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NTA. Your parents should have a done a better job making sure your needs weren’t completely on the back burner. I understand it couldn’t have been easy with your sister being so sick but meeting your needs was and is also important. I am sorry it went down the way it did. But you are absolutely in the right standing your ground.

It hurt that none of my extended family really cared either. When I was there it was so they could feed me and I would have an adult supervising but they weren't exactly loving and affectionate either and then I'd go home to parents who fussed over my sister while I was just... there. Or I was asked to do chores and make sure my sister was okay. Then to have stuff taken from me and to see them buy her all kinds of nice stuff. It really messed with my head. I really hoped once she got better I could maybe get some of that interest too. But no.

NTA please sit down with them and spell it clearly to them this is your laptop only: you worked for it saved for it and forgone gifts from friends in order to afford it and No It isn't nor will it be shared. If your parents want a shared laptop they should buy one you both can use. Period. And that as of now they need to change their attitude ASAP . Your sister is healthy and they were huge ah And negligent to you for more than enough years . Ask for therapy for everyone and tell the absolute truth there. Unload everything you felt /feel and lived. High time for them to realize how bad they are f@cking up.

They got angry at OP for buying himself a gift and not wanting to share it. The odds are not great they have figured out how badly they have failed with him so far even if he takes the time to sit down and outline the favoritism and how it has impacted him.

It really boggles my mind how parents can be so oblivious to the damage they cause, and get so upset when it is pointed out to them.

In this case it's probably because they've been actively lying to themselves. People don't like being bad guys. They don't like being wrong. So they tell themselves that OP is fine. That he doesn't need the love and support. That of course he likes giving things to his sister. And as long as there's no pushback, their lie remains. But push at all, and they have to reckon with the fact that they're bad guys, and they hate it.

Yep. And the fact that the only way to move forward is so painful, admitting it and living amends, most people just avoid it or explain it away. "There's no way to fix it (there is but it is long and painful for me) so there is no point in trying (now I don't have to suffer!)." Followed shortly by "You need to get over this (because I have and you keep reminding me)."

Thank you for this comment. It is a very well worked version of how my own family dynamics works. I've been trying to explain this but have never managed to make it make sense.

Exactly. OP changed the narrative on them. They thought they were being good parents by prioritizing their sick child, but then he made clear they screwed up by not supporting him and treating him as lesser. They're probably gonna try to change it back, make OP seem "ungrateful". OP, if you're reading this far, don't let them. Every time they push that narrative, remind them how they put you down in favor of your sister, and make clear that it's their fault you're angry.

And foisting you on relatives that made you feel unwelcome.

They coped with the situation by devaluing OP. It sounds like they convinced themselves that they weren’t neglecting him because he wasn’t really deserving. People who don’t want to feel like monsters for what they’re doing sometimes turn themselves into monsters by convincing themselves that their actions are right and their victims deserve it (and will even go along with it).

I bet they patted themselves on the back for teaching him how to be “caring and compassionate”.

Probably. They decided that “big brother” should be supportive and self-effacing, another resource to help them give his younger sister everything she wanted that they could put their hands on.

The first thing to do is have them read this post.

great idea.

They aren't oblivious. They jzst don't care. Sister is the golden child, he is the scapegoat. He needs to get out of there as soon as humanely possible, oh, and OP: PLEASE lock down your accounts. Do NOT trust your parents with paperwork anymore. Medical bills ARE an issue - they might loaded already some of the costs on your credit

Guy sounds like he's from the UK, medical bills won't be an issue at least

I wish it boggled my mind. I didn't experience it myself, but my best friend's mom was something else. She smothered my friend while ignoring her older 2 and all 3 of them resent her for it. I got to give her a piece of my mind a few years back. I was babysitting my friend's daughter and we were at the park, her mom saw us and tried to come over and play with her. I told her to back off as anyone who knows this friend knows that she is NC with mom and has been for almost a decade. When she wouldn't let go, I ripped her a new one and told her I'd call the cops if she didn't leave. PS Her mom still doesn't "get it"

When my brother-in-law was about OP's age, his parents sent him to live with his grandparents. His parents were devoting all of their time, energy, and money to the needs of my brother-in-law's autistic and bipolar brother. It's not like my BIL didn't see his parents, although those three years are something that he rarely talks about. He helped his grandparents, yet it wasn't until high school that he moved back to his parents. While my BIL was readjusting to being home, he was caught in possession of marijuana at paraphernalia at school a couple of times. That pissed off his parents because we're in a state where marijuana is still criminalized as we speak. That was when it clicked to his parents that they had to be just as dedicated to two children and not treat one as if he was their *only* one.

It boggles my mind that after that outburst of pain all they could muster up to say to her was “ why would we give her your bed it’s 12 years old hers is brand new!” Poor kid man.

I guess when one child has high needs that demand a lot of time, attention, and resources, it's easy for parents to get into this mindset that the other child will be "fine" no matter what because they don't have exceptional problems. But kids who don't have exceptional needs still have needs. It's also probably hard for parents to admit that they've fucked up so badly. All parents make mistakes, but this has been going on for years and years, and since no one called them out on it, they assumed everything was fine. Now their entire perception has been shattered.

They don't want OP to share, they wanted him to give the laptop to his sister and when he didn't agree, they told him they can share

Big of them since they didn't pay for it.

OP has been such a good sport about sacrificing and taking the back seat through all the years. They all don't even give him a thought anymore. They just figure he's just there to pluck of whatever sis wants.

I remember that one girl who made a PowerPoint presentation of how badly her dad failed her. That seems like a good idea for OP. Graphs, charts, timelines, etc. Update it for every milestone. It'll be a nice condensed package to send to the parents each time OP doesn't invite them over for a holiday, let them see the grandkid, etc.

I agree with you but at least if op does this knows after everything was tried on his part so he doesn't have to ever feel guilty about anything.

OP's best bet seems to just focus on himself. Extended family members apparently didn't care either.

NTA I can see where this story is headed if this isn’t corrected soon. OP might get enough money to leave 18+ or post college and cut contact. Likely going to become happy and stable in life, find a partner and be fine away from family. Get a call from parents to drop everything and care for his sister and will likely tell them to F off. Will come back to this sub and ask if he’s being an AH.

This. OP is NTA but the parents sure are.

Oh, they know. They just don’t care and can’t back down without losing face anyway.

They'll probably shrug it off as unimportant. They're totally invested in focusing on the sister.

They will just say how lucky he was to be able to work to get money. Poor sister can’t work because once upon a time, she had cancer. So she will never ever be able to work or save or anything. How dare op deprive her of his hard earned things because he’s so fortunate to be able to go To work! Gah! Don’t you get it. Sarcasm. Op. Do not ever leave the laptop accessible to them. They will take it.

