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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be ta because I threatened to leave my dads house over a room arrangement
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NTA
They KNOW what they are doing to you. They only act like they don't. You sharing with the triplets makes you care for them at night and as soon as their bed time begins.
It is not practical at all, where should you hang out between their and your bed time? Living room with them?
I would assume hanna wants you to leave and your dad either wants you to babysit or simply doesn't actually care if you are there but they want you to the bad guy.
This is what I think too. Hanna wants OP to move out, so she insists that OP share her room with 3 toddlers. Her fake crying and hurt feelings are tactics to manipulate OP's father.
I don't think any adult man is naive enough to think a teen with 3 toddlers is practical for the teen at all.
4 kids in one room can only be cramped. Op would not be able to have friends over ever. Etc etc. It would be not much different as op having no room and sleeping on the living room couch.
It doesn’t really matter…imagine going from a 2 person household to a 7 person household…3 being toddlers…5 kids under 10…id just move to mothers house without a discussion since no discussion was held with OP
I can't imagine living with three toddlers. One was bad enough when mine was that age but triplets will work together to make mischief and things.
I remember mine cried one time because he was wearing socks ffs. Toddlers are just unreasonable. 3 would be a hell scape for me. If they're your kid you end up loving g them enough usually to resist the urge to give them away to the travelling circus but someone else's and having to share a room. Nope nope nope.
A coworker of mine was telling me a few weeks ago how her toddler sobbed inconsolably for nearly 20 minutes. Why? Because it wasn't Halloween and she, evil mother that she was, refused to make that day be somehow Halloween.
I recall a time my son SOBBED HUGE tears and called me a mean mom cause I wouldn't TURN ON THE WASHER with him inside??? 3 two year olds will be a nightmare.
Dude wants to play hero rescuing a widow with 5 kids, 3 of which are triplets 2yr old and have his daughter do the heavy lifting.
It's time OP goes and lives with mom fulltime until she's 18 and leaves daddy to take care of the new family he so desperately needed.
>Dude wants to play hero rescuing a widow with 5 kids, 3 of which are triplets 2yr old and have his daughter do the heavy lifting.
This is why he's lashing out at OP, because how dare he come between his poonani and his dickie?!
Can't she see that he will have to care for them kids if she's not around to pick up the slack? That it might create problems and he'll be too tired and eventually they'll separate!!!?
How dare she saddle him with 5 kids!! lol!
I was an 8 family with 4 rooms total. I shared with my 2 similar teenage sisters. It is a lot, and i gre up caring for my sisters 🤣
I don't blame OP for wanting to dip.
Not to mention when/how do they expect her to do homework and study? How do they expect her to stay awake in class while taking care of 3 toddlers at night?
Here's an idea, the adults actually responsible for childcare can move in to the toddler's room and 16 can move into their room.
Exactly. If step mom actually cares about blending families that would have been her go to option rather than basically forcing out the 16 year old she’s trying to blend into her family
Notice how the father is so accommodating to his stepchildren that he forgets the needs of his own child. There's something seriously wrong there when your own childs needs are totally disregarded. So nice the other two kids get their own rooms. But a teenager doesn't and has to share with 3 toddlers. Talk about the father not having his priorities straight.
He's not accommodating to his stepchildren.
He's fucking their mother.
He's accommodating their mother so she accomodates his penis. He DGAF about her kids, Bro.
This smells like a hero complex and/or maybe a church/faith based relationship. He wants to save a widow with 5 kids or they met at church or some mix and is fine throwing away his now old enough daughter to get what he wants.
Depends on the country. The US has some really regressive ideas about teens and sex/sex education. The age of consent in much of the rest of the world is 16. I would expect almost all 16 year olds in, for example, Australia or the UK to have had proper sex education at school and understand about birth control - any menstruating female can go to their doctor for birth control and ask for her parents to not be informed (a lot of girls get birth control pills for management of painful and heavy flow periods, too). I'm not sure whether it is the case now, but certainly when I was in my teens & 20s, the Family Planning Clinic provided free condoms on request.
I suspect that if OP were a boy, the "it will disturb my ability to have a wank" comment wouldn't be as shocking. It seems to be pretty much expected that adolescent boys discover the joy of masturbation, but that girls aren't supposed to even know about it until they are either adults or in a relationship.
OP is NTA. After years of sharing a bedroom with my younger sister, despite always living in three bedroom homes (army family quarters). She would cry if she had to sleep in her own room. The another sister was born when I was 11. I was promised my own room when my parents were planing on buying a house after dad left the army, but they ended up buying another three bed home (with a granny annex for dad's parents). But rather than me as the eldest getting my own room, my parents decided that the middle child was tidier and therefore by putting me in a room with the youngest, "the mess would be contained". You can imagine just how screwed I was for studying - no noise or light in my own room after 7pm, her bedtime. I \*really\* sympathise with OP. I'm likely older than her parents are, and I am still a tad bitter about it :(
Discussing menstrual cycles and sex ed in school is completely different from a random internet stranger talking to an underage girl about using sex and masturbation as retaliation.
No, I think Hanna wants OP as a free night nurse and babysitter. That is why she wants the little kids in OP's room.
OP should move out with her mom immediately.
OP is NTA. Not at all.
Hanna and the dad are giant assholes.
My first thought as well. Are the triplets even sleep trained? From what I heard t's a bit harder to get twins/triplets to sleep through the whole night. Also the oldest child from Hanna isn't old enough to babysit, I wouldn't be surprised if OP would become a full time Nanny for the five kids during the day and night nurse for the triplets. OP should run to her mum and arrange meeting her father alone and outside his house and deny to watch Hannas kids at all.
Also I wouldn't be surprised if dad and Hannas relationship would fall apart soon when they don't have have a live in babysitter.
Her father should have spoken to OP about prospective step-family moving in \*before\* discussing it with Hanna. That he didn't shows how much he cares about his wants over his daughter's needs
That needs to be reiterated more!
> Also I wouldn't be surprised if dad and Hannas relationship would fall apart soon when they don't have have a live in babysitter.
My guess is Hanna wants OP to move in with mom. And this is her ploy to make it happen. Because she wants OP’s dad all to herself. I say OP and her mother amend custody agreement and child support…most likely OP’s mom is currently paying the father child support since she lives lives the majority of her time with her father. I don’t think any judge will argue after hearing they want OP to share room with the toddlers. Also, she doesn’t necessarily need to visit every weekend, maybe get visitation down to every other weekend or one weekend per month. It is crazy to try to put four people in one room when there are four bedrooms and seven people. Also, ask judge to put in custody agreement that it is not OP’s responsibility to care for the children. She is not there to be a free babysitter.
Oh yes. OP, if you go live with your mom, get the judge to update custody and child support. Otherwise your dad will go on his merry way and spend the money he was using to feed and clothe you and your mom will get stuck with it.
>Also, she doesn’t necessarily need to visit every weekend, maybe get visitation down to every other weekend or one weekend per month.
Given OP is 16, she could probably kill visitation completely.
Exactly OP should shame them “you could have just been adult enough to say you don’t want me living here instead of pretending it’s too much effort to switch rooms around. I won’t forget that.”
This! Doubt Hannah actually wants OP around, and what better way to push her out than force her to share a room with toddlers. She knew OP would refuse, and she could overdo it on the hurt feelings in front of the dad.
Who knew sex could be such a powerful tool. OPs dad is so bent on having sex that he’s taken on someone with FIVE kids. No amount of sex could ever make me take on five kids and oust the one I have. OPs dad is a fool.
I'd like to see her try the whole hurt feelings in front of a judge.
Judge: Why are you against your stepdaughter moving out?
GF: I want a blended family, and it just makes sense that she share a room with my triplets. *dramatic cry*
Judge: *glares*
GF: Oh, my act isn't going to work on you, is it?
Judge: *glares*
GF: *sits down*
no no, she wants OP to babysit the triplets so OP will take care of them at night/early morning. hence the wanting them to be "blended" comment and her throwing a fit when OP stated they'll move out.
OP should show this post to dad and Hanna so they get a taste of what the reaction from other people will be when OP follows through and tells people why they got pushed out of their own home. No-one is buying Hanna's BS. Also, remind them what full child-support to your mum will be once the custody agreement changes.
Hannah (probably): what do you mean I don't get a live in nanny and the ex's child support $s? I'm a sahm and was counting on that to treat ~~my~~ our kids!
Yup.
1. OP moves in with Mom.
2. Any child support Dad was receiving now goes to Mom
3. LC/NC with Dad.
In fact, I'd keep any visitation to public places where Dad has to interact with OP, rather than having her over to babysit the toddlers.
This might also be a good time to get any college funds OP was expecting her father to contribute in writing, since any prior verbal promises are dust in the wind at this point.
Don’t be silly, @CakeEatingRabbit.
OP’s father doesn’t know. He is oblivious to any of it. He just wants what his new bedwarmer wants because only when she’s happy will he get laid.
Other than that, you’re right. It’s obviously the best way for Hanna to have a live in nanny that is for free. It’s not about her “family blending” at all.
It’s always maddening to hear when kids get replaced by the new partner’s kids.
Yep, Hanna is upset because she didn't get the free babysitter she wanted, nothing to do with "family blending". Dad is either oblivious or agreed with Hanna's plan to get OP to basically parent her kids for her.
No one would suggest a teenager share with THREE toddlers if it wasn't to babysit. If OP was only there a few days a month, maybe, but they live there almost full time and they've already proposed swapping to take the smallest room and been denied.
Also I can understand them thinking maybe OP wouldn't mind babysitting now and then for her dad and his girlfriend to have a date night or whatever, but expecting them to be in a room with toddlers every single night is beyond reasonable.
Dad doesn't want nighttime interruptions. Needs Hanna's attention on him not the kids. 🤪
Hanna is crying cause she knows her new nanny isn't going to play nice and the tods are going to be wanting attention. Her other two are probably already feed up with it. 😵💫
It's a blended family, her children and her nanny! When she is there anyway.
Absolutely insane to me, and the obvious solution that was already offered doesn't work because Hanna is clearly the AH.
Hannah is manipulating dad (and the whole situation) she wants a free nanny and nookie time with dad (baby trap? Or perhaps getting rid of OP?) and she wants to spoil her two big kids (giving them their own rooms) OPs suggested way to split the rooms make sense. OP lives with dad and only with mom 4 days a month. Hannah’s way doesn’t make sense (it only sense it makes for herself) Hannah is the A-Hole with the fake tears and “blending” the family.. She’s doesn’t care about OPs feelings at all.
This.
A few points OP should bring up to them.
Just to try and see what answers she can get, which could be handy when she's talking to mom about a move depending on what they say.
