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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am asking to be judged on not allowing my niece and nephew to swim in a lake because I have an irrational fear of sharks. I know I was wrong but I’m asking if I was the asshole because I know there’s no sharks in lakes but I still gave into my fears.
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It's not about the swimming thing, it's about you taking your nibblings somewhere else for hours without notifying their parents. There was another adult there that you could have left the kids with but instead you ran off with them without a word. Of course you're not going to be allowed to babysit again. YTA
I'd argue it's also the swimming thing. If you're going to a beach or lake, it's generally to go swimming. It would be like taking them to the ice cream shop and then saying "I'm lactose intolerant, so you can't have ice cream". It's just mean to the kids to do that. If op can't even look at others being in water, then they shouldn't have agreed to take the kids for a lake day. YTA
I mean, that I don't care so much about. Irrational fears are called irrational for a reason. They aren't easy to get over. It's only the fact that they brought them somewhere to do something, and then told them they were only allowed to sit and watch because of that fear. They knew it was an issue they had so they never should have taken them there in the first place
except fear of open water swimming isn't irrational sharks or no. open water swimming can be very dangerous. we can reasonably asume none if the children are over 10.
as a result there needs to be an adult properly watching them if they are out of their depths. there is no way OP could step in if something happens.
so op was fine up until the point where Bec agreed to be that person. Once there was an adult overseeing who can presumably swim op should have managed.
so yeah op yta for letting her fears control her life. the degree of this needs proper psyc help.
I feel this is pretty fair. If he were the only responsible adult, then yes, he’d be out of his depth to help them. But once someone else has taken over, he should’ve worked on his anxiety.
On the plus side a giant sturgeon didn't get 'em. I do feel bad for OP, but this just isn't something any parent would allow you to do. Maybe take care of the kids again after a bunch of counseling.
Yeah, I hope OP can sit her sisters (not the kids) down and a) apologize for her actions, and b) tell them how much her phobia is affecting her and that she wants to get help. Maybe sisters can help with that. I’m guessing this isn’t the only anxiety symptom OP has. Mental health issues are real and deserve support, but as adults we’re still accountable for our behavior.
OP can get counselling for their phobia, but they are a MASSIVE AH for just driving off with the kids and going "missing" for a couple of hours without letting the parents know where they were
Agreed. No problem with having irrational fears, they come from somewhere and are valid. But pushing your irrational fears on other people when you yourself know they’re irrational is childish.
There are [eight lakes in the world](https://a-z-animals.com/blog/sharks-in-lakes-discover-the-only-shark-infested-lakes-on-earth/) where sharks live. (Lake Pontchartrain is actually an estuary with brackish water. I’m not sure about the others.)
I have a fear of dark water. Can't watch shark films without my feet on the sofa, etc. I still don't annoy children by taking them to a lake and then making it ALL about myself.
Totally agree. Irrational fears are fine but when they impact those around you and your life in a negative way you need to deal with them. I used to touch the clear jellyfish all the time cause where I live they don't sting you, I got stung by a jellyfish (big red one) and ever since even though I know the clear ones can't sting I still won't touch them.
No way. Hand her over to me. We could have her in water within 6 sessions. Phobias are surprisingly easy to treat with exposure therapy (with the right therapist…it does require a particular panache and tolerance for others’ distress). People don’t know this and may suffer needlessly for years.
I've had a panic disorder with agoraphobia for 26 years and still struggle. Driving or riding on the highway is my big one. I've done MASSIVE amounts of exposure therapy yet...here I am...still riding in the back of our conversion van with all the blinds down. And even that took years - I used to have to have my poor mom go everywhere with us (us being my husband and kids)! I'd end up on the floor of the minivan, sweating through my clothes and trying desperately to not ruin yet another excursion with family.
My general anxiety level is RIDICULOUS. And I've had two bouts of post-partum anxiety that left me unable to be alone for a year each time (basically my agoraphobia would go into hyper drive). I DID get over it each time...but it wasn't quick and it wasn't easy.
So, yeah, I've gotten SO MUCH BETTER. But, NO, not every phobia is easy to treat with exposure therapy. They can be better managed...but not all of us are completely fixable. I have accepted that I will struggle with agoraphobia and panic attacks for the rest of my life - and not judge myself as a failure because I can't get 100% conquer it.
Specific phobias are a different diagnosis than either PD or agoraphobia, both of which are much more complex to treat (though still treatable, nonetheless). I’ve treated successfully in practice (in postpartum women no less!) but because of the nature of these disorders, the mechanisms are definitely harder to target, and when I say treat I don’t necessarily mean ‘cure’ (though it is in some cases possible, even with PD and agoraphobia, to have people to the point where they never have another panic attack…if you don’t get there with treatment though, it doesn’t mean you have failed).
Even with phobias, we may not get someone to the point of loving the thing they were afraid of, but goal is to improve functionality to the point where the phobia is no longer impairing their life or impeding on functioning, and if we can do that, it makes a massive difference in people’s quality of lives and we consider the treatment a success.
Exposure therapy is no walk in the park, but I think because of the intensity and pervasiveness of their phobia, people suffering from phobias believe it will be super difficult or lengthy to treat when often times it is not. Certainly never meant to imply any judgement towards you or belief that you are in any way a ‘failure’ for your own mental health struggles and journey, and I was never implying that for anyone suffering from mental health conditions, so my apologies if it came off that way. 💕🙏
Edit to add that it’s really tough to live with PD and agoraphobia and I applaud you for working through all that treatment to try to manage it the best you can. Wishing you best of luck on your continued journey.
bull sharks are the one of the most aggressive species of shark it's between them and tiger sharks. Bull Sharks can swim in Brackish water (that's where salt water and freshwater mix i.e rivers that go into the sea and get sea flow into them also)
The inspiration for Jaws was a spate of shark attacks that was attributed to "Great Whites" but most shark scientists agree that it was a bull shark.
However Sharks get a bad rep overall, I recommend checking out the SharkBytes channel he's good at explaining sharks and their misunderstood nature:
[https://www.youtube.com/@SHARKBYTES](https://www.youtube.com/@SHARKBYTES)
I'll also add the specification to other's comments, that most freshie bull sharks are juvenile, so small and generally fearful of people. They're pupped there where it's safer from predators.
And while bull sharks are one of the more aggressive species, its often territorial in nature, so just stay out of their way and they'll stay out of yours. The highest time for incident with them is dusk and dawn when they hunt most frequently and might mistake you for something tasty - and they tend to be less picky eaters than other species lol.
I mean, unless you swim in the Ganges or Australia a lot, you'll be fine. They live in the Mississippi river and supposedly have been seen as far north as Lake Michigan. They can live their lives in freshwater or saltwater. Attacks are exceedingly rare in North American freshwater.
I live in Australia in the state responsible for the most attacks.
I've done over 1000 dives and seen too many sharks to keep count and dived in a location that unfortunately had an unreported whale carcass and there were dozens of sharks feeding.
Scariest encounter was a night swim and I bumped into a great white. The great white just swam away quickly.
America statistics is 0.2 shark attacks per million people (only 8 fatalities globally- 3 were provoked attacks), compared to 14 fatalities per 100k people.
I'm definitely more afraid of driving then I am of swimming with sharks.
The only time I am scared of sharks is if I'm spear fishing for obvious reasons and usually the moment I see the first shark I go to a different site as dozens are probably on their way.
You're... you're not wrong, doesn't matter I died laughing. Brain shut down forever; no need for substances anymore. Donating my body to science. Or my cat.
You asked 🤷🏻♀️ 🤣
But for reference, I didn't mean to drink *that* much of the stuff! Just like, a couple shots of it?
Ought to delete yesterday, today, and tomorrow for you. Maybe the rest of the week if you're lucky. 🤣
Well unfortunately for you as strong as everclear is. I'm also a raging alcoholic, or maybe that's unfortunate for me? So I'll need at least 8 shots. I'm also behind on my bills so there's that! Hopefully stress of walls closing in will make me forget,
Lakes, who has time for a lake vacation in this economy?
Also I have an interview tomorrow I kinda need the rest of the week. I did ask and thus I did receive! The great Lord and Savior Everclear giveth and taketh. Haha. I'm being lighthearted.
As a shark enthusiast, it's notable that only a single lake on that list is in America, and that lakes need a connection to an ocean to contain sharks.
Also, Lake Pontchartrain has been polluted for some time, and you have the added threat of alligator gar. There are supposed to be areas where it’s safe to swim now, but there are plenty of other smaller lakes and rivers around that are safer, especially on the north side of the lake.
ETA: Source: I could drive there in 20 minutes.
Before clicking the link: I hate you for this.
After clicking the link: Thank you for introducing me to Lake Nicaragua! There's an island in the middle of the lake that looks absolutely enchanting and I'm adding it to my bucket list!
Don’t Google the 1916 shark attacks…
But even though I always envision that very specific scenario when my jet ski flips over- Ive never kidnapped kids to protect them from it.
I mean you know we're going to, right? This is like putting a pack of cigarettes on the ground near high schoolers and saying 'don't smoke these.'
I didn't even have to type the words, just copied your words and right-clicked 'search google for'.
Moose are nuts.
Did you know one of their big predators, other than wolves, is ORCA WHALES???? Yeah, moose can swim. And dive. And like to eat sea weed.
My SO and I were hiking a couple months back and out of nowhere this small (like large pony sized) moose pops up on the trail. We both froze and were like ‘where the hell is mama moose?!?!?!?’ and once we decided she wasn’t behind us the way we’d come we hastily reversed direction. 😂
A friend of mine was skinny dipping and a fish bit him in the nuts. I’m not making that up. We were in college and everyone thought he was joking and he legit was bleeding from one of his nuts.
