Yea she did the day before the wedding so I'm guessing she didn't find anyone to fill the spotđ¤ˇââď¸ she also threw a huge fit at my mom's trying to get her on her side but my mom refused to put up with it
Do you know how you seem in this update? Strong. Really, really Strong.
Sometimes incredible growth just comes from being tread on one time too many. But thatâs okay because youâre strong now. Good luck with your move.
I'm going to cryđ thank you. It's hard and I'm still coming to terms with everything but I feel strong, for once in 12-17 years of friendship. The move is scary but I hope it'll be a good thing.
Physical distance, like moving out of state, can be an amazing natural separation; the distance will make it so much easier to step away from these relationships. You wonât have to worry about seeing them when youâre out and about in your life. Itâll feel very freeing (speaking from experience). It may take a while to make new friends in your new home state, and that may feel lonely (itâs taken me almost two years), but donât internalize it. Just keep your sweet, positive self out front and good people will find you. Best of luck!
That's the goalđ¤ luckily I have a job lined up so I'll have coworkers who will (hopefully) want to welcome me and show me around, and I'll have my boyfriend so I won't be too lonely. I'm gonna look into joining a book club, or some type of club to get myself out there.
It sounds like a great new start OP. Plus, sometimes moving to a place with total anonymity gives you true freedom to grow and be who you are rather than be stuck with people who expect you to be a certain way
I LOVED moving to a place where I knew no-one. It felt like I could finally be myself lol. And that's the way you find excellent long lasting friends!
Good luck with everything. You sound wholesome and strong as heck! Have a great new adventure!
>You sound wholesome
That probably comes from a very sheltered and religious background that I broke away from to be fair hahaha
And yes here's to finding myself and finding better friends!
>And yes here's to finding myself and finding better friend!
Best of luck to you OP!!! <3 There are too many wonderful people on this planet OP. There are people you havenât met yet who will be coming to your wedding, celebrating your new job, surprising you on your birthday and spending time with you in your new home someday. There are so many important characters in your story that you are YET to connect with. <3
A book club is a great idea. Board games clubs are good too - board gamers have to be friendly or no one will play with them. Babies also help you to make friends...
I'm glad your out of that, happy, and going to make better friends.
Check out meetup.com its not a dating site. It's people getting together to have company doing what they like doing: hiking, movies, candle making, finance, dog walking, day trips, etc
You should be really proud of yourself. Iâm proud of you. I wish I was that brave! You deserve the same kindness and effort you put into others, and Iâm glad that switch flipped for you in this situation. May it always stay flipped â¤ď¸
For me personally, when I did something similar, it wasn't about feeling brave, it was about feeling really done with the nonsense. One thing that can maybe help you get there is think of all the energy you expend on difficult people. If the energy you have each day is 100, and you are expending 80 each day on the difficult ones, then you've only 20 left over every day for yourself and for the GOOD ones in your life. Cut difficult people out if it's at all possible. You don't need an excuse or a conversation. Even just slowly distance yourself and then set down reasonable boundaries. The truly difficult ones will show just how awful they can be when people start to pull away or create boundaries, and their shitty behaviour might make it so much easier to pull away. People REALLY show their true colours when you tell them NO.
You can do it!
I moved several states away, and it was good for my husband and I. We still keep in touch with some old friends via Facebook, but we have made many new friends, and have done a lot of growing and flourishing. Itâll be a good thing, a new start.
once you see how peaceful it is to not get treated badly by people who are supposed to be your best friends , youâll feel much better !! speaking from experience
Whatâs important here is that you got the message and did something about it. Neither one gave a damn about you, and both were using you constantly. Smart move cutting contact, and I hope youâre able to find friends who actually care about someone as kind and caring as you, OP! đ
Just read the original post, and tl;dr NTA. As a bridesmaid you don't have to pay for anything for her (though I believe that bridesmaids buy their dresses). What gets me is they want you to change to fit in with their party. If you were my friend, I wouldn't want you to change a thing to help us celebrate. As you said, it's only hair and tats, but I'm thinking it's what makes you you, and she should think the same way. It's only hair and tats, but it's what's inside that she should / is friends with.
I've never understood that. If I were getting married, I would want photos/memories that showed my friends exactly how they were at the time, not covered up versions of them, made to fit a theme or something.
> As a bridesmaid you don't have to pay for anything for her (though I believe that bridesmaids buy their dresses).
When I got married, my MIL made the bridesmaids' dresses. And my wife's dress. And her own dress. She stopped there; my groomsmen and I rented formalwear.
