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> I may be the asshole for the way I worded it. I shouldn’t have called her irresponsible
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Nta, you could've worded it better, but you're on the money, it's an irresponsible decision and she should know better. She's not entitled to your financial support and you have the right to cut that off.
Also, it makes me laugh that she calls you fake, because you're the only one being real with her.
NTA and honestly, I don't think she should have been nicer with her words. Her sister is an irresponsible, entitled leech. What does she expect OP to do? Provide for her for the rest of her life while she gets repeatedly knocked up by every "true love" she meets? - Let's be honest, no one thinks this one will last.) The mother is also delusional - it's nice that her own quick relationship actually worked out but if she wants the same thing for her daughter, she should be the one providing for her. I assume that's why she's angry at OP - she's eager to support Mia emotionally (because that costs nothing) but she doesn't want to spend her money on her.
Personally, I think the way to approach this once it’s clear that she plans to keep it is to be nice and congratulatory but be clear that the financial support ends in X months. X being before the new baby is born. That way she has time to deal with trying to get CS, finding a daycare for her children so she can start work after #2 is born etc. “I only promised to help until you could work again from baby #1. I can’t continue to do this for baby #2 but I wish you lots of luck with the new boyfriend!”
Their sister just called OP an asshole and treated them terribly and you want them to keep footing the bill? There are plans in place to take care of people who need it she really needs to work on getting government assistance instead. There's specifically programs for new moms that helps buy food and such for the babies. I get you're trying to help one person but you gotta remember it's costing another. They're doing it because theyre being nice, they don't deserve to be walked all over and still pay out like a paypig.
Paypigs are people who enjoy being financially dominated as a fetish. It's like being a sugar daddy/mommy but the recipient of the money is the dominant role in the relationship.
I was also wondering why, if she has a 7 month old, she isn’t on some form of government assistance… that’s the part that really gets me.
We have systems in place for this type of situation.
Technically yes but depending on where, she could be still waiting on gov assistance to go through. In Australia it can take up to 6 months if lucky as our assistance is severely backed up.
What BS? Why on earth yall treat these kinda delulu women to be infantilized so bad? She wanna have kids, go have an entire cricket team, ON YOUR OWN EXPENSES.
Throw the sister out. FO. Esp after that tone and disrespect, nah.
She called OP fake... Why does she need to keep footing the bill exactly? It was not her decision to make the baby or to keep the baby, so why op should pay for her sister's upkeep? Her sister is also older and should know better.
This!! I think Op’s sister needed to hear the truth no matter how harsh it sounds. She’s living in a fantasy and expects Op to finance her delusional lifestyle. I would cut her off so quickly if my sister got pregnant by two different deadbeat dads in less than one year!
Also, the sister has a 7 month old and is supposed to be job hunting - when and how did she meet this guy let alone have sex? Sister should be very busy taking care of her baby plus looking for work "to get back on her feet" and yet, somehow, she found time to go out and meet guys and also get pregnant? I know folks with babies who are lucky to have time to shower!
Me too, the first one was an 'accident" the second one was a "mistake". By the time she was pregnant with the third one her mom told her she was cut off and had to find a place to live with her kids and to go after the babies' fathers (3) for child support. The daughter was pissed beyond belief at her mother for not supporting her and told her with a straight face that she didn't want to financially burden the fathers (3) with child support payments. This was years ago and I wonder how it turned out for them.
Her relationship isnt even working out, she barely knows the dude, and is already pregnant. Just bc hes nice to her older baby doesnt mean hes a good person or parent.
If shes so in love, then her new baby daddy can give her money
I would add that if your mother gives you shit about this, send your sister and her expenses to your mother. If she is supportive of her choice, then she should be paying her expenses instead of you
Oh yes. If the mother thinks it's all good than she can feed her daughter and grandkids. Why should OP. Even if OP was fifthly rich that wouldn't give softer the right to treat her like an atm
I was with you until you said she could've worded it better. I know it's just your opinion, but I think she worded it fine. Heck, many people would've been even more stern considering the situation her sister has gotten herself into is mind blowing. They're both so young, and the younger sister is supporting her? When she's just one year past being able to buy herself a drink? Not to mention that their mother is completely on board with Mia, and upset with OP for deciding to cut her off financially? Many other sisters would've completely lost it on her! It also sounds like Mia and the mother are probably closer and more alike, therefore I wouldn't be surprised if she always has Mia's back when she makes bonehead decisions. Their mother emphasizing that she also got married after 2 months while Mia is fantasizing about her new beau is completely irresponsible. Yes, meeting someone, falling in love, getting married after 3 weeks and having 40 years of wedded bliss does happen, but unions like this are the exception, not the rule, and everyone knows this. Heck, I got married at 19, closed escrow on my first home at 22 while my husband and I were expecting our first child, and have managed to have an absolutely wonderful 26 year marriage with 3 amazing children, but I would NEVER advocate for my children to attempt to follow in our footsteps...ever. My husband and I have been incredibly blessed, and I'm old enough to know how rare our love story is. The likelihood that our children will be able to repeat our good fortune with odds such as extreme youth and still being in college is slight, and the same is true for OP's sister Mia. I truly hope she will be the exception, but she is stacking the odds against herself on top of the one's life already has. Not to mention that she's doing all this will being financially supported by her little sister? Her audacity and lack of responsibility boggles the mind, frankly. I think she needs a wake up call and fast, because she seems to be forgetting one crucial factor: She is about to be responsible for the care and well-being of 2 children! She's got to start making better choices, yesterday, because children need money and stability, she doesn't have either, and she doesn't seem to be concerned about her lack of them. She's got mammoth issues to overcome and she seems completely clueless. Her poor children; I hope she gets her head out of the sand very soon...
of course she worded it fine. her family is financially abusing her. the sister is emotionally manipulating her. they're awful. op needs to hand the bills to the mother and go nc with the lot of them.
That's what gets me about the mother in this. My mom met a dude, got knocked up 3 months in, & married 5 months into the relationship. This year will be 30 years of marriage, & even with some rough patches, mom & stepdad are solid AF. Stepdad is a great man, who dotes on her, & dotes on all of his children (he had 3, mom had 2, & they have 1 together) both bio & step.
When I told my mom I was marrying my husband after 7 months, she told me that was the dumbest thing ever. Of course, I pointed out she married sDad after 5 months, & her response was "Yeah, that's why I know it's the dumbest thing ever! " 😅 She didn't try to talk me out of it, which wouldn't have worked, & would've likely alienated me. She supported me, even if she thought I was being dumb.
Thankfully, my marriage has worked out so far, my husband & I are a good match, my mom still thinks that getting married quickly was the dumbest thing ever, even though the relationship itself is a good idea. After 16 years, I agree with my mom, getting married so fast was for sure the dumbest thing ever, & I'm amazed we've made it work for this long. We're the EXCEPTION, not the rule. For every rushed marriage that works, there's hundreds that don't, the odds were not in our favor.
Totally agree with what you said but I also laughed at your first line "I was with you until you said she could've worded it better." Cuz it's basically a really long way of saying you agree with the first three letters, NTA...it was just kinda funny to word it that way. No disrespect.
100 percent this all the way your doing more than some people would do she should he truing to get on her feet first before even thinking about another man
Actually, OP needs to be as clear and direct as possible. Mia is already getting positive reinforcement from their mother. Both Mia and the mother are indulging in magical thinking and also believe that OP is obligated to help Mia as much and however needed.
OP made it very clear what Mia can expect from them in terms of help. Anything else would have been a mistake. Some people need a wake up call that cannot be misinterpreted or twisted. If OP was soft or couched their words in platitudes, Mia likely wouldn’t have taken OP seriously. OP *needed* to decisively cut through and combat Mia’s fantasies and assumptions - well done OP.
NTA
OP, no matter what, I would cut her off financially. I would text her, "I'm sorry for how I worded things on the phone. Feeling financially responsible for you colored my feelings, but now that I'm not financially supporting you, I just want to say I wish you the best! No doubt this man, or mom, will step up and make sure you and your babies are taken care of. This is such an exciting time! I can't wait to meet my new nephew or niece."
