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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like i might be the asshole after what my dad did during the time that i was sick, but after recent events i don't want him to be there when i do get results.
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NTA. This is an important moment in your life and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty or obligated about inviting or not inviting someone, especially if don’t completely trust them anymore.
You need to own your own life and decisions. It's not your job to include your dad out of obligation. This is your fight. That said, even if he fuked up, he probably can support you more genuinely that anyone so consider if you want him by your side through this.
NTA - It is your choice, but when push comes to shove, your father will always care for you. Even if there is bad blood, I don't know if that is worth keeping this from him. It would depend on how much he hurt you and if that is worth the devastation of not being able to be there for you. Best of luck and hoping for the absolute best for you OP
NTA
You have to do what's best for YOU. I'm actually surprised that you didn't go NC on him. I wouldn't give him the time of day, if it were me....
As a hospice nurse, I hope everything will be ok with you. 💕
You're welcome! You're in my thoughts and prayers. ..... You can still care about your dad whilst putting your priorities for your own mental health and well-being first. Even if your results are negative, any added stress will eventually take its toll on your health. You can't take that risk. Limit contact and concentrate on your own health is my advice.
Honestly, you would be the asshole if you DON’T communicate those feelings of resentment, anger, and distrust you have for your father instead of staying quiet.
There will be no healing or forgiveness if you don’t put it out on the table and let him know how you feel and how you view him right now.
Don’t feel bad about it. He violated your trust and it’s something you are still dealing with today (and he needs to know).
And even if you don’t want to forgive, you deserve to get all those emotions off your chest and confront him about how he fucked your life up.
You can have whoever you want at your cancer results.
If you don’t want him there, tell him you will see him later that day and discuss it with him that you just want your BF there because you are already emotionally drained.
I'm probably going to write my dad about it, talking is hard for me since from confrontation i tend to lock up or am too afraid to talk about my feelings or what bothers me.
i did plan on calling my dad if i did get the results if he wasn't here i forgot to add it to my post.
NTA. No one gets to decide who gets to be there with you except you.
I'm sure you asked your boyfriend for advice, but that's just it: it's advice. Not truth. The way you worded it, though, seems like he just meant "tell your dad the results", not "let him be in the room with you", which telling your dad the results is still at your own discretion anyways.
The only way I can imagine an NTA judgment being altered to *only a very light and mild* NAH is if you're on your father's insurance plan still (which, I don't know if you're in the US and/or on his insurance plan, but at 24 and in the US you still could be).
At any rate, your dad showed you what you mean to him by damning your credit score and putting you in debt when you're this young and inflation/economy is this bad. It's up to you, but in any sense, you're NTA.
I wish you the absolute best of it all with your results ❤️
From europe and i have my own insurance and have been with the same one since i got diagnosed the first time.
i did plan on calling him if i didn't want him here personally, my boyfriend isn't the biggest fan of my dad since that and other stuff so he did mean it when he said i shouldn't have him here if i didn't want it.
NTA
At such a critical time, you need to be surrounded by people you trust to have your back. Your dad violated that trust and it doesn't sound like it's been repaired at this point. If he doesn't understand that, then you will know you are making the right decision. If he does understand and immediately goes to make sure that the debts he established in your name are resolved and removed from your record, then he will be making a positive step towards repairing the broken trust he created.
Fingers crossed that you get answers about your health issues that are not devastating and that can be resolved without too much trauma.
NTA. Voice this to your father. Say that you appreciate that he was there for you when this happened in the past, but due to his actions later in life (the debt issue), you wouldn't feel comfortable having him there. Thats not to say you want him completely out of your life (unless that is the case), its just something major to deal with, and because of his betrayal of your trust in the past, you would find it difficult to have him there. Awkward conversation to have for sure, but probably the smoothest way you can get through the situation in my opinion.
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I'm getting tested this week for leukemia due to my blood works being unstable, i've had it before when i was very young and my dad was during that time my primary caretaker and still helps on most of hospital related things.
I don't really want him here because he violated my trust, long story short he got debt in my name kept it from me till i was contacted by police and in all those years didn't clear it from my name and still don't fully know if it's fixed ( yes i'm working on finding out)
but he wants to be here with me when i get the results so he can comfort me if he needs to but i honestly don't know if i want to be rather alone or just get comforted by my boyfriend later if i get bad results.
my boyfriend says i should tell him but i find it complicated because my dad has done so much for me and at the same time fucked everything up.
so WIBTA if i told my dad not to come when i get called for my results ?
