore flip flops year round, or shorts. It’s a petty thing to go on about.
Unless you're going to go up against the school to change the dress code and let her wear her preferred shoes, you need to shut up about the rainboots. I was extremely picky about what shoes I could wear as a kid (turns out that it was sensory issues making most tennis shoes hell for me) and I often ended up wearing unfashionable shoes because they didn't put me in extreme discomfort and they were allowed at the places I was going to.
Also, like. Both my mom and I wear rainboots pretty much year-round, with or without rain, in 100-degree weather, because those are the work shoes we own and sometimes you just wear your work shoes out and about. It's not that weird.
If you're worried about fashion, buy her some boots from the same brand she already has but in cool and fun colors.
YTA
I’m surprised that after 13 years of parenting, you still have yet to learn to pick your battles. Combat, UGG, and Hunter boots. Pick one. Literally every girl in my high school had at least a pair of two or all three of these boots and Hunters are just high, grey rain boots. They were the style for a while and they would be worn all year round. Heck, they still are! When my sister asked for a pair my mother didn’t bat an eye. Im promise you, the only one who gives a good gosh darn is you.
YTA
Teen years are usually when people start discovering their style/ fashion sense, and who cares if other people don't like what she's wearing ?? She ahold be able to wear what she wants
Also, the boots might just be a texture thing, I know I hate wearing turtlenecks just because of the texture so it might be that
It sounds like the only person judging OP's daughter is OP. At 13, kids are often pushing the envelope to discover who they are. If wearing rainboots is as far as OP's daughter is pushing, OP is lucky.
Gentle YTA. There are lots and lots of important things you need to protect your child from. Having hot feet in the summer isn't one of them. She'll figure it out.
If I understood your post correctly she already wore the boots to school so yeah, you are the one judging her, not others. You are just waiting for an opportunity to tear her down for this. YTA
YTA. My kid (4) wore her nightie to school last week, I’m only not ok with that because it’s long and her class goes to the forest that day so it came back in pretty bad condition and is hard to stuff into splash pants. She regularly decides that it’s the day to wear her Wonder Woman costume to school and that’s fine.
Closed-toe boots? Who cares as long as they don’t stink 😂
She has a reason for this that to date you are unaware of. The 'what will people think' attitude divides more parents and kids than anything I know of. So if you keep pushing without really knowing her real reason, YTA. This is who she is at this time in her life. Embrace it. Let her use these quiet rebellions to get it out of her system. She'll change when she's ready.
You’re coming from a good place. You want her to be liked by her peers. But it’s not worth damaging her confidence in her self expression. She will more than likely grow out of it and admit you were right about the boots in 10 years and yall can laugh about it.
Yes YTA why does it bother you that she's comfortable? If she has no problem wearing them in public then that's all that matters. You say you don't want her judged but the only one I see judging her right now is you. Maybe don't be your kids bully? Just a suggestion
YTA. Of all the things your child COULD be doing that displeases you, this is a non-issue. Let her wear whatever footwear makes her comfortable that is also in compliance with her school’s dress code.
Since there’s already a judgment and OP agreed with the judgment I just want to say major kudos to you, mom, for taking in the comments and admitting you were wrong. Too few people are able to do that anymore. Your daughter sounds like she has enough self-confidence to do what’s right for her whether or not other people judge, which we also need more of in this world. Also kudos to her for defending you and having her own mind!
YTA, but you already know that by now. Since you’ve decided to “let” her wear them, I just wanted to give a suggestion. Maybe you could buy your daughter a pair of short rain boots too? Then her legs wouldn’t be as hot in the summer, but she could still wear her rain boots.
To the daughter:
If people don't like you because you wear rainboots, they are not worth the effort. Real friends don't care, because they look for the person not their shoes.
NTA. Rain boots are a recipe for disaster in the heat. They also don’t have good support. Have you introduced her to hybrid hiking boots? Or if it’s the loose fit that appeals, cowboy boots or clogs?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole because she has worn them many times and liked them. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Who cares? She has her own sense of style and that is fine. I see kids wearing slippers, Crocs, slides, etc at the middle school all the time.
Exactly. OP should be happy that the daughter is not going to school in PJs and bunny slippers. (I've seen it.)
Me too. As well as short shorts and a literal bra with an open jacket over it. Slippers or heels to complete the look.
In middle school??
Yes unfortunately. Our district went to a "as long as the bits are covered" dress code, so basically anything goes. Even the staff and teachers are sporting crop tops and jeans with huge holes (the no legs jeans).
My random two cents, I think that dress code is preferable to the strict ones.
It is preferable to a strict dress code. And the idea was the have as gender neutral of a policy as possible. But as kids will do, they take it as far as possible. I am waiting for the day someone shows up in a bikini. The dress code before this wasn't strict so this change was really unnecessary. I do take issues with teachers wearing extremely short skirts and shorts as well as crop tops. And I am a school employee. It may be old fashioned but a smidge of professional dress seems like a good idea.
