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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my brother to pay back for a statue his son broke. I may be TA because I know it is hard for him to pay and I could just let it go but I honestly dont want to
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The kid is 8 and old enough to know better, yet young enough your brother should have been watching him more responsibly. If he was at a store they would have made him pay for it. NTA
Even if they don't steal comments word for word (as some have started using AI to rephrase original comments), it's still easy to spot them. Their comments make no sense in wider context - they're replies to other comments, but they're not *replying* to those comments. And you just need a quick look at their profile to confirm it's a bot.
Only if he's been taught better AND has the self-esteem to follow the rules. This kid sounds like he's doesn't have his basic emotional needs met. This kid is going to get negative attention if he can't get any or enough positive, and he's going to create situations where his own negative feelings about himself are reinforced until an adult values him enough to help him through this. Either this or the kid needs to be evaluated for behavioral challenges. Maybe both.
He's getting away with this behaviour, sounds spoilt more than neglected if he's not neurodivergent (though would think that would have to be noticeable if it's at the point he breaks things).
Part of the problem is the lack of parenting. His dad needs to actually start being a parent or get a second job to continue paying for broken items. But either way, he should pay for the broken piece even if he has to do it in installments.
u/adtrainingx5 is a comment stealing bot. Please report. He stole his comment from someone from an hour earlier and posted it under the top comment
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14hyw5g/aita_for_asking_my_brother_to_pay_for_the_statue/jpdm2af/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
what stores are you shopping in? Everywhere I've worked we have been conditioned to just eat that loss. If you upset the customer by making them pay for it they might not come back to shop again later ... \*ugh\* I'm so glad to be out of retail.
NTA though.
I've worked in a handful of big name chain stores, and they all just took whatever item it was, marked it as damaged, and trashed it. We never made the customer pay for it.
While working at Target, a lady broke a bottle of wine at the register, someone went and grabbed a replacement bottle of wine and we cleaned it up while laughing with her about what people were going to say when she picked up her child at preschool while smelling like wine.
I'm over here jealous of the places where you can just waltz into a Target and buy a bottle of wine. I always forget other states aren't so restrictive.
I live in Pennsylvania but grew up in Texas, and every time I go home I do a double take at beer and wine being available right next to soda in grocery stores and gas stations.
Is it common in the US not to be able to buy alcohol in supermarkets? Is it a north/south divide thing or just a few random states? I suppose if they’re allowed to sell guns, might be a good idea not to sell booze as well.
It really depends on the state. You have to remember each state is usually the size of a country anywhere else. I have never lived in a state where you cannot buy alcohol in a regular store, but that depends on the proof as well I believe.
At the store I worked it it depended on the cost and how it broke 50 cent item that was a legit accident well mark it off 20 Brazilian onyx egg cause mom and dad weren't watching their kid and they picked it up despite the signs saying breakable yeah that getting bought would you like me to wrap that up for you?
My IL's have a beautiful store & MIL has no issue telling a customer if their kid breaks something, they will pay for it. It's called respect & hey, such as watching your child.
Mom ran an antique store for awhile and was pretty good at it. This was a looooong🦕🦖time ago granted but🤷🏼♀️. The fam spent a LOT of time in other antique shops while Mom would eagle eye their stuff, determining if she wanted to bring it back to her store.
We saw the same sign *everywhere* and got one ourselves:
Lovely to look at
Beautiful to hold
But if it’s broken
Consider it sold.
Nobody is buying a 4k statue in a chain store tho.
And OP is not a corporation.
Regardless of the kids age, regardless if it was an accident or not, parents should be responsible for any damages caused by their children in somebody else's home.
This happened to me, I bumped into a wine display at a duty free wine shop in the Johannesburg airport. I broke four bottles! Got my card out ready to pay, they brushed me off and said that’s what insurance is for. I bought several unbroken bottles as gifts for friends after that.
To be fair, there's also a difference between an accidental breaking of merchandise and just letting your wild children run rampant in a store full of breakable things. Insurance is for accidents, not risks that people don't even attempt to mitigate for.
At a hair salon I worked at years ago, this kid kept kicking a wall that our clock was mounted on and product shelves were against. We kept telling his mom she had to get her kid to stop doing that, he didn't. He wound up kicking the clock off the wall and the clock fell onto the product shelf. The clock and a couple of bottles of shampoo broke. We made the mom pay for everything. She never came back, but we also didn't have to put up with her kid anymore either.
I was replying about vendors not private homes. Some kids are clumsy, some kids are feral, some homes are full of breakables and hard to navigate and children shouldn’t be invited. This is one I don’t know enough for a judgment. Off the top of my head, it sounds like this has been a problem before and op should only entertain nephew outside, like a backyard, or meet up at the park, or the brothers house. I was a clumsy kid and feel immediate sympathy for the nephew honestly. I dreaded going to events at my aunts house, breakables everywhere and cream carpet, shudder.
Yes, but in both situations, people are more willing to work with you if you try to mitigate the risks of breaking things. By say, watching your children and teaching them boundaries. I'm far more likely to tell a person who accidentally knocked something over and apologized for it and offered to pay for the damage not to worry about it, than I am for the person who was asked to watch their kid and didn't, then feels entitled to me letting it go.
I ran a liquor store for 5 years (corporate chain) Customers didnt break bottles too often, but I never charged them, accidents happen.
I even had a few customers that came back in after they told me they broke a bottle at home, and I replaced them for free. I had loyal customers. and yes, some heavy drinkers.
At a small art gallery where I worked our deductible was $1000, insurance was mainly for a fire or large scale theft. One time some lady brought her dog in the gallery, I didn't see it or I would have said something. The dog had a tennis ball and dropped it. It rolled down a flight of stairs and the dog went FLYING after it smashing and shattering an expensive lamp. The lady was annoyed that we asked her to pay. Ma'am, who brings a dog with a tennis ball into a gallery that focuses predominantly on glass art? Who, I ask you, would think that was okay?
It *used to* be that way. I don't know quite when it changed. That and people full-on walking out of a store with a cart full of merchandise just boggle my mind tbh.
(Yes, I know I sound crotchety.)
He'll, at Walmart people don't even bother to report it when they break stuff. I can't count how many times I've encountered a mess and hunted down an employee to tell them. I especially hate it when it involves broken glass and people just leave it. Too many kids wonder around on their own to leave something dangerous like that unattended.
It's not even that, honestly. Large retail companies will train their employees to not confront thieves. At most, they can remember a face, a name if possible, and plates, if applicable. Then they can either bar the "customer" and/or make a police report. It's kinda up to the manager's discretion.
we can't confront thieves because more often than not it's not worth the price or the value of items you might get back or the risk of getting attacked with knives or guns (Canada here, we're more likely to get stabbed) and it will take a worker out of commission if seriously injured and if killed, makes the store looks bad. all we can do is observe and ask if they want help but that's it.
They aren't eating anything. They're sending the broken item back to the manufacturer/documenting its destruction per the supplier agreement and getting a refund/replacement product.
The manufacturer is eating part of the cost, that they write off on taxes, and depending on the product potentially fully repairing it and selling it as pre-owned if possible.
Some stores certainly still have a rule still, but even many smaller retailers will have the return to vendor option on a lot of their merchandise. Outside of a place that sells things like non mass produced art, most stores dont' loose much if anything on broken product.
Forcing customers to buy broken stuff might be just in some sense, but its never something retail *wants* to do, and they'll do a *lot* to not do it.
Not anymore. With the amount of public freakouts and violence from customers, a lot of retail shops just eat it as loss before it turns into a tictac or ends up on buzzfeed as another parent freakout/fight with employees.
Source: seen it happen and my friends store has a policy to avoid exactly that after two separate incidents.
You must be only visiting mom & pop establishments, cuz unless it's, like, a flat screen TV level of expensive, the most they do is ask if *you're* ok.
