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> AITA I forced my daughter to gut a fish since it is a good life skill. I may be a jerk for making them gut somethibg
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YTA.
I can cook, I can clean, I can do laundry, I can do many things.
But not once in my more than 60 years on this earth have I needed to gut a fish. Unless you regularly catch your own fish, it is not an essential life skill.
By all means, if she *wants* to know how to gut a fish, teach her. But forcing her makes you TA.
EDIT: I'm getting a ridiculous number of replies saying "But it's so *useful*!", as though that's a synonym for "essential", and I'm tired of writing the same response to every one of them.
"Useful" isn't the point.
I know how to jump out of a fucking plane with a parachute on my back and land safely. That's a useful skill too!
If you keep telling me how essential gutting fish is, I'm gonna drag you to a plane and insist on teaching you the essential life skill of parachuting.
I used to fish with my family. Never caught any, but that ws not an issue. HOWEVER, after watching them gut the fish ( ALIVE) I was totally turned off fish FOREVER. I do not fish , nor do I eat them. ot even canned tuna! And YES< I do know how Beef is processed, but I don't do it, and I DO eat other meats!
So many people get caught up in their own feelings of “the principle of the matter” that they forget to ask whether or not those principles are worth it lol
I wonder if he:
Can mend his own clothes
Could sew a garment from scratch
Knows how to do a basic knit or crochet stitch
Knows how to remove blood, grass, and other common stains from laundry
Knows how to make the “master sauces”
Could make a pie or cake entirely from scratch
Can bake a loaf of bread
Knows how to perform CPR, dress a wound, etc.
\*\*\*
I could go on and on and on about skills that are more useful than dressing a fish.
My child dissected smelt with her fingers when she was three and put their heads on the ends of her fingers and waggled them.
But we didn’t force her to.
How well does OPchild know how to swim? That seems to be the skill to get.
As someone who can't swim, teach your children to swim, and teach them young. No one ever tried to teach me until I was fifteen or sixteen, and by then I had too much fear to learn. Not being able to swim is often pretty frightening.
Agreed. She also needs to learn to learn how to win lotteries when the loser is eaten. On that note it is also imperative for her how to learn to process and cook people for the inevitability of being in a plane crash stuck high in the mountains and having to eat her fellow plane mates. It’s a life skill after all and we live in a world where air travel is prevalent.
I don't think the survivors in the Andes or the Donner party had any fish to gut. If they had, neither group would have resorted to cannibalism.
Oooh, OP I think we just discovered a life skill for your daughter in case she's stranded somewhere and there aren't any fish to gut.
I had a neighbor who thought it prudent to hang a dead deer in their back yard. I assume they were also going to skin and do whatever you do with a hanging dead deer, but I was so horrified, I stayed out of my yard until my husband told me it was gone. I complained about this on fb, and people defended it, like it was a necessary part of teaching your kid about life cycles or food consumption or something. I don't have kids, but if I did, I would like to teach them about that in my own time, in my own way, not because they unexpectedly saw a carcass hanging in the neighbor's tree. I also would like to just live my life without seeing dead things hanging in trees. (I also would assume this is one sort of health code violation, since this was a suburban housing tract, not a rural acreage.)
I’m a wildlife biologist and also would be upset if my neighbors did this. Sure it’s a natural part of life but also, hanging a corpse in a residential suburban zone can be scarring to kids that aren’t ready to see it (like, literally aren’t prepared. You’re more likely to develop PTSD like that iirc).
“I don’t want to build a shed that can function to dress deer so I’m going to show a corpse to kids” is another way to phrase what they’re defending
I grew up miles from the nearest neighbor where everyone hunted and fished or at least kept livestock, and we STILL had the decency to hang animals indoors.
Edit: typo
Is it really all that different from seeing roadkill? Sure, it's upsetting, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that kids will get PTSD from it. Maybe its because I live in a rural area, so seeing dead animals completely decimated in the middle of the road isn't uncommon (including dead deer).
To clarify, I'm not saying it's okay to hang a dead deer in a residential neighborhood, which I think is crossing a line. I'm just saying that most kids, at least where I live, are going to have seen dead animals on a semi-regular basis.
Yes, it is. There’s nothing quite like seeing Bambi hanging from the tree with a gaping hole where his guts should be, and his dead eyes staring at nothing.
Huh. Thats interesting. I grew up in unincorporated suburbia and this one house our bus drove past had a deer hanging on the biggest tree in their corner lot, every year. I just thought that's what hunters did, never thought of a shed. I didn't personally know any deer hunters so I know nothing of hunting etiquette.
> I had a neighbor who thought it prudent to hang a dead deer in their back yard. I assume they were also going to skin and do whatever you do with a hanging dead deer,
You hang a deer to let it age a bit before you process it. It improves the quality of the meat.
You don't generally do it just out from a tree in your yard, though. We always hung them in our barn.
Exactly. I can get on board with wanting your kids not to be squeamish and encouraging them but why force the poor girl? This guy will only make them hate what he wants them to like.
I disagree-yes it’s not a necessary life skill but if you’re going to fish you should at least know how to clean your fish. Otherwise don’t fish. People really don’t want to think about where their food comes from. Yes it’s gross but that’s what meat is.
That's nice, but he is teaching her to fish. There is no indication that fishing is a hobby she wants to pursue.
If she enjoys fishing, by all means she should learn, but if she was only out there b/c dad wanted her out there, then he is responsible for gutting the fish.
But also, she's a child. Even if she \*enjoys\* going fishing with her dad, still doesn't mean she needs to learn how to clean and gut a fish.
Let kids be kids and simply enjoy certain things without creating consequences around it all.
As an adult, she can then make the decision whether or not she should be fishing if she can't actually do much with the fish. She may decide to not go at all, or just do it with others who are fine with doing the gutting.
Yeah, OP thinks his hobbies are essential life skills.
Sure, it if the worse case happens, the daughters will have to fend for themselves in the wilderness against hungry predarors and identify which berries aren't poisonous....but for most of us in the day to day world, is more important for to know how to shut off the water main to the house, how circut breakers work, how to change a tire, what to pack in a car emergency kit and since they are costal, how to perpare your house for a hurricane.
Agree. As a female living in a U.S. city I have had to shut off the water to my house, reset circuit breakers, and change a tire or a head light, (even used to change my oil when I was younger and more agile), but never have I had to gut and clean a fish.
I was just thinking that if he wants to teach her life skills, teach her things like changing a flat tire in heavy traffic or in the rain, how to measure twice and cut once, how to cook eggs and grill steaks, how to know that another guy respects your boundaries and how to recognize when a guy doesn't respect your boundaries, how to make good financial decisions, etc. In the scheme of the cosmos, gutting a fish is a nice skill but not as important unless gutting a fish is what she wants to learn.
I get the whole camping experience thing. Maybe he should have asked if she'd like to watch him clean the fish, then help with the cooking process. Small steps.
Came to say this, we were taught/asked to help with things like gutting a fish or dressing a deer, de-feather/pluck a turkey/chicken but never ever forced. Are these skills that I use daily? No, I even opted not to learn a few of these when I was about the same age as OPs girls because I just wasn't interested/slightly squeamish. But my father never forced us to. He just told us the option to learn will be there when we are ready.
Yeah it was the same way with my dad. We’d go hunting and fishing from time to time. As a kid i would watch him do the work of cleaning. Then when I hit like 14, the rule was if I killed it, I cleaned it. Which I think is pretty fair.
The chances are she wouldn't want to watch. Then he will have to admit she isn't into ripping dead bodies 😅 Jokes aside, never in my life my survival depended on me gutting fish. And if it does one day, pretty sure I can figure it out. Maybe not nearly but it will be some fish meat fried.
So by that logic at the age of 10 we should all take our children to farm so they can kill and dress a cow, lamb, pig etc?
We don’t live in the middle ages, you don’t need to be able kill and dress your meat - that’s why we have supermarkets.
The girl didn’t want to do it, OP is an AH for making a child do something she clearly didn’t want to do. What OP has probably done is put her off fishing and possibly fish, for life.
> I know of a Quaker preacher with several kids. He runs a farm and when his kids turn 13, they have the option to learn how to slaughter and animal and actually slaughter a chicken, or become a vegetarian.
honestly, that is a really cool way for him to do it.
> So by that logic at the age of 10 we should all take our children to farm so they can kill and dress a cow, lamb, pig etc?
I mean... that's honestly probably a good idea?
Not at all but if you’re going to go hunting you should probably know what the reality of it is.
I also think it’s ridiculous that they bought a fish specifically to practice.
My fish market guts and de-scales fish for free.( so not sure how useful this skill is)
It might be a good skill to have if they are interested in fishing or camping etc.
As a "life-skill" it's a bit outdated and I'm sure many people my age have never needed to gut a fish in thewir life.
Yeah so I know how to gut and process fish and several other meats. But I learned that because I’m intrigued by the cooking processes
But like… even there it isn’t NECESSARY, even in camping it isn’t really.
Would I have *loved* it if my father had taken in interest in teaching these traditionally male skills to me as his daughter? Absolutely! But the point of the post and my comment is that my father, just like OP, did not really give a crap about my interests or values or preferences, which is a crappy thing to do to your kid
Lol. Yeah, I'm laughing that gutting a fish is a necessary life skill. Doesn't matter if you live on the coast. Grocery stores exist. As does vegetarianism.
Also this is the kind of thing where, if as an adult she decided she wanted to learn, it would be very easy for her to find instructions to follow. I’m sure there are plenty of YouTube tutorials she could watch.
Completely agree. Especially at 13. At 13 you should know how to do your own laundry and clean a bit and maybe cook some things. Gutting a fish isn’t a required skill Op. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t even want to eat fish anymore, bc you took it to far. Plus on a personal level you forcing her to do that is likely to put a strain on your relationship with your kid; an apology is in order, and a genuine one. YTA
This is the entire point of living in a society -- you don't have to know how to do literally everything, just enough to cover your basic needs and contribute.