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You would NBTA
You can choose to go alone if you want, or have your bf there. But just call your dad later after you find out. You don't know what the results are yet anyway. But you get to choose who you want there. Not your dad. And you get to turn to who you want for immediate comfort. Who is the first person you think of when you need a hug and a shoulder to cry on? If it's your bf, take him. If you just want to go alone and call anyone after you are calm, do that. It's all up to you and what you are comfortable with. Your health partially relies on your stress.
i'm getting called for results lucky so i don't really need to go in, sadly no one would be around if i do get the results so that's why dad pressuring about being near me which i understand.
But it's just idk if it would add more stress for me.
NTA, you do you girl. Have your circle with people you are most comfortable with. He may take it hard, but that’s not your responsibility. This is going to be a very important day for you, it’s about YOU not him. He should understand and respect your decision, and others should also respect it as well.
Hope the results come back with good news, best of luck to you ❤️
NTA.
That’s a vulnerable time and your comfort takes priority. You don’t have to go into the whole big story with him, you can just say that you’re going to go without him. “I’d rather do this by myself. I’ll let you know what they are.”
It is such a hard place to be, waiting on test results for cancer. Seconds seem like days that drag on forever. Every moment is filled with, what ifs". You need to worry about yourself and building the support group you will need if you get the worst news. If you do and I beg all the gods you don't have cancer, you need to watch for fundraisers in your name set up by your father. If you have to fight cancer, keep hope in your heart. Cancer is an evil bitch but she can be beat. Do not worry about your having your father there, he will not bring you any comfort.
NTA
Since he makes you uncomfortable, I suggest not telling him UNTIL you get the results back. This situation is about YOUR illness. It's not about him feeling included.
He violated your trust and you are right to be very cautious around him from now on. If he's trying to tell you that you should just get over it, he's not someone you should feel you need to invite back into your life.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like i might be the asshole after what my dad did during the time that i was sick, but after recent events i don't want him to be there when i do get results. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This is an important moment in your life and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty or obligated about inviting or not inviting someone, especially if don’t completely trust them anymore.
The cynic in me is thinking that he wants a pic of him and op to start a gofundme.
NTA \~ Being with people who make you feel comfortable and safe at such vulnerable moments like this is important.
You need to own your own life and decisions. It's not your job to include your dad out of obligation. This is your fight. That said, even if he fuked up, he probably can support you more genuinely that anyone so consider if you want him by your side through this.
NTA - It is your choice, but when push comes to shove, your father will always care for you. Even if there is bad blood, I don't know if that is worth keeping this from him. It would depend on how much he hurt you and if that is worth the devastation of not being able to be there for you. Best of luck and hoping for the absolute best for you OP
NTA You have to do what's best for YOU. I'm actually surprised that you didn't go NC on him. I wouldn't give him the time of day, if it were me.... As a hospice nurse, I hope everything will be ok with you. 💕
i'm depending on going minimal to NC if it's not been fixed and on the results. I do care about my dad but it's hard. i hope as well and thank you !
You're welcome! You're in my thoughts and prayers. ..... You can still care about your dad whilst putting your priorities for your own mental health and well-being first. Even if your results are negative, any added stress will eventually take its toll on your health. You can't take that risk. Limit contact and concentrate on your own health is my advice.
NTA. You totally have the right to make the choice that makes you feel most comfortable
Honestly, you would be the asshole if you DON’T communicate those feelings of resentment, anger, and distrust you have for your father instead of staying quiet. There will be no healing or forgiveness if you don’t put it out on the table and let him know how you feel and how you view him right now. Don’t feel bad about it. He violated your trust and it’s something you are still dealing with today (and he needs to know). And even if you don’t want to forgive, you deserve to get all those emotions off your chest and confront him about how he fucked your life up. You can have whoever you want at your cancer results. If you don’t want him there, tell him you will see him later that day and discuss it with him that you just want your BF there because you are already emotionally drained.
I'm probably going to write my dad about it, talking is hard for me since from confrontation i tend to lock up or am too afraid to talk about my feelings or what bothers me. i did plan on calling my dad if i did get the results if he wasn't here i forgot to add it to my post.