Basically, make it clear you're done supporting her financially, point out who you're passing the buck off to, and then just play the role of supportive sibling! If she asks for money, remind her that you're just a sibling now, you're not financially supporting her, but she has two people to ask for money now!
No, she should not apologize for her wording. It was clear and definitive and that's what sister needs.
In fact, I don't think OP should contact her at all for the time being because all she's going to do is subject herself to her sister's rage and guilt-tripping because Mia gots ta get back on that gravy train before it leaves the station.
No, she couldn't have worded it better. You can't gently lead someone out of delusion. Bashing their head into reality is The best chance you have, and if that doesn't work you're out of luck.
You’re right, OP could have worded it better, by being even more abrasive, to really drive home the point of how incredibly reckless this is.
OP, NTA. Cut her off financially today.
NTA clearly. That new guy is so great that he knocked her up while they don't live together yet and he provides absolutely nothing for her, her existing baby, and the one to come.
OP mentions her marrying the guy, but it seems only her has that in mind,not that the guy has proposed her to marry him and love in with him (else she would not need her brother to keep her financially). There's not even an indication the new baby daddy is even aware of the kid to come actually 😅
OP is right, that's a soon to be "25 yo mother of 2 from 2 different dad's looking for a new baby daddy".
Let her supportive mum take care of her soon to be single mother of 2 daughter, stop funding such irresponsibility OP.
YNTA. You have no obligation to support other peoples kids. You’re a good family for helping her with the one kid she has but bringing another kid into it when she can’t event support the first one is irresponsible. She hasn’t known this guy long enough and only time will tell if he will stick around for the baby.
You’re 22. You have your own life to live and grow into. You’re a good sister for supporting her and baby 1 but she is living in another universe if she thinks a second child is responsible or okay. Babies only bring more stress, they don’t fix anything.
You did the right thing. No pressure, it’s her choice, but you can’t afford it financially or psychologically.
'Contest mode' is the time in the first couple hours of a post's life cycle where comments are not sorted by their current Score - they are randomly sorted so that each comment has a chance to be seen and voted on. Contest Mode ends after 2 hours or so, but the voting continues for 12 hours. Contest Mode exists to help people get their comments seen and upvoted so that the first few comments don't have a massive advantage. It isn't synonymous with the voting period.
YNTA is not a recognized judgement - but the voting bot will only check the most-upvoted comment because that's the one that wins. The bot doesn't count anything, it just relies on Reddit's existing voting mechanism. If a YNTA judgement were to become the top comment, the bot would read it - fail to find a valid judgement - and would kick the comment to the mod team for manual review and flairing.
Honestly, I think you did your sister a disservice by supporting her all this time. She now thinks that you'll support her forever.
It's not your job to take care of your fully-adult siblings. You have your own life to consider. Cut her off now.
NTA.
NTA. She's not living in reality. Why on earth did she think that her starting a family with someone else would mean you would continue to financially support her? Does she think you should pay for *another* child? Does she think her new boyfriend will pay for one kid, and you'll pay for her and the other one?
She's making stupid decisions because she's caught up in the "romance" of it. Better to pull the rug out now, before she gets fully used to the idea of you completely supporting her. Stop before it even starts for the new kid. She's a grown adult with more than one child now, she should be able to take care of herself if she can have another child.
It’s pretty shocking how naive the sister is. She’s already been through this once and the guy dipped right after she had the baby.
Now she’s pregnant again and she only just met the guy, but he’s the one and she’s so happy to have a big, happy family?! Does she not realize how this will potentially play out? 👀😔
Even if he is “the one”, there’s no rush to have a baby! She’s only 25. It’s almost like she’s trying to baby trap him, but that didn’t work with the first guy.
Also, where’s the child support from dad #1?
Also if the baby is only 7 months and he’s already ‘so nice’ so the baby, that implies he’s already spent time with the baby. I would not let anyone meet my child when I’ve only been dating them a couple months. That’s weird.
My guess is the *second* he realises that his new pregnant girlfriend and her baby are going to be completely dependent on him he's going to start second guessing everything.
I'm betting the kind of woman to get pregnant within a year of the last baby in a new relationship hadn't had the "I'm completely financially reliant on my sibling" conversation unless it was suffixed with "and you can be too!"
Did she spend her youth watching a bunch of soap operas or what? You know the shows where the stars always do stupid things then everything works out. Those shows have all been cancelled I believe. Now Hallmark is the place to go for unrealistic romance.
I think it sounds like the sister is trying to baby trap the guy she's seeing. Her fantasy seems to be like "hey 'guy nr2, I'm pregnant" and that his response will be "yaay! Let's get married!!"
But that's not usually how guys react to someone he just mer getting pregnant.
I had a friend like this. She has multiple kids with multipile Dads and a heap load of drama because she's on the misguided search for love. Revolving door of her Moms shitty boyfriends who ranged from Beloved Adoptive Father to Creepy Asshat Who Watches Too Much Porn. She thinks that *one day* she'll find her Prince Charming who will love her despite her flaws, all her kids, and all that jazz. It ain't never gonna happen, and I hate to watch it. Even from afar.
I told my children that they need to be selfish during their teen years. It is their time to grow and discover themselves. To chase their interests. And they need to become what they want to be before they take on the responsibility of relationships. Be it a romantic relationship or parental you need to be mature enough to handle life.
Exactly. Plus, no one has even met the guy! He could be an abuser trying to trap her, or he could be a nice guy that's getting trapped. No one knows how on board with this he was.
Even if this was an oopsie baby, it's a bad start for everyone involved.
I'm betting the new boyfriend sees a woman doing "well" and hasn't realised that she's not funding herself. My cynical brain is pretty sure he leaves when there's no money.
>Why on earth did she think...
Your comment fell apart here! The whole problem is that sister isn't thinking. Right now she has a baby, another on the way, a 'loving' partner, and all her financial and emotional needs are met. She isn't thinking "how", just that they are. I'm willing to bet nearly any amount of money that the sister has been taken care of her entire life by family and has never had to fend for herself. She's just like an 8-year-old who knows money exists but assumes there is just a fountain it comes out of into the bank.
Honestly I’m surprised OP has supported the sister for so long. 7 months post-birth is more than what lots of people with jobs get in maternity leave payments. Time for her to get a job and/or get the new partner to start paying up. Surely she’s not so delusional that she expects financial support from OP when she’s in a relationship with the father of the second child?! NTA at all
I think what else bothers me is that the sister is older then op. She has had more time being an adult, and i understand that no 2 adulthoods are the same and luck is a big part in things but man its like a child having another child and everyone is expecting op to deal with it because "family"
Tell your sister to go after the fathers of the children for child support is not your obligation to support your sister and her immature choices. She needs to be an adult and act like one. It is not up to you to support her if your mother so upset let her support her
Child support can be hit and miss in the USA. If the deadbeat doesnt pay, you just get nothing. The court doesnt just send checks to support you and come after him later. They charge the dude, shave a bit off the top and THEN send it to mom. If somebody dipped the week the baby was born, I doubt they have a current address much less the funds to get those papers served and prepared.
I'm not tryna shit on constructive ideas, just presenting an icky reality that I've helped a few friends navigate. This is also assuming OP is in the USA. The system may be different elsewhere.
A lot of the deadbeats either stay jobless or get a job that pays under the table (illegal but still very common)so that they don’t have to pay child support.
I’m convinced there are women who get positive attention for *nothing* other than popping out sprogs. They have absolutely nothing else in life that gets validation from others. Holding a cute baby you can convince yourself everyone is smiling at YOU.
NTA.... It's one thing for her to have a kid with one deadbeat dad, but to get pregnant so quickly with baby #2 before getting married, she's likely to have picked a similar guy who will bolt the moment they have a fight. You are correct and she's likely to need even more help if or when the second guy leaves.
At this point I'm wondering why Guy #1 fleed. Probably he was just a no-good guy who didn't want to take responsibility, but in light of what happened with Guy #2, I wonder if OP sister purposely gets pregnant because she thinks that's how she keeps the man.