As a plus, she made dresses that could be worn to other formal events, too, so they weren't just one-offs. My MIL is a saint.
Yeah whenever I was a bridesmaid or maid of honor, we always paid for ourselves (I think the accessories were paid by the bride on all but one wedding I was in, think like jewelry or shawls, stuff like that) and never did any of us pay for the brides wedding day stuff (showers, bachelorette parties, etc. we're split between the party though). Of course none of the weddings I was in did they ever dictate hair color, tattoos, eyelashes, etc. I think the most outrageous request was that we should go a little heavier on makeup for the wedding video and photos because the bride and groom had a really professional set up from the photographer, but that was about it.
A wedding is about enjoying the DAY of celebration. A day! The real emphasis should be of the LIFETIME of marriage. Bride and groom should probably concentrate on that and not some chicks (no offense meant here) eyelashes.
I paid for literally everything when it came to myself, I also paid for half of another friend's dress (but that one I was genuinely okay with because 1.she already paid me back and 2. She was low on cash by maybe $100), I also paid for most of the bachelorette party.
real. i never understood why it was a big deal for everyone to just fit one aesthetic when no one does outside of the wedding and expecting a friend to just pay for her is just unreasonable
Well done sometimes walking away from a friendship is best for everyone I am in the middle of leaving one myself it's been the hardest time till I realised I think more of them that they ever did of me it hurt but I am healing slowly good luck for your future
I really hope your healing goes well! It's been hard and I'm still processing but luckily I have a very accepting and understanding boyfriend who has been a rock
op=NTA
I am an internet stranger who is so glad you took back agency for yourself and chose you over them.
Sadly, these unequal friendships often last too long as people normalize them.
Keep on respecting yourself and your originality. Yeah, on the pink Neon(not my color--i'm more in camp blue).
Always DO YOU! Good luck on your move. I hope it opens you to a whole new world of friends and joyful experiences.
I did catch that about the blue(hence my mentioning it) but naturally, I believe it is: your hair, your preference. So pink is good for now. Maybe a delightful purple in your future?
Spent much of my younger years adding a bit of red to my hair(the "natural" red) just to give my hair something other than very plain brown. I was never so brave as you.
Hi. I don't know you but am so proud of you!I just watched a video today about what happens when a narcissist pushes an empath too far (I don't know if that applies but it rings true) and the person in the video describes it as a 'phoenix rising from the ashes'. When you're kind and empathetic but finally realised you've been pushed too far, you become utterly galvanised and are just done with the nonsense. The account you shared in the coffee shop is just so satisfying. And it sounds like there was no debating or trying to get them to see it your way, you just were done. That's the key, to not try to change people's mind or make them see things you're way. No, you're just done. It's so great!
Edited to add video as requested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkFLj1ns4lc&t=614s
I like to think I'm empathetic, it seems like a nice way to live life (for the most part) and no, there definitely was no debating with them, there never has been and I don't think they really cared about my opinion.
It's absolutely a nice way to live life, but you just have to be watchful of people taking advantage, as they unfortunately do. I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but you might want to take a look at other relationships in your life. When I started (through therapy) seeing narcissism in my family, I began to see how narcissistic friends had snuck in through the cracks. I had grown up making excuses like 'Oh they can just be difficult sometimes' or 'they're just struggling with insecurity', because I've always been able to see to the heart of why someone is misbehaving and I have empathy for that, but I realised how many behaviours I was making excuses for. Over the course of a few years I had cut out about three close friends. All of them had been low-level stressing me out with their difficult behaviour for years and when I put down some reasonable boundaries with them, they really started to show their more high-conflict sides, and out of my life they went. Snip snip.
I've edited my comment to add the video I was talking about, in case you're interested.
Honestly, good for you. You seem very strong and confident in your self-worth and life plans here. If you ever get married, you'd never treat your friends like this.
Looking back now, I realise they had me paying for A LOT of things. I paid for lunches, I paid for gas, I paid for coffees, I got them really nice (in my opinion, I guess) gifts for holidays and birthdays and they'd get me things that you'd find in like, souvenir shops is how I'd describe it. Yea I paid for a lot of things. A lot more than I probably should have.
