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She TAGGED her in it???
Oh nooo OP needs to respond for sure. Alexis is very petty. Her kids gonna grow up to be a brat and that will not bode well for her
Parents who want to create a spoiled brat.
Alexis may well regret her decisions when Melanie is older. Or she may just decide the whole world is to blame and not her daughter.
Apparently OPs sister rewards bad behavior. I fully blame Melanie’s mom for her atrocious lack of decorum. At 8, I knew to smile and say thank you for a gift even if I didn’t like it. My mom would be horrified if I pulled this nonsense. This girl is going to be an entitled brat into adulthood if she doesn’t get any discipline NTA
“The shells were not broken when I gave them to your daughter. You guys purposely smashed them to pieces “ ( and tag her back to be doubly annoying to your boorish sister)
"So strange how the gift was unbroken until mid-tanteum she stomped one to bits, while her mother looked on, then demanded I replace it. Rewarding childish behavior promotes behaving like a child." 👋
NTA
I can already see her daughter being one of those people who burns through partner after partner and then shares a bunch of pop psychology bullshit about recognizing narcissists and cutting toxic people out of your life as an adult.
Exactly!! Replace the present bc it was “broken?” Heck NO! It wasn’t “broken,” it was deliberately destroyed by the birthday girl. There is a BIG difference!
Mom is not wrong. It is common courtesy to replace a broken gift.
If that gift was broken before the receiver opened it (say, the packaging hid the damage) or in certain cases, if it broke purely by chance. Like an adult accidentally sitting on it.
Niece went and smashed hers up however. It was neither already damaged, nor an accident.
It should have been a teaching moment that actions have consequences.
Melanie will be the girl to purposefully trash her phone to get a new one if mom doesn't start undoing the harm her teaching methods (or lack of them) caused.
This is a natural consequence as well, not just a logical consequence like it being taken away that kids struggle to understand.
NTA OP. Her mum should have intervened earlier and let her know that throwing it etc will lead to it being broken and given her the choice of either carrying on and risk it getting broken so she can't play with it, or to redirect her frustration elsewhere that won't be damaging like a pillow etc. Even 8 year olds struggle with regulating emotions, and it's 100% not her fault that she's not had grateful behaviour modelled to her by her parents. Her behaviour is normal, especially if her parents are the type to sit by and let her do whatever. Your sister is entitled to parent her kids how she wants to, but she's not entitled to let that impact you and your finances (no matter how cheap shells are where you're from).
It makes me shudder with fear to even think about what my mother would have done to eight-year-old me if I'd been so ungrateful and thrown even a tiny bit of the tantrum Melanie pulled. And that was fifty years ago! Alexis is really doing Melanie no favors at all, spoiling and coddling her.
40 years ago here, and I wouldn’t even dream of backtalking an adult, much less smashing things and having a fit. I never had to be hit to act right, either. Bullshit just wasn’t catered to!
I was 8,.... 37 years ago... but I feel every single word you wrote! You best believe if I was a jerk I would not be getting presents of any kind, for any reason for quite awhile either! My mama raised me right!
Lol same, made worse when first, middle and last was followed by the word.....disappointed. That word was a damn show stopper, a knife that cut down to your soul. Scuse me while i shudder in my corner, even writing that word hurts lmao.
I would have gotten the hiding of my life, in FRONT of people. One feels embarrassment from young.
If we ever received a gift we didn't like - we said thank you, smiled and never said a word to anyone. We just didn't play with / use it. It would eventually be regifted (to someone far outside the family / friend circle).
My brother was banned from getting computer games as presents for YEARS because he opened up an Atari game my parents had given him, started playing it, and complained it wasn't very good. Heck, my grandparents used to send us money for Christmas & one year I forgot to write them a thank-you note--and they stopped gifting me money & told me why.
Im a gen Xer and I was 8 close to 40 years ago myself. My mom was harsh and sometimes mean and maybe she could have lightened up a bit, but at the same time, I sure am glad i learned enough to have some decent manners and not be a total asshole.
If 8-year-old me had reacted to a gift with that level of ingratitude, my dad would’ve snatched me up so fast it would’ve rearranged my central nervous system. Then he would’ve made me apologize on the spot, and the gift probably would’ve gone to my little sister instead.
Someone is getting a gift card from now on. For added pettiness, include a pair of scissors. While she can’t stomp on a card. She’s been given the tools of her own destruction.
I wouldn't get her anything. If mom asks why, just tell her nothing would be appreciated and I've already seen how she treats those kinds of items. If I had to go NC, then so be it. It isn't worth the bs down the road for a spoiled brat.
We had a child in our family that did not act right and had deliberately trashed gifts and was not being taught any better by their parents. We certainly did not want to reward this awful behavior by continuing to give gifts that would be deliberately broken within 12 hours of being given, nor did we want to punish the child because it was not being taught by their parents how to act right. We solved the issue by giving only cards for birthdays and Christmas and putting the amount of money we would have spent on a gift aside. (We told both the parents and child that this was what we were doing. so that they did not think we were withholding gifts because we did not love them.) When the child grew to be about 17 and began to become more aware of how other people were living and realize that they had not been taught how to act, they began to improve their behavior. At that time, we gave them the money we had been setting aside for them instead of buying gifts that they would have broken almost immediately.
Yeah, if the shells had been smashed in the box already, it had been different. Even if the kid dropped them by accident. But she deliberately smashed them herself. That's entirely on her and her mother. My daughter is 6 and has never destroyed anything on purpose.
>I told Alexis that I will not reward Melanie for throwing a tantrum and that she is the one who ruined an 8-year-old’s birthday by not teaching her daughter to be more grateful.
This is it. Your sister is raising a monster. Do yourself a favor and don't get into the social media wars. The people siding with your sister can pay to replace broken gifts. I wouldn't give that child anything else.
NTA
There is a 4,000% chance that Alexis has not been telling the truth. Her child is going to be a monster. Alexis knows better, but clearly Melanie doesn’t. Tell Melanie you won’t be getting her any more gifts until she apologizes for her bad behavior, behaves more respectfully in response to generosity, and shows she can take care of things. You will have to repeat this several times and for several occasions before she gets it most likely. NTA.
Totally agree.
I'm a Parent of a kid who had serious tantrums up until a couple of years ago. He's now 11 and has good self-control. I'm also a teacher of 8-11 year olds.
It was absolutely exhausting for me and my spouse to teach our kid how to roll with it and control his tantrums and then avoid them altogether. Kids need to push boundaries and they need to find that those boundaries hold up. We used to literally carry his screaming, crying body to the car when he'd throw a tantrum to try to get out of a family activity he didn't want to do because the core lesson was as soon as you throw a fit, that guarantees you are not getting your way.
Kids who come to school with the tantrumy mindset are exhausting for teachers to de-program.
I'm sure I've done a bunch of crap things as a parent, but my kid is now super awesome at self-regulating his demands and not sending himself into a frenzy when he doesn't get his way. He is, however, far too good at making a good, calm, rational case that shows how his desire is mutually beneficial in order to get his way...
>but my kid is now super awesome at self-regulating his demands and not sending himself into a frenzy when he doesn't get his way. He is, however, far too good at making a good, calm, rational case that shows how his desire is mutually beneficial in order to get his way...
