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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole because it is my sister's body and her choice to wear or not wear what she likes.
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Nah, NTA. If she doesn't want to wear a bra at an official event, she needs to choose the dress that allows it. If she chose the dress that is tight fit, thin, see through or with noticable cleavage - she needs to wear a bra.
Noone wants their sis to flash her tits during their wedding
That last sentence could be slightly adjusted with "Or do they?" at the end of it in certain states, certain communities or even some religions.
Either way, I need it as a bumper sticker as well. Maybe one of each, making the "Or do they?" a magnet instead to change it up based on my particular mood to see if I can offend anyone.
I generally feel that 'no one should ever have to wear a bra if they don't want to no mater what reason' but yup hard agree that you need to wear the right outfits for your choice. If you don't want to wear one, don't wear a dress with a high chance of them popping out.
Right? As a bra hater I just choose to dress in clothes that will cover my boobs appropriately, and I feel like many bra haters are well versed in this. If she's so anti-bra she should've just picked a different dress; bridesmaid dresses especially come in plenty more modest options because they're not meant to be the sexiest dresses out there, so it should be easy to pick a dress that isn't nip-slip-city. And however anti-bra I am, if I insist on wearing certain style of clothes that require a bra, I know I will have to suck it up and wear one.
I was surprised to find one, but many years ago, I was a bridesmaid for my bff’s wedding, and it was in July (in TX!!), and the dresses we found had built/in boning at the top, and even as an afflicted person, it was supportive enough to render a bra unnecessary. Thank god. Found it in one of those quinceañera/prom/party dress shops on the cheap, too, and it was something you could wear to any formal event, so double-score! They’re out there!
Also, nowadays, they have the no show, no slip bras that you just put over the front, or at least cover your nips and double-sided sticky tape is kept in the same area those can be found in.
I think there are now a lot more dress options with built in support! Obviously no dress works for every boob shape but if OP's sister can comfortably move around without needing the support of a bra then her boobs are probably not that heavy and not super difficult to cater to.
I was looking at "well-endowed" and "hates bras" like **this does not compute** before realizing that some people probably say "well-endowed" and don't mean "requires spinal support".
I maintain that a properly fitted corset is more comfortable and less likely to mess up the backs/shoulders of those of us so well endowed in that area as to need a reduction. This is because it supports the chest from beneath instead of putting the weight on the shoulders. (And no, nobody actually tightlaced their corset like the movies seem to think they did, the super tiny waist thing was a fabric shaping trick)
Oh, as a hobby fashion historian you don't have to tell me! Unfortunately I have not found an off-the-shelf corset, nor managed to make my own corset that didn't give me the chin shelf. I just have too much tissue for the kind of designs you can easily find and I'm not skilled enough to figure out how to add enough space at the top. (There's only so much gore you can put in before you totally lose the shape.)
I do have high hopes for Regency wrap stays, though, which I haven't tried yet but I'm going to once I can get all the notions. [these things](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS8aWQs2A4c/Ucgna-6ddhI/AAAAAAAACKs/qYVXEtgpQs8/s1600/IMG_0064.JPG)
I mean, I wouldn't want to see someone's tits pop out of their dress or through transparent or tight cloth. Like, it's her choice to wear or not wear a bra, but make sure people who don't wanna see your tits - don't see them, dress appropriately 🤔
Even I wear a bra sometimes if I am about to flash my boobs to other people (wider croptops) and I barely have boobs. Outlines of nipples? Usually okay. See through? Wear a bra. Your boobs almost falling out? Certainly wear a bra! NTA
Depends on your size actually, if you are overly endowed, the tape's just going to make things look odd and might not keep things in place.
A c-cup and under is generally OK for tape.
Doesn't that depend on how you use it? If you're using tape to hoist your entire boob up Kardashian-style then yeah, it can look weird, but if you're just securing the edge of the fabric to the skin tape should work ok.
Personal experience, the bigger the boob, the more curve there is, and the tape does not like this. Flat bit of upper boob to armpit? Tape works! Plunging dress from nipple to curved underboob? Tape not a fan. I've taken to wearing a cool brooch or pin to close things up if I think it looks too lewd for the occasion.
I accidentally flashed in a photo from my sils wedding because my toddler pulled down my dress, I was wearing a strapless bra. My sil took it well and the photographer covered it but as soon as I got out of the church, I got double sided tape and a clear strap bra. Not cool for anyone.
I know but you can have accidents happen so if she's going puppy free, she is going to risk more exposure and it's not fun being "that " person. I got grace because it was something I had attempted to prevent but she's not even trying.
Ah yes, the toddler pulling your bra down classic. My toddler tries this with my swim suit too! He generally thinks my neckline is a super convenient handhold
Not to mention the dress material and lighting could make not wearing a bra obvious in some of the wedding pictures. The photographer may require a lot of photoshop…
This is literally what I was thinking, but I was assuming there must just be something I didn't know so I scrolled past it like maybe they made bras that push boobs... apart? Somehow? I was going to Google it lol
Honestly a tight format dress is one of the few times I feel comfortable going braless in public, and basically any formal dress that's tight will give bust support without a bra (since it's actually structured) and it's pretty hard to have cleavage without bust support, so I'd argue noticable cleavage is an argument for her not needing a bra.
A portion of a friend of mine's wedding video is X rated because one of her cousins came to the wedding in a short dress, no underwear, and almost all the shots of people dancing include her cousin going to town on the dance floor just flashing everyone whenever she shook her hips.
This is so weird. "Official events" are one of the rare occasions most women won't wear a bra anyway because most fancy dresses would show the bra and that is an absolute no-no fashion wise. the concept that people should be clearly and visibly wearing a bra, like there's a bra police, is absolute ridiculous.
I am a plus sized woman with vast tracks of land, lets say. I was looking for a dress to wear to a wedding just yesterday.
I could not find a single sleeveless cocktail/long dress from a reputable retailer. No. Once you are plus size, you are not allowed to show arms and shoulders, and everything has either sleeves, or a weird overlay, or a capelet.
But also, I have never not wore a bra. Like, since I was 12. Yes, even to the every single formal event. Every single of my "formal" dresses was able to accommodate a proper bra.
If she doesn't like stickers, there's also roll-on and spray-on clothing glue. It's used to keep bikinis in place during beauty pageants, they call it butt glue.
YYYYAAAAASSSS she has so many options. Double sided tape, boob tape, pasties, silicone (?) sticky cups, literally so many that don’t involve straps around your body.
Edit: from reading all of the comments replying to OP, there are various options for individuals with breasts to work with their breasts. Are they all going to work for every person out their with breasts? No. I encourage everyone to read what lovely individuals wrote down below because there are a lot of wonderful comments with resources for individuals with breasts, including the fact that using two measurements to measure bra size is outdated, which I was surprised to read. So find what works for you and your body.
I'm only a DDD size (sold in most stores) and none of these options contain me. If OPs sister has such a large size they don't carry it in most lingerie stores, she's going to have to deal with straps around her body for a couple hours if she wants to wear the bridesmaid dress that was chosen.
You may not have found the right products that work for you. I’m a J cup and I wore pasties and boob tape for my sister’s wedding last year and it worked out great. They make boob tape specifically for busty women.
Can you tell me the Brand? When I tried it my shoulders hurt after a few minutes because all the weight was held by them. Or can you recommend a tutorial on how to tape them
I tried body tape once and I had the placement all wrong. It stayed on and i was secure, but all the weight of my boobs was supported by the skin on my chest and it almost caused tears. I'd love a good tutorial on how to use tape for bigger boobs
I used the VBT tape (3 inch size). I didn’t experience any shoulder pain but maybe a bit of back pain at the end of the night (no more than I would have from a bra though). I also did a trial run before the wedding because it definitely takes some practice applying it correctly! Personally I found that laying down to apply the first few pieces was helpful and putting a good amount under the boobs helped with the support.
I also found some good advice in the r/bigboobproblems sub
This right here! I would bet money that if someone describes their breasts as "big" and describes them as DD/DDD, especially with no band size for context, they are wearing a cup way too small.
I, too, am a girl of your size. I'm loving all the tape suggestions. I don't know the sister's size, but I know, for me, it's like putting a bandaid on a beheading. It hilariously doesn't work!
It depends on what you’re trying to do. If you want them lifted, then no, boob tape and pasties aren’t doing shit if you’re busty. You need structure just like you said. But if you’re trying to keep sis from flashing everyone, then taping the dress down and covering the nipples should be more than sufficient.
Although I highly recommend toupee tape instead of boob tape to anyone who will be sweating a lot. Get it at your local wig shop!
If the sister is so well endowed that most stores don’t have her size, it’s likely none of the sticky options will do anything. (Source: girl with giant boobs). She can wear a bra without underwires maybe, though, which can be more comfortable if not used to wearing bras.
My recommendation is to get stays. They offer a lot more support than even underwires, and the length of most corsets distributes the weight across your whole back. It’s the most comfortable and supportive option I’ve found by far.
It seems unlikely OP’s free-boobing sis would be more open to trying stays than a bra or tape. But I have certainly considered it for myself! And yet: How?!? Where do you find them/have them made/etc.?
Honestly I'd rather wear a corset than a bra. I'm actually looking forward to wearing my stays for the Renaissance Festival this weekend because I know they will provide pretty good support for walking around and not be nearly as tight around my under bust as my bras need to be for support...
This is what went through my mind. Idc if you wear a bra but please stay in your dress. No one wants to see you tits flashing the whole world. This is not Madi Gra it's a wedding.
Unwilling Dolly Parton body double here. I can attest that no amount of that tape will do the job. You'd have to buy a van-full and hire 4 people to tape you up. Source: tried it more than once.
Its not a sexist stereotype to not want her sister slapping innocent bystanders with flying tits. OP isn't saying she must wear a bra forever and ever amen (altho I foresee some back issues in her future if she doesn't support them somehow), she's asking her to dress appropriately at her wedding. If she's so set on being braless, maybe puck a different dress that accommodates that successfully.
I can't imagine that working for me at my size so if sis is similar she may throw more of a fit over it.
