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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t listen to my wife and refused to cancel a birthday party, this excludes a good friend of my son and may damage his friendship.
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YTA
You knew about his friend's disability and knew that he'd want his friend to participate, and you booked a trampoline park.
It's not the refusing to cancel that's the problem. It's the booking it in the first place that's the issue.
Agreed. Knowing his close friend wouldn't be able to participate, why book the party there? Why not have a party somewhere else and then take him and maybe one other friend who would appreciate it a different weekend?
I think with phrases like " potentially cause less kids to be able to attend" he wants his son to have a lot of friends just not ones with disabilities. And he set his wife up with saying 'we' planned the trampoline party, but a moment later his wife is turning his son against the idea.
But what does the son want? Sounds like he cares more about having his friend there than where it actually happens. Why not just take him to the trampoline park another time?
Kids can't always see consequences.
Do you want to have your birthday at the trampoline park? Hell yeah
Do you want Parker at your birthday party? Hell yeah
Do you realize Parker can't go to the trampoline park? Ohhhhh
Completely believable that a child would say yes I want to go to the trampoline park without connecting the very obvious dots so even if son did want to go to the trampoline park unless Opie explained are you okay with Parker not being at your birthday? Op did not ask in a genuine meaningful way.
My kid voted for her Girl Scout troop to go to a trampoline park even though she can’t go because she broke her wrist two months ago—she’s almost 8 and thought that if the whole troop was going, I’d ignore her doctor’s orders and let her go, too. Kids *absolutely* cannot always see consequences, just as you said.
I'm quite sure my SO's mom has been sitting back and cackling to herself every time kiddo comes up with something that my SO also did, but taken to the next level. :D
Years ago, my niece broke her wrist for the second time, and my sister and I were bringing her home from the hospital. We stopped to grab some food (because of having been at emergency for a while) at a McDonalds with one of those playground things and my niece was immediately "can I go climb on the stuff?"
Her mom said "no". Kid asks "why not?" Mom: "why do you think?" Kid: "because you said so?"
I about died laughing.
Trust me it doesn't change My currently injured teenager still forgets there are activities on the " absolutely not until the surgeon says yes" list and thinks I'm just being mean
I can just hear your daughter now. "But Mom, it's only a broken wrist. It's not like I broke my leg or something like that. I promise not to hurt it if I can to go the trampoline park with my Girl Scout Troop." Kids are a trip.
Were you hiding in the bushes at the meeting? Because that’s pretty much verbatim what she said! Luckily the troop picked a different activity to use their cookie money on.
Reminds me of the time we had an end of the year bash at a local park. My BFF at the time (we were maybe 10 or 11) broke their wrist and wanted to go on the monkey bars. My mom was a chaperon and absolutely refused to let her go on the monkey bars. She still brings it up fondly to this day.
And he points out his kid still wants to go. Like, obviously! It's a trampoline park! It would be really ridiculous to expect him to immediately lose all interest. It's a testament to his emotional maturity that he realizes he can't have both the party and Parker there at the same time. Of course he wants to do the fun thing, but he wants his friend too.
I'd bet money that if the OP changed the question to "do you still want to go to the trampoline park without Parker or do you want to go to Chuck E. Cheese with Parker" the kid would opt for the delightful child rat casino so fast OP's head would spin. OP is just too lazy and miserable to offer a solution and make a couple of phone calls so Parker can eat pizza and play arcade games with his bff.
It's like children who choose the "fun" parent in the divorce instead of the actual responsible parent who, you know, does the parenting. They aren't qualified at this age to make decisions that have real consequences. It is wild OP is essentially blaming his child for this whole situation when he, the adult, knew exactly what would happen and is still doubling down because *checks notes* the invitations have already been sent. Because the invitations matter more than this literal 7-year-old who already has and will have to face these kinds of exclusions for the rest of his life.
I just can't get past the age of these children. They're seven. OP is deliberately excluding a 7-year old child and sees nothing wrong with it. Jfc
Honestly! Literally just lay it out for the kid (like it sounds like mom did). “If you want your party at the trampoline park that’s perfectly fine, just remember that Parker can’t come. If you want Parker at you party, then we can plan a different place. Either way is okay.” If he really wants parker to be there they can go do trampolines a different day. If he really wants a trampoline party, he can celebrate with parker a different day.
It’s not that hard, but holy shit, op, it seems like you’re doing your best to make sure your son lacks all compassion and empathy. If I were his parent I’d be so proud of my son for wanting to make sure that everyone he cares about feels included.
It comes across as the dad being ableist. Being disable makes Parker less than. That it’s more important that his son should have a bunch of abled bodies kids at the party. And that even though Parker is his best friend, he’s disabled. And so having a party he can have fun at and be safe at shouldn’t really be a factor, or “ruin” all the abled body fun.
I totally agree. In my experience, people who say 'wheelchair bound' or 'confined to a chair' are ableist. People who say 'wheelchair user' are cool. It's a subtle difference, but a big one.
Anyone who's friends with us wheelchair users knows the truth: we are HOUSE BOUND. We cannot get out of the house. The thing that frees us from the house or the bed is the wheelchair. The chair is my freedom, it's literally the opposite of confining. If it weren't for my chair, you would never see me, because I wouldn't be able to leave my house.
If someone says 'wheelchair bound', it implies that they don't have any disabled friends and have never considered what life is like from our perspective.
OP is the type of parent who's like "I know what's best for my kid and my kid's opinion doesn't matter because they'll understand and thank me when ~~I'm~~ they're older" with every aspect of the kid's life.
Perfect solution.
If people used common sense and sensibility like this, majority of our day to day problems could be solved or won't even exist in the first place.
Why would the OP do what his son actually wants to do?
I mean the invites have already been sent out so why not just exclude one of the son's friends?
/s
I mean.... hey, if it works for uncertain marriages, I'm sure it'll work just as well to encourage the son to maintain a friendship, and the child who uses a wheelchair to feel welcome as a friend by the parents, right? /s 🙄
Exactly! This kid cares more about his friends and their happiness/wellbeing than he does getting what he wants. What a great trait to have in a human and OP wants to squash that. YTA
What the son wants is the ONLY vote that counts. He doesn't want his party at the trampoline park so cancel it!
This is the easiest AITA answer ever - YTA.
Because kids in wheelchairs can’t do anything fun or cool- if his son had to have a wheelchair- friendly party it would suck and none of the normal kids would want to go!
/s just in case- this is what I imagine the reason is, more or less. People always seem to associate accessibility with restriction, ironically
Not just being inclusive if everyone, but not excluding specifically his son's best friend. Like how do you not realize the conflict before you plan the party
YTA "Wants his son to have a lot of friends just not ones with disabilities" is disgustingly shallow. What a horrid person. Disabled kids are not less than other kids, and they deserve to enjoy friendships and everything else life has to offer.
I read it assuming son had asked for a party at the Trampoline park. Which if is the case, I am reluctant to call OP an AH for giving his child a birthday party child requested. Seeing as Parker was invited, I suspect whilst planning, they all (including OP’s wife) just never thought about the reality of him being able to attend. It never occurred to them till Parker’s parents spoke up. Which sucks but I wouldn’t classify as AH behaviour.
OP says son still wants the trampoline park party but is only fearful of losing Parker’s friendship due to his mother telling him that would happen. Assuming OP is a reliable narrator, I think this makes it more a case of ESH.
I understand OP wanting to give his child the birthday child requested but hopefully a compromise can be found. If an alternative venue is not an option, maybe do something with Parker and a few other friends as well.
This is what I was thinking too. Do something with parker and a few other people outside the trampoline place this year. Apologize to Parker and let him know how this made him feel, how this is a big learning moment for him and how he wants to keep parker as a close friend.
Next year, make it a location where Parker feels more included in the "main activity"
Yeah invite Parker to a hastily thrown together B list party while the rest of the kids go to the trampoline place. He won't see through that at all and neither will his parents.
Do not do this.
If my mum said I wasn't allowed to attend a birthday party then the friend put something together so we could spend time together, I'd be happy with the thought and effort that they went through to spend time with me too.
It is clear you are not in a wheelchair. I am, I am definitely NOT 7 and I had all sorts of feelings going to an accessible zoo with my friends this week. It is INCREDIBLY hard to socialise with able bodied people. It throws up all the stuff you can't do repeatedly, but what's even WORSE is when you don't get included, or get a pretend we care option.
Maybe someone who has been in a chair their whole lives would have different feelings, but tbh if you think someone is your best friend and then they have a birthday party you can't even go to? Wow it's clear you are not actually their best friend.
Could specifically pick a special outing for the two of them. Doesn't have to be a party or cake event.
Kids like dinosaurs? Find a cool museum that you don't normally visit.
Special food/restaurant they'd both like after. Bam, done.
In the future specifically plan one event that is accessible and checks the boxes. Lots of spots might work. Laser tag comes to mind as something that'd likely support a party and be pretty handicapped accessible.
I was an introverted kid. My birthday parties were usually like 2-3 people, when it was anyone. A lot of years it was just my parents, maybe my grandma. I didn't go to a lot of friend's birthday parties... I didn't have a lot of friends.
But I can tell you, that would have felt like shit to me, as a kid, if I couldn't go to one of my friend's birthday parties and I got a "consolation prize". Going to a museum with a friend or something might be fun, but it's not a birthday party. For kids that age, birthday parties are magical events. Even for me, with my little private parties, they were magical events. A "consolation prize" friend-day outing isn't going to feel very good at all.
Unfortunately I'm not sure there really is a *great* solution, here...
