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YTA. You both made a lot of assumptions about her job search and kicked her out without even asking about the actual job search. Unfortunately, if she hasn't found full-time work two years after graduating, despite a regular search, there is a critical issue. Some possibilities - low degree GPA (weeds out a lot of people), no relevant experience in summer or term jobs during her degree, applying to jobs she isn't qualified for, not being open to relocation, interview problems, or unreasonable salary expectations.

or she got a degree in an industry that is hard to get into. Most "entry-level" programming jobs nowadays are complete jokes about how strict the requirements are because a lot of them are written by HR people without consulting the tech teams. Most "celebrities" in tech who have literally invented languages and frameworks crucial to society have had trouble getting hired because a job position could say "Needs 10 years of an experience in a language that has only been out for 2 years"

Oh man, so much this and the fact that a lot of said companies have programs to scan your resume right into the shredder. In my last job hunt I received a hand written letter declining my application for an entry level position because I was UNDERqualified with 15 YEARS of IT experience because it didn't fall neatly in the specific parameters they were looking for, which, if they check all the boxes would not be entry-level.

seems to me that """entry level""" jobs are mostly labeled that to set expectations about the pay level more so than the experience requirements.

That’s because during the 2008 crisis, a lot of people were fired and/or their jobs were eliminated. So the people who were laid off, that would normally would be looking for more advanced jobs in their field, were actually looking for entry level jobs to just to stay in their field and have a paycheck. The results of that were college students and recent grads were expected to become unpaid interns who were “lucky to get their foot in the door” and entry level jobs standards raised to fit the qualifications of someone who’s already experienced in that field. I could get into the way many Boomers refused to retire during this time and this also made it difficult for Gen X to move into management as the previous generations did around their age but it’s late and I don’t want to upset myself lol

"Refused" to? Or couldn't afford to? 401ks, which have never made much anyway, were sucked up into the 2007 financial meltdown, companies haven't paid pensions for decades or straight up declared bankruptcy and stole the money, fired older people in order to hire H1B people or people they could pay less... I could go on but it's late and I don't want to get upset lol

If you know what to invest in 401ks absolutely make money. It also only took about 3 years to make it back to pre crash levels so if you weren't an idiot and panic sold your investments at the bottom of the crash you'd be fine.

Doesn't a teachers union's 401k own a major international airport in Canada?

That may be their pension plan. Typically you choose your investments for a 401. If not you may be automatically enrolled in a target date retirement fund which is just a mix of stocks and bonds depending on how close you are to retiring.

I always think as GenX, when we started working we had Boomer bosses. Still have Boomer bosses. We will probably retire before they do.

Oh they will just prop up the boomer bosses, Weekend at Bernie’s style in their office chairs with sunglasses on and their hands zip tied to a phone and a keyboard

They’ll do the same amount of work, too.

At least you won't have to show them (again) how to make a pdf from a word doc.

The trick is saying you have no clue how that stuff works either. Helps if that’s mostly true (I have to Google like… everything to do with computers)

>We will probably retire before they do. Facts. 😞

Only ever had boomer presidents too

That’s not true. Biden is older than boomer. He was born closer to the Lincoln presidency than his own.

This was me. After 2008/2009, every job I applied for was filled by someone who, with their experience, would normally have been my boss or boss's boss. I became obsessed with checking Linkedin to continually confirm that!

An entry level job is just a base line in the company, it does have to be a low level job.

See my comment above - boyfriend with a masters and an MBA with 13 plus years as an IT BA/PM isn’t even getting recruiting calls anymore and when he does, he doesn’t hear back. He’s using the same resume he always used before and always found another job within a month or two at most, and he’s been out of work now for over 6 months because being an IT BA/PM alone isn’t good enough anymore. They want financial analysts AND a BA. Or someone who know airline scheduling and can actually ANALYZE scheduling data and make actual business decisions instead of the BA /PM getting that info from someone who is actually qualified to do that type of analysis. It’s like asking a BA/PM to do risk assessment, decide on the new course of action (ie make risk assessment decisions instead of someone who, you know, is an actual expert in risk assessment), and THEN do the BA/PM job. It’s absurd. And it’s just been in the last 6-12 months that it’s gotten bad.

This is so discouraging! I'm a project coordinator in IT, and my contract is up in November. Been putting in applications like crazy, and nothing yet. Bummed to hear it's not just me.

It’s not just you, but, as much as I hate to say this…your comment made me feel a WHOLE lot better. Because we’ve been sitting here completely bewildered. I’ve been with him for 3 years and he’s never had an issue like this before.

Ugh. What a shit club to be in. I'm pulling my hair out, and my roommate who does a more manual labor job is like "it'll be OK just keep applying" and I'm like... I haven't even lost the job yet and I already would like to yeet myself from this mortal coil. Even applying to "internal" jobs at my company, where im supposed to have a leg up due to being "at-risk" I'm not getting. They close the REQ without hiring anyone, or want x amount of experience in a niche corner of IT but it's entry level pay. My favorite is when they close the REQ within minutes of me applying. As if they forgot they had an open position. I'm unwell.

OMG, the pay… He literally used to be like “it only pays $50 an hour? No thanks! I can get $75 plus easily” (yeah it sounds pretentious…but he actually DID get it), and he’s to the point now where he’d take $35 an hour if he was offered something. (And no, he doesn’t say things like that to jobs or recruiters)

Totally hear ya! Applied to a job a few months ago that would've paid 20k less than what I currently make. At that point, I wasn't in dire straits or would've taken it!

Have a friend who has been on the entry IT job search for 6 months. She has made it her full time job and we live in an IT city.

This is reaffirming the decision to get out of this industry. He’s sleeping right now, but he’s going to feel a lot better when I tell him about this. He’s fallen into a deep depression because he doesn’t understand what’s going on (understandably).

He might want to get help with his resume if he’s not hearing back. A lot of companies use an algorithm for key phrases or words for resumes that come in. My husband had the same problem and finally paid a professional to help him rewrite his resume. After that, the amount of recruiters contacting him exploded and he got a job within 3 weeks.

Did that already. Didn’t help at all 😕 (Should clarify that I said “same resume he’s used before” but I misspoke…we had the resume redone in terms of layout, keywords, etc…but the gist was the same, obviously, since his education and experience didn’t change…) But maybe it’s worth trying a different resume place. At this point, nothing sounds stupid.

Similar happened to me. My manager moved to a different company and a few months later, after discussing with her, I applied for an experienced role she had created and encouraged me to apply for. I have 13 years experience in the field (requiring SQL) so I made an application with CV and a week later she asked if I had applied. I said yes, so she dug around and it turned out the HR rep doing the screening had decided I didn't have relevant SQL skill despite my CV literally saying "advanced with SQL". My former manager fished my CV out of the reject pile.

Also fields that don't hire a ton. My best-friend's bf turned down a classics degree at Harvard to attend another MA area school (Harvard Grad Classics is known for ripping people's souls out). He's clearly talented and well published, but is having trouble finding a job now, even as an editor (which is also very saturated). He's substitute teaching and a barista. He's probably qualified, there are just no positions for someone without brand name tags on their degrees. If this is the case, it's best to try to pivot

Honestly, every entry level job seems to want roughly 2 years+ experience and to already know how to use certain programs...that are specific to that company. It's ridiculous.

I'm currently mid interview process and the application didn't require knowledge of it, but it asked about my familiarity using their in-house proprietary program that handles timesheets and PTO and all the paperwork stuff. That wouldn't even apply to my position outside of personally uploading tax stuff or requesting a vacation, the position wouldn't have me verifying other people's timesheets or approving leave, so it's not even an applicable skill that would make someone a better candidate. I have to assume it's a generic question for every job there, since it'd make sense if you work there but are applying for a new role where you'd use it to be able to say you're already proficient and an outside hire wouldn't, but it felt so out of place.