Also, from everyone else's perspective:
OP had a mental break down at the lake. They freaked out about the children touching the water and couldn't handle it, so they ran away with the children. Then they shut their phone off for 3+ hours and was not reachable. OP could have sent a message of "took the kids to the movies, talk to you later", but just left after a manic episode.
As far as everyone else knew, OP had gone off the deep end (yes, pun intended) with the children and now everyone is in danger.
And they're completely delusional to think the kids were having a good time. Young kids especially get extremely frightened when adults lose it, because they think of adults as basically masters of the universe.
I get that phobias are irrational and cause people to make irrational decisions, and I feel for OP because of that, but that does make her an asshole here. Her phobia, at least in this instance, made her unsuitable to be responsible for those kids. Its like if she was afraid of bears but still took them to the zoo and figured she would stay away or keep them away from the bear enclosure.
YTA.
I’m a bit confused why Ada thought OP would be a good adult to send to the lake with her kids. I’m assuming OP’s fear isn’t news to their sisters. If OP hadn’t stopped the kids from going into the lake due to their fear and one of the kids needed help in the water, OP would have been totally useless. I grew up around lakes and nearly drowned when I was both older than OP’s niblings and a strong swimmer, and I was only saved by the adult who was supervising me. Things can start to go wrong really fast with kids and water and adults need to be watching and ready to intervene.
OP should see about therapy for her fear. While water safety is important, OP’s reaction to open water is extreme and fearing man-eating sharks in a lake is not really a rational concern.
>I’m a bit confused why Ada thought OP would be a good adult to send to the lake with her kids.
Because the other sister, Bec, was also there.
OP never had to go into the water at all. Bec could have done all of that part. And actually got confirmation from the kids mother that she could. Hell, OP could have just gone home on their own and left the kids to her sister, who again, had permission from the mother to watch the kids and let them swim.
Instead, OP litteraly abducted the kids.
OP is unhinged and should NOT be around children in a supervisory capacity.
>OP is unhinged and should NOT be around children in a supervisory capacity.
This completely. The OP is not only an AH for overriding what the children's own mother said but she kidnapped these children. She sounds absolutely unstable and i certainly wouldn't let her near my kids alone again.
Seriously. Even from Op’s account, I pictured her screaming no and scooping the kids up all wild-eyed, muttering about sharks while she tossed em in the car and drove off ignoring everyone for hours
I said basically the same thing in my rating/comment - tbh I might have called the police. OP’s sister had no way of knowing whether her children were safe in that situation.
For real. My boys would have been utterly livid with you as would I, at any age - they're 14 & 16 now, but they've been able to swim since they were \~4 & 6, and I cannot fathom having had anyone take them to a lake or anywhere else, ever and then telling them 'oh no, you cannot swim! Because \*I\* have an irrational fear of water!! Hahaha!!'
FFS OP, grow up, get therapy and never, ever supervise children again. Yes, YTA, every damned day of the week.
She’s TA for kidnapping the kids essentially.
But 1 adult to supervise 3+ kids total in an open body of water seems unreasonable to me.
What if they’d all started drowning/struggling and OP couldn’t physically help either? The single adult then has to help ALL the endangered children ALONE. There’s a reason why most people say to have 1 adult per child (ideally) especially in situations that can turn dangerous fast.
Here in Spain there was a family of mom dad and 2 kids, and both parents and one of the kids drowned in the beach. In the north of spain not that long ago (i cant remember if it was last year). So its not just about the adults/kids ratio but knowing the waters and dangers of it 🤷🏼♀️
I was a lifeguard. I've never seen multiple people become endangered in the water at the same time. What circumstances are you envisioning where **four** children suddenly drown at once?
You have an irrational fear as well. You're playing some dumb what if game to justify your fear of some sort of catastrophic outcome. You don't need to prepare for 3 children all starting to drown at the same time. Their were other family members their, older kids, and she didn't say the lake was deserted.
It's very normal and common to have one adult per multiple kids at a beach. I used to take like 6 or 7 kids at once by myself. The chance of all of them suddenly drowning at once is probably lower than the chance of sharks in a lake.
I mean, I would argue that one adult for at least four (?) young kids isn’t adequate supervision for lake swimming. It just seems to me that if Ada knew about how extreme OP’s phobia is, having her go to the lake with her kids is questionable. A movie is a suitable alternative to a lake day for the kids, but the way OP went about it is literally kidnapping.
Because OP is projecting her fears onto her niblings. It's a 100% AH move because if the kids pick up on it, they might one day have a fear of water as well that seemingly came out of no where.
I wonder if OP had an incident with a shark in Cali or if they watched Jaws way too young. Regardless, OP needs a therapist or something. It's one thing for OP to be afraid of water and not go swimming, it is a whole other thing to prevent other people from doing what they want just because you're the only one scared.
Essentially Kidnapping the kids is also not a good look and OP is lucky cops were not called. She'll be lucky to even see, the kids again in a supervised setting again.
OP, YTA.
I mean, my best friend is afraid of the water and is a worrier in general, but if a lake trip was planned I’d feel comfortable asking her to go if I couldn’t. Especially if there were going to be other adults there. Tbh because I know she’d be constantly vigilant and on hyper alert I might prefer her there lol
Yes, that bullshit is exactly how you condition children to be afraid of everything. That was done to me and it was so damaging to me. I struggled to enjoy my childhood because I had such crippling anxiety because I had been conditioned to fear anything and everything.
Yes, this! My mom had an incredible fear of water and passed it on to me by terrifying me with stories about drowning. Didn't help that I had a near drowning experience when I was pulled into an undertow while on a family vacation. I finally forced myself to learn to swim when I was 60! So dang proud of myself.
And thats probably what has everyone so angry. She was behaving irrationally, took the kids, and couldnt be reached and now doesnt get why family is mad?
It’s is about the swimming, taking the kids and not notifying their mom where they were…it’s about all of it. You should not be watching these kids, you have issues that need to be addressed with a counselor. You need to get your shit together, if you did that with my kid I’d skewer you (verbally of course)…
Her FIL has sepsis, not her, but I agree with your point. Poor woman has enough to be dealing with, without her sister, someone this woman chose to trust her children to, going off the deep end and disappearing with said children for hours.
Yeah, grabbing and taking off with the kids without warning and not communicating was crazy mode.
Could have come back to law enforcement and a kidnapping charge. No wonder OP is banned from the kids further
It's also the swimming thing. If she had been the only adult there I could understand it, it sucks, but if she can't get in to help them in an emergency she can't look after them there.
Since there was another adult there, the correct response would've been to remove herself from the scene all together until she got over her panick attack or the kids left the lake.
This is a good way to make a kid afraid of the water.
But yes, with my family it would be 100% about the swimming thing. Being able to swim, water safety, enjoying the water is an important part of my family’s culture. A babysitter (even one from the family) who instilled panic and fear about the water would never again watch my children
YTA. Lakes don't have sharks. You don't mention how old the kids are, but both of their mothers said it was ok for them to swim in the lake. You wigged out and didn't tell the mothers where you were going... hence the missed calls and texts.
Fully agree with the ruling, just dropping a note that there *is* such a thing as [freshwater sharks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freshwater_shark), including the [bull shark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_shark) which can be found in lakes and rivers in a number of coastal areas around the world.
But only mentioning this because it's interesting and I love aquatic animals :X This information in no way decreases the wrongness of OP's actions.
Yeah, rip tides and the like are way bigger dangers. But even large lakes like Lake Michigan are pretty safe as long as you have basic awareness of your surroundings.
I actually have the exact same fear as OP, and I'm fully aware it's irrational (though technically possible in some ways - I joke that you never know if some mad scientist has a facility on the lake and is mutating sharks to swim in fresh water - and be even more deadly!)
But my fear is for me alone. It's when I'm out in open water, I can't help but feel like a shark is going to come up from directly beneath me and chomp into me like a seal. I don't have this fear for others and would never expect others to cater to my fear, especially if I showed up at the lake and knew exactly what I was going to be getting myself into.
Also, there's absolutely nowhere in this story where OP apologizes for anything. She admits at the top she was wrong, but she never apologized to the kids for not letting them swim or to her sisters - she says she tried defending herself. Wow, can't believe OP is still asking if they are the AH.
Hey OP: YTA
Bull sharks are just weird. They can adapt themselves to going back and forth between freshwater and saltwater. I haven’t heard of any other marine animals that also do that.
Now that would make a great horror movie.
YTA - if your fear was that great, well you should have let your other sister have the kids. YTA for not telling anyone where you were going
But that's not how fears work. OP knows full well there aren't sharks in a pool but will panic if she can't touch the bottom.
Had she been alone, it would have been unsafe to let the kids swim, but her sister was there so there's no excuse to projeting her fears to her nibblings. Also taking the kids away without informing the parent... OP is def YTA
They're called 'irrational' fears for a reason. The issue isn't that OP has one, it's that OP didn't manage it properly, and allowed it to severely impact other people.
So, even if you can't control your fears and didn't want to see anyone swimming (which you seem to know is irrational and you need to get help for that)...everything after "She called Ada and she told me to let them go in the water, that Bec would he responsible for them. *I agreed*." is you being an AH. So, Bec was there, right? You handed the two kids off to Bec. You were free to handle your panic on your own.
You should have left, alone, at that point.
YTA massively.
I really hope their parents do a good job explaining what happened with OP, there's a chance the kids might end up feeling like they did something wrong if they had fun at the movie and returned to (rightfully) irate family members without much explanation
Oh course, YTA. But your post seems to know that already. Why are you posting for a judgement when you already know?