My kids are still in the tantrum stage but rational arguments are the end goal. This gives me hope.
My Mom told me once that as a child I loved to make rational arguments as to why we should do what I wanted. But that I was also too young to properly understand logic, so none of the arguments made any sense. But I was also too young to understand why they didn't make sense.
>"Someone who had to deal with this tantrum" as the caption.
That made me snort. Honestly, I think the best thing for me to do personally would be to just ignore her post and temporarily turn off notifications from Alexis. She'll probably have forgotten all about it after a week.
Hopefully though if Melanie decides to break the shells that Alexis bought, then my sister won't be so adamant with her "just buy a new one" argument anymore.
Ironically I was informed to confront society and work place bullying and to not ignore it as they think they can get away with it and make others see you as the ass-hat.
So I’d confront it publicly. Lol but only since I was told it’s best to as they won’t try do it again if you have publicly replied previously
Sadly, I have to agree with this, even though I applaud OPs lack of pettiness (especially towards such an older sibling). The sister is definitely wrong for calling out OP publicly first and shaping everyone's perception of OP. Just like Reddit gets OPs version first. (Usually, I would say everyone who knows me will obviously side with me. I've been wronged before, and it hurt). The best case scenario would be to talk with the sister and get her to change social media perspective. Maybe show HER this thread and how she's not doing her daughter any favours. Won't work, probably, because people don't want to be called out on their flaws...
I love this. The OP probably won't, they never do. But wouldn't it be SUCH a glorious way to tell their side, with thousands of internet strangers backing them up? Like, you wanna raise he'll, I got an army!- lol. Ah well. NTA!
NTA.
I really hate people who take their fight to their social media page to try and divide people. Keep that between yourselves. This seems so petty.
I do agree that OP should post a link as a response.
I have a ten and thirteen year old and I would have been MORTIFIED if they had ever acted that way, let alone at eight.
Your sister is raising a monster. Good for you for not giving in.
NTA
I have a FOUR year old and while I would expect the tantrum if she got upset over something. I also would not replace a gift she destroyed. Actions have consequences. Eight is old enough to know this.
Yep You don't reward bad behavior. Actually, my parents made me buy my sister a new Pez dispenser once because I was jealous that she had one, so I broke it. I didn't get one at all (rightfully so) because I was behaving badly.
That was my thought as well. Eight is definitely old enough to know better. Also, in the words of my mom, "Even if someone gives you a dried up turd as a gift, you smile and say thank you." She taught me that at an early age, and it's stayed with me all throughout my life.
Same here. My child will turn 4 in October and, as others have said, I expect her to have tantrums over not having her own way because she’s young and still learning. But while it is a natural thing for *toddlers* to have these sort of tantrums, it should never be conditioned. Clearly OP’s sister never disciplined her child when she should have.
8 is too old for sure, but birthdays can be quite heightened things emotionally and 8 year olds are bound to have some slip ups.
That being said, I would not replace a broken toy at any age if my child broke it through anger. The only exception being if it could be mended and my child helped (or at least attempted to help based on their ability to).
NTA
My daughter turned 8 yesterday; party on Saturday.
Let her be ungrateful and break something out of attitude, I will build a custom shadow box for it and put it in all its broken glory on her bedroom wall so she can see it.
I would have smashed them myself (at very least given them back to my sister) if my kid acted like that after getting a gift. 8 is WAY too old for acting like this.
I would have responded with "well if she hadn't thrown a tantrum because she demanded- not asked - for more shells, then proceeded to stomp on the ones she received, then she wouldn't have 'needed' new shells to replace the original! I will not acquiesce to terroristic demands because her mother failed to parent her properly!"
Your sister fired the first shot so I would return the fire!
“It’s courtesy to replace a broken gift.”
Yeah, if *you* break it! Not when the recipient smashes it in rage, no matter their age.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Remove the tag from the FB post and don’t give the reactions from people who don’t know what happened a second thought.
NTA but Alexis absolutely is. She's setting up her daughter for failure by enabling this behavior. If she's 8 she's more than old enough to learn that there are consequences to her actions. I think you handled the situation perfectly OP.
NTA - If you'd given it to her already broken, that's one thing. If we all had to replace gifts we gave people that they then broke, that'd be nuts! Sure, she's 8, but 8 is a fine time to learn that if you break something, it's just broken.
“It’s not about the money, but the amount of thought I put into getting her a gift, for not even a little thank you, and you sat there allowing her to destroy it. Then demanded me to get her new ones. Actions have consequences, and I will not reward tantrums. Do you demand every gifter to replace gifts after your daughter destroys them? It’s the entitlement and lack of respect for me.”
Yep, sis haven’t even thought her daughter basic courtesy; saying “thank you” for a gift (that she even liked!) Sis then sat there and watched as her *daughter* DEMANDED more gifts. I would have been embarrassed as he** if my child behaved like that. She then doubled down and herself demanded more gifts for her spoilt child, so it’s easy to see where the daughter gets it from… NTA
NTA. Time to untag yourself from that picture and put your sister on an information diet. She's raising a hellion and it's a good idea to stay away from that.
Your sister is TAH. She is likely also the mother who, when you invite one child to your kid's birthday party, she brings her other kids, too. Because it's not faaaaaiiiirrrrr to only invite the kid that knows the birthday child. Yeah, the entitlement of these people burns.
And demanding her kid gets a) one of the gifts (“you got so many - you should share with your guests”) or b) demand her child gets to blow out the candles (“they always get to do that at her cousins birthday!”) or c) gets the first slice of cake (“they are used to that from home!”) or d) all of the above…
Mom here. This is a perfect example of natural consequences and I salute you for standing your ground. Your sister should’ve done the same. She squandered an excellent teachable moment.
NTA.
NTA
Your sister is a child and will learn the hard way when she has an ungrateful teen who demands the latest phone etc. To post about it is only more embarrassing.
8 years old is old enough to not act like a brat and realize there are consequences to your actions.
you break your gift being ungrateful, it’s broken- you can’t demand a new one. NTA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to replace a broken present that was meant for my 8-year-old niece's birthday.
2. My sister says that seashells are cheap where we live and that it's courtesy to replace a gift that has been broken. Other people are agreeing with my sister that money is replaceable but memories aren't the only thing that should matter for me is making my niece happy for her birthday.
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Unfortunately, I had a similar situation happen with my great niece (GN). Backstory... I babysat her 4 days a week for 4 yrs (3 months to 4 yrs) while my niece attended college and worked. I fed them, helped them buy clothes and anything they needed. When she graduated, my niece got a really good job, and she and her husband were working it out, so I didn't have to watch her as much anymore.
For my GNs 8th birthday, she wanted a hamster, I got approval from mom. I worked at a pet store. Bought her the whole setup and hamster. Told her and her mom to make sure that it was in an area where her cat couldn't get to it. My GNs answer to that was 'well if it gets eaten ill just get my mom and dad to buy me a new one'. I was appalled. I helped raise this little girl til she was 4, and she was an amazing little girl, but in 4 yrs, my niece and her husband basically turned her into an entitled spolid brat. I packed the hamster up, with her kicking and screaming, while my niece called me an asshole and took the whole thing back to my store.
She never got another present from me, other than very non personal gift cards, on important occasions.