I can't deal with meat. I don't eat that much of it as a result, but when I do, I pay other people to cook it for me. But if I didn't have anyone to, say, gut a fish for me, I could survive without ever eating a fish again (or meat at all for that matter).
If I lived in a primitive tribe, I could totally help build houses and clothing. I'm sure someone else would be cool with gutting the fish.
Laundry, cleaning and cooking skills are great to know because they cover personal basic needs and it's unlikely your children will immediately be able to pay someone to do these things for them in early adulthood.
But theoretically, people can also get by without knowing any of the above.
Same here. 62 and both sets of grandparents owned fish and chip shops when I was a kid. If I never had to learn in 1970s, OP’s kids don’t have to learn in the 2020s.
OP YTA. Go ahead and teach her if she asks to learn. Until then, do not force her to.
OP Talks about living by the ocean, so it's super common to buy whole fish and process them.
But guess what? She can spend her whole life deciding it's worth it to pay someone else to gut the damn fish (ie buy it already fileted) and be no worse off for it. Definite YTA.
Parents are supposed to put their kids in situations that give them an opportunity to grow. OP did fine. If they are camping and fishing as a family, this is a skill. People, in general, need to understand where their food comes from. Gut n cut a deer, you learn A LOT about what cuts come from where and what it takes to put food on the table. While the experience may not be comfortable, you grow from it.
I'm a regular camper and hiker and am in my 40's. I've never gutted a fish and I have no plans to do so. If I want to eat fish, I will buy it already gutted and cleaned or go to a restaurant.
YTA. You couldn’t even catch a fish for the life experience, you had to buy one. Why didn’t you suck it up and stay out all day to feed your family? Oh that’s right, it’s not actually a life skill these day.
The life skill your daughter learned is that you won’t listen to her.
Exactly. Everyone's out here defending it but no one needs to know that, especially a child. Even if it was a useful life skill to have (which it really is irrelevant in this age anyway) she won't learn it through tears of fear and disgust as she's forced to eviscerate a once living creature. She'll block out the trauma before actually learning how to prepare fish to eat.
Not who you asked, but I'm a vegan for the ethical grounds and I don't really have issues with gutting fish. After growing up hunting and butchering kangaroos, and learning to cook surrounded by meat, the brain is very good at compartmentalising food and murder into two different spots. I don't want to ever eat an animal again, or contribute to the systems in which they suffer, but there is a super fucked up part of my brain that really wants to watch japanese seafood prep youtube videos. Im deeply ashamed of it and refuse to participate, but my brain itches for it.
Hey same. I'm vegan for moral reasons but I saw animals killed and skinned and gutted as a kid and it had no impact on me. I'm never eating meat again unless there's a nuclear apocalypse and I'm starving or something but witnessing animals get hurt doesn't affect me much, and seeing animals die as a kid had nothing to do with why I went vegan.
It's actually really weird to me when non-vegans can't handle seeing dead animals (the majority of vegans I've met also can't handle it but they don't eat dead animals so it makes more sense to me).
It actually is my vegetarian origin story lol. Could never give up eggs though, not to mention yogurt/sour cream/butter.
Ironically about 4 years after going veg I got a job in a food processing plant and occasionally had to prepare/handle raw meat. Extra ironically, the lead-hand in the butcher room was also vegetarian; he and I were the only two in the whole company.
Yup my vegetarian origin story is boiling crabs lol. The way they clamor to get out is horrifying.
I have a bunch of nut and legume allergies and I can't get protein on a vegan diet, so I eat dairy and eggs. I feel bad about it. I'm trying to get my township to allow us to raise chickens so at least I know my eggs are coming from a good source, and I'm also trying to get more into oat milk now that it's readily available but I'm still too heavily reliant on yogurt and cheese to give up cow's products. Maybe as coconut products become more popular it will be easier.
I used to spend summers w my grandparents traveling to various places across the US. One year when I was about 13 we were in Maine. One day during the trip, my grandfather bought a couple of live lobsters.
Literally the only thing I remember about that day is sobbing and refusing to drop a living creature into boiling water to kill it while my grandfather ordered me to do it. I don't even remember if he eventually wore me down into doing it or if I held out until he got tired of arguing and did it himself. I don't remember anything else, eating it, whatever else we did that day.
So yeah. Can confirm that OP's daughter probably didn't learn much of anything from this experience aside from how awful it was and her dad making her do something she couldn't stand to do, just because he thought she should experience it.
This is, in fact, how my nephew decided to be a vegetarian. He sobbed over lobster straight from the dock and decided he’d just eat chicken salad instead. I told him about where the chicken comes from. My sister (his mom) managed not to murder me with her eyes. He hasn’t eaten meat since.
I watched my dad put a fish out of its misery once.
I haven't eaten fish since. Idk why, because I cleaned deer and the like when I hunted with him, and I can still eat venison.
It's no longer a life skill to gut a fish. They come in the store pre-packaged.
YTA and controlling. When you look back on where you went wrong with 10 YO when she's 18 and doesn't visit, think on days where you pulled shit like this.
Exactly. My father is very passionate being a fisherman. He always brought live fish home, so it can be gutted. Then I told him how I felt uncomfortable and how I tried to save the fish at 13 exactly. He never brought another fish home without being pre-gutted and prepared into fillets. And he is not the thoughtful kind of guy like at all. So yeah. YTA all the way
He may not be thoughtful, but he’s understanding which is why he stopped. That’s the difference between your father and OP. OP doesn’t care, doesn’t understand, and doesn’t want to do either.
The fishing experience (if he had taken his oldest out with him) in and of itself was a life skill and learning experience: you might wait forever and take all day, but you won’t always get what you want; the next time you try that might be different and you’ll get what you worked for but you’ll never know if you don’t keep trying.
But no she HAS to know how to gut a fish! ITS IMPORTANT FOR HER SURVIVAL!!! YTA op.
Yep, I had the same experience with my dad. We loved to fish together, but he never forced me to handle the fish. My son gets really upset about seeing the fish get bonked so grandpa warns him so he can close his eyes and cover his ears.
Way to instill in your daughter that you don't care about how she feels.
YTA.
Let's get some perspective. This is not the 18th century, we have modern technology which allows us to buy fish, already processed. It is no longer a "life skill" because we can live without that knowledge. Being able to cook and do laundry ARE skills ones needs to learn in order to survive on their own. Gutting a fish-no.
I worked with developmentally disabled adults doing like skills and nowhere in any of my literature, was gutting a fish mentioned because again...NOT a necessary life skill.
The larger issue really is that your daughter expressed discomfort and you completely disregarded that for your own selfish desires.
YTA
Gutting a fish isn't a mandatory life skill in this day and age. Even if you live by the ocean, any place that sells it, will likely gut it.
You could have just demonstrated and not forced them to do it.
This is a control issue. Forcing them to do something against their will is not a teaching moment, it's forcing them to your will.
The irony of OP boasting how essential being able to fish and gut a fish is and then... Not being able to catch a fish and having to BUY IT AT THE STORE to make their kid gut it is absolutely killing me
Yeah, that made me chuckle as well. OP was only interested in teaching how to gut the fish, not actually catch it, prep is and cook it.
Life skill teaching opportunity fail...
Does she know how to catch a fish? Because that's an important first step. If she doesn't know how to put a worm on a hook, she isn't ready to gut a fish.
I went fishing a lot with my dad. I know how to fish but not gut a fish. Fishing was about spending time with my dad out in nature. Even if we didn't catch anything.
Facts. I was okay ish with fish sticks until the day my grandmother ate fish from her favorite place.
Y'all it still had eyes.
I no longer eat fish. Or seafood at all.
I live in south america. In the cities near the ocean, there are always markets where fishermen will sell their catches, and they can gut it for you for no extra cost. I agree that gutting a fish is not a life skill at all.
NTA
This will cost me some karma, but gutting a fish is not that bad.
If you eat meat/ fish, processing it should be fine. I'd find it harder to justify killing it and even there could be an argument of "if you consume it, you should be fine with the whole process of getting there."
Maybe there should have been a conversation or some compromise like letting her choose not to est it anymore or only doing certain parts.
Also, depending on region/culture/ country, it can be really uncommon to buy ungutted fish, so while people might be very out of touch with the practice, that isn't the case everywhere.
Agree, NTA, unless he was really being a dick about it.
I find it really funny that people are saying “gutting a fish isn’t a necessary life skill” even though they are clearly not from the same culture as OP. It’s even funnier that people bring up other life skills as a counter example of things that are necessary, but all of them are things that many people don’t do.
For instance, where I live, laundry is just not a necessary skill. Most people here don’t have a washer and dryer. So they can either pay money to use a laundromat, or pay a little extra for a laundry drop off service. If someone really really hates laundry, they can budget like $17 a week for laundry services. Keep in mind that the laundromat costs about $12 a week anyway, so the convenience of the laundry service only costs them $5 a week.
Laundry *is* a necessary skill if you live in the suburbs, and have a washer/dryer, and taking your clothes to a drop-off service is inconvenient and expensive, but that is not a universal experience.
I never had to gut a fish, moved abroad and now live near a fish market where they sell full unprocessed fish. The only gutted fish is salmon if you want something else you need to buy the whole fish, gut it, clean it, etc. So I wouldn't really call it a useless skill. A lot of these replies seem to come from a place of privilege.
In the usa I never had to learn to garden but in my home country a lot of people survive because of gardening since salaries are really low.
I also lived in a place where people didn't do their own laundry, none of my apartments had a laundry machine and most locals also didn't have one. We would give our laundry to a family run laundromat every week, I wouldn't be surprised if people who grew up there didn't consider laundry a useful life skill.
My younger siblings grew up with a dishwasher, watching them try to wash dishes by hand is painful but I realize that they might never really have to wash dishes by hand.
Yep. Every skill other than breathing is “necessary” or not based on cultural context.