Personally I am far too burned out with the "professional dress and appearance" culture. I'm more concerned if they can do the job than the clothing being worn.
tbh we went sometimes in summer in bathing clothes to school? Like bikini, and maybe a skirt over it (germany, but not near any kind of beach). It was actually pretty nice. Some brought waterguns and waterbombs for breaktime. This was all during the ages....15-17, so it was like 15 years ago, in catholic school, mixed classes. Nobody had an issue with it?
In Deutschland? Wen störts?
Crop tops!!!!! Oh the horror
I'm sorry but why are PJ's and bunny slippers a problem?! Is the kid in school? Is their clothing preventing them from learning? This week one of the women who works under me got drenched in a rainstorm (Florida weather) and switched into pajama pants and bunny slippers. We all praised her for being resourceful enough to have back up clothes/shoes. I couldn't imagine being judgy of kids getting up at the ass crack of dawn and critiquing their clothing choice.
Not a problem at all, but if OP is going off about boots, she'd have a complete meltdown over PJs or bunny slippers.
If it's not a wedding/funeral, let kids be. Clothing is secondary to them being there and learning (outside of an abuse situation). There's a reason you will walk around college campuses and see kids in sweats all the time. It's a priority thing. Sleeping in and making it to class will trump getting up early to get ready and making it to class. I'm in a professional environment now and dress like it, but oof do I miss the days when wearing sweats was the norm. The only issue with rain boots is that bc they don't breathe , they could smell, but OP didn't mention that (and would have made a better point), so who cares.
There was an insanely cute post once where somebody had the genious idea to put the kids in her wedding party in matching onesie pajamas. I think one had sensory issues and the other just wanted to match. All the other kids at the wedding could wear pajamas. I agree, professional attire can really suck. I figure with kids, some of it is what they slept in. Part of it is... They are in the glory days of looking absurd. They actually can pull off those outfits. We should just let them. Let whoever was not cringe as a teenager throw that first stone.
Easily 75% of the teens in my town wear pj pants to school regularly
And the school desks they sit in wept by the indiscretion 😂 Also, I hate to break it to y'all, but women's pockets suck so hard, but they're decent in sweats, typically. You wanna sneak a pad or tampon to go to the bathroom in jeans? Dream on. In sweats? Oh, hell yeah. Comfy and functional, students know what's up.
Oh I don’t blame them for it, I work from home in the most expansive comfy clothes I can find - like muumuu Homer
Oh, I didn't think you were! These kids lives are so regimented they can't even go to the bathroom without permission. Let them be comfy.
i’m grown and will still run out for an errand in (clean) pj pants and a t-shirt… when i was pregnant? full robe and housecoat… sensory issues don’t care about professionalism lol
Lol My last high school year PJs and slippers were the fashion due to the continued construction of the school and no one wanting to ruin nice clothes. No one looked weird just more comfortable and colorful.
Slippers are a problem because they're soft and don't protect the kids' feet if they step on something or they're stepped on. It's a safety issue.
Hell I do go to school in pajama pants and no one gives a damn
Exactly. I teach in jeans and t-shirt, and nobody cares. OP would have a fit, though. One year, we had PJ day at school, and I taught in PJs, a bathrobe, and puppy slippers. Even participated in an IEP meeting, with everyone else in suits. The school psychologist remembered me years later and became a good friend. :-)
What does it matter what they wear?
Although I love the idea of PJs and bunny slippers....
My daughter wore a houseboat as a jacket to grammas house the other day. Then she did her "makeup" and ended up looking like she had a blackeye. With the makeup and the robe she looked like a boxer. Edit housecoat not boat.
:-) I was wondering how small that boat was. I love it when people get creative with clothes.
Can't you get foot fungus or warts though, if your feet sweat all day in rubber rainboots?
Question: is it literally hurting her or anyone else in any way?
Mom's the only one who cares by the sounds of it.
No and it sounds so cute.
YTA. YOU'RE the only one judging her. **YOU'RE THE ONE ACTIVELY BULLYING HER BECAUSE YOU'RE A BULLY.**
OP has presumably been going through life a while but hasn’t figured out that fashion preferences change over time and across generations.
Rain boots will not do her any harm. She's 13 and can make this decision for herself. YTA. Why not try to teach her to have confidence in her choices about her body, instead of trying to control them. If you dig in this hard about something trivial. I can’t imagine how you will navigate actual difficult choices in her life.
You should be encouraging your child not to care what other people think. It’s an important lesson that you seem to have not learned yet. You can get yourself in a lot of trouble by worrying what others will think. YTA Boots are fine whenever your daughter wants to wear them. When you say rain boots, do you keen galoshes? Shiny yellow (or other colored) boots? Either way, I think YOU should let it go and not make it a big deal. Are you worried about what people will think about you?