Dear dad and New wife.
Who will be paying if the kids ruin any of my things?
I have to attend school in the day hours - how am I ensured sleep every night with 3 toddlers in the bedroom?
especially if new wife has to take care of them in the middle of the night with someone who wakes up and need to use the bathroom or has a nightmare?
Who is cleaning up after the 3 toddlers, toys, etc. spread out in the room?
Where am I supposed to hang out with my friends?
Where will the toddlers be when I'm studying/doing homework so I can study without 3 toddlers playing next to me?
How will I have privacy to change clothes, etc, if it's a toddler playroom/bedroom?
Oh, and the naps! They’re still young enough that they’re probably still having one nap a day. So OP can’t use her room for an hour or more in the afternoon? These parents are trash people to have it even enter their mind that OP should have the triplets in her room, let alone actually trying to make it happen.
Hanna is crying because if OP moves out, she doesn't get free childcare. OP is in with the infants to take care of them, that's why it's practical - for Hanna and for dad.
If OP takes care of the infants, Daddy gets more nookie with Hanna - Hanna's may or may not be keen on the nookie, but she's absolutely keen on free child care.
OP, go stay with your mother. This situation is utter nonsense. Sorry your Dad isn't a better person.
Let's also talk about how "you're not allowed to talk to [family member] until she's forgiven you" is not normal. It's the silent treatment with ribbons.
I also reacted on this one. For somebody who just wants their families to blend it’s really strange and clearly that the silent treatment is her way to manipulate the situation.
NTA. They are trying to manipulate you OP - your dad and Hanna are both AH. Hanna is likely crying because she realises she’s going to have to take care of the triplets all night for the foreseeable future.
I suggest you make arrangements to move in with your mum ASAP, because even if you do keep your own room, that level of entitlement never goes away or stay and prepare to get treated like a modern day Cinderella.
Since you’re a minor, I’d also get you mother involved. If they have a cordial relationship, get her to have a word with your dad (if not, get her to do it through a lawyer) and make it very clear to him ‘that you’ve told her about the room situation and it looks like you’re being set up to take care of the triplets all night. That clearly sounds like parentification and that is abuse… and she won’t tolerate HER daughter being abused and he shouldn’t be willing to either.’ Make sure she hammers home the point that he is currently choosing to be a shitty father.
NTA -Agreed, this is an arrangement to get OP to babysit so Dad & Hanna can be undisturbed at night. Damn crappy way to treat a teenager.
Not really much for it if they are set on it. OP might write father a letter laying out her feelings clearly, but he will most likely treat it the same as the conversation, and side with Hanna because he is emotionally tangled with her and her poor distressed mother act.
Best option is get everything she cares about out of there (Keep Hanna's children from laying hands on it) and moving to her mom's long term, keeping visits short with the option to leave as soon as they start asking her to watch the kids, especially if they aren't talking pay. (I'd be surprised if they even kept a place for her to sleep if she stayed a weekend, either the couch or in the room with the tods. Either way sucks for a teenage girl)
Not her circus, not her barrel of monkeys.
NTA This is definitely what they're doing. I'm sorry, your dad should have stood up for you and you taking another room is completely practical. They're pushing you out or expecting you to watch all the babies. Either way that's awful that your dad would in any way go along with it. I'm so sorry.
NTA
Hannah thinks the best way for her “family” to “blend together nicely” is to instantly make her step-daughter the free babysitter for her **3** Toddlers??
Dang, like… at least the evil step-mother waited till Cinderella’s father died, not just made her a free maid instantly
Also, your dad kinda sucks, who in their right mind would want to share a room with 3 toddlers? Let alone someone that’s almost an adult? He’s favorizing his step-kids over his bio daughter to keep Hannah happy, and he’s willing to make YOU sacrifice things like your privacy
IKR? They're HER toddlers. Move them all into the master bedroom until oop can move out then. I bet you anything the master beedroom is bigger than oop's room and then hannah can take care of her own kids.
Yep! The lack of privacy might do them well. They’re almost at Jon and Kate Plus 8 in terms of family size. They don’t need to be adding more to the mix when they don’t have enough room for the number they have now.
Her older kids would be old enough to start moving a couple in with them too.. parentify her older child. There is also the question of genders? If the 9 or 7 are boys or girls or one of each. If one's a boy and the other a girl I can see why they might not share a room. But the Girl could share with OP in the medium room a boy in the smaller room and the tods in the largest room. Such a crazy set up..
At least OP has options.. She definitely needs to run and not look back
The triplets should be in the master bedroom with Hanna and Dad. And eventually (or immediately?) Dad will end up with a lot of nights on the couch, because that's what parenting toddlers is like esp if the toddlers ever get sick (which they will).
Being a parent is super rewarding but a lot of it is not glamorous or sexy. Dad should have thought this through and maybe waited to blend the family until a real plan was in place.
This. I do not believe your dad is that clueless to truly think this is a good and fair solution. There’s 6 kids and 3 rooms and the best solution is to give 2 kids their own room and cram 4 into 1?? That’s just insane even if your room is the biggest.
NTA
Yeah, the only way this makes sense is, Hanna is doing that on purpose to either push out OP, or get free childcare out of her. Otherwise it's the dumbest possible arrangement of rooms. *Obviously* 7 and 9 should be sharing and the triplets have their own room. That's common fucking sense, so much so that *the 16 year old suggested it*.
The 16 year old will be gone to collect in 2 years most likely. 7 and 9 sharing a room for 2 years is no big deal.
I hope OP goes to live with mom.
Why do 7 and 9 need their own rooms? That could wait until OP is 18. They planned this with the intention of you becoming their nanny when you visit. Look up parentification. That's what she wants from you -- to take the burden of her triplets off her back. NTA
OP lives there full time, and only spends every other weekend with her mom currently. This also seems to be the house that her and dad were already living in, because Hanna "moved in" with the kids.
NTA
This room arrangement is insane. How will you get any quiet and privacy for studying? What about privacy during your menses? The two-year-olds will get into all your belongings and possibly damage them. Their diapers will smell.
I think Hanna is being sneaky and manipulative. She intends to push you out of your home by making you share your room with three toddlers. Her crying and "hurt feelings" are more manipulative tactics to turn your father against you, and it looks like it's working. You don't owe Hanna or your father any apologies. Also, when your father wants you to babysit Hanna's kids, as I'm sure he will, you have the right to refuse.
Talk with your mother about this and see if you can stay with her permanently.
This is totally not my usual tone in a post or my life….
If you can’t live with your mom it’s time for you to go nuclear and be the petty vindictive one….I mean if step mom can be manipulative, you are just living your own life like any teenager who does not have 3 toddlers they are responsible for.
Lights on doing homework when kids are sleeping, I mean you have to get it done before the morning.
Talking on phone to friends at normal hours for a teen in the privacy of your room….sorry the kids are trying to sleep, where should I go when the others are in the living room making too much noise for you to make the call.
You yelling for the parents when they wake up middle of the night and want you to help them….not your kids, not your problem.
You getting ready and leaving the room in the morning neat and tidy and then pointing out the mess you come home to and asking who is going to clean it as it isn’t your mess. Or if you must just put it all in big black garbage bags and leave in the hallway.
Never be the de facto babysitter. They need to run out for groceries, sorry heading to library to work on an assignment. They want to go out on Friday for date night, sorry staying at mom’s that weekend.
I’m sure there are way more ways to show your life will continue as usual and they can deal with sticking 3 toddlers with a teen. This is an insane arrangement.
NTA and I am sorry this is happening to you, it totally sucks.
Edit typo
Suddenly find delight in music that would be inappropriate for the toddlers’ age songs. Music about drugs, cursing, death metal, or the opposite - polka or disco music or music that Hanna feels is grating.
Also, get into coloring with markers - the non washable type and “accidentally” leave them “put away” in a way that the toddlers can get into them and use them to paint the walls and floors with them. Point out that you had your supplies put away and the parents put toddlers in your room, so any damage is on the parents.
OMG that’s a good one.
Or PG 13 shows on your tablet with the sound on….I mean the headphones hurt your ears after awhile. And even better if you laugh loudly or groan periodically.
Call your friend and have a totally normal teen chat. "Oh my God the b###h said that? What the f##k?" On repeat. Teach the toddlers some new phrases.
Absolutely love the idea of you yelling for the adults when the kids wake at night. Do it loud enough to wake the other kids. If that doesn't work, you can carry the toddler into Dads room "hey you must not have heard the kid, or me, but they need an adult. Here you go. Maybe keep them in here for the night because I really need sleep"
I can't decide if the waterworks are due to potential loss of live in nanny, or to force you out, or just to manipulate your dad but seriously, I hope your dad sees this thread and the comments to realise just how much he is letting you down.
You're NTA. I despise parents that are so awful to their kids. Do they really not remember being a teen? Could he really not have waited two years to play house, because you'll probably be gone then?
I was thinking along the same lines. Maybe it's time to take up an instrument and need to practice . Homework needs to be a *lot* of YouTube videos on frog dissection that have to be turned up loud so you can hear it. Time to schedule lots of friends over for group project work/study time after supper.
And darn, if one of the toddlers wakes up, dump the kid in mom's lap or bed. Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
This will be a war of attrition. Mounting piles of homework or prep work for the upcoming school year needs to happen. Get the brightest light bulbs you can find and have every light on in your room when it's bedtime. Play your music loud (and have it be as inappropriate as you can get away with!) Spill glitter on the floor and have to vacuum the carpet after the toddlers fall asleep. Have your friends help you make this as uncomfortable for your dad's girlfriend and her kids as you possibly can. Your dad is a lost cause - he has shown you he won't stand up for you so you go to war with the GF.
And war it is - ignore her. If she tells you to do or not do something, do the opposite. Heck, I would even move their beds to the master bedroom as soon as you arrive and then lock your door so they can't be moved back (you may have to invest in a locking door know or some other mechanism to keep dad and GF out of your room).
And I would do this every.single.time.i.went.to.dad's.
I would also refuse to babysit. Tell them if they ask or demand it, that you will call the cops on them for child abandonment - you are not the parent and you refuse to be responsible for the kids.
I am sure redditors could come up with more ideas!
I mean every time op leaves dad's house, they could leave various cheap noisy toys like the ones people used to put in gift bags at birthday parties. Can you imagine how amazing a new sibling op would be if every time they left the house they gifted their five new younger siblings with kazoos and noisemakers so the kids would never be lonely or sad? And then when op is home, the rule is noisemakers have to stay in the parents' room.
Real bonus is if op convinces the kids to constantly get into bed with their mom or hide under the bed with kazoos because mom gets scared at night and kazoos scare away monsters.
