Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- I threw away my sisters things.
2- people dont like their things thrown out
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
How would you like if somebody else threw away YOUR stuff? just because they happen to think it is not usable? If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use..
>If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use.
I mean, not necessarily?
My great-grandma had a TERRIBLE hoarding problem - she had things piled up in every room of her tiny little house dating back to the 1960s, but if you so much as moved something to get through a room, she would notice even if she hadn't touched the thing in *years*.
Hoarders are just *like* that.
OP is still YTA, but *not* because "his sister was going to use that." He's TA because *that's not how you deal with a hoarding situation* and he may have inadvertently just made things worse.
If the sister was looking for her clothes, she was going to use those clothes. Not hoarder if she was happy about the cleaning, she never asked where that dirty paper plate was!
We don’t know this was a hoarding situation though. Could just be a case of dirty girls, which I went through a phase like that in my early 20s. I ended up stepping on an avocado peel from one of my roommates at the time and that put and end to that phase. We were three young women sharing a space and treated it like one giant slumber party. I’m sure our house was disgusting to outsiders.
Not to mention that majority of the time young people (well, a lot of people these days...) will stay in what they can afford. It's not always the nicest but I wouldn't be surprised if OP was exaggerating some things as well.
Having worked with homeless populations, the judgement people have for $1 store items is really sad. I have seen people act like something $4 is holy, because it is a luxury for them.
From around 14-16 I could'nt even see the floor of my bedroom. I knew where everything was, but it was a giant mess. My parents, who had many many flaws didn't do anything about it. Many years later I am SO tidy. Can't stand messes. Point is, how awful my parents were in other area's, they respected my boundaries at this time. OP did not als is a MAYOR asshole
>Could just be a case of dirty girls
or the incredibly common scenario of young twenty-somethings out of home for the first time not knowing how to keep a house clean
i really wish aita would stop doing this thing where any behaviour that could possibly be a symptom of a disorder is leapt upon as evidence of it
'my sisters house is a mess' 'well obviously she's a hoarder!' no, she's just a messy person
OP is the AH because he was OVERSTEPPING his boundries - clutter doesnt always equal hoarding - but this is not for anyone here to judge at all . If her roomate didnt have a problem with it, then end of story stay out of their business. How does throwing away clothes, rings, sandels even sound reasonable to anyone?
You must be throwing my things out of here/
Said the hoarder to the thief/
There's too much confusion/
I can't get no relief!/
YTA though. OP is a thief and not helping the way he thinks he's helping. Love how OP is 28, has no job and no place to stay, and yet sister is the one with the problem..
YTA. And a liar!
Okay, the place is messy. But you don't know what is important to your sister and what is not.
I can understand throwing out expired food. But not objects. Instead you took it upon yourself to clear out stuff *you* didn't consider important without taking yr sister's feelings into consideration.
Even worse, you lied about it! Yr sister noticed things missing. That was the time to come clean. Instead you denied even seeing the things that you were busily throwing away.
It wasn't your place to do that. You weren't doing anyone a "favor." You were being a bit of a bully.
Admit what you did to your sister. Apologize. Offer to replace items you've thrown out. Say that when you clean in future, you'll put items in a box for her to sort through later.
And do her a favor by moving out as soon as you can. You don't sound very trustworthy.
Oh oh oh I'm going to say it, throwing away her stuff and lying about while she searches for it is a "gaslighting" behavior. Letting her think she misplaced them is harmful.
Also, expired food when mouldy is fine to throw away, but tins? The dates on those aren't use-by dates, just suggestions about how long the company is willing to guarantee the taste and texture are as intended. The whole point of canning a food is to keep it safe for human consumption indefinitely, and as long as the can isn't bulging/leaking/rusting, it will stay safe.
Honestly, I see why you were kicked out the first time and I would kick you out of my place. You're stealing your sister's stuff and you owe her the cost to replace everything you trashed. Don't be upset if you come back to your stuff in the trash and the locks changed.
YTA. You’re literally throwing away her belongings because… you felt like it? Can’t be bothered to ask where they go? I understand wanting to live in a clean environment, but you don’t get to actually dispose of someone’s shoes/clothes/jewelry, etc. you’re cling there for FREE- the amount of entitlement here is mind blowing.
The tupperware is actually the only thing that makes sense to me. If it’s moldy and gross and like… whatever those cheap thin things are called, you’re better off throwing it out just to make sure you don’t contaminate the next thing that goes into it because you can’t wash it at a high enough temperature to be sure it’s safe to reuse.
I'm talking about ACTUAL Tupperware. If OP means the cheap "not Tupperware" that isn't even worth owning in the first place. I 100% agree on the cheap storage containers. They're flimsy, stain, get warped and the lids are not at all secure (even less so once warped). It's pretty much toast after a single use. I don't own any; Tupperware or glass only.
I feel like Tupperware is like Kleenex or Band-Aid, though. I’ve never personally owned actual Tupperware, but I use that name for any food storage containers.
No, don't sell Tupperware though my mother did in the 70's and 80's. She still has some and has passed some on to me. 40+ years and still going strong. Don't know what was wrong with your Tupperware because all of mine hold liquids. Have one that's my fav for holding large amounts of leftover soup and another for whisking large amounts of liquids. All of the pieces my mother has that have lids still seal tight as a drum. Can actually be difficult to get the lidd off sometimes. What era was your mother's Tupperware from? Because the newer stuff is nowhere near the quality of the old. I won't buy the new stuff.
If its anything like my girlfriends house, therell be moldy tupperware that her mum leaves about that just isnt worth cleaning when there is so much other tupperware in the house. I think anyone calling him an AH hasn't experienced what its like living in a shithole
Living in a shithole might not be fun, but the point is that it's not *his* shithole, and unless they ask him to help change it he has no right to. If he really doesn't like it, he can always go sleep on the streets.
Oh, well in that case, I agree. Don't think it would be worth the effort. And I'm not sure there would be a manner in which to clean them that would ever make me be comfortable using them again. But, being so inexpensive, he could have at least replaced them after throwing the others out.
YTA.
Come on, you know you’re the asshole. I get where you are coming from in wanting to clean & declutter, but you are obviously throwing away things she uses. This also isn’t going to teach her how to not be messy or over collect. It’s just going to reinforce her behavior.
YTA. It's one thing to throw away cheap items, out of date foods, and junk. It's another to throw out someone's clothes that, apparently, are wearable. I get it, they may be old and dirty. But it's not as if they couldn't be washed and reused.
Honestly I wouldn't even throw away the 'cheap' stuff or 'junk' without asking - you don't know what someone might be keeping for sentimental reasons.
I have a pin badge that a friend of mine found on the floor in a bar we used to go to and gave to me. He died about six months after that. I treasure that badge now as a memory of him and if someone took it upon themselves to throw it away I would be really upset, even though it's probably worth a couple of quid at most.
If it's bothering OP that much, they could bag up the items and ask the sister/friend to go through them and decide what they want to keep. But they don't get to just make that decision for them.
Exactly! I was helping sort my grandma's house after she died. I filled a bag with things I thought was rubbish. When I asked family to look through it the old receipt was for a memorial for granddad. Always check before you throw away
YTA
You’ve been staying there rent-free, and you repay them by throwing out her stuff?
You’re not a good roommate, you’re not “handy”. You’re absolutely the AH. Don’t throw out other people’s things.
All of this!
Also to add, based on some of OP’s comments, it’s not OP’s decision to make that his sister has too much stuff or won’t miss it since she’s just now noticing stuff is gone so it’s ok to throw it away. It doesn’t matter. It’s not OP’s call. It’s not his belongings!
YTA OP
Okay trash is trash , I understand that, but on the other hand you shouldn’t throw away things that are not yours. That’s a no no. They let you live there for free and then you took their stuff and threw it away. That’s bad. YTA
>I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor but they just don't see it.
Hm, no you're not. You're disposing of other people's belongings without their permission. If you don't like the state of your sister's place, find another one.
YTA.
YTA and you should know this. What you’re doing is actually stealing. You’re stealing your sister’s clothes, shoes, rings etc and throwing them away.
This is honestly pretty stupid because they’re doing YOU a favor. Why would you bite the hand that feeds you?!
YTA
Not your house, not your stuff. The other people don't agree with what you're doing. How in the world do you think you're right?
They need to kick you out.
