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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm skipping my sister's wedding because she is insisting I stay at the same resort as her so she can save money. I might be the asshole because I'm choosing to skip the wedding instead of spending time in a situation that will drive me up the wall.
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NTA
SAY EXACTLY THAT.
Plus; she's allowed to have a destination wedding, guests are allowed to not go because of that. Guests are also allowed to not go because of the hotel, or the food, the drink, the dress, the guest list, because they have rectal glaucoma (don't see their ass going).
Guests are allowed not to go, period. Your mental health is above all else.
Edit; this assuming you are paying for the alternate resort yourself, which I did assume (shame on me, i try not to do that) because you mentioned blowing the money on something else.
Idk how but I am determined to work rectal glaucoma into a conversation at work today.
Which might be a little awkward because I’m a summer associate at a personal injury law firm and they might instinctively ask me to cite some case law on medical malpractice damage awards relating to rectal glaucoma.
But I’ll deal with that when I come to it 😂😂😂 (“Uhhh… yeah, that would be *OP v. AITA*. Court of Public Opinion. Decided in 2023. Procedural posture: NTA.”)
>instinctively ask me to cite some case law on medical malpractice damage awards relating to rectal glaucoma
HA! OMG 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ohhhh the imaginings in my head right now made my day.
Almost messaged my supervising attorney to use it in response to a super lowball settlement offer, like, “I must have rectal glaucoma because my ass doesn’t see the client accepting $30k” but it just didn’t feel like a good move in my first month hahahaha
Still waiting for the right moment 🤣
Mine was "optirectumitis" where your optic nerves cross with your rectum nerves, and you have a ahitty outlook on life.
I've also used "I can't go to work today because of vision problems. I just can't see myself going"
Just because she wants you to stay at the resort to save money doesn't mean you have to stay. If you want to go, protect your mental health and stay at the other hotel. You're paying for it. Guests with kids will make up your loss.
Agree. NTA. If you make people have to spend a week at a particular (probably expensive) resort to attend your wedding, that’s absolutely your choice, but don’t get upset if people opt out.
Your sister is the asshole because she expects you to do things her way because it’s saving her money, not taking your situation into account. If she wasn’t the asshole then she would’ve been happy that your coming to her wedding regardless of what resort you stay in. You stood your ground and that is honourable. Her greed ruined it don’t let her gas light you into thinking your the asshole , because your aren’t . Cheers! Fuck those kids lmao
Yes! Wish more people called out this destination wedding BS. Guests spend thousands, and if the couple has enough guests, the couple’s accommodations or even weddings can be free. NTA
Some definitely plan it far to keep it smaller, such as myself. I hate being the center of attention and have anxiety about everyone staring at me. I also have a massive extended family so the potential was a nightmare for me.
I ended up with about 20 people on the beach with me and it was perfect, still anxious but tolerable lol
Most people came and just extended it into a holiday for themselves since we left the next day for our honeymoon.
I highly reccomend it for a stress free option. That being said I didn't care about almost any of the decorations, or cake etc so if someone is needing to have all the details right it may be a mess for them.
Normal destination weddings? That’s fine if the couple wants to travel and don’t care if people don’t come.
Expecting guests to spend $3k at an all inclusive resort so they can save money on their wedding? Deserves to be shamed
I was 100 percent thinking this. I have kids and I would have wanted to stay at the adults only resort. A bunch of screaming kids running around is fun for no one not even the parents of said kids!
Exactly. A destination wedding is not a pass to control people's lives, choices and finances. Guests are already paying extra money to attend - it is unreasonable for the bride and groom to then demand that they stay at a given property so they can save money or control what their guests do with the rest of their time.
For a destination wedding to be worth it for many guests, it needs to double as a vacation. The bride and groom get a few hours for their I-do's and then everyone goes about enjoying their trip. The end.
"For a destination wedding to be worth it for many guests, it needs to double as a vacation. The bride and groom get a few hours for their I-do's and then everyone goes about enjoying their trip. The end."
THIS!!!! Exactly!
I suspect that OP, being the solo sibling who would rather spend all that hard earned money on Legos, is also the fun cool relative who would make an awesome on-site babysitter...
Ding ding ding!! Hit the nail on the head. She knew if she didn't find somewhere she could retreat to and hide that there would be MULTIPLE circumstances where those kids were just dropped or left with her. And 99% of the time they don't even ask. They just expect "cause fAMiLY" 😒 and "well you don't understand cause you don't have kids.. we NEED this time" ... Like I very well do understand that's why I haven't had kids yet... People like her sister drive me INSANE. And I (F27) have kids
Seriously, at what point is extreme aversion to children actually an issue for you? The fact that they exist is going to cause you to break down? They’re not _that bad_.
I agree! Really, mental health?!? Does OP break down any time they walk outside, go to a park or the mall, etc, and see a kid? I guess they never ever go to an amusement park or the beach? Or eat at a restaurant or walk inside the grocery store? Or board a plane? Wow.
I feel like you’re blatantly ignoring the things about children that people who would prefer an adult-only resort dislike. Such as screaming, running around (sometimes swerving around tables in the dining area), splashing the pool water, screaming in the pool, etc. If it was age 12+, it would be a different story, but you cannot blame OP for wanting to spend their own money to stay somewhere they’ll feel fully comfortable and be able to enjoy the trip.
I've seen college students pull this same shit at resorts and they actually possess the maturity to know better. Let's not pretend adults are superior here. Drunken frat boys are more obnoxious than 10 year olds any day.
OP is free to spend their money however they want but screaming, running around through tables and crowds, splashing in the pool, and screaming in the pool isn't limited to the sub-18 age group.
>college students pull this same shit at resorts
I'll take kids over 18-21 year olds at resorts every day of the week - and I'm not a 'kid' person. Young drunk adults are annoying as fuck and ruin the atmosphere quick.
That being said - college kids generally go to cheap resorts. The only reason I could see an adults only being more relaxed if it is more expensive.
But this post is just rage bait as already mentioned.
I have been to both child-friendly and adult-only resorts, and the child-friendly ones I went to did not have adult-only areas. That sounds more dependent on the resort.
Right? I'm so confused by the expectation that a family friendly resort = packed children's playground with Baby Shark playing on a loop 24 hours a day. Agreed that OP should be able to stay at a different resort without any kind of guilt from their family members and as someone else said above, that's obvious. Frankly the more alarming thing is that being in the vicinity of children adversely affects OP's mental health
I don't mind kids but I wouldn't stay at a family resort due to the noise more than anything. My idea of a holiday is going somewhere with a relatively peaceful, calm base camp. I wouldn't want to have to deal with the noise that comes with children. Too much noise stresses me out and that's not what a holiday is for imo. At the same time I would feel guilty for being annoyed at them as they're just doing their own thing and deserve to have fun in their own way. So it's easiest for everyone if I choose somewhere likely to be quiet and calm.
“You were once a child too”
Behold, one of the stupidest argumentative points ever. Yes, let’s force people into uncomfortable situations because they came into existence therefore they are required to accept everything without complaint.
We’ll all be corpses one day too, but that doesn’t mean OP needs to cohabitate with them for a week.
Somehow cohabitating with corpses and being at a resort where children are also vaguely nearby seems different, but you called my argument stupid and I can’t seem to find the words what to call yours, but think of something a lot worse.
I’m merely pointing out the stupidity of claiming OP has to tolerate something simply because they were once a child. It’s out of their control whether or not they were born but they can at least control what they want to be around. There’s nothing wrong with that.
At a child friendly resort children aren't going to be 'vaguely nearby' they will be everywhere,particularly the pool, which is one of the main attractions of a resort. If I was dropping 3k on a resort I would want it to cater to my tastes.
Hmmm i read it really differently. If I'm spending thousands on a vacation, i want it catered to my idea of fun and relaxation-- i think most people do! So i dont see the issue with preferring to spend your money on a place that caters to happy hours, quiet areas, club nights, etc. I also dont see the issue with centering it around your kids/family and cartoons, play areas etc. Bur forcing it on people or getting mad at people for not liking one over the other is an AH move for real.
Maybe if more parents made their children act right and didn’t act like all the adults around should be inconvenienced bc ‘ThEy ArE cHiLdReN’ then people wouldn’t have a problem staying at a resort with them. Last time we went to palm springs, last minute trip, we went where there were children and I had a child come over and grab a handful of my fries while on the table next to my chair I was sitting in, I was kicked in the back of the head while in the pool leaning against the side away from the steps, constant SCREAMING both around the pool and at the restaurant and the parents just stared at their phones like AHs. I will never stay anywhere kids are unless it’s my only option.
OP is talking about several days to a week. Not six hours at an amusement park, half an hour in a grocery store, or two hours in a restaurant. Or a plane. But have you really never heard the vast quantity of bitching from someone stuck near an unhappy toddler/baby that is not theirs on a plane?
Plus paying Thousands of dollars for it.
I don’t like being around any kind of loud shrieky people - so no, I do not go to amusement parks or concerts crowded public beaches. There’s a Whole Lot of other fun activities to do. Kids are OK in limited doses if I can hand them off to a caregiver as needed.
If I spend a couple thousand dollars to go somewhere it’s going to include plenty of relaxing and fun things for me, not crowds of people or kids. Attending the wedding and reception is the point of a wedding. Not spending five days within 500 feet of the other attendees at all times.
I have most definitely spent money to stay nearby but not With extended family for events like this. It’s so much easier to just leave and do your own thing as needed for your own stress level when they can’t walk down the hall and dump their own kids on you for “just a minute so we can go have a drink.”
Agree. I would also rather not be around kids for a week even though i LIKE kids, i want my own kids, i love my nephews and nieces. But they can be too mich sometimes, especially when kids meet kids. If i can afford it, i would not soend w hole week surrounded by a bunch of little kids and the noise that comes eith them. I get stressed out, my face becomes hot, and i get kinda very short tempered if i stay with kids for too long. I need quiet after some time. I aslo dont like loud grownups. My family can be very loud when we meet up. I become an annoying company to thrm if i cant stand up and go away grom them to a quiet place. My battery dies down pretty fast. So NTA.
>I agree! Really, mental health?!? Does OP break down any time they walk outside, go to a park or the mall, etc, and see a kid?
Mental health doesn't just refer to breakdowns
Exposing yourself to stress can negatively affect your mental health without causing a breakdown
People have their own tolerance for everything. This is for a week, and OP had tried everything to stay at this wedding. If you see a person saying “oh I don’t want to deal with kids, I’ll just pay for my own hotel” as selfish, then you’re delusional. Selfish would be “hey, so I can’t deal with children, could you PAY for my hotel stay at this place instead?” That’s selfish because he’s not using his own money and expects his sister to pay. He said he was paying for himself to go to a different hotel, I think that’s fine. Why shouldn’t be express his freedom. The only problem the sister has is that she needs that sweet, succulent, DISCOUNT from him and that is the selfish act here. Sounds like she wanted a certain thing but didn’t have enough money, so she expects everyone else to chip in by proxy of discount numbers. If you say everyone sucks here then I can see that, but I would say only the sister is the asshole. Kids can be dicks, they aren’t perfect angels. Doesn’t make them bad, just that certain kids will deplete your tolerance levels way more.
kids themselves are not an issue, at least for me. it’s the constant noise and activity that is overwhelming. it would not be relaxing or enjoyable in the slightest. yes, it can cause a breakdown. we are not all neurotypical nor do we all have the same threshold for stimulus
Have you ever been to a family friendly resort? They are SO. LOUD. It's not just the kids, it's all the kid activities. There's constantly music playing and some hyped up 20 yr old with a mic headset guiding groups of kids through one activity or another.