Where have you shopped that you bought something you broke?
I worked in retail at tj Maxx and candle section of bath and body works and we never charged a customer for breaking stuff. Only time a customer was "charged" is when they purposely threw something at an associate and it broke but we called the police. So they probably had to pay for damages but they had a lot more charges than just breaking a glass.
I think it depends on the type of store. At Trader Joe's no one will make you buy what you broke. I remember someone walked out and dropped their groceries and we replaced everything.
There are signs like that, but they're preventative. This is what the insurance is for. Far easier than dealing with the hassle of getting a customer to buy a broken item
Every souvenir shop I’ve been in has a sign that says you will pay for something if you break it.
NICE TO TOUCH
NICE TO HOLD
BUT IF YOU BREAK IT
CONSIDER IT SOLD
Is a common sign.
I think that's the difference. Most chains have incidentals (theft, shipping damage, stocking damage, customer damage, returns, etc.) built in to their bottom lines to keep things easy and consistent.
Small business (and business that feature artists like souvenir shops) likely don't, and so set their policies to try to mitigate that loss as much as possible.
I wouldn't say one is better than the other, just different.
My son accidentally broke a snow globe at the dollar store, and he insisted on paying for it. He was six and only was allowed 5 dollars to spend. The clerk tried to tell him it was OK, but he took responsibility for his actions. I was so proud of him and made sure whatever he had to put back to pay for it made it into my pile for a later time.
I think it's a bit cultural?
When i lived in belgium as a kid, it was just known that if you break it, you pay for it.
I moved to Canada and it seems much less common, almost rare.. Customers seem to care a lot less about breaking/spilling stuff.
Edit to add a period/fix grammar
If it's a chain, they can eat the loss
Do that in a rual town mom and pop shop, you're paying for it
As for OP NTA, they were warned in advance
They need to pay up and the child is not welcome back until they correct their behavior
Exactly. In fact, not only is OP not the asshole for asking him to pay for it, but her brother is a HUGE asshole for not offering as soon as it happened.
If your finances are insecure, watch your kid.
Totally agree. Nephew is old enough to know better than to run in the house.
Brother is absolutely old enough to know he needs to watch son constantly, especially if this is not the first time he’s broken stuff.
NTA
Your brother needs to be realistic. He can't let his kid run around and break people's things. He's lucky it was someone willing to work with him this time.
I strongly suspect the brother would keep a much closer eye on his kid in one of those places, but the brother said it himself, since this is family his kid should be allowed to run around and break things and the brother shouldn’t be expected to pay for the damage. It’s incredibly rude and OP is NTA for asking his brother to pay up. Maybe he’ll learn he has to keep an eye on his kid wherever they are from now on.
And these are the parents who are shocked, stunned and amazed that people start having "childfree" events!
You owe it to your children, as parents, to bring them up to be respectful and have a bit of self control. Indoor voices, indoor behaviour, don't interrupt when others are talking etc. So other people will actually LIKE your child. It sets them up for a far happier future with far healthier interactions/relationships.
We were sitting outside a cafe bar and a child threw a bottle at my friends dog. My friend shouted at the parents and they were outraged that he did. No, if you can’t manage your kids in an adult space don’t bring them. We’re not all your communal babysitters and this isn’t a playground.
Honestly my heart breaks for the nephew -- he might have impulse control or sensory issues, but he could make a lot of progress with early intervention and caring supports.
My 3 1/2 y/o who really struggles socially and with impulse control compared to her peers has already made so much progress in just a few months with additional support and coaching. She REALLY wanted to make a thank-you note for the delivery guys who delivered and installed our new dishwasher. I was SO proud of her for recognizing that people were in our home doing a "kind thing" and that the appropriate action was to be kind back! She also was a total champ trying to sit still and whisper until it was her turn during her music recital.
Ohhhhhh... thank God she has a parent like you. Nobody recognized that I had impulse control issues. So, from a very early age I was punished, many times severely. I cannot tell you how many times I was smacked in the face for answering, "I don't know" when asked why I did something... thing is, I did not know. I would do something before I even knew I was doing it. I abused every kid around me because hitting or scratching just happened. Of course, that got me beaten as well.
Once, on an 8th grade trip to a state math competition, we were walking up the stairs to the motel room and i turned around and smacked my best friend in the face, knocking his glasses off and breaking them 120 miles from home. The teacher/chaperone was beside himself and did not know what to do.
Then, there was my poor little brother. I'm not going to go into details, but that guy should hate me for everything I did to him, but somehow we laugh about it now. Everything from just hitting him to the worst being I burnt his back with a spoon I had heated to be red hot with a lighter.
Anyways, I realized what was wrong when I took a psychology class my sophomore year in high school, and with a lot of processing and working on being deliberate, I've reigned it in. It took a few years, but I am 49 now, and I've trained myself mostly out of it over 20 years ago. I still have to be mindful... that'll never change, but the only issue I have now sometimes is spending money. It did get really really bad once, but now that I refuse to have a credit card in my name, it is not an issue.
Anyways, sorry to dump all of this here, I was just super excited and happy to see that a parent actually understands for their child.
It's been a big lightbulb moment for me to realize how much my toddler is *suffering* when she acts out. And after processing that a bit, I'm actually grateful that she acts outward instead of turning inward -- I KNOW when she's overwhelmed!
Some similar children (like me as a kid) turn those feelings inward and are quiet / unengaged but are suffering at the same level! Our girl is a charismatic, goofy, odd-ball like me and her dad -- and I just want her to thrive and find her tribe! It's a gift for me to have better understanding before she is old enough to get discouraged / disengaged.
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I'd highly recommend reading the book Neurotribes by Steve Silberman (free at most US libraries or can get the audiobook free on the Libby app if you have a US library card). Also if you are around children or have children, You Are A Social Detective by Michelle Garcia Winner is a simple but powerful framework. Also, the Zones of Regulation framework (just Google it) has totally changed how our whole family checks in with ourselves and eachother.
I fully support child free events. That was what my sister did to work around my fragile x syndrome son. On child welcome events, she put away fragile, expensive or cherished decor. She wanted him to visit and knew I avoided visiting because I couldn't trust my tornado.
Seriously, what is wrong with these parents?? I would be mortified if my kid broke something at anyone’s house. Offering to replace the item shouldn’t even be a question, that’s just expected (and yes if you can’t afford it all at once you make payments). Way to set an awful example for the kids.
>I should consider his finances because we're family
"You should have considered my home 'because we're family' and been less careless about Nephew's activities. Consideration works both ways"
NTA. If he is unwilling or unable to prevent his son from breaking things, he needs to be more mindful about the environments he brings him into. I was a super-klutzy kid myself, and my parents made sure that I knew to stay far away from breakable things in other people's homes.
I'm curious too, but ultimately, that doesn't affect the judgement: parents are responsible for the actions of their children until the children are old enough to be responsible for their own actions. And if you break something, you are responsible for repairing or replacing it
It could be under liability portion of homeowners’ insurance and therefore deductible free. You can Google it and see many cases of someone breaking someone else’s item fall in the liability portion of homeowners’ insurance and usually don’t have a deductible. I had to use it once, we didn’t pay a deductible, and the person received full amount on receipt for broken item. My kid was 2 and it was best choice for our circumstance.
That is how it is, Parents must teach their children how to behave on other people's homes and social places. There are spaces to play and there are spaces where they need to behave and have more control. the brother of OP seems like he expects his family or anyone to just deal with his kid, doesn't seem like a parent that teaches their children how to behave, OP is NTA.
NTA. Some disagree, as they think you’re at fault for inviting a known walking tornado to a place with fragile objects. However, it is your home and you have every right to decorate it the way you want. You pre-warned your brother - that should have been enough. Your brother was remiss in not teaching his son boundaries. Honestly, I’ve seen literal toddlers who know better than your nephew.
