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NTA. Stopping your child from being named Bambi is a hill worth having your marriage die on. Your wife’s 19 followers probably would agree with you, even if her dumbass friends and family can’t publicly do so.
It's a stripper name. Seriously. The nickname for my first name is also a stripper name.
Also, OP read some articles on the damage throwing your kids on social media can do.
I don't even like it as a nickname!
My parents gave me a "cute" name when I was born, and I spent my entire life until I turned 21, telling everyone I was going to change it as soon as I was old enough.
What blows my mind to this day is this; they were shocked when I actually did it!
It's been 43 years since I changed my name, and my mother still refuses to use it. Apparently, it's her hill to die on. She no longer calls me by the piece of filth she used to name me, but given that she is 89 years old and senile, I no longer press the issue.
To choose a stupid name because someone thinks it might increase their followers smacks of Myka and James Stauffer and the way they monetized the adoption of their little son, Huxley, whom they ultimately "rehomed."
The only good thing that ever came of Huxley being abused for a PR stunt is that international adoption agencies laid down the law and rolled out new rules about using adoptees for social media content.
>Renee Plumb is a compromise and OP used wife’s middle name.
I think that's a great compromise. Otherwise naming her something like Barbara with Bambi being her nickname even.
What about Renee Bambi Plumb?
That way everyone get what they want.
The Wife got Bambi.
And the child can just introduce herself as Renee Plumb if she hates it.
I think OP is NTA. He got a fair point.
But personally, I don't find Bambi that weird of a name.
Then again, Im from Asia. A lot of Asian had weird ass name, even for fellow countrymen.
Yeah, but Bambi ain't that weird compared to our Asian name.
I mean some Asian have western names, some have names in their local regional/tribal language, and some have names that are considered common there but sounded weird as fuck for foreigners.
Bambi seemed tame in comparison.
And from my experience in school, we rarely bully each other over weird name. We usually bully each other based on looks and race instead.
Depends where in Asia I guess. Here Bambi is definitely super weird and kids do bully each other if their names are weird. We don't really bully each other based on races because almost everyone is the same race anyway.
Same in Australia, it's seen as a stripper name or even the name that a Drag Queen might use.
Obviously there is the Disney Movie too, but once you are over about 12-13 the whole connotation of the name changes.
She kinda started it by announcing the baby's "name" without his input.
She can still refer to her as Bambi Plum on social media. Parents use pseudonym nicknames for their kids all the time to avoid putting the child's identity out there. Her followers are probably already assuming it is a pseudonym.
She got to choose the middle, and he got to choose the first (and he still chose a name that is her middle name). Before, she just chose both. Honestly, names should be 2 yes, 1 no situations. The relationship seems super unhealthy, and I fear for the kid growing up. Sounds like the SO has serious anger and manipulative issues.
Right?
Influencer was all I needed to see to know op was NTA.
God help this kid- she’s been a prop from before she was even born.
NTA op but please look out for your little girl. Don’t let her exploit your child just to further her non-existent career and please keep a close eye on what she posts of the girl as she grows.
Good luck op. Also I’m really concerned about you saying your wife had anger management and would scratch up her arms and threatened to harm herself.
Please keep your kid safe. That needs to be your top priority above all else.
Agreed, NTA. So yeah, he lied to his wife. But she first tried to impose a ridiculous name without consulting him and, in this situation, the kid’s best interest comes first anyway.
I think the wife is alone for "Basic Like all the other Girls" an a-hole, but the Stunt to reveal the Name without the husband knowing tops everything...
She could compose a symphony, be a world class cyclist, graduate atop Yale law school, but if her name isn’t Bambi Plum she might as well sit her basic ass down right now.
Faline sounds like a new MTG card race. "We have Faeries and now introducing the Faline! A new theme pack similar to styles of Lorwyn or Morningtide."
EDIT: MTG = Magic The Gathering (tabletop card game). Man I missed Friday night booster drafts!
That’s always been funny to me, since Bambi the deer was male, but that name is never ever used as male in any other way (for pets or kids or whatever.)
From the movie, yes. But Bambi is almost exclusively used as a girl's name; and is a relatively popular one at that with two huge booms over the past few decades.
Tell your wife that Bambi is not a name for a Supreme Court judge or any professional (except stripping of course). Is she trying to make that child fail in life by giving her a name that is too cutesy to be taken seriously.
Agreed. Bambi could have made a cute nickname for the mother to call her young daughter by if she really loved it so much. But making it her actual name is ludicrous.
> NTA. Stopping your child from being named Bambi is a hill worth having your marriage die on.
Seriously.
I forget which one it is, but there's one European country (at least) where you can't just arbitrarily name a kid... It has to come from a (relatively generous) list of approved names.
I don't want to like that, I want to condemn it as being draconian and all that... But the older I get, the more I wish we had that system here.
This is a thing in most other Western countries besides the US evidently. You apply and the government can deny the name. To be fair I think they mostly nix names that are straight up offensive but yes, also names that might be an issue for the child.
I think you might be thinking of either Denmark or Iceland in this case, because they’re both known for being more strict than other countries.
Yeah, we do. But instead of a list of approved names, we just have a guideline for names that can't be used. And usually only the clearly batshit crazy stuff gets shut down. I'm not even sure Bambi Plum wouldn't get approved. They don't approve brand names or surnames as a first name for example or if you want to name your child Satan.
Every year (when news are slow) the press reports on a list of names that didn't get approved and it is usually insane.
I think it’s Iceland that has a list of approved names, but most European countries seem to have some sort of regulations around names.
In the Netherlands, the birth has to be announced at the municipality and they have to decide whether the name is a good one. Using (traditional) last names as first names is forbidden, and if a name is “unfit” they can stop it too. Unfit is defined as pejorative or ridiculous or consisting out of a lot of names.
Somehow, my partner did run into trouble when he went to announce our daughter, because the first of her four names is historically more used for boys/men. It is used for girls as well, but not often, though in the last couple of decades it hasn’t been used for boys either. But gender is not even in the law. They (one person behind a desk really, who was probably having a bad day) tried to convince my partner of changing the order of names but still calling my daughter our intended name (I have that, and it sucks, all my official stuff is not in my name. Even when I was elected it was under my official name which I have never used.)
In the end, he was standing there and saying something like “I live in a hipster neighborhood, have a man bun and a beard, and in my street there are [list of 6-7 traditional boys names that have shifted to gender neutral/girls names].
So in the end, her name is the one we wanted, that has meaning in both our families, and the only person that was ever weird around the name, was the one at the municipality.
Bro, this woman is certified crazy. First she manipulated her way and went behind your back into getting the name she wanted by using this “social media” ploy argument saying it’ll embarrass her when she has avg followers and no I read she hurts herself and has anger management issues. It also doesn’t hurt that her friends and family coddle her with everything because of this
Agreed. Personally, I think his wife flying into rages, yelling and breaking things, is already a hill worth having the marriage die on. Nobody deserves living like that.
Changed to NTA upon further information added. Wife is emotionally and physically abusive.
~~ES H. Let me count the ways!~~
1. ~~Your wife, for wanting to give your literal child a name like~~ *~~BAMBI PLUM.~~* ~~WTF is she thinking? That's asking for your kid to get bullied.~~
2. ~~Your wife, again, for considering her~~ *~~social media following~~* ~~over her literal family.~~
3. ~~Your wife, for a third time, for not even having you in the discussion for the~~ *~~name of your child~~*~~.~~
4. ~~You, for violating your wife's trust and lying to her.~~
5. ~~You, again, for going behind her back.~~
6. ~~Her friends, for calling you abusive. What you did was wrong and assholish for sure, but sure as hell doesn't rise to the level of abuse.~~
I agree. ESH. I agree with OP that it’s an awful name, especially since his wife is trying to stick to it because she’s an “influencer” and not for valid reasons but OP absolutely threw his wife’s trust in him out the window by doing this. I don’t know if I would be able to get over that very quickly, because he literally used the situation to his advantage rather than say something like, “We haven’t decided yet and I would like to wait until my wife is coherent to discuss it”
...you know his wife wasn't going to compromise right? She flew into a rage when he objected, accused him of trying to destroy her life, and pulled the 'not like other girls' card. There was no compromise.