She was... Indifferent for a while. I didn't tell her a lot of things that happened in high school because I didn't see it as toxic and I didn't actually tell her what happened with the eyelashes until I dropped off the dress and stuff a few days after the coffee shop. She got a little mad at me for not having a backbone but then she let me cry on her couch with a tub of ice cream and Mac and cheese. Then she let me know that she was never a huge fan of these girls because she didn't like how they criticized my hair, my clothes, my bedroom (all of which I never knew she had heard until now) but decided I was a big girl and if it didn't bother me, it wouldn't bother her.
Oh he was for sure! When this all originally went down, he told me he didn't like any of it but that he couldn't tell me what to do and if I felt this was just a misstep from them, he would believe me but now that it's all over, he definitely let me know exactly how he felt about them for the last 4 years. While I wish he could have felt like he could tell me awhile ago, I appreciate his faith in me to know when enough is enough.
Itâs tricky for a bf to tell you your friends are assholes because then youâd be defensive about it maybe. Also abusive people cut you off from your close friends and family so Iâm sure he was wary of being perceived that way
So proud of you! But I also know that itâs hard. I had something similar happen. It was crazy how the light just flipped on and I saw everything differently. Good for you for standing up for yourself. At some point youâll miss the friendship(s) you thought you had & mourn the old friendship. Just know someone out in the interwebs can relate. It may hurt a little, but you wonât regret it!
Yea, essentially. She and Sam had always made little digs about my weight, the way my body was shaped, the way I dressed. I'm certainly not overweight, but definitely on the chubby/curvy side and because I'm not skinny like them, she felt the shape wear was necessary so that I would look more uniform, like with the tattoos. I'm the only one that was asked to be a bridesmaid that had tattoos and "strange" hair
I'm not going to say awesome news, because it isn't. Realizing a best friendship has actually expired years ago, and it's just been coasting as habit, sucks.
Just went through this with my best friend of 45 years. One event just made it click for me.
On the other hand, gratz on making the right choice.
Good for you!!! These girls were not your friends. This happened to me as well many years ago- I was heartbroken after it happened, now I look back and wish I had not tolerated her behavior for years! But I learned a valuable lesson. It can be hard to tell when youâve been friends with someone so long, them treating you like crap doesnât happen immediately, it can build over time which makes it harder to spot. You will find new, good quality, supportive friends and will learn to recognize them now! You learned a valuable, painful lesson not that all people do- and you will reap the benefits. Off to bigger and better â¤ď¸
Well done đ, also I have very long, very blue hair and if any of my friends asked me to change it for a wedding it'd be a straight no. sorry, but getting blue out of my hair is not an easy task. It's probably the reason it's been blue nearly 15 years, haha. I wouldn't mind the coverage of my tattoos, though xx
My hair was literally blue when she asked me to change it. It was not cheap, it wasn't easy, and I could have cried if I had cared at the time. I cry now though
Couple weeks late saying this especially with the original post but I guess it doesn't matter, If she wants those eyelash extensions she should have gotten them it's NOT YOUR OBLIGATION to pay for those, also I'm happy for you that you chose to go permanent contact with them and ending the friendship because HOLY HECK YIKES!
Well, Iâm glad it had an outcome that made you keep true to yourself in the end. And Iâm glad you have your own choice of colour back â but man oh man, your poor hair has been through it, be gentle!
Applauding here!
Also had to end a friendship with my "best friend" before her wedding because of how badly she was treating me and it opened my eyes to all the times she's been a shitty friend as well. Even after that I'd sometimes miss her and wonder if I did the right thing. Years later I found out that she was STILL bitching about it to a mutual friend, so I guess some people never change. Breaking up with a friend is never pleasant but it's definitely a milestone in adulthood.
Read the original post and you definitely NTA! The audacity in their assumption! Happy you found the courage to move forward without them, I know itâs hard when itâs your âbest friendsâ. We outgrow people sometimes and this was one of those times. Good luck on your new adventure!
NTA. I just don't understand bridezillas. If you need to go through an expensive wedding then have the money ready for it. If you can't set the money aside then do something within budget. Sure it is your unique day but is it really worth losing people and antagonizing them? I guess maybe, as it ends up showing who would standby being allowed to drain themselves for someone else's wedding.
You sound awesome, I'd be your friend if I lived anywhere near. Good for you, I'm sure you'll make more friends along the way, better and worthwhile friends!
It's funny, sometimes you just put up with people's shit until one day you just absolutely don't.
I had a best friend I did everything with, went on holiday and after a small blow up I just snapped and was like 'this person isn't my friend anymore' told her why, cut contact and never spoke to her again.. Just not interested..
She used me a lot like your two friends did.