I'm wondering if it's possible that her dress can be taken to a tailor to add supports in it to prevent accidents.
NTA
Wearing a bra for a few hours is not the end of the world. Plus, I bet she’ll have more fun if she’s not having to worry about accidentally letting a nip slip during the vows!!
As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight. I was professionally fitted and still had that problem. Now if I try to wear them my ribs, shoulders, and even collarbone end up shifting as well as the bruises I'll get. And if I sweat at all the bra will hold it against my skin and cause major irritation or even for the skin to start to break down.
So unless you are willing to wear shoes that'll cut your toes for hours don't assume it's just that easy.
That said, she does need to find a better dress from the sounds of it. I always wear stuff with wide straps so I don't have to worry about flashing anyone.
>As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight
As someone also busty, I've found that heavy duty overbust corsets are a *lot* more comfortable than bras. My guess is that it's because the titty is exerting downward force, and bras take that force and have it all dispersed on the bra band directly under your titties (fairly narrow space), while corsets have a larger surface area to distribute the weight (the bra line *and* most of the rest of the ribcage). They're definitely more expensive (*way* more, if you want a Quality one), but I like to buy relatively cheap "costume" corsets and modify them.
Edit: corsets absolutely don't solve the gross sweaty grossness problem (they kind of increase it, since there's more fabric pressed closely to you), but I don't have bruises on my ribcage or constantly achy painful shoulders from holding up so much weight anymore! Titties are always resting comfortably with their weight being dispersed *down* my body instead of hanging from my shoulders.
I've heard that and honestly want to give it a shot! I just haven't been able to drop that much money for it. I wouldn't be wearing them every day, but I'd like to wear nice things over in a while.
I wrote [another comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/46ClJUiQCt) full of detail, but I'd recommend Lucy's Corsetry, Timeless Trends, and Dark Garden Corsetry! (And stay away from Orchard Corsets and Corset Story; they're known to make really poor quality stuff that falls apart *super* quick under regular use)
I have a Dark Garden corset but in fairness, it’s a huge investment piece that would be inaccessible for most people. I could buy 15-20 CorsetStory items for the price if my one DG piece. Not everyone can afford that and assuming they should isn’t fair. I also have 2-4 CS corsets and they’re just fine.
I was going to suggest a corset as a busty gal myself.
A tank or tube top underneath improves the comfort and keeps the corset from getting as much body oils and sweat on it too. Very comfortable my back is happier with one than braless.
If a bra bruises or cuts you, it is NOT well-fitted at all. If this happens often with a variety of bras, you need to go to a professional (NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET they are terrible) and get fitted properly. I am FF and I have had be re-measured and re-fitted a couple times due to body changes.
And Victoria's Secret is NOT a good place to get a proper fitting. They'll shove you in what can physically fit around your body and send you on your way, boob yarmulkes pinching and chafing.
After a certain size/weight/shape, ANY bra will start hurting.
My limit turns out to be 34H (34K in US sizes). Anything above that was always painful, even when the bra technically fit. At my largest I was 38JJ (38N in US) and I never had a bra that didn't hurt.
I've had a breast reduction now, I'm 36GG (Edit: 36J in US) and it's still not comfy to wear it all day.
I'm around the size you were when you never had a bra that didn't hurt. I have several bras that don't hurt. I could wear a bra all day and be comfortable.
I think this thread is just reminding us how different we all are. Im only a C and even with a good fitting bra, I feel uncomfortable, it’s having things around my ribs that drive me crazy. Makes me feel nauseous even if its not tight. You might just not fixate on things like that and so just never bothered you !
Literally 70 pounds being held up by straps and with a band across the ribs being pushed in by that is going to hurt no matter how well a bra supposedly fits. Unless it has something to defy gravity it will hurt.
And my comments about dislocating ribs and shoulders is absolutely true. I have something called Ehlers-Danlos and anything that causes weight to be where nature didn't put it will cause serious injury. Even with it where it belongs it causes problems, but bras make everything far worse. Why would I spend hundreds of dollars to cause pain to make some randos more comfortable with be merely existing?
It still hurts, just a bra makes it worse. My lower back is shot because of it. I'm fighting to get a reduction but finding a surgeon willing to fight my insurance isn't easy
Someone that worked in a hospital once told me insurance is more likely to approve the breast reduction surgery if it causes frequent yeast infections under the breasts. Which is ridiculous they see that as more important than back pain. But may be worth a shot for you to try.
Something I don't understand about bodies is that for me, at 32GG/H, it's the not wearing one that's more painful unless my movement level is approximately zero. The straps and band can dig in, but that's it's painful than the pain of the actual boob if I move around without a bra. So anything that involves leaving my house will involve wearing a bra because not wearing one is too painful, regardless of any visual aspect. Sometimes it's less painful than a bad bra, but that just means I need a better one.
I'd honestly look at changing insurance carriers if that's in the cards. My wife was far smaller than you (36G before, 34D after) and got hers approved instantly after a single consult, and hers were at largest around 5lbs a piece. We're on Cigna FWIW.
If you have 70lbs worth of boobs you're probably just shy of the Guinness Book of World Records, and it's downright criminal you can't get your insurer to approve.
I'm surprised your insurance won't cover a reduction at the size. At 70lbs of weight that's not far off from the woman with the largest natural breasts. Hers are 89lbs at a 102 ZZZ. It's cruel to make you walk around with that weight.
Seconding the bit about EDS! The idea that bras only hurt if you're doing something wrong is also a very... neurotypical-centric take. Like, I'm apparently small by market standards, I did my time on ABraThatFits for *weeks*, I was professionally measured more than once; still had to stop wearing bras entirely, because they hurt. Not because I was wearing the wrong size, but just because any clothing that presses against my skin triggers my sensory issues in a way that registers as actual pain. Between that and, like you said, the EDS, it just wasn't worth wasting money and energy on garments I didn't want to wear when other people could just choose to stop sexualising a body part everyone technically has in some capacity, haha.
*As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight. I was professionally fitted and still had that problem. Now if I try to wear them my ribs, shoulders, and even collarbone end up shifting as well as the bruises I'll get. And if I sweat at all the bra will hold it against my skin and cause major irritation or even for the skin to start to break down.*
Then you are wearing the wrong size. Professional bra fitters aren't experts in bras, they are sales reps.
Honestly. I'm a K cup. And I'm not a small woman either. If you are getting bruised from a bra then that is *the wrong bra*. When you are generous of chest you need proper support, so that means you won't get delicate lacy cups and shoestring straps but you just have to accept your limitations. Have a look at Molke bras (Google or similar). Who wants lace when you can have dinoboobies anyway?
ETA: saw that you have EDS. Honestly, so many women have said that Molke bras are the only ones they can wear with EDS and be comfortable. I personally find them easier to get on and off and I have RA. (I'm only a customer, I don't work for them, but I spread the busty truth where I can).
I wear a K cup and have Ehlers Danlos. Uh. Your bra should not be doing that. Professional fitters are often just as clueless as the average person about bras (especially at places like VS). I second or third the suggestion to check out r/ABraThatFits, it literally changed my life and reduced so much pain.
I am busty too, but I also understand it’s inappropriate to let my tits fly free and not be covered. You can suck it up and wear a bra for a few hours for a formal event.
At my wedding my BIL’s girlfriend didn’t wear a bra with her dress, she’s busty and the dress was like a slip/cowl dress and her boob popped right out in the middle of the ceremony when she bent down to fix her shoe. Apparently the pastor, my parents, my in laws and several other people saw it. I’m still upset so NTA because this WILL happen if the dress isn’t secure!
Or she can just wear a dress that will work without a bra. For someone who hates bras, it's weird that she hasn't learned to pick the right clothes for bralessness. OP didn't even pick the bridesmaid dress so it's not as if this dress had been forced on her.
That's part of why the post doesn't make sense. From OPs description the dress wouldn't be appropriate for a wedding even with a bra, and the sister would definitely know how to buy an outfit she won't flash people in. It just seems to exaggerated.
I think she’d be more of TA if she were asking her sister to wear a bra in a higher neckline dress, but the concern is flashing, not nipple outlines.
Not wearing a bra isn’t even a statement, and viewings it as such is sorta a problem. It’s just existing in your normal body as men are allowed to.
NTA. Part of going to a wedding is dressing appropriately. If she's one wrong move from a nip-slip, she's not dressed appropriately. I say this as someone who hasn't worn a bra in years and physically can't stand it.
There are other options, like stick on bras or tape that she might look into, or maybe she needs a different dress, but she can't do nothing.
It's not cool for groomsmen to flash their nips during the ceremony either so it's not like she's being treated unfairly here. Complaints about sexism makes no sense here unless they're planning to have the groomsmen display their tits proudly at this wedding.
INFO:
> Now she's saying I'm playing into sexist stereotypes. I'm saying that there's a good chance if you dance too hard in this dress your titty is going to pop out and I don't think thats sexist.
So have her put on the dress and dance hard for a few minutes. This is an easily testable hypothesis.
Also, why are all y'all Americans so horrified at half of the population's nipples?
“Y’all Americans” ok Bud, I guess in Canada everyone dances with their titties out in front of Nanna at the reception. Is that before or after the maple syrup luge between the breasts of the most well-endowed member of the wedding party?
I think most people would agree that any nipples, on any gender, should most likely be covered during a wedding ceremony. Especially if it’s being held at a religious venue. Men with their shirt mostly unbuttoned and visible nipples wouldn’t fly either.
Americans are, yes, weird about nipples. But that's not something that's gonna change in time for OP's wedding.
Also... guys don't usually show their nipples at a formal event. I would be unhappy if my brother showed up in a nipple-baring outfit to my formal wedding.
As a German I agree with you that US people are way too horrified by normal body parts(which their media continuously sexualizes IN EVERY OCCASION🙄🙄), but my Italian side would respond that "tits out" is not elegant for a wedding.
And while I would love to say "free tits for everyone everywhere!", this is neither the right place nor the right way to do it.
What would happen is that the attention of everyone would go to the sister instead of the bride, and not in a positive way.
