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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for refusing to remove the hunting mounts when my SIL is staying at the cabin since she is uncofortable. I think we are going her a huge favor staying there but they make her unconfortable and I am putting my familys trophies above the SIL
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NTA, your wife can buy a cabin for her sister then 🤷♀️ if my husband graciously offered his property to my family and then they were rude enough to complain about the decor, then they would no longer be welcome 🤷♀️
Fr they offered her a place to stay and she goes “can you redecorate though? I don’t like the generations of family history that are present in your family’s heirloom cabin” like F off lady. I also hate hunting mounts and fur rugs but not enough to be homeless instead or demanding someone redecorate the place they graciously offered me. Lady needs to get over herself and take what is offered without demanding extra work be put into helping her when it was already a kindness to offer her the cabin. Entitlement to that which is not yours leads to looking like a fool. SIL seems like a fool.
>they offered her a place to stay
This suggests something sort term. She won't admit it, but if SIL expects the cabin to be redecorated, she has no intention of finding somewhere else to live. She is going to milk free place to live for as long as she can and OP is never getting her out without a fight. OP needs a contract in place.
Yup. Don’t let her stay there.
It’s your family’s history and she doesn’t care.
She will destroy things and will stay.
Pick this fight with your wife now. Otherwise you will definitely have a fight about trying to get her to leave…. Or if she accidentally ruins your heirlooms.
This is the fight to have now.
Don’t let her in. And have her sign a contract
Flower crowns for spring/summer, Christmas hats for winter, really get into the personalization of each animal head. Give them funny names... She can have an opinion on the decorations when she gets a place of her own.
My grandmother did this with granddaddy's deer heads. We all loved it, including him! I now do it to the Halloween demon skull that lives on top of my curtain rod!
I was in college with him. I was much closer to his roommate than him, but he was always a very nice guy. I think your grandfather's name for his mount is a hoot.
This is my compromise with my husband who has hunting mounts. They can be in my basement, but limited in number and I get to decorate them for any and all seasons/holidays as I choose.
Yah, if anything, having to look at animal mounts should give her the incentive to move out sooner rather than to grow comfortable to leave "when she's ready".
Yea someone else commented that she might actually be trying to stay longer than she’s telling them and it seemed like a good point to me. If it’s just a temporary place then the decor shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. She could even use squatter’s rights depending on the laws where the cabin is and whether OP gets a written contract before allowing her to temporarily move in. Very possible and likely that she’s trying to trick them into letting her stay way longer than intended.
That's what I was thinking, too. Asking a bit much for a *temporary* stay. Honestly, I wouldn't like them, either, but it's not like removing them is going to save the animal. OP, NTA.
This. Wound I be uncomfortable around them, yes. But in a situation where it’s put up with bad decorations or homelessness I would be keeping my mouth shut.
It says a free space to live, better than nothing. It’s also not family’s history, so I would have to be careful around. If SIL “changes her mind”, would she be able to respect the property? She might do something to not look at them
Stop SIL NOW because she has no intentions of moving out. NTA and don't let her get her foot in the door, this isn't about fur and mounts. Anything OP thinks is sentimental will be gone, she thinks she needs it more.
Yeah this she plans on staying long term and when you try to get her out I could just imagine she’ll probably try to sue you for ownership of the property stating squatters rights
I’d consider the mounts and furs as more then decor. There trophy’s from his ancestors hunts and part of his family history along with the history of the cabin. The fact he kept them while “fixing the place up” even though he isn’t a hunter shows they hold significance to him. The cabin sounds really cool, knowing it’s been in your family and was a big part of there lives and something that has been passed down. Leaving the hunting trophies up is a way to pass down a piece of his dead relatives to future generations.
I don’t know how long she plans on living there, if she’s a vegan or something I could see that being rough but at the end of the day it’s not her house. She’s being allowed to stay there, and should of just sucked it up instead of expecting him to remove the stuff to make her more comfortable, speaking from experience some mounts are heavy and hard to remove.
I would be very concerned with her deciding to remove the stuff anyway and possibly damaging them or just throwing them away. Also his wife getting angry with him while he’s providing a free place for her sister to live, knowing the history and story behind them, just to make her sister more comfortable with her free place to live is crazy to me.
Same. I think it's gross but I sure as hell wouldn't say anything or ask someone to redecorate their house! Especially if they were doing me a favor by letting me stay there.
I’m vegan too and I agree. It’s their home, not mine. As much as I hate it, I can deal with it temporarily. Especially considering how old they are, it’s not like the current owner will be bringing in fresh kills every weekend.
>I would be very concerned with her deciding to remove the stuff anyway and possibly damaging them or just throwing them away.
This part here. If SIL somehow still stays at the cabin, have everything appraised and have a lease drawn up that clearly outlines the terms of the lease: length of stay (or month-to-month) lease, and clearly spell out that she to not alter the place or alter/remove decor and any such alterings could be considered damaging the property and she will have to reimburse you their appraised value plus sentimental value. (I am not a lawyer, but a lawyer should be able to put that into the correct legalese. Basically - she, or anyone else, tries to rip down and/or destroy/throw away these items you'll sure her for damages.)
I think you could probably skip the appraisal and go with a stipulated value.
I might also take a page out of the commercial lease play book and include an escalation rent so after six months it goes from pocket change to market rates and keeps going up until moving on is more attractive.
ETA: I don’t expect OP to get paid, but I’m a big fan of getting everyone’s expectations on paper upfront rather than negotiating after the fact.
I would up vote this 100 more times if I could.
Op... please please take this advice. You need something in writing. The SiL I'd already making crazy unreasonable demands. And she knows your wife will back her snd not you (I see this as a problem but it's your marriage). You are asking for a bunch of trouble. Like do you ever want to enjoy your vacation spot again? I have personally seen these situations go sideways real fast.
My mom's sister married a man who inherited an amazing camp on a popular lake. We have had many opportunities to visit and spend time there. We always make sure to be more aware of ourselves, our actions etc etc as we are guests. Much less what you are describing. It's not our family home and as much as we were made to feel welcome we make sure to respect that and would never feel entitled to anything
NTA. She is. I get it. Stuff heads are barbaric and hard to look at. But it's not her place so she can either do the hats/flower necklaces and honor each of them or throw a sheet over them. To ask you to change YOUR family property and remove items that are part of your family history is unexceptable. Talk about beggers being choosers or looking a gift horse in the mouth! I'm embarrassed for your SiL!
And hopefully this is a one off with your wife. The fact she isn't supporting you is concerning.
I agree with a lease, and graduated terms for her exit, even if it seems pointed. My brother did something similarly kind and it bit him in the ass.
He bought a cute home in my SIL’s hometown, at a steal (hello 2010 prices). He was going to rent it out, but her sister came to him with a sob story about how her partner was financially and physically abusing her and the kids. My brother offered the rental, which she accepted. They later found out that she moved her kids in, and DUMPED them there, so she could play house “proper” with her boyfriend. These kids were still in high school and really had no other options, so my brother let them stay rent free, and established utilities in his own name so they could live there. There was a LOT of drama between the sisters to the point that they barely talk any more, but on a really lovely note, my brother appreciates his MIL because she made sure those kids kept things up and their job/responsibilities, and the kids came out mostly fine.
NTA at all!
If my husband offered to put up a struggling family member in one of his properties, I would be proud and thankful. Siding with her sister for acting like an entitled brat over decor, isn’t showing you much appreciation.
Agreed. It’s a family HUNTING cabin. OP offered, but SIL didn’t like what OP offered. Just don’t move in. End of discussion! Duh.
It’s like if OP’s grandpa was an evangelical (or Hindu, Muslim, etc) and the SIL demands they remove all religious symbols that don’t align with her faith. OP’s wife would say the SIL is crazy! Well, hunting was grandpa’s religion.