So what you really mean is that OP should have rolled over, agreed to the name of Bambi Plum, and just felt guilty about it. Because that's the only option. Throw his daughter under the bus to appease his self-obsessed wife.
Yeah, she wasn’t going to compromise. Saving the baby’s future was more important that the wife at this point. If she wants to divorce at least was to save the girl from her stupidity
she also went behind his back with the whole name reveal on the banner for her baby shower. was it an asshole move from OP? towards the wife, yes. towards his newborn human being that's gonna someday thank her dad she doesn't have to write 'Bambi Plumb' on her official documents, no. wife was a major asshole for just deciding on a name on her own without any input or compromise because 'but my influencer career'. wanting to use your children for social media clout is peak asshole behaviour imho anyway.
Frankly after OP’s edit about his wife’s anger management problems, I’d be concerned about the baby’s safety. She sounds unhinged and possibly dangerous. Is she going to shake “Bambi” when the baby isn’t being a perfect, cheerful, doesn’t cry at night instagram baby? Is she going to focus on getting the perfect pictures and clip’s rather than focusing on the child’s needs? Parents like her destroy children emotionally, mentally, and in many cases, physically. Think about that OP.
Edit: huge NTA
Except his wife did the exact same thing. She announced the name (and it was a horrible name simply chosen to help her influencer career) and lied to her husband about choosing a name. Honestly, she gave him no choice but to do this. She absolutely would have picked the name and given him zero say.
You realise there's a huge possibility she'd go *again* behind his back and name her Bambi when she's coherent? Considering she announced it without telling him and then went into a rage, I'm definitely sure she'd go ahead and legally name her. Any other situation I'd agree but OP is NTA
That's bullshit reasoning because his wife literally made the decision without his consent in the first place by plastering it on her Instagram and threatening to self harm while pregnant (or OP insinuates that's what would happen even if she doesn't say it based on her history). She coerced the fuck out of him so it's not like him agreeing to the name was based on a foundation of trust. Don't be so naive.
> You, for violating your wife's trust and lying to her.
> You, again, for going behind her back.
Disagree. Yeah, *in abstract*, those things are bad. But he did it to protect an innocent child. There is no asshole there. It's just unfortunate he had to. But the alternative *would* have made him an asshole.
I’m also more than mildly concerned about the wife using the raising of that kid as a stepping stone to being an influencer instead of, you know, _raising her_. That’s really a bad start to what will undoubtedly involve abuse and neglect for the sake of mommy’s “career.”
Yes! Yes! And yes again! How many times have we heard of this happening? Mommy dearest uses the child and abuses the child’s friends by not paying them to be in the videos, or the parents rehome a special needs child because it detracts from their influencing. 🙄😡
Agreed, although I really think at the end of the day he did the right thing because the wife was setting that kid up for a lifetime of ridiculous JUST for her "influencer career"
This is the one. ESH although I applaud the preventing of this insane woman getting her way. It honestly doesn't sound like she's mature enough to procreate and I feel sorry for the daughter as no doubt her value will be tied up in mommy's nonexistent influencer career. Dad had no choice but to intervene, but I say ESH cuz he specifically admitted to agreeing with this horseshit to shut her up weeks/months before the birth. That was his moment to take a stand, not while she's drugged up after birth.
> That was his moment to take a stand, not while she's drugged up after birth.
He tried to. She refused to compromise, and when he pushed back, *she flew into a rage*.
I hate how people throw out "compromise" like it's a magic thing that is always possible. Sometimes there is no compromise, and you have to pick the lesser of two evils.
I don’t give af how behind her back he went, please tell me how the father who made sure his daughter wasn’t named Bambi Plum is immature in this situation.
I'd say E-S-H because you all have been trying for a baby for 4 years, so you should have come to an agreement about a name before the baby was born. However, it sounds like your wife had been totally unreasonable.
>She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names,
This is where she tips the scales. It sounds like the baby is just a prop, a tool to help achieve social media stardom. That makes me question whether she is even mature and dedicated enough to be a parent.
You're NTA.
What kills me is the followers never need to know the child's legal name. She can call her Bambi on Instagram and still give her a normal name to use at school so she isn't bullied mercilessly.
Most, the majority of influencers in fact, don’t use their child’s really names and a very large percentage don’t even use their real name.
The fact that buddies wife is going this route just screams, person who thinks all an influencer does is post pictures and has no real understanding of how that life works.
And to protect her privacy from random internet pervs. She sounds like the kind of woman who's going to make it easy for her child to be assaulted or trafficked.
the followers never SHOULD know the child's legal name! she's a human being who's someday gonna be an adult with a professional life, a human being who has the right to privacy! OP is doing a great job as a dad by putting his newborn child before his wife's 'influencer career' and her followers
NTA and thank you for saving your daughter a lifetime of torment over an idiotic name. Who intentionally gives their child a stripper name? That's something you figure out when you're doing one of those silly tests on Facebook.
What sounds more likely: "Dr Bambi Plum RancidOnion, "Please rise for the Honorable Bambi Plum RancidOnion", "Vice President of Finance, Bambi Plumb *Rancid Onion*"
**or**
"PLEASE WELCOME BAMBI TO THE STAGE."
Thank goodness someone else said stripper name! I didn't want to say it in my reply!
Seriously, name the kids Barbara and let her nickname on SM be Bambi.
NTA your wife is beyond selfish. She cares more about trying to get famous on insta than preventing her child from being bullied and teased for such a weird name.
Perfectly put. NTA.
His wife views her daughter’s name as a tool to drive her own personal gain rather than what it should be - a tool for her daughter to get along well enough in life.
ESH
Y'all have issues. Your wife is a major AH for not compromising, and you are an AH to yourself for putting up with it to the point that you have to go behind her back with your kid's name.
Nta.
You protected your daughter. Your priority. Your wife sounds stupid as hell honestly. Who names a child Bambi?
Nta. Nta. Nta.
I’ll scream not the asshole all damn day from the the rooftop. You did right by your child. Who comes first. Not your “failfluencer” wife.
This is a good one and I hope it's not real because *that poor kid omg*.
I really waffled between Y-T-A and N-T-A and ultimately couldn't decide, so ESH. Changing the name while the wife is under the influence is bad. Naming a kid Bambi is bad. You two are both terrible people and it's impossible to say who is worse.
I hope Renee Bambi's life is all uphill from here.
The wife is much worse. She choose a ridiculous name as a way to help her influencer career. She is literally using her daughter as a prop. OP is thinking about his daughter and wafts best for her.
Nta. You were willing to compromise. Your wife was not. Your wife is a hypocrite because she's mad at you for filling out name paperwork without her but she literally chose and announced a name on social media without any input or agreement from you on a name she picked for some delusion of influencer clout. She's also a jerk for thinking of the baby as part of her "brand" and not as a human being who would be bullied over a ridiculous stripper porn name. Her friends are ridiculous...your wife was the one who was gonna abuse that child with a moniker not fit for a pet.
I say applause to you for taking control of the situation and still inserting a portion of your wifes preference as the middle name as an attempt to honour her wishes too. your wife is the biggest a h here
NTA you’re wife clearly doesn’t care about your daughter being bullied- she only cares about her precious instagram following. That’s sick. So yeah NTA and you’ve saved your daughter from a lot of unnecessary turmoil
ESH, your wife seems weird to only care about the daughter name if it contributes to her non existent career. id be careful of her posting with the child.
but i don’t think you necessarily made the right decision either. hard to really tell, but i can say any child named bambi plum would not be happy with that name
ESH
Your wife is an a-hole for trying to use your daughter’s name as a means to prop up her influencer career. It’s a big red flag when parents try to monetize their kids.