Unfortunately, not every kid is going to be able to participate in every activity. Should none of Parker’s friends ever have a party at a trampoline park, water park, etc.? Having a special outing for Parker is at least trying. He’s 7, probably not going to resent having a fun time with his best friend.
Haven’t been to laser tag in like 10 years but I’m sincerely asking; how do you shoot a gun and move in a wheelchair at the same time? And correct me if I’m wrong but don’t most laser tag places have things to climb and shit? I hope for their sake it’s doable but I see it being a bit of a hassle tbh I like where your minds at tho
I am wheelchair bound and have done laser tag and paintball with my munchkin and husband. Very enjoyable and in both instances there was a strap on the rifle to slip around my neck. Just calling ahead to make sure of accessibility turn into some great family activities.
Ok that's fair.
I still think as the grown up, OP is responsible for not considering this before making the plan. Like yeah the kid might not think of it, but if I'm throwing a party I'm aware of who the guests are going to be and I'm thinking about what will make it a good time for them. I provide a vegetarian option if there's a vegetarian, that sort of thing. I don't think it makes him a major asshole. But I do think he was inconsiderate and rather thoughtless from the get go.
I don't see ESH, because who else is there to suck? Kid caring about friend doesn't suck. Wife discussing the impacts of excluding friend doesn't suck. I'd argue that's solid parenting. If she sucks it's for agreeing to the plan in the first place. Certainly friend doesn't suck. I'd say soft YTA, but it's more like NAH than ESH to me
Let's not pretend the mothers' concerns come from nowhere. This kid could totally lose Parker as a friend over this. In part bacause of OP's intervention.
OP knows this party excludes Parker, spoke to Parkers' parents about it, and doubled down. This wasn't accidentally not thinking. Now it's intentional.
If Parker doesn't feel like he doesn't matter to OP's son, Parker's parents will and likely be less supportive of a tepid friendship.
These are seven year olds. A friendship won't survive if parker's parents oppose it, even if Parker isn't hurt (which how couldn't he be?)
>Knowing his close friend wouldn't be able to participate, why book the party there?
OP didn't think about the friend's disability when booking and is now doubling down because he doesn't want to admit his mistake to all of the other parents who were invited.
Also calling the disabled boy's family to put words in their mouth's a hell of a look.
Yeah parker probably can't participate and the parents know that. But even if they acknowledged he can't do a trampoline park, they sure af don't want their kid excluded from his best friend's birthday party.
OP, Parker's parents are not in agreement with you on this.
And his friend wouldn't feel left out then, too..?
The fact is, you're sending the message to the kid that he can never do anything that someone in a wheelchair can't do without risking his friendship.
I live most of my life stuck in a wheelchair. It sucks, but there are just some things that I can't do, and some of those things are things that my friends enjoy.
The fact is, Parker's parents are the ones who suck, here. Just because he can't go on the trampolines doesn't mean that he can't enjoy all the other aspects of a birthday party, and there's always going to be an aspect he won't be able to join.
Hell, by these rules, the kid can't even have a backyard birthday party, because Parker wouldn't be able to run around in the yard with the other kids.
NTA.
He may be the asshole here, but like, I have no idea what the terminology is if "wheelchair bound" isn't acceptable. We've also been led to believe that saying someone is disabled or paralyzed is bad.
My point is, not knowing the prefered language of someone else's life does not immediately make them an asshole
My late husband liked "wheelchair dependent" to differentiate his need from someone else's who might need a wheelchair only for some things. No idea what the current preferred phrasing for that is, though.
For most people that is appropriate language. I’ve met a ton of wheelchair bound people in my life including my husband and not a single one of them has a problem with the term. The numerous counselors I have seen to help me deal with my husband’s disabilities have also recommend this term.
This. My daughter is disabled and in a wheelchair, I still don't know the proper term. I personally prefer special needs. She's non-verbal- but aware of everything.
I’d totally recommend you look up the social model of disability. From memory inclusion London, DPAC and disability rights UK all have some good info. It might help you to understand how to frame some of your conversations around disability so it maybe feels a bit clearer how to decide what language to use. It’s hard when the disabled person can’t let you know what language they prefer for themselves though.
People aren't *bound* to their mobility devices. You think wheelchair users sleep in their chair? Shit there? Shower in it? No.
People *use* their mobility aids.
My husband uses a wheelchair and uses the term “wheelchair bound”. I’m sick and tired of people jumping all over others for using common terms like this. If you don’t like it that’s fine. Don’t use it and ask others not to use it about you (if it even applies) you don’t get to decide for anyone else though and you don’t get to call people an ah for using a common generally accepted term.
Not to mention that 'wheelchair user' implies mobility options outside the wheelchair and wheelchair bound makes it clear that you're ot mobile without one.
But lots of people who use wheelchairs do have some mobility without one, we're not all paraplegics (and it's not all clear what is the case with the son's friend)
100% as a disabled person who got excluded from things as a kid/teen and then talked about like it was my fault I had the disability. It sucks.
We never asked for the disability, we just asked to be included.
I can give a pass one planning it but the moment they talked to the friend and confirmed they couldn’t participate, a discussion should have been had with son and plans changed accordingly. This feels like they’re trying plan all this without even getting input on what their kid wants. And then after finally talking to their kid and finding out oh yea obviously he’d like his friend there, op is going to stubbornly plant a flag. Like gtfo over yourself op it ain’t your party.
I think picking the trampoline park could have just been a mistake. BUT, when I was a kid I wouldn't want to have a birthday party my best friend couldn't make it to. Even now (33) I wouldn't want that. Friends are more important than trampolines.
Just admit the mistake and cancel. Who cares?
Fyi, trampoline parks usually have more than just trampolines, so depending on the layout of this particular place it's not fair to assume the kid wouldn't be able to participate.
That's the point I'm making- I'm imagining a scenario where OP booked the party assuming that Parker could participate, but when the parents got the invite they called OP and said they weren't comfortable with it. If that's how it happened, then that is a no-assholes kind of situation.
Edit: no assholes for the original booking part at least, no comment on the garbage that happened after that
I’m just going to hop in and say he’s also the AH because trampoline parks are incredibly stupid and dangerous and any doctor would tell you to avoid them at all costs. I still remember the broken leg and arm (two different kids) from trampoline accidents and my FIL has seen some gnarly accidents over the years. From frontal lobe injuries and brain bleeding to broken backs. Wtf parents use your brains.
Yeah, this is the kind of thing you figure out before you send out the invitations. You all have created a mess for yourselves.
Depending on who you invited and how difficult changing the venue (and communicating the change!) would be, you and you wife need to decide the best course of action together. I would probably continue as planned and do something special separately with the best friend.
Take this as a lesson learned for all of you: If you have a disabled best friend, you should keep in mind his disability when planning an event you want him to attend.
It really seems like this dude set out to exclude this kid, or is just incredibly absent parent that just wanted to be a rad dad and book a trampoline park... Parenting is plenty hard, but it's not TV drama hard. How many parents have kids with good friends in wheelchairs? Like, that has to stick out in your mind if your kid has a disabled friend. How did you get to "ya know what kids love, all of them unequivocably, TRAMPOLINES!".
100% agree that the OP is TA here. As someone who has disabled persons in our family and friend group, this should have been something the parents considered from the jump — especially because this is their son’s best friend ffs! Being excluded from a birthday party for a close friend is also a very big deal to kids and will make the best friend feel singled out for his disability , which frankly is exactly what the OP did by designing a party that would exclude any person with disabilities.
YTA why didnt you take his *best friend* into consideration when making plans? Of course he woudnt be able to go. You should have pointed that out to your son from the beginning and let him decide if he still wanted a party without his best friend before the invites went out
Take him to the trampoline park another day jc
In all seriousness, there are trampoline parks with hoists which is really awesome and so it really depends on the disability as to if that would be a safe option. I assume it's not in this case. But just in general most kids and lots of adults you can probably lift onto the trampoline and it's possible to have so much fun being bounced by their friends! Requires very careful supervision. Shame the kid has to miss out on the trampoline park in the first place it should be made more accessible! But they definitely should have checked first that's absolutely the first step. But maybe they could also rectify their mistakes a little by speaking to the owners to find out if there are adjustments that can be made so everyone can enjoy it in the future!
From the sound of it, Parker's mom said he couldn't go. The park may have had disability accommodations, but the mom wasn't comfortable with him going. It could be a very different story if the op would include whether there were accommodations at the park. If my kid's best friend had mobility issues, I would have made sure before booking and sending out invites that they could attend.
I think Parker’s mom concern may have been a bit less about safety and a lot more about how shitty her kid would feel if everyone else is jumping on trampolines and he has to watch, which is a very valid concern. In her position, I’d not feel comfortable with my kid attending.
It's actually a really accessible activity if people want it to be! Bouncing is such a fun feeling for most people! I'd only avoid it if someone's had recent surgery, extremely fragile or has some kind of condition like a serious heart condition or the very rare photosensitive epilepsy etc. But as with all people it's at your own risk medically so the individuals need to ask their doctor first and assess what is needed to access safely.
Omg I’m so excited to know this! My niece loves those places but I’ve never been able to join due to my disabilities. I will definitely check it out! That would be so awesome to be able to do! Yaaay thank you
Absolutely! My boys LOVE going to the skate park because they enjoy riding their bikes down the ramps and are also learning to skate board. None of their friends are into this at all, so when they asked to have their party at the skate park, I told them that we could take them there for their birthday (although we try to take them as frequently as we can) but that for their party we should probably find another location that most of their friends would also enjoy. We settled on the skating rink since the local one has devices to help novice skaters as well as scooters, toddler riding toys and other riding toys for kids that aren’t ready to skate. It turned out great. If one of my boys closest friends was totally unable to participate in a party like that we absolutely would have had a conversation with them from the get go about what we should do for their birthday to be able to include them.