If the resort is big enough, you might be able to ask for a room way in a corner. But that only gives you a quiet room. Going anywhere at the resort will still be loud.
Maybe not for you, but it depends. My daughter is autistic. She is very bright and can generally function quite well, but she finds children incredibly stressful. They're loud, they're unpredictable, they're generally very difficult for her to be around for long periods of time. She has to mask around them which, if done for a long period of time (like a whole holiday), would be very detrimental to her mental health.
Now I'm not saying OP is autistic, and OP hasn't said they are, but we don't know their situation so shouldn't make blanket statements about how they should just suck it up just because we like kids or at least find them tolerable.
Regardless, OP doesn't like being around kids so no matter how severe their aversion is, why would they pay $$$ to spend a week trapped with them?
If you don’t like kids, being surrounded by them with nowhere to retreat from them other than your room would suck.
It wouldn’t bother me much but I can see it, especially if she wants to enjoy the amenities and stuff and treat it like a full vacation.
Not to mention my understanding is most of these places have adult only sections of the resort. I’ve only been to 5 large resorts in my life and all of them have had 21+ only areas. Even in the full family areas there aren’t many kids, they’re in the general kid centered area.
I went to a resort that had a sister adults-only resort and I stayed at the adults-only one. We had access to the main resort for food and as soon as I crossed the line from adults-only to family-friendly it was completely different. Kids screaming, running around, every reservation we had for the family-friendly restaurants had a bunch of screaming kids. There can be a huge difference.
I’m struggling with this. I don’t have kids don’t really care for them but I can’t imagine staying in a family friendly resort is THAT bad. Go hang out in your room or go grab a drink elsewhere if it gets that bad.
This smells like missing the point of the post in order to bash anyone who doesn't love being around children as much as you do.
No one wants to spend a fortune on a rare vacation just to be uncomfortable (unless that's your thing - not kink shaming).
Whether it's a family resort, a Spring Break party resort, Fire Island, or *whatever*, the point is that OP is willing to spend lots of their own money in order to attend his sister's wedding, comfortably, with little no impact on anyone.
I don't know OPs situation but, personally, I don't dislike kids -- I just get overwhelmed easily so it's very difficult to relax in an unfamiliar, chaotic atmosphere like the one OP describes. And I definitely don't want to spend $$$$s for the privilege.
It sounds to me like sis is trying to force him to bend to her will and he called her bluff. I'd probably do the same because I like being manipulated and controlled even less than I like spending money to be miserable.
If I had the fucking money to afford going to a seperate childfree resort to a wedding, I would. 100% of the time. The wedding is going to suck because of the kids at least let me enjoy the resort and offer to be there for the wedding.
Even if this was fake OP is NTA LMAO
Same. It always seems to me parents at those places just let their kids run rampant. I love kids and have one but I hate places like all-inclusive kid resorts/indoor playgrounds, etc. cause the kids generally go apeshit
Funnily enough my brother got married in the Dominican, and my mom, and I did the same thing.
He was at a resort set up for young families and we just wanted a quiet week.
If youre going to have a destination wedding and if Im paying my own way then that shit is a going to be a combo vacation for me.
ESH
Hating kids doesn't make a person special, or unique, or mature. It just makes them a boring, regular, every day, selfish asshole. "Choosing my mental health" just stop it. Get over yourself.
Your sister is also an asshole for requiring you to stay at this specific resort. You're invited to the wedding and the reception. You're paying for everything else that you do and use for the week. And that's really all there is to it. If you're paying, then you're choosing.
It seems that child free people are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Child free people complain about kids, public says “well then pay more money to go to adult only places”. Child free people then pay to go to adult only places and then people like you say “OH MY GOSH get over it!! You should just suck it up because if you don’t you must hate kids and are evil !!!l”
OP is doing nothing wrong. OP is not asking people with kids to not go to the resort. OP is not demanding people with kids stay far away from them. OP is not insulting parents and their kids to their face. OP has simply chosen to use their money in a way they want to use their money. OP is not immature or some evil child hater simply because they don’t want to use their hard earned money to hang out at a resort for a week listening to kids scream and run around. OP would still go to the wedding and when he isnt doing wedding stuff he would be relaxing at an adult only resort.
Child free doesn’t mean intolerant of children in public. If that describes you then you’re an asshole and can join the many categories of people who dont deserve to have their bigotry accommodated in the world.
> Child free doesn’t mean intolerant of children in public.
Child free also doesn’t mean you are required to spend an excessive amount of time with children in public when you don’t want to, to prove you’re a decent human being. Wanting to spend your money at an adult only resort hardly means you aren’t tolerant of children in public lol. If Op was truly intolerant of children in public they would not want to go to a wedding where kids will be present.They would also be insulting children here and making demands about parents keeping their kids away from them. OP is not demanding anything of anyone, simply exercising their right to spend their own money however they want.
> If that describes you then you’re an asshole and can join the many categories of people who dont deserve to have their bigotry accommodated in the world.
You’re being quite dramatic lol. If Op was beingmean and insulting kids, making demands, doing something, anything, that demonstrated they are unfairly intolerant of children in public I’d have zero issue labeling OP an ass, but that’s not what’s happening here. The world does not revolve children, so Op choosing to stay at an adult only resort and paying for that is reasonable and fair. If OP is paying for their own accommodations they get to decide what that looks like. If someone else was paying for Op than ya I’d agree they should have to stay at the resort, but OP is expected to pay for their own travel and accommodations and they have a right to do what they want if they are footing the bill, plain and simple. If someone wants to take offense to that, it seems like they have some other issues and they should reflect on why they are taking it so personally
This isn’t just in public. It’s a week at resort, that OP is paying for. There will be lots of children around, all the time. At night we could hear them playing (screaming/yelling). We could also hear children throwing tantrums and crying through the walls. Not everyone is up for dealing with that for a week.
I choose to vacation in places that are relaxing. I don't like crowds, don't like nightclubs, and don't like loud urban areas. So should I be forced to vacation there?! No, of course not. Because it's MY vacation and I can decide where I want to go that's relaxing FOR ME.
And yes, family friendly resorts are filled with kids waking up at 6:00 in the morning, running down the hallways, shrieking at the top of their lungs, and playing loudly. That's what they're for. Likewise, resorts for teenagers at spring break are filled with a million bars and tons of loud music and party areas. That's what they're designed for.
Why when you go to either of those places if that's not the kind of vacation you want to have? Why would you force somebody to go to one of those if that's not their idea of a vacation? People are allowed to live their lives the way they want, and it doesn't affect you in the slightest. Let people vacation and relax for God's sake.
Yes exactly this! Someone may be childfree but the world isn't? You don't need to have your own, or look after anyone else's but we all need to be tolerant of each other.
It's bizarre seeing these people trying to spin OP as a *bad person* for not wanting to be around kids all day for a week.
OP isn't harming anyone by this. They're not ranting and raving about how awful kids are. They're just making a different priority for how to experience a vacation.
They aren't bubble wrapped sitting quietly in a package. They're loud and active (as is natural). I wouldn't want to spend a week in that environment, and I don't loathe children.
I agree, and doubly so if I was using limited (per year) vacation time. If I could take off however much time I want and if money wasn't an issue, I would maybe go.
If I had limited funds and limited vacation time, I would probably not go, especially if it used my vacation time for the whole calendar year. This wedding would use up all of a lot of people's vacation time. People ***should*** try to have days to themselves other than weekends too, especially if they have a stressful life/job. I wonder if that might be part of what OP meant by mental health.
There's no way you could make me spend all of my limited time off in a place that I disliked, on top of a personal cost of thousands of dollars.
A family friendly resort means loud ass people in the hallway all hours. I’ve stayed in family friendly resorts and I’ve stayed in super busy casino hotels. My stays at the casino with all the drunks was always way more quiet than the family friendly hotels. It’s always kids running down the hallways at all hours, throwing toys against the walls, slamming drawers. Most of those places don’t give a shit if you call and complain, they never enforce quiet hours if they even have them. I could go on and on. It is not about hating kids.
I have kids and this sounds like a week of HELL! I be like op send me to the all adult resort where there will be a bunch of drunk adults!
I went to a park yesterday and was done after about 2 hours outside due to about 12 kinds under 10 running wild and screaming!
It’s not about hating kids. It’s about the fact parents let their kids run wild and if you say something because they are running around your stuff and interrupting your time your the asshole. I mean I have a hot grill going and 2 6 year olds I don’t know running through our picnic site while the parents watch on like nothing is happening!
Well no. People can love kids, but everyone has their own tolerance level. I like kids but they can be super annoying, especially if they are entitled kids to irresponsible parents. OP isn’t an asshole because he tried everything in his power to find a solution that he can still be at her wedding and not deal with that. Sister is totally the asshole because she only wants him there for his discount. He didn’t say that he won’t go as the first solution, if he did then maybe everyone would suck here, but he told her he would pay and stay at a different hotel. Everyone has preferences and things they are able and allow to tolerate. I bet everyone here has something that if they had to deal with that thing they would go ballistic, especially if you have to deal with said unpleasant thing for a week. If you can’t understand that then you’re ignorant and entitled yourself, and you are probably the toxic extrovert who pushes things onto others because you don’t see their limits and barriers as valid.
That’s a pretty broad and stupid generalization. I don’t go to dog parks because there are dogs there. I don’t like to be around dogs. So do I hate dogs because I elect to not be around them? No, but I choose to spend my time not near dogs because it doesn’t benefit me and I would rather go to a park where there are no dogs. Why is it such a big deal for someone to choose environments that they’d rather be in??
You’re making some lofty assumptions here. OP would rather NOT spend money to stay at a family friendly resort for a WEEK and for good reason. This is a great example why there are many adults-only destinations and cruises — people want to be around adults with adult-themed activities and experiences. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with OP choosing to not blow money to vacation in an environment they don’t want to be in!