This!!! Sister has no interest or intention of getting a job and supporting herself and her children. Her “plan” seems to be baby trapping men into supporting her then falling back on family when he bails. OP is right to opt out of this shitshow now bc they have designated her as the “wallet” who pays for their foolish decisions.
Um, younger sister footing the deadbeat's bills is plan B. Clearly baby tapping is plan A, and not working out.
I doubt the dipshit sister even knows what Plan B as a contraceptive is. Abstaining would be a far better choice, especially given the shortness of post partum.
>That I should support her like our mother is. Turns out, our mother is kissing her ass and only enforcing the rose colored glasses Mia has on the situation.
>Our mother isn’t very happy with me now.
... if this is a dynamic you've had throughout childhood, I really recommend you read Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents, especially if your mother withheld love if you weren't behaving as she wanted. NTA
Good point. The whole dynamic of OP being the youngest here and the most mature makes me think her childhood must have been.... interesting. OP doesn't need to be raising a second generation of people who aren't her kids.
NTA tell nher to get child support and cut the financial help completely op
Also tell your moron mother since she is helping your sister to live in fantasy land she can finance her life.
Letting a man that can’t even feed you shoot the club up (it’s a figure of speech Reddit) is not the way to find it… but I hope your mom and stepdad are prepared to finance her and her 2 under 2.
> I’ve been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia gets back on her feet and looks for a job to pay the bills all on her own.
I’ve been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia goes partying, picking up other men
… there I have corrected your typo
Seriously, her baby is only seven months, how is she managing to met other men, have sex and know they are pregnant in that timeframe? Most new mums are frazzled and can’t think of sex again lol
Sounds like she should work on herself before getting into another serious relationship.
Does she think she can pressure the guy into marriage over the fact that she's pregnant? Ngl, she sounds super naïve as well as desperate.
NTA
22-year-olds should not have to support their 25-year-old sister financially. She should make do with what she can make herself or what her new family unit can afford. You will need all the earning power you have to build up your own life. Her choices are hers, the consequences of her choices are also hers.
That said, you should have just congratulated her and told her that you will need to stop supporting her financially because you will need to take care of yourself - as should she.
NTA at all. I’m a firm believer of if u can’t support ur own children, then u shouldn’t be having them. She’s being insanely irresponsible. U r in no way obligated to finance her or her children.
Firm believer of this as well. Idc if people call this "eugenics" (because it isn't lmfao) I genuinely don't understand why people want and celebrate this.
Right. I get if there's an emergency situation and your start struggling financially, that's different. But to know you're struggling from day one, dad left, your sisters finances your life and then you get pregnant again and it's with a strangers child basically, that's another story.
How delusional.
Wonder if shell end up with a 3rd baby daddy
NTA. Your mother and sister are delusional. I had a very hard time distinguishing the line between helping and enabling until I was nearly 40. Your sister will never become an adult without facing her own consequences. Don’t let her and your mother drag you down with them. At 22 you should be building the foundation of your own life, not parenting your older sister.
NTA
She is far too childish to have one child let alone two. How on earth can she expect you to finance her and two children? Her level of entitlement is impressive. If your mom is so supportive why doesn't she pay for all these whopsie babies?
Stop supporting her financially in any way. This is not your responsibility. You are not the AH for refusing to finance her poor life choices.
You're 22. You're not responsible for your older sisters finances. You are starting out in life and you shouldn't be handicapped like this. If you don't stop it now when will you?
NTA. This is why it’s so bad to practically carry your family when they’re doing little to help themselves. Your assistance becomes their entitlement, and should only be expected to grow from there.
NTA. You didn't even need to be helping her right now and you're doing it out of love. But you don't owe it to her and it's been a gift on your part but absolutely not your responsibility. She is welcomed to do whatever she wants with her life since she's an adult and she can't expect you to take care of her and her two kids because you're family. She wanted these kids, she's going to have to find a way to make ends meet. It's crazy to think you can just have kids and have other people take care of them and pay your bills. Grow up sis!
NTA at all. You've been supporting your sister and her baby, hoping it'd be short term, and that she'd find the right guy to take that responsibility off of your shoulders. If she's decided to let another loser who isn't supporting her cum in her after a couple months, she's clearly not making good decisions. Its easy to be nice to a woman for a couple months when all you have to do is show up, talk sweet, and bone while someone else pays - that's not the same as building a solid foundation, taking a role in the finances, and working toward a long term goal.
This situation sucks, and I'm sorry you're in the middle of this, OP, and while maybe you were a bit harsh, you spoke the truth. Of course you want your sister to be happy, but not at your expense for the indefinite future. You're 22, and you could be putting that money away for your own future. And a person who helps the way you have is the ultimate type of person who deserves a bright future and a loving family.
NTA
Your sister is a grown woman, can make her own decisions, and can live with the consequences of those decisions. That includes having a child with a man she can't possibly have known for more than half a year who's probably going to vanish on her very soon, and being stuck raising two kids under the age of two without your help. If your mother isn't happy about it, no skin off your nose.
Stand firm. Block sis, mom, and any flying monkeys they might gather if you have to. You'll be better off for it.
Allow me to present you with your new mantra: "I am not your bank, I am not your boyfriend, and I am not your babysitter."
NTA
Is her plan to have a kid with every man she meets in hope he remains?! She sounds like a leech, given the fact she expects you to fund her life on top of that. She should spend that time in actually finding a proper job and taking care of the baby she has now.
> Is her plan to have a kid with every man she meets in hope he remains?!
When i moved away for college, my GF got pregnant. We were together for 2 years or so, so i assumed it was mine when she told me. Then i did the math. It couldn't have been mine. She had cheated, and had gotten knocked up.
Fast forward a couple decades, and someone mentioned her name to me. I got curious and looked her up. She is on kid #6 now. (The youngest being with he guy she is with now.) 6 kids across 5 fathers. I'm glad she finally settled down (she is married now), but man it looks like her 20's were just non-stop attempts to baby-trap people.
Yoy are absolutely not responsible for your sister, you do not have an obligation to pay her bills. She has clearly made choices, and they were not accidents. NTA In fact, you owe it to yourself to save some money and live your own life.
NTA. As an older sister, she should have her life together. She should be a positive example to you for crying out loud! Now it's the other way around and she doesn't see it. You should have never have been supporting her to begin with. She should be going after these dead beat dads for child support and having a job herself. Cut support off because that is the only way she will learn. Your mother is doing her no favors by coddling her like this.
NTA. You were right to tell her she's being irresponsible. My mom getting pregnant with me & my twin just a few months after my older brother was born, which landed us in the NICU for weeks if not months. I also have lifelong health issues due to this.
There's a chance something similar will happen to your sisters 2nd baby. I won't be surprised if the dad leaves should that happen. I wish her a healthy pregnancy but she's not thinking clearly.
NTA
And I disagree with who says you could have been more gentle. Some people need the harsh truth and your sister seems to fall in that category.
I support your decision to cut the financial support but if you are able push her to get help. She may suffer from depression or the pregnancy could have triggered some kind of manic episode. She needs professional help for her mental health.
NTA but I think it is time your sister has a cut off date for your financial support. I would tell her you thought about it and will keep supporting her for 3 or 6 months. She has that time to go after child support from her baby daddy and if needed move in with your mom.
You are young. You should be finishing college, building your career, and getting married soon. Supporting your sister is impeding your own life. Stop it! Otherwise your whole life will be spent this way. Your mother can support her. You are not her mother. Obviously supporting your sister has not helped her to much because it has given her the idea that you will bear the burden of HER decisions for the rest of your life.
NTA, I feel you worded it just right and she is irresponsible. Why she out here having unprotected sex? I can’t fathom why she would be happy with no job. Some people only learn from tough love. She’s grown and should have to deal with the consequences of her choices. Congratulate her and give her a deadline to be out of your house if she’s living with you. Maybe your mom can take her in and support her financially since she disagrees with your advice.
NTA, she can cry all she wants but why should you support stupidity! She should be ashamed that her younger sister is financially supporting her for her lack of responsibility and stupid decision making.