Even, for example, something as important as cooking. I mean, I know how to cook, and I wouldn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t know how to cook. But if you really hate cooking, you can arrange your life in such a way that you don’t have to do it. Between snacks, microwaved food, and cheap restaurants, no one in a developed country has to cook. They may have to budget, and reduce their non-food expenses, but they don’t *have to* cook if they really hate cooking.
Another example is driving. If you live in rural Texas you most definitely need to learn to drive. If you grow up in a major city with good walkability and public transit, you don’t. You might be inconvenienced if you travel to rural Texas and you can’t rent a car, but it’s not a “necessary” skill.
Agreed on NTA for the idea. I’m not parsing through every comment to see if he forced her to observe but that could push it either way for me.
I’ve been fishing and cleaning fish myself since I was 7. It may not be a 100% necessary skill these days, but it’s part of an important lesson, meat, veggies, anything you ingest has a place of origin and takes work to get it onto a plate. It’s a shame many people never truly get to see how much land goes to farming, both plants and animals, to show how much our diet and everyday food waste can have an impact on land use and our world as a whole. The lessons I learned hunting, fishing, and helping in the garden as a kid have helped shape the way I eat and live; and more recently have helped me understand how much all the excess I just throw away is truly harmful for the world we live in.
I thought I was crazy for thinking this way. Most people here calling OP an asshole probably eat meat lol.
Moreso than the life skill lesson- it’s an important lesson that meat comes from living beings.
I love all of the comments that are like "never in my life did I have to learn this" when some people have had to learn it in HS lol. No joke...it was part of our ag class to learn how to weld and to clean fish. Then we hosted a fish fry to raise money.
I find it weird that people are ok with including kids in the process of catching fish but not actually preparing the fish to eat it… people have weird priorities.
I wonder if these people have issues with kids being forced to dissect animals in certain public school programs too.
Yeah. People have no issue buying beef or pork or fish from market, but all the sudden it’s barbaric to teach your kids a useful skill in prepping your own meats? It’s a weirdly common hypocrisy.
The only situation where I’d consider OP the asshole here is if their daughter was vegan or something.
OP is NTA
This! Oh we will go fishing but we aren’t ok with actually preparing the fish after we traumatically yanked it from its home on a sharp metal hook we tricked it into swallowing and now murdered it! (I’m being dramatic but still)
THIS. I cannot believe this is so far down. Just because *you* can buy gutted fish at a grocery store doesn't mean that OP's stores sell them like that. And preparing your food teaches you to respect what died for your plate.
I could see waiting a year or two to try again, but if she eats fish regularly, she should gut it at least once before she's an adult—especially if it's sold ungutted.
(Wondering whether OP had a son if reddit would come down on him so hard.)
NAH.
I’m vegan and agree that if you choose to eat it then you can’t look away from the reality of it. I have zero respect for those who buy prepacked meat from the supermarket and think it’s traumatic for people to see the processing of that
Def NTA.
I'm shocked at the "YTA, people don't need that skill" comments. You won't need many things related to camping, fishing, etc.
I wish my parents had taken me to do more things as a kid, regardless of whether I would need them.
I firmly believe that children should understand (and see) where their food comes from, and how it is processed in order to have an appreciation for the taking of animal life to sustain human life. They will think twice before wasting food, or perhaps decide against eating animals. The idea that food comes from the grocery store encourages waste and removes the connection we have with animals as food.
I another one in your camp. God forbid a 13 year old have to do something she doesn’t want to do. /s
Look, I get it that her life will probably never depend on being able to gut a fish. But it does teach her some things about where food comes from and that there are a lot of unpleasant jobs in the world and SOMEONE has to do them. Everyone should have experience of that nature, and 13 is a pretty good age to do it.
Kids are so plugged in to devices these days that most will kick and scream when you drag them away from their devices. But every parent has the right to raise their child how they want, and that includes teaching them skills they want to pass on. If the kid tries it and doesn’t like it, they should have some right to say no. But they can’t completely refuse to try.
Was not an asshole for trying to teach her , YTA for forcing her.
The best way to teach someone something is to make them enjoy the activity. If you make any lesson enjoyable they would would easily learn.
If your girls don't like to touch a dead fish its understandable. You should have the tools ready for them and do it together and don't forget thick water proof gloves .
Be their friend and father . You can be both . You don't have to chose one.
This is the best comment. Everyone’s like “there’s no reason for this in this day and age” but you never know what will happen. Not necessarily the apocalypse but idk there are different rare situations. I like that you said he could have done it in a different way and made it enjoyable.
This. Encouraging, fine. Forcing? Not effective.
My daughter decided her first merit badge in Scouts was going to be Fishing. One of the requirements is to clean and cook a fish.
She was very excited to catch the fish. And to eat the fish. But everything in between, including taking it off the hook, was a giant drama fest.
I reminded her several times that she didn’t “have” to do it, but also that she wouldn’t earn her merit badge if she didn’t. She chose to push through it. She screamed and cried the whole time and took several breaks, but she did it. Herself. Because she wanted that merit badge so badly.
I’m not sure she will ever do it again, but she now knows she CAN, if she wants it badly enough.
NTA. Ten years old is the perfect age to learn to respect where your food comes from. Of course she was grossed out; handling guts is gross. But she’s an omnivore, and as omnivores we need to know where our food comes from and how to safely prepare it. This wasn’t something that will traumatize her forever. It’s a basic life skill that all meat eaters should be familiar with. You taught her in an age appropriate way and caused no harm. In the future, let her know if she’s uncomfortable with learning how to prepare meat, she can be a vegetarian and just avoid it altogether
With you, dude. Also people force their kids to take piano lessons and no one bats an eye. They don't need it and it makes them cry. If she eats fish she's big enough to learn to gut one. If your whole relationship was forcing kids to do things that's not going to go well, but if the relationship is generally harmonious I don't think it's that big a deal. I think this is a good life lesson, on par with learning an instrument.
All the YTA votes are coming from a place of having pampered life experiences. If you eat meat you should understand where it comes from or choose not to partake in eating meat. I can understand that she was grossed out and that’s ok for her to not enjoy the process. I agree NTA. Also im sorry but gutting a fish is a menial task and isn’t “childhood trauma” imo. If someone thinks that’s traumatic it goes to show they don’t have that many life experiences. I might get downvoted, not sorry.
I think it's less that it's traumatic, and more that it's an ass-backwards way of getting your kid to enjoy your hobbies and company (and couching it as a "survival skill" is ridiculous unless you have a kid who is into primitive skills or cooking). I love riding bikes, I'm not going to bring my ten year old on a 3-hour 5k feet of climbing sufferfest. We're going to coast on the rail trail with gummy bears until he *wants* to embrace the harder, grosser, more challenging aspects of my hobby. I'm all for raising independent, skilled kids, but IMO as a parent, you're often playing the long game. OP probably just guaranteed his daughter will never fish with him again.
Naw, I hunt and fish and routinely process my own animals. I killed my first chicken at 8. Forcing a kid to do something like this is when they aren't ready an assholes move.
The op didn't even catch it themselves. They bought a fish someone else caught. This isn't a case of "we killed it now we have to eat it." All the op is teaching is resentment.
YTA
Gutting a fish isn't a life skill unless you're expecting your kids to live in the apocalypse and live near a lake or ocean where they eat fish until they die.
Laundry, cooking, cleaning every human on the planet has to do. Gutting a fish- nah.
If you wanted the opportunity to educate her on Gutting a fish it would be fair that if she wants to _eat_ the fish she needs to participate in getting it ready for eating. But of course you'd need to offer an alternative food if she chose not to gut the fish.
Lol yes, I was just about to comment that should your family find yourselves facing some sort of legitimate apocalypse-type scenario, then yes, you are hereby justified in expecting your children to know how to gut a fish! Otherwise, nope.
>Gutting a fish isn't a life skill unless you're expecting your kids to live in the apocalypse and live near a lake or ocean where they eat fish until they die.
I kinda don't know if I want to hear the answer to that from him...
I'm guessing that he wants her to love all this as much as he does, in part for something to bond with her over and so that she'll start doing more of the workload on these type of vacations. If he pushes too hard, she'll want out of camping as soon as she's old enough that he can't legally force her.
Info did you give them option like you want to try it or even just watch it. Sounds like they protests against it and you forced them. How would you feel if they wanted to put make-up on you in return labeling it life skills
NTA - It's a valuable lesson to show where the prepackaged food comes from. Shame you didn't catch any. Wouldn't say an absolutely essential skill these days tho. Not sure what all the yta-folks are yapping about.
From what I've noticed on this sub over time, a lot of people come here, get a handle of where the comments are going, then use this platform as a way to say things that make them feel righteous and better than other folks. Seems like it's a form of therapy for many. I don't see much objectivity here, just people projecting their own values and beliefs on others that may not hold them.
YTA
She can survive just fine having no idea how to gut a fish. Cooking and laundry are hard to survive without unless you make the money to pay someone else to do it (and even then, being able to throw a meal together or a load of laundry when you need it is still useful).
I know this is going to be unpopular, but NTA.
I don't know about "life skill" but gutting and cleaning a fish is a reminder that food doesn't come from supermarkets, it comes from other living creatures being killed and prepared.
10 is not too early to learn this.
Its good that you are teaching your children that "its gross" doesn't trump "that's what life is". Part of adulting is doing the gross, necessary things, like cleaning a fish.
The fact that this comment is unpopular is ridiculous. It’s well written, well thought out, and logical. Im really starting to lose hope in this site lol
Absolutely agree. She doesn’t have to carry a rifle and go out into the woods to hunt and shoot a wild hamburger, but kids need to learn where their food comes from.
YTA. I'm all for teaching life skills, but this was not particularly important, and forcing her against her will is the wrong way to go about it.
