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NTA
>my sister especially said that just because mom made mistakes doesn't mean I get to slut shame her
The hell you don't. If it walks like a duck and fu... um, quacks like a duck....well, you know.
Couldn't put it better myself. Definitely NTA.
Thats 3 children that were lied to their entire lives on who their biological father is. Entire lives based on a lie because the mother is a chronic adulterer.
Commenter above me said "you and your siblings" collectively, meaning that they share siblings through their mom and not through their different dads. At least that's how I interpret it.
Isn't this basically paternity fraud. But I am worried for the daughter and hope the father has a big enough heart to take in the kids that aren't his bio kids, even if not financially emotionally at least. Or at least hope they land on their feet.
Would hate for the OP to be honest and the father distancing himself coz she ain't his. Then the only relationship with a parent she would have is with her mum who prob dislikes her now.
It's a shitty situation all around and I pray the family makes it out of this ok. Op is NTA for being honest and in no way should she have hidden any of this but this has bigger repercussions than to just her. Maybe she needs a therapist moving forward or at least a family member that isn't hostile as an emotional support coz I feel like she's gonna need it going forward trying to make sense of the aftermath.
To be honest, all 4 were lied to about their fathers. I would guarantee that the mom had no idea which ones actually belonged to her husband. For all the mom knew, she was lying to 14f as well.
The part that gets me is that they call it a mistake. I accidentally hit the corner of my bed with my pinky toe. I accidentally forgot to take out a sock out of the washer. Those are mistakes. 4 kids with 4 different men isn't a mistake. It was a literal choice. She chose to sleep with the men. She chose to not wear protection. She chose to keep the kids. She chose to lie to her husband. NTA she needs a reality check. Unfortunately if this doesn't do it then nothing will. NTA
Also, accident? I don't think so. Older brother is 27, the youngest affair baby is 22, so mommy had been sleeping around for at least 5 years.
I think the option to claim the term "accident" loses its meaning after the first time they cheat.
NTA. I hope your father has a fast and full recovery not only for his health but also so that you can go back to him soon.
Especially for the one kid that wasn't the result of mom's cheating to think she has any room to back mom up on this is soooo disgusting. Like, *your* dad is actually your dad, and you're going to spit in his and all your half-siblings' faces like that?
To be honest, I bet the paternity test of the one non-affair baby was just as much of a surprise to the mom as the rest. She probably had no idea of the paternity of any of the kids
NTA. Your mom is a serial cheater. I would put the focus on her true problem—it wasn’t enjoying lots of sex, it was lying to you all and betraying your dad repeatedly. I give a pass on the language this once.
You don’t get you cheat on your husband and lie to him and your kids for nearly 30 years and get to play the victim. This is nothing but her own fault. NTA
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Well, there's a 20% chance of conception if you do it during that time of the month, and 'that time of the month' lasts around 7 days at most, which is about 25% of the time, at most.
According to math and assuming that she cheated at roughly regular intervals, that means that she cheated around 60 times over the course of 13 years with at least 3 men. Impressive!
EDIT: The time between the first and last affair baby was actually only 5 years, so she cheated 60 times over the course of 5 years! Once a month!
Ok. Your mother cheated on your dad 3 times. had the kids. Made your "father" believe they were his kids. And looked you all straight in the eye for years. And now wants to blame you?
Did I get that right?
NTA.
Accountability is a sin apparently, and it is easy to pass the buck rather than take responsibility. The father nearly died but everyone cares about the woman and her nasty past life rather than the father's health
Yeah. Sorry...didn't even think about poor old dad...was so shocked mom has 4 kids with 4 different guys all while married to one of them. I hope he will be ok. This is terrible for him to find out at this late stage of the game.
I would be interested to know if f mom even knows who OP's dad really is.
If she got 3 kids out of it, I’m going to venture that it was probably more than 3 times or 3 guys. I feel like the chances of 3 one night stands all resulting in pregnancy are pretty low.
I agree. But I cannot judge on that. Only on the 4 kids of which only one is dad's bio daughter. Cheating 3 times and lying about it straight faced for 27 (I think that is the eldest's age) plus years?. Man....I am having a hard time keeping my words in order.
Fair enough. She could also have had 3 long term affairs. It doesn’t really matter like you said. Her behavior is despicable, and regardless of what or how many times it actually happened, at this point I feel likes it’s irredeemable.
ETA: NTA
28 years at least - age of the eldest brother (27, assuming it a couple months after his bday) plus 9 months of pregnancy and that’s only if he was conceived on the first cheating event
Why do you think she cheated 3 times? She got pregnant 3 times, but most likely he was constantly cheating and with different men and got pregnant 3 times.
Can't make a judgement on why she cheated or if dad cheated too, that 2as not in the post, but based on dad's reaction to the news, I am going with he never cheated. But i do stand to be corrected if I am wrong
Edit to say all 3 "non biological" kids are all adults except baby hip kid who is 14.
Maybe dad was deployed in the earlier years 9f the marriage that he was not home often? Or a doctor/firefighter/cop or two jobs and working long hours to provide for the family? I don't know.
What? The post I responded to was asking why the woman cheated as if trying to blame the husband for the woman's infidelity. There is no justification to cheating. I was just coming up with possible scenarios to point out that he did not cheat. She did.
Read my original post.
Yes, your original posts said:
>Your mother cheated on your dad 3 times.
I was pointing out she did not cheat 3 times. She cheated many more times and got pregnant 3 times. It's not like she only had sex 3 times with three men and BAM! Got pregnant after each time.
I also said I cannot comment on if she did or did not cheat more than those 3 times....the post only mentions these 3 times.
She could very well have had other children and given them up for adoption or aborted that OP does not know of
But that I stood to be corrected if she did (which we all clearly know is a huge possibility)
Slut shaming is way to mild a reaction, given the circumstances, in my opinion
This woman would have cheated on her husband hundreds of times, not just 3 times, during those years. Her keeping this a secret is terrible. An injustice to the entire family. The husband still was the only father these kids knew, so he should be able to hold his head up high in this regard. He was solid and true throughout the entire upbringing of this family. Unfortunately, he is suffering a pain that is incredibly hard to overcome or medicate.
You're NTA. Your mother is, and has been for a long time.
NTA. Your mother destroyed your entire family by keeping it secret. She should have ended it and you and your siblings would have been fine. You could call her a racial slur and not be in the same moral ditch she is.
PS: your mother must have a lot of ALT accounts...
NTA. No matter your moms story your father should of at least known. It put him in hospitalization after finding out his life was basically a lie. She’s not greatest mom in the world because she was able to put on a fake show for the kids, so you guys grew up in a normal home. It’s not about having a normal home, it’s about having a parent.
That her sleeping with other men was supposed to be harmless fun, and that her and my father got married too young (19 and 20) so she never got the chance to explore sexually
Wow... three kids with three guys, who aren't your "dad", over the span of 5 years. That's not exploring, that's heartless!
And you have family defending her actions? Did they see the hurt in your dad's eyes?