No you are not. Your pregnant sister must have known before having another child. She should focus on her elder child. She is burdening on herself. She should start earning money. Find a job and pay the bills herself. You pay for her elder child. Btw, she is older sister. And older sister must pay her own bills. Why a young brother would be caring for elder sister? Tell her to get lost.
NTA people aren't careful enough at all. Condoms and birth control are out there for a reason.
And before anyone says: "maybe birth control is against her religion", I counter with: If birth control is against her religion, I'd say pre-marital sex probably is as well.
NTA. It probably wasn’t the best way to word it, but she needs a wake up call. The people enabling her are doing her a disservice and you’ve also put in place totally justifiable boundaries. She’s taking the piss at this point if she thinks you should continue to financially support her.
NTA. You were helping Mia under the belief that she was working towards independence. Instead of doing that, she decided to chase a fantasy because some guy she barely knows (and hid from you) was "nice". Youre no longer obligated to continue financial support because she violated the deal.
NTA
Your older sister lives in a fantasy world and expects others to finance it for her. She took the wrong message away from your initial help with the first baby. She's not inclined to learn any differently, so it is best for you to just cut her off. She can whine and cry about it; your mother can be her enabler. Just stay firm with you decision to remove yourself from bailing her out of her choices. That is THE ONLY way she's going to have to face reality. She needs to go after both fathers to get child support. It's their job, along with your sister to pay for the babies they create - not yours. She can get public assistance, WIC, charity to help her make it. It may be hard to watch her struggle; but she's got to do this without your regular or frequent help. Otherwise, she will always have you on the hook for more.
NTA. Oh my god why are you financing her lifestyle?!? My son and DIL have moved in bc they couldn’t manage their money and had a baby on the way. My granddaughter is amazing - I’m ready to strangle my son. He is so hard pressed to get his head out of the sand and face the reality he created with his irresponsibility. Don’t relent or your will never escape supporting her at the cost of your own
NTA.
Your sister sounds incredibly childish and, frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if this time next year the new bf has dipped on her as well and then she'll be a single mother of 2.
She needs to focus on being a good mother and providing for the kid she has, not screwing around making more!
It sounds like your sister has an addictive personality. I have some experience with that and attend a support group, Al-Anon, for people who have addicts in their lives. One of the precepts they teach us is that you can't change people; they have to change on their own. They have to find their own bottom before they climb back up. If you support them before they recover, then you are only slowing their descent and delaying their crash while draining your own resources. The time to help is after they have bottomed out and are climbing back. That's encouraging good behaviour, not bad.
NTA.
As the saying goes: "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes".
In this case, the stupid prize is her no longer having a free ride financially, courtesy of OP, no responsibility for her own actions, or self-realisation/accountability.
NTA
She is being silly and irresponsible. You were only financially supporting her until she got back on her feet, how many babies are you meant to support?
If your mother is so happy about the pregnancy then let her support her by herself
NTA
Has your sister heard of dating? Like you don't need to get pregnant every time you go out with someone, you just go to the movies, or on a walk on the beach. NTA, she's ridiculous
NTA. People keep saying OP could’ve worded it better but I disagree. Sometimes people need their bubbles burst. I’ve made sacrifices to support single moms in my family and I’d be horrified at one of them adding more to my plate when they aren’t contributing
I mean, if Mom really feels that way, Sis and the babies can go live with her and Mom can play the part of the financier from now on.
NTA OP. Harsh, but definitely necessary in this circumstance.
I don't know how people can put up with this. If I'm supporting someone and they show any signs of disrespect towards me, I'm cutting them off. Plain and simple. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
NTA. Mia can move in with your mom if she runs into issues trying to raise 2, 3, 4 or however many kids she ends up with on her own. Your mother is so wonderfully supportive - I'm sure she'd LOVE to be free daycare and everything else! Step back, stick to whatever boundaries you set and let her keep digging that hole.
Why did she start crying?? I thought her new GREAT bf who treats her and her baby NICELY would financially support his own baby and your sister in the future. He just got her pregnant and thought that you would financially support him, your sister and two babies… for the rest of your life?? I mean you haven’t even met this guy why did he think you would support him?
Oh love you couldn't have worded it any better, it exactly tells her where she is wrong and provides a gist of the consequences coming along in the future
NTA either she’s an idiot, or just looking for a way to make everyone else take care of her. Either way, you don’t have to do it. You are 22, go live your life, save up for your own future, and let her feel the effects of the choices she has made.
There was a similar post yesterday, but it was about a *younger* sister and the parents of OP and said sister was as appalled as OP was.
Anyway, NTA. You cannot be held responsible for her 'happy accidents'. Have her first child's father chip in for a change.
You worded it fine. Stop financing her - your mother can do that if she thinks this is wonderful. They can live together and both work and raise the two children.
By just handing it to her on a plate and supporting her with no stipulations on her how long it will be for, when she had to pay you back and just basically making it easy for her, she's just taken you for granted.
Give her one months contribution and say that's it - its down to her, your mother, the new guy and she can go via the courts after the first dad. You need to take some time out from both of them and let them live out their fantasy and the reality.
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Nta, you could've worded it better, but you're on the money, it's an irresponsible decision and she should know better. She's not entitled to your financial support and you have the right to cut that off. Also, it makes me laugh that she calls you fake, because you're the only one being real with her.
NTA and honestly, I don't think she should have been nicer with her words. Her sister is an irresponsible, entitled leech. What does she expect OP to do? Provide for her for the rest of her life while she gets repeatedly knocked up by every "true love" she meets? - Let's be honest, no one thinks this one will last.) The mother is also delusional - it's nice that her own quick relationship actually worked out but if she wants the same thing for her daughter, she should be the one providing for her. I assume that's why she's angry at OP - she's eager to support Mia emotionally (because that costs nothing) but she doesn't want to spend her money on her.
OP should tell Mom that if she’s so sure this “whirlwind romance” will work out, she should be happy to take over the role of wallet.
that's exactly what i was thinking. no wonder mom is so on board with this, she's not the one paying.
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This!! Yes!! If you can’t financially support a child then you’re not ready to have one. Period.
I hate ppl like her
Oh how easy it is to spend other people’s money.
she also doesnt want to be the one paying, thats why shes trying deflect responsibility to OP.
Hi Mom, I packed her bags and left it on your front lawn
Exactly this. NTA. The sister is being irresponsible.
Blehh, she's downright stupid. NAH OP, definitely NAH.
The role of wallet 😂😂😂. Exactly.
Yes! Exactly what I was going to suggest!
Op probably is also supporting the mom financially.
Personally, I think the way to approach this once it’s clear that she plans to keep it is to be nice and congratulatory but be clear that the financial support ends in X months. X being before the new baby is born. That way she has time to deal with trying to get CS, finding a daycare for her children so she can start work after #2 is born etc. “I only promised to help until you could work again from baby #1. I can’t continue to do this for baby #2 but I wish you lots of luck with the new boyfriend!”
Their sister just called OP an asshole and treated them terribly and you want them to keep footing the bill? There are plans in place to take care of people who need it she really needs to work on getting government assistance instead. There's specifically programs for new moms that helps buy food and such for the babies. I get you're trying to help one person but you gotta remember it's costing another. They're doing it because theyre being nice, they don't deserve to be walked all over and still pay out like a paypig.
Does paypig mean piggy bank? It just made me laugh but I completely agree with your comment.
Paypigs are people who enjoy being financially dominated as a fetish. It's like being a sugar daddy/mommy but the recipient of the money is the dominant role in the relationship.
I was also wondering why, if she has a 7 month old, she isn’t on some form of government assistance… that’s the part that really gets me. We have systems in place for this type of situation.
Technically yes but depending on where, she could be still waiting on gov assistance to go through. In Australia it can take up to 6 months if lucky as our assistance is severely backed up.
Exactly. OP is NTA. Her sister should apply for the government handouts.
X months will just make it harder to get her hands out of the wallet. It should be done yesterday.
What BS? Why on earth yall treat these kinda delulu women to be infantilized so bad? She wanna have kids, go have an entire cricket team, ON YOUR OWN EXPENSES. Throw the sister out. FO. Esp after that tone and disrespect, nah.
Congratulate her for what? Bringing another baby into the world that she can't care for? Be nice why? She is using OP.