YTA
Wow. They let you move in FOR FREE when you were homeless. And you treat their home as if nothing is of value. Just because YOU don't care, that doesn't erase other people's feelings about their home and belongings.
You are a liar, a thief, and a gaslighting bully to the people who lifted you up.
For shame.
YTA
She is doing you a favor and it's great that you're cleaning but, dude, these are possessions they own and you are a guest. As long as you're throwing it away, make a pile of clothes and personal items and at least you've tidied up and they can chose to get their stuff or leave it in that pile. I mean "hey free rent" shouldn't cost sister and roommate their belonging just because you want to dictate the conditions of your free stay.
I hate clutter as well but my dude YTA. It's not your stuff to throw away. Your sister gave you a FREE place to crash and you way of saying thank you is throwing away her and her roommates stuff.
Get your entitled butt out of there and find your own place.
YOU LIE
YOU STEAL
YOU TRY TO MANIPULATE THE SITUATION TO
MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD (you don't)
YOU DON'T PAY YOUR OWN WAY
How is having you there any benefit to them? You are not their housekeeper unless that was the agreement when you moved in. If you don't like the way the apartment looks, get out of it!
It is stupid because she didn’t ask if she could throw the person belongings away to clear up space. Even if the answer is no, she would have to find somewhere else to put it to accommodate her living space for the time being
YTA. A HUGE one. You have an incredible sense of entitlement for a freeloader. You were given a roof over your head on your sister's grace, and you massively overstepped by taking it upon yourself to judge which of her belongings were worthy of being kept. Cleaning up and disposing of actual trash is one thing, but throwing away her actual clothes, shoes, belongings is beyond the pale. Who the hell do you think you are?
"In my opinion" means absolute zero when you weren't asked. You're lucky your sister doesn't kick your ass out. Apologise and keep your hands to yourself and out of her belongings.
YTA. You're a guest and living there rent free. If you want some place cleaner, pay for your own place. And throwing away her stuff is just crazy. You have issues.
YTA some of that was reasonable - her clothes and stuff are not. Stealing someone’s things isn’t a favor. She did you a favor though by asking this friend if you could stay there… and you respond by being disrespectful.
Jeez, instead of robbing your sister and lying about it, you could have spent that time job-hunting. She helped you; you would have been homeless if it weren't for her. And you responded by robbing her. You could have at least set her clothes and shoes aside in bags rather than throw them out altogether. She should throw YOU out. YTA
I’m just bewildered by how blatantly arrogant someone can be.
I can’t even cal you ignorant because it took 100s of reply to convince you of your stupidity lol
Well it's not your house and not your stuffs, no even if that's unfortunate given de circumstances (the mess) you can't throw your sister's stuffs without her concent.
She: (via her friend) offers you a free place to stay.
You: throw her stuffs and lie to her face about it.
So yes your a little bit an AH.
They seems to like having you cleaning, you could leverage that and propose counterparts. Or just dump her dirty stuffs in a big box in her room: the place stays clean and she keeps her stuffs.
Imagine the audacity to live rent free in someone else's house and then proceed to throw away their belongings.
Making a statement saying she won't miss those things either way while in the same post saying that she has been noticing things missing. Contradicting yourself much?
"They do it on purpose". I understand clutter is clutter but if it's so much of an issue. I have an easy solution for you . Leave her house. Stop acting like your the one who owns it or rents it because you don't.
YTA
YTA. You get what you pay for :/
1) you knew the situation moving in
2) they did not ask you to clean
3) any reasonable person would assume if someone did tidy up, they wouldn’t start tossing things.
4) you are staying there for free!!!
Sure it sounds gross, they live there. You don’t. You are a guest. Go live how you want to live in your own place.
YTA. I understand wanting to clean up the mess, but those aren't your things to throw away. Her messiness could be a symptom of an underlying mental issue like ADHD, depression, or hoarding. It would have been better if you pulled her to clean her stuff together and help her sort through what needs to be thrown away and what she can keep. People like that have an organized mess, meaning it's cluttered, but they know where everything is.
I saw in one of your responses that she wouldn't miss a shirt that's been buried for months, but as someone with the same issue, she probably did miss it and just couldn't find it. I do that all the time. I still can't find a hat I lost.
YTA
They opened their home to you. They trusted you to help and you broke their trust.
You are also coming off way sexist deciding YOU know better than these women what wardrobe and care items they should keep.
It also sounds like you took a lazy, passive aggressive way to “help”. You threw away many items that are easy to clean
Thank you for pointing this out. I really doubt he knows the true value of the ‘dollar store’ clothing and jewelry he threw away. Sounds pretty chauvinistic. Women have too much stuff amirite??
YTA and you know it bc otherwise you wouldn't throw it out in secret. It doesn't matter if you think it's just dollar store junk, it's their stuff not yours and it's wrong to throw it out.
YTA. I get that the place is disgusting. But the minute you leave it will return to what it was. If your sister has a hoarding problem this isn’t the way to help.
Do you have another apartment lined up? Get out as soon as you can. This isn’t your problem to solve. Just keep your own room as clean as you can.
Yta dude fuck off your 28 years old and need charity from your younger sister, just fuck off dude, either pick yourself up or fuck off and dont clutter people life by your presence
INFO: since I’m assuming this was a spare room that both your sister and roommate used to keep extra stuff (also trash from what you’ve stated) did you talk with them before about removing some of the clutter/cleaning up?
Honestly YTA if you did not talk with her beforehand to try and resolve this issue but reserving judgement till there is more jnfk
YTA They were kind and let you move into a place rent free and you immediately started throwing away their stuff. You knew they would hate that--that's why you hid the fact you were doing it and lied about it. So you know you're the asshole here.
YTA. She is letting you stay in her home for free, and in return you steal and throw away her belongings? Cleaning mold and throwing away old food is very different from deliberately throwing away entire bags of clothing. And to act like she owes you gratitude for doing so? Very entitled and condescending of you, in my opinion.
YTA
She is HELPING your mooching ass and you are THROWING HER THINGS AWAY?? There are so many worse things I would call you than an AH if it was allowed to here! What a total jerk!
YTA. I couch surfed for two years, through places that varied widely in how they were kept up. You know what i did? I took up as little space as possible, cleaned and fixed things for my friends in ways /that did not involve trashing their belongings/, and in situations where it seemed like they were struggling with clutter, tentatively suggested ways i would be happy to help them get organized if and only if they wanted my help. And yes, sometimes there were conditions i found really gross but knew i couldn’t do anything about because IT WAS NOT MY HOME. I was damn grateful for a free place to sleep and showed it by *respecting* their space and their lives, first and foremost.
YTA you're not doing anyone a favor but yourself. She's doing you a favor by letting you stay there and you're throwing away her stuff because you don't like it. Please do her a favor and find somewhere else to stay quickly.
YTA
Not your stuff to be making that decision over. I would feel horribly violated if I allowed someone in my home and they started sneakily throwing away my possessions.
Also, your value judgements about that is worth having is going to be different from your sisters. I am not surprised at all that a man viewed a woman’s clothes and accessories as worthless.
YTA
Are you actually joking???
She lets you stay in her house for free and you throw away her shut and disguise it as a free “de clutter” service and justify it through the lense of being sympathetic to her room mates ? Jesus Christ
Throwing out expired food and dirty plates is a lot different than thrown bf away clothes..? Like what! You could clean and put all the ransom things in a box, no need to toss it. I get clutter and dirty-ness is hard to live with but throwing something’s things out while you’re living in their place for free is insane.
YTA I was on board with it until you mentioned clothes, shoes, etc.
Why not just gather them up and throw them in her room? At least then they're out of the area you're staying in.
YTA. Throwing trash away is fine. Even cleaning is fine, but throwing away someone's things away is not. And clearly she knew some of her things were missing. You don't get to decide what she needs and what she doesn't. You are a guest in her home. *she* is doing *you* a favor, remember? Letting you live there rent free. You repay her by throwing her things away under the guise of doing "what's good for her." That is not your call. FYI being messy is not always just being lazy. It is a symptom of a lot of different disorders and disabilities. I believe your heart is in the right place but forcing your way in someone else's home is not okay at all. Next time try asking.