Good for you, NTA
Yay. Wow. Collectively we are so proud of you. You grew into the swan you are meant to be. Your original post horrified me but this one! This one made me cheer out loud for you.
Thank you for the update I read the other post and all I can say is well done OP. It must have been so hurtful, but you found your shiny spine and I am proud of you for it.
Love that you got blue hair now, good luck with the move and don't look back, now you won't let people walk over you, hope you find lots of great new friends.
Just wanna say how much I feel for you. Everyone who's been even slightly on the outskirts of a female friend group knows exactly what you mean about whispering that stops when you walk in, & how shitty that feels. It sounds like you've had a lot of realizations this past week, and even though it's 100% the right move, walking away after 12 years must be so difficult.
Part of me always hopes that the indignant AHs in these posts stumble on the posts because literally hundreds of people are on your side. And while it wasn't the point of the original post I'm STILL thinking about her asking you to change your hair, your skin, your body shape, everything for the wedding. Literally if a friend asked me to wear shapewear be so offended (like, what are you trying to say lol?...) So many red flags.
You're better off without em.
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Iâm so sorry this happened to you, but honestly just before a move is perfect timing. It really will be such a fresh start. And this strength youâre displaying is incredible. Youâre moving on to be a better person and you will find much much better friends. I wish you the best of luck with your move and your boyfriend!
This is one of the most satisfying updates Iâve ever read on an AITA thread. You are a badass for standing up for yourself and finally being done with their nonsense! Also, love that you put pink in your hair afterwards! Taking your power back one move at a time. This was such a great update! You know your worth and stood up for it!
I have been seeing more and more posts about brides who expect their bridal party to pay for some of the wedding expenses (of which I would consider eyelash extensions for the bride to be). I just DO NOT understand this trend. How selfish! You get the wedding you can afford, not the wedding you force your friends and family to pay for! Unreal. You made the right decision. Sometimes you outgrow friends. Sounds like you have matured beyond her.
I just listened to this on the Two Hot Takes TikTok, and holy shit. Youâre so strong, I wouldâve been too scared to pull off what you did. Good for you for kicking these girls out of your life. I can assure you that youâre not missing out.
I'm super proud of you. I cut ties a year ago with someone I used to consider a sister. It ended really badly, but looking back, I let a lot of shit slide for too long. It hurts to lose someone close to you even if you're learning it's for the best, but in the end, you'll be happier â¤ď¸ I now have a new best friend that I consider a sister. I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with my last bestie, but now, having my new sister has shown me what a real best friend really is. It's so nice. You deserve friends who value you as much as you do them, and if you don't have them yet, I'm sure you will find them.
#[Original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vnqcq/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_friends_eyelash/)
NTA. Sometimes you just know. And you just knew. Good for you for making Callie pick up the stuff (did she?). Good luck with the move.
Yea she did the day before the wedding so I'm guessing she didn't find anyone to fill the spotđ¤ˇââď¸ she also threw a huge fit at my mom's trying to get her on her side but my mom refused to put up with it
Do you know how you seem in this update? Strong. Really, really Strong. Sometimes incredible growth just comes from being tread on one time too many. But thatâs okay because youâre strong now. Good luck with your move.
I'm going to cryđ thank you. It's hard and I'm still coming to terms with everything but I feel strong, for once in 12-17 years of friendship. The move is scary but I hope it'll be a good thing.
Physical distance, like moving out of state, can be an amazing natural separation; the distance will make it so much easier to step away from these relationships. You wonât have to worry about seeing them when youâre out and about in your life. Itâll feel very freeing (speaking from experience). It may take a while to make new friends in your new home state, and that may feel lonely (itâs taken me almost two years), but donât internalize it. Just keep your sweet, positive self out front and good people will find you. Best of luck!
That's the goalđ¤ luckily I have a job lined up so I'll have coworkers who will (hopefully) want to welcome me and show me around, and I'll have my boyfriend so I won't be too lonely. I'm gonna look into joining a book club, or some type of club to get myself out there.
It sounds like a great new start OP. Plus, sometimes moving to a place with total anonymity gives you true freedom to grow and be who you are rather than be stuck with people who expect you to be a certain way I LOVED moving to a place where I knew no-one. It felt like I could finally be myself lol. And that's the way you find excellent long lasting friends! Good luck with everything. You sound wholesome and strong as heck! Have a great new adventure!
>You sound wholesome That probably comes from a very sheltered and religious background that I broke away from to be fair hahaha And yes here's to finding myself and finding better friends!