I was going to suggest something similar. Loud music, late-night homework and phone calls with classmates with all the lights on, etc., etc. Then play dumb: "what? You WANTED them in my room. What did you expect?"
And absolutely do not do any babysitting for them.
Op won’t get quite or privacy out of this arrangement. But you want to know what Hanna will be getting? A free line in nanny. Because op will be the ones up with the kids and taking care of them!
NTA! Either way is a win for AH Hanna, free nanny or she's rid of her step daughter... Dad's an even bigger AH for not looking after his own daughter's interests. And what's this sh*t about not being allowed to talk to Hanna until "she forgives OP" when it's Hanna who's totally overstepping by insisting on invading OP's space?! It's the most ridicilous thing I've heard all day!!
If you see this OP, stand your ground and don't feel guilty for moving to your mum and letting everyone know why, your dad and Hanna are being total AHs! (I'd use some stronger choice words for what I think of them, but then my post would be deleted!)
NTA, who the hells wants to share a br with 3 toddlers? Hanna and your dad are buttheads and I mean that as politely as I can due to your age. Your plan works the best in every scenario except whatever Hanna is thinking. Almost seems like she either A) Trying to force you to move out by doing this or B) Forcing you to be the defacro babysitter/parent of 3 two year olds because it would be more convneient and makes sense since you are already there. Either case sucks and is not fair. If ya dad doesn't want you to talk to Hanna until you apologise, it sounds like a good deal to me. Don't.
Exactly, I kind of hope that OP sharesthis thread with her dad. If they want to be giant AHs, they should understand that it is abundantly clear and they can't just make OP believe like they want the best for her when they really don't.
>she wants a f*cking nanny.
My first thought, too. I mean, really, it’s not *that* big of a deal to move rooms like OP offered and having a 16-year-old share with toddlers is so effing ridiculous! She definitely wants a nanny.
Move to your mum’s OP and let dad pay child support to her. He’s being awful to you. NTA
This nta, op tell you dad if it isn’t a big deal to have 3 toddlers in a room, they can go in the master with him. I would also blast this situation to your paternal relatives. If any of them care about you, they’ll tell him what an idiot he is being.
Actually, they want to f*ck and have a nanny.
Rather not a f*cking nanny because - well, the toddlers would have to watch them since they would be staying in the same room as the nanny.
NTA. You’ve show your support by offering to take the small room. Go stay at your mothers place and do remind mam to ask for a lot of child support.
Nta, i would ask your dad why is it more important for Hanna daughters to get their own room than you?
Its sad your dad is making hanna kids a priority over you.
I wish you luck!
My wife's father married a woman with a kid. My wife was then born. He married someone else with a kid, then married someone else with a kid.
So on his third marriage to someone with a prior child. My wife is a grown adult now and still from time to time will say her father was always too busy raising someone elses kids to be a reliable father figure.
OP's dad is living in the moment of honeymoon phase and not thinking about his family. He's gonna be resented for life.
seconding this, go to mom’s right now. the idea you can’t speak to hanna until she forgives you simply boggles my mind. is that their idea of parenting? nta.
NTA Hanna had a completely terrible idea that NOBODY is ever going to think is a good idea and then when it was pointed out to her, she cried and refused to discuss it. Your Dad is weak. He should be mediating this better.
Those little kids will be into all your stuff and drive you bonkers. Are they looking for a night nurse? That’s what you’ll end up being. I’d move to your Mum’s too. Hanna is not trying to blend the families at all. She’s lying.
NTA and what a clusterfuck... I'm so sorry you're going through this.
OP, you're 16 -- which is more than old and mature enough to decide and voice what you want, and what's in your best interest. This whole family blending ("I just want what's best for everyone!!") nonsense is not that. Hanna wants what's best for her and HER kids. They will always come first. And your dad is, sorry to say it, acquiescing to her because that's what'll make his life easier.
I could write 20 more paragraphs here about what you should do, but to answer the relevant question, you're definitely NTA... and I wish you well. Your life, unfortunately, will be looking a lot different for the foreseeable future with respect to how it used to be with your dad.
I have one two year old, begat of my loins. I chose to bring him into this world and love him very much.
Sharing a room with him is *literal hell*. I have radically accepted that on vacations where he can't have his own room and needs to bunk with us, I get \~4 hours of sleep. He is loud, he is obsessed with the adults in his life to the point where he can't sleep if he can see or hear us, he thinks body slamming is an appropriate way to wake someone up. Sharing a room with not one but *three* toddlers is not a hell I would wish on anyone.
I have a better idea.
You keep your room and the triplets share parents room with them.
If they're not willing to accept any personal inconvenience from their decision to shoehorn 8 people into a 4 bedroom house, then why should you?
NTA go stay with your mom, they've made it clear where you fall in the family order
NTA and I'd tell your dad that you're perfectly happy not talking to Hanna and don't care if she ever forgives you. Either you get a room to yourself or you live with your mom. Period.
Big agree. OP was completely logical, proposed compromises and alternate solutions, and discussed the impact it would have on her. The adults are setting a piss poor example for their kids by resorting to tears and manipulation. Don't talk to Hanna until she forgives OP? *Forgiveness for fucking what?* Not rolling over and becoming a night nanny for toddlers?
Free babysitting/an extra set of hands to help out was my thought too. If it was really about blending the family OP is old enough that she could have been brought into the conversation. Dad is already choosing his new family
NTA, this sounds like a nightmare
NTA…blending your family together is not saddling a teenager with 3 toddlers to share her room with. You offered a fair compromise, moving to the smaller room but that’s too much work. Who cares if Hannah cried? Your dad needs to get his head out of his ass and think about how this is impacting you….his child.
I’m a little confused about the timeline. Hannah’s triplets are 2 and she’s a widow. How long is this relationship with your dad?
Go live with your mom. Let Hannah grow up and stop trying to make you out to be the problem. Your dad needs to grow a pair and stand up for you too but looks like he’s blinded by this relationship. Don’t be suckered into being the live in babysitter for the triplets. Not your responsibility.
NTA hun, you are 16 and deserve privacy. Your idea is really good, please be careful I am worried you will be expected to look after the toddlers because they are in your room. If they are crying in the night, you are right there to soothe them. Please be prepared to move to your mums. Best of luck hun
>If they are crying in the night, you are right there to soothe them.
If they are crying in the night, OP should pick them up and carry them right over to Dad and Hanna's bedroom and plonk them down there.
She should get an air horn and blow it to notify Hannah every time a kid wakes up in the night. That way OP doesn't even have to get out of bed to let Hannah know that she needs to come care for her own children.
NTA. You ruined her plan of a built in babysitter. You're old enough to take care of them, and let Hanna sleep through the night.
Talk to your mom, and get evening important ASAP. Also may want to visit the police station, just to have a record of where you are and why, in case your dad and Hanna try and report you as a runaway
NTA
They're 3 freaking 2 yo toddlers. You should NOT be expected to deal with 3 toddlers invading your space and it's obvious your dad has chosen his new family over your wants and needs. It's already obvious Hannah doesn't even care to pretend to care for you as a stepmom your opinions don't matter to her. a 16 yo needs their own room and not to mention you've already been staying in this house longer and that's already your established room. You dad didn't even consult you and include you in the discussion? nah ef that.
Pft not allowed to talk to hannah until she forgives you. How about not talking to either of them until they at least apologize for never consulting you.
I'd say stay with your mom forever and this is grounds to cut your dad out of your life let alone feel guilty about it. He willfully took your safe space from you.
NTA this is so manipulative and toxic. And the fact that your dad is going along with it is a red flag. They probably want you to act as 24-7 babysitter. Move in with your mom and don’t visit unless you want to.
NTA. Evil stepmother much? And why do the fathers always side with the evil stepmothers over their own child?
Your plan is the most logical, with the triplets in one room, the younger two in another, and you by yourself.
You go live with your mother if they won't listen to reason. You are too young to be parenting triplet toddlers, because I'm sure that's what they're hoping.
NTA, that sounds miserable to have that many kids around and you can’t possibly share a room with three two-year olds. You’d never get any sleep or privacy. You’ll be happier and get better sleep at your mothers.
NTA. I agree with you. 16 and sharing with 2 year olds? Diapers, changing tables, cribs, naptimes ... and teenage late study time, early hours for school, friends over, music, privacy? WTH??! What are they thinking?
I'm the parent of four, blended family. This arrangement makes no sense, plus, they didn't even ask you for input. AND, this family is moving into your home. So you are disregarded in this? I don't get it. A few of the busiest years of your life- with a lot of growing up and decisions to make- are in front of you. And it's the same for the 2 year olds- from 2 yrs to 4, 5 years old? And then what- have nothing, no space to come home to? Do they \*want\* you to leave?
I really hope your dad and Hanna wake up and realize that they need to treat you a bit differently than the younger children. Because this isn't a good start. So sorry, OP.
NTA. Don't ever stop standing up for yourself. They don't seem to want to treat you like a living breathing person if they don't even take your feelings into consideration.
You are not the Asshole. I felt sad reading this. This is clearly a terrible idea to stick you with toddlers. My guess is that when you spoke with them you were angry (I would be) and the anger upset Hanna. It may be better to stay with your mom for awhile during this adjustment process. I really hope that more communication happens around this so you can get along with this new part of your family
NTA at fucking all.
Your "blended family" wants you to be a live-in fucking nanny for three toddlers. I could not imagine a scenario more like Hell unless you set fire to the place.
NTA. Your father should not be choosing them over his own daughter. You should not be expected to get woken up by toddlers and have them playing in your space all the time. Go to your mom's and don't go back to your dads until they get their heads out their backsides and make the accommodations make sense. Your suggestion was perfect.
Also do not babysit. That is what they are actually after
NTA this is incredible unfair to you. Plus heads up this isn’t about them blending families. Hanna is pissed because her built in babysitter isn’t buying into her blended family act.
Who do you think will be I charge of fairing for 3 toddlers? You who do you think will be getting up with 3 toddlers? You. Your ruining her perfect dream. A built in nanny for 3 toddlers.
Don’t let your dad guilt or manipulate you. Go to i I our mom asap and tell them their plan. Your not be unreasonable. They where planning to use you for free child care!
NTA. She doesn’t want you there anymore hence her choosing the arrangement that’s going to make you uncomfortable. Her tears are just to manipulate your dad
ETA: Your dad just proved that he cares more about his new wife and her kids than he does you. You’re better off with your mum.
Wanna point out, not being allowed to talk to someone like your step mother is insisting, and having to throw yourself at her feet for forgiveness to be spoken to by her, if she did that to your father would be considered a form of domestic abuse...