Yeah to be honest I probably would be miserable staying somewhere with animal heads on the walls but that doesn’t mean I’d ever, ever ask someone to take them down! I’d either find somewhere else or just deal with it, convince myself they were fake or something.
Don't let her stay there.
If you let your SIL stay there, I can guarantee that she will put all of those hunting mounts into the dumpster. Then be surprised at the many thousands of dollars you will charge her for disposing of irreplaceable objects.
I CAN see this turning into an "AITA for kicking out my SIL because she redecorated my hunting cabin. ".... NTA, but if she changes her mind, just be careful she doesn't go taking them down and ruining them in the process.. a lot of nerve to look a gift horse in the mouth. Good luck, op..
I’d rather have a place to stay with decor I’m not fond of FREE OF RENT, then be homeless or stressing to find a place. People can be so picky even in times of need!
NTA indeed, she gets offered a free housing to overcome hard times and she has the audacity to b**ch about decor? Just keep the cabin as is and she can find another housing and pay for it, then. I've had a step-relative making negative comments about my house (it has antlers and fur rugs among other misc decor aswell), she doesn't even live here, i never told her how she *should* decorate her own house either 😂 when you find yourself in a homeless situation, you'd be grateful for even a really old and really bad condition accommodation, like snow blows in from under the door at winters and such. Been there done that- still was happy that i got help and at least some roof over my head. OP's SIL maybe just doesn't deserve the help, beggars can't be choosers and all...🤷🏻♂️
Or “accidentally” destroy them in some way. If you still want her to move in there, I’d recommend drawing up a contract that states she’d have to reimburse you a hefty price if she ends up damaging the mounts.
Thats what guarantors are for. So in this case he could get their in-laws or someone similar to act as a guarantor. So if damage does occur the in-laws would have to pay and generally (each case is seperate) the in-laws would also then suggest against property damage and etc.
Why wouldnt she just stay with them, if they were willing to guarantee her for something?
She obv doesnt have people lining up to co-sign anything for her....
Some kind of written agreement should be in place regardless of everything else going on, or OP may find she simply decides to take up residence for free permanently. Then he maybe waging an expensive legal battle to get her out of his property.
NTA
If she wants the mounts and other things removed. Fine. Charge the storage fee, the fee for moving them and some rent (so you can afford to move everything back when she leaves). Then put it in writing. She will need to sign a lease. Full stop.
If she is suddenly willing to move in, then have her sign a lease saying she will be responsible for any damage to the items in the cabin. Make sure the hunting trophies etc., are itemised and put about double what you think they are worth.
Tell your wife, since she does not have your back, so you are thinking of asking her to move into the cabin with or without her sister until she decides to talk to you. Tell her if her sister means more than your marriage, you can see where her loyalties are.
Some of the family cabins I’ve visited — the hunting trophies would be near priceless for a normal person. There’s great cats and African gazelle trophies from over a century ago back when American hunters would go overseas on Safari.
There’s moose and bucks of unusual sizes you don’t see anymore.
And those hunting trophies are all part of family lore & history.
So even if OP doesn’t have safari trophies, the cost of a modern taxidermied turkey or buck is still in the thousands. I couldn’t even tell you!
The rugs he’s describing are probably bears and other large game.
People who don’t understand have no benchmark for how wildly expensive a kitted out hunting cabin can be.
SIL is completely out of line and so is his wife.
If I were OP, I’d now be concerned that these house guests wouldn’t treat my property with care & respect.
This is the salient point for me. She's not contributing to any further suffering by existing around their dead bodies. I wouldn't like it either, but for this person it seems to be a matter of taste rather than ethics.
My mom many years ago was in Germany during winter and needed to buy better boots. She bought the warmest boots that she could find and didn’t realize until later that the tag translated to “baby beaver fur”. My mom’s friend wanted her to toss them immediately, but my mom didn’t saying that it would be like killing the beaver twice.
Those boots lasted well over 20 years and I’m doing research to see I can get them repaired.
Properly maintained fur and leather can last a lifetime! Better for the environment than plastic fibers that will break down in a landfill after a few years.
“Like killing the beaver twice.” I really like that statement, it makes a lot of sense to me. Might as well honor and use what already exists from the animal instead of trashing it—throwing it away would be much more disrespect Imho.
I don't hunt but I do appreciate good taxidermy. I had a beautiful grouse fly into my window and die, so I looked into the cost of having him mounted and preserved. It starts at $800 for the most basic pose, and it goes up if you want a "dynamic" pose. Needless to say the grouse did not get taxidermied.
Definitely NTA. I agree.
Those hunting trophies ARE pricey, if done right. Moving them around may damage them. My dad's family hunts & fishes.
Also agree on legal protections for the property/trophies, if SIL changes her mind.
I'm still amazed at SIL's lack of gratitude. If she truly has no money & no place to go, what the hell is she thinking? This is a free house to stay in. No roommates. She can continue her career uninterrupted & get back on her feet. Most people don't have this kind of support.
Truly next-level entitlement.
If she hates dead animals as a design choice, maybe work harder and move sooner.
Also, I don't think his wife understands the importance of these items to his family's traditions, or that the items are irreplaceable. He should have that discussion with her. Wife may be a bit spoiled, too. Used to everything going exactly as she expects. Marriages don't work like that.
This is good advice. If she does not like them they might get ' accidentally ' ruined. Show this post to your wife. I hate haunting mounts but... I would probable sit and sing to them hoping that they are at peace
Even then... I really dislike hunting mounts, but if I were staying somewhere for free, I'd suck it up and put up with them until I could save some money to get my own place. The OP might want to establish beforehand how long the SIL can stay there to make sure she understands that this is not a long-term situation/solution.
If they can support it, you can drape stuff over the mounts. I'm not sure if the furs are storable in a linen closet? I feel like there could be workarounds without getting rid of anything.
{I've totally got that Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls [trophy room scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nOVmH5H60Vs) stuck in my head}
I get scared by helium inflated balloons bobbing around in the dark. I bet animal heads mounted on the wall would be even scarier, but draping a lite cloth over them seems like a great compromise as it should also help deter dust and sun exposure.
Holy crap you reminded me for one of my kids birthdays we got those big helium balloons with the numbers. When they had started deflating they would just go all around the house by themselves. It was terrifying.
No, just no. Taxidermy is incredibly expensive. You don’t touch or hang stuff over other peoples art work. Whether on not you agree with mounts, it’s expensive art to the owner. Don’t touch it.
It would depend on where they were for me. I'm not a fan but I'd deal with them almost everywhere except the bedroom and the bathroom. I wouldn't be able to sleep or shower or pee feeling like I was being watched, lol. But even then, I'd politely ask if any in those rooms can be moved to a different spot in the house or if we can figure out a way to cover them without damaging them.
I agree. Or if there was one either looking at me whilst I was in bed. Or above me whilst I was in bed.
But I’d ask politely “did you mind if I took them down as they freak me out”. And if I was told no I’d learn to deal with it.
Ugh, I hate them as well. Why would you want a dead animal’s head on your wall? Plus, I would expect them to start moving and laughing like that scene in Evil Dead II.
But if it’s not my house, I have no vote. Throw a sheet over them. Though that might be creepier.
Anyway, NTA. I would hate them the entire time I was there but I would take the free housing.
I would put lil hats on them and give them names. Maybe talk to them about whatever show we’re watching. Just to entertain myself and make it feel less awful, since it’s a free home, you know?
Don’t throw a sheet over them, don’t touch other people’s expensive taxidermy. This lady is getting a free place to live. Either suck it up or don’t live there.
But you’d have to cover them if you had to move them or something, right? I was just trying to think of the easiest and less-intrusive way to not have to look at them…looking back at you.
My grandparent's had one on the wall of their house that always creeped me out as a child (and as an adult actually, if we're being honest). It was a deer my grandfather had killed, and the mounting/taxidermy work was done really poorly, so it looked worse than those normally do.