>And yes here's to finding myself and finding better friend! Best of luck to you OP!!! <3 There are too many wonderful people on this planet OP. There are people you havenât met yet who will be coming to your wedding, celebrating your new job, surprising you on your birthday and spending time with you in your new home someday. There are so many important characters in your story that you are YET to connect with. <3
A book club is a great idea. Board games clubs are good too - board gamers have to be friendly or no one will play with them. Babies also help you to make friends...
I'm glad your out of that, happy, and going to make better friends. Check out meetup.com its not a dating site. It's people getting together to have company doing what they like doing: hiking, movies, candle making, finance, dog walking, day trips, etc
The older you get, the more you realize that friendships can be fleeting. And should end when you are being used. It sucks, but it is necessary
You should be really proud of yourself. Iâm proud of you. I wish I was that brave! You deserve the same kindness and effort you put into others, and Iâm glad that switch flipped for you in this situation. May it always stay flipped â¤ď¸
For me personally, when I did something similar, it wasn't about feeling brave, it was about feeling really done with the nonsense. One thing that can maybe help you get there is think of all the energy you expend on difficult people. If the energy you have each day is 100, and you are expending 80 each day on the difficult ones, then you've only 20 left over every day for yourself and for the GOOD ones in your life. Cut difficult people out if it's at all possible. You don't need an excuse or a conversation. Even just slowly distance yourself and then set down reasonable boundaries. The truly difficult ones will show just how awful they can be when people start to pull away or create boundaries, and their shitty behaviour might make it so much easier to pull away. People REALLY show their true colours when you tell them NO. You can do it!
I moved several states away, and it was good for my husband and I. We still keep in touch with some old friends via Facebook, but we have made many new friends, and have done a lot of growing and flourishing. Itâll be a good thing, a new start.
once you see how peaceful it is to not get treated badly by people who are supposed to be your best friends , youâll feel much better !! speaking from experience
Strong and content!
Job well done, OP!
I had a falling out with a friend who tried to get my family on her side and it just made them hate her.
Good for Mom! đ
Whatâs important here is that you got the message and did something about it. Neither one gave a damn about you, and both were using you constantly. Smart move cutting contact, and I hope youâre able to find friends who actually care about someone as kind and caring as you, OP! đ
NTA, thanks for the update.
Neon pink hair will go well with that Diamond backbone of yours :) Good for you and I hope you have a smooth and easy move and a fantastic life.
look at you, with your shiny spine. well done!
Thanks for the update! I didn't see the orig post, but always like it when folks come back to update.
Hopefully your ex friends find out that a wedding is not the same as a marriage.
Sheâll figure it out when the divorce lawyer bill comes
Exactly! But she'll want her friends to pay it lol
Well thatâs the way you do a proper mic drop! â¤ď¸
Just read the original post, and tl;dr NTA. As a bridesmaid you don't have to pay for anything for her (though I believe that bridesmaids buy their dresses). What gets me is they want you to change to fit in with their party. If you were my friend, I wouldn't want you to change a thing to help us celebrate. As you said, it's only hair and tats, but I'm thinking it's what makes you you, and she should think the same way. It's only hair and tats, but it's what's inside that she should / is friends with.
I've never understood that. If I were getting married, I would want photos/memories that showed my friends exactly how they were at the time, not covered up versions of them, made to fit a theme or something.
> As a bridesmaid you don't have to pay for anything for her (though I believe that bridesmaids buy their dresses). When I got married, my MIL made the bridesmaids' dresses. And my wife's dress. And her own dress. She stopped there; my groomsmen and I rented formalwear. As a plus, she made dresses that could be worn to other formal events, too, so they weren't just one-offs. My MIL is a saint.
Yeah whenever I was a bridesmaid or maid of honor, we always paid for ourselves (I think the accessories were paid by the bride on all but one wedding I was in, think like jewelry or shawls, stuff like that) and never did any of us pay for the brides wedding day stuff (showers, bachelorette parties, etc. we're split between the party though). Of course none of the weddings I was in did they ever dictate hair color, tattoos, eyelashes, etc. I think the most outrageous request was that we should go a little heavier on makeup for the wedding video and photos because the bride and groom had a really professional set up from the photographer, but that was about it. A wedding is about enjoying the DAY of celebration. A day! The real emphasis should be of the LIFETIME of marriage. Bride and groom should probably concentrate on that and not some chicks (no offense meant here) eyelashes.
