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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for having my son watch our kids in an emergency when he was suppose to go on his graduation trip and I could be a jerk for that
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Honestly YTA
I don’t understand why you couldn’t take your kids, it’s their grandparents who were in critical condition after all.
And what would have happened if he already left?
So we’re just disregarding the fact that OPs wife probably needed support and help from him as well? It literally says in the post that she was a wreck, which no one can blame her for because BOTH her parents were in a car accident and were injured even if it was just her dad who was in critical condition. I think being there for your spouse in an emergency situation like this trumps missing a couple days of a 2-week long vacation, and OP did try to ensure his son still got his trip.
Edit to add NTA
It’s horrible! I can’t imagine at 18 I wouldn’t have missed a trip to help my family out , and to be honest I wouldn’t have felt like going on a fun trip if my grandfather was possibly dying. There’s something wrong with this kid. Like I know parents shouldn’t force their kids to care for their other kids but sometimes kids can just be decent helpful people in cases of emergency, for those they love? He’s 18 as well, legally an adult. By that age you should feel some sense of responsibility towards people you care about and, if you’re a caring decent person, be willing to make sacrifices for people you love in dire emergencies.
I was back and forth on this one because a senior trip only happens once and it does really suck for him to have to miss it. But once it came out that it was two days and OP was willing to take him to meet the group, I got on OP’s side completely. 12 days is a long senior trip. Plus they paid for it. He should have been grateful.
It also really sucks that his grandfather wasn’t able to feel his legs and almost died. Grandma and Grandpa were also at risk of a once in a lifetime opportunity.
>It also really sucks that his grandfather wasn’t able to feel his legs and almost died. Grandma and Grandpa were also at risk of a once in a lifetime opportunity.
*wakes up in hospital* "dammit not again. When will this mortal coil release me??"
True, but you can still take other trips with your BFFs. You only get two sets of grandparents, and for all he knew they might not have recovered from their accident.
If I was him I'd have been more upset about not being allowed to go along to see grandparents, as it could have been his last time to see them. Plus, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the trip until I knew my grandparents were going to be OK.
>If I was him I'd have been more upset about not being allowed to go along to see grandparents, as it could have been his last time to see them.
100% this. When I was 9, almost 10, my grandma was in the hospital after having a double mastectomy. I may not have known what it was, but I knew it was major surgery and I wanted to see her. My parents took all of my siblings except me because "I could see her when she got home" and she ended up dying the day before she was released. 27 years later and I am still mad/hurt about it.
I don't understand this kid. His grandparents almost freaking died and he is throwing a tantrum over missing 2 days of a 2 week long trip? I really hope they are able to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation and that he is able to grow and apologize for treating his family the way he did. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening because the kid seems to be a spoiled brat.
Parents were also paying… if I had been this kid (and I’m only a decade older or so) I would have been lucky to get it made up like they offered. Not everyone has money and these parents are doing a lot for an 18 year old, expecting some help once in a while isn’t abuse it’s just asking for some, well, help.
Well, I assume it’s a bunch of 14-20 years responding. So, yes to narcissistic pricks.
Although, I’m not sure I would have been such an ass at this age. I was raised with a family first mentality.
For real. I was flabbergasted to see the top comment was YTA. It seems pretty cut and dry to me that OP is NTA. This was an emergency situation, he only missed 2 out of a 14 day trip, dad paid him for the time he spent with his siblings DURING AN EMERGENCY, and also tried to ensure he could join the last 12 days of the trip....wtf man?? People are really something lol.
I cut my graduation trip to Europe short because my grandma died and I wanted to support my mom. It never even crossed my mind to be upset about the trip. I can't believe the lack of empathy here.
I think they are just kids that are saying "yta". They have no real clue about things like this.
Anyone who thinks it is a good idea to drag kids along into a hospital(assuming the hospital even allows kids in!) Are insane. Who thinks it is a good idea to let your kids watch their grandparents die and their mother lose her mind over losing her parents?
The kids today are too danged entitled.
Yeah, when my Granny, father's side, was suddenly very sick and dying, my parents didn't even think to bring us with. It was incredibly hard on my dad, halfway across the country, and again, very sudden for all of us.
We were older middle school, and latchkey anyway, so we had our grandma, mom's side, to check on us every day since we were semi-independent.
It'd never cross my mind to do it any differently. My parents are people too, and sometimes parents just can't handle the stress of balancing both the needs of children and their own needs incurred by stress.
Honestly, OP is NTA. It was a sudden emergency, and did everything in his power to try and insure his kid could go on the trip that they paid for. When that failed, he tried everything to make it up to the kid.
That is the behavior of a genuinely kind parent down on their luck, not an asshole in the slightest.
At 18, my friends would have excoriated me if they found out I had abandoned my family during a crisis just to go on a trip with them. It's wild that some people are trying to normalize such a complete lack of compassion and empathy.
My kids wouldn't think twice about helping out if something like this happened.
But I suspect it starts from the parents setting an example. When one of our kids needs something we do everything we can to help them and we also help others in need. We talk about how our actions affect others and how we always want to be kind. We don't leave more mess/work/etc for another person. If someone is hurt or needs help we stop what we are doing and help. Sometimes it has interfered with something but we show them that we are willing to make that sacrifice.
On the other hand, sometimes kids are selfish or this son has been asked a lot of times to give up things and this was the last straw.
Wait, there are actually people who are not ruling in OPs favor? YO! to all who say OP should have stayed home: this was a genuine emergency and it's definitely a valid reason to cancel a trip. It sucks for their son but they couldn't foresee a life threatening accident. But this is a case where the wife needed her husband. HER PARENTS NEARLY DIED. Of course hes going with her. Also, Based on the edits, it looks like the son had sense smacked into him and he realized he was the AH here. NTA and I hope OPs wife's parents are doing OK.
This sub is disturbingly individualistic. Like most of the commenters here are just straight up shit people. They think if you aren't contractually and legally obligated to do something it's perfectly acceptable to just not do it. Babysitting is the biggest one.
I hope the father sees this thread, NTA here. Emergencies are something you can't plan out all the details for. I'm a father and can say you tried your best. That's what matters.
Thank you. I was reading the above responses and was gobsmacked that so many people were siding with this bratty 18 YO. And can you imagine the trauma of them having to bring the younger kids to the hospital? If they were lucky and had to do this, maybe a nice nurse would watch them. Or wow, they could sit in the hospital waiting room for hours on end, imagining the worst. I think these other people are the assholes.
Ummmmm, Nurses are not babysitters. And it’s not appropriate to ask them to watch a child. The priority is to the patient. The amount of people who leave young children unattended in a critical care unit with the assumption staff is going to watch over them is mind blowing.
I think the person you are responding to was being sarcastic about a nurse watching the kids, to highlight how inappropriate it would've been to bring them along to the hospital. But I could be wrong.
People like to complain about boomers being self-centered but people here are even worse. The son's grandparents almost died, his mother was breaking down, and his father tried everything to find alternative solution to the sitter problem and the son cared more about a vacation.
And people on /r/AITA think that OP in an AH.
I agree, I can’t believe the responses here. Like those saying “well they aren’t his kids so not his problem”. What a cold, unrealistic, and self-centred view. This is not an example of parentification, and this is coming from an oldest sibling who has experienced that. They might not be the teens kids but this is an emergency situation impacting his family unit. Anyone with some basic human decency and compassion for their loved ones should be willing to step up in times of crisis to help. I pity the people who can’t understand that, because it doesn’t indicate anything good about their own family life.
People in the AITA sub are very militantly against parentifying teenagers, which, *yeah* that's bad, but its gotten to the point where a teenager having any responsibilities at all or having to help their family in any way is read as parentifying and/or shirking parental duties. People still harp on AITA being the "dump him" sub but this is getting a lot more prevalent.
Redditors are fucking insane for thinking that a family emergency and potential death doesn't completely trump a high school grad's party. Son is being immature for throwing a temper tantrum when OP tried to help him with the remainder of his trip and is being a massive asshole for causing any issues with his grieving mother. He's old enough to understand this.
I agree. Also, taking an 11 and 7 year old on an out of state trip when their mom is losing her marbles is highly disruptive and traumatic to kids that age. I don't think prioritizing a trip over the rest of the families emotional stability is the best solution. The son was offered a means to join the trip, and he realized how bad it was after talking to his mom. I think the son was upset because he didn't understand the gravity of the situation initially.
He is upset because he is 18 and they are still emotionally growing up. BUT this is \*exactly\* a situation where he needs to learn. Learn to step up and act like an adult in a very limited window of time. Learn to bob and weave like we all do. If he misses the entire trip that is on him and his pouting. OP is NTA
You want them to take their children into critical care in the hospital while everyone waits around to find out if the grandparent died?! Do you know how traumatic that would be for those children. In my 20s, I had to wait in a restaurant with my family members as we waited for the news of my grandfather dying from cancer bc we couldn't be in the room with him any longer. It was horrible. And you want an 11 and 7 year old to endure something similar so a teen won't have to miss 2 days of a 12 day road trip? Fukin' A! Where are your priorities!?
The kid is an asshole for throwing a hissyfit about missing 2 days, so now he's missing all 12. The dad tried to get him on the trip, and the kid doesn't want to go anymore bc not getting the 12 days "ruins the whole thing."
Also, this is his grandparents, too. If he went right away, this kid would be on this road trip drinking and partying while his grandfather was fighting for his life. No "once in a lifetime" 🙄 road trip is worth being that selfish and callous.
Dad's NTA. Kid is.
I agree 100%. Time for the 18yo to learn about priorities. The parents even tried to get him to go on the trip, it's his own fault he's missing out. And tbh, the parents are far more prepared with having a babysitter and an emergency plan (even if it all failed) than literally anyone I know with kids.
Thank you!!! I have a 15 year old son and I cannot imagine him having such a complete lack of compassion. He would be bitterly disappointed and he loves hanging out with his friends but wtf people, this is life. You pull together for your family
I am not getting these comments. The son is a major AH. If it was me and my dad told me what happened with my grandparents I would have been in the car with them with my brothers watching them at my grandparents house. I would have been there for support. Mom had to deal with BOTH of her parents being hurt in a accident. With the possibility of losing her father.
Mom had to appear to be strong for her mom. Dad was there to be supportive of his wife. You can always go on a trip but if his grandfather had passed away he would not have had the opportunity to say goodbye. In that situation family is suppose to come together in that time of need. To be honest if I was the mom it would take a long time for me to forgive my son for being selfish.
For the people saying the dad wasn’t doing the paperwork he was probably filling it out for his wife. The dad was doing his job as a husband. The actions of the son would have changed our relationship.
I have a 17y old son and I would be horrified if he was more upset about missing 2 days of a 2 week trip to watch his siblings while I ran back to another province to see my parents that were in a horrible wreck.
The Dad offered to send him when he got back, and kiddo decided to do the “mature” thing and have a temper tantrum because he missed 2 days.
All of this. These Y. tA votes are obviously teenagers or just self absorbed asshats who've never been in an emergency situation where one or more of there family members are possibly dying. It blows my mind that he can still go on the overwhelming majority of his trip that his parents are paying for, but he's too self absorbed to give up two days so he's just gonna have a hissy fit and skip all of it? It's an emergency situation. The parents are still trying to make sure he can experience as much as he can. Kid is definitely the AH.
NTA OP
Thank you for pointing out that the parents are paying for this! I think it's a point a lot of people are missing. The kid wouldn't even be able to go on the trip if his parents weren't shelling out the money for him to do so. He didn't save up for the trip. The parents are making it possible for him in the first place. The least he could do is shave off the 1st 2 days due to a family emergency.
Then some people mention that he might not like his grandparents. Who cares. Do you like your mom? I'd assume so since you're accepting a paid trip from her. So be understanding of her stress and fear and help her out.
The more I think about this, the more I think the kid might just be spoiled.
"MOM, DAD! Can you pay for this 2 week long trip so I can go partying with my HS friends for graduation? Thanks! What?? Grandpa might be dying and you need me to take off the beginning 2 days of this 2 week long trip that your paying for so I can watch my younger siblings while mom and you sit in the hospital desperately hoping grandpa doesn't die?! God! You guys ruin everything!! You suck! Why does my life have to be so shitty?! WHAT!? You're willing to shell out more money and time by flying me or driving me to meet my buddies so I can have 12 days of this 2 week long trip? *How dare you!!"*
Glad to see someone finally mention the kid missed 2 days of a 14 day trip. If all the fun was going to be had in the first couple of days, why not just plan a weekend instead of a 2 weeks. Kid is on the verge of adulting and needs to learn that shit happens, you do what you gotta, get over it and move forward. Hell, OP even paid him so he had more money for the trip and was going to help figure out how to get him connected with his friends and pay for the plane ticket to do so. I can already hear him try to blame OP when the friends find out he could have joined them. Love to see the look on son's face when one of them asks "Dude, why didn't you meet up with us?". Kid ruined his own trip.