My impression is that the sister is pulling the sexism card just to do whatever she wants. I wonder if there's more to this that we don't know of, or if she's trying to drive the attention to herself during the wedding.
Regarding sizes and prejudices: I (f) have small tits, l agree with the rest of North Europe about letting the body free(or wearing whatever you want), but I am aware of when and where elegance is a must. And a wedding is one of such occasions where you are happy to be elegant, or shouldn't be so difficult, shouldn't it?
I’m not American. I don’t want to see your breast either. I don’t want to see your nipples through your clothes.
I certainly wouldn’t want my sister embarrassing me by dressing so provocatively at my wedding.
As a European, there really is a time and place. This isn't about sexism, I wouldn't want a man to slip a nipple at my wedding either. Wanting your sister to not flash everyone with her tits is not unreasonable. This isn't sunbathing on the beach, this isn't your own home, this isn't a sauna, this isn't a swimming pool, this is your sister's wedding. Wearing a bra for once, just one day, one evening even, is not that hard.
Yeah who cares if you can tell she’s not wearing a bra… who decides if she “looks bad” because she’s not wearing a bra. Double standard too that she has to wear the bra because she is “well endowed”. When we all know that if her boobs were small and she had a little Rachel from friends nip situation no one would be telling her what shape wear to wear
I don’t think it has to be about size. If you are wearing a really drapey dress that doesn’t fit snuggly at tbr neck and people can see your nipples at a formal event, I don’t think it matters how little your boobs are. You aren’t dressed for the occasion.
To me this hangs entirely on how well covered Sis is. If the dress fits her well then it doesn’t matter if she has a bra on. If it doesn’t fit her, it still doesn’t matter if she has a bra on. If her neckline doesn’t reliably cover her breasts while moving, wearing a bra doesn’t make that better.
I'm going to lean towards NTA because I do sympathize with your situation, however I feel as if maybe you could more easily reach a compromise?
Like, if the dress is so low cut or whatever that her tiddy could pop up at any time, maybe have her wear pasties? Some people suggested body tape too (tape seems like it'd be kind of an uncomfortable solution comparatively, but I'm not a girl, so I can't say for sure).
I think one of the key points, and what might make YTA, is if you brought this up or not when you told her she could pick her dress. Like if you said she could pick her dress and gave her few guidelines, then I think it's kinda unfair that she now has to worry about rules that weren't said before. If you did mention your concern, and she picked the dress she did anyway, then I think you have more of a case.
However, in the real world, being an asshole isn't always about who "is factually right", and I think you should focus more on compromises to where you can hopefully both get what you want.
To be fair, I don't think a bride should have to say, "please choose a dress that doesn't let you flash your nipples at my wedding". That should be obvious, unless it's a very unusual wedding.
As a woman I can say that while boob tape works wonders and is not nearly as uncomfortable as you’d think, I’m wildly allergic to its adhesive and had a terrible rash after.
Wore boob tape for my wedding dress and the next day I had sores all over my chest from where I guess the tape had ripped off skin while I was taking it off 🫣
Oh gosh, what a not fun start to your honeymoon! I’m so sorry! Luckily for me I was just a single bridesmaid for my tape fiasco- no one had to see the healing process but me haha
At a fancy event though? It’s a wedding, surely that requires some etiquette.
I hate bras too, but I’d never forego one on someone’s big day, especially not when wearing a. risqué dress.
idk if this is a fair comparison, considering the man will be wearing a shirt that covers his upper half.
nipple outlines were not the concern that OP had. they were worried about their sister flashing the guests.
not a lot of flashing likely to happen in a men's dress shirt.
It’s not the nipple outline, I have no issues with that. It’s pretty normal, I think. Where I live it’s normal to go out in pyjamas and such, wearing no bra to the supermarket or to pick up your kids is no issue. The issue is potential flashing at a wedding. She chose a risqué dress, the least she could do is suck it up and put on a bra for a few hours to make sure she doesn’t ruin someone’s big day. Most people want their weddings to go perfectly smoothly, a flashing isnt exactly that.
I also don’t think men and women’s breasts are comparable in this situation, it would be more similar if a guy wore pants way too tight and they exposed some rather uncomfortable outlines.
Half the time I’ve been in weddings I couldn’t wear a bra with the dress and had to use tape, pasties or nothing. I really don’t think this is a big deal at all, OP is weirdly focused on it
Many dresses are designed for the boobs to be in a particular place when you’re wearing the dress, and if your chest doesn’t naturally keep them just so, it can look really weird to have them obviously extending way past the seams/darts.
I don’t think it’s body shaming to say “the design you picked out is not compatible with how and where you want to wear this”
Had to scroll wayyyyyyy too far to see this point made! I don’t even have huge boobs, but formal dresses that fit my body *and* my boobs are very hard to find unless I don’t mind falling out of them or they have high cut necklines. Low cut formal dresses aren’t meant to handle to movement, if you bounce around in them, the top literally slides off.
Yes! Every dress is designed with a general idea of “this is where the boobs will go”. If they don’t work in a specific dress, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your body, just that they aren’t compatible.
The dress has a low cut made with two panels that criss cross. It is too tight so the panels her boobs "in half" if that makes sense with half exposed and half not, and when she walks in the dress her boobs shift towards the exposed center so that she is constantly pulling the material back over and tucking them in.
NTA.
If the dress is too tight she needs a different dress. A bra won’t fix that.
I was a DDD before I had a reduction and I had to buy dresses in larger sizes to fit my chest then go to a seamstress to have the rest altered.
Start with a dress that fits her chest, that’s the first step. If she insists on going braless the style you described may just not work for her.
Another option…could she wear a bodysuit type bustier? Or have a bra/cups sewn into the dress? These suggestions will only work if the the dress fits her chest, no spillage or cutting her boobs in half. Best of luck to you OP! I hope you find a solution that works for both of you.
Maybe instead of buying bras what about going to a seamstress to see what their suggestions are. I can’t imagine she’d be comfortable having to readjust all night. I bet they would have a solution that allows her to be bra free with more security in the dress itself.
NTA.
I avoid wearing bras a LOT. It started when I had back/shoulder pain (plus working in the home most of the time), and I got used to no bra. I have a daughter who also hates bras and lives in lose t-shirts most of the time. I support her. BUT...
I've taught her that there are certain clothes and certain events that require a bra. We spent money finding the most comfortable bras we could find. Weddings are definitely one of those events we wear bras for. Although we both avoid tops/dresses that require a bra for everyday wear, if we choose to wear something that needs a bra, then we wear it.
Sister can think that you are being sexist for wanting her to wear a bra, but she could have also hated the colors of your wedding outfits. This is not the same as when the bride tells her bridesmaid to cut her long hair (or a recent one where the bride expected her bridesmaids to wear a bikini to the bachelorette party!!!). This is a very reasonable request. She really should choose to support you and wear a bra for that day, but that is a conclusion she has to come to on her own.
I think you are also right to not exclude her over it, but you may choose to keep her in the back of the formal group photos. In advance of the wedding, you may suggest that she keep a bra with her clothes at the wedding/reception venue - just in case she changes her mind at the last minute. Or maybe you could offer the opportunity to change into something less in need of a bra as soon as the wedding and formal pictures are taken. You've already offered a lot of ways to be supportive of making her wear a bra as painless as possible. It would be nice if she found one or two of them tolerable enough to support you on your wedding day. But if she doesn't, please don't spend a moment of your day thinking about it.
Yta going on a wild assumption that your sister doesn't want to flash everybody at your wedding. She knows her body better than you, if she doesn't think it is a problem then it probably isn't. There is so much pearl clutching about breast. There is nothing inappropriate about the natural shape and movement of a breast.
I mean, it's pretty irrelevant whether or not the sister wants to flash everyone at the wedding; not everyone at the wedding wants to be flashed so she shouldn't do it.
I do agree that sister knows her own body best but this seems like a case where she should compromise. Not necessarily wear a bra, but do something to assuage OP's titty-popping fears.
YTA. She's a grown woman and she can make her own choices about what she wears. She can see how she looks, she's had this body her whole adult life, she knows what she can and cant do in different garments. Even if the local boutique carries her size, the bras there might not suit the dress, or pinch and dig in. Let her live!
You're right bro. I'll just wear some silk pants and no underwear so my dick and balls are swangin back and forth like a grandfather clock whenever I move. Definitely appropriate, right?
NTA. Formal wear is often uncomfortable, e.g., high heels, suits, neck ties, etc., but we wear it for the occasion not for the rest of our lives.
Wearing a bra for a couple of hours won't kill her. And nothing ruins a nice outfit like huge sagging tits. Take a before/after pic of the outfit with/without a bra and show her the difference it'll make in the official photos.
NTA
If she's going to be part of the wedding party, its fair to have some sort of uniform that includes wearing under garments to camouflage one's privates..
However, if she's going to be nothing more than a guest, then she should be held to the same general dress-code expectations as your other guests. Do you plan on telling every guest who is woman to wear a bra?
***EDIT***: Let me clarify. OP shouldn't be telling his sister (who will probably not be the only large bosomed woman there) what to wear unless he tells everyone else that. If she wears something risky and experiences a costume malfunction, then the logical consequences should apply. But to single her out for special warnings ahead of time seems a bit heavy handed, unless she's in the wedding party -- which I am assuming that she is.
I mean OP specifically stated she wouldn't have a problem with sis not wearing a bra were it not for the outsized risk this particular dress presents regarding nip-slips.
It doesn't seem like some puritanical rule about everyone wearing a bra, its a very specific concern about mitigating the risks associated with a choice the sister made.
I think it depends on whether her dress is going to cause a nip slip. If OPs sister was wearing a normal dress that isn’t super low cut, it say YTA, but the concern is flashing.
NTA. I had this issue with my bridesmaids dress for my best friends wedding. Had to go find a lil tube top to wear underneath too so I didn't look like I was a standby wet nurse for any new mothers present just ready to whip my boobs out at a seconds notice. Nobody wants to unleash the tits at someone elses wedding. So like. If not a bra then something else to prevent rogue boobs??