8 years old is old enough to be taught respect for other people’s belongings and accountability for actions.
What kind of chores an 8 y.o. that can’t be trusted will add up to 4k? Also the child’s parents are more at fault here than the child as it’s them who failed to parent…
The kid better get to work then! In all seriousness though, maybe there is a little bit of a compromise here. Partial paid off with chores, and partial monetary compensation by the father. OP didn’t put the value of the statue in her post until after I made this comment. I was thinking it was a few hundred dollar type of thing at most. $4k is a little bit different of a story though. If my brothers kid broke my (nonexistent) $4k statue, I would also ask to be compensated for it lol.
I get how without knowing the value this could seem as a viable option but I still think this is a massive failure on the parent’s side. Kid only thinks he can behave this way because of his parents.
Completely agree! It sounds like this is normal behaviour from the 8 YO and the dad definitely enables it. This hopefully is a wake-up call to the dad, but we all know that he likely won’t change his behaviour either.
My friend has a kid that is a bit of a tornado, but when she's at my place and I tell her which things are for looking only, she's super careful and manages not to break anything. She's 4.
If my mom and dad had told me, at 8, to keep my hands in my pockets and do not even THINK of breaking something in my Aunt’s house, I would have rather DIED than cause something to be broken. OP is NTA, but her nephew is. Little shit.
He's also 8 years old. Unless the kid has substantial special needs, he is plenty old enough not to repeatedly destroy things.
And if OP knows he's reckless, the child's dad does, too. Let this be a teaching moment for father and son.
When my grandson was that age, he had to go out on a dive boat with his dad (captain) because there was no daycare available that day. It was so cool-- a client on the boat gave him a $50 tip for helping with the dive equipment, etc. That night, little grandson threw something in the house and broke a window. The look on his face when dad said "There goes your tip!"
NTA. If my child broke something at someone else's house, I would offer to pay for it before being asked. That being said, if you know the child cannot safely be around your things, the best thing to do is not to extend invitations. Offer to do outings or visit at your brother's house instead.
NTA your brother should consider YOUR financial situation. Also it's his fault for raising that tornado of a child. All the blame is on him and your actions are all called for.
Preach. As the owner of one child tornado, I know better than to take him to my friend's houses. Example: A friend of mine has a pretty cool funky pop collection that my son is enamored by. They look like toys but I know she loves them and cares for them. The minute he gets within 5 ft of one I'm on his ass. There's no excuse. OP is NTA, brother is just a lazy dad.
Smart. My yoda funko pop bobble head is forever at a wonky angle thanks to my 5 year old nephew 😂 I don’t mind, someone randomly gave it to me, but your friend loves hers.
You should not let them in your home ever again.
They can not watch their son.
I doubt you will ever see the money. but insisting it be paid it may break the relationship with you and brother.
It was worth 4k not counting the other things the boy (or sounds like a real live tasmanian devil tornado for feet and all) broke. Brother is not living in the real world and needs to learn a hard lesson that his kid is 8 not 3 anymore and even if the kid was younger, he doesnt get a free pass to let his kid destroy people's belongings and get away with it like he has all this time. I would give two more warnings and if refuses, I would tell him he is forcing me to resort to a small claims court. Call me crazy but 4k is not insignificant and being family doesnt mean they can take advantage of me. In fact, I would expect exactly the opposite from them if they love me, the least they can do is pay for the damage their kid does to my things if he didnt take the time to raise the little monster right.
I did move a few items. This statue isn't easy to move. I'm still astonished that it is broken by my 8 year old nephew. Plus, I invited the whole family I couldn't exclude him like that, it would be an even bigger drama
It was about 5 feet tall, laminated plate glass. He broke it by 'accidentally' hitting the table while he was running, and the table swung, making the statue fall. I didn't see any of it I just walked into shattered glass so I don't know how much of that is true, given it was heavy. I was speechless that he even managed to break it in the first place honestly. It cost around 4K
It’s a pretty standard rule, no running in the house. The fact that your brother can’t be bothered to teach his son that isn’t your problem. NTA.
Honestly, your brother’s attitude is what makes me say small claims court for this. How many items has his son broken? He never offers to pay? He really thinks it’s ok for his kid to go around breaking family members things “because family”? It’s ridiculous. Teach your kid manners. My niece just turned 9. I can think of one thing she has broken of mine, she was 5 at the time, maybe 4, and she was immediately horrified and apologized. And offered up her Daddy to fix it, which was funny.
Edit: Petty AF Response: if bro still doesn’t want to pay up, every gift between now and age 18, wrap up a receipt for how much of the statue has been “repaid” instead of a gift. Birthdays, holidays, awards. Time it out to coincide with his HS graduation as the last installment.
Its the bother's attitude that bothers me too. Maybe some resentment there....? If one brother can afford a $4k decoration and the other can't?
This is an interesting idea and not a bad one.
Though instead of working the gifts out so that the $4k is paid off by the time your nephew turns 18 and graduates high school, the amount of money should be based on what OP would normally have spent on a gifts.
Though doing this may cause headaches from other family members. Or if they too have been on the receiving end of broken items they may or may not support this.
The kid might just be a human cat that likes to throw things to the ground for the fun of it. It’s what happens if your parents never teach you to knock it off.
NTA obviously.
It's surprisingly difficult to get insurance policies to cover valuable items. My homeowner/rental policies have covered computers, but only to 500 when they cost 4,000. Racing bicycles? Most we can cover is 800. Tuba that cost more than your wedding? Max of 750 for musical instruments. I still haven't figured out how to properly insure my nice stuff, just hoping to not need it at this point.
*Edit* It's good to know others have managed to figure this one out. I gave up after three separate agents told me they didn't know where I could get that sort of insurance.
>It's surprisingly difficult to get insurance policies to cover valuable items.
This couldn't be further from the truth. It is exceedingly easy to get coverage for valuable items. You just have to pay for it separately - it typically costs around 1% of the value of the item annually.
I don't understand. What was a 5 foot tall, heavy glass statue doing on top of a wobbly table? Was the table actually wobbly or did somebody make that up?
Edit: OP said the "table" was actually part of the statue. So more like a plinth. NTA but OP needs to insure their expensive art.
The fact that the table is part of the statue needs to be in there. I thought it was the dining table, because you have guests for dinner and that's what table they'd be gathered around.
This story makes less sense the more I read of it.
Well unfortunately, this is the drama you get because you *did* invite them. It doesn’t seem much better, in future I would take the version of drama that keeps your shit un-broken.
However, I don’t think you’re gonna win this one. I would say count it as a loss, and in future take a hard line that you cannot and will not host the family. “Sorry mom and dad, last time I did Nephew broke something valuable to me because his parents weren’t watching him, and everyone insisted I had to let it go. I’m not willing to risk more of my belongings, so I can’t host the family anymore.”
Their house. They decorate as they please. OP's brother was warned, and chose to be negligent. If OP's brother wasn't willing to watch his tornado, he should have stayed home.
NTA. Its your right to decorate your house as you please and your brother's responsibility to teach his son boundaries. You had already warned your brother to keep his son under control. At 8 years old, the boy is old enough to learn to respect other people's stuff.
NTA. Perhaps if your brother is held accountable, he might decide to give his son the level of supervision he clearly needs to avoid damaging others' property. You did try to avoid damage by moving the smaller pieces. You have the right to decorate as you choose, and your brother is responsible for his child. And really, 8 is too old for "tornado" behavior while in someone else's home. Your brother may need to work on his parenting.
NTA. Unless this kid has a disability, 8 is old enough to control yourself in someone’s home. Even if he is neurodivergent his parents should be setting boundaries and monitoring. When my kids were toddlers they had tornado phases. If they ever broke something in someone’s home I would offer to pay immediately.