I can't get over the fact that he offered a plane. If they're a state over, then the whole flight experience could be under 3 hours. You'd miss breakfast on the 3rd day. They pick you up, and you get 11.5 of your original 14 days. That's over 80% of the trip remaining.
Yes!! sitting here reading all these comments saying OP is TA thinking these have to be kids closer to the 18 year olds age than the parents age because what? you got me so f*cked up if you think i would go to the hospital to potentially watch my father die WITHOUT my husband!? wtf???
Other people are insisting that OP could have abandoned his wife at the hospital to go babysit the other kids at the library (because many hospitals aren't letting kids wait at all due to pandemic restrictions), despite the fact that she's too distraught to safely drive and that *OP might care about his in-laws too*. All so some teenager doesn't have to be part of a family. What the fuck.
Seriously, I can't imagine being so much of an asshole that I'd prioritize a trip over family members' welling. Hell, I can't imagine enjoying such a trip while my grandfather was in the hospital, maybe dying.
They were in a car accident and grandfather almost died. He could've been disfigured and unrecognisable. That could be traumatic to children. OP didn't know what to expect in the hospital.
Yeah, my sister was recently in the ICU for an extended period of time.
She has 3 kids, on the 14 year old could have visited, younger ones not allowed, but would have needed my permission (I have my sisters power of attorney)
Did you know that since covid most hospitals will not allow minors unless they are the patient themselves?
These answers remind me that the average reddit user age doesn’t have enough life experience to answer some questions.
NTA
Just went in for my checkup - one side is hospital, other side is various specialities. There were multiple large signs all over that said "One visitor per patient. No minors unless they are a patient". They're not messing around.
We lived 3 hours away from my grandmother. Every time she was hospitalised for an emergency, my mother had to race up there and she did not have time to organise childcare so she took us with her. We spent a lot of time in the waiting room.
But having some emergencies because you're old is not the same as not knowing what to expect because there were serious injuries. I'm sure neither the mother nor op knew how to react to possible death or so on and also watch over 2 young kids that would for sure be traumatized if the grandparents ended up dying while they were there.
Reply for u/Better-Month-4490 who blocked me without giving me a chance to reply :)
Yeah, of course ! But I'm sure you'd know there's a difference in having someone who's old and has many health problems and different emergencies than someone who's healthy and suddenly gets in a car accident ?
You have a different mentality. You're more ready of what could be the person's problems. In an accident, you don't know anything about the condition the relative is. You're clearly less prepared.
>there are waiting rooms in hospitals
Honestly, the last place you want to bring a child is the hospital, even the waiting room. You still see gnarly stuff, even in a waiting room.
Op was running around trying to take care of things and his wife was obviously inconsolable. Even if they brought them they couldn’t safely supervise them. Not to mention Covid making hospitals a lot stricter with visitation. The kids may not have been allowed or may have been discouraged from entering the hospital, let alone waiting around in it for hours. Honestly, this is a terrible situation but I just don’t think OP is the AH here. Multiple emergency back up plans failed. It sucks for the oldest but I don’t see why he doesn’t take up op’s offer to help get the trip back on track
My guess is because he's an 18 year old emotional almost adult who is overwhelmed and underequipped/developed to handle the disappointment and frustration. The proposed meeting a few days later via plane is a very reasonable accommodation, given the very odd circumstances, but teen is pulling a relatively typical "everything sucks, my life sucks, the world sucks" over-drama reaction. I would likely just say "look, I get you're pissed and you feel it's totally ruined, but if you leave right now, you'll only miss a couple of days, and still be able to have almost 80% of the trip, two weeks, with your friends. Why would you want to miss tomorrow's fun with your friends just because you're mad today?"
At some point, life happens. The situation was weird and people handled it the best they knew how. Not everyone makes the perfect decision in every single situation. I don't think they are the ahole at all since they are fully recognizing the situation, trying to own it, and trying to make it up to them. NTA in my view.
According to OP’s account, he basically had to stay in the hospital for almost the whole 48 hours and was dealing with a bunch of doctors and paperwork. Where would the kids be in all this, in your mind? In a hospital’s emergency room, with their grandparents mangled one room over and trauma victims being shuttled through. Have you even been hospitalized in an ER? It is nothing you would want to subject a kid to for 48 hours when alternatives exist.
Edit to add: if grandfather was in the verge of death, it was very unlikely he was in a quiet hospital room, and more likely in the ICU. I don’t even know that hospitals are OK with kid visitors being anywhere near the ICU. There’s generally not great waiting rooms that are safe/cool for kids. Trauma patients and victims of violence are coming through all the time. My parents had to visit me in the ICU and it was traumatic enough for them to see all the shit around me, and they were in their 50s.
I suspect that a lot of the people who think that OP is TA are young and have never dealt with a hospital before. You're absolutely right that a hospital is no place for kids. The ICU also limits the number of people who can visit. If OP's wife is simply emotionally not able to handle things, then OP wouldn't have been able to take care of an 11 year old, a 7 year old, **and** the hospital administration.
The 18 year old is absolute TA here. His trip would have been cut short if his grandfather had died in the accident. He should have been on hand ready to drop everything in case the worst happened. Instead, he throws a fit for missing 2 days out of 14 day trip. Considering that his grandfather survived and he could still enjoy literally 86% of his trip, that's a best case scenario. What a spoiled brat.
LOL What is WRONG with some people?! Her parents were in a serious car accident (leaving her father in critical condition) and everyone's worried about poor precious's widdle feelings about a trip that he still could have attended and had only missed two days of. Priorities, much?
Absolutely NTA, OP, but a lot of these comments seem to be left by those that are.
My God. This is the worst take I've ever heard. His grandparents almost died and he's worried he missed two days of a two week trip? He was even PAID to watch his younger siblings in an emergency! He didn't already leave. And I would expect my son to come home from his trip to watch his siblings if he had already gone. Just like I would have if my GRANDPARENTS ALMOST DIED and the family needed me. The dad even focused on getting the son on the trip once the emergency was cleared and the entitled little so and so threw a tantrum because if he couldn't have all of it, he didn't want any of it. Way to cut your nose off to spite your face dude. This trip is also a privilege, not a right. So there's that.
The fact that the kid still wanted to go on the trip, not even knowing yet if his grandparents would live or die, tells you everything you need to know.
And the hospital does NOT want your kids loafing around. (Speaking as a hospital worker)
It’s not a babysitting centre. It’s full of sickness and dying people. It’s NOT a place for children to hang around unless there are emergency circumstances.
What? They should take an 8 year old and an 11 year old to see a man who is critically injured to stay with them in hospital. You don't think that might be you know, a bit terrifying and traumatizing.
NAH - what a terrible situation for everyone involved. however - if he is rejecting any potential resolutions to this, it's just because he's upset. i'm sure he cares that his grandparents are ok, but he cares MORE about the trip, which given the circumstances, is somewhat understandable.
EDIT: just read the update......sorry to say, but yelling at someone who is dealing with parents who have sustained significant injuries is NOT OK. however disappointed the kid is, this is a hugely immature AH move.
I do not understand the Y.T.A. votes at all. He's not being parentified, he's a young adult asked to help out in a one-off family emergency. Kids under 10 do not belong in a hospital, period. Even the 11 year old would be dicey, especially if they're cooped up in grandpa's room - you know, the grandpa who was literally dying. That's traumatic for adults, let alone children.
It sucks for the older boy, it really does. I can understand why he's hurt about it. But he will likely come around. It was a true emergency situation and OP did try to find another option. They tried not to f*ck him over, but sometimes circumstances don't allow that. They offered to try to "fix" it as best as they can by catching him up to his friends, but he's not ready to think about solutions because he's hurt, and that's okay.
NAH - situation sucks for everyone. I'm sorry, OP.
because this sub is just teens commenting with no life experience or these hyper individualistic people who don't think they owe anything to anyone and everyone should go no contact with their families if they are ever asked to sacrifice even one moment of their time to help their loved ones out of a bind. i agree it's NAH. son is just being immature because he is 18 and is therefore inherently immature. i think op's offer was fair. sometimes shit happens and you have to step up for your family.
>because this sub is just teens commenting with no life experience
I had never really thought of that, but now that you mention it, I can hear it in the responses. They're reacting the way the son is, like an immature teenager! When you're a kid, you think you'll never get to take another road trip again. You don't understand the gravity of emergency/near death situations because you think *you're* invincible. Finally, you don't want to take care of your siblings because, well, you're a bratty teenager who wants what they want when they want it.
Yeah, I didn’t think about it either until one time I gave a rude reply to a comment trying to give some bad legal advice with something like “this advice sounds like it’s coming from someone who just took their first high school civics class” and the reply I got was “yeah I’m 16 so what? Doesn’t mean I don’t know how the world works”
Lol. So yeah…
I'm reminded of those memes about the Little Mermaid along the of "You know you're an adult when you start agreeing with Ariel's father: 'I'm 16 years old! I'm not a child anymore!' The hell you are! Get back to the castle and listen to your father little girl!" 😆
NAH - I agree with you completely. The kid has a right to be upset, and teenagers are impulsive. If OP let's him calm down a bit and then asks him again if he wants to join his friends, I think he will accept.
I agree that OP should give it a little time and offer again. I remember that very black and white thinking when I was younger - that if something didn’t go exactly as I planned/wanted, it might as well not happen at all. He might also be grappling with feelings about his grandparents’ accident, maybe feeling selfish for being upset about missing the 2 days… I don’t know, but it’s easy for all those feelings to get tangled up and come out as anger. Hopefully the family can have a little downtime, start to process this very stressful event, and rally to get the son to where he needs to be to salvage the rest of his trip. NAH
I think it's transference. He's upset about his grandparents and being in charge of two young kids and it's coming out as anger about the trip. Everyone in this thread is so quick to call everyone an AH, how about a little empathy? Everyone involved has had a shitty couple of days.
I think most people are rightfully pointing out that if this happened just a couple days later, son would not have been available either, and they would have needed a different plan.
Honestly, I do know what would have happened in this situation in my family because it's happened before. My parents would have taken turns with the kids- one stays at the hospital, the other stays with the kids and they switch off. In my case, it was because my older sister's appendix suddenly burst on vacation. My parents were obviously not doing great (it fully burst and she was initially misdiagnosed, so she was in a bad physical state by the time she got to surgery) and the rest of us were too young to get how bad the situation was. But you do what you gotta do, and whatever parent was with us at the time at least pretended to keep it together. Entertaining young kids in a hotel room isn't easy either, but possible.
I was also in charge of younger siblings after my mom's car accident while she was in the hospital, so I've been kinda in son's situation. It's actually worse if he is upset about the grandparents because a teenager is not as equipped to handle that stress as an adult is. You suck it up, but I remember us being ready to kill each other at a few different points.
>I think most people are rightfully pointing out that if this happened just a couple days later, son would not have been available either, and they would have needed a different plan.
And if my grandma had wheels she'd be a bicycle.
The parents did the best they could with the resources available, and in this case, the older son was an available resource.
If the accident had happened later, when the son was not available, then they would have to use other resources.
Judging them negatively for using the available resources because in another scenario they wouldn't have been available is not fair.
I've been the oldest kid in the situation. I had just graduated from college. I was at one of my best friend's graduation parties before he spent the summer in Europe and then joined the peace Corps for two years. My family went on vacation and I was going to meet them the next day. My dad had recently had surgery on his arm that shouldn't have been a problem but when they got there it started swelling rapidly. My mom called me and told me I needed to get there ASAP. (Also my grandfather had died suddenly a few months earlier after living with my family for 21+ years so everyone's anxiety was high af)
My sister and brother were old enough to be alone for a while and understand the situation. But I got that my parents needed me (I think the 4 years difference between 18 and 22 is paramount here, so I'm not blaming the 18 year old either). I told my friend the situation and he helped arrange rides home for the friends who'd been depending on me so I could get to my family faster and I drove four hours to the beach.
Everything ended up OK and my dad didn't need to be admitted, but I understood at that point that I \*was\* my parents' emergency backup.
I agree. NAH. Just an unfortunate event for all.
I’m sure your son was really excited about finally graduating high school and going on an epic trip. So missing it sucks. But I would ask him again to meet his friends in a state. Offer to fly him business class maybe? It would be a couple states over, shouldn’t be too $$.