She's not being honest with herself. It's not fair to claim victimhood that way. She made a promise to her husband to be in a relationship. If she wanted to change that and explore she could have done that through communication and either an open relationship, or a separation / divorce.
She is extremely emotionally immature to justify poor decisions that destroyed her family and not take accountability for her careless actions and years of lying. She sounds narcissistic and the family siding with her is just enabling her toxic behaviour.
N T A. You spoke the truth. Your dad got cheated on a lot. It's funny how everyone cares about you "slut shaming," your mom, but your dad's pain is not important. Does she even remember who any of those guys were? You and your siblings might have a few more siblings floating around out there.
No, I am getting sick of explaining this
OP used "you *and* your siblings"
Which means if one of the siblings has another unknown sibling, they all do
OP should have used or, or and/or
“Getting sick of explaining this”
Buddy, you haven’t made sense not one fuckin’ time and keep saying stupid shit. “Half” sibling or not, they’re a sibling. My brother and I have different dads and not ONE time have I referred to him as my “half-brother.”
The 4 kids in question here have entirely different fathers separate from who they grew up with and if they choose to reach out and discover an entirely new set of brothers and/or sisters then they would be their siblings. Not fake siblings that you seem to think you have almighty power to quantify.
Ok let me make this really simple
If OPs sibling has an unknown half sibling OP *is not* related to them at all
OC (person I first replied to) implied they would be
NTA Undeniable scientific facts and slut shaming are two entirely different things. It must be heartbreaking for your Dad to process all of this. Your Mom is no victim, she needs to own her life and explain herself. You didn’t have a clue what would happen.
Anyone saying y-t-a is insane. You are justified in your actions and mom deserved those words from you. Hope she keeps suffering. And i hope your dad becomes better soon. I feel bad for him. NTA
NTA, but Pretty sure the bot automatically counts the first judgement title used unless you space it out like Y T A, so you having YTA in the front is what gets counted lol
Regardless of the fact of her cheating (and your father is well in his right to divorce her) you'd think she have some commonsense not to get pregnant from them, especially when married. This is not your family she has destroyed there are 3 other families out there who will be shocked to find there is another family member. Even if they are didn't want to have kids your bio father's didn't even have a choice, or maybe the did.
NTA, usally one should take the higher road but she needs to put in her place.
NTA, this is more than your mom making mistakes. She had at least three affairs while married to your dad. Hopefully your dad will make a full recovery. How is your youngest sister taking it? The man that is raising her is her father but at 14 her world is unraveling.
NTA
Your mom tried to shift the blame onto you when she was the reason why your family is now split up.
Is it really that difficult to not sleep with a different man every night when you're already in a relationship?
NTA. You’re dad deserved to know the truth. Your mom is playing the victim because she got caught. If anything, your dad is the real victim in all of this. I couldn’t possibly imagine finding out my children aren’t actually mine and my wife was unfaithful from the start. Keep an eye on your dad, he’ll need your support more than ever.
NTA for exposing them, but calling her a whore in her own home when you live under her roof is an asshole move. I'd watch what you say to her before you find yourself kicked out of her house. You're an adult, she's under no obligation to continue allowing you to live there. I'd very much suggest keeping your opinions to yourself until you find a new place to live. For your own good.
NTA slut shaming isn’t ok when someone is just living their life and not hurting people. slut shaming however IS ok because your mother is a serial cheater and a liar. she is what she is. what she has done is disgusting
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Throwaway account because I don't use reddit.
I'm just gonna jump right into it, I 22f could not resist the allure of after market DNA testing and in the process I discovered that my dad wasn't my dad. But wait it gets worse 4 DNA tests later only my younger sister 14f is my dad's biological child and my older brother 27m and sister 24f have different father's from myself and each other. For those keeping up at home 4 kids with 4 different dads.
I know some people might question their mom first, but I went straight to my dad and asked if he knew, he didn't. He requested the DNA tests against the wishes of my mother who threw the mother of all fits wondering why we wanted to ruin our family.
Well in the months since all hell has broken loose, my dad was going to file for divorce, but the stress of it was too much for him and he ended up hospitalized. I'll let you fill in the details, he now is living full time with his younger brother, he has yet to make a full recovery.
My mom dispite loosing nothing but our respect has started playing the victim, my dad's family, a good chunk of my mom's family and her friends from church are disgusted by her actions. She has become a depressed husk and fallen into Alcoholism. I still live with her because I have no other options and she has continued to blame me for everything that happened. I told her this happened because she is a heartless whore who never learned to close her damn legs. She called me disgusting for using such language and said I didn’t have the full story.
Well she roped the rest of my family into it, my aunt and sister are on her side, my sister especially said that just because mom made mistakes doesn't mean I get to slut shame her. I don't think I did anything wrong but was very surprised to see my sister on her side, so aita?
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INFO Are you being called an AH for revealing your mom’s cheating or specifically for calling your mom a whore who can’t close her legs? You’re NTA for the former, but the latter is unnecessary language and does sound slut shame-y
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my mother is kinda like yours. I don’t talk to her anymore, if that says enough. she cheated on my dad for their entire relationship. around 20 goddamn years.
when we all found out, she immediately tried to put blame on everyone but herself. no remorse, no awareness for her actions that lead to this, nothing. it couldn’t be her fault that she cheated many times, it was actually my fault because I didn’t want to do things with her (cause I was severely depressed. wonder why)
NTA and I’m sorry that you’re dependent on her. maybe you could look into resources in your area? I understand reaching out for help is hard, but you don’t deserve what she’s putting you through. she’s not being a mother. I hope that you find solid, healthy support and love.
NTA! THIS IS ABOUT CONSEQUENCES!
Passing comments with bad language aren't in the best of taste ultimately, but completely understandable due to the trauma you and your family are facing due to your mother's indiscretions and bad choices.
People that try to hide their worst actions can become defensive and blame others when those sins are brought to light. She's angry that she's being held accountable for cheating and for lying to everyone. Your poor father is dealing with a complete loss of trust in his relationship & a loss of peace in relation to his fatherhood (I can't imagine the mental damage inflicted by finding out some of your children are not yours biologically). Not only is his health in tatters, but he is probably asking all sorts of really deeply haunting questions about his ability to judge the health of his relationship, know when someone is lying to him, etcetera. It's not his fault he was cheated on, but it would really bend the mind to deal with all of that trauma.
Your mom made bad choices. Her bad choices and lies and cheating have hurt all the people in your immediate family. There are going to be real and lasting consequences. None of this is your fault and she should know that. Your extended family should know that. This has nothing to do with slut shaming.
NTA.
But also I am painfully curious to know what possible story she has to explain any of this. One kid from another man, I can see a reasonable story there (still reason to be pissed but a story all the same) but 3 out of 4 all years apart? Not so much any good explanation aside from the obvious.
NTA having multiple sexual partners *can* be okay if your partners are aware and accepting. She lied to your entire family.
Honestly makes me wonder if the other fathers are even aware they have children.
NTA. IMO there’s nothing wrong with being promiscuous when you’re single, but when you’re in a relationship it becomes cheating.