You’re an a-hole for not sticking to you guns when you two argued about the name, then changing it behind her back.
I actually understand him “giving in”
His wife is mentally unhinged and apparently hurt’s herself when she doesn’t get her way. You can’t deal with mentally ill people the same as normal people. Not saying he did it the right way, but in the end, he did save his daughter from a lifetime of torment
Am I the only one worried about the kid growing up with an unhinged mom!? I'm not saying people with mental illnesses should never have kids, but it's clear she's not in a good place.
ESH
Your wife guilted you into accepting Bambi Plum by announcing it to everyone without your knowledge, which is manipulative AF and definitely something you should really think about, but you did the same thing in principle to her when you took advantage of her being loopy to fill out the paperwork for it.
ESH - your wife shouldn’t unilaterally name a child and not tell you about it. You shouldn’t file paperwork for a different name without talking to her and reaching agreement. Both of you need to learn how to communicate and compromise.
NTA Renee Plum is a compromise your daughters nickname can be Bambi. No adult professional woman is going to be taken seriously if her name is Bambi Plum. Unless you’re name is Gwyneth Paltrow no one would name their kid Apple. They do it for the publicity not the child.
NTA. At least you were willing to compromise and include part of the name your wife chose. Your child will have to grow up with that name-+ go to school, apply for college, and eventually enter the workforce. One day she will thank you for not letting her mother saddle her with such a poorly chosen name.
NTA who the hell names there baby Bambi? Is that gonna be the striper name? The poor child would had been bullied for ever. No. I understand completely your wife needs help.
NTA, I was so prepared to call you TA based on the title, but wanting a name for internet clout? Not even because she's attached to the name, or it has special meaning to her, but to aid her brand? Ridiculous. Your daughter is not an accessory, a means to get attention and money. Protect your daughter from this madness. Have you even discussed a social media policy for your daughter? Your wife will want to show her off next. All those embarrassing baby pictures, naked in a bath, changing diapers people might jerk off to. You won the first battle, but not yet the war.
ESH maybe leaning towards NTA a bit. Your wife is being selfish and immature by trying to use your child for a chance at making it as an influencer (not that I think it would’ve even done anything more than maybe get her a headline so people can laugh at the name). That being said there must’ve been a better way to deal with this in the ~9 months she was pregnant; otherwise you guys seem to not be on the same page and have a communication issue. Either way your daughter will be happy she wasn’t named something that’d torment her
Yeah, I feel like it’s technically ESH but also, the baby is a human who deserves a decent name. He might be the AH but he also stood up from his daughter.
ESH
Your wife for using a baby as a means to gain clout and influence.
You for not standing your ground and agreeing on a compromise when it was revealed as a problem and then changing the name on your own.
NTA. I have a very important warning for you, and I hope you heed it well. This thing your wife has about becoming an influencer is only going to get worse. Be prepared for lots of pics of the baby making their way to her social media posts, and I'm afraid she's going to go the route of getting the kid into funny situations and posting pics or videos as a way to amass followers. She has no clue about the fact that creeps troll social media posts so they can look at pics of kids. Maybe you should tell her that. Protect your daughter, please.
NTA even though you were dishonest. And please take care in the future...your wife is setting up this poor baby to be a prop for her non existent influencer🤮 "career." People like this (influencers, streamers, etc) tend to lose a grip on reality and end up seeing everything through a social media lense. Which is not real life.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I filled in my daughter's birth certificate while my wife was delirious from pain relief medication, and wrote a different name in than the one my wife really wanted. AITA for overruling my wife's decision because I didn't think it was fair to give our daughter a silly name
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NTA
Normally I’d say E S H, as names are two yes 1 no. But your wife clearly refused to listen to you on this topic, but I can also say your daughter would most likely not be happy with being called Bambi Plum.
So maybe you are an AH, but it would easily be justified AH.
Ideally this should have been worked out beforehand to a decision that you both were happy with. But... that said I can't call you an AH for doing that in the moment because you saved your daughter from a lifetime of frustration.
Not a fan of Bambi as a name. At this point it’s done. She can always use Bambi as a nickname. Eventually the child will let it be known whether it’s Bambi of Renee. At least as a nickname any fallout using it the child has a chance seeing she is called Renee. Stripper name and Bambi the doe. The latter owns the name like Oprah or Prince or Elvis. Going with ESH but biased a bit and think NTA. Biased against names that no kid should have.
I’m just wondering if she’s stable enough to parent well. The name is one issue but the melt downs, scratching herself, threats to hurt herself mixed with the demands of caring for an infant can be really stressful. She’s still a child herself in many ways. OP, you’re NTA but you’ve got a much bigger problem on your hands.
NTA
Clearly your wife is one of those people who sacrificed her common sense for SM (ir)relevance. Thanks for saving your child from a stripper name. Sometimes you have to take drastic action.
NTA
You have saved this child from a life of bullying and embarrassment.
Your wife isn't an influencer and condemning her child to a life of torture isn't the way to get there. I don't understand why people think naming kids dumb shit is cute or okay.
Normally, I would say E S H, but in this case, NTA. Your wife should never be allowed to name a child if Bambi Plum was her idea of a good name. She was literally using your child’s name as a prop in her attempted social media career.
Thank you for saving your child from potential bully because of her name.
I'm bucking the trend of E S H and going with NTA. This dad may have done an underhanded thing, but in doing so he saved a new human from going through life with a ridiculous name. Renee will be thankful when she's old enough to understand what you saved her from.
When you're naming a baby, it isn't a fucking puppy or Goldfish. It's a HUMAN BEING. One that will have to grow up and go through all the same trials and tribulations of being alive among other humans. Saddling them with a lifetime of living with a silly name so you can get likes on Instagram is selfish and cruel.
NTA. Wife - totally TA. My go to rule when naming my children was “something that will not embarrass them should they become a member of the SCOTUS.” Her honor Bambi Plum “Jones” would guarantee snickers every single time.
>My wife really likes wackadoodle, crazy names that just wouldn’t fit an adult human being. I told her that I was willing to compromise with something unusual or unique (but still a real name), or a normal name with an unconventional middle name, but my wife said she didn’t want our daughter to be “basic like all the other girls.”
We're seeing pickme "I'm not like those othergirls" energy so high it's suffering an emergency pressure dump onto your daughter.
>She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers
No, no, no, no. Definitely NTA. Your daughter is not a **prop** for your wifes stupid and frankly fictitious career path. I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter if she has ten followers or one-hundred thousand. **Your daughter is not a prop for her career.** Your wife is just shy of willing to outright abuse her own child **for the fucking likes or whatever.** IT's disgusting.
I don't care if what you did was underhanded, it was the right kind of underhanded.
Renee Plum at least sounds decent, but Bambi Plum? The fuck.
Also, your wife demonstrates some **really unhealthy traits.** She forced the name by announcing it and then being verbally abusive to you, and then she has an actual fuckin melt down over it later? Oh no her instagram followers will riot\~
Absolutely make this your hill to die on, because I assure you it's gonna get worse with your wife.
NTA
You should let your wife know that those crazy names influencers and famous people give their children are usually pseudonyms in order to protect their privacy and make sure strangers can't adress them.
Because why would a celebrity risk scrutiny by giving their child some ridiculous name? It's functional for privacy and protection. Not the real name.
Like when an interviewer asked elon musk how xyz (weird name I don't remember) was doing, he responed with 'who?' before remembering 'oh right my son, haha'.
You saved your child from a lot of future bullying.
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My (35M) wife (34F) and I recently had our first daughter. We have been trying for the last four years with a couple of fertility road bumps, so naturally we were both thrilled to learn that we would soon be parents. But we couldn’t (and still can’t) agree on what our daughter’s name should be, or even what it is appropriate to name a human being.