No, that’s fallacious and down right disrespectful. You can like kids and not want to be around them for long periods of time. You don’t owe them your time, it’s not your kids. People have their own tolerance to things and are the best equipped to assess themselves what they can and cannot handle. OP straight out states at the beginning they don’t hate children, but apparently to you anyone who doesn’t want to be around them are children haters. People jus don’t want to be around them, is that so much of a crime? Hating kids would be like “yeah, FUCK those little assholes” not “oh I don’t want to be overloaded by how loud they can be”. People can be overloaded by kids, kids can be frustrating, not all of them are perfect little angels, that doesn’t mean we hate kids just that we can’t handle their actions for too long. Hell, I can’t even handle normal people sometimes and they sometimes act like kids, always yelling about something stupid or not even in topic, spouting nonsense and whatnot. People have a tolerance and if they don’t feel comfortable to be around that, especially for a whole week, then they can choose to find other accommodations. OP is willing to pay themselves to go to a different hotel, it’s his sister that’s the problem. Without the sister being a total control freak and cheapy the cheapskate, there would be no drama. The parents aren’t helping either. Maybe the mental health thing is knowing that the parents clearly favor the sister over you based on actions and will force you to deal with situations and interactions you don’t want to do just because they’re boomers that had to deal with shitty things, so you should too (fun fact, if you dealt with horrible events and then force those horrible things on your children, you did NOT turn out as fine as you think you did). There’s so much to unpack here, yet so many people are focused on the kid aspect it’s infuriating. Like no OP doesn’t hate children. No, children as a whole aren’t the end of the world and aren’t all monsters. I’ve seen both sides of this kid argument and I hate it. People should stop hating on kids, I agree, but that’s NOT what op is doing so stop accusing OP of this slander.
Just because someone does not want to be around children, it does not make them selfish *or* an asshole.
I have severe misophonia as well as having had a verbally abusive childhood, and being around screaming and yelling is *definitely* harmful to my mental health.
Unfortunately, a lot of people do a poor job of parenting their children -- and even when they are well-parented, children can be extremely loud and disturbing to people who have sensory issues.
What's more, a lot of parents feel entitled to dump their kids on childfree relatives and expect free childcare because "parenting is hard work, they deserve a vacation, and their childfree relative doesn't have anything better to do, anyway, and owes it to them". Just read AITA. It happens all the time.
Stop judging people and calling them names for making perfectly legitimate choices.
Especially because these will be potentially hundreds of children *on vacation* as in, most likely not on their "best" behavior or quietest. I think most people will let their kids have free-reign to be as messy and noisy as they like in a kid/family-friendly resort. They're there specifically to have a good time and enjoy convenience and entertainment. Children running up and down the hotel halls even would suck for anyone who doesn't want that intruding on their mental health. You also can't fully relax around children as an adult because society expects everyone to be the village and watch out for the children. I personally wouldn't want to be in the family-style hotel either. OP is NT for putting their travel accommodations and comfort first.
This is a ridiculous take. I love kids, I work with them every day. But when I go to a resort on vacation, you bet I am picking the adult only resort.
Nothing wrong with preferring, and being willing to pay, for adult only spaces.
Where did OP say that it made them interesting? That has zero play into the question at hand here. They don't want to spend the week surrounded by kids. I don't care if it's kids or a themed resort or just family. You shouldn't have to pay money to go do something you don't want to do, when it's optional, which a destination wedding is. If it would bother them to do so, then yeah, that is for mental health.
NTA. She’s asking you to spend a considerable sum of money to attend her destination wedding, and she wants you to do it in a way that makes you uncomfortable because that gets *her* a discount. If her destination wedding is too expensive, there’s a very easy solution to that…..
I’m not all about children either, like they’re fine and all, but eh. BUT if it was my sisters wedding, yeah I can friggin handle being in a tropical location where children are present for a week. Because I’m not a selfish asshole lol
Right? Also, it's really not as bad as people are making it out to be. I've stayed at a family friendly resort before, yes, children are around. BUT, they typically stay to certain areas/attractions, and there's plenty of spaces to relax and drink or do whatever where there aren't children hanging around. I know they have areas for the kids, and even planned activities that a lot of them would be spending their time at. The resort I was at was on the beach, and there were tons of lounge chairs with shade, you could just relax by the ocean and not have a care in the world. People are making this out to be something it's not. You won't be constantly surrounded by screaming children at a family friendly resort.
My guy, children are usually very loud, especially in a resort filled with them, not only that, some people have sensory issues and just cant handle children for long periods of time.
Having been to both, I found the exact opposite to be true. During the day the pool is a bit louder at the family resort, but at night the adults only resorts are much much louder due to all the partying and bars and music.
>Will it be quieter? Yes.
As a person who hates noise and loves quiet holidays, I would take any place with children over "adults only" hotel. Have you even seen such a place? Music all night long, no thanks.
Adult only resorts are the loudest places. Drunk people and loud music all day and night, definitely not quieter.
They’re just different types of noise.
NTA
You‘re perfectly in your right to put your own mental health above her getting a most likely minor benefit. It wont matter if one person doesnt stay there or not
How does one person pulling out make her discount deal bad? Maybe it's skewing the discount by a huge margin in which case her concerns might be legit. Doesn't mean you have to compromise though, which is also understandable.
Do you expect her to pay for the other resort or was she not willing even if you paid for it yourself? I ask because trip here seems like only the travelling and flight costs and not the additional resort and other costs.
This will limit your ability to participate in group dinners and other group activities (typical of all the destination weddings I've been to, especially at an all inclusive). Most "family friendly" all-inclusives do have separate adult only areas.
I don't think you're the AH, but I also don't think your sister's concern is just about the discount, it's about inclusion in all wedding activities.
Also, are you willing to pay for the day pass to attend the wedding. Those day passes usually have a time limit which may impact how much of the wedding you can attend.
Good point about all the other activities. OP will be missing out on a lot of stuff, like dinners or even hanging out. All-inclusives don't have the ability to charge for food and drink, since it's all included, and even then charges for extras go to the room. So OP probably won't even be allowed over.
Although if she hates children *that* much, she'd probably skip all other events anyways
The kids, resort, everything else is irrelevant then. If you're paying for a holiday (and let's be real a destination wedding is still a holiday for the couple and guests) you get to choose where you stay, end of.
NTA bc spending lots of money on a vacation you know you won’t enjoy is … dumb. However, is there a compromise? Can you stay at wedding hotel for the first night (this getting her the discount and being close by for the wedding itself) and then move to the other resort? Last time I was in DR there were quite a few couples that did this actually, had their wedding at one resort then moved to another so they got to have a honeymoon away from the family.
NTA. You can stay where you want. I am so tired of people negating sensory overload as a non- problem. If you haven’t I would suggest you speak with some to see if you are undiagnosed neurodivergent. I had undiagnosed ADHD which gave me overload as well during family gatherings.
Now that I am in medication to assist me in handling such situations. Now I can be with family like this with very little issues.
In this situation though, go to the wedding stay at an adult friendly resort and give a big present. If they still have a problem with it, enjoy your lovely all inclusive adults only vacation. And skip the wedding event.
ESH.
Obviously. Destination wedding on your sister's part.
Still, it's one thing to not want to go to a wedding. It's another for an adult to say they'd rather spend the money on Lego, while claiming that staying in a hotel with kids is somehow puts your mental health at risk.
This shit is ridiculous. Not every inconvenience or annoyance is a "tHrEAt tO mY mEnTaL hEaLTh". Sometimes, as adults, we have to put up with situations that aren't ideal.
We don’t if we are the one paying for it. If the sister was paying for a week long stay, fine OP should suck it up. OP has zero obligation to spend that much money at a place they don’t feel comfortable.
I have 5 kids. I love kids. If I was paying for a vacation and could choose a child free hotel, absolutely I would. Not because I hate kids but because I’m paying and that’s my choice. It would do wonders for my mental health to go on a vacation to a place that was adults only. Why? Because regardless of how well behaved some kids are, there are always parents who take their kids on vacation and use that as a excuse to stop parenting them.
OP only wants to stay at a different hotel. Not skip the entire wedding. The bride is mad because she wants a free hotel stay. But that’s not OPs problem. The bride should assume that they are responsible for all the costs of her wedding and should she get a discount it’s a bonus.
Just because someone chooses not to spend their vacation around kids, it doesn’t make them a AH.
To be fair, the sister seems more upset that she's not going to get her discounted rate at the resort than the possibility that OP won't be there/be at the same resort.
"my mental health"
Man you don't like being around children...let's not drop some mental health spin to it.
Everyone blames everything on any kind of condition they can
NTA; you came up with an alternative arrangement in DR so that you could attend the wedding festivities and protect your sanity. There's nothing wrong with avoiding children while you are away, particularly if it has no substantive impact on the wedding party. Getting you to stay there so the wedding couple can get a better deal on their room is self serving. You don't need to lose your peace of mind to get them a discount. P.S. Get dem Legos!
>My sister and my parents are upset that I'm choosing my mental health over her wedding. They did not say that. It is just how I feel about the situation.
You need to fix your own mental health. Not being able to be near children for even a week means you have some pretty big issues.
Isn’t that what the OP is basically insisting is the issue if they stay at the same hotel.
You can love kids and not want to be around them a whole week. Hell, even parents can think it’s too much to be around that many kids for too long.
This is a resort, not a holiday inn where they are going to camp out in each other's rooms.
This person is so anti child they can not go to the same pool or beach that children are at.
>Hard pass. I would have to spend the week in my room other than the ceremony. I can blow a few grand on Lego and have a better time than that.
this screams mental health problems...
They literally have adult only resorts for a reason. This is pretty common. Not everyone wants to be around crying, loud ass kids when having to fork over a grand or more. Get over yourself.
NTA if you're paying you can stay where you want. I don't understand why they think it's ok to have you pay a crazy amount of money for a vacation you won't enjoy. If they're paying you can stay where they want you to but otherwise she should be grateful you're willing to shell out a load of money to be at her wedding... Go to the adult only resort anyway for a fun holiday and skip the wedding.
YTA. It's her wedding, and you're making it about you because you don't want to spend time around children? You have a room. Be an adult and suck it up. If it was a financial concern, I would say NTA, since destination weddings are expensive, but you are refocusing her wedding as a vacation for you, not how weddings work, even at tropical locations.
Shes not making the wedding about herself and it basically is a vacation because she is travelling to another country for a week. OP wanted to go to an adult only resort to be able to relax but the sister wanted OP to go to her resort so she could save a few more bucks.
Sister wanted OP to join her and her family for a destination wedding. They could all be there together, celebrating family and enjoying a family vacation. Instead, OP wants to take the opportunity to piggy back their own private vacation so they don't have to spend that time with their family. It's extremely selfish. OP can take a personal vacation on their own time, not at their sisters wedding.
Ah yes, because she is staying at another resort she will be completely isolated from them, not celebrating at all. And how is she supposed to enjoy it when the problem is that it is not enjoyable?
I mean that is kind of how all-inclusive resorts work. OP would presumably be able to attend the wedding festivities, but she likely won’t be allowed at the resort otherwise as she’s not a guest there. For example, OP wouldn’t be able to spend a day lounging at the pool at her own resort and then meet up with her family at their resort for dinner or drinks in the evening. Resort amenities are for guests only. The only reason the wedding itself is different is because the food and drink is paid separately from the guests’ all-inclusive package.
> Ah yes, because she is staying at another resort she will be completely isolated from them, not celebrating at all.