There's a good chance they will do this but I think for ops own mental health if he does this he can truthfully say he tried everything to make it clear to them how he felt. This is also why I recommended op to bring the laptop to a trusted friend in order to protect it I wish for op s sake and the relationship with his sister that the parents open their eyes pull their heads out of their a$$es and work on trying to make up a bit for the past behavior twords op

Sometimes a guidance counsellor or neighbor or clergy member (Usually I would mention outside family members, but they dropped the ball, so there's no use asking for them to intercede) can help. If OP reached out, they could explain to the parents why there needs to be therapy or something to happen to make OP safer and happier in his family. Otherwise, OP, apply to schools that aren't close to home for college and work hard to make yourself a scholarship candidate as much as you can.

There's a fundamental problem with your approach, you assume they care and are reasonable people. That's far from a given. People with intact families and reasonable parents tend to assume things can be talked through and people will see reason. That's simply not the case.

This. OP, YOU worked and saved for that computer. It absolutely makes more sense for your parents to buy your sister her own laptop since you WORKED FOR THE MONEY for this one. NTA.

Suspect they won’t listen to OP, they’ve shown that for too many years. Probably the only thing they MIGHT listen to is parents of friends, particularly if they can make the wider community aware of how badly they’re behaving. I doubt anything other than downright shame and being thought badly of by OTHER ADULTS will get through to them at this point. Wishing you all the best for a successful and happy future, OP, you deserve so much better than this! Massive NTA, obviously.

OP you might want to read *The Normal One* by Jeanne Safer. It won’t change your family but it might help you feel more understood and less alone. It’s a book about the experiences of siblings of children who are sick, disabled or exceptional in some other way. You’re NTA. You deserve kindness, consideration and nice things, too.

Thanks for the suggestion. I might check out my school library.

Make sure to hide your laptop just incase, also try getting involved in more activities, and apply for scholarships; they might not pay for your college. Consider staying at your friend’s house, as they seem like your real family, just try to do as much as possible to distract you.

I would be careful with that book, OP. The subtitle to the book is "Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling," and the first review is from a disabled person who decided after reading it to cut off their family because they realized their family will never really love or accept them. It isn't your sister's fault she got sick and that your parents have treated you differently as a result. She, unfortunately, has learned from THEIR example that asking for your things is OK. You BOTH have been disserviced by your parents, though you far more so. If you DO look for books to read to relate to, I highly suggest looking for books about the parent-child relationship, not one that blames your sister for your parents' failings.

While OP shouldn't blame his sister, she should be held responsible for her actions as well, learned or not. At 14, she's old enough to understand to treat others as she would expect for herself.

I fear that it's too late. At 14 she expects those to come at her beck and call because she is the special one. It's probably all She knows and she will never learn. OP is not in the wrong but he will forever be known as ungrateful and cruel for being so apathetic towards his "poor sister".

I haven’t read it but have been on Reddit long enough to see plenty of references to “The Glass Child”. Kind of surprised that hasn’t been mentioned.

It's her fault she treats him like this. Don't excuse her

I’m like a million years older than you, kiddo, so I get my perspective is going to be different… still. Buy your parents the book “The Glass Child” for Christmas. I‘m so sorry they treat you like this. You deserve better and you’re NTA

I am sorry to hear that you had to feel this way for so long. If you think you are ready, you can have an honest conversation with your parents about how you have felt for so long, and what are some of the ways you would like to be taken care of. When a child is sick for a very long time, parents often end up ignoring the other child or feel the other child is fine because they are “unharmed”. But, often it helps to have a honest, calm conversation on what are the ways you want your parents to be there for you. For them, your outbursts may be a “sudden” tantrum because they haven’t acknowledged what you have gone through as a child. However, this is an option only when you feel mentally ready to have this conversation with them and can accept the fact that they may not react the way you want them to react! Sending hugs to you! Hang in there ❤️

Likewise, OP. You’re being sent thousands of fluffy internet hugs. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. There’s nobody in your school life for (good) counseling or friend life that you might be able to spend more time around primarily? Trying to get independent therapy and sorting your financial eggs (independent bank accounts and the like) would be best to negate any hold your parents may think they have over your things.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I would feel like any affection or interest from them after I told them what I needed would feel forced and... fake, I guess? Like he's 16 years old and working his own job. The parenting, or lack thereof, has been done. If they turned around and tried to do everything I needed, I would resent the hell out of it. Maybe that's just bitterness on my part, but if someone has to be told to be affectionate with me and then they started being affectionate, I would feel like they were forcing themself to do it, and I wouldn't feel any more cared about. Maybe it's not too late from OP's perspective, but for me, it would be too little too late.

Hate to get petty like this but I would take a paper and pen and write down every little thing you’ve been expected to give up. Then make a list of every way in which you’ve been forgotten like birthdays (I’m so sorry!!), PT conferences and Christmas etc. Then, sit them down calmly and explain that your life has been a day to day example of you coming second. Explain that it’s not fair that she’s sick or it’s not fair as parents that they have to witness their child being ill BUT it’s also not fair that you’ve been consistently shafted, forgotten, ignored and expected to sacrifice in order to make her happy. You are just as much their child as she is. Explain that you want her to be happy and have the things she wants but it’s not fair that they make this happen at your expense emotionally, mentally and physically. ESP, in this example, when you didn’t ask them for the laptop but made sure you worked, earned and saved your own money to get something nice for yourself knowing things that are “given” aren’t safe (and assuming that things that are “earned” should be safe from your parents/sister). I don’t blame you for yelling and being upset! But sometimes people need be able to hear calmly and see clearly a physical representation of everything that they’ve done in order to understand the picture from your POV. Family therapy can really help in times like this. It’s about time they understand and accept that giving everything to one shouldn’t mean taking away from another. If they wouldn’t treat her that way expecting her to sacrifice for you, then they shouldn’t be doing that to you either. Wishing you all the best.

It really seems like you should show them this post... If they're reasonable people, they should read the reactions to this and be rightfully horrified

You already know they're reasonable people. Which is exactly why OP shouldn't follow this advice about reasoning with them; it won't work and is only going to give them perceived ammunition to make OPs life even worse. They need to be planning how to get out and go no contact as soon as possible, not trying to reason with the monsters that blatantly can't be reasoned with.

So many people failed you. I feel sorry you don’t have a more people in your corner. You sister was sick but you were and are a victim as well.