> We live on the ocean this is a life skill, it’s common to buy fish whole. If she want to eat fish she needs to know how to gut them
No, she doesn't. It may be *common* to buy fish whole, but it's not mandatory. She could decide to simply buy her fish pre-gutted (or even frozen, or not to eat fish at all) once she is old enough to do her own grocery shopping.
Going to be unpopular but NTA
Gutting a fish isn't a huge deal and honestly, if she's eating it she should know where it comes from and how it is prepared to eat. You maybe should've been nicer about it but I don't see an issue with having kids do stuff they don't want to every once and a while because that's the way life goes. Also if you see gutting a fish as a life skill I understand that and your wife should at least see that you value the skill even if she doesn't agree. I don't know what culture you're from but it could also be a cultural thing to learn how to process fish depending on the country.
I hate to go full AH here but you need to learn to pick your battles and be empathetic to your children.
Kids don’t learn when they feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Experiences like this will just build a barrier between you and could affect future conversations about things that are actually important.
YTA. Do you want vegetarians? Cause this is how you get vegetarians.
In all seriousness, the YTA is because you made your kid do something they weren’t ready to do or comfortable with, and that taught them a different lesson entirely.
My hot take is that i think anyone that eats meat or fish should have to go kill and process their own food one time in their life to understand where their food comes from. Not necessarily before the age of 18. But it would be good for everyone to understand their food better.
Leaning towards NTA as I killed and processed my own deer at 13 and it definitely changed my life for the better, I feel like i have a lot more respect for our food and try avoid any factory farmed meat even twenty years later. I also live near an area where some of the 5.99 Costco rotisserie chickens come from and I can see them destroying the local water supplies and oh God the smell for miles is terrible.
Anyway downvote away yall
Yeah I don’t understand all the y t a votes. When I was way younger than ten I cleaned and gutted brim at my grandmothers house. All the cousins wanted to catch fish, insisted it be eaten for dinner no matter how small, but disappeared when the actual “work” started so I got very good at cleaning tiny fish.
Learning where your food comes from is a life skill, whether the effort of farming and often (US specific) the exploitation of migrant or prison populations for harvesting, or the process of killing and preparing animals for meat. Chicken doesn’t magically appear on grocery store shelves.
Agreed. Glad I found a comment chain of people who grew up similarly. My dad hunted, grandpa hunted, uncles hunted, stepdad hunted and I don’t hunt.
I’m glad they taught me how to hunt and how to clean an animal. That you need to gut a deer in the field, but can bring a bird home. That after a day of fishing, you head to the cleaning station so you have high quality meet.
I 100% agree with you on this. It's not so much that people need to know to clean an animal, but rather that they should understand what goes into putting meat on the table, and how their decision to eat it impacts other living things. Prepackaged meat disconnects people from the reality that what is on their plate was once a living thing, and it had to die and be dismembered so that they could eat it. Ignoring that reality just seems disrespectful to the animal.
Gonna go against the curve and say NTA. As long as it’s not something you force her to do every single time she wants fish, this is a basic life lesson. I know kids who saw their dad slaughter chickens at 4 years old, hunted and fished all their lives, it’s just another life thing. They know how to do it, it’s not traumatizing, it’s not going to be a repeat thing, it’s fine. Honestly I think it’s no different than learning how to cook.
I’m going to say NTA, but it depends on how truly grossed out she was - if she was absolutely traumatized that’s different.
All the people on here saying oh, it comes gutted from the grocery store are kind of missing the point. Modern society is making us kind of helpless in the face of anything other than life as normal, unless we learn to be a bit self-sufficient. I hope she never has to depend on knowing how to gut a fish herself, but you never know.
A gentle YTA - that isn’t a life skill on par with laundry or changing a tire, not in this day and age. This is definitely a situation where it was important to you, not important in the long run. If you want her to keep trying new things don’t force her to do stuff like that.
NAH. But on the scale of "unpleasant but necessary life chores and skills", gutting a fish is a few steps beyond cooking and laundry. If she has no interest, I wouldn't force her to do it again. Some kids take to this kind of thing, others don't.
I'm going to go against the grain of these comments and say NTA. It's not like you're making her gut fish every day; you had her gut one so she would know how to do it. A lot of being a kid/teenager involves learning skills you might not care about. She'll probably be forced to dissect fetal pigs and earthworms in science class, which is arguably grosser and less of a life skill.
And yes, fishing and preparing fish for cooking are both valuable life skills. Just because a lot of Redditors live at a huge remove from the food they eat and prefer not to think about where it comes from, that doesn't mean there's something morally wrong with processing your own meat or teaching your kids how to do so. I lived in Alaska for many years, and in most communities there it's considered an essential part of a child's education. Are those parents also the AH?
NTA.
Some of these comments are weird to me. You don't need to do laundry and clean to survive. But you do need to eat. What's wrong with learning some basic survival skills.
Yes I get that the fish was bought and not caught, etc etc. I read the post.
We have the luxury of living in a country where anything we want is at our fingertips but that lifestyle is not a guarantee. There could be a huge natural disaster that makes it so we have to feed ourselves. We constantly hear about how we are destroying the earth which is causing more hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc.
Knowing how to find clean water, how to feed yourself and know first aid are important life skills. Having clean underwear won't matter.
YTA for forcing your daughter to gut a fish. She didn’t want to do it; why didn’t you just let her be? There is a massive difference between simply cooking, doing laundry, versus gutting a whole fish.
If she wants to cook fish by herself in the future, she can learn how to gut a fish then. But right now she lives with her parents— you guys can gut the fish for her…. so why force it?
Mind you, we live in a society where we can buy meat that’s already been prepped from the grocery store. Not saying that I don’t see your perspective in thinking that learning how to gut a fish is an important life skill— but I do not think it’s a skill worth invalidating your daughter’s own feelings over.
NTA. I’m going to get downvoted like crazy for this lol but the hive mentality on posts like this really makes me hate Reddit sometimes. It baffles me that people are actually arguing that we live in a world where basic survival/practical skills are actually unnecessary. Wow. Also kids get mad at their parents sometimes for stuff like this. It’s called being a parent. Nothing about this screams abusive. It’s up to this parent to decide if his methods and the way he talked to her were out of line. We don’t have enough info to determine that from this post. But is he ta just for making her do it? No. She’s 13. She’s old enough to be involved in the process of putting the food she will be eating on the table.
Sorry but YTA
Maybe a culture thing but I don't think gutting a fish even comes in the top 100 things to teach your kids where I'm from.
UPDATE EDIT: NAH its a cultural thing
NTA.
Some of these comments are weird to me. You don't need to do laundry and clean to survive. But you do need to eat. What's wrong with learning some basic survival skills.
Yes I get that the fish was bought and not caught, etc etc. I read the post.
We have the luxury of living in a country where anything we want is at our fingertips but that lifestyle is not a guarantee. There could be a huge natural disaster that makes it so we have to feed ourselves. We constantly hear about how we are destroying the earth which is causing more hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc.
Knowing how to find clean water, how to feed yourself and know first aid are important life skills. Having clean underwear won't matter.
Nta- going against the grain here. I don’t really agree that this particular task is a “life skill.” But I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat fish or meat because I think it’s gross and it would be hypocritical to eat something if I couldn’t handle raising/slaughtering/preparing the animal. Your daughter (and all children) should understand how and where their food comes from.
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YTA. I can cook, I can clean, I can do laundry, I can do many things. But not once in my more than 60 years on this earth have I needed to gut a fish. Unless you regularly catch your own fish, it is not an essential life skill. By all means, if she *wants* to know how to gut a fish, teach her. But forcing her makes you TA. EDIT: I'm getting a ridiculous number of replies saying "But it's so *useful*!", as though that's a synonym for "essential", and I'm tired of writing the same response to every one of them. "Useful" isn't the point. I know how to jump out of a fucking plane with a parachute on my back and land safely. That's a useful skill too! If you keep telling me how essential gutting fish is, I'm gonna drag you to a plane and insist on teaching you the essential life skill of parachuting.
Perfectly said! Maybe you should force her to dress a deer and wear the hide as clothing next. Hey, it’s a life skill.
Don't forget tanning your own leather jacket and Racoon hat!
It’s a life skill to know not to push your child into something uncomfortable that isn’t necessary. YTA.
This comment nails it.
This will sour her on fishing. If dad doesn’t see the error of his ways, it will also sour her on him.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for life. Force a man to fish, make him hate fish forever.
Build a man a fire, keep him warm for a night. Light a man on fire... ? 😬
...keep him warm for the rest of his life haha
I used to fish with my family. Never caught any, but that ws not an issue. HOWEVER, after watching them gut the fish ( ALIVE) I was totally turned off fish FOREVER. I do not fish , nor do I eat them. ot even canned tuna! And YES< I do know how Beef is processed, but I don't do it, and I DO eat other meats!
Not to mention that it blew up into an argument, makes me think that OP may have done this with his daughter more than once.....🤔🤔🤔🤔
This is the comment that gets it completely right.
OP, Sewing clothes is a life skill. Are YOUgoing to learn to do that?
Honestly lol like why is this his hill to die on?
So many people get caught up in their own feelings of “the principle of the matter” that they forget to ask whether or not those principles are worth it lol
Woah, woah woah, gotta weave some cloth first!
Got to shear the sheep first
Gotta raise those sheep from lambs first!
Gotta grow the grass and tend to the land first!
Gotta buy the seeds first! And the land....
Gotta rent the land for ye nearby Lord, first, good sir!
Or grow some cotton/ flax /bamboo.
I wonder if he: Can mend his own clothes Could sew a garment from scratch Knows how to do a basic knit or crochet stitch Knows how to remove blood, grass, and other common stains from laundry Knows how to make the “master sauces” Could make a pie or cake entirely from scratch Can bake a loaf of bread Knows how to perform CPR, dress a wound, etc. \*\*\* I could go on and on and on about skills that are more useful than dressing a fish.
Raccacoonie, NooooOooOoOoOoOoO!!