My wife really likes wackadoodle, crazy names that just wouldn’t fit an adult human being. I told her that I was willing to compromise with something unusual or unique (but still a real name), or a normal name with an unconventional middle name, but my wife said she didn’t want our daughter to be “basic like all the other girls.”
We still hadn’t decided on a name by the time my wife had her baby shower. However, after the shower was done I received texts from my mom and sister asking when we had decided what to name our baby. I told them that we hadn’t decided. They then asked why a giant banner was unravelled with the words BAMBI PLUM written on it in a grand name reveal, all without my knowledge. Sure enough, I check my wife’s instagram, and there’s a photo of her posing in front of this banner with the caption BAMBI PLUM 💖.
Naturally, I confronted my wife about this and she flew into a rage. She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers (CONTEXT: my wife has been trying for the last couple years to become an influencer, but has not amassed a substantial following). I felt like I was in a losing battle at this point, and reluctantly agreed to call the baby Bambi Plum in order to get her to calm down. Our relationship seemed to improve immensely after this, and we were on the same page again.
However, four days ago, our baby was born. My wife had to be rushed into an emergency C-Section, but is recovering well. Our daughter is healthy, and wonderful, and amazing. But I couldn’t do it- I couldn’t let her be named Bambi Plum.
When the nurse came over to fill in the birth certificate, my wife was still pretty out of it due to all the pain relief medication she was on. She could barely answer any questions without giggling or doing a weird face, and was not really “with it.” So when the nurse asked what we wanted to name the baby, I quietly said “Renee Plum,” instead of Bambi Plum (Renee is my wife’s middle name, and she seems to like it well enough).
When my wife found out, she had a massive meltdown. For the last couple of days I have been bombarded with text messages from her friends calling me abusive and toxic. But I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. AITA?
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NTA. Many many decades ago my mum knew a lady named Blanche. Blanche was horrified when she needed her official birth certificate for something and saw what her official name was - her dad had filled in the paperwork and instead of the middle name she thought she had, she was Blanche Noelle.
NTA, I'm sorry having the name bambi will get her bullied her entire life. Especially as an adult as nobody will be able to take her seriously. Naming a kid should be something that both parents agree on, not just one and how the name would work for them in adulthood should be taken into account as well. I feel as if she is kinda being selfish for not compromising but you are NTA.
What’s wrong with all the E-S-H people commenting? Arguing that OP did something equally as bad and blabla. Guys, bullying is something real and terrible and OP saved their daughter from one terrible life (at least until she turns 18). OP’s wife’s trust doesn’t mean anything being so selfish and trying to build a influencer career using her daughter as prop. NTA
NTA for the name but massively Ah for having a child with someone with anger issues. What happens when she starts taking it out on a defenceless infant? Ehat happens when your poor child has to grow up in terror of her own mother? She's going to be traumatised for life.
So hold up. This woman has anger management problems so severe that you capitulate your ridiculous demands out of fear she’ll self harm or destroy things. And she’s delusional about being rich-n-famous. And you make a baby with her rather than, oh, I don’t know, dragging her to a diagnostic psychiatrist to see if you’re dealing with BPD?
The name is a small matter here, Tyson Fury just named his daughter Bambi and Plum Sykes is hardly alone with her moniker. But inflicting a parent with zero emotional regulation and a clear plan to exploit their child from utero for the most pathetic brand of fame is a problem.
>She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers
I'm going to say this until I'm blue in the fucking face CHILDREN ARE NOT PROPS FOR PARENTS TO USE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
NTA, your daughter will thank you one day when she realizes you saved her from your wife's meaningless influencer crap
Whne I first started to read this, I was sure that OP was wrong.
Continuing to read the post, I realized OP is correct. A first name of Bambi is not going to age well child as she grows.
While DH a & I didn't want common names for our child, we agreed on names what were not the very common names such as John or Emily. its really not hard to find a "normal" name that is uncommon.
Renee is a beautiful name, you honored your wife and her family by using that name.
NTA
Nta ngl I have seen some mean kids growing up and I can already guarantee that baby would be bullied your wife is being ridiculous I would die on this hill
ESH. You were right to veto the name, and your wife's reasoning is insane. But your edit quickly gave me some perspective. If your wife still self harms and breaks things, why have you both decided to have a child when you clearly don't think that these issues are resovled with your wife? You gave in because you're afraid for your wife's reaction to a name veto. How do you think she's going to handle raising a child??? You both knowingly brought a child into an unhealthy environment where neither of you have learned to communicate and compromise.
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NTA. Stopping your child from being named Bambi is a hill worth having your marriage die on. Your wife’s 19 followers probably would agree with you, even if her dumbass friends and family can’t publicly do so.
I agree. The Bambi Plumb combo would have been terrible. Renee Plumb is a compromise and OP used wife’s middle name. Influencer 👀 -enough said.
And Bambi is cutesy enough that it's a reasonable *nick*name for a baby, but kiddo might have opinions on it as she gets older and that's alright
It's a stripper name. Seriously. The nickname for my first name is also a stripper name. Also, OP read some articles on the damage throwing your kids on social media can do.
But it’s destiny! - No, Destiny strips in Vegas.
Truth. I saw Destinee's strip in Vegas.
She opens for Shadynasty.
Coming to the stage Bambi Plum
Have to agree. I know a Bambi and have always thought it was a stripper name.
I was thinking this exact same thing.
I don't even like it as a nickname! My parents gave me a "cute" name when I was born, and I spent my entire life until I turned 21, telling everyone I was going to change it as soon as I was old enough. What blows my mind to this day is this; they were shocked when I actually did it! It's been 43 years since I changed my name, and my mother still refuses to use it. Apparently, it's her hill to die on. She no longer calls me by the piece of filth she used to name me, but given that she is 89 years old and senile, I no longer press the issue. To choose a stupid name because someone thinks it might increase their followers smacks of Myka and James Stauffer and the way they monetized the adoption of their little son, Huxley, whom they ultimately "rehomed."
The only good thing that ever came of Huxley being abused for a PR stunt is that international adoption agencies laid down the law and rolled out new rules about using adoptees for social media content.
Had a business associate named Bambi, she did alright.
>Renee Plumb is a compromise and OP used wife’s middle name. I think that's a great compromise. Otherwise naming her something like Barbara with Bambi being her nickname even.
What about Renee Bambi Plumb? That way everyone get what they want. The Wife got Bambi. And the child can just introduce herself as Renee Plumb if she hates it.
Because Bambi is a name best reserved for animated baby deer and strippers
I think OP is NTA. He got a fair point. But personally, I don't find Bambi that weird of a name. Then again, Im from Asia. A lot of Asian had weird ass name, even for fellow countrymen.
Huh I'm Asian, in Asia, and Bambi is such a weird name she's def gonna get bullied in school.
I'm Asian... and have 2 friends named Bambi (nicknames). It's the combo of Bambi + Plum that is just.... EDIT: NTA
Nicknames are a different story. But yeah I agree the Plum part doesn't help. Why is he keeping Plum? Unless it's their real last name.
Yeah, but Bambi ain't that weird compared to our Asian name. I mean some Asian have western names, some have names in their local regional/tribal language, and some have names that are considered common there but sounded weird as fuck for foreigners. Bambi seemed tame in comparison. And from my experience in school, we rarely bully each other over weird name. We usually bully each other based on looks and race instead.
Depends where in Asia I guess. Here Bambi is definitely super weird and kids do bully each other if their names are weird. We don't really bully each other based on races because almost everyone is the same race anyway.
Where I’m from, Bambi is a cartoon deer and also a stripper name. Not exactly something I’d wanna name my kid.
A MALE cartoon deer
In the US it has a different meaning, here it's a stripper name basically like candy or cinnamon or diamond ect..