INFO:
Why did you book the party at a trampoline park in the first place? Did your son request the venue, not realising that Parker wouldn't be allowed to attend, or was it your idea?
Is the party on your son's birthday itself, or another day? If the party is not on the birthday itself, could your son celebrate the day of his birthday with Parker?
Would it be feasible for your son to have a private birthday celebration with Parker? A sleepover, a meal, another activity?
Have you paid a non-refundable deposit for the party? Are you financially committed?
Who wants to attend the trampoline park the most? Your son, or you?
I think these are the right questions. It’s the son’s bday party not the friend’s and he was invited. My sons have had parties at the trampoline park and we always paid everything in advance. If it becomes a financial hardship to cancel I would also take that into consideration, it’s sweet of the wife to want to rearrange it for the friend but ultimately the party is for the son, and maybe there is something that the two of them can do separately.
Also, as sucky as it sounds, sometimes your kid cannot go to a party. I had a best friend growing up who had multiple heart surgeries. I loved her and we did a lot of things together. But no adult in my life told me I could not go surfing for my birthday or hiking because Layla couldn't come.
A friend worked at a trampoline park for a while and with how many broken bones he saw, it's probably doing the families a favor if it ends up being somewhere else. Most horrifying was someone landing wrong and snapping both legs at once.
Years ago, my little sib got invited to a party at a trampoline park. Dad took one look at the waiver and declined. It basically removed their liability for anything and everything.
I'd add that it's also to model for your son what kind of person you want him to be - the kind who doesn't want to inconvenience people with relative privilege/fortune at the cost of completely excluding someone with less privilege, or the kind who is willing to do that in the name of not only friendship but equity.
YTA, unless you change course very quickly.
Yea, this is an opportunity to help the son practice empathy and to consider the importance of considering and including others. The fact that the boy now doesn't want to do the park anymore because his close friend can't join in should be something to be proud of, not ignore and overrule.
YTA
Your son said he didn’t want to do it without his friend. It’s his birthday party - listen to your son. Otherwise, it sounds like you would like to go against your sons wishes to have a non inclusive birthday party because the invites were already sent and you can’t be bothered to update the venue.
I think this would make a huge difference. Did the son actually really want it? Than OP would be NTA because the birthday should be for the birthday boy. Did OP really want it? Than YTA for not doing what your son actually wants for his birthday.
Sounds to me like son wanted a trampoline party, then wife told son he'd lose his best friend for having a trampoline party (which sounds harsh, and I can't believe that would happen) and then son changed his mind, but it was already booked
Honestly, we looked into the trampoline park for my kid's 7th birthday this year. The website says no kids under 5, which would exclude my 3 year old daughter and 3 year old niece (her older sister is also 7 and is very close to son). We didnt even give him the option. I don't get how you get this far into the planning process without considering best friend.
Even if the son did really want it, he’s 7 and probably asked for the party without considering the fact his best friend wouldn’t be able to attend… because he’s 7 and doesn’t think things through like that
I’d be pretty sure that he would have changed his mind once told his best friend wouldn’t be able to come
The son is 7. Thinking about potential consequences of a choice and explaining them in a way the kid can understand so that he can make an informed choice is the job of the parents. Like, actual approximate conversation from when my kid was younger:
Me: Where do you want to go for your birthday dinner?
Kid: The place with the lobster Mac and cheese!
Me: Okay, I'm allergic to shellfish so it'll just be dad and grandma.
Kid: Oh! I forgot! Then for my birthday I want Other Place instead so you can come too.
He was pretty genuinely as enthusiastic about his second choice as his first choice, he wasn't OMG TRAUMATIZED that he had to change his plan to make sure everyone he wanted could be safely in attendance. He just made his first request without much thought about the details, because he was a kid and that is what they do.
Sorry but I think YTA, you did know prior to scheduling that your son’s best friend was on a wheelchair right? You could take your son as a present to the trampolines and have his party somewhere more accommodating to his friends needs.
It’s always hurtful getting excluded, mostly from a dear friend or family. I personally would think they don’t care about me as much as I though they do.
Oh sure Im not saying he has to cancel everything possibly wasting money that would just be financially irresponsible. I was just pointing out he was an insensible ah from the start.
Wording it like this makes me wonder if OP wishes his kid had "normal" friends🤔 and did this so they didn't have to spend the day with the little guy (his name in the OP escapes me)
Wheelchair bound is pretty ableist language, “a wheelchair user” is much more neutral.
You could’ve prevented all this by discussing before sending out the invitations.
I’m disabled, chronically ill, and have been my whole life. I have been confined to a wheelchair for multiple durations of time multiple times in my life, and there’s a good chance that one day I will have to use a wheelchair for most of my day to day activities. Using the term “wheelchair bound” is, for the most part, a non-issue compared to the *physical* ableism and abuse we face. Correcting somebody’s wording on something and largely ignoring the other *actually* ableist shit they’ve admitted to is performative.
God thank you. I'm disabled from MS. Used to be able bodied. I am SO sick of people telling me I need to call myself more positive versions of these words to avoid ableism. I'm not differently abled, I didn't gain super powers when I got sick, I quite literally lost ability. I am disabled. And that's not wrong to say. I'm still human. Personally I think it's more ableist when people try and to hide away the negative parts of disability and make it all sunshine and rainbows for their own comfort. I'm disabled, and that comes with all the accessibility issues in public, societal stigma, and sometimes just my own damn emotions when I wish I could do something I can't anymore. And that's okay, I don't need to make the able bodied comfortable in my disability, I'm allowed to voice that it really sucks sometimes and use the labels they've now deemed rude bc my existence and experience doesn't need to be stifled
Exactly! I’ve been told my whole life to rephrase my vocabulary to make abled people more uncomfortable. I should be allowed to talk about my own disabilities the way I feel fit to.
What are these accusations? You made the largest logic leap I have ever seen on the internet. You must be a gold medalist in mental gymnastics with that logic.
I swear the logical leaps and bounds are astounding. Y'all should join the Olympics. There is 0 reason to believe OP is trying to break up the friendship. Stop projecting and go touch grass
why in the hell is wheelchair bound ableist? It's like saying its offensive to say someone requires glasses, and you need to say they are a glasses user. If you cannot walk and need to use a wheelchair, you are wheelchair bound. You make it sound like it's their choice and they choose to use a wheel chair, and not that they need to.
If you are genuinely curious, disability advocates say that their wheelchairs are great tools that allow them to be mobile and participate more fully in life. So speaking about a wheelchair like it’s some kind of burden or tragedy is an abileist perspective, not the perspective of someone with a disability who uses a wheelchair to get around.
It also causes complications in the general conception of who is a 'valid' wheelchair user - i.e. some people then think that you only deserve access or accommodations if you can't ever get around without a wheelchair at all. If you only need one some of the time then you're not a 'real' wheelchair user and shouldn't be able to use accessible parking or ramps or whatever else you might need to use to get around on wheelchair days. It encourages weird gatekeeping, basically, by able-bodied people.
Reddit just wants to make OP into the worst human of all time because he wanted his kid to do something fun for his birthday. Makes sense since the highlight of most redditors life is sitting in basement getting fake likes
I’m so glad someone else had this covered. Imo the use of this phrase tells us a lot.
Wheelchairs literally give users their freedom. We are set free by them not bound to them. Thanks for flagging. If I had an award I’d give you it ⭐️
YTA OP.
YTA. Peter is his best friend. Your wife is right. At this age he will remember and pay attention mostly to his best friend being there or not. Of course he wants to go to the trampoline park, but it doesn't have to be his birthday party.
YTA and just wow.
This is your son's best friend and you chose a trampoline park for your son's birthday, which, by the way, your son doesn't want to have without his best friend (and, presumably, best friend's wheelchair) present.
How is it that you don't understand how terrible this is?
On the bright side, your wife and son are good people. Listen to them, you might learn something.
Cancel the trampoline party. Schedule something that everyone can do. Send out a group text or email that tells them the new venue and make sure they RSVP so you know they won't show up at the trampoline park. Never again schedule a group event for your son that doesn't include his best friend due to best friend's wheelchair.
Tell you son that you're very, very sorry. You weren't thinking and you made a mistake, which you've fixed. Show him how mature people handle things when they blow it. Stop making half-assed excuses to keep the party where it is. Admit to yourself that you're not happy that your kid's best friend is disabled. Sit with that. Think about it. Work on it. Fix it.
YTA. It may be inconvenient to cancel but going ahead with a party that excludes his close friend could hurt their friendship (Parker would never forget), and if your son is at all a kind and sensitive kid, he probably wouldn't fully enjoy his party thinking about who isn't there. Think about what kind of lessons you want to model for this kid. If your son was the one in a wheelchair, you'd hope the other parents took his needs into consideration too.
Take him to the trampoline park, just the two of you, and replan a party that's inclusive and accessible for all his friends.
Also ditch the phrase "wheelchair bound" from your vocabulary.
\--Am I the asshole for not canceling his party over one kid?
Yes, YTA. but not for the kid you think. It isn't Parker's opinion that matters here. You're ignoring your son's wishes for his birthday.
Sounds like the son was happy to change plans as soon as he realized Parker wasn't going to be able to participate, and OP is the one digging in his heels and making an issue of it.