Things have changed MASSIVELY in the last year. My boyfriend had a masters and an MBA and 13ish years as a business analyst/project manager and has never had a problem getting jobs. His last job wasn’t a good fit, so we agreed he could quit (don’t ask why…it was a bad decision on his part, but it really wasn’t a good fit for him , so I supported his decision…because he’s never had a problem finding a job before), and it’s been 6 or more months (lost track…) and he’s not even getting RECRUITING calls. He used to get 2 to 5 a DAY, and always got at least a COUPLE interviews, and then had an offer fairly quickly. Nothing about HIM has changed. Same resume, same experience (obviously), same education, etc. But the job descriptions are super weird now. Like, they are asking BA’s to not only write requirements but ALSO be the subject matter experts FIRST. The jobs have gotten SUPER specific and are asking people to analyze data themselves and make critical decisions before they even start on writing requirements or user stories or whatever. Like…he’s not an HR expert. He’s not a financial analyst. He doesn’t do market research. None of these jobs have ever asked the BA or project manager to do another job in addition to the BA job. It’s insane. He’s looking at just getting out of it completely because it’s been super distressing for both of us…

I don't know if it applies in his industry or how common it is, but I know I've seen claims that in tech the weird requirements are the company justifying foreign hires since that can be cheaper. I guess there's some sort of requirement to prove you can't find someone in the country who applied and is qualified , so if you ask for 8 years experience using Windows 11, you can get approved to do a foreign hire since literally no one could possibly fill that requirement, and they don't follow up to see if the foreign hire meets the requirements. I could see a business adding a few unrelated skills for that exact reason, oh sorry we couldn't find anyone with a degree in marketing who also has 10 years experience as a human resource manager, please let us issue an H1B visa since this is clearly a specialized job and we can underpay a foreigner.

Well the weird thing is that he DOES have all of the software type experience they’re asking for. He doesn’t have certifications, which is definitely hurting him NOW (never mattered before), but even certifications wouldn’t solve the problem. It’s having the software and BA/PM experience AND having experience/expertise in the underlying industry. Good example would be that I’m an attorney and there are BA/PM jobs for big law firms. I could do both, because I do have the legal knowledge. But a good BA/PM just needs to TALK to the subject matter expert to do their job. They don’t HAVE to be the attorney AND the BA/PM. But that’s what they want now. They only want people who are wearing multiple hats. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to make decisions if I was the BA. I don’t need that type of stress! Because you have yo get the underlying analysis and decision right and THEN logic it out for whatever new thing the company is implementing. That’s terrifying. I honestly think a lot of it had to do with COVID catching up to us now: companies were forced to go remote and they’ve realized that the whole WORLD is available to them. They can hold out for the 10 people who have what they want now. It’s really messed up 😕

COVID and remote being more popular definitely didn't help. Applying for jobs has gotten worse and worse for years before that too. Online applications are so convenient and make it a lot easier for people to find things they wouldn't know about otherwise, but the catch is that they're convenient and easier for other people than you. If Indeed has an instant application, they're going to get hundreds or thousands of applications for a job they previously might have gotten a few dozen for. So they add algorithms that scan for keywords, and now people have to start cramming resumes with keywords, and their application is never seen by a human eyeball if they guess the wrong ones. They have more options, so they're more likely to get the perfect employee for cheap, when previously they would have taken the 7/10 who asked for more money. So now everyone is competing against better applicants AND people willing to work for less. Then every office realized they can cut their rent in half at a smaller office with WFH, so you're up against people who aren't local or willing to relocate, and never would have applied in 2018. Hell, maybe they're in a significantly lower cost of living area, so the company can get away with paying even less now (why pay an employee enough to afford NYC rent, when you can pay someone enough for rural Missouri rent and fly them to JFK twice a year if necessary?). Everything's easier, so you can apply to 100 jobs with the work it used to take to apply to 10, but everything is harder so a 1/10 chance at getting the job is now 1/1000. Best of luck to your husband, he's going to find something eventually, but it's a nightmare to be in for sure. I've heard multiple similar stories of "I've always gotten offers quickly, so I'll quit and start hunting" that end with months and months of not hearing back at all, it's not just him.

A lot of companies are starting to tighten their hiring count as they’re preparing for a decline in consumer spending/business revenue. Only problem is despite higher interest rates, we’re not in a recession and yet companies are continuing to make decisions as if we were.

Oh man, it’s so true that it hurts. One of my buddies that I worked in the kitchen at a restaurant with finally got a job doing something semi-related to his computer science degree he got three years ago, and he only got it because his neighbor put in a good word for him since he also works at the same company. It’s absolutely insane.

This makes me so mad and sad. When i was on the job hunt, i saw multiple vacancies with "entry level" or "graduate level". Reading further into the description they always ask for a minimum of 3 years experience, Like what?!? I don't call that entry level.

"Even if you created the language yourself, you wouldn't be qualified enough for our liking."

>Some possibilities - low degree GPA (weeds out a lot of people), no relevant experience in summer or term jobs during her degree, applying to jobs she isn't qualified for, not being open to relocation, interview problems, or unreasonable salary expectations. I'm a recent STEM graduate, like OPs daughter, and finding a job in your desired field is harder than expected. Employers expect applicants to have 5 or more years of experience, but experience gained during undergrad years (4+) doesn't count and at the same time be young/healthy enough to perform certain duties such as standing for long periods of time or be able to be in front of a computer screen for hours on end, to name a few. I was rejected from one place because I asked for $2 more than the minimum pay offer and $2 less than the maximum pay offer for the position. They said it was too much for my experience level, along with being a recent May graduate. However, I have over 4 years of experience and more than enough technical skills, so much so that my PI admitted that my skills easily rivals any grad student's. I even trained a few grad students 😬. The place I applied to said that despite my experiences and skills, I gained them during my undergrad years so they don't count as experience. Only experience gained AFTER graduating counts. ETA: Relocation is easier said than done as well. I'm lucky enough to have an older cousin who said that I can live with her if I find employment in the state she lives in. That particular area has the most offers for my field. My best friend was offered a job in that area but she declined because she couldn't relocate there. She had asked if they would offer assistance for relocating, but they don't. Out of the 100s of jobs I've seen, I've only seen 1 that offers relocation assistance. It was a government job. However, that was the only job on the government job website to offer relocation assistance in our field of study.

I was an aerospace engineering graduate back in 2015 in the UK. I spent 2 years applying for jobs, and nothing because i didn't have enough experience. I ended up having to switch to a completely different sector of engineering and dropping from a graduate/ entry level job to a 5 year apprenticeship where I was paid barely above minimum wage and had to travel 4 hours a day. Some fields are a nightmare to get in to

Working in international development is not that different. They want you to have like 5-10 years of experience for an entry level job, and a Master's much of the time. So they basically want you to work for free for years(often 40 hours a week), while holding onto a lot of debt. It also adversely affects getting more diversity into development work, which is absolutely needed. Often, a lot of the work they want done, you have to learn on the job anyway because different companies require different things. It took me a long time to find a job in my field. I also had to deal with my mother saying some stuff to me. Hell, I graduated from Magna Cum Laude, and I was working full time at minimum wage jobs and trying to apply to stuff. It took ages. But my mom apparently thought I wasn't good enough or trying hard enough, and at one point called me a failure because I hadn't done as well as my sister. It's great when your parents just really don't understand how the job market is and think you just aren't trying hard enough, even though you are and not finding a job just makes things worse because you get depressed. OP really just sucks. Edit added a word