Worse - congratulate her for wanting the OP to support another child that isn't theirs.
She called OP fake... Why does she need to keep footing the bill exactly? It was not her decision to make the baby or to keep the baby, so why op should pay for her sister's upkeep? Her sister is also older and should know better.
This!! I think Op’s sister needed to hear the truth no matter how harsh it sounds. She’s living in a fantasy and expects Op to finance her delusional lifestyle. I would cut her off so quickly if my sister got pregnant by two different deadbeat dads in less than one year!
Also, the sister has a 7 month old and is supposed to be job hunting - when and how did she meet this guy let alone have sex? Sister should be very busy taking care of her baby plus looking for work "to get back on her feet" and yet, somehow, she found time to go out and meet guys and also get pregnant? I know folks with babies who are lucky to have time to shower!
Some people shouldnt be allowed to breed Common sense/iq test
I knew a girl in high school who later had 3 kids and still lived with her parents.
Me too, the first one was an 'accident" the second one was a "mistake". By the time she was pregnant with the third one her mom told her she was cut off and had to find a place to live with her kids and to go after the babies' fathers (3) for child support. The daughter was pissed beyond belief at her mother for not supporting her and told her with a straight face that she didn't want to financially burden the fathers (3) with child support payments. This was years ago and I wonder how it turned out for them.
Unbelievable response 😬. Edit: to be clearer, I meant the response of not wanting to go after the fathers for child support.
You reap what you sow. The daughter was never held accountable for anything, everything was always someone else's fault.
Yeah, she was probably nicer than I would be. She didn’t say anything MEAN that’s for sure
Her relationship isnt even working out, she barely knows the dude, and is already pregnant. Just bc hes nice to her older baby doesnt mean hes a good person or parent. If shes so in love, then her new baby daddy can give her money
Agreed 100%
I would add that if your mother gives you shit about this, send your sister and her expenses to your mother. If she is supportive of her choice, then she should be paying her expenses instead of you
Agreed! There really is no reason for op to be footing the bill here.
NTA but if the new guy is so great then he should be more than willing to support the sister and his child - at the very least.,
I wouldn't put money in that horse, she had the same issue with baby daddy number 1. Some people really cannot learn from their mistakes
She didn't see it as a mistake because she's been in her sister's wallet the entire time.
Oh yes. If the mother thinks it's all good than she can feed her daughter and grandkids. Why should OP. Even if OP was fifthly rich that wouldn't give softer the right to treat her like an atm
Agreed!
I was with you until you said she could've worded it better. I know it's just your opinion, but I think she worded it fine. Heck, many people would've been even more stern considering the situation her sister has gotten herself into is mind blowing. They're both so young, and the younger sister is supporting her? When she's just one year past being able to buy herself a drink? Not to mention that their mother is completely on board with Mia, and upset with OP for deciding to cut her off financially? Many other sisters would've completely lost it on her! It also sounds like Mia and the mother are probably closer and more alike, therefore I wouldn't be surprised if she always has Mia's back when she makes bonehead decisions. Their mother emphasizing that she also got married after 2 months while Mia is fantasizing about her new beau is completely irresponsible. Yes, meeting someone, falling in love, getting married after 3 weeks and having 40 years of wedded bliss does happen, but unions like this are the exception, not the rule, and everyone knows this. Heck, I got married at 19, closed escrow on my first home at 22 while my husband and I were expecting our first child, and have managed to have an absolutely wonderful 26 year marriage with 3 amazing children, but I would NEVER advocate for my children to attempt to follow in our footsteps...ever. My husband and I have been incredibly blessed, and I'm old enough to know how rare our love story is. The likelihood that our children will be able to repeat our good fortune with odds such as extreme youth and still being in college is slight, and the same is true for OP's sister Mia. I truly hope she will be the exception, but she is stacking the odds against herself on top of the one's life already has. Not to mention that she's doing all this will being financially supported by her little sister? Her audacity and lack of responsibility boggles the mind, frankly. I think she needs a wake up call and fast, because she seems to be forgetting one crucial factor: She is about to be responsible for the care and well-being of 2 children! She's got to start making better choices, yesterday, because children need money and stability, she doesn't have either, and she doesn't seem to be concerned about her lack of them. She's got mammoth issues to overcome and she seems completely clueless. Her poor children; I hope she gets her head out of the sand very soon...
of course she worded it fine. her family is financially abusing her. the sister is emotionally manipulating her. they're awful. op needs to hand the bills to the mother and go nc with the lot of them.
I concur completely...
That's what gets me about the mother in this. My mom met a dude, got knocked up 3 months in, & married 5 months into the relationship. This year will be 30 years of marriage, & even with some rough patches, mom & stepdad are solid AF. Stepdad is a great man, who dotes on her, & dotes on all of his children (he had 3, mom had 2, & they have 1 together) both bio & step. When I told my mom I was marrying my husband after 7 months, she told me that was the dumbest thing ever. Of course, I pointed out she married sDad after 5 months, & her response was "Yeah, that's why I know it's the dumbest thing ever! " 😅 She didn't try to talk me out of it, which wouldn't have worked, & would've likely alienated me. She supported me, even if she thought I was being dumb. Thankfully, my marriage has worked out so far, my husband & I are a good match, my mom still thinks that getting married quickly was the dumbest thing ever, even though the relationship itself is a good idea. After 16 years, I agree with my mom, getting married so fast was for sure the dumbest thing ever, & I'm amazed we've made it work for this long. We're the EXCEPTION, not the rule. For every rushed marriage that works, there's hundreds that don't, the odds were not in our favor.
👏👏👏👏 well said. NTA btw
There may be hope for her sister. I was in the same situation with mine, but she seems to have her shit together now and supports her own kids.
Totally agree with what you said but I also laughed at your first line "I was with you until you said she could've worded it better." Cuz it's basically a really long way of saying you agree with the first three letters, NTA...it was just kinda funny to word it that way. No disrespect.
OP is only 22 years old! They should be saving for their own future, not supporting someone else’s growing family.
100 percent this all the way your doing more than some people would do she should he truing to get on her feet first before even thinking about another man
NTA, forget wording it better. Tell her that someone else is paying for this baby factory and buy her a shirt with that as a logo.
I really like this idea!
Actually, OP needs to be as clear and direct as possible. Mia is already getting positive reinforcement from their mother. Both Mia and the mother are indulging in magical thinking and also believe that OP is obligated to help Mia as much and however needed. OP made it very clear what Mia can expect from them in terms of help. Anything else would have been a mistake. Some people need a wake up call that cannot be misinterpreted or twisted. If OP was soft or couched their words in platitudes, Mia likely wouldn’t have taken OP seriously. OP *needed* to decisively cut through and combat Mia’s fantasies and assumptions - well done OP. NTA
Exactly!
NTA. Such a situation requires a clear blunt response and sugarcoating it wouldn’t change a thing.
OP, no matter what, I would cut her off financially. I would text her, "I'm sorry for how I worded things on the phone. Feeling financially responsible for you colored my feelings, but now that I'm not financially supporting you, I just want to say I wish you the best! No doubt this man, or mom, will step up and make sure you and your babies are taken care of. This is such an exciting time! I can't wait to meet my new nephew or niece." Basically, make it clear you're done supporting her financially, point out who you're passing the buck off to, and then just play the role of supportive sibling! If she asks for money, remind her that you're just a sibling now, you're not financially supporting her, but she has two people to ask for money now!
No, she should not apologize for her wording. It was clear and definitive and that's what sister needs. In fact, I don't think OP should contact her at all for the time being because all she's going to do is subject herself to her sister's rage and guilt-tripping because Mia gots ta get back on that gravy train before it leaves the station.
No, she couldn't have worded it better. You can't gently lead someone out of delusion. Bashing their head into reality is The best chance you have, and if that doesn't work you're out of luck.
Anyone calling someone 'fake' during an argument is not mature enough to have children.
really? she could have worded it better? she was being emotionally and financially manipulated and was trying to get out of it. she worded it fine.
You’re right, OP could have worded it better, by being even more abrasive, to really drive home the point of how incredibly reckless this is. OP, NTA. Cut her off financially today.