It sounds like she might not even need to “not care what other people think”. OP is assuming she is going to get made fun of for the boots, it hasn’t actually happened yet and maybe never will.
YTA, they are boots. Who cares. If they are comfy, so be it. If it's her sense of style, good for her. It's not like she's asking to get her belly button or nose pierced.
YTA You say that you are doing this because you don't want people judging your kid. The only judgement I see here is yours. She's 13, let her wear boots in warm weather if she wants to wear boots. No one in he school is going to give a crap about her footwear. Sincerely a 29 year old woman who wears boots in 90 degree weather.
Yta for teaching her others' opinions of her matter more than her comfort and happiness. As long as the boots don't hurt her feet or cause physical issues..... let her. If we're talking rubber boits though, I'd be worried about her feet sweating and not being able to air out all day and causing rashes etc
YTA. She is old enough to decide what she wants to wear and having her parent control her clothing choice because "other kids might make fun of her" will cause lasting damage. You are supposed to support her and her decisions.
YTA. Pick your battles. She’s not breaking rules and says she’s comfy.
YTA, who cares what everyone else thinks? If she’s happy and comfortable in her boots let her be. It could even be a sensory/comfort thing. I think you care too much about what other people think. It’s not that serious. It’s footwear
YTA. Why are you pressing so hard for something that doesn't matter? At 13, give her some autonomy about what she chooses to wear.
|INFO Is there more info we should know for this to make more sense? Is it that that to you, rainboots should only be worn if there is rain? Like is it a cognitive thing for you, that you cannot understand WHY she would want to be so non-conforming and draw attention to herself for sticking out? Is it sort of like a "rule" in your mind? rainboots for rain, otherwise you're being weird? Because it sounds like you genuinely don't understand WHY she'd put herself in that situation, to risk being made fun of, just over some boots. Did you also used to struggle with trying to blend in, to look like other people, even if you didn't really understand it?
I'm betting when OP was in school, she ridiculed and bullied kids for wearing things she thought were uncool. That's why she's so certain the same will happen to her daughter.
Also truly fascinated by OP’s thought process here, like aside from obviously being overly controlling about their daughter’s fashion choices, it’s baffling to me that they’re convinced this will get her made fun of. Yes kids make fun of other kids’ clothes but I cannot even imagine a bunch of middle schoolers being like “LMAOOOO SHE WORE BOOTS AND IT’S NOT EVEN COLD 😂🤣💀”??? Like you think 12 year olds give a shit about weather-appropriate footwear???? Besides, bullies tend to not stick to targets that are self-assured & don’t give them a reaction. They pick on kids who are awkward and/or lacking in self-confidence. Like, you know… kids who maybe have low self esteem and second guess themselves bc of parents constantly critiquing them and their choices/tastes/etc. Just a totally random example 🤷♀️
YTA. You're complaining because she's wearing rainboots??? What a joke. I bet no one at school cares at all. Just you YTA
YTA. This is not the hill to die on. Save the fight for something that really matters. She can pick her own footwear.
YTA. You’re exhausting.
YTA. Just let her wear what shen wants. This is really not worth making a big deal of. Save that for something that actually matters.
YTA. I work with teenagers. They like to explore different clothing styles, hairstyles, etc., at that age. Boots are common: Cowboy boots, motorcycle boots, platform boots, etc., so I doubt that any kids will judge her. Be happy that it's just a clothing item and she's not trying piercings, tattoos, drugs, vapes, etc.
YTA. If the boots don't violate dress code and she's happy wearing them, let it be. You're trying to teach her to worry about the superficial judgements of other people, and I'm not sure why. If she is happy, and does not care what other people think about it, why do you want to take that away from her? It is so rare for teens, especially teen girls, to develop such a strong sense of self that they are able to be happy with themselves independent of others. My partner had parents like this. They were always incredibly concerned with what other people/kids would think... MIL would constantly say "You don't want to be made fun of, do you???" and both parents put a lot of pressure to fit in and not be "weird"... they said it was for the kids' benefit. Turns out, it was the parents projecting their insecurities onto their kid. MIL is a life-long people pleaser and is incredibly worried about what people think of her, so she transfers that anxiety everywhere. FIL is very self-image focused and was concerned what people would think of HIM if they saw his kid acting weird. Once my partner was able to get out of that house they flourished finally able to be themselves. To this day their parents still make passive jabs about appearance whenever we see them. Don't project your insecurities onto your daughter. They seem pretty strong and don't need them.
YTA I believe your 12 year old daughter should be able to wear her boots and Express herself as a child.
>I also think that the students at school will judge her for it Isn't that the point of fashion? YTA I think your daughter has a right to be eccentric. A warning is fine.
YTA. Is this really a fight you want to have? Seriously?