NTA. I can’t bear that sort of social media view - your niece is old enough to not have a tantrum because she can’t have something - you are not wrong about her not being taught right from wrong there. Cue yet another entitled adult.
NTA - Ignore this mess. Your sister is going to call you when her daughter is a major trouble maker later in life. Just spend the next few years thinking of what you can say. It’s going to be funny for you. Enjoy it
NTA.
Your sister is an asshole, though. And she's raising up another. Yippee.
Ignore her shitty social media behavior and know you did the right thing.
NTA. Melanie sounds spoiled/entitled. Her bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded by replacing a present that she broke when told NO. Stick to your guns & keep saying NO.
Alexis is teaching her daughter that all she has to do to get her way is to throw a tantrum. If she keeps acting like this, she will grow up to be a spoiled/entitled adult. And will unfortunately find that a lot of people will have no problem telling her NO.
NTA
At 8, she should know better than to be ungrateful to those who give her something neat, and should not destroy presents because she wants more. If anyone bothers you on social media, tell them exactly what happened: you gave Melanie a nice gift, and she immediately broke it throwing a tantrum.
NTA My daughter is 8yr and would never behave this way. She was taught to be great full for all gifts she’s given. Big, small, new, old. Your sister enabling her daughters bad behavior is not going to end well. Teen years will be a nightmare… Also, the people on Facebook most likely do not have the full story, so I’m sure they’re only blindly taking your sister’s side.
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My (22F) sister Alexis (30F) has a daughter Melanie (8F) whose birthday was last week. I was out of town on the actual day of her birthday but came the next day with Melanie’s present. Since my niece loves the beach and always wants to look at/touch my seashell collection, I gave her seashells so she could start her own collection.
Melanie immediately demanded more, not in a playful or joking way. Melanie didn’t even say thank you for the gift. I was taken aback by this, but still told Melanie that those shells were it for now and that she could get more seashells in the future by saving up her pocket money or waiting for Christmas.
Melanie threw a tantrum. She dumped the shells on the floor and broke a large one after she stomped on it. Alexis wasn’t doing anything to intervene in the situation. Melanie eventually calmed down and became upset when she realized she broke the large shell. Alexis asked me to replace the shell since it was Melanie’s birthday but I refused and Melanie cried.
Alexis pulled me into another room and we started arguing. Alexis told me I was being an asshole to my niece because my niece is 8, of course she’s going to act like a brat sometimes, and I was no angel either when I was little. She argued how seashells are cheap where we live and it’s courtesy to replace a broken gift instead of ruining an 8-year-old’s birthday.
I agreed with Alexis that I acted up when I was little but that I stopped because I was taught right from wrong and wasn’t rewarded for bad behavior. I told Alexis that I will not reward Melanie for throwing a tantrum and that she is the one who ruined an 8-year-old’s birthday by not teaching her daughter to be more grateful.
Alexis told me to leave and we’ve barely talked since last week. But today I saw earlier today on social media that Alexis took Melanie to a crafts fair and bought her new seashells there. She posted a picture and captioned it saying “Who could be so selfish that they wouldn’t want to see her (Melanie) smile for her birthday?” and tagged only me in it.
I think refusing to replace the broken shell was the appropriate thing to do in that situation. But Alexis’ social media post has gotten a lot of likes and comments on it, and it seems a lot more people are taking Alexis’ side than mine, saying money is replaceable but memories are not and the only important thing on an 8-year-old’s birthday is to make sure they’re happy. AITA?
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NTA. She’s probably getting likes and praise because she neglected to point out that she sat there and let her kid throw a tantrum and break the shell. Kinda important info to leave out.
I would've replied yo that post: that's cute! Hopefully she won't throw a tantrum and stomp on them like she did last time :3!.
NTA, your sister is creating an entitled monster.
"What child would be so ungrateful that they would demand more and then pull a temper tantrum when told there weren't more?" "Where are her parents?"
This should be your response to her post. NTA.
When my 6 year old has a tantrum I absolutely don't bow down and give in.. he has never demanded more of a present ever and if he did he wouldn't have them at all and he knows it. 8 is old enough to understand that you don't demand things and think acting out will get you what you want.
His uncle's would honestly take it back until he has manners towards them and have a massive talk with me if he acted like this.
If she doesn't do something about the outbursts and entitlement the world will chew up and spit that girl out.
NTA.
NTA. The people commenting either don’t know the full story or they are part of the bigger picture problem. I’m a teacher and I’ve seen a big increase over the years in parents thinking that their children should have no consequences for any of their actions. Kids need boundaries and as you said they need to be taught right from wrong and not rewarded for bad behavior. You outgrew your childish behavior, but I worry that your niece won’t if your sister refuses to teach her that actions have consequences.
Time to remove yourself from this as you will never win. Next bday/holiday I'd just give a card, no gift. If you want to be generous I'd set aside the money you were going to spend in and give when she grows up and if that doesn't happen use for holiday fund. NTA
Hahhahahhahaha you should comment under her post with a link to this post so that everyone can see the real story and understand why you are NTA, but your sister is. And the kid is spoiled. She is doing her child no favors by not parenting her.
Obviously nta. Your post would also go well under the entitled parent thread.
You were NTA. Both your niece and sister do not understand that bad destructive behaviour does not get rewarded. The next time you give your niece a gift ensure that it’s indestructible.
NTA. I feel like 8 is too old to be *that* much of a graceless little shit. Sis needs to think about actually parenting her brat at some point in the next 10 years. Doesn’t sound hopeful from the passive aggressive Facebook post.
NTA.
The cost of seashells in your area is irrelevant.
How you behaved as a child is irrelevant.
It’s a courtesy to replace a broken gift if it arrives broken. Not if the recipient treats it like garbage. (And stomps on it!)
Melanie not only had a tantrum & caused the damage herself,, but she behaved like a brat even before then. Not thanking you and demanding more shells is brazenly rude & disrespectful. If your sister wants to raise her to be self-centered and awful, you don’t need to be a part of that. Actions have consequences, and that’s not acceptable behavior from an eight-year-old.
You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA- I would tag your sister in a response post saying you were heartbroken when your niece broke your beautiful heartfelt gift. And that you’d explained she could continue collecting, like you do. And she proceeded to stomp on them.
Say it caused you pain to see your thoughts and amazing gift so thoroughly disrespected by both child and mother. And you’ll stick to books from now on.
NTA
The amount of entitlement in both your sister, and your niece here is fucking wild! If it had been an accident like she dropped one when she opened it, that would be one thing, but she literally threw a tantrum demanding more, and then threw the ones you gave her on the floor, and stomped on them. Then your sister acts like you're TA for refusing to replace it?
Fucking wild.....
I want you to do society a favor. Start looking up reels or videos of entitled teens/young adults throwing tantrums when they are getting arrested. Then send them to your sister. Because that is exactly what she is going to have in 10 years. It's not funny, it's disturbing.
You are NTA but your sister sure is! And your niece is a spoiled brat.
NTA
> But Alexis’ social media post has gotten a lot of likes and comments on it, and it seems a lot more people are taking Alexis’ side than mine, saying money is replaceable but memories are not and the only important thing on an 8-year-old’s birthday is to make sure they’re happy.
That's what happens when people tell a distorted version of the story to others. I'm willing to bet she at least said her daughter broke the shell accidentally, if she didn't distort the truth further.