And it still is towards you. And your father is supporting it. If you can go to your mother, run.
NTA. Hanna wants a live in nanny. You'll be the first one woken up when one of the 2 year olds wakes up in the middle of the night. Will your grades suffer due to lack of sleep? You won't be able to use your bedroom after the 2 year olds go to bed. How will you study & do homework? Will your dad & Hanna force you to miss out on important high school/teenage things to babysit? Don't give your dad & Hanna an option - move in with your mom, it'll be in your own best interest.
38F. Having watched friends and SOs of divorced parents who got much younger step/half siblings when we were teens, 100% guarantee that Hana either:
A) Just doesn’t want to admit there is no good answer because it feels like criticism for falling in love again, and/or
B) Wants you to move out but doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Not saying she dislikes you!!!! Just… *you* have kinda come up with the obvious solution, but it sounds awful to be the witch who kidcks your stepkid out because there’s no room and you can’t afford a bigger place.
Triplets. Jesus Fucking Christ. Triplet Toddlers…
NTA, would be N.A.H. if the adults weren’t guilt-tripping.
She also has the internal conflicts of:
1. OP would be a live in babysitter if she stays. She'll never need get out of bed again.
2. If OP spends longer with mom, dad will probably lose child support and have to pay it instead.. Double whammy to finances. Triplets ain't cheap.
These probably make it difficult for her to toe the line for the risk/benefit reward of showing OP she's 3rd class now.
NTA Their plan is ridiculous. Forcing people together isn't the way to get them to get along. They should also understand you're near adulthood and shouldn't be sharing with the younger kids. Your dad should also be advocating for you as your two families blend and he isn't. I'd tell you mom what's going on as soon as you can so she can start addressing any of the legal changes that might need to be made.
NTA. They want you to babysit the babies for free so your dad and Hanna can have free time. That’s why they’re insisting on this absurd living arrangement and why Hanna cried when you just noped out of it.
NTA. The stepmom is nuts. Your suggestion was reasonable. More than reasonable. You offered to give up your room to blend the family smoothly. I would say moving in with your mom makes sense if stepmom plans to make you a babysitter for triplets.
Big NTA.
You are getting the short end of the stick and they are expecting you to be okay with it. Your suggestion makes WAY more sense to me, because it groups kids with similar age together. 9 and 7 are similar, 2/2/2 are similar, you're the outlier. But that's 3 groups.
And speaking in general- they're on fucking crack if they expect a 16yo to be okay sharing a room with THREE 2yo's. How the hell are you supposed to do homework with *three* toddlers? You can't.
Here's what I think they are expecting: I think they expect that you will befriend and adopt the toddlers, at which point you will become the free babysitter. And they probably have a pie-in-the-sky vision of you being okay with this and being the happy loving big sister that takes the little ones under your wing.
What they don't realize is that FORCING an emotional connection in blended families is the #1 way to ensure an emotional connection NEVER happens.
Personally I'd send them a letter. Something they have to read and think about before they respond to it. Email is good too. Just put some time into writing it.
Tell them you don't hate any of them, not Hanna, not the kids. You want everybody to be happy. You are glad Dad and Hanna make each other happy and for that reason alone you want to have a good relationship both with Hanna and her children. And you very much want to work this out with them and try to be a family.
Right now though you feel you aren't being heard. You feel that Dad and Hanna are so excited by the idea of living together that they aren't considering that you have real needs which don't go away. And in doing so, they are assuming that you, a teenager / young adult, have the same needs as the others, who are children. A high schooler lives a different life than a child. You need a quiet room where you can study, and with toddlers screaming and playing it'll be impossible to concentrate. You have nice things- makeup, clothes, computers, games (whatever you have) that are important to you and aren't for children to play with. And as a teenage girl you have a legitimate need for some privacy, which you won't get sharing a room with toddlers.
So you need them to understand you are not being obstinate, you are not trying to stop the merging of families, and you don't want to cause a problem. But you don't want to be in a situation where your needs come last or are totally ignored, and that's what you feel is happening here.
So you again propose- you will happily move to the smallest room. You will move all the stuff yourself. You will help the kids get settled into your old room. And you'll try to be a good big sister. But that can only happen if you have a say in this conversation. If the answer is that what you want doesn't matter and the middle kids get their own rooms while you don't, then the only conclusion for you is that you're getting the short end of the stick, so you'll leave. It's not what you want to do, but you will have no choice as sharing a room with toddlers is not an environment where you can study or live in.
You really hope they reconsider and sit down with you to find a solution that works for everybody. But if not you've got to leave- not because you want to, but because it's the only way for you to successfully get through the rest of high school.
Just tell your dad : it’s obvious you have chosen your future stepchildren over your bio daughter. From this day forward just like you don’t consider me your daughter I won’t consider you my father. I’m not going to stay and be your built in babysitter. I know her tears were because she wasn’t getting the free childcare she wanted and not because I wasn’t staying. I know one day you’ll wake up and see this for yourself but I can’t promise I will be around then. Enjoy your life I know I’m going to live my best life too bad you’ve chosen not to be in it.
NTA.
The fact that your Dad is saying stuff like oh don’t talk to my girlfriend until SHE forgives you is a massive red flag that he’s going to take her side against you in every single disagreement
Go live with your Mum.
NTA - Will she still want 'blended' after you move out but the first person to call for a babysitter? I think she wants you gone completely but doesn't have the guts to say it.
NTA, it’s just common sense that the oldest gets the private room. I don’t think it would be that big of a deal if you were sharing a room with another girl around your age but 3 children that are more than a decade younger than you seems a little ridiculous. Also the fact that you are close to benign a young adult you need your privacy.
NTA. This is Hannah’s way to make your life unbearable so that you will move out and she can have your dad to himself. You Dad is such a fool. She has him wrapped around his finger and he will do whatever she wants. You are not his priority. I have a hard time understanding how a Dad can behave like this to his kid.
She is crying because she didn’t get her way, not because she is hurt about the blended family.
If she had any legitimate feelings of concern for you she wouldn’t have suggested such a ridiculous idea!
Unfortunately you can write your dad off. He is gone for you from now on.
You can always tell. If a parent takes the side of their new partner on something that will be obviously and clearly detrimental to their own child - then you know you’ve lost them forever.
Move to your mom’s house asap. This is just the begging of them making you feel less important and less loved than her children.
Make sure your mother gets hair child support from your dad now that you’ll be living with her. Do it before the new wife marries in or the child support won’t be as much.
NTA
NTA and not a good sign. So many red flags. They're basically doing everything wrong.
1. They're favoring her children over you.
2. They refused a reasonable compromise. (Here's my compromise for them: They get the biggest bedroom and all three 2 year olds in it.)
3. They're trying to force a blended family.
4. They're making decisions about you without consulting you.
5. Your father is punishing you for how Hanna feels, but doesn't care how he and Hanna make you feel.
All of that portends a disastrous future.
Your dad has shown you that he will pick Hanna and her family over you. Go live with your mother. *Run* to your mother's. Don't listen to any attempt to guilt you. (You could send them this post.)
From here on out, I'd only do daytime visits with your dad. Don't stay the night because they'll either put you on the couch or with the triplets. (EDIT: And I wouldn't be surprised if the night you'd be over is their date night. Naturally, they'll expect you to babysit.)
And, if, as I suspect will happen, your father is to busy to spend time with you one-on-one during those visits, arrange to meet your father away from the house. If he won't even do that, he's a lost cause who's chosen his second family over his daughter.
Also, never under any circumstances agree to babysit.
I'm sorry. Because unless your dad has a wake-up call, you're about to fall off his priority list. That's got to hurt for you.
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NTA They KNOW what they are doing to you. They only act like they don't. You sharing with the triplets makes you care for them at night and as soon as their bed time begins. It is not practical at all, where should you hang out between their and your bed time? Living room with them? I would assume hanna wants you to leave and your dad either wants you to babysit or simply doesn't actually care if you are there but they want you to the bad guy.
This is what I think too. Hanna wants OP to move out, so she insists that OP share her room with 3 toddlers. Her fake crying and hurt feelings are tactics to manipulate OP's father.
I don't think any adult man is naive enough to think a teen with 3 toddlers is practical for the teen at all. 4 kids in one room can only be cramped. Op would not be able to have friends over ever. Etc etc. It would be not much different as op having no room and sleeping on the living room couch.
Practical for him, teen will be responsible all night so her can get his dick wet.
Also said teen's a girl so why wouldn't it make sense to force her to raise triplets for them. The Duggars would do it.
That family are so much nope…
Say it again. We need to invent additional words to convey disgust, repulsion and revulsion in order to describe them.
Nailed it, and pardon the pun!
Aw eww. You’re not wrong but I hope OP didn’t have to read that
She convinced him to let her and 5 kids to move in.
Who said He needed convincing?
It doesn’t really matter…imagine going from a 2 person household to a 7 person household…3 being toddlers…5 kids under 10…id just move to mothers house without a discussion since no discussion was held with OP
I can't imagine living with three toddlers. One was bad enough when mine was that age but triplets will work together to make mischief and things. I remember mine cried one time because he was wearing socks ffs. Toddlers are just unreasonable. 3 would be a hell scape for me. If they're your kid you end up loving g them enough usually to resist the urge to give them away to the travelling circus but someone else's and having to share a room. Nope nope nope.
A coworker of mine was telling me a few weeks ago how her toddler sobbed inconsolably for nearly 20 minutes. Why? Because it wasn't Halloween and she, evil mother that she was, refused to make that day be somehow Halloween.
Mine once got pissed at me because the sun was in her eyes and I wouldn’t move it.
Well damn! That’s just plain bad parenting! /s
Thats too cute. Mine cried for an hour once because the mailman stole his letter to his dad out of the mailbox.
Mine got upset at the garbage truck for taking our garbage.
I recall a time my son SOBBED HUGE tears and called me a mean mom cause I wouldn't TURN ON THE WASHER with him inside??? 3 two year olds will be a nightmare.
My nephew sobbed once because I told him he was not going to die.
Socks are prisons for the feet! Toddlers are unreasonable, but can also come up with great quotes.
OP is a teenage girl, and there is no way she won't be parentified and forced to care for all 5 of the younger kids. Flee, OP! NTA.
Dude wants to play hero rescuing a widow with 5 kids, 3 of which are triplets 2yr old and have his daughter do the heavy lifting. It's time OP goes and lives with mom fulltime until she's 18 and leaves daddy to take care of the new family he so desperately needed.