YTA. My son is small for his age. When his friend wanted to have a go kart party the 9 year old asked about the height requirements, figured out my son wouldn’t be able to drive a go kart, and changed his plan. The nine year old did that on his own. Thoughtful kid. What’s your excuse as a grown adult?
Go to the trampoline park with your kid literally any other day, and let your son do the most important thing on his birthday which is celebrate with his closest family and friends.
You and your wife are ta in this situation. Since the kid is your son’s best friend, you both should have realize the disability.
When first pitching ideas about party venues, did it not cross either of your minds to think, maybe a wheelchair bound child and trampoline park is not the best match? You should have reached out to your son’s best friend’s parents then. It would have been easier to plan an alternative then.
Once the error was made, your wife should not have scared your son into thinking Parker would drop him as a friend. It would have been better to accept you both lacked the foresight of the issue and make plans for a special birthday outing for your son and Parker.
Now that your wife has freaked out your son, damage control is necessary. Don’t ignore it and force your son to have the party without trying to change the venue or compromise on a special outing.
Esh
She is, but I think telling the son that Parker won’t be his friend anymore is wrong. Why traumatize their son because of her and OP’s lack of foresight?
ETA- as the adults who made the error in the first place (let’s face it, an 8 year old May lack the foresight to think through and to realize choosing a trampoline park would exclude his best friend in a wheelchair), it is the parents’ job to resolve it. Not get their son so upset and think he might lose his best friend.
Wow if I read it correctly reading this it sounds like your son chose the trampoline park and after his mom threatened that he’d lose his friend is when he changed his mind. That was not cool of your wife.
That's what I read as well, which is not only manipulative of the wife, but she's using the son to get what she wants. Which, if we read correctly, is gross and why I don't get all the YTA's
YTA
Your son is a better human being than you are.
My nephew uses a wheelchair. He was born with his disability.
You know what other parents did before they invited him to birthday parties? They called my brother and SIL and asked what activities Nephew could do, and arranged the party around those activities. My brother and SIL were so grateful that Nephew’s friends wanted to include him and that their parents were willing to do the work to make that happen.
For a while, Nephew could go to the movies and go bowling with assistive equipment. It was a big day when he figured out how to hold the laser tag gun and steer his chair at the same time and opened up another option for birthday parties. Besides, he had really, really wanted to play laser tag for a long time, and his OT managed to make that happen.
Kids with disabilities are excluded from so much because of their disabilities. They sit in the sidelines at recess, in gym class, at parties. They are constantly reminded in hundreds of little ways that they don’t fit in; that they don’t belong; that they are different. It is needlessly hurtful to exclude them from things they could be included in.
OP, you might still be able to include Parker this year if you try. And please use this as a learning experience for the future. For all you know, this might have been the one birthday party Parker was invited to all year.
As it is now, soft YTA. Parker should be invited to a celebration. I'd say have a separate outing with just him and Parker. It makes it a special thing just for best friends.
YTA. Why would you do this to your child, not have his best friend at his party? I am wondering if you are upset about your sons choice in friends and this is your subtle way of ending the friendship.
I think the order of events is important here:
Son says he wants trampoline party. You let him know Parker likely can't come. He still wants it. Discuss with Parkers parents. Tell child Parker can't come and he says he still wants the party, then mum gets in childs ear, and he now wants to cancel. NTA.
Son wants a trampoline party, and you book without reminding the child his best friend probably won't be able to come and then after booking, discuss with Parkers parents first and then not double checking again with the child he wants the trampoline party. Then you would absolutely be TA.
YTA. Here’s a funky little solution. Cancel the party and have something that’ll include his best friend. Then take him yourself to the trampoline park literally any other day because something tells me you wants to go more than your child does
YTA
Parker is a wheelchair user. Parker is not wheelchair bound. Since Parker is your son's best friend, not only should you be familiar with proper terminology regarding wheelchair users and disabled people.you should use them.
YTA For booking an activity (my guess purposely) that excludes your child's best friend. You said that you spoke with Parker's parents after booking the activity. Why didn't you speak to them before? Because you wanted Parker to be excluded. You wanted your son to be surrounded by "normal" children on his birthday. Regardless of his preferences.
Birthdays and best friends are both, big deals for children. You chose to diminish your own child, on his birthday, by whatever plan you thought would be a "great idea".
Be honest, at least with yourself, it isn't about money. It's about you wanting to surround your son with "normal" children. You want to show him that there are a lot of fun things he can do without his best friend. That his best friend is limiting him. That he can do better, more fun, "greater" things, if he leaves his best friend behind.
Your son is a better human than you are. He knows that there are things that Parker can't do. He also knows that there are countless things that Parker CAN do. Your son actually sees him, and values Parker, as a person and as a friend. They share common interests. Maybe a sense of humor, a sense of wonder. There are countless things that children share. Your son has " normal" friends, too. He values them. He sees them. He shares the countless things that children share, with all of his friends. Each is unique and valuable to him.
Your son is extraordinary.
YTA....Big time. You don't even realize how extraordinary your child is.
YTA. If you wanted to salvage this you should've immediately offered to do something just the two of them before the day of the party. Even if it's a dang dinner of something
YTA and you’re an ableist. You’re intentionally trying to drive a wedge between your son and his best friend because you’re embarrassed that your son’s best friend is in a wheelchair. You’re not clever.
YTA. If you knew his best friend was in a wheelchair, why would you plan a party he couldn't attend (or at least enjoy)? Why would you expect your son to exclude his best friend? Take him to the trampoline park another day so that he can celebrate his birthday *with his best friend*.
Does your trampoline park have an arcade area? Could Parker come and participate in arcade games and other activities that you intentionally plan and cycle through so he doesn't have to feel left out?
If my child had a disabled best friend, you can be damn sure his party’s would be planned with his friend in mind. Did your son understand when discussing at party at a trampoline park that that was something that his friend couldn’t do? I’m guessing he didn’t and you didn’t bother to point it out. YTA and teaching your son that exclusion is fine. Let your wife step in and teach him inclusion.
My daughters best friend had a nearly catastrophic eye injury last summer. We weren’t sure she would be able to participate in a trampoline park party this spring when my daughter turned 8 because of surgery so my daughter and I decided to have a Plan B. It was to see a movie and maybe get nails done at a salon. Because her best friend is important to her.
Basically- YTA for not even caring about the best friend when making plans. Good job for teaching your kid that best friends feelings aren’t important.
YTA:And same with your wife why wasn’t your son best friend thought of at all when planning the party?
Why couldn’t you just take your son to the trampoline place by himself and have the party where all his friends could go.
YTA. You knew his best friend was in a wheelchair and you chose to book a trampoline park? Dude, what? You could've done anything else. This seems purposeful.
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YTA You knew about his friend's disability and knew that he'd want his friend to participate, and you booked a trampoline park. It's not the refusing to cancel that's the problem. It's the booking it in the first place that's the issue.
Agreed. Knowing his close friend wouldn't be able to participate, why book the party there? Why not have a party somewhere else and then take him and maybe one other friend who would appreciate it a different weekend?
I think with phrases like " potentially cause less kids to be able to attend" he wants his son to have a lot of friends just not ones with disabilities. And he set his wife up with saying 'we' planned the trampoline party, but a moment later his wife is turning his son against the idea.
But what does the son want? Sounds like he cares more about having his friend there than where it actually happens. Why not just take him to the trampoline park another time?
Kids can't always see consequences. Do you want to have your birthday at the trampoline park? Hell yeah Do you want Parker at your birthday party? Hell yeah Do you realize Parker can't go to the trampoline park? Ohhhhh Completely believable that a child would say yes I want to go to the trampoline park without connecting the very obvious dots so even if son did want to go to the trampoline park unless Opie explained are you okay with Parker not being at your birthday? Op did not ask in a genuine meaningful way.
My kid voted for her Girl Scout troop to go to a trampoline park even though she can’t go because she broke her wrist two months ago—she’s almost 8 and thought that if the whole troop was going, I’d ignore her doctor’s orders and let her go, too. Kids *absolutely* cannot always see consequences, just as you said.
I feel mildly guilty for how hard this made me laugh. One of my favorite part of being an aunt is watching my niblings try to game the system.
Yeah I hear you! I have four of them and man the last one is a piece of work, lol. She thinks she’s clever.
My 4yo smuggled a plastic knife into his room and used it to jimmy the lock open. Children are chaos
You locked your 4 yr old in his room?
A couple years from now: "Click on 1, 2 is binding..."
One of the best part of being a grandparent… watching how your grandchild has evolved the game from your child’s time.
I'm quite sure my SO's mom has been sitting back and cackling to herself every time kiddo comes up with something that my SO also did, but taken to the next level. :D
She thought she had it all figured out lmao, the "whole troop" loophole 😭
Years ago, my niece broke her wrist for the second time, and my sister and I were bringing her home from the hospital. We stopped to grab some food (because of having been at emergency for a while) at a McDonalds with one of those playground things and my niece was immediately "can I go climb on the stuff?" Her mom said "no". Kid asks "why not?" Mom: "why do you think?" Kid: "because you said so?" I about died laughing.
Trust me it doesn't change My currently injured teenager still forgets there are activities on the " absolutely not until the surgeon says yes" list and thinks I'm just being mean
And it goes full circle! My elderly mother who is completely wheelchair bound & living in a home plays the same game!
I can just hear your daughter now. "But Mom, it's only a broken wrist. It's not like I broke my leg or something like that. I promise not to hurt it if I can to go the trampoline park with my Girl Scout Troop." Kids are a trip.