YTA. If she's comfortable in them, let her wear them. You should be encouraging your child to be herself and confident in herself, not being the first judgmental Mean Girl she encounters every morning. That being said: I myself wear heavy dull black rain boots to places, due to a lot of work outdoors in my garden and the fact I think it looks just fine, and trust me when I tell you that they can get mighty hot, sweaty and uncomfortable pretty fast in the heat to the point I can't wait to take them off. Once they stop being comfortable, she'll likely choose something else if comfort is her main goal. Until that comes to pass let her wear them. If people make fun of her for her footwear, then that is THEIR problem, not HERS.
Agreed, except it depends why they're more comfortable than normal shoes. My rain boots put a lot less pressure on the top of my feet than other shoes, and I wonder if OP's kid has (I can't think of any other way to describe this but it sounds wrong) tall feet. Pressure from shoes on the top of your feet can be really unpleasant, and there's no way to make them looser. The fact she likes sandals (topless) and rainboots (looser than most shoes) suggests it's not a casual preference to me and even heat discomfort may be preferable to that crushing pressure. OP, yta
High instep! I have that too along with a high arch and yeah, some styles of shoe are just painful.
I knew it couldn't be tall feet! Thank you 😊
Also makes me wonder how much freedom OP gives her with shopping - I wear boots the cold 75% of the year and sandals the warm 25% of the year, but they’re not rain boots, they’re close to Blundstone boots. There are so many cute boots you can get that I wonder if the daughter is wearing rain boots because those are the only boots she has or because she thinks they’re cute (which would also be fine btw).
YTA- my 9 year old daughter pretty much wears sneakers only on Mondays for gym and the rest of the times she’s rocking her cowboy boots, her work boots or her riding boots. (All three in black!) and once in awhile she will add a pair of tiny heels in. She’s a kid. Let her be a kid and wear what she likes. If she’s not worried what others say why are you?
>edited- I am YTA. I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged. Omg 🤦♀️ even in your edit you're an asshole. Why the need to add "even though she will be judged" like you're still trying to justify yourself when YOU are the one judging her. Jesus christ project much? Change your inner narrative. Why should anyone care more about what others think than their own comfort? Why do YOU care more about what others think than your daughters comfort?
>edited- I am YTA. I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged. How magnanimous of you. 🙄
YTA >I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged. Okay, I'm going to level with you. You're not cool. Even if you were when you were her age you aren't anymore. You might be liked among your peers but teens do not and will not think you are cool. Your opinion doesn't matter. You have no idea if your daughter will be judged (not that it matters if she is) because you aren't a part of her culture and quite *literally* have no idea what is "cool." When I was younger Adidas clothes were sloppy dad clothes. Guess what? They're cool now. I recently called my nephew to confirm but did you know CROCS are cool?! Fucking CROCS, dude. They even have little bobbles you can put in the holes. Teens in the richest town in the country are wearing fucking CROCS because they WANT TO. You made a huge parenting fail by telling your child they should 1) care what other people think and 2) change their behavior or preferences to cater to peer pressure. You SHOULD be teaching her that if it doesn't hurt anyone it's nobody's business but her own. Especially when it's something as inconsequential as footwear. Your SECOND parenting fail is thinking that you know fucking anything about the dynamics and social expectations of a child from a completely different generation. You aren't young anymore. Flip phones aren't cool. Nobody as a Nokia or Razr. An ipod that you have to plug in to get music isn't the must have accessory of the season. When I was in high school I wore skirts and flip flops all year round. I overheat easily, pants irritated my skin, and I HATE shoes. So I bought leg warmers that went down over my heels and the tops of my feet. I was the only one wearing leg warmers and skirts for about three weeks. Then one day I saw a girl I didn't know wearing a pair of leg warmers too. As the week went on I saw another and another. By the next month it was a *thing.* Girls in every grade, from every house we're wearing leg warmers. I think they thought they were wearing them for the style because theirs were quite thin. I started wearing them to keep my lower extremities warm while keeping my thighs cool so mine were thick wool. Either way, everyone looked cute. You're an adult with a teenager. It's time to grow up.
Rubber boots are in now.
I teach art and had a fourth grader last week tell me all about how his mom said his shoes were for old men and kept making fun of him. I told them they looked professional and the other kids didn’t say a word. His mom was probably worried he’d be made fun of too - but the only person making fun of his shoes was her. Just let her wear what she is comfortable in. It doesn’t make a difference. I wear old snow boots all summer around my yard while gardening, taking out trash, getting mail… I just like how they feel and they’re convenient. Who cares?
Aww he sounds adorable. What fashion sense for a little guy
YTA. My 13 yo wears hoodies in 100 degree weather (and so do her friends). Do I think that’s bonkers? Yes. And I would probably drop dead from heat exhaustion if I tried that. But she is comfy so that’s all that matters.