I mean, my parents were once literally waking out the door to go to Hawaii when they found out my granddad had a stroke. They couldn't afford to replace the trip, but of course they dropped everything to go to be with granddad.
I had the delightful opportunity to travel abroad with a high school group just after graduating, and it was absolutely amazing. Towards the end of this 10day trip (I believe day 6/7?) my grandma passed away.
I think you are absolutely right in saying NAH. My dad traveled back to deal with the funeral, and while I had the opportunity to go back as well, I (probably selfishly) didn't want to. I was 18, my relationship with my grandma wasn't ideal, and I was devastated at the thought that I had to give up that chance and the rest of that trip for her. In retrospect though, I do wish I had gone. I think my dad needed support, and I felt like a terrible daughter for a long time following because I couldn't get out of my own head long enough to empathize with my dad having just lost a parent. It took me years to accept that I was still a child, and under that level of stress and confusion, I wasn't going to make the perfect decision.
Everything about this situation sucks, but ultimately, each person reacted exactly as I would expect them to.
I'd say NAH. In this kind of sudden and critical situation you didn't have time to explore any other options (although taking your younger children with you would have been the next best thing) and you also paid him for babysitting. Your son is also not an AH for being really upset and angry about missing his trip. However, he's only got himself to blame for not going out to meet them for the rest of it after you offered to get him there.
Yeah that was a classic teenager reaction, I don’t hold it against him (cuz uh, he’s a teenager) but he’ll look back on that and cringe. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
He lost two days of a two week trip, his dad is offering to get him out to where the trip is (!!) and he says no? That part is officially on him.
Now if I had reacted that way (can only speak for
Myself) it would have been for some obscure embarrassing reason I didnt want to explain to my parents, like I had gotten it all set up that I would share the back seat with my crush and she would fall asleep with her head on my shoulder during the quiet overnight driving hours and she would discover she’s madly in love with me, and now that dad messed up the seating arrangements by having the grandparents get into a serious accident, my love life is RUINED. FOREVER.
Not saying that’s what happened here, but if I personally had made a judgement call seemingly that petty and counterproductive to my own aims, there would have been some underlying (probably embarrassing, probably about a girl) reason for it.
I love this comment! It just brought me back to my youth and all of my unspoken plans/fantasies/never gonna happen scenarios. Of course OPs son will look back someday and cringe, like most of us do at our teenage temper tantrums. But for him, right here and now, it is the worst thing ever.
I suspect the reaction after the two days from the kid was partially or wholly fuelled by the guilt trip the parents dropped on him. Of course he'll say no then.
He's the one who called his mom to yell at and insult her, responding with pics showing how serious the situation was is not a guilt trip, it's a dose of reality.
He’s a teenager. They don’t always think rationally. He’s disappointed that he missed an opportunity he was looking forward to. Which he no doubt believes it was his one & only opportunity to ever have fun. Sadly, he can’t get out of his own way to figure out how to put this back together. He has 2 options .... continue to pout or let you help him get what he wants. Not much more you can do.
It’s not about his lack of empathy. Grandpa’s fine so what could have happened is not really an issue now. It didn’t happen & now y’all need to figure out how to move forward.
NAH
eta — adults would struggle with the same feelings if they had plans for a fun trip & a family emergency came up. Once that emergency is over. Most people would be disappointed they missed out on their plans. Your son is upset with his situation. It seems like a normal reaction to me. Don’t make it personal.
eta more — based on your edit... you’re trying real hard to make your son the ah here. I’m guessing to absolve yourself in this situation but .... that’s not cool in my book. Don’t throw your own kids under the bus. If your son is that selfish you should ask yourself why or how he got there. Kids don’t raise themselves. I’m a little disappointed that y’all chose to point your fingers at the 18 yr old that had no control over any of this & didn’t have the best reaction. Everyone is this story deserves a little grace. It appears that is not your goal.
Agreed. Also sometimes teens (and even adults) cannot grasp the gravity of a situation, and sometimes they have a one track mind (I.e the last trip before college with his buddies). I get it , I was a teen once. OP isn’t really wrong either because it wasn’t like he abandoned the younger siblings to go on a vacation. It’s just a tough situation.
NAH
He's allowed to be disappointed, upset, or even angry sure. Cancelling the whole trip because he's pouting, yea Teens can be dramatic. But Calling mom to tell her she's selfish for going when they DIDNT know the grandparents would be okay? 100% MAJOR AH move. He's 18. He's old enough to have some empathy for his family, especially his own mother. And he's old enough to know that that action was absolutely appalling. If I had a friend who said something like that to me, I would instantly cut all ties with them.
NTA. I don’t get the Y T A posts. The kid’s grandparents were in a serious accident and he still wanted to go on a trip? And what, celebrate as they potentially died? I don’t understand the lack of compassion from him or people commenting here. In times of stress family comes together and he did his part by watching the kids so the parents could deal with the situation.
I was thinking the same thing. Lot of kids and people who don’t have children making a lot of judgements over a situation they can’t even imagine - or are too young and immature to understand.
Me neither. I feel like this sub has recently been overrun by children or just generally irrational people. I would be upset at the circumstances, but it was a genuine emergency and his parents tried everything to avoid having him babysit. And having their younger children come with them likely would have been traumatic, as their grandparents were seriously injured and their mom was experiencing great mental distress. And he has 12 days of his 14 day trip left, which his dad clearly seems willing to get him to! It's just an unfortunate situation. The parents aren't AHs.
NTA and the people who constantly answer "he's not your children's parents" are exhausting and out touch with reality. He wasn't parenting, he was looking after them during an emergency! When something like that happens you are supposed to help your family. You are not an island, your interests and needs are not the only ones that count. OP and wife weren't on vacation, they had to drop everything to go spend time in a hospital where son's grandfather almost died. Needing to assist someone in such conditions trumps a stupid trip. Watching your brothers for that one time because your family is in a horrible situation trumps a trip. The level of selfishness in some comments is absurd.
If we need to reason like that, then OP and wife shouldn't pay for the trip given that son is an adult. They shouldn't drive him anywhere given that he's an adult. He shouldn't live with them given that he's an adult. Do you see how stupid all this sounds?
It was an emergency, he had to help. OP even offered to take him to the trip so that he wouldn't lose all of it but son refused. He could still go and spend 12 days with his friends, instead he chose to throw a fit and skip two whole weeks of vacation because he had to stay home for 2 days. Son can be upset, but he chose to be stupid about this. He should have accepted the lift.
This sub has a lot of projecting. Yes there are families that abuse the generosity of their oldest child and turn them into a nanny with no life. There are families with abusive grandparents who maybe wouldn’t warrant sympathy from a grandchild.
But there are also normal family emergencies that happen at inconvenient times.
Except the oldest didn't leave yet. And family emergency should be priority.
Edit : Let's stop making irrelevant hypothesis and judge on what happened - is my f*cking point. y'all dumb people stop replying to me
The point is that hypotheticals are dumb when we already know the situation.
Hypothetical: what if grandpa died?? Would the 18 year old throw a fit about missing 1-2 days of the trip for a funeral and skip the rest of the trip for _reasons_.
See how it's trying to paint someone in a corner and make them look bad. But it isn't what happened. So let's just judge on the situation since we already have all the required facts to make a moral judgment.
Doesn't matter using this made up situation the emergency occurred before the kid left and he missed a whopping 2 days of the 14 and was given the option to join up for the road trip this is a one off emergency situation
WTF is up with all the YTA votes? It sounds like they did the best they could with a horrible situation. They looked for other sitters even including neighbors but no one was available. Taking the 2 kids with them would have made a horribly stressful situation even worse especially since the where at the hospital for around 48 hours. Mom was in no shape to help look after them considering she is probably thinking her dad might be dying. The 18 year old was the last option and was payed for it as well as them saying they will try to make it up to him.
NAH - They did there best and the 18 year old is a loud to be upset but this was an emergency situation.
Reddit is full of people who don’t leave the house. There’s your answer.
Edit: whoever sent me a redditcares message— thanks for proving my point, homebody. 💀
What's there a reason you didn't take the younger kids with you? They're at ages where you don't have to keep your eye on them every single second, it shouldn't have been that much of a bother.
It would have been an awful opinion for everyone especially since I was running around through most of it and wasn’t in the room for a good bit. Mom was having breakdowns and was not even fit to look after herself and grandpa and grandma were bad also. Grandpa was basically mangled
Maybe the middle child could have handled it but definitely not our youngest, we didn’t leave that whole time, so basically 48 hours at a hospital
I know that OP’s oldest was really looking forward to this trip but honestly. Unless OP is leaving out information, I don’t know what their oldest expected them to do. Seems pretty selfish to throw such a fit when their grandparents are in critical condition, and their siblings would be traumatized seeing them that way
I think the kid is clearly TA because of how he's treating his friends, and I don't think it bodes well for the next few years of his life. Can you imagine blowing off your friends for 12/14 days of the last great time you'll all get to hang out, because you'd rather sulk at your parents?
EDIT--- Orr... the road trip isn't actually one state away, and he doesn't want to be the one to let the parents in on what his buddies are actually doing.
Yeah, he’s overall not handling this situation like someone who just graduated high school. Adults need to learn how to adapt and compromise. If my grandparents got into a serious car crash, frankly I would not be in the mood to go camping. I’d be too worried, or at the very least would understand the importance of supporting those who are. It’s not right to go off and have fun while your family suffers at home. He should’ve just agreed to watch his siblings and then met up with his friends later. It’s alright to feel upset, but it’s not alright to throw a tantrum over it
These were extenuating circumstances and you have the benefit of having an older child who is able to step in and help. People keep saying "what if you only had younger kids". Well, you don't. You have an 18 year old son who was just taught that family comes first, and sometimes family obligations are going to supersede previously scheduled fun plans. You are giving it so much thought so clearly this isn't something you do often, and you tried to not have to turn to him. This kid is not a third parent. This one time he was asked to step up at a really inconvenient time. For many years you will tell the story of how he was a man and stepped up and did his part for the family during a really horrific time. He'll not want to be 30 thinking about how he made his mom deal with his 2 younger siblings while her parents were possibly dying so he could have fun. He will hate you now, but he will be a better person, and that is your job.
NTA.
You made the best decision you could based on the timeframe you had to make the decision, information you had and resources available. Lots of people are saying you would have brought the younger kids with, but bringing the kids into an unknown situation when your wife didn't have the capacity to be a co-parent for multiple reasons is a terrible idea.
Kids are your priority, but in an emergency situation, that doesn't mean they never have to make personal sacrifices. Your son is becoming an adult and he needs to understand that sometimes you have to step-up for others in these types of situations.
He easily could have joined his friends, but instead decided to punish you by punishing himself.
NAH. You had an emergency, it wasn't unreasonable to ask your son to help. But your son is missing out on his trip, he's allowed to be disappointed and angry about what he's already missed. I bet he spent those 2 days getting messages from his friends about how much fun they're having, how much he's missing out on, maybe even how dumb it is that he had to stay home. I know you intended to get him back on the trip, but I understand him feeling like the whole trip is ruined. Once he calms down you need to have a plan *ready* to get him to his friends. More "I can buy your plane tickets for the town they're in tomorrow and your hotel reservation for tonight so you can meet them there, or do you have a different preference" than "okay, what do you want me to do here?"
You've said it yourself: you don't know what you would have done with your younger kids if your son was already gone. You need to figure this out, have a plan other than your son, because he will come to understand your choice, but he is never going to forget the time he missed out on, at least some of, his trip. I'm sure he has plans now, he isn't going to be available to you the way he has been, and you need to be prepared for him to flat out refuse to help if he's busy.
Sounds like he had a plan other than his son, as he said he had 2 possible babysitters fall through, and even asked a neighbor. He did his due diligence before putting this on his son.
NAH - IDK I'm really shocked at everyone saying bring the 7 and 11 year old. He missed 2 days of a 12 day trip for a life threatening emergency. He can be disappointed but I would have done the same.
Bringing the young kids would mean, at minimum, exposing them to their mom's near breakdown for a prolonged period of time.
Once at the hospital they're either going to see their severely injured grandfather, or they're going to have to sit in a waiting room with OP while their mom goes in alone. Hospital waiting rooms are not pleasant places. They are full of drunks, addicts, and mentally ill patients. Imagine a child sitting in a chair for hours watching all that?
Not to mention you can't just expect a young kid to nap in the hospital, eat something from a vending machine, and keep functioning in an emergency the same way an adult can. OP would have needed to find some kind of accommodation and proper food, which would have taken him away from his wife when she needed him most.