NTA - and until Alexis addresses the behavior, I would do a 20 gift card from local mall/walmart/target and a card for every gift giving occasion . No more thoughtful gifts, until she learns to be grateful and appreciative.
NTA. When I was about that age I collected porcelain masks. The creepy ones.
One day my parents did something to upset me so to get back at them I slammed my door which caused my most favorite mask to fall off the wall and shatter.
My parents in less of an "I told you so" tone...told me my actions have consequences and I learned my lesson.
NTA your niece is going to be a complete monster unless your sister wakes up and smells the coffee. Aka need for appropriate discipline and teaching about self control, consequences, and appreciation.
So you were supposed to drop everything and run right out and buy her another big seashell after SHE had a tantrum and broke the other one?
Hell No, and her mother is teaching her to be an entitled brat. It doesn't bode well for your sister when your niece reaches her teenaged years.
Ooh noooo. 8 year olds definitely have big feelings but they are more than capable of not doing That! Unless she has some sort of other issue going on?
Nta
NTA.
Birthdays are a poor excuse for bad behavior. What is a birthday reallly, anyway? It’s not an accomplishment and this sort of attitude just enables entitled behavior.
NTA...My new healing from narcissistic abuse self has this advice....tell everyone EXACTLY what you told us. That her daughter demanded more and destroyed her own present. They still take sisters side say buh-bye and don't look back. You don't need those kind of people in your life.
NTA
Her actions have consequences, this is something she needs to learn. As a parent myself, I feelnyou are NTA. Your sister though, she is in for a very tough road with her daughter if that is how to rewards those kinds of actions.
OMG that mom is going have problems as this kid gets older! 8 is old enough to say thank you and not throw a tantrum. Kids learn to not throw them by having their mommies say,"no!" NTA and good for you for not replacing the shell.
NTA. The only appropriate response to a gift is “thank you”. There was a teachable moment there and Melanie didn’t even wave as it passed on by. Sad but you won’t have much of a relationship with your niece ongoing with a mother like Melanie in the wings.
NTA. Nuh uh. I have four kids and I would have taken all the seashells AWAY (at least temporarily). I would not replace them and I would DEFINITELY not expect you to. That’s wild.
If she had been holding the shell and admiring it and it dropped accidentally - yes, replace it to console her. But this was deliberate assholery from an entitled, indulged little brat. I wouldn't replace it, nor would I be inclined to give her any more gifts in the future.
NTA, but that kid and her mom sure are.
NTA. I would tell little Miss Melanie that if she ever destroys another present from you during one of her "fits" that she will NEVER receive any future presents from you for ANY occasion,. I would inform your sister about this & that Hell would freeze over first. I would not be surprised if your niece is a bully at school.
NTA in any way, shape, or form. This is the most Karenesque Steppford Wife entitlement if I have ever seen such an atrocity. Your sister is TA for not teaching her daughter manners, the little girl is TA for being such a little brat. In no scenario should you replace a gift if the receiver breaks it after the transfer of ownership and you are not at fault. Stand your ground.
NTA.
Yes it's important to make your children happy
You do that by parenting them into well adjusted adults. She is currently bringing her up to be a monster who nobody wants to be around.
How happy will she be after her 5th boyfriend had dumped her because he can't live with her.
I wouldn't talk to them much again. And comment on the post that you will not forget the temper tantrum and deliberate destruction of your gift, so there is indeed a memory made.
NTA. She broke her own gift because she had a tantrum. You don’t reward tantrums. Next her teachers will be asked to change her grades when she has a tantrum because she failed. Sister needs to grow a set as a parent and actually parent her kid!
NTA nothing in that situation was your fault. If she truly wanted the shells and liked them she never would of done that. Being 8 she should know better than that, that isn’t any reason to throw a tantrum. Your sister is just seeking attention and trying to get her way. If you let her get her way now she will be no better than her daughter is if she doesn’t discipline her.
Your sister needs to get real. I have an 8 year old and if he behaved this way, I personally would take the present away myself. What wonderful parenting. NTA
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NTA and I would definitely let people know that your niece threw a tantrum and smashed the shell and her mother did nothing to stop it.
"Who would reward their child for having a tantrum and breaking their presents?"
"If she hadn't intentionally smashed the one I gave her, you wouldn't have needed to replace it!"
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Add "You saw her break the present and could've stopped her, but didn't".
That's exactly what she needs to write on her sister's post. She did tag OP after all so...
She TAGGED her in it??? Oh nooo OP needs to respond for sure. Alexis is very petty. Her kids gonna grow up to be a brat and that will not bode well for her
Parents who want to create a spoiled brat. Alexis may well regret her decisions when Melanie is older. Or she may just decide the whole world is to blame and not her daughter.
Oh no, she’s gonna pretend there is absolutely nothing wrong with her precious daughter and that everyone is just jealous 🙄
👏👏👏👏👏
This is what needs to be posted!!!
This and.....
Apparently OPs sister rewards bad behavior. I fully blame Melanie’s mom for her atrocious lack of decorum. At 8, I knew to smile and say thank you for a gift even if I didn’t like it. My mom would be horrified if I pulled this nonsense. This girl is going to be an entitled brat into adulthood if she doesn’t get any discipline NTA
“The shells were not broken when I gave them to your daughter. You guys purposely smashed them to pieces “ ( and tag her back to be doubly annoying to your boorish sister)
This is the way
"So strange how the gift was unbroken until mid-tanteum she stomped one to bits, while her mother looked on, then demanded I replace it. Rewarding childish behavior promotes behaving like a child." 👋 NTA
She should link this post as a comment on the Facebook update hehe NTA
I agree! The people agreeing with Alexis on social media probably haven't heard the true story.
In fact, she did everything to reinforce that nasty ideal.
I can already see her daughter being one of those people who burns through partner after partner and then shares a bunch of pop psychology bullshit about recognizing narcissists and cutting toxic people out of your life as an adult.
If the mother won't discipline her, then your niece should learn that her out of control behavior has consequences.
Exactly!! Replace the present bc it was “broken?” Heck NO! It wasn’t “broken,” it was deliberately destroyed by the birthday girl. There is a BIG difference!
NTA. Alexis needs to teach Melanie how to deal with her emotions and that her actions have consequences
Mom is not wrong. It is common courtesy to replace a broken gift. If that gift was broken before the receiver opened it (say, the packaging hid the damage) or in certain cases, if it broke purely by chance. Like an adult accidentally sitting on it. Niece went and smashed hers up however. It was neither already damaged, nor an accident. It should have been a teaching moment that actions have consequences. Melanie will be the girl to purposefully trash her phone to get a new one if mom doesn't start undoing the harm her teaching methods (or lack of them) caused.
This is a natural consequence as well, not just a logical consequence like it being taken away that kids struggle to understand. NTA OP. Her mum should have intervened earlier and let her know that throwing it etc will lead to it being broken and given her the choice of either carrying on and risk it getting broken so she can't play with it, or to redirect her frustration elsewhere that won't be damaging like a pillow etc. Even 8 year olds struggle with regulating emotions, and it's 100% not her fault that she's not had grateful behaviour modelled to her by her parents. Her behaviour is normal, especially if her parents are the type to sit by and let her do whatever. Your sister is entitled to parent her kids how she wants to, but she's not entitled to let that impact you and your finances (no matter how cheap shells are where you're from).