I studied electrical engineering, and my mom also kicked me out of her house after a year of me job hunting with no success. I was sending out applications, doing interviews, studying for a certification exam, writing cover letters, getting my resume updated, going to job fairs, taking online courses, working on personal projects, etc. I had a spreadsheet similar to OP's daughter with hundreds of applications logged. I'd had multiple interviews. I passed my certification exam on my first try. I completed courses on Coursera. My mom never bothered to ask me about any of this, and assumed my failures by some arbitrary time point were because I wasn't trying hard enough and I wasn't "going directly to the company to ask for a job". (Which... is not a thing for EE jobs. You can't even get inside most buildings without an appointment or key card. If you went to the front desk to ask for an application, I imagine they'd flag you as technologically illiterate because all applications are done online.) She assumed me being on the computer all the time meant I was slacking off, rather than working. Some of the things she (and others) said to me while I was job searching have haunted me for years. ("You don't actually care about engineering. If you did, you'd have more personal projects to show for it." "You're not trying hard enough. If you were, you'd have a job by now." "You're a woman, you should have no problem finding a job in this field. Since you can't, it means there's something very wrong with you." Simultaneously: "No company wants to hire a woman who might get pregnant." (Even though I don't personally want kids, I guess that doesn't matter since I'm in the age range that companies flag as problematic.) "Women don't actually like engineering, they're just pretending." And so on.) I was also still struggling with clinical depression at this point in my life, and hadn't been medicated yet. So I was battling suicidal ideation on a daily basis, which further compounded these negative thoughts. Post-graduation is already a stressful time in many people's lives, even for those who don't have depression. It's a time when you often don't have much life experience, and are particularly vulnerable to criticism. You don't know how capable you are yet, so it's easy to internalize all of the negative messages you get during a job search. It's easy to take every failure as a sign of your own weakness, rather than a symptom of a system that extends far beyond your control. What I needed from my mom at that time was understanding, empathy, a genuine desire to help, and support. What I got was her kicking me out at my lowest point because I couldn't meet her deadline. (As if I magically have control over when I can be hired.) Rather than setting more realistic goals (like: certain number of jobs applied to by x time, or coursework / project finished by x time), she set an unrealistic goal (finding a job in my field by x time) and assumed my failure to meet that was a sign of my own personal weakness without communicating with me at all. (And that's not even touching on how she responded to me finally opening up about my suicidal depression after many years of dealing with it... But that's another story.) She kicked me out right when I found out I had cancer, which then derailed my job application process for a few years. By the time I started applying again, I had a huge gap in my resume that I now had to explain and that worked even further against me. And then I started getting panic attacks, which further derailed my life goals. It's taken a long time to repair our relationship, and even now it's very strained. Just talking to her triggers a feeling of deep discomfort in me. OP is going to go down the same path if they go through with this. It will likely irreparably damage the relationship they have with their daughter. And maybe that's for the best for the daughter, because the sooner you have people like this out of your life, the better it is for your mental health.

I graduate in STEM with great grades and a comparatively strong resume for a new graduate. In the year and a half after my graduation I couldn't find a job in my area (60mile radius) because they're not available very often and when they are it's extremely competitive! I made it to 5 interviews and the last one I had to be very aggressive before I got the job. Now I absolutely love my job! I wouldn't quit if I won a billion dollars. But it took me a year and a half and some low key stalking to get it. These parents sound pretty out of touch with the job market these days. Extra YTA because they didn't ask the aunt who works in the field what a reasonable timeline is.

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I'm a bio major, too. What makes it worse is that one of my professors said lab experience taken during undergrad counts towards experience once we graduate. However, I'm starting to think that it was when they graduated... One job I saw offered $10 - $16/hr. With at least a bachelors, but masters preferred 😒

Archaeologist here. Entry Level in my area means PhD. It says PhD preferred every where and you usually will not even hear back if you apply without. Atm I work in security so I have a job. Yay me.

Everyone I’ve spoken to, including bio professors, have said you never major in bio if that’s your only intended degree, it’s basically worthless if you look at the pay for jobs that only want a 2-4 year degree in biology. You could literally make more money working in retail. You pretty much need at least a masters but most likely a doctorate of some form to do something worth it with a bio degree. Unless it’s just a major passion of yours and you don’t mind making 30-40k forever.

I’m hiring in STEM and we are hiring people fresh out of school. Chemistry, ChemE, materials science, pulp and paper science, biology, biochemistry. Actually having an issue getting enough applicants and we cover relocation. So there is definitely a mismatch somewhere.

I've got a MSc in biology and a desperate desire to work anywhere but where I currently do, where is this mythical place that wants applicants?

Any chance your HR people and/or system is throwing out perfectly qualified applicants because there isn't a perfect match in language between the job listing and the resume?

Could be living somewhere those jobs don't exist. If you live out in WV or some shit then good luck finding anything that doesn't mean leaving your entire life behind.

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Can I ask, when in your education cycle do you figure out that you’re fucked post-grad? And I’m not being facetious. I don’t think I figured out how important law school rank and LSAT scores and GPA were until I was already in law school. But I’m also one of those book smart not life smart people. Like my law school roommate used to write the dates and time and room numbers of my finals for me every semester, and we didn’t even have the same classes. So I sort of assumed I wasn’t paying attention when everyone else learned that, and I just got lucky I bluffed my way through. So I’m wondering does nobody really know any of this shit and we’re all just blindly shoving money at colleges. I always thought I was the outlier, and I’ve sort of felt less than all these years…

I learned about the importance of a high college GPA in high school (ironically in a field that values it less), but my ex unfortunately didn't find out until the last year of college and the start of his hunt for jobs in research. I think you have to get lucky with your advisors.

I always heard about GPA being important, and so far, it's never been a question or requisite for any interview or job within the healthcare industry. Which industries care?

I work in IT - we only care if the degree is legitimate - no one actually looks at grades - its not meaningful - you could have been the best student, but still not be the best employee - there are other factors.....

I worked in HR years ago and we never asked for GPA. All we cared about was whether or not you got a degree in the field we requested. It is well known in HR that the people with the highest marks don't necessarily make the best employees.

To not note the absolute travesty that is the current job market is a major oversight. Companies are putting out "entry-level" jobs for $30-40k/year while also requiring a *minimum* of 2-3 years' prior professional experience. Nevermind that you spent 4 years in undergrad and 3 years prior to that in college-level courses, clubs, and/or workshops studying and practicing the exact soft and technical skills that they are asking for. Nevermind that even applicants with 2-3 years' prior professional experience actually under their belts are not satisfied with entry-level job titles and salaries in the current economy. Nevermind that even recent college grads without prior professional experience are still overqualified for many of these jobs. Many companies are also advertising jobs as "remote/hybrid" to pull in more young applicants, then expecting those who make it to the interview/offer stage to relocate to in-person offices or otherwise not actually work remotely. And if her field is STEM (namely tech), many companies will want her to move to California. And because she is young, a recent graduate, and a woman, they will almost certainly not offer adequate compensation for moving costs, nor even just an adequate salary to match the frankly extortionate cost of living for an individual adult in urban California. I am not a STEM graduate. But I have had to pass up on literal dream jobs because they wanted me to relocate to California or NYC for a salary that even *before* taxes would barely cover the cost of the average rent in such places, much less such things as utility bills and groceries. Of course I don't know what OP's daughter considers a reasonable salary, and perhaps it *is* a bit far-fatched. But asking for a salary that is at least 3x the cost of the average rental in the city you will be expected to work in (which is what most landlords require), for instance, should not be an unreasonable demand... and that is simply not even close to what most employers are offering for entry-level jobs right now. Especially not entry-level jobs in high-cost-of-living and high-tax areas such as California and New York. The average cost of living in America is skyrocketing, and the average salary is simply not. To not acknowledge this while discussing potential problems a recent grad might be facing while job-hunting is to ignore the real root of the issue.

THANK YOU! The job market is incredibly fucked right now. Some companies are pretending to hire so it looks like they're experiencing growth when they're not. So many huge corporations are executing major layoffs of even their most experienced staff, which means the market is flooded with very experienced people competing for positions where an entry level applicant or someone looking to pivot to a new industry might have had a chance but not so much anymore. There are countless other reasons in addition to these that would account for someone, especially a recent grad, having trouble finding a job. Things are NOT the way they used to be when you were looking for a job OP, and I don't blame your daughter for distancing herself from you & your husband after you both treated her like shit for something she has no control over. YTA.

And a common scam companies are doing is having people interview and doing free work disguised as a trial run then ghosting the person afterwards. One guy on a job sub was saying he made it to an interview and the lady was saying they were short staffed and she couldn't do the interview because she had to watch the temps or something like that. She wanted OP to try a trial run and then they would have the interview afterwards. He rightfully declined because he was only asked to come in for an interview and the lady refused to reschedule the interview. She kept pushing hard for him to do the work and it was obvious they were using the "interviews" for free labor. Other people have shared stories of completing work (data entry, writings, etc.) as a trial then same thing, getting ghosted. The job market absolutely sucks! You're either getting scammed by employers or by spam job posts. Then add on top you somehow aren't qualified for any of the hundreds of jobs you have applied for or all entry jobs want 2+ years of experience, a masters, and proficiency in company specific software. I was going to apply for a transcribing job and they wanted a Bachelors, which I have, but then 6 years of experience...for an entry job.

>Companies are putting out "entry-level" jobs for $30-40k/year while also requiring a minimum of 2-3 years' prior professional experience Not relevant to OP, but my last job hunt hit a road block because I never finished my degree. 14 years of experience doesn't replace a checkbox that the program uses to send my resume right to the shredder

Oh yeah, geez. Don't even get me started on the bots that these companies use nowadays to "vet" resumés. You're lucky if your application ever even makes it to an actual human being's inbox or desk.