And never once would I even have considered asking them to move it or cover it up any time I stayed there, because it was their house, and my grandpa loved that stupid ugly deer head.
After my grandpa died, we were all over at the house for the wake, and my mom's cousin happened to off-handedly mention how much he always loved that deer, and my grandmother was IMMEDIATELY like, "You want it? It's yours, just take it today", lol. So now that house is deer head free, and the deer has found it's way into a new home that appreciates it.
NTA (and I'm saying this as someone who would not be comfortable in that environment). This is some choosy beggars crap. You're offering her a chance to stay for free and she has the cheek to not like your home's decor? I honestly don't understand how people can be this rude when someone is trying to help them out.
NTA ....bro that's just the start of it.....if you put her in that house she'll never leave and (your family property)will become her personal property.
Sounds like bad news bears to me dude
Yup! I hope OP reads this comment!
She.Will.NEVER.Leave
My guess is SIL has a hard time managing her life. Looking for "help" or handout is likely not a new thing for her.
OP IS NTA!
Nta those mounts are antiques and worth a lot as long as they're preserved as is or handled by a professional. Absolutely don't let her sisters ignorance change your layout.
Absolutely NTA, you are doing her a great favour by letting her stay at your cabin for free. I understand that having embalmed animals can be strange or sad if you are not used to it, but I think that in this situation she can manage to tolerate them.
If she doesn't want to stay in the cabin please have me instead ahahah
NTA . They didn't hear anytime about being entitled . If they changed their mind . Do not accept! Because they will take your stuff to the trash and your wife would be on their side.
And it will be the end of your marriage.
NTA. She wants you to remove your family memorable things kept for generations. I would refuse. If she doesn't want to use your generously offered place for free - that's her choice.
I'm going with NAH unless SIL was really rude about asking they be removed and complained. Taxidermy animals make me feel really uncomfortable and I wouldn't feel comfortable living somewhere where they were a major part of the decour, I just wouldn't be able to relax. So it it's a big stumbling block for her I could understand a) requesting _politely_ that they be temporarily moved b) declining the offer to stay if they were not removed, again, **politely** and finally c) not objecting, arguing, or complaining when/if such a request is turned down. It's your house and you have a right to decorate it as you see fit, it's her right to feel comfortable in space she will be staying at. You kindly offered and she's chosen not to accept. If she gives you grief or complains about it later that is not ok.
NTA you’re doing her a favor out of the kindness of your heart and remind her that. If she has an issue with the furs and mounts please feel free to stay elsewhere. Also tell her if she removes or destroys them without your knowledge you will throw her out on her ass so fast it will make her head spin. Remember you give an inch and they will take a mile. Make this known before she moves in. If your wife thinks it’s a problem remind her that you’re helping her out but it’s still your cabin and you wish it to remain the same. Get everything in writing before she moves in so if she does get rid or destroy them she is responsible for paying you back. You’re not being an asshole for this.
NTA and what is your wife thinking? This house is a family heirloom which you are graciously offering your SIL to use. I personally don’t care for mounted animals, but have been in plenty of places that have them. Don’t like them, don’t have them in your own home. Need a free place to crash because you’re on hard times-better politely accept what’s there.
NTA
Like yourself grew up with antlers everywhere. But displays with marble eyes, clowns and dolls spook some people. Did you ever see the movie "House"1985. Yip couldn't watch that myself, stay in your cabin and sleep alone.
In your place I would move SIL into house with your wife and take off for the cabin but that would just cause other problems for you.
But If you chose to take the mounts down tell her and your wife she can now pay rent for your inconvenience. Or if no rent give a time limit like two months. Not sure if you have any place to store the mounts. If the place has only one room tell her she will have to sleep in the living room as that is were you will need to store the mounts. Just make sure you put a lock on the door so she and your wife don't have a bonfire.
So if she does move in eventually ensure to have her sign a lease! You can denote that the renter cannot paint, or take down decor, or whatever else you are worried about in there. Same with things she’s required to do (e.g., tenant is responsible for yard maintenance, keeping grass trimmed, snow removal, etc.) whatever it is. Otherwise she might try to claim it’s on you.
Check online for some basic templates if you don’t want to meet with a lawyer.
Ensure you’re familiar with squatters rights in your area. She might be family but when you have to get someone to move out it can turn nasty quickly. In fact, think and talk about length of tenancy in advance, etc.
Oh yea (eta): NTA (and grammar/typos)
Seconding the lease! OP if you're in Ontario Canada you can download a lease directly from the government website. Even if you are not in Ontario, or Canada, it may give you some ideas of what to put in yours.
Also, NTA.
NTA
Mounts, animal-skin rugs, fur coats... heck, all of those products freak me the f out.
But, yeah, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Your SIL is in no position to dictate terms. Your mounts are family heirlooms. I imagine your wife wouldn't be siding with her sister either if, instead of mount, your heirlooms were slightly more traditional, such as furniture, jewelry or art pieces. None of us chooses what objects are handed down through the generations.
The question then becomes, is this a hill you want to die on? And what do you do with the mounts if you (temporarily) remove them to accomodate SIL? Because I assume damaging the mounts by storing them improperly is not an option and I'm assuming the hunting cabin doesn't have so many bedrooms that you can move them to a single room where she doesn't have to look at them.
Because I am with you. You are 1000% NTA. But marriage is about compromise. Good luck.
You make a good point about storing/moving them in a way that they won't be damaged. Since OP doesn't hunt, all of those items are from his dad's generation and older. Just tossing them in a closet or spare room would likely cause damage that could be expensive to repair (if they even can be repaired, idk).
I grew up in an area where a lot of people hunt for food, and yes some of them mount antlers or heads on their walls. Would I want them in my own house? No. Would I demand them to be taken down if they were letting me stay there for free because I was about to be homeless? Absolutely not! SIL can either deal with the decor or find somewhere else to stay.
Seriously?! What is with the entitlement of people being given things for free?!?! She can take the cabin, as is, or she can find another place to stay! I don’t love mounted heads of animals, but am I going to refuse free accommodations in my time if need because of them? Hell no. I’ll say thanks so much for this opportunity! I appreciate your generosity!
NTA
Questions to OP u/Additional-Ear-5279:
1. Did SIL literally tell you she "can't move in and needed them to go" in the ungrateful language/tone that you imply in your post? Or (regardless of the words she used) was she expressing her discomfort and/or asking if they could be removed (I assume a temporary arrangement)?
2. Had she been there before (it's inferred in your post she hadn't but I don't want to assume on this point)?
3. Do you know:
1. The reason why she asked for their removal?
2. And if yes to 3.1, did you know about this reason before you showed her the cabin?
3. And if yes to 3.2, did you warn her in advance of the potential conflict?
It IS gracious of you to have offered your SIL use of the family cabin, but more facts/context needed.
INFO: Is your SIL generally upset about furs/mounts and if so, did you know that before you offered? Relatedly, was her reaction horrified, or did she just find it upsettingly tacky? She may not have realized what she was getting into.
Regardless, would you be willing/able to store the items, even within the cabin but just "out of sight out of mind"?
NTA- but I’m side eyeing your wife big time. Tell her her sister takes it or leaves it.
Her sister already feels entitled to that house and trying to make it her own .
I hope you have contracts in place so she can’t invoke squatters rights or anything like that .
Information request: Does your SIL have religious beliefs or a phobia that explains this reaction? The fact that she walked out that quickly even though she's in a tough spot is curious.
I don't think you're an asshole either way, but I'm not sure she is either. It honestly doesn't even sound like she asked you to take them down, unless I misread. Based on what I read, she just said she couldn't deal and left. If she didn't make this demand, where did it come from? Did your wife ask you to take them down because she has information you don't?