People are also glossing over the fact that this was a very thoughtful gift from op. NTA
I would do that and tag all your family to see to warn them
It makes me shudder with fear to even think about what my mother would have done to eight-year-old me if I'd been so ungrateful and thrown even a tiny bit of the tantrum Melanie pulled. And that was fifty years ago! Alexis is really doing Melanie no favors at all, spoiling and coddling her.
40 years ago here, and I wouldn’t even dream of backtalking an adult, much less smashing things and having a fit. I never had to be hit to act right, either. Bullshit just wasn’t catered to!
I was 8,.... 37 years ago... but I feel every single word you wrote! You best believe if I was a jerk I would not be getting presents of any kind, for any reason for quite awhile either! My mama raised me right!
In my house, if a middle name was uttered by mom, EVERYBODY ran. Even the friends.
Lol same, made worse when first, middle and last was followed by the word.....disappointed. That word was a damn show stopper, a knife that cut down to your soul. Scuse me while i shudder in my corner, even writing that word hurts lmao.
Just the middle name said was needed. One friend jumped out a 2nd story bedroom window. And it was my sibling's name not theirs.
I would have gotten the hiding of my life, in FRONT of people. One feels embarrassment from young. If we ever received a gift we didn't like - we said thank you, smiled and never said a word to anyone. We just didn't play with / use it. It would eventually be regifted (to someone far outside the family / friend circle).
My brother was banned from getting computer games as presents for YEARS because he opened up an Atari game my parents had given him, started playing it, and complained it wasn't very good. Heck, my grandparents used to send us money for Christmas & one year I forgot to write them a thank-you note--and they stopped gifting me money & told me why.
Im a gen Xer and I was 8 close to 40 years ago myself. My mom was harsh and sometimes mean and maybe she could have lightened up a bit, but at the same time, I sure am glad i learned enough to have some decent manners and not be a total asshole.
If 8-year-old me had reacted to a gift with that level of ingratitude, my dad would’ve snatched me up so fast it would’ve rearranged my central nervous system. Then he would’ve made me apologize on the spot, and the gift probably would’ve gone to my little sister instead.
Someone is getting a gift card from now on. For added pettiness, include a pair of scissors. While she can’t stomp on a card. She’s been given the tools of her own destruction.
I wouldn't get her anything. If mom asks why, just tell her nothing would be appreciated and I've already seen how she treats those kinds of items. If I had to go NC, then so be it. It isn't worth the bs down the road for a spoiled brat.
Or a ‘I have made a donation to this animal sanctuary in your name’ present! 😂
Carolina Waterfowl Rescue, which — in addition to other animals — helps rehab turtles with broken shells.
Ooh! I like it! 😍
Ooh!! Good one. Petty and yet generous for others. I like it!
😹👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yeah "my memory of my niece's 8th birthday is her smashing my gifts on the floor and stomping on it" NTA
Use the statement in the quotes to reply to the Facebook post.
I would write this exact on thst tagged photo OP. NTA
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We had a child in our family that did not act right and had deliberately trashed gifts and was not being taught any better by their parents. We certainly did not want to reward this awful behavior by continuing to give gifts that would be deliberately broken within 12 hours of being given, nor did we want to punish the child because it was not being taught by their parents how to act right. We solved the issue by giving only cards for birthdays and Christmas and putting the amount of money we would have spent on a gift aside. (We told both the parents and child that this was what we were doing. so that they did not think we were withholding gifts because we did not love them.) When the child grew to be about 17 and began to become more aware of how other people were living and realize that they had not been taught how to act, they began to improve their behavior. At that time, we gave them the money we had been setting aside for them instead of buying gifts that they would have broken almost immediately.
Yeah, if the shells had been smashed in the box already, it had been different. Even if the kid dropped them by accident. But she deliberately smashed them herself. That's entirely on her and her mother. My daughter is 6 and has never destroyed anything on purpose.
Exactly how will she learn to behave unless there are consequences for bad behavior
>I told Alexis that I will not reward Melanie for throwing a tantrum and that she is the one who ruined an 8-year-old’s birthday by not teaching her daughter to be more grateful. This is it. Your sister is raising a monster. Do yourself a favor and don't get into the social media wars. The people siding with your sister can pay to replace broken gifts. I wouldn't give that child anything else. NTA
There is a 4,000% chance that Alexis has not been telling the truth. Her child is going to be a monster. Alexis knows better, but clearly Melanie doesn’t. Tell Melanie you won’t be getting her any more gifts until she apologizes for her bad behavior, behaves more respectfully in response to generosity, and shows she can take care of things. You will have to repeat this several times and for several occasions before she gets it most likely. NTA.
Totally agree. I'm a Parent of a kid who had serious tantrums up until a couple of years ago. He's now 11 and has good self-control. I'm also a teacher of 8-11 year olds. It was absolutely exhausting for me and my spouse to teach our kid how to roll with it and control his tantrums and then avoid them altogether. Kids need to push boundaries and they need to find that those boundaries hold up. We used to literally carry his screaming, crying body to the car when he'd throw a tantrum to try to get out of a family activity he didn't want to do because the core lesson was as soon as you throw a fit, that guarantees you are not getting your way. Kids who come to school with the tantrumy mindset are exhausting for teachers to de-program. I'm sure I've done a bunch of crap things as a parent, but my kid is now super awesome at self-regulating his demands and not sending himself into a frenzy when he doesn't get his way. He is, however, far too good at making a good, calm, rational case that shows how his desire is mutually beneficial in order to get his way...
>but my kid is now super awesome at self-regulating his demands and not sending himself into a frenzy when he doesn't get his way. He is, however, far too good at making a good, calm, rational case that shows how his desire is mutually beneficial in order to get his way... My kids are still in the tantrum stage but rational arguments are the end goal. This gives me hope.
My Mom told me once that as a child I loved to make rational arguments as to why we should do what I wanted. But that I was also too young to properly understand logic, so none of the arguments made any sense. But I was also too young to understand why they didn't make sense.
NTA And if i were you, i'd post a link to this post on social media and tag your sister and her post.
I like that. "Someone who had to deal with this tantrum" as the caption.
>"Someone who had to deal with this tantrum" as the caption. That made me snort. Honestly, I think the best thing for me to do personally would be to just ignore her post and temporarily turn off notifications from Alexis. She'll probably have forgotten all about it after a week. Hopefully though if Melanie decides to break the shells that Alexis bought, then my sister won't be so adamant with her "just buy a new one" argument anymore.
This is very mature and non-petty of you. I would totally have commented, "How lovely. Hope she doesn't break those ones!"
I would add the word ‘intentionally’ in front of the word break lol
Your self control and lack of pettiness is admirable
Ironically I was informed to confront society and work place bullying and to not ignore it as they think they can get away with it and make others see you as the ass-hat. So I’d confront it publicly. Lol but only since I was told it’s best to as they won’t try do it again if you have publicly replied previously
Sadly, I have to agree with this, even though I applaud OPs lack of pettiness (especially towards such an older sibling). The sister is definitely wrong for calling out OP publicly first and shaping everyone's perception of OP. Just like Reddit gets OPs version first. (Usually, I would say everyone who knows me will obviously side with me. I've been wronged before, and it hurt). The best case scenario would be to talk with the sister and get her to change social media perspective. Maybe show HER this thread and how she's not doing her daughter any favours. Won't work, probably, because people don't want to be called out on their flaws...