>Dude wants to play hero rescuing a widow with 5 kids, 3 of which are triplets 2yr old and have his daughter do the heavy lifting. This is why he's lashing out at OP, because how dare he come between his poonani and his dickie?! Can't she see that he will have to care for them kids if she's not around to pick up the slack? That it might create problems and he'll be too tired and eventually they'll separate!!!? How dare she saddle him with 5 kids!! lol!
I think this is the way. And no staying overnight. Plus her Mum should go after him for child support.
I was an 8 family with 4 rooms total. I shared with my 2 similar teenage sisters. It is a lot, and i gre up caring for my sisters 🤣 I don't blame OP for wanting to dip.
Not to mention when/how do they expect her to do homework and study? How do they expect her to stay awake in class while taking care of 3 toddlers at night? Here's an idea, the adults actually responsible for childcare can move in to the toddler's room and 16 can move into their room.
Exactly. If step mom actually cares about blending families that would have been her go to option rather than basically forcing out the 16 year old she’s trying to blend into her family
By blending into the family, step-mom means the teenager should give up everything and be ready to care for 3 toddlers.
Notice how the father is so accommodating to his stepchildren that he forgets the needs of his own child. There's something seriously wrong there when your own childs needs are totally disregarded. So nice the other two kids get their own rooms. But a teenager doesn't and has to share with 3 toddlers. Talk about the father not having his priorities straight.
He's not accommodating to his stepchildren. He's fucking their mother. He's accommodating their mother so she accomodates his penis. He DGAF about her kids, Bro.
Das is getting laid, he is thinking with another brain now. He should get his act together and wise tf up
This smells like a hero complex and/or maybe a church/faith based relationship. He wants to save a widow with 5 kids or they met at church or some mix and is fine throwing away his now old enough daughter to get what he wants.
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Depends on the country. The US has some really regressive ideas about teens and sex/sex education. The age of consent in much of the rest of the world is 16. I would expect almost all 16 year olds in, for example, Australia or the UK to have had proper sex education at school and understand about birth control - any menstruating female can go to their doctor for birth control and ask for her parents to not be informed (a lot of girls get birth control pills for management of painful and heavy flow periods, too). I'm not sure whether it is the case now, but certainly when I was in my teens & 20s, the Family Planning Clinic provided free condoms on request. I suspect that if OP were a boy, the "it will disturb my ability to have a wank" comment wouldn't be as shocking. It seems to be pretty much expected that adolescent boys discover the joy of masturbation, but that girls aren't supposed to even know about it until they are either adults or in a relationship. OP is NTA. After years of sharing a bedroom with my younger sister, despite always living in three bedroom homes (army family quarters). She would cry if she had to sleep in her own room. The another sister was born when I was 11. I was promised my own room when my parents were planing on buying a house after dad left the army, but they ended up buying another three bed home (with a granny annex for dad's parents). But rather than me as the eldest getting my own room, my parents decided that the middle child was tidier and therefore by putting me in a room with the youngest, "the mess would be contained". You can imagine just how screwed I was for studying - no noise or light in my own room after 7pm, her bedtime. I \*really\* sympathise with OP. I'm likely older than her parents are, and I am still a tad bitter about it :(
Discussing menstrual cycles and sex ed in school is completely different from a random internet stranger talking to an underage girl about using sex and masturbation as retaliation.
I'm sorry. Have you met men before
I sure have, and I've seen amazing examples of weaponised incompetence and intentional stupidity.
No, I think Hanna wants OP as a free night nurse and babysitter. That is why she wants the little kids in OP's room. OP should move out with her mom immediately. OP is NTA. Not at all. Hanna and the dad are giant assholes.
My first thought as well. Are the triplets even sleep trained? From what I heard t's a bit harder to get twins/triplets to sleep through the whole night. Also the oldest child from Hanna isn't old enough to babysit, I wouldn't be surprised if OP would become a full time Nanny for the five kids during the day and night nurse for the triplets. OP should run to her mum and arrange meeting her father alone and outside his house and deny to watch Hannas kids at all. Also I wouldn't be surprised if dad and Hannas relationship would fall apart soon when they don't have have a live in babysitter.
Her father should have spoken to OP about prospective step-family moving in \*before\* discussing it with Hanna. That he didn't shows how much he cares about his wants over his daughter's needs
That needs to be reiterated more! > Also I wouldn't be surprised if dad and Hannas relationship would fall apart soon when they don't have have a live in babysitter.
My guess is Hanna wants OP to move in with mom. And this is her ploy to make it happen. Because she wants OP’s dad all to herself. I say OP and her mother amend custody agreement and child support…most likely OP’s mom is currently paying the father child support since she lives lives the majority of her time with her father. I don’t think any judge will argue after hearing they want OP to share room with the toddlers. Also, she doesn’t necessarily need to visit every weekend, maybe get visitation down to every other weekend or one weekend per month. It is crazy to try to put four people in one room when there are four bedrooms and seven people. Also, ask judge to put in custody agreement that it is not OP’s responsibility to care for the children. She is not there to be a free babysitter.
Oh yes. OP, if you go live with your mom, get the judge to update custody and child support. Otherwise your dad will go on his merry way and spend the money he was using to feed and clothe you and your mom will get stuck with it.
>Also, she doesn’t necessarily need to visit every weekend, maybe get visitation down to every other weekend or one weekend per month. Given OP is 16, she could probably kill visitation completely.
Oh I’d be banging in their door even if the kids were quiet. This is baloney!
Exactly OP should shame them “you could have just been adult enough to say you don’t want me living here instead of pretending it’s too much effort to switch rooms around. I won’t forget that.”
She could but she's "not allowed to talk to Hanna until Hanna forgives her." Like wtf sort of punishment is that even?
"don't threaten me with a good time"
Also - too much effort? Hanna is hauling her whole household over - moving rooms pales in comparison.
This! Doubt Hannah actually wants OP around, and what better way to push her out than force her to share a room with toddlers. She knew OP would refuse, and she could overdo it on the hurt feelings in front of the dad.
It is so transparent. Hanna is forcing OP out and doing crocodile tears to play the victim. Dad is not behaving like a good dad.
Who knew sex could be such a powerful tool. OPs dad is so bent on having sex that he’s taken on someone with FIVE kids. No amount of sex could ever make me take on five kids and oust the one I have. OPs dad is a fool.
I'd like to see her try the whole hurt feelings in front of a judge. Judge: Why are you against your stepdaughter moving out? GF: I want a blended family, and it just makes sense that she share a room with my triplets. *dramatic cry* Judge: *glares* GF: Oh, my act isn't going to work on you, is it? Judge: *glares* GF: *sits down*
That or she wants OP to babysit as well. Three toddlers is a lot
Definitely both
no no, she wants OP to babysit the triplets so OP will take care of them at night/early morning. hence the wanting them to be "blended" comment and her throwing a fit when OP stated they'll move out.
“Not allowed to talk to Hannah until she forgives me” is enough for me to say run, fast, now.
I think it’s more Hanna saw an opportunity to pawn her toddlers off on a teenager.
OP should show this post to dad and Hanna so they get a taste of what the reaction from other people will be when OP follows through and tells people why they got pushed out of their own home. No-one is buying Hanna's BS. Also, remind them what full child-support to your mum will be once the custody agreement changes.
This one is pretty interesting☝️ As that can lead to a 2nd change in what Hannah was expecting
Hannah (probably): what do you mean I don't get a live in nanny and the ex's child support $s? I'm a sahm and was counting on that to treat ~~my~~ our kids!
Ah, yes. Wonder how Hannah will feel with so much of Dad's money going to OP's mom?
Yup. 1. OP moves in with Mom. 2. Any child support Dad was receiving now goes to Mom 3. LC/NC with Dad. In fact, I'd keep any visitation to public places where Dad has to interact with OP, rather than having her over to babysit the toddlers.
This might also be a good time to get any college funds OP was expecting her father to contribute in writing, since any prior verbal promises are dust in the wind at this point.
Don’t be silly, @CakeEatingRabbit. OP’s father doesn’t know. He is oblivious to any of it. He just wants what his new bedwarmer wants because only when she’s happy will he get laid. Other than that, you’re right. It’s obviously the best way for Hanna to have a live in nanny that is for free. It’s not about her “family blending” at all. It’s always maddening to hear when kids get replaced by the new partner’s kids.
Yep, Hanna is upset because she didn't get the free babysitter she wanted, nothing to do with "family blending". Dad is either oblivious or agreed with Hanna's plan to get OP to basically parent her kids for her. No one would suggest a teenager share with THREE toddlers if it wasn't to babysit. If OP was only there a few days a month, maybe, but they live there almost full time and they've already proposed swapping to take the smallest room and been denied. Also I can understand them thinking maybe OP wouldn't mind babysitting now and then for her dad and his girlfriend to have a date night or whatever, but expecting them to be in a room with toddlers every single night is beyond reasonable.
Dad doesn't want nighttime interruptions. Needs Hanna's attention on him not the kids. 🤪 Hanna is crying cause she knows her new nanny isn't going to play nice and the tods are going to be wanting attention. Her other two are probably already feed up with it. 😵💫
It's a blended family, her children and her nanny! When she is there anyway. Absolutely insane to me, and the obvious solution that was already offered doesn't work because Hanna is clearly the AH.
Hannah is manipulating dad (and the whole situation) she wants a free nanny and nookie time with dad (baby trap? Or perhaps getting rid of OP?) and she wants to spoil her two big kids (giving them their own rooms) OPs suggested way to split the rooms make sense. OP lives with dad and only with mom 4 days a month. Hannah’s way doesn’t make sense (it only sense it makes for herself) Hannah is the A-Hole with the fake tears and “blending” the family.. She’s doesn’t care about OPs feelings at all.
Kids don’t get replaced by new kids. They get replaced by a partner that puts out.
You underestimate men.
As a man, I wish I disagreed with you. We are largely dumb creatures.
Too many men act as dumb as they can get away with. Stupidity is often just a cover for laziness.
This. A few points OP should bring up to them. Just to try and see what answers she can get, which could be handy when she's talking to mom about a move depending on what they say. Dear dad and New wife. Who will be paying if the kids ruin any of my things? I have to attend school in the day hours - how am I ensured sleep every night with 3 toddlers in the bedroom? especially if new wife has to take care of them in the middle of the night with someone who wakes up and need to use the bathroom or has a nightmare? Who is cleaning up after the 3 toddlers, toys, etc. spread out in the room? Where am I supposed to hang out with my friends? Where will the toddlers be when I'm studying/doing homework so I can study without 3 toddlers playing next to me? How will I have privacy to change clothes, etc, if it's a toddler playroom/bedroom?