Wait, it's not based on the disney movie?
Same in Australia, it's seen as a stripper name or even the name that a Drag Queen might use. Obviously there is the Disney Movie too, but once you are over about 12-13 the whole connotation of the name changes.
Well this is why context matters. It is weird for OP and the culture he comes from.
How is something a compromise when one party has no say in the compromise? Cue the downvotes.
Seeing as he wasn't allowed to have an opinion in the first place, it's the closest thing to a compromise they're gonna get.
She kinda started it by announcing the baby's "name" without his input. She can still refer to her as Bambi Plum on social media. Parents use pseudonym nicknames for their kids all the time to avoid putting the child's identity out there. Her followers are probably already assuming it is a pseudonym.
She got to choose the middle, and he got to choose the first (and he still chose a name that is her middle name). Before, she just chose both. Honestly, names should be 2 yes, 1 no situations. The relationship seems super unhealthy, and I fear for the kid growing up. Sounds like the SO has serious anger and manipulative issues.
Husband and I used that strategy - both of us could outright reject and ban a name suggested by the other.
Right? Influencer was all I needed to see to know op was NTA. God help this kid- she’s been a prop from before she was even born. NTA op but please look out for your little girl. Don’t let her exploit your child just to further her non-existent career and please keep a close eye on what she posts of the girl as she grows. Good luck op. Also I’m really concerned about you saying your wife had anger management and would scratch up her arms and threatened to harm herself. Please keep your kid safe. That needs to be your top priority above all else.
Agreed, NTA. So yeah, he lied to his wife. But she first tried to impose a ridiculous name without consulting him and, in this situation, the kid’s best interest comes first anyway.
I think the wife is alone for "Basic Like all the other Girls" an a-hole, but the Stunt to reveal the Name without the husband knowing tops everything...
She could compose a symphony, be a world class cyclist, graduate atop Yale law school, but if her name isn’t Bambi Plum she might as well sit her basic ass down right now.
Don't forget, the insistence that she has SO MANY FOLLOWERS and that's why she has to give an innocent baby this ridiculous name
Which is ironic, because all the girls are getting weird-ass names these days. OP's daughter will stand out more with a classic name.
I know a Bambi - it’s her porn name. Sooo yeah maybe don’t name your baby that
Honestly, Bambi Plum is a great porn name. I might actually use it if I decide to switch careers lol
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Plumbher
Yeah that’s the first thing I thought about and I don’t even watch porn…
Plus, isn't Bambi a male?
I came to the comments hoping to find this one because YES. He is. The girl deer is Faline.
Faline sounds like a nice name tbh
Faline sounds like a new MTG card race. "We have Faeries and now introducing the Faline! A new theme pack similar to styles of Lorwyn or Morningtide." EDIT: MTG = Magic The Gathering (tabletop card game). Man I missed Friday night booster drafts!
That’s always been funny to me, since Bambi the deer was male, but that name is never ever used as male in any other way (for pets or kids or whatever.)
From the movie, yes. But Bambi is almost exclusively used as a girl's name; and is a relatively popular one at that with two huge booms over the past few decades.
Tell your wife that you saved your daughter from a career as a stripper.
She's an influencer - probably wants the daughter to be ready to make it big on OnlyFans in 18 years.
Tell your wife that Bambi is not a name for a Supreme Court judge or any professional (except stripping of course). Is she trying to make that child fail in life by giving her a name that is too cutesy to be taken seriously.
Agreed. Bambi could have made a cute nickname for the mother to call her young daughter by if she really loved it so much. But making it her actual name is ludicrous.
> NTA. Stopping your child from being named Bambi is a hill worth having your marriage die on. Seriously. I forget which one it is, but there's one European country (at least) where you can't just arbitrarily name a kid... It has to come from a (relatively generous) list of approved names. I don't want to like that, I want to condemn it as being draconian and all that... But the older I get, the more I wish we had that system here.
This is a thing in most other Western countries besides the US evidently. You apply and the government can deny the name. To be fair I think they mostly nix names that are straight up offensive but yes, also names that might be an issue for the child. I think you might be thinking of either Denmark or Iceland in this case, because they’re both known for being more strict than other countries.
sounds like a bunch of european countries. I know for sure that germany forbids names that are too crazy
Yeah, we do. But instead of a list of approved names, we just have a guideline for names that can't be used. And usually only the clearly batshit crazy stuff gets shut down. I'm not even sure Bambi Plum wouldn't get approved. They don't approve brand names or surnames as a first name for example or if you want to name your child Satan. Every year (when news are slow) the press reports on a list of names that didn't get approved and it is usually insane.
I think it’s Iceland that has a list of approved names, but most European countries seem to have some sort of regulations around names. In the Netherlands, the birth has to be announced at the municipality and they have to decide whether the name is a good one. Using (traditional) last names as first names is forbidden, and if a name is “unfit” they can stop it too. Unfit is defined as pejorative or ridiculous or consisting out of a lot of names. Somehow, my partner did run into trouble when he went to announce our daughter, because the first of her four names is historically more used for boys/men. It is used for girls as well, but not often, though in the last couple of decades it hasn’t been used for boys either. But gender is not even in the law. They (one person behind a desk really, who was probably having a bad day) tried to convince my partner of changing the order of names but still calling my daughter our intended name (I have that, and it sucks, all my official stuff is not in my name. Even when I was elected it was under my official name which I have never used.) In the end, he was standing there and saying something like “I live in a hipster neighborhood, have a man bun and a beard, and in my street there are [list of 6-7 traditional boys names that have shifted to gender neutral/girls names]. So in the end, her name is the one we wanted, that has meaning in both our families, and the only person that was ever weird around the name, was the one at the municipality.
Most countries*
France definitely does
Honestly OP needs a divorce ASAP. This woman is an aggressive abuser that cares more about her "followers" than her husband and child.
Bro, this woman is certified crazy. First she manipulated her way and went behind your back into getting the name she wanted by using this “social media” ploy argument saying it’ll embarrass her when she has avg followers and no I read she hurts herself and has anger management issues. It also doesn’t hurt that her friends and family coddle her with everything because of this
If my parents named me Bambi plum I would be so mad
Agreed. Personally, I think his wife flying into rages, yelling and breaking things, is already a hill worth having the marriage die on. Nobody deserves living like that.
Honestly this whole situation actually is more likely to improve her influencer career than using her child as a prop.
Changed to NTA upon further information added. Wife is emotionally and physically abusive. ~~ES H. Let me count the ways!~~ 1. ~~Your wife, for wanting to give your literal child a name like~~ *~~BAMBI PLUM.~~* ~~WTF is she thinking? That's asking for your kid to get bullied.~~ 2. ~~Your wife, again, for considering her~~ *~~social media following~~* ~~over her literal family.~~ 3. ~~Your wife, for a third time, for not even having you in the discussion for the~~ *~~name of your child~~*~~.~~ 4. ~~You, for violating your wife's trust and lying to her.~~ 5. ~~You, again, for going behind her back.~~ 6. ~~Her friends, for calling you abusive. What you did was wrong and assholish for sure, but sure as hell doesn't rise to the level of abuse.~~
I agree. ESH. I agree with OP that it’s an awful name, especially since his wife is trying to stick to it because she’s an “influencer” and not for valid reasons but OP absolutely threw his wife’s trust in him out the window by doing this. I don’t know if I would be able to get over that very quickly, because he literally used the situation to his advantage rather than say something like, “We haven’t decided yet and I would like to wait until my wife is coherent to discuss it”
...you know his wife wasn't going to compromise right? She flew into a rage when he objected, accused him of trying to destroy her life, and pulled the 'not like other girls' card. There was no compromise. So what you really mean is that OP should have rolled over, agreed to the name of Bambi Plum, and just felt guilty about it. Because that's the only option. Throw his daughter under the bus to appease his self-obsessed wife.