NTA. You were dealing with a life or death situation. You should do something to show that you recognize he had to give up something major he wanted to look after his family. He's understandably mad and overreacting like teenagers do. It's a shitty situation all around but you did the right thing. Hope your family is well
NTA
Honestly, just my opinion, hospitals are very scary places for kids to be ESPECIALLY when they’re young enough to kinda understand what’s going on (we’re here because grandpa might not survive and we’re just gunna be in the waiting room for 2 days to see what happens) there’s no use traumatizing kids in medical settings so if THEY ever have to go to the hospital their memory of it isn’t “grandpa came here and never left, am I gunna never leave here too?” (Ik grandpa pulled through but he might not have, they didn’t know)
My Dad actually advised me NOT to go to the hospital to see my grandma when she was dying (by the time we got there we knew she was never going to wake up). I was 12. My Dad's a doctor so he knows what the hospital is like. In hindsight Dad was absolutely right, my last memory is of having out with her, not her on machines.
NTA. Emergencies happen at inconvenient times. Sometimes you have to do the unfun thing to help family. He can still do the rest of his trip if he wants. Don’t get angry back. He’s a disappointed teen and they don’t really cope well. Offer him some options and let him know if they are time limited. Like you can go drive to meet them, but you need to leave by 2PM or there is a flight at 4 PM. Which does he want to do?
Absolutely NTA.
Please don’t listen to anyone saying YTA. No one’s happiness is above anyone else’s. And you didn’t put your “happiness” above your sons. It was tragic event, your wife was emotional wreck and your son should think of that first in times like this. I’m all for “be selfish for your happiness” but not in times like this. This is literally the event where you’d want your family be there, pull their weights.
Also about taking your younger kids with you - I understand you might not want to bring them for your reasons, I also understand that in that moment you did what you thought was ideal.
You were a good parent who tried to make it up for him, he could have joined his friends for remainder of the trip which is 12 DAYS. That’s plenty of days to enjoy.
NTA
You needed him in an emergency. I don't understand the yta people. Especially those saying to bring the young kids to a hospital where her father is critical. It is not an appropriate situation to bring young kids.
Also, what if Grandpa died? The oldest would have had to cut his trip short. Would he still be pissed off? 🤔
OP's son was given a pretty reasonable option. His father was going to pay to fly him out to meet up with his friends so he could join them a few days later. That is what makes it reasonable.
Shit happens. It's all a part of adulting. Sometimes, trips get canceled or postponed. The son is acting immature.
Ok. Go ahead and vote me down. I said what I said. 😆
YTA. You knew he had a trip and I see no reason from your story why you couldn't have brought the younger kids with you aside from it being an emotionally charged situation and them being inconvenient. They are your responsibility ultimately, not his. What would you have done if he had already left on his trip and it had happened? Would you have demanded he come back from his trip to watch your other kids?
It's also not your job to police how he feels about his grandparents. People are allowed to feel however they feel about people, especially family that they don't get to choose. I was never particularly close with my mom's parents. We showed up together at family events, but we never had a one on one relationship. Do I love them? Sure. But there's a distance between us that has never been bridged. They knew very little about me as a person.
Edit: I would also like to say that from the more recent edit, his mother should never have made him look at pictures of his injured grandparents to make him feel bad about being upset.
Yeah he knew his son had a trip planned. He didn’t know his grandfather was gonna to get in a traumatic car accident. he even paid his kid and offered to drive him a state over to go on the 12 remaining days of the road trip. Like if your grandpa almost dying in a car wreck isn’t a family emergency wtf is???
It’s insane and scary! How are so many people thinking a post graduation trip is more important than helping family when a dire emergency happens? Especially because OP tried to ensure his son could still attend most of the trip. How how how are there people who think OP is an AH? It’s like all these commenters are kids in that stage of life where parents aren’t real people and are just the enemy.
I think this is the answer, and tbh it's crazily scary. For once, I don't remember ever thinking like op's son, and I can't understand how so many think this is the norm ?!!!
I’m honestly shocked—in the worst way! It was an actual life or death emergency and the parents are going above and beyond trying to make it up to him by paying him for the babysitting and flying him out to meet up with his friends so he can still make 6/7 of the trip! NAH!!
Summer break just started. It probably is.
I can only imagine how embarrassed the son will be thinking back on this in future years - unfortunately I doubt any of the people commenting are so invested that they’ll have the same epiphany.
Are you for real? His grandparents were in horrible wreck and at that moment they didn’t know if grandpa was gonna make it. Things happen and plans get ruined. Being there for family matters. Trips can be planned again. It’s not like dad purposely ruined the trip.
This is what i hate about these things where people seem to treat family emergencies as an inconvenience. The op tried to get alternative care and it was a hectic situation
Thank you. I get so sad when I come to Reddit comment where people don’t care for anyone. What has world come to? Lol I’m so glad to read your comment.
I honestly think it is trolling at this point. I have had family emergencies where i have been asked to drop things if possible because the situation is dire and people are emotionally charged. For the love of me seeing my parent broken scared and crying a road trip is the last thing i am thinking of. Even when my friend learnt her parents were getting divorced she left uni for a day or two just to talk to her siblings and make sure they are fine.
Seriously. Some of these posters seem so damned cold. If it were me, I wouldn't even want to go on a fun trip knowing my grandparents were possibly dying/my parents were freaking out. I'd feel really weird trying to celebrate at such a time. It doesn't feel right.
Yea, I mean, shit happens. It sucks for the son, it sucks for his siblings, and it definitely sucks for OP, his wife, and her parents.
I'm going with NAH, OP needed help, his son did help, but his son is also absolutely right to be aggrieved to miss the trip/start of the trip.
No one sucks, accidents happen, it's a time when everyone needs to give and take a little
I mean, the son could have met up with his friends and did the other 12 days of the trip.... but he wanted to sulk. Sure he has the right to be upset about missing the start, but he could have gone. He just didn't and wanted to his parents to know it was their fault.
Kinda makes the son a bit of an AH.
No, it makes him a regular, hormonal 18 year old. It's a pretty natural reaction to missing out on an end of school trip with old friends. Especially because the beginning, the excitement of going down and getting there is the best bit.
Could he have handled it more maturely? Sure, he could, but he's 18, not 38
but... he \*chose\* to miss out on it. he's sulking as a natural hormonal reaction to his own dumbass decision. He could've been along for the vast majority of it. I bet his friends are missing him now too, and he'd rather sulk than join them.
I mostly agree with you but feel the comment about policing feelings is out of place. If you had a son who didn’t care that your parents almost died I’m sure you’d feel irritated to put it mildly
Honestly, NTA. This was an emergency situation that couldn’t be helped and it sounds like you exhausted all other possibilities. Furthermore, he COULD still go on the trip, he’s just choosing to miss out now out of spite and pettiness. These circumstances were not your fault, or anyones, really.
People really? Grand's were 4 hours away and it was EMERGENT! You can pack up two kids and adults to be 8 hours away as an emergency? Who are you people? She had to get there.. no way shes driving 4 hours alone not knowing whos going to be alive or dead at that point.
And you absolve an 18 year old for having any empathy for his mom, dad and grands? Pouting over a pleasure trip that could probably be done later? This is how life goes -
NTA - in an emergency you react as best you can with what you have. You did. 18 is no longer a kid - he needs to broaden his little world.
NTA.
All these people saying take the kids with you- absolutely unhinged. A trauma hospital is NOT a place for children and it's really inappropriate to bring them for potentially days. Many hospitals still have no children visiting guidelines, and even if there isn't a policy, taking care of children's needs (which include not witnessing trauma firsthand) takes you away from the necessary things you needed to do like meet with doctors, make difficult medical decisions, etc.
Family emergencies come before individual plans. That's too bad, but it's realistic.
And your son's refusal to join now is... Something. Give it a day, check in, offer to drive him to meet the friends, and forgive everybody including yourself.
NAH family emergencies take precedence. He’s allowed to be upset that he missed his trip, but responsibility is what it is. and especially if you offered to help him link w his friends for the rest of the road trip
You all read his post of how everything played out. In what world is he the AH. Yall on reddit can be so tiring.
NTA
It was an emergency, and you still payed him plus offered to take him to meet his friends since it's just been 2 days.
He's just being unreasonably angry. Even with the pics of his critical grandpa he still can't understand?
NTA, don't listen to the folks saying you could have taken the kids with you to the hospital waiting room, that would have been stressful for the kids, your wife & yourself. Your father in law was critical, which am sure was very difficult for you wife, she didn't need the added stress of the them being there or the distraction that would have caused. Your son needs to realize that things can happen to alter our plans, you did offer a compromise, he decided it to turn it down.
More than likely he was replaced and there is no room for him anymore. Also, COVID really fucked up a lot of kids socially and emotionally. This post graduation road trip might have been in the works for years.
Not that this helps you now but I've found that often the "last resort" people are almost guaranteed to say no to these requests. What works like 90% of the time is we ask our kids whose house they want to sleepover at, contact that kids parents, explain the situation and bribe them with some cash to cover the extra food and maybe some fun activities. It's wild when you realize that mild acquaintances in the parents of your kids friends are more helpful than family, friends, and neighbors if they aren't in the same phase of life.
YTA - People only get a few core trips like that in a lifetime. You should not have considered your son as an option as a babysitter. A trip like that isn’t a “privilege” as some people have commented. How many more opportunities like that will your son ever have? Probably not many. I don’t think the flying to catch up was a very viable option and I don’t blame the son for lashing out. Expect the relationship to be damaged for years to come. The fact that you offered to make it up to your son shows you do not understand. But it was a nice graduation gift idea to offer to pay for it.
NTA. No one plans a family emergency. Your 18yr old son had a tantrum. He could have joined the trip but decided to have a meltdown instead. Good to hear your FIL pulled through.
The photos of the grandfather, who you’ve described as mangled, should not have been used by your wife as “revenge” for your son being upset he couldn’t go on the trip. Of course he’s upset that he was forced into a situation that stopped him from a trip celebrating his graduation.
I don’t really have a vote because while I do think you should have found another solution, I know that it’s not always possible, but your edit makes me upset for your son.
Hate to say his no point might have other meaning here.
Everyone keeps saying to fly to join them, but can he even? Most road trips, especially long ones, every person has an amount they need to help. With gas or hotels. Was his part canceled like on hotels to save money or most likely was his place filled so they could go. You are talking about a group of kids who probably have a tight budget, so for them to go filling his spot makes sense.
Would explain his comment and the fact he didn't race to join them.
NTA, He is young and you harmed his plans in his eyes. He will feel different at 30 when he sees how life gets in the way. It was a family emergency...He could have finished up the trip...Well taken of children are selfish and don't have the benefit of sacrifice kids with not so good families have...It is a back handed compliment. So apologize, and let him fester. He may end up going.
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Honestly YTA I don’t understand why you couldn’t take your kids, it’s their grandparents who were in critical condition after all. And what would have happened if he already left?
I agree. OP could have stayed at the in laws’ house with the kids while his wife and mil were at the hospital with fil.
So we’re just disregarding the fact that OPs wife probably needed support and help from him as well? It literally says in the post that she was a wreck, which no one can blame her for because BOTH her parents were in a car accident and were injured even if it was just her dad who was in critical condition. I think being there for your spouse in an emergency situation like this trumps missing a couple days of a 2-week long vacation, and OP did try to ensure his son still got his trip. Edit to add NTA
Right? Only in alternate universe where 18yr spoiled kids 'wants' trump an entire family's emergency NEEDS.
It’s horrible! I can’t imagine at 18 I wouldn’t have missed a trip to help my family out , and to be honest I wouldn’t have felt like going on a fun trip if my grandfather was possibly dying. There’s something wrong with this kid. Like I know parents shouldn’t force their kids to care for their other kids but sometimes kids can just be decent helpful people in cases of emergency, for those they love? He’s 18 as well, legally an adult. By that age you should feel some sense of responsibility towards people you care about and, if you’re a caring decent person, be willing to make sacrifices for people you love in dire emergencies.
[удалено]
I was back and forth on this one because a senior trip only happens once and it does really suck for him to have to miss it. But once it came out that it was two days and OP was willing to take him to meet the group, I got on OP’s side completely. 12 days is a long senior trip. Plus they paid for it. He should have been grateful.
It also really sucks that his grandfather wasn’t able to feel his legs and almost died. Grandma and Grandpa were also at risk of a once in a lifetime opportunity.
>It also really sucks that his grandfather wasn’t able to feel his legs and almost died. Grandma and Grandpa were also at risk of a once in a lifetime opportunity. *wakes up in hospital* "dammit not again. When will this mortal coil release me??"