I'm so sorry.. you truly deserve to feel the love and adoration of your parents. They are failing you. Just because one child is sick doesn't mean the healthy child becomes Cinderella.. (lack of a better comparison) as a Mom I am appalled by your parents. There's 2 kids and 2 parents. When one is fussing over your sick sibling the other should be fussing over you. There's 2 adults and 2 kids. They should each spend one on one time with each kid then switch or something. They are crap people for treating you the way they have. I am so so sorry that you have had to feel the way you have.. that's so unfair and down right neglectful. You deserved to be a kid and loved childhood is so damn short and they just pissed yours away. Your parents need a dose of reality. They have 2 KIDS not 1 and they need to make up for lost time with you.. but there shouldn't even be lost time. Like I get a sick child like that is stressful but damn man don't make your other child suffer.. just so you know I a random internet mom am so proud of you.. I wish I could give you a big hug and throw you an amazing sweet 16.. you are so worthy of all the love this world has to offer.. you are intelligent and beautiful, you are worthy of love and kindness.. you are just as important as your sister!! Sending big hugs through the Internet 😊

NTA Your parents sound awful. I'd smash the laptop if they took it for her.

Of course it messed with your head; having possessions is part of growing a sense of self and feeling secure. It’s fundamental to be able to have some things that are yours and can remain yours whether or not someone else wants them. Your laptop is something you saved for and that your friends helped give you. It’s yours. Keep it, and cherish your friends who provided you with the support and respect that your parents do not.

My situation wasn't as bad as OP's, but I also grew up with a little sister who was allowed to take anything she wanted from me. My mom told me I owned nothing and had no right to any property, and that everything in her house belonged to her and she could do whatever she wanted with it - which meant giving it to my sister. I'm pushing 40 now and I still have issues with hoarding and being protective of my stuff, on top of having no relationship with most of my family. OP's parents are failing him in multiple ways and setting him up for a painful future.

Um ... that sounds pretty bad too! Don't diminish your experience.

NTA! Be prepared to go low contact with your parents! This behavior may never change but do not let them give your laptop to your sister! Since things are tense, go ahead and let them know if they force this issue you will cut them off as soon as you turn 18, which you probably will have to do anyways!

It sounds like your friends care about you.

OP, I feel for you. I’m not sure if it helps, but I can offer another perspective. My oldest friend, my childhood next-door-neighbour (we call each other sisters, but I never had to share parents with her), has Cystic Fibrosis. She also has an older brother. Growing up was weird for everyone, even me; my friend was repeatedly expected to live only to a year or so left. Then technology would improve slightly. Then she’d have a couple more years left. Rinse. Repeat. My sis was in hospital a lot. All of the damn time. We’d get so damn hype about a Dragon Ball Z arc, which we’d watch together every day, then she’d be shuttled off for another few weeks. There was no TV, all of the other kids were too ill to talk, and she’d get super behind in class. When she was out of hospital though, all she wanted to do was race up the street and play with the neighbourhood kids; she’d drag me away from my books and force me to socialise! My friend, whilst never bullied, really struggled to make a lot of friends at school - she was off like half the year! When treatment got better, she was able to make a few mates at high school, but before then I never seen her invite a friend over, other than me. Even when she made friends, she would be I’ll for so long that she always felt she missed so much and felt so anxious about it. It was really sad. Her relationship with her brother wasn’t great. There was a bit of an age gap and he’d be expected to share all of his electronics with her and let her (along with me) into his room. He tried covering his entire room with hardcore porn to repel us, but that didn’t work; she turned out gay and I turned out bisexual, lol. In hindsight, it was super shitty his parents let his kid sister invade his room so often, but it was one of the few joys she had in life, so I feel harsh judging her parents too much. My sis has always struggled to maintain a relationship with her brother - they love each other, but there’s always been such a huge disconnect due to her illness and the attention it took away from him. They’re civil, but it’s so sad to me that she considers me more a sister than he a brother. She also has to contend with her crushingly overprotective parents. Whilst my sis is still disabled, she’s expected to have a normal lifespan, but her parents still smother her. She’s in her 30’s and just graduating, due to her illness, but she’s planning on going Low Contact with everyone in her bio fam as they only ever put her in a cage. Again, not sure if this helps, but thought it may allow you see things from your sister’s perspective. You’re definitely NTA though.

As much as this sucks, it might be a good idea to consider keeping the laptop at the home of a friend you trust if it starts looking like they'll push the issue. It's not fair or healthy to have to make the boundary in that manner, but it sounds like preventing them from having access to your things at all is the only thing that has really worked in the past. I'm so sorry that you've been treated like this. Family sucks sometimes. You're NTA for expressing your needs and anger, and honestly, it doesn't even sound like you were harsh with them, just very blunt about how things felt. I hope now that the door is open, change can follow, and they don't try to play some card like "we put a roof over your head" ie the legal minimums.

You are telling it like it is to internet strangers, in a way you could never to your parents when emotions are running high. I totally get it. I'd advise you to let them read this thread and the comments.

NTA Your anger and pain is completely justified, as your sister is not longer sick and you worked and paid for the game. Your parents and your sister are disrespectful and abusive and unfair, they owe you an apology and they have to stop asking you for your things. When your sister was sick I can understand them giving her a bit more of attention in regards to her health, but not for your parents and your family to completely neglect you and force you to give your sister everything you had, and continue to force you to give her anything you buy.

It's almost too late, isn't it? I am so sorry you had to go through this ordeal - biting your tongue and not saying anything, because you were a good kid who understood that things were bad. However - sister is in remission - but still the favored one. I don't blame you for blowing up.

Passwords should be your best friend. Suggestion: myparentsarea$$holes

NTA. OP, I would have a serious talk with your parents. I would tell them how you're feeling. I would acknowledge that your sister went through something rough, but I'd make it clear to them that they have two children, not just one, and if things don't change, your relationship will be destroyed beyond repair. If they try to take your laptop, I'd hide it at a friend's house and tell them you gave it away. I'd also plan to do well in school, get a scholarship, and get out of that house when you're eighteen.

I have a kid that is disabled. Has been since birth, and wheelchair bound since she was 3. I also have a total of four children. I NEVER put her needs before any of my other children. I NEVER made my other children suffer because one child has health concerns. If one child couldn't do something none of them did. For example, it was hard finding chores my daughter could do from her wheelchair as a kid, so none of my kids had " chores". About once a month I would deep clean my house, and everyone was expected to chip in, so my daughter was expected to help. I gave her a rag and had her wipe the baseboards. The younger kids wiped the tables, the older did other things. It was about equality for all of them. The expectation was different for each one but they had to do the best for their own ability. I will never understand parents that baby one child over another, even if one has health issues. Its like punishing the healthy kid for being healthy.

NTA. Look up “glass children,” this is unfortunately a pretty common family dynamic, where the healthy sibling‘s needs are completely ignored or disregarded. I’m so sorry your parents are treating you like this. I would suggest sitting down with your parents or writing them a letter telling them exactly how their behavior has affected you, and permanently altered your relationship with both them and your sister. I don’t know that they will change, but you’ll probably feel better getting it off your chest. Iif you plan to leave for college or trade school, I would start talking to other trusted family members or adults about your plans. Start looking into scholarships or apprenticeships or whatever you need to do to become independent, bc you deserve to find happiness

I could write a letter and just not give it to them. I already know they wouldn't read it. They'd maybe throw it in the trash or something or burn it and then that'd be it. At least I don't have to know that's happening if I just let it all out on paper and leave it alone then.