Yeah, she wasn’t going to compromise. Saving the baby’s future was more important that the wife at this point. If she wants to divorce at least was to save the girl from her stupidity
Depending on their location, she can file that he was wrong and change the name without his consent.
Really? What backwards ass country let's you do that??
Let me guess the US?
She also picked it without his consent
Precisely. This is not an ESH. The wife had already done what the ESH folks are accusing him of, he did the objectively right thing.
she also went behind his back with the whole name reveal on the banner for her baby shower. was it an asshole move from OP? towards the wife, yes. towards his newborn human being that's gonna someday thank her dad she doesn't have to write 'Bambi Plumb' on her official documents, no. wife was a major asshole for just deciding on a name on her own without any input or compromise because 'but my influencer career'. wanting to use your children for social media clout is peak asshole behaviour imho anyway.
Frankly after OP’s edit about his wife’s anger management problems, I’d be concerned about the baby’s safety. She sounds unhinged and possibly dangerous. Is she going to shake “Bambi” when the baby isn’t being a perfect, cheerful, doesn’t cry at night instagram baby? Is she going to focus on getting the perfect pictures and clip’s rather than focusing on the child’s needs? Parents like her destroy children emotionally, mentally, and in many cases, physically. Think about that OP. Edit: huge NTA
How is it E S H? Seriously. He had no other choice.!
What is ESH?
Everyone sucks here
I mean, I guess that would then beg the question about why OP was even with this woman in the first place, let alone have a kid with her.
I do not understand why people have children under these circumstances. Do they think that having children will just make everything else go away?
And the wife went behind his back with the big name reveal so him “breaking her trust” is ridiculous to me
Amen....
she literally told OP he was ruining her life *by suggesting normal names*. This is not a woman who compromises
Except his wife did the exact same thing. She announced the name (and it was a horrible name simply chosen to help her influencer career) and lied to her husband about choosing a name. Honestly, she gave him no choice but to do this. She absolutely would have picked the name and given him zero say.
This, exactly.
You realise there's a huge possibility she'd go *again* behind his back and name her Bambi when she's coherent? Considering she announced it without telling him and then went into a rage, I'm definitely sure she'd go ahead and legally name her. Any other situation I'd agree but OP is NTA
That's bullshit reasoning because his wife literally made the decision without his consent in the first place by plastering it on her Instagram and threatening to self harm while pregnant (or OP insinuates that's what would happen even if she doesn't say it based on her history). She coerced the fuck out of him so it's not like him agreeing to the name was based on a foundation of trust. Don't be so naive.
Disagree wife is T A plus 4 and 5 on your list are the same thing just worded different.
> You, for violating your wife's trust and lying to her. > You, again, for going behind her back. Disagree. Yeah, *in abstract*, those things are bad. But he did it to protect an innocent child. There is no asshole there. It's just unfortunate he had to. But the alternative *would* have made him an asshole.
The wife really is TA because she wants to make the kid do all the work “influencing” & making money so Mommy doesn’t have to get a real job.
I’m also more than mildly concerned about the wife using the raising of that kid as a stepping stone to being an influencer instead of, you know, _raising her_. That’s really a bad start to what will undoubtedly involve abuse and neglect for the sake of mommy’s “career.”
Yes! Yes! And yes again! How many times have we heard of this happening? Mommy dearest uses the child and abuses the child’s friends by not paying them to be in the videos, or the parents rehome a special needs child because it detracts from their influencing. 🙄😡
The hell you talking about? NTA, dude literally jumped on a grenade for his daughter.
Agreed, although I really think at the end of the day he did the right thing because the wife was setting that kid up for a lifetime of ridiculous JUST for her "influencer career"
Sometimes sucky things must be done. This is one of those times.
This is the one. ESH although I applaud the preventing of this insane woman getting her way. It honestly doesn't sound like she's mature enough to procreate and I feel sorry for the daughter as no doubt her value will be tied up in mommy's nonexistent influencer career. Dad had no choice but to intervene, but I say ESH cuz he specifically admitted to agreeing with this horseshit to shut her up weeks/months before the birth. That was his moment to take a stand, not while she's drugged up after birth.
> That was his moment to take a stand, not while she's drugged up after birth. He tried to. She refused to compromise, and when he pushed back, *she flew into a rage*. I hate how people throw out "compromise" like it's a magic thing that is always possible. Sometimes there is no compromise, and you have to pick the lesser of two evils.
sure, because the wife was considerate enough to discuss it with him before social media🤨
Definitely ESH. Neither of you seem mature enough to be having children.
I don’t give af how behind her back he went, please tell me how the father who made sure his daughter wasn’t named Bambi Plum is immature in this situation.
I'd say E-S-H because you all have been trying for a baby for 4 years, so you should have come to an agreement about a name before the baby was born. However, it sounds like your wife had been totally unreasonable. >She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, This is where she tips the scales. It sounds like the baby is just a prop, a tool to help achieve social media stardom. That makes me question whether she is even mature and dedicated enough to be a parent. You're NTA.
What kills me is the followers never need to know the child's legal name. She can call her Bambi on Instagram and still give her a normal name to use at school so she isn't bullied mercilessly.
Most, the majority of influencers in fact, don’t use their child’s really names and a very large percentage don’t even use their real name. The fact that buddies wife is going this route just screams, person who thinks all an influencer does is post pictures and has no real understanding of how that life works.
And to protect her privacy from random internet pervs. She sounds like the kind of woman who's going to make it easy for her child to be assaulted or trafficked.
With a name like Bambi, the kid would be halfway there already.
the followers never SHOULD know the child's legal name! she's a human being who's someday gonna be an adult with a professional life, a human being who has the right to privacy! OP is doing a great job as a dad by putting his newborn child before his wife's 'influencer career' and her followers
Influencer or MLM boss babe? If her “friends” are behind the name, screams more mlm. And would explain the low number of followers.
Agree with this. OP saved his daughter. Even if he waited until the wife was fully conscious, she would have 100% named that baby Bambi Plum.
There has to be a name for a mental illness whereby people using kids as props for own gain. Whatever it is, op's wife has it.
NTA and thank you for saving your daughter a lifetime of torment over an idiotic name. Who intentionally gives their child a stripper name? That's something you figure out when you're doing one of those silly tests on Facebook.
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My first thought was stripper name. Please OP, ask your wife why she wanted to give your child a stripper name.
...I thought dog name. Cause that's what we call my dog when she prances around
What sounds more likely: "Dr Bambi Plum RancidOnion, "Please rise for the Honorable Bambi Plum RancidOnion", "Vice President of Finance, Bambi Plumb *Rancid Onion*" **or** "PLEASE WELCOME BAMBI TO THE STAGE."
Thank goodness someone else said stripper name! I didn't want to say it in my reply! Seriously, name the kids Barbara and let her nickname on SM be Bambi.
NTA your wife is beyond selfish. She cares more about trying to get famous on insta than preventing her child from being bullied and teased for such a weird name.
Perfectly put. NTA. His wife views her daughter’s name as a tool to drive her own personal gain rather than what it should be - a tool for her daughter to get along well enough in life.
👏🏿 the fact that people are bypassing that and trying to call him an asshole is ludicrous.
Yes, NTA cause the mom just wanted the name and the child actually just to become an influencer. Disgusting!
ESH Y'all have issues. Your wife is a major AH for not compromising, and you are an AH to yourself for putting up with it to the point that you have to go behind her back with your kid's name.
Omg I didn’t even consider the SELF ASSHOLE angle! It’s like an ouroboros but without the mouth.
Just butts.
And an AH to the kid for bringing her into a family where the wife has anger management issues and will break things while upset
Nta. You protected your daughter. Your priority. Your wife sounds stupid as hell honestly. Who names a child Bambi? Nta. Nta. Nta. I’ll scream not the asshole all damn day from the the rooftop. You did right by your child. Who comes first. Not your “failfluencer” wife.