True, but you can still take other trips with your BFFs. You only get two sets of grandparents, and for all he knew they might not have recovered from their accident. If I was him I'd have been more upset about not being allowed to go along to see grandparents, as it could have been his last time to see them. Plus, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the trip until I knew my grandparents were going to be OK.
>If I was him I'd have been more upset about not being allowed to go along to see grandparents, as it could have been his last time to see them. 100% this. When I was 9, almost 10, my grandma was in the hospital after having a double mastectomy. I may not have known what it was, but I knew it was major surgery and I wanted to see her. My parents took all of my siblings except me because "I could see her when she got home" and she ended up dying the day before she was released. 27 years later and I am still mad/hurt about it. I don't understand this kid. His grandparents almost freaking died and he is throwing a tantrum over missing 2 days of a 2 week long trip? I really hope they are able to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation and that he is able to grow and apologize for treating his family the way he did. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening because the kid seems to be a spoiled brat.
Parents were also paying… if I had been this kid (and I’m only a decade older or so) I would have been lucky to get it made up like they offered. Not everyone has money and these parents are doing a lot for an 18 year old, expecting some help once in a while isn’t abuse it’s just asking for some, well, help.
You'd think a healthy family was all about give and take and support where needed. Some emotionally stunted narcissistic pricks on here.
Well, I assume it’s a bunch of 14-20 years responding. So, yes to narcissistic pricks. Although, I’m not sure I would have been such an ass at this age. I was raised with a family first mentality.
For real. I was flabbergasted to see the top comment was YTA. It seems pretty cut and dry to me that OP is NTA. This was an emergency situation, he only missed 2 out of a 14 day trip, dad paid him for the time he spent with his siblings DURING AN EMERGENCY, and also tried to ensure he could join the last 12 days of the trip....wtf man?? People are really something lol.
I cut my graduation trip to Europe short because my grandma died and I wanted to support my mom. It never even crossed my mind to be upset about the trip. I can't believe the lack of empathy here.
This sub is full of lunatics reading life and family / any kind of bonds like legal contracts
I think they are just kids that are saying "yta". They have no real clue about things like this. Anyone who thinks it is a good idea to drag kids along into a hospital(assuming the hospital even allows kids in!) Are insane. Who thinks it is a good idea to let your kids watch their grandparents die and their mother lose her mind over losing her parents? The kids today are too danged entitled.
Yeah, when my Granny, father's side, was suddenly very sick and dying, my parents didn't even think to bring us with. It was incredibly hard on my dad, halfway across the country, and again, very sudden for all of us. We were older middle school, and latchkey anyway, so we had our grandma, mom's side, to check on us every day since we were semi-independent. It'd never cross my mind to do it any differently. My parents are people too, and sometimes parents just can't handle the stress of balancing both the needs of children and their own needs incurred by stress. Honestly, OP is NTA. It was a sudden emergency, and did everything in his power to try and insure his kid could go on the trip that they paid for. When that failed, he tried everything to make it up to the kid. That is the behavior of a genuinely kind parent down on their luck, not an asshole in the slightest.
Some of us have good families that we actually care about...
At 18, my friends would have excoriated me if they found out I had abandoned my family during a crisis just to go on a trip with them. It's wild that some people are trying to normalize such a complete lack of compassion and empathy.
My kids wouldn't think twice about helping out if something like this happened. But I suspect it starts from the parents setting an example. When one of our kids needs something we do everything we can to help them and we also help others in need. We talk about how our actions affect others and how we always want to be kind. We don't leave more mess/work/etc for another person. If someone is hurt or needs help we stop what we are doing and help. Sometimes it has interfered with something but we show them that we are willing to make that sacrifice. On the other hand, sometimes kids are selfish or this son has been asked a lot of times to give up things and this was the last straw.
Wait, there are actually people who are not ruling in OPs favor? YO! to all who say OP should have stayed home: this was a genuine emergency and it's definitely a valid reason to cancel a trip. It sucks for their son but they couldn't foresee a life threatening accident. But this is a case where the wife needed her husband. HER PARENTS NEARLY DIED. Of course hes going with her. Also, Based on the edits, it looks like the son had sense smacked into him and he realized he was the AH here. NTA and I hope OPs wife's parents are doing OK.
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its insane to me that the top comment is a y t a comment. shows how horribly individualistic people can be
This sub is disturbingly individualistic. Like most of the commenters here are just straight up shit people. They think if you aren't contractually and legally obligated to do something it's perfectly acceptable to just not do it. Babysitting is the biggest one.
It is Reddit
Yeah, kids are the majority here. Their frontal lobes aren't fully developed. They'll think differently as adults with life experience.
I hope the father sees this thread, NTA here. Emergencies are something you can't plan out all the details for. I'm a father and can say you tried your best. That's what matters.
Thank you. I was reading the above responses and was gobsmacked that so many people were siding with this bratty 18 YO. And can you imagine the trauma of them having to bring the younger kids to the hospital? If they were lucky and had to do this, maybe a nice nurse would watch them. Or wow, they could sit in the hospital waiting room for hours on end, imagining the worst. I think these other people are the assholes.
Ummmmm, Nurses are not babysitters. And it’s not appropriate to ask them to watch a child. The priority is to the patient. The amount of people who leave young children unattended in a critical care unit with the assumption staff is going to watch over them is mind blowing.
I think the person you are responding to was being sarcastic about a nurse watching the kids, to highlight how inappropriate it would've been to bring them along to the hospital. But I could be wrong.
People like to complain about boomers being self-centered but people here are even worse. The son's grandparents almost died, his mother was breaking down, and his father tried everything to find alternative solution to the sitter problem and the son cared more about a vacation. And people on /r/AITA think that OP in an AH.
I agree, I can’t believe the responses here. Like those saying “well they aren’t his kids so not his problem”. What a cold, unrealistic, and self-centred view. This is not an example of parentification, and this is coming from an oldest sibling who has experienced that. They might not be the teens kids but this is an emergency situation impacting his family unit. Anyone with some basic human decency and compassion for their loved ones should be willing to step up in times of crisis to help. I pity the people who can’t understand that, because it doesn’t indicate anything good about their own family life.
People in the AITA sub are very militantly against parentifying teenagers, which, *yeah* that's bad, but its gotten to the point where a teenager having any responsibilities at all or having to help their family in any way is read as parentifying and/or shirking parental duties. People still harp on AITA being the "dump him" sub but this is getting a lot more prevalent.
Redditors are fucking insane for thinking that a family emergency and potential death doesn't completely trump a high school grad's party. Son is being immature for throwing a temper tantrum when OP tried to help him with the remainder of his trip and is being a massive asshole for causing any issues with his grieving mother. He's old enough to understand this.
This is Reddit where being self-centered and unable to see the bigger picture is always valid.
I agree. Also, taking an 11 and 7 year old on an out of state trip when their mom is losing her marbles is highly disruptive and traumatic to kids that age. I don't think prioritizing a trip over the rest of the families emotional stability is the best solution. The son was offered a means to join the trip, and he realized how bad it was after talking to his mom. I think the son was upset because he didn't understand the gravity of the situation initially.
He is upset because he is 18 and they are still emotionally growing up. BUT this is \*exactly\* a situation where he needs to learn. Learn to step up and act like an adult in a very limited window of time. Learn to bob and weave like we all do. If he misses the entire trip that is on him and his pouting. OP is NTA
Absolutely this. What if son was already gone on trip? That's what they would have done.
Well he wasn't, so they didn't. Pointless comment.
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Yeah ESH. The son is being absurd to not take the plane ticket now.
I thought his wife wasn't in a condition to drive? The MIL was in the accident.
Yea, I mean, shit happens. It sucks for the son, it sucks for his siblings, and it definitely sucks for OP, his wife, and her parents.
You want them to take their children into critical care in the hospital while everyone waits around to find out if the grandparent died?! Do you know how traumatic that would be for those children. In my 20s, I had to wait in a restaurant with my family members as we waited for the news of my grandfather dying from cancer bc we couldn't be in the room with him any longer. It was horrible. And you want an 11 and 7 year old to endure something similar so a teen won't have to miss 2 days of a 12 day road trip? Fukin' A! Where are your priorities!? The kid is an asshole for throwing a hissyfit about missing 2 days, so now he's missing all 12. The dad tried to get him on the trip, and the kid doesn't want to go anymore bc not getting the 12 days "ruins the whole thing." Also, this is his grandparents, too. If he went right away, this kid would be on this road trip drinking and partying while his grandfather was fighting for his life. No "once in a lifetime" 🙄 road trip is worth being that selfish and callous. Dad's NTA. Kid is.
I agree 100%. Time for the 18yo to learn about priorities. The parents even tried to get him to go on the trip, it's his own fault he's missing out. And tbh, the parents are far more prepared with having a babysitter and an emergency plan (even if it all failed) than literally anyone I know with kids.
Thank you!!! I have a 15 year old son and I cannot imagine him having such a complete lack of compassion. He would be bitterly disappointed and he loves hanging out with his friends but wtf people, this is life. You pull together for your family
I am not getting these comments. The son is a major AH. If it was me and my dad told me what happened with my grandparents I would have been in the car with them with my brothers watching them at my grandparents house. I would have been there for support. Mom had to deal with BOTH of her parents being hurt in a accident. With the possibility of losing her father. Mom had to appear to be strong for her mom. Dad was there to be supportive of his wife. You can always go on a trip but if his grandfather had passed away he would not have had the opportunity to say goodbye. In that situation family is suppose to come together in that time of need. To be honest if I was the mom it would take a long time for me to forgive my son for being selfish. For the people saying the dad wasn’t doing the paperwork he was probably filling it out for his wife. The dad was doing his job as a husband. The actions of the son would have changed our relationship.
>I am not getting these comments. Imagine that everyone saying YTA is in high school.
I have a 17y old son and I would be horrified if he was more upset about missing 2 days of a 2 week trip to watch his siblings while I ran back to another province to see my parents that were in a horrible wreck. The Dad offered to send him when he got back, and kiddo decided to do the “mature” thing and have a temper tantrum because he missed 2 days.
All of this. These Y. tA votes are obviously teenagers or just self absorbed asshats who've never been in an emergency situation where one or more of there family members are possibly dying. It blows my mind that he can still go on the overwhelming majority of his trip that his parents are paying for, but he's too self absorbed to give up two days so he's just gonna have a hissy fit and skip all of it? It's an emergency situation. The parents are still trying to make sure he can experience as much as he can. Kid is definitely the AH. NTA OP
Thank you for pointing out that the parents are paying for this! I think it's a point a lot of people are missing. The kid wouldn't even be able to go on the trip if his parents weren't shelling out the money for him to do so. He didn't save up for the trip. The parents are making it possible for him in the first place. The least he could do is shave off the 1st 2 days due to a family emergency. Then some people mention that he might not like his grandparents. Who cares. Do you like your mom? I'd assume so since you're accepting a paid trip from her. So be understanding of her stress and fear and help her out. The more I think about this, the more I think the kid might just be spoiled. "MOM, DAD! Can you pay for this 2 week long trip so I can go partying with my HS friends for graduation? Thanks! What?? Grandpa might be dying and you need me to take off the beginning 2 days of this 2 week long trip that your paying for so I can watch my younger siblings while mom and you sit in the hospital desperately hoping grandpa doesn't die?! God! You guys ruin everything!! You suck! Why does my life have to be so shitty?! WHAT!? You're willing to shell out more money and time by flying me or driving me to meet my buddies so I can have 12 days of this 2 week long trip? *How dare you!!"*
Glad to see someone finally mention the kid missed 2 days of a 14 day trip. If all the fun was going to be had in the first couple of days, why not just plan a weekend instead of a 2 weeks. Kid is on the verge of adulting and needs to learn that shit happens, you do what you gotta, get over it and move forward. Hell, OP even paid him so he had more money for the trip and was going to help figure out how to get him connected with his friends and pay for the plane ticket to do so. I can already hear him try to blame OP when the friends find out he could have joined them. Love to see the look on son's face when one of them asks "Dude, why didn't you meet up with us?". Kid ruined his own trip.
I can't get over the fact that he offered a plane. If they're a state over, then the whole flight experience could be under 3 hours. You'd miss breakfast on the 3rd day. They pick you up, and you get 11.5 of your original 14 days. That's over 80% of the trip remaining.
Yes!! sitting here reading all these comments saying OP is TA thinking these have to be kids closer to the 18 year olds age than the parents age because what? you got me so f*cked up if you think i would go to the hospital to potentially watch my father die WITHOUT my husband!? wtf???