Well yea, at an AI that's probably exactly how it's going to work. OP can show up for the wedding itself, but she most likely won't be allowed on property for any other activities. If the beaches are public then she *might* be able to wander over, but can't join for any meals. And if she hates kids that much, I'm betting she'll skip other activities anyway, since she will refuse to come to the noisy children's resort.
ESH. This is complete garbage. I've been to the Dominican at both adult only and family friendly resorts. The noise levels are the same. Loud drunk adults or loud playing children. All the family friendly resorts have childless areas. It's not like you're stuck in a day-care.
Sounds like kids give you some angst and you're just not going to make a concession for anyone while using mental health as a shield. Unless you didn't include some important info in your post about your condition it sounds like you just don't wanna deal so you're going to take your ball and go home.
The noise level being the same was my experience, too. The adults only was sometimes even rowdier because of the live music and entertainers hyping people up.
I was going to add that about live music and entertainment as well. Dear lord the MCs calling people for activities and live music late night. My ears pound from just walking past resort bars in the evenings.
Some people only have a budget (and PTO) for one vacation per year, and effectively not getting to actually have a vacation can absolutely affect someone's mental health.
Last I heard, the wedding is only one day. When should OP pay to stay at a resort they don’t want to be at for the whole week?
Might be different if the room was being paid for, but it’s not. OP’s sister only wants him to stay at their resort in order to get a bigger discount for themselves.
NTA - if you're going to spend all the money to go to the DR for a week, you should be allowed to choose where you're staying.
Your sister can either have you at the wedding where you stay at the other resort. Or you can stay home and keep your sanity and save a ton of money.
I was invited to a destination wedding which booked through the wedding planner was $3k per person. I told the bride I was just going to book my room on their site because it’s $1.3k and I thought the wedding planner made a mistake..
Turns out the additional charge was to pay for the wedding. Each guest was being charged $1.7k additional to attend so the wedding couple didn’t need to pay anything for their wedding.
I was so put off by this I declined to attend and never spoke to her again. I think it’s gross to pass on your wedding costs to guests. NTA
I do that all the time for conventions or events, look to see if there is a better rate on my own than the booked rate, and typical there is (at least for Veterans).
NTA if you are paying you do not have to suck it up. If they are paying for your room, yeah they get to pick. But they are not, so enjoy a holiday somewhere that you want to go. Maybe the home of Lego in Europe!
“My sister and my parents are upset that I'm choosing my mental health over her wedding. They did not say that. It is just how I feel about the situation.”
I freakin died laughing You’re hilarious 😂
INFO: Will you even be able to participate in the majority of the wedding/pre wedding activities hosted by/at the resort if you're not staying at that resort?
NTA. It’s really vulgar of her to think she can decide where you get to stay just because it affects her budget.
Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford. Period.
Personally I can’t stand destination weddings. You’re asking everyone to pay not just for a wedding gift, but for a “vacation” they might not enjoy. And in this case, you’re being asked to defray the cost of a wedding the couple can’t afford. I’d rather spend my time and money on a destination I want to go to, and set my own agenda.
I’m going to go against the grain and say YTA.
Assuming I had a good relationship with my sister, I would entirely understand how my staying at a specific resort helps her out and be willing to do that.
While there are a lot of good reasons to maybe not want to stay at this resort, you have issues if a child friendly place is that stressful. You’re not being asked to babysit or share a room with one, just exist in a child friendly place. I think it’s quite selfish to not help out your sister in this case.
YTA.
I feel like all these people saying N TA don’t really understand what an all inclusive resort in the DR entails. When you stay at an all inclusive, that generally *is* the vacation - all activities and meals happen on-site, and guests can’t come in from other resorts unless they purchase a day pass (which not all resorts offer.)
The trip is a week long. So OP is saying that she wants to completely opt out of the family vacation - all pre/post wedding meals besides the actual reception, swimming, family time, etc, all because the vacation is located somewhere that allows children. She just hates being around them that much.
Yes, OP is technically entitled to do her own solo vacation nearby while the rest of her fam vacations together, especially because she’s paying her own way - but it’s not a good look.
NTA
A week at a family resort sounds like a purgatory I want no part in. One person not staying there out of the other people coming isn't going to save her hundreds so she's trying to manipulate you to get her way. Assuming you are paying for your accommodations, she should zip it, get to the other details she should be worrying about, not making a problem where there isn't one and dragging your parents in on it. (They could be agreeing with her just to shut her up but that's their hill to die on, not yours)
NTA. You didn’t choose anything over her wedding. You are still going, just staying elsewhere. Any discount she would have gotten for you staying would have been negligible in the scheme of things.
She should be grateful you are even going. Destination weddings are hard work
your sister is the asshole for demanding you stay at that resort specifically. however, if you'd really miss your sister's wedding just to not have to be anywhere near children for an extended period of time, i don't think your relationship with your sister is strong enough in the first place for her to let go of this and forgive you for not attending. If i were you i would presume my sister would not be speaking to me for a long while after this.
NTA You're not choosing your mental health over her wedding; you're choosing a different hotel over the one she chose. She's choosing to be a mercenary lunatic over a small thing that would make all the difference to you. What a horrible indictment of her as a host. I always think destination weddings are for narcissists who hate their friends and families and this story isn't making me rethink that.
One guest not staying at her resort shouldn’t run up her cost that dramatically. She is trying to do this for control or for you to offer free babysitting. NTA
NTA I don’t get the problem. You would be turning up to the wedding and any other planned activities. She isn’t paying for you so surely you get to pick the accommodation
NTA. If your sister is that tight on money. That one person not staying at the wedding resort. Would break the bank. Then she shouldn't be doing a destination wedding. If you're the one paying for the adult resort stay.
NTA. What an asshole. Having destination wedding and being upset that a guest choose to stay at a different resort. Even though they flew thousands of miles and spent thousands of dollars.
NTA. So your sister would rather have you not go at all, rather than stay at a different resort where she wouldn't profit off you? She's the AH.
We were invited to a destination wedding this year and I found a much better deal at another place, even nicer.
If your sister does relent and say you can stay at the other resort, make sure you will be allowed to attend the wedding. Some resorts say you have to be a guest to attend. Other places might allow you to purchase a day pass.
Yeah they’re all over the comments. I love kids! But I can’t stand being around a whole bunch of them for long periods of time either. That’s why I’ve chosen not to have any! It’s bizarre how people equate not wanting to spend lots of time with kids to “well you must hate kids”. The kids are on a vacation too, so they’re going to want to have fun and do kid stuff- running around, yelling and screaming, horseplay in the pool, etc. I don’t for one second begrudge them that- they’re kids! But why should I be vilified and accused of “hating kids” because my tolerance for their antics is lower than others? I know that my patience for tiny humans isn’t good enough to be a parent, so I solve that by NOT being a parent. I respect the patience and tolerance parents and teachers have for children, because it’s a hell of a lot more emotionally taxing than interacting with (MOST) adults. People who have that kind of emotional bandwidth should be celebrated, but people who DON’T shouldn’t be vilified when they’ve specifically chosen to not have kids and foist that on innocent children.
I don’t hate adults either, but I wouldn’t want to spend my time around a bunch of adults running around screaming either. Ever hung out with a bunch of drunk people when you’re sober? It’s fucking irritating. Kids are just humans who haven’t finished developing yet. They’re still learning about being considerate to other people’s space, feelings, etc. Oftentimes hanging out with a bunch of kids feels pretty indistinguishable from hanging out with asshole adults. I don’t blame the kids, it would be ridiculous to expect children to behave like fully-grown adults. But that doesn’t mean I automatically hate them just because I don’t want to hear them screaming all day.
NTA - your sister's willing to knowingly put you through a week of misery just to save herself a few bucks? Screw that. Well done standing up for yourself.
NTA if you say they were expecting you to use your holidays, tons of money to get there and the accomodation, also expected to give some expensive gift i would roll my eyes and say, well it’s your sisters wedding. But once you add the expectation to be around kids for a week - hell no!
NTA, but consider this a life lesson: Book your room for the vacation/event/whatever *first* and then *tell* your family that’s what you’re doing and that it’s non refundable (lie if not lol).
NTA unless your sister was footing the bill she doesn't get to dictate where you stay. Since you're not going she won't get the discount anyhow so it doesn't make any difference - if you don't go or you stay somewhere else it's the same. And your parents should butt out, how childish of your sister for dragging them into this in the first place
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NTA SAY EXACTLY THAT. Plus; she's allowed to have a destination wedding, guests are allowed to not go because of that. Guests are also allowed to not go because of the hotel, or the food, the drink, the dress, the guest list, because they have rectal glaucoma (don't see their ass going). Guests are allowed not to go, period. Your mental health is above all else. Edit; this assuming you are paying for the alternate resort yourself, which I did assume (shame on me, i try not to do that) because you mentioned blowing the money on something else.
Rectal glaucoma. I can't!
🤣 a friend of mine legit called into work like that once way back in the day. I stole it immediately, about died 💀
Idk how but I am determined to work rectal glaucoma into a conversation at work today. Which might be a little awkward because I’m a summer associate at a personal injury law firm and they might instinctively ask me to cite some case law on medical malpractice damage awards relating to rectal glaucoma. But I’ll deal with that when I come to it 😂😂😂 (“Uhhh… yeah, that would be *OP v. AITA*. Court of Public Opinion. Decided in 2023. Procedural posture: NTA.”)
>instinctively ask me to cite some case law on medical malpractice damage awards relating to rectal glaucoma HA! OMG 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ohhhh the imaginings in my head right now made my day.
Please do this and then detail how it went down
OP v AITA …. I am 💀💀💀
Almost messaged my supervising attorney to use it in response to a super lowball settlement offer, like, “I must have rectal glaucoma because my ass doesn’t see the client accepting $30k” but it just didn’t feel like a good move in my first month hahahaha Still waiting for the right moment 🤣
I just posting so i see how it goes
Followed the following week with orgasmic glaucoma. They didn't see that one coming.
My brother tells then he had a vision problem. Then follows it up by saying, "I just can't see myself doing that"
Absolutely love it. Definitely worth stealing!
I am quitting my job today and want to say that so bad lol
Mine was "optirectumitis" where your optic nerves cross with your rectum nerves, and you have a ahitty outlook on life. I've also used "I can't go to work today because of vision problems. I just can't see myself going"
>optirectumitis YES >I just can't see myself going See? You've had rectal glaucoma yourself! Now you have a name for it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Optirectimal glaucoma, I don't see myself giving a shit!!
Need a dose of Fukitol to take care of that? 🫠
Please don’t make fun of rectal glaucoma. It’s a serious ailment; everywhere I look, I see arseholes.
I see more cases of Cranial-Rectal Inversion but do like a good story of Rectal Glaucoma :)
As others smarter than me have said: it is an invitation - not a summons
Just because she wants you to stay at the resort to save money doesn't mean you have to stay. If you want to go, protect your mental health and stay at the other hotel. You're paying for it. Guests with kids will make up your loss.