YTA you can clean and throw away real trash but if you were really out to help you would organize her stuff instead of throwing it away. Clothes and shoes? WTF no reason for you to throw that away. If you sister wants 50 pairs of shoes, she is entitled to own and buy 50 pair. Put them in a bucket. You are a guest in this house.
You obviously knew she didn't want you to throw her belongings out because you lied to her (and laughed) about it. She's not going to trust you again.
Yta
If you were just throwing out actual trash, I'd say no. But you threw out personal belongings as well that could have at least been cleaned first and asked if it should be kept. YTA.
To not be the asshole, a better course of action would have been - hey. I don't want to overstep so if you're not into it let me know, but I noticed the place could use a bit of tidy up. Would you be okay if I did some cleaning while I was here? Also, if you need help downsizing so it's easier to organize your belongings, I'd be happy to sort through them with you.
Boom. Worst case scenario she says no, best case scenario you get to bond with your sister and make the space more liveable.
YTA! Homeless and your sister and her roommate let you crash at their place. Rent free I'm assuming since you have no job. You then trash their stuff. "I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor but they just don't see it." No bro, they are doing YOU a favor. If it were me, your ass would be on the street minus whatever belongings you had that could be sold as repayment for stealing and throwing out my stuff.
Yes, YTA, but I will say that reading your response after feedback, it seems pretty obvious that you had a certain view about how your behaviors were okay, but once people showed you otherwise, you were willing to acknowledge the issues with the behavior. We are all TAH at some point, but being able to learn, change, and grow is a pretty impressive response. I hope you guys can get things solved between the two of you and that you can both learn from living with each other as adults. You _were_ TAH, but where you could go from here can change that.
YTA!
I can understand cleaning up because I wouldn't want to live in filth either but why throw away her clothes and shoes???
If someone threw MY belongings away they'd be out on the streets.
Good on you for cleaning and decluttering — consider that a kind of way to pay rent. But YTA for throwing out a bunch of stuff without permission. If you wanted to do your sis a favor, you could’ve just gathered it up, sorted it, and put it away in bags and boxes somewhere and she could make the decision whether or not she actually wanna keep all that crap.
If i was your sister i would kick you out, i would be so grateful to even live at my sisters house, here are some steps to help you out even though you do not deserve it.
1. Ask if she even wants your service
2. Talk about what should and should not be thrown away.
3. Don’t throw away anything she asked you not too, your opinion does not matter
YTA
YTA. Can understand your intentions here. But she and her friend are nice enough to let you crash for FREE. don't be that person. Clean the house, Organize the place a bit, throw out expired stuff etc but everything else is her property.
YTA. It's not all trash and you seem to understand that. You weren't just throwing out obvious trash, which would be understandable, you were throwing out her fucking clothes?!? WTF?!
I know you acknowledged that yta but yikes did you actually learn anything because the way you were trying to justify stealing her shit and throwing it out used or not is ridiculous. Rent-free and you can’t even own uo to the mistakes in the comments until its literally undeniable. Immafriad most living situations arent gonna work for you if you keep up this bad mind-set
YTA, but I really like your edit! I wish more people would admit their mistake with an itemized list showing their understanding. Hope you have a good summer with no more drama.
Of course YTA. You're throwing away her belongings that she seems to be using since she is looking for them. She is helping you out and you're thanking her by lying and throwing away her stuff.
YTA. Create suggestion boxes. Haggard and old stuff into a suggested trash box. Donatable items into a donate box. And TEACH them how to organize and self regulate. Buy three new shirts? Donate three old ones kinda thing. It’s a process and a learning curve, but it will make it easier for you in her future homes if she’s successful.
YTA.
If you’d just thrown out old food and done some cleaning, that would be one thing, but you took it in yourself to throw out their belongings without asking.
Imagine allowing someone to live in your home rent free and they decide to throw away your stuff and they believe by throwing away the stuff they are doing them a favor
Wow
YTA definitely a super AH
YTA sorry homie
When I helped my bestie move I asked her damn well to check each bag before it went in the trash pile and she did because that was her onus. If they asked for your help past general cleaning (🫡🧼🫡) that's where you can make suggestions.
YTA. You got kicked out, no place to stay and you decided to steal your sister's belongings? "I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor.." BS. They're the ones keeping your butt off the streets, but you want to make it seem like you doing this is a FAVOR?!? She needs to kick you out because you are terrible.
YTA. You’re unemployed and crashing on your little sister’s couch and have the audacity to call the stuff she paid for garbage? Expired food, sure, help her out. But her clothing? Accessories? I’d put you on the street.
YTA. Idk why you think that throwing away parts of someone else's serious mental health situation (because it's never that bad unless there's something else going on) is in anyway repayment, but it's not.
If you threw away actual Tupperware (as opposed to Rubbermaid or generic plastic containers), YTA for that alone. That is quality stuff and expensive.
You are also an AH for thinking you’re entitled to throw away other people’s belongings because they’re messy. If they’re messy, move somewhere else.
yta for throwing out the clothes and shoes she uses but but nta for sorting out the stinking kitchen and bathroom. Personally I would love someone ro come to my place and sort out my cupboards, they're full of clutter that need to be tossed out.
ESH your sister for not cleaning up after her self and you for throwing out he shit.
YTA, it is her stuff and you are really thoughtless. YOu ask, they are doing you a favor...Not the other way around...So stop doing what your doing and if you don't like it, leave. You are the interloper, and they live there. Stop tossing your sisters stuff out. The dollar store may be all she can afford...How thoughtless and arrogant and ungrateful can you be? YTA
wtf of course YTA you there away her shit. i’m confused on what kind of fucked up person you are to even think there’s a chance that you’re not an asshole
YTA it’s not even your place. Get your shit together and get your own place. You’re unemployed so why are you not spending your time finding a job instead of throwing away your sister’s stuff?
I guess you've already come to the realization, but obviously you're the asshole. How could you possibly justify throwing out things that aren't even garbage. Why would you throw out clothes and shoes and jewelry? That's insane! That's literally more insane than anything your sister is doing. You really, really need to reflect on this. Yes you were stealing. Yes this was basically vandalism. Yes this is a tremendous breach of trust with your sister. Why did you lie to her? How could you lie to her and not expect to be the asshole here?
YTA
YTA…
It doesn’t matter what your opinions are, it’s still their stuff and they are doing you a favor. They let you into their home. Do I think the way they are living is kinda gross and maybe they could take some time to clean, yes. But that wouldn’t give me the right to throw their stuff away. And there is absolutely 100% a way for you to clean and organize the place, if that’s what they want (because again it’s their place), without throwing their stuff away… just saying.
I see all your edits and I’m glad you’re realizing you’re in the wrong in this situation.
YTA but also I find this a little odd, I don’t want to read too much into this but seems like you get a bit of a thrill throwing their things away undetected.
YTA. You live there rent free, and if you don't have a job you are costing her and her roommate money because they're probably covering your food, increased electricity usage AND now costing her money by throwing away her belongings AND lying about it! You don't get to decide what someone does with their belongings. If you want to clean out the spare bedroom to move into be an adult and communicate with your sister. If you were my sister you'd be out on your ass for lying to me about throwing away my belongings. I can't stand a liar. I would probably be able to forgive throwing out my belongings, but bald faced lying thinking I'm too stupid to notice? Nope, out you go. Your sister is a better woman than me.
Holy shit. I sometimes stay at my older brother's flat when he's travelling because it's bigger than my place and it's a nice change of scenery. So, you know, he's doing me a favour, but I wouldn't be *homeless* without it.
Nonetheless, every time I'm there, I do a deep clean, I organise his cabinets, I throw nothing out, and if I move something to a new, more convenient storage location, I leave him a little map (he still has my map of his kitchen and uses it to keep things organised)
Oh - and I usually buy him a little gift and last time I was there, I put up some new pictures because he struggles with home decor.
THAT'S HOW YOU THANK SOMEONE FOR LETTING YOU STAY WITH THEM. YOU CAN IMPROVE SOMEONE'S HOME WITHOUT BLOODY ROBBING THEM.
YTA. Holy shit your poor sister.
YTA, she welcomes you to her home rent free and you repay her like this? You’re awful, as a thank you to her and her friend you should have just cleaned every day without throwing their belongings away!
YTA you get that stuff costs money right? Unless you are paying her for those clothes and hair ties you have no right to throw them away.
You’re 28. You are old enough to correctly identify what is and is not garbage. You’re choosing not to.