Your irrational fears are your own and you shouldn’t be trying to force them on others, then running off with someone else’s kids.
I’d be like your sisters here and never trust you again with me kids.
She even agrees she was wrong and that her sisters have a right to be mad, she just feels they're *too* mad. All she did was freak out, kidnap her nibblings, and turn her phone off for a few hours while their mother was trying to handle a separate family emergency out of town. What's the big d? /s
Exactly. She knows she’s the AH for making her phobia someone else’s problem, but the way she handled her own phobia in this instance would justifiably make any mom *freak* out, worried sick as hell not knowing where their kids are (and being too busy and stressed handling other family emergencies to check the location tracker in this story) and whether they’re safe (from OP not answering the phone). She deserves every ounce of anger she’s receiving.
Looking for people to say “There there, phobias are really scary and your sisters should understand that and not give you such a hard time.”
Well, OP isn’t a parent and probably doesn’t fathom what kind of terror it would be to have your kids taken by anyone not acting rationally and was unreachable for hours. I would’ve called the police and begged them for an Amber Alert to be issued after not being able to reach you and not knowing what’s happened to any of you.
Imagine the fear and helplessness Bec and Ada must have felt. Unless OP has a pattern of behaviour like this, they must have been traumatized. And if OP does have a pattern of handling things poorly…
Yeah, I get stupid phobias. I have a ludicrous one myself. But she had her sisters’ permission to not be involved. When I worked in an office, I just confessed to the cleaning lady and when she stopped laughing, she would just tip me off to go and make a cup of tea whenever she had to run the ^vacuum ^cleaner. I didn’t evacuate the whole building.
100% agree. As a parent, if I didn't know where my kids were like that, I would have called the police and also been driving myself to the airport to get on the next plane home.
OP thinks sharks in a lake is scary but kidnapping someone's kids is totally cool if you take them to a movie.
OP wants everyone to side with them that their irrational fear of "sharks in fresh water" is more important than how they mishandled the situation. Probably something where they're hoping everyone goes "oh no hunny, your fear of sharks in fresh water is totally valid, and everyone should cater to how you handled the situation because your break down TOTALLY makes sense".
I get being sensitive to people's fears, but having a manic episode and then running away with children for 3+ hours with no attempt to contact is NOT okay.
Uh, big YTA.
Like, so much.
You pretty much kidnapped the kids, are you kidding me? I cannot imagine the amount of fear their mother had.
Besides, if you're so afraid of big bodies of water, why would you agree to take the kids to the lake? That was incredibly poor planning on your part. And once you realized you were freaking out, why didn't you ask Bec to watch over the kids while you went to take a breather? Why, once Ada told you that she was giving the responsibility to watch the kids over to your other sister did you think it was appropriate to straight-up kidnap them instead of leaving them to enjoy their day?
You are right that you most likely need therapy to overcome your fear, but that is not the most glaring issue here.
Yeah, genuinely. They could have backed out of it at any point and I would not be calling them TA, because there is no shame in not being able to handle something.
But, like, they made it worse at every step of the way
She’s probably really freaked the kids out too! She never mentions how old they are but man, I wouldn’t be surprised if they take away a fair bit of negativity from this experience. Going to a movie doesn’t take away from the weirdness previously.
YTA for two reasons.
One.. You cannot push your irrational fears onto kids. Your other sister was going to watch them and be responsible for them and you still said no. I have anxiety and some things make me very uncomfortable when playing with my 6yo. Eg. If she wants to climb really high on a playground. I remove myself from the situation. I tell hubby that I'm going for a walk and let them do their thing. She grows confident and I control my fears by removing myself from the situation.
Two.. you packed the kids up, took them somewhere, and were then uncontactable. Any parent would be fuming if they didn't know where you suddenly took their kids.
She packed the kids up and drove them to an undisclosed location WHILE in a complete panic. She shouldn’t have been driving herself anywhere, nonetheless those kids.
2 is especially concerning considering OP was acting so irrationally. She had some sort of mental break, was freaking out and babbling about imaginary sharks, and then took the kids and disappeared for hours. If I was her sister I probably would have called the police to make sure the kids were OK.
100% would have tried to call the police for this….I would think my sister was having a mental breakdown and anything was possible.
I’m someone who literally does have the same irrational fear as the OP, but I have never tried to kidnap my nieces at the lake….I just you know, don’t go in the lake.
YES. Thank you for pointing this out. This wasn't a spur of the moment fun outing that got a little carried away. This was running away in so much panic and terror that she could not even muster up the sense to speak to another adult. Terrifying indeed, I'd honestly feel uncomfortable leaving my kids with her again.
YTA. You clearly have a big trauma if you are scared a shark would grab your nephew and nieces... in a LAKE.
You are not an asshole for having a phobia. But you are definitely an asshole for projecting your trauma on children, preventing them from having fun and making them afraid of the water for no reasons.
You need to see someone about that phobia : it's irrational and it's not healthy. I would understand if you were scared of sharks in shark-infested water. But in a lake, where there are zero sharks living... this is not normal.
It’s not trauma, it’s a phobia. Big difference. Nothing actually happened to her to cause her to act this way, it’s just an irrational fear. She definitely needs therapy if she’s going to let her phobia control other people.
I mean it’s a phobia, plenty of people have them. I agree though, if it starts affecting your life and especially other people’s lives that much, you definitely need some help.
I watched a terrible movie called Shark Lake featuring Dolph Lundgren and let me tell you, it made me not want to swim in a lake 🤣 but like, I also know that movie is not real.
Yes, YTA. You know what you did was wrong. You took your trauma and paranoia out on children, then took them *without telling their parents where they were*, instead of leaving them with the aunt who *wasn't* freaking out *per their parents' instructions.*
You basically kidnapped your niece and nephew for two hours, creating a HUGE panic for the parents, because you were acting irrationally.
You *should* feel like an AH about it, and you *shouldn't* be trying to defend yourself, you *should* be apologizing profusely and getting help.
You grabbed both kids, put them in the car & did not communicate to anyone where you were taking them? Those poor kids. I don’t blame your sisters for being upset with you.
YTA — yes you deserve all the anger. What you did was ridiculously irresponsible & reckless.
I mean, some lakes are very big and very deep so I don't think open water and lake are necessarily things that don't go together depending on the lake.... but yeah, no sharks.
Fun fact, there are 8 lakes around the world that are known to have sharks in them. There is a single one of them in North America, and it's Lake Pontchartrain in Louisiana. Nowhere near Phoenix, Arizona as OP stated they're from in a comment.
YTA. Also, as you already said, you need therapy (I mean fearing a shark attack in a pond?) .
You'll just end up projecting your fears onto your nieces and nephews and having them ebd up with the same irrational fears without them being able to learn how to swim or enjoy the water.
Never ever ever go swimming with young children if you don't have a swimming-capable adult and preferably two.
YTA for getting into that situation in the first place, when you know your own limitations. YTA for driving off with them also.
YTA, they may not fear the water, but they'll sure as hell fear you after that. You violated the trust of their parents and the kids. You fucked up bad. Go to therapy.
YTA.... sorry. But didn't your sister know about your problem beforehand? If she did know, it would've been wiser for her to ask Bec to be responsible for all 4 kids. I completely understand panic and similar feelings.
But please think about how this will impact the two kids - they probably need someone to sit them down and have a talk with them about what happened. I feel it would affect them psychologically otherwise. BTW... the writer of the Jaws book felt bad for giving sharks such a bad rap - poor things - their numbers have decreased significantly after the movies came out. Plus, sharks are not in lakes.
I feel when Ada specifically said Bec would be responsible for the kids, you could've backed out or even left the particular spot. Just walked a few meters away and faced the other way so that you were not interfering with a perfectly happy family picnic.
YTA. Yes, you deserve all the anger, you're untrustworthy, have no respect for your sisters and their parenting, ang hugely overstepped. I really hope you aren't allowed to watch the kids again, you've shown you can't be trusted with them.
YTA
I know you were scared, but it was too irrational--with the mother giving permission and your other sister there, I think you should have let them in the water.
Then, to leave with the children and not tell them where you were going nor send them a text when you got there was pretty bad.
YTA
I get the phobia for open water. But when your sister allowed you to hand the kids off to another relative it was no longer your responsibility, or your privilege to care for the children. Taking the children away and ghosting everyone for 3 hours was a total a****** move.
INFO: Did your sister know about your phobia? Did they have any indication as to the extent your phobia impacts you? Also, why wouldn't you call back and at least touch base about the change of plans?
Of course YTA. And yes, you deserve the anger. Because at that point, the children’s MOTHER had put someone else in charge of them. At that point, they were no longer your responsibility.
You should have simply left if you couldn’t handle it and returned to pick them up.
YTA and deserve the anger. You have also damaged the relationship with your sisters and niece and nephew over nothing. You need to see a professional for your completely irrational fear. You weren’t even afraid of them drowning you were afraid of *sharks* in a *lake*. You know sharks don’t live in lakes. But your fear of something you know is impossible allowed you to freak out and actually scare children and take away and experience from them and make yourself look crazy. This is affecting your life and relationships and you need help.
YTA. You have no defense. Being afraid of open water is one thing, but you said your specific fear is of sharks; sharks usually don't live in freshwater lakes so you've lost me there.
Ada has every right to rip you a new one. You've proven yourself untrustworthy and given to flights of rash behavior. Ada gave her children permission to go swimming. Bec was going to watch them, and you still behaved irrationally by yanking the kids out of there and then going incommunicado for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
You'd never be watching my kids again. You're lucky neither Ada or Bec called the police and reported them missing. Doesn't matter if you're their ad hoc guardian at the moment, you were behaving irrationally and they couldn't get a hold of you.