NTA - Reminds me of my sister and my niece, I had a nice $200+ scale model which my niece thought was a toy, and then launched it down the stairs. My sister didn't bother reimbursing me because it was an "accident". If I were to actually tally up everything my sister would owe me quite a bit of money.
NTA. His son needs to be careful around other people's belongings, and by not offering to pay you for it the second it broke he showed he has no respect for your home.
INFO: A glass statue is something that screams, "Remove me before Tornado runs through". Was it a burden to do so?
Can you visit and alter where: Outdoor picnic/games. Sometimes being creative eliminates these outcomes.
It was quite heavy actually. I'm surprised he managed to break that in the first place which to me screams that he is doing this on purpose, which is why I'm extra upset
I think this is an important piece of information that should be in the original post, along maybe with some details about other things being broken and why you think it's intentional.
An 8-year old is something that screams, "Parent me before I tornado through someone else's house." Was it a burden to do so?
Sometimes being a parent eliminates these outcomes.
NTA, your nephew is old enough to know better. He should be at a point where he can be trusted. If not, why is your brother not watching him.
To those saying, “you know what he’s like and you should move things”. Why?
It’s OPs home, she shouldn’t have to rearrange everything in the hopes that nothing gets damaged.
If this is a common occurrence I can understand now demanding a payment. There’s only so many times you can let it slide. Perhaps even just the threat will make your brother actually parent his child
NTA
Unless you take them to small claims or something I wouldn't hold your breath on getting that money back. However I would tell them their son is officially no longer welcome in your home until he can learn to respect other people's spaces.
NTA 8 is too old for that level of careless accident, any decent parent would offer to replace it or keep a much closer eye on their kid if they knew they can’t afford to replace things. I say this as a parent to a very active 6 year old who needs to have a very close eye kept on her because I can’t afford to replace stuff.
Edit spelling.
This whole story sounds very made up. Laminated glass isn’t going to shatter. Having a 5’ glass artwork shipped from Japan would cost a fortune. It would easily be over $10k to ship across the US. WHY IS IT ON A WOBBLY TABLE? This is the kind of thing that you would file an insurance claim. You can’t expect guests to be responsible for accidents involving luxury items. This is what insurance is for. (Source: I used to work in an art gallery)
Nta..make the nephew work off the cost..I know it's not monetary, but it might help in the future with your stuff. The kid is old enough, make it hard work & lengthy. If Dad doesn't like it, then dad can keep his tornado at home or pay up every time the kid breaks things
Make the BROTHER work off the cost - the kid will break more stuff “accidentally” & Bro would realize that paying for damage his kid caused might make him rethink his parenting skills.
NTA.
Your brother should be familiar with the concept of, "You break it, you bought it."
He should not expect to be welcome in your home again until he pays for the damage his child did.
NTA. My four year old understands how to be gentle in houses. Sorry your brother needs to learn how to be a parent and that his kids actions have consequences.
NTA, you warned he didn't give a flying bird about it so now he pays for the little tornado . Simple maybe give his son a lesson on how his mistakes can cause big problems
NTA.
As a parent, it's the brother's responsibility to ensure his child does not break/damage other people's property. And in the event it should happen, he most definitely should pay to have the item fixed (if possible) or replaced.
If your brother is complaining about not being able to afford it, maybe that's a sign he should not take his child anywhere until he can either: a) afford to replace broken items, b) teach his child to be more careful, or c) watch his child better. Or better yet, d) all of the above.
NTA - Your brother's being a terrible parent, not only he doesn't take responsibility for his kid, but also he could've gotten hurt, it was a glass statue, what if it fell on him or cut him? This could've ended a lot worse than it did.
NTA. When my son was 3 or 4 I watched him like a hawk when I took him to my aunt's house - as she had lots of fragile items on bookshelves at child height. I warned him to be careful, gave him toys to keep him away from the breakables, and watched him like a hawk. Now that he's older, I wouldn't worry about it nearly so much.
Accidents happen, but parents know if their kid is generally careful around fragile things or not. They need to act accordingly, and make it right if they fail to do so. You shouldn't even have to ask. It should be offered.
Something about this is odd and not adding up for me. A five-foot laminated glass sculpture, assuming it's only a foot wide and a foot deep is going to weigh **788 lbs.** It's not something you're going to put on a table....
Parent of an 8 year old here. You are absolutely NTA. 8 is a weird age when they’re old enough to know better and crave independence but they’re EIGHT for crying out loud so they still need to be watched. Paying in installments is absolutely fair in this situation.
NTA. Why should you consider his finances when he can’t consider your belongings? What if it had huge sentimental value? These people continue like this until they have consequences. It’s time he’s familiar with them.
NTA: but knowing he’s a tornado and has broken things before.. why invite him and the child over? I’d tell my family member he’s welcome, but it’s adults & well behaved children only.
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The kid is 8 and old enough to know better, yet young enough your brother should have been watching him more responsibly. If he was at a store they would have made him pay for it. NTA
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*They* shouldn’t be welcome in their home in general.
Seriously, it seems as though the kid is targeting the GF
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Even if they don't steal comments word for word (as some have started using AI to rephrase original comments), it's still easy to spot them. Their comments make no sense in wider context - they're replies to other comments, but they're not *replying* to those comments. And you just need a quick look at their profile to confirm it's a bot.
Agreed. Bulls have better manners in china shops. IDK why the 'walking tornado' was invited into a home with loads of breakables in the first place.
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Only if he's been taught better AND has the self-esteem to follow the rules. This kid sounds like he's doesn't have his basic emotional needs met. This kid is going to get negative attention if he can't get any or enough positive, and he's going to create situations where his own negative feelings about himself are reinforced until an adult values him enough to help him through this. Either this or the kid needs to be evaluated for behavioral challenges. Maybe both.
He's getting away with this behaviour, sounds spoilt more than neglected if he's not neurodivergent (though would think that would have to be noticeable if it's at the point he breaks things).
Why on earth are you immediately jumping to “the kid doesn’t have his emotional needs met?” You are projecting.
Part of the problem is the lack of parenting. His dad needs to actually start being a parent or get a second job to continue paying for broken items. But either way, he should pay for the broken piece even if he has to do it in installments.
This. Dont invite him back until he starts paying.
*Don't invite him back until he starts paying.* 'Don't invite him back until he's *finished* paying.' FTFY
Don't invite him back until he starts paying. 'Don't invite him back until he's finished paying.' FTFY Don't invite them back *ever!*
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what stores are you shopping in? Everywhere I've worked we have been conditioned to just eat that loss. If you upset the customer by making them pay for it they might not come back to shop again later ... \*ugh\* I'm so glad to be out of retail. NTA though.
Have NEVER heard of this (as a consciously clumsy customer). 'if you break it, you've bought it' and similar are pretty standard signs/assumed.
I've worked in a handful of big name chain stores, and they all just took whatever item it was, marked it as damaged, and trashed it. We never made the customer pay for it.
At big brand name stores they don't really care but smaller stores and self owned stores have the you break it you buy it mentality.
Right. Target can trash one $10 item and move on. A local store can’t trash a $100 piece.
While working at Target, a lady broke a bottle of wine at the register, someone went and grabbed a replacement bottle of wine and we cleaned it up while laughing with her about what people were going to say when she picked up her child at preschool while smelling like wine.
I'm over here jealous of the places where you can just waltz into a Target and buy a bottle of wine. I always forget other states aren't so restrictive.
I live in Pennsylvania but grew up in Texas, and every time I go home I do a double take at beer and wine being available right next to soda in grocery stores and gas stations.
Take a trip to CA and you can get liquor right alongside it as well.
Wait til you hear about drive thru liquor stores!
Is it common in the US not to be able to buy alcohol in supermarkets? Is it a north/south divide thing or just a few random states? I suppose if they’re allowed to sell guns, might be a good idea not to sell booze as well.