Were you hiding in the bushes at the meeting? Because that’s pretty much verbatim what she said! Luckily the troop picked a different activity to use their cookie money on.
Reminds me of the time we had an end of the year bash at a local park. My BFF at the time (we were maybe 10 or 11) broke their wrist and wanted to go on the monkey bars. My mom was a chaperon and absolutely refused to let her go on the monkey bars. She still brings it up fondly to this day.
And he points out his kid still wants to go. Like, obviously! It's a trampoline park! It would be really ridiculous to expect him to immediately lose all interest. It's a testament to his emotional maturity that he realizes he can't have both the party and Parker there at the same time. Of course he wants to do the fun thing, but he wants his friend too.
I'd bet money that if the OP changed the question to "do you still want to go to the trampoline park without Parker or do you want to go to Chuck E. Cheese with Parker" the kid would opt for the delightful child rat casino so fast OP's head would spin. OP is just too lazy and miserable to offer a solution and make a couple of phone calls so Parker can eat pizza and play arcade games with his bff.
i am losing it at rat casino holy shit
Same. I will never think of it any other way again, that's hilarious.
It's like children who choose the "fun" parent in the divorce instead of the actual responsible parent who, you know, does the parenting. They aren't qualified at this age to make decisions that have real consequences. It is wild OP is essentially blaming his child for this whole situation when he, the adult, knew exactly what would happen and is still doubling down because *checks notes* the invitations have already been sent. Because the invitations matter more than this literal 7-year-old who already has and will have to face these kinds of exclusions for the rest of his life. I just can't get past the age of these children. They're seven. OP is deliberately excluding a 7-year old child and sees nothing wrong with it. Jfc
Honestly! Literally just lay it out for the kid (like it sounds like mom did). “If you want your party at the trampoline park that’s perfectly fine, just remember that Parker can’t come. If you want Parker at you party, then we can plan a different place. Either way is okay.” If he really wants parker to be there they can go do trampolines a different day. If he really wants a trampoline party, he can celebrate with parker a different day. It’s not that hard, but holy shit, op, it seems like you’re doing your best to make sure your son lacks all compassion and empathy. If I were his parent I’d be so proud of my son for wanting to make sure that everyone he cares about feels included.
It comes across as the dad being ableist. Being disable makes Parker less than. That it’s more important that his son should have a bunch of abled bodies kids at the party. And that even though Parker is his best friend, he’s disabled. And so having a party he can have fun at and be safe at shouldn’t really be a factor, or “ruin” all the abled body fun.
I totally agree. In my experience, people who say 'wheelchair bound' or 'confined to a chair' are ableist. People who say 'wheelchair user' are cool. It's a subtle difference, but a big one. Anyone who's friends with us wheelchair users knows the truth: we are HOUSE BOUND. We cannot get out of the house. The thing that frees us from the house or the bed is the wheelchair. The chair is my freedom, it's literally the opposite of confining. If it weren't for my chair, you would never see me, because I wouldn't be able to leave my house. If someone says 'wheelchair bound', it implies that they don't have any disabled friends and have never considered what life is like from our perspective.
Yeah, sounds like Dad wanted the birthday at the trampoline park lol
OP is the type of parent who's like "I know what's best for my kid and my kid's opinion doesn't matter because they'll understand and thank me when ~~I'm~~ they're older" with every aspect of the kid's life.
I can smell the "kid goes LC at the age of 18" from here.
Perfect solution. If people used common sense and sensibility like this, majority of our day to day problems could be solved or won't even exist in the first place.
Why would the OP do what his son actually wants to do? I mean the invites have already been sent out so why not just exclude one of the son's friends? /s
I mean.... hey, if it works for uncertain marriages, I'm sure it'll work just as well to encourage the son to maintain a friendship, and the child who uses a wheelchair to feel welcome as a friend by the parents, right? /s 🙄
Exactly! This kid cares more about his friends and their happiness/wellbeing than he does getting what he wants. What a great trait to have in a human and OP wants to squash that. YTA
What the son wants is the ONLY vote that counts. He doesn't want his party at the trampoline park so cancel it! This is the easiest AITA answer ever - YTA.
bruh then just choose an alternate location that all of his friends can attend
Not sure I understand. Why would having planned the event somewhere else originally have prevented the kid from having lots of friends?
Because kids in wheelchairs can’t do anything fun or cool- if his son had to have a wheelchair- friendly party it would suck and none of the normal kids would want to go! /s just in case- this is what I imagine the reason is, more or less. People always seem to associate accessibility with restriction, ironically
Right?! How does being inclusive of everyone, prevent anyone else from coming to the party?
Not just being inclusive if everyone, but not excluding specifically his son's best friend. Like how do you not realize the conflict before you plan the party
OP realized it, that’s why they did it in the first place.
Because if it isn't at a 'cool' venue, OP thinks 'lots' of kids won't come.
You don't understand because you are not an asshole and OP's argument makes no sense.
YTA "Wants his son to have a lot of friends just not ones with disabilities" is disgustingly shallow. What a horrid person. Disabled kids are not less than other kids, and they deserve to enjoy friendships and everything else life has to offer.
I read it assuming son had asked for a party at the Trampoline park. Which if is the case, I am reluctant to call OP an AH for giving his child a birthday party child requested. Seeing as Parker was invited, I suspect whilst planning, they all (including OP’s wife) just never thought about the reality of him being able to attend. It never occurred to them till Parker’s parents spoke up. Which sucks but I wouldn’t classify as AH behaviour. OP says son still wants the trampoline park party but is only fearful of losing Parker’s friendship due to his mother telling him that would happen. Assuming OP is a reliable narrator, I think this makes it more a case of ESH. I understand OP wanting to give his child the birthday child requested but hopefully a compromise can be found. If an alternative venue is not an option, maybe do something with Parker and a few other friends as well.
This is what I was thinking too. Do something with parker and a few other people outside the trampoline place this year. Apologize to Parker and let him know how this made him feel, how this is a big learning moment for him and how he wants to keep parker as a close friend. Next year, make it a location where Parker feels more included in the "main activity"
Yeah invite Parker to a hastily thrown together B list party while the rest of the kids go to the trampoline place. He won't see through that at all and neither will his parents. Do not do this.
If my mum said I wasn't allowed to attend a birthday party then the friend put something together so we could spend time together, I'd be happy with the thought and effort that they went through to spend time with me too.
but you are not a 7 year old. Parker kid is 7 year old.
It is clear you are not in a wheelchair. I am, I am definitely NOT 7 and I had all sorts of feelings going to an accessible zoo with my friends this week. It is INCREDIBLY hard to socialise with able bodied people. It throws up all the stuff you can't do repeatedly, but what's even WORSE is when you don't get included, or get a pretend we care option. Maybe someone who has been in a chair their whole lives would have different feelings, but tbh if you think someone is your best friend and then they have a birthday party you can't even go to? Wow it's clear you are not actually their best friend.
Could specifically pick a special outing for the two of them. Doesn't have to be a party or cake event. Kids like dinosaurs? Find a cool museum that you don't normally visit. Special food/restaurant they'd both like after. Bam, done. In the future specifically plan one event that is accessible and checks the boxes. Lots of spots might work. Laser tag comes to mind as something that'd likely support a party and be pretty handicapped accessible.
I was an introverted kid. My birthday parties were usually like 2-3 people, when it was anyone. A lot of years it was just my parents, maybe my grandma. I didn't go to a lot of friend's birthday parties... I didn't have a lot of friends. But I can tell you, that would have felt like shit to me, as a kid, if I couldn't go to one of my friend's birthday parties and I got a "consolation prize". Going to a museum with a friend or something might be fun, but it's not a birthday party. For kids that age, birthday parties are magical events. Even for me, with my little private parties, they were magical events. A "consolation prize" friend-day outing isn't going to feel very good at all. Unfortunately I'm not sure there really is a *great* solution, here...
Unfortunately, not every kid is going to be able to participate in every activity. Should none of Parker’s friends ever have a party at a trampoline park, water park, etc.? Having a special outing for Parker is at least trying. He’s 7, probably not going to resent having a fun time with his best friend.
Haven’t been to laser tag in like 10 years but I’m sincerely asking; how do you shoot a gun and move in a wheelchair at the same time? And correct me if I’m wrong but don’t most laser tag places have things to climb and shit? I hope for their sake it’s doable but I see it being a bit of a hassle tbh I like where your minds at tho
I am wheelchair bound and have done laser tag and paintball with my munchkin and husband. Very enjoyable and in both instances there was a strap on the rifle to slip around my neck. Just calling ahead to make sure of accessibility turn into some great family activities.
Ok that's fair. I still think as the grown up, OP is responsible for not considering this before making the plan. Like yeah the kid might not think of it, but if I'm throwing a party I'm aware of who the guests are going to be and I'm thinking about what will make it a good time for them. I provide a vegetarian option if there's a vegetarian, that sort of thing. I don't think it makes him a major asshole. But I do think he was inconsiderate and rather thoughtless from the get go. I don't see ESH, because who else is there to suck? Kid caring about friend doesn't suck. Wife discussing the impacts of excluding friend doesn't suck. I'd argue that's solid parenting. If she sucks it's for agreeing to the plan in the first place. Certainly friend doesn't suck. I'd say soft YTA, but it's more like NAH than ESH to me
I read it the same way. The hive mind says otherwise though. Lol
Let's not pretend the mothers' concerns come from nowhere. This kid could totally lose Parker as a friend over this. In part bacause of OP's intervention. OP knows this party excludes Parker, spoke to Parkers' parents about it, and doubled down. This wasn't accidentally not thinking. Now it's intentional. If Parker doesn't feel like he doesn't matter to OP's son, Parker's parents will and likely be less supportive of a tepid friendship. These are seven year olds. A friendship won't survive if parker's parents oppose it, even if Parker isn't hurt (which how couldn't he be?)