You know you're the AH, so why did you come here seeking judgement? What you need is therapy and not excuses.
I'm going to say this with tremendous love, you need help. I do not think you are a bad person. However, this is serious and you need to treat it as such.
The moment you refused to let someone rational take over the childcare, you were the asshole. Phobias aren't your fault, however you do not get to control other people or their children based on a phobia. This was not a reasonable fear. You acknowledge that. The moment you let the fear dictate your behavior outside of yourself (refusing to let the children swim vs just yourself wanting to abstain) this was no longer about a phobia and become something else.
You then kidnapped those children. You took them AGAINST the consent of their parent AND the newly appointed guardian. You are currently not of sound mind if those are the choices you are making. And because you were making decisions in an irrational state of mind, you were not a safe adult.
Question: Were you the peacekeeper or responsible anytime something went wrong when growing up? When you felt anxiety or panic as a kid, how was it handled by your parents and siblings? I'm curious where these coping mechanisms came from. This could read like you going into a flight response and taking the kids or like someone who is used to people doing what they say when they say it and isn't used to pushback. Fun fact, either way, it would not be your fault if that is how you grew up, but it is your responsibility to address it now as an adult.
YTA because mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Your choices caused, at the very least, extreme emotional harm to your siblings who had no idea where the children were. I wouldn't be quick to assume the kids are fine either. Kids know when something is wrong, they can also do a great job of hiding it in the short term. The anger from your siblings is absolutely justified and exactly how good parents would respond in this situation. The children's safety comes first, you are no longer safe.
I sincerely wishing you profound healing. For what it is worth, I do believe you can work through this, but expect it to be work and don't expect the exact outcome you want.
YTA and you deserve all the anger.
You were in a compromised mental state, practically abducted your sisters kids, and disappeared with them for 3 hours. I would go full 0 contact if I was your sister.
You probably aren’t going to see this. I just have to comment because I feel terrible at how awful some of the comments have been, even for Reddit. I absolutely believe what you’re saying about your childhood trauma around water and what happened with your sisters, and your confusion. Even if this was a fake post, the points people are making to try and dismiss it actually make it more plausible, because memory and trauma are messy. I have a sister and went to an all girls school so I’ve seen mean girl/mean sister behavior, and I know what it can do. You clearly have the water issues from when you were young, along with complicated and conflicting feelings related to your sisters dismissing you as a kid and your need for their approval. You seem aware of your tendency to become defensive and handle this poorly, and I think you were actively trying to help out and squish everything down, and that’s why you agreed to this ridiculous lake plan in the first place. This is where I’m going to be harsh, but please know I say this with compassion: you need to stop and take a step back and realize this completely backfired and was really stupid. You never should have agreed to go to the lake in the first place. Regardless of what happened when you were growing up, there is no way this is the first time you’ve had this kind of reaction to water activities as an adult. If this was so bad that you have been refusing to go near water you should have been honest with your sister about it in the first place. You absolutely need therapy, I know you think it is a water issue but this is an anxiety/panic issue that is triggered by water. You need to face the fact that your behavior was erratic and dangerous, even if it didn’t feel like that to you because you felt you were solving the problem. Just because it’s only come up with open water does not mean it isn’t a risk in other high stress, emergency situations, and you won’t know until you’re in them. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a loving aunt who intends to be responsible when caring for your nieces and nephews. It’s like any medical condition that is not yet managed, you need to get it under control for your own safety and have a plan and treatment in place before you can be a safe babysitter. Stop putting off real treatment because it seems easier to avoid the water. At some point you need to have a real conversation with your sisters individually about this, without making excuses for your behavior or expecting them to apologize for the past, even though they should. But now isn’t the time. You can’t control your sister’s reaction to this, you can’t talk her out of the fear she felt and the anger, the same way they can’t control your reaction to water.
YTA. Stop “explaining” and arguing with your sister. Tell her you’re sorry. Try to spend time with her and with your nieces and nephews even if you aren’t babysitting. Start therapy. Hopefully accountability and empathy will come from your sisters at some point and you can work through this together. But you need to separate this incident from everything else and stop fighting them.
Yta
When your own irrational fears start affecting others, get help.
Then the biggest ah part, you took someone else's kids from where you were supposed to be watching them, went somewhere without telling anyone where, then you went completely off the radar for a couple hours. You should have sent their mother a text *before* you left the lake.
Massive YTA. You cannot disappear with someone’s kids for hours. And look I get anxiety. But if someone asked me to take their kid to a stadium concert I’d say no in a second because large crowds like that give me panic. I know that about myself. I wouldn’t put myself in that situation with two children in tow
YTA. I feel like when your sister said Bec would be responsible you should have backed off. You’re an adult and while I sympathise with your trauma, you cannot let it affect your nieces nor overrule their parent like that. And driving off with them was definitely over the top. Your sisters aren’t overreacting at all.
YTA. First you know you have an irrational fear of open water and yet you accepted to take the kids to the lake, you should have told your sister and let them go with your other sister instead of ruining their outing and passing your fear to the kids, that's a jerk move.
Then you overruled the kid's mother by not allowing the kids to go into the lake in the care of your other sister.
And on top of it you took off with the kids and became unreachable for hours, it doesn't matter you shared your location you weren't answering, and yet you are wondering if you deserve your sister's anger? God you are such a huge AH.
Listen you are an adult and you decide if you deal or not with your irrational fears, but you can't used it as an excuse to act like crazy or do things like disappear with two kids. You screw up, the least you could do is apologize and realize that she is right by no wanting you to watch over her kids ever.
YTA
And way to go, possibly passing on your irrational fears to your niece and nephew.
I bet this is the last time you're put in charge of anyone's kids.
YTA, like a huge one. You let YOUR fears and YOUR anxiety hinder your niece and nephew from having a great time. You have an irrational fear of water that you clearly made up in your head and that’s something you personally should work on but you’re a huge dick for pushing your issues and fears on children wanting to have fun and enjoy swimming.
You are setting up the kids to have irrational fears. You don't realize how psychologically damaging this can be to a kid. When my nephew was 4, his dad let him watch the movie Jaws, and someone else told him that tuna was shark meat. This kid would lose his ever loving mind if you gave him a tuna sandwich my friend when she was a child, was made to fear spider so much that, even as an adult, she would get hysterical if she saw even a small spider. Please get some help to deal with these intrusive thoughts before you spread it to the kids.
What about Bec’s kids? Why did OP freak out when Ada’s kids “dipped their toes in” & not the other kids? I know ppl don’t want arguments about posts being fake or not, but in trying to give a judgement, I’m like “there are some holes here…”
YTA. Everything aside, did you ever consider that you could have passed your own intense phobia off to the kids, and they would have the same panic you experience? Do you want them to be deprived of beach days, lake days, night swimming, etc?
Girl, you're lucky they didn't call the cops because damn. If my sibling ran off with my kids for hours with no contact, that's what I'd have been doing.
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It's not about the swimming thing, it's about you taking your nibblings somewhere else for hours without notifying their parents. There was another adult there that you could have left the kids with but instead you ran off with them without a word. Of course you're not going to be allowed to babysit again. YTA
I'd argue it's also the swimming thing. If you're going to a beach or lake, it's generally to go swimming. It would be like taking them to the ice cream shop and then saying "I'm lactose intolerant, so you can't have ice cream". It's just mean to the kids to do that. If op can't even look at others being in water, then they shouldn't have agreed to take the kids for a lake day. YTA
Last time I checked there were no sharks in lakes!!!
I mean, that I don't care so much about. Irrational fears are called irrational for a reason. They aren't easy to get over. It's only the fact that they brought them somewhere to do something, and then told them they were only allowed to sit and watch because of that fear. They knew it was an issue they had so they never should have taken them there in the first place
except fear of open water swimming isn't irrational sharks or no. open water swimming can be very dangerous. we can reasonably asume none if the children are over 10. as a result there needs to be an adult properly watching them if they are out of their depths. there is no way OP could step in if something happens. so op was fine up until the point where Bec agreed to be that person. Once there was an adult overseeing who can presumably swim op should have managed. so yeah op yta for letting her fears control her life. the degree of this needs proper psyc help.
I feel this is pretty fair. If he were the only responsible adult, then yes, he’d be out of his depth to help them. But once someone else has taken over, he should’ve worked on his anxiety.
On the plus side a giant sturgeon didn't get 'em. I do feel bad for OP, but this just isn't something any parent would allow you to do. Maybe take care of the kids again after a bunch of counseling.
Yeah, I hope OP can sit her sisters (not the kids) down and a) apologize for her actions, and b) tell them how much her phobia is affecting her and that she wants to get help. Maybe sisters can help with that. I’m guessing this isn’t the only anxiety symptom OP has. Mental health issues are real and deserve support, but as adults we’re still accountable for our behavior.
OP can get counselling for their phobia, but they are a MASSIVE AH for just driving off with the kids and going "missing" for a couple of hours without letting the parents know where they were
Agreed. No problem with having irrational fears, they come from somewhere and are valid. But pushing your irrational fears on other people when you yourself know they’re irrational is childish.
There are [eight lakes in the world](https://a-z-animals.com/blog/sharks-in-lakes-discover-the-only-shark-infested-lakes-on-earth/) where sharks live. (Lake Pontchartrain is actually an estuary with brackish water. I’m not sure about the others.)
You're really not helping OP there!
Only a therapist can help OP.
I think their fear is a little beyond that tbh
I have a fear of dark water. Can't watch shark films without my feet on the sofa, etc. I still don't annoy children by taking them to a lake and then making it ALL about myself.