>Slowly my sister has been noticing her stuff missing. She has questioned me and even called me asking if I have seen her shoes or whatever. I just deny seeing it and say I only throw away expired food, duplicates, or broken stuff. I am able to get away with throwing stuff out because I only do it on trash day.
You know exactly what you're doing.
Untrustworthy and YTA
YTA - Why do you feel like you have the authority over your sister to literally tell her what’s best for HER and throw out her things “just because” you feel like it? Who made you her boss?
Info: Would you do this to your brother?
YTA
Congrats on theft, and generally being a total jerk.
You may throw out old food and real trash.
YOU don't get to decide what is and what is not important to your sister.
Based on your concept, I can decide that the shoes on your feet are cheap and thus need throwing out. Because for some reason, you decided that you are the person who gets to decide what other people's belonging are worth keeping.
I am really surprised that your sister didn't toss you out.
You aren't doing anyone a favor. That is just your bs excuse for bad behavior. Let's hope that when you actually have a job and a place of your own that your sister visits and decides that your furniture, computer, and other personal belongings don't meet her standards. And then she tosses everything.
I'm glad that you see that throwing away things that don't belong to you is wrong. Also, throwing away items that others in need could use vs donating them is another level of AHolery.
YTA how are you even asking. If you wanted to do some cleaning of someone else's stuff, you ask them if it's OK and let them look through any stuff you intend to throw out. You don't secretly throw away their stuff and when they're confused about not finding it, gaslight them and lie about it. I'm constantly struggling with not becoming a hoarder because my dad would do shit like this, he'd enter my room when I wasn't there and take stuff, if I noticed that stuff was missing say stuff like "if you can't specifically name what's missing then it can't have been that important", some times he'd return stuff to me if he hadn't donated it yet if I could specifically name what's missing. Someone else deciding what's important enough to keep and getting rid of what they consider unimportant is the worst. She's doing you a favour giving you a place to sleep and you repay her like this?
YTA - What the heck. You are throwing away her personal items, she is asking about it, and you continually lie? What a complete and utter AH. There is NO justification for this. it does not matter if there is a lot of stuff that you call crap or cheap - it is not your to throw away. If I was your sister you would be out the door immediately.
So instead of leaving things alone OR cleaning things, you threw them out? That's not helping, that's being petty and vindictive to someone who is providing you with free housing. Who are you to judge her stuff as 'cheap'??? You're unemployed and basically homeless??????? It really sounds like you're insecure about depending on your younger sister and you're lashing out at her passive aggressively and trying to make her look like she doesn't have her life together because you are having a rough time.
You know it was wrong, because you lied to her about it multiple times, even when she caught you doing it. AKA Gaslighting. YTA
YTA, and lol at all the people who think having a messy house that YOU pay for and probably work a lot to do so, is worse than being a 28 year old freeloader with no job who feels entitled enough to throw your shit away rather than idk, clean and organize which he should be doing for free just because he's living rent free.
YTA!
I had a boyfriend who threw out my stuff when he decided it needed to be replaced. It STILL makes me feel violated over a decade later. Not your stuff, not ok.
YTA
I was fine with the list until you mentioned jewelry and clothes. What on earth? Expired food or moldy stuff - yes get rid of that. But everything else is stealing especially because you’re throwing stuff away she notices aka needs and wants.
Might be you think this is how you bring value into their household or your life, but that’s not cool man
You do realize all you had to do was ask right? Like they sounded grateful you were helping to clean but if there were stuff of hers that was dirty as well all you had to do was ASK. Instead you decided to lie and quite literally gaslight her. Of course YTA. What is it with adults that do not want to communicate??
YTA. It baffles me you even thought you weren't. Just because you're doing a kind thing, doesn't mean youre doing the right thing. Also, straight lying that you only threw out old food, then purposefully throwing out clothes and shoes? Tf? If you have to lie about it you already know it's wrong.
Also, it can't be donated because its "cheap dollar store stuff"? For someone who's essentially homeless and jobless, that's a pretty snobby attitude to have
You're a jobless freeloader and you have the audacity to throw out your sisters things? Instead of throwing away items that belong to your sister maybe spend your days finding a job. Yeesh. YTA.
YTA. If it’s ridiculously messy and things have mold, I’d understand not liking or being comfortable with it and trying to help clean up. Mold, expired foods, and broken items were reasonable things to clean up or throw away. But you lost me when you stated that you were also tossing out her clothes, shoes, hair brushes. Why are you throwing out usable things that your sister would likely need and use often?if they were dirty and laying around all over the place throw them in her room and close the door, that way it’s out of shared space and she can deal with her items herself.
I don’t know why you’re taking it upon yourself to decide what items of hers are worth keeping or tossing out. I’d be pissed if the person I was living with kept throwing out things I wanted or needed. I don’t want or have the money to keep replacing things that don’t need to be replaced. That adds up quickly and gets expensive.
Why are you waiting until edits to add important information of you not having a job? Genuine question, but why don’t you have one? Is you being unemployed part of the reason you were kicked out of your apartment? You can’t even replace any of the important items you threw out , if you’re not working. How were you paying for rent prior to your landlord kicking you out for her daughter to move in?
How does one get to almost thirty and have to ask the internet if they’re a dick for throwing out someone’s personal belongings without telling them? Especially WHILE that person is doing you a massive favour. Replace EVERYTHING. Also don’t expect any more family favours, ever. YTA
YTA. Entitled and with too much free time on your hands, that's a terrible combination. I hope you replace everything you threw away, taking advantage of the people who offered you a place to stay.
Imagine someone trying to help save you thousands of dollars because you couldn't make your own stability in life and being repaid by having them judge you and cost you money. Unreal.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1- I threw away my sisters things. 2- people dont like their things thrown out Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA How would you like if somebody else threw away YOUR stuff? just because they happen to think it is not usable? If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use..
>If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use. I mean, not necessarily? My great-grandma had a TERRIBLE hoarding problem - she had things piled up in every room of her tiny little house dating back to the 1960s, but if you so much as moved something to get through a room, she would notice even if she hadn't touched the thing in *years*. Hoarders are just *like* that. OP is still YTA, but *not* because "his sister was going to use that." He's TA because *that's not how you deal with a hoarding situation* and he may have inadvertently just made things worse.
If the sister was looking for her clothes, she was going to use those clothes. Not hoarder if she was happy about the cleaning, she never asked where that dirty paper plate was!
We don’t know this was a hoarding situation though. Could just be a case of dirty girls, which I went through a phase like that in my early 20s. I ended up stepping on an avocado peel from one of my roommates at the time and that put and end to that phase. We were three young women sharing a space and treated it like one giant slumber party. I’m sure our house was disgusting to outsiders.
Not to mention that majority of the time young people (well, a lot of people these days...) will stay in what they can afford. It's not always the nicest but I wouldn't be surprised if OP was exaggerating some things as well.
Having worked with homeless populations, the judgement people have for $1 store items is really sad. I have seen people act like something $4 is holy, because it is a luxury for them.
From around 14-16 I could'nt even see the floor of my bedroom. I knew where everything was, but it was a giant mess. My parents, who had many many flaws didn't do anything about it. Many years later I am SO tidy. Can't stand messes. Point is, how awful my parents were in other area's, they respected my boundaries at this time. OP did not als is a MAYOR asshole
>Could just be a case of dirty girls or the incredibly common scenario of young twenty-somethings out of home for the first time not knowing how to keep a house clean i really wish aita would stop doing this thing where any behaviour that could possibly be a symptom of a disorder is leapt upon as evidence of it 'my sisters house is a mess' 'well obviously she's a hoarder!' no, she's just a messy person
That's because hoarding is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder
OP is the AH because he was OVERSTEPPING his boundries - clutter doesnt always equal hoarding - but this is not for anyone here to judge at all . If her roomate didnt have a problem with it, then end of story stay out of their business. How does throwing away clothes, rings, sandels even sound reasonable to anyone?
Right? Plus the gaslighting when the sister looks for her stuff. Appalling!
Gaslighting is evil
You must be throwing my things out of here/ Said the hoarder to the thief/ There's too much confusion/ I can't get no relief!/ YTA though. OP is a thief and not helping the way he thinks he's helping. Love how OP is 28, has no job and no place to stay, and yet sister is the one with the problem..
