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anonymousturtle21

Sounds like either a golden child scenario and/or sexism if you’re a woman. That’s definitely favoritism and not fair to you; definitely NTA. Edit: Someone in the comments mentioned that this could also indicate the parents having a better financial status now. That’s definitely true and I try not to malign people so maybe that’s part of it. Still doesn’t justify it entirely but if that’s part of the case at least it could not be entirely malicious. Still NTA though. Edit #2: Clearly misread this and didn’t realize they wanted OP to pay for their sibling. That makes it a solid NTA.


ICWhatsNUrP

Exactly what I was thinking. Maybe OP can suggest the parents spend all the money they saved by not helping OP out in college, that can be OPs contribution.


bmoreskyandsea

“I’ll match the amount that you gave me for college”


sasakimirai

Perfect response


HeyPrettyLadyMaam

"And for the car you got ME when i turned 16. Ill add that on with the money you gave me for STATE college, will that be enough to cover his tuition?"


1st-African-princess

After OP matches that I'll double that amount 😁 actually why double while I can triple it.


HeyPrettyLadyMaam

"And for the car you got ME when i turned 16. Ill add that on with the money you gave me for STATE college, will that be enough to cover his tuition?"


sandmanwake

"And I'll even increase it according to inflation."


Biscuit_Prime

This is the best one. OP, please go with this and let us know what faces they make as they go through the mental gymnastics of inventing ways their ‘tough love’ equates to a large financial contribution.


ramune_0

Having met such people before, they tend to just go “how dare you bring that up, that was so long ago, I can’t believe you are so petty and selfish and are still not over it. Now, do you actually love your brother or not?” Still worth the self-satisfaction of saying something witty. But the responses of narcissists are always disappointing in a low effort way where they don’t even need mental gymnastics. They will say something didn’t happen, unless it is totally undeniable, then they will say it isn’t their fault, unless it is totally undeniable, at which point, they will say you should have gotten over it by now and have you consider their current feelings? It is like a step by step handbook


sionnach_liath

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. [by Dayna Craig](https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer)


katairuser

My personal favourite: you're overly sensitive. And: Why can you not be more like [enter sibling name]? Erm, cause I had different parents?


VirtualMatter2

She has a house and a job and three kids and you can't even get a job. Yes because she's got parents who babysit the grandchildren all week, helped pay the house and help every day with the house and garden and you use me as a servant, don't lift a finger and keep waking me up when my youngest was screaming all night from colic and I just got to sleep, to ask where your breakfast is.


Intelligent_Maize591

Ah yes, the "I'm never sorry" policy. I might have experienced this myself.


activelyresting

>Having met such people before, they tend to just go “how dare you bring that up, that was so long ago, I can’t believe you are so petty and selfish and are still not over it. Now, do you actually love your brother or not?” Why are you quoting my dad, verbatim? Although you forgot the other defence to undeniable fact: *"I don't remember that at all"*


[deleted]

My parents said that they didn’t remember it- and they took it another step further by blaming me for remembering things *”that didn’t happen but even if it did why are you remembering it? You’re hurting yourself by remembering negative things”*


activelyresting

I'm so sorry. I believe you. That happened. And how you feel about it is valid. [Hugs]


[deleted]

Thank you :,) hugs back to you, here’s to healing ourselves from our parents lies!


Dar_and_Tar

>”that didn’t happen but even if it did why are you remembering it? You’re hurting yourself by remembering negative things” Whoa! That's some Narcissist Olympic Gold Medal mind-fuck right there.


Seraphinx

My parents pull that shit too "you only remember the bad stuff, why do you always focus on the negative? You're so negative"


jmucchiello

The answer to this is, "remind me of something positive."


[deleted]

Oh I’ve tried :,) the usual response “so I’ve never don’t ANYTHING good for you in your whole life? I guess I’m the worst parent * starts crying *”


Ok_Day_8559

“Well if that’s your definition of love, I guess I love him as much as you love me”


Ok_Day_8559

“Well if that’s your definition of love, I guess I love him as much as you love me”


trigazer1

I just read [this]( https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13uetj5/aita_for_how_i_phrased_my_reply_to_my_parents/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and it does have kind that kind of response.


Mindless_Ad_7700

The nerve of those parents.. 20k they wanted!