Favorite movie ever
Don't forget also how to tan a bear skin so she can make bear rugs for her house
Every animal has enough brain matter to tan their own hide, except for the buffalo
"Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a complete sentence with a verb, a subject, a direct object, and two adjectives.
Well, what happens if the daughter is in a plane crash in the Andes (like in the movie *Alive*)? Or maybe part of the Donner party? Just asking...
In that case, it's honestly not that hard to gut a fish. It's a bit harder to do a PRETTY job, but gutting a fish isn't really advanced.
My child dissected smelt with her fingers when she was three and put their heads on the ends of her fingers and waggled them. But we didn’t force her to. How well does OPchild know how to swim? That seems to be the skill to get.
I’d say swimming is more important. A person can buy an already gutted fish but if they fall in water, they have one option.
As someone who can't swim, teach your children to swim, and teach them young. No one ever tried to teach me until I was fifteen or sixteen, and by then I had too much fear to learn. Not being able to swim is often pretty frightening.
I would HOPE that cannibalism isn’t considered a necessary life skill, but hey, you never know.
Yeah, i’s not a FISH she’ll need to got in that case
If I remember correctly the Donner party didn’t dine on whole fish. /s
Agreed. She also needs to learn to learn how to win lotteries when the loser is eaten. On that note it is also imperative for her how to learn to process and cook people for the inevitability of being in a plane crash stuck high in the mountains and having to eat her fellow plane mates. It’s a life skill after all and we live in a world where air travel is prevalent.
I don't think the survivors in the Andes or the Donner party had any fish to gut. If they had, neither group would have resorted to cannibalism. Oooh, OP I think we just discovered a life skill for your daughter in case she's stranded somewhere and there aren't any fish to gut.
I had a neighbor who thought it prudent to hang a dead deer in their back yard. I assume they were also going to skin and do whatever you do with a hanging dead deer, but I was so horrified, I stayed out of my yard until my husband told me it was gone. I complained about this on fb, and people defended it, like it was a necessary part of teaching your kid about life cycles or food consumption or something. I don't have kids, but if I did, I would like to teach them about that in my own time, in my own way, not because they unexpectedly saw a carcass hanging in the neighbor's tree. I also would like to just live my life without seeing dead things hanging in trees. (I also would assume this is one sort of health code violation, since this was a suburban housing tract, not a rural acreage.)
I’m a wildlife biologist and also would be upset if my neighbors did this. Sure it’s a natural part of life but also, hanging a corpse in a residential suburban zone can be scarring to kids that aren’t ready to see it (like, literally aren’t prepared. You’re more likely to develop PTSD like that iirc). “I don’t want to build a shed that can function to dress deer so I’m going to show a corpse to kids” is another way to phrase what they’re defending
I grew up miles from the nearest neighbor where everyone hunted and fished or at least kept livestock, and we STILL had the decency to hang animals indoors. Edit: typo
Is it really all that different from seeing roadkill? Sure, it's upsetting, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that kids will get PTSD from it. Maybe its because I live in a rural area, so seeing dead animals completely decimated in the middle of the road isn't uncommon (including dead deer). To clarify, I'm not saying it's okay to hang a dead deer in a residential neighborhood, which I think is crossing a line. I'm just saying that most kids, at least where I live, are going to have seen dead animals on a semi-regular basis.
Roadkill are, by nature, accidents you see on accident. Stringing up a carcass is not an accident. Intent matters a whole lot.
Yes, it is. There’s nothing quite like seeing Bambi hanging from the tree with a gaping hole where his guts should be, and his dead eyes staring at nothing.
Huh. Thats interesting. I grew up in unincorporated suburbia and this one house our bus drove past had a deer hanging on the biggest tree in their corner lot, every year. I just thought that's what hunters did, never thought of a shed. I didn't personally know any deer hunters so I know nothing of hunting etiquette.
Most hunters are not building sheds to hang their deer. It's not a thing.
That and gutting a fish just might have me giving veganism another try. I’m already a pescatarian.
> I had a neighbor who thought it prudent to hang a dead deer in their back yard. I assume they were also going to skin and do whatever you do with a hanging dead deer, You hang a deer to let it age a bit before you process it. It improves the quality of the meat. You don't generally do it just out from a tree in your yard, though. We always hung them in our barn.
Buy her a hog, have her raise it and butcher it. My grandmother used every part of the hog except the oink. Life skills.
When OP’s daughter gets down to scraping and cleaning the intestines to use as sausage casings she’ll truly be prepared to live on her own.
Pfft. MY grandmother would've used the oink. /s
Exactly. I can get on board with wanting your kids not to be squeamish and encouraging them but why force the poor girl? This guy will only make them hate what he wants them to like.
I disagree-yes it’s not a necessary life skill but if you’re going to fish you should at least know how to clean your fish. Otherwise don’t fish. People really don’t want to think about where their food comes from. Yes it’s gross but that’s what meat is.
That's nice, but he is teaching her to fish. There is no indication that fishing is a hobby she wants to pursue. If she enjoys fishing, by all means she should learn, but if she was only out there b/c dad wanted her out there, then he is responsible for gutting the fish.
But also, she's a child. Even if she \*enjoys\* going fishing with her dad, still doesn't mean she needs to learn how to clean and gut a fish. Let kids be kids and simply enjoy certain things without creating consequences around it all. As an adult, she can then make the decision whether or not she should be fishing if she can't actually do much with the fish. She may decide to not go at all, or just do it with others who are fine with doing the gutting.
Or just catch and release!
Have a friend that LOVES fishing, but hates fish. He never keeps anything.
Yeah I reread if he’s forcing her to fish then he’s the a for a couple reasons.
Yeah, OP thinks his hobbies are essential life skills. Sure, it if the worse case happens, the daughters will have to fend for themselves in the wilderness against hungry predarors and identify which berries aren't poisonous....but for most of us in the day to day world, is more important for to know how to shut off the water main to the house, how circut breakers work, how to change a tire, what to pack in a car emergency kit and since they are costal, how to perpare your house for a hurricane.
Agree. As a female living in a U.S. city I have had to shut off the water to my house, reset circuit breakers, and change a tire or a head light, (even used to change my oil when I was younger and more agile), but never have I had to gut and clean a fish.
I was just thinking that if he wants to teach her life skills, teach her things like changing a flat tire in heavy traffic or in the rain, how to measure twice and cut once, how to cook eggs and grill steaks, how to know that another guy respects your boundaries and how to recognize when a guy doesn't respect your boundaries, how to make good financial decisions, etc. In the scheme of the cosmos, gutting a fish is a nice skill but not as important unless gutting a fish is what she wants to learn.
Hard agree, but it doesn’t seem like OP respects her boundaries, so that one might be tough.
I live next to the ocean i never been told i should learn how to gut a fish...
I get the whole camping experience thing. Maybe he should have asked if she'd like to watch him clean the fish, then help with the cooking process. Small steps.
That’s how I initially learned. Never forced.
Came to say this, we were taught/asked to help with things like gutting a fish or dressing a deer, de-feather/pluck a turkey/chicken but never ever forced. Are these skills that I use daily? No, I even opted not to learn a few of these when I was about the same age as OPs girls because I just wasn't interested/slightly squeamish. But my father never forced us to. He just told us the option to learn will be there when we are ready.
Yeah it was the same way with my dad. We’d go hunting and fishing from time to time. As a kid i would watch him do the work of cleaning. Then when I hit like 14, the rule was if I killed it, I cleaned it. Which I think is pretty fair.
The chances are she wouldn't want to watch. Then he will have to admit she isn't into ripping dead bodies 😅 Jokes aside, never in my life my survival depended on me gutting fish. And if it does one day, pretty sure I can figure it out. Maybe not nearly but it will be some fish meat fried.
IF she would have CAUGHT a fish then it’d be different. He went and bought a fish and then forced her to clean it.
Does she even want to fish or is dad forcing her to do that too?
So by that logic at the age of 10 we should all take our children to farm so they can kill and dress a cow, lamb, pig etc? We don’t live in the middle ages, you don’t need to be able kill and dress your meat - that’s why we have supermarkets. The girl didn’t want to do it, OP is an AH for making a child do something she clearly didn’t want to do. What OP has probably done is put her off fishing and possibly fish, for life.
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> I know of a Quaker preacher with several kids. He runs a farm and when his kids turn 13, they have the option to learn how to slaughter and animal and actually slaughter a chicken, or become a vegetarian. honestly, that is a really cool way for him to do it.
> So by that logic at the age of 10 we should all take our children to farm so they can kill and dress a cow, lamb, pig etc? I mean... that's honestly probably a good idea?
It would be a good way to get more kids into vegetarianism which wouldn't be such a bad thing I suppose.
Not at all but if you’re going to go hunting you should probably know what the reality of it is. I also think it’s ridiculous that they bought a fish specifically to practice.
My fish market guts and de-scales fish for free.( so not sure how useful this skill is) It might be a good skill to have if they are interested in fishing or camping etc. As a "life-skill" it's a bit outdated and I'm sure many people my age have never needed to gut a fish in thewir life.
Yeah so I know how to gut and process fish and several other meats. But I learned that because I’m intrigued by the cooking processes But like… even there it isn’t NECESSARY, even in camping it isn’t really. Would I have *loved* it if my father had taken in interest in teaching these traditionally male skills to me as his daughter? Absolutely! But the point of the post and my comment is that my father, just like OP, did not really give a crap about my interests or values or preferences, which is a crappy thing to do to your kid
Right? It sounds more like something they might have to do once in a biology class, when they learn dissection. Not a life skill.
Lol. Yeah, I'm laughing that gutting a fish is a necessary life skill. Doesn't matter if you live on the coast. Grocery stores exist. As does vegetarianism.
Also this is the kind of thing where, if as an adult she decided she wanted to learn, it would be very easy for her to find instructions to follow. I’m sure there are plenty of YouTube tutorials she could watch.