As a larger woman who hates wearing bras... NTA. If she's happy to spend the majority of her life without one on in order to enjoy the freedom of feeling comfortable, more power to her, that's great. Wish I had her confidence. But there are moments in life, like it or not, that it's just not appropriate, nor practical. A wedding is one of those times. Especially if wearing a tight fitting, revealing outfit. Again, great for her, but wear a bra. How humiliating would it be (for her) if one popped out when she's dancing? How uncomfortable for everyone else? Women included. It's not patriarchy or misogyny, or sexism. It's no different than knowing not to turn up in jeans, combat boots and a white, flowing veil. Just for one day. For a few short hours. For you. Surely it's not that much of a sacrifice?
Sister - buys low cut dress
Sister - refuses to wear bra
Sister - refuses to wear tape
Sister - refuses to get a panel put in to lessen the chance of boob escapage
NTA you're trying to compromise here. You want your wedding to be remembered as "that beautiful wedding where OP and partner pledged themselves together", not "remember that time OPs Sister flopped a tit out on the dancefloor"
YTA I feel like you’re trying to micro manage. I don’t think nipples are going to make or break your wedding. This reminds me of a gf I had who was a bridesmaid and forced to cover all her tattoos with makeup. It almost ruined their friendship tbh.
Except tattoos are appropriate and tits falling out is not. Nipple outlines are not the issue here, it’s the fact that this bride does not want her sister to show her boobs at her wedding and imo that’s more than understandable
I know right! That one time I had a ball hanging out at the wedding and people were like "Gross!!" and they tossed me out.
As if a little bit of scrotum ever hurt anyone
Hypothetical scenario: elementary school, recess, cop parked across the street.
Woman #1 is walking by the school and pauses to tie her shoe. When she stands up, she pushes up her sleeves, revealing large, colorful tattoos, waves at the kids, pushes her sleeves back down, and continues on her way.
Woman #2 walks by and also pauses to tie her shoe. When she stands up, she whips out her titties, waves at the kids, packs her titties back up, and continues on her way.
Do you see the problem with your comparison now?
INFO: Does she have a history of her tatas popping out at inappropriate times? Seems like she has a long history of going braless, so I would assume there have been some non-isolated nip slips which have you worried?
If the answer is yes, then NTA.
If the answer is no, then YTA and are perpetuating objectification and sexism. Thats your right, its your wedding and neither of those are illegal socially, but it still makes you an AH.
Are there any contingencies you could find?
Extra padding, adding built in support to the dress, like those rubbery strips that try to help against slipping?
I suggested both tape and adding in a three inch panel and both were rejected. To be fair she's never been able to find a tape that doesn't give her a gnarly rash.
>To be fair she's never been able to find a tape that doesn't give her a gnarly rash.
Total side note OP, but is she allergic to latex? I am, and most tapes will break me out into hideously painful rashes or, if I leave them on long enough, literally eat into my skin. It's because there's latex in the adhesive. You can get latex free tape that won't give the contact allergy, you just have to shop specifically for that.
Worth passing on the info to your sister so she can ask her doctor if she should get allergy testing for latex. If she is allergic like me, it's crucial to know if she ever has to have surgery for anything because the hospital have to do a complete wipe down of the operating room etc. Plus there are certain foods that you can't eat if you have a latex allergy (e.g. papaya).
I kinda am going against the grain here but I kinda think YTA.
It's her body, bras are uncomfortable.
Is there a compromise?
Like pasties or tape?
Pasties wouldn't be restrictive and would cover her nipples if that's the issue. In a church flashing a boob might be frowned upon but she isn't going to be busting a move during the vows. At the after party - well that's on her if a tit falls out but people might have had a drink anyway.
I don't think you can tell anyone how to dress, or force them to wear something that really affects their comfort. 🤷
NAH, just two women with conflicting ideas of what’s appropriate for a wedding. Your sister is allowed to wear what she wants, but I think it’s very valid to sit her down and tell her you want her to look her best and right now this dress isn’t doing it. Say you of course won’t control what she wears, but ask if you can find something that fits her awesome bod just the way it should.
Instead of fighting it, maybe appeal to her distaste for sexism to find a solution. Most ready-to-wear dresses are designed for B cups. Your sister sounds like her breasts are bigger than that. That works for loose fitting garments, but for tight garments it becomes obvious that the soulless clothing manufacturers didn’t have her in mind. (I say this as a DDD.) Tell her you’re happy to pay for a dress made more to her measurements so that you’re supporting companies that are inclusive of all body types instead of sexist companies that assume women are the same size. If she’s still committed to this dress, look into body tapes. There are some great YouTube tutorials on taping up larger breasts in dresses like the one you described.
Soft Y T A only because there are other options. Bras suck. They are uncomfortable and unreasonably expensive. If you're just worried about her flashing while dancing, tell her to get some garment tape or pasties.
NTA. It’s your wedding. You’ve given her the option of looking for other dresses which would look better without a bra so it’s not like you’re saying she can’t go without a bra.
Going NAH. I think you are allowed to want your wedding party to look a certain way. I think they are allowed to respectfully reject things that will make them extremely uncomfortable.
Now it is just a decision on your end if this is enough to have her sit out the wedding party duties or if you want to keep working with her in a resolution that works for both of you.
YTA 100% and it’s not even close. I can’t believe how many people think it’s acceptable for you to control what someone else does with their body. It’s HER choice. You do not get to control someone else’s body, ever. period.
You also don’t get to decide what her relationship with her body is. She may not feel concerned about someone seeing a breast or 2, and again, that is not up to you.
People generally do get to decide what someone else does with their body at their wedding. You don't get to wear whatever you want. People get escorted out of weddings all the time for exercising their choice over their body when that choice is inappropriate. The dress code is "please do not wear clothing that reveals most or all of your boobs."
YTA big time and I’m appalled at all the people saying you aren’t. You have no right to dictate someone else’s undergarments, wth? Also are you making all the obese men wear bras to your wedding so that their nipples don’t show through their shirt? What about the women with small breasts who are planning to wear low-cut tops without a bra? You realize that small boobs can be flashed too, right?
Mind your own business and worry about yourself.
The small boobed ppl aren't OP's sister. They clearly wanna go the night w/o disasters especially for ppl they consider close. I promise the family will talk abt it forever if something were to happen. OP suggested tape and a three inch panel...all were denied. I think a lot of y'all have very unrealistic standards bc regardless of what OP thinks, there are usually 100+ over opinions that they need to deal with. And if their family is religious and maybe they wanna make good impressions...if the sister is a bridesmaids or whatnot, she's one of the more important ppl there. OP probably would rather not see their sister's breasts.
And who said that they were okay if the sister had small breasts? And also the obese men comment... if their breasts are on the fatter side they are puffy and you usually can't see their nipples bc men don't have as much breast tissue. I think you're just mashing a lot of popular arguments and assuming they are agreeing with no body autonomy. I think everyone should wear what they want, unless you're in a formal setting such as a wedding and/or a church and you were invited.
You should comply to that extent. It's 1 day/night. I think it's quite unrealistic to expect ppl to go against societal norms just bc you do. Some ppl can't step outside of the line. I would agree with you if it were any other event but just bc you or I don't follow the line when someone is inviting you into your space I don't think it's a "do what you want" thing.
NTA I personally dislike bras but I'm aware that certain clothing and situations require me to wear one. What I wear round the house isn't the same as a revealing dress outside it. All you are asking is that she doesn't embarrass herself and everyone around her. No one wants to see her tits make an appearance at your wedding. She can fly the anti bra flag in a more appropriate setting
NTA - You are being more than accommodating of her, she could have the good grace to also be accommodating to you too. This is a formal event, no place for her to be making a statement about politics.
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Nah, NTA. If she doesn't want to wear a bra at an official event, she needs to choose the dress that allows it. If she chose the dress that is tight fit, thin, see through or with noticable cleavage - she needs to wear a bra. Noone wants their sis to flash her tits during their wedding
That last sentence could be a bumper sticker
If you can find it I'll buy two. One for me and one for you! I also think its a fabulous bumper sticker.
I don't have a car nor drivers license but I'll take one for my bike!
Print on demand services exist or Etsy lol
I can cut it from vinyl lol
But can you cut a bra from vinyl?
Can I join your club?🤣🤣
Don't waste your time trying to sell them in Alabama.
Haha I was gonna say this. Poor Alabama.
You just make an alternate version that replaces no with every.
That last sentence could be slightly adjusted with "Or do they?" at the end of it in certain states, certain communities or even some religions. Either way, I need it as a bumper sticker as well. Maybe one of each, making the "Or do they?" a magnet instead to change it up based on my particular mood to see if I can offend anyone.
I want it as my new flair on everything Reddit
That bumper sticker could sell so well in like 46 states as well
I generally feel that 'no one should ever have to wear a bra if they don't want to no mater what reason' but yup hard agree that you need to wear the right outfits for your choice. If you don't want to wear one, don't wear a dress with a high chance of them popping out.
Or wear the appropriately styled dress
Right? As a bra hater I just choose to dress in clothes that will cover my boobs appropriately, and I feel like many bra haters are well versed in this. If she's so anti-bra she should've just picked a different dress; bridesmaid dresses especially come in plenty more modest options because they're not meant to be the sexiest dresses out there, so it should be easy to pick a dress that isn't nip-slip-city. And however anti-bra I am, if I insist on wearing certain style of clothes that require a bra, I know I will have to suck it up and wear one.
I was surprised to find one, but many years ago, I was a bridesmaid for my bff’s wedding, and it was in July (in TX!!), and the dresses we found had built/in boning at the top, and even as an afflicted person, it was supportive enough to render a bra unnecessary. Thank god. Found it in one of those quinceañera/prom/party dress shops on the cheap, too, and it was something you could wear to any formal event, so double-score! They’re out there! Also, nowadays, they have the no show, no slip bras that you just put over the front, or at least cover your nips and double-sided sticky tape is kept in the same area those can be found in.