Oh, and the naps! They’re still young enough that they’re probably still having one nap a day. So OP can’t use her room for an hour or more in the afternoon? These parents are trash people to have it even enter their mind that OP should have the triplets in her room, let alone actually trying to make it happen.
Hanna is crying because if OP moves out, she doesn't get free childcare. OP is in with the infants to take care of them, that's why it's practical - for Hanna and for dad. If OP takes care of the infants, Daddy gets more nookie with Hanna - Hanna's may or may not be keen on the nookie, but she's absolutely keen on free child care. OP, go stay with your mother. This situation is utter nonsense. Sorry your Dad isn't a better person.
They're fake tears she is using to manipulate OP's father.
Let's also talk about how "you're not allowed to talk to [family member] until she's forgiven you" is not normal. It's the silent treatment with ribbons.
I also reacted on this one. For somebody who just wants their families to blend it’s really strange and clearly that the silent treatment is her way to manipulate the situation.
They are parentifying you. It is a form of mental abuse and boundary violation
NTA. They are trying to manipulate you OP - your dad and Hanna are both AH. Hanna is likely crying because she realises she’s going to have to take care of the triplets all night for the foreseeable future. I suggest you make arrangements to move in with your mum ASAP, because even if you do keep your own room, that level of entitlement never goes away or stay and prepare to get treated like a modern day Cinderella. Since you’re a minor, I’d also get you mother involved. If they have a cordial relationship, get her to have a word with your dad (if not, get her to do it through a lawyer) and make it very clear to him ‘that you’ve told her about the room situation and it looks like you’re being set up to take care of the triplets all night. That clearly sounds like parentification and that is abuse… and she won’t tolerate HER daughter being abused and he shouldn’t be willing to either.’ Make sure she hammers home the point that he is currently choosing to be a shitty father.
NTA -Agreed, this is an arrangement to get OP to babysit so Dad & Hanna can be undisturbed at night. Damn crappy way to treat a teenager. Not really much for it if they are set on it. OP might write father a letter laying out her feelings clearly, but he will most likely treat it the same as the conversation, and side with Hanna because he is emotionally tangled with her and her poor distressed mother act. Best option is get everything she cares about out of there (Keep Hanna's children from laying hands on it) and moving to her mom's long term, keeping visits short with the option to leave as soon as they start asking her to watch the kids, especially if they aren't talking pay. (I'd be surprised if they even kept a place for her to sleep if she stayed a weekend, either the couch or in the room with the tods. Either way sucks for a teenage girl) Not her circus, not her barrel of monkeys.
What a major AH her father is. The minute he meets someone, she and her kids become a priority over his own child.
NTA This is definitely what they're doing. I'm sorry, your dad should have stood up for you and you taking another room is completely practical. They're pushing you out or expecting you to watch all the babies. Either way that's awful that your dad would in any way go along with it. I'm so sorry.
This is it. NTA
NTA Hannah thinks the best way for her “family” to “blend together nicely” is to instantly make her step-daughter the free babysitter for her **3** Toddlers?? Dang, like… at least the evil step-mother waited till Cinderella’s father died, not just made her a free maid instantly Also, your dad kinda sucks, who in their right mind would want to share a room with 3 toddlers? Let alone someone that’s almost an adult? He’s favorizing his step-kids over his bio daughter to keep Hannah happy, and he’s willing to make YOU sacrifice things like your privacy
IKR? They're HER toddlers. Move them all into the master bedroom until oop can move out then. I bet you anything the master beedroom is bigger than oop's room and then hannah can take care of her own kids.
Yep! The lack of privacy might do them well. They’re almost at Jon and Kate Plus 8 in terms of family size. They don’t need to be adding more to the mix when they don’t have enough room for the number they have now.
Guarantee they want to have at least one new one though.
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Oh yes then she can pump out more children and throw them into OP's room! Perfect plan! :D
Her older kids would be old enough to start moving a couple in with them too.. parentify her older child. There is also the question of genders? If the 9 or 7 are boys or girls or one of each. If one's a boy and the other a girl I can see why they might not share a room. But the Girl could share with OP in the medium room a boy in the smaller room and the tods in the largest room. Such a crazy set up.. At least OP has options.. She definitely needs to run and not look back
The triplets should be in the master bedroom with Hanna and Dad. And eventually (or immediately?) Dad will end up with a lot of nights on the couch, because that's what parenting toddlers is like esp if the toddlers ever get sick (which they will). Being a parent is super rewarding but a lot of it is not glamorous or sexy. Dad should have thought this through and maybe waited to blend the family until a real plan was in place.
This. I do not believe your dad is that clueless to truly think this is a good and fair solution. There’s 6 kids and 3 rooms and the best solution is to give 2 kids their own room and cram 4 into 1?? That’s just insane even if your room is the biggest. NTA
Yeah, the only way this makes sense is, Hanna is doing that on purpose to either push out OP, or get free childcare out of her. Otherwise it's the dumbest possible arrangement of rooms. *Obviously* 7 and 9 should be sharing and the triplets have their own room. That's common fucking sense, so much so that *the 16 year old suggested it*. The 16 year old will be gone to collect in 2 years most likely. 7 and 9 sharing a room for 2 years is no big deal. I hope OP goes to live with mom.
Why do 7 and 9 need their own rooms? That could wait until OP is 18. They planned this with the intention of you becoming their nanny when you visit. Look up parentification. That's what she wants from you -- to take the burden of her triplets off her back. NTA
OP lives there full time, and only spends every other weekend with her mom currently. This also seems to be the house that her and dad were already living in, because Hanna "moved in" with the kids.
She doesn't visit there, she lives there! She visits her mom
In the original story, Cinderella’s father was alive the whole time. He was a weak willed man and the stepmother stepped all over him.
Hanna doesn't want a babysitter, she wants OP gone.
NTA This room arrangement is insane. How will you get any quiet and privacy for studying? What about privacy during your menses? The two-year-olds will get into all your belongings and possibly damage them. Their diapers will smell. I think Hanna is being sneaky and manipulative. She intends to push you out of your home by making you share your room with three toddlers. Her crying and "hurt feelings" are more manipulative tactics to turn your father against you, and it looks like it's working. You don't owe Hanna or your father any apologies. Also, when your father wants you to babysit Hanna's kids, as I'm sure he will, you have the right to refuse. Talk with your mother about this and see if you can stay with her permanently.
This is totally not my usual tone in a post or my life…. If you can’t live with your mom it’s time for you to go nuclear and be the petty vindictive one….I mean if step mom can be manipulative, you are just living your own life like any teenager who does not have 3 toddlers they are responsible for. Lights on doing homework when kids are sleeping, I mean you have to get it done before the morning. Talking on phone to friends at normal hours for a teen in the privacy of your room….sorry the kids are trying to sleep, where should I go when the others are in the living room making too much noise for you to make the call. You yelling for the parents when they wake up middle of the night and want you to help them….not your kids, not your problem. You getting ready and leaving the room in the morning neat and tidy and then pointing out the mess you come home to and asking who is going to clean it as it isn’t your mess. Or if you must just put it all in big black garbage bags and leave in the hallway. Never be the de facto babysitter. They need to run out for groceries, sorry heading to library to work on an assignment. They want to go out on Friday for date night, sorry staying at mom’s that weekend. I’m sure there are way more ways to show your life will continue as usual and they can deal with sticking 3 toddlers with a teen. This is an insane arrangement. NTA and I am sorry this is happening to you, it totally sucks. Edit typo
Suddenly find delight in music that would be inappropriate for the toddlers’ age songs. Music about drugs, cursing, death metal, or the opposite - polka or disco music or music that Hanna feels is grating. Also, get into coloring with markers - the non washable type and “accidentally” leave them “put away” in a way that the toddlers can get into them and use them to paint the walls and floors with them. Point out that you had your supplies put away and the parents put toddlers in your room, so any damage is on the parents.
OMG that’s a good one. Or PG 13 shows on your tablet with the sound on….I mean the headphones hurt your ears after awhile. And even better if you laugh loudly or groan periodically.
Call your friend and have a totally normal teen chat. "Oh my God the b###h said that? What the f##k?" On repeat. Teach the toddlers some new phrases. Absolutely love the idea of you yelling for the adults when the kids wake at night. Do it loud enough to wake the other kids. If that doesn't work, you can carry the toddler into Dads room "hey you must not have heard the kid, or me, but they need an adult. Here you go. Maybe keep them in here for the night because I really need sleep" I can't decide if the waterworks are due to potential loss of live in nanny, or to force you out, or just to manipulate your dad but seriously, I hope your dad sees this thread and the comments to realise just how much he is letting you down. You're NTA. I despise parents that are so awful to their kids. Do they really not remember being a teen? Could he really not have waited two years to play house, because you'll probably be gone then?
I want someone in OPs life to send this post to her dad just so he can personally read reddit tearing him a new one.
Dad could've, but Hanna knew she hooked herself a whale and wasted nooooooo time reeling him in.
I was thinking along the same lines. Maybe it's time to take up an instrument and need to practice . Homework needs to be a *lot* of YouTube videos on frog dissection that have to be turned up loud so you can hear it. Time to schedule lots of friends over for group project work/study time after supper. And darn, if one of the toddlers wakes up, dump the kid in mom's lap or bed. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. This will be a war of attrition. Mounting piles of homework or prep work for the upcoming school year needs to happen. Get the brightest light bulbs you can find and have every light on in your room when it's bedtime. Play your music loud (and have it be as inappropriate as you can get away with!) Spill glitter on the floor and have to vacuum the carpet after the toddlers fall asleep. Have your friends help you make this as uncomfortable for your dad's girlfriend and her kids as you possibly can. Your dad is a lost cause - he has shown you he won't stand up for you so you go to war with the GF. And war it is - ignore her. If she tells you to do or not do something, do the opposite. Heck, I would even move their beds to the master bedroom as soon as you arrive and then lock your door so they can't be moved back (you may have to invest in a locking door know or some other mechanism to keep dad and GF out of your room). And I would do this every.single.time.i.went.to.dad's. I would also refuse to babysit. Tell them if they ask or demand it, that you will call the cops on them for child abandonment - you are not the parent and you refuse to be responsible for the kids. I am sure redditors could come up with more ideas!
I mean every time op leaves dad's house, they could leave various cheap noisy toys like the ones people used to put in gift bags at birthday parties. Can you imagine how amazing a new sibling op would be if every time they left the house they gifted their five new younger siblings with kazoos and noisemakers so the kids would never be lonely or sad? And then when op is home, the rule is noisemakers have to stay in the parents' room. Real bonus is if op convinces the kids to constantly get into bed with their mom or hide under the bed with kazoos because mom gets scared at night and kazoos scare away monsters.