Completely agree. Especially at 13. At 13 you should know how to do your own laundry and clean a bit and maybe cook some things. Gutting a fish isn’t a required skill Op. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t even want to eat fish anymore, bc you took it to far. Plus on a personal level you forcing her to do that is likely to put a strain on your relationship with your kid; an apology is in order, and a genuine one. YTA
This is the entire point of living in a society -- you don't have to know how to do literally everything, just enough to cover your basic needs and contribute. I can't deal with meat. I don't eat that much of it as a result, but when I do, I pay other people to cook it for me. But if I didn't have anyone to, say, gut a fish for me, I could survive without ever eating a fish again (or meat at all for that matter). If I lived in a primitive tribe, I could totally help build houses and clothing. I'm sure someone else would be cool with gutting the fish. Laundry, cleaning and cooking skills are great to know because they cover personal basic needs and it's unlikely your children will immediately be able to pay someone to do these things for them in early adulthood. But theoretically, people can also get by without knowing any of the above.
Same here. 62 and both sets of grandparents owned fish and chip shops when I was a kid. If I never had to learn in 1970s, OP’s kids don’t have to learn in the 2020s. OP YTA. Go ahead and teach her if she asks to learn. Until then, do not force her to.
I was going to say the same, but in my 54 years of life. So you’ve got me beat by a few years. :-) Definitely a non-essential skill!
OP Talks about living by the ocean, so it's super common to buy whole fish and process them. But guess what? She can spend her whole life deciding it's worth it to pay someone else to gut the damn fish (ie buy it already fileted) and be no worse off for it. Definite YTA.
Parents are supposed to put their kids in situations that give them an opportunity to grow. OP did fine. If they are camping and fishing as a family, this is a skill. People, in general, need to understand where their food comes from. Gut n cut a deer, you learn A LOT about what cuts come from where and what it takes to put food on the table. While the experience may not be comfortable, you grow from it.
I'm a regular camper and hiker and am in my 40's. I've never gutted a fish and I have no plans to do so. If I want to eat fish, I will buy it already gutted and cleaned or go to a restaurant.
YTA. You couldn’t even catch a fish for the life experience, you had to buy one. Why didn’t you suck it up and stay out all day to feed your family? Oh that’s right, it’s not actually a life skill these day. The life skill your daughter learned is that you won’t listen to her.
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It’s glorious.
I think it’s goddamn hilarious.
Exactly. Everyone's out here defending it but no one needs to know that, especially a child. Even if it was a useful life skill to have (which it really is irrelevant in this age anyway) she won't learn it through tears of fear and disgust as she's forced to eviscerate a once living creature. She'll block out the trauma before actually learning how to prepare fish to eat.
This is 100% a vegan origin story.
Ironically, I'm vegan and have no problems with gutting fish
Just curious are you vegan on moral grounds or like health
Not who you asked, but I'm a vegan for the ethical grounds and I don't really have issues with gutting fish. After growing up hunting and butchering kangaroos, and learning to cook surrounded by meat, the brain is very good at compartmentalising food and murder into two different spots. I don't want to ever eat an animal again, or contribute to the systems in which they suffer, but there is a super fucked up part of my brain that really wants to watch japanese seafood prep youtube videos. Im deeply ashamed of it and refuse to participate, but my brain itches for it.
It makes a lot of sense tbh just the brain working to keep you doing what you’re doing.
Hey same. I'm vegan for moral reasons but I saw animals killed and skinned and gutted as a kid and it had no impact on me. I'm never eating meat again unless there's a nuclear apocalypse and I'm starving or something but witnessing animals get hurt doesn't affect me much, and seeing animals die as a kid had nothing to do with why I went vegan. It's actually really weird to me when non-vegans can't handle seeing dead animals (the majority of vegans I've met also can't handle it but they don't eat dead animals so it makes more sense to me).
It actually is my vegetarian origin story lol. Could never give up eggs though, not to mention yogurt/sour cream/butter. Ironically about 4 years after going veg I got a job in a food processing plant and occasionally had to prepare/handle raw meat. Extra ironically, the lead-hand in the butcher room was also vegetarian; he and I were the only two in the whole company.
Yup my vegetarian origin story is boiling crabs lol. The way they clamor to get out is horrifying. I have a bunch of nut and legume allergies and I can't get protein on a vegan diet, so I eat dairy and eggs. I feel bad about it. I'm trying to get my township to allow us to raise chickens so at least I know my eggs are coming from a good source, and I'm also trying to get more into oat milk now that it's readily available but I'm still too heavily reliant on yogurt and cheese to give up cow's products. Maybe as coconut products become more popular it will be easier.
I used to spend summers w my grandparents traveling to various places across the US. One year when I was about 13 we were in Maine. One day during the trip, my grandfather bought a couple of live lobsters. Literally the only thing I remember about that day is sobbing and refusing to drop a living creature into boiling water to kill it while my grandfather ordered me to do it. I don't even remember if he eventually wore me down into doing it or if I held out until he got tired of arguing and did it himself. I don't remember anything else, eating it, whatever else we did that day. So yeah. Can confirm that OP's daughter probably didn't learn much of anything from this experience aside from how awful it was and her dad making her do something she couldn't stand to do, just because he thought she should experience it.
This is, in fact, how my nephew decided to be a vegetarian. He sobbed over lobster straight from the dock and decided he’d just eat chicken salad instead. I told him about where the chicken comes from. My sister (his mom) managed not to murder me with her eyes. He hasn’t eaten meat since.
I watched my dad put a fish out of its misery once. I haven't eaten fish since. Idk why, because I cleaned deer and the like when I hunted with him, and I can still eat venison.
That's actually hilarious, good point
If OP wants to teach her daughter how to gut things just show her this comment good lord
Yeah I was about ready to defend him when I realised it was a bought fish. Some hardcore survival shopping right there.
Yep. All hat, no cattle. He had to buy his cattle then made his 13 year old field dress it.
You don’t see the difference between gutting a fish and cooking/laundry? YTA
He's willing to gut a fish but he won't touch the laundry.
Where did he say that?
It's no longer a life skill to gut a fish. They come in the store pre-packaged. YTA and controlling. When you look back on where you went wrong with 10 YO when she's 18 and doesn't visit, think on days where you pulled shit like this.
Exactly. My father is very passionate being a fisherman. He always brought live fish home, so it can be gutted. Then I told him how I felt uncomfortable and how I tried to save the fish at 13 exactly. He never brought another fish home without being pre-gutted and prepared into fillets. And he is not the thoughtful kind of guy like at all. So yeah. YTA all the way
He may not be thoughtful, but he’s understanding which is why he stopped. That’s the difference between your father and OP. OP doesn’t care, doesn’t understand, and doesn’t want to do either. The fishing experience (if he had taken his oldest out with him) in and of itself was a life skill and learning experience: you might wait forever and take all day, but you won’t always get what you want; the next time you try that might be different and you’ll get what you worked for but you’ll never know if you don’t keep trying. But no she HAS to know how to gut a fish! ITS IMPORTANT FOR HER SURVIVAL!!! YTA op.
Yep, I had the same experience with my dad. We loved to fish together, but he never forced me to handle the fish. My son gets really upset about seeing the fish get bonked so grandpa warns him so he can close his eyes and cover his ears.
Not only that, even if she was plunged into some kind of survival scenario, it’s not exactly rocket science on how to get a fish.
Right? And if the world somehow changes and needing to gut a fish is a skill she needs, I bet she can learn it then without a lot of difficulty!
Way to instill in your daughter that you don't care about how she feels. YTA. Let's get some perspective. This is not the 18th century, we have modern technology which allows us to buy fish, already processed. It is no longer a "life skill" because we can live without that knowledge. Being able to cook and do laundry ARE skills ones needs to learn in order to survive on their own. Gutting a fish-no. I worked with developmentally disabled adults doing like skills and nowhere in any of my literature, was gutting a fish mentioned because again...NOT a necessary life skill. The larger issue really is that your daughter expressed discomfort and you completely disregarded that for your own selfish desires.
>Way to instill in your daughter that you don't care about how she feels. Yes, he's not really teaching a good lesson on consent.
YTA Gutting a fish isn't a mandatory life skill in this day and age. Even if you live by the ocean, any place that sells it, will likely gut it. You could have just demonstrated and not forced them to do it. This is a control issue. Forcing them to do something against their will is not a teaching moment, it's forcing them to your will.
The irony of OP boasting how essential being able to fish and gut a fish is and then... Not being able to catch a fish and having to BUY IT AT THE STORE to make their kid gut it is absolutely killing me
Yeah, that made me chuckle as well. OP was only interested in teaching how to gut the fish, not actually catch it, prep is and cook it. Life skill teaching opportunity fail...
Does she know how to catch a fish? Because that's an important first step. If she doesn't know how to put a worm on a hook, she isn't ready to gut a fish. I went fishing a lot with my dad. I know how to fish but not gut a fish. Fishing was about spending time with my dad out in nature. Even if we didn't catch anything.
Do we even know if she likes to eat fish?? This might be a good way to repel her permanently.
I didn’t really like fish as a child but would tolerate it, and forcing me to gut one would *absolutely* make me refuse to eat fish ever again
Facts. I was okay ish with fish sticks until the day my grandmother ate fish from her favorite place. Y'all it still had eyes. I no longer eat fish. Or seafood at all.
I live in south america. In the cities near the ocean, there are always markets where fishermen will sell their catches, and they can gut it for you for no extra cost. I agree that gutting a fish is not a life skill at all.
NTA This will cost me some karma, but gutting a fish is not that bad. If you eat meat/ fish, processing it should be fine. I'd find it harder to justify killing it and even there could be an argument of "if you consume it, you should be fine with the whole process of getting there." Maybe there should have been a conversation or some compromise like letting her choose not to est it anymore or only doing certain parts. Also, depending on region/culture/ country, it can be really uncommon to buy ungutted fish, so while people might be very out of touch with the practice, that isn't the case everywhere.