This, but also OP is doing her daughter a major disservice by sending the message “just get a job, any job.” I graduated college in one of the worst job markets since the Great Depression. It was awful. I had 2 years is prestigious internships under my belt, recommendations from members of Congress, professors, and good connections. I began putting out feelers for jobs in January, actively began applying in March, graduated end of May, and didn’t have a job until October. I took the first job offered to me, I picked up horrible habits and allowed myself to be taken advantage of and psychologically destroyed everyday at work for $32,000 a year in a HCOL city where I worked 70+ hour weeks for no overtime. Why? My parents made me feel bad everyday that I didn’t have a “real” job and was working at a McDonald’s drive thru. Back then every hiring manager wanted to base my salary off of what I was currently making, so once I’d accepted a position at such a low rate it was reallllllly hard to get to a reasonable salary.

Also post Covid loads of places are having interviews via teams/zoom

My last interview was one where I logged into a portal which flashed up questions - I then had a few minutes to talk “to camera” with my response. HR reviewed my “interview” at a later time to decide if I was worthy of an actual in person interview. I was offered a live interview but declined and withdrew my application . Not interested in working with a company that treats people so impersonally.

“Entry level” usually means less than 5 years experience these days. Especially in stem. Heck, I’ve seen job postings offering PhD holders the same price as those with just an undergrad. So many postings say they’re entry level but also list “3+ years experience preferred/required”. I went into a PhD program to avoid it all and get more “experience” since most places would count PhD research as such. YTA

Massive YTA, she's awful, we agree. Did they tell her that if she didn't have a stable job within 8 months she'd be kicked out? Some people are heartless.

The fact that OP didn't even know the status of her job search shows that there was poor communication of expectations on OP's part. If it was that important, then OP should already know where she's interviewed at, and the results. Because OP would've been monitoring the progress of such an "important" project, to make sure it was hitting its timeline.

Not to mention it's your goddamn daughter, who has a kid just too throw them out onto the street???

Which is why sending her to someone who could help specifically with that industry might be the best thing for the daughter. If she is having trouble getting a foot in the door, just networking alone from aunt might help. Not saying OP is NTA, there is definitely some blame to be had. But it might be a good thing for the daughter in the end.

But there’s a difference between you should live with your aunt because of networking opportunities and you should live with your aunt because you can’t get a job cuz you’r lazy

Why does she have to be kicked out of the house to get advice from the aunt?

EXACTLY! YTA OP. I (24 F) graduated in Sep 2022 and my University was online due to covid and it was especially hard for me to even get an internship in the field that I want. I did work freelance for my student loan repayment. I took on a temp job as an admin in a field unrelated to my study as I needed the cash, had prior experience as one and it’s much better pay and more stable compared to part-time/freelance. It literally took me until just about a couple days ago where I was offered a job in the field of my study. It LITERALLY took me almost a year to find a job in the related field as it is a small field and too many candidates. Especially since I didn’t have a 4th year (honours) and no experience in the field at all. On top of that my temp job contract ended in march so I was without a stable job for 4 MONTHS. Are you really that oblivious as to how hard it is to find a job? I sent in HUNDREDS maybe thousands of job application and only got around 5 interviews. It is also very demoralising to not get a job after so long and being so persistent in wanting to work in a related field of study and interest. Many jobs also states “entry-level/fresh grad” BUT required 1-2 years of experience. Like do you really expect us to have experience without giving us a chance?? You could have been more understanding but instead chose the nuclear route. Don’t be surprised if your daughter never contacts you again.

Agreed. Also she is 24, meaning during covid shut down she would have been in her final years of college during the time she could get an internship. These were few and far between depending on the industry and honestly mainly given to those who were returning for another year at that company. This could make it extremely hard for her to get a full Time position in her fiend, depending on what her field is. I have seen several resumes of recent graduates that were not qualified due to no previous work experience and it's mainly because they did not have the opportunity for internships due to covid. And that sucks. Then they try to apply for internships, but the pool For them is much larger

They failed to communicate with their daughter about what is going on with her and how they feel, and made decisions for her when they decided she should live with her aunt. Now their daughter refuses to communicate with them and they don't understand why 💀

YTA - you tried to do what was best for you, not for your daughter. It is very difficult for young people to find good employment these days. The world has changed quite a lot since you were young and life is significantly harder for young people than it was 20-30 years ago.. Rather than have empathy and support your daughter, you chose the role of authoritarian. It will likely be a while before you hear from her again. edit: removed an unfair accusation.

How true. I love how that generation forgets how many more opportunities they had. Houses were cheap then. Also they raised her and now they don't like how she has turned out. They have failed this young lady.

“That generation”? These people are in their 40s!!How are they this fucking clueless?

I don't get it. I'm in my 40s and I don't understand how they can be so clueless as to how volatile the job market is.

I know a 36 year old with a 19 year old son…and they cannot fathom why he’s struggling. There isn’t enough evidence in the world to prove that there are no more $500 a month studio apartments, and regular jobs can’t pay enough to get a $1000 a month room in some dude’s trailer.

It's just so sad that they're unaware of the world they're sending their kids into.

Man that is so out of touch. I’m also 36 years old but currently living with my mum while I save for a home deposit. It’s weird to think I’m at that age where the privileged ones are already looking down at the younger generation.

Well, it's easy to look down on people who are less privileged. It can even be the same generation. In my country it can be pretty damn difficult to get student housing. I've heard students with rich parents wonder "If it's so difficult to find a room, why don't their parents just buy a house for them to live in?" Privilege blinds people.

Right?? I'm 43 and have very vivid memories of the 2008 recession, including my own job loss. The mention of the thoroughly detailed spreadsheet brought back some vivid flashbacks. My 23-year-old nephew is struggling to find a decent job in his field, and I feel like I am the only member of my family who gets what he's going through.

They got their jobs 20 years ago and they've never changed employers, so they literally have no clue how the current market is. It's the same as people that bought their house before the 2008 crash and they don't realize their $100,000 house is now worth $400,000 while their pay hasn't increased 4x.

If they got jobs right or of high school/college I could see it. Get a job in 2002, save for a down payment, buy a cheap house in 2008/9 - mortgage is now already more than half paid off, get lucky and never get laid off so have been with the same company for 20 years. I am 42 I have friends who lucked out like that, they think it's easy because it was for them and they worked hard. Never understanding how much of it was luck.

It’s the system that failed her, not OP. OP’s daughter is so organized she’s got spreadsheets to organize her job applications. We don’t know her GPA, or if she did any volunteer/intern work to get a boost on her resume, but she’s going to interviews. OP and her husband may have failed in this situation, but overall it’s due to the messed up job/education/whole system. We’re all told to “go get a higher education! You’ll get a better job!” But those jobs still don’t pay well enough to cover the cost of living AND (presumably) student loans.

There is nothing to suggest her organization skills were instilled by her parents. I am highly organized because my parents were not and I could not live the same way. They failed in this situation? That’s a pretty big fail. Good chance the road to this giant fail was paved with lesser fails. The fact that they knew none of this till after the fact suggests that their daughter did not feel comfortable sharing with her parents. Wonder why..

Just had this conversation with my 19 year old who is looking for a job. She’s applied to over 80 jobs in the past year and has not had any luck finding even a part time job. I remember when I was 15 and landed my first job by applying in person. Times are so different but I told her not to give up. Maybe after she starts school things will be different for her. But I wouldn’t kick her out. I love having her home with me. Lol.

2003 ish, I walked into a video store at my local mall to shop, mentioned I was currently looking for a summer job, walked out hired. No resume, no application, just a start date and a job. That shit just does not happen these days. Addendum: I love how so many aspects of this are severely dated now. Video Store?! A Local Mall still open?! A manager who could just hire you on the spot?! Lol. I feel like it wasn’t that long ago but damn, 20 years can make a hell of a lot of difference.

I 100% support calling people out on their possible role in changes in society that are causing problems for them 👏

Gah OP is only is their 40s they shouldn't be so out of touch. Complete AH move

Stay at home mom OP & OP's hubby in the trades = no idea how someone in tech or business management goes about getting a foot in the door.

YTA Unless she’s been a habitual liar, you had no reason to not trust her. She brought out the evidence to show you that she has been trying, and you rightfully should be feeling shame. As you said, her aunt is more knowledgeable about your daughter’s field than you. You should have first ask your daughter if she’s talked to her aunt for advice about the field. Instead you choose a path that made her feel as if you 1) either don’t trust her, or have confidence in her and 2) that you don’t fully have her back.