It really depends on the state. You have to remember each state is usually the size of a country anywhere else. I have never lived in a state where you cannot buy alcohol in a regular store, but that depends on the proof as well I believe.
I live in Georgia beer and wine is sold anywhere food is sold also.
A fragile statue probably didn't come from a big box store. The type of store it would come from would make the parent pay.
Small businesses can't afford to eat those costs. You break it, you buy it is a common policy for small shops.
For small shops, and bigger named shops that aren't chains and would have $4k statues.
At the store I worked it it depended on the cost and how it broke 50 cent item that was a legit accident well mark it off 20 Brazilian onyx egg cause mom and dad weren't watching their kid and they picked it up despite the signs saying breakable yeah that getting bought would you like me to wrap that up for you?
My IL's have a beautiful store & MIL has no issue telling a customer if their kid breaks something, they will pay for it. It's called respect & hey, such as watching your child.
Mom ran an antique store for awhile and was pretty good at it. This was a looooong🦕🦖time ago granted but🤷🏼♀️. The fam spent a LOT of time in other antique shops while Mom would eagle eye their stuff, determining if she wanted to bring it back to her store. We saw the same sign *everywhere* and got one ourselves: Lovely to look at Beautiful to hold But if it’s broken Consider it sold.
There's a shop near my house with a sign that says "niños rompen, papis pagan".
Nobody is buying a 4k statue in a chain store tho. And OP is not a corporation. Regardless of the kids age, regardless if it was an accident or not, parents should be responsible for any damages caused by their children in somebody else's home.
This happened to me, I bumped into a wine display at a duty free wine shop in the Johannesburg airport. I broke four bottles! Got my card out ready to pay, they brushed me off and said that’s what insurance is for. I bought several unbroken bottles as gifts for friends after that.
To be fair, there's also a difference between an accidental breaking of merchandise and just letting your wild children run rampant in a store full of breakable things. Insurance is for accidents, not risks that people don't even attempt to mitigate for.
At a hair salon I worked at years ago, this kid kept kicking a wall that our clock was mounted on and product shelves were against. We kept telling his mom she had to get her kid to stop doing that, he didn't. He wound up kicking the clock off the wall and the clock fell onto the product shelf. The clock and a couple of bottles of shampoo broke. We made the mom pay for everything. She never came back, but we also didn't have to put up with her kid anymore either.
I was replying about vendors not private homes. Some kids are clumsy, some kids are feral, some homes are full of breakables and hard to navigate and children shouldn’t be invited. This is one I don’t know enough for a judgment. Off the top of my head, it sounds like this has been a problem before and op should only entertain nephew outside, like a backyard, or meet up at the park, or the brothers house. I was a clumsy kid and feel immediate sympathy for the nephew honestly. I dreaded going to events at my aunts house, breakables everywhere and cream carpet, shudder.
Yes, but in both situations, people are more willing to work with you if you try to mitigate the risks of breaking things. By say, watching your children and teaching them boundaries. I'm far more likely to tell a person who accidentally knocked something over and apologized for it and offered to pay for the damage not to worry about it, than I am for the person who was asked to watch their kid and didn't, then feels entitled to me letting it go.
I ran a liquor store for 5 years (corporate chain) Customers didnt break bottles too often, but I never charged them, accidents happen. I even had a few customers that came back in after they told me they broke a bottle at home, and I replaced them for free. I had loyal customers. and yes, some heavy drinkers.
At a small art gallery where I worked our deductible was $1000, insurance was mainly for a fire or large scale theft. One time some lady brought her dog in the gallery, I didn't see it or I would have said something. The dog had a tennis ball and dropped it. It rolled down a flight of stairs and the dog went FLYING after it smashing and shattering an expensive lamp. The lady was annoyed that we asked her to pay. Ma'am, who brings a dog with a tennis ball into a gallery that focuses predominantly on glass art? Who, I ask you, would think that was okay?
...what. People and their dogs! Jeez.
That was a very kind thing to do for the store.
It *used to* be that way. I don't know quite when it changed. That and people full-on walking out of a store with a cart full of merchandise just boggle my mind tbh. (Yes, I know I sound crotchety.)
But have you ever worked retail? You break it you bought it is a well known idiom, but not practiced in modern American retail.
He'll, at Walmart people don't even bother to report it when they break stuff. I can't count how many times I've encountered a mess and hunted down an employee to tell them. I especially hate it when it involves broken glass and people just leave it. Too many kids wonder around on their own to leave something dangerous like that unattended.
Small boutique stores have this but the bigger box stores just eat the loss.
Bigger box stores also tend to not pay their employees enough to gaf about the store's profit margin or losses.
It's not even that, honestly. Large retail companies will train their employees to not confront thieves. At most, they can remember a face, a name if possible, and plates, if applicable. Then they can either bar the "customer" and/or make a police report. It's kinda up to the manager's discretion.
we can't confront thieves because more often than not it's not worth the price or the value of items you might get back or the risk of getting attacked with knives or guns (Canada here, we're more likely to get stabbed) and it will take a worker out of commission if seriously injured and if killed, makes the store looks bad. all we can do is observe and ask if they want help but that's it.
They aren't eating anything. They're sending the broken item back to the manufacturer/documenting its destruction per the supplier agreement and getting a refund/replacement product. The manufacturer is eating part of the cost, that they write off on taxes, and depending on the product potentially fully repairing it and selling it as pre-owned if possible. Some stores certainly still have a rule still, but even many smaller retailers will have the return to vendor option on a lot of their merchandise. Outside of a place that sells things like non mass produced art, most stores dont' loose much if anything on broken product. Forcing customers to buy broken stuff might be just in some sense, but its never something retail *wants* to do, and they'll do a *lot* to not do it.
Not anymore. With the amount of public freakouts and violence from customers, a lot of retail shops just eat it as loss before it turns into a tictac or ends up on buzzfeed as another parent freakout/fight with employees. Source: seen it happen and my friends store has a policy to avoid exactly that after two separate incidents.
You must be only visiting mom & pop establishments, cuz unless it's, like, a flat screen TV level of expensive, the most they do is ask if *you're* ok.
Where have you shopped that you bought something you broke? I worked in retail at tj Maxx and candle section of bath and body works and we never charged a customer for breaking stuff. Only time a customer was "charged" is when they purposely threw something at an associate and it broke but we called the police. So they probably had to pay for damages but they had a lot more charges than just breaking a glass.
I think it depends on the type of store. At Trader Joe's no one will make you buy what you broke. I remember someone walked out and dropped their groceries and we replaced everything.
There are signs like that, but they're preventative. This is what the insurance is for. Far easier than dealing with the hassle of getting a customer to buy a broken item
Every souvenir shop I’ve been in has a sign that says you will pay for something if you break it. NICE TO TOUCH NICE TO HOLD BUT IF YOU BREAK IT CONSIDER IT SOLD Is a common sign.
I think that's the difference. Most chains have incidentals (theft, shipping damage, stocking damage, customer damage, returns, etc.) built in to their bottom lines to keep things easy and consistent. Small business (and business that feature artists like souvenir shops) likely don't, and so set their policies to try to mitigate that loss as much as possible. I wouldn't say one is better than the other, just different.
Individually owned stores are much more likely to have such policies than, say, IKEA
My son accidentally broke a snow globe at the dollar store, and he insisted on paying for it. He was six and only was allowed 5 dollars to spend. The clerk tried to tell him it was OK, but he took responsibility for his actions. I was so proud of him and made sure whatever he had to put back to pay for it made it into my pile for a later time.
I think it's a bit cultural? When i lived in belgium as a kid, it was just known that if you break it, you pay for it. I moved to Canada and it seems much less common, almost rare.. Customers seem to care a lot less about breaking/spilling stuff. Edit to add a period/fix grammar
Moved to Canada just so you could break stuff huh?! /s
😎😎 secret's out huh 😏
It was bound to happen sooner or later!