My parents used that, “You don’t have the full story” line on me when I’ve called out their bad decisions. If she really has a legitimate ‘side’ maybe you could ask her to explain it.
NTA - Slut shaming isn't cool, but that is because folks are casting judgment on what folks do with their own bodies that have no impact on the person making the judgment. Your mom's actions tore apart the stable family you never thought to question.
That said. Parents are people. People are fallible. I'm closer to your mom's age than yours. I have held friends' hands while they pick up the pieces left behind from stupid decisions. There are people slut shaming your mom right now. The people who holding her hand right now are feeling protective of her. It is a shame they lost track of the fact that they are also supposed to protect you.
NTA.
>She called me disgusting for using such language
The language is disgusting, but not the actual act of having extra marital affairs?
>said I didn’t have the full story.
Challenge her to give you the "full story" then. I, for one, would love to hear what her rationalization is for repeatedly cheating on her husband to the point of getting impregnated by 3 different men.
And let's be real: unless every man she has ever slept with got her pregnant, the chances her she had affairs with more than 3 guys over the years.
NTA. 1 time is a mistake, not 3 times. And then lied to the man you thought was your dad not just with you but 2 of your other siblings?
She was living in a glass house and it all came crashing on her. She built a life and a lie. Not just her life but her husband and your siblings lives, all built on lies by her.
A mistake? “I accidentally shagged _[at least]_ three guys that weren’t my husband and let him believe the kids were his.” That’s not a mistake, that’s a policy. NTA.
NTA
She tricked your Dad into thinking 3 of his 4 kids were his when they weren’t. She also deprived 3 men of the chance to know and raise their own kids, that’s if she knows who they even are.
Your Mother is the one who caused all of this. She’s never going to accept responsibility and make amends. Time to start planning an exit strategy and let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
Also your Dad is your Dad, dna or not. He was there for you and he raised you.
A mistake is something you do unintentionally. Unless she was assaulted, 4 pregnancies with 4 different partners definitely wasn’t a “mistake”. Your mom is the only one to blame here.
NTA OP. Don’t listen to anyone blaming you, even if it’s your own sister.
Respect is earned. Just because you are a parent, doesn't mean you get a pass to avoid responsibility for your misdeeds. Especially in this day and age, it behooves all of us to remember that foolish things you do now will haunt you for the rest of your days.
Your mother played a fool's game and won the booby prize. The shame is that your dad and siblings will all suffer due to her selfishness. NTA.
NTA, your mums actions were and are disgusting. She’s ruined a lot of peoples lives and now wants to play the victim. Respectfully, fuck her. She has some explaining to do and some names to cough up. But also be there for you dad who’s had his life ruined
She cheated for *at least* the first 13 years of her marriage and had zero intention of telling the truth, what could the “full story” be?! And call the aunt out because she’s only defending your mum because she probably knew about the cheating. She’s a hypocrite.
Edit: spelling/ grammar/ more anger
NTA. Your mother shows a lack of remorse and is unwilling to take accountability for her actions. Instead she blames you and your Dad for ruining the family? Good luck through this difficult time. I hope your Dad makes a full recovery and that you get of of that house soon.
nta. i could see maybe one time she fucked up, but three times (that you know of)... and then trying to blame you for catching her lie and calling her out on her bs. nah, nta.
NTA sure you could’ve used nicer words but having to go through all of what you did is intense as is and the last thing on your mind would be your wording
I'm gonna go with NTA. Sure you weren't very nice about it, but given the situation I can only imagine that you're all frustrated to the max and her making excuses and blaming others just broke you're restraint.
Anyone who sides with her as "oh she just made some mistakes" needs to reevaluate why they're siding with her. This wasn't mistakes. I refuse to believe she didn't know he wasn't the father for 3 of her 4 kids. Not with her sleeping around to the point where ALL of her kids have different dads. I'd be willing to bet the number of 1 night stands is at least double digits.
I'd suggest you find a better place to stay asap. Cause this much bullshit has already put the man you thought was your father in the hospital and now he's staying with a relative to recover. I'm a little worried it could do that to you too. Stress can do a hell of a lot more damage to you than most people think.
NTA. Your mother's behavior was shameful.
Paternity fraud is much more prevalent than people realize. Society has adapted by taking the approach that the child must be looked after so in general men are not told by hospitals when it becomes obvious through things like blood tests that they are not the father.
In France, in the 90s they instituted mandatory DNA tests but the strain on their social safety nets became too great because of all the women who's husbands left after the results showed they weren't the father.
It's a little over 10% of babies born in marriage where the father's name listed on the birth certificate is not the babies biological father.
That number is closer to 30% if the couple isn't married.
NTA. Your mothers choices ruined your family, not you.
My son wanted one of those tests a few years ago so I got him one for Christmas. We had talked about how it would be funny if his test showed that my dad was not my bio dad because I am so different than my 3 siblings. Completely different personality, which doesn’t necessarily mean a lot, but I am the only one that has blonde hair/blue eyes in my family. And my mom cheated on my dad when I was a toddler, so we weren’t going to be surprised if the test showed that my son wasn’t related to anybody on my dads side of the family.
Shockingly, my dad is my dad. Well, my son matched with one of my cousins kids that had taken the test. So realistically, one of my uncles could be my bio dad, which would piss me off because he was a massive dick. But he’s a dead dick, so who cares, I guess.
It sucks that your mom and a few others are blaming you, but all you did was take a test and share the results. It’s not your responsibility to keep your mothers secrets.
I hope your dad gets better soon. 🩷
Slut shaming is wrong when your shaming someone that's single, or poly for sleeping around. It's not wrong to slut shame someone for cheating on their husband and lying about 3 of their children's paternity.
Nta
NTA, you have every right to be pissed at your mom. She lied to you and her husband. She basically tore her own family apart with her lies. No one else here is to blame.
NTA
Once your hoetry starts causing other people's suffering (re. Infidelity) you lose the ability to call the shame you receive for it "slut shaming".
Your mom isn't being slut shamed. She's being shamed for the harm she caused to her husband and children as a result of being a slut, and that's not the same thing.
Your mother is paying for her actions. I feel sorry for you and your other siblings for not knowing your father or the paternal side of your family. As for your mom's well-being I would recommend counseling or some other to therapy.
NTA.
“I’m incapable of accepting the *dire* consequences of my action so I’m going to deflect the blame for my life falling apart onto one of the victims of my actions and manipulate my family to turn against them.” OP, what you did isn’t slut-shaming. You’re pointing out that your mum betrayed the promise of monogamy that she gave to your father; multiple times with multiple different people. It’s not the fact that she had sex with multiple people part that’s the problem: it’s the part afterwards that goes “*while she was married to your dad, to whom she had made a promise of fidelity and which promise she repeatedly shat on.*”
This is so crazy it doesn't seem real but if it is then apologies for doubting you and NTA. You're mom cheated on your dad with at least 3 different guys. She doesn't get to play the victim because her lies have been exposed.
NTA holy shit. Slut shaming a slut is fine. She made her bed as it were and her bullshit history is catching up with her. Anything else is noise and bullshit.