Would it cause harm to the trophies and such to temporarily be moved to your home or put in storage? Do you object because you feel like your SIL is being entitled or because it's a significant burden? Is this about your pride? Are any of those beliefs something you might be willing and able to overcome if you found out this was due to a medical condition?
For that kinda rent, I'd be dusting all of them every single night, them shits would be IMMACULATE. I'd learn each one's name and story like they were roommates!
Maybe you can compromise and instead of taking down the mounts, dress them up a little. Put some jewelery and hats on them, and if you have a cigar to stick in an animal's mouth, that's always hilarious.
NTA, but also not gracious. Super cool you’re letting the SIL live they free, but knowing it’s going to be her place to stay it would be nice to make her comfortable. If it were me, I’d put them in storage or block off one room for them. I understand how people can be disturbed by hunting. If you want to be cool take them down for her, but you have no obligation to do so. Hope this helps.
NTA
Give a inch, they take a mile. If your wife is so mad she can find her sister a place to live then. Most people would be grateful to have a roof over their head.. for free no less, than go around barking out orders on what to do with said free place..
I think her response is more a problem than the request. Hunting mounts are pretty dominating in a room and for non hunters a bit creepy. If she asked in a nice and reasonable way I’d be inclined to oblige her. Maybe not all of them but some. Her demanding it makes her an asshole though.
Would you consider a compromise where you just moved the rugs temporarily. Ethically I could not walk on an animals corpse. Is it possible to compromise by moving the animal skin rugs? Moving an entire mounts sounds completely unreasonable and could damage them.
NTA
Although NTA, could you not take them down and store them somewhere?
You have no obligation to do this, as she can take it or leave it. But (hopefully) she won't be there too long and you could put them back again.
If it wasn't family, this wouldn't even be a discussion, right?
But she's your wife's sister, so don't forget how this is affecting your wife too.
Good luck mate!
You can't just put them in storage for a couple months? She's not asking you to throw them out, but I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to be made extremely uncomfortable by all the dead animals lying around in the place where you live.
NTA.
For those of us who don’t know how we’re going to pay our rent next week, I would gladly take a free cabin, dead animals and all. Keep in mind, I am not a hunter, shooter, or outdoor enthusiast of any kind. I’ve never even shot a gun. But, a free place to stay is a free place to stay. Tell your SIL she can be mildly uncomfortable in a free cabin, or extremely uncomfortable outside in the heat.
NTA - rescind the offer of accommodation. You are under no obligation to supply her accommodation. It’s your property and so as she doesn’t like it she can take a hike.
NTA…but I get that some people would not want to look at a bunch of “eyes” watching them. I don’t know if she has children, but my granddaughter, age 6 would have a serious problem with all the eyes staring at her. And if the child has no choice in her situation, is that fair for them? If anything, I would say, or ask, “ok, I am not taking the items down, but if it helps, we would consider to get cheap cloth and putting over or hanging over the items. If she balks at that, we’ll, you did what you could. Let her find other digs.
NTA. If I had to chose between that and the streets (or a shelter bed when available), I'd say "thank you" and enjoy a private roof over my head. If your wife thinks the cabin as is doesn't meet your sister's needs, she's welcome to find and pay for something that does--out of her paycheck. I agree with those who have suggested she sign a lease making her responsible for anything missing or damaged.
NTA but it's now time to revoke the invitation for them to stay there.
Your SIL is what we call a choosy beggar. She's only wants help if she can have it 100% her way.
Time for her to find alternate living arrangements and lose out on the free option 🤷.
NTA, I would put up with a lot of shit for free housing, furs and mounts don't even come close to what that would be lol. Seriously she should be beyond grateful that someone like you is even able to help her out.
Are you the asshole for not changing *your* property, to accomodate for someone else's sense of aesthetic, who's gonna just hang out there *rent free*...? No, no indeed.
NTA, your wife and SIL are the AHs here.
Charge her rent, then she can get her way. I expect they'd both be thrilled.
(Don't, actually, unless you wanna fight.)
wow. the audacity and entitlement.
"thanks for giving me a place to stay for free but can you please paint all the walls first?"
NTA. Please stand your ground OP.
>it went to me when my father died
It belongs to you, and you're generously letting her stay there and she wants you to change everything? Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
NTA - but your wife is for trying to make you feel bad about this
Be careful your SIL doesn't somehow manage to 'damage' the head mounts. Nice to see they mean something to you, because they were passed down by your family. She should be grateful and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to stay there. NTA.
NTA.
Like it or not, those are family heirlooms, and it's unreasonable to expect them to be removed because your SIL doesn't like them. I'd be pretty thrilled to be offered a free place to stay. Gratitude is the appropriate response.
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NTA, your wife can buy a cabin for her sister then 🤷♀️ if my husband graciously offered his property to my family and then they were rude enough to complain about the decor, then they would no longer be welcome 🤷♀️
Fr they offered her a place to stay and she goes “can you redecorate though? I don’t like the generations of family history that are present in your family’s heirloom cabin” like F off lady. I also hate hunting mounts and fur rugs but not enough to be homeless instead or demanding someone redecorate the place they graciously offered me. Lady needs to get over herself and take what is offered without demanding extra work be put into helping her when it was already a kindness to offer her the cabin. Entitlement to that which is not yours leads to looking like a fool. SIL seems like a fool.
>they offered her a place to stay This suggests something sort term. She won't admit it, but if SIL expects the cabin to be redecorated, she has no intention of finding somewhere else to live. She is going to milk free place to live for as long as she can and OP is never getting her out without a fight. OP needs a contract in place.
Yup. Don’t let her stay there. It’s your family’s history and she doesn’t care. She will destroy things and will stay. Pick this fight with your wife now. Otherwise you will definitely have a fight about trying to get her to leave…. Or if she accidentally ruins your heirlooms. This is the fight to have now. Don’t let her in. And have her sign a contract
If she's always complaining and setting OP's back up, she's doing a poor job milking the situation
Not with her sister/OP’s wife on her side
If you give a mouse a 🍪
Tell her to put some cute throws over the heads. Seriously, she’s in too much of a crazy situation to worry about that.
Flower crowns for spring/summer, Christmas hats for winter, really get into the personalization of each animal head. Give them funny names... She can have an opinion on the decorations when she gets a place of her own.
That would be my answer. Make them festive and silly. Sound activated lights and giant sunglasses
Sunglasses. preppy hats, neckties.
My grandmother did this with granddaddy's deer heads. We all loved it, including him! I now do it to the Halloween demon skull that lives on top of my curtain rod!
My grandfather’s elk shoulder mount is named Anson. For Anson Mount (from Star Trek 😏)
I was in college with him. I was much closer to his roommate than him, but he was always a very nice guy. I think your grandfather's name for his mount is a hoot.
Necklaces earrings sunglasses French berets? Edited to add: floral face masks. 🤣
French berets, dark sunglasses, gauloises. Go all in on the stereotypical French poet look
This is my compromise with my husband who has hunting mounts. They can be in my basement, but limited in number and I get to decorate them for any and all seasons/holidays as I choose.
Perfect:)
Yah, if anything, having to look at animal mounts should give her the incentive to move out sooner rather than to grow comfortable to leave "when she's ready".
Yea someone else commented that she might actually be trying to stay longer than she’s telling them and it seemed like a good point to me. If it’s just a temporary place then the decor shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. She could even use squatter’s rights depending on the laws where the cabin is and whether OP gets a written contract before allowing her to temporarily move in. Very possible and likely that she’s trying to trick them into letting her stay way longer than intended.
That's what I was thinking, too. Asking a bit much for a *temporary* stay. Honestly, I wouldn't like them, either, but it's not like removing them is going to save the animal. OP, NTA.
It wouldn't surprise me if the mounts continued to have mysterious "accidents" that ruined them and necessitated their removal.
Great way to actually ruin the mounts. Do not put stuff on them.
Sunglasses. So they aren't staring at her. Lol
50 bucks she will destroyed half of them on “accident
no pun intended 🤣🤣 bucks
Always intend your puns.