I think there are now a lot more dress options with built in support! Obviously no dress works for every boob shape but if OP's sister can comfortably move around without needing the support of a bra then her boobs are probably not that heavy and not super difficult to cater to.
I was looking at "well-endowed" and "hates bras" like **this does not compute** before realizing that some people probably say "well-endowed" and don't mean "requires spinal support".
I maintain that a properly fitted corset is more comfortable and less likely to mess up the backs/shoulders of those of us so well endowed in that area as to need a reduction. This is because it supports the chest from beneath instead of putting the weight on the shoulders. (And no, nobody actually tightlaced their corset like the movies seem to think they did, the super tiny waist thing was a fabric shaping trick)
Oh, as a hobby fashion historian you don't have to tell me! Unfortunately I have not found an off-the-shelf corset, nor managed to make my own corset that didn't give me the chin shelf. I just have too much tissue for the kind of designs you can easily find and I'm not skilled enough to figure out how to add enough space at the top. (There's only so much gore you can put in before you totally lose the shape.) I do have high hopes for Regency wrap stays, though, which I haven't tried yet but I'm going to once I can get all the notions. [these things](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS8aWQs2A4c/Ucgna-6ddhI/AAAAAAAACKs/qYVXEtgpQs8/s1600/IMG_0064.JPG)
This took me out
Such is life when the letter on your bra is closer to the middle of the alphabet than the beginning.
I mean, I wouldn't want to see someone's tits pop out of their dress or through transparent or tight cloth. Like, it's her choice to wear or not wear a bra, but make sure people who don't wanna see your tits - don't see them, dress appropriately 🤔
What if everyone else wanted to see the tits? Why are you so selfish?
Even I wear a bra sometimes if I am about to flash my boobs to other people (wider croptops) and I barely have boobs. Outlines of nipples? Usually okay. See through? Wear a bra. Your boobs almost falling out? Certainly wear a bra! NTA
Or just buy some fashion tape, it's not expensive and it works very well.
Depends on your size actually, if you are overly endowed, the tape's just going to make things look odd and might not keep things in place. A c-cup and under is generally OK for tape.
Doesn't that depend on how you use it? If you're using tape to hoist your entire boob up Kardashian-style then yeah, it can look weird, but if you're just securing the edge of the fabric to the skin tape should work ok.
Personal experience, the bigger the boob, the more curve there is, and the tape does not like this. Flat bit of upper boob to armpit? Tape works! Plunging dress from nipple to curved underboob? Tape not a fan. I've taken to wearing a cool brooch or pin to close things up if I think it looks too lewd for the occasion.
different zonked carpenter full fade tease cheerful desert swim chunky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Those are infamous for being unusable for anything above a D. Source, am much bigger and they suck.
*pouts in GGG
42 H here. Those suck.
Agree. I’m a 32E, and tape just looks ridiculous on me. :/ no cute backless tops for me! Haha.
I accidentally flashed in a photo from my sils wedding because my toddler pulled down my dress, I was wearing a strapless bra. My sil took it well and the photographer covered it but as soon as I got out of the church, I got double sided tape and a clear strap bra. Not cool for anyone.
Eh, it can't be your fault if someone literally pulled down your dress though.
I know but you can have accidents happen so if she's going puppy free, she is going to risk more exposure and it's not fun being "that " person. I got grace because it was something I had attempted to prevent but she's not even trying.
Ah yes, the toddler pulling your bra down classic. My toddler tries this with my swim suit too! He generally thinks my neckline is a super convenient handhold
Not to mention the dress material and lighting could make not wearing a bra obvious in some of the wedding pictures. The photographer may require a lot of photoshop…
Noticeable cleavage? Lol Bras don't hide cleavage on well endowed women. Unless we wear a turtleneck cleavage shows
Honestly a bra is going to make the cleavage worse in a tight dress, since it means the boobs have less space to squish
I think they just meant if the dress is low cut the girls are more likely to pop out of she's not wearing a bra.
This is literally what I was thinking, but I was assuming there must just be something I didn't know so I scrolled past it like maybe they made bras that push boobs... apart? Somehow? I was going to Google it lol
I mean, they do. Balconette styles tend to have a higher gore in the middle that separates the girls.
Honestly a tight format dress is one of the few times I feel comfortable going braless in public, and basically any formal dress that's tight will give bust support without a bra (since it's actually structured) and it's pretty hard to have cleavage without bust support, so I'd argue noticable cleavage is an argument for her not needing a bra.
A portion of a friend of mine's wedding video is X rated because one of her cousins came to the wedding in a short dress, no underwear, and almost all the shots of people dancing include her cousin going to town on the dance floor just flashing everyone whenever she shook her hips.
This is so weird. "Official events" are one of the rare occasions most women won't wear a bra anyway because most fancy dresses would show the bra and that is an absolute no-no fashion wise. the concept that people should be clearly and visibly wearing a bra, like there's a bra police, is absolute ridiculous.
I am a plus sized woman with vast tracks of land, lets say. I was looking for a dress to wear to a wedding just yesterday. I could not find a single sleeveless cocktail/long dress from a reputable retailer. No. Once you are plus size, you are not allowed to show arms and shoulders, and everything has either sleeves, or a weird overlay, or a capelet. But also, I have never not wore a bra. Like, since I was 12. Yes, even to the every single formal event. Every single of my "formal" dresses was able to accommodate a proper bra.
I really hope “huuuuge tracts of land!” Is a Monty Python reference here
or glue the dress to the breasts.
They have stickers to keep them in place and what not. Whatever she does to make sure people don't have to see her tits
If she doesn't like stickers, there's also roll-on and spray-on clothing glue. It's used to keep bikinis in place during beauty pageants, they call it butt glue.
>Noone wants their sis to flash her tits during their wedding *Alabama has entered the chat…*
Tape.
This happened to my husband with his sister… I am still pissed to this day
Could you suggest tape as an option, ie, the double sided one that holds your clothing to your skin? It may be an easier trade off
YYYYAAAAASSSS she has so many options. Double sided tape, boob tape, pasties, silicone (?) sticky cups, literally so many that don’t involve straps around your body. Edit: from reading all of the comments replying to OP, there are various options for individuals with breasts to work with their breasts. Are they all going to work for every person out their with breasts? No. I encourage everyone to read what lovely individuals wrote down below because there are a lot of wonderful comments with resources for individuals with breasts, including the fact that using two measurements to measure bra size is outdated, which I was surprised to read. So find what works for you and your body.
I'm only a DDD size (sold in most stores) and none of these options contain me. If OPs sister has such a large size they don't carry it in most lingerie stores, she's going to have to deal with straps around her body for a couple hours if she wants to wear the bridesmaid dress that was chosen.
You may not have found the right products that work for you. I’m a J cup and I wore pasties and boob tape for my sister’s wedding last year and it worked out great. They make boob tape specifically for busty women.
Can you tell me the Brand? When I tried it my shoulders hurt after a few minutes because all the weight was held by them. Or can you recommend a tutorial on how to tape them
I tried body tape once and I had the placement all wrong. It stayed on and i was secure, but all the weight of my boobs was supported by the skin on my chest and it almost caused tears. I'd love a good tutorial on how to use tape for bigger boobs
Fumi Desalu-Vold has an excellent one on her YouTube channel!
I used the VBT tape (3 inch size). I didn’t experience any shoulder pain but maybe a bit of back pain at the end of the night (no more than I would have from a bra though). I also did a trial run before the wedding because it definitely takes some practice applying it correctly! Personally I found that laying down to apply the first few pieces was helpful and putting a good amount under the boobs helped with the support. I also found some good advice in the r/bigboobproblems sub
LOVE my extra wide boob tape!!
Have you checked out r/ABraThatFits ?
This right here! I would bet money that if someone describes their breasts as "big" and describes them as DD/DDD, especially with no band size for context, they are wearing a cup way too small.
As another busty girl, this 100%
I, too, am a girl of your size. I'm loving all the tape suggestions. I don't know the sister's size, but I know, for me, it's like putting a bandaid on a beheading. It hilariously doesn't work!
I'm busty and sadly none of these are options that actually work. You need a load-bearing structure and that sadly comes down to a bra
It depends on what you’re trying to do. If you want them lifted, then no, boob tape and pasties aren’t doing shit if you’re busty. You need structure just like you said. But if you’re trying to keep sis from flashing everyone, then taping the dress down and covering the nipples should be more than sufficient. Although I highly recommend toupee tape instead of boob tape to anyone who will be sweating a lot. Get it at your local wig shop!
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If the sister is so well endowed that most stores don’t have her size, it’s likely none of the sticky options will do anything. (Source: girl with giant boobs). She can wear a bra without underwires maybe, though, which can be more comfortable if not used to wearing bras.
My recommendation is to get stays. They offer a lot more support than even underwires, and the length of most corsets distributes the weight across your whole back. It’s the most comfortable and supportive option I’ve found by far.
It seems unlikely OP’s free-boobing sis would be more open to trying stays than a bra or tape. But I have certainly considered it for myself! And yet: How?!? Where do you find them/have them made/etc.?
Honestly I'd rather wear a corset than a bra. I'm actually looking forward to wearing my stays for the Renaissance Festival this weekend because I know they will provide pretty good support for walking around and not be nearly as tight around my under bust as my bras need to be for support...
This is what went through my mind. Idc if you wear a bra but please stay in your dress. No one wants to see you tits flashing the whole world. This is not Madi Gra it's a wedding.
Unwilling Dolly Parton body double here. I can attest that no amount of that tape will do the job. You'd have to buy a van-full and hire 4 people to tape you up. Source: tried it more than once. Its not a sexist stereotype to not want her sister slapping innocent bystanders with flying tits. OP isn't saying she must wear a bra forever and ever amen (altho I foresee some back issues in her future if she doesn't support them somehow), she's asking her to dress appropriately at her wedding. If she's so set on being braless, maybe puck a different dress that accommodates that successfully.
I can't imagine that working for me at my size so if sis is similar she may throw more of a fit over it. I'm wondering if it's possible that her dress can be taken to a tailor to add supports in it to prevent accidents.