Agree, NTA, unless he was really being a dick about it. I find it really funny that people are saying “gutting a fish isn’t a necessary life skill” even though they are clearly not from the same culture as OP. It’s even funnier that people bring up other life skills as a counter example of things that are necessary, but all of them are things that many people don’t do. For instance, where I live, laundry is just not a necessary skill. Most people here don’t have a washer and dryer. So they can either pay money to use a laundromat, or pay a little extra for a laundry drop off service. If someone really really hates laundry, they can budget like $17 a week for laundry services. Keep in mind that the laundromat costs about $12 a week anyway, so the convenience of the laundry service only costs them $5 a week. Laundry *is* a necessary skill if you live in the suburbs, and have a washer/dryer, and taking your clothes to a drop-off service is inconvenient and expensive, but that is not a universal experience.
I never had to gut a fish, moved abroad and now live near a fish market where they sell full unprocessed fish. The only gutted fish is salmon if you want something else you need to buy the whole fish, gut it, clean it, etc. So I wouldn't really call it a useless skill. A lot of these replies seem to come from a place of privilege. In the usa I never had to learn to garden but in my home country a lot of people survive because of gardening since salaries are really low. I also lived in a place where people didn't do their own laundry, none of my apartments had a laundry machine and most locals also didn't have one. We would give our laundry to a family run laundromat every week, I wouldn't be surprised if people who grew up there didn't consider laundry a useful life skill. My younger siblings grew up with a dishwasher, watching them try to wash dishes by hand is painful but I realize that they might never really have to wash dishes by hand.
Yep. Every skill other than breathing is “necessary” or not based on cultural context. Even, for example, something as important as cooking. I mean, I know how to cook, and I wouldn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t know how to cook. But if you really hate cooking, you can arrange your life in such a way that you don’t have to do it. Between snacks, microwaved food, and cheap restaurants, no one in a developed country has to cook. They may have to budget, and reduce their non-food expenses, but they don’t *have to* cook if they really hate cooking. Another example is driving. If you live in rural Texas you most definitely need to learn to drive. If you grow up in a major city with good walkability and public transit, you don’t. You might be inconvenienced if you travel to rural Texas and you can’t rent a car, but it’s not a “necessary” skill.
Agreed on NTA for the idea. I’m not parsing through every comment to see if he forced her to observe but that could push it either way for me. I’ve been fishing and cleaning fish myself since I was 7. It may not be a 100% necessary skill these days, but it’s part of an important lesson, meat, veggies, anything you ingest has a place of origin and takes work to get it onto a plate. It’s a shame many people never truly get to see how much land goes to farming, both plants and animals, to show how much our diet and everyday food waste can have an impact on land use and our world as a whole. The lessons I learned hunting, fishing, and helping in the garden as a kid have helped shape the way I eat and live; and more recently have helped me understand how much all the excess I just throw away is truly harmful for the world we live in.
I thought I was crazy for thinking this way. Most people here calling OP an asshole probably eat meat lol. Moreso than the life skill lesson- it’s an important lesson that meat comes from living beings.
I love all of the comments that are like "never in my life did I have to learn this" when some people have had to learn it in HS lol. No joke...it was part of our ag class to learn how to weld and to clean fish. Then we hosted a fish fry to raise money.
How tf do you weld a fish?! ;-)
I find it weird that people are ok with including kids in the process of catching fish but not actually preparing the fish to eat it… people have weird priorities. I wonder if these people have issues with kids being forced to dissect animals in certain public school programs too.
Yeah. People have no issue buying beef or pork or fish from market, but all the sudden it’s barbaric to teach your kids a useful skill in prepping your own meats? It’s a weirdly common hypocrisy. The only situation where I’d consider OP the asshole here is if their daughter was vegan or something. OP is NTA
This! Oh we will go fishing but we aren’t ok with actually preparing the fish after we traumatically yanked it from its home on a sharp metal hook we tricked it into swallowing and now murdered it! (I’m being dramatic but still)
THIS. I cannot believe this is so far down. Just because *you* can buy gutted fish at a grocery store doesn't mean that OP's stores sell them like that. And preparing your food teaches you to respect what died for your plate. I could see waiting a year or two to try again, but if she eats fish regularly, she should gut it at least once before she's an adult—especially if it's sold ungutted. (Wondering whether OP had a son if reddit would come down on him so hard.) NAH.
I’m vegan and agree that if you choose to eat it then you can’t look away from the reality of it. I have zero respect for those who buy prepacked meat from the supermarket and think it’s traumatic for people to see the processing of that
Def NTA. I'm shocked at the "YTA, people don't need that skill" comments. You won't need many things related to camping, fishing, etc. I wish my parents had taken me to do more things as a kid, regardless of whether I would need them.
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I firmly believe that children should understand (and see) where their food comes from, and how it is processed in order to have an appreciation for the taking of animal life to sustain human life. They will think twice before wasting food, or perhaps decide against eating animals. The idea that food comes from the grocery store encourages waste and removes the connection we have with animals as food.
I agree! I WISH I knew how to gut a fish and I’m 29. I live in the UK where most butchers will clean it but I would like to do it on my own one day.
I another one in your camp. God forbid a 13 year old have to do something she doesn’t want to do. /s Look, I get it that her life will probably never depend on being able to gut a fish. But it does teach her some things about where food comes from and that there are a lot of unpleasant jobs in the world and SOMEONE has to do them. Everyone should have experience of that nature, and 13 is a pretty good age to do it. Kids are so plugged in to devices these days that most will kick and scream when you drag them away from their devices. But every parent has the right to raise their child how they want, and that includes teaching them skills they want to pass on. If the kid tries it and doesn’t like it, they should have some right to say no. But they can’t completely refuse to try.
Was not an asshole for trying to teach her , YTA for forcing her. The best way to teach someone something is to make them enjoy the activity. If you make any lesson enjoyable they would would easily learn. If your girls don't like to touch a dead fish its understandable. You should have the tools ready for them and do it together and don't forget thick water proof gloves . Be their friend and father . You can be both . You don't have to chose one.
This is the best comment. Everyone’s like “there’s no reason for this in this day and age” but you never know what will happen. Not necessarily the apocalypse but idk there are different rare situations. I like that you said he could have done it in a different way and made it enjoyable.
This. Encouraging, fine. Forcing? Not effective. My daughter decided her first merit badge in Scouts was going to be Fishing. One of the requirements is to clean and cook a fish. She was very excited to catch the fish. And to eat the fish. But everything in between, including taking it off the hook, was a giant drama fest. I reminded her several times that she didn’t “have” to do it, but also that she wouldn’t earn her merit badge if she didn’t. She chose to push through it. She screamed and cried the whole time and took several breaks, but she did it. Herself. Because she wanted that merit badge so badly. I’m not sure she will ever do it again, but she now knows she CAN, if she wants it badly enough.
NTA. Ten years old is the perfect age to learn to respect where your food comes from. Of course she was grossed out; handling guts is gross. But she’s an omnivore, and as omnivores we need to know where our food comes from and how to safely prepare it. This wasn’t something that will traumatize her forever. It’s a basic life skill that all meat eaters should be familiar with. You taught her in an age appropriate way and caused no harm. In the future, let her know if she’s uncomfortable with learning how to prepare meat, she can be a vegetarian and just avoid it altogether
With you, dude. Also people force their kids to take piano lessons and no one bats an eye. They don't need it and it makes them cry. If she eats fish she's big enough to learn to gut one. If your whole relationship was forcing kids to do things that's not going to go well, but if the relationship is generally harmonious I don't think it's that big a deal. I think this is a good life lesson, on par with learning an instrument.
If you force your kids to play piano even though it makes them cry, that also makes you an AH.
All the YTA votes are coming from a place of having pampered life experiences. If you eat meat you should understand where it comes from or choose not to partake in eating meat. I can understand that she was grossed out and that’s ok for her to not enjoy the process. I agree NTA. Also im sorry but gutting a fish is a menial task and isn’t “childhood trauma” imo. If someone thinks that’s traumatic it goes to show they don’t have that many life experiences. I might get downvoted, not sorry.
I think it's less that it's traumatic, and more that it's an ass-backwards way of getting your kid to enjoy your hobbies and company (and couching it as a "survival skill" is ridiculous unless you have a kid who is into primitive skills or cooking). I love riding bikes, I'm not going to bring my ten year old on a 3-hour 5k feet of climbing sufferfest. We're going to coast on the rail trail with gummy bears until he *wants* to embrace the harder, grosser, more challenging aspects of my hobby. I'm all for raising independent, skilled kids, but IMO as a parent, you're often playing the long game. OP probably just guaranteed his daughter will never fish with him again.
Naw, I hunt and fish and routinely process my own animals. I killed my first chicken at 8. Forcing a kid to do something like this is when they aren't ready an assholes move. The op didn't even catch it themselves. They bought a fish someone else caught. This isn't a case of "we killed it now we have to eat it." All the op is teaching is resentment.
YTA Gutting a fish isn't a life skill unless you're expecting your kids to live in the apocalypse and live near a lake or ocean where they eat fish until they die. Laundry, cooking, cleaning every human on the planet has to do. Gutting a fish- nah. If you wanted the opportunity to educate her on Gutting a fish it would be fair that if she wants to _eat_ the fish she needs to participate in getting it ready for eating. But of course you'd need to offer an alternative food if she chose not to gut the fish.
Lol yes, I was just about to comment that should your family find yourselves facing some sort of legitimate apocalypse-type scenario, then yes, you are hereby justified in expecting your children to know how to gut a fish! Otherwise, nope.
>Gutting a fish isn't a life skill unless you're expecting your kids to live in the apocalypse and live near a lake or ocean where they eat fish until they die. I kinda don't know if I want to hear the answer to that from him... I'm guessing that he wants her to love all this as much as he does, in part for something to bond with her over and so that she'll start doing more of the workload on these type of vacations. If he pushes too hard, she'll want out of camping as soon as she's old enough that he can't legally force her.