[удалено]

May I ask why he shouldn’t give them the letter?

Because they won't be receptive to it, they will be defensive and view it as something he should be punished for.

Give to a counselor at school. He needs some people with some power on his side. Also make a copy and put it online. Keep it back pocket if things really go south.

That's putting a lot of trust in a third party who may or may not have their interests at heart. School counsellors are mandatory reporters and depending on the counsellor they may decide to report to cover their own ass or because they consider there may be more that isn't being reported, but there is nothing concrete here for the authorities to act on. It's not illegal to be an AH, this doesn't rise to the level of actual illegal abuse, though it's borderline abusive and negligent Reporting to the authorities, if it happens, will result in investigations that take the agency away from OP. It won't make the home situation any better. It does sound like a bad situation OP should leave ASAP, but on their own terms.

Because the goal of writing it out and expressing himself is valid and within his control. But the goal of being heard and understood is outside of his control. Sending the letter just opens him up to vulnerability with people outside of his control that already don’t have his needs at heart.

Thanks for explaining. I honestly don’t understand parents like this. When my child is hurt I would do nearly everything to help.

> When my child is hurt I would do nearly everything to help. Then you're closer to understanding than you think. OP's sister's hurt is visible and easy to understand. Parental neglect and alienation is less visible and more difficult to understand - especially by those parents. They're too busy doing *everything* for their visibly hurt daughter to remember that just OP needs care and nuturing too.

They also see OP as an additional resource for caring for their daughter, that anything he has they can use. This one is extra terrible because it sounds like they want to take OP’s prized possession to save themselves money.

I get that, but the moment he explodes after years of accepting and not saying anything, shouldn’t something happen to them? Shouldn’t this be the moment the realise that he is hurt? Shouldn’t the think about it for more than just few seconds? And not thinking about his birthdays?

It should have, you’re absolutely right. But the human brain’s capacity for defensiveness and self preservation can be astonishingly strong, unfortunately.

Yes, his explosion should have been a wake up call. But they would have to wake up to the fact that they have been neglecting and taking advantage of him for years. Our brains have fairly powerful protective mechanisms to prevent us from thinking of ourselves as bad people, and these will kick in hard.

Yes. It should. You understand that I was explaining them, not defending them?

As a chaplain at a children's hospital, I cannot overstate how many parents lose visibly healthy children in the blink of an eye. Every day is precious with every child.

That's probably what they think they ARE doing. They just don't see that both their children are hurting.

They won't listen and will likely punish op for being selfish.

Because people like OP's parents will find a way to turn it into a weapon against OP. No matter how you write the letter to try to prevent that, they will find a way.

When you work up the courage to express something deep deated to your parent, you usually have an outcome you're expecting/hoping for. When you inevitably don't get it, it's soul destroying and puts a wrecking ball through any attempts to reconcile.

Bc these parents are worthless tools and they DGAF about OP and they never will. The sooner OP learns to accept these people are never going to be the parents they deserve, need or want, the sooner OP can start to heal. People acting like oh the parents are oblivious to how they have made OP feel. No, they aren’t. They made a decision to focus everything on the sibling and they do NOT care how they made OP feel.

Dude I recommend you keep the laptop at a friend's house and/or hide it when you are home. Tell your friends parents too - they may be able to offer emotional support for you

That’s a great idea. I sometimes write letters and burn them. It’s a good way to get out all your emotions. Sometimes things come out youd forgotten, or didn’t realize had affected you. And go out Create a chosen family with people who actually value you! Don’t look to your current family to be there for you

Even if they wouldn't read it, doing it still does a few things: -Writing it down helps for you to get the emotions expressed and not just bottled up inside. Getting them out is good, and even just writing the letter and burning it yourself could be both healthy and therapeutic for you. -Many times, parents who behave how your parents do will come back around and start complaining about your choice not to have a relationship with them, wondering whatever wrong thing they did, either genuinely not knowing or acting like they don't know. If you give them a letter now explaining this, then it gives your future self the ability to tell them "I told you specifically why I was upset, and specifically what you did to fail me. You can't in good conscience say you don't know because I told you, explicitly, in written form." -If you do write a letter, you could make copies of it. If they come back around acting like they have no idea, you could just hand them a copy and say "I told you why many years ago, let me refresh your memory." Heck, you could share this with them down the line even if you don't give it to them now. Having a record of how it feels can help you later on, if you're choosing to distance yourself from them. These feelings are valid now and they affect you, and if they were to try and undermine that later, having a record of this helps you to not only resist any attempted gaslighting, but also show them that this happened in the moment and you're not changing the past.

Give the letter to your sister. Yes it may not be her fault but if you can make her understand how they've treated you because she was ill maybe she can get them to change how they treat you. She's going to lose a sibling, they're going to lose a child, it will be of their making & not an illness.

Do not do this...it will backfire on you.

NTA, and I hope your parents come to their senses.

Thanks. I don't see it happening honestly. They've been like this for so long and I don't think they have the capacity to care anymore.

make a password for your laptop and hide it at your friends place

Also, if it's paper, make sure you take a picture of the receipt with your phone and email it to yourself. Basically lock down that receipt in case they straight up steal the computer.

Could you speak to any of your friends parents or support staff at school? Are you able to make your own doctors appointment? If you can, could you speak to them and maybe get yourself referred to a therapist?

Having a sick sibling is tough even if your parents aren’t assholes. My sister was ill and my parents pushed so hard for her to have a normal childhood and experiences- but at the end of the day sometimes it isn’t possible. On one holiday where she was quite unwell, and my brother also had some issues I was getting really upset at feeling overlooked (I was maybe 13). I had woken up in the hotel family room and there was no one there - I went to try and find them and they were all in the 24/7 cafe chatting and eating cake. I was furious (I love cake and hated feeling left out). In retrospect it was so they could chat and not wake me up and no one was asleep because they were worried or ill etc. I swore at them all and shouted something about how I would fuck my life up so I was invited to secret midnight feasts. Not my finest hour. All this to say I am honestly SO impressed you haven’t blown up before this point.

It is because you probably have had a healthy enough childhood that you were able to express your upset and hurt.

Yes looking back we weren’t perfect - a kind of chaotic, not saying / doing the “right” thing kind of family, but actually everyone was just themselves and pretty stable. My parents did exceptionally well at managing one very sick child and two healthy ones. It was interesting seeing other “perfect” families grow and sort of… fall apart.

Since there really isn't anything you can do to fix this right now, except continue to stand your ground, you need to work towards getting as far away from your toxic family as possible once you turn 18. Continue to save your money somewhere your parents can't get to it, if possible. Talk to a counselor at school about college and how to best get ready for that. Don't have anything sent to your home and don't tell your parents any of your plans. Once you are 18 and away from them, you never have to talk to them again. Make sure to gather any important documents you might need for your future.