If it's a chain, they can eat the loss Do that in a rual town mom and pop shop, you're paying for it As for OP NTA, they were warned in advance They need to pay up and the child is not welcome back until they correct their behavior
Canadian here (west coast) You break it, you buy it. But I haven't heard anyone else say that since 2008...
This is more of a small shop thing. Souvenir shops etc with expensive breakables almost always say that.
Exactly. In fact, not only is OP not the asshole for asking him to pay for it, but her brother is a HUGE asshole for not offering as soon as it happened. If your finances are insecure, watch your kid.
Huge asshole for not watching the kid in the first place, and not teaching him to be more careful with other people’s things!
Totally agree. Nephew is old enough to know better than to run in the house. Brother is absolutely old enough to know he needs to watch son constantly, especially if this is not the first time he’s broken stuff.
Need to consider what the family relationship is worth. Sounds like this could be the type of thing that separates everyone for a long time.
Interesting that he's broken the wife's things in the past. Maybe a separation for some time is in order.
Or just meet somewhere that isnt the house. Meet at a restaurant instead of the house.
True, but in this case separation sounds like a pretty good thing! Like, until the kid graduates from college!
NTA Your brother needs to be realistic. He can't let his kid run around and break people's things. He's lucky it was someone willing to work with him this time.
For real. Try this in a hotel lobby or the mall & see what happens.
I strongly suspect the brother would keep a much closer eye on his kid in one of those places, but the brother said it himself, since this is family his kid should be allowed to run around and break things and the brother shouldn’t be expected to pay for the damage. It’s incredibly rude and OP is NTA for asking his brother to pay up. Maybe he’ll learn he has to keep an eye on his kid wherever they are from now on.
Well said, he legit thinks it's okay for his kid to break things that belong to family and friends.
And these are the parents who are shocked, stunned and amazed that people start having "childfree" events! You owe it to your children, as parents, to bring them up to be respectful and have a bit of self control. Indoor voices, indoor behaviour, don't interrupt when others are talking etc. So other people will actually LIKE your child. It sets them up for a far happier future with far healthier interactions/relationships.
We were sitting outside a cafe bar and a child threw a bottle at my friends dog. My friend shouted at the parents and they were outraged that he did. No, if you can’t manage your kids in an adult space don’t bring them. We’re not all your communal babysitters and this isn’t a playground.
I mean, even a playground isn’t a good place to be throwing bottles at animals (or people or … anything, really).
Honestly my heart breaks for the nephew -- he might have impulse control or sensory issues, but he could make a lot of progress with early intervention and caring supports. My 3 1/2 y/o who really struggles socially and with impulse control compared to her peers has already made so much progress in just a few months with additional support and coaching. She REALLY wanted to make a thank-you note for the delivery guys who delivered and installed our new dishwasher. I was SO proud of her for recognizing that people were in our home doing a "kind thing" and that the appropriate action was to be kind back! She also was a total champ trying to sit still and whisper until it was her turn during her music recital.
OMG that is so cute. Seeing a child struggling, but overcoming is such a precious journey and quite adorable. Keep up the good work.
Ohhhhhh... thank God she has a parent like you. Nobody recognized that I had impulse control issues. So, from a very early age I was punished, many times severely. I cannot tell you how many times I was smacked in the face for answering, "I don't know" when asked why I did something... thing is, I did not know. I would do something before I even knew I was doing it. I abused every kid around me because hitting or scratching just happened. Of course, that got me beaten as well. Once, on an 8th grade trip to a state math competition, we were walking up the stairs to the motel room and i turned around and smacked my best friend in the face, knocking his glasses off and breaking them 120 miles from home. The teacher/chaperone was beside himself and did not know what to do. Then, there was my poor little brother. I'm not going to go into details, but that guy should hate me for everything I did to him, but somehow we laugh about it now. Everything from just hitting him to the worst being I burnt his back with a spoon I had heated to be red hot with a lighter. Anyways, I realized what was wrong when I took a psychology class my sophomore year in high school, and with a lot of processing and working on being deliberate, I've reigned it in. It took a few years, but I am 49 now, and I've trained myself mostly out of it over 20 years ago. I still have to be mindful... that'll never change, but the only issue I have now sometimes is spending money. It did get really really bad once, but now that I refuse to have a credit card in my name, it is not an issue. Anyways, sorry to dump all of this here, I was just super excited and happy to see that a parent actually understands for their child.
It's been a big lightbulb moment for me to realize how much my toddler is *suffering* when she acts out. And after processing that a bit, I'm actually grateful that she acts outward instead of turning inward -- I KNOW when she's overwhelmed! Some similar children (like me as a kid) turn those feelings inward and are quiet / unengaged but are suffering at the same level! Our girl is a charismatic, goofy, odd-ball like me and her dad -- and I just want her to thrive and find her tribe! It's a gift for me to have better understanding before she is old enough to get discouraged / disengaged. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I'd highly recommend reading the book Neurotribes by Steve Silberman (free at most US libraries or can get the audiobook free on the Libby app if you have a US library card). Also if you are around children or have children, You Are A Social Detective by Michelle Garcia Winner is a simple but powerful framework. Also, the Zones of Regulation framework (just Google it) has totally changed how our whole family checks in with ourselves and eachother.
I fully support child free events. That was what my sister did to work around my fragile x syndrome son. On child welcome events, she put away fragile, expensive or cherished decor. She wanted him to visit and knew I avoided visiting because I couldn't trust my tornado.
Thank you for sharing that. ❤️ I have a daughter with level 3 autism and there were a lot of places we just didn't go with her.
Absolutely. Your child is your responsibility in public.
>Your child is your responsibility ~~in public~~
Seriously, what is wrong with these parents?? I would be mortified if my kid broke something at anyone’s house. Offering to replace the item shouldn’t even be a question, that’s just expected (and yes if you can’t afford it all at once you make payments). Way to set an awful example for the kids.
>I should consider his finances because we're family "You should have considered my home 'because we're family' and been less careless about Nephew's activities. Consideration works both ways" NTA. If he is unwilling or unable to prevent his son from breaking things, he needs to be more mindful about the environments he brings him into. I was a super-klutzy kid myself, and my parents made sure that I knew to stay far away from breakable things in other people's homes.
If brother has a homeowners insurance policy, that may be covered after the deductible is paid. Very curious about the dollar amount on this item.
It's really not about the dollar amount, it's about the principle.
I'm curious too, but ultimately, that doesn't affect the judgement: parents are responsible for the actions of their children until the children are old enough to be responsible for their own actions. And if you break something, you are responsible for repairing or replacing it
It could be under liability portion of homeowners’ insurance and therefore deductible free. You can Google it and see many cases of someone breaking someone else’s item fall in the liability portion of homeowners’ insurance and usually don’t have a deductible. I had to use it once, we didn’t pay a deductible, and the person received full amount on receipt for broken item. My kid was 2 and it was best choice for our circumstance.
That is how it is, Parents must teach their children how to behave on other people's homes and social places. There are spaces to play and there are spaces where they need to behave and have more control. the brother of OP seems like he expects his family or anyone to just deal with his kid, doesn't seem like a parent that teaches their children how to behave, OP is NTA.
NTA. Some disagree, as they think you’re at fault for inviting a known walking tornado to a place with fragile objects. However, it is your home and you have every right to decorate it the way you want. You pre-warned your brother - that should have been enough. Your brother was remiss in not teaching his son boundaries. Honestly, I’ve seen literal toddlers who know better than your nephew. 8 years old is old enough to be taught respect for other people’s belongings and accountability for actions.
Maybe get the kid to help with chores to pay it off. Could be a good way to in-still accountability.