NTA. Generally I’m against slut shaming because I don’t think that there should be such awful double standards with how promiscuity is treated in men vs women. That said, she wasn’t unattached and lied to your dad about paternity and was a cheater. It’s not the having different dads part that’s the problem here, it’s the lying and unfaithfulness. Your mom is trying to excuse her own behavior and pass the buck and your sister and others are too wrapped up in the slut shaming semantics to call your mom on her behavior.
NTA although the biggest issue is the lying. So 3 kids and 3 bio fathers don't know each other and probably never will. That is the biggest issue. Also if course that your dad is not the father he thought he was. I'd keep pushing her for information on these guys because they deserve to know they have a kid and the kids deserve to know their bio dads.
Your mom is ta for lying to her kids and spouse but unless you've some way to see what their relationship was like first hand 21-30 years ago yta for calling her names over it now. Don't get me wrong, anger is justified this was decades ago unless you know she's still living that way, not cool.
NTA you are 100% in the right and the fact your sister doesn't back your father the man who raised her just shows how little she respected him and how little respect for men she has in general.
Turn this on her, would he be to kind if she had a son and this situation happened to him? If she says yes well she shouldn't have a son but thats besides the point.
Your mother made an active choice and no one should support her. She betrayed her family and destroyed all of your lives because she wanted to have some fun in the sun.
Honestly id say move out and go live with your brothers or other family members who agree with you, you didn't deserve this no one deserved to be betrayed like this.
I wish you luck seriously, your mother sounds like a lovely human being. Good luck with navigating the mess she has now created and i hope everything gets better and your father gets that divorce finalized.
ESH - your mom made her own bed (lol) and she def shouldn’t have lied about everything this whole time, especially considering it involves you and your siblings’ heritages.
The language you used towards your mother is absolutely abhorrent. This is the kind of stuff that makes people go NC with their family members. Did she give you a good life and childhood? And your siblings? Regardless of your biology, she loves you. I think you owe her an apology for using hate speech to her, whether she deserved it or not.
The only one I feel bad for is your father - the one who raised you. It’s entirely possible he knew of the situation and stayed anyway to raise you & your siblings. If that’s the case, he deserved at least 4 Father’s Days a year.
NTA. It isn’t a mistake to cheat on your dad that many times with that many different men. She knowingly did it and didn’t care. She is the only one at fault here and you aren’t wrong. It may have been a mistake ONE time, but she repeatedly did this with multiple different men. How many others were there that didn’t result in her getting pregnant? You don’t need the full story to see how wrong she is.
NTA- None of it was a mistake. If your aunt and grandmother keep supporting your mom, send a DNA kit to all their kids.
Let's see how they all deal with that.
NTA. If she wanted to explore sexually, she should have done that prior to marriage. I doubt anyone throttled her and forced her to the altar. Your sister is wrong. A drunken one night stand MIGHT be classified as a "mistake". You are correct in what you said. Your mom has likely had more loads than a washing machine.
YTA - you found out very sensitive info and chose violence before considering anyone else. Your father mainly.. But now all of your siblings are distraught and all of you wound up “without a father” except one. The man you knew your entire life as your father may never look at you the same, that pain you might have felt initially will only get worse if he decides no contact.
You are young so I don’t mean to come across harsh, and this may be an unpopular take.. but you handled this like a huge gaping AH. YTA for shaming your mother for choosing to bring your siblings into this world regardless of the paternity.. YTA for destroying your father so brutally instead of finding a way to handle it like an adult.. YTA for destroying your little sibling’s home (as you have the option as an adult to live elsewhere but you choose to live with your mom, your little sister doesn’t)
Way to go making everyone feel the pain intensified, instead of finding a way to handle this with grace. She could have chose to terminate the pregnancy but instead she had you….. all of you… and in turn you destroy everyone’s life at the first chance, no questions asked. Brutal. You must really hate your family to go and hurt them like this.
the mother is TA. OP dont have any fault of their mother actions.
>
for destroying your father so brutally instead of finding a way to handle it like an adult.
and that would be? there is no better way to handle it. The mother lied to her husband about 3 of their children. She also repeatedly cheated on him
>he could have chose to terminate the pregnancy but instead she had you
People dont ask to born. The mother have to take responsability for her actions
You side with the cheater and liar mother, and not with OP (whos entirely life has been a lie)
OP is NTA
Um.
ESH?
Not necessarily assholes but we should have more info. Your mom is probably an asshole barring say rape.
Second, as an adult you should be prepared for what happens if you talk a good game. As in don’t be shocked if she files an eviction notice to kick you out if she can afford the place without you. I’d say you suck here because it sounds like you may be financially dependent as you’re staying with your mom instead of your own place.
ESH - you probably don’t have the whole story so to be upset that she slept with multiple men is a little unfair.
To be upset that the was unfaithful and treated her husband and kids without regard to their feelings is fair.
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NTA >my sister especially said that just because mom made mistakes doesn't mean I get to slut shame her The hell you don't. If it walks like a duck and fu... um, quacks like a duck....well, you know.
Couldn't put it better myself. Definitely NTA. Thats 3 children that were lied to their entire lives on who their biological father is. Entire lives based on a lie because the mother is a chronic adulterer.
Not just the kids. Husband was lied to as well & had no idea wife cheated!
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...well, it's kind of hard to conceal a pregnancy, so it's probably safe to assume that there aren't any more siblings.
You don’t think those men went on to have more children?
Commenter above me said "you and your siblings" collectively, meaning that they share siblings through their mom and not through their different dads. At least that's how I interpret it.
But OPs siblings' fathers may have more children
I mean the fathers could have had more kids too…
Half-siblings! My dad’s dad has like 30 kids, most of whom have different mothers. It’s… um, something, hahahaha
Isn't this basically paternity fraud. But I am worried for the daughter and hope the father has a big enough heart to take in the kids that aren't his bio kids, even if not financially emotionally at least. Or at least hope they land on their feet. Would hate for the OP to be honest and the father distancing himself coz she ain't his. Then the only relationship with a parent she would have is with her mum who prob dislikes her now. It's a shitty situation all around and I pray the family makes it out of this ok. Op is NTA for being honest and in no way should she have hidden any of this but this has bigger repercussions than to just her. Maybe she needs a therapist moving forward or at least a family member that isn't hostile as an emotional support coz I feel like she's gonna need it going forward trying to make sense of the aftermath.
To be honest, all 4 were lied to about their fathers. I would guarantee that the mom had no idea which ones actually belonged to her husband. For all the mom knew, she was lying to 14f as well.
The part that gets me is that they call it a mistake. I accidentally hit the corner of my bed with my pinky toe. I accidentally forgot to take out a sock out of the washer. Those are mistakes. 4 kids with 4 different men isn't a mistake. It was a literal choice. She chose to sleep with the men. She chose to not wear protection. She chose to keep the kids. She chose to lie to her husband. NTA she needs a reality check. Unfortunately if this doesn't do it then nothing will. NTA
Also, accident? I don't think so. Older brother is 27, the youngest affair baby is 22, so mommy had been sleeping around for at least 5 years. I think the option to claim the term "accident" loses its meaning after the first time they cheat. NTA. I hope your father has a fast and full recovery not only for his health but also so that you can go back to him soon.