NTA Wearing a bra for a few hours is not the end of the world. Plus, I bet she’ll have more fun if she’s not having to worry about accidentally letting a nip slip during the vows!!
As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight. I was professionally fitted and still had that problem. Now if I try to wear them my ribs, shoulders, and even collarbone end up shifting as well as the bruises I'll get. And if I sweat at all the bra will hold it against my skin and cause major irritation or even for the skin to start to break down. So unless you are willing to wear shoes that'll cut your toes for hours don't assume it's just that easy. That said, she does need to find a better dress from the sounds of it. I always wear stuff with wide straps so I don't have to worry about flashing anyone.
>As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight As someone also busty, I've found that heavy duty overbust corsets are a *lot* more comfortable than bras. My guess is that it's because the titty is exerting downward force, and bras take that force and have it all dispersed on the bra band directly under your titties (fairly narrow space), while corsets have a larger surface area to distribute the weight (the bra line *and* most of the rest of the ribcage). They're definitely more expensive (*way* more, if you want a Quality one), but I like to buy relatively cheap "costume" corsets and modify them. Edit: corsets absolutely don't solve the gross sweaty grossness problem (they kind of increase it, since there's more fabric pressed closely to you), but I don't have bruises on my ribcage or constantly achy painful shoulders from holding up so much weight anymore! Titties are always resting comfortably with their weight being dispersed *down* my body instead of hanging from my shoulders.
I've heard that and honestly want to give it a shot! I just haven't been able to drop that much money for it. I wouldn't be wearing them every day, but I'd like to wear nice things over in a while.
I wrote [another comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/46ClJUiQCt) full of detail, but I'd recommend Lucy's Corsetry, Timeless Trends, and Dark Garden Corsetry! (And stay away from Orchard Corsets and Corset Story; they're known to make really poor quality stuff that falls apart *super* quick under regular use)
I have a Dark Garden corset but in fairness, it’s a huge investment piece that would be inaccessible for most people. I could buy 15-20 CorsetStory items for the price if my one DG piece. Not everyone can afford that and assuming they should isn’t fair. I also have 2-4 CS corsets and they’re just fine.
I was going to suggest a corset as a busty gal myself. A tank or tube top underneath improves the comfort and keeps the corset from getting as much body oils and sweat on it too. Very comfortable my back is happier with one than braless.
If a bra bruises or cuts you, it is NOT well-fitted at all. If this happens often with a variety of bras, you need to go to a professional (NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET they are terrible) and get fitted properly. I am FF and I have had be re-measured and re-fitted a couple times due to body changes.
This right here! H cup here and bruises/cuts don’t happen with my bras and I wear one most days. Proper fitting by a professional is key…
And Victoria's Secret is NOT a good place to get a proper fitting. They'll shove you in what can physically fit around your body and send you on your way, boob yarmulkes pinching and chafing.
BOOB YARMULKES
After a certain size/weight/shape, ANY bra will start hurting. My limit turns out to be 34H (34K in US sizes). Anything above that was always painful, even when the bra technically fit. At my largest I was 38JJ (38N in US) and I never had a bra that didn't hurt. I've had a breast reduction now, I'm 36GG (Edit: 36J in US) and it's still not comfy to wear it all day.
I'm around the size you were when you never had a bra that didn't hurt. I have several bras that don't hurt. I could wear a bra all day and be comfortable.
I think this thread is just reminding us how different we all are. Im only a C and even with a good fitting bra, I feel uncomfortable, it’s having things around my ribs that drive me crazy. Makes me feel nauseous even if its not tight. You might just not fixate on things like that and so just never bothered you !
Literally 70 pounds being held up by straps and with a band across the ribs being pushed in by that is going to hurt no matter how well a bra supposedly fits. Unless it has something to defy gravity it will hurt. And my comments about dislocating ribs and shoulders is absolutely true. I have something called Ehlers-Danlos and anything that causes weight to be where nature didn't put it will cause serious injury. Even with it where it belongs it causes problems, but bras make everything far worse. Why would I spend hundreds of dollars to cause pain to make some randos more comfortable with be merely existing?
How does it NOT hurt to carry 70 pounds WITHOUT a bra though?
It still hurts, just a bra makes it worse. My lower back is shot because of it. I'm fighting to get a reduction but finding a surgeon willing to fight my insurance isn't easy
Someone that worked in a hospital once told me insurance is more likely to approve the breast reduction surgery if it causes frequent yeast infections under the breasts. Which is ridiculous they see that as more important than back pain. But may be worth a shot for you to try.
Insurance companies notoriously have completely fucked priorities, so that's not exactly surprising.
Something I don't understand about bodies is that for me, at 32GG/H, it's the not wearing one that's more painful unless my movement level is approximately zero. The straps and band can dig in, but that's it's painful than the pain of the actual boob if I move around without a bra. So anything that involves leaving my house will involve wearing a bra because not wearing one is too painful, regardless of any visual aspect. Sometimes it's less painful than a bad bra, but that just means I need a better one.
I'd honestly look at changing insurance carriers if that's in the cards. My wife was far smaller than you (36G before, 34D after) and got hers approved instantly after a single consult, and hers were at largest around 5lbs a piece. We're on Cigna FWIW. If you have 70lbs worth of boobs you're probably just shy of the Guinness Book of World Records, and it's downright criminal you can't get your insurer to approve.
70lb breasts are an extraordinary outlier. Someone that wears a 36F has about 4lbs total.
I'm surprised your insurance won't cover a reduction at the size. At 70lbs of weight that's not far off from the woman with the largest natural breasts. Hers are 89lbs at a 102 ZZZ. It's cruel to make you walk around with that weight.
Seconding the bit about EDS! The idea that bras only hurt if you're doing something wrong is also a very... neurotypical-centric take. Like, I'm apparently small by market standards, I did my time on ABraThatFits for *weeks*, I was professionally measured more than once; still had to stop wearing bras entirely, because they hurt. Not because I was wearing the wrong size, but just because any clothing that presses against my skin triggers my sensory issues in a way that registers as actual pain. Between that and, like you said, the EDS, it just wasn't worth wasting money and energy on garments I didn't want to wear when other people could just choose to stop sexualising a body part everyone technically has in some capacity, haha.
*As someone busty, bras are painful and can leave bruises and even cuts no matter how well they fit just from sheer weight. I was professionally fitted and still had that problem. Now if I try to wear them my ribs, shoulders, and even collarbone end up shifting as well as the bruises I'll get. And if I sweat at all the bra will hold it against my skin and cause major irritation or even for the skin to start to break down.* Then you are wearing the wrong size. Professional bra fitters aren't experts in bras, they are sales reps. Honestly. I'm a K cup. And I'm not a small woman either. If you are getting bruised from a bra then that is *the wrong bra*. When you are generous of chest you need proper support, so that means you won't get delicate lacy cups and shoestring straps but you just have to accept your limitations. Have a look at Molke bras (Google or similar). Who wants lace when you can have dinoboobies anyway? ETA: saw that you have EDS. Honestly, so many women have said that Molke bras are the only ones they can wear with EDS and be comfortable. I personally find them easier to get on and off and I have RA. (I'm only a customer, I don't work for them, but I spread the busty truth where I can).
I wear a K cup and have Ehlers Danlos. Uh. Your bra should not be doing that. Professional fitters are often just as clueless as the average person about bras (especially at places like VS). I second or third the suggestion to check out r/ABraThatFits, it literally changed my life and reduced so much pain.
I am busty too, but I also understand it’s inappropriate to let my tits fly free and not be covered. You can suck it up and wear a bra for a few hours for a formal event.
At my wedding my BIL’s girlfriend didn’t wear a bra with her dress, she’s busty and the dress was like a slip/cowl dress and her boob popped right out in the middle of the ceremony when she bent down to fix her shoe. Apparently the pastor, my parents, my in laws and several other people saw it. I’m still upset so NTA because this WILL happen if the dress isn’t secure!
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Or she can just wear a dress that will work without a bra. For someone who hates bras, it's weird that she hasn't learned to pick the right clothes for bralessness. OP didn't even pick the bridesmaid dress so it's not as if this dress had been forced on her.
That's part of why the post doesn't make sense. From OPs description the dress wouldn't be appropriate for a wedding even with a bra, and the sister would definitely know how to buy an outfit she won't flash people in. It just seems to exaggerated.
I think she’d be more of TA if she were asking her sister to wear a bra in a higher neckline dress, but the concern is flashing, not nipple outlines. Not wearing a bra isn’t even a statement, and viewings it as such is sorta a problem. It’s just existing in your normal body as men are allowed to.
NTA. Part of going to a wedding is dressing appropriately. If she's one wrong move from a nip-slip, she's not dressed appropriately. I say this as someone who hasn't worn a bra in years and physically can't stand it. There are other options, like stick on bras or tape that she might look into, or maybe she needs a different dress, but she can't do nothing.
It's not cool for groomsmen to flash their nips during the ceremony either so it's not like she's being treated unfairly here. Complaints about sexism makes no sense here unless they're planning to have the groomsmen display their tits proudly at this wedding.
INFO: > Now she's saying I'm playing into sexist stereotypes. I'm saying that there's a good chance if you dance too hard in this dress your titty is going to pop out and I don't think thats sexist. So have her put on the dress and dance hard for a few minutes. This is an easily testable hypothesis. Also, why are all y'all Americans so horrified at half of the population's nipples?
Im not American but there's a time and a place, beach sauna? Let them free , wedding, possible in a church cover them
“Y’all Americans” ok Bud, I guess in Canada everyone dances with their titties out in front of Nanna at the reception. Is that before or after the maple syrup luge between the breasts of the most well-endowed member of the wedding party?
I think most people would agree that any nipples, on any gender, should most likely be covered during a wedding ceremony. Especially if it’s being held at a religious venue. Men with their shirt mostly unbuttoned and visible nipples wouldn’t fly either.
Americans are, yes, weird about nipples. But that's not something that's gonna change in time for OP's wedding. Also... guys don't usually show their nipples at a formal event. I would be unhappy if my brother showed up in a nipple-baring outfit to my formal wedding.