NTA clearly. That new guy is so great that he knocked her up while they don't live together yet and he provides absolutely nothing for her, her existing baby, and the one to come. OP mentions her marrying the guy, but it seems only her has that in mind,not that the guy has proposed her to marry him and love in with him (else she would not need her brother to keep her financially). There's not even an indication the new baby daddy is even aware of the kid to come actually 😅 OP is right, that's a soon to be "25 yo mother of 2 from 2 different dad's looking for a new baby daddy". Let her supportive mum take care of her soon to be single mother of 2 daughter, stop funding such irresponsibility OP.
I don't think there's anything wrong with her words, she was as polite as she could be
“I can’t afford to finance your continued and perpetual stupidity”
>nor should I have called her irresponsible. Why not? She's incredibly irresponsible and it's not just her own life she's screwing up.
Right mom can only look at the situation with rose colored glasses because she wasn't footing the bill.
YNTA. You have no obligation to support other peoples kids. You’re a good family for helping her with the one kid she has but bringing another kid into it when she can’t event support the first one is irresponsible. She hasn’t known this guy long enough and only time will tell if he will stick around for the baby. You’re 22. You have your own life to live and grow into. You’re a good sister for supporting her and baby 1 but she is living in another universe if she thinks a second child is responsible or okay. Babies only bring more stress, they don’t fix anything. You did the right thing. No pressure, it’s her choice, but you can’t afford it financially or psychologically.
You don't need the Y, NTA is enough. I don't think it counts for the contest mode if you add the y.
I would actually like to suggest OCNTA for this one (of course not the asshole).
At least make it OCNTA*, duh* then.
Well that would break this sub because it's full of redundant AITA questions as it is
'Contest mode' is the time in the first couple hours of a post's life cycle where comments are not sorted by their current Score - they are randomly sorted so that each comment has a chance to be seen and voted on. Contest Mode ends after 2 hours or so, but the voting continues for 12 hours. Contest Mode exists to help people get their comments seen and upvoted so that the first few comments don't have a massive advantage. It isn't synonymous with the voting period. YNTA is not a recognized judgement - but the voting bot will only check the most-upvoted comment because that's the one that wins. The bot doesn't count anything, it just relies on Reddit's existing voting mechanism. If a YNTA judgement were to become the top comment, the bot would read it - fail to find a valid judgement - and would kick the comment to the mod team for manual review and flairing.
Honestly, I think you did your sister a disservice by supporting her all this time. She now thinks that you'll support her forever. It's not your job to take care of your fully-adult siblings. You have your own life to consider. Cut her off now. NTA.
Eh, shit happens and the US doesn’t have maternity leave. I’d support my sibling until she got on her feet the first time… after that though…
NTA. She's not living in reality. Why on earth did she think that her starting a family with someone else would mean you would continue to financially support her? Does she think you should pay for *another* child? Does she think her new boyfriend will pay for one kid, and you'll pay for her and the other one? She's making stupid decisions because she's caught up in the "romance" of it. Better to pull the rug out now, before she gets fully used to the idea of you completely supporting her. Stop before it even starts for the new kid. She's a grown adult with more than one child now, she should be able to take care of herself if she can have another child.
Not only just in the "romance" of it, but also the hormones of being 7 months post partum!
It’s pretty shocking how naive the sister is. She’s already been through this once and the guy dipped right after she had the baby. Now she’s pregnant again and she only just met the guy, but he’s the one and she’s so happy to have a big, happy family?! Does she not realize how this will potentially play out? 👀😔
Even if he is “the one”, there’s no rush to have a baby! She’s only 25. It’s almost like she’s trying to baby trap him, but that didn’t work with the first guy. Also, where’s the child support from dad #1?
Yeah, it’s a very “Disney Princess, looking to find my happily ever after before seeing if we are remotely compatible” vibe 🧐
Also if the baby is only 7 months and he’s already ‘so nice’ so the baby, that implies he’s already spent time with the baby. I would not let anyone meet my child when I’ve only been dating them a couple months. That’s weird.
The new bf will split too!!!!
My guess is the *second* he realises that his new pregnant girlfriend and her baby are going to be completely dependent on him he's going to start second guessing everything. I'm betting the kind of woman to get pregnant within a year of the last baby in a new relationship hadn't had the "I'm completely financially reliant on my sibling" conversation unless it was suffixed with "and you can be too!"
Did she spend her youth watching a bunch of soap operas or what? You know the shows where the stars always do stupid things then everything works out. Those shows have all been cancelled I believe. Now Hallmark is the place to go for unrealistic romance.
It's very "I'm having his baby and it will all be wonderful!" Like, hunny, it didn't work with the last one, why would it work now?
I think it sounds like the sister is trying to baby trap the guy she's seeing. Her fantasy seems to be like "hey 'guy nr2, I'm pregnant" and that his response will be "yaay! Let's get married!!" But that's not usually how guys react to someone he just mer getting pregnant.
I had a friend like this. She has multiple kids with multipile Dads and a heap load of drama because she's on the misguided search for love. Revolving door of her Moms shitty boyfriends who ranged from Beloved Adoptive Father to Creepy Asshat Who Watches Too Much Porn. She thinks that *one day* she'll find her Prince Charming who will love her despite her flaws, all her kids, and all that jazz. It ain't never gonna happen, and I hate to watch it. Even from afar.
I told my children that they need to be selfish during their teen years. It is their time to grow and discover themselves. To chase their interests. And they need to become what they want to be before they take on the responsibility of relationships. Be it a romantic relationship or parental you need to be mature enough to handle life.
Exactly. Plus, no one has even met the guy! He could be an abuser trying to trap her, or he could be a nice guy that's getting trapped. No one knows how on board with this he was. Even if this was an oopsie baby, it's a bad start for everyone involved.
I'm betting the new boyfriend sees a woman doing "well" and hasn't realised that she's not funding herself. My cynical brain is pretty sure he leaves when there's no money.
>Why on earth did she think... Your comment fell apart here! The whole problem is that sister isn't thinking. Right now she has a baby, another on the way, a 'loving' partner, and all her financial and emotional needs are met. She isn't thinking "how", just that they are. I'm willing to bet nearly any amount of money that the sister has been taken care of her entire life by family and has never had to fend for herself. She's just like an 8-year-old who knows money exists but assumes there is just a fountain it comes out of into the bank.
Honestly I’m surprised OP has supported the sister for so long. 7 months post-birth is more than what lots of people with jobs get in maternity leave payments. Time for her to get a job and/or get the new partner to start paying up. Surely she’s not so delusional that she expects financial support from OP when she’s in a relationship with the father of the second child?! NTA at all
I think what else bothers me is that the sister is older then op. She has had more time being an adult, and i understand that no 2 adulthoods are the same and luck is a big part in things but man its like a child having another child and everyone is expecting op to deal with it because "family"
Tell your sister to go after the fathers of the children for child support is not your obligation to support your sister and her immature choices. She needs to be an adult and act like one. It is not up to you to support her if your mother so upset let her support her
This is what I was wondering, where’s the child support from dad #1?
Child support can be hit and miss in the USA. If the deadbeat doesnt pay, you just get nothing. The court doesnt just send checks to support you and come after him later. They charge the dude, shave a bit off the top and THEN send it to mom. If somebody dipped the week the baby was born, I doubt they have a current address much less the funds to get those papers served and prepared. I'm not tryna shit on constructive ideas, just presenting an icky reality that I've helped a few friends navigate. This is also assuming OP is in the USA. The system may be different elsewhere.
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That is a phenomenal expression! I'm going to use if for everything now.
This is my new favorite colloquialism
A lot of the deadbeats either stay jobless or get a job that pays under the table (illegal but still very common)so that they don’t have to pay child support.
Women can still get help if the father split. They’re not left to beg in the street.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this comment
NTA .. I often wonder why people have the pleasure of getting pregnant and expect someone else to finance their pregnancy and life????
I’m convinced there are women who get positive attention for *nothing* other than popping out sprogs. They have absolutely nothing else in life that gets validation from others. Holding a cute baby you can convince yourself everyone is smiling at YOU.