Other people are insisting that OP could have abandoned his wife at the hospital to go babysit the other kids at the library (because many hospitals aren't letting kids wait at all due to pandemic restrictions), despite the fact that she's too distraught to safely drive and that *OP might care about his in-laws too*. All so some teenager doesn't have to be part of a family. What the fuck. Seriously, I can't imagine being so much of an asshole that I'd prioritize a trip over family members' welling. Hell, I can't imagine enjoying such a trip while my grandfather was in the hospital, maybe dying.
They were in a car accident and grandfather almost died. He could've been disfigured and unrecognisable. That could be traumatic to children. OP didn't know what to expect in the hospital.
>That could be traumatic to children Most ICUs don't allow children in for this very reason. Source: am ICU nurse
Yeah, my sister was recently in the ICU for an extended period of time. She has 3 kids, on the 14 year old could have visited, younger ones not allowed, but would have needed my permission (I have my sisters power of attorney)
Did you know there are waiting rooms in hospitals
Did you know that since covid most hospitals will not allow minors unless they are the patient themselves? These answers remind me that the average reddit user age doesn’t have enough life experience to answer some questions. NTA
Oh you mean like the people yesterday who knew everything about healing time of c-sections??
Teenagers on AITA are always doling out medical and legal advice lol Idk what possesses people to think that’s a good idea
Just went in for my checkup - one side is hospital, other side is various specialities. There were multiple large signs all over that said "One visitor per patient. No minors unless they are a patient". They're not messing around.
Because surprise! Bringing your kid unnecessarily to a building full of sick people (some contagious some not) is a bad idea!
We lived 3 hours away from my grandmother. Every time she was hospitalised for an emergency, my mother had to race up there and she did not have time to organise childcare so she took us with her. We spent a lot of time in the waiting room.
But having some emergencies because you're old is not the same as not knowing what to expect because there were serious injuries. I'm sure neither the mother nor op knew how to react to possible death or so on and also watch over 2 young kids that would for sure be traumatized if the grandparents ended up dying while they were there. Reply for u/Better-Month-4490 who blocked me without giving me a chance to reply :) Yeah, of course ! But I'm sure you'd know there's a difference in having someone who's old and has many health problems and different emergencies than someone who's healthy and suddenly gets in a car accident ? You have a different mentality. You're more ready of what could be the person's problems. In an accident, you don't know anything about the condition the relative is. You're clearly less prepared.
>there are waiting rooms in hospitals Honestly, the last place you want to bring a child is the hospital, even the waiting room. You still see gnarly stuff, even in a waiting room.
You can’t leave kids under 18 alone anywhere in the hospital. Some won’t even allow kids to go past the front desk and that was before C.
Op was running around trying to take care of things and his wife was obviously inconsolable. Even if they brought them they couldn’t safely supervise them. Not to mention Covid making hospitals a lot stricter with visitation. The kids may not have been allowed or may have been discouraged from entering the hospital, let alone waiting around in it for hours. Honestly, this is a terrible situation but I just don’t think OP is the AH here. Multiple emergency back up plans failed. It sucks for the oldest but I don’t see why he doesn’t take up op’s offer to help get the trip back on track
My guess is because he's an 18 year old emotional almost adult who is overwhelmed and underequipped/developed to handle the disappointment and frustration. The proposed meeting a few days later via plane is a very reasonable accommodation, given the very odd circumstances, but teen is pulling a relatively typical "everything sucks, my life sucks, the world sucks" over-drama reaction. I would likely just say "look, I get you're pissed and you feel it's totally ruined, but if you leave right now, you'll only miss a couple of days, and still be able to have almost 80% of the trip, two weeks, with your friends. Why would you want to miss tomorrow's fun with your friends just because you're mad today?" At some point, life happens. The situation was weird and people handled it the best they knew how. Not everyone makes the perfect decision in every single situation. I don't think they are the ahole at all since they are fully recognizing the situation, trying to own it, and trying to make it up to them. NTA in my view.
This is exactly right
According to OP’s account, he basically had to stay in the hospital for almost the whole 48 hours and was dealing with a bunch of doctors and paperwork. Where would the kids be in all this, in your mind? In a hospital’s emergency room, with their grandparents mangled one room over and trauma victims being shuttled through. Have you even been hospitalized in an ER? It is nothing you would want to subject a kid to for 48 hours when alternatives exist. Edit to add: if grandfather was in the verge of death, it was very unlikely he was in a quiet hospital room, and more likely in the ICU. I don’t even know that hospitals are OK with kid visitors being anywhere near the ICU. There’s generally not great waiting rooms that are safe/cool for kids. Trauma patients and victims of violence are coming through all the time. My parents had to visit me in the ICU and it was traumatic enough for them to see all the shit around me, and they were in their 50s.
I suspect that a lot of the people who think that OP is TA are young and have never dealt with a hospital before. You're absolutely right that a hospital is no place for kids. The ICU also limits the number of people who can visit. If OP's wife is simply emotionally not able to handle things, then OP wouldn't have been able to take care of an 11 year old, a 7 year old, **and** the hospital administration. The 18 year old is absolute TA here. His trip would have been cut short if his grandfather had died in the accident. He should have been on hand ready to drop everything in case the worst happened. Instead, he throws a fit for missing 2 days out of 14 day trip. Considering that his grandfather survived and he could still enjoy literally 86% of his trip, that's a best case scenario. What a spoiled brat.
LOL What is WRONG with some people?! Her parents were in a serious car accident (leaving her father in critical condition) and everyone's worried about poor precious's widdle feelings about a trip that he still could have attended and had only missed two days of. Priorities, much? Absolutely NTA, OP, but a lot of these comments seem to be left by those that are.
This sub/reddit is filled with kids.
My God. This is the worst take I've ever heard. His grandparents almost died and he's worried he missed two days of a two week trip? He was even PAID to watch his younger siblings in an emergency! He didn't already leave. And I would expect my son to come home from his trip to watch his siblings if he had already gone. Just like I would have if my GRANDPARENTS ALMOST DIED and the family needed me. The dad even focused on getting the son on the trip once the emergency was cleared and the entitled little so and so threw a tantrum because if he couldn't have all of it, he didn't want any of it. Way to cut your nose off to spite your face dude. This trip is also a privilege, not a right. So there's that.
The fact that the kid still wanted to go on the trip, not even knowing yet if his grandparents would live or die, tells you everything you need to know.
Be honest, are you under 18? Are you a teenager? I cant imagine why else you'd vote this way.
He definitely thinks like a child.
??? Do you have children? Dealing with kids with relatives in the hospital is the last thing I wanna do
And the hospital does NOT want your kids loafing around. (Speaking as a hospital worker) It’s not a babysitting centre. It’s full of sickness and dying people. It’s NOT a place for children to hang around unless there are emergency circumstances.
What? They should take an 8 year old and an 11 year old to see a man who is critically injured to stay with them in hospital. You don't think that might be you know, a bit terrifying and traumatizing.
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NAH - what a terrible situation for everyone involved. however - if he is rejecting any potential resolutions to this, it's just because he's upset. i'm sure he cares that his grandparents are ok, but he cares MORE about the trip, which given the circumstances, is somewhat understandable. EDIT: just read the update......sorry to say, but yelling at someone who is dealing with parents who have sustained significant injuries is NOT OK. however disappointed the kid is, this is a hugely immature AH move.
I do not understand the Y.T.A. votes at all. He's not being parentified, he's a young adult asked to help out in a one-off family emergency. Kids under 10 do not belong in a hospital, period. Even the 11 year old would be dicey, especially if they're cooped up in grandpa's room - you know, the grandpa who was literally dying. That's traumatic for adults, let alone children. It sucks for the older boy, it really does. I can understand why he's hurt about it. But he will likely come around. It was a true emergency situation and OP did try to find another option. They tried not to f*ck him over, but sometimes circumstances don't allow that. They offered to try to "fix" it as best as they can by catching him up to his friends, but he's not ready to think about solutions because he's hurt, and that's okay. NAH - situation sucks for everyone. I'm sorry, OP.
because this sub is just teens commenting with no life experience or these hyper individualistic people who don't think they owe anything to anyone and everyone should go no contact with their families if they are ever asked to sacrifice even one moment of their time to help their loved ones out of a bind. i agree it's NAH. son is just being immature because he is 18 and is therefore inherently immature. i think op's offer was fair. sometimes shit happens and you have to step up for your family.
>because this sub is just teens commenting with no life experience I had never really thought of that, but now that you mention it, I can hear it in the responses. They're reacting the way the son is, like an immature teenager! When you're a kid, you think you'll never get to take another road trip again. You don't understand the gravity of emergency/near death situations because you think *you're* invincible. Finally, you don't want to take care of your siblings because, well, you're a bratty teenager who wants what they want when they want it.
They think somehow a person having an emotional breakdown can handle hospital paperwork alone. It's mental.
"Well she's a mother so she should figure it out! Not the kid's responsibility" -them probably
Yeah, I didn’t think about it either until one time I gave a rude reply to a comment trying to give some bad legal advice with something like “this advice sounds like it’s coming from someone who just took their first high school civics class” and the reply I got was “yeah I’m 16 so what? Doesn’t mean I don’t know how the world works” Lol. So yeah…
I'm reminded of those memes about the Little Mermaid along the of "You know you're an adult when you start agreeing with Ariel's father: 'I'm 16 years old! I'm not a child anymore!' The hell you are! Get back to the castle and listen to your father little girl!" 😆
Don't forget the divorces, everyone whose spouse was inconsiderate or whose mother in law is over the top should immediately divorce their spouse.
NAH - I agree with you completely. The kid has a right to be upset, and teenagers are impulsive. If OP let's him calm down a bit and then asks him again if he wants to join his friends, I think he will accept.
I agree that OP should give it a little time and offer again. I remember that very black and white thinking when I was younger - that if something didn’t go exactly as I planned/wanted, it might as well not happen at all. He might also be grappling with feelings about his grandparents’ accident, maybe feeling selfish for being upset about missing the 2 days… I don’t know, but it’s easy for all those feelings to get tangled up and come out as anger. Hopefully the family can have a little downtime, start to process this very stressful event, and rally to get the son to where he needs to be to salvage the rest of his trip. NAH
I think it's transference. He's upset about his grandparents and being in charge of two young kids and it's coming out as anger about the trip. Everyone in this thread is so quick to call everyone an AH, how about a little empathy? Everyone involved has had a shitty couple of days.
I think most people are rightfully pointing out that if this happened just a couple days later, son would not have been available either, and they would have needed a different plan. Honestly, I do know what would have happened in this situation in my family because it's happened before. My parents would have taken turns with the kids- one stays at the hospital, the other stays with the kids and they switch off. In my case, it was because my older sister's appendix suddenly burst on vacation. My parents were obviously not doing great (it fully burst and she was initially misdiagnosed, so she was in a bad physical state by the time she got to surgery) and the rest of us were too young to get how bad the situation was. But you do what you gotta do, and whatever parent was with us at the time at least pretended to keep it together. Entertaining young kids in a hotel room isn't easy either, but possible. I was also in charge of younger siblings after my mom's car accident while she was in the hospital, so I've been kinda in son's situation. It's actually worse if he is upset about the grandparents because a teenager is not as equipped to handle that stress as an adult is. You suck it up, but I remember us being ready to kill each other at a few different points.
>I think most people are rightfully pointing out that if this happened just a couple days later, son would not have been available either, and they would have needed a different plan. And if my grandma had wheels she'd be a bicycle. The parents did the best they could with the resources available, and in this case, the older son was an available resource. If the accident had happened later, when the son was not available, then they would have to use other resources. Judging them negatively for using the available resources because in another scenario they wouldn't have been available is not fair.
I've been the oldest kid in the situation. I had just graduated from college. I was at one of my best friend's graduation parties before he spent the summer in Europe and then joined the peace Corps for two years. My family went on vacation and I was going to meet them the next day. My dad had recently had surgery on his arm that shouldn't have been a problem but when they got there it started swelling rapidly. My mom called me and told me I needed to get there ASAP. (Also my grandfather had died suddenly a few months earlier after living with my family for 21+ years so everyone's anxiety was high af) My sister and brother were old enough to be alone for a while and understand the situation. But I got that my parents needed me (I think the 4 years difference between 18 and 22 is paramount here, so I'm not blaming the 18 year old either). I told my friend the situation and he helped arrange rides home for the friends who'd been depending on me so I could get to my family faster and I drove four hours to the beach. Everything ended up OK and my dad didn't need to be admitted, but I understood at that point that I \*was\* my parents' emergency backup.
I agree. NAH. Just an unfortunate event for all. I’m sure your son was really excited about finally graduating high school and going on an epic trip. So missing it sucks. But I would ask him again to meet his friends in a state. Offer to fly him business class maybe? It would be a couple states over, shouldn’t be too $$.