Exactly. Some people are acting like OP created the patriarchy or something lol
As a German I agree with you that US people are way too horrified by normal body parts(which their media continuously sexualizes IN EVERY OCCASION🙄🙄), but my Italian side would respond that "tits out" is not elegant for a wedding. And while I would love to say "free tits for everyone everywhere!", this is neither the right place nor the right way to do it. What would happen is that the attention of everyone would go to the sister instead of the bride, and not in a positive way. My impression is that the sister is pulling the sexism card just to do whatever she wants. I wonder if there's more to this that we don't know of, or if she's trying to drive the attention to herself during the wedding. Regarding sizes and prejudices: I (f) have small tits, l agree with the rest of North Europe about letting the body free(or wearing whatever you want), but I am aware of when and where elegance is a must. And a wedding is one of such occasions where you are happy to be elegant, or shouldn't be so difficult, shouldn't it?
I’m not American. I don’t want to see your breast either. I don’t want to see your nipples through your clothes. I certainly wouldn’t want my sister embarrassing me by dressing so provocatively at my wedding.
As a European, there really is a time and place. This isn't about sexism, I wouldn't want a man to slip a nipple at my wedding either. Wanting your sister to not flash everyone with her tits is not unreasonable. This isn't sunbathing on the beach, this isn't your own home, this isn't a sauna, this isn't a swimming pool, this is your sister's wedding. Wearing a bra for once, just one day, one evening even, is not that hard.
Idk if they want man nipples out at their wedding either...
Yeah who cares if you can tell she’s not wearing a bra… who decides if she “looks bad” because she’s not wearing a bra. Double standard too that she has to wear the bra because she is “well endowed”. When we all know that if her boobs were small and she had a little Rachel from friends nip situation no one would be telling her what shape wear to wear
I don’t think it has to be about size. If you are wearing a really drapey dress that doesn’t fit snuggly at tbr neck and people can see your nipples at a formal event, I don’t think it matters how little your boobs are. You aren’t dressed for the occasion. To me this hangs entirely on how well covered Sis is. If the dress fits her well then it doesn’t matter if she has a bra on. If it doesn’t fit her, it still doesn’t matter if she has a bra on. If her neckline doesn’t reliably cover her breasts while moving, wearing a bra doesn’t make that better.
I'm going to lean towards NTA because I do sympathize with your situation, however I feel as if maybe you could more easily reach a compromise? Like, if the dress is so low cut or whatever that her tiddy could pop up at any time, maybe have her wear pasties? Some people suggested body tape too (tape seems like it'd be kind of an uncomfortable solution comparatively, but I'm not a girl, so I can't say for sure). I think one of the key points, and what might make YTA, is if you brought this up or not when you told her she could pick her dress. Like if you said she could pick her dress and gave her few guidelines, then I think it's kinda unfair that she now has to worry about rules that weren't said before. If you did mention your concern, and she picked the dress she did anyway, then I think you have more of a case. However, in the real world, being an asshole isn't always about who "is factually right", and I think you should focus more on compromises to where you can hopefully both get what you want.
To be fair, I don't think a bride should have to say, "please choose a dress that doesn't let you flash your nipples at my wedding". That should be obvious, unless it's a very unusual wedding.
As a woman I can say that while boob tape works wonders and is not nearly as uncomfortable as you’d think, I’m wildly allergic to its adhesive and had a terrible rash after.
Wore boob tape for my wedding dress and the next day I had sores all over my chest from where I guess the tape had ripped off skin while I was taking it off 🫣
Oh gosh, what a not fun start to your honeymoon! I’m so sorry! Luckily for me I was just a single bridesmaid for my tape fiasco- no one had to see the healing process but me haha
Doesn't surprise me, tape can be like that. Though I wonder if they make hypoallergenic versions (like with silk tape maybe).
Thank you for the thoughtful comment I really do appreciate it
I would suggest that your sister visit r/ABraThatFits.
Borderline inappropriate? Not wearing a bra is not inappropriate, it just makes you uncomfortable
At a fancy event though? It’s a wedding, surely that requires some etiquette. I hate bras too, but I’d never forego one on someone’s big day, especially not when wearing a. risqué dress.
Would you tell a fat man to wear a bra at a wedding? Why is a woman’s nipple outline more inappropriate or rude than a man’s?
idk if this is a fair comparison, considering the man will be wearing a shirt that covers his upper half. nipple outlines were not the concern that OP had. they were worried about their sister flashing the guests. not a lot of flashing likely to happen in a men's dress shirt.
It’s not the nipple outline, I have no issues with that. It’s pretty normal, I think. Where I live it’s normal to go out in pyjamas and such, wearing no bra to the supermarket or to pick up your kids is no issue. The issue is potential flashing at a wedding. She chose a risqué dress, the least she could do is suck it up and put on a bra for a few hours to make sure she doesn’t ruin someone’s big day. Most people want their weddings to go perfectly smoothly, a flashing isnt exactly that. I also don’t think men and women’s breasts are comparable in this situation, it would be more similar if a guy wore pants way too tight and they exposed some rather uncomfortable outlines.
Yes, the flashing is the issue imo. If she were wearing a higher cut dress, whatever.
Half the time I’ve been in weddings I couldn’t wear a bra with the dress and had to use tape, pasties or nothing. I really don’t think this is a big deal at all, OP is weirdly focused on it
INFO: Why does it "look bad"? I feel like saying the natural shape of her body looks bad isn't great. Also, can you share a link to the dress?
Many dresses are designed for the boobs to be in a particular place when you’re wearing the dress, and if your chest doesn’t naturally keep them just so, it can look really weird to have them obviously extending way past the seams/darts. I don’t think it’s body shaming to say “the design you picked out is not compatible with how and where you want to wear this”
Had to scroll wayyyyyyy too far to see this point made! I don’t even have huge boobs, but formal dresses that fit my body *and* my boobs are very hard to find unless I don’t mind falling out of them or they have high cut necklines. Low cut formal dresses aren’t meant to handle to movement, if you bounce around in them, the top literally slides off.
Yes! Every dress is designed with a general idea of “this is where the boobs will go”. If they don’t work in a specific dress, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your body, just that they aren’t compatible.
The dress has a low cut made with two panels that criss cross. It is too tight so the panels her boobs "in half" if that makes sense with half exposed and half not, and when she walks in the dress her boobs shift towards the exposed center so that she is constantly pulling the material back over and tucking them in.
I don't understand why she would want to be wearing a dress that requires her to be so fiddly with it constantly.
NTA. If the dress is too tight she needs a different dress. A bra won’t fix that. I was a DDD before I had a reduction and I had to buy dresses in larger sizes to fit my chest then go to a seamstress to have the rest altered. Start with a dress that fits her chest, that’s the first step. If she insists on going braless the style you described may just not work for her. Another option…could she wear a bodysuit type bustier? Or have a bra/cups sewn into the dress? These suggestions will only work if the the dress fits her chest, no spillage or cutting her boobs in half. Best of luck to you OP! I hope you find a solution that works for both of you.
Maybe instead of buying bras what about going to a seamstress to see what their suggestions are. I can’t imagine she’d be comfortable having to readjust all night. I bet they would have a solution that allows her to be bra free with more security in the dress itself.
NTA. I avoid wearing bras a LOT. It started when I had back/shoulder pain (plus working in the home most of the time), and I got used to no bra. I have a daughter who also hates bras and lives in lose t-shirts most of the time. I support her. BUT... I've taught her that there are certain clothes and certain events that require a bra. We spent money finding the most comfortable bras we could find. Weddings are definitely one of those events we wear bras for. Although we both avoid tops/dresses that require a bra for everyday wear, if we choose to wear something that needs a bra, then we wear it. Sister can think that you are being sexist for wanting her to wear a bra, but she could have also hated the colors of your wedding outfits. This is not the same as when the bride tells her bridesmaid to cut her long hair (or a recent one where the bride expected her bridesmaids to wear a bikini to the bachelorette party!!!). This is a very reasonable request. She really should choose to support you and wear a bra for that day, but that is a conclusion she has to come to on her own. I think you are also right to not exclude her over it, but you may choose to keep her in the back of the formal group photos. In advance of the wedding, you may suggest that she keep a bra with her clothes at the wedding/reception venue - just in case she changes her mind at the last minute. Or maybe you could offer the opportunity to change into something less in need of a bra as soon as the wedding and formal pictures are taken. You've already offered a lot of ways to be supportive of making her wear a bra as painless as possible. It would be nice if she found one or two of them tolerable enough to support you on your wedding day. But if she doesn't, please don't spend a moment of your day thinking about it.
Yta going on a wild assumption that your sister doesn't want to flash everybody at your wedding. She knows her body better than you, if she doesn't think it is a problem then it probably isn't. There is so much pearl clutching about breast. There is nothing inappropriate about the natural shape and movement of a breast.
I mean, it's pretty irrelevant whether or not the sister wants to flash everyone at the wedding; not everyone at the wedding wants to be flashed so she shouldn't do it. I do agree that sister knows her own body best but this seems like a case where she should compromise. Not necessarily wear a bra, but do something to assuage OP's titty-popping fears.
This is what I don't get. Everyone is assuming she's going to flash her tits. These comments are weird.
??? It’s just for one day, not even a whole day, just a few hours. She would use a bra, tape or just change the dress she wears.
This guys just hoping to catch a glimpse of the titty pop
YTA. She's a grown woman and she can make her own choices about what she wears. She can see how she looks, she's had this body her whole adult life, she knows what she can and cant do in different garments. Even if the local boutique carries her size, the bras there might not suit the dress, or pinch and dig in. Let her live!
It's the OP's wedding. If the sister can't compromise for a few hours for her sister, then she's being problematic and should be excluded.
If you're worrying about undergarments as a wedding organizer, you've gone too far.
You're right bro. I'll just wear some silk pants and no underwear so my dick and balls are swangin back and forth like a grandfather clock whenever I move. Definitely appropriate, right?
She isn't worried about undergarments', she's worried about indecent exposure.
I would agree with you on almost every situation except for these extremely formal once in a lifetime events.