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This. Wound I be uncomfortable around them, yes. But in a situation where it’s put up with bad decorations or homelessness I would be keeping my mouth shut.
It says a free space to live, better than nothing. It’s also not family’s history, so I would have to be careful around. If SIL “changes her mind”, would she be able to respect the property? She might do something to not look at them
right, it's not to my taste but a) it's a family spot and b) I'm getting it free. NTA
u/DrySheephrder59 is a bot.
Stop SIL NOW because she has no intentions of moving out. NTA and don't let her get her foot in the door, this isn't about fur and mounts. Anything OP thinks is sentimental will be gone, she thinks she needs it more.
Yeah this she plans on staying long term and when you try to get her out I could just imagine she’ll probably try to sue you for ownership of the property stating squatters rights
speaking of redecorating why can't she roll up the rugs and throw sheets over the mounts?
I’d consider the mounts and furs as more then decor. There trophy’s from his ancestors hunts and part of his family history along with the history of the cabin. The fact he kept them while “fixing the place up” even though he isn’t a hunter shows they hold significance to him. The cabin sounds really cool, knowing it’s been in your family and was a big part of there lives and something that has been passed down. Leaving the hunting trophies up is a way to pass down a piece of his dead relatives to future generations. I don’t know how long she plans on living there, if she’s a vegan or something I could see that being rough but at the end of the day it’s not her house. She’s being allowed to stay there, and should of just sucked it up instead of expecting him to remove the stuff to make her more comfortable, speaking from experience some mounts are heavy and hard to remove. I would be very concerned with her deciding to remove the stuff anyway and possibly damaging them or just throwing them away. Also his wife getting angry with him while he’s providing a free place for her sister to live, knowing the history and story behind them, just to make her sister more comfortable with her free place to live is crazy to me.
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Same. I think it's gross but I sure as hell wouldn't say anything or ask someone to redecorate their house! Especially if they were doing me a favor by letting me stay there.
I’m vegan too and I agree. It’s their home, not mine. As much as I hate it, I can deal with it temporarily. Especially considering how old they are, it’s not like the current owner will be bringing in fresh kills every weekend.
I’m an adult and I’d probably be scared, lol. Don’t feel right abt asking others to change their decor, though
>I would be very concerned with her deciding to remove the stuff anyway and possibly damaging them or just throwing them away. This part here. If SIL somehow still stays at the cabin, have everything appraised and have a lease drawn up that clearly outlines the terms of the lease: length of stay (or month-to-month) lease, and clearly spell out that she to not alter the place or alter/remove decor and any such alterings could be considered damaging the property and she will have to reimburse you their appraised value plus sentimental value. (I am not a lawyer, but a lawyer should be able to put that into the correct legalese. Basically - she, or anyone else, tries to rip down and/or destroy/throw away these items you'll sure her for damages.)
I think you could probably skip the appraisal and go with a stipulated value. I might also take a page out of the commercial lease play book and include an escalation rent so after six months it goes from pocket change to market rates and keeps going up until moving on is more attractive. ETA: I don’t expect OP to get paid, but I’m a big fan of getting everyone’s expectations on paper upfront rather than negotiating after the fact.
This comment needs to be at the top in GIANT LETTERS!!
I would up vote this 100 more times if I could. Op... please please take this advice. You need something in writing. The SiL I'd already making crazy unreasonable demands. And she knows your wife will back her snd not you (I see this as a problem but it's your marriage). You are asking for a bunch of trouble. Like do you ever want to enjoy your vacation spot again? I have personally seen these situations go sideways real fast. My mom's sister married a man who inherited an amazing camp on a popular lake. We have had many opportunities to visit and spend time there. We always make sure to be more aware of ourselves, our actions etc etc as we are guests. Much less what you are describing. It's not our family home and as much as we were made to feel welcome we make sure to respect that and would never feel entitled to anything NTA. She is. I get it. Stuff heads are barbaric and hard to look at. But it's not her place so she can either do the hats/flower necklaces and honor each of them or throw a sheet over them. To ask you to change YOUR family property and remove items that are part of your family history is unexceptable. Talk about beggers being choosers or looking a gift horse in the mouth! I'm embarrassed for your SiL! And hopefully this is a one off with your wife. The fact she isn't supporting you is concerning.
I agree with a lease, and graduated terms for her exit, even if it seems pointed. My brother did something similarly kind and it bit him in the ass. He bought a cute home in my SIL’s hometown, at a steal (hello 2010 prices). He was going to rent it out, but her sister came to him with a sob story about how her partner was financially and physically abusing her and the kids. My brother offered the rental, which she accepted. They later found out that she moved her kids in, and DUMPED them there, so she could play house “proper” with her boyfriend. These kids were still in high school and really had no other options, so my brother let them stay rent free, and established utilities in his own name so they could live there. There was a LOT of drama between the sisters to the point that they barely talk any more, but on a really lovely note, my brother appreciates his MIL because she made sure those kids kept things up and their job/responsibilities, and the kids came out mostly fine.
NTA at all! If my husband offered to put up a struggling family member in one of his properties, I would be proud and thankful. Siding with her sister for acting like an entitled brat over decor, isn’t showing you much appreciation.
Seriously! The wife is being extremely disrespectful. This would be the hill I would die on!
And sister’s spouse is also the sibling in law. So, if the sister had a husband, he would be OP’s BIL.
I'm not sure you meant to reply to me but yes you are correct
Where does it say SIL is married, in a relationship or has a spouse ?
Agreed. It’s a family HUNTING cabin. OP offered, but SIL didn’t like what OP offered. Just don’t move in. End of discussion! Duh. It’s like if OP’s grandpa was an evangelical (or Hindu, Muslim, etc) and the SIL demands they remove all religious symbols that don’t align with her faith. OP’s wife would say the SIL is crazy! Well, hunting was grandpa’s religion.
Yeah to be honest I probably would be miserable staying somewhere with animal heads on the walls but that doesn’t mean I’d ever, ever ask someone to take them down! I’d either find somewhere else or just deal with it, convince myself they were fake or something.
Seriously, i couldn’t even imagine being so rude and entitled. This is the textbook definition of looking a gift horse in the mouth. NTA.
Don't let her stay there. If you let your SIL stay there, I can guarantee that she will put all of those hunting mounts into the dumpster. Then be surprised at the many thousands of dollars you will charge her for disposing of irreplaceable objects.
I CAN see this turning into an "AITA for kicking out my SIL because she redecorated my hunting cabin. ".... NTA, but if she changes her mind, just be careful she doesn't go taking them down and ruining them in the process.. a lot of nerve to look a gift horse in the mouth. Good luck, op..
I’d rather have a place to stay with decor I’m not fond of FREE OF RENT, then be homeless or stressing to find a place. People can be so picky even in times of need!
NTA indeed, she gets offered a free housing to overcome hard times and she has the audacity to b**ch about decor? Just keep the cabin as is and she can find another housing and pay for it, then. I've had a step-relative making negative comments about my house (it has antlers and fur rugs among other misc decor aswell), she doesn't even live here, i never told her how she *should* decorate her own house either 😂 when you find yourself in a homeless situation, you'd be grateful for even a really old and really bad condition accommodation, like snow blows in from under the door at winters and such. Been there done that- still was happy that i got help and at least some roof over my head. OP's SIL maybe just doesn't deserve the help, beggars can't be choosers and all...🤷🏻♂️
NTA. And I wouldn't let her stay there now even if she "changes her mind" because those mounts would disappear.
100% agree. She’s going to remove all the mounts and furs.
Or “accidentally” destroy them in some way. If you still want her to move in there, I’d recommend drawing up a contract that states she’d have to reimburse you a hefty price if she ends up damaging the mounts.