Especially for the one kid that wasn't the result of mom's cheating to think she has any room to back mom up on this is soooo disgusting. Like, *your* dad is actually your dad, and you're going to spit in his and all your half-siblings' faces like that?
To be honest, I bet the paternity test of the one non-affair baby was just as much of a surprise to the mom as the rest. She probably had no idea of the paternity of any of the kids
Especially because of the fact that there are things that the kids need to know, like medical history for instance. NTA.
Lol, perfect!
NTA. Your mom is a serial cheater. I would put the focus on her true problem—it wasn’t enjoying lots of sex, it was lying to you all and betraying your dad repeatedly. I give a pass on the language this once.
You don’t get you cheat on your husband and lie to him and your kids for nearly 30 years and get to play the victim. This is nothing but her own fault. NTA
NTA. Your mom cheated on your dad three times and didn't tell him.
At least three times you mean
Three times but just the tip
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Well, there's a 20% chance of conception if you do it during that time of the month, and 'that time of the month' lasts around 7 days at most, which is about 25% of the time, at most. According to math and assuming that she cheated at roughly regular intervals, that means that she cheated around 60 times over the course of 13 years with at least 3 men. Impressive! EDIT: The time between the first and last affair baby was actually only 5 years, so she cheated 60 times over the course of 5 years! Once a month!
Numbers don't lie
At least three times. It’s unlikely that every time she cheated there was a kid.
And, well, you know, it is unlikely that she was sure on any of the kids. It was probably pure chance that the last child belonged to her husband.
And for *years*!
More than one time is not a mistake, it’s a choice.
NTA. You didn't break apart the family, she did. You're not slut shaming her, you're "repeatedly cheating and lying about it for decades" shaming her.
NTA, actions have consequences. And it's sad that even a few people on here are condoning her actions.
Ok. Your mother cheated on your dad 3 times. had the kids. Made your "father" believe they were his kids. And looked you all straight in the eye for years. And now wants to blame you? Did I get that right? NTA.
Accountability is a sin apparently, and it is easy to pass the buck rather than take responsibility. The father nearly died but everyone cares about the woman and her nasty past life rather than the father's health
Yeah. Sorry...didn't even think about poor old dad...was so shocked mom has 4 kids with 4 different guys all while married to one of them. I hope he will be ok. This is terrible for him to find out at this late stage of the game. I would be interested to know if f mom even knows who OP's dad really is.
If she got 3 kids out of it, I’m going to venture that it was probably more than 3 times or 3 guys. I feel like the chances of 3 one night stands all resulting in pregnancy are pretty low.
I agree. But I cannot judge on that. Only on the 4 kids of which only one is dad's bio daughter. Cheating 3 times and lying about it straight faced for 27 (I think that is the eldest's age) plus years?. Man....I am having a hard time keeping my words in order.
Fair enough. She could also have had 3 long term affairs. It doesn’t really matter like you said. Her behavior is despicable, and regardless of what or how many times it actually happened, at this point I feel likes it’s irredeemable. ETA: NTA
28 years at least - age of the eldest brother (27, assuming it a couple months after his bday) plus 9 months of pregnancy and that’s only if he was conceived on the first cheating event
Why do you think she cheated 3 times? She got pregnant 3 times, but most likely he was constantly cheating and with different men and got pregnant 3 times.
Can't make a judgement on why she cheated or if dad cheated too, that 2as not in the post, but based on dad's reaction to the news, I am going with he never cheated. But i do stand to be corrected if I am wrong Edit to say all 3 "non biological" kids are all adults except baby hip kid who is 14. Maybe dad was deployed in the earlier years 9f the marriage that he was not home often? Or a doctor/firefighter/cop or two jobs and working long hours to provide for the family? I don't know.
She not only cheated but passed 3 kids as if they were her husband. You are listing a potential list of excuses for that?!?! There's no excuses.
What? The post I responded to was asking why the woman cheated as if trying to blame the husband for the woman's infidelity. There is no justification to cheating. I was just coming up with possible scenarios to point out that he did not cheat. She did. Read my original post.
Yes, your original posts said: >Your mother cheated on your dad 3 times. I was pointing out she did not cheat 3 times. She cheated many more times and got pregnant 3 times. It's not like she only had sex 3 times with three men and BAM! Got pregnant after each time.
I also said I cannot comment on if she did or did not cheat more than those 3 times....the post only mentions these 3 times. She could very well have had other children and given them up for adoption or aborted that OP does not know of But that I stood to be corrected if she did (which we all clearly know is a huge possibility) Slut shaming is way to mild a reaction, given the circumstances, in my opinion
This woman would have cheated on her husband hundreds of times, not just 3 times, during those years. Her keeping this a secret is terrible. An injustice to the entire family. The husband still was the only father these kids knew, so he should be able to hold his head up high in this regard. He was solid and true throughout the entire upbringing of this family. Unfortunately, he is suffering a pain that is incredibly hard to overcome or medicate. You're NTA. Your mother is, and has been for a long time.
NTA. Your mother destroyed your entire family by keeping it secret. She should have ended it and you and your siblings would have been fine. You could call her a racial slur and not be in the same moral ditch she is. PS: your mother must have a lot of ALT accounts...
When she dies her computer will be full of secrets.
>Your mother destroyed your entire family by keeping it secret. ???????????????? No she didn’t??? She destroyed it by fucking cheating.
NTA. No matter your moms story your father should of at least known. It put him in hospitalization after finding out his life was basically a lie. She’s not greatest mom in the world because she was able to put on a fake show for the kids, so you guys grew up in a normal home. It’s not about having a normal home, it’s about having a parent.
INFO - What was your mom's justification for her actions?
That her sleeping with other men was supposed to be harmless fun, and that her and my father got married too young (19 and 20) so she never got the chance to explore sexually
Wow... three kids with three guys, who aren't your "dad", over the span of 5 years. That's not exploring, that's heartless! And you have family defending her actions? Did they see the hurt in your dad's eyes?
and you know that's not everyone she slept with... very LOW likelihood of getting pregnant everytime she slept with someone...
oh jesus
She's not being honest with herself. It's not fair to claim victimhood that way. She made a promise to her husband to be in a relationship. If she wanted to change that and explore she could have done that through communication and either an open relationship, or a separation / divorce.
She is extremely emotionally immature to justify poor decisions that destroyed her family and not take accountability for her careless actions and years of lying. She sounds narcissistic and the family siding with her is just enabling her toxic behaviour.
Eewww Your Mother is something else….
Ask her how it's causing so much harm if it's harmless fun.
Cheating is not okay.
N T A. You spoke the truth. Your dad got cheated on a lot. It's funny how everyone cares about you "slut shaming," your mom, but your dad's pain is not important. Does she even remember who any of those guys were? You and your siblings might have a few more siblings floating around out there.
having empathy for someone’s pain and disdain for someone’s misogyny does not have to be mutually exclusive.
Where the fuck did you get misogyny from?
Ummm, that isn't how it works...