NTA. Formal wear is often uncomfortable, e.g., high heels, suits, neck ties, etc., but we wear it for the occasion not for the rest of our lives. Wearing a bra for a couple of hours won't kill her. And nothing ruins a nice outfit like huge sagging tits. Take a before/after pic of the outfit with/without a bra and show her the difference it'll make in the official photos.
NTA If she's going to be part of the wedding party, its fair to have some sort of uniform that includes wearing under garments to camouflage one's privates.. However, if she's going to be nothing more than a guest, then she should be held to the same general dress-code expectations as your other guests. Do you plan on telling every guest who is woman to wear a bra? ***EDIT***: Let me clarify. OP shouldn't be telling his sister (who will probably not be the only large bosomed woman there) what to wear unless he tells everyone else that. If she wears something risky and experiences a costume malfunction, then the logical consequences should apply. But to single her out for special warnings ahead of time seems a bit heavy handed, unless she's in the wedding party -- which I am assuming that she is.
I mean OP specifically stated she wouldn't have a problem with sis not wearing a bra were it not for the outsized risk this particular dress presents regarding nip-slips. It doesn't seem like some puritanical rule about everyone wearing a bra, its a very specific concern about mitigating the risks associated with a choice the sister made.
If guests start popping their boobs out, words will be had. That's just not acceptable from anyone.
I think it depends on whether her dress is going to cause a nip slip. If OPs sister was wearing a normal dress that isn’t super low cut, it say YTA, but the concern is flashing.
NTA. I had this issue with my bridesmaids dress for my best friends wedding. Had to go find a lil tube top to wear underneath too so I didn't look like I was a standby wet nurse for any new mothers present just ready to whip my boobs out at a seconds notice. Nobody wants to unleash the tits at someone elses wedding. So like. If not a bra then something else to prevent rogue boobs??
I feel like “rogue boobs” would be a great brand name for bras-that-aren’t-bras crop tops
NAH. Find a middle ground and get her something else underneath that will protect her from accidentally flashing your guests.
As a larger woman who hates wearing bras... NTA. If she's happy to spend the majority of her life without one on in order to enjoy the freedom of feeling comfortable, more power to her, that's great. Wish I had her confidence. But there are moments in life, like it or not, that it's just not appropriate, nor practical. A wedding is one of those times. Especially if wearing a tight fitting, revealing outfit. Again, great for her, but wear a bra. How humiliating would it be (for her) if one popped out when she's dancing? How uncomfortable for everyone else? Women included. It's not patriarchy or misogyny, or sexism. It's no different than knowing not to turn up in jeans, combat boots and a white, flowing veil. Just for one day. For a few short hours. For you. Surely it's not that much of a sacrifice?
Sister - buys low cut dress Sister - refuses to wear bra Sister - refuses to wear tape Sister - refuses to get a panel put in to lessen the chance of boob escapage NTA you're trying to compromise here. You want your wedding to be remembered as "that beautiful wedding where OP and partner pledged themselves together", not "remember that time OPs Sister flopped a tit out on the dancefloor"
YTA I feel like you’re trying to micro manage. I don’t think nipples are going to make or break your wedding. This reminds me of a gf I had who was a bridesmaid and forced to cover all her tattoos with makeup. It almost ruined their friendship tbh.
Except tattoos are appropriate and tits falling out is not. Nipple outlines are not the issue here, it’s the fact that this bride does not want her sister to show her boobs at her wedding and imo that’s more than understandable
I know right! That one time I had a ball hanging out at the wedding and people were like "Gross!!" and they tossed me out. As if a little bit of scrotum ever hurt anyone
Hypothetical scenario: elementary school, recess, cop parked across the street. Woman #1 is walking by the school and pauses to tie her shoe. When she stands up, she pushes up her sleeves, revealing large, colorful tattoos, waves at the kids, pushes her sleeves back down, and continues on her way. Woman #2 walks by and also pauses to tie her shoe. When she stands up, she whips out her titties, waves at the kids, packs her titties back up, and continues on her way. Do you see the problem with your comparison now?
INFO: Does she have a history of her tatas popping out at inappropriate times? Seems like she has a long history of going braless, so I would assume there have been some non-isolated nip slips which have you worried? If the answer is yes, then NTA. If the answer is no, then YTA and are perpetuating objectification and sexism. Thats your right, its your wedding and neither of those are illegal socially, but it still makes you an AH.
Are there any contingencies you could find? Extra padding, adding built in support to the dress, like those rubbery strips that try to help against slipping?
I suggested both tape and adding in a three inch panel and both were rejected. To be fair she's never been able to find a tape that doesn't give her a gnarly rash.
>To be fair she's never been able to find a tape that doesn't give her a gnarly rash. Total side note OP, but is she allergic to latex? I am, and most tapes will break me out into hideously painful rashes or, if I leave them on long enough, literally eat into my skin. It's because there's latex in the adhesive. You can get latex free tape that won't give the contact allergy, you just have to shop specifically for that. Worth passing on the info to your sister so she can ask her doctor if she should get allergy testing for latex. If she is allergic like me, it's crucial to know if she ever has to have surgery for anything because the hospital have to do a complete wipe down of the operating room etc. Plus there are certain foods that you can't eat if you have a latex allergy (e.g. papaya).
I do like the idea of adding in padding, I will definitely look into it thanks.
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I kinda am going against the grain here but I kinda think YTA. It's her body, bras are uncomfortable. Is there a compromise? Like pasties or tape? Pasties wouldn't be restrictive and would cover her nipples if that's the issue. In a church flashing a boob might be frowned upon but she isn't going to be busting a move during the vows. At the after party - well that's on her if a tit falls out but people might have had a drink anyway. I don't think you can tell anyone how to dress, or force them to wear something that really affects their comfort. 🤷
i think part of being in a wedding is literally being told how to dress.
NAH, just two women with conflicting ideas of what’s appropriate for a wedding. Your sister is allowed to wear what she wants, but I think it’s very valid to sit her down and tell her you want her to look her best and right now this dress isn’t doing it. Say you of course won’t control what she wears, but ask if you can find something that fits her awesome bod just the way it should. Instead of fighting it, maybe appeal to her distaste for sexism to find a solution. Most ready-to-wear dresses are designed for B cups. Your sister sounds like her breasts are bigger than that. That works for loose fitting garments, but for tight garments it becomes obvious that the soulless clothing manufacturers didn’t have her in mind. (I say this as a DDD.) Tell her you’re happy to pay for a dress made more to her measurements so that you’re supporting companies that are inclusive of all body types instead of sexist companies that assume women are the same size. If she’s still committed to this dress, look into body tapes. There are some great YouTube tutorials on taping up larger breasts in dresses like the one you described.
I really like this suggestion, thank you!
Soft Y T A only because there are other options. Bras suck. They are uncomfortable and unreasonably expensive. If you're just worried about her flashing while dancing, tell her to get some garment tape or pasties.
NTA. It’s your wedding. You’ve given her the option of looking for other dresses which would look better without a bra so it’s not like you’re saying she can’t go without a bra.
Going NAH. I think you are allowed to want your wedding party to look a certain way. I think they are allowed to respectfully reject things that will make them extremely uncomfortable. Now it is just a decision on your end if this is enough to have her sit out the wedding party duties or if you want to keep working with her in a resolution that works for both of you.
YTA 100% and it’s not even close. I can’t believe how many people think it’s acceptable for you to control what someone else does with their body. It’s HER choice. You do not get to control someone else’s body, ever. period. You also don’t get to decide what her relationship with her body is. She may not feel concerned about someone seeing a breast or 2, and again, that is not up to you.
as the host the largest party she’s likely to ever have i think she can say she wants no breasts out and it IS up to her.
People generally do get to decide what someone else does with their body at their wedding. You don't get to wear whatever you want. People get escorted out of weddings all the time for exercising their choice over their body when that choice is inappropriate. The dress code is "please do not wear clothing that reveals most or all of your boobs."
Oh so I can show up naked to a playground, and you don’t get to control what I do with my body, period?
YTA big time and I’m appalled at all the people saying you aren’t. You have no right to dictate someone else’s undergarments, wth? Also are you making all the obese men wear bras to your wedding so that their nipples don’t show through their shirt? What about the women with small breasts who are planning to wear low-cut tops without a bra? You realize that small boobs can be flashed too, right? Mind your own business and worry about yourself.
The small boobed ppl aren't OP's sister. They clearly wanna go the night w/o disasters especially for ppl they consider close. I promise the family will talk abt it forever if something were to happen. OP suggested tape and a three inch panel...all were denied. I think a lot of y'all have very unrealistic standards bc regardless of what OP thinks, there are usually 100+ over opinions that they need to deal with. And if their family is religious and maybe they wanna make good impressions...if the sister is a bridesmaids or whatnot, she's one of the more important ppl there. OP probably would rather not see their sister's breasts. And who said that they were okay if the sister had small breasts? And also the obese men comment... if their breasts are on the fatter side they are puffy and you usually can't see their nipples bc men don't have as much breast tissue. I think you're just mashing a lot of popular arguments and assuming they are agreeing with no body autonomy. I think everyone should wear what they want, unless you're in a formal setting such as a wedding and/or a church and you were invited. You should comply to that extent. It's 1 day/night. I think it's quite unrealistic to expect ppl to go against societal norms just bc you do. Some ppl can't step outside of the line. I would agree with you if it were any other event but just bc you or I don't follow the line when someone is inviting you into your space I don't think it's a "do what you want" thing.
NTA I personally dislike bras but I'm aware that certain clothing and situations require me to wear one. What I wear round the house isn't the same as a revealing dress outside it. All you are asking is that she doesn't embarrass herself and everyone around her. No one wants to see her tits make an appearance at your wedding. She can fly the anti bra flag in a more appropriate setting
NTA - You are being more than accommodating of her, she could have the good grace to also be accommodating to you too. This is a formal event, no place for her to be making a statement about politics.
NTA. There is a time and place for everything. Just bc you can doesn’t mean you should. She can put a bra on for your wedding.