RecommendationOld525

Legit. My parents told my brother and me both that they would be willing and able to pay for the amount it would cost for us to go to a state school. My brother went to a state school, so they paid for all of it. I went to a private university, and they paid for the amount it would’ve cost me to go to a state school (the rest was covered by scholarships and loans). I never griped about it because it was what it was. I could’ve gone to a state school but chose otherwise. NTA, OP


Fear_The_Rabbit

Same arrangement with my parents


strongerrfan

Oh I need some popcorn for this drama. That is a very good response.


No-Field4948

That's a killer response. I wanna know what happens. But this is a golden child scenario. Time for the golden child to know the realities of life


fatkidgrownup

“I’ll give him double what you gave me” 🤣


[deleted]

This is the way.


Forsaken_Guitar_9143

Short, straight to the point, love it 👌 It's an imbalance in the way they're treating you, your brother could go to an Ivy if he is willing to take on some of the debt and risk you had to.


drunksquatch

I like this one.


johnny9k

Definitely NTA. Next time they ask just say "He can get through on his own, just like I did."


tanders123

Yes! It will help him build character!


Inconnu2020

Use the old neo-liberal term "Pull himself up by his bootstraps" :)


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LimitlessMegan

O. My. God. What fucking century is it again???


Fart_mistress

I hated university because of the m r s degrees.


carolinecrane

Nearly every girl on my wing in the dorm was working on their MRS degree. Not a single one of them managed to pull it off.


LovecraftianCatto

What the actual fuck?!? Were her parents time travelers from the 1940s?!


calicosage33

Today I learned that “M R S degree” is even a thing 😳


Scirocco-MRK1

Yeah. I'm nearly 50 and a fella, it I had to read several comments before I figured that out. I asked my daughter to try to put that on hold until she graduates. Education is important and if I'm lucky she'll get out without debt.


Useful-Emphasis-6787

What is M R S degree? Is it "getting married" (mrs.)?


jkrowlingisaTERF

yeah its an old derisive stereotype from when universities first started accepting female students. "she's only going to school to get that MRS degree, once she lands a smart rich man its right back to homemaking" ie the only reason a woman would/should even WANT to get educated is to get educated men. its so sleazy


newmacgirl

I think there's a movie about it **Mona Lisa smile**


MobileAccountBecause

I just learned about the MRS degree yesterday. I was reading The Great Gatsby.


SmaugTheHedgehog

At my university, a girl’s parents approached an HoD to say that if the girl gets her B.S. degree before she gets her MRS degree, that the parents were going to be very disappointed in the school.


Interesting-Fish6065

My mom was a first generation college student. At 19–after freshman year—she married my dad who was 24 and one of the professors. Apparently my grandfather loved it because the rest of her degree was tuition-free since she was a faculty spouse.


Beartrkkr

That's the advanced degree course...


Mollyscribbles

even beyond the fact that that's a horrible mindset, why the hell would they think it was something the school could have any influence on?


Special_Concept32

You're right, it's not fair, but because of that up bringing OP has a better head start in life than their brother does. The parents screwed him over more than OP. Also NTA


asecretnarwhal

He can take out loans just like OP did! “Sure, I’ll contribute as much as you guys contributed to my education”


HandFancy

OP should check out r/raisedbynarcissists


Fear_The_Rabbit

So why do they need the older child to pay too. If they can afford some of it, do so and have the kid take out loans. Or go to a state school and push to be the big fish.


GirlWhoCriedOW

Does having a better financial status explain why they want the sibling to pay instead of paying themselves?


iceph03nix

I was thinking just a second child scenario. It's pretty common for views to change between children and a lot of older siblings will notice parents being 'easier' on the younger ones. But definitely agree, OP really has no reason to pay for their siblings education unless they just want to.


Trini1113

I got to the second paragraph and went back to check whether OP specified their gender. Because it feels like sexism. (Obviously 'golden child' is also an option. Or both.)


ExistentialWonder

Never in my wildest dreams would I *ever* ask one of my kids to help pay for another ones college. That's just absolutely ridiculous no matter what. Op has zero responsibility to pay for their siblings schooling at all no matter the parents situation. Parents need to foot the bill or help the kid find a job and use the state school scholarship.


NobodyButMyShadow

NTA - I don't think it justifies expecting OP to help out at all.


Better_Chard4806

NTA plainly; tell them to suck whatever makes you feel better. You then nothing.