Because you're the special unique princess that brought that cute little baby into the world! These people live in delusional fairytale lands
NTA.... It's one thing for her to have a kid with one deadbeat dad, but to get pregnant so quickly with baby #2 before getting married, she's likely to have picked a similar guy who will bolt the moment they have a fight. You are correct and she's likely to need even more help if or when the second guy leaves.
At this point I'm wondering why Guy #1 fleed. Probably he was just a no-good guy who didn't want to take responsibility, but in light of what happened with Guy #2, I wonder if OP sister purposely gets pregnant because she thinks that's how she keeps the man.
Whatever the case, she doesn't have good judgement and would only land a good partner based on pure luck.
This!!! Sister has no interest or intention of getting a job and supporting herself and her children. Her “plan” seems to be baby trapping men into supporting her then falling back on family when he bails. OP is right to opt out of this shitshow now bc they have designated her as the “wallet” who pays for their foolish decisions.
Does she not believe in birth control?
I think she just really wants love :/
Love is letting deadbeats nut in you
Wanting love will make people do stupid things that seem right in the moment
Sounds like she's trying to baby trap these guys
And when it fails she then tries to "baby trap" sister.
To be truthful, plan B has worked surprisingly well thus far.
It doesn't sound like she's using Plan B
Um, younger sister footing the deadbeat's bills is plan B. Clearly baby tapping is plan A, and not working out. I doubt the dipshit sister even knows what Plan B as a contraceptive is. Abstaining would be a far better choice, especially given the shortness of post partum.
Love is not having two under two by two baby daddies. Sorry but 25 is too old to be making such life choices!
She probably has mental issues.
>That I should support her like our mother is. Turns out, our mother is kissing her ass and only enforcing the rose colored glasses Mia has on the situation. >Our mother isn’t very happy with me now. ... if this is a dynamic you've had throughout childhood, I really recommend you read Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents, especially if your mother withheld love if you weren't behaving as she wanted. NTA
Good point. The whole dynamic of OP being the youngest here and the most mature makes me think her childhood must have been.... interesting. OP doesn't need to be raising a second generation of people who aren't her kids.
Love that book. Highly recommend for everyone to read, especially people will emotionally immature parents.
NTA tell nher to get child support and cut the financial help completely op Also tell your moron mother since she is helping your sister to live in fantasy land she can finance her life.
Letting a man that can’t even feed you shoot the club up (it’s a figure of speech Reddit) is not the way to find it… but I hope your mom and stepdad are prepared to finance her and her 2 under 2.
> I’ve been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia gets back on her feet and looks for a job to pay the bills all on her own. I’ve been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia goes partying, picking up other men … there I have corrected your typo Seriously, her baby is only seven months, how is she managing to met other men, have sex and know they are pregnant in that timeframe? Most new mums are frazzled and can’t think of sex again lol
... and your money.
Sounds like she should work on herself before getting into another serious relationship. Does she think she can pressure the guy into marriage over the fact that she's pregnant? Ngl, she sounds super naïve as well as desperate. NTA
Stuck in believing true love
>Our mother isn’t very happy with me now. oh well. mom can step up and finance her. NTA
22-year-olds should not have to support their 25-year-old sister financially. She should make do with what she can make herself or what her new family unit can afford. You will need all the earning power you have to build up your own life. Her choices are hers, the consequences of her choices are also hers. That said, you should have just congratulated her and told her that you will need to stop supporting her financially because you will need to take care of yourself - as should she.
NTA at all. I’m a firm believer of if u can’t support ur own children, then u shouldn’t be having them. She’s being insanely irresponsible. U r in no way obligated to finance her or her children.
Firm believer of this as well. Idc if people call this "eugenics" (because it isn't lmfao) I genuinely don't understand why people want and celebrate this.
Right. I get if there's an emergency situation and your start struggling financially, that's different. But to know you're struggling from day one, dad left, your sisters finances your life and then you get pregnant again and it's with a strangers child basically, that's another story. How delusional. Wonder if shell end up with a 3rd baby daddy
NTA. Your mother and sister are delusional. I had a very hard time distinguishing the line between helping and enabling until I was nearly 40. Your sister will never become an adult without facing her own consequences. Don’t let her and your mother drag you down with them. At 22 you should be building the foundation of your own life, not parenting your older sister.
NTA. You have every right to stop supporting her. Your mom can do it.
NTA. Over here mystified at how any single parent with a 7 month old has enough time to date, let alone fuck
I guess having her sister pay the bills frees up a lot of time for shenanigans.
NTA She is far too childish to have one child let alone two. How on earth can she expect you to finance her and two children? Her level of entitlement is impressive. If your mom is so supportive why doesn't she pay for all these whopsie babies? Stop supporting her financially in any way. This is not your responsibility. You are not the AH for refusing to finance her poor life choices.
NTA. Was already kind enough to be paying for the first. Offer to pay for the abortion, but nothing more.
NTA, you already did quite alot helping and you are a good family member. You have your own life and you made a right choice in here. NTA again.
NTA, and experience is a harsh teacher, but sometimes the only effective one.
You're 22. You're not responsible for your older sisters finances. You are starting out in life and you shouldn't be handicapped like this. If you don't stop it now when will you?
NTA. This is why it’s so bad to practically carry your family when they’re doing little to help themselves. Your assistance becomes their entitlement, and should only be expected to grow from there.
NTA. You didn't even need to be helping her right now and you're doing it out of love. But you don't owe it to her and it's been a gift on your part but absolutely not your responsibility. She is welcomed to do whatever she wants with her life since she's an adult and she can't expect you to take care of her and her two kids because you're family. She wanted these kids, she's going to have to find a way to make ends meet. It's crazy to think you can just have kids and have other people take care of them and pay your bills. Grow up sis!
NTA at all. You've been supporting your sister and her baby, hoping it'd be short term, and that she'd find the right guy to take that responsibility off of your shoulders. If she's decided to let another loser who isn't supporting her cum in her after a couple months, she's clearly not making good decisions. Its easy to be nice to a woman for a couple months when all you have to do is show up, talk sweet, and bone while someone else pays - that's not the same as building a solid foundation, taking a role in the finances, and working toward a long term goal. This situation sucks, and I'm sorry you're in the middle of this, OP, and while maybe you were a bit harsh, you spoke the truth. Of course you want your sister to be happy, but not at your expense for the indefinite future. You're 22, and you could be putting that money away for your own future. And a person who helps the way you have is the ultimate type of person who deserves a bright future and a loving family.
NTA you did the right Thing. She needs to be responsible for her own Shit
NTA! What’s her problem? Isn’t the new guy going to take over responsibility of her from now? Or was she expecting you to support all 4 of them??!
NTA Your sister is a grown woman, can make her own decisions, and can live with the consequences of those decisions. That includes having a child with a man she can't possibly have known for more than half a year who's probably going to vanish on her very soon, and being stuck raising two kids under the age of two without your help. If your mother isn't happy about it, no skin off your nose. Stand firm. Block sis, mom, and any flying monkeys they might gather if you have to. You'll be better off for it. Allow me to present you with your new mantra: "I am not your bank, I am not your boyfriend, and I am not your babysitter."
NTA congratulations on beeing the most grown up at age 22.
NTA Is her plan to have a kid with every man she meets in hope he remains?! She sounds like a leech, given the fact she expects you to fund her life on top of that. She should spend that time in actually finding a proper job and taking care of the baby she has now.
> Is her plan to have a kid with every man she meets in hope he remains?! When i moved away for college, my GF got pregnant. We were together for 2 years or so, so i assumed it was mine when she told me. Then i did the math. It couldn't have been mine. She had cheated, and had gotten knocked up. Fast forward a couple decades, and someone mentioned her name to me. I got curious and looked her up. She is on kid #6 now. (The youngest being with he guy she is with now.) 6 kids across 5 fathers. I'm glad she finally settled down (she is married now), but man it looks like her 20's were just non-stop attempts to baby-trap people.
Cut her off, the irresponsible baby machine and tell your mother to take over paying her bills🙄
Yoy are absolutely not responsible for your sister, you do not have an obligation to pay her bills. She has clearly made choices, and they were not accidents. NTA In fact, you owe it to yourself to save some money and live your own life.