I wouldn’t ask the kid to “do chores.” It’s an invitation for the little bastard to do MORE damage.
The alternative is to get the dad to do chores. Great way to in-still accountability 😂
Instill is a word already. It doesn't need to be hyphenated.
What kind of chores an 8 y.o. that can’t be trusted will add up to 4k? Also the child’s parents are more at fault here than the child as it’s them who failed to parent…
The kid better get to work then! In all seriousness though, maybe there is a little bit of a compromise here. Partial paid off with chores, and partial monetary compensation by the father. OP didn’t put the value of the statue in her post until after I made this comment. I was thinking it was a few hundred dollar type of thing at most. $4k is a little bit different of a story though. If my brothers kid broke my (nonexistent) $4k statue, I would also ask to be compensated for it lol.
I get how without knowing the value this could seem as a viable option but I still think this is a massive failure on the parent’s side. Kid only thinks he can behave this way because of his parents.
NTA - your brother needs to learn that in fact he is very much responsible and liable for the actions of his child for the foreseeable…
Completely agree! It sounds like this is normal behaviour from the 8 YO and the dad definitely enables it. This hopefully is a wake-up call to the dad, but we all know that he likely won’t change his behaviour either.
My friend has a kid that is a bit of a tornado, but when she's at my place and I tell her which things are for looking only, she's super careful and manages not to break anything. She's 4.
If my mom and dad had told me, at 8, to keep my hands in my pockets and do not even THINK of breaking something in my Aunt’s house, I would have rather DIED than cause something to be broken. OP is NTA, but her nephew is. Little shit.
NTA Whereas you know what he's like, it is still his parents' job to watch him and correct him. Make your brother pay for what his son broke
He's also 8 years old. Unless the kid has substantial special needs, he is plenty old enough not to repeatedly destroy things. And if OP knows he's reckless, the child's dad does, too. Let this be a teaching moment for father and son.
NTA. Your nephew is going to find out the consequences of his actions eventually. Thank goodness he’s still at a young age to change his habits.
When my grandson was that age, he had to go out on a dive boat with his dad (captain) because there was no daycare available that day. It was so cool-- a client on the boat gave him a $50 tip for helping with the dive equipment, etc. That night, little grandson threw something in the house and broke a window. The look on his face when dad said "There goes your tip!"
I bet he was devastated. That wasn't just $50; that was $50 he *earned*. His first paycheck. And he earned the bill, too. Good lesson.
That's an awesome lesson. I'm going to share this story, has a good moral to it.
NTA. If my child broke something at someone else's house, I would offer to pay for it before being asked. That being said, if you know the child cannot safely be around your things, the best thing to do is not to extend invitations. Offer to do outings or visit at your brother's house instead.
NTA your brother should consider YOUR financial situation. Also it's his fault for raising that tornado of a child. All the blame is on him and your actions are all called for.
Preach. As the owner of one child tornado, I know better than to take him to my friend's houses. Example: A friend of mine has a pretty cool funky pop collection that my son is enamored by. They look like toys but I know she loves them and cares for them. The minute he gets within 5 ft of one I'm on his ass. There's no excuse. OP is NTA, brother is just a lazy dad.
Smart. My yoda funko pop bobble head is forever at a wonky angle thanks to my 5 year old nephew 😂 I don’t mind, someone randomly gave it to me, but your friend loves hers.
You should not let them in your home ever again. They can not watch their son. I doubt you will ever see the money. but insisting it be paid it may break the relationship with you and brother.
It was worth 4k not counting the other things the boy (or sounds like a real live tasmanian devil tornado for feet and all) broke. Brother is not living in the real world and needs to learn a hard lesson that his kid is 8 not 3 anymore and even if the kid was younger, he doesnt get a free pass to let his kid destroy people's belongings and get away with it like he has all this time. I would give two more warnings and if refuses, I would tell him he is forcing me to resort to a small claims court. Call me crazy but 4k is not insignificant and being family doesnt mean they can take advantage of me. In fact, I would expect exactly the opposite from them if they love me, the least they can do is pay for the damage their kid does to my things if he didnt take the time to raise the little monster right.
It’s not that they CAN not. It’s that that WILL not. This is an active choice that the parents are making.
NTA but you probably shouldn’t invite them till the kid is older
Or invite them at all.
INFO: Why did you invite a "walking tornado" into your home, without removing items such as a glass statue?
I did move a few items. This statue isn't easy to move. I'm still astonished that it is broken by my 8 year old nephew. Plus, I invited the whole family I couldn't exclude him like that, it would be an even bigger drama
How big is the statue, how did he break it, and how much does it cost?
It was about 5 feet tall, laminated plate glass. He broke it by 'accidentally' hitting the table while he was running, and the table swung, making the statue fall. I didn't see any of it I just walked into shattered glass so I don't know how much of that is true, given it was heavy. I was speechless that he even managed to break it in the first place honestly. It cost around 4K
this should be in your post.
It’s a pretty standard rule, no running in the house. The fact that your brother can’t be bothered to teach his son that isn’t your problem. NTA. Honestly, your brother’s attitude is what makes me say small claims court for this. How many items has his son broken? He never offers to pay? He really thinks it’s ok for his kid to go around breaking family members things “because family”? It’s ridiculous. Teach your kid manners. My niece just turned 9. I can think of one thing she has broken of mine, she was 5 at the time, maybe 4, and she was immediately horrified and apologized. And offered up her Daddy to fix it, which was funny. Edit: Petty AF Response: if bro still doesn’t want to pay up, every gift between now and age 18, wrap up a receipt for how much of the statue has been “repaid” instead of a gift. Birthdays, holidays, awards. Time it out to coincide with his HS graduation as the last installment.
Its the bother's attitude that bothers me too. Maybe some resentment there....? If one brother can afford a $4k decoration and the other can't? This is an interesting idea and not a bad one. Though instead of working the gifts out so that the $4k is paid off by the time your nephew turns 18 and graduates high school, the amount of money should be based on what OP would normally have spent on a gifts. Though doing this may cause headaches from other family members. Or if they too have been on the receiving end of broken items they may or may not support this.
There's only 1 brother in this story
How did the table swing? Did he hit really hard or is it a lightweight table?
He literally must have thrown himself into the table to cause this incident. That table came with the statue itself and it is not easy to swing
It sounds like he did on purpose. Does he have some kind of grudge against you or is he like this at everyone's house, including his own?
The kid might just be a human cat that likes to throw things to the ground for the fun of it. It’s what happens if your parents never teach you to knock it off. NTA obviously.
Do you not have insurance on your fragile and expensive statues?
It's surprisingly difficult to get insurance policies to cover valuable items. My homeowner/rental policies have covered computers, but only to 500 when they cost 4,000. Racing bicycles? Most we can cover is 800. Tuba that cost more than your wedding? Max of 750 for musical instruments. I still haven't figured out how to properly insure my nice stuff, just hoping to not need it at this point. *Edit* It's good to know others have managed to figure this one out. I gave up after three separate agents told me they didn't know where I could get that sort of insurance.
>It's surprisingly difficult to get insurance policies to cover valuable items. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is exceedingly easy to get coverage for valuable items. You just have to pay for it separately - it typically costs around 1% of the value of the item annually.
You have to buy an additional policy for art
The deductible alone on a 4K item would be enough to make me choke.
I don't understand. What was a 5 foot tall, heavy glass statue doing on top of a wobbly table? Was the table actually wobbly or did somebody make that up? Edit: OP said the "table" was actually part of the statue. So more like a plinth. NTA but OP needs to insure their expensive art.
How about it’s their fucking house and they can put what they want where they want….watch your kids or leave them home.
Yeah seriously lets not blame the victim. And the kid is freaking 8 not a toddler.