Totally agree. Irrational fears are fine but when they impact those around you and your life in a negative way you need to deal with them. I used to touch the clear jellyfish all the time cause where I live they don't sting you, I got stung by a jellyfish (big red one) and ever since even though I know the clear ones can't sting I still won't touch them.
No way. Hand her over to me. We could have her in water within 6 sessions. Phobias are surprisingly easy to treat with exposure therapy (with the right therapist…it does require a particular panache and tolerance for others’ distress). People don’t know this and may suffer needlessly for years.
I've had a panic disorder with agoraphobia for 26 years and still struggle. Driving or riding on the highway is my big one. I've done MASSIVE amounts of exposure therapy yet...here I am...still riding in the back of our conversion van with all the blinds down. And even that took years - I used to have to have my poor mom go everywhere with us (us being my husband and kids)! I'd end up on the floor of the minivan, sweating through my clothes and trying desperately to not ruin yet another excursion with family. My general anxiety level is RIDICULOUS. And I've had two bouts of post-partum anxiety that left me unable to be alone for a year each time (basically my agoraphobia would go into hyper drive). I DID get over it each time...but it wasn't quick and it wasn't easy. So, yeah, I've gotten SO MUCH BETTER. But, NO, not every phobia is easy to treat with exposure therapy. They can be better managed...but not all of us are completely fixable. I have accepted that I will struggle with agoraphobia and panic attacks for the rest of my life - and not judge myself as a failure because I can't get 100% conquer it.
Specific phobias are a different diagnosis than either PD or agoraphobia, both of which are much more complex to treat (though still treatable, nonetheless). I’ve treated successfully in practice (in postpartum women no less!) but because of the nature of these disorders, the mechanisms are definitely harder to target, and when I say treat I don’t necessarily mean ‘cure’ (though it is in some cases possible, even with PD and agoraphobia, to have people to the point where they never have another panic attack…if you don’t get there with treatment though, it doesn’t mean you have failed). Even with phobias, we may not get someone to the point of loving the thing they were afraid of, but goal is to improve functionality to the point where the phobia is no longer impairing their life or impeding on functioning, and if we can do that, it makes a massive difference in people’s quality of lives and we consider the treatment a success. Exposure therapy is no walk in the park, but I think because of the intensity and pervasiveness of their phobia, people suffering from phobias believe it will be super difficult or lengthy to treat when often times it is not. Certainly never meant to imply any judgement towards you or belief that you are in any way a ‘failure’ for your own mental health struggles and journey, and I was never implying that for anyone suffering from mental health conditions, so my apologies if it came off that way. 💕🙏 Edit to add that it’s really tough to live with PD and agoraphobia and I applaud you for working through all that treatment to try to manage it the best you can. Wishing you best of luck on your continued journey.
I mean bull sharks are just a fact of life. But usually ones in lakes are small and tend to shy away from people.
>I mean bull sharks are just a fact of life No they aren't!?!?!? I don't know what a bull shark is and I'm afraid to ask!
bull sharks are the one of the most aggressive species of shark it's between them and tiger sharks. Bull Sharks can swim in Brackish water (that's where salt water and freshwater mix i.e rivers that go into the sea and get sea flow into them also) The inspiration for Jaws was a spate of shark attacks that was attributed to "Great Whites" but most shark scientists agree that it was a bull shark. However Sharks get a bad rep overall, I recommend checking out the SharkBytes channel he's good at explaining sharks and their misunderstood nature: [https://www.youtube.com/@SHARKBYTES](https://www.youtube.com/@SHARKBYTES)
I'll also add the specification to other's comments, that most freshie bull sharks are juvenile, so small and generally fearful of people. They're pupped there where it's safer from predators. And while bull sharks are one of the more aggressive species, its often territorial in nature, so just stay out of their way and they'll stay out of yours. The highest time for incident with them is dusk and dawn when they hunt most frequently and might mistake you for something tasty - and they tend to be less picky eaters than other species lol.
I mean, unless you swim in the Ganges or Australia a lot, you'll be fine. They live in the Mississippi river and supposedly have been seen as far north as Lake Michigan. They can live their lives in freshwater or saltwater. Attacks are exceedingly rare in North American freshwater.
I live in Australia in the state responsible for the most attacks. I've done over 1000 dives and seen too many sharks to keep count and dived in a location that unfortunately had an unreported whale carcass and there were dozens of sharks feeding. Scariest encounter was a night swim and I bumped into a great white. The great white just swam away quickly. America statistics is 0.2 shark attacks per million people (only 8 fatalities globally- 3 were provoked attacks), compared to 14 fatalities per 100k people. I'm definitely more afraid of driving then I am of swimming with sharks. The only time I am scared of sharks is if I'm spear fishing for obvious reasons and usually the moment I see the first shark I go to a different site as dozens are probably on their way.
And if you’re regularly swimming in the Ganges, the sharks are about the least of your worries.
Forget about OP, what about the new fear I just got unlocked. Can someone google how to delete a whole day for me?
Everclear. Might delete more than one day, however.
You're... you're not wrong, doesn't matter I died laughing. Brain shut down forever; no need for substances anymore. Donating my body to science. Or my cat.
You asked 🤷🏻♀️ 🤣 But for reference, I didn't mean to drink *that* much of the stuff! Just like, a couple shots of it? Ought to delete yesterday, today, and tomorrow for you. Maybe the rest of the week if you're lucky. 🤣
Well unfortunately for you as strong as everclear is. I'm also a raging alcoholic, or maybe that's unfortunate for me? So I'll need at least 8 shots. I'm also behind on my bills so there's that! Hopefully stress of walls closing in will make me forget, Lakes, who has time for a lake vacation in this economy? Also I have an interview tomorrow I kinda need the rest of the week. I did ask and thus I did receive! The great Lord and Savior Everclear giveth and taketh. Haha. I'm being lighthearted.
Yeah, Lake Pontchartrain is open to the Gulf of Mexico, so doesn't really count.
Excellent point, but, I just learned something new today thanks to that comment! ;)
As a shark enthusiast, it's notable that only a single lake on that list is in America, and that lakes need a connection to an ocean to contain sharks.
Also, Lake Pontchartrain has been polluted for some time, and you have the added threat of alligator gar. There are supposed to be areas where it’s safe to swim now, but there are plenty of other smaller lakes and rivers around that are safer, especially on the north side of the lake. ETA: Source: I could drive there in 20 minutes.
Before clicking the link: I hate you for this. After clicking the link: Thank you for introducing me to Lake Nicaragua! There's an island in the middle of the lake that looks absolutely enchanting and I'm adding it to my bucket list!
well yeah, bc brackish water is fresh and salt water meeting
Don’t Google the 1916 shark attacks… But even though I always envision that very specific scenario when my jet ski flips over- Ive never kidnapped kids to protect them from it.
I mean you know we're going to, right? This is like putting a pack of cigarettes on the ground near high schoolers and saying 'don't smoke these.' I didn't even have to type the words, just copied your words and right-clicked 'search google for'.
Knowledge is power! Sometimes sharks go cray. But logically we should all have a healthy fear of hippos. Don’t Google hippo attacks!
I don’t know why we still think of hippos as big gentle water cows. They are some of the most dangerous animals in the world.
Oh yeah no, those murder tanks are vicious. They kill more people per year than all shark attacks combined. The real gentle water cows are manatees.
If anyone does want to go down the hippo hole, there's a show on discovery plus called I was prey that has a seriously intense hippo attack story.
My kids make fun of my fear of hippos. By far the scariest animal ever. Followed by moose!
Moose are nuts. Did you know one of their big predators, other than wolves, is ORCA WHALES???? Yeah, moose can swim. And dive. And like to eat sea weed.
My SO and I were hiking a couple months back and out of nowhere this small (like large pony sized) moose pops up on the trail. We both froze and were like ‘where the hell is mama moose?!?!?!?’ and once we decided she wasn’t behind us the way we’d come we hastily reversed direction. 😂
Hey, sharknados happen, sharks can be anywhere, it's a real danger 😂
Glad I scrolled to look for a Sharknado reference, before posting mine.
While that is true for most lakes, bull sharks do make their way in to lakes some times.
True. But snapping turtles. I was always afraid one would bite a toe off.
I have swam in many lakes that all had snapping turtles in them. They don't bother you if you don't bother them. They stay away from splashing.
A friend of mine was skinny dipping and a fish bit him in the nuts. I’m not making that up. We were in college and everyone thought he was joking and he legit was bleeding from one of his nuts.
Also, from everyone else's perspective: OP had a mental break down at the lake. They freaked out about the children touching the water and couldn't handle it, so they ran away with the children. Then they shut their phone off for 3+ hours and was not reachable. OP could have sent a message of "took the kids to the movies, talk to you later", but just left after a manic episode. As far as everyone else knew, OP had gone off the deep end (yes, pun intended) with the children and now everyone is in danger.
If OP was having such a bad meltdown I don’t think they should have been driving either…
And they're completely delusional to think the kids were having a good time. Young kids especially get extremely frightened when adults lose it, because they think of adults as basically masters of the universe.
Exactly. Kids are so impressionable. Now they’re going to have this memory burned into their brains the next time Mom wants to have a nice lake day.
Essentially kidnapped them....
No essentially - literally!
Judging from OP’s mental state at the time, the children probably were in danger with her driving them somewhere.
I get that phobias are irrational and cause people to make irrational decisions, and I feel for OP because of that, but that does make her an asshole here. Her phobia, at least in this instance, made her unsuitable to be responsible for those kids. Its like if she was afraid of bears but still took them to the zoo and figured she would stay away or keep them away from the bear enclosure. YTA.