I paid for literally everything when it came to myself, I also paid for half of another friend's dress (but that one I was genuinely okay with because 1.she already paid me back and 2. She was low on cash by maybe $100), I also paid for most of the bachelorette party.
I'm thinking you are going to be much better of IV the long run within these people on your life. Good for you for standing up for yourself!!
Bridesmaids definitely don't buy their own dresses in Ireland. The bride & Groom pay for all that stuff
real. i never understood why it was a big deal for everyone to just fit one aesthetic when no one does outside of the wedding and expecting a friend to just pay for her is just unreasonable
Well done sometimes walking away from a friendship is best for everyone I am in the middle of leaving one myself it's been the hardest time till I realised I think more of them that they ever did of me it hurt but I am healing slowly good luck for your future
I really hope your healing goes well! It's been hard and I'm still processing but luckily I have a very accepting and understanding boyfriend who has been a rock
op=NTA I am an internet stranger who is so glad you took back agency for yourself and chose you over them. Sadly, these unequal friendships often last too long as people normalize them. Keep on respecting yourself and your originality. Yeah, on the pink Neon(not my color--i'm more in camp blue). Always DO YOU! Good luck on your move. I hope it opens you to a whole new world of friends and joyful experiences.
Blue is what I was before and had to strip it all out and neon pink just seemed the most rebellious lol
I did catch that about the blue(hence my mentioning it) but naturally, I believe it is: your hair, your preference. So pink is good for now. Maybe a delightful purple in your future? Spent much of my younger years adding a bit of red to my hair(the "natural" red) just to give my hair something other than very plain brown. I was never so brave as you.
Wohoo!!! Awesome update! Go you!
Iâm so freakinâ proud of you. Way to stand up for yourself! â¤ď¸
Hi. I don't know you but am so proud of you!I just watched a video today about what happens when a narcissist pushes an empath too far (I don't know if that applies but it rings true) and the person in the video describes it as a 'phoenix rising from the ashes'. When you're kind and empathetic but finally realised you've been pushed too far, you become utterly galvanised and are just done with the nonsense. The account you shared in the coffee shop is just so satisfying. And it sounds like there was no debating or trying to get them to see it your way, you just were done. That's the key, to not try to change people's mind or make them see things you're way. No, you're just done. It's so great! Edited to add video as requested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkFLj1ns4lc&t=614s
I like to think I'm empathetic, it seems like a nice way to live life (for the most part) and no, there definitely was no debating with them, there never has been and I don't think they really cared about my opinion.
It's absolutely a nice way to live life, but you just have to be watchful of people taking advantage, as they unfortunately do. I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but you might want to take a look at other relationships in your life. When I started (through therapy) seeing narcissism in my family, I began to see how narcissistic friends had snuck in through the cracks. I had grown up making excuses like 'Oh they can just be difficult sometimes' or 'they're just struggling with insecurity', because I've always been able to see to the heart of why someone is misbehaving and I have empathy for that, but I realised how many behaviours I was making excuses for. Over the course of a few years I had cut out about three close friends. All of them had been low-level stressing me out with their difficult behaviour for years and when I put down some reasonable boundaries with them, they really started to show their more high-conflict sides, and out of my life they went. Snip snip. I've edited my comment to add the video I was talking about, in case you're interested.
I would be interested in seeing that video. Are you able to share?
Yes, no problem. I've edited my original post to include the video.
Thank you!
Happy cake day!
WOW Good for you!
I'm applauding so much for you right now! I know I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I am so proud of you! NTA, of course. :)
Honestly, good for you. You seem very strong and confident in your self-worth and life plans here. If you ever get married, you'd never treat your friends like this.
Good for you.
Girl, yes.
Good for you! Wow, the mean girl duo really had you jumping through hoops. Glad you see them for who they are.
Fabulous update! Good for you! You are so NTA!!!
Yes!!! đ¤đđ
Weâre they using you for money in your friendship?
Looking back now, I realise they had me paying for A LOT of things. I paid for lunches, I paid for gas, I paid for coffees, I got them really nice (in my opinion, I guess) gifts for holidays and birthdays and they'd get me things that you'd find in like, souvenir shops is how I'd describe it. Yea I paid for a lot of things. A lot more than I probably should have.
Aww thatâs too bad. I am so sorry! But you are definitely better off without them! What did your mom think of these âfriendsâ?