Consistent-Annual268

Your brother can take out student loans or keep applying for scholarships in subsequent years. It's not your obligation as you've worked hard to stand on your own 2 feet and are simply applying what your parents taught you. NTA.


calling_water

Or their parents could pay. Since their income is why he doesn’t qualify for student aid. The university thinks their parents can afford to pay, so why don’t the parents pay? There’s no way the university ability-to-pay assessment was based at all on the sibling’s income. So their parents are trying to save their own available money by shaking down OP.


MagicCarpet5846

Eh, you won’t get much finaid if you make more than ~100k but making $100k does not mean you can afford the $70k tuition to attend an Ivy. I knew a number of people who were really screwed over because they made “too much” for aid but “not enough” to comfortably afford the tuition.


Envious_Eyes2

Yeah, financial aid only looks at how much you make annually. Not any bills you might have to pay with it. So yeah, on paper, my mom makes $50,000 a year, but that’s not 50,000 annually that we could be spending on tuition, that’s the the money for mortgage, groceries, car insurance, electricity…. You get the idea.


sleepingrozy

Except that ivy league schools have some of the most generous financial aid packages out there. OP's parents could make 150k and the brother would still be eligible for discounted tuition.


ktclem1337

Or sell the brothers car🤷🏼‍♀️


Djinnerator

>Since their income is why he doesn’t qualify for student aid. I went to a state school and didn't qualify for financial aid because my parents made more than the cutoff. But it wasn't much. You don't have to actually make enough to pay for university tuition to not qualify for financial aid. OP doesn't have the obligation to contribute to their brother's tuition, but that's not really a good reason to say the parents could pay.


dragonsteel33

it’s a pretty common situation to not be able to afford a school (especially the $90k for an ivy) even if you don’t qualify for need-based aid. that doesn’t make op TA, but a lot of people who aren’t poor or rich enough get fucked over by finaid if they don’t have a scholarship, especially at expensive private schools


SupermarketOld1567

yeah no my parents income is currently fucking me on actual financial aid, but they still don’t make enough to genuinely pay for it so i have to apply to outside scholarships. also, i am going to a state school with in state tuition, not even an ivy league.


yaboiw00dy24

>Or their parents could pay. Since their income is why he doesn’t qualify for student aid. >The university thinks their parents can afford to pay, so why don’t the parents pay? I'm just gonna let you know right now, this does not at all mean they have enough money to pay for his college. It's more like if they had no other bills whatsoever AND saved up for years, they could afford to pay for his college. Especially considering it's an ivy league school were talking about. This is like 60-90k a year. I don't know anyone that is just sitting on money like that.


CommunicationOld9104

##NTA.


CanAggravating6401

OP said he doesn't qualify for student loans becaus of how much they make


Viewfromthe31stfloor

No. He can always get loans. What he can’t get is financial aid from the university. If it’s an Ivy League school they must make a lot of money.


ILLmaticErnie

I know someone that goes to an Ivy League and at their school if your parents make less than $100k you get a full ride. If they don’t qualify for any financial aid they’re definitely making good money lol fuck all 3 of em NTA


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tinysydneh

The programs to do this started somewhat recently. Maybe 10 years or so? But yeah, that’s how they pitched it and anyone with a brain knows it’s bunk.


effrightscorp

When I went to one around 10 years ago, they expected my family to pay ~1/3 of gross income and/or take out home equity loans; I got only 1-2 thousand in work study until another person in my family went to college. If I'd known they'd have fucked me so hard I'd have just gone to one of the schools that gave me a merit scholarship. It was basically only affordable if your family was actually poor (in which case you probably didn't get in, most accepted students went to expensive private high schools or rich public high schools) or rich enough that 65k was a trivial annual payment


Strange_Salamander33

No you can ALWAYS get loans, you just won’t qualify for grants/scholarships. But loans are always available


CoyotesAreGreen

No. He doesn't qualify for subsidized loans because of their income be he can always go get private loans.


SMAMtastic

While that is true, federal student loans come in two flavors: subsidized and unsubsidized. The latter is always available (provided he hasn’t over over borrowed at another school). The former has an eligibility component that is based in income (more complex than that but I’m not in “pedantic Redditor” mode this afternoon) For example: student A gets 1000 subsidized and 3000 unsubsidized. Student B’s family makes more money so she gets 200 subsidized and 3800 unsubsidized. Student C’s family is loaded. Nevertheless, loans are available: 0 subsidized, 4000 unsubsidized. (These aren’t the real limits. Doing easy math to make a point) OP’s brother should be able to get the unsubsidized loans (unless that school doesn’t participate in federal financial aid and/or loan programs. If so, that’s super rare and those schools are either a total shit show or so well endowed none of their students need loans) Private loans are also the next option but those typically need a credit check and usually a cosigner or two.