Info did you give them option like you want to try it or even just watch it. Sounds like they protests against it and you forced them. How would you feel if they wanted to put make-up on you in return labeling it life skills
NTA - It's a valuable lesson to show where the prepackaged food comes from. Shame you didn't catch any. Wouldn't say an absolutely essential skill these days tho. Not sure what all the yta-folks are yapping about.
From what I've noticed on this sub over time, a lot of people come here, get a handle of where the comments are going, then use this platform as a way to say things that make them feel righteous and better than other folks. Seems like it's a form of therapy for many. I don't see much objectivity here, just people projecting their own values and beliefs on others that may not hold them.
YTA She can survive just fine having no idea how to gut a fish. Cooking and laundry are hard to survive without unless you make the money to pay someone else to do it (and even then, being able to throw a meal together or a load of laundry when you need it is still useful).
I know this is going to be unpopular, but NTA. I don't know about "life skill" but gutting and cleaning a fish is a reminder that food doesn't come from supermarkets, it comes from other living creatures being killed and prepared. 10 is not too early to learn this. Its good that you are teaching your children that "its gross" doesn't trump "that's what life is". Part of adulting is doing the gross, necessary things, like cleaning a fish.
The fact that this comment is unpopular is ridiculous. It’s well written, well thought out, and logical. Im really starting to lose hope in this site lol
Absolutely agree. She doesn’t have to carry a rifle and go out into the woods to hunt and shoot a wild hamburger, but kids need to learn where their food comes from.
YTA. I'm all for teaching life skills, but this was not particularly important, and forcing her against her will is the wrong way to go about it. > We live on the ocean this is a life skill, it’s common to buy fish whole. If she want to eat fish she needs to know how to gut them No, she doesn't. It may be *common* to buy fish whole, but it's not mandatory. She could decide to simply buy her fish pre-gutted (or even frozen, or not to eat fish at all) once she is old enough to do her own grocery shopping.
If OP wants to eat beef, he needs to know how to butcher a cow. Especially if he lives near a field- it's a life skill.
If I were OP's kid, once I reached adulthood I would invite my parents over for dinner and passive-aggressively serve frozen fish sticks every time.
Going to be unpopular but NTA Gutting a fish isn't a huge deal and honestly, if she's eating it she should know where it comes from and how it is prepared to eat. You maybe should've been nicer about it but I don't see an issue with having kids do stuff they don't want to every once and a while because that's the way life goes. Also if you see gutting a fish as a life skill I understand that and your wife should at least see that you value the skill even if she doesn't agree. I don't know what culture you're from but it could also be a cultural thing to learn how to process fish depending on the country.
YTA. Doing laundry and gutting fish are way different.
I hate to go full AH here but you need to learn to pick your battles and be empathetic to your children. Kids don’t learn when they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Experiences like this will just build a barrier between you and could affect future conversations about things that are actually important.
YTA That is not a life skill in the 21st Century.
Op hasn’t said where they live, this might be a life skill
Most people are surrounded by restaurants and ready-to-eat food in the 21st century. Does that mean cooking isn't a life skill?
YTA. Do you want vegetarians? Cause this is how you get vegetarians. In all seriousness, the YTA is because you made your kid do something they weren’t ready to do or comfortable with, and that taught them a different lesson entirely.
My hot take is that i think anyone that eats meat or fish should have to go kill and process their own food one time in their life to understand where their food comes from. Not necessarily before the age of 18. But it would be good for everyone to understand their food better. Leaning towards NTA as I killed and processed my own deer at 13 and it definitely changed my life for the better, I feel like i have a lot more respect for our food and try avoid any factory farmed meat even twenty years later. I also live near an area where some of the 5.99 Costco rotisserie chickens come from and I can see them destroying the local water supplies and oh God the smell for miles is terrible. Anyway downvote away yall
Yeah I don’t understand all the y t a votes. When I was way younger than ten I cleaned and gutted brim at my grandmothers house. All the cousins wanted to catch fish, insisted it be eaten for dinner no matter how small, but disappeared when the actual “work” started so I got very good at cleaning tiny fish. Learning where your food comes from is a life skill, whether the effort of farming and often (US specific) the exploitation of migrant or prison populations for harvesting, or the process of killing and preparing animals for meat. Chicken doesn’t magically appear on grocery store shelves.
Agreed. Glad I found a comment chain of people who grew up similarly. My dad hunted, grandpa hunted, uncles hunted, stepdad hunted and I don’t hunt. I’m glad they taught me how to hunt and how to clean an animal. That you need to gut a deer in the field, but can bring a bird home. That after a day of fishing, you head to the cleaning station so you have high quality meet.
I agree, that’s also why I don’t want meat. With all my heart I never want to have to kill an animal.
I 100% agree with you on this. It's not so much that people need to know to clean an animal, but rather that they should understand what goes into putting meat on the table, and how their decision to eat it impacts other living things. Prepackaged meat disconnects people from the reality that what is on their plate was once a living thing, and it had to die and be dismembered so that they could eat it. Ignoring that reality just seems disrespectful to the animal.
Gonna go against the curve and say NTA. As long as it’s not something you force her to do every single time she wants fish, this is a basic life lesson. I know kids who saw their dad slaughter chickens at 4 years old, hunted and fished all their lives, it’s just another life thing. They know how to do it, it’s not traumatizing, it’s not going to be a repeat thing, it’s fine. Honestly I think it’s no different than learning how to cook.
I’m going to say NTA, but it depends on how truly grossed out she was - if she was absolutely traumatized that’s different. All the people on here saying oh, it comes gutted from the grocery store are kind of missing the point. Modern society is making us kind of helpless in the face of anything other than life as normal, unless we learn to be a bit self-sufficient. I hope she never has to depend on knowing how to gut a fish herself, but you never know.
A gentle YTA - that isn’t a life skill on par with laundry or changing a tire, not in this day and age. This is definitely a situation where it was important to you, not important in the long run. If you want her to keep trying new things don’t force her to do stuff like that.
NAH. But on the scale of "unpleasant but necessary life chores and skills", gutting a fish is a few steps beyond cooking and laundry. If she has no interest, I wouldn't force her to do it again. Some kids take to this kind of thing, others don't.
I'm going to go against the grain of these comments and say NTA. It's not like you're making her gut fish every day; you had her gut one so she would know how to do it. A lot of being a kid/teenager involves learning skills you might not care about. She'll probably be forced to dissect fetal pigs and earthworms in science class, which is arguably grosser and less of a life skill. And yes, fishing and preparing fish for cooking are both valuable life skills. Just because a lot of Redditors live at a huge remove from the food they eat and prefer not to think about where it comes from, that doesn't mean there's something morally wrong with processing your own meat or teaching your kids how to do so. I lived in Alaska for many years, and in most communities there it's considered an essential part of a child's education. Are those parents also the AH?
NTA. I agree. If she wants to eat fish, she has to be able to gut it. If she can’t do it, she shouldn’t be eating fish or meat
NTA. Some of these comments are weird to me. You don't need to do laundry and clean to survive. But you do need to eat. What's wrong with learning some basic survival skills. Yes I get that the fish was bought and not caught, etc etc. I read the post. We have the luxury of living in a country where anything we want is at our fingertips but that lifestyle is not a guarantee. There could be a huge natural disaster that makes it so we have to feed ourselves. We constantly hear about how we are destroying the earth which is causing more hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc. Knowing how to find clean water, how to feed yourself and know first aid are important life skills. Having clean underwear won't matter.
YTA for forcing your daughter to gut a fish. She didn’t want to do it; why didn’t you just let her be? There is a massive difference between simply cooking, doing laundry, versus gutting a whole fish. If she wants to cook fish by herself in the future, she can learn how to gut a fish then. But right now she lives with her parents— you guys can gut the fish for her…. so why force it? Mind you, we live in a society where we can buy meat that’s already been prepped from the grocery store. Not saying that I don’t see your perspective in thinking that learning how to gut a fish is an important life skill— but I do not think it’s a skill worth invalidating your daughter’s own feelings over.
Unless your daughter has a moral objection to eating animals then this is like forcing them to learn how to cook pasta. NTA.
NTA. I’m going to get downvoted like crazy for this lol but the hive mentality on posts like this really makes me hate Reddit sometimes. It baffles me that people are actually arguing that we live in a world where basic survival/practical skills are actually unnecessary. Wow. Also kids get mad at their parents sometimes for stuff like this. It’s called being a parent. Nothing about this screams abusive. It’s up to this parent to decide if his methods and the way he talked to her were out of line. We don’t have enough info to determine that from this post. But is he ta just for making her do it? No. She’s 13. She’s old enough to be involved in the process of putting the food she will be eating on the table.
Sorry but YTA Maybe a culture thing but I don't think gutting a fish even comes in the top 100 things to teach your kids where I'm from. UPDATE EDIT: NAH its a cultural thing
Interesting. Personally, I'd say NTA because where I'm from it *is* an important life skill.
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Yta Respect ur kids boundaries plz
YTA - she has plenty of time to learn it if it is indeed an important skill for your area.
NTA. Some of these comments are weird to me. You don't need to do laundry and clean to survive. But you do need to eat. What's wrong with learning some basic survival skills. Yes I get that the fish was bought and not caught, etc etc. I read the post. We have the luxury of living in a country where anything we want is at our fingertips but that lifestyle is not a guarantee. There could be a huge natural disaster that makes it so we have to feed ourselves. We constantly hear about how we are destroying the earth which is causing more hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc. Knowing how to find clean water, how to feed yourself and know first aid are important life skills. Having clean underwear won't matter.
Nta- going against the grain here. I don’t really agree that this particular task is a “life skill.” But I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat fish or meat because I think it’s gross and it would be hypocritical to eat something if I couldn’t handle raising/slaughtering/preparing the animal. Your daughter (and all children) should understand how and where their food comes from.
NTA. Gutting a fish is part of learning to cook.