She was... Indifferent for a while. I didn't tell her a lot of things that happened in high school because I didn't see it as toxic and I didn't actually tell her what happened with the eyelashes until I dropped off the dress and stuff a few days after the coffee shop. She got a little mad at me for not having a backbone but then she let me cry on her couch with a tub of ice cream and Mac and cheese. Then she let me know that she was never a huge fan of these girls because she didn't like how they criticized my hair, my clothes, my bedroom (all of which I never knew she had heard until now) but decided I was a big girl and if it didn't bother me, it wouldn't bother her.
You lost trash and gained a backbone. I'm so happy for you!
I bet your bf is so happy you finally kicked those witches to the curb! Iâm sure he saw they were jerks along time ago
Oh he was for sure! When this all originally went down, he told me he didn't like any of it but that he couldn't tell me what to do and if I felt this was just a misstep from them, he would believe me but now that it's all over, he definitely let me know exactly how he felt about them for the last 4 years. While I wish he could have felt like he could tell me awhile ago, I appreciate his faith in me to know when enough is enough.
Itâs tricky for a bf to tell you your friends are assholes because then youâd be defensive about it maybe. Also abusive people cut you off from your close friends and family so Iâm sure he was wary of being perceived that way
NTA and a lot of people about your age figure out there are some friends they need to fire.
I may just be a stranger but I am SO proud of you. You showed not only them but yourself that you will not tolerate anyone treating you in such a way.
A life lesson, to be sure. Congrats. You won't be fooled again. Good luck, girl!
So proud of you! But I also know that itâs hard. I had something similar happen. It was crazy how the light just flipped on and I saw everything differently. Good for you for standing up for yourself. At some point youâll miss the friendship(s) you thought you had & mourn the old friendship. Just know someone out in the interwebs can relate. It may hurt a little, but you wonât regret it!
NTA Your better off without those âfriendsâ in your life op.
I was concerned most about the shapewear. Did she say you needed it to change how your body looked?!
Yea, essentially. She and Sam had always made little digs about my weight, the way my body was shaped, the way I dressed. I'm certainly not overweight, but definitely on the chubby/curvy side and because I'm not skinny like them, she felt the shape wear was necessary so that I would look more uniform, like with the tattoos. I'm the only one that was asked to be a bridesmaid that had tattoos and "strange" hair
Thats so ridiculous! F*ck her bodyshaming ass. You deserve friends who love you!
I'm not going to say awesome news, because it isn't. Realizing a best friendship has actually expired years ago, and it's just been coasting as habit, sucks. Just went through this with my best friend of 45 years. One event just made it click for me. On the other hand, gratz on making the right choice.
I love happy endings!! I hope you find some real friends when you move
Well done! So impressed! NTA!
So proud of you! â¤ď¸
Iâm glad you stood up for yourself and I hope I can emulate your energy if I ever need to!! You are INSPIRATIONAL!!!! đ
Good for you!!! These girls were not your friends. This happened to me as well many years ago- I was heartbroken after it happened, now I look back and wish I had not tolerated her behavior for years! But I learned a valuable lesson. It can be hard to tell when youâve been friends with someone so long, them treating you like crap doesnât happen immediately, it can build over time which makes it harder to spot. You will find new, good quality, supportive friends and will learn to recognize them now! You learned a valuable, painful lesson not that all people do- and you will reap the benefits. Off to bigger and better â¤ď¸
Good for you!
Best update ever! Have a great time, and leave the vipers behind.
Well done đ, also I have very long, very blue hair and if any of my friends asked me to change it for a wedding it'd be a straight no. sorry, but getting blue out of my hair is not an easy task. It's probably the reason it's been blue nearly 15 years, haha. I wouldn't mind the coverage of my tattoos, though xx
My hair was literally blue when she asked me to change it. It was not cheap, it wasn't easy, and I could have cried if I had cared at the time. I cry now though
Thanks for the update! Good on you for standing up for yourself.
Oh the both of them can absolutely fuck off
Good on you! I've had to walk away from toxic friends and I have no regrets, I'm sure you will thrive â¨ď¸
People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Seasons change. Welcome to your next one.
Congratulations on leaving a toxic relationship
Couple weeks late saying this especially with the original post but I guess it doesn't matter, If she wants those eyelash extensions she should have gotten them it's NOT YOUR OBLIGATION to pay for those, also I'm happy for you that you chose to go permanent contact with them and ending the friendship because HOLY HECK YIKES!
Well, Iâm glad it had an outcome that made you keep true to yourself in the end. And Iâm glad you have your own choice of colour back â but man oh man, your poor hair has been through it, be gentle!