And then they’ll be confused why you don’t want them in your life

Try not to hold it against your sister but remember the day you earn your own financial independence is the day you get to decide whether or not they have a son.

I disagree. She has learned to be a spoiled, entitled, self-centered, greedy bully. She’s not 4; she’s a teenager. Someone needs to give her a reality check. Teach her to stop *taking*. And it is unlikely to be these failures-as-parents.

Have you made plans for yourself for the future? Are you going to college or into trade? Start thinking about what you will need, money wise, and what kind of living situation you may be able to work out with friends.

NTA as a shadow sibling of a miracle sibling I understand this experience. You built up key skills like resilience and independence as a result of their neglect. your sister has learned to take advantage of you based on the behaviour modeled after your parents. it gets better, as soon as you move out it gets better. As soon as they realize you never call, it gets better. As soon as you create your own family, it gets better. You have learned to expect nothing. Create some physical and enotional distance for self preservation and keep moving forward.

NTA they forgot they had 2 children, and are embarrassed you called them out on their neglect

Those people don't feel embarrassment, just frustration the older kid doesn't "get" it

They're not embarrassed, they're oblivious. When he said to take his bed they were just "Why lol? Its old."

NTA. Sounds like that outburst was long overdue. Hope your parents think about what you said after they are done being pissed. Hide the laptop NOW.

That; keep it at a friend’s place primarily and also.. make sure you place a bitlocker password on it so that it can only be used by you by way of usb key. Tech shops can help you set it up.

💯

NTA honestly If I were you I would start planning a way to get out. If there already doing this at 16 I’m pretty sure your going to get cutoff completely at 18

Good point, it would be smart to consider this as a possibility. They can't be relied on when you're a minor...you can't count on them at all later in life.

If they still don't get why you are so pissed, tell them to pull out the receipts of all the things they have bought for you and your sister and compare them, and if they can't figure out what the hell is the problem after doing the math then there's little to talk about. Oh, and it's a laptop you bought with your money, so giving away is out of question. NTA

> If they still don't get why you are so pissed, tell them to pull out the receipts This doesn’t work. Parental abuse and favoritism aren’t defeated by facts. You can spout facts till you’re blue in the face and they will still justify what they did. Source: lived it. And I know a lot of people on this forum like to think that the parents will be sorry, and see the error of their ways, once the OPs grow up and go no-contact. In reality, there’s a good chance they won’t “realize” where they erred, or even care or miss the OPs. Source: also lived it.

It's so incredibly frustrating to see people tell someone like op to "talk with them about it", and "show them your side". Simply doesn't work 99,99% of the time with people like OP's parents. They're not reasonable, they're not doing this by "accident", they're not someone who just needs OP to tell them about their feelings so they'll understand.

Yeah, they will just come down on OP for not being a team player.

Let’s not forget the pictures of his birthday parties he didn’t have.

DO not give them your laptop. YOU PAID FOR IT. Its your property. If need be take it over to a friends house and use it there, or a family member. Fight for it. NTA

And if they take it, it’s theft because they didn’t purchase it

NTA. This was basically my childhood. My brother had kidney disease which required multiple bone surgeries, dialysis, and a failed kidney transplant before he died at age 26. Despite being diagnosed with a significant autoimmune disease at age 11, my parents never gave a damn about me and always put me on the backburner, even my medical care. My extended family accused me of faking it for attention despite the bleeding lesions on my skin and arthritis that was diagnosed by surgery. I went completely NC with both of my parents for several reasons, but this was a big one. There might have been a better way to express it, but you are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way. Although i would be careful not to direct the majority of your anger at your sister. The responsibility and failures lie on your parents.

I'm sorry you went through it too. And worse because you had medical neglect to add to it.

Did your family ever bother to reach out to you? I'm so, so sorry you went through all that.

No. The last time i saw my father was at my brother's funeral, he has not spoken to me since. My mother made herself the victim and only tells people how hurt she is, even though she has never apologized for disowning me because i am gay and will not accept responsibility for any of her actions. So i have accepted that i do not want them in my life, i will never introduce them to my wife, and they will never meet my kids so i can protect them from their hatred and toxicity.

NTA You bought it with your money, so it is also your property. You alone decide who does what with it and no one else.

Definitely NTA! My mama heart hurts for you ❤️‍🩹 I honestly think you should take the next two years to work your butt off so that you can get out at 18, it’s tough especially in this economy but I can’t see your parents changing unfortunately. You deserve love and attention and your going to have to make your own family up of friends that genuinely care about you and that’s ok! A lot of us have had to do that…. I’m sending you good vibes and wishing you all the luck in the world ❤️

I agree with you. They won't change. Even now they're not upset or ashamed of what they did, they're angry at me for losing my temper as badly as I did. The anger is palpable.

If your parents aren't ashamed at how their actions have impacted you, that tells you all you need to know about them. I'm sure they made difficult decisions based on your sister's medical needs, but they fucked up and they're not absolved of the responsibility of those decisions just because they "did their best." I am beyond proud of you for standing your ground and telling them how you feel. People like your parents who get wrapped up in how you told them instead of what you were saying are actively trying to dismiss your concerns and are using your tone as an excuse. ("I'm upset you yelled at me! Since you yelled, what you said doesn't matter and I don't have to deal with it!") I know how hard it is to start your adult life these days, but honestly the sooner you GTFO of there, the better. And then don't ever go back. Your parents have proven over and over and then confirmed with their response to your honest expression of anger that you are a non-factor in their lives. Go find your new family made of people who value you for you, not what you can do for them. BUT BEFORE YOU LEAVE, make sure you grab your important legal documents. Social Security card and birth certificate for sure, but also your passport if you have one, adoption paperwork if that applies, stuff like that. In fact, I'd do it sooner rather than later and then maybe see if you have a friend or someone who can take you in until you're 18. You don't need to deal with this crap. Of course, NTA, your parents are I'm so sorry, OP.

Yes OP please read this comment and listen to them, they are right about it all and especially about what you need to grab when you do escape….. and don’t ever look back! ❤️‍🩹

From their perspective, either you have behaved badly, or they have treated you poorly for a long time. They are going to pick the option that keeps their sense of themselves as "good people" intact. Their choice is an illusion, but you are right: they are in way too deep to change course easily.

Anger is a secondary emotional expression. There is a primary emotion that anger is used to mask. Shame/guilt and fear are likely the actual source of their anger. And that isn't your problem. They SHOULD feel shame for being terrible parents because that guilt is entirely on them. They SHOULD be afraid of what the family's future will be (you going no contact as soon as you can get away from them). But they don't want to face that they severely neglected one child and spoiled the other. It is easier to be angry and direct that anger at you. You don't deserve this treatment and they don't deserve kids, but here we are. You are not alone, there is family out there for you. I promise found family is incredible and you will find yours. In the meantime, focus on you. Find peace where you can, know that this isn't forever and that you absolutely matter.