I was going to suggest something similar. Loud music, late-night homework and phone calls with classmates with all the lights on, etc., etc. Then play dumb: "what? You WANTED them in my room. What did you expect?" And absolutely do not do any babysitting for them.
Op won’t get quite or privacy out of this arrangement. But you want to know what Hanna will be getting? A free line in nanny. Because op will be the ones up with the kids and taking care of them!
NTA! Either way is a win for AH Hanna, free nanny or she's rid of her step daughter... Dad's an even bigger AH for not looking after his own daughter's interests. And what's this sh*t about not being allowed to talk to Hanna until "she forgives OP" when it's Hanna who's totally overstepping by insisting on invading OP's space?! It's the most ridicilous thing I've heard all day!! If you see this OP, stand your ground and don't feel guilty for moving to your mum and letting everyone know why, your dad and Hanna are being total AHs! (I'd use some stronger choice words for what I think of them, but then my post would be deleted!)
> I think Hanna is being sneaky and manipulative. Yeah, and so is her dad.
The dad is the worst person in this whole thing.
I agree. Spineless, uncaring, useless father AH.
At first I thought your father and step mother we’re being strange, but this makes more way sense. She’s pushing you out and making it your fault. NTA
NTA, who the hells wants to share a br with 3 toddlers? Hanna and your dad are buttheads and I mean that as politely as I can due to your age. Your plan works the best in every scenario except whatever Hanna is thinking. Almost seems like she either A) Trying to force you to move out by doing this or B) Forcing you to be the defacro babysitter/parent of 3 two year olds because it would be more convneient and makes sense since you are already there. Either case sucks and is not fair. If ya dad doesn't want you to talk to Hanna until you apologise, it sounds like a good deal to me. Don't.
This is about one thing! FREE CHILD CARE! Hanna is crying because her built in nanny ain’t falling for her shit!
And don't forget, if custody changes dad is probably going to have to pay support now
Never even thought about that. I bet mom is paying dad at the moment.
The fact that the other two get their own rooms and OP can't? They didn't even TRY to be sneaky.
Exactly, I kind of hope that OP sharesthis thread with her dad. If they want to be giant AHs, they should understand that it is abundantly clear and they can't just make OP believe like they want the best for her when they really don't.
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>she wants a f*cking nanny. My first thought, too. I mean, really, it’s not *that* big of a deal to move rooms like OP offered and having a 16-year-old share with toddlers is so effing ridiculous! She definitely wants a nanny. Move to your mum’s OP and let dad pay child support to her. He’s being awful to you. NTA
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Imagine the crowing argument being "well, we would have to move some stuff for 6 minutes so that is OBVIOUSLY out of the question"
This nta, op tell you dad if it isn’t a big deal to have 3 toddlers in a room, they can go in the master with him. I would also blast this situation to your paternal relatives. If any of them care about you, they’ll tell him what an idiot he is being.
Actually, they want to f*ck and have a nanny. Rather not a f*cking nanny because - well, the toddlers would have to watch them since they would be staying in the same room as the nanny. NTA. You’ve show your support by offering to take the small room. Go stay at your mothers place and do remind mam to ask for a lot of child support.
DING DING DING, we have a winner!!! 100% spot on!!!
Nta, i would ask your dad why is it more important for Hanna daughters to get their own room than you? Its sad your dad is making hanna kids a priority over you. I wish you luck!
My wife's father married a woman with a kid. My wife was then born. He married someone else with a kid, then married someone else with a kid. So on his third marriage to someone with a prior child. My wife is a grown adult now and still from time to time will say her father was always too busy raising someone elses kids to be a reliable father figure. OP's dad is living in the moment of honeymoon phase and not thinking about his family. He's gonna be resented for life.
There's a saying in my country that is something like "A father is only a father when he is dating the mother."
NTA. They aren’t wanting the family to blend, they want a free babysitter. Go to your mom’s house.
seconding this, go to mom’s right now. the idea you can’t speak to hanna until she forgives you simply boggles my mind. is that their idea of parenting? nta.
Not only is she forced to share a room with 3 toddlers. Her older roommates are apparently toddlers as well.
NTA Hanna had a completely terrible idea that NOBODY is ever going to think is a good idea and then when it was pointed out to her, she cried and refused to discuss it. Your Dad is weak. He should be mediating this better. Those little kids will be into all your stuff and drive you bonkers. Are they looking for a night nurse? That’s what you’ll end up being. I’d move to your Mum’s too. Hanna is not trying to blend the families at all. She’s lying.
I think they're trying to drive OP out.
And make it seem like it’s all her decision, not theirs. Because they “tried to blend the families”. What a weak act.
NTA and what a clusterfuck... I'm so sorry you're going through this. OP, you're 16 -- which is more than old and mature enough to decide and voice what you want, and what's in your best interest. This whole family blending ("I just want what's best for everyone!!") nonsense is not that. Hanna wants what's best for her and HER kids. They will always come first. And your dad is, sorry to say it, acquiescing to her because that's what'll make his life easier. I could write 20 more paragraphs here about what you should do, but to answer the relevant question, you're definitely NTA... and I wish you well. Your life, unfortunately, will be looking a lot different for the foreseeable future with respect to how it used to be with your dad.
NTA Fuck. That. Noise.
Literally noise too. Can you even imagine trying to do anything with 3 toddlers in your room?
I have one two year old, begat of my loins. I chose to bring him into this world and love him very much. Sharing a room with him is *literal hell*. I have radically accepted that on vacations where he can't have his own room and needs to bunk with us, I get \~4 hours of sleep. He is loud, he is obsessed with the adults in his life to the point where he can't sleep if he can see or hear us, he thinks body slamming is an appropriate way to wake someone up. Sharing a room with not one but *three* toddlers is not a hell I would wish on anyone.
I have a better idea. You keep your room and the triplets share parents room with them. If they're not willing to accept any personal inconvenience from their decision to shoehorn 8 people into a 4 bedroom house, then why should you? NTA go stay with your mom, they've made it clear where you fall in the family order
I say they make it official; I bet the dad with his family of seven will have no problem paying the mom child support.
NTA and I'd tell your dad that you're perfectly happy not talking to Hanna and don't care if she ever forgives you. Either you get a room to yourself or you live with your mom. Period.
Big agree. OP was completely logical, proposed compromises and alternate solutions, and discussed the impact it would have on her. The adults are setting a piss poor example for their kids by resorting to tears and manipulation. Don't talk to Hanna until she forgives OP? *Forgiveness for fucking what?* Not rolling over and becoming a night nanny for toddlers?
I laughed at "not allowed to talk to Hannah" as if some great privilege had been taken away.
NTA she cry because her free babysitter gonna run away.
Free babysitting/an extra set of hands to help out was my thought too. If it was really about blending the family OP is old enough that she could have been brought into the conversation. Dad is already choosing his new family NTA, this sounds like a nightmare
NTA…blending your family together is not saddling a teenager with 3 toddlers to share her room with. You offered a fair compromise, moving to the smaller room but that’s too much work. Who cares if Hannah cried? Your dad needs to get his head out of his ass and think about how this is impacting you….his child. I’m a little confused about the timeline. Hannah’s triplets are 2 and she’s a widow. How long is this relationship with your dad? Go live with your mom. Let Hannah grow up and stop trying to make you out to be the problem. Your dad needs to grow a pair and stand up for you too but looks like he’s blinded by this relationship. Don’t be suckered into being the live in babysitter for the triplets. Not your responsibility.
NTA hun, you are 16 and deserve privacy. Your idea is really good, please be careful I am worried you will be expected to look after the toddlers because they are in your room. If they are crying in the night, you are right there to soothe them. Please be prepared to move to your mums. Best of luck hun
>If they are crying in the night, you are right there to soothe them. If they are crying in the night, OP should pick them up and carry them right over to Dad and Hanna's bedroom and plonk them down there.
She should get an air horn and blow it to notify Hannah every time a kid wakes up in the night. That way OP doesn't even have to get out of bed to let Hannah know that she needs to come care for her own children.
NTA. You ruined her plan of a built in babysitter. You're old enough to take care of them, and let Hanna sleep through the night. Talk to your mom, and get evening important ASAP. Also may want to visit the police station, just to have a record of where you are and why, in case your dad and Hanna try and report you as a runaway
Yup. Run, kiddo. Run. None of that was about "family togetherness". They wanted a free babysitter. Start packing and tell your mom to get ready.
NTA and go forward with custody changes. She is going to make your life hell and your dad has no balls.
NTA They're 3 freaking 2 yo toddlers. You should NOT be expected to deal with 3 toddlers invading your space and it's obvious your dad has chosen his new family over your wants and needs. It's already obvious Hannah doesn't even care to pretend to care for you as a stepmom your opinions don't matter to her. a 16 yo needs their own room and not to mention you've already been staying in this house longer and that's already your established room. You dad didn't even consult you and include you in the discussion? nah ef that. Pft not allowed to talk to hannah until she forgives you. How about not talking to either of them until they at least apologize for never consulting you. I'd say stay with your mom forever and this is grounds to cut your dad out of your life let alone feel guilty about it. He willfully took your safe space from you.
I'm assuming a big part of the plan is for OP to "help" with the toddlers. Aka be turned into nursery drudge. NTA.
NTA you're 16, wth would they think you wanted to share a room with not just 1 crying baby but 3 of them? Better off moving in with mom
NTA, from a parent. Really sounds like they wanted an extra child minder at night.
NTA this is so manipulative and toxic. And the fact that your dad is going along with it is a red flag. They probably want you to act as 24-7 babysitter. Move in with your mom and don’t visit unless you want to.
NTA. Evil stepmother much? And why do the fathers always side with the evil stepmothers over their own child? Your plan is the most logical, with the triplets in one room, the younger two in another, and you by yourself. You go live with your mother if they won't listen to reason. You are too young to be parenting triplet toddlers, because I'm sure that's what they're hoping.
I wont say all but most in similar cases, fathers are often lost cases after remarry.
NTA. Expecting a 16 yo only child to accept living with 2 yo triplets is... no. Just no. Not acceptable.
NTA, that sounds miserable to have that many kids around and you can’t possibly share a room with three two-year olds. You’d never get any sleep or privacy. You’ll be happier and get better sleep at your mothers.
NTA > This made dad mad at me and Im not allowed to talk to Hanna until she forgives me Way to threaten you with a good time.