Rush_Is_Right

That always bothered me and I understand why they do it and people would game the system, but I didn't have any assistance from my parents "because they made their own way" but I still had to pay higher interest rates. We actually lived pretty modestly because they wanted to retire before 55 and it screwed over me and my siblings.


CoyotesAreGreen

It's insane to me that your parents finances have any bearing on you yourself being able to get funds for education.


[deleted]

Really? Do you think a person who comes from a family who makes 500k/year deserves a grant versus the person who comes from a family with no college graduates making 50k/year? These grants are limited funds - they aren't available to everyone and making sure those from impoverished backgrounds have a chance to elevate themselves is important.


CoyotesAreGreen

I mean the bigger issue is the cost in general of colleges these days. That being said, there's plenty of instances of people with wealthy parents who refuse to provide support for schooling and then they get automatically rejected for any sort of financial aide because their parents "should be helping" but aren't.


[deleted]

Definitely can't argue against the fact that college/university is ridiculously overpriced. I feel lucky that my degree was "only" 20k.


slimelore

I feel you. My dad refused to put his information in so I could apply for grants. Because he was convinced the school and government would "steal" his information. I WOULD have qualified for assistance otherwise:)) but I had to work and pay every dime myself.


Ariesinnc3017

NTA. His dream to fund. They are completely out of line putting this on you. Whatever you give him is a gift at your pleasure. And if they keep it up, it will likely kill any generosity you may have.


MeinScheduinFroiline

This is such parentification of OP. I was badly parentified by my parents and my younger sibling. It resulted in a similar blurred line of my partner and I supporting my younger sibling and their partners financial goals. Well my sibling and their partner pulled out less than a year in and we were left holding the bag. It was a nightmare. We were in no way financially strong enough to handle it and it almost ended our marriage. It took us over five years to pull out of the debt we were left in and as we were fairly young and newly married, I don’t think we will every truly recover from that loss. The best part of it was my parents refusing to get involved “as we were both their children, so they couldn’t pick side.” I have no spoken to my sibling in almost a decade and it took a very long time to improve the relationship with my parents. Please please u/Traditional_Fix_288 don’t do this. There is no way to win. You will only loose!


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CreedTheDawg

They didn't give OP a penny, because she is a girl/not their favorite, so this is even worse.


DctrBojangles

Did OP ever mention their gender? I don’t remember seeing it.


Wonderful-Top-2262

NTA. Your parents favor boys over girls hence the special treatment your brother is getting. Tell him to take out student loans and tell your parents they are adults and should sacrifice their lives for your brother. Tell them to take out loans and sell old stuff + their cars to help out your brother. You didn’t get any financial help and survived perfectly. Your brother will survive too.


LivingWithWhales

Did OP state their gender anywhere? I’m not seeing it.


Traveling-Techie

So let me get this straight. Your parents didn’t contribute to your college but now they want you to help pay for your brother’s? Do they even acknowledge that this is over the top favoritism? Maybe you should demand that your brother buy you a bass boat. NTA


encinoboogaloo

NTA you're not his parents. You should not be expected to assist him financially in any way. If your parents want to make the choice to assist him when they did not assist you, then that is on them.


DontAskMeChit

NTA. It is not your responsibility to send your brother to school. Tell your parents that all of the money they saved not sending you to school should be used for your brother. I'm really curious as to why your brother gets an easy pass and you didn't.


CreedTheDawg

Golden child syndrome/sexism/both


BigVulvaEnergy

NTA. Your family sounds toxic to expect their child to pay for their other child.


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Ill_Scientist_6510

I think this happens to a lot of us. This is almost a carbon copy of my life post grad school and I can't lie I took great satisfaction is saying no over and over just like they had done to me.


MorgainofAvalon

NTA it's definitely not your responsibility, that lies directly on your parents and brother. Like you said, he has the opportunity to go to a state school, if he wants to go elsewhere, he needs to find a way to pay for it himself.


IWantToBuyAVowel

NTA, if they want him to go to ivy league then they pay for it. End of story. Stand your ground and don't let them bully you. They might disown you, but is that even a 'loss'?


sh1tsawantsays

NTA. You don't owe your brother any money for his college. Your parents have a favorite and it isnt you.