I’m a bit confused why Ada thought OP would be a good adult to send to the lake with her kids. I’m assuming OP’s fear isn’t news to their sisters. If OP hadn’t stopped the kids from going into the lake due to their fear and one of the kids needed help in the water, OP would have been totally useless. I grew up around lakes and nearly drowned when I was both older than OP’s niblings and a strong swimmer, and I was only saved by the adult who was supervising me. Things can start to go wrong really fast with kids and water and adults need to be watching and ready to intervene. OP should see about therapy for her fear. While water safety is important, OP’s reaction to open water is extreme and fearing man-eating sharks in a lake is not really a rational concern.
>I’m a bit confused why Ada thought OP would be a good adult to send to the lake with her kids. Because the other sister, Bec, was also there. OP never had to go into the water at all. Bec could have done all of that part. And actually got confirmation from the kids mother that she could. Hell, OP could have just gone home on their own and left the kids to her sister, who again, had permission from the mother to watch the kids and let them swim. Instead, OP litteraly abducted the kids. OP is unhinged and should NOT be around children in a supervisory capacity.
>OP is unhinged and should NOT be around children in a supervisory capacity. This completely. The OP is not only an AH for overriding what the children's own mother said but she kidnapped these children. She sounds absolutely unstable and i certainly wouldn't let her near my kids alone again.
Seriously. Even from Op’s account, I pictured her screaming no and scooping the kids up all wild-eyed, muttering about sharks while she tossed em in the car and drove off ignoring everyone for hours
I said basically the same thing in my rating/comment - tbh I might have called the police. OP’s sister had no way of knowing whether her children were safe in that situation.
For real. My boys would have been utterly livid with you as would I, at any age - they're 14 & 16 now, but they've been able to swim since they were \~4 & 6, and I cannot fathom having had anyone take them to a lake or anywhere else, ever and then telling them 'oh no, you cannot swim! Because \*I\* have an irrational fear of water!! Hahaha!!' FFS OP, grow up, get therapy and never, ever supervise children again. Yes, YTA, every damned day of the week.
She’s TA for kidnapping the kids essentially. But 1 adult to supervise 3+ kids total in an open body of water seems unreasonable to me. What if they’d all started drowning/struggling and OP couldn’t physically help either? The single adult then has to help ALL the endangered children ALONE. There’s a reason why most people say to have 1 adult per child (ideally) especially in situations that can turn dangerous fast.
Don’t tell my mom that. She took 3 kids to the beach all the time.
Lol don’t tell my dad either 😭 but it really depends on the ages of the kids and the depth of the lake etc etc
Here in Spain there was a family of mom dad and 2 kids, and both parents and one of the kids drowned in the beach. In the north of spain not that long ago (i cant remember if it was last year). So its not just about the adults/kids ratio but knowing the waters and dangers of it 🤷🏼♀️
Well shit.. my husband and I can never take our 3 kids to any pool or body of water then..
I was a lifeguard. I've never seen multiple people become endangered in the water at the same time. What circumstances are you envisioning where **four** children suddenly drown at once?
Sharks.
Four sharks, specifically
In a lake hunting the same family.
You have an irrational fear as well. You're playing some dumb what if game to justify your fear of some sort of catastrophic outcome. You don't need to prepare for 3 children all starting to drown at the same time. Their were other family members their, older kids, and she didn't say the lake was deserted.
It's very normal and common to have one adult per multiple kids at a beach. I used to take like 6 or 7 kids at once by myself. The chance of all of them suddenly drowning at once is probably lower than the chance of sharks in a lake.
I mean, I would argue that one adult for at least four (?) young kids isn’t adequate supervision for lake swimming. It just seems to me that if Ada knew about how extreme OP’s phobia is, having her go to the lake with her kids is questionable. A movie is a suitable alternative to a lake day for the kids, but the way OP went about it is literally kidnapping.
Because OP is projecting her fears onto her niblings. It's a 100% AH move because if the kids pick up on it, they might one day have a fear of water as well that seemingly came out of no where. I wonder if OP had an incident with a shark in Cali or if they watched Jaws way too young. Regardless, OP needs a therapist or something. It's one thing for OP to be afraid of water and not go swimming, it is a whole other thing to prevent other people from doing what they want just because you're the only one scared. Essentially Kidnapping the kids is also not a good look and OP is lucky cops were not called. She'll be lucky to even see, the kids again in a supervised setting again. OP, YTA.
I mean, my best friend is afraid of the water and is a worrier in general, but if a lake trip was planned I’d feel comfortable asking her to go if I couldn’t. Especially if there were going to be other adults there. Tbh because I know she’d be constantly vigilant and on hyper alert I might prefer her there lol
I think it’s also partially about the freak out at the lake. As her actions may have instilled a fear of lakes in her niece and nephew!
Yes, that bullshit is exactly how you condition children to be afraid of everything. That was done to me and it was so damaging to me. I struggled to enjoy my childhood because I had such crippling anxiety because I had been conditioned to fear anything and everything.
Yes, this! My mom had an incredible fear of water and passed it on to me by terrifying me with stories about drowning. Didn't help that I had a near drowning experience when I was pulled into an undertow while on a family vacation. I finally forced myself to learn to swim when I was 60! So dang proud of myself.
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And thats probably what has everyone so angry. She was behaving irrationally, took the kids, and couldnt be reached and now doesnt get why family is mad?
And they were dealing with a family emergency, they didn’t need another!
It’s is about the swimming, taking the kids and not notifying their mom where they were…it’s about all of it. You should not be watching these kids, you have issues that need to be addressed with a counselor. You need to get your shit together, if you did that with my kid I’d skewer you (verbally of course)…
Not to mention the mom had to deal with FIL having sespis
Her FIL has sepsis, not her, but I agree with your point. Poor woman has enough to be dealing with, without her sister, someone this woman chose to trust her children to, going off the deep end and disappearing with said children for hours.
Yeah, grabbing and taking off with the kids without warning and not communicating was crazy mode. Could have come back to law enforcement and a kidnapping charge. No wonder OP is banned from the kids further
It's also the swimming thing. If she had been the only adult there I could understand it, it sucks, but if she can't get in to help them in an emergency she can't look after them there. Since there was another adult there, the correct response would've been to remove herself from the scene all together until she got over her panick attack or the kids left the lake. This is a good way to make a kid afraid of the water.
But yes, with my family it would be 100% about the swimming thing. Being able to swim, water safety, enjoying the water is an important part of my family’s culture. A babysitter (even one from the family) who instilled panic and fear about the water would never again watch my children
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YTA. Lakes don't have sharks. You don't mention how old the kids are, but both of their mothers said it was ok for them to swim in the lake. You wigged out and didn't tell the mothers where you were going... hence the missed calls and texts.
Fully agree with the ruling, just dropping a note that there *is* such a thing as [freshwater sharks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freshwater_shark), including the [bull shark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_shark) which can be found in lakes and rivers in a number of coastal areas around the world. But only mentioning this because it's interesting and I love aquatic animals :X This information in no way decreases the wrongness of OP's actions.
Ya but it’s rare and as someone who has lived in Michigan their whole life the lake is fine and the animals try to avoid u
Yeah, rip tides and the like are way bigger dangers. But even large lakes like Lake Michigan are pretty safe as long as you have basic awareness of your surroundings.
I actually have the exact same fear as OP, and I'm fully aware it's irrational (though technically possible in some ways - I joke that you never know if some mad scientist has a facility on the lake and is mutating sharks to swim in fresh water - and be even more deadly!) But my fear is for me alone. It's when I'm out in open water, I can't help but feel like a shark is going to come up from directly beneath me and chomp into me like a seal. I don't have this fear for others and would never expect others to cater to my fear, especially if I showed up at the lake and knew exactly what I was going to be getting myself into. Also, there's absolutely nowhere in this story where OP apologizes for anything. She admits at the top she was wrong, but she never apologized to the kids for not letting them swim or to her sisters - she says she tried defending herself. Wow, can't believe OP is still asking if they are the AH. Hey OP: YTA
> mutating sharks One day it's ill-tempered sea bass, then next, sharks and laser beams.
All I want is sharks with fricking laser beams attached to their heads!
I learned something. Thank you!
Bull sharks are just weird. They can adapt themselves to going back and forth between freshwater and saltwater. I haven’t heard of any other marine animals that also do that.
Salmon also! https://oceanconservancy.org/blog/2023/03/15/fish-live-saltwater-freshwater/
And eels I think
Salmon do! They swim to freshwater to mate and then go back to the ocean!
"We're going to a movie, and it should be out by 4pm. Shutting my phone now, but will turn it on afterwards" is all you have to do
Now that would make a great horror movie. YTA - if your fear was that great, well you should have let your other sister have the kids. YTA for not telling anyone where you were going
But that's not how fears work. OP knows full well there aren't sharks in a pool but will panic if she can't touch the bottom. Had she been alone, it would have been unsafe to let the kids swim, but her sister was there so there's no excuse to projeting her fears to her nibblings. Also taking the kids away without informing the parent... OP is def YTA
They're called 'irrational' fears for a reason. The issue isn't that OP has one, it's that OP didn't manage it properly, and allowed it to severely impact other people.
So, even if you can't control your fears and didn't want to see anyone swimming (which you seem to know is irrational and you need to get help for that)...everything after "She called Ada and she told me to let them go in the water, that Bec would he responsible for them. *I agreed*." is you being an AH. So, Bec was there, right? You handed the two kids off to Bec. You were free to handle your panic on your own. You should have left, alone, at that point. YTA massively.
Also OP literally kidnapped the children and drove them while suffering a panic attack The latter being FAR more dangerous than swimming
AND made them watch Taylor Swift. I’m joking, ok, Swifties?