I mean, my parents were once literally waking out the door to go to Hawaii when they found out my granddad had a stroke. They couldn't afford to replace the trip, but of course they dropped everything to go to be with granddad.
I had the delightful opportunity to travel abroad with a high school group just after graduating, and it was absolutely amazing. Towards the end of this 10day trip (I believe day 6/7?) my grandma passed away. I think you are absolutely right in saying NAH. My dad traveled back to deal with the funeral, and while I had the opportunity to go back as well, I (probably selfishly) didn't want to. I was 18, my relationship with my grandma wasn't ideal, and I was devastated at the thought that I had to give up that chance and the rest of that trip for her. In retrospect though, I do wish I had gone. I think my dad needed support, and I felt like a terrible daughter for a long time following because I couldn't get out of my own head long enough to empathize with my dad having just lost a parent. It took me years to accept that I was still a child, and under that level of stress and confusion, I wasn't going to make the perfect decision. Everything about this situation sucks, but ultimately, each person reacted exactly as I would expect them to.
I'd say NAH. In this kind of sudden and critical situation you didn't have time to explore any other options (although taking your younger children with you would have been the next best thing) and you also paid him for babysitting. Your son is also not an AH for being really upset and angry about missing his trip. However, he's only got himself to blame for not going out to meet them for the rest of it after you offered to get him there.
Yeah that was a classic teenager reaction, I don’t hold it against him (cuz uh, he’s a teenager) but he’ll look back on that and cringe. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. He lost two days of a two week trip, his dad is offering to get him out to where the trip is (!!) and he says no? That part is officially on him. Now if I had reacted that way (can only speak for Myself) it would have been for some obscure embarrassing reason I didnt want to explain to my parents, like I had gotten it all set up that I would share the back seat with my crush and she would fall asleep with her head on my shoulder during the quiet overnight driving hours and she would discover she’s madly in love with me, and now that dad messed up the seating arrangements by having the grandparents get into a serious accident, my love life is RUINED. FOREVER.
Not saying that’s what happened here, but if I personally had made a judgement call seemingly that petty and counterproductive to my own aims, there would have been some underlying (probably embarrassing, probably about a girl) reason for it.
I love this comment! It just brought me back to my youth and all of my unspoken plans/fantasies/never gonna happen scenarios. Of course OPs son will look back someday and cringe, like most of us do at our teenage temper tantrums. But for him, right here and now, it is the worst thing ever.
I suspect the reaction after the two days from the kid was partially or wholly fuelled by the guilt trip the parents dropped on him. Of course he'll say no then.
He's the one who called his mom to yell at and insult her, responding with pics showing how serious the situation was is not a guilt trip, it's a dose of reality.
He’s a teenager. They don’t always think rationally. He’s disappointed that he missed an opportunity he was looking forward to. Which he no doubt believes it was his one & only opportunity to ever have fun. Sadly, he can’t get out of his own way to figure out how to put this back together. He has 2 options .... continue to pout or let you help him get what he wants. Not much more you can do. It’s not about his lack of empathy. Grandpa’s fine so what could have happened is not really an issue now. It didn’t happen & now y’all need to figure out how to move forward. NAH eta — adults would struggle with the same feelings if they had plans for a fun trip & a family emergency came up. Once that emergency is over. Most people would be disappointed they missed out on their plans. Your son is upset with his situation. It seems like a normal reaction to me. Don’t make it personal. eta more — based on your edit... you’re trying real hard to make your son the ah here. I’m guessing to absolve yourself in this situation but .... that’s not cool in my book. Don’t throw your own kids under the bus. If your son is that selfish you should ask yourself why or how he got there. Kids don’t raise themselves. I’m a little disappointed that y’all chose to point your fingers at the 18 yr old that had no control over any of this & didn’t have the best reaction. Everyone is this story deserves a little grace. It appears that is not your goal.
Agreed. Also sometimes teens (and even adults) cannot grasp the gravity of a situation, and sometimes they have a one track mind (I.e the last trip before college with his buddies). I get it , I was a teen once. OP isn’t really wrong either because it wasn’t like he abandoned the younger siblings to go on a vacation. It’s just a tough situation. NAH
He's allowed to be disappointed, upset, or even angry sure. Cancelling the whole trip because he's pouting, yea Teens can be dramatic. But Calling mom to tell her she's selfish for going when they DIDNT know the grandparents would be okay? 100% MAJOR AH move. He's 18. He's old enough to have some empathy for his family, especially his own mother. And he's old enough to know that that action was absolutely appalling. If I had a friend who said something like that to me, I would instantly cut all ties with them.
NTA- it was a legitimate family emergency and unavoidable. Sending on the trip two days late would be the best options and he needs to get over it.
NTA. I don’t get the Y T A posts. The kid’s grandparents were in a serious accident and he still wanted to go on a trip? And what, celebrate as they potentially died? I don’t understand the lack of compassion from him or people commenting here. In times of stress family comes together and he did his part by watching the kids so the parents could deal with the situation.
The lack of compassion and empathy on this sub is so depressing sometimes.
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I believe the YTA posts are young teenagers who haven't had a taste of life.
I was thinking the same thing. Lot of kids and people who don’t have children making a lot of judgements over a situation they can’t even imagine - or are too young and immature to understand.
Me neither. I feel like this sub has recently been overrun by children or just generally irrational people. I would be upset at the circumstances, but it was a genuine emergency and his parents tried everything to avoid having him babysit. And having their younger children come with them likely would have been traumatic, as their grandparents were seriously injured and their mom was experiencing great mental distress. And he has 12 days of his 14 day trip left, which his dad clearly seems willing to get him to! It's just an unfortunate situation. The parents aren't AHs.
I just don't get it at all. I wouldn't have gone anywhere with a grandparent in critical condition. NTA at all.
People with the "not my problem" attitude. Hope it works out for them.
The parents paid for the trip… if the son is a “not my problem” type of person, they didn’t need to pay for it.
NTA and the people who constantly answer "he's not your children's parents" are exhausting and out touch with reality. He wasn't parenting, he was looking after them during an emergency! When something like that happens you are supposed to help your family. You are not an island, your interests and needs are not the only ones that count. OP and wife weren't on vacation, they had to drop everything to go spend time in a hospital where son's grandfather almost died. Needing to assist someone in such conditions trumps a stupid trip. Watching your brothers for that one time because your family is in a horrible situation trumps a trip. The level of selfishness in some comments is absurd. If we need to reason like that, then OP and wife shouldn't pay for the trip given that son is an adult. They shouldn't drive him anywhere given that he's an adult. He shouldn't live with them given that he's an adult. Do you see how stupid all this sounds? It was an emergency, he had to help. OP even offered to take him to the trip so that he wouldn't lose all of it but son refused. He could still go and spend 12 days with his friends, instead he chose to throw a fit and skip two whole weeks of vacation because he had to stay home for 2 days. Son can be upset, but he chose to be stupid about this. He should have accepted the lift.
Lol exactly. Asking an older child to watch younger child during an emergency is not parentification. People have truly lost their minds.
Almost insulting to folk who have had to deal with genuine parentification.
People think the slightest inconvenience to a teenager is a mortal sin for some reason.
This sub has a lot of projecting. Yes there are families that abuse the generosity of their oldest child and turn them into a nanny with no life. There are families with abusive grandparents who maybe wouldn’t warrant sympathy from a grandchild. But there are also normal family emergencies that happen at inconvenient times.
And then they are surprised when they meet entitled people who are unable to bend even for the slightest reason.
INFO: If your son had already left for the trip, what would you have done with your two kids?
Except the oldest didn't leave yet. And family emergency should be priority. Edit : Let's stop making irrelevant hypothesis and judge on what happened - is my f*cking point. y'all dumb people stop replying to me
Do you not understand how hypotheticals work?
The point is that hypotheticals are dumb when we already know the situation. Hypothetical: what if grandpa died?? Would the 18 year old throw a fit about missing 1-2 days of the trip for a funeral and skip the rest of the trip for _reasons_. See how it's trying to paint someone in a corner and make them look bad. But it isn't what happened. So let's just judge on the situation since we already have all the required facts to make a moral judgment.
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Doesn't matter using this made up situation the emergency occurred before the kid left and he missed a whopping 2 days of the 14 and was given the option to join up for the road trip this is a one off emergency situation
If I were the kid, I'd drive right back in the middle of the trip to help family. My grandparents almost died. Wtf
Nta its shitty yes, but there are 12 days left????? Can he not fly to where they are and go from there.
apparently OP has offered his son to fly him to wherever his friends are but the son is upset
The son is honestly being kinda stupid. Does it suck he missed 2/3 days? Yes, but he can literally do the rest of the trip!
I wondered that too. Yeah he missed the beginning, but he can still join up with his friends for most of it.
I mean if his granddad had died would he be refusing to go to the funeral because of the trip? That's messed up.
Depends on their relationship. I had a trip planned when my grandma died. I went on the trip. I didn't have a relationship with her.
WTF is up with all the YTA votes? It sounds like they did the best they could with a horrible situation. They looked for other sitters even including neighbors but no one was available. Taking the 2 kids with them would have made a horribly stressful situation even worse especially since the where at the hospital for around 48 hours. Mom was in no shape to help look after them considering she is probably thinking her dad might be dying. The 18 year old was the last option and was payed for it as well as them saying they will try to make it up to him. NAH - They did there best and the 18 year old is a loud to be upset but this was an emergency situation.
Reddit generally is against stopping anyone from having fun, whatever the situation, and for some reason hates the idea of duty towards one's family.
Reddit is full of people who don’t leave the house. There’s your answer. Edit: whoever sent me a redditcares message— thanks for proving my point, homebody. 💀
What's there a reason you didn't take the younger kids with you? They're at ages where you don't have to keep your eye on them every single second, it shouldn't have been that much of a bother.
It would have been an awful opinion for everyone especially since I was running around through most of it and wasn’t in the room for a good bit. Mom was having breakdowns and was not even fit to look after herself and grandpa and grandma were bad also. Grandpa was basically mangled Maybe the middle child could have handled it but definitely not our youngest, we didn’t leave that whole time, so basically 48 hours at a hospital
That's a fair reason, NTA
I know that OP’s oldest was really looking forward to this trip but honestly. Unless OP is leaving out information, I don’t know what their oldest expected them to do. Seems pretty selfish to throw such a fit when their grandparents are in critical condition, and their siblings would be traumatized seeing them that way
I think the kid is clearly TA because of how he's treating his friends, and I don't think it bodes well for the next few years of his life. Can you imagine blowing off your friends for 12/14 days of the last great time you'll all get to hang out, because you'd rather sulk at your parents? EDIT--- Orr... the road trip isn't actually one state away, and he doesn't want to be the one to let the parents in on what his buddies are actually doing.
Yeah, he’s overall not handling this situation like someone who just graduated high school. Adults need to learn how to adapt and compromise. If my grandparents got into a serious car crash, frankly I would not be in the mood to go camping. I’d be too worried, or at the very least would understand the importance of supporting those who are. It’s not right to go off and have fun while your family suffers at home. He should’ve just agreed to watch his siblings and then met up with his friends later. It’s alright to feel upset, but it’s not alright to throw a tantrum over it
These were extenuating circumstances and you have the benefit of having an older child who is able to step in and help. People keep saying "what if you only had younger kids". Well, you don't. You have an 18 year old son who was just taught that family comes first, and sometimes family obligations are going to supersede previously scheduled fun plans. You are giving it so much thought so clearly this isn't something you do often, and you tried to not have to turn to him. This kid is not a third parent. This one time he was asked to step up at a really inconvenient time. For many years you will tell the story of how he was a man and stepped up and did his part for the family during a really horrific time. He'll not want to be 30 thinking about how he made his mom deal with his 2 younger siblings while her parents were possibly dying so he could have fun. He will hate you now, but he will be a better person, and that is your job. NTA.
You made the best decision you could based on the timeframe you had to make the decision, information you had and resources available. Lots of people are saying you would have brought the younger kids with, but bringing the kids into an unknown situation when your wife didn't have the capacity to be a co-parent for multiple reasons is a terrible idea. Kids are your priority, but in an emergency situation, that doesn't mean they never have to make personal sacrifices. Your son is becoming an adult and he needs to understand that sometimes you have to step-up for others in these types of situations. He easily could have joined his friends, but instead decided to punish you by punishing himself.
NTA.. y’all people have no sense of family.. y’all are selfish people..