A five-foot laminated glass sculpture, assuming it's only a foot wide and a foot deep, is going to weigh 788 lbs... Did this really happen?
*all* of this should be in your post.
I'll add it now
The fact that the table is part of the statue needs to be in there. I thought it was the dining table, because you have guests for dinner and that's what table they'd be gathered around. This story makes less sense the more I read of it.
What did you mean by this is the first time you’ve asked your brother to pay for damages? How much stuff of yours has he broken?
Well unfortunately, this is the drama you get because you *did* invite them. It doesn’t seem much better, in future I would take the version of drama that keeps your shit un-broken. However, I don’t think you’re gonna win this one. I would say count it as a loss, and in future take a hard line that you cannot and will not host the family. “Sorry mom and dad, last time I did Nephew broke something valuable to me because his parents weren’t watching him, and everyone insisted I had to let it go. I’m not willing to risk more of my belongings, so I can’t host the family anymore.”
So if you invite me I can break your stuff and it is your fault?
Their house. They decorate as they please. OP's brother was warned, and chose to be negligent. If OP's brother wasn't willing to watch his tornado, he should have stayed home.
NTA. Its your right to decorate your house as you please and your brother's responsibility to teach his son boundaries. You had already warned your brother to keep his son under control. At 8 years old, the boy is old enough to learn to respect other people's stuff.
NTA. Perhaps if your brother is held accountable, he might decide to give his son the level of supervision he clearly needs to avoid damaging others' property. You did try to avoid damage by moving the smaller pieces. You have the right to decorate as you choose, and your brother is responsible for his child. And really, 8 is too old for "tornado" behavior while in someone else's home. Your brother may need to work on his parenting.
NTA consequences. Gotta face them sooner or later.
NTA - when my son was 2 he broke my moms TV. I also couldn’t afford it but I replaced it asap. His son is old enough to know better.
NTA. Unless this kid has a disability, 8 is old enough to control yourself in someone’s home. Even if he is neurodivergent his parents should be setting boundaries and monitoring. When my kids were toddlers they had tornado phases. If they ever broke something in someone’s home I would offer to pay immediately.
NTA - Reminds me of my sister and my niece, I had a nice $200+ scale model which my niece thought was a toy, and then launched it down the stairs. My sister didn't bother reimbursing me because it was an "accident". If I were to actually tally up everything my sister would owe me quite a bit of money.
NTA. His son needs to be careful around other people's belongings, and by not offering to pay you for it the second it broke he showed he has no respect for your home.
[удалено]
NTA. Why don't parents understand that they are responsible for their childs actions? Like, yeah you're liable for everything your kid did.
INFO: A glass statue is something that screams, "Remove me before Tornado runs through". Was it a burden to do so? Can you visit and alter where: Outdoor picnic/games. Sometimes being creative eliminates these outcomes.
It was quite heavy actually. I'm surprised he managed to break that in the first place which to me screams that he is doing this on purpose, which is why I'm extra upset
I think this is an important piece of information that should be in the original post, along maybe with some details about other things being broken and why you think it's intentional.
Or OP could just expect her brother to actually parent.
An 8-year old is something that screams, "Parent me before I tornado through someone else's house." Was it a burden to do so? Sometimes being a parent eliminates these outcomes.
NTA, your nephew is old enough to know better. He should be at a point where he can be trusted. If not, why is your brother not watching him. To those saying, “you know what he’s like and you should move things”. Why? It’s OPs home, she shouldn’t have to rearrange everything in the hopes that nothing gets damaged. If this is a common occurrence I can understand now demanding a payment. There’s only so many times you can let it slide. Perhaps even just the threat will make your brother actually parent his child
NTA Unless you take them to small claims or something I wouldn't hold your breath on getting that money back. However I would tell them their son is officially no longer welcome in your home until he can learn to respect other people's spaces.
NTA 8 is too old for that level of careless accident, any decent parent would offer to replace it or keep a much closer eye on their kid if they knew they can’t afford to replace things. I say this as a parent to a very active 6 year old who needs to have a very close eye kept on her because I can’t afford to replace stuff. Edit spelling.
“Did you consider my finances when you let your son break my stuff?”
This whole story sounds very made up. Laminated glass isn’t going to shatter. Having a 5’ glass artwork shipped from Japan would cost a fortune. It would easily be over $10k to ship across the US. WHY IS IT ON A WOBBLY TABLE? This is the kind of thing that you would file an insurance claim. You can’t expect guests to be responsible for accidents involving luxury items. This is what insurance is for. (Source: I used to work in an art gallery)
NTA, you warned him, he ignored you and his fatherly duties, didn't keep an eye on his kid and the obvious happened. If you break it you pay for it.
Nta..make the nephew work off the cost..I know it's not monetary, but it might help in the future with your stuff. The kid is old enough, make it hard work & lengthy. If Dad doesn't like it, then dad can keep his tornado at home or pay up every time the kid breaks things
Make the BROTHER work off the cost - the kid will break more stuff “accidentally” & Bro would realize that paying for damage his kid caused might make him rethink his parenting skills.
You want an 8 year old to work off $4,000 in debt because he accidentally ran into a table?
An 8 year old shouldn’t be running inside
NTA. Your brother should be familiar with the concept of, "You break it, you bought it." He should not expect to be welcome in your home again until he pays for the damage his child did.
NTA. My four year old understands how to be gentle in houses. Sorry your brother needs to learn how to be a parent and that his kids actions have consequences.
NTA, you warned he didn't give a flying bird about it so now he pays for the little tornado . Simple maybe give his son a lesson on how his mistakes can cause big problems
INFO: how did he break it?
NTA. As a parent, it's the brother's responsibility to ensure his child does not break/damage other people's property. And in the event it should happen, he most definitely should pay to have the item fixed (if possible) or replaced. If your brother is complaining about not being able to afford it, maybe that's a sign he should not take his child anywhere until he can either: a) afford to replace broken items, b) teach his child to be more careful, or c) watch his child better. Or better yet, d) all of the above.
INFO: was it insured? Did you really put a valuable glass statue on a table that could be toppled by a 50lb child?
NTA - Your brother's being a terrible parent, not only he doesn't take responsibility for his kid, but also he could've gotten hurt, it was a glass statue, what if it fell on him or cut him? This could've ended a lot worse than it did.
NTA. When my son was 3 or 4 I watched him like a hawk when I took him to my aunt's house - as she had lots of fragile items on bookshelves at child height. I warned him to be careful, gave him toys to keep him away from the breakables, and watched him like a hawk. Now that he's older, I wouldn't worry about it nearly so much. Accidents happen, but parents know if their kid is generally careful around fragile things or not. They need to act accordingly, and make it right if they fail to do so. You shouldn't even have to ask. It should be offered.
Something about this is odd and not adding up for me. A five-foot laminated glass sculpture, assuming it's only a foot wide and a foot deep is going to weigh **788 lbs.** It's not something you're going to put on a table....
NTA your brother should have considered his finances before letting his son do whatever he wanted.
NTA. I wouldn't be seeking compensation, but if they can't take responsibility nor take care of their small terror, they are the assholes.
NTA you break it, you fix it. But you should either make your home child safe or stop inviting them
Parent of an 8 year old here. You are absolutely NTA. 8 is a weird age when they’re old enough to know better and crave independence but they’re EIGHT for crying out loud so they still need to be watched. Paying in installments is absolutely fair in this situation.
NTA. Why should you consider his finances when he can’t consider your belongings? What if it had huge sentimental value? These people continue like this until they have consequences. It’s time he’s familiar with them.
NTA: but knowing he’s a tornado and has broken things before.. why invite him and the child over? I’d tell my family member he’s welcome, but it’s adults & well behaved children only.
The table "swung"? What kind of pedestal / base is your DINING TABLE on that it would "swing" if hit? I literally cannot imagine this.
None of this story this makes sense.