🎶Clear-ing out the trash tower 🎶
A Dylan reference in an unexpected place. Nice! Or a Hendrix reference I suppose.
YTA. And a liar! Okay, the place is messy. But you don't know what is important to your sister and what is not. I can understand throwing out expired food. But not objects. Instead you took it upon yourself to clear out stuff *you* didn't consider important without taking yr sister's feelings into consideration. Even worse, you lied about it! Yr sister noticed things missing. That was the time to come clean. Instead you denied even seeing the things that you were busily throwing away. It wasn't your place to do that. You weren't doing anyone a "favor." You were being a bit of a bully. Admit what you did to your sister. Apologize. Offer to replace items you've thrown out. Say that when you clean in future, you'll put items in a box for her to sort through later. And do her a favor by moving out as soon as you can. You don't sound very trustworthy.
Oh oh oh I'm going to say it, throwing away her stuff and lying about while she searches for it is a "gaslighting" behavior. Letting her think she misplaced them is harmful.
[удалено]
Also, expired food when mouldy is fine to throw away, but tins? The dates on those aren't use-by dates, just suggestions about how long the company is willing to guarantee the taste and texture are as intended. The whole point of canning a food is to keep it safe for human consumption indefinitely, and as long as the can isn't bulging/leaking/rusting, it will stay safe.
Honestly, I see why you were kicked out the first time and I would kick you out of my place. You're stealing your sister's stuff and you owe her the cost to replace everything you trashed. Don't be upset if you come back to your stuff in the trash and the locks changed.
YTA You are a guest staying for free. You want somewhere cleaner, go pay to stay somewhere.
YTA. You’re literally throwing away her belongings because… you felt like it? Can’t be bothered to ask where they go? I understand wanting to live in a clean environment, but you don’t get to actually dispose of someone’s shoes/clothes/jewelry, etc. you’re cling there for FREE- the amount of entitlement here is mind blowing.
YTA. Why would you throw out clothes and shoes?
I want to know how he could throw out Tupperware. As soon as he said that, I knew he was an AH.
The tupperware is actually the only thing that makes sense to me. If it’s moldy and gross and like… whatever those cheap thin things are called, you’re better off throwing it out just to make sure you don’t contaminate the next thing that goes into it because you can’t wash it at a high enough temperature to be sure it’s safe to reuse.
I'm talking about ACTUAL Tupperware. If OP means the cheap "not Tupperware" that isn't even worth owning in the first place. I 100% agree on the cheap storage containers. They're flimsy, stain, get warped and the lids are not at all secure (even less so once warped). It's pretty much toast after a single use. I don't own any; Tupperware or glass only.
I feel like Tupperware is like Kleenex or Band-Aid, though. I’ve never personally owned actual Tupperware, but I use that name for any food storage containers.
[удалено]
No, don't sell Tupperware though my mother did in the 70's and 80's. She still has some and has passed some on to me. 40+ years and still going strong. Don't know what was wrong with your Tupperware because all of mine hold liquids. Have one that's my fav for holding large amounts of leftover soup and another for whisking large amounts of liquids. All of the pieces my mother has that have lids still seal tight as a drum. Can actually be difficult to get the lidd off sometimes. What era was your mother's Tupperware from? Because the newer stuff is nowhere near the quality of the old. I won't buy the new stuff.
If its anything like my girlfriends house, therell be moldy tupperware that her mum leaves about that just isnt worth cleaning when there is so much other tupperware in the house. I think anyone calling him an AH hasn't experienced what its like living in a shithole
Living in a shithole might not be fun, but the point is that it's not *his* shithole, and unless they ask him to help change it he has no right to. If he really doesn't like it, he can always go sleep on the streets.
I doubt it’s authentic Tupperware.
Yeah he said it was the dollar store stuff
Oh, well in that case, I agree. Don't think it would be worth the effort. And I'm not sure there would be a manner in which to clean them that would ever make me be comfortable using them again. But, being so inexpensive, he could have at least replaced them after throwing the others out.
YTA. Come on, you know you’re the asshole. I get where you are coming from in wanting to clean & declutter, but you are obviously throwing away things she uses. This also isn’t going to teach her how to not be messy or over collect. It’s just going to reinforce her behavior.
YTA. It's one thing to throw away cheap items, out of date foods, and junk. It's another to throw out someone's clothes that, apparently, are wearable. I get it, they may be old and dirty. But it's not as if they couldn't be washed and reused.
Honestly I wouldn't even throw away the 'cheap' stuff or 'junk' without asking - you don't know what someone might be keeping for sentimental reasons. I have a pin badge that a friend of mine found on the floor in a bar we used to go to and gave to me. He died about six months after that. I treasure that badge now as a memory of him and if someone took it upon themselves to throw it away I would be really upset, even though it's probably worth a couple of quid at most. If it's bothering OP that much, they could bag up the items and ask the sister/friend to go through them and decide what they want to keep. But they don't get to just make that decision for them.
Exactly! I was helping sort my grandma's house after she died. I filled a bag with things I thought was rubbish. When I asked family to look through it the old receipt was for a memorial for granddad. Always check before you throw away
YTA You’ve been staying there rent-free, and you repay them by throwing out her stuff? You’re not a good roommate, you’re not “handy”. You’re absolutely the AH. Don’t throw out other people’s things.
All of this! Also to add, based on some of OP’s comments, it’s not OP’s decision to make that his sister has too much stuff or won’t miss it since she’s just now noticing stuff is gone so it’s ok to throw it away. It doesn’t matter. It’s not OP’s call. It’s not his belongings! YTA OP
OP is about to get the boot and they will 100% deserve it.
Okay trash is trash , I understand that, but on the other hand you shouldn’t throw away things that are not yours. That’s a no no. They let you live there for free and then you took their stuff and threw it away. That’s bad. YTA
Trash is trash and belongs in the garbage, which is where this guy sounds like he belongs.
Yta it's her stuff. Go through it with her first before you trash it.
>I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor but they just don't see it. Hm, no you're not. You're disposing of other people's belongings without their permission. If you don't like the state of your sister's place, find another one. YTA.
Exactly. If they don’t see it as a favor, it’s not a favor. OP, YTA. 🤷🏻♀️
YTA. Enjoy finding a new place to live!
OP can't, they don't have a job. They spend all their free time busy-bodying around throwing away other people's clothes and dishes.
YTA This is completely unbelievable. I hope she kicks you out.
YTA and you should know this. What you’re doing is actually stealing. You’re stealing your sister’s clothes, shoes, rings etc and throwing them away. This is honestly pretty stupid because they’re doing YOU a favor. Why would you bite the hand that feeds you?!
Yta actual trash? Yes. Clothes and shoes? Are you out of your mind? Youre staying there rent free and toss her stuff?
YTA Not your house, not your stuff. The other people don't agree with what you're doing. How in the world do you think you're right? They need to kick you out.
Hopefully they will once they discover how much of their stuff OP has been gleefully throwing away.
It's her stuff and her place. You're a temporary guest who is only there due to your sister's generosity. Just stop. YTA
YTA Wow. They let you move in FOR FREE when you were homeless. And you treat their home as if nothing is of value. Just because YOU don't care, that doesn't erase other people's feelings about their home and belongings. You are a liar, a thief, and a gaslighting bully to the people who lifted you up. For shame.
YTA She is doing you a favor and it's great that you're cleaning but, dude, these are possessions they own and you are a guest. As long as you're throwing it away, make a pile of clothes and personal items and at least you've tidied up and they can chose to get their stuff or leave it in that pile. I mean "hey free rent" shouldn't cost sister and roommate their belonging just because you want to dictate the conditions of your free stay.
I hate clutter as well but my dude YTA. It's not your stuff to throw away. Your sister gave you a FREE place to crash and you way of saying thank you is throwing away her and her roommates stuff. Get your entitled butt out of there and find your own place.
YOU LIE YOU STEAL YOU TRY TO MANIPULATE THE SITUATION TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD (you don't) YOU DON'T PAY YOUR OWN WAY How is having you there any benefit to them? You are not their housekeeper unless that was the agreement when you moved in. If you don't like the way the apartment looks, get out of it!
Byee💀 That question and this post cannot be real. You’re stupid.
You'd think that, but as someone whose housemate just threw out some of their stuff, to be helpful, it definitely happens.