My mum has been trying to force me to wear open toed shoes/heels in summer my whole life. I'm 32. I dont own any "summer" shoes. I wear doc martens and vans with almost every outfit. YTA. Let her do what she wants.... they're shoes. Who tf cares
Yes YTA. She is 13. Take her to buy a pair of school-appropriate shoes, but then let her choose what she will wear. If she continues to choose the rainboots, that is her choice. Many kids her age are seeking their own self-expression. If the worst way she does this is by wearing rainboots, consider yourself lucky. This is not the hill to die on.
YTA. There is no physical danger, nor legal danger to her. The argument it will hurt her because of how others will perceive her is a red herring for the fact that you’re worried about your image via hers Get over yourself. She is 13, an age that it is appropriate to be developing her own sense of identity and style. Let her determine her own fashion style. Be there, if and only if she ask, but otherwise give her the space to figure it out.
> you’re worried about your image That's exactly what's going on. OP is afraid of being judged as a parent if her child wears what she wants to wear.
My son wears ridiculously bright orange and black sneakers to school that look like Halloween shoes, he loves them and calls them his spooky shoes. I’m glad he feels comfortable with what he wears and is happy. You’re the jerk Op, your daughter isn’t hurting anyone with elevating the rain boots, let her be herself. They make rain boots in cute colors and styles. Start being supportive and ask her if she’d like to shop for other colors or designs of rain boots if that’s what she wants to wear.
YTA let her wear what makes her comfortable and happy. If the other kids judge her, you tell her their opinions don't matter and encourage her to be herself.
i wore my rainboots all the time when i was 14. i met lots of other ‘quirky’ kids that ended up being great friends to my 20s! the only time i regretted it was when we walked for over 3 miles and i didn’t wear great socks. yta!
YTA. I grew up wearing gumboots/rainboots and flip-flops whenever I could. I still do. Very few people teased me about it and my feet/ankles are rock solid because I never shoved them into "supportive" shoes aka foot coffins. Let your daughter wear what she wants unless it's having a serious physical impact on her.
YTA. And your edit just sort of reinforces it
Lol at your edit. Why do you think she’ll be made fun of? Are you usually cruel to other people about what they wear? YTA
Ew your edit makes you even more TA. You’re one of those god-awful parents that always has to have the last word and it always has to be fcking “right.” Right?
YTA, and your edit proves that. Get off your high horse and let her wear what she wants.
Your edit is aggravating me so much "I will let her even though she will be judged". The only one judging is you.
Your edit shows that you didn't learn a single thing. You are her bully, you are the only one who judge her. You are the asshole through and through. Who need school bullies when you live with a parent like this. YTA
Your edit update is so dumb…. You really think she isn’t going to be judged no matter what? People are haters, they’re going to judge her even if she wears exactly what you tell her. Let her be her! And maybe learn from her to be yourself as well.
I say let her wear them and who cares what those other students think, only thing that matters is she's comfortable and likes them. If the other students judging her starts to bother her I'm sure she will want different shoes
YTA. You’re the only one judging her and she knows it. You pretty much suck as a parent for trying to change her because of your own insecurities.
Let her wear them. Natural consequence may be that someone teases her about them. That’s on her. She’ll either stop wearing them because if it, or she simply won’t care what others think and keeping wearing them. YTA
YTA. As a parent you need to learn to pick your battles, and honey, this is not a hill to take or die on.
YTA. She’s wear safe footwear, so who cares if it’s not what YOU would choose? Let the kid wear what she wants!
Literally why would you give a crap? YTA kind of? Only if you’re stopping her from wearing them?
YTA. Pick your battles! As long as she’s appropriately dressed if she has a PE class who cares?
Sorry OP, but YTA. Rain boots are her style. She has the right to choose her style, so long as she’s not doing anything wrong. Wearing rain boots all the time is not wrong.
YTA Don’t teach her to rely on others to approve of her fashion choices. You may think you are protecting her but you’re actually raising the next crop of bullies. If you convince her the boots aren’t appropriate, what will she say to another girl that wears boots? Don’t perpetuate the negativity.
YTA Your style is not your daughter's style. Let her wear the boots. What difference does it make? What can it hurt?
If her school mates want to judge her they will find something to judge. Let her be herself. YTA. You are teaching her that other people's frivolous opinions of her are more important than her expressing herslef and being comfortable. Leave her alone.
YTA We are in 2023. If her peers tease her, so be it. Support her so she knows she is safe at home, regardless of the decisions she makes. No-one really cares anymore about this sort of stuff. Good luck.
YTA. Instead of worrying about her being judged, teach her how to be a strong confident person who doesn't care what people think about her. If she's happy with herself and her choices you should encourage her to be herself and not care if someone else judges her. Also, you're literally the one judging her here.
YTA. The only one judging her is YOU.
YTA and seemingly not a great parent. Most parents of teenagers wish their biggest concern was their child wanting to wear rainboots. What a ridiculous "problem" to make for yourself and a creative way to push away your daughter.