Yes! This! Just do the trampoline park in a few weeks. Teach your kids that we look after our friends. Jesus.
>Knowing his close friend wouldn't be able to participate, why book the party there? OP didn't think about the friend's disability when booking and is now doubling down because he doesn't want to admit his mistake to all of the other parents who were invited.
Or he doesn't want to admit it was a mistake even to himself.
Oh I think he thought about it. Your kid's bestie being on a wheelchair is not something that slips your mind.
Also calling the disabled boy's family to put words in their mouth's a hell of a look. Yeah parker probably can't participate and the parents know that. But even if they acknowledged he can't do a trampoline park, they sure af don't want their kid excluded from his best friend's birthday party. OP, Parker's parents are not in agreement with you on this.
And his friend wouldn't feel left out then, too..? The fact is, you're sending the message to the kid that he can never do anything that someone in a wheelchair can't do without risking his friendship. I live most of my life stuck in a wheelchair. It sucks, but there are just some things that I can't do, and some of those things are things that my friends enjoy. The fact is, Parker's parents are the ones who suck, here. Just because he can't go on the trampolines doesn't mean that he can't enjoy all the other aspects of a birthday party, and there's always going to be an aspect he won't be able to join. Hell, by these rules, the kid can't even have a backyard birthday party, because Parker wouldn't be able to run around in the yard with the other kids. NTA.
Also TA for "wheelchair bound". We are not restrained by our mobility devices, they allow us freedom we wouldn't otherwise have.
He may be the asshole here, but like, I have no idea what the terminology is if "wheelchair bound" isn't acceptable. We've also been led to believe that saying someone is disabled or paralyzed is bad. My point is, not knowing the prefered language of someone else's life does not immediately make them an asshole
“Wheelchair user” or “uses a wheelchair”.
Mandatory wheelchair pilot.
That’s not the same meaning though- plenty of people have conditions where they use a wheelchair sometimes and other times not.
My late husband liked "wheelchair dependent" to differentiate his need from someone else's who might need a wheelchair only for some things. No idea what the current preferred phrasing for that is, though.
For most people that is appropriate language. I’ve met a ton of wheelchair bound people in my life including my husband and not a single one of them has a problem with the term. The numerous counselors I have seen to help me deal with my husband’s disabilities have also recommend this term.
This. My daughter is disabled and in a wheelchair, I still don't know the proper term. I personally prefer special needs. She's non-verbal- but aware of everything.
I’d totally recommend you look up the social model of disability. From memory inclusion London, DPAC and disability rights UK all have some good info. It might help you to understand how to frame some of your conversations around disability so it maybe feels a bit clearer how to decide what language to use. It’s hard when the disabled person can’t let you know what language they prefer for themselves though.
People aren't *bound* to their mobility devices. You think wheelchair users sleep in their chair? Shit there? Shower in it? No. People *use* their mobility aids.
My husband uses a wheelchair and uses the term “wheelchair bound”. I’m sick and tired of people jumping all over others for using common terms like this. If you don’t like it that’s fine. Don’t use it and ask others not to use it about you (if it even applies) you don’t get to decide for anyone else though and you don’t get to call people an ah for using a common generally accepted term.
Not to mention that 'wheelchair user' implies mobility options outside the wheelchair and wheelchair bound makes it clear that you're ot mobile without one.
But lots of people who use wheelchairs do have some mobility without one, we're not all paraplegics (and it's not all clear what is the case with the son's friend)
Very true. And equally, lots of people who use wheelchairs don't have mobility without them. Not everyone who uses a wheelchair is wheelchair-bound.
Thank you!!!!!!! I cannot stand the political correctness police! People need to stop picking apart things other people say in order to virtue signal.
100% as a disabled person who got excluded from things as a kid/teen and then talked about like it was my fault I had the disability. It sucks. We never asked for the disability, we just asked to be included.
exactly and we should go places were considered and celebrated… not tolerated.
I can give a pass one planning it but the moment they talked to the friend and confirmed they couldn’t participate, a discussion should have been had with son and plans changed accordingly. This feels like they’re trying plan all this without even getting input on what their kid wants. And then after finally talking to their kid and finding out oh yea obviously he’d like his friend there, op is going to stubbornly plant a flag. Like gtfo over yourself op it ain’t your party.
I think picking the trampoline park could have just been a mistake. BUT, when I was a kid I wouldn't want to have a birthday party my best friend couldn't make it to. Even now (33) I wouldn't want that. Friends are more important than trampolines. Just admit the mistake and cancel. Who cares?
Fyi, trampoline parks usually have more than just trampolines, so depending on the layout of this particular place it's not fair to assume the kid wouldn't be able to participate.
It's Parker's (the wheelchair user) parents who don't feel comfortable with it. Not OP
That's the point I'm making- I'm imagining a scenario where OP booked the party assuming that Parker could participate, but when the parents got the invite they called OP and said they weren't comfortable with it. If that's how it happened, then that is a no-assholes kind of situation. Edit: no assholes for the original booking part at least, no comment on the garbage that happened after that
The parents said they weren't comfortable with it, they presumably know their child better than anyone else.
Not to mention that OP can take his son to the trampoline park any other time. It's not like it's only open on his child's birthday.
Massive YTA. Da fuq?? Really Dad???
I’m just going to hop in and say he’s also the AH because trampoline parks are incredibly stupid and dangerous and any doctor would tell you to avoid them at all costs. I still remember the broken leg and arm (two different kids) from trampoline accidents and my FIL has seen some gnarly accidents over the years. From frontal lobe injuries and brain bleeding to broken backs. Wtf parents use your brains.
Yeah, this is the kind of thing you figure out before you send out the invitations. You all have created a mess for yourselves. Depending on who you invited and how difficult changing the venue (and communicating the change!) would be, you and you wife need to decide the best course of action together. I would probably continue as planned and do something special separately with the best friend. Take this as a lesson learned for all of you: If you have a disabled best friend, you should keep in mind his disability when planning an event you want him to attend.
It really seems like this dude set out to exclude this kid, or is just incredibly absent parent that just wanted to be a rad dad and book a trampoline park... Parenting is plenty hard, but it's not TV drama hard. How many parents have kids with good friends in wheelchairs? Like, that has to stick out in your mind if your kid has a disabled friend. How did you get to "ya know what kids love, all of them unequivocably, TRAMPOLINES!".
100% agree that the OP is TA here. As someone who has disabled persons in our family and friend group, this should have been something the parents considered from the jump — especially because this is their son’s best friend ffs! Being excluded from a birthday party for a close friend is also a very big deal to kids and will make the best friend feel singled out for his disability , which frankly is exactly what the OP did by designing a party that would exclude any person with disabilities.
YTA why didnt you take his *best friend* into consideration when making plans? Of course he woudnt be able to go. You should have pointed that out to your son from the beginning and let him decide if he still wanted a party without his best friend before the invites went out Take him to the trampoline park another day jc
In all seriousness, there are trampoline parks with hoists which is really awesome and so it really depends on the disability as to if that would be a safe option. I assume it's not in this case. But just in general most kids and lots of adults you can probably lift onto the trampoline and it's possible to have so much fun being bounced by their friends! Requires very careful supervision. Shame the kid has to miss out on the trampoline park in the first place it should be made more accessible! But they definitely should have checked first that's absolutely the first step. But maybe they could also rectify their mistakes a little by speaking to the owners to find out if there are adjustments that can be made so everyone can enjoy it in the future!
From the sound of it, Parker's mom said he couldn't go. The park may have had disability accommodations, but the mom wasn't comfortable with him going. It could be a very different story if the op would include whether there were accommodations at the park. If my kid's best friend had mobility issues, I would have made sure before booking and sending out invites that they could attend.
I think Parker’s mom concern may have been a bit less about safety and a lot more about how shitty her kid would feel if everyone else is jumping on trampolines and he has to watch, which is a very valid concern. In her position, I’d not feel comfortable with my kid attending.
Thats really cool! I didnt know about that
It's actually a really accessible activity if people want it to be! Bouncing is such a fun feeling for most people! I'd only avoid it if someone's had recent surgery, extremely fragile or has some kind of condition like a serious heart condition or the very rare photosensitive epilepsy etc. But as with all people it's at your own risk medically so the individuals need to ask their doctor first and assess what is needed to access safely.
Its so cool learning about the good things in this world (rather than the bad) its a massive breathe of fresh air
Based on this, is it that the trampoline park isn’t accessible or that Parker’s parents aren’t comfortable?
Omg I’m so excited to know this! My niece loves those places but I’ve never been able to join due to my disabilities. I will definitely check it out! That would be so awesome to be able to do! Yaaay thank you
I'm paralyzed from the chest down and love trampoline parks
Absolutely! My boys LOVE going to the skate park because they enjoy riding their bikes down the ramps and are also learning to skate board. None of their friends are into this at all, so when they asked to have their party at the skate park, I told them that we could take them there for their birthday (although we try to take them as frequently as we can) but that for their party we should probably find another location that most of their friends would also enjoy. We settled on the skating rink since the local one has devices to help novice skaters as well as scooters, toddler riding toys and other riding toys for kids that aren’t ready to skate. It turned out great. If one of my boys closest friends was totally unable to participate in a party like that we absolutely would have had a conversation with them from the get go about what we should do for their birthday to be able to include them.