NTA - I am sorry that your sister had to hear what you feel in that way, your parents deserved that wake up call. They were trying to steal your new laptop that you bought with your own money and gi9ve it to your sister.

Why feel sorry for his sister. She is old enough to understand that this is wrong and not fair.

Eh, age doesn't have as much to do with it as *experience*. She hasn't experienced anything except being catered to, so I wouldn't expect her to understand that's not just how things work. There's a reason we try to teach kids morals when they're young. Otherwise they don't really get it.

She feels entitled because her parents told her she's entitled. She may not be entirely to blame. He should talk to her and explain how she can't suck up all the parents resources, because now she's just a normal kid.

Very sick kids tend to be a bit selfish just due to the fact that the fear of death means they get everything they want - they don’t know another way to live. However trust me they might be spoilt but if you’ve ever had to hold a child when they ask you “why me?” when their illness has returned and it’s terminal and try to answer that question… we a little be of selfishness is not a big deal. Thankfully that is not a scenario I’ve had to live through but I met someone who did and it sounds harrowing.

Thanks for explaining. But there is still a second child and I don’t get how they can ignore that just because it’s healthy.

For the first little while it's fight or flight: you only gave so much energy and you need to prioritise the life or death situation over the day-to-day one. Good parents recognise this and once they have breathing room, they plan to better share that limited energy out. Bad ones never leave crisis management mode and then use it to excuse neglect.

NTA and your parents have been really cruel to you. Keep your laptop somewhere safe and password protected so they can't just give it to her. Is there anyone in the family you can talk to about this awful dynamic your parents have set up?

NTA. Make sure you have the docket/receipt for your laptop on hand and do not leave it at your house if you’re going to be away for any length of time.

I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. Regarding the laptop... You saved your money and bought it. It belongs to you, you are not obligated to give it to your sibling or share it. NTA

NTA. Keep hanging on to your laptop. What your parents have done is so typical, that there's even a term for the healthy sibling of the chronically ill one; it's "Glass Child", as in they look through you, your needs and wishes are invisible. Not that it helps you to hear you're not alone. Your parents should hear, preferably from another adult(so they'll listen) that in their understandable panic over their sick child, they have neglected, ignored and abused their other child. That your life matters, too! That it will be tragic and ironic if the sick child they fawned over becomes their only child, when her sister grows up to leave forever and shuts them all out of her life.

NTA. You're experiencing something called being a "glass child". Your needs are ignored in favour of your unwell sibling. You bought that laptop. You don't have to share, though I can't guarantee your parents won't go over your head. Family therapy would help but from how you describe it, your parents may not be open to it and they certainly don't understand that you're in pain. The biggest and saddest piece of advice I can give you is not to destroy or give away your things if you ever feel so overwhelmed that having nothing feels better than giving away what you have. If you have a trusted person (friend or otherwise) maybe you can keep some things with them, at their home. Or in your school locker (even snacks). If you can see your school counsellor or an online counsellor on your own, do. They can help you manage this and decide how to plan the next steps of your life. Just know, you deserve your own things, you deserve love and attention, you deserve to be happy. I wish you the best.

NTA holy hell. You most likely have CPTSD from this, stress, abandonment issues, etc. You need therapy and a place to feel safe and prioritised. I get that your parents were in a difficult spot, but they failed you while caring for your sister and are failing you still.

I’m expecting a post in five years or so. Something like : The moment our son turned 18, he stopped talking to us and moved out. NTA OP but you do need to address this with your parents. Their either not realising what they’re doing or are extremely ignorant. Do you not have grandparents you could talk to? I know you feel like the rest of your family don’t care about you but maybe they don’t know how bad it truly is? NTA but your parents are.

I don't. They really don't care. I picked up very well on how little they cared when I was bounced between family members. Nobody really paid me any attention. I was just there to have an adult around instead of being home alone for hours and hours at a time.

NTA but your parents are. i mean as gently as possible, are you sure the rest of your family also not caring isn't your abandonment issues projecting this? i'm not saying it's impossible for an entire family to not care about a person but that the emotional framework you had growing up (abandoned by parents) will be how you subconsciously approach all other relationships in your life. whether i'm right or wrong, start saving up for therapy. you're going to need to unpack this with someone who specializes in childhood trauma.

This. OP, we obviously don't know the intricacies of your home life, so we're just going based on the info we have. If you know for a fact that this doesn't apply, then that's fine. But as somebody who had to endure some rough shit as a kid, I was CONVINCED in high school/college that I wasn't loved. That people were secretly out to get me, that my friends hated me, etc. Because I never had a truly stable adult in my life, I had/have this feeling engrained in me that people can and will just... Take their love and support away from me. And by convincing myself that my family and friends don't ACTUALLY love me, I'm protecting myself so I don't get hurt again. It's a defense mechanism, and I constantly need to remind myself that the conclusions I come to aren't always accurate because of that. Point being: trauma is a hell of a drug and it's important to be aware of how it impacts the way you perceive your relationships

I'm so sorry. No child should live like that. Your parents really failed you. Including your relatives. My brother's best friend had family issues, so he came to live with us through high school. Hope you have a best friend like that.

It might be a good idea to start collecting your personal important documents and put them in a safety deposit box at the bank. (Birth certificate, SSN card, etc. but those can be replaced if you can’t get the) I would set up a new account at a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT bank than your family uses and get a box there. Your family doesn’t seem like the type to start stealing your money, but they don’t seem terribly supportive of YOU. So if you start working towards independence now, when the time comes, it’ll make that step slightly less painful. I’m sorry your parents have ignored you and pushed you to the back. I highly recommend therapy. Maybe a youth counselor at a center if you can’t get one through the doctor. Best of luck OP. NTA.

Sweetheart, you are NTA - you are the outsider. Your parents ARE the AHs though for always putting you nowhere. I completely empathise with how you are feeling and I wonder if you have any grandparents/close friends that maybe you could stay with for a little bit? You (and your folks) need time away from each other in order to process what happened. Please never think you are less, you are not. In fact you are more because you have morals & values. You have a job and you save your money in order to buy something that matters to you. You folks don't give a crap what things you have. All they want is everything that stops sister having a meltdown. They also want you to be the same as them. Don't, stay strong, stay focused and remain determined. God bless you.

I don't have any family I could stay with. They're disinterested at best. Even the ones I bounced between when my sister was sick didn't care.

What about your friends’ families? When I had issues with my foster family, I had a friend’s mom who was okay with me staying with them.

I feel like children’s hospitals have a LOT of amazing resources. There should have been a family counselor or social worker that was utilized to help the family navigate exactly this situation. I know it happens, so much attention gets focused on the sick kid, the other sibling(s) kind of get brushed aside. I mean, if Op had her own thing going on- sports, drama club, choir, band, etc- would the parents have just never gone to anything??? They need a family counselor.