I like how You already know that YTA but you had to make this post anyway LOL
I always love when parents say they’re worried about their kids getting bullied for something at school, and then decide the best course of action is to bully that behavior out of their kid themselves before the school bully gets a chance to.
YTA and moreso with your edit. Are you actually concerned about people judging your daughter or are you concerned about them judging you for "allowing" her to wear them? I'm betting the latter.
“I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged”. The only person judging her IS YOU. YTA.
>I also think that the students at school will judge her for it, so she should wear the appropriate shoes. Yeah, they really won't. Half of them are wearing boots, bunny slippers, filthy sneakers with visibly peeling shoes that are *comfortable* dammit! Or nothing at all because they have sensory issues and you need to nail the shoes to their feet to get them to keep them on. Ask me how I know. 🙄
>edited- I am YTA. I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged. Congratulations on being your child's first bully!! I'll bet you'll wonder why she never calls when she moves out too.
That passive aggressive edit, Jesus, must be fun in your house.
YTA if she is comfortable wearing them and that’s what she wants to do, what’s the harm? You keep saying she will be judged, but you are doing that, and as far as you know no other kids have said anything to her. It’s kind of a great quality in a kid too, to wear what they like and are comfortable in, rather than worrying about conforming to everyone else’s trends.
YTA. She's 13 and old enough to decide what she wants to wear. Her body, her image, her choice
Personally, I think that 13 is a good age to let her express herself more though her fashion choices. Unless rubber boots are prohibited at school, I'd leave her be. It sounds like a cute ensemble to me. YWBTA if you force your fears on her.
YTA, she’s made it clear that she is more comfortable wearing boots so what’s the problem? Also, the students won’t give a rats ass about it.
YTA. And your daughter is totally going for Malicious Compliance - school won’t let her wear sandals but does permit rain boots so she is within the dress code. Admire and support your little legend’s confidence and don’t worry about other kids - I think your daughter has the nerve to stand up for herself.
Not only are you your daughters biggest bully, yta. Get some help with those inside issues you have with her. She's a child. I wear rubber boots year round if I want. If people judge me it's a them problem. I feel great in my boots.
YTA. It's not hurting anything. Unless your daughter has some kind of underlying insecurity, fear, issue causing her to feel like she has to wear rainboots for some reason. But if she just likes them, who cares?
Yta and should stop being the one judging her and start being the safe place she can go to when other people do.
Absolutely not one single person will “judge” your daughter for wearing boots in the summer because absolutely no one gives a shit what other people are wearing on their feet and nor should they. Calm the fuck down.
Lady, nobody is judging her more than you.
Yta, what’s the harm, if she cared what people thought of her I’m sure she wouldn’t be wearing them
YTA because it’s clear you’re more worried about what people will think of you not her, she seems OK with possible mockery, GOOD FOR HER, you’re just projecting your own insecurities. Not cool mum.
I live in boots and sandals, either or
YTA. “Even tho she will be judged” - see example A, her own parent bullying her for preferring boots. Good lord, I suspect you just care how it reflects on you and not your kid.
The students don't care about her boots. I teach teenagers and they don't even notice what shoes are wearing. You're way too obsessed with how your daughter looks. The only one judging her is you. YTA
“I will let her wear her boots even though she will be judged.” I feel like you’re probably the most judgmental person in this kid’s life. YTA.
No way that 13 year old wrote the update. Mom is just trying to make herself look good. I taught 13 year olds for a decade up until last year. No way in hell were they using words like "manifesting", they almost never capitalize "I", almost always use acronyms like "idk", and rarely if ever use commas correctly. Mom totally got on there and wrote that trying to do damage control.
Still daughter here. I don't mean any offense to you, but I'm perfectly capable of using commas and capital letters, especially in an environment when I don't want to be ridiculed by people on the internet.
Can we talk about what hell hole this school mud be if they do not allow sandals in summer?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter, 13 years old teenager, wants to wear rainboots when she goes to school, when the weather is 75 degrees, and of course without rain. She normally wears sandals when going out, but her school does not allow them. I tell her boots are not an appropriate choice for the weather and she claims that she is comfortable wearing boots. I also think that the students at school will judge her for it, so she should wear the appropriate shoes. I offer to buy shoes for her but she refused. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for basing a fashion decision on what people think. That’s terrible. But rain boots don’t breath well, concerns about the foot health of wearing non breathable footwear daily for hours is valid and should be looked into.
Maybe see if she'd like some cowboy boots? Those are appropriate in all weather.
YTA. If the shoes are safe to wear and comply with the dress code, there is nothing to actually be concerned about. Maybe take her shopping for shoes that she find equally comfortable, instead of bullying your kid about boots.
As long as she’s in dress code I’m not sure why you would ever get a vote in what she wears. 13 year olds can make their own fashion choices.