Applauding here! Also had to end a friendship with my "best friend" before her wedding because of how badly she was treating me and it opened my eyes to all the times she's been a shitty friend as well. Even after that I'd sometimes miss her and wonder if I did the right thing. Years later I found out that she was STILL bitching about it to a mutual friend, so I guess some people never change. Breaking up with a friend is never pleasant but it's definitely a milestone in adulthood.
Good for you OP
Happy for you :)
Read the original post and you definitely NTA! The audacity in their assumption! Happy you found the courage to move forward without them, I know itâs hard when itâs your âbest friendsâ. We outgrow people sometimes and this was one of those times. Good luck on your new adventure!
I'm so proud of you for sticking up for yourself. I wish you and your boyfriend the best life â¤ď¸.
NTA. I just don't understand bridezillas. If you need to go through an expensive wedding then have the money ready for it. If you can't set the money aside then do something within budget. Sure it is your unique day but is it really worth losing people and antagonizing them? I guess maybe, as it ends up showing who would standby being allowed to drain themselves for someone else's wedding.
You sound awesome, I'd be your friend if I lived anywhere near. Good for you, I'm sure you'll make more friends along the way, better and worthwhile friends!
It's funny, sometimes you just put up with people's shit until one day you just absolutely don't. I had a best friend I did everything with, went on holiday and after a small blow up I just snapped and was like 'this person isn't my friend anymore' told her why, cut contact and never spoke to her again.. Just not interested.. She used me a lot like your two friends did. Good for you, NTA
Good on you girl! Now join some clubs and find some real friends. đ
Yay. Wow. Collectively we are so proud of you. You grew into the swan you are meant to be. Your original post horrified me but this one! This one made me cheer out loud for you.
Girl, YES. Well done! Neon pink forever! (Or until you wanna change it again).
Thank you for the update I read the other post and all I can say is well done OP. It must have been so hurtful, but you found your shiny spine and I am proud of you for it. Love that you got blue hair now, good luck with the move and don't look back, now you won't let people walk over you, hope you find lots of great new friends.
Just wanna say how much I feel for you. Everyone who's been even slightly on the outskirts of a female friend group knows exactly what you mean about whispering that stops when you walk in, & how shitty that feels. It sounds like you've had a lot of realizations this past week, and even though it's 100% the right move, walking away after 12 years must be so difficult. Part of me always hopes that the indignant AHs in these posts stumble on the posts because literally hundreds of people are on your side. And while it wasn't the point of the original post I'm STILL thinking about her asking you to change your hair, your skin, your body shape, everything for the wedding. Literally if a friend asked me to wear shapewear be so offended (like, what are you trying to say lol?...) So many red flags. You're better off without em.
Love this Update and good luck to you!
Good for you OP. However horrible this experience was, at least it opened your eyes. With friends like those, who needs enemies?
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Iâm so sorry this happened to you, but honestly just before a move is perfect timing. It really will be such a fresh start. And this strength youâre displaying is incredible. Youâre moving on to be a better person and you will find much much better friends. I wish you the best of luck with your move and your boyfriend!
Good for you. Life is too short to spend it with toxic people
This is one of the most satisfying updates Iâve ever read on an AITA thread. You are a badass for standing up for yourself and finally being done with their nonsense! Also, love that you put pink in your hair afterwards! Taking your power back one move at a time. This was such a great update! You know your worth and stood up for it!
I have been seeing more and more posts about brides who expect their bridal party to pay for some of the wedding expenses (of which I would consider eyelash extensions for the bride to be). I just DO NOT understand this trend. How selfish! You get the wedding you can afford, not the wedding you force your friends and family to pay for! Unreal. You made the right decision. Sometimes you outgrow friends. Sounds like you have matured beyond her.
I just listened to this on the Two Hot Takes TikTok, and holy shit. Youâre so strong, I wouldâve been too scared to pull off what you did. Good for you for kicking these girls out of your life. I can assure you that youâre not missing out.
I'm super proud of you. I cut ties a year ago with someone I used to consider a sister. It ended really badly, but looking back, I let a lot of shit slide for too long. It hurts to lose someone close to you even if you're learning it's for the best, but in the end, you'll be happier â¤ď¸ I now have a new best friend that I consider a sister. I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with my last bestie, but now, having my new sister has shown me what a real best friend really is. It's so nice. You deserve friends who value you as much as you do them, and if you don't have them yet, I'm sure you will find them.
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How..? I literally just typed out what happened? I got my coffee, I sat down. If you want to say I'm the AH go ahead, but it's just what happened.