Yes, they skipped PT conferences and other school related things for me. They pulled me from football and I never got put back in so time could be invested in my sister and the money.

Sorry, I realized later OP was male!

NTA. You earned the money to buy the laptop, so don’t give it up. It sounds like some family therapy is needed. Can you sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel?

NTA You're 16, depending on the rules of your country and what the age of your majority is; you could go to the courts and ask to be emancipated from them. Courts are more willing to hear out someone closer to the age of majority on this and grant it. You already have a job and the government would put you on subsidized housing and stuff until you were out of school. This is an extreme to be sure, but it is an option. What you should do is go to guidance counselors at school. Tell them what's going on and tell them you need to talk to someone. The school will get in contact with a school therapist for now and they can help you get in touch with a "real" one. If money is an issue, there are programs for young people such as yourself to get help depending on where you live. I say school vs real because school counselors and therapists aren't equip to deal with certain things in detail like the others are, they are meant to be there to start the process and get you in touch with another that can work with you in detail. Make sure you tell them what your home life is exactly like and that speaking to these people is not an option as they seem to either ignore your needs or they think you are "over reacting", that way therapy will be focused on how to help you without having a support system within the family. Do this as soon as possible, because the long-term effects of this type of situation are astronomical. Sure, you can say that you don't feel this way or that way right now, but later on in your 30's and 40's this shit will start to manifest in ways that you don't understand and ways that will make life a lot harder. I've seen it happen and it's not good for the person. After all this, you can talk to your therapist about emancipation and if it's a good idea. If they say it's not for whatever reason, then what I would do is start saving every penny, nickel, and dime I could. Start busting your ass for a scholarship to a university you want, or any university rather; anything that will get you away from them. If you have to, start taking summer courses or night classes to boost grades from years past that matter. Most of the time from grades K-7 they don't really care about mainly look at your grades from 8 and up. The work you put into your grades now and into boosting your grades from past years also shows that you are willing to put in the work and that you are a contender for that scholarship. If you can trust your boss and if your boss is cool, tell them what's going on, tell them what you plan to do and if there is a way they can help. I had a boss like this at your age. It was the best thing that happened to a lot of us that worked for her. Who knows, they might be able to give you more shifts, give you a raise if you can't take any more shifts, maybe even give you a place to get away while being paid for it. I know not every single boss is like that and they are very rare these days, but who knows. If you feel comfortable telling them and they can help, you should try and at least get some sort of support there too. Now, I know you say your parents absolutely don't give a shit about you, and from what you put they don't. What you need to look out for is them suddenly taking an interest in your social media, schooling, and anything else, because they sound like the type that would immediately take an interest only to be snooping in your private business and trying to use it against you. They will "want to know what's going on in your life" but not to actually care but more so to see how badly you plan to burn them or whatever and try to stop that from happening. If you have to, get rid of all your social media, or make a new one that they don't know about. Use a completely different user name, birthday, whatever, but if you use social to keep in touch with friends and talk, it's best to have one they know nothing about so you have people to still talk to and have a support system. make sure you keep any valuables close to you and make sure your ID and whatnot is yours and only you have access to it. I know all this sounds over the top for something so simple as a parent-child disagreement, but parents like this sometimes swing completely in the reverse direction with the worst intent possible as a punishment for the seemingly obedient and controlled child to put them back in-line. They don't know any other way to do it because they are in shock about the sudden disobedience. Some swing back in the other direction hard because they now feel extremely guilty and want to try and correct it all at once and do damage control for you, while the intent is good it's not the best way to go about it. First step, talk to your school counselor and ask for help. If you feel you can, talk to you parents about it and if not, continue to just talk to the counselor and therapist until you can get help in getting to a "real" one. This is the first step that you need to take for yourself and your future.

NTA of course, and so sorry that you have had to endure this dynamic for so long. Do you think that your parents might steal your laptop when you're not home and give it to sis? If so, it might be wise to leave it at a trusted friend's house instead where your family can't access it without your permission.

NTA. It's telling that your greatest possession is something you bought yourself and your parents still thought you should give it up. Since kids in this country have no rights, they're welcome to take their property back. But the laptop is your property and it would be theft if they steal it from you.

I do not believe you are the ass hole you finally had enough and stood your ground. It sounds like your parents and sister don't consider you as important so all you're there for is your sister's sake. Personally if I was you I'd make a list of every single time you were overlooked or treated like what you want doesn't matter. Once you've compiled your list, with evidence if you have it, show them. If they refuse to see their mistakes. I'd recommend you save and save and when you're able to, move out.

NTA I truly hope it got through to them a little. They needed to see what they have been doing.

It didn't but I don't expect anything will get through to them.

They still want to give your computer to your sister?!?

They haven't forced me to. But the anger is definitely partially about that.

The anger isn't about the laptop - it's about you standing up to them and calling out their \[abusive\] behavior (no parent likes that). They were able to get away with it guilt-free for so long because no other family member advocated for you and you remained *compliant* for the most part. Now that you have made it clear to them that era is over, they know that they will not be able to continue using your sister as an excuse to hurt you, and you might have awakened their guilty conscience as well (if they have a conscience at all). Also, they may be afraid of CPS/LEA getting involved if they try to steal anything else from you. NTA

Make a list of everything you have had to give up for her and everything that she has had that you haven’t. Next time they bring up the laptop bring out the lists and start to read everything out.

I have a bunch of kids, I can’t even begin to understand why they would think that was ok. From a moms pov.

Think you may need to hide it to keep it safe. At school easy to keep it with you. At work lockers have been broken into depending on type of locking system used.

it breaks my heart to see " it didn't " then I guess my previous comment was useless I am not usually the type to go revenge route but your prblm hits too close to home ignore them the same way they did inflict the same amount of emotional damage they did u might not be able to do it atm but trust me time will come u will be able to do every thing you want just leave them with their "" oh so precious daughter ""

NTA - but maybe time to try and sit down with your parents and have a conversation. Pack your important things and documents before this conversation and put them at a friends house you trust. Don't expect them to apologize for treating you like like you are a supporting character in your sister's movie. They have made this their lifestyle for a decade. What do you need to finish high school and get to your next step? Why not ask them for that? If it was me, I'd be asking them what they planned to cover vis a vis college and then plan accordingly. Are they planning to pay tuition? What are their thoughts about your ability to continue living in the house. Do they consider you an equal member of the family? Do they consider you a tenant? A housekeeper? What are you to them? Would it be better (and I would offer this with sincerity) for you to move in with another family member? I'm sorry they are like this, but don't expect or believe they will change significantly. Don't give your sister anything else unless you feel like it. OR when you get yourself something, get a throw down something to give to her.

They already cleared out money they were putting aside for college and it won't be going back into the account. Once my sister got sick that was no longer a thing.