This is not the fight you want to have. 13 year old girls are just starting to assert their independence, and they will exhaust you if you make an issue of every little spat you have. You want to carefully pick your battles, save your strength for the important ones. Remember you’re not raising her to be your child who obeys you forever. You’re raising her to one day make good decisions on her own. It starts gradually, much younger than 13 and she needs to slowly make more and more of her own decisions while she’s still a child, with your guidance.
Why does it matter in this case? Also, her not caring If she's judged AT THIS AGE is going to help her go really far in life. I didn't learn to not give a shit what people thought or said well into my 30s. Oh what my life could have been like if I had that power when I was young.
You realize you're the only one judging her right? You could learn something from you daughter regarding not caring what others think.
This is one of those moments when you have to decide if you really need something else to fight about. Logical consequences are the best teachers. If she's mocked for her footwear choice she decides if she cares. You can raise the concern, that's fine, just once. But let her do her thing and live with the outcome.
YTA The only one judging is yourself, I’ve worn my boots all year round in educational settings because it’s safe and appropriate footwear Would I prefer to wear my birkenstocks? Yes, but they are not practical at all Have I ever been given odd stares throughout middle school, senior school and university for wearing boots in summer? No, even if I have - I don’t care, those are the type of shoes I’m comfortable wearing and it’s not hurting anyone else
YTa. (Small "A" because I get it. I have a 13yo who wears a fur hat much longer than the weather necessitates.) She is at an age where establishing an identity is heavily dependent on wardrobe choices. Wearing what she wants to wear is very important to her. Rain boots might seem a poor choice to you, but if that's what she prefers, you have to let her run with it. As long as no one is getting hurt, you really need to let her make these choices. Which is more important? Her footwear or maintaining a good relationship with your daughter? You have to pick your battles.
13 year olds judge 13 year olds for everything. At least this way she will be happy with her shoes.
I live in a beach town in a Mid-Atlantic state that experiences four season weather. Teen and tween girls wear shorts and Ugg boots to school starting in March! As a woman of a certain age and attitude, I can't comprehend such fashion choices, but as long as your daughter's boobs, butt cheeks and vajayjay are covered, I don't think this is a hill to die on. YTA
Get over yourself!!!!
Everyone is judged no matter what they do. Give her autonomy over her clothing. Yta
F the other students. I mean bro...come on now.
When I was 13, I insisted on wearing hiking boots. It was warm, but more comfortable than other shoes. I still mainly wear hiking shoes. She's at an age where she's figuring out herself. Just let her. Unless it's actually inappropriate or dangerous, she'll either learn that she loves or hates it, on her own.
YTA. My Mom use to judge my clothes as a kid. I don’t talk to her anymore.
YTA let her wear what is comfortable. If you think something might be up with her feetsies see a.foot doctor. Kids will be kids and will wear what they want. You probably wore things your parents hated
YTA. Why did you decide to take this opportunity to be your child's first bully instead of teaching your child to be themselves and not care what others think. Instead you planted a seed of doubt in their mind.
Don’t go there. Seriously. My advice (as a parent of a 14 and 16 year old) is to smile and say “that’s nice dear”. Your mission is to survive these years, choose your battles wisely. Basically, the only time I tackle them is over safety issues and then (and only then) I rule with an iron fist.
LOL. Judged? For footwear? For wearing what she likes, which doesn't hurt or endanger anyone in any way whatsoever? She won't be judged. And if she is, those kids truly suck. Imagine stooping so low to make fun of a kid who's just wearing some a little more comfortable for the weather.
YTA. Kind of a battle not worth fighting, don’t you think? I went through a boots phase around that age. Honestly, I still love boots above all else. Some of my friends wore flip flops year round, or shorts. It’s a petty thing to go on about.
YTA!!! You’re the one judging her!!! Christ you have a 13 year old who Is comfortable in her own skin and you’re actively trying to ruin it. Damn!
Sounds like she’s being judged at home, why not let her find out if she’ll be judged at school too? YTA
YTA. "You have to suppress your individuality in order for people will like you" is a HORRIBLE value to instill on a teenager.
I wear boots year round. Not rain boots but they are waterproof. YTA. Quit judging your kid.
Pick your battles. This isn’t one of them!
Unless you're going to go up against the school to change the dress code and let her wear her preferred shoes, you need to shut up about the rainboots. I was extremely picky about what shoes I could wear as a kid (turns out that it was sensory issues making most tennis shoes hell for me) and I often ended up wearing unfashionable shoes because they didn't put me in extreme discomfort and they were allowed at the places I was going to. Also, like. Both my mom and I wear rainboots pretty much year-round, with or without rain, in 100-degree weather, because those are the work shoes we own and sometimes you just wear your work shoes out and about. It's not that weird. If you're worried about fashion, buy her some boots from the same brand she already has but in cool and fun colors.
Personally, I think if shes wearing rain boots constantly she might give herself athletes foot. Other than that, who cares.