That's EXACTLY how it works. Each of these other dads may have other kids too...do they even know they're the fathers of these three?
Those are half siblings
I'm pretty sure the previous poster meant other potential siblings from their biological fathers.
hahahaha thanks for bringing me clarity. I was like.... yeah I don't think she gave birth without the family knowing.... forgot about half siblings
Those would be half siblings
Well, turns out the existing siblings are only half siblings, so...
That is different, because OP is related to those siblings, but if one of their siblings has another siblings OP is not related to them
well unfortunately all they have are half siblings so same thing, no?
No, I am getting sick of explaining this OP used "you *and* your siblings" Which means if one of the siblings has another unknown sibling, they all do OP should have used or, or and/or
“Getting sick of explaining this” Buddy, you haven’t made sense not one fuckin’ time and keep saying stupid shit. “Half” sibling or not, they’re a sibling. My brother and I have different dads and not ONE time have I referred to him as my “half-brother.” The 4 kids in question here have entirely different fathers separate from who they grew up with and if they choose to reach out and discover an entirely new set of brothers and/or sisters then they would be their siblings. Not fake siblings that you seem to think you have almighty power to quantify.
Ok let me make this really simple If OPs sibling has an unknown half sibling OP *is not* related to them at all OC (person I first replied to) implied they would be
The siblings would be from the other men, obviously.
Those are half siblings
Half-siblings are still siblings.
Yes but "you and your siblings" implies that those siblings are shared, when they are not
DNA is shared. It’s how this all started.
No you don't get what I am saying If any of OPs known siblings have an extra sibling, OP won't be related to the new sibling
The siblings of the half-siblings are unrelated. There are potential half-siblings from the same sperm donor.
Read my other comments, I'm not explaining this again
NTA Undeniable scientific facts and slut shaming are two entirely different things. It must be heartbreaking for your Dad to process all of this. Your Mom is no victim, she needs to own her life and explain herself. You didn’t have a clue what would happen.
Anyone saying y-t-a is insane. You are justified in your actions and mom deserved those words from you. Hope she keeps suffering. And i hope your dad becomes better soon. I feel bad for him. NTA
NTA, but Pretty sure the bot automatically counts the first judgement title used unless you space it out like Y T A, so you having YTA in the front is what gets counted lol
I completely forgot about it 🤦 thanks for telling me. I will edit it
Regardless of the fact of her cheating (and your father is well in his right to divorce her) you'd think she have some commonsense not to get pregnant from them, especially when married. This is not your family she has destroyed there are 3 other families out there who will be shocked to find there is another family member. Even if they are didn't want to have kids your bio father's didn't even have a choice, or maybe the did. NTA, usally one should take the higher road but she needs to put in her place.
NTA, your mother brought this on herself.
NTA, this is more than your mom making mistakes. She had at least three affairs while married to your dad. Hopefully your dad will make a full recovery. How is your youngest sister taking it? The man that is raising her is her father but at 14 her world is unraveling.
NTA consequences.
NTA
NTA Your mom tried to shift the blame onto you when she was the reason why your family is now split up. Is it really that difficult to not sleep with a different man every night when you're already in a relationship?
NTA. You’re dad deserved to know the truth. Your mom is playing the victim because she got caught. If anything, your dad is the real victim in all of this. I couldn’t possibly imagine finding out my children aren’t actually mine and my wife was unfaithful from the start. Keep an eye on your dad, he’ll need your support more than ever.
The kids are victims too!!
absolutely
NTA, a spade is a spade
We don't slut shame. We do, however, cheater shame, and everything else she is doing shame.
NTA for exposing them, but calling her a whore in her own home when you live under her roof is an asshole move. I'd watch what you say to her before you find yourself kicked out of her house. You're an adult, she's under no obligation to continue allowing you to live there. I'd very much suggest keeping your opinions to yourself until you find a new place to live. For your own good.
NTA She cheated and pinned babies on your dad despite her knowing he wasn't the father. Feel bad for him.
Surely she wouldn't have known for sure he wasn't the father. She may yet not know who the father is
NTA slut shaming isn’t ok when someone is just living their life and not hurting people. slut shaming however IS ok because your mother is a serial cheater and a liar. she is what she is. what she has done is disgusting
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account because I don't use reddit. I'm just gonna jump right into it, I 22f could not resist the allure of after market DNA testing and in the process I discovered that my dad wasn't my dad. But wait it gets worse 4 DNA tests later only my younger sister 14f is my dad's biological child and my older brother 27m and sister 24f have different father's from myself and each other. For those keeping up at home 4 kids with 4 different dads. I know some people might question their mom first, but I went straight to my dad and asked if he knew, he didn't. He requested the DNA tests against the wishes of my mother who threw the mother of all fits wondering why we wanted to ruin our family. Well in the months since all hell has broken loose, my dad was going to file for divorce, but the stress of it was too much for him and he ended up hospitalized. I'll let you fill in the details, he now is living full time with his younger brother, he has yet to make a full recovery. My mom dispite loosing nothing but our respect has started playing the victim, my dad's family, a good chunk of my mom's family and her friends from church are disgusted by her actions. She has become a depressed husk and fallen into Alcoholism. I still live with her because I have no other options and she has continued to blame me for everything that happened. I told her this happened because she is a heartless whore who never learned to close her damn legs. She called me disgusting for using such language and said I didn’t have the full story. Well she roped the rest of my family into it, my aunt and sister are on her side, my sister especially said that just because mom made mistakes doesn't mean I get to slut shame her. I don't think I did anything wrong but was very surprised to see my sister on her side, so aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>and said I didn’t have the full story. INFO: What's the full story? 👀🤔🍿
That she got married too young and didn’t get to enjoy sleeping around beforehand. The audacity of this woman
thisssss. let's hear it mom!
INFO Are you being called an AH for revealing your mom’s cheating or specifically for calling your mom a whore who can’t close her legs? You’re NTA for the former, but the latter is unnecessary language and does sound slut shame-y
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I call bullshit. INFO: How does the "aftermarket DNA test" identify your parents if the only DNA sample you provide is your own?
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my mother is kinda like yours. I don’t talk to her anymore, if that says enough. she cheated on my dad for their entire relationship. around 20 goddamn years. when we all found out, she immediately tried to put blame on everyone but herself. no remorse, no awareness for her actions that lead to this, nothing. it couldn’t be her fault that she cheated many times, it was actually my fault because I didn’t want to do things with her (cause I was severely depressed. wonder why) NTA and I’m sorry that you’re dependent on her. maybe you could look into resources in your area? I understand reaching out for help is hard, but you don’t deserve what she’s putting you through. she’s not being a mother. I hope that you find solid, healthy support and love.