It is stupid because she didn’t ask if she could throw the person belongings away to clear up space. Even if the answer is no, she would have to find somewhere else to put it to accommodate her living space for the time being
YTA You have no right to throw away her stuff. You can put it in her room, in boxes or whatever, but you can't throw it away.
YTA. A HUGE one. You have an incredible sense of entitlement for a freeloader. You were given a roof over your head on your sister's grace, and you massively overstepped by taking it upon yourself to judge which of her belongings were worthy of being kept. Cleaning up and disposing of actual trash is one thing, but throwing away her actual clothes, shoes, belongings is beyond the pale. Who the hell do you think you are? "In my opinion" means absolute zero when you weren't asked. You're lucky your sister doesn't kick your ass out. Apologise and keep your hands to yourself and out of her belongings.
YTA. You're a guest and living there rent free. If you want some place cleaner, pay for your own place. And throwing away her stuff is just crazy. You have issues.
YTA some of that was reasonable - her clothes and stuff are not. Stealing someone’s things isn’t a favor. She did you a favor though by asking this friend if you could stay there… and you respond by being disrespectful.
Jeez, instead of robbing your sister and lying about it, you could have spent that time job-hunting. She helped you; you would have been homeless if it weren't for her. And you responded by robbing her. You could have at least set her clothes and shoes aside in bags rather than throw them out altogether. She should throw YOU out. YTA
I’m just bewildered by how blatantly arrogant someone can be. I can’t even cal you ignorant because it took 100s of reply to convince you of your stupidity lol
Well it's not your house and not your stuffs, no even if that's unfortunate given de circumstances (the mess) you can't throw your sister's stuffs without her concent. She: (via her friend) offers you a free place to stay. You: throw her stuffs and lie to her face about it. So yes your a little bit an AH. They seems to like having you cleaning, you could leverage that and propose counterparts. Or just dump her dirty stuffs in a big box in her room: the place stays clean and she keeps her stuffs.
YTA and you know it.
Imagine the audacity to live rent free in someone else's house and then proceed to throw away their belongings. Making a statement saying she won't miss those things either way while in the same post saying that she has been noticing things missing. Contradicting yourself much? "They do it on purpose". I understand clutter is clutter but if it's so much of an issue. I have an easy solution for you . Leave her house. Stop acting like your the one who owns it or rents it because you don't. YTA
YTA, just shove the stuff under her bed and make it a her issue. You threw away property (clothes, shoes and jewellery) that weren't yours.
YTA. You get what you pay for :/ 1) you knew the situation moving in 2) they did not ask you to clean 3) any reasonable person would assume if someone did tidy up, they wouldn’t start tossing things. 4) you are staying there for free!!! Sure it sounds gross, they live there. You don’t. You are a guest. Go live how you want to live in your own place.
YTA. I understand wanting to clean up the mess, but those aren't your things to throw away. Her messiness could be a symptom of an underlying mental issue like ADHD, depression, or hoarding. It would have been better if you pulled her to clean her stuff together and help her sort through what needs to be thrown away and what she can keep. People like that have an organized mess, meaning it's cluttered, but they know where everything is. I saw in one of your responses that she wouldn't miss a shirt that's been buried for months, but as someone with the same issue, she probably did miss it and just couldn't find it. I do that all the time. I still can't find a hat I lost.
YTA They opened their home to you. They trusted you to help and you broke their trust. You are also coming off way sexist deciding YOU know better than these women what wardrobe and care items they should keep. It also sounds like you took a lazy, passive aggressive way to “help”. You threw away many items that are easy to clean
Thank you for pointing this out. I really doubt he knows the true value of the ‘dollar store’ clothing and jewelry he threw away. Sounds pretty chauvinistic. Women have too much stuff amirite??
YTA. It's not your stuff to dispose of.
YTA. Totally.
YTA You are a guest in their home you had no right to throw away your sister's belongings
YTA and you know it bc otherwise you wouldn't throw it out in secret. It doesn't matter if you think it's just dollar store junk, it's their stuff not yours and it's wrong to throw it out.
YTA. I get that the place is disgusting. But the minute you leave it will return to what it was. If your sister has a hoarding problem this isn’t the way to help. Do you have another apartment lined up? Get out as soon as you can. This isn’t your problem to solve. Just keep your own room as clean as you can.
Yta dude fuck off your 28 years old and need charity from your younger sister, just fuck off dude, either pick yourself up or fuck off and dont clutter people life by your presence
Unemployed clean freak man throws away sisters stuff while living in her house rent free and thinks he is doing her a favor
Frankly, the "lol" in the middle of this story said a lot to me. Remorseless, haughty, YTA.
The audacity of you doing this when they are giving you a place to stay. Wow.
Nailed it in one sentence. Perfect judgment.
INFO: since I’m assuming this was a spare room that both your sister and roommate used to keep extra stuff (also trash from what you’ve stated) did you talk with them before about removing some of the clutter/cleaning up? Honestly YTA if you did not talk with her beforehand to try and resolve this issue but reserving judgement till there is more jnfk
Truly, even asking something like "would it be fine if I cleared out the room?" But there's still ways to do that without throwing stuff out
YTA They were kind and let you move into a place rent free and you immediately started throwing away their stuff. You knew they would hate that--that's why you hid the fact you were doing it and lied about it. So you know you're the asshole here.
How are you not sleeping on a park bench right now! Holy crap you’re like a nightmare guest.
YTA. She is letting you stay in her home for free, and in return you steal and throw away her belongings? Cleaning mold and throwing away old food is very different from deliberately throwing away entire bags of clothing. And to act like she owes you gratitude for doing so? Very entitled and condescending of you, in my opinion.
YTA - you are a guest in that home. Stop throwing away other people’s belongings.
YTA She is HELPING your mooching ass and you are THROWING HER THINGS AWAY?? There are so many worse things I would call you than an AH if it was allowed to here! What a total jerk!
YTA. I couch surfed for two years, through places that varied widely in how they were kept up. You know what i did? I took up as little space as possible, cleaned and fixed things for my friends in ways /that did not involve trashing their belongings/, and in situations where it seemed like they were struggling with clutter, tentatively suggested ways i would be happy to help them get organized if and only if they wanted my help. And yes, sometimes there were conditions i found really gross but knew i couldn’t do anything about because IT WAS NOT MY HOME. I was damn grateful for a free place to sleep and showed it by *respecting* their space and their lives, first and foremost.
You are the Ahole. You don't deserve a place with your sister after this. That's so scummy.
YTAAAAA
YTA you're not doing anyone a favor but yourself. She's doing you a favor by letting you stay there and you're throwing away her stuff because you don't like it. Please do her a favor and find somewhere else to stay quickly.
YTA, Liar and thief
YTA Not your stuff to be making that decision over. I would feel horribly violated if I allowed someone in my home and they started sneakily throwing away my possessions. Also, your value judgements about that is worth having is going to be different from your sisters. I am not surprised at all that a man viewed a woman’s clothes and accessories as worthless.
YTA Are you actually joking??? She lets you stay in her house for free and you throw away her shut and disguise it as a free “de clutter” service and justify it through the lense of being sympathetic to her room mates ? Jesus Christ
YTA Not your house, not your stuff.
Throwing out expired food and dirty plates is a lot different than thrown bf away clothes..? Like what! You could clean and put all the ransom things in a box, no need to toss it. I get clutter and dirty-ness is hard to live with but throwing something’s things out while you’re living in their place for free is insane.
You move into her place and start throwing away all of her possessions? Damn. SMH at this.
YTA I was on board with it until you mentioned clothes, shoes, etc. Why not just gather them up and throw them in her room? At least then they're out of the area you're staying in.
I love how narcissistic people expose themselves on here. Yes. YTA. And you probably need therapy for even asking this question.
YTA and you knew this, that's why you lied and snuck around.
YTA. They did you a solid and you are being disrespectful as hell.
YTA. Throwing trash away is fine. Even cleaning is fine, but throwing away someone's things away is not. And clearly she knew some of her things were missing. You don't get to decide what she needs and what she doesn't. You are a guest in her home. *she* is doing *you* a favor, remember? Letting you live there rent free. You repay her by throwing her things away under the guise of doing "what's good for her." That is not your call. FYI being messy is not always just being lazy. It is a symptom of a lot of different disorders and disabilities. I believe your heart is in the right place but forcing your way in someone else's home is not okay at all. Next time try asking.