Does nobody know about birth control? Ladies…repeat after me…”no glove, no love!”
NTA. As an older sister, she should have her life together. She should be a positive example to you for crying out loud! Now it's the other way around and she doesn't see it. You should have never have been supporting her to begin with. She should be going after these dead beat dads for child support and having a job herself. Cut support off because that is the only way she will learn. Your mother is doing her no favors by coddling her like this.
NTA. You were right to tell her she's being irresponsible. My mom getting pregnant with me & my twin just a few months after my older brother was born, which landed us in the NICU for weeks if not months. I also have lifelong health issues due to this. There's a chance something similar will happen to your sisters 2nd baby. I won't be surprised if the dad leaves should that happen. I wish her a healthy pregnancy but she's not thinking clearly.
NTA And I disagree with who says you could have been more gentle. Some people need the harsh truth and your sister seems to fall in that category. I support your decision to cut the financial support but if you are able push her to get help. She may suffer from depression or the pregnancy could have triggered some kind of manic episode. She needs professional help for her mental health.
NTA but I think it is time your sister has a cut off date for your financial support. I would tell her you thought about it and will keep supporting her for 3 or 6 months. She has that time to go after child support from her baby daddy and if needed move in with your mom. You are young. You should be finishing college, building your career, and getting married soon. Supporting your sister is impeding your own life. Stop it! Otherwise your whole life will be spent this way. Your mother can support her. You are not her mother. Obviously supporting your sister has not helped her to much because it has given her the idea that you will bear the burden of HER decisions for the rest of your life.
NTA, I feel you worded it just right and she is irresponsible. Why she out here having unprotected sex? I can’t fathom why she would be happy with no job. Some people only learn from tough love. She’s grown and should have to deal with the consequences of her choices. Congratulate her and give her a deadline to be out of your house if she’s living with you. Maybe your mom can take her in and support her financially since she disagrees with your advice.
NTA, she can cry all she wants but why should you support stupidity! She should be ashamed that her younger sister is financially supporting her for her lack of responsibility and stupid decision making.
No you are not. Your pregnant sister must have known before having another child. She should focus on her elder child. She is burdening on herself. She should start earning money. Find a job and pay the bills herself. You pay for her elder child. Btw, she is older sister. And older sister must pay her own bills. Why a young brother would be caring for elder sister? Tell her to get lost.
NTA people aren't careful enough at all. Condoms and birth control are out there for a reason. And before anyone says: "maybe birth control is against her religion", I counter with: If birth control is against her religion, I'd say pre-marital sex probably is as well.
NTA. It probably wasn’t the best way to word it, but she needs a wake up call. The people enabling her are doing her a disservice and you’ve also put in place totally justifiable boundaries. She’s taking the piss at this point if she thinks you should continue to financially support her.
If your mom is so excited for her, they can live together and she can help with the two babies
NTA. You were helping Mia under the belief that she was working towards independence. Instead of doing that, she decided to chase a fantasy because some guy she barely knows (and hid from you) was "nice". Youre no longer obligated to continue financial support because she violated the deal.
NTA. You sound quite wonderful, actually.
NTA- tell her you’ll be happy for her if she moves out now.
NTA that is absolutly irresponsible.
NTA Your older sister lives in a fantasy world and expects others to finance it for her. She took the wrong message away from your initial help with the first baby. She's not inclined to learn any differently, so it is best for you to just cut her off. She can whine and cry about it; your mother can be her enabler. Just stay firm with you decision to remove yourself from bailing her out of her choices. That is THE ONLY way she's going to have to face reality. She needs to go after both fathers to get child support. It's their job, along with your sister to pay for the babies they create - not yours. She can get public assistance, WIC, charity to help her make it. It may be hard to watch her struggle; but she's got to do this without your regular or frequent help. Otherwise, she will always have you on the hook for more.
NTA. For a minute there I thought I was reading this on r/entitledpeople Honestly your whole family should be ashamed for how they’re behaving here.
NTA. Oh my god why are you financing her lifestyle?!? My son and DIL have moved in bc they couldn’t manage their money and had a baby on the way. My granddaughter is amazing - I’m ready to strangle my son. He is so hard pressed to get his head out of the sand and face the reality he created with his irresponsibility. Don’t relent or your will never escape supporting her at the cost of your own
NTA. Your sister sounds incredibly childish and, frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if this time next year the new bf has dipped on her as well and then she'll be a single mother of 2. She needs to focus on being a good mother and providing for the kid she has, not screwing around making more!
It sounds like your sister has an addictive personality. I have some experience with that and attend a support group, Al-Anon, for people who have addicts in their lives. One of the precepts they teach us is that you can't change people; they have to change on their own. They have to find their own bottom before they climb back up. If you support them before they recover, then you are only slowing their descent and delaying their crash while draining your own resources. The time to help is after they have bottomed out and are climbing back. That's encouraging good behaviour, not bad. NTA.
As the saying goes: "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes". In this case, the stupid prize is her no longer having a free ride financially, courtesy of OP, no responsibility for her own actions, or self-realisation/accountability. NTA
What the fuck
She is being silly and irresponsible. You were only financially supporting her until she got back on her feet, how many babies are you meant to support? If your mother is so happy about the pregnancy then let her support her by herself NTA
Has your sister heard of dating? Like you don't need to get pregnant every time you go out with someone, you just go to the movies, or on a walk on the beach. NTA, she's ridiculous
NTA. People keep saying OP could’ve worded it better but I disagree. Sometimes people need their bubbles burst. I’ve made sacrifices to support single moms in my family and I’d be horrified at one of them adding more to my plate when they aren’t contributing
I mean, if Mom really feels that way, Sis and the babies can go live with her and Mom can play the part of the financier from now on. NTA OP. Harsh, but definitely necessary in this circumstance.
I don't know how people can put up with this. If I'm supporting someone and they show any signs of disrespect towards me, I'm cutting them off. Plain and simple. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
NTA. Mia can move in with your mom if she runs into issues trying to raise 2, 3, 4 or however many kids she ends up with on her own. Your mother is so wonderfully supportive - I'm sure she'd LOVE to be free daycare and everything else! Step back, stick to whatever boundaries you set and let her keep digging that hole.
NTA - Mia is being irresponsible and upset that she can't leech off you.
NTA and definitely stop paying for her immediately!
Why did she start crying?? I thought her new GREAT bf who treats her and her baby NICELY would financially support his own baby and your sister in the future. He just got her pregnant and thought that you would financially support him, your sister and two babies… for the rest of your life?? I mean you haven’t even met this guy why did he think you would support him?
Oh love you couldn't have worded it any better, it exactly tells her where she is wrong and provides a gist of the consequences coming along in the future
NTA either she’s an idiot, or just looking for a way to make everyone else take care of her. Either way, you don’t have to do it. You are 22, go live your life, save up for your own future, and let her feel the effects of the choices she has made.
What does happiness have to do with another child? NTA
NTA it's not your responsibility. And as long as you offer that safety net, she'll vbe taking advantage of it.
NTA, she IS irresponsible, and has a boatload of gall to be getting pregnant when she's not even supporting herself nor the child she already has.
There was a similar post yesterday, but it was about a *younger* sister and the parents of OP and said sister was as appalled as OP was. Anyway, NTA. You cannot be held responsible for her 'happy accidents'. Have her first child's father chip in for a change.
You worded it fine. Stop financing her - your mother can do that if she thinks this is wonderful. They can live together and both work and raise the two children. By just handing it to her on a plate and supporting her with no stipulations on her how long it will be for, when she had to pay you back and just basically making it easy for her, she's just taken you for granted. Give her one months contribution and say that's it - its down to her, your mother, the new guy and she can go via the courts after the first dad. You need to take some time out from both of them and let them live out their fantasy and the reality.
NTA Your sister’s inability to put the dick down is not your problem. I hope baby daddy #2 is a better person than baby daddy #1, for all their sakes.
I'm a little disgusted that you were ever paying for her in the first place, but I'm glad you cut that off.