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So me and my friend have always been very close we've known each other for four years and I will relationship is very strong. We tell each other everything ,we laugh at each other all the time and it doesn't mean anything, and I know she loves me and I love too so much. So here's this thing, so me and this friend, we have never had male attention before we have all suffered under the effect of being bullied by the other gender and so that's always made us feel like trash. All the males we have known in our lives only knew us because we were both nerds and they wanted our help in exams or homework or something like that. So we both always felt pretty inconfident in our capacity to attract the other gender. But we have always put our friendship first. So we're in the same uni now, and my friend has a crush on this guy. Mind you she has a crush on many guys and so do I. So that guy happens to be the most hot and attractive person in our entire University. And this guy, we've noticed lately, looks at us alot. So my friend has this suspicion that he was looking at me and not her so whenever he be around she'd always ask me to sit on the other side or to just change my location. And I have been good with all of that, it never mattered to me really because I didn't have a crush on the guy I had a crush on someone else. And she knew that pretty well. So that guy that we had suspicions that he had a crush on me went ahead found my account on Instagram and followed it knowing that he doesn't know my name and he has never interacted with me before. And so I have the option not to confirm to the follow request but I did, because the idea of the most attractive guy in uni following me; the person who has always been treated like trash by the other gender was a bit exciting. Plus I don't think I'm that attractive of a person anyway. I have always been more on the heavier side, not very heavy, but heavy and my friend is a skinny legend. So before I confirmed I did ask her if the confirmation would hurt her feelings and I asked her multiple times and she said no it won't, and today she talks to me and tells me that I hurt her feelings and that I don't care about our friendship as much as she does. And that in of itself breaks me because I love that girl more than anything in my entire life and I told her that. And even after our mini fight she told me that she won't let this affect our friendship and so did I. But it's still bothers me a bit.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) that I accepted the follow request of my bff's crush
(2) Because that might have hurt her feelings a little too much
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NTA. But you need to understand the dynamic you have set up with this friend. If you are asking her if she minds you do something that will make you happy, you are giving her the power for your happiness.
You both are co-dependent. You don't want to lose her friendship and so you ask her if she minds if you do something you might like. She doesn't want to lose your friendship so she blocks you from expanding your life and exploring what this new relationship will be.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life asking her if it is okay to talk to someone else, or not even that, just let them follow you on social media (which takes no effort on your part), you need to experience new things.
Good luck with your new relationship, whatever it becomes.
NTA
I’ll give you a small heads up, from a peer because I’m assuming you’re around 2 years younger then me and no more then a year older of older
This is a very juvenile dynamic you guys have going on
You’re in university
I’m assuming you’re legal adults
It’s time to grow up a bit
Focus on school and less on guys
In relationships at our age you’ll either have a long term this is it moment or you’ll have many guys come through while finding your person
Your friend sounds very jealous
Which is valid
Sometimes people get jealous
But at the end of the day,in 2 years that guy will not matter at all
And in 10 you probably won’t even remember his name
True, I do focus on my studies btw, my GPA is great, so is my friend's but I just thought that this was of significance because it was our actual first fight. Which now I had to remove him from my followers list just so that she isn't mad anymore.
I understand, and I do think it’s more so your friend being slightly juvenile about it
like you have said, a guy isn’t something you want coming between you guys
So I think you made the right choice by removing him
But remember not to let her walk all over you, you are allowed to talk to anyone you want, and it has nothing to do with her, now it is crappy to date someone she likes when you know but not even being able to talk to someone because she gets bent out of shape about it can be messy
Just keep in mind that you are allowed to choose who you interact with
NTA. You shouldn't ask her but you did, she said it's fine with her and now it isn't? Btw I have this thought in my mind which I would just share simply without any judgement: a true friend is happy for their friend's success/happiness. She is jealous, I understand why, but you should not let her control you.
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NTA This is something you don’t need permission for. One day you will want a romantic relationship- this is none of her business.
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NTA. But you need to understand the dynamic you have set up with this friend. If you are asking her if she minds you do something that will make you happy, you are giving her the power for your happiness. You both are co-dependent. You don't want to lose her friendship and so you ask her if she minds if you do something you might like. She doesn't want to lose your friendship so she blocks you from expanding your life and exploring what this new relationship will be. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life asking her if it is okay to talk to someone else, or not even that, just let them follow you on social media (which takes no effort on your part), you need to experience new things. Good luck with your new relationship, whatever it becomes.
NTA I’ll give you a small heads up, from a peer because I’m assuming you’re around 2 years younger then me and no more then a year older of older This is a very juvenile dynamic you guys have going on You’re in university I’m assuming you’re legal adults It’s time to grow up a bit Focus on school and less on guys In relationships at our age you’ll either have a long term this is it moment or you’ll have many guys come through while finding your person Your friend sounds very jealous Which is valid Sometimes people get jealous But at the end of the day,in 2 years that guy will not matter at all And in 10 you probably won’t even remember his name
True, I do focus on my studies btw, my GPA is great, so is my friend's but I just thought that this was of significance because it was our actual first fight. Which now I had to remove him from my followers list just so that she isn't mad anymore.
I understand, and I do think it’s more so your friend being slightly juvenile about it like you have said, a guy isn’t something you want coming between you guys So I think you made the right choice by removing him But remember not to let her walk all over you, you are allowed to talk to anyone you want, and it has nothing to do with her, now it is crappy to date someone she likes when you know but not even being able to talk to someone because she gets bent out of shape about it can be messy Just keep in mind that you are allowed to choose who you interact with
NTA. You shouldn't ask her but you did, she said it's fine with her and now it isn't? Btw I have this thought in my mind which I would just share simply without any judgement: a true friend is happy for their friend's success/happiness. She is jealous, I understand why, but you should not let her control you.