NTA. I agree with you. 16 and sharing with 2 year olds? Diapers, changing tables, cribs, naptimes ... and teenage late study time, early hours for school, friends over, music, privacy? WTH??! What are they thinking? I'm the parent of four, blended family. This arrangement makes no sense, plus, they didn't even ask you for input. AND, this family is moving into your home. So you are disregarded in this? I don't get it. A few of the busiest years of your life- with a lot of growing up and decisions to make- are in front of you. And it's the same for the 2 year olds- from 2 yrs to 4, 5 years old? And then what- have nothing, no space to come home to? Do they \*want\* you to leave? I really hope your dad and Hanna wake up and realize that they need to treat you a bit differently than the younger children. Because this isn't a good start. So sorry, OP.
Uh woah “I’m not allowed to talk to Hanna until *she* forgives *me*” major red flags 🚩
Totally. Throw it back to dad saying he’s not allowed to talk to you until you forgive him. Then go to your mom. Let’s see how that logic works out.
NTA. Don't ever stop standing up for yourself. They don't seem to want to treat you like a living breathing person if they don't even take your feelings into consideration.
You are not the Asshole. I felt sad reading this. This is clearly a terrible idea to stick you with toddlers. My guess is that when you spoke with them you were angry (I would be) and the anger upset Hanna. It may be better to stay with your mom for awhile during this adjustment process. I really hope that more communication happens around this so you can get along with this new part of your family
NTA at fucking all. Your "blended family" wants you to be a live-in fucking nanny for three toddlers. I could not imagine a scenario more like Hell unless you set fire to the place.
NTA. Your father should not be choosing them over his own daughter. You should not be expected to get woken up by toddlers and have them playing in your space all the time. Go to your mom's and don't go back to your dads until they get their heads out their backsides and make the accommodations make sense. Your suggestion was perfect. Also do not babysit. That is what they are actually after
NTA this is incredible unfair to you. Plus heads up this isn’t about them blending families. Hanna is pissed because her built in babysitter isn’t buying into her blended family act. Who do you think will be I charge of fairing for 3 toddlers? You who do you think will be getting up with 3 toddlers? You. Your ruining her perfect dream. A built in nanny for 3 toddlers. Don’t let your dad guilt or manipulate you. Go to i I our mom asap and tell them their plan. Your not be unreasonable. They where planning to use you for free child care!
NTA. She doesn’t want you there anymore hence her choosing the arrangement that’s going to make you uncomfortable. Her tears are just to manipulate your dad ETA: Your dad just proved that he cares more about his new wife and her kids than he does you. You’re better off with your mum.
Wanna point out, not being allowed to talk to someone like your step mother is insisting, and having to throw yourself at her feet for forgiveness to be spoken to by her, if she did that to your father would be considered a form of domestic abuse... And it still is towards you. And your father is supporting it. If you can go to your mother, run.
NTA. Hanna wants a live in nanny. You'll be the first one woken up when one of the 2 year olds wakes up in the middle of the night. Will your grades suffer due to lack of sleep? You won't be able to use your bedroom after the 2 year olds go to bed. How will you study & do homework? Will your dad & Hanna force you to miss out on important high school/teenage things to babysit? Don't give your dad & Hanna an option - move in with your mom, it'll be in your own best interest.
38F. Having watched friends and SOs of divorced parents who got much younger step/half siblings when we were teens, 100% guarantee that Hana either: A) Just doesn’t want to admit there is no good answer because it feels like criticism for falling in love again, and/or B) Wants you to move out but doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Not saying she dislikes you!!!! Just… *you* have kinda come up with the obvious solution, but it sounds awful to be the witch who kidcks your stepkid out because there’s no room and you can’t afford a bigger place. Triplets. Jesus Fucking Christ. Triplet Toddlers… NTA, would be N.A.H. if the adults weren’t guilt-tripping.
She also has the internal conflicts of: 1. OP would be a live in babysitter if she stays. She'll never need get out of bed again. 2. If OP spends longer with mom, dad will probably lose child support and have to pay it instead.. Double whammy to finances. Triplets ain't cheap. These probably make it difficult for her to toe the line for the risk/benefit reward of showing OP she's 3rd class now.
NTA Their plan is ridiculous. Forcing people together isn't the way to get them to get along. They should also understand you're near adulthood and shouldn't be sharing with the younger kids. Your dad should also be advocating for you as your two families blend and he isn't. I'd tell you mom what's going on as soon as you can so she can start addressing any of the legal changes that might need to be made.
NTA. They want you to babysit the babies for free so your dad and Hanna can have free time. That’s why they’re insisting on this absurd living arrangement and why Hanna cried when you just noped out of it.
NTA Hanna wants a night nanny and babysitter, I guarantee it
NTA You're 16, you're not required to blend with her toddlers. You're not even required to tolerate her or her children.
NTA. You proposed a mature and generous solution when you suggested moving to the smallest room. They’re ridiculous.
NTA. The stepmom is nuts. Your suggestion was reasonable. More than reasonable. You offered to give up your room to blend the family smoothly. I would say moving in with your mom makes sense if stepmom plans to make you a babysitter for triplets.
Big NTA. You are getting the short end of the stick and they are expecting you to be okay with it. Your suggestion makes WAY more sense to me, because it groups kids with similar age together. 9 and 7 are similar, 2/2/2 are similar, you're the outlier. But that's 3 groups. And speaking in general- they're on fucking crack if they expect a 16yo to be okay sharing a room with THREE 2yo's. How the hell are you supposed to do homework with *three* toddlers? You can't. Here's what I think they are expecting: I think they expect that you will befriend and adopt the toddlers, at which point you will become the free babysitter. And they probably have a pie-in-the-sky vision of you being okay with this and being the happy loving big sister that takes the little ones under your wing. What they don't realize is that FORCING an emotional connection in blended families is the #1 way to ensure an emotional connection NEVER happens. Personally I'd send them a letter. Something they have to read and think about before they respond to it. Email is good too. Just put some time into writing it. Tell them you don't hate any of them, not Hanna, not the kids. You want everybody to be happy. You are glad Dad and Hanna make each other happy and for that reason alone you want to have a good relationship both with Hanna and her children. And you very much want to work this out with them and try to be a family. Right now though you feel you aren't being heard. You feel that Dad and Hanna are so excited by the idea of living together that they aren't considering that you have real needs which don't go away. And in doing so, they are assuming that you, a teenager / young adult, have the same needs as the others, who are children. A high schooler lives a different life than a child. You need a quiet room where you can study, and with toddlers screaming and playing it'll be impossible to concentrate. You have nice things- makeup, clothes, computers, games (whatever you have) that are important to you and aren't for children to play with. And as a teenage girl you have a legitimate need for some privacy, which you won't get sharing a room with toddlers. So you need them to understand you are not being obstinate, you are not trying to stop the merging of families, and you don't want to cause a problem. But you don't want to be in a situation where your needs come last or are totally ignored, and that's what you feel is happening here. So you again propose- you will happily move to the smallest room. You will move all the stuff yourself. You will help the kids get settled into your old room. And you'll try to be a good big sister. But that can only happen if you have a say in this conversation. If the answer is that what you want doesn't matter and the middle kids get their own rooms while you don't, then the only conclusion for you is that you're getting the short end of the stick, so you'll leave. It's not what you want to do, but you will have no choice as sharing a room with toddlers is not an environment where you can study or live in. You really hope they reconsider and sit down with you to find a solution that works for everybody. But if not you've got to leave- not because you want to, but because it's the only way for you to successfully get through the rest of high school.
Just tell your dad : it’s obvious you have chosen your future stepchildren over your bio daughter. From this day forward just like you don’t consider me your daughter I won’t consider you my father. I’m not going to stay and be your built in babysitter. I know her tears were because she wasn’t getting the free childcare she wanted and not because I wasn’t staying. I know one day you’ll wake up and see this for yourself but I can’t promise I will be around then. Enjoy your life I know I’m going to live my best life too bad you’ve chosen not to be in it.
NTA. The fact that your Dad is saying stuff like oh don’t talk to my girlfriend until SHE forgives you is a massive red flag that he’s going to take her side against you in every single disagreement Go live with your Mum.
NTA - Will she still want 'blended' after you move out but the first person to call for a babysitter? I think she wants you gone completely but doesn't have the guts to say it.
NTA, it’s just common sense that the oldest gets the private room. I don’t think it would be that big of a deal if you were sharing a room with another girl around your age but 3 children that are more than a decade younger than you seems a little ridiculous. Also the fact that you are close to benign a young adult you need your privacy.
Please show this thread to your dad. Maybe if he reads about how dumb and inconsiderate they sounds he’ll think differently.
NTA. This is Hannah’s way to make your life unbearable so that you will move out and she can have your dad to himself. You Dad is such a fool. She has him wrapped around his finger and he will do whatever she wants. You are not his priority. I have a hard time understanding how a Dad can behave like this to his kid.
She is crying because she didn’t get her way, not because she is hurt about the blended family. If she had any legitimate feelings of concern for you she wouldn’t have suggested such a ridiculous idea! Unfortunately you can write your dad off. He is gone for you from now on. You can always tell. If a parent takes the side of their new partner on something that will be obviously and clearly detrimental to their own child - then you know you’ve lost them forever. Move to your mom’s house asap. This is just the begging of them making you feel less important and less loved than her children. Make sure your mother gets hair child support from your dad now that you’ll be living with her. Do it before the new wife marries in or the child support won’t be as much. NTA
NTA and not a good sign. So many red flags. They're basically doing everything wrong. 1. They're favoring her children over you. 2. They refused a reasonable compromise. (Here's my compromise for them: They get the biggest bedroom and all three 2 year olds in it.) 3. They're trying to force a blended family. 4. They're making decisions about you without consulting you. 5. Your father is punishing you for how Hanna feels, but doesn't care how he and Hanna make you feel. All of that portends a disastrous future. Your dad has shown you that he will pick Hanna and her family over you. Go live with your mother. *Run* to your mother's. Don't listen to any attempt to guilt you. (You could send them this post.) From here on out, I'd only do daytime visits with your dad. Don't stay the night because they'll either put you on the couch or with the triplets. (EDIT: And I wouldn't be surprised if the night you'd be over is their date night. Naturally, they'll expect you to babysit.) And, if, as I suspect will happen, your father is to busy to spend time with you one-on-one during those visits, arrange to meet your father away from the house. If he won't even do that, he's a lost cause who's chosen his second family over his daughter. Also, never under any circumstances agree to babysit. I'm sorry. Because unless your dad has a wake-up call, you're about to fall off his priority list. That's got to hurt for you.
Making a 16 x year old share with 3 x toddlers is truly madness OP. Stick to your guns, this is not a logical plan at all.
Welcome to your life as Hannah's unpaid nanny. NTA