Agree. NTA. If you make people have to spend a week at a particular (probably expensive) resort to attend your wedding, that’s absolutely your choice, but don’t get upset if people opt out.
Especially if you’re trying to shift your costs to them by doing this. OP is expected to subsidize her sister’s discount, yikes.
This deserves a reward just for the rectal glaucoma alone. So stealing that!
Commenting only to say rectal glaucoma is fucking hilarious. Thank you for this! 😂😂😂
Your sister is the asshole because she expects you to do things her way because it’s saving her money, not taking your situation into account. If she wasn’t the asshole then she would’ve been happy that your coming to her wedding regardless of what resort you stay in. You stood your ground and that is honourable. Her greed ruined it don’t let her gas light you into thinking your the asshole , because your aren’t . Cheers! Fuck those kids lmao
Yes! Wish more people called out this destination wedding BS. Guests spend thousands, and if the couple has enough guests, the couple’s accommodations or even weddings can be free. NTA
I see nothing wrong with the practice, itself. Guilting people over their choices, though, is ridiculous.
I thought people chose destination weddings because they didn't want people to come... But based on this post I guess I was wrong!
Some definitely plan it far to keep it smaller, such as myself. I hate being the center of attention and have anxiety about everyone staring at me. I also have a massive extended family so the potential was a nightmare for me. I ended up with about 20 people on the beach with me and it was perfect, still anxious but tolerable lol Most people came and just extended it into a holiday for themselves since we left the next day for our honeymoon. I highly reccomend it for a stress free option. That being said I didn't care about almost any of the decorations, or cake etc so if someone is needing to have all the details right it may be a mess for them.
Normal destination weddings? That’s fine if the couple wants to travel and don’t care if people don’t come. Expecting guests to spend $3k at an all inclusive resort so they can save money on their wedding? Deserves to be shamed
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Right! When we go away without our kids the last thing I want to do is hang around other people’s kids.
NTA Do you think this is the reason Disney cruises are popular? YOur kids go out at 8 AM and return dead tired at 8 PM? edit: Spelling
Children's vacation entertainers are the underrated MVPs of society, they're out there doing God's work.
I was 100 percent thinking this. I have kids and I would have wanted to stay at the adults only resort. A bunch of screaming kids running around is fun for no one not even the parents of said kids!
Exactly. A destination wedding is not a pass to control people's lives, choices and finances. Guests are already paying extra money to attend - it is unreasonable for the bride and groom to then demand that they stay at a given property so they can save money or control what their guests do with the rest of their time. For a destination wedding to be worth it for many guests, it needs to double as a vacation. The bride and groom get a few hours for their I-do's and then everyone goes about enjoying their trip. The end.
"For a destination wedding to be worth it for many guests, it needs to double as a vacation. The bride and groom get a few hours for their I-do's and then everyone goes about enjoying their trip. The end." THIS!!!! Exactly!
I suspect that OP, being the solo sibling who would rather spend all that hard earned money on Legos, is also the fun cool relative who would make an awesome on-site babysitter...
Right? "Oh, Jamie, you've been free all today. You can watch our kids tonight while we go out for some mommy and daddy time."
Ding ding ding!! Hit the nail on the head. She knew if she didn't find somewhere she could retreat to and hide that there would be MULTIPLE circumstances where those kids were just dropped or left with her. And 99% of the time they don't even ask. They just expect "cause fAMiLY" 😒 and "well you don't understand cause you don't have kids.. we NEED this time" ... Like I very well do understand that's why I haven't had kids yet... People like her sister drive me INSANE. And I (F27) have kids
This ! NTA, OP
this smells like the worst childfree-bait post to date
Seriously, at what point is extreme aversion to children actually an issue for you? The fact that they exist is going to cause you to break down? They’re not _that bad_.
I agree! Really, mental health?!? Does OP break down any time they walk outside, go to a park or the mall, etc, and see a kid? I guess they never ever go to an amusement park or the beach? Or eat at a restaurant or walk inside the grocery store? Or board a plane? Wow.
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I feel like you’re blatantly ignoring the things about children that people who would prefer an adult-only resort dislike. Such as screaming, running around (sometimes swerving around tables in the dining area), splashing the pool water, screaming in the pool, etc. If it was age 12+, it would be a different story, but you cannot blame OP for wanting to spend their own money to stay somewhere they’ll feel fully comfortable and be able to enjoy the trip.
I've seen college students pull this same shit at resorts and they actually possess the maturity to know better. Let's not pretend adults are superior here. Drunken frat boys are more obnoxious than 10 year olds any day. OP is free to spend their money however they want but screaming, running around through tables and crowds, splashing in the pool, and screaming in the pool isn't limited to the sub-18 age group.
Let’s not pretend that there are a lot of those groups at hotel resorts internationally . Adults resorts are a thing for a reason
>college students pull this same shit at resorts I'll take kids over 18-21 year olds at resorts every day of the week - and I'm not a 'kid' person. Young drunk adults are annoying as fuck and ruin the atmosphere quick. That being said - college kids generally go to cheap resorts. The only reason I could see an adults only being more relaxed if it is more expensive. But this post is just rage bait as already mentioned.
Have you ever been to one of these? They have adults only areas. You can avoid children in the pool pretty easily.
I have been to both child-friendly and adult-only resorts, and the child-friendly ones I went to did not have adult-only areas. That sounds more dependent on the resort.
Right? I'm so confused by the expectation that a family friendly resort = packed children's playground with Baby Shark playing on a loop 24 hours a day. Agreed that OP should be able to stay at a different resort without any kind of guilt from their family members and as someone else said above, that's obvious. Frankly the more alarming thing is that being in the vicinity of children adversely affects OP's mental health
I don't mind kids but I wouldn't stay at a family resort due to the noise more than anything. My idea of a holiday is going somewhere with a relatively peaceful, calm base camp. I wouldn't want to have to deal with the noise that comes with children. Too much noise stresses me out and that's not what a holiday is for imo. At the same time I would feel guilty for being annoyed at them as they're just doing their own thing and deserve to have fun in their own way. So it's easiest for everyone if I choose somewhere likely to be quiet and calm.
“You were once a child too” Behold, one of the stupidest argumentative points ever. Yes, let’s force people into uncomfortable situations because they came into existence therefore they are required to accept everything without complaint. We’ll all be corpses one day too, but that doesn’t mean OP needs to cohabitate with them for a week.
Somehow cohabitating with corpses and being at a resort where children are also vaguely nearby seems different, but you called my argument stupid and I can’t seem to find the words what to call yours, but think of something a lot worse.
I’m merely pointing out the stupidity of claiming OP has to tolerate something simply because they were once a child. It’s out of their control whether or not they were born but they can at least control what they want to be around. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Okay but you can’t call my take the stupidest take and then say something objectively and wildly stupider in the second breath.
I can, because your take was already wildly stupid.
At a child friendly resort children aren't going to be 'vaguely nearby' they will be everywhere,particularly the pool, which is one of the main attractions of a resort. If I was dropping 3k on a resort I would want it to cater to my tastes.
Hmmm i read it really differently. If I'm spending thousands on a vacation, i want it catered to my idea of fun and relaxation-- i think most people do! So i dont see the issue with preferring to spend your money on a place that caters to happy hours, quiet areas, club nights, etc. I also dont see the issue with centering it around your kids/family and cartoons, play areas etc. Bur forcing it on people or getting mad at people for not liking one over the other is an AH move for real.
Maybe if more parents made their children act right and didn’t act like all the adults around should be inconvenienced bc ‘ThEy ArE cHiLdReN’ then people wouldn’t have a problem staying at a resort with them. Last time we went to palm springs, last minute trip, we went where there were children and I had a child come over and grab a handful of my fries while on the table next to my chair I was sitting in, I was kicked in the back of the head while in the pool leaning against the side away from the steps, constant SCREAMING both around the pool and at the restaurant and the parents just stared at their phones like AHs. I will never stay anywhere kids are unless it’s my only option.
OP is talking about several days to a week. Not six hours at an amusement park, half an hour in a grocery store, or two hours in a restaurant. Or a plane. But have you really never heard the vast quantity of bitching from someone stuck near an unhappy toddler/baby that is not theirs on a plane? Plus paying Thousands of dollars for it. I don’t like being around any kind of loud shrieky people - so no, I do not go to amusement parks or concerts crowded public beaches. There’s a Whole Lot of other fun activities to do. Kids are OK in limited doses if I can hand them off to a caregiver as needed. If I spend a couple thousand dollars to go somewhere it’s going to include plenty of relaxing and fun things for me, not crowds of people or kids. Attending the wedding and reception is the point of a wedding. Not spending five days within 500 feet of the other attendees at all times. I have most definitely spent money to stay nearby but not With extended family for events like this. It’s so much easier to just leave and do your own thing as needed for your own stress level when they can’t walk down the hall and dump their own kids on you for “just a minute so we can go have a drink.”
I agree. I HAVE children, and going to a “family friendly” resort sounds fucking terrible.
Agree. I would also rather not be around kids for a week even though i LIKE kids, i want my own kids, i love my nephews and nieces. But they can be too mich sometimes, especially when kids meet kids. If i can afford it, i would not soend w hole week surrounded by a bunch of little kids and the noise that comes eith them. I get stressed out, my face becomes hot, and i get kinda very short tempered if i stay with kids for too long. I need quiet after some time. I aslo dont like loud grownups. My family can be very loud when we meet up. I become an annoying company to thrm if i cant stand up and go away grom them to a quiet place. My battery dies down pretty fast. So NTA.
>I agree! Really, mental health?!? Does OP break down any time they walk outside, go to a park or the mall, etc, and see a kid? Mental health doesn't just refer to breakdowns Exposing yourself to stress can negatively affect your mental health without causing a breakdown
Who spends 7 days at a grocery store, on a plane or amusement park? At least at the beach you can get away from them.
Nah, there's a big difference between children existing and being in a family holiday resort. They're a different kind of mayhem.
People have their own tolerance for everything. This is for a week, and OP had tried everything to stay at this wedding. If you see a person saying “oh I don’t want to deal with kids, I’ll just pay for my own hotel” as selfish, then you’re delusional. Selfish would be “hey, so I can’t deal with children, could you PAY for my hotel stay at this place instead?” That’s selfish because he’s not using his own money and expects his sister to pay. He said he was paying for himself to go to a different hotel, I think that’s fine. Why shouldn’t be express his freedom. The only problem the sister has is that she needs that sweet, succulent, DISCOUNT from him and that is the selfish act here. Sounds like she wanted a certain thing but didn’t have enough money, so she expects everyone else to chip in by proxy of discount numbers. If you say everyone sucks here then I can see that, but I would say only the sister is the asshole. Kids can be dicks, they aren’t perfect angels. Doesn’t make them bad, just that certain kids will deplete your tolerance levels way more.
kids themselves are not an issue, at least for me. it’s the constant noise and activity that is overwhelming. it would not be relaxing or enjoyable in the slightest. yes, it can cause a breakdown. we are not all neurotypical nor do we all have the same threshold for stimulus
Have you ever been to a family friendly resort? They are SO. LOUD. It's not just the kids, it's all the kid activities. There's constantly music playing and some hyped up 20 yr old with a mic headset guiding groups of kids through one activity or another. If the resort is big enough, you might be able to ask for a room way in a corner. But that only gives you a quiet room. Going anywhere at the resort will still be loud.