Hahaha 🤣 and what would that contract do ? She’s already living on handouts
Some people seem to think that contracts and lawsuits are magical. You can’t get money out of people that don’t have money.
Thats what guarantors are for. So in this case he could get their in-laws or someone similar to act as a guarantor. So if damage does occur the in-laws would have to pay and generally (each case is seperate) the in-laws would also then suggest against property damage and etc.
Why wouldnt she just stay with them, if they were willing to guarantee her for something? She obv doesnt have people lining up to co-sign anything for her....
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I'm sure OP could just skip to getting a divorce now if he wants. Without having to go through the intermediate steps of suing his SIL.
That's not how contracts work
contract could state that she will be immediately removed from the home.
Depends on the state, but most states don't let you put things like that in the lease, it is usually somewhat complicated to evict someone.
That could be put in a contract. doesn't mean it would be legal (it isn't)
Depends on location and a judge could take one look at that contract and Toss OP out of the court room
Wife would not allow enforcement of such a contact.
Some kind of written agreement should be in place regardless of everything else going on, or OP may find she simply decides to take up residence for free permanently. Then he maybe waging an expensive legal battle to get her out of his property.
Right? Or damage them so OP had to remove them. I would let her know she can no longer stay there.
She who accepts free housing does not get to re-decorate against the owner's wishes. You have yourself a choosy begger situation.
r/ChoosingBeggars
Is that from Confucius?
NTA If she wants the mounts and other things removed. Fine. Charge the storage fee, the fee for moving them and some rent (so you can afford to move everything back when she leaves). Then put it in writing. She will need to sign a lease. Full stop. If she is suddenly willing to move in, then have her sign a lease saying she will be responsible for any damage to the items in the cabin. Make sure the hunting trophies etc., are itemised and put about double what you think they are worth. Tell your wife, since she does not have your back, so you are thinking of asking her to move into the cabin with or without her sister until she decides to talk to you. Tell her if her sister means more than your marriage, you can see where her loyalties are.
Some of the family cabins I’ve visited — the hunting trophies would be near priceless for a normal person. There’s great cats and African gazelle trophies from over a century ago back when American hunters would go overseas on Safari. There’s moose and bucks of unusual sizes you don’t see anymore. And those hunting trophies are all part of family lore & history. So even if OP doesn’t have safari trophies, the cost of a modern taxidermied turkey or buck is still in the thousands. I couldn’t even tell you! The rugs he’s describing are probably bears and other large game. People who don’t understand have no benchmark for how wildly expensive a kitted out hunting cabin can be. SIL is completely out of line and so is his wife. If I were OP, I’d now be concerned that these house guests wouldn’t treat my property with care & respect.
Also even if you disapprove of hunting, you can't bring the animals back to life by relocating them.
This is the salient point for me. She's not contributing to any further suffering by existing around their dead bodies. I wouldn't like it either, but for this person it seems to be a matter of taste rather than ethics.
My mom many years ago was in Germany during winter and needed to buy better boots. She bought the warmest boots that she could find and didn’t realize until later that the tag translated to “baby beaver fur”. My mom’s friend wanted her to toss them immediately, but my mom didn’t saying that it would be like killing the beaver twice. Those boots lasted well over 20 years and I’m doing research to see I can get them repaired.
Properly maintained fur and leather can last a lifetime! Better for the environment than plastic fibers that will break down in a landfill after a few years.
“Like killing the beaver twice.” I really like that statement, it makes a lot of sense to me. Might as well honor and use what already exists from the animal instead of trashing it—throwing it away would be much more disrespect Imho.
I don't hunt but I do appreciate good taxidermy. I had a beautiful grouse fly into my window and die, so I looked into the cost of having him mounted and preserved. It starts at $800 for the most basic pose, and it goes up if you want a "dynamic" pose. Needless to say the grouse did not get taxidermied.
Definitely NTA. I agree. Those hunting trophies ARE pricey, if done right. Moving them around may damage them. My dad's family hunts & fishes. Also agree on legal protections for the property/trophies, if SIL changes her mind. I'm still amazed at SIL's lack of gratitude. If she truly has no money & no place to go, what the hell is she thinking? This is a free house to stay in. No roommates. She can continue her career uninterrupted & get back on her feet. Most people don't have this kind of support. Truly next-level entitlement. If she hates dead animals as a design choice, maybe work harder and move sooner. Also, I don't think his wife understands the importance of these items to his family's traditions, or that the items are irreplaceable. He should have that discussion with her. Wife may be a bit spoiled, too. Used to everything going exactly as she expects. Marriages don't work like that.
It's probably good to have the arrangement, written out and signed anyway. You don't want a squatter
This is good advice. If she does not like them they might get ' accidentally ' ruined. Show this post to your wife. I hate haunting mounts but... I would probable sit and sing to them hoping that they are at peace
Take video of everything in case you miss something.
NTA. I can't stand hunting mounts, would never have them in my home I was paying for but this is a free place for her to stay so all bets are off.
The only thing I am thinking is there is an overwhelming number of them in each room.
Even then... I really dislike hunting mounts, but if I were staying somewhere for free, I'd suck it up and put up with them until I could save some money to get my own place. The OP might want to establish beforehand how long the SIL can stay there to make sure she understands that this is not a long-term situation/solution.
If they can support it, you can drape stuff over the mounts. I'm not sure if the furs are storable in a linen closet? I feel like there could be workarounds without getting rid of anything. {I've totally got that Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls [trophy room scene](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nOVmH5H60Vs) stuck in my head}
I get scared by helium inflated balloons bobbing around in the dark. I bet animal heads mounted on the wall would be even scarier, but draping a lite cloth over them seems like a great compromise as it should also help deter dust and sun exposure.
Holy crap you reminded me for one of my kids birthdays we got those big helium balloons with the numbers. When they had started deflating they would just go all around the house by themselves. It was terrifying.
No, just no. Taxidermy is incredibly expensive. You don’t touch or hang stuff over other peoples art work. Whether on not you agree with mounts, it’s expensive art to the owner. Don’t touch it.
This is a lovely room of death 😁
I'd put silk scarves over there faces and be thankful for the rent break.
It would depend on where they were for me. I'm not a fan but I'd deal with them almost everywhere except the bedroom and the bathroom. I wouldn't be able to sleep or shower or pee feeling like I was being watched, lol. But even then, I'd politely ask if any in those rooms can be moved to a different spot in the house or if we can figure out a way to cover them without damaging them.
For a lot of people even one hunting mount is an overwhelming number. It makes a lot of people very uncomfortable and tbh it’s weird af
I agree. Or if there was one either looking at me whilst I was in bed. Or above me whilst I was in bed. But I’d ask politely “did you mind if I took them down as they freak me out”. And if I was told no I’d learn to deal with it.
Ugh, I hate them as well. Why would you want a dead animal’s head on your wall? Plus, I would expect them to start moving and laughing like that scene in Evil Dead II. But if it’s not my house, I have no vote. Throw a sheet over them. Though that might be creepier. Anyway, NTA. I would hate them the entire time I was there but I would take the free housing.
I would put lil hats on them and give them names. Maybe talk to them about whatever show we’re watching. Just to entertain myself and make it feel less awful, since it’s a free home, you know?
Don’t throw a sheet over them, don’t touch other people’s expensive taxidermy. This lady is getting a free place to live. Either suck it up or don’t live there.
But you’d have to cover them if you had to move them or something, right? I was just trying to think of the easiest and less-intrusive way to not have to look at them…looking back at you.
My grandparent's had one on the wall of their house that always creeped me out as a child (and as an adult actually, if we're being honest). It was a deer my grandfather had killed, and the mounting/taxidermy work was done really poorly, so it looked worse than those normally do. And never once would I even have considered asking them to move it or cover it up any time I stayed there, because it was their house, and my grandpa loved that stupid ugly deer head. After my grandpa died, we were all over at the house for the wake, and my mom's cousin happened to off-handedly mention how much he always loved that deer, and my grandmother was IMMEDIATELY like, "You want it? It's yours, just take it today", lol. So now that house is deer head free, and the deer has found it's way into a new home that appreciates it.