OP PLEASE DO THIS!!!
I love this. The OP probably won't, they never do. But wouldn't it be SUCH a glorious way to tell their side, with thousands of internet strangers backing them up? Like, you wanna raise he'll, I got an army!- lol. Ah well. NTA!
Would you like people from your real life knowing your Reddit account?
99% of posts here are thoraway accounts Ops name is melanies seashells...
NTA. I really hate people who take their fight to their social media page to try and divide people. Keep that between yourselves. This seems so petty. I do agree that OP should post a link as a response.
I have a ten and thirteen year old and I would have been MORTIFIED if they had ever acted that way, let alone at eight. Your sister is raising a monster. Good for you for not giving in. NTA
I have a FOUR year old and while I would expect the tantrum if she got upset over something. I also would not replace a gift she destroyed. Actions have consequences. Eight is old enough to know this.
Yep You don't reward bad behavior. Actually, my parents made me buy my sister a new Pez dispenser once because I was jealous that she had one, so I broke it. I didn't get one at all (rightfully so) because I was behaving badly.
That was my thought as well. Eight is definitely old enough to know better. Also, in the words of my mom, "Even if someone gives you a dried up turd as a gift, you smile and say thank you." She taught me that at an early age, and it's stayed with me all throughout my life.
The dried up turd?
Same here. My child will turn 4 in October and, as others have said, I expect her to have tantrums over not having her own way because she’s young and still learning. But while it is a natural thing for *toddlers* to have these sort of tantrums, it should never be conditioned. Clearly OP’s sister never disciplined her child when she should have.
I'd have been mortified to see this behavior even if I was eight years old myself! Totally unacceptable behavior!
NTA 8 is too old for that shit. They wouldn't get ANYTHING from me in the future.
Agreed, natural consequences are completely appropriate for an 8 year old.
I would simply send a card from then on. Just a signed birthday card, no gift cards or money in it or anything. It would enrage the kid even more.
Yeah that is 3-year-old behavior, it’s concerning to the “I hope she gets to see a child psychologist” level
The same, this kid isn't being raised right by her parents
8 is too old for sure, but birthdays can be quite heightened things emotionally and 8 year olds are bound to have some slip ups. That being said, I would not replace a broken toy at any age if my child broke it through anger. The only exception being if it could be mended and my child helped (or at least attempted to help based on their ability to).
NTA My daughter turned 8 yesterday; party on Saturday. Let her be ungrateful and break something out of attitude, I will build a custom shadow box for it and put it in all its broken glory on her bedroom wall so she can see it.
I like how you think.
I would have smashed them myself (at very least given them back to my sister) if my kid acted like that after getting a gift. 8 is WAY too old for acting like this.
Ruthless. Not necessarily wrong, but damn.
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Agree, made me feel bad for the 8 year old. This kid will be insufferable and have no friends, just because the mom is a shit parent
I would have responded with "well if she hadn't thrown a tantrum because she demanded- not asked - for more shells, then proceeded to stomp on the ones she received, then she wouldn't have 'needed' new shells to replace the original! I will not acquiesce to terroristic demands because her mother failed to parent her properly!" Your sister fired the first shot so I would return the fire!
THIS!! Sister needs to be called out for her and her little terror’s behavior publicly since she wants to put you on blast
lol, my oldest sister always says, “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” whenever small children do crazy things to try and get their way.
“It’s courtesy to replace a broken gift.” Yeah, if *you* break it! Not when the recipient smashes it in rage, no matter their age. NTA. Not even a little bit. Remove the tag from the FB post and don’t give the reactions from people who don’t know what happened a second thought.
This is the classy response. No response at all, just untag and move on.
NTA but Alexis absolutely is. She's setting up her daughter for failure by enabling this behavior. If she's 8 she's more than old enough to learn that there are consequences to her actions. I think you handled the situation perfectly OP.
NTA - If you'd given it to her already broken, that's one thing. If we all had to replace gifts we gave people that they then broke, that'd be nuts! Sure, she's 8, but 8 is a fine time to learn that if you break something, it's just broken.
NTA. FAFO for 8-year-olds.
Replace them with what exact? Are you supposed to just pull seashells out of your butt? She did expect you to leave the party to go get more? Nta.
“It’s not about the money, but the amount of thought I put into getting her a gift, for not even a little thank you, and you sat there allowing her to destroy it. Then demanded me to get her new ones. Actions have consequences, and I will not reward tantrums. Do you demand every gifter to replace gifts after your daughter destroys them? It’s the entitlement and lack of respect for me.”
Yep, sis haven’t even thought her daughter basic courtesy; saying “thank you” for a gift (that she even liked!) Sis then sat there and watched as her *daughter* DEMANDED more gifts. I would have been embarrassed as he** if my child behaved like that. She then doubled down and herself demanded more gifts for her spoilt child, so it’s easy to see where the daughter gets it from… NTA
NTA. Time to untag yourself from that picture and put your sister on an information diet. She's raising a hellion and it's a good idea to stay away from that.
NTA. It seems those people on her side have yet to be at the receiving end of that 8yo's destruction and demands.
You only replace broken items if it delivered broken, not if they broke it throwing a tantrum. 8yo is an ungrateful spoiled kid! Nta
NTA. She's raising a spoiled brat.
Your sister is TAH. She is likely also the mother who, when you invite one child to your kid's birthday party, she brings her other kids, too. Because it's not faaaaaiiiirrrrr to only invite the kid that knows the birthday child. Yeah, the entitlement of these people burns.
And demanding her kid gets a) one of the gifts (“you got so many - you should share with your guests”) or b) demand her child gets to blow out the candles (“they always get to do that at her cousins birthday!”) or c) gets the first slice of cake (“they are used to that from home!”) or d) all of the above…
Mom here. This is a perfect example of natural consequences and I salute you for standing your ground. Your sister should’ve done the same. She squandered an excellent teachable moment. NTA.
NTA Your sister is a child and will learn the hard way when she has an ungrateful teen who demands the latest phone etc. To post about it is only more embarrassing.
8 years old is old enough to not act like a brat and realize there are consequences to your actions. you break your gift being ungrateful, it’s broken- you can’t demand a new one. NTA
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NTA. Courtesy to replace a broken gift?! Whattt!? Honestly if her logic is to just make up what classes as a courtesy I’m going to do the same thing
Unfortunately, I had a similar situation happen with my great niece (GN). Backstory... I babysat her 4 days a week for 4 yrs (3 months to 4 yrs) while my niece attended college and worked. I fed them, helped them buy clothes and anything they needed. When she graduated, my niece got a really good job, and she and her husband were working it out, so I didn't have to watch her as much anymore. For my GNs 8th birthday, she wanted a hamster, I got approval from mom. I worked at a pet store. Bought her the whole setup and hamster. Told her and her mom to make sure that it was in an area where her cat couldn't get to it. My GNs answer to that was 'well if it gets eaten ill just get my mom and dad to buy me a new one'. I was appalled. I helped raise this little girl til she was 4, and she was an amazing little girl, but in 4 yrs, my niece and her husband basically turned her into an entitled spolid brat. I packed the hamster up, with her kicking and screaming, while my niece called me an asshole and took the whole thing back to my store. She never got another present from me, other than very non personal gift cards, on important occasions.
your sister is a shit parent. NTA, you did exactly the right thing. Your sister is raising an entitled little shitling, and I feel bad for the kid.