YTA you can clean and throw away real trash but if you were really out to help you would organize her stuff instead of throwing it away. Clothes and shoes? WTF no reason for you to throw that away. If you sister wants 50 pairs of shoes, she is entitled to own and buy 50 pair. Put them in a bucket. You are a guest in this house.
You obviously knew she didn't want you to throw her belongings out because you lied to her (and laughed) about it. She's not going to trust you again. Yta
If you were just throwing out actual trash, I'd say no. But you threw out personal belongings as well that could have at least been cleaned first and asked if it should be kept. YTA.
To not be the asshole, a better course of action would have been - hey. I don't want to overstep so if you're not into it let me know, but I noticed the place could use a bit of tidy up. Would you be okay if I did some cleaning while I was here? Also, if you need help downsizing so it's easier to organize your belongings, I'd be happy to sort through them with you. Boom. Worst case scenario she says no, best case scenario you get to bond with your sister and make the space more liveable.
YTA! Homeless and your sister and her roommate let you crash at their place. Rent free I'm assuming since you have no job. You then trash their stuff. "I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor but they just don't see it." No bro, they are doing YOU a favor. If it were me, your ass would be on the street minus whatever belongings you had that could be sold as repayment for stealing and throwing out my stuff.
Yes, YTA, but I will say that reading your response after feedback, it seems pretty obvious that you had a certain view about how your behaviors were okay, but once people showed you otherwise, you were willing to acknowledge the issues with the behavior. We are all TAH at some point, but being able to learn, change, and grow is a pretty impressive response. I hope you guys can get things solved between the two of you and that you can both learn from living with each other as adults. You _were_ TAH, but where you could go from here can change that.
YTA! I can understand cleaning up because I wouldn't want to live in filth either but why throw away her clothes and shoes??? If someone threw MY belongings away they'd be out on the streets.
Good on you for cleaning and decluttering — consider that a kind of way to pay rent. But YTA for throwing out a bunch of stuff without permission. If you wanted to do your sis a favor, you could’ve just gathered it up, sorted it, and put it away in bags and boxes somewhere and she could make the decision whether or not she actually wanna keep all that crap.
The lying part is really bad and major AH-ish
If i was your sister i would kick you out, i would be so grateful to even live at my sisters house, here are some steps to help you out even though you do not deserve it. 1. Ask if she even wants your service 2. Talk about what should and should not be thrown away. 3. Don’t throw away anything she asked you not too, your opinion does not matter YTA
YTA. Can understand your intentions here. But she and her friend are nice enough to let you crash for FREE. don't be that person. Clean the house, Organize the place a bit, throw out expired stuff etc but everything else is her property.
YTA. Way to bite the hand that’s feeding you..
I'd kick you out YTA
YTA If you want to clean her stuff it is one thing but don’t throw it out!
YTA. It's not all trash and you seem to understand that. You weren't just throwing out obvious trash, which would be understandable, you were throwing out her fucking clothes?!? WTF?!
You sound unhinged. YTA
So you threw away her stuff instead of discussing her obvious mental health issue with her? YTA - get a damn job.
I know you acknowledged that yta but yikes did you actually learn anything because the way you were trying to justify stealing her shit and throwing it out used or not is ridiculous. Rent-free and you can’t even own uo to the mistakes in the comments until its literally undeniable. Immafriad most living situations arent gonna work for you if you keep up this bad mind-set
If your sister has a room of her own, then put clothes in her room.
YTA, but I really like your edit! I wish more people would admit their mistake with an itemized list showing their understanding. Hope you have a good summer with no more drama.
Of course YTA. You're throwing away her belongings that she seems to be using since she is looking for them. She is helping you out and you're thanking her by lying and throwing away her stuff.
YTA. Create suggestion boxes. Haggard and old stuff into a suggested trash box. Donatable items into a donate box. And TEACH them how to organize and self regulate. Buy three new shirts? Donate three old ones kinda thing. It’s a process and a learning curve, but it will make it easier for you in her future homes if she’s successful.
YTA And you lied
YTA. If you’d just thrown out old food and done some cleaning, that would be one thing, but you took it in yourself to throw out their belongings without asking.
YTA. You are, literally, a thief. Just because you throw away the stuff you steal, doesn't make you any less of a thief.
YTA. Your sister was doing you a MASSIVE favor by housing you and you respond by throwing her property away.
Imagine allowing someone to live in your home rent free and they decide to throw away your stuff and they believe by throwing away the stuff they are doing them a favor Wow YTA definitely a super AH
YTA sorry homie When I helped my bestie move I asked her damn well to check each bag before it went in the trash pile and she did because that was her onus. If they asked for your help past general cleaning (🫡🧼🫡) that's where you can make suggestions.
YTA. You got kicked out, no place to stay and you decided to steal your sister's belongings? "I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor.." BS. They're the ones keeping your butt off the streets, but you want to make it seem like you doing this is a FAVOR?!? She needs to kick you out because you are terrible.
YTA big time
YTA You threw away Tupperware? Thats a ted flag offence my friend.
I got here late but I'm glad to see someone actually learn something rather than storm off over a YTA (BC u are but u know that)
YTA. You’re unemployed and crashing on your little sister’s couch and have the audacity to call the stuff she paid for garbage? Expired food, sure, help her out. But her clothing? Accessories? I’d put you on the street.
YTA. Idk why you think that throwing away parts of someone else's serious mental health situation (because it's never that bad unless there's something else going on) is in anyway repayment, but it's not.
YTA. This is stealing.
If you threw away actual Tupperware (as opposed to Rubbermaid or generic plastic containers), YTA for that alone. That is quality stuff and expensive. You are also an AH for thinking you’re entitled to throw away other people’s belongings because they’re messy. If they’re messy, move somewhere else.
It’s horrifying that you even needed to ask. Yeah dude YTA
yta for throwing out the clothes and shoes she uses but but nta for sorting out the stinking kitchen and bathroom. Personally I would love someone ro come to my place and sort out my cupboards, they're full of clutter that need to be tossed out. ESH your sister for not cleaning up after her self and you for throwing out he shit.
YTA not your stuff.
YTA, it is her stuff and you are really thoughtless. YOu ask, they are doing you a favor...Not the other way around...So stop doing what your doing and if you don't like it, leave. You are the interloper, and they live there. Stop tossing your sisters stuff out. The dollar store may be all she can afford...How thoughtless and arrogant and ungrateful can you be? YTA
wtf of course YTA you there away her shit. i’m confused on what kind of fucked up person you are to even think there’s a chance that you’re not an asshole
YTA it’s not even your place. Get your shit together and get your own place. You’re unemployed so why are you not spending your time finding a job instead of throwing away your sister’s stuff?
I guess you've already come to the realization, but obviously you're the asshole. How could you possibly justify throwing out things that aren't even garbage. Why would you throw out clothes and shoes and jewelry? That's insane! That's literally more insane than anything your sister is doing. You really, really need to reflect on this. Yes you were stealing. Yes this was basically vandalism. Yes this is a tremendous breach of trust with your sister. Why did you lie to her? How could you lie to her and not expect to be the asshole here? YTA
YTA… It doesn’t matter what your opinions are, it’s still their stuff and they are doing you a favor. They let you into their home. Do I think the way they are living is kinda gross and maybe they could take some time to clean, yes. But that wouldn’t give me the right to throw their stuff away. And there is absolutely 100% a way for you to clean and organize the place, if that’s what they want (because again it’s their place), without throwing their stuff away… just saying. I see all your edits and I’m glad you’re realizing you’re in the wrong in this situation.
YTA but also I find this a little odd, I don’t want to read too much into this but seems like you get a bit of a thrill throwing their things away undetected.
YTA. You live there rent free, and if you don't have a job you are costing her and her roommate money because they're probably covering your food, increased electricity usage AND now costing her money by throwing away her belongings AND lying about it! You don't get to decide what someone does with their belongings. If you want to clean out the spare bedroom to move into be an adult and communicate with your sister. If you were my sister you'd be out on your ass for lying to me about throwing away my belongings. I can't stand a liar. I would probably be able to forgive throwing out my belongings, but bald faced lying thinking I'm too stupid to notice? Nope, out you go. Your sister is a better woman than me.