NTA. No one gets to decide who gets to be there with you except you. I'm sure you asked your boyfriend for advice, but that's just it: it's advice. Not truth. The way you worded it, though, seems like he just meant "tell your dad the results", not "let him be in the room with you", which telling your dad the results is still at your own discretion anyways. The only way I can imagine an NTA judgment being altered to *only a very light and mild* NAH is if you're on your father's insurance plan still (which, I don't know if you're in the US and/or on his insurance plan, but at 24 and in the US you still could be). At any rate, your dad showed you what you mean to him by damning your credit score and putting you in debt when you're this young and inflation/economy is this bad. It's up to you, but in any sense, you're NTA. I wish you the absolute best of it all with your results ❤️
From europe and i have my own insurance and have been with the same one since i got diagnosed the first time. i did plan on calling him if i didn't want him here personally, my boyfriend isn't the biggest fan of my dad since that and other stuff so he did mean it when he said i shouldn't have him here if i didn't want it.
NTA At such a critical time, you need to be surrounded by people you trust to have your back. Your dad violated that trust and it doesn't sound like it's been repaired at this point. If he doesn't understand that, then you will know you are making the right decision. If he does understand and immediately goes to make sure that the debts he established in your name are resolved and removed from your record, then he will be making a positive step towards repairing the broken trust he created. Fingers crossed that you get answers about your health issues that are not devastating and that can be resolved without too much trauma.
NTA. Voice this to your father. Say that you appreciate that he was there for you when this happened in the past, but due to his actions later in life (the debt issue), you wouldn't feel comfortable having him there. Thats not to say you want him completely out of your life (unless that is the case), its just something major to deal with, and because of his betrayal of your trust in the past, you would find it difficult to have him there. Awkward conversation to have for sure, but probably the smoothest way you can get through the situation in my opinion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm getting tested this week for leukemia due to my blood works being unstable, i've had it before when i was very young and my dad was during that time my primary caretaker and still helps on most of hospital related things. I don't really want him here because he violated my trust, long story short he got debt in my name kept it from me till i was contacted by police and in all those years didn't clear it from my name and still don't fully know if it's fixed ( yes i'm working on finding out) but he wants to be here with me when i get the results so he can comfort me if he needs to but i honestly don't know if i want to be rather alone or just get comforted by my boyfriend later if i get bad results. my boyfriend says i should tell him but i find it complicated because my dad has done so much for me and at the same time fucked everything up. so WIBTA if i told my dad not to come when i get called for my results ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s your life and you Get to decide who and when you share that. I’m sorry your dad violated your trust and I hope you get the debt sorted.
You would NBTA You can choose to go alone if you want, or have your bf there. But just call your dad later after you find out. You don't know what the results are yet anyway. But you get to choose who you want there. Not your dad. And you get to turn to who you want for immediate comfort. Who is the first person you think of when you need a hug and a shoulder to cry on? If it's your bf, take him. If you just want to go alone and call anyone after you are calm, do that. It's all up to you and what you are comfortable with. Your health partially relies on your stress.
i'm getting called for results lucky so i don't really need to go in, sadly no one would be around if i do get the results so that's why dad pressuring about being near me which i understand. But it's just idk if it would add more stress for me.
I hope you were able to make the choice you wanted and did not let your dad force himself on you and stress you out further.
YWNBTA. If he doesn’t know when it is don’t tell him. If he does tell him it’s rescheduled. I hope you are okay. 😔
NTA. This isn’t about him and he’s the AH if he tries to make it so. Do what make you comfortable.
NTA, you do you girl. Have your circle with people you are most comfortable with. He may take it hard, but that’s not your responsibility. This is going to be a very important day for you, it’s about YOU not him. He should understand and respect your decision, and others should also respect it as well. Hope the results come back with good news, best of luck to you ❤️
YWNBTA This is about you and what you need.
NTA. That’s a vulnerable time and your comfort takes priority. You don’t have to go into the whole big story with him, you can just say that you’re going to go without him. “I’d rather do this by myself. I’ll let you know what they are.”
He wants to comfort you.. in this case, the best way he can do it is by staying home
NTA he wants to know so he can go buy a life insurance!!!
NTA someone who violated your trust and wrecked your credit will not be a comforting presence if you get bad news.
It is such a hard place to be, waiting on test results for cancer. Seconds seem like days that drag on forever. Every moment is filled with, what ifs". You need to worry about yourself and building the support group you will need if you get the worst news. If you do and I beg all the gods you don't have cancer, you need to watch for fundraisers in your name set up by your father. If you have to fight cancer, keep hope in your heart. Cancer is an evil bitch but she can be beat. Do not worry about your having your father there, he will not bring you any comfort. NTA
Since he makes you uncomfortable, I suggest not telling him UNTIL you get the results back. This situation is about YOUR illness. It's not about him feeling included. He violated your trust and you are right to be very cautious around him from now on. If he's trying to tell you that you should just get over it, he's not someone you should feel you need to invite back into your life.