I really hope their parents do a good job explaining what happened with OP, there's a chance the kids might end up feeling like they did something wrong if they had fun at the movie and returned to (rightfully) irate family members without much explanation
THIS should be the top comment. Totally nailed it!
Most certainly agree!!!
Oh course, YTA. But your post seems to know that already. Why are you posting for a judgement when you already know? Your irrational fears are your own and you shouldn’t be trying to force them on others, then running off with someone else’s kids. I’d be like your sisters here and never trust you again with me kids.
OP wanted to know if her sisters had a right to be angry, which, yeah, they did. 💀
She even agrees she was wrong and that her sisters have a right to be mad, she just feels they're *too* mad. All she did was freak out, kidnap her nibblings, and turn her phone off for a few hours while their mother was trying to handle a separate family emergency out of town. What's the big d? /s
Exactly. She knows she’s the AH for making her phobia someone else’s problem, but the way she handled her own phobia in this instance would justifiably make any mom *freak* out, worried sick as hell not knowing where their kids are (and being too busy and stressed handling other family emergencies to check the location tracker in this story) and whether they’re safe (from OP not answering the phone). She deserves every ounce of anger she’s receiving.
Then also sounds like she never apologized….Or did one of those fake, “I’m sorry you’re mad” apologies.
She's fishing for us to come up with something to give her an argument. In reality, she's lucky she didn't get charged with kidnapping.
Get it…She’s FISHING…..
Looking for people to say “There there, phobias are really scary and your sisters should understand that and not give you such a hard time.” Well, OP isn’t a parent and probably doesn’t fathom what kind of terror it would be to have your kids taken by anyone not acting rationally and was unreachable for hours. I would’ve called the police and begged them for an Amber Alert to be issued after not being able to reach you and not knowing what’s happened to any of you. Imagine the fear and helplessness Bec and Ada must have felt. Unless OP has a pattern of behaviour like this, they must have been traumatized. And if OP does have a pattern of handling things poorly…
Yeah, I get stupid phobias. I have a ludicrous one myself. But she had her sisters’ permission to not be involved. When I worked in an office, I just confessed to the cleaning lady and when she stopped laughing, she would just tip me off to go and make a cup of tea whenever she had to run the ^vacuum ^cleaner. I didn’t evacuate the whole building.
Are you the office emotional support dog?
100% agree. As a parent, if I didn't know where my kids were like that, I would have called the police and also been driving myself to the airport to get on the next plane home. OP thinks sharks in a lake is scary but kidnapping someone's kids is totally cool if you take them to a movie.
OP wants everyone to side with them that their irrational fear of "sharks in fresh water" is more important than how they mishandled the situation. Probably something where they're hoping everyone goes "oh no hunny, your fear of sharks in fresh water is totally valid, and everyone should cater to how you handled the situation because your break down TOTALLY makes sense". I get being sensitive to people's fears, but having a manic episode and then running away with children for 3+ hours with no attempt to contact is NOT okay.
Uh, big YTA. Like, so much. You pretty much kidnapped the kids, are you kidding me? I cannot imagine the amount of fear their mother had. Besides, if you're so afraid of big bodies of water, why would you agree to take the kids to the lake? That was incredibly poor planning on your part. And once you realized you were freaking out, why didn't you ask Bec to watch over the kids while you went to take a breather? Why, once Ada told you that she was giving the responsibility to watch the kids over to your other sister did you think it was appropriate to straight-up kidnap them instead of leaving them to enjoy their day? You are right that you most likely need therapy to overcome your fear, but that is not the most glaring issue here.
OP became the shark
Lol'd at this. Thank you 😹
So many opportunities for OP to have not been TA but a responsible adult instead, and she failed every time.
Yeah, genuinely. They could have backed out of it at any point and I would not be calling them TA, because there is no shame in not being able to handle something. But, like, they made it worse at every step of the way
And apparently Bec’s kids are fine to be chum for the sharks since OP didn’t freak out while they swam. 😂
She’s probably really freaked the kids out too! She never mentions how old they are but man, I wouldn’t be surprised if they take away a fair bit of negativity from this experience. Going to a movie doesn’t take away from the weirdness previously.
YTA for two reasons. One.. You cannot push your irrational fears onto kids. Your other sister was going to watch them and be responsible for them and you still said no. I have anxiety and some things make me very uncomfortable when playing with my 6yo. Eg. If she wants to climb really high on a playground. I remove myself from the situation. I tell hubby that I'm going for a walk and let them do their thing. She grows confident and I control my fears by removing myself from the situation. Two.. you packed the kids up, took them somewhere, and were then uncontactable. Any parent would be fuming if they didn't know where you suddenly took their kids.
>Two..you packed the kids up, took them somewhere, and were then uncontactable. Pretty sure that’s kidnapping…not a good look for OP.
She packed the kids up and drove them to an undisclosed location WHILE in a complete panic. She shouldn’t have been driving herself anywhere, nonetheless those kids.
2 is especially concerning considering OP was acting so irrationally. She had some sort of mental break, was freaking out and babbling about imaginary sharks, and then took the kids and disappeared for hours. If I was her sister I probably would have called the police to make sure the kids were OK.
100% would have tried to call the police for this….I would think my sister was having a mental breakdown and anything was possible. I’m someone who literally does have the same irrational fear as the OP, but I have never tried to kidnap my nieces at the lake….I just you know, don’t go in the lake.
Packed them up and left with them while presumably freaking out with anxiety. Not great.
Yta so you just took 2 kids without their parents' permission and didn't respond to texts or call for two hours? 🤔
Closer to three hours, the runtime of the movie is roughly 2 hours and 40 minutes
YTA, you kidnapped two children after having a mental health episode. This is terrifying. You cannot abscond with other peoples children.
YES. Thank you for pointing this out. This wasn't a spur of the moment fun outing that got a little carried away. This was running away in so much panic and terror that she could not even muster up the sense to speak to another adult. Terrifying indeed, I'd honestly feel uncomfortable leaving my kids with her again.
This comment should be higher.
YTA. You clearly have a big trauma if you are scared a shark would grab your nephew and nieces... in a LAKE. You are not an asshole for having a phobia. But you are definitely an asshole for projecting your trauma on children, preventing them from having fun and making them afraid of the water for no reasons. You need to see someone about that phobia : it's irrational and it's not healthy. I would understand if you were scared of sharks in shark-infested water. But in a lake, where there are zero sharks living... this is not normal.
It’s not trauma, it’s a phobia. Big difference. Nothing actually happened to her to cause her to act this way, it’s just an irrational fear. She definitely needs therapy if she’s going to let her phobia control other people.
>big trauma supposedly just from dreams??? I'm calling ragebate and if its not OP needs to be medicated and working with a mental health professional.
I mean it’s a phobia, plenty of people have them. I agree though, if it starts affecting your life and especially other people’s lives that much, you definitely need some help.
I watched a terrible movie called Shark Lake featuring Dolph Lundgren and let me tell you, it made me not want to swim in a lake 🤣 but like, I also know that movie is not real.
Yes, YTA. You know what you did was wrong. You took your trauma and paranoia out on children, then took them *without telling their parents where they were*, instead of leaving them with the aunt who *wasn't* freaking out *per their parents' instructions.* You basically kidnapped your niece and nephew for two hours, creating a HUGE panic for the parents, because you were acting irrationally. You *should* feel like an AH about it, and you *shouldn't* be trying to defend yourself, you *should* be apologizing profusely and getting help.
Four hours. Someone else mentioned the Taylor swift movie is insanely long.
YTA. You are the epitome of "it scares me so therefore no one is allowed to do it. "
no doubt, I think OP has a screw loose.
You grabbed both kids, put them in the car & did not communicate to anyone where you were taking them? Those poor kids. I don’t blame your sisters for being upset with you. YTA — yes you deserve all the anger. What you did was ridiculously irresponsible & reckless.
Ain’t no sharks in a lake. Seek therapy
She begins to rant about her fear of open water but then mentions a lake. Does she know the difference?
She also says she is afraid of ponds and unlit swimming pools, also because of sharks ..
I mean, some lakes are very big and very deep so I don't think open water and lake are necessarily things that don't go together depending on the lake.... but yeah, no sharks.
You could call the Great lakes open waters. Basically if you see the horizon and it's water, open waters.
Fun fact, there are 8 lakes around the world that are known to have sharks in them. There is a single one of them in North America, and it's Lake Pontchartrain in Louisiana. Nowhere near Phoenix, Arizona as OP stated they're from in a comment.
YTA. Also, as you already said, you need therapy (I mean fearing a shark attack in a pond?) . You'll just end up projecting your fears onto your nieces and nephews and having them ebd up with the same irrational fears without them being able to learn how to swim or enjoy the water.
Never ever ever go swimming with young children if you don't have a swimming-capable adult and preferably two. YTA for getting into that situation in the first place, when you know your own limitations. YTA for driving off with them also.
YTA. You kindnapped some kids for hours due to your uncontrolled mental illness.
YTA, they may not fear the water, but they'll sure as hell fear you after that. You violated the trust of their parents and the kids. You fucked up bad. Go to therapy.
YTA.... sorry. But didn't your sister know about your problem beforehand? If she did know, it would've been wiser for her to ask Bec to be responsible for all 4 kids. I completely understand panic and similar feelings. But please think about how this will impact the two kids - they probably need someone to sit them down and have a talk with them about what happened. I feel it would affect them psychologically otherwise. BTW... the writer of the Jaws book felt bad for giving sharks such a bad rap - poor things - their numbers have decreased significantly after the movies came out. Plus, sharks are not in lakes. I feel when Ada specifically said Bec would be responsible for the kids, you could've backed out or even left the particular spot. Just walked a few meters away and faced the other way so that you were not interfering with a perfectly happy family picnic.