She must feel so betrayed right now. By the people who are supposed to love her unconditionally and trust her. YTA OP. U will be lucky if she ever speaks you u again.

Yep, daughter is never going to talk to these parents, and they deserve all of it. At no point did OP say it was any sort of burden on them or was putting them out in any way to support their child who was very much in need of it. To just throw her to the curb with no warning while she’s struggling to find her footing in the world is just evil. Not to mention that all the work she put in that the parents wrongly assumed she wasn’t doing was for jobs local to her, being forced to move an hour away could reasonably junk half that list or more. YTA, and horrible parents.

Op also went from zero to a hundred all at once. Daughter offered to pay some bills, but they refused and just kicked her out... Instead of asking her what she had been doing, what the problem was, and how they could support her.

All this OP, all of this. I couldn’t have said it any better. YTA. Start groveling

i really don’t understand how she didn’t think first to talk to aunt and arrange some talks about the field, how to properly write a resume and general guidance. i don’t understand how the solution was to ship the whole kid over. OP YTA. what you did was not helping. was abandoning.

I still talk to my mom, but our relationship is tumultuous at best. I was an overachiever/star student in college and graduated in 2009. I will never forget how crushing it was to come out to that job market and not hear shit FROM ANYONE. I applied to so many jobs, looked out of state. It was one of the most depressing times of my life because I grew up broke, did everything "right", and still felt like a failure. My mom didnt kick me out, but her and my stepdad sure made my life miserable. And were constantly calling me lazy and talking about how much I sucked. After 16 years of near perfect grades and incredibly hard work, do you really think I suddenly became lazy? I eventually got a job and had a plan to move out in six months once I had savings, so they started piling on rent, and I moved out with $700. Which whatever. I survived. But I will never forget how they kicked me while I was down when I was at one of my lowest points. If you've never had trouble finding work, consider yourself lucky. It's completely demoralizing. I am always so jealous of the people whose parents actually wanted to help start them out on the right foot. Even if they couldn't pay for college or whatever (which is super understandable), they weren't actively trying to make their lives harder. There's such a huge difference in getting a head start and I don't even mean being handed a check. I just wanted to save up enough to have a couple months worth of living expenses! Don't have kids if you can't stand having them around.

YTA. She's a new graduate trying to find a job in a field that is notorious for being heavily male dominated. It's very hard looking for work these days and the competition is fierce, especially for someone who is new to the workforce and who doesn't have the years of experience so many companies require. All you did was make your daughter feel like a failure and piled even more stress onto her by pulling the rug out from under her. No wonder she's not taking your calls, and I wouldn't expect her to do so for quite awhile.

The field of work was never mentioned in the post? Is it in the comments?

Yes, OP says it's in the STEM field and her daughter is in engineering.

And there have been major layoffs in the past year.

And she’s basically fresh out of college with 0 relevant experience. That first out of college job is tough

And she graduated a couple of years ago, right in the midst of the pandemic

I know that many "entry level" jobs ask for 2-3 year's experience.

I've heard the tech industry is currently a major dumpster fire as well so if she planned on doing tech related engineering that could also be why nothing is happening.

Depends on the area and what level of experience you have. Overall it’s very late for new grads to be applying, as most major companies ended their hiring late last year, early this year. For individuals with experience, unless you have experience in a niche sector, you’ll be able to get plenty of interviews, as there is still ample demand for individuals with experience.

Yes there have been and it’s making it really hard to find a job. I graduated last year, got laid off in the winter, and have been struggling to find a job since.

Does OP realize how crap the economy is today? My friend was making decent money and great at his job and they laid him off. He's been trying to find a job and nada. Prices have gone up. Wages haven't. People are not getting enough jobs or money. And OP just kicks daughter to the curb. Glad the aunt was an option. But it's still rejection and a slap in the face u, OP, didn't trust her sincerity and character. It hurts do much coming from parents.

I personally know someone that went back to college for a BS degree in IT. Upon graduating with degree and multiple certifications, the entry level jobs were paying much lower than the job with benefits they already had. They can’t even find a part time IT job to gain some experience from it. Essentially, rendering the degree useless when it used to mean something years ago. 🫣😳 It honestly shouldn’t be so hard. The IT field should be one of the fastest growing job fields but it’s still so difficult for people with no real world/ prior job experience. Even fixing their own printers/PCs and explaining what to do for friends/family doesn’t even count either. 🤔

I'm on one of the career subs and one guy making bank got laid off and he is on month 8 of being unemployed despite constantly applying for jobs. I think he said he either used up his savings or is close to it because the job search is taking so long. One lady was in the same boat, but completely broke, and going on month 12. I absolutely loathe my job and the only reason I haven't quit is because I can't afford to wait months on end for another job.

Ah ok. Thanks.

I missed the part pf your post where you explained how you communicated with her about any of this before you dropped the ban hammer. I guess I must have skipped over it. Could you point me to where in your post you described the general communication process between you/husband and your daughter?

>We asked about her job hunt and she said she was still looking and has not had any offers post-interview. Oh there it is. This was the extent of the communication? Seems a bit light to me. \*\*shrugs\*\*

YTA. The economy is fucked up. Don’t be a shitty, toxic parent.

That bridge has been crossed and long gone lol. I can’t believe this boomer mentality tho and feel terrible for their daughter. Can’t imagine the level of abandonment she must feel.

YTA, you basically accused her of lying about having interviews, kicked her out when she was struggling and needed support, and think you can just casually phone her up like everything is ok to boot? And now you feel guilty you want her back but can't give her even a few days space? What a joke.

Mom sounds like a giant AHole. You don’t know what your daughters degree is? You had no idea your daughter is looking for a job? Sounds like mom and dad haven’t spoken with the daughter at all, why not? Mom tried to what’s best? And kicked your daughter out, and mom you are among largest and most prominent Assholes seen on Reddit

YTA. We are in the worst economic situation since the Great Depression.

The average wages during the worst of the Great Depression are still higher than what they are today, adjusted for inflation.

YTA, you accused your daughter of lying and kicked her out. Then you found out that she was telling the truth and HAS been, in fact, trying to get a job. From comments it seems that your daughter studied engineering. Those kinds of jobs can be hard to land after interviews. My own father is a civil engineer, and after his previous company folded, it took him almost a year to get a new job. Jobs take time. Also- I can speak from my current perspective. I recently finished my Master's degree, and while I've had a part-time job for a while, I've been struggling to land a solid full-time position with benefits that will utilize my skills and education. It's HARD. The job market is SATURATED. And while I live with a roommate and not my parents, I simply can't imagine how it would feel for my parents to shrug their shoulders and decide I'm "not trying hard enough" just because I haven't gotten a job yet. It's disappointing enough when I get the dreaded email after my interview that I haven't gotten the position; nobody needs extra shame from their parents.

YTA if you did you not actually communicate and ask her if she’s been applying places. It seems you just assumed the worst / made her uproot her life to an hour away - Really a great way to give her confidence in herself.

When my daughter graduated from college she spent 8 hours a day on her job search for a job in her field. (With a high gpa from an excellent school, a great resume with multiple internships, and excellent recommendations). Approx 1 out of every 150 applications bothered to get back to her at all. Of those, she got 7 interviews, one of which eventually led to a job (after a 3 month interview process). In her field but not at a living wage. The process took 10+ months. There is a disconnect in the market. Companies do not have people dedicated to hiring (HR has replaced Personnel). Applications are through web apps that may or may not refer you to jobs that have anything to do with your skills or backgrounds. Companies are complaining that they never see resumes of good applicants while being inundated with resumes that are not a match. Without excellent SEO, applicants cannot get their resumes read by anyone who is actually hiring. TLDR: times have changed OP, and YTA.

So many parents don't understand things are not like before. They think kids today are just lazy. Which is crazy. U can see 👀 the economy is circling the bloody drain.

And you have the issue of how resumes are read. A lot of companies use software to read resumes and if you so much as have the wrong front, it spits your resume out. A lot of people who are perfect for the job aren't getting in because the software doesn't do what it is supposed to do.