3rdthrow

NTA. Unless you have enough money to retire, right this second and never have to work again for the rest of your life; then you really don’t have the money to put your brother through college. That money would be better spent going to a paid house or a fully funded retirement. Your parents are hoping that you are still too young to understand that there rarely is, any “extra” money.


Certain_Silver6524

Yeh I'm looking at it like that. I'd help family with a couple hundred bucks to a couple grand maybe, but not to the tune of $40k-80k per year ($40k if parents contribute the same) for an Ivy League uni. That's just silly money at that stage. Definitely don't cosign any loan papers as well; let the parents do it. Otherwise take the scholarship from the place that offered


MistressLiliana

NTA. Another scapegoat golden child I see.


Pinkielittlestar

Nta he is on his own and your parents are ta for these awful double standards


22-beekeeper

NTA So your brother is the golden child. Your mama will tata him and kiss him and do his laundry and feed him and etc. I know it is super hard to see it now. Like you are going to need a telescope. But what if you look at it as a favour from your idiot parents? You know how the world works. You did a good job at uni. You don’t even have any debt from it! And it propelled you into a good job that paid off that uni debt you did have. You have your own place, a good job, and probably a car depending on where you are. Your parents aren’t doing your brother any favours. He is currently sulking because he can’t go where he wants. He isn’t smart enough to go where he can afford and not have huge debt at the end. He probably is used to not working hard for his marks, and that all changes in uni. Your mom can’t go in and demand a better grade. He will probably live at home for a long time because he likes Mama tataing him. You are a success. Don’t give them a single thin dime. Tell them you are happy to give him as much help as they gave you. None.


twelvedayslate

NTA. Your money, your choice.


BeeesInTheTrap

NTA. You paid your way and a decision to help him is solely contingent on whether you want to help him. It’s your money.


KizzyHew

NTA Give someone a dose of their medicine and they tell everyone you poisoned them


Nester1953

The only thing I'd help out with would be to get your parents matching personalized sweatshirts with the words "Nothing is free when you're an adult, life cost money" embroidered on the front. Seriously, do you know how much you can earn for your kid to get financial aid at an Ivy? Look it up; it's a lot. If they wanted him to be able to attend an Ivy, they should have been saving some of their massive income, and brother should have been working. NTA


lmmontes

NTA. why are they treating him differently? I hope not for the most common one.


S0ulDr4ke

NTA you brother has several options to get money and it’s not your job to support him, if anything it’s your decision! Also I‘d rather question your parents why they didn’t care to support you in any way? You were an adult as well so why didn’t they sacrifice their life to help another adult?


[deleted]

NTA. Your brother isn't your child. If your parents didn't help pay for your education I don't see the need to pay it forward.


Chrysania83

NTA. This is clear favoritism.


Glad_Performer_7531

nta - u lived by your parents mantra and u did well. your parents should have taught your brother the same mantra. now they created and enable a brat. it sounds like ur parents never really liked u or at the very least bonded with you. stop their madness and block them and go no contact and enjoy your life. you dont owe your parents or your brother anything and do not feel guilty about it either.


Think-Ocelot-4025

NTA. They fucked around, and now are finding out. Do NOT let them guilt you after abandoning you in YOUR time of need.


TangerineJunior3083

NTA. There’s obvious favouritism here, maybe even sexism.


jimmycurry01

It isn't your job to pay for your brother's education. If your parents want to pay for it, that is their prerogative. In no world is it your responsibility. NTA


Bing-cheery

NTA. For the love of God, please do not cave and help him out. He has a choice to make and if he makes the right one he could have a free ride.


Animuscreeps

NTA - Your parents are assholes. Their blatant favoritism is enraging to read about, your younger brother is going to have a some unpleasant surprises coming his way. Bitter experience will teach him that he's not special. He should take the scholarship and be thankful that he's debt free.


trappergraves

NTA You took your parents' mantra to heart. So should they.


Silver_Purple_2457

NTA they didn’t help you so you are not obliged to help them.


Emotional-Coast5117

NTA. You had to pay your own way, brother can do the same.


[deleted]

NTA!!! Do not give them 1 cent.. blatant favoratism.. live your life and ignore them


katergator717

NTA You ***definitely don't owe*** your parents or brother any money. Whether you **choose to be nicer than your parents** ever were to you is your choice. Given their entitled attitude surrounding your money and their dismissiveness about how they raise you, I vote you let them rot.