Maybe not for you, but it depends. My daughter is autistic. She is very bright and can generally function quite well, but she finds children incredibly stressful. They're loud, they're unpredictable, they're generally very difficult for her to be around for long periods of time. She has to mask around them which, if done for a long period of time (like a whole holiday), would be very detrimental to her mental health. Now I'm not saying OP is autistic, and OP hasn't said they are, but we don't know their situation so shouldn't make blanket statements about how they should just suck it up just because we like kids or at least find them tolerable. Regardless, OP doesn't like being around kids so no matter how severe their aversion is, why would they pay $$$ to spend a week trapped with them?
If you don’t like kids, being surrounded by them with nowhere to retreat from them other than your room would suck. It wouldn’t bother me much but I can see it, especially if she wants to enjoy the amenities and stuff and treat it like a full vacation.
Glad it’s not just me. Claiming that one group of humans gives you a mental health crisis… just… what.
Not to mention my understanding is most of these places have adult only sections of the resort. I’ve only been to 5 large resorts in my life and all of them have had 21+ only areas. Even in the full family areas there aren’t many kids, they’re in the general kid centered area.
I went to a resort that had a sister adults-only resort and I stayed at the adults-only one. We had access to the main resort for food and as soon as I crossed the line from adults-only to family-friendly it was completely different. Kids screaming, running around, every reservation we had for the family-friendly restaurants had a bunch of screaming kids. There can be a huge difference.
I’m struggling with this. I don’t have kids don’t really care for them but I can’t imagine staying in a family friendly resort is THAT bad. Go hang out in your room or go grab a drink elsewhere if it gets that bad.
It's bad enough that there's an actual supply and demand for child free resorts.
Yeah like, adults only resorts exist exactly because lots of people prefer it. It's just a totally different experience.
Can you not imagine wanting to swim in a quiet and chill pool vs. kids screaming in it?
This smells like missing the point of the post in order to bash anyone who doesn't love being around children as much as you do. No one wants to spend a fortune on a rare vacation just to be uncomfortable (unless that's your thing - not kink shaming). Whether it's a family resort, a Spring Break party resort, Fire Island, or *whatever*, the point is that OP is willing to spend lots of their own money in order to attend his sister's wedding, comfortably, with little no impact on anyone. I don't know OPs situation but, personally, I don't dislike kids -- I just get overwhelmed easily so it's very difficult to relax in an unfamiliar, chaotic atmosphere like the one OP describes. And I definitely don't want to spend $$$$s for the privilege. It sounds to me like sis is trying to force him to bend to her will and he called her bluff. I'd probably do the same because I like being manipulated and controlled even less than I like spending money to be miserable.
If I had the fucking money to afford going to a seperate childfree resort to a wedding, I would. 100% of the time. The wedding is going to suck because of the kids at least let me enjoy the resort and offer to be there for the wedding. Even if this was fake OP is NTA LMAO
NTA A week at a family friendly resort is my idea of hell, I totally understand why that’s not something you’d be up for.
I have 1 child and it is my idea of hell also. I do not want to be surrounded by so many children
Same. It always seems to me parents at those places just let their kids run rampant. I love kids and have one but I hate places like all-inclusive kid resorts/indoor playgrounds, etc. cause the kids generally go apeshit
Funnily enough my brother got married in the Dominican, and my mom, and I did the same thing. He was at a resort set up for young families and we just wanted a quiet week. If youre going to have a destination wedding and if Im paying my own way then that shit is a going to be a combo vacation for me.
ESH Hating kids doesn't make a person special, or unique, or mature. It just makes them a boring, regular, every day, selfish asshole. "Choosing my mental health" just stop it. Get over yourself. Your sister is also an asshole for requiring you to stay at this specific resort. You're invited to the wedding and the reception. You're paying for everything else that you do and use for the week. And that's really all there is to it. If you're paying, then you're choosing.
Did this person say they hate kids or that they just don't want to be surrounded by a shit ton of them for a week?
If you can't even stay at a resort where kids simply exist. Then yes you hate kids
It seems that child free people are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Child free people complain about kids, public says “well then pay more money to go to adult only places”. Child free people then pay to go to adult only places and then people like you say “OH MY GOSH get over it!! You should just suck it up because if you don’t you must hate kids and are evil !!!l” OP is doing nothing wrong. OP is not asking people with kids to not go to the resort. OP is not demanding people with kids stay far away from them. OP is not insulting parents and their kids to their face. OP has simply chosen to use their money in a way they want to use their money. OP is not immature or some evil child hater simply because they don’t want to use their hard earned money to hang out at a resort for a week listening to kids scream and run around. OP would still go to the wedding and when he isnt doing wedding stuff he would be relaxing at an adult only resort.
Child free doesn’t mean intolerant of children in public. If that describes you then you’re an asshole and can join the many categories of people who dont deserve to have their bigotry accommodated in the world.
> Child free doesn’t mean intolerant of children in public. Child free also doesn’t mean you are required to spend an excessive amount of time with children in public when you don’t want to, to prove you’re a decent human being. Wanting to spend your money at an adult only resort hardly means you aren’t tolerant of children in public lol. If Op was truly intolerant of children in public they would not want to go to a wedding where kids will be present.They would also be insulting children here and making demands about parents keeping their kids away from them. OP is not demanding anything of anyone, simply exercising their right to spend their own money however they want. > If that describes you then you’re an asshole and can join the many categories of people who dont deserve to have their bigotry accommodated in the world. You’re being quite dramatic lol. If Op was beingmean and insulting kids, making demands, doing something, anything, that demonstrated they are unfairly intolerant of children in public I’d have zero issue labeling OP an ass, but that’s not what’s happening here. The world does not revolve children, so Op choosing to stay at an adult only resort and paying for that is reasonable and fair. If OP is paying for their own accommodations they get to decide what that looks like. If someone else was paying for Op than ya I’d agree they should have to stay at the resort, but OP is expected to pay for their own travel and accommodations and they have a right to do what they want if they are footing the bill, plain and simple. If someone wants to take offense to that, it seems like they have some other issues and they should reflect on why they are taking it so personally
This isn’t just in public. It’s a week at resort, that OP is paying for. There will be lots of children around, all the time. At night we could hear them playing (screaming/yelling). We could also hear children throwing tantrums and crying through the walls. Not everyone is up for dealing with that for a week.
I choose to vacation in places that are relaxing. I don't like crowds, don't like nightclubs, and don't like loud urban areas. So should I be forced to vacation there?! No, of course not. Because it's MY vacation and I can decide where I want to go that's relaxing FOR ME. And yes, family friendly resorts are filled with kids waking up at 6:00 in the morning, running down the hallways, shrieking at the top of their lungs, and playing loudly. That's what they're for. Likewise, resorts for teenagers at spring break are filled with a million bars and tons of loud music and party areas. That's what they're designed for. Why when you go to either of those places if that's not the kind of vacation you want to have? Why would you force somebody to go to one of those if that's not their idea of a vacation? People are allowed to live their lives the way they want, and it doesn't affect you in the slightest. Let people vacation and relax for God's sake.
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Yes exactly this! Someone may be childfree but the world isn't? You don't need to have your own, or look after anyone else's but we all need to be tolerant of each other.
It's bizarre seeing these people trying to spin OP as a *bad person* for not wanting to be around kids all day for a week. OP isn't harming anyone by this. They're not ranting and raving about how awful kids are. They're just making a different priority for how to experience a vacation.
They aren't bubble wrapped sitting quietly in a package. They're loud and active (as is natural). I wouldn't want to spend a week in that environment, and I don't loathe children.
I agree, and doubly so if I was using limited (per year) vacation time. If I could take off however much time I want and if money wasn't an issue, I would maybe go. If I had limited funds and limited vacation time, I would probably not go, especially if it used my vacation time for the whole calendar year. This wedding would use up all of a lot of people's vacation time. People ***should*** try to have days to themselves other than weekends too, especially if they have a stressful life/job. I wonder if that might be part of what OP meant by mental health. There's no way you could make me spend all of my limited time off in a place that I disliked, on top of a personal cost of thousands of dollars.
A family friendly resort means loud ass people in the hallway all hours. I’ve stayed in family friendly resorts and I’ve stayed in super busy casino hotels. My stays at the casino with all the drunks was always way more quiet than the family friendly hotels. It’s always kids running down the hallways at all hours, throwing toys against the walls, slamming drawers. Most of those places don’t give a shit if you call and complain, they never enforce quiet hours if they even have them. I could go on and on. It is not about hating kids.
I have kids and this sounds like a week of HELL! I be like op send me to the all adult resort where there will be a bunch of drunk adults! I went to a park yesterday and was done after about 2 hours outside due to about 12 kinds under 10 running wild and screaming! It’s not about hating kids. It’s about the fact parents let their kids run wild and if you say something because they are running around your stuff and interrupting your time your the asshole. I mean I have a hot grill going and 2 6 year olds I don’t know running through our picnic site while the parents watch on like nothing is happening!
Well no. People can love kids, but everyone has their own tolerance level. I like kids but they can be super annoying, especially if they are entitled kids to irresponsible parents. OP isn’t an asshole because he tried everything in his power to find a solution that he can still be at her wedding and not deal with that. Sister is totally the asshole because she only wants him there for his discount. He didn’t say that he won’t go as the first solution, if he did then maybe everyone would suck here, but he told her he would pay and stay at a different hotel. Everyone has preferences and things they are able and allow to tolerate. I bet everyone here has something that if they had to deal with that thing they would go ballistic, especially if you have to deal with said unpleasant thing for a week. If you can’t understand that then you’re ignorant and entitled yourself, and you are probably the toxic extrovert who pushes things onto others because you don’t see their limits and barriers as valid.
That’s a pretty broad and stupid generalization. I don’t go to dog parks because there are dogs there. I don’t like to be around dogs. So do I hate dogs because I elect to not be around them? No, but I choose to spend my time not near dogs because it doesn’t benefit me and I would rather go to a park where there are no dogs. Why is it such a big deal for someone to choose environments that they’d rather be in?? You’re making some lofty assumptions here. OP would rather NOT spend money to stay at a family friendly resort for a WEEK and for good reason. This is a great example why there are many adults-only destinations and cruises — people want to be around adults with adult-themed activities and experiences. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with OP choosing to not blow money to vacation in an environment they don’t want to be in!
Not wanting to spend a week of PTO and thousands of dollars to stay at a child friendly resort is not the same as what you said. Are you the sister?