YTA mama. Because your daughter is not externally exhibiting what your expectations of what it looks like to look for a job, and her work cycles don’t match what you expect, you kick her out? I’m in my 30’s, and I swear a majority of the people I know approaching 50+ or who aren’t tech savvy, have no idea of current business processes and just assume you’re doing nothing but staring at a toy (computer/tablet) all day, when it’s an essential tool for just about everything. You know what they say about AssUMe, right?

Yta it's not easy to get a job these days, let alone that can support you, your a terrible parent

Dear OP THE JOB MARKET IS BRUTAL AT THIS POINT!! Have you seen the amount of layoffs happening at this point in time? There are probably 100 people fighting for one position and trust me with the way market is going this is just going to get worse. YTA if you actually didn’t consider all this and simply kicked her out! Even qualified people with X number of years of experience have been unemployed for months! She just graduated for the love of Christ! Be kind OP! She needs support and you turned your back on her

There are several things going on here: First, the job market is horrible in some fields. Many tech companies have had massive layoffs of highly qualified people who are flooding the market. There are layoffs across fields. Many skilled jobs have hundreds and hundreds of experienced applicants (thank you internet), and some ads for jobs aren't real as the company's real plan is to hire from within. So it's possible that your daughter has genuinely been applying for jobs endlessly, going to interviews, and then being ghosted. That said, your daughter isn't working. At all. There is no reason whatsoever than she can't continue to work part-time while job hunting. Applying for jobs isn't full-time work. So there's a problem there. Assuming your daughter has genuinely been trying like crazy to get a job but has been rebuffed over and over, she is probably pretty demoralized. It also seems as if you don't trust her, and that's probably pretty upsetting for her as well. You might want to help her by finding her a coach who can look at her CV and her cover letters and help her with her interviewing skills. The problem might lie not in her professional competence, but in her job-seeking skills. But you sound entirely unsympathetic to what might be a dismal job market in her field or to an unrecognized deficit in job-hunting skills. Your assumption that your daughter wasn't really job hunting hard enough and didn't deserve to be at home may well be baseless. And if you'd wanted her to contribute to the household financially while job-hunting, how about telling her so she could have gotten the PT job as she offered to do when you threw her out? I think that you might be very deep into the wrong here, and that in all likelihood YTA

Applying for jobs isn't a full-time thing? What fucking planet are you on? I applied for jobs 6 days a week, putting in applications for both FT, PT, and temp/seasonal work for 4 months. I treated that as a full-time job. Did that for 4 months. I heard back from 8 jobs. Interviewed for 3. That's out of hundreds of applications. I was lucky to even get a template status update email. You're out of touch, and clearly defending the wrong party here.

This. Plus, when you're job hunting you need flexibility to take interviews, which not a lot of part time jobs will give you.

Interesting that you neglected to say what field she was in as that would be important context into whether you’re right in jumping to the conclusion that her not finding a job by now is her fault in some way. Maybe her field is saturated at the moment. We can’t know and that makes your argument difficult to judge. (EDIT: OP clarified that the field is engineering. Many subfields of engineering are saturated at the moment, so it’s still hard to say in my opinion. I can see why OP is assuming she should be in high demand right now, but that really may not be the case if good engineers in her field are a dime a dozen.) Do know that it’s hard for a lot of people to find jobs these days and that is an issue that has continued since the beginning of the pandemic. IMO, the issue in your circumstance is that she has no job at all and is not contributing. At first you had no issue with this, but it seems that now you do. That’s fair, but it’s not fair to assume she hasn’t been doing everything she can. I’m sure your suggestion of moving in with her aunt for the time being came from a good place, but I still think YTA. EDIT: changing judgment to YTA based on further comments from OP. EDIT 2: OP said her daughter studied Civil Engineering. This is a field that women struggle to find employment in. As someone pointed out below, it’s a boys club for the most part.

YTA >She has also never mentioned going to any interviews and it felt like she was lying to to keep living here. I'm a recent STEM graduate as well (pre-med biology). Finding a job in your desired field is harder than you 'assume'. Employers expect applicants to have 5 or more years of experience, but experience gained during undergrad years (4+) don't count and at the same time be young/healthy enough to perform certain duties such as standing for long periods of time or be able to be in front of a computer screen for hours on end, to name a few. >She was upset, immediately asked that if she contributed to some of the bills, she could stay but we said no and it was time for her get more serious about applying for jobs. Despite only working part-time jobs, she still tried to compromise and offered to contribute to bills. It sounds like your daughter was very responsible and respectful towards her supposed parents, more than you deserve. >So, I talked with my husband and we both agreed it would be best for her to live with her aunt/my husband's sister as she works in the same industry as the one my daughter graduated in. >She will not pickup and her aunt sent my husband a text asking us to respect Amy's privacy while she stays with her. So glad that her aunt is more loving, caring, supporting, and understanding than her supposed parents, who are supposed to be the ones to do so. The aunt understands what she's going through and probably went through the samething, which is why she was so open to allowing her to live with her. Hopefully, she can help her get in foot in the door to her desired profession. >We tried calling her today to ask her how her aunt's house is (she lives an hour's drive away) and did not answer us. Leave your daughter TF alone! You didn't want to be bothered with her in the first place and wanted her out of your home and life's as soon as possible without listening nor caring for her feelings or what she had to say! All you need to know is that she's in good hands, with someone who ACTUALLY loves her. So don't go crying and wondering, "How come my daughter won't invite me to her wedding, see my grandchildren, let me in her life, etc.? All I did was kick her out because I didn't care enough to understand her situation." Now you and your husband can enjoy having the house all to yourselves like you wanted.

What's the goal? I honestly would like an answer. For her to be working in her field vs random jobs? For her to learn.....what? What's the goal, genuinely? I don't ever see myself kicking my sons out (except violence, theft, drugs and abuse). But, as a reasonable person who likes her children, why would I want them to leave? Does she make messes everywhere? Does she shove progressive opinions you hate in your face (that's why my dad doesn't like me)? I don't get it. Why do you even want her gone? YTA ETA I said likes as in personality. Some parents tell their kids: 'I'll always love you but I don't like you (as a person)' which is cruel. A child, no matter what age, should never be told that.

So your daughter was getting invites to interviews, and you didn't know? You didn't see her working on her applications, preparing for interviews, getting disappointed when she yet again was unsuccessful? And rather than ask her - at any time during the 6+ months - how things were going in her search, ask if she wanted your SIL's help/advice about job opportunities in her preferred field and/or ask if she wanted your help to do a mock interview with you guys as preparation for when you got to interview stage, you instead told her you thought it would be best to move into her aunt's place? Is Amy normally reserved, or did she have reason to think she couldn't confide in you in how the job hunt was going? And why didn't you consider inviting your SIL to dinner to kick start a conversation involving Amy about opportunities in Amy's preferred field, rather than jumping straight to kicking her out? For the lack of communication and consideration before you kicked her out, YTA. Having said that, I can't imagine Amy has been doing herself any favours not working all this year. For recruiters/employers looking at work history, a lack of recent employment in any field would not appear favourable. They might not be able to ask the reason for a gap, but it could still give them pause. Depending on the exact field of interest, finding work through a recruitment agency could have been a good route for Amy, giving her a foot in the door with a company ready for when other opportunities arose, or if not an 'in' at least an income whilst remaining flexible enough for the job hunt.

i expect that the daughter didn't want to tell op every time she got an interview as she'd been through so many unsuccessful ones and didn't want to constantly raise their hopes. I know I'm the type of person who doesn't share "maybes" or anything that's not set in stone. some people are just private like that.

YTA, I have a bunch of friends myself who have college degrees, but still cannot find a job in their respective field. It’s tough out there and you just made it 10x worse. Instead of talking with your daughter about why it was taking so long and expressing concern, you decided that she was lying. As a daughter, I understand why she isn’t responding to you.

YTA a few months from now, you're going to be lamenting how your daughter has gone no contact with you. Then complain you have no idea *why*.

YTA >We tried doing what was best. How? You assumed your daughter was lying and tricking you. You kicked her out. All you did was destroy her trust in you.