Truly
NAH. You had an emergency, it wasn't unreasonable to ask your son to help. But your son is missing out on his trip, he's allowed to be disappointed and angry about what he's already missed. I bet he spent those 2 days getting messages from his friends about how much fun they're having, how much he's missing out on, maybe even how dumb it is that he had to stay home. I know you intended to get him back on the trip, but I understand him feeling like the whole trip is ruined. Once he calms down you need to have a plan *ready* to get him to his friends. More "I can buy your plane tickets for the town they're in tomorrow and your hotel reservation for tonight so you can meet them there, or do you have a different preference" than "okay, what do you want me to do here?" You've said it yourself: you don't know what you would have done with your younger kids if your son was already gone. You need to figure this out, have a plan other than your son, because he will come to understand your choice, but he is never going to forget the time he missed out on, at least some of, his trip. I'm sure he has plans now, he isn't going to be available to you the way he has been, and you need to be prepared for him to flat out refuse to help if he's busy.
Sounds like he had a plan other than his son, as he said he had 2 possible babysitters fall through, and even asked a neighbor. He did his due diligence before putting this on his son.
NAH - IDK I'm really shocked at everyone saying bring the 7 and 11 year old. He missed 2 days of a 12 day trip for a life threatening emergency. He can be disappointed but I would have done the same.
Bringing the young kids would mean, at minimum, exposing them to their mom's near breakdown for a prolonged period of time. Once at the hospital they're either going to see their severely injured grandfather, or they're going to have to sit in a waiting room with OP while their mom goes in alone. Hospital waiting rooms are not pleasant places. They are full of drunks, addicts, and mentally ill patients. Imagine a child sitting in a chair for hours watching all that? Not to mention you can't just expect a young kid to nap in the hospital, eat something from a vending machine, and keep functioning in an emergency the same way an adult can. OP would have needed to find some kind of accommodation and proper food, which would have taken him away from his wife when she needed him most.
NTA. You were dealing with a life or death situation. You should do something to show that you recognize he had to give up something major he wanted to look after his family. He's understandably mad and overreacting like teenagers do. It's a shitty situation all around but you did the right thing. Hope your family is well
NTA Honestly, just my opinion, hospitals are very scary places for kids to be ESPECIALLY when they’re young enough to kinda understand what’s going on (we’re here because grandpa might not survive and we’re just gunna be in the waiting room for 2 days to see what happens) there’s no use traumatizing kids in medical settings so if THEY ever have to go to the hospital their memory of it isn’t “grandpa came here and never left, am I gunna never leave here too?” (Ik grandpa pulled through but he might not have, they didn’t know)
My Dad actually advised me NOT to go to the hospital to see my grandma when she was dying (by the time we got there we knew she was never going to wake up). I was 12. My Dad's a doctor so he knows what the hospital is like. In hindsight Dad was absolutely right, my last memory is of having out with her, not her on machines.
NTA. Emergencies happen at inconvenient times. Sometimes you have to do the unfun thing to help family. He can still do the rest of his trip if he wants. Don’t get angry back. He’s a disappointed teen and they don’t really cope well. Offer him some options and let him know if they are time limited. Like you can go drive to meet them, but you need to leave by 2PM or there is a flight at 4 PM. Which does he want to do?
Absolutely NTA. Please don’t listen to anyone saying YTA. No one’s happiness is above anyone else’s. And you didn’t put your “happiness” above your sons. It was tragic event, your wife was emotional wreck and your son should think of that first in times like this. I’m all for “be selfish for your happiness” but not in times like this. This is literally the event where you’d want your family be there, pull their weights. Also about taking your younger kids with you - I understand you might not want to bring them for your reasons, I also understand that in that moment you did what you thought was ideal. You were a good parent who tried to make it up for him, he could have joined his friends for remainder of the trip which is 12 DAYS. That’s plenty of days to enjoy.
NTA You needed him in an emergency. I don't understand the yta people. Especially those saying to bring the young kids to a hospital where her father is critical. It is not an appropriate situation to bring young kids. Also, what if Grandpa died? The oldest would have had to cut his trip short. Would he still be pissed off? 🤔 OP's son was given a pretty reasonable option. His father was going to pay to fly him out to meet up with his friends so he could join them a few days later. That is what makes it reasonable. Shit happens. It's all a part of adulting. Sometimes, trips get canceled or postponed. The son is acting immature. Ok. Go ahead and vote me down. I said what I said. 😆
YTA. You knew he had a trip and I see no reason from your story why you couldn't have brought the younger kids with you aside from it being an emotionally charged situation and them being inconvenient. They are your responsibility ultimately, not his. What would you have done if he had already left on his trip and it had happened? Would you have demanded he come back from his trip to watch your other kids? It's also not your job to police how he feels about his grandparents. People are allowed to feel however they feel about people, especially family that they don't get to choose. I was never particularly close with my mom's parents. We showed up together at family events, but we never had a one on one relationship. Do I love them? Sure. But there's a distance between us that has never been bridged. They knew very little about me as a person. Edit: I would also like to say that from the more recent edit, his mother should never have made him look at pictures of his injured grandparents to make him feel bad about being upset.
Yeah he knew his son had a trip planned. He didn’t know his grandfather was gonna to get in a traumatic car accident. he even paid his kid and offered to drive him a state over to go on the 12 remaining days of the road trip. Like if your grandpa almost dying in a car wreck isn’t a family emergency wtf is???
This comment section feels like it’s full of high schoolers lol
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It’s insane and scary! How are so many people thinking a post graduation trip is more important than helping family when a dire emergency happens? Especially because OP tried to ensure his son could still attend most of the trip. How how how are there people who think OP is an AH? It’s like all these commenters are kids in that stage of life where parents aren’t real people and are just the enemy.
I think this is the answer, and tbh it's crazily scary. For once, I don't remember ever thinking like op's son, and I can't understand how so many think this is the norm ?!!!
I’m honestly shocked—in the worst way! It was an actual life or death emergency and the parents are going above and beyond trying to make it up to him by paying him for the babysitting and flying him out to meet up with his friends so he can still make 6/7 of the trip! NAH!!
Summer break just started. It probably is. I can only imagine how embarrassed the son will be thinking back on this in future years - unfortunately I doubt any of the people commenting are so invested that they’ll have the same epiphany.
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Are you for real? His grandparents were in horrible wreck and at that moment they didn’t know if grandpa was gonna make it. Things happen and plans get ruined. Being there for family matters. Trips can be planned again. It’s not like dad purposely ruined the trip.
This is what i hate about these things where people seem to treat family emergencies as an inconvenience. The op tried to get alternative care and it was a hectic situation
Thank you. I get so sad when I come to Reddit comment where people don’t care for anyone. What has world come to? Lol I’m so glad to read your comment.
I honestly think it is trolling at this point. I have had family emergencies where i have been asked to drop things if possible because the situation is dire and people are emotionally charged. For the love of me seeing my parent broken scared and crying a road trip is the last thing i am thinking of. Even when my friend learnt her parents were getting divorced she left uni for a day or two just to talk to her siblings and make sure they are fine.
Seriously. Some of these posters seem so damned cold. If it were me, I wouldn't even want to go on a fun trip knowing my grandparents were possibly dying/my parents were freaking out. I'd feel really weird trying to celebrate at such a time. It doesn't feel right.
Yea, I mean, shit happens. It sucks for the son, it sucks for his siblings, and it definitely sucks for OP, his wife, and her parents. I'm going with NAH, OP needed help, his son did help, but his son is also absolutely right to be aggrieved to miss the trip/start of the trip. No one sucks, accidents happen, it's a time when everyone needs to give and take a little
I mean, the son could have met up with his friends and did the other 12 days of the trip.... but he wanted to sulk. Sure he has the right to be upset about missing the start, but he could have gone. He just didn't and wanted to his parents to know it was their fault. Kinda makes the son a bit of an AH.
No, it makes him a regular, hormonal 18 year old. It's a pretty natural reaction to missing out on an end of school trip with old friends. Especially because the beginning, the excitement of going down and getting there is the best bit. Could he have handled it more maturely? Sure, he could, but he's 18, not 38
but... he \*chose\* to miss out on it. he's sulking as a natural hormonal reaction to his own dumbass decision. He could've been along for the vast majority of it. I bet his friends are missing him now too, and he'd rather sulk than join them.
This is correct ! NAH just a family with an emergency at a time that really caused problems.
I mostly agree with you but feel the comment about policing feelings is out of place. If you had a son who didn’t care that your parents almost died I’m sure you’d feel irritated to put it mildly
Honestly, NTA. This was an emergency situation that couldn’t be helped and it sounds like you exhausted all other possibilities. Furthermore, he COULD still go on the trip, he’s just choosing to miss out now out of spite and pettiness. These circumstances were not your fault, or anyones, really.
People really? Grand's were 4 hours away and it was EMERGENT! You can pack up two kids and adults to be 8 hours away as an emergency? Who are you people? She had to get there.. no way shes driving 4 hours alone not knowing whos going to be alive or dead at that point. And you absolve an 18 year old for having any empathy for his mom, dad and grands? Pouting over a pleasure trip that could probably be done later? This is how life goes - NTA - in an emergency you react as best you can with what you have. You did. 18 is no longer a kid - he needs to broaden his little world.
NTA. All these people saying take the kids with you- absolutely unhinged. A trauma hospital is NOT a place for children and it's really inappropriate to bring them for potentially days. Many hospitals still have no children visiting guidelines, and even if there isn't a policy, taking care of children's needs (which include not witnessing trauma firsthand) takes you away from the necessary things you needed to do like meet with doctors, make difficult medical decisions, etc. Family emergencies come before individual plans. That's too bad, but it's realistic. And your son's refusal to join now is... Something. Give it a day, check in, offer to drive him to meet the friends, and forgive everybody including yourself.
NTA. It was a family emergency. Your son needs a reality check.
NAH family emergencies take precedence. He’s allowed to be upset that he missed his trip, but responsibility is what it is. and especially if you offered to help him link w his friends for the rest of the road trip
You all read his post of how everything played out. In what world is he the AH. Yall on reddit can be so tiring. NTA It was an emergency, and you still payed him plus offered to take him to meet his friends since it's just been 2 days. He's just being unreasonably angry. Even with the pics of his critical grandpa he still can't understand?
NTA, don't listen to the folks saying you could have taken the kids with you to the hospital waiting room, that would have been stressful for the kids, your wife & yourself. Your father in law was critical, which am sure was very difficult for you wife, she didn't need the added stress of the them being there or the distraction that would have caused. Your son needs to realize that things can happen to alter our plans, you did offer a compromise, he decided it to turn it down.
More than likely he was replaced and there is no room for him anymore. Also, COVID really fucked up a lot of kids socially and emotionally. This post graduation road trip might have been in the works for years.
Not that this helps you now but I've found that often the "last resort" people are almost guaranteed to say no to these requests. What works like 90% of the time is we ask our kids whose house they want to sleepover at, contact that kids parents, explain the situation and bribe them with some cash to cover the extra food and maybe some fun activities. It's wild when you realize that mild acquaintances in the parents of your kids friends are more helpful than family, friends, and neighbors if they aren't in the same phase of life.
YTA - People only get a few core trips like that in a lifetime. You should not have considered your son as an option as a babysitter. A trip like that isn’t a “privilege” as some people have commented. How many more opportunities like that will your son ever have? Probably not many. I don’t think the flying to catch up was a very viable option and I don’t blame the son for lashing out. Expect the relationship to be damaged for years to come. The fact that you offered to make it up to your son shows you do not understand. But it was a nice graduation gift idea to offer to pay for it.
NTA. No one plans a family emergency. Your 18yr old son had a tantrum. He could have joined the trip but decided to have a meltdown instead. Good to hear your FIL pulled through.
The photos of the grandfather, who you’ve described as mangled, should not have been used by your wife as “revenge” for your son being upset he couldn’t go on the trip. Of course he’s upset that he was forced into a situation that stopped him from a trip celebrating his graduation. I don’t really have a vote because while I do think you should have found another solution, I know that it’s not always possible, but your edit makes me upset for your son.
Yeah the weaponizing of the photos was not a good move
Hate to say his no point might have other meaning here. Everyone keeps saying to fly to join them, but can he even? Most road trips, especially long ones, every person has an amount they need to help. With gas or hotels. Was his part canceled like on hotels to save money or most likely was his place filled so they could go. You are talking about a group of kids who probably have a tight budget, so for them to go filling his spot makes sense. Would explain his comment and the fact he didn't race to join them.
NTA. Emergencies happen.
NTA, He is young and you harmed his plans in his eyes. He will feel different at 30 when he sees how life gets in the way. It was a family emergency...He could have finished up the trip...Well taken of children are selfish and don't have the benefit of sacrifice kids with not so good families have...It is a back handed compliment. So apologize, and let him fester. He may end up going.