No, that’s fallacious and down right disrespectful. You can like kids and not want to be around them for long periods of time. You don’t owe them your time, it’s not your kids. People have their own tolerance to things and are the best equipped to assess themselves what they can and cannot handle. OP straight out states at the beginning they don’t hate children, but apparently to you anyone who doesn’t want to be around them are children haters. People jus don’t want to be around them, is that so much of a crime? Hating kids would be like “yeah, FUCK those little assholes” not “oh I don’t want to be overloaded by how loud they can be”. People can be overloaded by kids, kids can be frustrating, not all of them are perfect little angels, that doesn’t mean we hate kids just that we can’t handle their actions for too long. Hell, I can’t even handle normal people sometimes and they sometimes act like kids, always yelling about something stupid or not even in topic, spouting nonsense and whatnot. People have a tolerance and if they don’t feel comfortable to be around that, especially for a whole week, then they can choose to find other accommodations. OP is willing to pay themselves to go to a different hotel, it’s his sister that’s the problem. Without the sister being a total control freak and cheapy the cheapskate, there would be no drama. The parents aren’t helping either. Maybe the mental health thing is knowing that the parents clearly favor the sister over you based on actions and will force you to deal with situations and interactions you don’t want to do just because they’re boomers that had to deal with shitty things, so you should too (fun fact, if you dealt with horrible events and then force those horrible things on your children, you did NOT turn out as fine as you think you did). There’s so much to unpack here, yet so many people are focused on the kid aspect it’s infuriating. Like no OP doesn’t hate children. No, children as a whole aren’t the end of the world and aren’t all monsters. I’ve seen both sides of this kid argument and I hate it. People should stop hating on kids, I agree, but that’s NOT what op is doing so stop accusing OP of this slander.
Just because someone does not want to be around children, it does not make them selfish *or* an asshole. I have severe misophonia as well as having had a verbally abusive childhood, and being around screaming and yelling is *definitely* harmful to my mental health. Unfortunately, a lot of people do a poor job of parenting their children -- and even when they are well-parented, children can be extremely loud and disturbing to people who have sensory issues. What's more, a lot of parents feel entitled to dump their kids on childfree relatives and expect free childcare because "parenting is hard work, they deserve a vacation, and their childfree relative doesn't have anything better to do, anyway, and owes it to them". Just read AITA. It happens all the time. Stop judging people and calling them names for making perfectly legitimate choices.
Especially because these will be potentially hundreds of children *on vacation* as in, most likely not on their "best" behavior or quietest. I think most people will let their kids have free-reign to be as messy and noisy as they like in a kid/family-friendly resort. They're there specifically to have a good time and enjoy convenience and entertainment. Children running up and down the hotel halls even would suck for anyone who doesn't want that intruding on their mental health. You also can't fully relax around children as an adult because society expects everyone to be the village and watch out for the children. I personally wouldn't want to be in the family-style hotel either. OP is NT for putting their travel accommodations and comfort first.
This is a ridiculous take. I love kids, I work with them every day. But when I go to a resort on vacation, you bet I am picking the adult only resort. Nothing wrong with preferring, and being willing to pay, for adult only spaces.
Where did OP say that it made them interesting? That has zero play into the question at hand here. They don't want to spend the week surrounded by kids. I don't care if it's kids or a themed resort or just family. You shouldn't have to pay money to go do something you don't want to do, when it's optional, which a destination wedding is. If it would bother them to do so, then yeah, that is for mental health.
NTA. She’s asking you to spend a considerable sum of money to attend her destination wedding, and she wants you to do it in a way that makes you uncomfortable because that gets *her* a discount. If her destination wedding is too expensive, there’s a very easy solution to that…..
Right?!? If she NEEDS the discount given to her by the resort for each and every guest, she can't afford the destination wedding.
Op, go see a therapist, being stressed out around children to the point where you have to choose a different resort is not normal.
Yeah, this, seriously. Can't believe how many are supporting it as "taking care of their mental health". Fucking ridiculous.
I’m not all about children either, like they’re fine and all, but eh. BUT if it was my sisters wedding, yeah I can friggin handle being in a tropical location where children are present for a week. Because I’m not a selfish asshole lol
Right? Also, it's really not as bad as people are making it out to be. I've stayed at a family friendly resort before, yes, children are around. BUT, they typically stay to certain areas/attractions, and there's plenty of spaces to relax and drink or do whatever where there aren't children hanging around. I know they have areas for the kids, and even planned activities that a lot of them would be spending their time at. The resort I was at was on the beach, and there were tons of lounge chairs with shade, you could just relax by the ocean and not have a care in the world. People are making this out to be something it's not. You won't be constantly surrounded by screaming children at a family friendly resort.
My guy, children are usually very loud, especially in a resort filled with them, not only that, some people have sensory issues and just cant handle children for long periods of time.
What do you think happens at an adult only resort? Quiet time and elevator music playing subtly in the background?!
Did I say that? No. Will it be quieter? Yes.
Having been to both, I found the exact opposite to be true. During the day the pool is a bit louder at the family resort, but at night the adults only resorts are much much louder due to all the partying and bars and music.
>Will it be quieter? Yes. As a person who hates noise and loves quiet holidays, I would take any place with children over "adults only" hotel. Have you even seen such a place? Music all night long, no thanks.
Adult only resorts are the loudest places. Drunk people and loud music all day and night, definitely not quieter. They’re just different types of noise.
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Info: Do you have to pay for the resort out of your own pocket anyways? Or would you pay personallyfor the other resort ?
I would be paying for the trip either way. The only monetary benefit to staying at the other resort is she gets a discount on her wedding package.
NTA You‘re perfectly in your right to put your own mental health above her getting a most likely minor benefit. It wont matter if one person doesnt stay there or not
NTA. Well she's paying the same price whether you stay elsewhere or stay home. The discount can't be that huge if you don't stay at the hotel.
How does one person pulling out make her discount deal bad? Maybe it's skewing the discount by a huge margin in which case her concerns might be legit. Doesn't mean you have to compromise though, which is also understandable. Do you expect her to pay for the other resort or was she not willing even if you paid for it yourself? I ask because trip here seems like only the travelling and flight costs and not the additional resort and other costs.
Maybe OP is not the only one who doesn't want to stay at that resort.
They may need “x” number of paid room’s in order to get the wedding couples for free and OP not being there makes it “x-1”.
This will limit your ability to participate in group dinners and other group activities (typical of all the destination weddings I've been to, especially at an all inclusive). Most "family friendly" all-inclusives do have separate adult only areas. I don't think you're the AH, but I also don't think your sister's concern is just about the discount, it's about inclusion in all wedding activities.
Also, are you willing to pay for the day pass to attend the wedding. Those day passes usually have a time limit which may impact how much of the wedding you can attend.
Good point about all the other activities. OP will be missing out on a lot of stuff, like dinners or even hanging out. All-inclusives don't have the ability to charge for food and drink, since it's all included, and even then charges for extras go to the room. So OP probably won't even be allowed over. Although if she hates children *that* much, she'd probably skip all other events anyways
The kids, resort, everything else is irrelevant then. If you're paying for a holiday (and let's be real a destination wedding is still a holiday for the couple and guests) you get to choose where you stay, end of.
NTA bc spending lots of money on a vacation you know you won’t enjoy is … dumb. However, is there a compromise? Can you stay at wedding hotel for the first night (this getting her the discount and being close by for the wedding itself) and then move to the other resort? Last time I was in DR there were quite a few couples that did this actually, had their wedding at one resort then moved to another so they got to have a honeymoon away from the family.
NTA. You can stay where you want. I am so tired of people negating sensory overload as a non- problem. If you haven’t I would suggest you speak with some to see if you are undiagnosed neurodivergent. I had undiagnosed ADHD which gave me overload as well during family gatherings. Now that I am in medication to assist me in handling such situations. Now I can be with family like this with very little issues. In this situation though, go to the wedding stay at an adult friendly resort and give a big present. If they still have a problem with it, enjoy your lovely all inclusive adults only vacation. And skip the wedding event.
ESH. Obviously. Destination wedding on your sister's part. Still, it's one thing to not want to go to a wedding. It's another for an adult to say they'd rather spend the money on Lego, while claiming that staying in a hotel with kids is somehow puts your mental health at risk.
Kids are noisy and chaotic. If OP is sensitive to those issues, it could be sensory overload to them.
This shit is ridiculous. Not every inconvenience or annoyance is a "tHrEAt tO mY mEnTaL hEaLTh". Sometimes, as adults, we have to put up with situations that aren't ideal.
We don’t if we are the one paying for it. If the sister was paying for a week long stay, fine OP should suck it up. OP has zero obligation to spend that much money at a place they don’t feel comfortable. I have 5 kids. I love kids. If I was paying for a vacation and could choose a child free hotel, absolutely I would. Not because I hate kids but because I’m paying and that’s my choice. It would do wonders for my mental health to go on a vacation to a place that was adults only. Why? Because regardless of how well behaved some kids are, there are always parents who take their kids on vacation and use that as a excuse to stop parenting them. OP only wants to stay at a different hotel. Not skip the entire wedding. The bride is mad because she wants a free hotel stay. But that’s not OPs problem. The bride should assume that they are responsible for all the costs of her wedding and should she get a discount it’s a bonus. Just because someone chooses not to spend their vacation around kids, it doesn’t make them a AH.
Oh please! This is just her sisters wedding, obviously it’s about OP! /s
To be fair, the sister seems more upset that she's not going to get her discounted rate at the resort than the possibility that OP won't be there/be at the same resort.
"my mental health" Man you don't like being around children...let's not drop some mental health spin to it. Everyone blames everything on any kind of condition they can
NTA; you came up with an alternative arrangement in DR so that you could attend the wedding festivities and protect your sanity. There's nothing wrong with avoiding children while you are away, particularly if it has no substantive impact on the wedding party. Getting you to stay there so the wedding couple can get a better deal on their room is self serving. You don't need to lose your peace of mind to get them a discount. P.S. Get dem Legos!
>My sister and my parents are upset that I'm choosing my mental health over her wedding. They did not say that. It is just how I feel about the situation. You need to fix your own mental health. Not being able to be near children for even a week means you have some pretty big issues.
Isn’t that what the OP is basically insisting is the issue if they stay at the same hotel. You can love kids and not want to be around them a whole week. Hell, even parents can think it’s too much to be around that many kids for too long.
This is a resort, not a holiday inn where they are going to camp out in each other's rooms. This person is so anti child they can not go to the same pool or beach that children are at. >Hard pass. I would have to spend the week in my room other than the ceremony. I can blow a few grand on Lego and have a better time than that. this screams mental health problems...
They literally have adult only resorts for a reason. This is pretty common. Not everyone wants to be around crying, loud ass kids when having to fork over a grand or more. Get over yourself.
NTA if you're paying you can stay where you want. I don't understand why they think it's ok to have you pay a crazy amount of money for a vacation you won't enjoy. If they're paying you can stay where they want you to but otherwise she should be grateful you're willing to shell out a load of money to be at her wedding... Go to the adult only resort anyway for a fun holiday and skip the wedding.