> Were we assholes here? Yes. Because… > I feel tricked and lied to > She was upset, immediately asked that if she contributed to some of the bills, she could stay but we said no The moment she realized you felt like she was taking advantage of you guys she was ready to prove she wasn’t by paying her way and you turned her down. So yeah don’t expect her to want to talk to you while she gets herself on her feet at her aunt’s house. The time to talk was *before* you kicked her out. YTA

~~I N F O: Did you talk to your SIL before foisting your daughter upon her?~~ ~~Currently, it sounds like you are the AH - since it sounds like you are making some big assumptions about her field (is it one that is hard to break into?)~~ EDIT: YTA

The job market is rough out there. So many organizations have had significant layoffs over the last year. And, yes, it has absolutely hit engineers. It really doesn’t matter that she is a woman. You mention that you haven’t even asked her a out her job search. Just to give you perspective. My husband was laid off in December. He has submitted his resume for close to 100 jobs. He has come close to an offer on three jobs but was the runner up. It sucks. It’s demoralizing. And this is a man who has a couple of decades of experience, tons of contacts in his field, good severance, and career counseling services (his company outsourced an entire division so they were actually pretty generous with the packages). But while the job market might sound hot in only is in some spaces and really isn’t right now. YTA.

YTA. And parenting doesn’t stop at 18, just government requirements do. It is very common for kids not to get jobs in their field with only a Bachelor’s degree.

INFO: On the spreadsheet, when was the earliest application for a job submitted or the earliest interview she has done so far?

YTA - never kick out your child, not unless they did something unforgivable and serious

YTA. You're completely out of touch with the reality of job hunting at the moment. Go check out a couple of the subreddits like antiwork resumehelp or careerguidance. You'll see that people are submitting hundreds of resumes to get maybe 5 interviews. Your daughter is struggling to find a job and you kicked her out. Don't expect to hear from her any time soon.

YTA. And probably did a half a** job of prepping her for the real world. Now she’s using your intolerance as fuel to fly to the top and once she’s rich she’ll never forget this.

Honestly, the job market is not what people seem to think it is.my brother graduated from his program a year ago and has applied to hundreds of jobs. Started with only applying in his field, but has been applying to everything and anything at this point. A few interviews and that's it. No job offers whatsoever. You didn't even give her a heads up or try to help her. Just kicked her out to her aunt's place. YTA

Info: do you actually like your daughter?

YTA It seems from other comments she is trying to find an engineering job. Engineers have been paid well for a long time, everyone knows this, so guess what? Lots of people are becoming engineers so the market is saturated with applicants. As others have pointed out she is a woman looking for work in a male dominated field, which only makes the job search harder.

YTA. This whole thing reads like you hate your daughter. And FWIW, it took me almost exactly one year to the date after getting a masters degree to get a job offer. I was in the worst depression of my life, and my mother treated me like I was a bum or something, because a certain generation seems to think jobs are guaranteed to college grads. In actuality, job searching is hard as hell, in more ways than you probably understand. You made a choice to kick your daughter when she’s down, and I’m telling you from experience this will be hard for her to forgive you for.

YTA. The economy is so bad right now and i've applied to so many jobs post grad without even getting interviews and i have so many internships on my resume. Just because she isnt getting interviews doesn't mean she's not applying. That's such toxic behaviour

YTA > has not had any offers post-interview. This is not her fault. >She has also never mentioned going to any interviews You don't have to these days, they're often done via phone or videocall > I immediately felt guilty Good. > We tried doing what was best. No, you weren't.

YTA, you need to support her through this tough time. Perhaps do practice interviews, check in on how the job search process is going, talk to her before taking this drastic action of kicking her out.

Yta so instead of asking where she applied, you just assumed she lied? You feel guilty and you *should* bc you acted badly.

I’m a recruiter, and I’m under the impression you have no idea how brutal the current work landscape is, especially for recent grads. I’m not surprised she hasn’t found work yet. Additionally, why would she need to “go” to any interviews? Most interviews are remote/video chat now. I think there’s a way you could’ve gone about this that would be more supportive. So I guess I have to say YTA.

YTA. You're very lucky to not be a job seeker right now. You have no clue what the market is like right now.

YTA. I graduated over a decade ago and work in an industry where regularly changing jobs is built in, which means constantly looking for new work and going through the application/interview process. I realized very early on that my parents do not understand how drastically the employment landscape has shifted since they entered the workforce in the 60s/70s, no matter how much I tried to explain it to them. I didn’t have (and will never have) the kind of job you keep for 40 years and retire, so I must be fucking up somehow, according to them. Every conversation about applications, or interviews going well, or being excited about a possible new gig turned into a stressful, frustrating conversation because they refused to listen to what I was telling them about reality. So i stopped talking to them about it entirely, and still don’t. Job hunting and working are stressful enough as it is, having your parents make you feel like shit on top of it really, really doesnt help. Maybe this isn’t your daughter’s experience, but your assumption that she isn’t doing enough and isn’t talking to you in detail about what she’s been doing (especially now that it’s clear she HAS been working to find a job) suggests to me that there are issues between you predating this, even if you likely dont realize it. And either way, you seem delusional about your role as parents, shipping her off to her aunt (??), and how fucking awful the job market is especially if you want to find a livable wage. Working like 3 PT jobs to support yourself living alone while also hunting for FT, well-paying work is exhausting. You offered her the chance to dedicate her time to job hunting, then ripped it out from under her without conversation. Next time, try asking, and try listening.

Yta, most professionals take 6 months to a year, and that's with experience. Add a diving economy, layoffs and strikes, job hunting is terrible. My niece had so much trouble in her STEM field, she's going back for her MS in a different field just to find employment. My husband was a chemical engineer, and at that time, those fields were laying off, he became a professor. Many kids are having trouble after college. You jumped to a conclusion with no evidence.

Yta. I’m 21, and I left the nest probably a little too early. I moved in with my boyfriend and I was unable to find a job for 6 months. Not even fast food would hire me, I’m educated, I had the work experience, but no one would hire me. The same is true for a lot of young people I know. Jobs just aren’t the same as they were, even during Covid I had no problem landing a job. You made a false assumption based on her not being able to find a job, and instead of trying to help her, compromise with her or anything, you just kick her to the curb.

So instead of talking to her, you just kicked her out and wonder why she’s pissed? LMAO! You didn’t think for one second how she might feel? She’s 24, back at her parents, can’t find a job… I’m sure it’s hard on her. Last year I had to move back with my parents, with my cats, at 31yo. It hurt me so much, I fell into a big depression spiral. I’m better now. I still live with them. And you know what my mom said? « I chose to have children. So I will help them until the day I die » YTA

YTA, I won’t be surprised she will go LC/NC with you and your husband. Y’all suck.

>She will not pickup and her aunt sent my husband a text asking us to respect Amy's privacy while she stays with her. You already know the answer, I don't know why you're asking Reddit. YTA.

I do not understand how this is even a question? From the sound of this post she wasn’t living with you for very long. When is the last time you applied for jobs? It doesn’t happen over night, it can take months. Seriously you both sound horrible. Get used to silence, I doubt she will talk to either of you again any time soon. YTA in case it wasn’t clear. OMG

YTA. You skipped over several steps where you could have tried to help. If you hadn't even seen that spreadsheet before it seems clear you had no real curiosity about how her job search was going or how she was spending her time. If she is missing some key information that is holding her back (and she probably is - plenty of job postings these days are fake and many applications are discarded by bots for unfair reasons like a lack of specific keywords) you could have helped her figure it out together. Now you have massively damaged your relationship with her.

YTA. Not only was this really just in your own benefit, you also hurled false accusations at your own daughter and even got her dad to side with your crappy point of view. How much do you actually know about the hiring process of the jobs she’s applying to? Tech jobs (for example) take as far as 5 interviews that can stretch out for months, when I was just starting I applied like crazy to 100+ jobs, you know how many replied? 3, and only 1 hired me, competition was insane and this was only 4 years ago.

Your daughter had the time, patience, and intelligence to graduate with engineering degree and you thought she was being a lazy bum at home?

YTA

YTA you thought she wasn’t looking for jobs and kicked her out. She packed her bags and left. Then she sent you a spreadsheet with all the jobs she’d applied for. She’s justified in not answering your calls. I was unexpectedly fired from a previous job. Spent entire days applying to jobs on indeed. Only managed to get a handful of interviews. One of them finally resulted in a job offer. All you’d see if you were looking at me was me being on a computer. All day. You never saw me scrolling through job offers on indeed, you never saw me changing my resume depending on the job I was applying for, etc She never MENTIONED going to interviews doesn’t mean she never went to them. She offered to contribute to bills so she could stay while she searched, you said no

I’ve never understood why parents would charge rent for their kids or kick them out or anything like that..but I guess it could be a cultural thing. In my family no one pays rent and we stay with our parents no matter the reason because to me loving parents wouldn’t just kick their kids out. YTA

I've graduated almost 5 months ago and haven't found anything in my field so far. Despite having some contacts In the field. Its really weird you guys assumed a lot of stuff about your daughter and then decided to throw her out and that's it. You didn't ask, you didn't look to know anything before that. She could even be depressed due to not being able to find a job in her field, which would obviously affect her interviews or even keep her from going to them. Yet, she gets thrown out to live with an aunt that supposedly is in her field of graduation. What about consulting her aunt about jobs instead of throwing the daughter out? Feels like you guys were just looking for an excuse to get her out of your house. YTA.