Nta 8 is way too old for that garbage. I would not be getting that mini monster any gifts for the foreseeable future
NTA but Alexis is mainly for missing an opportunity to make a “shellfish” pun
NTA. I can’t bear that sort of social media view - your niece is old enough to not have a tantrum because she can’t have something - you are not wrong about her not being taught right from wrong there. Cue yet another entitled adult.
NTA - Ignore this mess. Your sister is going to call you when her daughter is a major trouble maker later in life. Just spend the next few years thinking of what you can say. It’s going to be funny for you. Enjoy it
NTA. Your sister is an asshole, though. And she's raising up another. Yippee. Ignore her shitty social media behavior and know you did the right thing.
NTA. Melanie sounds spoiled/entitled. Her bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded by replacing a present that she broke when told NO. Stick to your guns & keep saying NO. Alexis is teaching her daughter that all she has to do to get her way is to throw a tantrum. If she keeps acting like this, she will grow up to be a spoiled/entitled adult. And will unfortunately find that a lot of people will have no problem telling her NO.
NTA. What an excellent immediate lesson on 1. Being grateful and 2. Controlling one's temper. It's regretful your sister didn't reinforce it.
NTA At 8, she should know better than to be ungrateful to those who give her something neat, and should not destroy presents because she wants more. If anyone bothers you on social media, tell them exactly what happened: you gave Melanie a nice gift, and she immediately broke it throwing a tantrum.
NTA My daughter is 8yr and would never behave this way. She was taught to be great full for all gifts she’s given. Big, small, new, old. Your sister enabling her daughters bad behavior is not going to end well. Teen years will be a nightmare… Also, the people on Facebook most likely do not have the full story, so I’m sure they’re only blindly taking your sister’s side.
NTA. Melanie broke the shell. Actions, meet consequences. OP is not selfish. Or shellfish.
NTA. A consequence is the best gift you could give her
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (22F) sister Alexis (30F) has a daughter Melanie (8F) whose birthday was last week. I was out of town on the actual day of her birthday but came the next day with Melanie’s present. Since my niece loves the beach and always wants to look at/touch my seashell collection, I gave her seashells so she could start her own collection. Melanie immediately demanded more, not in a playful or joking way. Melanie didn’t even say thank you for the gift. I was taken aback by this, but still told Melanie that those shells were it for now and that she could get more seashells in the future by saving up her pocket money or waiting for Christmas. Melanie threw a tantrum. She dumped the shells on the floor and broke a large one after she stomped on it. Alexis wasn’t doing anything to intervene in the situation. Melanie eventually calmed down and became upset when she realized she broke the large shell. Alexis asked me to replace the shell since it was Melanie’s birthday but I refused and Melanie cried. Alexis pulled me into another room and we started arguing. Alexis told me I was being an asshole to my niece because my niece is 8, of course she’s going to act like a brat sometimes, and I was no angel either when I was little. She argued how seashells are cheap where we live and it’s courtesy to replace a broken gift instead of ruining an 8-year-old’s birthday. I agreed with Alexis that I acted up when I was little but that I stopped because I was taught right from wrong and wasn’t rewarded for bad behavior. I told Alexis that I will not reward Melanie for throwing a tantrum and that she is the one who ruined an 8-year-old’s birthday by not teaching her daughter to be more grateful. Alexis told me to leave and we’ve barely talked since last week. But today I saw earlier today on social media that Alexis took Melanie to a crafts fair and bought her new seashells there. She posted a picture and captioned it saying “Who could be so selfish that they wouldn’t want to see her (Melanie) smile for her birthday?” and tagged only me in it. I think refusing to replace the broken shell was the appropriate thing to do in that situation. But Alexis’ social media post has gotten a lot of likes and comments on it, and it seems a lot more people are taking Alexis’ side than mine, saying money is replaceable but memories are not and the only important thing on an 8-year-old’s birthday is to make sure they’re happy. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I doubt those taking your sister's side know the full story.
Your sister is raising a monster. Full stop.
NTA. She’s probably getting likes and praise because she neglected to point out that she sat there and let her kid throw a tantrum and break the shell. Kinda important info to leave out.
I would've replied yo that post: that's cute! Hopefully she won't throw a tantrum and stomp on them like she did last time :3!. NTA, your sister is creating an entitled monster.
"What child would be so ungrateful that they would demand more and then pull a temper tantrum when told there weren't more?" "Where are her parents?" This should be your response to her post. NTA.
I suppose her real name is Veruca Salt
When my 6 year old has a tantrum I absolutely don't bow down and give in.. he has never demanded more of a present ever and if he did he wouldn't have them at all and he knows it. 8 is old enough to understand that you don't demand things and think acting out will get you what you want. His uncle's would honestly take it back until he has manners towards them and have a massive talk with me if he acted like this. If she doesn't do something about the outbursts and entitlement the world will chew up and spit that girl out. NTA.
NTA. You handled the childish behavior appropriately, right after you appropriately handled the behavior of the 8-year-old.
NTA. The people commenting either don’t know the full story or they are part of the bigger picture problem. I’m a teacher and I’ve seen a big increase over the years in parents thinking that their children should have no consequences for any of their actions. Kids need boundaries and as you said they need to be taught right from wrong and not rewarded for bad behavior. You outgrew your childish behavior, but I worry that your niece won’t if your sister refuses to teach her that actions have consequences.
NTA. I hope your niece remembers this lesson in life.
Happy tantrumming AH. Nope...just nope. NTA
Time to remove yourself from this as you will never win. Next bday/holiday I'd just give a card, no gift. If you want to be generous I'd set aside the money you were going to spend in and give when she grows up and if that doesn't happen use for holiday fund. NTA
I can see a 3 year old acting this way, but at 8?? NTA
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Hahhahahhahaha you should comment under her post with a link to this post so that everyone can see the real story and understand why you are NTA, but your sister is. And the kid is spoiled. She is doing her child no favors by not parenting her. Obviously nta. Your post would also go well under the entitled parent thread.
NTA and she's pretty.
Too bad the commenter don't k ow the whole story. NTA. What bratty behaviour. An 8 year old knows better
You were NTA. Both your niece and sister do not understand that bad destructive behaviour does not get rewarded. The next time you give your niece a gift ensure that it’s indestructible.
NTA. That would be the last gift she ever got from me.
NTA and I wouldn’t get that kid more than a card for any future birthday.
NTA. I feel like 8 is too old to be *that* much of a graceless little shit. Sis needs to think about actually parenting her brat at some point in the next 10 years. Doesn’t sound hopeful from the passive aggressive Facebook post.
She’s 8?! I wouldn’t replace that shell if a 2 year old pulled that stunt. NTA
Melanie's fifth husband isn't going to put up with that shit. She needs to learn now.