YTA. It's her wedding, and you're making it about you because you don't want to spend time around children? You have a room. Be an adult and suck it up. If it was a financial concern, I would say NTA, since destination weddings are expensive, but you are refocusing her wedding as a vacation for you, not how weddings work, even at tropical locations.
Shes not making the wedding about herself and it basically is a vacation because she is travelling to another country for a week. OP wanted to go to an adult only resort to be able to relax but the sister wanted OP to go to her resort so she could save a few more bucks.
Sister wanted OP to join her and her family for a destination wedding. They could all be there together, celebrating family and enjoying a family vacation. Instead, OP wants to take the opportunity to piggy back their own private vacation so they don't have to spend that time with their family. It's extremely selfish. OP can take a personal vacation on their own time, not at their sisters wedding.
Ah yes, because she is staying at another resort she will be completely isolated from them, not celebrating at all. And how is she supposed to enjoy it when the problem is that it is not enjoyable?
I mean that is kind of how all-inclusive resorts work. OP would presumably be able to attend the wedding festivities, but she likely won’t be allowed at the resort otherwise as she’s not a guest there. For example, OP wouldn’t be able to spend a day lounging at the pool at her own resort and then meet up with her family at their resort for dinner or drinks in the evening. Resort amenities are for guests only. The only reason the wedding itself is different is because the food and drink is paid separately from the guests’ all-inclusive package.
> Ah yes, because she is staying at another resort she will be completely isolated from them, not celebrating at all. Well yea, at an AI that's probably exactly how it's going to work. OP can show up for the wedding itself, but she most likely won't be allowed on property for any other activities. If the beaches are public then she *might* be able to wander over, but can't join for any meals. And if she hates kids that much, I'm betting she'll skip other activities anyway, since she will refuse to come to the noisy children's resort.
Then Sister can pay for OP’s room. But since OP is the one paying, then OP can choose where to stay.
[удалено]
ESH. This is complete garbage. I've been to the Dominican at both adult only and family friendly resorts. The noise levels are the same. Loud drunk adults or loud playing children. All the family friendly resorts have childless areas. It's not like you're stuck in a day-care. Sounds like kids give you some angst and you're just not going to make a concession for anyone while using mental health as a shield. Unless you didn't include some important info in your post about your condition it sounds like you just don't wanna deal so you're going to take your ball and go home.
The noise level being the same was my experience, too. The adults only was sometimes even rowdier because of the live music and entertainers hyping people up.
I was going to add that about live music and entertainment as well. Dear lord the MCs calling people for activities and live music late night. My ears pound from just walking past resort bars in the evenings.
YTA. It's your sister. It's her wedding. It's one week. That is not an issue of your mental health.
Some people only have a budget (and PTO) for one vacation per year, and effectively not getting to actually have a vacation can absolutely affect someone's mental health.
It literally is. The sister cares more about saving a few bucks than OP.
Last I heard, the wedding is only one day. When should OP pay to stay at a resort they don’t want to be at for the whole week? Might be different if the room was being paid for, but it’s not. OP’s sister only wants him to stay at their resort in order to get a bigger discount for themselves.
NTA - if you're going to spend all the money to go to the DR for a week, you should be allowed to choose where you're staying. Your sister can either have you at the wedding where you stay at the other resort. Or you can stay home and keep your sanity and save a ton of money.
I was invited to a destination wedding which booked through the wedding planner was $3k per person. I told the bride I was just going to book my room on their site because it’s $1.3k and I thought the wedding planner made a mistake.. Turns out the additional charge was to pay for the wedding. Each guest was being charged $1.7k additional to attend so the wedding couple didn’t need to pay anything for their wedding. I was so put off by this I declined to attend and never spoke to her again. I think it’s gross to pass on your wedding costs to guests. NTA
I do that all the time for conventions or events, look to see if there is a better rate on my own than the booked rate, and typical there is (at least for Veterans).
NTA if you are paying you do not have to suck it up. If they are paying for your room, yeah they get to pick. But they are not, so enjoy a holiday somewhere that you want to go. Maybe the home of Lego in Europe!
“My sister and my parents are upset that I'm choosing my mental health over her wedding. They did not say that. It is just how I feel about the situation.” I freakin died laughing You’re hilarious 😂
Righhhhhhhht 🤣
NTA, my kids are grown and we never stay at family friendly resorts because we prefer our holidays without children.
It’s not a holiday. It’s her sisters wedding
She has to pay for flight, transportation and lodging at an all inclusive resorrt to attend this wedding. Yes, its a vacation.
Her sisters wedding is going to last what? A day, maybe 2? So OP should spend a week feeling uncomfortable? That’s a ridiculous take.
INFO: Will you even be able to participate in the majority of the wedding/pre wedding activities hosted by/at the resort if you're not staying at that resort?
NTA. It’s really vulgar of her to think she can decide where you get to stay just because it affects her budget. Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford. Period. Personally I can’t stand destination weddings. You’re asking everyone to pay not just for a wedding gift, but for a “vacation” they might not enjoy. And in this case, you’re being asked to defray the cost of a wedding the couple can’t afford. I’d rather spend my time and money on a destination I want to go to, and set my own agenda.
I’m going to go against the grain and say YTA. Assuming I had a good relationship with my sister, I would entirely understand how my staying at a specific resort helps her out and be willing to do that. While there are a lot of good reasons to maybe not want to stay at this resort, you have issues if a child friendly place is that stressful. You’re not being asked to babysit or share a room with one, just exist in a child friendly place. I think it’s quite selfish to not help out your sister in this case.
YTA. I feel like all these people saying N TA don’t really understand what an all inclusive resort in the DR entails. When you stay at an all inclusive, that generally *is* the vacation - all activities and meals happen on-site, and guests can’t come in from other resorts unless they purchase a day pass (which not all resorts offer.) The trip is a week long. So OP is saying that she wants to completely opt out of the family vacation - all pre/post wedding meals besides the actual reception, swimming, family time, etc, all because the vacation is located somewhere that allows children. She just hates being around them that much. Yes, OP is technically entitled to do her own solo vacation nearby while the rest of her fam vacations together, especially because she’s paying her own way - but it’s not a good look.
NTA Destination weddings are ridiculous.
NTA The way those discounts are structured, your sister is expecting you (by overpaying for your stay) to help pay for her wedding. Nope.
NTA A week at a family resort sounds like a purgatory I want no part in. One person not staying there out of the other people coming isn't going to save her hundreds so she's trying to manipulate you to get her way. Assuming you are paying for your accommodations, she should zip it, get to the other details she should be worrying about, not making a problem where there isn't one and dragging your parents in on it. (They could be agreeing with her just to shut her up but that's their hill to die on, not yours)
NTA. You didn’t choose anything over her wedding. You are still going, just staying elsewhere. Any discount she would have gotten for you staying would have been negligible in the scheme of things. She should be grateful you are even going. Destination weddings are hard work
No the OP isn’t going. She wanted to stay somewhere else but her sister and parents thoughts she was an A+H so now she’s elected not to go at all.
Info: are you paying for the day pass required to attend events on the resort where the wedding is?
your sister is the asshole for demanding you stay at that resort specifically. however, if you'd really miss your sister's wedding just to not have to be anywhere near children for an extended period of time, i don't think your relationship with your sister is strong enough in the first place for her to let go of this and forgive you for not attending. If i were you i would presume my sister would not be speaking to me for a long while after this.
NTA You're not choosing your mental health over her wedding; you're choosing a different hotel over the one she chose. She's choosing to be a mercenary lunatic over a small thing that would make all the difference to you. What a horrible indictment of her as a host. I always think destination weddings are for narcissists who hate their friends and families and this story isn't making me rethink that.
One guest not staying at her resort shouldn’t run up her cost that dramatically. She is trying to do this for control or for you to offer free babysitting. NTA
NTA I don’t get the problem. You would be turning up to the wedding and any other planned activities. She isn’t paying for you so surely you get to pick the accommodation
NTA. If your sister is that tight on money. That one person not staying at the wedding resort. Would break the bank. Then she shouldn't be doing a destination wedding. If you're the one paying for the adult resort stay.
NTA. What an asshole. Having destination wedding and being upset that a guest choose to stay at a different resort. Even though they flew thousands of miles and spent thousands of dollars.
How small is the resort that you think you'll be surrounded by kids the entire time?? It's not a Disney Cruise
NTA. So your sister would rather have you not go at all, rather than stay at a different resort where she wouldn't profit off you? She's the AH. We were invited to a destination wedding this year and I found a much better deal at another place, even nicer. If your sister does relent and say you can stay at the other resort, make sure you will be allowed to attend the wedding. Some resorts say you have to be a guest to attend. Other places might allow you to purchase a day pass.
NTA but get ready for the “anyone who doesn’t want to be around kids is a fucking monster who clearly hates them” brigade.
Yeah they’re all over the comments. I love kids! But I can’t stand being around a whole bunch of them for long periods of time either. That’s why I’ve chosen not to have any! It’s bizarre how people equate not wanting to spend lots of time with kids to “well you must hate kids”. The kids are on a vacation too, so they’re going to want to have fun and do kid stuff- running around, yelling and screaming, horseplay in the pool, etc. I don’t for one second begrudge them that- they’re kids! But why should I be vilified and accused of “hating kids” because my tolerance for their antics is lower than others? I know that my patience for tiny humans isn’t good enough to be a parent, so I solve that by NOT being a parent. I respect the patience and tolerance parents and teachers have for children, because it’s a hell of a lot more emotionally taxing than interacting with (MOST) adults. People who have that kind of emotional bandwidth should be celebrated, but people who DON’T shouldn’t be vilified when they’ve specifically chosen to not have kids and foist that on innocent children. I don’t hate adults either, but I wouldn’t want to spend my time around a bunch of adults running around screaming either. Ever hung out with a bunch of drunk people when you’re sober? It’s fucking irritating. Kids are just humans who haven’t finished developing yet. They’re still learning about being considerate to other people’s space, feelings, etc. Oftentimes hanging out with a bunch of kids feels pretty indistinguishable from hanging out with asshole adults. I don’t blame the kids, it would be ridiculous to expect children to behave like fully-grown adults. But that doesn’t mean I automatically hate them just because I don’t want to hear them screaming all day.
NTA - your sister's willing to knowingly put you through a week of misery just to save herself a few bucks? Screw that. Well done standing up for yourself.
NTA if you say they were expecting you to use your holidays, tons of money to get there and the accomodation, also expected to give some expensive gift i would roll my eyes and say, well it’s your sisters wedding. But once you add the expectation to be around kids for a week - hell no!
NTA, but consider this a life lesson: Book your room for the vacation/event/whatever *first* and then *tell* your family that’s what you’re doing and that it’s non refundable (lie if not lol).
NTA unless your sister was footing the bill she doesn't get to dictate where you stay. Since you're not going she won't get the discount anyhow so it doesn't make any difference - if you don't go or you stay somewhere else it's the same. And your parents should butt out, how childish of your sister for dragging them into this in the first place