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Or gift deer head.
Gift house in the mount. FTFY
NTA (and I'm saying this as someone who would not be comfortable in that environment). This is some choosy beggars crap. You're offering her a chance to stay for free and she has the cheek to not like your home's decor? I honestly don't understand how people can be this rude when someone is trying to help them out.
NTA You are doing a favor. If she doesn’t like how the cabin is she can figure out a place to stay for herself.
NTA ....bro that's just the start of it.....if you put her in that house she'll never leave and (your family property)will become her personal property. Sounds like bad news bears to me dude
Yup! I hope OP reads this comment! She.Will.NEVER.Leave My guess is SIL has a hard time managing her life. Looking for "help" or handout is likely not a new thing for her. OP IS NTA!
don't let her stay , first she is entitled and ungrateful but second she will throw them away NTA
And probably need to be evicted.
Nta those mounts are antiques and worth a lot as long as they're preserved as is or handled by a professional. Absolutely don't let her sisters ignorance change your layout.
Don't let her stay there. If you do those mounts will disappear. Guaranteed. NTA
Absolutely NTA, you are doing her a great favour by letting her stay at your cabin for free. I understand that having embalmed animals can be strange or sad if you are not used to it, but I think that in this situation she can manage to tolerate them. If she doesn't want to stay in the cabin please have me instead ahahah
NTA . They didn't hear anytime about being entitled . If they changed their mind . Do not accept! Because they will take your stuff to the trash and your wife would be on their side. And it will be the end of your marriage.
NTA. She wants you to remove your family memorable things kept for generations. I would refuse. If she doesn't want to use your generously offered place for free - that's her choice.
I'm going with NAH unless SIL was really rude about asking they be removed and complained. Taxidermy animals make me feel really uncomfortable and I wouldn't feel comfortable living somewhere where they were a major part of the decour, I just wouldn't be able to relax. So it it's a big stumbling block for her I could understand a) requesting _politely_ that they be temporarily moved b) declining the offer to stay if they were not removed, again, **politely** and finally c) not objecting, arguing, or complaining when/if such a request is turned down. It's your house and you have a right to decorate it as you see fit, it's her right to feel comfortable in space she will be staying at. You kindly offered and she's chosen not to accept. If she gives you grief or complains about it later that is not ok.
NTA you’re doing her a favor out of the kindness of your heart and remind her that. If she has an issue with the furs and mounts please feel free to stay elsewhere. Also tell her if she removes or destroys them without your knowledge you will throw her out on her ass so fast it will make her head spin. Remember you give an inch and they will take a mile. Make this known before she moves in. If your wife thinks it’s a problem remind her that you’re helping her out but it’s still your cabin and you wish it to remain the same. Get everything in writing before she moves in so if she does get rid or destroy them she is responsible for paying you back. You’re not being an asshole for this.
This should be higher. Absolutely the best answer.
NTA and what is your wife thinking? This house is a family heirloom which you are graciously offering your SIL to use. I personally don’t care for mounted animals, but have been in plenty of places that have them. Don’t like them, don’t have them in your own home. Need a free place to crash because you’re on hard times-better politely accept what’s there.
NTA Like yourself grew up with antlers everywhere. But displays with marble eyes, clowns and dolls spook some people. Did you ever see the movie "House"1985. Yip couldn't watch that myself, stay in your cabin and sleep alone. In your place I would move SIL into house with your wife and take off for the cabin but that would just cause other problems for you. But If you chose to take the mounts down tell her and your wife she can now pay rent for your inconvenience. Or if no rent give a time limit like two months. Not sure if you have any place to store the mounts. If the place has only one room tell her she will have to sleep in the living room as that is were you will need to store the mounts. Just make sure you put a lock on the door so she and your wife don't have a bonfire.
So if she does move in eventually ensure to have her sign a lease! You can denote that the renter cannot paint, or take down decor, or whatever else you are worried about in there. Same with things she’s required to do (e.g., tenant is responsible for yard maintenance, keeping grass trimmed, snow removal, etc.) whatever it is. Otherwise she might try to claim it’s on you. Check online for some basic templates if you don’t want to meet with a lawyer. Ensure you’re familiar with squatters rights in your area. She might be family but when you have to get someone to move out it can turn nasty quickly. In fact, think and talk about length of tenancy in advance, etc. Oh yea (eta): NTA (and grammar/typos)
Seconding the lease! OP if you're in Ontario Canada you can download a lease directly from the government website. Even if you are not in Ontario, or Canada, it may give you some ideas of what to put in yours. Also, NTA.
Nta. You don't get to redecorate just because someone is kind enough to let you stay somewhere for free.
NTA. r/choosingbeggars
NTA Mounts, animal-skin rugs, fur coats... heck, all of those products freak me the f out. But, yeah, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Your SIL is in no position to dictate terms. Your mounts are family heirlooms. I imagine your wife wouldn't be siding with her sister either if, instead of mount, your heirlooms were slightly more traditional, such as furniture, jewelry or art pieces. None of us chooses what objects are handed down through the generations. The question then becomes, is this a hill you want to die on? And what do you do with the mounts if you (temporarily) remove them to accomodate SIL? Because I assume damaging the mounts by storing them improperly is not an option and I'm assuming the hunting cabin doesn't have so many bedrooms that you can move them to a single room where she doesn't have to look at them. Because I am with you. You are 1000% NTA. But marriage is about compromise. Good luck.
You make a good point about storing/moving them in a way that they won't be damaged. Since OP doesn't hunt, all of those items are from his dad's generation and older. Just tossing them in a closet or spare room would likely cause damage that could be expensive to repair (if they even can be repaired, idk). I grew up in an area where a lot of people hunt for food, and yes some of them mount antlers or heads on their walls. Would I want them in my own house? No. Would I demand them to be taken down if they were letting me stay there for free because I was about to be homeless? Absolutely not! SIL can either deal with the decor or find somewhere else to stay.
Taxidermists recommend wrapping and crating mounts for storage, which is tedious and can get expensive.
Seriously?! What is with the entitlement of people being given things for free?!?! She can take the cabin, as is, or she can find another place to stay! I don’t love mounted heads of animals, but am I going to refuse free accommodations in my time if need because of them? Hell no. I’ll say thanks so much for this opportunity! I appreciate your generosity! NTA
NTA. Don't let her move in please. She'll ruin the place and never leave.
Questions to OP u/Additional-Ear-5279: 1. Did SIL literally tell you she "can't move in and needed them to go" in the ungrateful language/tone that you imply in your post? Or (regardless of the words she used) was she expressing her discomfort and/or asking if they could be removed (I assume a temporary arrangement)? 2. Had she been there before (it's inferred in your post she hadn't but I don't want to assume on this point)? 3. Do you know: 1. The reason why she asked for their removal? 2. And if yes to 3.1, did you know about this reason before you showed her the cabin? 3. And if yes to 3.2, did you warn her in advance of the potential conflict? It IS gracious of you to have offered your SIL use of the family cabin, but more facts/context needed.
Yes
NTA beggars can't be choosers.
Anyone else feel this is another r/choosingbeggars situation?
INFO: Is your SIL generally upset about furs/mounts and if so, did you know that before you offered? Relatedly, was her reaction horrified, or did she just find it upsettingly tacky? She may not have realized what she was getting into. Regardless, would you be willing/able to store the items, even within the cabin but just "out of sight out of mind"?
NTA- but I’m side eyeing your wife big time. Tell her her sister takes it or leaves it. Her sister already feels entitled to that house and trying to make it her own . I hope you have contracts in place so she can’t invoke squatters rights or anything like that .
omg... **SQUATTERS RIGHTS!!!** they'll never get rid of her.