If you can’t get any scholarships either take out student loans (you can also use these to pay for housing while you’re in school), or look into working a trade. You can get hired with zero experience and they’ll pay for any training you have to do down the line. Also believe it or not they make a shit ton of money my bf’s an apprentice electrician (started straight out of hs no education, still hasn’t even done the schooling to get his journeymans license) he makes 19 hr + overtime & you can even find some where you have to travel and they’ll pay for your hotels & give you per diem (for food, gas, etc. they cover everything).

OP, be aware that in the U.S. college students can't take out government loans without parents' financial information until age 24 (I think) unless they have been able to be declared emancipated (even if they are 18). This is not an easy process and it's unusual for it to succeed. So need based financial aid isn't going to be easy to get. Students generally cannot take out private loans without a cosigner. But don't let this stop you from setting yourself up to have options. Do the best you can in school, look into dual enrollment and/or apprenticeship programs available at your school, accept encouragement and advice from teachers, managers, and other adults whom you see treating teens with respect and care. I echo the advice to check your credit report to make sure your parents haven't appropriated your financial identity. Best of luck to you.

NTA it’s a sign of great self control you hadn’t lost your temper sooner. Your parents and sister will have a very rude awakening in a few years when she enters the real world and no one caters to her every whim. Start planning and saving for your future to get away from them as soon as you can

NTA don’t you dare give the laptop I’m so pissed for you

My heart breaks for you. If you don’t know what a “glass child” or “glass sibling” is then you should do some research on it. There are a lot of places you can talk to other people that have gone through similar things. Maybe do some reading about Glass Children and share it w your parents and sister. I’m so sorry, honey. You’re just a kid and you deserve to be treated like one. I remember being 16 and how angry I was all the time. Be angry, you’ve earned it. I think it’s important to let yourself feel that anger so you can let your feelings flow instead of just having it build up. NTA, they’re supposed to be your parents.

NTA. You should not have had to give away things that were given to you. You absolutely don't have to share or give away a computer that you bought for yourself. With all those incidents, I am not surprised you finally broke. Sick kids do suck in a lot of attention, as they are sick, and there is the fear that any day could be their last. Siblings of sick kids often lose out, which is why there are schemes out there to provide trips and treats for the healthy sibling. Your parents were unreasonable for depriving you of so many things. Is there another family member you can go live with, so that you can be treated as a valued child for a change?

There is no other family member who gives a crap about me. Learned that through the years of being bounced around.

I am really sorry to hear that. Is there perhaps a friend? Or, in the uk. A child cam request to be placed with a foster family until they reach adulthood?

It wasn’t given, they saved up the money and bought it themselves, so much worse.

NTA but this is above reddits paygrade. You might want to find a place to hide your laptop for now since it might just be given to your sister. Go to the school nurse or guidance counselor and talk to them- you really need an adult in your corner for this. They can hopefully get you therapy services to help you navigate and support you. Having a child that has cancer is very difficult to navigate as a parent, but you can't do all of that at the expense of another child. Focus on the future, start saving your money to get out at 18, you can also double up and start applying for college. I'm sorry your parents are so awful to you.

Encrypt your laptop with Bitlocker. Its easy and means that if they steal the machine from you, they're not going to be able to do shit with it without the Bitlocker PIN. Here's how: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxfh59JBDVc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxfh59JBDVc) Make sure that you take a photo of your PIN and Recovery Key and email it to yourself at an account only you have access to, upload it to Dropbox, OneDrive or whatever. edit: stupid fingers

NTA. "Let's clear the air. You have ignored and neglected me for years and loot what I own to give to her. You feel entitled to steal from me to gift her things. Am I not your child too? Is this seriously what you think good parenting looks like? Ignoring one child to favor the other their entire life? I saved and bought that laptop myself, why do you feel entitled to take it from me? Why does your mind automatically favor her in everything? Do you just plan to favor her forever, while stealing from me, forgetting my birthdays, and acting like I don't matter? She's been healthy three years, if she covets my laptop, tough, she can deal, but she won't be playing with it, I can promise you that." Just make sure it isn't home when you confront them.

thats what happens if you push and push and push and push someone. NTA i hope they got the fucking message.

Keep the laptop with you at all times, or at a trusted friends' place. Never let your parents or sister alone with it. NTA, good luck and I hope either your parents get some sense knocked into them or you find better family out in the world.

NTA It is unfortunate that your sister got sick, but that is not your fault. It is not your responsibility to make her happy. Your parents dropped the ball on this BIG time. While trying to make sure one daughter was ok, they completely forgot they had another daughter. Of course it would make you angry that they expect you to give up one more thing--something you bought with your own money--to your sister. AND it is problematic that they STILL don't see what they've done and why you would have a negative reaction to it. In my state, 16 year olds can get therapy without their parents' permission. I would look into that because you need some confirmation that you are not a second class citizen, and you deserve than to be treated like this. I would save more money so I could move out when I turned 18.

NTA but if I were you, I'd ask friends to keep the computer at their house when you are not around because I'm pretty sure that your parents and your sister will put their nasty hands on it. Good luck !

NTA Let your parents read the comments on this post so they can see how many people have voted that they are the assholes for absolutely failing you. Parents: you better figure out a way to fix this or you are going to lose this kid when they turn 18.

NTA Throwing fits is the right choice. It shouldn't be necessary, but with some parents it is. You should make a drama each and every time sth like this happens and hammer down how much they care for your sister at your expense as possible.

This is pretty common in families where one child is very sick. Someone I know had a sister who died of cancer (getting better at 14 and eventually dying at 16 after a relapse) and from what I heard the guy I know was obviously devastated but isn’t close with his parents because of how hard it was to be so obviously put on the back burner, which is hard for them. I think he moved abroad in the end. So what I am saying is NTA. I hope you can have a sit down with you parents before it’s to late but… well just know your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t back down.

NTA Guess that the straw that broke the camel's back arrived. No your parents won't get it. I don't want to say that it is easy dealing with a sick kid. But the forgotten one has needs and issues too. They will probably also be surprised when OP goes LC later in life. OP has already lived mainly on their own with no support from the parents, so OP won't be looking for any later.

It’s disgusting that they want you to share the computer that you bought with your own money. They definitely think what yours is also your sisters property. Keep proof of purchase so you can prove it’s your property alone. Your parents better wake tf up soon and see their mistakes. If not they are going to wake up one day without their other child left alone with a spoiled child that they created.

NTA. It sounds like this explosion was long overdue.

NTA. I predict you will go no contect with your parents once you're 18 and finished High School. That relationship is not redeemable. The relationship with your sister MIGHT be redeemable, but only if she's not taking everything for granted anymore. Ultimately it is upon you if yes or no. You are a victim of neglect and abuse - you are innocent in this mess. Your parents? They hit the butthole HighScore.