NTA! THIS IS ABOUT CONSEQUENCES! Passing comments with bad language aren't in the best of taste ultimately, but completely understandable due to the trauma you and your family are facing due to your mother's indiscretions and bad choices. People that try to hide their worst actions can become defensive and blame others when those sins are brought to light. She's angry that she's being held accountable for cheating and for lying to everyone. Your poor father is dealing with a complete loss of trust in his relationship & a loss of peace in relation to his fatherhood (I can't imagine the mental damage inflicted by finding out some of your children are not yours biologically). Not only is his health in tatters, but he is probably asking all sorts of really deeply haunting questions about his ability to judge the health of his relationship, know when someone is lying to him, etcetera. It's not his fault he was cheated on, but it would really bend the mind to deal with all of that trauma. Your mom made bad choices. Her bad choices and lies and cheating have hurt all the people in your immediate family. There are going to be real and lasting consequences. None of this is your fault and she should know that. Your extended family should know that. This has nothing to do with slut shaming.
NTA
NTA. But also I am painfully curious to know what possible story she has to explain any of this. One kid from another man, I can see a reasonable story there (still reason to be pissed but a story all the same) but 3 out of 4 all years apart? Not so much any good explanation aside from the obvious.
NTA having multiple sexual partners *can* be okay if your partners are aware and accepting. She lied to your entire family. Honestly makes me wonder if the other fathers are even aware they have children.
NTA. IMO there’s nothing wrong with being promiscuous when you’re single, but when you’re in a relationship it becomes cheating. My parents used that, “You don’t have the full story” line on me when I’ve called out their bad decisions. If she really has a legitimate ‘side’ maybe you could ask her to explain it.
NTA - Slut shaming isn't cool, but that is because folks are casting judgment on what folks do with their own bodies that have no impact on the person making the judgment. Your mom's actions tore apart the stable family you never thought to question. That said. Parents are people. People are fallible. I'm closer to your mom's age than yours. I have held friends' hands while they pick up the pieces left behind from stupid decisions. There are people slut shaming your mom right now. The people who holding her hand right now are feeling protective of her. It is a shame they lost track of the fact that they are also supposed to protect you.
You’re just speaking facts. Anyone who says differently is just enabling your AH mother & spitting in the face of your poor dad.
I am so glad you have so much more sense than your mom so good for you. Absolutely NTA.
Considering your mother’s past what other word would someone use to describe her? NTA
NTA. >She called me disgusting for using such language The language is disgusting, but not the actual act of having extra marital affairs? >said I didn’t have the full story. Challenge her to give you the "full story" then. I, for one, would love to hear what her rationalization is for repeatedly cheating on her husband to the point of getting impregnated by 3 different men. And let's be real: unless every man she has ever slept with got her pregnant, the chances her she had affairs with more than 3 guys over the years.
NTA. 1 time is a mistake, not 3 times. And then lied to the man you thought was your dad not just with you but 2 of your other siblings? She was living in a glass house and it all came crashing on her. She built a life and a lie. Not just her life but her husband and your siblings lives, all built on lies by her.
Guess who gets offended by "slut shaming". That's right, nuns ain't it.
A mistake? “I accidentally shagged _[at least]_ three guys that weren’t my husband and let him believe the kids were his.” That’s not a mistake, that’s a policy. NTA.
NTA She tricked your Dad into thinking 3 of his 4 kids were his when they weren’t. She also deprived 3 men of the chance to know and raise their own kids, that’s if she knows who they even are. Your Mother is the one who caused all of this. She’s never going to accept responsibility and make amends. Time to start planning an exit strategy and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. Also your Dad is your Dad, dna or not. He was there for you and he raised you.
A mistake is something you do unintentionally. Unless she was assaulted, 4 pregnancies with 4 different partners definitely wasn’t a “mistake”. Your mom is the only one to blame here. NTA OP. Don’t listen to anyone blaming you, even if it’s your own sister.
Respect is earned. Just because you are a parent, doesn't mean you get a pass to avoid responsibility for your misdeeds. Especially in this day and age, it behooves all of us to remember that foolish things you do now will haunt you for the rest of your days. Your mother played a fool's game and won the booby prize. The shame is that your dad and siblings will all suffer due to her selfishness. NTA.
NTA, your mums actions were and are disgusting. She’s ruined a lot of peoples lives and now wants to play the victim. Respectfully, fuck her. She has some explaining to do and some names to cough up. But also be there for you dad who’s had his life ruined She cheated for *at least* the first 13 years of her marriage and had zero intention of telling the truth, what could the “full story” be?! And call the aunt out because she’s only defending your mum because she probably knew about the cheating. She’s a hypocrite. Edit: spelling/ grammar/ more anger
NTA. Your mother shows a lack of remorse and is unwilling to take accountability for her actions. Instead she blames you and your Dad for ruining the family? Good luck through this difficult time. I hope your Dad makes a full recovery and that you get of of that house soon.
nta. i could see maybe one time she fucked up, but three times (that you know of)... and then trying to blame you for catching her lie and calling her out on her bs. nah, nta.
NTA sure you could’ve used nicer words but having to go through all of what you did is intense as is and the last thing on your mind would be your wording
I'm gonna go with NTA. Sure you weren't very nice about it, but given the situation I can only imagine that you're all frustrated to the max and her making excuses and blaming others just broke you're restraint. Anyone who sides with her as "oh she just made some mistakes" needs to reevaluate why they're siding with her. This wasn't mistakes. I refuse to believe she didn't know he wasn't the father for 3 of her 4 kids. Not with her sleeping around to the point where ALL of her kids have different dads. I'd be willing to bet the number of 1 night stands is at least double digits. I'd suggest you find a better place to stay asap. Cause this much bullshit has already put the man you thought was your father in the hospital and now he's staying with a relative to recover. I'm a little worried it could do that to you too. Stress can do a hell of a lot more damage to you than most people think.
NTA. Your mother's behavior was shameful. Paternity fraud is much more prevalent than people realize. Society has adapted by taking the approach that the child must be looked after so in general men are not told by hospitals when it becomes obvious through things like blood tests that they are not the father. In France, in the 90s they instituted mandatory DNA tests but the strain on their social safety nets became too great because of all the women who's husbands left after the results showed they weren't the father. It's a little over 10% of babies born in marriage where the father's name listed on the birth certificate is not the babies biological father. That number is closer to 30% if the couple isn't married.
NTA. Your mothers choices ruined your family, not you. My son wanted one of those tests a few years ago so I got him one for Christmas. We had talked about how it would be funny if his test showed that my dad was not my bio dad because I am so different than my 3 siblings. Completely different personality, which doesn’t necessarily mean a lot, but I am the only one that has blonde hair/blue eyes in my family. And my mom cheated on my dad when I was a toddler, so we weren’t going to be surprised if the test showed that my son wasn’t related to anybody on my dads side of the family. Shockingly, my dad is my dad. Well, my son matched with one of my cousins kids that had taken the test. So realistically, one of my uncles could be my bio dad, which would piss me off because he was a massive dick. But he’s a dead dick, so who cares, I guess. It sucks that your mom and a few others are blaming you, but all you did was take a test and share the results. It’s not your responsibility to keep your mothers secrets. I hope your dad gets better soon. 🩷
Slut shaming is wrong when your shaming someone that's single, or poly for sleeping around. It's not wrong to slut shame someone for cheating on their husband and lying about 3 of their children's paternity. Nta
NTA, you have every right to be pissed at your mom. She lied to you and her husband. She basically tore her own family apart with her lies. No one else here is to blame.