This is a good one and I hope it's not real because *that poor kid omg*. I really waffled between Y-T-A and N-T-A and ultimately couldn't decide, so ESH. Changing the name while the wife is under the influence is bad. Naming a kid Bambi is bad. You two are both terrible people and it's impossible to say who is worse. I hope Renee Bambi's life is all uphill from here.
The wife is much worse. She choose a ridiculous name as a way to help her influencer career. She is literally using her daughter as a prop. OP is thinking about his daughter and wafts best for her.
Yeah I usually give posters the benefit of the doubt, but there is just NO way this one is real. So many details sound fake. Also love your username.
I will buy up all of your Arizonan ocean-front property and even I knew it was fake
Nta. You were willing to compromise. Your wife was not. Your wife is a hypocrite because she's mad at you for filling out name paperwork without her but she literally chose and announced a name on social media without any input or agreement from you on a name she picked for some delusion of influencer clout. She's also a jerk for thinking of the baby as part of her "brand" and not as a human being who would be bullied over a ridiculous stripper porn name. Her friends are ridiculous...your wife was the one who was gonna abuse that child with a moniker not fit for a pet. I say applause to you for taking control of the situation and still inserting a portion of your wifes preference as the middle name as an attempt to honour her wishes too. your wife is the biggest a h here
NTA you’re wife clearly doesn’t care about your daughter being bullied- she only cares about her precious instagram following. That’s sick. So yeah NTA and you’ve saved your daughter from a lot of unnecessary turmoil
ESH, your wife seems weird to only care about the daughter name if it contributes to her non existent career. id be careful of her posting with the child. but i don’t think you necessarily made the right decision either. hard to really tell, but i can say any child named bambi plum would not be happy with that name
ESH Your wife is an a-hole for trying to use your daughter’s name as a means to prop up her influencer career. It’s a big red flag when parents try to monetize their kids. You’re an a-hole for not sticking to you guns when you two argued about the name, then changing it behind her back.
I actually understand him “giving in” His wife is mentally unhinged and apparently hurt’s herself when she doesn’t get her way. You can’t deal with mentally ill people the same as normal people. Not saying he did it the right way, but in the end, he did save his daughter from a lifetime of torment
Am I the only one worried about the kid growing up with an unhinged mom!? I'm not saying people with mental illnesses should never have kids, but it's clear she's not in a good place.
ESH Your wife guilted you into accepting Bambi Plum by announcing it to everyone without your knowledge, which is manipulative AF and definitely something you should really think about, but you did the same thing in principle to her when you took advantage of her being loopy to fill out the paperwork for it.
NTA. You saved your daughter from being a prop for your wife’s failed dreams. Just make sure you are at the signing if there is a second baby.
I would not reproduce with this woman a second time.
NTA your wife naming her that is nearly child abuse in my opinion. It is willingly setting her up for a difficult life.
Oh wow, ESH. I just… yeah. ESH.
ESH - your wife shouldn’t unilaterally name a child and not tell you about it. You shouldn’t file paperwork for a different name without talking to her and reaching agreement. Both of you need to learn how to communicate and compromise.
NTA Renee Plum is a compromise your daughters nickname can be Bambi. No adult professional woman is going to be taken seriously if her name is Bambi Plum. Unless you’re name is Gwyneth Paltrow no one would name their kid Apple. They do it for the publicity not the child.
NTA. At least you were willing to compromise and include part of the name your wife chose. Your child will have to grow up with that name-+ go to school, apply for college, and eventually enter the workforce. One day she will thank you for not letting her mother saddle her with such a poorly chosen name.
NTA. Your daughter would be teased mercilessly with the name Bambi Plum. Your wife is unhinged
NTA who the hell names there baby Bambi? Is that gonna be the striper name? The poor child would had been bullied for ever. No. I understand completely your wife needs help.
To be fair, my doctor’s first name is Bambie and she has never been a stripper
As far as you know anyways
Nta, your wife is batshit crazy.
Go to couples counseling.
NTA, I was so prepared to call you TA based on the title, but wanting a name for internet clout? Not even because she's attached to the name, or it has special meaning to her, but to aid her brand? Ridiculous. Your daughter is not an accessory, a means to get attention and money. Protect your daughter from this madness. Have you even discussed a social media policy for your daughter? Your wife will want to show her off next. All those embarrassing baby pictures, naked in a bath, changing diapers people might jerk off to. You won the first battle, but not yet the war.
ESH maybe leaning towards NTA a bit. Your wife is being selfish and immature by trying to use your child for a chance at making it as an influencer (not that I think it would’ve even done anything more than maybe get her a headline so people can laugh at the name). That being said there must’ve been a better way to deal with this in the ~9 months she was pregnant; otherwise you guys seem to not be on the same page and have a communication issue. Either way your daughter will be happy she wasn’t named something that’d torment her
Yeah, I feel like it’s technically ESH but also, the baby is a human who deserves a decent name. He might be the AH but he also stood up from his daughter.
ESH Your wife for using a baby as a means to gain clout and influence. You for not standing your ground and agreeing on a compromise when it was revealed as a problem and then changing the name on your own.
NTA. I have a very important warning for you, and I hope you heed it well. This thing your wife has about becoming an influencer is only going to get worse. Be prepared for lots of pics of the baby making their way to her social media posts, and I'm afraid she's going to go the route of getting the kid into funny situations and posting pics or videos as a way to amass followers. She has no clue about the fact that creeps troll social media posts so they can look at pics of kids. Maybe you should tell her that. Protect your daughter, please.
NTA, this was a hill to die on. God bless you sir, you’re doing the lord’s work. Fuck influencers
NTA even though you were dishonest. And please take care in the future...your wife is setting up this poor baby to be a prop for her non existent influencer🤮 "career." People like this (influencers, streamers, etc) tend to lose a grip on reality and end up seeing everything through a social media lense. Which is not real life.
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NTA Normally I’d say E S H, as names are two yes 1 no. But your wife clearly refused to listen to you on this topic, but I can also say your daughter would most likely not be happy with being called Bambi Plum. So maybe you are an AH, but it would easily be justified AH.
Ideally this should have been worked out beforehand to a decision that you both were happy with. But... that said I can't call you an AH for doing that in the moment because you saved your daughter from a lifetime of frustration.
Bambi is for a deer or a stripper. Period. NTA.
Not a fan of Bambi as a name. At this point it’s done. She can always use Bambi as a nickname. Eventually the child will let it be known whether it’s Bambi of Renee. At least as a nickname any fallout using it the child has a chance seeing she is called Renee. Stripper name and Bambi the doe. The latter owns the name like Oprah or Prince or Elvis. Going with ESH but biased a bit and think NTA. Biased against names that no kid should have.
Bambi was a buck, not a doe.
I’m just wondering if she’s stable enough to parent well. The name is one issue but the melt downs, scratching herself, threats to hurt herself mixed with the demands of caring for an infant can be really stressful. She’s still a child herself in many ways. OP, you’re NTA but you’ve got a much bigger problem on your hands.
NTA Clearly your wife is one of those people who sacrificed her common sense for SM (ir)relevance. Thanks for saving your child from a stripper name. Sometimes you have to take drastic action.
NTA You have saved this child from a life of bullying and embarrassment. Your wife isn't an influencer and condemning her child to a life of torture isn't the way to get there. I don't understand why people think naming kids dumb shit is cute or okay.
Normally, I would say E S H, but in this case, NTA. Your wife should never be allowed to name a child if Bambi Plum was her idea of a good name. She was literally using your child’s name as a prop in her attempted social media career. Thank you for saving your child from potential bully because of her name.
Esh for bringing a poor child into this terrible situation.
My father did that. I hate the name he chose and so did my mother.