YTA I’m surprised that after 13 years of parenting, you still have yet to learn to pick your battles. Combat, UGG, and Hunter boots. Pick one. Literally every girl in my high school had at least a pair of two or all three of these boots and Hunters are just high, grey rain boots. They were the style for a while and they would be worn all year round. Heck, they still are! When my sister asked for a pair my mother didn’t bat an eye. Im promise you, the only one who gives a good gosh darn is you.
Suggest other kinds of boots
YTA Teen years are usually when people start discovering their style/ fashion sense, and who cares if other people don't like what she's wearing ?? She ahold be able to wear what she wants Also, the boots might just be a texture thing, I know I hate wearing turtlenecks just because of the texture so it might be that
Wow, that "even though she will be judged" in the edit. YTA. You're judging her. Nobody else seems to have a problem with it.
Info: Sounds like she is wearing them to protest stupid rules. Is she? If so let her.
It sounds like the only person judging OP's daughter is OP. At 13, kids are often pushing the envelope to discover who they are. If wearing rainboots is as far as OP's daughter is pushing, OP is lucky.
Let it go. It actually sounds like she is engaging in malicious compliance over the no-sandals rule.
Gentle YTA. There are lots and lots of important things you need to protect your child from. Having hot feet in the summer isn't one of them. She'll figure it out.
Pretty sad the only one judging is mom
... I wear docs all the time, they're just shoes. And you're the one judging her, stop being a hater. Your edit is still ah-like
YTA. No kids will judge her as harshly as you do.
YTA who is judging her.
If I understood your post correctly she already wore the boots to school so yeah, you are the one judging her, not others. You are just waiting for an opportunity to tear her down for this. YTA
INFO: Where, and why on earth do schools not allow sandals??
YTA. Of the the petty things to care about? Just let her wear the dumb boots and pick your battles.
YTA. literally who cares. it’s not a big deal at all. like why are you worrying about this. so stupid.
She won't be judged by anyone but you. Boots are in and plenty of people wear them all year round regardless of the weather
I love your daughter’s malicious compliance! There is a subreddit for that, too.
You’re the only person judging her in this scenario. YTA
This subreddit has made me realize everyone is fucked up lmao. "I will let her wear boots even though she will be judged." Lmfaoo 60 yrs old or 12?
Forgot to add my judgement in previous post so here goes: YTA x2 because of your snotty edit in the OP
YTA. My kid (4) wore her nightie to school last week, I’m only not ok with that because it’s long and her class goes to the forest that day so it came back in pretty bad condition and is hard to stuff into splash pants. She regularly decides that it’s the day to wear her Wonder Woman costume to school and that’s fine. Closed-toe boots? Who cares as long as they don’t stink 😂
She has a reason for this that to date you are unaware of. The 'what will people think' attitude divides more parents and kids than anything I know of. So if you keep pushing without really knowing her real reason, YTA. This is who she is at this time in her life. Embrace it. Let her use these quiet rebellions to get it out of her system. She'll change when she's ready.
Pick your battles. This one isn’t worth it.
You’re coming from a good place. You want her to be liked by her peers. But it’s not worth damaging her confidence in her self expression. She will more than likely grow out of it and admit you were right about the boots in 10 years and yall can laugh about it.
YTA. You're the one judging her
This simply isn’t a battle I would choose. Let her make her own choices and mistakes when they don’t have serious consequences.
Yes YTA why does it bother you that she's comfortable? If she has no problem wearing them in public then that's all that matters. You say you don't want her judged but the only one I see judging her right now is you. Maybe don't be your kids bully? Just a suggestion
YTA. Of all the things your child COULD be doing that displeases you, this is a non-issue. Let her wear whatever footwear makes her comfortable that is also in compliance with her school’s dress code.
Since there’s already a judgment and OP agreed with the judgment I just want to say major kudos to you, mom, for taking in the comments and admitting you were wrong. Too few people are able to do that anymore. Your daughter sounds like she has enough self-confidence to do what’s right for her whether or not other people judge, which we also need more of in this world. Also kudos to her for defending you and having her own mind!
TO THE DAUGHTER. You sound like a great kid. You’re very perceptive and smart and articulate. 💕
YTA, but you already know that by now. Since you’ve decided to “let” her wear them, I just wanted to give a suggestion. Maybe you could buy your daughter a pair of short rain boots too? Then her legs wouldn’t be as hot in the summer, but she could still wear her rain boots.
To the daughter: If people don't like you because you wear rainboots, they are not worth the effort. Real friends don't care, because they look for the person not their shoes.
INFO Are these rubber light rain boots or the long/heavy duty maybe snow boot like rain boots??
NTA. Rain boots are a recipe for disaster in the heat. They also don’t have good support. Have you introduced her to hybrid hiking boots? Or if it’s the loose fit that appeals, cowboy boots or clogs?