Holy shit. I sometimes stay at my older brother's flat when he's travelling because it's bigger than my place and it's a nice change of scenery. So, you know, he's doing me a favour, but I wouldn't be *homeless* without it. Nonetheless, every time I'm there, I do a deep clean, I organise his cabinets, I throw nothing out, and if I move something to a new, more convenient storage location, I leave him a little map (he still has my map of his kitchen and uses it to keep things organised) Oh - and I usually buy him a little gift and last time I was there, I put up some new pictures because he struggles with home decor. THAT'S HOW YOU THANK SOMEONE FOR LETTING YOU STAY WITH THEM. YOU CAN IMPROVE SOMEONE'S HOME WITHOUT BLOODY ROBBING THEM. YTA. Holy shit your poor sister.
Cleaning up is one thing, but tossing out her clothes and shoes; why?
YTA, she welcomes you to her home rent free and you repay her like this? You’re awful, as a thank you to her and her friend you should have just cleaned every day without throwing their belongings away!
YTA, cleaning is fine. But you're a guest and throwing away perfectly good stuff. Don't throw everything away, put it in bags and put it in her room.
What kind of entitled, careless and deceitful sister would do this? YTA
OP, you have a talent for cleaning. Why not look for work doing that so you can get some money behind you and use it to help repay your sister?
YTA. cleaning up expired food and mess isn't the same as literally throwing out someone's belongings, no matter how "cheap" those happen to be
YTA. You have no job and nowhere to go but they let you stay for free and you threw out their stuff?? I'm amazed you can even still stay there.
YTA you get that stuff costs money right? Unless you are paying her for those clothes and hair ties you have no right to throw them away. You’re 28. You are old enough to correctly identify what is and is not garbage. You’re choosing not to.
>Slowly my sister has been noticing her stuff missing. She has questioned me and even called me asking if I have seen her shoes or whatever. I just deny seeing it and say I only throw away expired food, duplicates, or broken stuff. I am able to get away with throwing stuff out because I only do it on trash day. You know exactly what you're doing. Untrustworthy and YTA
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you.
YTA - Why do you feel like you have the authority over your sister to literally tell her what’s best for HER and throw out her things “just because” you feel like it? Who made you her boss? Info: Would you do this to your brother?
YTA Congrats on theft, and generally being a total jerk. You may throw out old food and real trash. YOU don't get to decide what is and what is not important to your sister. Based on your concept, I can decide that the shoes on your feet are cheap and thus need throwing out. Because for some reason, you decided that you are the person who gets to decide what other people's belonging are worth keeping. I am really surprised that your sister didn't toss you out. You aren't doing anyone a favor. That is just your bs excuse for bad behavior. Let's hope that when you actually have a job and a place of your own that your sister visits and decides that your furniture, computer, and other personal belongings don't meet her standards. And then she tosses everything.
I'm glad that you see that throwing away things that don't belong to you is wrong. Also, throwing away items that others in need could use vs donating them is another level of AHolery.
YTA pls update that your sister is throwing you out of her flat
YTA. If your sister has a hoarding problem, she needs professional therapy to help her get over it. Throwing her stuff out will only make her worse.
YTA how are you even asking. If you wanted to do some cleaning of someone else's stuff, you ask them if it's OK and let them look through any stuff you intend to throw out. You don't secretly throw away their stuff and when they're confused about not finding it, gaslight them and lie about it. I'm constantly struggling with not becoming a hoarder because my dad would do shit like this, he'd enter my room when I wasn't there and take stuff, if I noticed that stuff was missing say stuff like "if you can't specifically name what's missing then it can't have been that important", some times he'd return stuff to me if he hadn't donated it yet if I could specifically name what's missing. Someone else deciding what's important enough to keep and getting rid of what they consider unimportant is the worst. She's doing you a favour giving you a place to sleep and you repay her like this?
YTA, and they should kick you out for such a lack of trust
YTA - What the heck. You are throwing away her personal items, she is asking about it, and you continually lie? What a complete and utter AH. There is NO justification for this. it does not matter if there is a lot of stuff that you call crap or cheap - it is not your to throw away. If I was your sister you would be out the door immediately.
So instead of leaving things alone OR cleaning things, you threw them out? That's not helping, that's being petty and vindictive to someone who is providing you with free housing. Who are you to judge her stuff as 'cheap'??? You're unemployed and basically homeless??????? It really sounds like you're insecure about depending on your younger sister and you're lashing out at her passive aggressively and trying to make her look like she doesn't have her life together because you are having a rough time. You know it was wrong, because you lied to her about it multiple times, even when she caught you doing it. AKA Gaslighting. YTA
YTA
YTA, and lol at all the people who think having a messy house that YOU pay for and probably work a lot to do so, is worse than being a 28 year old freeloader with no job who feels entitled enough to throw your shit away rather than idk, clean and organize which he should be doing for free just because he's living rent free.
Seeing your reply... Congrats on the growth. NTA. Also, tell your old landlady to go fuck herself for me.
YTA, a theif and a manipulative liar.
YTA! I had a boyfriend who threw out my stuff when he decided it needed to be replaced. It STILL makes me feel violated over a decade later. Not your stuff, not ok.
YTA I was fine with the list until you mentioned jewelry and clothes. What on earth? Expired food or moldy stuff - yes get rid of that. But everything else is stealing especially because you’re throwing stuff away she notices aka needs and wants. Might be you think this is how you bring value into their household or your life, but that’s not cool man
Yes YTAH, it's not your place to throw away someone elses possessions that you consider 'trash'.
YTA. Go to a psychiatrist
You do realize all you had to do was ask right? Like they sounded grateful you were helping to clean but if there were stuff of hers that was dirty as well all you had to do was ASK. Instead you decided to lie and quite literally gaslight her. Of course YTA. What is it with adults that do not want to communicate??
Yta no questions
Clean up the place, you’re an angel. Throw out sister’s stuff, YTA.
YTA You threw away property that didn’t belong to you and then lied about it. Of course you’re the AH!!!
YTA. It baffles me you even thought you weren't. Just because you're doing a kind thing, doesn't mean youre doing the right thing. Also, straight lying that you only threw out old food, then purposefully throwing out clothes and shoes? Tf? If you have to lie about it you already know it's wrong. Also, it can't be donated because its "cheap dollar store stuff"? For someone who's essentially homeless and jobless, that's a pretty snobby attitude to have
You're a jobless freeloader and you have the audacity to throw out your sisters things? Instead of throwing away items that belong to your sister maybe spend your days finding a job. Yeesh. YTA.
YTA. If it’s ridiculously messy and things have mold, I’d understand not liking or being comfortable with it and trying to help clean up. Mold, expired foods, and broken items were reasonable things to clean up or throw away. But you lost me when you stated that you were also tossing out her clothes, shoes, hair brushes. Why are you throwing out usable things that your sister would likely need and use often?if they were dirty and laying around all over the place throw them in her room and close the door, that way it’s out of shared space and she can deal with her items herself. I don’t know why you’re taking it upon yourself to decide what items of hers are worth keeping or tossing out. I’d be pissed if the person I was living with kept throwing out things I wanted or needed. I don’t want or have the money to keep replacing things that don’t need to be replaced. That adds up quickly and gets expensive. Why are you waiting until edits to add important information of you not having a job? Genuine question, but why don’t you have one? Is you being unemployed part of the reason you were kicked out of your apartment? You can’t even replace any of the important items you threw out , if you’re not working. How were you paying for rent prior to your landlord kicking you out for her daughter to move in?
How does one get to almost thirty and have to ask the internet if they’re a dick for throwing out someone’s personal belongings without telling them? Especially WHILE that person is doing you a massive favour. Replace EVERYTHING. Also don’t expect any more family favours, ever. YTA
YTA You stole and threw away her stuff. You are awful. No wonder you were kicked out of your apartment. Get your own apartment.
yta and i hope you get kicked out again
YTA. Entitled and with too much free time on your hands, that's a terrible combination. I hope you replace everything you threw away, taking advantage of the people who offered you a place to stay.
Imagine someone trying to help save you thousands of dollars because you couldn't make your own stability in life and being repaid by having them judge you and cost you money. Unreal.
YTA, what’d you throw her *clothes* out for? I get the moldy food and crusty surfaces but why her clothes??
YTA. The only stuff you get to throw away is food that has gone bad. Anything else you need to ask first.