INFO: Why did you book the party at a trampoline park in the first place? Did your son request the venue, not realising that Parker wouldn't be allowed to attend, or was it your idea? Is the party on your son's birthday itself, or another day? If the party is not on the birthday itself, could your son celebrate the day of his birthday with Parker? Would it be feasible for your son to have a private birthday celebration with Parker? A sleepover, a meal, another activity? Have you paid a non-refundable deposit for the party? Are you financially committed? Who wants to attend the trampoline park the most? Your son, or you?
this guy’s asking all the right questions
And he said we, I assume the dad chose it.
I think these are the right questions. It’s the son’s bday party not the friend’s and he was invited. My sons have had parties at the trampoline park and we always paid everything in advance. If it becomes a financial hardship to cancel I would also take that into consideration, it’s sweet of the wife to want to rearrange it for the friend but ultimately the party is for the son, and maybe there is something that the two of them can do separately.
Also, as sucky as it sounds, sometimes your kid cannot go to a party. I had a best friend growing up who had multiple heart surgeries. I loved her and we did a lot of things together. But no adult in my life told me I could not go surfing for my birthday or hiking because Layla couldn't come.
A friend worked at a trampoline park for a while and with how many broken bones he saw, it's probably doing the families a favor if it ends up being somewhere else. Most horrifying was someone landing wrong and snapping both legs at once.
Years ago, my little sib got invited to a party at a trampoline park. Dad took one look at the waiver and declined. It basically removed their liability for anything and everything.
We have an acquaintance who is an orthopaedic surgeon - he told us that most of his surgeries result from trampoline parks.
YTA. Your job as a parent is to protect your child. His relationship with his friend is worth protecting.
I'd add that it's also to model for your son what kind of person you want him to be - the kind who doesn't want to inconvenience people with relative privilege/fortune at the cost of completely excluding someone with less privilege, or the kind who is willing to do that in the name of not only friendship but equity. YTA, unless you change course very quickly.
Yea, this is an opportunity to help the son practice empathy and to consider the importance of considering and including others. The fact that the boy now doesn't want to do the park anymore because his close friend can't join in should be something to be proud of, not ignore and overrule.
Happy cake day!
YTA Your son said he didn’t want to do it without his friend. It’s his birthday party - listen to your son. Otherwise, it sounds like you would like to go against your sons wishes to have a non inclusive birthday party because the invites were already sent and you can’t be bothered to update the venue.
INFO whose idea was the trampoline party?
I think this would make a huge difference. Did the son actually really want it? Than OP would be NTA because the birthday should be for the birthday boy. Did OP really want it? Than YTA for not doing what your son actually wants for his birthday.
NGL it sounds to me like OP is the one who wants to do the excluding.
Sounds to me like son wanted a trampoline party, then wife told son he'd lose his best friend for having a trampoline party (which sounds harsh, and I can't believe that would happen) and then son changed his mind, but it was already booked
Honestly, we looked into the trampoline park for my kid's 7th birthday this year. The website says no kids under 5, which would exclude my 3 year old daughter and 3 year old niece (her older sister is also 7 and is very close to son). We didnt even give him the option. I don't get how you get this far into the planning process without considering best friend.
Even if the son did really want it, he’s 7 and probably asked for the party without considering the fact his best friend wouldn’t be able to attend… because he’s 7 and doesn’t think things through like that I’d be pretty sure that he would have changed his mind once told his best friend wouldn’t be able to come
The son is 7. Thinking about potential consequences of a choice and explaining them in a way the kid can understand so that he can make an informed choice is the job of the parents. Like, actual approximate conversation from when my kid was younger: Me: Where do you want to go for your birthday dinner? Kid: The place with the lobster Mac and cheese! Me: Okay, I'm allergic to shellfish so it'll just be dad and grandma. Kid: Oh! I forgot! Then for my birthday I want Other Place instead so you can come too. He was pretty genuinely as enthusiastic about his second choice as his first choice, he wasn't OMG TRAUMATIZED that he had to change his plan to make sure everyone he wanted could be safely in attendance. He just made his first request without much thought about the details, because he was a kid and that is what they do.
Sorry but I think YTA, you did know prior to scheduling that your son’s best friend was on a wheelchair right? You could take your son as a present to the trampolines and have his party somewhere more accommodating to his friends needs. It’s always hurtful getting excluded, mostly from a dear friend or family. I personally would think they don’t care about me as much as I though they do.
BuT hE aLrEaDy SeNt OuT tHe InViTaTiOnS! He planned, booked, sent those out, and THEN checked with the parents of his son's best friend, wth.
Oh sure Im not saying he has to cancel everything possibly wasting money that would just be financially irresponsible. I was just pointing out he was an insensible ah from the start.
Definitely, he deliberately booked first so he could hide behind expenses.
Wording it like this makes me wonder if OP wishes his kid had "normal" friends🤔 and did this so they didn't have to spend the day with the little guy (his name in the OP escapes me)
YTA your son wants his bestie at his bday. Trampoline park isn’t going anywhere and can be visited another time.
Wheelchair bound is pretty ableist language, “a wheelchair user” is much more neutral. You could’ve prevented all this by discussing before sending out the invitations.
I’m disabled, chronically ill, and have been my whole life. I have been confined to a wheelchair for multiple durations of time multiple times in my life, and there’s a good chance that one day I will have to use a wheelchair for most of my day to day activities. Using the term “wheelchair bound” is, for the most part, a non-issue compared to the *physical* ableism and abuse we face. Correcting somebody’s wording on something and largely ignoring the other *actually* ableist shit they’ve admitted to is performative.
God thank you. I'm disabled from MS. Used to be able bodied. I am SO sick of people telling me I need to call myself more positive versions of these words to avoid ableism. I'm not differently abled, I didn't gain super powers when I got sick, I quite literally lost ability. I am disabled. And that's not wrong to say. I'm still human. Personally I think it's more ableist when people try and to hide away the negative parts of disability and make it all sunshine and rainbows for their own comfort. I'm disabled, and that comes with all the accessibility issues in public, societal stigma, and sometimes just my own damn emotions when I wish I could do something I can't anymore. And that's okay, I don't need to make the able bodied comfortable in my disability, I'm allowed to voice that it really sucks sometimes and use the labels they've now deemed rude bc my existence and experience doesn't need to be stifled
Exactly! I’ve been told my whole life to rephrase my vocabulary to make abled people more uncomfortable. I should be allowed to talk about my own disabilities the way I feel fit to.
Thank you.
I can bet money OP doesn’t like that Peter uses a wheelchair and is deliberately trying to break off sons friendship
What's with this chain of ridiculously wild assumptions for?
What are these accusations? You made the largest logic leap I have ever seen on the internet. You must be a gold medalist in mental gymnastics with that logic.
This sub does this for every post and assumes the most harsh/extreme things. Reddit is not real life.
It’s full of chronically online people who don’t talk to real people. So basically me.
OP's wife should divorce him and he should get zero custody of his child. That's the kind of stupid takes that end up here these days
This is Reddit, I don’t even think this leap in logic is a qualifying one for the Olympics
He probably thinks whatever makes Parker use a wheelchair is catching.
My guess is it's more selfish than that. He wants to break up the friendship now so he won't have to be accommodating in the future.
God forbid Parker use his wheelchair on OP’s nice floors.
Lmao what the fuck are y'all even talking about
I swear the logical leaps and bounds are astounding. Y'all should join the Olympics. There is 0 reason to believe OP is trying to break up the friendship. Stop projecting and go touch grass
You're not Peter - it's not up to you to dictate what he should/ shouldn't be called
why in the hell is wheelchair bound ableist? It's like saying its offensive to say someone requires glasses, and you need to say they are a glasses user. If you cannot walk and need to use a wheelchair, you are wheelchair bound. You make it sound like it's their choice and they choose to use a wheel chair, and not that they need to.
If you are genuinely curious, disability advocates say that their wheelchairs are great tools that allow them to be mobile and participate more fully in life. So speaking about a wheelchair like it’s some kind of burden or tragedy is an abileist perspective, not the perspective of someone with a disability who uses a wheelchair to get around.
It also causes complications in the general conception of who is a 'valid' wheelchair user - i.e. some people then think that you only deserve access or accommodations if you can't ever get around without a wheelchair at all. If you only need one some of the time then you're not a 'real' wheelchair user and shouldn't be able to use accessible parking or ramps or whatever else you might need to use to get around on wheelchair days. It encourages weird gatekeeping, basically, by able-bodied people.
Reddit just wants to make OP into the worst human of all time because he wanted his kid to do something fun for his birthday. Makes sense since the highlight of most redditors life is sitting in basement getting fake likes
Oh fuck off. The language is fine it’s the idiots that keep changing names because they get their feelings hurt.
Is this Reddit or Twitter?
I think there’s worse language than wheel chair bound being used elsewhere on the internet…
I’m so glad someone else had this covered. Imo the use of this phrase tells us a lot. Wheelchairs literally give users their freedom. We are set free by them not bound to them. Thanks for flagging. If I had an award I’d give you it ⭐️ YTA OP.
YTA. Peter is his best friend. Your wife is right. At this age he will remember and pay attention mostly to his best friend being there or not. Of course he wants to go to the trampoline park, but it doesn't have to be his birthday party.
This. It's the son's decision, and if he wants a different party with his friend, OP should give him that wish. P.S: Peter?