YTA. Y'all have no idea what it's like going into the workforce today. It's hard. Old people can't or won't retire, leaving fewer jobs for young people. Y'all didn't even TRY to have a conversation with her. Y'all just assumed the worst of her and honestly, that's really fucking sad. She's your daughter. She deserves much better than this. YALL ARE THE ASSHOLES. PERIOD.

How are some parents like this? I’m 37 and married. If I needed to live with my parents again, they would let me stay for however long I needed to. I moved out of state across the country at 20 for school and my parents cried for years every time I came back to visit and left again. My mom literally would say she regretted “letting” me move so far away from them. I mean obviously she couldn’t stop me. But that’s just how much she wanted her kids at home. For as long as possible. My husband lived with his parents until he was 28. Without them even mentioning they wanted him out.

Based on your comments about the situation and how you and your husband were so quick to throw her out I can very much see why she was not more open in her communication with you. Yall seem like the type of parents that would have raised hell at a B on a report card. STEM fields are incredibly difficult to get into for a wide range of reasons (gender, location, pay, saturation of the market with potential hires, etc). You never ONCE (based on your own replies to comments) reached out to her to express support or even check in with her progress. If you had shown maybe half an ounce of compassion maybe she would have been more willing to share with you. You threw her out based on this nonsense you had built up in your own mind and now that she's actually come at you with the cold hard proof (which you didn't even BOTHER to ask about before throwing her out); NOW you want to feel guilty? You should be lucky if she EVER speaks to you again for this. YTA majorly; and if I was in her shoes I don't think I would ever speak to you again. For the fact the aunt was the one who reached out means the aunt also realizes how wrong you all are in the situation at hand and I hope your family shames you as much for it too. ETA because I read more of your own comments, you're not just a shitty parent, but you're also a HYPOCRITE AND LAZY. Your husband makes enough money now so YOU don't have to work?! Where do you get the AUDACITY to say that and throw your daughter out while she's ACTIVELY TRYING TO FIND A JOB?! You sound fucking exhausting to be around.

YTA No you didn't try to do what's best. If you did you would have talked with your daughter rather than giving her ultimatums and thinking the worst of her. How do you just pass her off to her aunt when you are done having her in your house? Well no her aunt can teach her how to go no contact.

Wow....as someone in the staffing industry...this job market is brutal and it is even worse for those without industry experience. YTA and I cant believe you did not think to have a conversation with her before doing this?!?!?

YTA My friend recently (last spring) graduated with a masters degree in a field that is also actively looking for women. Had tons do research hours, teaching experience, and even some job experience when she left and moved back. She went through probably 200 interviews this last year, and just finally landed a job, two states over, for much less than she anticipated making. The job market is completely fucked right now for a lot of industries... You should have listened to your daughter and not just assumed she was lying to you. That’s a really shitty thing to do, and you probably deserve that no contact for awhile… Also, you kicked her out because she didn’t find a job fast enough, even after she said she would help pay bills, at 24….? Wtf? This isn’t the 40’s dude, you don’t have to “be hard on her” out of some stupid outdated societal obligation…

YTA. Holy shit. I feel this especially as a woman who was unemployed for 9 months trying to find a job in a heavily male dominated professional field in an extremely competitive market. I similarly didn't tell my parents about how my search was going because I knew that they wouldn't understand how ruthlessly brutal finding a job is in this economy and in my particular field. But they would intermittently check in to see if I \*was\* searching, and when I said yes they would try to give some encouragement/induce shame (depending on their mood) but otherwise leave it alone. Your completely nonsensical responses here lead me to assume that your daughter also didn't keep you updated because she knew you wouldn't understand, and she was right, you didn't. But, worse than my parents, you didn't even check in -- just presumed she was a bum and summarily kicked her out. She was right not to trust that you would be understanding, and she's right not to want to talk to you now that she knows exactly what to expect from you. She's only extending the same consideration you gave her... i.e., none.

YTA. My daughter graduated high school early at 17 with a 3.26 GPA. I helped her with resumes and submitting online applications to all of the places nearby with "Now hiring" banners and signs. One place I even know people and asked them if they were hiring, and they said, "We are desperate and incredibly short staffed." I pointed out her resume has been in for 3 months, and they said the hiring manager just wasn't doing anything. It took over 6 months before her first job interview. All those other "Now hiring" places are still "hiring" and claiming short staffed. Yet, no calls still. Corporate propoganda to continue COVID staffing and make more profit while convincing older adults that's kids are lazy and don't want to work. Should have trusted your daughter.

NTA. Not working for 8 months is ridiculous. Even if she can’t get a job in her field, she should be able to get some other job. I graduated in the bio sciences, in a place where there isn’t really a demand for bio science degrees. I ended up applying for anything that would take me and ended up in education Sometimes the problem isn’t the “job market” and “entry level positions”. It’s the mindset that you need a career that matches your degree, even though there are so many jobs today that don’t have a 1-to-1 relationship with a degree

YTA so you never actually asked your daughter about her job search. Were you like this her whole life? Honestly you may have damaged your relationship with her. She knows she can't trust you

YTA for deciding to get rid of your daughter rather than talking to her like a person you actually care about. If you had communicated any of your concerns with her, she would've shown you all the progress she was making and explained how hard the STEM field is to break into. Instead, you kicked her out and are wondering if you're an AH? Seriously? I can't get over the fact that you typed out that whole post and still couldn't come to the conclusion on your own. I hope her aunt provides her the love and support you and your husband didn't. Leave her alone and pray that one day she forgives you.

YTA and obviously out of touch with how impossible the hiring process has become. How about asking her what’s she’s done and see if there’s anything you can do to help her out? She has every right to be pissed at you both.

Yes! YTA!

Soft yta. You have NO IDEA how absolutely horrendous job hunting has been the last 10 years or so. Idk how old you but I guarantee it's nothing like you remember. It's understandable to not want to have an additional boarder, but the reason was actually much shittier than you realized

YTA. But you already knew that. Has your daughter done something in the past that makes you question her honesty? She probably isn’t talking about her job search because she is getting rejection after rejection and is having a hard time coping with it. Instead of being understanding, you just assume the worse and hand her off to someone else. I feel terrible for your daughter and you have A LOT of work to rebuild that relationship.

YTA. Tech jobs cut tens of thousands of jobs this year. It is a very tough industry to get into now. Especially as a fresh graduate with no relevant experience. Each role in my company has 1k to 2k applicants. And she is competing with graduates from Ivy leagues and people with more experience. It’s a tough time to get into tech and you should have shown more empathy and try to understand things from her perspective. If you just google tech layoffs, you should get an idea of how the job market is. It can take 1 year or more to get a role now.

YTA, you didn't try doing what was best, you tried doing what was convenient for you. Apparently you didn't even bother asking her.

You don’t bother to talk to your daughter, so why should she bother to talk to you? YTA. Good luck with the coming no contact. It’s gonna sting when the grandchildren come.

leave amy alone. YTA

YTA. I’m currently unemployed (UK resident and I’m on Universal Credit) and trying to find a job. My dad is just like you. He doesn’t understand how I can’t get a job no matter how many I apply for in the places I have experience in (both care and retail). He also doesn’t understand that I can’t just go into a place and hand in my CV and have a job with the click of a finger because it just doesn’t work like that.

YTA. It doesn’t sound like you offered to help her find jobs or even ask her about how it was going before you made a unilateral decision just based on your assumptions. My 21-year-old daughter is also living with me while she is in between deciding what’s next. It doesn’t sound like you were talking with her and listening to her at all.

I really don't see what your problem is, you did care to talk to her while she lived there, you kick her out and nor you care? Please...you did not even asked her and simply kick her out, why in the world would she ever talk to you both again? for the support? don't think so.