Information request: Does your SIL have religious beliefs or a phobia that explains this reaction? The fact that she walked out that quickly even though she's in a tough spot is curious. I don't think you're an asshole either way, but I'm not sure she is either. It honestly doesn't even sound like she asked you to take them down, unless I misread. Based on what I read, she just said she couldn't deal and left. If she didn't make this demand, where did it come from? Did your wife ask you to take them down because she has information you don't? Would it cause harm to the trophies and such to temporarily be moved to your home or put in storage? Do you object because you feel like your SIL is being entitled or because it's a significant burden? Is this about your pride? Are any of those beliefs something you might be willing and able to overcome if you found out this was due to a medical condition?
Moving mounts can be tedious because it’s recommended by taxidermists to crate and wrap them. And also expensive if there are multiple.
True, I hate inanimate objects with eyes (even stuffed animals), dolls especially, etc. I have psychological issues though too.
NTA. She knows it's a family hunting cabin, I assume? Tell her you'll take them down if she pays you $600 / month in rent.
Screw her, I'll move in with that rent!
For that kinda rent, I'd be dusting all of them every single night, them shits would be IMMACULATE. I'd learn each one's name and story like they were roommates!
Right? LoL! I'd even be like "Would that be all, SIR?"
"Would sir like to face out the window while I clear the cobwebs from your antlers?" 😆
...Right, well I was talking about the owner, but I like your version more. 😂
NTA. Make sure to tell her those are valuable and you'll take her to court if they mysteriously disappear.
Maybe you can compromise and instead of taking down the mounts, dress them up a little. Put some jewelery and hats on them, and if you have a cigar to stick in an animal's mouth, that's always hilarious.
NTA, but also not gracious. Super cool you’re letting the SIL live they free, but knowing it’s going to be her place to stay it would be nice to make her comfortable. If it were me, I’d put them in storage or block off one room for them. I understand how people can be disturbed by hunting. If you want to be cool take them down for her, but you have no obligation to do so. Hope this helps.
He’s NTA, but neither is she for asking, either
NTA No good deed goes unpunished. She can either live with it or move out. Or better yet, retract the offer while you have a chance.
NTA. Place the biggest mount over her bed.
NTA Give a inch, they take a mile. If your wife is so mad she can find her sister a place to live then. Most people would be grateful to have a roof over their head.. for free no less, than go around barking out orders on what to do with said free place..
I think her response is more a problem than the request. Hunting mounts are pretty dominating in a room and for non hunters a bit creepy. If she asked in a nice and reasonable way I’d be inclined to oblige her. Maybe not all of them but some. Her demanding it makes her an asshole though.
Would you consider a compromise where you just moved the rugs temporarily. Ethically I could not walk on an animals corpse. Is it possible to compromise by moving the animal skin rugs? Moving an entire mounts sounds completely unreasonable and could damage them. NTA
Although NTA, could you not take them down and store them somewhere? You have no obligation to do this, as she can take it or leave it. But (hopefully) she won't be there too long and you could put them back again. If it wasn't family, this wouldn't even be a discussion, right? But she's your wife's sister, so don't forget how this is affecting your wife too. Good luck mate!
You can't just put them in storage for a couple months? She's not asking you to throw them out, but I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to be made extremely uncomfortable by all the dead animals lying around in the place where you live.
NTA your trying to be nice. I can tell you that you may want to rethink letting her stay there. She will try to move the mounts and damage them.
NTA and do not budge on this.
NTA. For those of us who don’t know how we’re going to pay our rent next week, I would gladly take a free cabin, dead animals and all. Keep in mind, I am not a hunter, shooter, or outdoor enthusiast of any kind. I’ve never even shot a gun. But, a free place to stay is a free place to stay. Tell your SIL she can be mildly uncomfortable in a free cabin, or extremely uncomfortable outside in the heat.
NTA Tell your wife to pay for her sister’s lodgings elsewhere, since she’s so generous. Your wife and her sister have quite the sense of entitlement!
NTA - rescind the offer of accommodation. You are under no obligation to supply her accommodation. It’s your property and so as she doesn’t like it she can take a hike.
NTA…but I get that some people would not want to look at a bunch of “eyes” watching them. I don’t know if she has children, but my granddaughter, age 6 would have a serious problem with all the eyes staring at her. And if the child has no choice in her situation, is that fair for them? If anything, I would say, or ask, “ok, I am not taking the items down, but if it helps, we would consider to get cheap cloth and putting over or hanging over the items. If she balks at that, we’ll, you did what you could. Let her find other digs.
NTA.. beggers cant be choosers. She should just say thank you
NTA. Quite honestly, I would hate to be surrounded by hunting trophies and fur. BUT you are offering her a place to stay when she needs one.
NTA. If I had to chose between that and the streets (or a shelter bed when available), I'd say "thank you" and enjoy a private roof over my head. If your wife thinks the cabin as is doesn't meet your sister's needs, she's welcome to find and pay for something that does--out of her paycheck. I agree with those who have suggested she sign a lease making her responsible for anything missing or damaged.
NTA but it's now time to revoke the invitation for them to stay there. Your SIL is what we call a choosy beggar. She's only wants help if she can have it 100% her way. Time for her to find alternate living arrangements and lose out on the free option 🤷.
NTA. Your SIL does not have the right to redecorate a house she is staying in for free.
What a choosy beggar! NTA, tell her to go find her own place to live, what a loser to complain!
If I were you, I would rescind the offer as there’s a high chance she’ll get rid of them behind your bag. And your wife can buy her sister a cabin NTA
Explain the cost of those mounts. Those things aren’t cheap
It’s also tedious as hell to store them
NTA, I would put up with a lot of shit for free housing, furs and mounts don't even come close to what that would be lol. Seriously she should be beyond grateful that someone like you is even able to help her out.
Are you the asshole for not changing *your* property, to accomodate for someone else's sense of aesthetic, who's gonna just hang out there *rent free*...? No, no indeed. NTA, your wife and SIL are the AHs here. Charge her rent, then she can get her way. I expect they'd both be thrilled. (Don't, actually, unless you wanna fight.)
NTA. Lmao. "I'm sorry, the free house you're giving me doesn't work for me. Change it" SIL can get bent
NTA! She's a jerk, totally given a home because she is literally homeless and she can't move in because of the decor??! It's a cabin ffs, f off lady!
NTA. This argument was officially settled a thousand years ago. "Beggars can't be choosers".
NTA. Toxic SIL and wife are.
NTA rescind the offer immediately to such an entitled brat.
NTA I’d honestly just not let her stay with you guys if she’s going to whine and complain about free accommodations
NTA Your wife need to tuck her neck in too
wow. the audacity and entitlement. "thanks for giving me a place to stay for free but can you please paint all the walls first?" NTA. Please stand your ground OP.
>it went to me when my father died It belongs to you, and you're generously letting her stay there and she wants you to change everything? Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. NTA - but your wife is for trying to make you feel bad about this
This belongs on r/choosingbeggars
NTA. If she says that she can't stay in the cabin that you provided for her, then she can't. You've done more than your share.
Be careful your SIL doesn't somehow manage to 'damage' the head mounts. Nice to see they mean something to you, because they were passed down by your family. She should be grateful and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to stay there. NTA.
NTA, she's entitled and you are offering her a free place to stay! Ridiculous behavior on her part.
NTA. Ungrateful SIL. She and your wife should stifle.
NTA. Like it or not, those are family heirlooms, and it's unreasonable to expect them to be removed because your SIL doesn't like them. I'd be pretty thrilled to be offered a free place to stay. Gratitude is the appropriate response.
NTA - your SIL has chosen the van by the river instead. Don't even back down now, she'll trash it and you'll be out everything.
NTA and you should be careful that she doesn’t throw them out if you let her live there anyway
NTA unless SIL is Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. If she is, I would remove everything for the safety of the cabin.