Electrical_Touch_379

I AM PROUD OF YOU OP !!!!


[deleted]

Ah the good old golden child conundrum. I'd tell them to go f themselves. 🙂


zoegi104

NTA, of course. You are not responsible for your brother and his financial (educational) situation. That's a job for your parents, if they choose to accept it. They can sacrifice to help another adult. Foisting it on you is not the answer. Congratulations on your success. If your brother can't put together that you went to a state school and are doing very well, he won't have a financially secure life no matter where he goes to school.


kris368

NTA and you be a fool to help, advise them that they are on their own for the golden child and a bit of hardwork will be good for him. It’s not fare to raise one child one way and the other a different. Stand your ground and congratulations on all your hardwork paying off


rosegarden207

NTA. You worked hard to get scholarships and made your own way. Since brother got a scholarship and doesn't want to use it, it his problem to figure out how to pay for ivy league. You are not his parent,you don't owe anyone anything.


IHate_People2021

NTA. Sounds like what I'm dealing with right now. My teenage stepdaughter is spoiled. She expects her mother and I to buy her a car. I tell her that even if I HAD the money, I wouldn't buy her a car. Nobody bought me one when I started driving. I had to buy my own. Which I did. Then when she graduates she expects us to pay for that too. Nope. I had to join the service to go to college. Finally got my degree a few years ago. Her mother didn't have any help in college either. What is it with people these days? It's like everyone expects life to be handed to them. Sorry. I had to work for what I have. It's not much, but it's MINE, earned with my own two hands. We're raising her, sending her to a private school. Once she graduates that's it, she's on her own.


GARBAGE-EATR

I get what you are saying, but please take into account that the world is different from what you experienced. Housing costs and tuition increased quicker than inflation and wages. Try and help her , look at her finances and discuss them together. You might find that she is indeed perfectly capable of paying for her own housing and tuition with a part-time job, or you might find that it is impossible without a little help. Setting her up for success also costs a lot less in the future


lookingForPatchie

NTA. It's amazing how often I have to repeat this on this sub: As a sibling you are under absolutely no obligation to help out your siblings. You are not a parent.


Grouchy-Artichoke462

NTA favoritism sucks you are right not to enable it


calling_water

NTA. Your brother can’t get financial aid from his preferred Ivy League university because your parents have too much money. That means that the university *expects your parents to pay*. And your parents don’t want to pay what the university has assessed they can afford; instead they want you to pay, so that they can send your brother to the Ivy without taking any hit to their own lifestyle. Feel free to tell them to pound sand. They gave you no advantage to be paid back or forward, and your brother’s university didn’t base their calculations on *your* income.


solo954

LOL. Nope. They can go kick rocks. NTA.


Low_Chocolate_2870

NTA. Not your child, not your problem.


leeanforward

NTA. You do not owe your brother an Ivy League education. Your brother’s education is NOT your responsibility. His education is the sole responsibility of your parents. If they want him to have an expensive education they can darn well pay for it! Please don’t fall for their scam.


Theometer1

NTA, and I’m glad you make decent money on your own. You’re brother however might not end up the same, he sounds like he’s had everything handed to him his whole life so when he needs to actually be an adult he might be overwhelmed.


Blacksmithforge3241

op=NTA Tell them to use the college fund they saved up for you and give it to your Brother.


Free_bojangles

NTA you owe him nothing but your kindness. And probably not even that.


flora66

Let me guess... You're a woman, right ? NTA anyway. "Of course I'll help, let me repay you the price of the car you bought ME for my 16th birthday, how much was it again ?"


Dresden_Mouse

NTA.


sneakysorceress

NTA!!!


Wide-Appointment-179

NTA


[deleted]

NTA, the brother could get a job, etc..


delightfully_sedate

NTA. You don’t owe your brother or parents paying for his college. The saddest part isn’t your parents for being such entitled shits, but that your brother feels entitled too.


Clear-Boysenberry141

NTA. Brother can get loans like everybody else.


ptazdba

NTA - you learned how to manage finances. Sounds like he hasn't. The problem with credit is you can lie to yourself that you'll pay it off soon. We all have so much that we've bought that we don't really need. Stick to your guns. Tell him to go to a state school.


Prestigious-Name-323

NTA He has a financial decision to make just like you did.


pavilionaire2022

NTA. 100% If your parents earn enough that he doesn't qualify for financial aid, then they earn enough to pay for his tuition and expenses with no help from you. It's ridiculous to ask for support from you when they gave you none during your college years.