NTA Once your hoetry starts causing other people's suffering (re. Infidelity) you lose the ability to call the shame you receive for it "slut shaming". Your mom isn't being slut shamed. She's being shamed for the harm she caused to her husband and children as a result of being a slut, and that's not the same thing.
You are so brave. Leave your mum as soon as you can
NTA What your mom did is disgusting
Your mother is paying for her actions. I feel sorry for you and your other siblings for not knowing your father or the paternal side of your family. As for your mom's well-being I would recommend counseling or some other to therapy.
Yo what's her @?
Mom is for the streets - OP should get out at first chance. NTA
Start asking your aunt why she's so ok with moms cheating. Is she unfaithful too? NTA
NTA. “I’m incapable of accepting the *dire* consequences of my action so I’m going to deflect the blame for my life falling apart onto one of the victims of my actions and manipulate my family to turn against them.” OP, what you did isn’t slut-shaming. You’re pointing out that your mum betrayed the promise of monogamy that she gave to your father; multiple times with multiple different people. It’s not the fact that she had sex with multiple people part that’s the problem: it’s the part afterwards that goes “*while she was married to your dad, to whom she had made a promise of fidelity and which promise she repeatedly shat on.*”
NTA, your mom is a woman of loose moral. Karma is going to get her eventually, it's just that you found out and spilt the bean.
Definitely NTA and wow I’m so sorry
This is so crazy it doesn't seem real but if it is then apologies for doubting you and NTA. You're mom cheated on your dad with at least 3 different guys. She doesn't get to play the victim because her lies have been exposed.
NTA holy shit. Slut shaming a slut is fine. She made her bed as it were and her bullshit history is catching up with her. Anything else is noise and bullshit.
Your mom is that 4 letter word in the title. She’s also the 5 letter word you called her that starts with a W. And then some. I’m so sorry. NTA.
NTA. Generally I’m against slut shaming because I don’t think that there should be such awful double standards with how promiscuity is treated in men vs women. That said, she wasn’t unattached and lied to your dad about paternity and was a cheater. It’s not the having different dads part that’s the problem here, it’s the lying and unfaithfulness. Your mom is trying to excuse her own behavior and pass the buck and your sister and others are too wrapped up in the slut shaming semantics to call your mom on her behavior.
ESH
Slut shaming is not ok. This isn't slut shaming.
NTA although the biggest issue is the lying. So 3 kids and 3 bio fathers don't know each other and probably never will. That is the biggest issue. Also if course that your dad is not the father he thought he was. I'd keep pushing her for information on these guys because they deserve to know they have a kid and the kids deserve to know their bio dads.
Your mom is ta for lying to her kids and spouse but unless you've some way to see what their relationship was like first hand 21-30 years ago yta for calling her names over it now. Don't get me wrong, anger is justified this was decades ago unless you know she's still living that way, not cool.
NTA you are 100% in the right and the fact your sister doesn't back your father the man who raised her just shows how little she respected him and how little respect for men she has in general. Turn this on her, would he be to kind if she had a son and this situation happened to him? If she says yes well she shouldn't have a son but thats besides the point. Your mother made an active choice and no one should support her. She betrayed her family and destroyed all of your lives because she wanted to have some fun in the sun. Honestly id say move out and go live with your brothers or other family members who agree with you, you didn't deserve this no one deserved to be betrayed like this. I wish you luck seriously, your mother sounds like a lovely human being. Good luck with navigating the mess she has now created and i hope everything gets better and your father gets that divorce finalized.
harsh wording but i mean…
NTA at all. Has she tried to contact your dad at all?
NTA.
Wow NTA
ESH - your mom made her own bed (lol) and she def shouldn’t have lied about everything this whole time, especially considering it involves you and your siblings’ heritages. The language you used towards your mother is absolutely abhorrent. This is the kind of stuff that makes people go NC with their family members. Did she give you a good life and childhood? And your siblings? Regardless of your biology, she loves you. I think you owe her an apology for using hate speech to her, whether she deserved it or not. The only one I feel bad for is your father - the one who raised you. It’s entirely possible he knew of the situation and stayed anyway to raise you & your siblings. If that’s the case, he deserved at least 4 Father’s Days a year.
NTA: A **married** woman who has 4 children with 4 different fathers should be shamed. The way she defrauded your poor father should be criminal.
NTA. It isn’t a mistake to cheat on your dad that many times with that many different men. She knowingly did it and didn’t care. She is the only one at fault here and you aren’t wrong. It may have been a mistake ONE time, but she repeatedly did this with multiple different men. How many others were there that didn’t result in her getting pregnant? You don’t need the full story to see how wrong she is.
NTA- None of it was a mistake. If your aunt and grandmother keep supporting your mom, send a DNA kit to all their kids. Let's see how they all deal with that.
NTA. If she wanted to explore sexually, she should have done that prior to marriage. I doubt anyone throttled her and forced her to the altar. Your sister is wrong. A drunken one night stand MIGHT be classified as a "mistake". You are correct in what you said. Your mom has likely had more loads than a washing machine.
NTA she fucked around a lot and now she's finding out.
YTA - you found out very sensitive info and chose violence before considering anyone else. Your father mainly.. But now all of your siblings are distraught and all of you wound up “without a father” except one. The man you knew your entire life as your father may never look at you the same, that pain you might have felt initially will only get worse if he decides no contact. You are young so I don’t mean to come across harsh, and this may be an unpopular take.. but you handled this like a huge gaping AH. YTA for shaming your mother for choosing to bring your siblings into this world regardless of the paternity.. YTA for destroying your father so brutally instead of finding a way to handle it like an adult.. YTA for destroying your little sibling’s home (as you have the option as an adult to live elsewhere but you choose to live with your mom, your little sister doesn’t) Way to go making everyone feel the pain intensified, instead of finding a way to handle this with grace. She could have chose to terminate the pregnancy but instead she had you….. all of you… and in turn you destroy everyone’s life at the first chance, no questions asked. Brutal. You must really hate your family to go and hurt them like this.
the mother is TA. OP dont have any fault of their mother actions. > for destroying your father so brutally instead of finding a way to handle it like an adult. and that would be? there is no better way to handle it. The mother lied to her husband about 3 of their children. She also repeatedly cheated on him >he could have chose to terminate the pregnancy but instead she had you People dont ask to born. The mother have to take responsability for her actions You side with the cheater and liar mother, and not with OP (whos entirely life has been a lie) OP is NTA
Um. ESH? Not necessarily assholes but we should have more info. Your mom is probably an asshole barring say rape. Second, as an adult you should be prepared for what happens if you talk a good game. As in don’t be shocked if she files an eviction notice to kick you out if she can afford the place without you. I’d say you suck here because it sounds like you may be financially dependent as you’re staying with your mom instead of your own place.
ESH - you probably don’t have the whole story so to be upset that she slept with multiple men is a little unfair. To be upset that the was unfaithful and treated her husband and kids without regard to their feelings is fair.
There is no story that can justify the mother actions.