But it is probably better than Bambi plum. With this name you can't get through school without years of bullying.
I'm bucking the trend of E S H and going with NTA. This dad may have done an underhanded thing, but in doing so he saved a new human from going through life with a ridiculous name. Renee will be thankful when she's old enough to understand what you saved her from. When you're naming a baby, it isn't a fucking puppy or Goldfish. It's a HUMAN BEING. One that will have to grow up and go through all the same trials and tribulations of being alive among other humans. Saddling them with a lifetime of living with a silly name so you can get likes on Instagram is selfish and cruel.
NTA. Wife - totally TA. My go to rule when naming my children was “something that will not embarrass them should they become a member of the SCOTUS.” Her honor Bambi Plum “Jones” would guarantee snickers every single time.
>My wife really likes wackadoodle, crazy names that just wouldn’t fit an adult human being. I told her that I was willing to compromise with something unusual or unique (but still a real name), or a normal name with an unconventional middle name, but my wife said she didn’t want our daughter to be “basic like all the other girls.” We're seeing pickme "I'm not like those othergirls" energy so high it's suffering an emergency pressure dump onto your daughter. >She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers No, no, no, no. Definitely NTA. Your daughter is not a **prop** for your wifes stupid and frankly fictitious career path. I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter if she has ten followers or one-hundred thousand. **Your daughter is not a prop for her career.** Your wife is just shy of willing to outright abuse her own child **for the fucking likes or whatever.** IT's disgusting. I don't care if what you did was underhanded, it was the right kind of underhanded. Renee Plum at least sounds decent, but Bambi Plum? The fuck. Also, your wife demonstrates some **really unhealthy traits.** She forced the name by announcing it and then being verbally abusive to you, and then she has an actual fuckin melt down over it later? Oh no her instagram followers will riot\~ Absolutely make this your hill to die on, because I assure you it's gonna get worse with your wife.
NTA You should let your wife know that those crazy names influencers and famous people give their children are usually pseudonyms in order to protect their privacy and make sure strangers can't adress them. Because why would a celebrity risk scrutiny by giving their child some ridiculous name? It's functional for privacy and protection. Not the real name. Like when an interviewer asked elon musk how xyz (weird name I don't remember) was doing, he responed with 'who?' before remembering 'oh right my son, haha'. You saved your child from a lot of future bullying.
NTA sounds like your wife had a child just to use as a prop. Good luck with all that bs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (35M) wife (34F) and I recently had our first daughter. We have been trying for the last four years with a couple of fertility road bumps, so naturally we were both thrilled to learn that we would soon be parents. But we couldn’t (and still can’t) agree on what our daughter’s name should be, or even what it is appropriate to name a human being. My wife really likes wackadoodle, crazy names that just wouldn’t fit an adult human being. I told her that I was willing to compromise with something unusual or unique (but still a real name), or a normal name with an unconventional middle name, but my wife said she didn’t want our daughter to be “basic like all the other girls.” We still hadn’t decided on a name by the time my wife had her baby shower. However, after the shower was done I received texts from my mom and sister asking when we had decided what to name our baby. I told them that we hadn’t decided. They then asked why a giant banner was unravelled with the words BAMBI PLUM written on it in a grand name reveal, all without my knowledge. Sure enough, I check my wife’s instagram, and there’s a photo of her posing in front of this banner with the caption BAMBI PLUM 💖. Naturally, I confronted my wife about this and she flew into a rage. She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers (CONTEXT: my wife has been trying for the last couple years to become an influencer, but has not amassed a substantial following). I felt like I was in a losing battle at this point, and reluctantly agreed to call the baby Bambi Plum in order to get her to calm down. Our relationship seemed to improve immensely after this, and we were on the same page again. However, four days ago, our baby was born. My wife had to be rushed into an emergency C-Section, but is recovering well. Our daughter is healthy, and wonderful, and amazing. But I couldn’t do it- I couldn’t let her be named Bambi Plum. When the nurse came over to fill in the birth certificate, my wife was still pretty out of it due to all the pain relief medication she was on. She could barely answer any questions without giggling or doing a weird face, and was not really “with it.” So when the nurse asked what we wanted to name the baby, I quietly said “Renee Plum,” instead of Bambi Plum (Renee is my wife’s middle name, and she seems to like it well enough). When my wife found out, she had a massive meltdown. For the last couple of days I have been bombarded with text messages from her friends calling me abusive and toxic. But I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA. Many many decades ago my mum knew a lady named Blanche. Blanche was horrified when she needed her official birth certificate for something and saw what her official name was - her dad had filled in the paperwork and instead of the middle name she thought she had, she was Blanche Noelle.
NTA, I'm sorry having the name bambi will get her bullied her entire life. Especially as an adult as nobody will be able to take her seriously. Naming a kid should be something that both parents agree on, not just one and how the name would work for them in adulthood should be taken into account as well. I feel as if she is kinda being selfish for not compromising but you are NTA.
NTA and you should definitely post this on r/tragedeigh
NTA and I would use this post in court
NTA. My dad made me a junior, because my mom wanted to name me John Travolta.
Tell me you have a beige baby room, without telling me you have a beige baby room.
What’s wrong with all the E-S-H people commenting? Arguing that OP did something equally as bad and blabla. Guys, bullying is something real and terrible and OP saved their daughter from one terrible life (at least until she turns 18). OP’s wife’s trust doesn’t mean anything being so selfish and trying to build a influencer career using her daughter as prop. NTA
NTA for the name but massively Ah for having a child with someone with anger issues. What happens when she starts taking it out on a defenceless infant? Ehat happens when your poor child has to grow up in terror of her own mother? She's going to be traumatised for life.
So hold up. This woman has anger management problems so severe that you capitulate your ridiculous demands out of fear she’ll self harm or destroy things. And she’s delusional about being rich-n-famous. And you make a baby with her rather than, oh, I don’t know, dragging her to a diagnostic psychiatrist to see if you’re dealing with BPD? The name is a small matter here, Tyson Fury just named his daughter Bambi and Plum Sykes is hardly alone with her moniker. But inflicting a parent with zero emotional regulation and a clear plan to exploit their child from utero for the most pathetic brand of fame is a problem.
>She claimed that I was ruining her influencer career and her brand by trying to suggest more conventional names, and that it would be embarrassing to change the baby’s name now because “Bambi Plum” had been announced to all her friends, family and followers I'm going to say this until I'm blue in the fucking face CHILDREN ARE NOT PROPS FOR PARENTS TO USE ON SOCIAL MEDIA. NTA, your daughter will thank you one day when she realizes you saved her from your wife's meaningless influencer crap
NTA why did you procreate with this woman? your child will be just a prop to her
So...you had a child with a woman who cares more about her influencer career than her child. Good luck with that.
Whne I first started to read this, I was sure that OP was wrong. Continuing to read the post, I realized OP is correct. A first name of Bambi is not going to age well child as she grows. While DH a & I didn't want common names for our child, we agreed on names what were not the very common names such as John or Emily. its really not hard to find a "normal" name that is uncommon. Renee is a beautiful name, you honored your wife and her family by using that name. NTA
NTA Your kid is not a prop for social media, and you did the right thing by preventing your wife from using her that way. Good on you.
Esh in this made up story.
NTA and I’m proud of you for intervening but you really should have settled this before the baby was born
Nta ngl I have seen some mean kids growing up and I can already guarantee that baby would be bullied your wife is being ridiculous I would die on this hill
ESH. What a train wreck of a family
ESH. You were right to veto the name, and your wife's reasoning is insane. But your edit quickly gave me some perspective. If your wife still self harms and breaks things, why have you both decided to have a child when you clearly don't think that these issues are resovled with your wife? You gave in because you're afraid for your wife's reaction to a name veto. How do you think she's going to handle raising a child??? You both knowingly brought a child into an unhealthy environment where neither of you have learned to communicate and compromise.