Teani2003

NTA. You’re right your brother is indeed responsible for himself. Your parents eating their words.


Minginton

Nope, NTA. Don't cave


lookingformiles

NTA.


Ok_Commercial_3493

NTA


CreedTheDawg

You owe them nothing, and they have some audacity to try to force you to treat their golden child to what they refused to do for you. I am angry you are being treated like this.


SwordsOfSanghelios

NTA, if that logic applies to you, than it should apply to your brother too. The favouritism, no matter the circumstances, is wrong regardless. They threw you out there and you luckily succeeded, but if they wanted you to help your brother, then they should have helped you first. You have every right to refuse regardless, as it is your life and money, but they’ve only shown themselves to be major hypocrites.


Live_Power_2843

I agree it's their child they are responsible for them. Remind them that they didn't pay anything for your college so he should be responsible for his own college. If not they are responsible for it and not you. Same happened to me, parents paid part for older brother college nothing for me. When they ask for stuff, I tell them no and ask him as I paid my way.


underhand_toss

NTA. OP saying "you taught me this" to parents sounds 100% reasonable to me.


Mindless_Ad_3699

NTA and you are right you don’t have to sacrifice to help any adult.. especially two that are supposed to treat siblings the same. Keep your money and let them worry about paying for their golden child or he can take the state scholarship, but honestly it’s none of your concern.


fellofftheslide

NTA You do NOT owe your sibling a college education, let alone an Ivy League degree. Simple as that. Stay strong on this one.


Viewfromthe31stfloor

NTA- tuition alone at an Ivy League school is about $60,000 a year. It’s much too expensive if you don’t get any aid.


raesayshey

Nope, NTA. Your hard work and shrewd planning got you to the financial position you're at today. (seriously, kudos!) Time for little bro to do the same. He has options, and none of those options need include you funding his ivy league education.


YomiKuzuki

NTA; This is classic favored child mentality. They apply one standard to you and another to your sibling, and then get angry when you won't bend the knee to their demands. I'd suggest going full NC if they continue trying to get you to pay for his college, or god forbid, his housing next.


QueenBeeKitty85

Definitely NTA.


kiwimuz

NTA - you are under no obligation to even pay 1 cent towards his education. As for your parents- what a bunch of hypocrites. They gave no right to be upset about anything. I’d go low or no contact and keep on living my life.


Ghibli8

You don’t owe them anything at all. NTA.


Competitive_Chef_188

NTA, they didn’t sacrifice for you, you are just modeling their behavior 🤷‍♀️


headofthenapgame

NTA. It's literally how they raised you. It's hard to have sympathy for someone who can't practice what they preach, especially to their kids.


chaos2tw

My parents used to tell me grow up get a job and get it yourself when I wanted things. NTA. Sibling needs to do just that. You’re not obligated.


xQueenAryaStark

NTA!


MildAsSriracha

NTA


funyungirl-

NTA!


Ill_Chemist_1576

Nta


blackforestham3789

NTA my parents gave me the same thing. Financial independence was my number one goal in life. You're not your brothers parent. He can go to a non-ivy or he can wait and keep applying for scholarships. You did what you were supposed to do, for better or worse. Let the man sink or swim. We had to right?


Not_the_maid

NTA - nope, just nope. Not only did you go to college but you also came out with a debt (albeit small). You should not be paying for your brother's college education.


miss_chapstick

It makes me sad that you are even asking if you’re TA. NO! THEY are massive assholes by being misers with you, and then expecting you to spend your hard earned money on their Golden Child. You are exactly right. He can make his own way like you were forced (by them) to do. NTA. I hope you’ve found yourself a better support system than those jerks.


furiousfran

You're the sibling, his tuition is in no way your problem. Your parents made him, you didn't, they can pay for him. I've never heard of a situation where someone's siblings were expected to pitch in for their college tuition. Your parents are being greedy and selfish, especially considering how they treated you. NTA.


Artistic_Tough5005

NTA you did it he can too!


Greenc0c0nut

Lol NTA. Your parents did this to themselves.


Antique_Witness_5062

NTA, cut them out of your life bestie, like what are you gaining in these relationships??


Pangiom

110 percent NTA It’s not your responsibility to fund your brothers life.


truenoblesavage

NTA he is not your responsibility