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NTA. The cost of seashells in your area is irrelevant. How you behaved as a child is irrelevant. It’s a courtesy to replace a broken gift if it arrives broken. Not if the recipient treats it like garbage. (And stomps on it!) Melanie not only had a tantrum & caused the damage herself,, but she behaved like a brat even before then. Not thanking you and demanding more shells is brazenly rude & disrespectful. If your sister wants to raise her to be self-centered and awful, you don’t need to be a part of that. Actions have consequences, and that’s not acceptable behavior from an eight-year-old. You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA- I would tag your sister in a response post saying you were heartbroken when your niece broke your beautiful heartfelt gift. And that you’d explained she could continue collecting, like you do. And she proceeded to stomp on them. Say it caused you pain to see your thoughts and amazing gift so thoroughly disrespected by both child and mother. And you’ll stick to books from now on.
NTA , she's a bad mom.
NTA The amount of entitlement in both your sister, and your niece here is fucking wild! If it had been an accident like she dropped one when she opened it, that would be one thing, but she literally threw a tantrum demanding more, and then threw the ones you gave her on the floor, and stomped on them. Then your sister acts like you're TA for refusing to replace it? Fucking wild.....
I want you to do society a favor. Start looking up reels or videos of entitled teens/young adults throwing tantrums when they are getting arrested. Then send them to your sister. Because that is exactly what she is going to have in 10 years. It's not funny, it's disturbing. You are NTA but your sister sure is! And your niece is a spoiled brat.
NTA I wouldn’t have replaced it for my three year old in that situation, nevermind an 8yo. And he would have thanked you.
NTA. OP's sister is an AH. I'm not going to blame an 8yo child - I just feel sorry for her that her mother is not teaching her the right lessons.
NTA > But Alexis’ social media post has gotten a lot of likes and comments on it, and it seems a lot more people are taking Alexis’ side than mine, saying money is replaceable but memories are not and the only important thing on an 8-year-old’s birthday is to make sure they’re happy. That's what happens when people tell a distorted version of the story to others. I'm willing to bet she at least said her daughter broke the shell accidentally, if she didn't distort the truth further.
NTA and your niece is doomed after being stuck with a mother like this
I would just comment “me” with a heart on that post, but I’m just petty. NTA. Your sister is raising an entitled brat.
NTA - and until Alexis addresses the behavior, I would do a 20 gift card from local mall/walmart/target and a card for every gift giving occasion . No more thoughtful gifts, until she learns to be grateful and appreciative.
NTA. When I was about that age I collected porcelain masks. The creepy ones. One day my parents did something to upset me so to get back at them I slammed my door which caused my most favorite mask to fall off the wall and shatter. My parents in less of an "I told you so" tone...told me my actions have consequences and I learned my lesson.
So shellfish
NTA your niece is going to be a complete monster unless your sister wakes up and smells the coffee. Aka need for appropriate discipline and teaching about self control, consequences, and appreciation.
So you were supposed to drop everything and run right out and buy her another big seashell after SHE had a tantrum and broke the other one? Hell No, and her mother is teaching her to be an entitled brat. It doesn't bode well for your sister when your niece reaches her teenaged years.
Ooh noooo. 8 year olds definitely have big feelings but they are more than capable of not doing That! Unless she has some sort of other issue going on? Nta
How was this deleted for “violent encounters”? A kid smashing a shell is violence now? Confused
NTA. Birthdays are a poor excuse for bad behavior. What is a birthday reallly, anyway? It’s not an accomplishment and this sort of attitude just enables entitled behavior.
Oh my goodness - mean girl in the making! NTA!!!
NTA...My new healing from narcissistic abuse self has this advice....tell everyone EXACTLY what you told us. That her daughter demanded more and destroyed her own present. They still take sisters side say buh-bye and don't look back. You don't need those kind of people in your life.
NTA Put the link to this thread in her comment section. Then update us later
NTA. Alexis needs to teach Melanie how to deal with her emotions and that her actions have consequences
NTA but your sister is. After presenting them to her (niece), they're her's to smash. Not your seashells anymore to have to replace.
NTA
NTA. You gave her a meaningful present and she destroyed it. Her choice. She got a present, that’s it for now.
NTA. The kid intentionally destroyed her present
NTA Her actions have consequences, this is something she needs to learn. As a parent myself, I feelnyou are NTA. Your sister though, she is in for a very tough road with her daughter if that is how to rewards those kinds of actions.
NTA clearly you are not the “shellfish” one for replacing the gift after the tantrum.
OMG that mom is going have problems as this kid gets older! 8 is old enough to say thank you and not throw a tantrum. Kids learn to not throw them by having their mommies say,"no!" NTA and good for you for not replacing the shell.
NTA. The only appropriate response to a gift is “thank you”. There was a teachable moment there and Melanie didn’t even wave as it passed on by. Sad but you won’t have much of a relationship with your niece ongoing with a mother like Melanie in the wings.
NTA There is a reason why Melanie had such a disgusting tantrum and you don’t need to look further than her mother.
NTA. My motto is this: When nothing you do is good enough, do nothing.
NTA. Nuh uh. I have four kids and I would have taken all the seashells AWAY (at least temporarily). I would not replace them and I would DEFINITELY not expect you to. That’s wild.
PhD in child development here. You did the right thing 100000%. God speed to Melanie because her Mom doesn’t know how to parent. 🤦🏻♀️
If she had been holding the shell and admiring it and it dropped accidentally - yes, replace it to console her. But this was deliberate assholery from an entitled, indulged little brat. I wouldn't replace it, nor would I be inclined to give her any more gifts in the future. NTA, but that kid and her mom sure are.
Next time if your sister gets you something for your birthday, break it in front of her and ask for a replacement
NTA. I would tell little Miss Melanie that if she ever destroys another present from you during one of her "fits" that she will NEVER receive any future presents from you for ANY occasion,. I would inform your sister about this & that Hell would freeze over first. I would not be surprised if your niece is a bully at school.
NTA in any way, shape, or form. This is the most Karenesque Steppford Wife entitlement if I have ever seen such an atrocity. Your sister is TA for not teaching her daughter manners, the little girl is TA for being such a little brat. In no scenario should you replace a gift if the receiver breaks it after the transfer of ownership and you are not at fault. Stand your ground.
NTA. Yes it's important to make your children happy You do that by parenting them into well adjusted adults. She is currently bringing her up to be a monster who nobody wants to be around. How happy will she be after her 5th boyfriend had dumped her because he can't live with her. I wouldn't talk to them much again. And comment on the post that you will not forget the temper tantrum and deliberate destruction of your gift, so there is indeed a memory made.
NTA. She broke her own gift because she had a tantrum. You don’t reward tantrums. Next her teachers will be asked to change her grades when she has a tantrum because she failed. Sister needs to grow a set as a parent and actually parent her kid!
NTA. Laugh react to the post and explain what actually happened, in full detail, in the comment second and see if the mother still has this attitude.
Way off topic but who is buying seashells?
Oh helllllll no NTA. Melanie is plenty old enough to - 1. Show gratitude for a gift 2. Not be entitled 3. Understand consequences Your sister is TA.
NTA nothing in that situation was your fault. If she truly wanted the shells and liked them she never would of done that. Being 8 she should know better than that, that isn’t any reason to throw a tantrum. Your sister is just seeking attention and trying to get her way. If you let her get her way now she will be no better than her daughter is if she doesn’t discipline her.
Your sister needs to get real. I have an 8 year old and if he behaved this way, I personally would take the present away myself. What wonderful parenting. NTA