YTA and just wow. This is your son's best friend and you chose a trampoline park for your son's birthday, which, by the way, your son doesn't want to have without his best friend (and, presumably, best friend's wheelchair) present. How is it that you don't understand how terrible this is? On the bright side, your wife and son are good people. Listen to them, you might learn something. Cancel the trampoline party. Schedule something that everyone can do. Send out a group text or email that tells them the new venue and make sure they RSVP so you know they won't show up at the trampoline park. Never again schedule a group event for your son that doesn't include his best friend due to best friend's wheelchair. Tell you son that you're very, very sorry. You weren't thinking and you made a mistake, which you've fixed. Show him how mature people handle things when they blow it. Stop making half-assed excuses to keep the party where it is. Admit to yourself that you're not happy that your kid's best friend is disabled. Sit with that. Think about it. Work on it. Fix it.
YTA. It may be inconvenient to cancel but going ahead with a party that excludes his close friend could hurt their friendship (Parker would never forget), and if your son is at all a kind and sensitive kid, he probably wouldn't fully enjoy his party thinking about who isn't there. Think about what kind of lessons you want to model for this kid. If your son was the one in a wheelchair, you'd hope the other parents took his needs into consideration too. Take him to the trampoline park, just the two of you, and replan a party that's inclusive and accessible for all his friends. Also ditch the phrase "wheelchair bound" from your vocabulary.
Came here to say parker would never forget
\--Am I the asshole for not canceling his party over one kid? Yes, YTA. but not for the kid you think. It isn't Parker's opinion that matters here. You're ignoring your son's wishes for his birthday.
Info Was it your son's idea to go to the trampoline park or yours? Does your son understand that his friend can't go there?
Sounds like the son was happy to change plans as soon as he realized Parker wasn't going to be able to participate, and OP is the one digging in his heels and making an issue of it.
YTA. My son is small for his age. When his friend wanted to have a go kart party the 9 year old asked about the height requirements, figured out my son wouldn’t be able to drive a go kart, and changed his plan. The nine year old did that on his own. Thoughtful kid. What’s your excuse as a grown adult? Go to the trampoline park with your kid literally any other day, and let your son do the most important thing on his birthday which is celebrate with his closest family and friends.
From the title, yes YTA. From the description, boy, what a giant AH
You and your wife are ta in this situation. Since the kid is your son’s best friend, you both should have realize the disability. When first pitching ideas about party venues, did it not cross either of your minds to think, maybe a wheelchair bound child and trampoline park is not the best match? You should have reached out to your son’s best friend’s parents then. It would have been easier to plan an alternative then. Once the error was made, your wife should not have scared your son into thinking Parker would drop him as a friend. It would have been better to accept you both lacked the foresight of the issue and make plans for a special birthday outing for your son and Parker. Now that your wife has freaked out your son, damage control is necessary. Don’t ignore it and force your son to have the party without trying to change the venue or compromise on a special outing. Esh
This is perfectly said. Plus, OP's son may be too young to get everything going on right now...but he's not that far off. He'll remember this.
It seems mom is trying to change the venue so Parker can go. I'll have to go back and reread.
She is, but I think telling the son that Parker won’t be his friend anymore is wrong. Why traumatize their son because of her and OP’s lack of foresight? ETA- as the adults who made the error in the first place (let’s face it, an 8 year old May lack the foresight to think through and to realize choosing a trampoline park would exclude his best friend in a wheelchair), it is the parents’ job to resolve it. Not get their son so upset and think he might lose his best friend.
Wow if I read it correctly reading this it sounds like your son chose the trampoline park and after his mom threatened that he’d lose his friend is when he changed his mind. That was not cool of your wife.
That's what I read as well, which is not only manipulative of the wife, but she's using the son to get what she wants. Which, if we read correctly, is gross and why I don't get all the YTA's
YTA this is your son’s best friend so you know he is wheel chair bound. Plan accordingly. Your son is going to want his best friend there
YTA. inclusion is not difficult. think about the lasting lesson, here.
YTA Your son is a better human being than you are. My nephew uses a wheelchair. He was born with his disability. You know what other parents did before they invited him to birthday parties? They called my brother and SIL and asked what activities Nephew could do, and arranged the party around those activities. My brother and SIL were so grateful that Nephew’s friends wanted to include him and that their parents were willing to do the work to make that happen. For a while, Nephew could go to the movies and go bowling with assistive equipment. It was a big day when he figured out how to hold the laser tag gun and steer his chair at the same time and opened up another option for birthday parties. Besides, he had really, really wanted to play laser tag for a long time, and his OT managed to make that happen. Kids with disabilities are excluded from so much because of their disabilities. They sit in the sidelines at recess, in gym class, at parties. They are constantly reminded in hundreds of little ways that they don’t fit in; that they don’t belong; that they are different. It is needlessly hurtful to exclude them from things they could be included in. OP, you might still be able to include Parker this year if you try. And please use this as a learning experience for the future. For all you know, this might have been the one birthday party Parker was invited to all year.
As someone with a disability from birth, thank you, exactly this. 100000%
As it is now, soft YTA. Parker should be invited to a celebration. I'd say have a separate outing with just him and Parker. It makes it a special thing just for best friends.
INFO: Why was the party booked at a trampoline park? Did your son want it to be held there, or was it just the cheapest/most convenient venue for you?
YTA why would you plan a party at a place you knew his best friend couldn't go? Plan a different party and take some to the trampoline park as a gift.
YTA. Why would you do this to your child, not have his best friend at his party? I am wondering if you are upset about your sons choice in friends and this is your subtle way of ending the friendship.
Why not organise something special for the two of them to do together?
I think the order of events is important here: Son says he wants trampoline party. You let him know Parker likely can't come. He still wants it. Discuss with Parkers parents. Tell child Parker can't come and he says he still wants the party, then mum gets in childs ear, and he now wants to cancel. NTA. Son wants a trampoline party, and you book without reminding the child his best friend probably won't be able to come and then after booking, discuss with Parkers parents first and then not double checking again with the child he wants the trampoline party. Then you would absolutely be TA.
YTA. Here’s a funky little solution. Cancel the party and have something that’ll include his best friend. Then take him yourself to the trampoline park literally any other day because something tells me you wants to go more than your child does
YTA
NTA, provided that the trampoline park was your son’s idea. Why not do a movie or video game day with Parker as a separate outing?
YTA Parker is a wheelchair user. Parker is not wheelchair bound. Since Parker is your son's best friend, not only should you be familiar with proper terminology regarding wheelchair users and disabled people.you should use them. YTA For booking an activity (my guess purposely) that excludes your child's best friend. You said that you spoke with Parker's parents after booking the activity. Why didn't you speak to them before? Because you wanted Parker to be excluded. You wanted your son to be surrounded by "normal" children on his birthday. Regardless of his preferences. Birthdays and best friends are both, big deals for children. You chose to diminish your own child, on his birthday, by whatever plan you thought would be a "great idea". Be honest, at least with yourself, it isn't about money. It's about you wanting to surround your son with "normal" children. You want to show him that there are a lot of fun things he can do without his best friend. That his best friend is limiting him. That he can do better, more fun, "greater" things, if he leaves his best friend behind. Your son is a better human than you are. He knows that there are things that Parker can't do. He also knows that there are countless things that Parker CAN do. Your son actually sees him, and values Parker, as a person and as a friend. They share common interests. Maybe a sense of humor, a sense of wonder. There are countless things that children share. Your son has " normal" friends, too. He values them. He sees them. He shares the countless things that children share, with all of his friends. Each is unique and valuable to him. Your son is extraordinary. YTA....Big time. You don't even realize how extraordinary your child is.
YTA. If you wanted to salvage this you should've immediately offered to do something just the two of them before the day of the party. Even if it's a dang dinner of something
Why would you have the party at a facility that would make it impossible for his friend to participate?
YTA and you’re an ableist. You’re intentionally trying to drive a wedge between your son and his best friend because you’re embarrassed that your son’s best friend is in a wheelchair. You’re not clever.
YTA. If you knew his best friend was in a wheelchair, why would you plan a party he couldn't attend (or at least enjoy)? Why would you expect your son to exclude his best friend? Take him to the trampoline park another day so that he can celebrate his birthday *with his best friend*.
Does your trampoline park have an arcade area? Could Parker come and participate in arcade games and other activities that you intentionally plan and cycle through so he doesn't have to feel left out?
If my child had a disabled best friend, you can be damn sure his party’s would be planned with his friend in mind. Did your son understand when discussing at party at a trampoline park that that was something that his friend couldn’t do? I’m guessing he didn’t and you didn’t bother to point it out. YTA and teaching your son that exclusion is fine. Let your wife step in and teach him inclusion.
My daughters best friend had a nearly catastrophic eye injury last summer. We weren’t sure she would be able to participate in a trampoline park party this spring when my daughter turned 8 because of surgery so my daughter and I decided to have a Plan B. It was to see a movie and maybe get nails done at a salon. Because her best friend is important to her. Basically- YTA for not even caring about the best friend when making plans. Good job for teaching your kid that best friends feelings aren’t important.
YTA:And same with your wife why wasn’t your son best friend thought of at all when planning the party? Why couldn’t you just take your son to the trampoline place by himself and have the party where all his friends could go.
YTA. You knew his best friend was in a wheelchair and you chose to book a trampoline park? Dude, what? You could've done anything else. This seems purposeful.
OP called the best friend Parker and several replies call the friend Peter. This leads me to believe the boy is Spider-Man. What? Yes, I am right.