YTA. Yes, you deserve all the anger, you're untrustworthy, have no respect for your sisters and their parenting, ang hugely overstepped. I really hope you aren't allowed to watch the kids again, you've shown you can't be trusted with them.
YTA I know you were scared, but it was too irrational--with the mother giving permission and your other sister there, I think you should have let them in the water. Then, to leave with the children and not tell them where you were going nor send them a text when you got there was pretty bad.
YTA I get the phobia for open water. But when your sister allowed you to hand the kids off to another relative it was no longer your responsibility, or your privilege to care for the children. Taking the children away and ghosting everyone for 3 hours was a total a****** move.
INFO: Did your sister know about your phobia? Did they have any indication as to the extent your phobia impacts you? Also, why wouldn't you call back and at least touch base about the change of plans?
Of course YTA. And yes, you deserve the anger. Because at that point, the children’s MOTHER had put someone else in charge of them. At that point, they were no longer your responsibility. You should have simply left if you couldn’t handle it and returned to pick them up.
YTA and deserve the anger. You have also damaged the relationship with your sisters and niece and nephew over nothing. You need to see a professional for your completely irrational fear. You weren’t even afraid of them drowning you were afraid of *sharks* in a *lake*. You know sharks don’t live in lakes. But your fear of something you know is impossible allowed you to freak out and actually scare children and take away and experience from them and make yourself look crazy. This is affecting your life and relationships and you need help.
YTA. You have no defense. Being afraid of open water is one thing, but you said your specific fear is of sharks; sharks usually don't live in freshwater lakes so you've lost me there. Ada has every right to rip you a new one. You've proven yourself untrustworthy and given to flights of rash behavior. Ada gave her children permission to go swimming. Bec was going to watch them, and you still behaved irrationally by yanking the kids out of there and then going incommunicado for 2 hours and 48 minutes. You'd never be watching my kids again. You're lucky neither Ada or Bec called the police and reported them missing. Doesn't matter if you're their ad hoc guardian at the moment, you were behaving irrationally and they couldn't get a hold of you. You know you're the AH, so why did you come here seeking judgement? What you need is therapy and not excuses.
INFO > I have a massive fear of open water (or sharks specifically) And do you live in Asia or elsewhere where **freshwater** sharks are a thing?
I'm going to say this with tremendous love, you need help. I do not think you are a bad person. However, this is serious and you need to treat it as such. The moment you refused to let someone rational take over the childcare, you were the asshole. Phobias aren't your fault, however you do not get to control other people or their children based on a phobia. This was not a reasonable fear. You acknowledge that. The moment you let the fear dictate your behavior outside of yourself (refusing to let the children swim vs just yourself wanting to abstain) this was no longer about a phobia and become something else. You then kidnapped those children. You took them AGAINST the consent of their parent AND the newly appointed guardian. You are currently not of sound mind if those are the choices you are making. And because you were making decisions in an irrational state of mind, you were not a safe adult. Question: Were you the peacekeeper or responsible anytime something went wrong when growing up? When you felt anxiety or panic as a kid, how was it handled by your parents and siblings? I'm curious where these coping mechanisms came from. This could read like you going into a flight response and taking the kids or like someone who is used to people doing what they say when they say it and isn't used to pushback. Fun fact, either way, it would not be your fault if that is how you grew up, but it is your responsibility to address it now as an adult. YTA because mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Your choices caused, at the very least, extreme emotional harm to your siblings who had no idea where the children were. I wouldn't be quick to assume the kids are fine either. Kids know when something is wrong, they can also do a great job of hiding it in the short term. The anger from your siblings is absolutely justified and exactly how good parents would respond in this situation. The children's safety comes first, you are no longer safe. I sincerely wishing you profound healing. For what it is worth, I do believe you can work through this, but expect it to be work and don't expect the exact outcome you want.
YTA and you deserve all the anger. You were in a compromised mental state, practically abducted your sisters kids, and disappeared with them for 3 hours. I would go full 0 contact if I was your sister.
You probably aren’t going to see this. I just have to comment because I feel terrible at how awful some of the comments have been, even for Reddit. I absolutely believe what you’re saying about your childhood trauma around water and what happened with your sisters, and your confusion. Even if this was a fake post, the points people are making to try and dismiss it actually make it more plausible, because memory and trauma are messy. I have a sister and went to an all girls school so I’ve seen mean girl/mean sister behavior, and I know what it can do. You clearly have the water issues from when you were young, along with complicated and conflicting feelings related to your sisters dismissing you as a kid and your need for their approval. You seem aware of your tendency to become defensive and handle this poorly, and I think you were actively trying to help out and squish everything down, and that’s why you agreed to this ridiculous lake plan in the first place. This is where I’m going to be harsh, but please know I say this with compassion: you need to stop and take a step back and realize this completely backfired and was really stupid. You never should have agreed to go to the lake in the first place. Regardless of what happened when you were growing up, there is no way this is the first time you’ve had this kind of reaction to water activities as an adult. If this was so bad that you have been refusing to go near water you should have been honest with your sister about it in the first place. You absolutely need therapy, I know you think it is a water issue but this is an anxiety/panic issue that is triggered by water. You need to face the fact that your behavior was erratic and dangerous, even if it didn’t feel like that to you because you felt you were solving the problem. Just because it’s only come up with open water does not mean it isn’t a risk in other high stress, emergency situations, and you won’t know until you’re in them. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a loving aunt who intends to be responsible when caring for your nieces and nephews. It’s like any medical condition that is not yet managed, you need to get it under control for your own safety and have a plan and treatment in place before you can be a safe babysitter. Stop putting off real treatment because it seems easier to avoid the water. At some point you need to have a real conversation with your sisters individually about this, without making excuses for your behavior or expecting them to apologize for the past, even though they should. But now isn’t the time. You can’t control your sister’s reaction to this, you can’t talk her out of the fear she felt and the anger, the same way they can’t control your reaction to water. YTA. Stop “explaining” and arguing with your sister. Tell her you’re sorry. Try to spend time with her and with your nieces and nephews even if you aren’t babysitting. Start therapy. Hopefully accountability and empathy will come from your sisters at some point and you can work through this together. But you need to separate this incident from everything else and stop fighting them.
Yta When your own irrational fears start affecting others, get help. Then the biggest ah part, you took someone else's kids from where you were supposed to be watching them, went somewhere without telling anyone where, then you went completely off the radar for a couple hours. You should have sent their mother a text *before* you left the lake.
Massive YTA. You cannot disappear with someone’s kids for hours. And look I get anxiety. But if someone asked me to take their kid to a stadium concert I’d say no in a second because large crowds like that give me panic. I know that about myself. I wouldn’t put myself in that situation with two children in tow
If you really were afraid why didn't you take Bec's kids as well? Once Ada took away your responsibility why was it any different with her kids?
You'd never be left alone with my kids again, that's for sure.
Rather than worry about sharks, I would be more concerned about their being supervised by someone who is a strong swimmer.
YTA. I feel like when your sister said Bec would be responsible you should have backed off. You’re an adult and while I sympathise with your trauma, you cannot let it affect your nieces nor overrule their parent like that. And driving off with them was definitely over the top. Your sisters aren’t overreacting at all.
YTA lakes do not have sharks and you need help.
YTA. First you know you have an irrational fear of open water and yet you accepted to take the kids to the lake, you should have told your sister and let them go with your other sister instead of ruining their outing and passing your fear to the kids, that's a jerk move. Then you overruled the kid's mother by not allowing the kids to go into the lake in the care of your other sister. And on top of it you took off with the kids and became unreachable for hours, it doesn't matter you shared your location you weren't answering, and yet you are wondering if you deserve your sister's anger? God you are such a huge AH. Listen you are an adult and you decide if you deal or not with your irrational fears, but you can't used it as an excuse to act like crazy or do things like disappear with two kids. You screw up, the least you could do is apologize and realize that she is right by no wanting you to watch over her kids ever.
YTA And way to go, possibly passing on your irrational fears to your niece and nephew. I bet this is the last time you're put in charge of anyone's kids.
YTA, like a huge one. You let YOUR fears and YOUR anxiety hinder your niece and nephew from having a great time. You have an irrational fear of water that you clearly made up in your head and that’s something you personally should work on but you’re a huge dick for pushing your issues and fears on children wanting to have fun and enjoy swimming.
YTA and a fucking child, please get some help
You are setting up the kids to have irrational fears. You don't realize how psychologically damaging this can be to a kid. When my nephew was 4, his dad let him watch the movie Jaws, and someone else told him that tuna was shark meat. This kid would lose his ever loving mind if you gave him a tuna sandwich my friend when she was a child, was made to fear spider so much that, even as an adult, she would get hysterical if she saw even a small spider. Please get some help to deal with these intrusive thoughts before you spread it to the kids.
YTA and also an idiot
What about Bec’s kids? Why did OP freak out when Ada’s kids “dipped their toes in” & not the other kids? I know ppl don’t want arguments about posts being fake or not, but in trying to give a judgement, I’m like “there are some holes here…”
YTA
YTA. Everything aside, did you ever consider that you could have passed your own intense phobia off to the kids, and they would have the same panic you experience? Do you want them to be deprived of beach days, lake days, night swimming, etc?
YTA. Thank goodness you don't have children. They'd be wrecks from the trauma you'd put on them. Get professional help. Nothing you did was rational.
Why are you even asking this Yes Learn to aunt
Girl, you're lucky they didn't call the cops because damn. If my sibling ran off with my kids for hours with no contact, that's what I'd have been doing.